1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,000
Synced and corrected by: Katniss Everdeen
www.addic7ed.com

2
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:07,673
Okay, Emma, next question:

3
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,708
I need two words to describe your daddy.

4
00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:12,011
- Ha.
- Fun.

5
00:00:12,013 --> 00:00:13,712
Well, you wouldn't be
here if I wasn't, right?

6
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:18,717
Ben, I can't believe you signed
up for match-making night.

7
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,686
Someone having trouble meeting girls?

8
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,388
No.

9
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:25,724
But if a computer's gonna help me
custom-build one, I say why not?

10
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:28,927
- (Scoffs)
- It's a girl, not a burger.

11
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:30,262
(Ben laughs)

12
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,364
One of my clients actually met her husband

13
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,266
through one of these
match-making thingies...

14
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,735
- See? It does work.
- ...and then she tried to kill him.

15
00:00:38,671 --> 00:00:40,973
I believe the word you're
glossing over is "tried."

16
00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:46,979
No no no. Ben, you do not want
to meet Gretchen Schilling.

17
00:00:46,981 --> 00:00:49,281
Truly the scariest client I've ever had.

18
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,683
Wait wait wait, Gretchen Schilling?

19
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:54,153
Didn't you try to set me up with her?

20
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:59,758
Yes, but that was before I
was 100% sure she was guilty.

21
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,795
- (Mouths)
- Which is why I'm asking a computer

22
00:01:02,797 --> 00:01:04,363
to set me up instead of you.

23
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:08,467
In a few hours I'll be standing
face-to-face with my dream girl.

24
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:11,437
13. 13 here.

25
00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:13,705
Any takers? (Chuckles)

26
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:16,008
(Clears throat) 13?

27
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:18,377
<i>Bonnie: Is somebody looking for 13?</i>

28
00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:21,480
Mom?

29
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:26,118
<i>(Theme music playing)</i>

30
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:29,354
<i>♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪</i>

31
00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:32,825
<i>♪ can take your life
and change direction. ♪</i>

32
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:40,432
How could someone so awesome
end up with someone so...

33
00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:43,502
- Equally awesome?
- Uh-huh.

34
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:47,139
Don't think I'm excited to
find out I can't do better

35
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:49,441
than a bartender whose
mother still cleans his room.

36
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,977
I wore my lucky bra for this.

37
00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:55,247
If everyone else's matches were this awful,

38
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:57,316
there's gotta be a bunch
of lonely lookers out there.

39
00:01:58,418 --> 00:02:01,487
Oh! There's a girl I
could bring home to mom.

40
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:08,260
Oh, Benji, so young, so innocent, I can
smell her marital boredom from here.

41
00:02:09,395 --> 00:02:11,864
Plus her husband hit on me at
the dry-cleaner's last week...

42
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,933
Which may explain why she's here.

43
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:18,871
- What about that one?
- Oh God no.

44
00:02:18,873 --> 00:02:21,106
The boobs, the hair, the nose... All fake.

45
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:24,143
The maintenance alone would break you.

46
00:02:24,145 --> 00:02:25,978
Wow. I didn't know you
were so good at this.

47
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:30,349
Oh, Ben, the things you don't know about
me could fill an adult bookstore.

48
00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:36,955
I can't believe I'm gonna ask you this, but...
will you be my wingmom?

49
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:40,459
Wait. For the first time in history,

50
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:43,462
a son actually wants his mother's
opinion on who to go out with?

51
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:44,897
Yeah, I do.

52
00:02:44,899 --> 00:02:47,199
I think I'm gonna cry.

53
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:54,206
Almost there. Wait for it.

54
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:56,942
- Ta-da!
- (Gasps) That is so cool!

55
00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:59,344
(Laughs) The laundromat re-opened.

56
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:03,549
So that means they never found out who
was responsible for the drier fire.

57
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:07,286
- Right?
- No no, not the laundromat...

58
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:10,155
- The car! Adele the chevelle...
- Oh my God.

59
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,124
...the only woman my dad truly loved.

60
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:14,927
Wait, I thought your mom made
him sell that car in the divorce.

61
00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:17,162
Well, yeah, he said he'd do a
lot of things that he didn't,

62
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:19,932
like stay married to
her and not hit on guys.

63
00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:23,535
Which reminds me... Do not
tell my mom about this.

64
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,971
Wait. So what are you gonna do with it?

65
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:28,473
And by "you," I mean "we."

