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(thunder rumbling) (screaming)
ARCHER: Goddamn it, Ray. Are you drunk?
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00:00:07,086 --> 00:00:09,615
RAY: No, dumbass, are you?
ARCHER: No.
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00:00:09,735 --> 00:00:12,637
LANA: Although not for lack of trying.
ARCHER: Exactly, that's my
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00:00:12,771 --> 00:00:16,374
whole point. (retching)
CYRIL: Oh, how can you drink
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00:00:16,509 --> 00:00:20,245
rum with all this turbulence?
ARCHER: Oh, my God! That's my whole point!
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00:00:20,379 --> 00:00:24,315
MALORY: Enough already! My God,
are you people paid by the word?
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00:00:24,450 --> 00:00:28,353
It's bad enough I'm packed into this
flying boxcar with you... (gasping)
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00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:32,257
...without all this incessant bickering.
It's like I'm stuck on a school
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00:00:32,391 --> 00:00:36,761
bus with the worst driver on the planet!
(Ray muttering)
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00:00:36,896 --> 00:00:40,231
What was that? ARCHER: It is
kind of like a school bus.
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00:00:40,366 --> 00:00:43,468
LANA: When have you ever been on a bus?
ARCHER: No, from the movies.
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00:00:43,602 --> 00:00:46,771
We've got the whole Breakfast Club in here.
I'm Emilio Estevez.
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00:00:46,906 --> 00:00:50,475
Cyril's obviously Anthony Michael Nerd.
Mother, you're Paul Gleason.
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00:00:50,609 --> 00:00:55,580
Krieger's the loose cannon, Judd
Nelson, and Lana, you're... um...
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00:00:55,714 --> 00:01:00,185
LANA: Wait, seriously? Molly Ringwald.
ALL: Eh...
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00:01:00,319 --> 00:01:03,154
LANA: Oh, my God. MALORY: What
the hell are you talking about?
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00:01:03,289 --> 00:01:06,324
ARCHER: Mother, hush. Lana, come on, if any
of you ISIS women is Molly Ringwald...
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CYRIL: It's obviously Cherlene.
KRIEGER: Totally.
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00:01:09,562 --> 00:01:12,397
LANA: What? ARCHER: Yes, she's
the rich one, she's a redhead...
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LANA: So, what, you think I'm Ally Sheedy?
MALORY: Are you all just
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00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:19,537
saying random words? CYRIL: Ally Sheedy
would've been way more likely to get
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pregnant in high school. KRIEGER:
Had there been a sequel.
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ARCHER: God forbid. KRIEGER: Right?
CYRIL: And as for who's the
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00:01:25,477 --> 00:01:28,880
hot one... LANA: Wait, what, of us?
I'm the hot one!
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ALL: Eh... LANA: Oh, my God.
CHERLENE: Oh, get over
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00:01:32,418 --> 00:01:35,286
yourself! (muttering) PAM: Shh!
Will you shut up?
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CHERLENE: Oh, please. She knows
we're in here. PAM: She will if you
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don't shut up. MALORY (sighs):
Pam, I know you're in there.
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PAM: No, we're not. But if we are, which
I don't admit to, which Breakfast
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Clubber am I? ARCHER: Hmm, I guess
the janitor everybody thinks is
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gross but turns out to be cool. PAM: Aw.
CHERLENE (laughs): I love
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that you take that as a compliment.
(farts)
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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PAM: So, can we get out of the crate now?
MALORY: No, but as it seems
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00:02:42,544 --> 00:02:47,381
we've arrived at a pause in the idiocy, let's
recap the plan for when we land in San Marcos.
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00:02:47,516 --> 00:02:51,219
LANA: Yeah, because I'm curious how we tell
Calderón we turned six million dollars'
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00:02:51,353 --> 00:02:54,856
worth of cocaine into one million
dollars' worth of weapons.
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MALORY: That's the CIA's problem.
Calderón doesn't care.
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00:02:58,026 --> 00:03:01,395
It's all gravy to him. ARCHER: Yeah, Lana.
I was actually wondering that
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00:03:01,530 --> 00:03:04,866
myself. MALORY: All that matters
is that Calderón pays us for this
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00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:09,070
shipment. Then we use the profits to
buy more weapons, which we sell to
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00:03:09,204 --> 00:03:13,274
him to make more profits to buy
more weapons. Blah, blah, blah.
