1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 Created by Nantinha. Resynced by Katniss. ~ www.addic7ed.com ~ 2 00:00:06,980 --> 00:00:08,515 Okay, people. I need you to focus. 3 00:00:08,516 --> 00:00:09,920 This is a critical birthday decision. 4 00:00:10,706 --> 00:00:11,878 Traditional. 5 00:00:13,963 --> 00:00:16,395 - Tiara. - Oh... 6 00:00:18,234 --> 00:00:21,686 Or my personal favorite... Viking warrior princess? 7 00:00:22,028 --> 00:00:24,417 - Oh! - All: Warrior princess! 8 00:00:25,437 --> 00:00:28,413 Oh, and also, can we please vote on whether or not we're getting a pony? 9 00:00:28,414 --> 00:00:29,940 I still think we can fit one in the elevator. 10 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:31,521 (Door opens) 11 00:00:31,522 --> 00:00:33,357 Well, I measured. 12 00:00:33,678 --> 00:00:36,585 And we can totally fit a pony in that elevator. 13 00:00:36,586 --> 00:00:39,468 - Yes! Yup, knew it. - Bonnie: Yeah. 14 00:00:39,469 --> 00:00:44,663 Oh, my God, I can't believe it is already Emma's first birthday. 15 00:00:45,328 --> 00:00:48,452 I remember I pulled out all the stops for you boys. 16 00:00:48,453 --> 00:00:51,869 Really? Because I pulled out all our old birthday DVDs. 17 00:00:52,255 --> 00:00:55,207 - You care to explain this? - (Laughter) 18 00:00:55,854 --> 00:00:58,002 Okay, Ray, let's try to make this fast, okay? 19 00:00:58,003 --> 00:01:00,159 I've got a hangover bigger than my hair. 20 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,037 And I cannot get that Vanilla Ice out of my brain. 21 00:01:03,038 --> 00:01:05,712 Man, that guy is gonna be big, huh? 22 00:01:07,162 --> 00:01:08,774 Hey, Ray. Ray! Hey! 23 00:01:08,775 --> 00:01:10,430 Honey, we're over here. 24 00:01:10,826 --> 00:01:15,219 Danny. Danny, I told you not to eat this, okay? 25 00:01:15,220 --> 00:01:17,295 Oh, you know what? Benji... he'll never notice. 26 00:01:17,296 --> 00:01:18,730 - Okay, here we go. - (Fusses) 27 00:01:18,731 --> 00:01:20,767 All right, all right, let's get this over with, people. 28 00:01:20,768 --> 00:01:22,218 "The Cosby Show" is gonna be on. 29 00:01:22,219 --> 00:01:25,036 Man, and look, that Rudy... that girl is gonna be big! 30 00:01:25,037 --> 00:01:27,135 Okay, blah-da blah blah blah blah. 31 00:01:27,136 --> 00:01:29,848 Here we go and happy... 32 00:01:29,849 --> 00:01:32,738 - (whistle tweets) - Bonnie: Come on, Danny! Crush him! 33 00:01:32,739 --> 00:01:34,910 I can't believe you taped over my first birthday. 34 00:01:35,323 --> 00:01:38,842 Yeah, well, since you're onto me, I also taped over your next three. 35 00:01:39,264 --> 00:01:41,989 Well, unlike me, Emma's gonna have the best birthday party ever. 36 00:01:41,990 --> 00:01:44,060 - We are gonna make some memories. - Yeah. 37 00:01:44,061 --> 00:01:47,208 (Bonnie, seductively) Come on, Ray. Everyone's doing it. 38 00:01:47,209 --> 00:01:49,882 - Mom! - Hey, we were making some memories! 39 00:01:49,883 --> 00:01:51,583 - (Mutters) - (Theme music playing) 40 00:01:52,414 --> 00:01:55,431 ♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪ 41 00:01:55,432 --> 00:01:58,368 ♪ can take your life and change direction. ♪ 42 00:02:02,382 --> 00:02:04,068 - (Laughs) - Don't worry, Emma. 43 00:02:04,069 --> 00:02:05,618 You're gonna have the best birthday ever, 44 00:02:05,619 --> 00:02:09,272 because we're having it at Frankie & Bobbie's ice cream parlor. 45 00:02:09,273 --> 00:02:11,603 - Oh! - Wait, so you're not even 46 00:02:11,604 --> 00:02:13,835 gonna acknowledge my petting zoo idea? 47 00:02:14,631 --> 00:02:17,027 That's where we had all our special events growing up. 48 00:02:17,028 --> 00:02:18,870 Yeah, Ben and I worked there in high school... 49 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:21,019 Till Ben got banned... 50 00:02:22,107 --> 00:02:23,339 For life. 51 00:02:24,092 --> 00:02:27,695 (Chuckles) Okay, Ben, you've been banned from the mall, 52 00:02:27,696 --> 00:02:31,109 six bars and the Statue of Liberty crown. 53 00:02:32,062 --> 00:02:34,565 How do you get banned from an ice cream parlor? 