66
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:31,243
Well, he's finally coming to pick
it up out of storage in a week,

67
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:33,445
so I said I'd make sure she's ready.

68
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:36,448
And how could I do that
without a little test drive?

69
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,450
- (Laughs)
- Which will probably last a week.

70
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,586
And I know where we are going first...

71
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,487
- The beach.
- (Gasps)

72
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:45,991
We're gonna take this hot
rod to meet some hot bods.

73
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:48,393
Yeah, but the beach is only the first stop.

74
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:52,331
I've been waiting to drive
this car my entire life.

75
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:55,300
- (Tires screech)
- My life just flashed before my eyes.

76
00:03:56,369 --> 00:03:57,869
This is never happening again.

77
00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:59,638
- We only went around the block.
- (Pants)

78
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,974
But that block was like a war zone,

79
00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:05,410
with 200 giant yellow
tanks all aiming for Adele.

80
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,379
I believe they're called taxis.

81
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:11,416
Yeah. Bro, you were going so slow, I
bought a hot dog from the back seat.

82
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:15,087
Just one mark on this car
and my dad will disown me.

83
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:17,122
You know what? I totally get it,

84
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:19,424
and I don't want you to do anything
you're not comfortable with.

85
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,527
So why don't you take Emma upstairs

86
00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:24,396
and we will make sure
everything is spotless?

87
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:26,565
- (Sighs) Thanks, Tuck.
- Yeah.

88
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,569
- (Emma fusses)
- (Car honks)

89
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:33,438
- Don't forget the keys.
- Oh, I won't. (Laughs)

90
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,675
Whoo. Okay.

91
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,078
Whoa. Hey, what are you doing?

92
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,014
- I'm going to the beach.
- (Scoffs)

93
00:04:42,016 --> 00:04:45,050
I have to. I already updated my status.

94
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:48,920
Hey, I know that you boys
have no morals or integrity,

95
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,555
but I will not lie to Danny like that.

96
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:53,091
All right? He's my best
friend and we have a code.

97
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,960
I'll let you drive on the way back.

98
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,361
- Code broken. I'm in.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

99
00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:59,231
- (Engine starts)
- Whoo!

100
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:02,301
I call this one "the Ben,"
because it's strong, smooth

101
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:03,635
and might just get you in trouble.

102
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:07,172
Okay, thanks for playing.

103
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:10,542
We'll see you next time on
"Who wants to date my son?"

104
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:13,278
- Okay, bye-bye.
- Mom, what are you doing?

105
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,113
You're the one who told me to
talk to her in the first place.

106
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:18,483
Yeah, for practice... Until
I found you a good one,

107
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:21,453
which I just did... in the men's room.

108
00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:23,955
- And that's why you're my wingmom.
- Yeah.

109
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:26,091
I never would've thought to look
for a girl in the men's room.

110
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:28,193
Uh-huh. Yeah, well, she's
gonna be out here any minute,

111
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:31,730
so stand up straight, fix your
collar and whatever you do...

112
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,999
(Deep voice) Don't be yourself.

113
00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:43,308
- Yeah, all clear.
- Maybe if we don't say anything, he won't notice.

114
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:47,512
Really? Yeah, I think he's gonna
notice that he's missing this.

115
00:05:49,582 --> 00:05:52,250
But I mean, you never know.
Maybe the giant scratch

116
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,685
on the side of the door will distract him.

117
00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:57,422
You know, I can't believe
I let you talk me into this.

118
00:05:57,424 --> 00:06:00,158
Oh, you are not pinning this
on me. You were the one driving.

119
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,094
Oh, but you were the one screaming at me.

120
00:06:02,096 --> 00:06:05,197
Yeah, I was screaming,
"Watch out for that mailbox!"

121
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:10,569
You know what? Turning on each
other is not gonna fix anything.

122
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:13,438
So here's what we're gonna do:
I'll call the body shop

123
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,207
and you make sure that Danny does not...
(Door opens)

124
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:16,708
- Hey.
- Oh, hey, guys.

125
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,277
- Shopping.
- Coffee.

126
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,280
- Shopping...
- For coffee.

127
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:26,485
- We didn't find any.
- No. (Clears throat)

128
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:29,521
- But Riley was just walking me home.
- Yeah.

129
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:33,158
- So there you go. Bye.
- Bye.

130
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:41,533
- (Chuckles)
- Well, I was just going to go say good night to Adele.

