1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,198
MARCUS: So can I bet,
like, half a chip?
2
00:00:04,270 --> 00:00:05,999
Okay, Marcus, we've
been over this before.
3
00:00:06,072 --> 00:00:08,370
Fractional betting is kind of
frowned on by the Vegas set.
4
00:00:08,441 --> 00:00:09,465
So why don't you just...
5
00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:11,840
Actually let's just forget the betting.
Just declare.
Ripped By mstoll
6
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:14,510
Pair of blacks in your face.
7
00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:17,106
Okay, okay. You have, right
there, you have nothing.
8
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:19,150
For example,
look at my trip sevens.
9
00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:20,576
See? Do you get that?
10
00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:22,883
I think we both know
that I don't.
11
00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:24,654
Mmm-hmm.
12
00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:27,825
Still nothing from Dr.
Samantha? (CHUCKLES)
13
00:00:27,894 --> 00:00:29,987
It's starting to
become depressing.
14
00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:31,257
(CHUCKLES) Dude.
15
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:34,095
Dating, like poker,
is a game, Marcus.
16
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:36,067
And she plays it very well.
17
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,764
She has waited the obligatory
two days to call me back.
18
00:00:39,005 --> 00:00:40,472
I have a lot of
respect for that.
19
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,565
And now we're on our third day.
20
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,609
Maybe you should call her again.
21
00:00:44,677 --> 00:00:47,805
(LAUGHS) Dude, you never
show your cards, buddy.
22
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,348
I'm just going to wait it out.
23
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:52,715
In fact, tonight, when all my
friends come over for poker night,
24
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,721
I shan't even think about the
sexy and elusive Dr. Sam.
25
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,047
You shan't? Really? How
are you going to do that?
26
00:00:58,191 --> 00:00:59,658
Easy, easy.
27
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,657
I got good friends,
gobs of meat,
28
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,457
and a boatload of
delicious alcohol.
29
00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:05,259
I have my own challenge
tonight, Will.
30
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:07,011
Yeah? I'm going to my
first sleepover party.
31
00:01:07,033 --> 00:01:09,160
Oh, that's awesome. Man,
I'm so psyched for you.
32
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,897
Sleepovers are super fun.
Who's throwing this par-tay?
33
00:01:11,971 --> 00:01:14,303
This kid, Jackson,
in the environmental club.
34
00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:15,568
So he's a new friend?
35
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,234
Potentially.
36
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:18,572
He says that I crack him up
37
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:21,205
and that I'm the only kid in the
club who isn't a total wang.
38
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:22,612
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
39
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:23,706
(SIGHS)
40
00:01:23,783 --> 00:01:26,445
My standing on the social
ladder is at stake here, Will.
41
00:01:26,519 --> 00:01:30,683
One misstep here could completely
just shank me off the ladder.
42
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,949
Don't even think
about shanking, dude.
43
00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:36,686
It's going to be so awesome.
Just a couple of non-wangs...
44
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:37,889
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
duding it up.
45
00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:41,297
Darling, you've got to get ready
for your big sleep-out adventure.
46
00:01:41,367 --> 00:01:44,165
Um. I've got all your
clothes in the big duffel
47
00:01:44,504 --> 00:01:47,735
and then I've got another bag
with your healthy snacks,
48
00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:50,373
first-aid kit
and your dream catcher.
49
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,843
What are you doing? Why are you
trying to hide your poker table?
50
00:01:52,912 --> 00:01:56,439
It may look like I am teaching
your son to play poker,
51
00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:58,006
but actually,
I'm teaching him math.
52
00:01:58,084 --> 00:02:00,484
I'm actually not against him
learning to play poker.
53
00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:02,753
I just think the person teaching
him should be qualified.
54
00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:06,090
Okay. Sweetheart,
I am a tournament player.
55
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:07,524
He's in good hands.
56
00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:10,788
Anyway, long-sleeved
footie pajamas.
57
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:12,889
But don't forget how
sweaty your feet can get.
