1 00:00:00,533 --> 00:00:04,036 ♪ 2 00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:07,072 Maya: this is the story of 10 strangers, 3 00:00:07,074 --> 00:00:08,774 one night, and all the stupid, 4 00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:12,144 embarrassing, ridiculous things we do... 5 00:00:13,113 --> 00:00:21,253 ...To find love. 6 00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:22,521 [ gasps ] Ooh! 7 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,790 My god. You are such an idiot. 8 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,425 Ugh! 9 00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,060 Hold up. Hold up. 10 00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,595 Is this destiny? 11 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:32,031 Nope. 12 00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:33,532 No? It seems that way. 13 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:34,800 This cute little fall, 14 00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:38,037 This clear sexual chemistry We're having. 15 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,372 Can i have My birth control? 16 00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,241 I hope you're using this. Mm. 17 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:44,243 We met at the bar before, Remember? 18 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:46,311 Yeah, you hit on my friend Jessica. 19 00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:47,813 You said i had ratty hair. 20 00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:50,115 What? That must've been someone That looks just like me. 21 00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,484 And i'm sure jessica Has talked all -- 22 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,253 No, it's Never gonna happen. 23 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:57,056 Whoa! See ya. 24 00:00:57,058 --> 00:01:00,225 Brucie like. 25 00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:05,064 Pardon me. 26 00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:08,667 Hey, can we get Some waters? 27 00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,269 How are we back In her section? 28 00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:12,704 I don't know. I really shouldn't Have stood her up. 29 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:15,407 I'm so thirsty. Do you Think it's safe to drink The water in the bathroom? 30 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,443 No. 31 00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:19,545 Hey. Here you go, boys. 32 00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,146 Hey, this isn't A mudslide. 33 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,082 What's with The whipped cream? 34 00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:24,817 Oh, you must be thinking Of a white russian. They're very similar. 35 00:01:24,819 --> 00:01:26,685 [ scoffs ] No, i'm thinking Of a mudslide, 36 00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,487 The drink From "the big lebowski." 37 00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:30,289 Yeah, that's A white russian. 38 00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:31,790 You saying I don't know "lebowski"? 39 00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:34,827 I mean, the guy watches it Every morning. Every morning. 40 00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:39,431 And maybe have a hot waitress Bring it back next time? 41 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,532 [ both laugh ] I like. 42 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,768 Is there a problem here, Boys? 43 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,204 Who's this? Oh, it's A young marlon wayans. 44 00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:46,438 Ha. You want to go, Young marlon wayans? 45 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,841 Oh, no, i don't want To go at all. 46 00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:51,310 I just think you should Show your waitress a Little more respect. 47 00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,312 Oh, you do? Well, i will just get you 48 00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:55,347 The right drinks And bring them back. 49 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:56,849 I'm really sorry. 50 00:01:56,851 --> 00:01:58,350 It's her fault. Yeah. 51 00:01:58,352 --> 00:01:59,251 She'll take care Of it. 52 00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,786 Hey, hey. Excuse me. 53 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,121 Don't listen To those guys. 54 00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:03,689 You're the most beautiful girl In here. 55 00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:06,592 You okay? 56 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:08,827 Yeah. Thanks. 57 00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:12,264 We loved you In "white chicks." 58 00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:14,266 [ laughs ] 59 00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:16,368 Your kids are beautiful. Thank you. 60 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,369 They're my joy. 61 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:18,604 He was sick that day. 62 00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:20,405 Look at his little nose. Aww! 63 00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,374 Oh, my god! That's a man's penis! Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that. 64 00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:23,442 Oh, where's maya? 65 00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,577 Maya! Maya, look at this thing! 66 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,713 Whoa! That is... 67 00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:28,881 Wow! Uh, who are you? Sorry. 68 00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:30,849 Oh, sorry. That's my friend maya. 69 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,417 Great to meet you. Nice wiener. 70 00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:36,588 I mean, usually they gross me Out, but this one is -- 71 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,757 No, it's perfect. Yeah. 72 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:41,927 And yet -- ah -- It's still down-to-earth. 73 00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:45,197 Mm. I mean, if you could Just put a bow tie on it, 74 00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:46,765 You could, like, Take it to a gala. You could. 