54 00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:42,318 Hey, Ben. (Chuckles) 55 00:02:42,319 --> 00:02:44,731 God, this hat makes me look like such a dork. 56 00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:48,265 - I hate it. - You always say that. 57 00:02:48,266 --> 00:02:50,920 Can't you just enjoy the positive side to this job? 58 00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:53,428 (Inhales deeply) One free sundae per shift. 59 00:02:53,769 --> 00:02:56,410 I'm calling this one "the kitchen sink." 60 00:02:57,098 --> 00:02:59,164 And I'm calling this one "boobs." 61 00:02:59,165 --> 00:03:01,272 Get it? Boobs. 62 00:03:03,362 --> 00:03:04,889 Hey, you have a little something right... 63 00:03:04,890 --> 00:03:06,760 oh, no no, that's my new 'stache. 64 00:03:06,761 --> 00:03:09,328 You like it? I've been working on it all summer. 65 00:03:09,934 --> 00:03:11,889 - You look so mature. - (Door opens) 66 00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:14,170 - (Bell jingles) - Hey, Riles. 67 00:03:14,171 --> 00:03:16,236 Looking pretty styling in that uniform. 68 00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:18,801 - Thanks. - Ben, you look like a dork. 69 00:03:19,345 --> 00:03:21,135 It's the hat. 70 00:03:21,136 --> 00:03:24,097 No, I'm pretty sure it's the face. (Chuckles) 71 00:03:25,666 --> 00:03:29,139 Hey, Ben-Ben, isn't it time for our break? 72 00:03:29,140 --> 00:03:30,410 He just got here. 73 00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:32,823 You've been on a break since your last break. 74 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:37,424 Well, when your dad owns an ice cream parlor, you can tell me what to do. 75 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:39,582 It's okay. We're just taking inventory... 76 00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,550 In my pants. Cover for me. 77 00:03:45,991 --> 00:03:47,991 (Exasperated sigh) I hate having a shift with Jenny. 78 00:03:47,992 --> 00:03:50,236 You know, she thinks she can just get away with anything. 79 00:03:50,237 --> 00:03:52,700 All I do is just work work work. 80 00:03:53,931 --> 00:03:57,458 Perrin! Stop eating the profits. 81 00:03:58,245 --> 00:03:59,969 Where is everybody? Where's Jenny? 82 00:04:00,417 --> 00:04:03,179 Oh, I'm not sure. 83 00:04:03,180 --> 00:04:04,877 I think they might be in the back. 84 00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,649 They said something about inventory...? 85 00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:13,552 So, we're going to the movies tonight. 86 00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:15,902 - I was thinking maybe you and I could... - No thanks, I can't. 87 00:04:15,903 --> 00:04:18,776 I have to work a double. Ooh, second sundae. 88 00:04:19,845 --> 00:04:22,396 - (Clattering) - Frankie: What the... I warned you, Wheeler! 89 00:04:22,397 --> 00:04:23,841 Now get out! 90 00:04:27,078 --> 00:04:28,116 (Bell jingles) 91 00:04:28,419 --> 00:04:29,915 Jenny DeLuca. 92 00:04:29,916 --> 00:04:32,121 That girl was two scoops of awesome. 93 00:04:33,605 --> 00:04:34,950 I hated that girl. 94 00:04:34,951 --> 00:04:37,601 She's the one who instituted the one sundae per shift rule. 95 00:04:38,448 --> 00:04:40,901 (Chuckles) Well, we gotta kick this Emma party plan into high gear. 96 00:04:40,902 --> 00:04:42,653 Riley, you're in charge of decorations; 97 00:04:42,654 --> 00:04:44,069 Tucker, food and beverages; 98 00:04:44,070 --> 00:04:46,308 - and Danny... - Just name it. I'll do anything. 99 00:04:46,309 --> 00:04:48,593 - Will you be the clown? - Anything but that! 100 00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,317 You know clowns freak me out! 101 00:04:51,318 --> 00:04:52,883 I can never tell if they're gonna squirt me 102 00:04:52,884 --> 00:04:55,429 with a flower or stab me in my sleep. 103 00:04:55,986 --> 00:05:00,067 The only thing a clown will stab you with is joy and merriment. 104 00:05:00,725 --> 00:05:03,174 Don't worry, big guy. You're in good hands. 105 00:05:03,175 --> 00:05:05,824 I may have dabbled in mimery in college. 106 00:05:07,443 --> 00:05:09,274 (Sputters) Mimes freak me out. 107 00:05:10,413 --> 00:05:12,032 Mom, come with me to Frankie & Bobbie's. 108 00:05:12,033 --> 00:05:13,682 Wait, you still wanna have it there? 109 00:05:13,683 --> 00:05:15,777 I mean, don't you remember what Frankie said to you? 110 00:05:15,778 --> 00:05:17,142 - Uh-uh. - Ben: It doesn't matter. 