58
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:15,860
And then layers
in case you get too hot.
59
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,493
And this one has
a pocket for your inhaler,
60
00:02:17,570 --> 00:02:20,437
and also your cell phone, should you need
to call me in the middle of the night.
61
00:02:20,507 --> 00:02:23,442
Marcus, do not call. That is
a sure-fire ladder shank.
62
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:28,240
Darling, whatever your emotional
response is, is fine.
63
00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,838
You need to call me, call.
64
00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:31,914
Are you sure
you'll be okay, Mom?
65
00:02:32,018 --> 00:02:35,010
Oh, yes. I mean, it's God
knows how long since
66
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:37,784
I've had an evening to myself
to do precisely what I want.
67
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:40,359
Not that I don't
cherish every night
68
00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:42,917
that we do precisely
what you want.
69
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,088
What's on the docket?
70
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,995
You going to go big ladies'
night? Do a little drinking?
71
00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:47,532
Well, even better actually.
72
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,659
Um, I'm going to dive
into a good book.
73
00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:52,705
Maybe meditate.
And then...
74
00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:56,333
For the pièce de résistance,
probably strain some curd cheese.
75
00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:57,842
I am so sorry for you.
76
00:02:57,911 --> 00:02:59,191
Yeah. Come on, darling.
Let's go.
77
00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:00,977
Can I just finish this hand?
78
00:03:01,047 --> 00:03:02,309
All right.
Yep, let me see. Ooh.
79
00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,350
Bring it. Bring it.
What do you got?
80
00:03:04,817 --> 00:03:05,909
All in.
81
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:07,119
Are you sure?
82
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,052
Oh, with those cards?
Yes, absolutely.
83
00:03:13,826 --> 00:03:15,191
I fold.
84
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:16,754
What do you got?
85
00:03:16,829 --> 00:03:18,228
Eight and a six of clubs.
86
00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:21,490
You have nothing.
You win, darling.
87
00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:22,694
But how...
How did I win?
88
00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:25,263
It's called bluffing.
Tournament player.
89
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:26,538
Come on.
90
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,501
Have fun.
Keep practicing.
91
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:30,907
Always a pleasure.
92
00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:33,769
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
93
00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:01,430
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
94
00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:05,367
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Who's first? Who's first?
95
00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:08,006
Huzzah!
It's T. J!
96
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,447
Yes, he is. Let's get
this party started.
97
00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:11,813
Get ready to lose
all of your monies.
98
00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:13,875
I'm going to take your money.
I'm going to take your pride.
99
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:16,547
But I'm not going to take your shirt,
because it doesn't match my skin tone.
100
00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:18,750
Oh, hey, hey, hey!
Whoa! Oh, hey!
101
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:21,988
Look, everybody, Richard's father
decided to play poker with us tonight.
102
00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:24,586
Yeah, I just came from work.
It's tax season.
103
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:27,292
Uh, Will, I'm having
some lower back issues.
104
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:29,130
Is there a chair
you can recommend?
105
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:32,797
Okay, old man. Let me just go
grab my lumbar support pillow.
106
00:04:33,306 --> 00:04:34,306
No need.
I brought my own.
107
00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:37,275
Hey, guys, can we get started? I want
to be in bed in time for Colbert.
108
00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:39,277
What? What are you talking about?
So, let's go.
109
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:42,545
What? I can't party and stay up all night
and then jump out of bed like I used to.
110
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,173
My back is so stiff...
111
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,775
WILL: Guys... When I crawl out
of bed it's like a crab walk.
112
00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,616
Hey! I thought we were going
to get all crazy tonight.
113
00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:49,915
CROSBY:
Who's getting crazy?
114
00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:51,718
ALL: Oh! Hey!
115
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,053
Whoo!
116
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,126
This place has been turning
into Golden Girls here.
117
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:58,222
I got money on him that he's going
to turn this lame vibe around.
118
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,697
Because this man...