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00:03:13,408 --> 00:03:17,545
CYRIL (scoffs): Lana, for God's sakes,
it's Econ 101. MALORY: Cyril, don't be
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00:03:17,679 --> 00:03:20,548
shitty. ARCHER: Yeah, Cyril!
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER: Tower
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00:03:20,682 --> 00:03:24,285
to unidentified aircraft, you are now
entering restricted San Marcos airspace.
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Identify yourself. RAY: Uh, guys?
ARCHER: Just tell them Slater
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00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:31,192
sent us. LANA: You think that's a
good idea, flying into a war zone,
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00:03:31,326 --> 00:03:35,363
telling them we're with the CIA?
ARCHER: If Slater even was CIA.
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00:03:35,497 --> 00:03:38,799
MALORY: Now, he's the one who teabagged
you? (Pam growls suggestively)
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00:03:38,934 --> 00:03:41,802
ARCHER (scoffs): Beanbagged. MALORY:
Oh, whichever. ARCHER: It's a fairly
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00:03:41,937 --> 00:03:44,972
important distinction. LANA: Sorry,
can I be a nag for a second?
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00:03:45,107 --> 00:03:48,075
ARCHER: Oh, my God, Lana, I've
had only, like, eight drinks.
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00:03:48,210 --> 00:03:51,279
LANA: Okay, not that, but wait, really?
ARCHER: Yeah, I've totally
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00:03:51,413 --> 00:03:55,483
cut back, and not that it's any of your
beeswax, but I've also cut back on... you know.
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00:03:55,617 --> 00:04:00,221
MALORY: On what? Sterling, with you,
that could almost literally be anything.
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00:04:00,355 --> 00:04:03,558
ARCHER: Anonymous sex, if you must know.
MALORY: Ew!
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00:04:03,692 --> 00:04:06,360
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER: Beechcraft,
please identify. RAY: Guys?
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00:04:06,495 --> 00:04:09,363
LANA: Really? ARCHER: I've totally,
relatively cleaned up my act.
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00:04:09,498 --> 00:04:13,367
So maybe keep that in mind when you're
choosing godparents. (Lana laughs)
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00:04:13,502 --> 00:04:17,572
LANA: I will, Archer. I really will.
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER:
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00:04:17,706 --> 00:04:20,241
Beechcraft, identify. RAY: Guys!
ARCHER: Goddamn it, tell him
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00:04:20,375 --> 00:04:22,944
Slater sent us. LANA: Wait, wait,
wait, wait. RAY: Tower, this is
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00:04:23,078 --> 00:04:26,147
Beechcraft. LANA: Ray!
RAY: Uh, Slater sent us?
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00:04:26,281 --> 00:04:29,283
(groans) AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER:
Beechcraft, you are clear for
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00:04:29,418 --> 00:04:32,587
landing. LANA: Thank you
for hearing my concerns.
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00:04:32,721 --> 00:04:36,857
ARCHER: Jesus, will you relax?
(gulping)
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00:04:36,992 --> 00:04:40,194
(belches) (groans) (sighs)
What's the worst that
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00:04:40,329 --> 00:04:43,464
could happen? (tires squealing)
TROOPS: Get on the ground!
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00:04:43,599 --> 00:04:46,601
(indistinct shouting) ARCHER: Don't shoot!
Don't shoot!
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00:04:46,735 --> 00:04:49,971
(shouting continues) LANA: Way
to go, Gilligan. (gunshot)
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00:04:50,105 --> 00:04:54,609
CALDERÓN: Silencio! Who is in charge here?
COMANDANTE: Señor Presidente,
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00:04:54,743 --> 00:04:57,878
I... CALDERÓN: Not you,
you baboon-faced baboon.
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00:04:58,013 --> 00:05:02,016
I am obviously talking to these gringos, and also,
if I am here, then you are obviously not in
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00:05:02,150 --> 00:05:05,286
charge. COMANDANTE: I...
(gunshots)
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00:05:05,420 --> 00:05:10,992
(gun clicking) (gunshot)
CALDERÓN: And to repeat,
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00:05:11,126 --> 00:05:15,363
who is in charge here? ARCHER: That would
be... CALDERÓN: Because they are to
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blame for this shipment of weapons being
late. ARCHER: Her, that older woman
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00:05:19,001 --> 00:05:24,005
down there with the more or less permanent
scowl. MALORY: Señor Presidente, it
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00:05:24,139 --> 00:05:29,010
is such an honor to meet you. I'm
Malory Archer. CALDERÓN: Wow.