75 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:50,669 Right? Unfortunately, the guy attached To it is not so perfect. 76 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:51,803 What? 77 00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,906 No! Come on! Don't tell me that. 78 00:02:53,908 --> 00:02:57,676 He showed up drunk at the bar And barfed in my purse. 79 00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,312 Oh. He's still here, Actually. 80 00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,548 Sorry. This is still in the bar? 81 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:05,551 Yeah, tell us now, tell us now, Tell us now. 82 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:08,587 [ laughs ] No, no. A lady never tells. 83 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,889 Okay, can you tell us Who it isn't? 84 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,958 I got to know. We're taking your phone. 85 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:17,529 We're gonna solve this case. She's so smart. 86 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,932 I'm -- i'm sorry. Nice job, maya! 87 00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:22,334 That was awesome. Honestly, it was amazing. 88 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,603 It was -- What? What'd i miss? 89 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,371 Oh, just cal Being the hero. 90 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,807 Those bald guys over there Were being rude to kacey, 91 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:31,910 So cal marched over there And spoke to them. 92 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,981 And nothing really changed, But it was really exciting. 93 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,783 It's not a big deal. It's over now. 94 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,785 No, it's not over, cal. Those are short, bald guys. 95 00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:42,955 Short, bald guys Always want to fight. 96 00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:44,790 What are you talking about? 97 00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,658 Cal, the two most important Things a man must have in life 98 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,260 Are height and hair -- Look at tom and i. 99 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:52,531 And those goons have neither. They are furious about it. 100 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:53,765 Just look at history -- 101 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,400 Hitler, mao tse-tung, Napoléon. 102 00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:56,935 Short, bald men ruined The world. 103 00:03:56,937 --> 00:04:00,539 Hitler had hair. Hitler wore a piece, tom. 104 00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:02,841 All i know is you guys better be Ready for some action. 105 00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:05,677 I don't even like Emotional conflict. Tom. 106 00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,012 Don't look at me -- The only thing these two fists 107 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,781 Are good for is punching myself In the wiener. 108 00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,251 But don't worry about it. Tommy, cal can fight. 109 00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:13,952 Why -- why, Because i'm black? 110 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:16,955 Yeah. Yeah. 111 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,957 No, my racist, Racist friends, 112 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,760 I've never been in a fight In my entire life. 113 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,996 Wait a minute. Your foster Father never taught you How to fistfight? 114 00:04:23,998 --> 00:04:25,564 Dude, he's my real dad. 115 00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:30,836 Not even rap-off Or a beat-box-off? 116 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,604 [ sighs ] All right, whatever. I'm out of here. 117 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,273 Are you leaving? Yeah. 118 00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:38,610 This isn't even my fight, Cal, okay? I wasn't Even at the table. 119 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,847 My only advice is... Use tom as a human shield. 120 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:44,783 Don't do that. 121 00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:49,554 Stop. 122 00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:54,359 [ cheering ] 123 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:01,800 [ sighs ] 124 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:02,801 [ zipper opens ] 125 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,303 What the hell, man? 126 00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:05,504 Urinal code. 127 00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:07,506 I'm so sorry. I'm british. 128 00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:11,376 Well, you're in america Now, bro, and we leave A buffer urinal here. 129 00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:12,678 Go down one. 130 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,979 Do you actually think I might be a willy watcher? 131 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,782 Yeah, bro, you're british. You guys are all gay. 132 00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:19,051 Don't be ridiculous. That's the french. 133 00:05:19,053 --> 00:05:21,920 Plus, nobody willy-watches Anymore, all right? 134 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,088 That trend ended When they invented 135 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,423 These handy little Dividing walls. 136 00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:26,625 Move down one, dude! 137 00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:29,461 I've already cast my line. I can't just stop mid-flow. 138 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:32,097 I swear to god, I will fight you! Okay, okay! Fine. 139 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,900 [ grunts ] 140 00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:35,901 [ sighs ] 141 00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:38,970 Ah, the afterburn. 