119
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,726
Brought a baby
to, to poker night.
120
00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:04,598
Our babysitter
had a bad crab cake.
121
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,070
ANDY: That's a baby.
She's all messed up.
122
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,004
So I had to bring
the little lady.
123
00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:10,440
I hope no one's
allergic to cuteness.
124
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:11,704
Hi. Hi.
125
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:14,008
CROSBY: Yeah, look at
who's here to play poker.
126
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,707
Say, "Hi, Uncle Will."
127
00:05:16,182 --> 00:05:17,410
She's going to lay down a sec.
128
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:18,643
Oh, thanks.
You're so helpful.
129
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:19,685
(BABY CRIES)
ANDY: Hi.
130
00:05:19,752 --> 00:05:21,049
Uh-oh.
Oh, no, no, no.
131
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,611
Okay, she needs a bottle. Bottle.
Bottle. I got it.
132
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:24,918
Oh, good.
You know...
133
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,151
(BABY CONTINUES TO CRY)
134
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,392
Got it, got it, got it.
You got it?
135
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:30,019
What are the blinds, Will?
Two-four?
136
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:31,921
That sounds good, dude.
137
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:35,833
So I put your teddy
in the bottom of the duffel.
138
00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:37,425
Okay.
I won't tell anyone.
139
00:05:38,304 --> 00:05:39,999
Hey, Marcus.
Hey.
140
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,205
Okay.
141
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,242
BOY: What's up, man!
JACKSON: Hey, what's up!
142
00:05:48,314 --> 00:05:52,444
Listen, I know this is the first
night that we've ever spent apart,
143
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,118
so forget what Will said.
144
00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:57,921
If you need me for anything,
anything at all, I'm here.
145
00:05:57,990 --> 00:06:01,653
I am not going to blow this
opportunity to expand my friend base.
146
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:03,093
Now if you'll excuse me,
147
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:05,460
I'm wasting valuable party time.
148
00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:46,438
Ah!
149
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:54,643
All right, I bet 20
to you, Andy.
150
00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:56,807
So you can fold now, or you
can fold an hour from now.
151
00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:57,975
I will...
152
00:06:58,885 --> 00:06:59,977
Raise.
Ooh.
153
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:03,679
I fold.
154
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,348
Shocker.
Crosby, you're up.
155
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,017
You see this
zoned-out look?
156
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,973
This is what happens right
before she blows mud.
157
00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:11,562
Oh. You might as well...
It's going to get ugly.
158
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,861
It's not going to be solid,
because she ate so many apricots.
159
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:15,093
I'm never eating apricots again.
160
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,068
Can we just play through this?
Isn't that what a diaper's for,
161
00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:18,398
you know, to
contain the situation?
162
00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:20,701
We can't play through. She's going
to be sitting in her own filth.
163
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:21,933
I fold.
Then deal me out.
164
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,033
Deal you out?
We're already short players.
165
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,805
Why are you getting so upset?
166
00:07:25,878 --> 00:07:27,937
He's not upset about you.
He's upset about a woman.
167
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:29,106
Andy!
Really?
168
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,171
Dr. Sam won't
call him back.
169
00:07:30,249 --> 00:07:32,217
Hold on, you're in your head
about a girl and that's why...
170
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,285
I am fine.
171
00:07:33,352 --> 00:07:36,651
So Dr. Sam is blowing off the
self-proclaimed king of all women?
172
00:07:36,722 --> 00:07:38,280
This is amazing.
I think this is hilarious.
173
00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:39,381
Appreciate it.
Will, just talk about it.
174
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,518
This poker table is
your sacred circle.
175
00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:42,686
We're all here for you.
176
00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:43,751
RICHARD: All of us.
(SNIFFING)
177
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:44,990
Okay, I will open
up to you guys.
178
00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:47,760
I am upset about a lot of women.
179
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:50,928
I'm upset about Sam. I'm upset
about you acting like a woman.