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00:05:29,144 --> 00:05:33,514
MALORY (chuckles): Well, thank you.
Anyhoo, hello?
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00:05:33,649 --> 00:05:38,219
CALDERÓN: So, the stories are true.
KRIEGER: What stories?
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I... no, not what, huh? Damn
it, man, I was sleepwalking.
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00:05:41,490 --> 00:05:44,992
CALDERÓN: Eh? (muttering in
agreement) KRIEGER: Hey, what's
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00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:48,029
going on? CYRIL (sighs):
Maybe you're their god.
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00:05:48,163 --> 00:05:50,998
(gasps) CALDERÓN: Okay,
all but him, arrest.
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00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:54,435
(indistinct talking) MALORY: Without
even checking the merchandise?
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00:05:54,569 --> 00:05:58,572
(snapping) (groaning)
Although not that particular
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merchandise. (Pam and Cherlene
shouting) (guns clicking)
89
00:06:02,477 --> 00:06:06,614
(speaking Spanish)
(shouting) (gunshots)
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00:06:09,685 --> 00:06:14,689
CHERLENE: Goddamn it! Who the hell drilled
my box?! ARCHER: So, we're just done
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00:06:14,823 --> 00:06:17,992
with phrasing, right? That's
not a thing anymore? (gasps)
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00:06:18,126 --> 00:06:20,995
I know, right? CALDERÓN: Cherlene.
CHERLENE: What?!
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00:06:21,129 --> 00:06:23,664
ALL: Wait, what?! ARCHER:
Yeah, seriously, what?
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00:06:23,799 --> 00:06:27,368
CALDERÓN: "Outlaw Country," "Hoochie Coochie
Coochie Man," "Travis County Limitado."
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00:06:27,502 --> 00:06:31,572
I am... I am your biggest fan. Please,
we go to the presidential palace?
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00:06:31,707 --> 00:06:34,709
PAM: I'm fine, too, by the way.
ARCHER: Oh, great.
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00:06:34,843 --> 00:06:37,545
LANA: That's good. CALDERÓN: Please, come,
come. Come, come, come, come, come.
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00:06:37,679 --> 00:06:40,481
ARCHER: So, phrasing's just dead then?
LANA: What is your...?
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00:06:40,615 --> 00:06:43,617
Wait, are you drunk? ARCHER
(scoffs): Please. Off 12 drinks?
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00:06:43,752 --> 00:06:47,054
CALDERÓN: Viva Cherlene! Viva Cherlene!
TROOPS (chanting): Cherlene!
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Cherlene!
LANA: Wait a minute, you said eight drinks!
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(chuckles) ARCHER: I lied.
I mean, yes, eight.
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00:06:54,463 --> 00:06:56,897
TROOPS: Cherlene! Cherlene!
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00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:07,426
PAM (laughing): Holy dickballs!
I mean, I mean, I mean, just
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00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,429
holy....
LANA: Dickballs. Yes, Pam, I got it.
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00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:13,698
CALDERÓN: Are you sure? The room is okay?
CHERLENE: Yeah, it's fine, whatever.
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00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:16,701
CALDERÓN: I-I cannot believe
it is actually you.
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00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:20,205
Here in my palace, I mean... CHERLENE:
Yeah, it's blowing your mind, huh?
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00:07:20,339 --> 00:07:24,209
CALDERÓN: Boom! (laughing): Yeah.
Can I please bring you anything?
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00:07:24,343 --> 00:07:27,579
A freshly squeezed juice, a cocktail,
a sandwich of your own choosing?
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00:07:27,713 --> 00:07:30,582
CHERLENE: Don't you, like,
have a war to go to? (scoffs)
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00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:34,419
CALDERÓN: It's in the mountains far, far
away where we will crush the communist rebel
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00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:38,757
dogs! Especially now that we are
once again receiving weapons.
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00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:43,328
MALORY: Yoo-hoo! And about that, I was
hoping that you and I could discuss
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00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:47,699
our terms? CALDERÓN: I... but Cherlene?
MALORY: Is exhausted.