111 00:05:17,143 --> 00:05:18,673 It's all water under the bridge. 112 00:05:18,674 --> 00:05:21,599 No, what he said was, "I'll bury you under the bridge." 113 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,150 (Thuds) 114 00:05:24,008 --> 00:05:25,300 (Bell jingles) 115 00:05:25,799 --> 00:05:28,167 Oh, my God. I can't believe it. 116 00:05:28,168 --> 00:05:29,684 This place looks exactly the same. 117 00:05:30,273 --> 00:05:32,919 Well, you're wearing pants, so that's different. 118 00:05:36,062 --> 00:05:39,155 - Ben Wheeler? - Jenny DeLuca? 119 00:05:39,156 --> 00:05:41,082 Oh, my God, you look amazing. 120 00:05:41,083 --> 00:05:42,859 What the hell are you doing here? 121 00:05:42,860 --> 00:05:46,364 Well, well, well, look who's here! 122 00:05:46,365 --> 00:05:48,135 I didn't know it was garbage day. 123 00:05:50,182 --> 00:05:52,686 That pony's looking pretty good right now, isn't it? 124 00:05:54,799 --> 00:05:58,173 (Laughs) Honestly, I can watch you smash that cake all day. 125 00:05:58,174 --> 00:05:59,806 All right, get that backup cake ready! 126 00:05:59,807 --> 00:06:01,832 He's tearing through this one pretty fast! 127 00:06:02,301 --> 00:06:04,069 Yeah! 128 00:06:04,070 --> 00:06:05,703 I love cake. 129 00:06:05,704 --> 00:06:07,279 Happy Birthday, Danny. 130 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,119 Can you wave? Wave to daddy. 131 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,913 - Can you wave to daddy? - Wait a minute. 132 00:06:10,914 --> 00:06:12,794 Wait a minute. That's my aunt Margot, right? 133 00:06:12,795 --> 00:06:15,779 Uh, yeah. Why does she look like she's pregnant? 134 00:06:15,780 --> 00:06:17,916 Riley: Because she is. 135 00:06:17,917 --> 00:06:22,137 Oh my God. She couldn't have been much more than like 16. 136 00:06:22,531 --> 00:06:27,217 So? Isn't being a teen mom kind of a rite of passage for you people? 137 00:06:28,268 --> 00:06:30,962 But Margot doesn't have any kids, all right? 138 00:06:30,963 --> 00:06:32,432 She said she didn't want to be tied down. 139 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:34,049 Oh, my God. How did I not know this? 140 00:06:34,050 --> 00:06:37,770 Should I just tell her that I know, or I could kinda hint at it, 141 00:06:37,771 --> 00:06:40,270 or say I saw your old video? Oh, my God. 142 00:06:40,271 --> 00:06:43,291 I can't believe my family finally has a juicy dark secret. 143 00:06:43,292 --> 00:06:44,884 I'll... I'll talk to you guys later. 144 00:06:45,963 --> 00:06:47,922 - (Door closes) - Wait, hold up. 145 00:06:47,923 --> 00:06:50,431 Why do scandalous secrets have to be dark? 146 00:06:50,432 --> 00:06:52,376 I mean, that's just racist. (Chuckles) 147 00:06:52,377 --> 00:06:55,043 What's wrong with a juicy white secret? 148 00:06:55,928 --> 00:06:58,485 Yeah, I don't think that's their only secret. 149 00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:02,863 That might be Riley's aunt Margot, but that very unpregnant woman 150 00:07:02,864 --> 00:07:05,229 - is Riley's mom. - So? 151 00:07:05,632 --> 00:07:08,973 So? Riley was born just two weeks after my first birthday. 152 00:07:08,974 --> 00:07:10,787 Her mom should be ready to explode. 153 00:07:11,145 --> 00:07:14,637 - So you're saying... - I think Riley's mom is her aunt 154 00:07:14,638 --> 00:07:16,291 and her aunt is her mom. 155 00:07:16,597 --> 00:07:19,553 Oh, that is one juicy white secret. 156 00:07:20,582 --> 00:07:22,541 See? It totally works. 157 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,396 Jenny, come on. You don't give somebody freezer burn 158 00:07:26,397 --> 00:07:29,576 over half their body and then pretend like it's not nice to see them again. 159 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:32,336 Yeah, fine, it's nice to see you again. 160 00:07:32,337 --> 00:07:34,174 And you know what would be even nicer? 