180
00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:53,198
And I'm upset about
the infant that is
181
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:56,031
literally taking a crap
on my poker table.
182
00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:57,871
That's my fault. I shouldn't
have given her apricots.
183
00:07:57,944 --> 00:07:59,344
Well, it's nothing
to be ashamed of.
184
00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:01,258
I know what it's like
to get blown off by women.
185
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:02,727
No, I don't.
That was a lie.
186
00:08:02,748 --> 00:08:03,737
I'm going to go to the bathroom.
187
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,114
Oh, no. Me first.
Uh, fussy prostate.
188
00:08:06,185 --> 00:08:07,209
I'm going outside.
189
00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:08,514
Okay. Bingo.
190
00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:10,613
Oh! What the hell
is happening?
191
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:12,089
CROSBY: (LAUGHS)
Apricot City.
192
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:16,185
(MEDITATION MUSIC PLAYING)
193
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:22,594
(DOOR OPENS)
(SIGHS)
194
00:08:23,202 --> 00:08:24,260
(DOOR CLOSES)
195
00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:27,432
(T.J. WHISTLING)
196
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:29,366
Will?
197
00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:33,607
T.J. Who are you?
198
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:34,703
Fiona.
199
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,382
Are you urinating on my hedge?
200
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,281
Wait a minute?
Are you British?
201
00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:41,317
Wait, say "urinating" again.
202
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:44,522
Okay. Please stop
urinating on my hedge.
203
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:47,184
That was awesome. Uh...
204
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,260
Say "biscuits."
205
00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:49,327
Biscuits.
206
00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:50,395
(IMITATING) Biscuits.
207
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:51,725
(LAUGHS)
208
00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:54,162
Accents are hot on girls, man.
I don't know why.
209
00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:55,495
Having fun in there, are you?
210
00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:58,332
Poker night. What are you
playing, Hold 'Em? Stud?
211
00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:00,061
Oh, you play poker?
I dabble.
212
00:09:00,139 --> 00:09:01,936
Well, you should come join us.
Because, uh...
213
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:04,408
We're about two men
short, and I think...
214
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:05,842
You would look
pretty cute at the table.
215
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:10,349
Well, I've rather committed
myself to the Buddha tonight,
216
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:12,509
but, uh, bonne chance.
217
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:13,609
Your loss.
218
00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:18,147
Well, no, wait.
Actually, because, uh,
219
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:21,455
it might be quite fun to take
some money off Americans.
220
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:23,290
Low-hanging fruit,
et cetera, et cetera.
221
00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:25,797
I don't think we have
any fruit in there.
222
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:28,129
We can't play poker with four people.
Please.
223
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,394
Will. Listen to me.
224
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:31,595
I love you to death and I
love playing poker here,
225
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:34,231
but that was the second explosion and
there's going to be a third. Okay?
226
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:37,208
Look, look I will do all the
diaper-changing. Just stay one more hour.
227
00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:38,516
You're going to change a diaper?
228
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,943
Look, it doesn't even
bother me anymore.
229
00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:41,206
Oh, really?
That doesn't...
230
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,679
It doesn't even...
231
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:46,047
Good news.
Guys, I found fresh meat.
232
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:48,259
I heard you were short a player.
233
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,481
Oh, no.
234
00:09:49,555 --> 00:09:51,455
Perfect. Thank you so much.
FIONA: Hi.
235
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:54,357
I'm going to grab this. Will, you're
going to want to crack a window.
236
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,758
Fiona, hi.
237
00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:57,318
Handy Andy.
Yeah.
238
00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,357
Hey, what happened to
your night of straining curd?
239
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,799
Oh, it sucked.
Right, what's the buy-in?
240
00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:08,396
Raise 50.
Whoa.
241
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:09,498
I fold.
242
00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:11,702
Sucker. I call
your crap hand.
243
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:14,109
I think you mean my
low straight.
244
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:15,545
WILL: Ah!
Whoo!
245
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:19,007
Do you have anything else besides
this heart attack in a bowl?