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00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:52,637
As is my drink. (sighs)
CYRIL: Why do we always have
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00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:57,175
to share a room? RAY: The sinister gay
cabal, Cyril, you have fallen victim to
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00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,545
the sinister gay cabal. CYRIL: Okay,
you know... RAY: I don't know why we
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00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:05,250
always get stuck together. But I kind of
don't mind it. CYRIL: Hmm, actually I don't
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00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:10,455
either, now that I think...
RAY: Queer! (laughs)
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00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:16,194
(rhythmic zipping) (rhythmic
shaking) ARCHER: ♪ Apache
122
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:19,598
Helicopters We should sell
those 'Cause I'm a ropper. ♪
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00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:23,301
(laughs) Ropper...
Wow, that's awful.
124
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:26,771
But so far, being an international
arms dealer is not.
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00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:31,510
I could get extremely used to this.
Matt, Joel, hi, shut up.
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00:08:31,644 --> 00:08:34,679
Let's set up lunch with Adnan
Khashoggi, I... (knocking)
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00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:39,384
(door opens) Whoa, whoa, uh, uh, oh,
I ju... oh, ah, I just... (chuckles)
128
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:45,290
I... oh, got a, I got a... whoa,
ho, ho, ho, oh, ho, ho, oh, no!
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00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:47,526
(metal clanging)
130
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:55,700
(clears throat) Uh, may I help you?
MAID: I'm sorry to bother
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00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:59,638
you, sir. ARCHER: No, no, you didn't,
aren't, or rather you couldn't,
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00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:04,743
or still haven't, I... MAID: I
thought you might need more towels.
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00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:09,848
ARCHER: Oh, uh, no. I-I think
I'm okay for right now.
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00:09:09,982 --> 00:09:13,418
(buttons popping) Although that being
said, it's better to be safe than
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00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:17,556
sorry, at least with regards to towels.
(buttons popping)
136
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:22,327
But only towels. KRIEGER:
Hey, are there more towels?
137
00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:26,565
Hey, are there more towels? Hey, are
there more...? CYRIL: You realize this
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00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:29,601
isn't a hotel, right? LANA: And even if
it were, that is not how you'd go about
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00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:33,972
getting towels! PAM: Who are you,
Princess... hang on... Lana?
140
00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:36,975
LANA: Well played. PAM: I've got crate lag.
LANA: And where are you
141
00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:39,978
going with that? PAM: Ice machine.
CIL: Ooh, hey, I could use
142
00:09:40,112 --> 00:09:42,981
some ice. KRIEGER: Oh, and if you see
a housekeeping cart, can you grab
143
00:09:43,115 --> 00:09:46,785
me some towels? PAM: Yep!
KRIEGER: You're not going to,
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00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:49,921
are you? PAM: Nope!
KRIEGER: Goddamn it.
145
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:53,858
Ha, hee, cold, cold, cold... LANA:
And there, but for the grace of...
146
00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:58,496
Hey, get me fizzy water!
(Pam farts, laughs) Thanks!
147
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:02,367
MALORY: I'm sorry? CALDERÓN: Tanks?
MALORY: For?
148
00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:07,005
CALDERÓN: Hmm. Hmm...
Maybe to start?
149
00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:13,111
MALORY: I... defer to you? CALDERÓN:
Then yes, I think to start.
150
00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:16,581
(cork pops) Yes? MALORY: Oh.
151
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:21,720
Yes, please. CALDERÓN: But
soon I think more, no?
152
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:27,726
MALORY: Well, I should hope so.
Or is that not...?
153
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:30,895
CALDERÓN: No, please, of course, I
am willing to do whatever it takes.
154
00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:35,467
Anything. MALORY: Well,
then that makes two of us.
155
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:41,773
CALDERÓN: Wait, really? Anything?
MALORY: Yes?
156
00:10:43,242 --> 00:10:47,045
CALDERÓN: Gas? MALORY: I'm sorry?
CALDERÓN: You have gas?
157
00:10:47,179 --> 00:10:50,139
MALORY: Wha...? No! CALDERÓN: Oh, my
God, oh, my God, oh, my God, sorry, I'm
158
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:53,018
sorry, I'm sorry, I thought you...
MALORY: No! For the... No!
159
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:56,054
CALDERÓN: I misunderstood. I apologize.
MALORY: And well you should!
160
00:10:56,188 --> 00:10:59,057
CALDERÓN: And well I do! Please forgive me.
MALORY: I mean...