131
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,701
Now? No, she's fine.

132
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,202
Yeah, we were just down there.

133
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:45,737
She's all tucked in for the night.

134
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,507
Oh, look, Ben's here. Hey,
Ben. Let's talk to Ben.

135
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:51,076
Tell us something, anything.
Please, I beg of you.

136
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,178
You know, you're not gonna believe it,

137
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,213
but I think Mom has found
me the perfect woman.

138
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:57,549
Oh, last week she found
me the perfect shirt.

139
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:59,618
Man, she's on a roll.

140
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,520
Just... (Laughs)

141
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:03,655
I'm telling you, man,
that woman is amazing.

142
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:07,526
Oh God! How hot is it in that elevator?

143
00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:10,595
Whew! It's more like a hell-evator.

144
00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:16,468
Though that shouldn't affect you, Tuck
Tuck, since heat tends to rise. Bwa-dup!

145
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:22,474
So, Benji, how did it go with Bailey?

146
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,476
I mean, was I right or was I right?

147
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:26,845
You were so right. We already had lunch

148
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,580
she's on her way over here for dinner.
- Yes.

149
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:32,184
And if all goes well, I'll
be serving her breakfast.

150
00:07:32,186 --> 00:07:35,620
Oh yeah, that's my boy!
Yeah! Yeah, you know what?

151
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:36,688
I probably shouldn't be
doing that with my son.

152
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,156
That's weird. Okay.

153
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:43,094
It's funny, but I already feel like
I've known Bailey my whole life.

154
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,664
Knock knock! Whoo!

155
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:48,767
That elevator is quite the slow cooker.

156
00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:51,803
You should call that thing an oven-ator.

157
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:56,141
Well, aren't you adorable?

158
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,310
I guess this apartment doesn't
have a height restriction.

159
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,345
- Boop boop boop.
- (Laughs)

160
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:04,316
Yo. Yo, isn't she hilarious?

161
00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:07,519
I don't know. It's hard
to hear from down here.

162
00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:13,792
Bailey, this is Tucker, this is my
brother Danny and you know my Mom.

163
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:17,329
- Bons.
- Bails.

164
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:18,830
So can I get you a glass of wine?

165
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,632
Just one? What is this, church?

166
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:21,766
Oh!

167
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:26,571
So what do you think? Isn't she great?

168
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:29,274
(Both laugh)

169
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:33,245
- (Both snort)
- Oh my God. I know, right?

170
00:08:33,247 --> 00:08:35,380
I think you're dating Mom.

171
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:39,651
Both: Don't you just love her?

172
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,152
Jinx!

173
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:44,689
I don't see it. I don't.

174
00:08:50,396 --> 00:08:53,632
I gotta say, I like a girl
who brings her own toothbrush.

175
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:56,801
Not my first bedroom rodeo, Benji.

176
00:08:56,803 --> 00:09:00,872
Benji? Is there any way
you can not call me that?

177
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,607
That's kind of what my mom calls me.

178
00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:04,976
Oh my God, how much do I love her?

179
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,579
It turns out we have the same
hair girl, the same pilates girl

180
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,515
and the same nail girl.
Her girls are my girls.

181
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:12,450
It's like we're the same girl.

182
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:16,888
Yeah, if we could possibly
stop talking about my mom,

183
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,957
that would be super helpful.

184
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,859
You know what else might be helpful?

185
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:24,496
If I slip out of something comfortable.

186
00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:27,399
Bingo. Yeah, that would do it.

187
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:29,834
- Should I dim the lights?
- Don't bother.

188
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,536
I wore my lucky bra for this.

189
00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:33,905
What you say?

190
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:38,343
I said come to mama.

191
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:42,314
- (Screams)
- Are you all right?

192
00:09:42,316 --> 00:09:44,449
I don't think I'm ever gonna be all right.

193
00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:47,252
We need to break up.

194
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:49,921
(Door closes)

195
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:55,694
- Where are the keys?
- I hid them where Danny would never look.

196
00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:02,233
I mean, that dude ain't done
a dish since he moved in.

197
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,535
You know what I'm saying?

198
00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:06,438
Great, come on, let's
get out of here. Awesome.

199
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,406
Oh!

200
00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:12,744
Perfect, you found my keys.

201
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:15,280
You know what? I've been
thinking. I'm being an idiot.

202
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:18,550
Millions of people drive in this city
every day without getting in an accident.