142 00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:43,942 But i can hardly see your willy From over here. 143 00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:46,645 Here you go, babe. 144 00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:49,381 Thanks, dom. [ sniffs ] mmm! 145 00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:51,416 [ both grunt ] 146 00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:52,984 Come on! 147 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,553 Ugh! 148 00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:57,989 Wait a minute. Destiny again? 149 00:05:57,991 --> 00:05:58,957 Nope. 150 00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,425 Ooh. Ugh. 151 00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,060 Can i get another pizza? 152 00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:03,695 Sorry, babe. Kitchen's closed. 153 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,831 Are you serious? I'm always serious. 154 00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,933 Me and jessica Really wanted pizza. 155 00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:10,535 Oh, this was for jessica? 156 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,838 I actually like her. 157 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,973 I'm really sorry About your pizza! 158 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,608 Yeah, still not gonna sleep With you! 159 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,544 Yeah, i'm excited About that, too. Yeah. 160 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:20,912 Hey, you should just go To paglioni's -- 161 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:23,782 It's the best pizza In the world. Oh, really? 162 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,717 Have you ever been to gennaro's In florence? 163 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,519 Yes, i have. Mm. 164 00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:28,954 And paglioni's is better. 165 00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,555 You're such a liar. 166 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,057 Yeah? And you're pretentious. 167 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,893 Are you really eating My floor pizza? 168 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,995 Yeah. It landed cheese side up, okay? 169 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,130 Free game. [ sighs ] 170 00:06:38,132 --> 00:06:39,898 You're disgusting. 171 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,166 You know what? What? 172 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:43,568 Why don't you come with me To paglioni's? 173 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,637 We'll get a slice, And whoever's wrong 174 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,038 Will walk home In the nude. 175 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,541 So i lose both ways? 176 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,743 Hmm? Why would i ever do that? 177 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,045 No. No. Because you clearly want me. 178 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,847 That's why. [ laughs ] that's -- 179 00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,516 You think i want you? 180 00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:00,986 unbelievably, she kind of does. 181 00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:02,821 fab's parents fought constantly. 182 00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:05,090 they fought in private and in public. 183 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,860 [ bell rings ] but for some reason, they stayed together. 184 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:12,864 they were always hot for each other. 185 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,600 so fab assumed that this was how relationships worked. 186 00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,636 fighting and love were one and the same. 187 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,971 needless to say, this led to a lot 188 00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:22,641 of weird encounters in her life. 189 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,609 Get out of that car! What the hell?! 190 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,611 Why did you stop in the middle Of the street?! Jackass! 191 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,613 Jackass?! Who are you Calling a jackass?! 192 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,849 I was fixing my makeup! Are you kidding me?! 193 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,217 I'm gonna sue you! I'm gonna sue your stupid ass! 194 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,819 Oh? Oh, you're gonna sue me? That's right! 195 00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:36,822 Let's talk about it Over dinner! 196 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:37,689 Yeah! Yeah! 197 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:40,659 I know a great italian place Right over there! 198 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:41,793 So give me your number! 199 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:42,828 What, for the insurance Or for... 200 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,129 fab always confused fighting 201 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,231 with sexual attraction, 202 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:49,901 which is why, unbelievably, she was attracted to bruce. 203 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,903 You look Like a bag of oranges 204 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:53,705 That's been left out Too long. 205 00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:56,775 Thank god for those bangs Because they cover up your face! 206 00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:58,977 Fine! Let's go get a slice! 207 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,145 Oh, seriously? 208 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,813 Yes! 209 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,949 Ooh! 210 00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:07,018 [ laughter ] 211 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,020 Just ignore them. 212 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,522 Tom: what? 213 00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:14,025 A lemon. Come on, guys, enough! 