161
00:10:59,191 --> 00:11:02,394
PAM: What a frickin' clip joint.
KRIEGER: No towels.
162
00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:06,064
PAM: No ice machine. (Cherlene
screams) CHERLENE: No towel machine?!
163
00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:09,100
PAM: Yeah, right? CHERLENE:
What is this-- Escape Fro..?
164
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:12,103
Wait, are we still in New York, or...?
CYRIL: What?
165
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:15,840
No, we're in Central America.
(gasps) CHERLENE: Oh, my God!
166
00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:19,711
We did it! We're free!
PAM: Do...?
167
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:23,048
CHERLENE: Outlaw different
country woooooo!
168
00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:27,952
PAM: Sometimes I worry about her.
CYRIL: Eh.
169
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:31,122
KRIEGER: Ooh, hang on, maybe this is it.
PAM: I don't know.
170
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:34,526
It looks kind of... KRIEGER: Ugh, Pam,
they can't leave valuable towels and ice
171
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:39,531
just lying around. Hotel
profit margins are very thin.
172
00:11:39,665 --> 00:11:45,904
(gasps) Oh, oh, oh...
(muffled yelling)
173
00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:50,742
(screams)
(all crying)
174
00:11:56,916 --> 00:12:01,086
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. CYRIL:
Krieger? What'd you, see a ghost?
175
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:04,122
PAM: Oh, my God, please say yes.
ARCHER: All right, is
176
00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:08,159
that happy hour I smell? CALDERÓN:
Yes, Mr. Archer. Please join us.
177
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:11,596
Your mother and I are drinking wine
that belonged to Benjamin Franklin.
178
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:15,100
MALORY: We are? CALDERÓN: And discussing
a shipment of four American tanks.
179
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:19,237
MALORY: Oh, tanks! ARCHER: Thanks.
Tanks? MALORY: We do tanks!
180
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:22,874
We can do anything, as long as you're
willing to pay. CALDERÓN: Me... me pay?
181
00:12:23,008 --> 00:12:25,877
MALORY: Good, then it's settled.
ARCHER: If you say so,
182
00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:28,913
Mother. CALDERÓN: No, no, no, I'm
sorry, I-I thought this was why
183
00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:33,551
the CIA was buying my cocaine. To sell to the
American black people, to make the money to buy
184
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:37,088
the weapons to give me to fight
the comunistas. MALORY: Exactly.
185
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:40,091
ARCHER: Wait, what? Why wouldn't they
just...? MALORY: Sterling, shut up
186
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:43,261
and let me handle this. Because the
problem, Gustavo... CALDERÓN: Ooh.
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MALORY: I'm sorry, may I call you Gustavo?
CALDERÓN: No.
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MALORY: The problem, Señor Presidente,
the problem, you see, the problem is...
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is the White House has lost faith
in your ability to win this war!
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CALDERÓN: Ooh. MALORY: And so, if you
want any more weapons, you'll have to
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pay for them in cash. CALDERÓN: Ooh!
MALORY: Starting now.
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CALDERÓN: No, no, but I cannot afford
to do this! MALORY: Oh, please.
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Look at you, drinking Ben Franklin's
wine like it's Kool-Aid, surrounded by
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priceless art... Not this one obviously,
but... CALDERÓN: Oh, no, this one
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cost 40 millions. MALORY AND ARCHER: What?!
CALDERÓN: Yes, it is an Ivan
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Blitko. So we have, in this area,
these very geometric shapes, in these
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very bold colors here, and then the thick black
lines are coming here, always drawing the eye to
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00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:30,008
here, and then, over everything... just
white. Just layer after layer after
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layer of pure white. Until you can
see nothing of the painting below.
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Not even with an infrared camera.
MALORY: So... what's the
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point? CALDERÓN: The point? What
is the point of a beautiful
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woman? And speaking of!
JULIANA (chuckles): Hello, darling.
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CALDERÓN: My wife.
(Archer grunting)
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(gulps)
(burps)
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MALORY: Sterling! Where are your manners?
ARCHER: Probably in my room,
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so I should go there right now and
find them. CALDERÓN: No, no, no, no,
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00:14:08,956 --> 00:14:14,663
no, please stay. Mi amor, may I present to you
Sterling Archer, and also his charming mother Malory.
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JULIANA: Juliana Calderón.
MALORY: A pleasure to meet you, Juliana.