161 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:35,818 Seeing you go. 162 00:07:36,267 --> 00:07:38,399 Please, your dad still can't be mad. 163 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,808 - It's been almost seven years. - Ben, you don't know my dad. 164 00:07:40,809 --> 00:07:42,647 He never met a grudge he didn't like. 165 00:07:43,225 --> 00:07:44,634 Okay okay, fine. 166 00:07:44,635 --> 00:07:46,860 How about you just let us have Emma's birthday here then? 167 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:48,969 It's not really up to me. 168 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,013 You have got a lot of nerve coming in here like this. 169 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:56,913 Come on. It is my granddaughter's first birthday. 170 00:07:56,914 --> 00:08:00,531 If you had any grandkids, you would understand how important this is. 171 00:08:00,532 --> 00:08:02,620 Are you... you're kidding me, right? You... 172 00:08:02,621 --> 00:08:04,714 Hey, grandpa, come on! Help me make a sundae! 173 00:08:04,715 --> 00:08:06,140 Okay, all right. Hey, hold up. 174 00:08:06,141 --> 00:08:07,559 I want to introduce you to somebody. 175 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,108 This is my grandson... Ben. 176 00:08:13,968 --> 00:08:15,408 - Ben? - Yeah. 177 00:08:15,409 --> 00:08:17,894 She wanted to name him after the father. 178 00:08:20,194 --> 00:08:21,485 Ben? 179 00:08:24,351 --> 00:08:26,644 Seriously, I can't believe he threw me out of there again. 180 00:08:26,645 --> 00:08:29,674 I'm pretty sure I wasn't the first person to defrost Jenny DeLuca. 181 00:08:30,864 --> 00:08:33,742 So, Ben, take me back. 182 00:08:33,743 --> 00:08:37,299 Exactly how long ago were you banned from Frankie & Bobbie's? 183 00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,069 I don't know, like seven years ago. 184 00:08:39,070 --> 00:08:41,206 How does six years and nine months sound? 185 00:08:41,207 --> 00:08:42,530 About right. 186 00:08:43,079 --> 00:08:44,922 I don't suppose when you and Jenny were 187 00:08:44,923 --> 00:08:47,919 rolling around in that freezer you covered up? 188 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,520 Well, it was pretty cold in there, so I definitely had a coat on. 189 00:08:51,347 --> 00:08:54,216 - On the part that counts? - I was 16... 190 00:08:54,548 --> 00:08:56,022 And an idiot... 191 00:08:56,763 --> 00:08:58,520 And in a rush, so no, probably not. 192 00:09:00,304 --> 00:09:01,863 Why are you asking me all these questions? 193 00:09:01,864 --> 00:09:05,341 Because Jenny has a six-year-old son... 194 00:09:05,342 --> 00:09:07,311 Oh! Glad I dodged that bullet. 195 00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:10,061 Named Ben. 196 00:09:10,062 --> 00:09:12,815 Wow. I can't believe she named her kid after me. That's really... 197 00:09:15,451 --> 00:09:17,630 - Oh, my God! - Exactly! 198 00:09:17,631 --> 00:09:19,047 No, there's no way. 199 00:09:19,048 --> 00:09:20,878 Well, I guess there was a way. 200 00:09:20,879 --> 00:09:22,833 - There were several ways. - Oh, God, don't tell me! 201 00:09:22,834 --> 00:09:24,977 - Are you sure? - Well, Frankie DeLuca is. 202 00:09:24,978 --> 00:09:27,625 - Well, what am I gonna do? - Well, either build a time machine 203 00:09:27,626 --> 00:09:29,942 so you can fix your mistakes or take 30 seconds 204 00:09:29,943 --> 00:09:32,225 and read the instructions on the back of a condom! 205 00:09:35,777 --> 00:09:39,525 - Put it on. - No. I'm not gonna put it on. 206 00:09:39,836 --> 00:09:41,337 I said put it on. 207 00:09:42,853 --> 00:09:44,132 Fine. 208 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,437 How do you feel? 209 00:09:49,038 --> 00:09:52,528 My palms are sweating a little bit, but my nose is warm. 210 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:55,473 (Chuckles) Now let's do something about your cold feet. 211 00:09:58,458 --> 00:10:00,494 (Scoffs) I don't see what's so funny about that. 212 00:10:00,495 --> 00:10:02,391 It's basically just a pair of my shoes. 213 00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:04,440 Slightly smaller. 214 00:10:06,310 --> 00:10:08,383 No more Mr. nice clown, Danny. 215 00:10:08,384 --> 00:10:11,662 It's time to pull on your big Bozo pants and clown up. 216 00:10:13,403 --> 00:10:15,279 (Cellphone buzzes) 217 00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:20,445 It's Riley. She's with Margot. 