203
00:10:18,552 --> 00:10:22,020
(Laughs) Probably not
as many as you think.

204
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:25,557
- No, not.
- Well, Adele and I are going to the beach

205
00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:27,392
with or without you two. It's your call.

206
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,994
Yeah.

207
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:31,262
(Both mouthing)

208
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:35,033
Oh well, the beach sounds great,
so we'll meet you by the car.

209
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,535
Yeah, hey, thanks for grabbing everything.

210
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:42,874
What do you mean you're
not gonna see her anymore?

211
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,043
- Don't you find her attractive?
- Yeah, I do,

212
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:47,445
which has it's own set of issues.

213
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:50,382
Honey, she is the best thing
that ever happened to you.

214
00:10:50,384 --> 00:10:53,351
Look, mom, I'm sorry, but I've
already told her flat out it's over.

215
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,552
Bailey and I are done.

216
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,454
Hey, guys.

217
00:10:56,456 --> 00:11:00,325
Baby, you look so cute
in your little uniform.

218
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:03,528
- What are you doing here?
- Just visiting my man at work.

219
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,096
Oh. (Mouths)

220
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,865
Well, I hope you mean this guy,

221
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,467
because if I recall, we decided
to stop seeing each other.

222
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:13,805
No, as I recall, you decided and
now I'm undeciding for you.

223
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:16,007
Did you miss the part
where I said we were done?

224
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,442
Followed by the text
that said we were done,

225
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:20,545
followed by the phone call and email
that I believe were similarly themed?

226
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:24,516
Ben, you might not know this, but I'm the
best thing that ever happened to you.

227
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:26,518
But we can talk about it more
when you get home from work.

228
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,387
Home? We don't have a home.

229
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,856
Sure we do. I was just there
cleaning out some drawers.

230
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:35,927
Wait, how'd you get in my apartment?

231
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:38,096
Oh, I made a copy of your keys.

232
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:40,098
You made a copy of my keys?

233
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,400
Yeah. Oh, and...

234
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:46,738
Here's your mail. See
you later, Benji-boo.

235
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,473
How do you feel about chicken for dinner?

236
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,975
Oh! Never mind, I'll surprise you.

237
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:56,548
Oh! Come by any time,
Bons. We'd love to have you.

238
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:04,522
Well, I think somebody owes
their mother an apology.

239
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,458
She is nothing like me.

240
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:08,059
She is nuts!

241
00:12:09,463 --> 00:12:12,397
Oh yeah, you've gotta get those keys back.

242
00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:16,968
There, super glue and duct tape.

243
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:19,037
This is never gonna work.

244
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:21,439
It just needs to get us to the beach.

245
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:22,707
And then once we're
there, we'll be all like,

246
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:24,976
"Oh my God, Danny,
somebody sideswiped the car

247
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:27,145
and then tried to super glue
and duct tape it back together."

248
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:30,148
- Here he comes.
- Hey.

249
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,684
Hey, guys, ready to go? Oh my God!

250
00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:35,153
I think I forgot the chips.

251
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,155
All right, that's okay. Who needs 'em?

252
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:40,492
All right, hop hop, chop chop, 'cause
you don't want your mom walking by

253
00:12:40,494 --> 00:12:41,860
and catching you in a great big lie.

254
00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,928
- Nope. (Laughs)
- Thanks, guys.

255
00:12:44,997 --> 00:12:46,931
- Thank you.
- Great.

256
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,833
Oh my God, I think we're pulling it off.

257
00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:50,101
Don't jinx it, don't jinx it.

258
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:55,673
- (Engine starts)
- Riley: Right, here we go.

259
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:58,943
- Tucker: Cool.
- Bailey!

260
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,044
- Riley: Let's go.
- Ready to go?

261
00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:01,246
(Chuckles)

262
00:13:03,816 --> 00:13:05,517
- Hey, what happened to the...
- Oh! Look out!

263
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:08,119
Bailey, are you okay?

264
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,655
(Gasps) Oh my God.

265
00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:14,559
Is this your father's car?!

266
00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:23,868
Okay, you just let us know if
you need anything, Bailey-bee.

267
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:28,773
Pillow, tea, perhaps a
bus ticket to crazy town?

268
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:30,074
Well?

269
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:35,213
Well, it's just a bruised wrist, so
unfortunately she's gonna make it.

270
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,884
Yo, is it wrong to hit someone with a car

271
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,853
and a restraining order on the same day?