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00:14:18,362 --> 00:14:20,594
JULIANA: Oh.
MALORY: I'm sorry, may I call you...
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JULIANA: No. CALDERÓN: Uh,
darling, how was your afternoon?
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JULIANA: Exhausting.
ARCHER: Mmm.
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00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:30,877
JULIANA: So hot and sweaty. To
be honest, I'm ARCHER: Mmm.
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00:14:31,011 --> 00:14:33,880
really quite sore.
CALDERÓN: You see?
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00:14:34,014 --> 00:14:37,483
This is why I disapprove. Juliana sometimes
goes among the servants, pretending to be a
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00:14:37,618 --> 00:14:41,254
maid, or working in the laundry, even
one time helping to carry some rocks?
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00:14:41,388 --> 00:14:44,590
MALORY: Oh, how... JULIANA:
Inspiring, really. MALORY: Mmm.
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00:14:44,725 --> 00:14:47,645
CALDERÓN: I was just showing them the
Blitko. JULIANA: Do you like what you
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00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:52,431
see, Mr. Archer? ARCHER: You know,
so much that... I-I'm gonna go write
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00:14:52,566 --> 00:14:59,272
about it in my art journal! CALDERÓN: She
is going to bring us some tanks, so that we
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00:14:59,406 --> 00:15:04,243
may crush the rebel dogs. Did
they tell you what is for dinner?
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00:15:04,378 --> 00:15:07,880
CYRIL: Clones? KRIEGER: Yes, clones!
My God, it was like looking
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in... several mirrors! PAM: Oh,
man, oh, man, oh, man, oh, man...
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00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:16,789
KRIEGER: Archer! ARCHER: What?!
KRIEGER: Ow, ah, hang on...
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00:15:16,924 --> 00:15:20,393
gotta stitch... oh... ARCHER: Damn it, I
don't have time for... wait, Pam, did you
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00:15:20,527 --> 00:15:24,664
find an ice machine? PAM: Huh-uh.
Ow, hang on... (groans)
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00:15:24,798 --> 00:15:27,333
ARCHER: Goddamn it... PAM: Clones!
ARCHER: What?
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00:15:27,467 --> 00:15:30,002
CYRIL: Krieger says-- ow, hold on...
ARCHER: Goddamn it!
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00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:33,239
CYRIL: Krieger says he saw a bunch
of clones! ARCHER: Of what?
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00:15:33,373 --> 00:15:35,841
KRIEGER: Of me! We're running to find them.
PAM: Wait, what?
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00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:39,245
I thought we were running away from them!
ARCHER: Hang on, shut up,
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00:15:39,379 --> 00:15:43,482
hold that thought. KRIEGER:
Guys, come on, let's go!
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00:15:43,617 --> 00:15:46,319
PAM: Not without a bunch of garlic and
some wooden stakes. KRIEGER: What...?
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00:15:46,453 --> 00:15:49,855
They're clones, not vampires! PAM:
It doesn't matter to the stake!
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00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,658
KRIEGER: What're you... we can't kill them!
PAM: Well, not now.
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00:15:52,793 --> 00:15:55,861
We wait till morning and then murder
them in their coffins. Cyril?
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00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:59,231
Thoughts? CYRIL: I just really wish
I hadn't come on this stupid trip.
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00:15:59,366 --> 00:16:06,672
But since I did... KRIEGER: Taaaaanks!
You jerks.
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(muffled scream)
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00:16:11,511 --> 00:16:14,580
(muffled scream) (Lana sighs)
LANA: Don't even want to
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00:16:14,715 --> 00:16:17,717
know. ARCHER: Lana! Lana!
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00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:21,520
Oh, my God, you gotta help me! LANA: Oh,
for the... there is no ice machine!
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00:16:21,655 --> 00:16:25,024
ARCHER: Okay, not that, but A) a palace
this big definitely has an ice machine,
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00:16:25,158 --> 00:16:28,394
maybe not in the hall, but it's not
like they make ice with trays.
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00:16:28,528 --> 00:16:30,930
B)... LANA: "B" is hey, shut up,
because I want to talk to you
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00:16:31,064 --> 00:16:34,464
about that thing where you said you're cleaning
up your act. ARCHER: Which I'm actually
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pretty serious about, by the way, but right
now I want to talk about this other thing
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where I just banged Calderón's wife.
Lana?