214 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,696 Oh, He's coming over here. 215 00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:21,566 You got something to say, Young marlon wayans? 216 00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:24,102 Hey, hey, uh, fighting Tall people with hair -- 217 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,538 It's not gonna make you Any taller or hairier. 218 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,039 Look, don't listen to him. He's new here. He -- 219 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,941 What did you just say To me? I must've mumbled. 220 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,543 I-i just said fighting Tall people with hair -- 221 00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:33,011 It's not gonna make you Any taller or hairier. 222 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,179 Get up. No, i'm good. Just... 223 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,214 Don't get up. Don't get up. Don't get up. 224 00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,816 O-okay. I just... 225 00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,551 Oh, my! 226 00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:41,887 [ crowd gasps ] 227 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:48,059 Oh, my god. Did i just murder someone? 228 00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:01,206 I'm probably gonna smash Your friend jessica later, 229 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,575 So you're basically Just auditioning For my backup spot. 230 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,544 Yeah, That's not gonna happen. 231 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,846 But can you imagine Having sex with you? 232 00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:10,015 Uh, yeah. I have sex with me Every single night. 233 00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,049 I wear a satin glove. 234 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,318 I bet it looks Like a baby carrot. 235 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,588 Mm. Kind of. Listen, tell me about jess. 236 00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:17,822 [ sighs ] How am i gonna smash that? 237 00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:19,991 That guy has A better chance than you. 238 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:20,725 [ sighs ] 239 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,093 Good night. 240 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,796 I don't know. Well, you're not cute or nice. 241 00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:25,864 Are you rich? 242 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,933 No, but i do drive A datsun. 243 00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,067 Oh. Mm-hmm. 244 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,069 Well, do you have An interesting job? 245 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,104 I'm kind of in between jobs Right now. 246 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,606 [ chuckling ] What does that mean? 247 00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:36,007 It means the market Is saturated. 248 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,242 I'm still fishing Out there. 249 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:40,879 You look like this and you have Nothing else to offer? 250 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,681 What is the point of you? 251 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,249 Um, i know. I'm disgusting. 252 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:47,352 You get a little bit older And more desperate, 253 00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,254 And one day, You'll be begging 254 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,723 To hook up with something As gross as this. 255 00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:54,125 Breathe it in, lady. This is your future. 256 00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,226 Nope! Mm-hmm. 257 00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:57,228 I would rather be dead. Here we are. 258 00:09:57,230 --> 00:10:00,198 If you'd like to have sex with Me, walk through this door. 259 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,933 I was already through the door. That's unfair. 260 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:02,934 [ laughs ] okay. 261 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,603 Cheers! 262 00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:05,770 ♪ bring it up 263 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:06,972 This shouldn't be hard. 264 00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,873 Men usually look Like their penises. 265 00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:10,675 Wait. Really? Yeah. 266 00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:11,810 Look at that guy. 267 00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:15,280 [ gasps ] I can totally see it! 268 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,381 [ laughs ] mm-hmm. 269 00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:19,351 Oh, my god. Let's do more. A nightmare. 270 00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:20,685 Okay. 271 00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:24,623 Hmm. Tom thumb, not jewish. 272 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,625 [ chuckling ] no. Hooks to the left. 273 00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,627 Mm. Never again. 274 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,028 Ooh. 275 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,630 Yeah. 276 00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:33,932 [ gasps ] What about your new boyfriend? 277 00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,800 Look how regal he is. 278 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,702 Um... 279 00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:40,939 Yeah, he could be... Maybe awesome. 280 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,941 I know. I was totally getting that. 281 00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:45,977 Anyways, all right, do you see Anyone who looks like this? 282 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:50,649 Okay, we know he's blond. Mm-hmm. 283 00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:53,818 Uh...Huh. 284 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,887 Ron? Mm-hmm. 285 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:58,690 No! No, no, no way. Mm-hmm. 286 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:02,327 Well, no, they do both have A certain star quality. 