272
00:13:42,955 --> 00:13:44,989
If only it were that simple.

273
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,758
It seems if you break up with her,

274
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,093
she's gonna sue Danny
for everything he's worth,

275
00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:52,030
which I'd be fine with if I
didn't get 15% off the top.

276
00:13:53,232 --> 00:13:55,466
Mom, you have to fix this.

277
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:57,602
You're the one that brought
itsy-bitsy Bonnie into our lives.

278
00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:02,640
Oh! And... yeah, well, you're the one
who mowed her down with dad's mistress,

279
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:05,109
that two-door whore Adrienne.

280
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:07,078
You know her name is Adele mom.

281
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,913
- I don't care what her name is!
- (Shouting)

282
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:10,148
I need all of us to focus!

283
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:14,986
Since you seem to have one or
two things in common with Bailey,

284
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:17,255
what would get rid of you?

285
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:22,060
Well, probably a single
dad who works for tips

286
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,962
and lives with a giant and a dwarf!

287
00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:30,068
But since that hasn't worked, I don't know!

288
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:34,038
Great. So she's the mother
of the mother of all crazies.

289
00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:37,208
That's it.

290
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:40,211
You just have to out-crazy the crazy.

291
00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:44,916
- I think I know how to fix this.
- You do?

292
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,852
Oh yeah, that Ray Wheeler is gonna rue

293
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:50,989
the day he tried to hide
Annabelle and double-cross me!

294
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:53,925
- Mom, you know it's "Adele"!
- I don't care what her name is!

295
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,894
Okay, mom!

296
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:58,730
Again, kinda missing the real issue here.

297
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:01,165
No, I'm not. It's parked right downstairs.

298
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,170
Well, I think mom's out.

299
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,740
- Now what are we supposed to do?
- (Cellphone buzzing)

300
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:11,276
It's Riley's phone.

301
00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:14,212
Pete's auto body?

302
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:17,982
Riley, that girl's body
bouncing off the windshield

303
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:20,184
is the best thing that's
every happened to us.

304
00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:25,089
You know, just play it cool and
he'll blame all the damage on her.

305
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:29,060
Great. You're right. I can do this.

306
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:31,129
"Scratch? What scratch?"

307
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:34,332
(Beeps, clatters)

308
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,767
That was the repair guy.

309
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,769
(Panicky) Scratch? What scratch?

310
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:41,739
The scratch he got when he hit Bailey,

311
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:44,008
and the scratch that your good friend Riley

312
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:46,144
already called to have
taken care of for you.

313
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:49,847
Oh yeah, that's me, just
always thinking ahead.

314
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:52,951
So far ahead, you actually called

315
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:56,120
a whole day before the accident?
- (Chuckles)

316
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,689
I got nothing.

317
00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:01,859
I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened.

318
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:04,095
Okay, that mailbox just
jumped out of nowhere.

319
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:08,032
I'm sorry, I just...
I don't know, I panicked.

320
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:09,801
I mean, a mailbox is federal property.

321
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:12,937
I could go to jail. I could
end up like Gretchen Schilling,

322
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:15,139
behind bars with a stainless steel toilet

323
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:18,142
and... and no hair product.
(Breathing heavily)

324
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,011
I wouldn't make it.

325
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:23,147
I mean, those girls are
even crazier than that one.

326
00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:27,652
Oh my God, that's exactly what we need.

327
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,788
- Oh my God, Ben, listen...
- No no no no, it's like what mom said,

328
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:32,156
we need to out-crazy the crazy.

329
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,058
- Where's Gretchen these days?
- No. No no no.

330
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,828
Ben, I am not calling
the scariest person I know

331
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:38,329
to come threaten your new roommate.

332
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,699
Oh, so you would rather
let your best friend

333
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:46,004
get dragged into court for something
both myself and the postmaster general

334
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:49,140
would agree is actually your fault?!

335
00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:57,949
Well, now that I think about it,
her number is still in my phone.

336
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:03,388
(Rapid knock on door)

337
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:06,124
Oh, I wonder who that could be.

338
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:08,126
Are you gentlemen expecting anyone?

339
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:10,128
(Clears throat)

340
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,929
(Flatly) I know I am not.

341
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:16,701
Nor am I.

342
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:23,107
Riley, what are you doing here?
Where's Gretchen?

343
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:25,276
Turns out the number I had
was from a stolen phone.