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00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:47,680
LANA: Uh, hang on. Okay.
(clears throat)
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Why would you do that?! ARCHER: I...
I'm sorry, do you mean where?
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LANA: No, Archer, I mean why! What
happened to no more anonymous sex?
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ARCHER: It wasn't anonymous, Lana.
I thought she was the maid.
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00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,795
LANA: Why would you think that?!
ARCHER: I'm sorry, do you
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00:17:02,929 --> 00:17:06,399
mean why? LANA: Wh... Yes! Why?!
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ARCHER: Uniform, towels, the usual maid
stuff! LANA: The... whoa-whoa-whoa-
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00:17:10,037 --> 00:17:13,305
whoa, back up. What is your
definition of anonymous sex?
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ARCHER: I don't know, bird masks?
LANA: What?
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ARCHER: Or a woman you literally
bump into on the train.
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00:17:18,679 --> 00:17:21,947
Or the ferry. Or in a port-a-john
at the Preakness that time, but not
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somebody who works directly for a
president, I can tell you that.
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00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:29,088
I mean, we're talking major security clearance,
so you got to assume there's a pretty
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00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:35,061
thorough vetting process for... that...
you know... LANA: You done?
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00:17:35,195 --> 00:17:38,998
ARCHER: Hang on. Yes?
LANA: Okay. So.
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00:17:39,132 --> 00:17:46,305
Here's my advice. (grunts,
moans) Do with it as you will.
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00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:53,913
(Archer moans, coughs) (groaning)
CHERLENE: Hey, are you going
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to this dinner? (retches)
Or did you already eat...
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00:17:59,753 --> 00:18:03,989
crayons? JULIANA: Should
we not just start?
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(clears throat) CALDERÓN: Not
until the guest of honor arrives.
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00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,829
CHERLENE: Woooooo-hoo! (Calderón
gasps) CALDERÓN: Yes, yes, yes, yes,
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00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:12,724
yes, yes, come, come, come, come,
come, come, because I am pulling out!
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00:18:12,733 --> 00:18:16,068
CHERLENE: Phrasing, boom!
ARCHER: Thank you. (moans)
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00:18:16,203 --> 00:18:18,804
LANA: How's the balls? ARCHER: Ruined?
I'm pretty sure?
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00:18:18,939 --> 00:18:21,507
CALDERÓN: Okay, you sit there.
Uh... you.
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00:18:21,641 --> 00:18:24,477
Up. MALORY: I beg your pardon?
CALDERÓN: Get up.
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00:18:24,611 --> 00:18:27,931
Come on, move it, up, up, up! MALORY: Well,
of all the... CALDERÓN: Please, Cherlene.
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00:18:28,048 --> 00:18:33,486
Everyone, raise a glass, and join me to toast
Cherlene! Because-- and I happen to know
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this for a fact-- her debut album has
now officially sold one million copies!
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00:18:39,126 --> 00:18:41,660
(Malory shrieks) (others
cheering) CYRIL: Yay!
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00:18:41,795 --> 00:18:44,396
CHERLENE: How? It came out,
like, yesterday. CALDERÓN: Yes!
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00:18:44,531 --> 00:18:47,066
Amazing! A toast. CHERLENE:
No, like literally
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00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,069
yesterday. CALDERÓN: And
now it is platinum.
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00:18:50,203 --> 00:18:53,639
A toast! CHERLENE: I just
don't see how it's possible.
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00:18:53,774 --> 00:19:01,447
(forklift beeping) (many forklifts
beeping) CALDERÓN: It doesn't matter
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00:19:01,581 --> 00:19:04,416
how! A toast! PAM: Hear, hear!
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00:19:04,551 --> 00:19:09,121
(murmurs of agreement) CALDERÓN: And also
let us not forget my brave soldiers, yes,
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out there, fighting those rebel dogs,
far away! PAM: And plus that one right
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00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:17,730
there. COMANDANTE: Señor Presidente!
The rebels have broken through
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00:19:17,864 --> 00:19:20,733
our lines!
They...
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They are now within mortar range!
(screaming)
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CHERLENE: Oh, my God! It's starting!
MALORY: What is?
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CHERLENE: Cherlenemania! LANA: It's
a mortar attack! CHERLENE: I know!
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How frickin' outlaw country
is that?!
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♪ I'll burn it down
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I'll burn it down to the ground
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com