218 00:10:20,446 --> 00:10:22,284 What if Riley asks her about the baby? 219 00:10:22,285 --> 00:10:24,274 What if Margot tells her that she's her mom? 220 00:10:25,399 --> 00:10:27,878 I mean, I guess I would wanna know. 221 00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:29,627 Well, if I grew up with your mom 222 00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:31,687 and there was a chance that I could get a new one, 223 00:10:31,688 --> 00:10:35,132 - I'd wanna know too. - But what if Riley's devastated? 224 00:10:35,133 --> 00:10:37,100 I should be there for her. I gotta go. 225 00:10:37,968 --> 00:10:39,545 (Yelps) 226 00:10:39,546 --> 00:10:41,777 Yeah, still super creepy. 227 00:10:42,327 --> 00:10:46,147 (Sighs) I love Emma, and I shall prove it by purchasing 228 00:10:46,148 --> 00:10:48,074 a very extravagant gift. 229 00:10:48,721 --> 00:10:49,963 I'm thinking puppy. 230 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,920 Well, here, take this to cheer Riley up. 231 00:10:55,551 --> 00:10:57,057 I believe it's a donkey. 232 00:10:59,719 --> 00:11:02,794 I didn't think a teenager with a 10:00 curfew 233 00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:06,322 and a hamster named Luke Perry should be raising a child. 234 00:11:07,157 --> 00:11:09,642 Hey, ladies, what are we talking about? 235 00:11:09,643 --> 00:11:11,130 Anyone need a shoulder to cry on? 236 00:11:11,131 --> 00:11:12,378 I brought two. 237 00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:14,736 You are not gonna believe what aunt Margot just told me. 238 00:11:14,737 --> 00:11:17,864 She gave up a baby for adoption when she was a teenager. 239 00:11:18,434 --> 00:11:20,148 It's okay if I tell people, right? 240 00:11:21,283 --> 00:11:23,872 Wow, really? Is that all she told you? 241 00:11:24,249 --> 00:11:28,263 Well, I also mentioned I had a out of body experience in a sweat lodge, 242 00:11:28,264 --> 00:11:30,836 but the baby was kinda the big news. 243 00:11:32,136 --> 00:11:35,395 It was a girl and she never saw her again. 244 00:11:35,396 --> 00:11:36,913 - (Inhales deeply) - God, it's so crazy to think 245 00:11:36,914 --> 00:11:38,123 that I have a cousin out there somewhere 246 00:11:38,124 --> 00:11:40,372 who's almost exactly the same age as me. 247 00:11:40,684 --> 00:11:42,011 - (Margot chuckles) - I mean, how weird would it be 248 00:11:42,012 --> 00:11:44,373 - if I actually knew her? - Danny and margot: Very. 249 00:11:45,336 --> 00:11:48,369 Oh, Riley, you've got a little stain on your blouse. 250 00:11:48,370 --> 00:11:50,262 - Oh, where? - Right there. 251 00:11:51,264 --> 00:11:52,929 Oh. Eww. Sorry, I'll be right back. 252 00:11:54,353 --> 00:11:57,669 (Loudly) So, Margot, how you been? 253 00:11:57,670 --> 00:11:58,960 Haven't seen you in a couple... 254 00:11:58,961 --> 00:12:00,636 (softly) I know the truth about you and Riley. 255 00:12:01,391 --> 00:12:03,386 Oh, I don't suppose you're talking about 256 00:12:03,387 --> 00:12:06,429 that time we got arrested at a Van Halen concert? 257 00:12:06,430 --> 00:12:09,001 My bad. I totally made her hold my backpack. 258 00:12:09,851 --> 00:12:11,642 No, that she's your daughter. 259 00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:14,296 (Sighs) And that's what I was afraid of. 260 00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:16,725 How did you figure it out? 261 00:12:16,726 --> 00:12:17,956 It wasn't that hard. 262 00:12:17,957 --> 00:12:19,344 I just put two and two together. 263 00:12:19,345 --> 00:12:20,919 I thought you were the slow one. 264 00:12:21,894 --> 00:12:23,701 You have to tell her. She deserves to know. 265 00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:26,639 Actually, I don't. It's not my place to tell her. 266 00:12:27,097 --> 00:12:30,899 It's her mom's, my sister, the woman who raised her. 267 00:12:31,344 --> 00:12:34,941 I promised I would never tell, and now you have to promise, too. 268 00:12:35,345 --> 00:12:36,719 Can you do that? 269 00:12:37,087 --> 00:12:39,252 You know, between this and the clown thing, 270 00:12:39,253 --> 00:12:40,807 you people are really asking a lot. 271 00:12:42,234 --> 00:12:43,980 Wait... I'm the slow one? 272 00:12:46,260 --> 00:12:47,489 (Bell jingles) 273 00:12:47,490 --> 00:12:48,503 We're closed. 274 00:12:48,504 --> 00:12:50,937 And I already got the 9 and the 1 pushed on my phone. 