287 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:05,363 I can't believe I let that go. 288 00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:07,699 Oh, boy. 289 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,300 God, i really hope that Little bald man is okay. 290 00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,136 I didn't mean to knock him Unconscious, you know? 291 00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:12,737 It's all right. It's all right, man. 292 00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:14,039 Go. Go right ahead, buddy. 293 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,373 Well, thank you, sir. 294 00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:17,776 Yeah, good fight. Real good fight. 295 00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:22,013 Hey, good work, huh? On the house. 296 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,348 Oh, wow. 297 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,750 How -- how thoughtful. [ chuckles ] 298 00:11:26,385 --> 00:11:27,986 The room has shifted, tom. 299 00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,021 Everyone thinks You're batman. 300 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,757 Really? I've always wanted to be batman. 301 00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:33,825 Do you think maya saw me? 302 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,761 Hey, we saw your fight. So hot. 303 00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:38,430 Yeah, do you fight people A lot? 304 00:11:38,432 --> 00:11:40,432 Oh, no. That was, like, My first fight ever. 305 00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:42,867 Come on, man, use it. Use it. 306 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,370 [ clears throat ] Just kidding. Just kidding. 307 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,706 Yeah, i get into fights All the time. 308 00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:50,475 Sometimes i have a reason. Sometimes i don't. 309 00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:52,977 Sometimes i'll just walk up To strangers at the post office, 310 00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,079 And i, like, beat their ass. 311 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,381 You've heard of going postal? 312 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,083 I arrive postal. 313 00:11:58,085 --> 00:11:59,384 That's hard-core. 314 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,652 Yeah. Yeah. 315 00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:02,220 Who's your friend? 316 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:05,457 Oh, this is My limo driver, cal. 317 00:12:05,459 --> 00:12:08,393 Hey, watch it, guy! 318 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:11,463 He just made my list. I'm gonna fight him next. 319 00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:12,363 You guys thirsty? 320 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:13,465 Yeah. Mm-hmm. 321 00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:15,100 Can we get some shots, 322 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:17,235 Maybe some steaks, Bloody? 323 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,369 Bruce: There we go. All right. 324 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,905 Thank you. Oh, man. 325 00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:23,742 If i could have sex With any food, it would Definitely be pizza. 326 00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:25,477 And then my baby would be like A half-me, half-pizza. 327 00:12:25,479 --> 00:12:27,779 [ chuckling ] and then i'd Definitely eat that, too. 328 00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,748 Mmm. 329 00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:30,949 Mmm. 330 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:31,449 Huh? 331 00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:32,951 What's that? 332 00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,519 What's what? What did i just see? 333 00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:35,520 Mm-hmm. 334 00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:37,455 Ding, ding, ding! Bruce wins! 335 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:38,490 What? Hmm? Hmm? 336 00:12:38,492 --> 00:12:39,457 It's fine. 337 00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:43,428 It's nowhere near as good As real italian pizza. 338 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,130 Sorry. It's not. 339 00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:46,431 You clearly love my pizza. 340 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,399 It's average, at best. 341 00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:50,468 Yeah? Why are you almost done With your slice? 342 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,504 I'm gonna puke, It's so bad. 343 00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:53,972 Don't talk bad About my pizza. 344 00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:56,341 It's so disgusting. 345 00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:59,077 You say whatever you want About me or my family, 346 00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:01,346 But don't you dare Denigrate my pizza! 347 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,515 why was bruce putting up with this? 348 00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:05,784 because he would put up with anything 349 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,986 if he thought it would get him laid. 350 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:11,422 for a long time, bruce's most embarrassing hookup 351 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,991 was the sexy librarian, 352 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,560 mostly because she wasn't sexy. 353 00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:18,263 she was just a regular librarian. 354 00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:20,965 Yeah. Oh, you smell Like old books. 355 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,834 after the librarian, 356 00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:25,236 the horse-fetish girl was his next new low. 357 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,438 while he liked role playing, 358 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,909 he got tired of constantly eating carrots. 