246
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:20,805
My arteries are clogging
just looking at it.
247
00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:22,377
Eat the napkins.
They're high in fiber.
248
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,218
There's hummus and
peppers in the fridge.
249
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,757
Not in my fridge.
Afraid so.
250
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:27,349
I put some in the
crisper for Marcus.
251
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:28,426
You put it in the what?
252
00:10:28,494 --> 00:10:29,688
Thank you, Fiona.
253
00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:32,196
I love me some hummus. I'm going
to get my Mediterranean on.
254
00:10:32,264 --> 00:10:35,097
Uh, yeah. Hummus is from the Middle East.
Pretty sure about that.
255
00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:38,967
Thank God. I need something to coat
my stomach from that bowl of death.
256
00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:40,596
Here's the deal, all right?
257
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:43,301
You crashed my poker game,
which is an offense to me,
258
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,776
but now you're derailing it
with farmer's market cuisine,
259
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,411
which is an offense
to the game of poker.
260
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,560
Does that make sense to you?
261
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:50,221
Will, I think everyone's
going to survive.
262
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:52,675
Ah! My back!
My back is spasming!
263
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,379
Oh!
Oh! So dramatic.
264
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,451
I can actually help you.
Hold on. Okay.
265
00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:59,047
You're a young man. This
is a much deeper problem.
266
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:00,752
I don't think we should
try to fix it tonight.
267
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,691
Now, have you ever
done yoga before?
268
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,889
No, but I've always wanted to.
269
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:08,660
Okay, well, welcome to the first day
of the rest of your life-slash-quest.
270
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,366
Now on your knees, please.
271
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:11,596
Okay, I like
this. Okay.
272
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,351
And what we're going to do is a
lovely move called Cat Cow, where you
273
00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:19,138
flex your spine up, and
then you release it down.
274
00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:20,235
All are welcome to join.
275
00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:21,472
Yeah. I'm in. Good.
276
00:11:21,547 --> 00:11:24,812
So flex it up. And release it down.
(RICHARD MOANS)
277
00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:28,186
Oh. You're going to flex it up.
Up.
278
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,386
And release it down.
Down.
279
00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:32,549
Fiona, I got this
nasty shoulder crimp.
280
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:36,083
Excuse me, people. Hi. We're not here
to stretch. We're not here to uncrimp.
281
00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:38,075
We're not here to get
our Mediterranean on.
282
00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:40,962
Can we please play poker?
283
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,694
(BOYS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
284
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:50,003
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yeah!
285
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:52,271
Uh, yeah, that's...
That's pretty unsafe.
286
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:54,073
You should probably
get down from there.
287
00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:55,704
That is dangerous.
288
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,043
Dude, high-five.
289
00:11:57,116 --> 00:11:58,708
I know I could've scored
on the play before,
290
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:00,809
but I wanted to dish
out maximum pain.
291
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:04,049
Oh, yeah, that was a strategy I
would not second-guess. No way.
292
00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:05,818
Let's see your moves.
How good are you?
293
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:08,291
I'm, I'm kind of digging the
whole crowd-mentality thing.
294
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,523
You know... Juke! Juke! Yeah!
Tackle him! Whoo! Yeah!
295
00:12:11,597 --> 00:12:13,861
Out of bounds!
Field goal! Yeah!
296
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:15,857
Really?
Yeah.
297
00:12:16,535 --> 00:12:20,835
When I was at university, we used to play
this brilliant game called Oxford Stud.
298
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:24,802
It's sort of like if Hold 'Em
and Seven Card Stud had a baby.
299
00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:25,969
I love babies.
300
00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:28,036
But I just feel like
with this group...
301
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:31,675
I do remember that we begin every deal
by doing a shot, but we can skip that.
302
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:32,751
Shots. I'm in.
303
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,517
Okay. I'm sticking with
beer and American poker.
304
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,888
I haven't actually... I don't
really drink hard liquor anymore.