275 00:12:51,984 --> 00:12:53,505 Hey, it's me again. 276 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:54,579 I think we need to talk. 277 00:12:54,580 --> 00:12:55,966 Seriously? 278 00:12:55,967 --> 00:12:58,095 How many times I gotta throw you out of here? 279 00:12:58,457 --> 00:12:59,752 Like a cockroach. 280 00:13:01,058 --> 00:13:03,138 Daddy, please. I can handle him. 281 00:13:03,139 --> 00:13:05,930 (Scoffs) Handling him is why you are here in the first place. 282 00:13:08,139 --> 00:13:10,495 Fine. I'm going to give you two minutes. 283 00:13:10,496 --> 00:13:11,919 Then I'm going to call the cops. 284 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,298 Also known as my cousin Tony. 285 00:13:16,642 --> 00:13:18,051 Ben, what are you doing here? 286 00:13:18,052 --> 00:13:19,145 You're going to get me in trouble. 287 00:13:19,514 --> 00:13:22,491 I think we've pretty much established that I've already done that. 288 00:13:23,267 --> 00:13:25,694 Now is really not a good time to talk. 289 00:13:25,695 --> 00:13:28,021 What about the last seven years? Busy? 290 00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:30,832 You want to have your kid's birthday party here? Fine. 291 00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:32,246 My dad won't even be here tomorrow. 292 00:13:32,247 --> 00:13:33,977 Honestly, that's not really why I'm here. 293 00:13:34,287 --> 00:13:36,448 Although I will take the 2:00 to 4:00 slot. 294 00:13:37,569 --> 00:13:38,894 One minute! 295 00:13:38,895 --> 00:13:41,961 And I already got the 9 and the 1 pushed on my phone. 296 00:13:42,687 --> 00:13:44,308 Ben, we were fine without you. 297 00:13:44,309 --> 00:13:45,725 We'll be fine when you leave. 298 00:13:45,726 --> 00:13:47,916 Seriously, you gotta get out. 299 00:13:48,390 --> 00:13:50,334 If only you'd told me that seven years ago. 300 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,516 Oh, hey! 301 00:13:57,517 --> 00:13:58,869 That's a good idea. 302 00:13:58,870 --> 00:14:00,231 Numbering your kids. 303 00:14:01,282 --> 00:14:02,751 Mom, what am I gonna do? 304 00:14:02,752 --> 00:14:04,190 Jenny won't even talk to me about it. 305 00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:06,585 Well, let's just make sure that we give Emma 306 00:14:06,586 --> 00:14:09,928 a memorable first birthday, all right? 307 00:14:09,929 --> 00:14:12,084 And then, we will welcome little Ben 308 00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:15,128 into this freak show we insist on calling a family. 309 00:14:16,511 --> 00:14:19,408 Why do women keep having babies and not telling me about them? 310 00:14:19,409 --> 00:14:21,024 It's starting to hurt my feelings. 311 00:14:21,938 --> 00:14:23,063 (Bell jingles) 312 00:14:23,395 --> 00:14:24,560 All right. 313 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,425 Where do you want Tuck-Tuck the clown? 314 00:14:27,426 --> 00:14:29,105 - Tuck-tuck? - I know. 315 00:14:29,106 --> 00:14:31,172 Can you believe "Tuckles" was already taken? 316 00:14:32,673 --> 00:14:35,362 Can I interest you in either a snake 317 00:14:35,722 --> 00:14:37,066 or a hot dog? 318 00:14:38,293 --> 00:14:40,267 Oh, in a minute. I got a little unfinished business. 319 00:14:44,089 --> 00:14:45,486 (Both exclaim) 320 00:14:46,332 --> 00:14:47,294 Really? 321 00:14:47,295 --> 00:14:48,601 You couldn't have told me you changed your mind 322 00:14:48,602 --> 00:14:50,499 before I got on the subway like this? 323 00:14:50,910 --> 00:14:53,084 I realized I had to do it for Emma. 324 00:14:53,085 --> 00:14:55,894 Do you know how long it takes to explain to a transit cop 325 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,047 why you've got a rubber chicken in your pants? 326 00:14:58,853 --> 00:15:00,973 Actually... I do. 327 00:15:04,701 --> 00:15:05,855 Oh, hey, Riley. 328 00:15:05,856 --> 00:15:07,617 - Hey! - Oh, nice timing. 329 00:15:07,618 --> 00:15:10,252 Does somebody send you an alert when fresh cake arrives? 330 00:15:11,216 --> 00:15:12,684 Oh, my God. How great would that be? 331 00:15:13,672 --> 00:15:17,274 So I can't believe you never told me about the whole baby thing. 332 00:15:17,275 --> 00:15:18,943 Honey, if I had to tell you every time 333 00:15:18,944 --> 00:15:21,835 Ben does something stupid, we would never leave the house. 