344
00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:29,313
But don't worry. I got this.

345
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:32,183
(Loudly) Shut up, Wheeler,
and let me see my baby.

346
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:33,885
Mama's home!

347
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:36,988
Yo, who's the wigstand?

348
00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:40,725
Better question: Who's this?

349
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,293
That's Gretchen, Emma's mom.

350
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:46,164
Yeah. Yeah, she's been away
for like the last six months.

351
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,399
Supposed to be nine but,
you know, good behavior.

352
00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:57,141
And how about you get your
feet off my coffee table?

353
00:18:00,312 --> 00:18:03,147
I didn't steal it for you to ruin.

354
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:07,885
And this is Bailey.
She's a... a friend.

355
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:10,354
(Laughs) Oh, I am a
lot more than a friend.

356
00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:14,992
Well, you're not anymore, 'cause now
that I'm out, I am back with my man.

357
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:18,129
And I'm warning you...
don't get in my way.

358
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,503
- Was that a threat?
- Yes.

359
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,205
Yeah, I believe it was.

360
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:31,175
One... that I would take very seriously.

361
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:35,012
And if I ever... see you round here again,

362
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:40,918
well, I'm gonna do some bad
things, some very bad things.

363
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,922
(Angrily) Oh yeah? Like what?

364
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:47,892
Things... that are bad.

365
00:18:49,161 --> 00:18:50,862
Okay, I fixed everything.

366
00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:53,865
Mom, look out. It's
Ben's baby mama, Gretchen,

367
00:18:53,867 --> 00:18:58,236
and she's back from prison.
- Yeah. Yeah, watch out, or she will cut you.

368
00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:03,174
With what, her sharp wit?

369
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,977
(Laughs) Yeah, I think I'm good.

370
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:08,446
And you, listen up, you little sea monkey.

371
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,381
No, you all listen.

372
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:13,050
Look, Ben, I know what you're doing.

373
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:15,920
You could've just broken up
with me like a normal person.

374
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,155
Actually, I couldn't.

375
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,056
I tried, like, a gabillion times.

376
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,525
Well, I can take a hint.

377
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,560
Again, I tried.

378
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:25,196
But don't think I'm leaving quietly.

379
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:30,434
I am going to sue you so hard
you're all gonna feel it!

380
00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:36,007
And to think... I was
gonna make you marry me!

381
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:44,382
God. You gotta love her spunk, huh?

382
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,117
Mom, you ruined everything!

383
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:47,952
Riley was about to scare her off!

384
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:51,322
Really? 'Cause I didn't
think it was going that well.

385
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:52,890
(Scoffs)

386
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,425
Are you kidding me?

387
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,160
Girl, I thought you nailed it.

388
00:19:57,129 --> 00:20:00,231
Right, because Riley is so scary!

389
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,133
Oh, come on! You can't
jump all over it like...

390
00:20:02,135 --> 00:20:06,037
- oh, is this about Adele?!
- For the love of God, focus! Huh?!

391
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:10,474
- What are we gonna do?!
- Okay, just calm down.

392
00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:14,111
I said I was gonna fix it, and I did.

393
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:18,316
If there's no car, there's no crime.

394
00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:23,354
Wait, what do you mean,
"if there's no car"?

395
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:28,459
It's more of a coffee table now.

396
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:32,063
Damn. My sunglasses were in there.

397
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,131
What am I supposed to tell dad now?

398
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:35,933
I'm almost positive he's gonna notice this.

399
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:38,202
(Laughs) Oh, he definitely will.

400
00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:41,005
Here, quick, take a picture. Okay.

401
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:45,142
All right, take a bunch.
I want to make a calendar.

402
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,079
Ooh. Ooh!

403
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,914
I'm sorry, Ray.

404
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:52,116
Adele got a little Fender bender.

405
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:53,484
My bad.

406
00:20:55,887 --> 00:20:56,954
Bonnie: 9?

407
00:20:58,056 --> 00:20:59,457
9?

408
00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:01,525
Come on, mama needs a 9!

409
00:21:01,527 --> 00:21:02,994
(Clears throat)

410
00:21:02,996 --> 00:21:04,996
Oh, whoa. Nice tan, buddy.

411
00:21:04,998 --> 00:21:06,063
Call me when you get a job.

412
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:11,535
10? 10?

413
00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:13,604
Where is my perfect 10?

414
00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:19,176
Well, hello.