305
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:41,279
Can you watch the
table with that?
306
00:12:42,294 --> 00:12:44,558
Methinks the lady
will have some hard liquor.
307
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:45,756
Are you doing a shot?
308
00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:46,831
Yeah, I'm doing it.
309
00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:48,059
Little bit of a toast?
One for Dad?
310
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:49,726
(ALL CHEERING)
311
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,071
Oh, namaste!
312
00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,501
(CHATTING EXCITEDLY)
313
00:12:59,411 --> 00:13:00,411
(ROARS)
314
00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:02,203
(ALL SCREAM)
315
00:13:03,249 --> 00:13:05,342
Oh, my God. Her guts
are on the floor.
316
00:13:05,417 --> 00:13:06,850
They fell in her guts.
317
00:13:07,553 --> 00:13:08,850
You watching, Marcus?
318
00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:11,685
Oh, yes.
This is so fun for me.
319
00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:13,725
(ROARING)
(ALL SCREAM)
320
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,057
Dude, that was
sick. Yeah!
321
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:17,823
Uh, what are what are we
going to do next?
322
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:21,458
Uh, snacks?
Build a pillow fort?
323
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:24,534
This is just Mutant Death Squad One.
Next we're going to watch two and three.
324
00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:27,401
You know, uh, how about Cloudy
with a Chance of Meatballs 2?
325
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:30,704
Like, I read the original source
material and it was... It was very good.
326
00:13:30,776 --> 00:13:32,300
That movie's for babies.
327
00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:33,811
(ROARING)
(ALL SCREAM)
328
00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:36,605
Right.
329
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,445
Pair of sevens for Handy Andy.
330
00:13:39,518 --> 00:13:41,179
Richie Rich is dead and buried.
331
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:43,050
Bit of a mystery
for T.J. The DJ.
332
00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:45,147
And, oh, complete
bollocks for Wet Willie.
333
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,422
I bet one fiver.
334
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:52,328
That is so sweet, because you got absolutely
nothing, but you still want to play.
335
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,025
I say we make Fiona
permanent dealer.
336
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:55,123
FIONA: Me, too.
Second.
337
00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:57,931
I'm all for it. All right, I check.
Your bet, T.J.
338
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,868
I will check to milady.
339
00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:01,231
FIONA: I'm going to raise.
340
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:03,040
What's your bet, Wet Willie?
341
00:14:03,108 --> 00:14:04,666
My name is Will or William.
342
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:08,006
So sorry. William.
343
00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:09,187
Sir William.
(PHONE CHIMES)
344
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:12,411
Hey, hey, hey. No mobile phones
at the poker table. Come on.
345
00:14:12,484 --> 00:14:16,318
Willie? Wonky? Willie? Come
on, Willie-Wills, your bet.
346
00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:18,320
Come on, Wet-Willie Willie.
347
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:19,819
All in.
348
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:21,959
Ooh.
Oh!
349
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:24,495
I fold to milady.
350
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:30,024
It's your bet, Fiona.
351
00:14:30,102 --> 00:14:32,662
You're really going to push me all in?
Because if I lose, I'm out.
352
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:33,831
Yeah, you can go home.
353
00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,906
Yeah, but, whoa, whoa!
She doesn't have to go home.
354
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:37,568
She's the most fun part
of the whole night. Yeah.
355
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:38,667
FIONA: Do you want
another drink?
356
00:14:38,744 --> 00:14:40,644
Because I don't know what happened to you.
You got all morose.
357
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,408
I'm not morose.
I just want to play poker.
358
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:44,813
But we're having a good time. I
think I've integrated pretty well.
359
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,579
Your friends seem to like me.
I like her very much.
360
00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:48,984
I love her. She's great. Exactly.
No, that's good.
361
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,521
My friends. Okay?
362
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:53,319
It's not my fault that your
only friend is your son.
363
00:14:56,795 --> 00:14:59,127
No, I mean, no, because I'm...