334 00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:27,439 No, I had dinner with my aunt Margot last night and she told me everything. 335 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:28,975 (Sighs, laughs) 336 00:15:28,976 --> 00:15:30,280 Thank God. 337 00:15:30,281 --> 00:15:32,678 I've been keeping that one locked up for years. 338 00:15:33,877 --> 00:15:36,650 I just... I don't understand why it was such a secret. 339 00:15:37,184 --> 00:15:39,017 I feel bad for aunt Margot. 340 00:15:39,578 --> 00:15:41,410 Well, I feel bad for you. 341 00:15:41,411 --> 00:15:44,030 You're the one who lost out on having a cool mom 342 00:15:44,031 --> 00:15:46,022 and got stuck with the, well... 343 00:15:46,023 --> 00:15:47,601 You know her better than anyone. 344 00:15:49,844 --> 00:15:51,608 I'm sorry, what are you saying? 345 00:15:51,609 --> 00:15:54,336 Well, I was just trying to avoid calling your mom a bitch. 346 00:15:55,856 --> 00:15:58,215 Are you saying aunt Margot's my mom? 347 00:16:00,636 --> 00:16:02,031 No... 348 00:16:05,621 --> 00:16:08,783 So Margot had a baby and that baby was me? 349 00:16:09,183 --> 00:16:10,558 What?! 350 00:16:13,142 --> 00:16:14,589 Excuse me. 351 00:16:15,645 --> 00:16:18,450 Well, I kept my mouth shut for 25 years. 352 00:16:18,451 --> 00:16:19,969 Any points for that? 353 00:16:21,691 --> 00:16:23,978 Jenny, we can't pretend like nothing happened. 354 00:16:23,979 --> 00:16:25,890 Sure we can. Watch me. 355 00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:28,792 See? Doing it right now. 356 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:30,726 Well, I can't. 357 00:16:30,727 --> 00:16:33,621 Mostly because I know something happened... he's 6, 358 00:16:33,622 --> 00:16:35,801 his name is Ben, and quite frankly, 359 00:16:35,802 --> 00:16:38,090 I think you're letting him have a little bit too much ice cream. 360 00:16:39,412 --> 00:16:41,160 Ben, I am begging you. 361 00:16:41,161 --> 00:16:42,822 Have your party and go home. 362 00:16:43,589 --> 00:16:44,739 Bonnie: Okay. 363 00:16:44,740 --> 00:16:48,068 I think our little princess is almost ready. 364 00:16:48,069 --> 00:16:50,981 So, what do you say we throw my little girl a party, huh? 365 00:16:50,982 --> 00:16:52,182 - All right. - (Chuckling) 366 00:16:52,515 --> 00:16:54,111 Oh, my God. 367 00:16:54,112 --> 00:16:56,907 It's so hard to believe that you're already a year old. 368 00:16:56,908 --> 00:16:58,811 No one thought we'd make it. 369 00:16:58,812 --> 00:17:00,064 Mostly me. 370 00:17:01,571 --> 00:17:04,586 But there were moments where I could see you too had your doubts. 371 00:17:05,577 --> 00:17:07,227 Emma, before you came along, 372 00:17:07,228 --> 00:17:09,976 a lot of people would have described me as selfish... 373 00:17:09,977 --> 00:17:11,200 Narcissistic. 374 00:17:11,201 --> 00:17:13,340 - Ooh, unreliable. - Oh! Inconsiderate. 375 00:17:14,989 --> 00:17:16,900 I was just going to say "immature," 376 00:17:16,901 --> 00:17:18,233 but fine. 377 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:24,188 Emma, dare I say, being your father has made me a better man. 378 00:17:24,907 --> 00:17:25,962 (Murmurs) 379 00:17:32,062 --> 00:17:34,573 And when I think that I could have lived my life without you... 380 00:17:35,634 --> 00:17:37,004 It breaks my heart. 381 00:17:38,635 --> 00:17:41,677 Hey! What the hell is going on here? 382 00:17:42,398 --> 00:17:43,688 Um... 383 00:17:43,689 --> 00:17:46,413 Balloons, clowns, cakes... 384 00:17:46,414 --> 00:17:48,185 it's a birthday party, dude. 385 00:17:50,981 --> 00:17:52,533 Balloon baguette? 386 00:17:53,623 --> 00:17:54,983 (Mouthing) 387 00:17:58,190 --> 00:18:00,053 Jenny, you can't keep my son from me. 388 00:18:00,054 --> 00:18:01,662 I want to be a father to little Ben. 389 00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,500 - Son? - Wait, little Ben? 390 00:18:03,501 --> 00:18:05,027 Keep his son from him? 391 00:18:05,028 --> 00:18:07,501 You told me he didn't want to have anything to do with you. 392 00:18:07,835 --> 00:18:10,130 Because it was easier than telling you the truth. 393 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,500 Ben's not the father. 