364
00:14:59,365 --> 00:15:01,833
You don't have to push
me out, I'll go. No. No!
365
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,994
It's all right. Gentlemen, it's
been an absolute pleasure.
366
00:15:07,773 --> 00:15:09,172
I know you're bluffing.
367
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,873
That was rough,
man. Fiona!
368
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,643
I actually think
I'm going to hit it, too.
369
00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:22,551
After I get a little
Cat Cow action.
370
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:28,119
(DOOR SHUTS)
371
00:15:29,395 --> 00:15:30,555
So creamy.
372
00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:34,995
How did you get
so good at poker?
373
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:38,228
I was absolutely miserable
my first year at university,
374
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:40,237
and then I stumbled
into a poker game
375
00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:42,831
and then they were the only nice people,
the people who were playing poker,
376
00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:44,398
and then they became my friends.
377
00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:46,910
And they taught me everything.
378
00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:50,039
They taught me how to bet
and how to bluff.
379
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,443
How to love? No, they
didn't teach me that.
380
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:58,053
They taught me how to play when
you're absolutely trolleyed.
381
00:15:58,357 --> 00:15:59,381
(IMITATING) Trolleyed.
382
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:00,823
I don't ever do this anymore.
383
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:03,862
The only time that I get
my cards out these days
384
00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:07,922
is on a Friday night when I
play Go Fish with my son.
385
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:09,361
Do you have any jacks?
386
00:16:10,402 --> 00:16:11,426
Go fish.
387
00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:14,532
Aye!
All right, your turn.
388
00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:17,266
I fold.
Can I please go home?
389
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:19,868
Do you think I was
too harsh on Fiona?
390
00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:21,810
I don't think
you were harsh enough.
391
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:22,880
Really?
392
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:25,940
Of course, you were too harsh.
She was just being fun.
393
00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:28,248
And then you couldn't handle it.
It was really weird.
394
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,311
All right, poker night's over.
395
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,051
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
396
00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:33,852
It's my mobile.
Hold on.
397
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,190
"Ooh, it's my mobile."
"It's my mobile."
398
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:38,627
RICHARD: "Why is
my mobile ringing?"
399
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:41,461
Biscuits. I'm going to
talk about biscuits.
400
00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:43,192
Hey.
401
00:16:44,236 --> 00:16:45,703
Oh!
(SHUSHING)
402
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,371
It's my son.
Sound sober.
403
00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:49,634
Okay.
404
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,309
Hello, darling.
405
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:55,307
MARCUS: (SOFTLY) Mom, I cannot sit
through another scary movie tonight.
406
00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:56,973
I am not built for sleepovers.
407
00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:59,777
Get me out of here now.
408
00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:01,382
(BOYS SCREAM)
409
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:03,012
Please, hurry.
410
00:17:05,157 --> 00:17:06,715
Yeah, I'll be right there.
411
00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:08,783
Right. I'm going
to need one of you
412
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,830
to drive me
to get my Marcus son.
413
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:14,589
Oh, bollocks.
414
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:17,395
Biscuits and gravy!
415
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:19,971
(KNOCKS AT DOOR)
416
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:23,974
What?
I'm not happy with you.
417
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:27,945
Ditto.
But I need your help now.
418
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,338
Ha!
419
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:47,094
We're here.
Uh, go get your kid.
420
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:58,901
Oh! Ah!
421
00:17:58,977 --> 00:18:00,706
You okay?
Yeah. Fine.
422
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,380
Just got to wait
for the universe
423
00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:06,006
to stop spinning at such
an ungodly speed. Mmm-hmm.
424
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,177
Slow down!
425
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,344
(BOTH LAUGH)
426
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:12,580
Do you know, I'm sorry I ruined your
poker night with your mates tonight?
427
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:15,722
But it was a fun
night, wasn't it?
428
00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:17,125
The most fun I've had in ages.
429
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,591
It was great
430
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:23,196
to feel like I belonged.
431
00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:29,402
Oh, dear. I don't think he
should abandon the sleepover.