394 00:18:12,824 --> 00:18:14,341 I'm not? Are you sure? 395 00:18:14,342 --> 00:18:15,850 'Cause that kid looks just like me. 396 00:18:17,401 --> 00:18:19,049 Well, then, who is the father? 397 00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:20,577 Bobby Junior. 398 00:18:21,256 --> 00:18:23,902 (Stammers) My old partner's kid, the convict? 399 00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,491 Oh, ho! That's great! 400 00:18:25,492 --> 00:18:27,493 He's even a worse choice than this idiot. 401 00:18:27,494 --> 00:18:32,414 Hey! Frankie DeLuca, you would be lucky if my son impregnated your daughter. 402 00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:33,301 Eh! 403 00:18:34,295 --> 00:18:35,894 But I didn't, right? 404 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,416 No. 405 00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,983 When I told you I was pregnant, you just assumed it was Ben's, 406 00:18:40,984 --> 00:18:42,799 - so I let you think that. - Well, yeah! 407 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,406 I never thought he'd be dumb enough to come back here. 408 00:18:45,407 --> 00:18:47,983 You'd be shocked at the things he's dumb enough to do. 409 00:18:49,074 --> 00:18:50,090 I'm sorry. 410 00:18:50,431 --> 00:18:51,846 But I gotta say... 411 00:18:51,847 --> 00:18:53,348 Emma's a lucky girl. 412 00:18:54,554 --> 00:18:56,765 She's also a very sleepy girl. 413 00:18:57,196 --> 00:18:59,471 I think we might have missed our birthday window, people. 414 00:19:01,117 --> 00:19:03,388 Hey, where's Riley? 415 00:19:03,389 --> 00:19:07,255 Saw her headed for the freezer with a very big spoon. 416 00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:15,241 (Sighs) 417 00:19:19,746 --> 00:19:21,115 Riley, it's gonna be okay. 418 00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:23,139 No! It's not. 419 00:19:23,140 --> 00:19:25,786 I mean, I don't even know who I am. 420 00:19:28,026 --> 00:19:29,809 You're Riley Perrin. 421 00:19:29,810 --> 00:19:31,304 The sweetest girl I know. 422 00:19:31,695 --> 00:19:33,232 No offense, but... 423 00:19:33,804 --> 00:19:36,121 It's kind of hard to take you seriously right now. 424 00:19:39,627 --> 00:19:41,124 I mean, I just don't get it. 425 00:19:41,911 --> 00:19:44,306 You know, why didn't she want me? 426 00:19:44,307 --> 00:19:46,936 Why did she give me up? Didn't she love me? 427 00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:50,891 She loved you so much she had to let you go. 428 00:19:51,512 --> 00:19:53,188 What are you doing here? 429 00:19:53,189 --> 00:19:54,515 I called her. 430 00:19:54,516 --> 00:19:55,892 I thought you two should talk. 431 00:19:55,893 --> 00:19:57,866 And I'll never say no to ice cream. 432 00:19:58,658 --> 00:20:00,238 I mean, I am your mom. 433 00:20:02,222 --> 00:20:05,122 Yeah. So I've heard. 434 00:20:14,621 --> 00:20:16,228 I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. 435 00:20:16,971 --> 00:20:18,938 It's just that I saw how happy you were 436 00:20:19,415 --> 00:20:22,288 and how beautiful and how smart and... 437 00:20:23,114 --> 00:20:25,333 And I knew I'd made the right decision. 438 00:20:27,117 --> 00:20:28,710 But we could have been together. 439 00:20:30,267 --> 00:20:31,748 You could have been with me. 440 00:20:32,716 --> 00:20:34,225 I'm with you now. 441 00:20:37,217 --> 00:20:39,086 Please let that be enough. 442 00:20:40,677 --> 00:20:42,164 See? 443 00:20:43,664 --> 00:20:45,475 Isn't this nice? 444 00:20:47,031 --> 00:20:48,293 (Shouts) 445 00:20:49,739 --> 00:20:52,093 Yep, still creepy. 446 00:20:56,130 --> 00:20:57,708 Okay, people, let's do this. 447 00:20:58,256 --> 00:21:00,020 - Hi, sweetie. - Where's the cake? 448 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,671 Oh. Was this for Emma? 449 00:21:05,672 --> 00:21:07,355 Yes, it's for Emma. 450 00:21:07,356 --> 00:21:10,024 You know how you know? It says "Emma" on it. 451 00:21:10,025 --> 00:21:12,806 See? Now you know how these things happen. 452 00:21:13,893 --> 00:21:16,586 Well, baby, maybe this isn't what you signed up for. 453 00:21:16,587 --> 00:21:18,863 But you're stuck with us. 454 00:21:19,466 --> 00:21:20,488 (Soft chuckling) 455 00:21:20,489 --> 00:21:22,488 All: Happy Birthday, Emma.