432
00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:30,942
I don't think
that's a good idea.
433
00:18:31,009 --> 00:18:32,442
I think I've got to talk to him.
434
00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:33,671
(EXHALES) How's my breath?
435
00:18:33,745 --> 00:18:35,508
Honestly, there's not
enough mints in the world...
436
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:37,173
Get...
Just don't talk.
437
00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:41,719
It's just a bloody,
mutant war zone in there.
438
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,414
I mean, they are watching things
439
00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:46,754
that have no business
being called entertainment.
440
00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:48,617
(SIGHS)
441
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:51,124
Why isn't Mom talking?
442
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:52,288
WILL: Uh, she...
443
00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:56,929
She lost her voice being an
awesome dealer in poker, yeah.
444
00:18:57,002 --> 00:19:01,234
Well, I know that I may never get
invited to another sleepover again,
445
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:04,434
but there's just no way
I'm going back in there.
446
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,203
Can we just go home?
447
00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:12,317
Uh, Marcus, you know,
448
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:15,515
we're going to definitely take you
home, if you really want to go home.
449
00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:18,681
But, uh, you know, I think if you try to...
Try to stick it out,
450
00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:22,420
I think you'll be amazed at how
cool it feels to belong, you know?
451
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:25,657
But that movie is just
so emotionally scarring.
452
00:19:25,964 --> 00:19:27,431
Yeah. Um...
453
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:33,227
You know, when I was a kid,
454
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,031
I was so scared of the dentist.
455
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:38,800
But then one day I realized,
what's the scariest part?
456
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,342
It's the sound.
457
00:19:40,412 --> 00:19:44,143
You know? And if you get rid of the
sound of the drill, it's not that bad.
458
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,146
Take this.
459
00:19:47,219 --> 00:19:51,053
Listen to track 17 and don't judge
me for having it on my iPod.
460
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,249
Okay, Will. Okay.
461
00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:53,621
Mom, I think you're falling.
Whoa, whoa!
462
00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:54,952
Yep. I just
waxed the car.
463
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,324
All right?
Okay. Bye.
464
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,257
Oh, bloody good job.
465
00:20:03,835 --> 00:20:04,835
(THUDS)
466
00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:07,365
(BOYS SCREAMING)
467
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:10,305
JACKSON: Oh, my God.
468
00:20:11,009 --> 00:20:12,271
Why aren't we leaving?
469
00:20:12,344 --> 00:20:14,505
Let's just give it a few minutes.
Make sure he's good.
470
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:15,580
Mmm.
471
00:20:16,815 --> 00:20:20,080
Listen, you didn't ruin
poker night, okay.
472
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:22,746
I ruined it.
I was just in a bad mood.
473
00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:25,483
You've got lovely friends,
though, haven't you?
474
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:27,457
I do.
You're very lucky.
475
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:29,518
Thank you.
476
00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:31,722
You'll have to hang out
with us again sometime.
477
00:20:32,264 --> 00:20:33,390
You know, in moderation.
478
00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:37,365
(GAGS) Hey...
479
00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:41,337
Look, it's been a couple of minutes.
I think he's going to be fine.
480
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:42,600
(EXHALES)
481
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:44,568
Good for him.
482
00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:47,978
And now I'm going to chunder.
That's British for...
483
00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:49,046
Yep. No, I got it.
484
00:20:49,114 --> 00:20:51,207
Out of the car. Go. Not in the car.
Not in the car.
485
00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:52,614
I'll just go out.
486
00:20:52,684 --> 00:20:53,742
Ah!
487
00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:55,344
(SNARLING ON TV)
488
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:56,614
(SCREAMING ON TV)
489
00:20:56,688 --> 00:20:57,814
(SQUELCHING)
490
00:20:58,156 --> 00:20:59,180
(SCREAMING ON TV)
491
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:02,498
(POP SONG PLAYING
ON HEADPHONES)
Ripped By mstoll