359 00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,981 bruce had low standards, 360 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,350 or, should i say, no standards. 361 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:43,354 as bruce lay there 362 00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,990 with the toothless girl he just met on the subway, 363 00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,292 he realized he was tired 364 00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:49,494 of having sex with girls he didn't like. 365 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,496 and secretly, he longed for the day 366 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,465 with someone he actually cared about. 367 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,334 Aah! 368 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,603 Admit you love My pizza, lady! 369 00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:01,472 Never! Oh, really? Really? 370 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,208 Then why are you taking My -- you don't deserve That. Unh-unh! 371 00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,476 You don't deserve your face! That doesn't make sense! 372 00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,378 Why were you even born?! 373 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,547 To show you what good pizza Tastes like! 374 00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,052 You're gross! 375 00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:16,054 Oh, you're disgusting! Oh! You're gross! 376 00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:24,262 I mean, i don't fight Every day, you know. 377 00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:25,463 Sometimes i work On my motorcycle. 378 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:27,031 I love motorcycles. 379 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,868 They're so much more dangerous Than cars. 380 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,002 Yeah. [ chuckles ] 381 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:34,339 Is your fighting hand okay? 382 00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:37,175 Yeah, it was nothing. Literally nothing. 383 00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:39,344 He can't stress enough How nothing it was. 384 00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:42,347 Your limo driver is rude. 385 00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,449 Hey, professor! 386 00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,451 Did you knock out my man? 387 00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:48,086 Excuse me? 388 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:49,420 [ crowd gasps ] 389 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:52,457 If you want to fight, Fight me. 390 00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:54,259 Go ahead, tom. 391 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:56,561 Look, i don't fight girls, All right? 392 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:57,896 [ groans ] 393 00:14:57,898 --> 00:14:59,464 [ crowd gasps ] 394 00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,566 Just -- oh! Cal, protect me! 395 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,201 Uh, raise your arms! Oh, just go limp! 396 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,003 Just go limp! Just go limp! 397 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:07,038 Will somebody Please help my friend? 398 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,406 Somebody please step in! 399 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,409 Where are the bouncers?! Where are the bouncers?! 400 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,978 [ indistinct shouting ] 401 00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:16,381 You tall, hairy guys Are all cowards! 402 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,683 You just hide behind your height And your hair! 403 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,451 What?! I'm -- nothing. 404 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:24,989 Dude, you just got beat up By a girl. 405 00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,457 I'm gonna snap a few photos. Is that okay? Tom: yeah. 406 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,393 Bruce is gonna want To see this. 407 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,495 All right. [ camera shutter clicking ] 408 00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:34,365 Yeah, i don't want To talk about it. 409 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,367 Okay. [ gasps ] 410 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,136 Maya, ron is going To the men's room. 411 00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:40,138 Maybe we can find out If it's actually his. 412 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,273 Uh, uh, hey, hey, dude. Hey. 413 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,375 Can you follow that guy To the restroom 414 00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:45,376 And check out His johnson? 415 00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,011 [ laughs ] yeah. 416 00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:48,179 Yeah, yeah, I-i'm not gonna do that. 417 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:53,284 Look, i just met this guy, And i really, really liked him, 418 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,520 But then he turned out To be kind of sketchy. 419 00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:59,958 But then i found out That he might have this. 420 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,559 [ speaks spanish ] 421 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:03,628 Yes, exactly. 422 00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:08,466 Maybe i could learn to look Past his other flaws, You know what i mean? 423 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,369 Look, the point is, I am not asking you 424 00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:12,603 To go into the men's room 425 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,405 And look At a stranger's genitals. 426 00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:17,642 Well -- I'm asking you to look Inside my heart 427 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,477 And see how confused I am right now 428 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,447 And how much I need a hero. 429 00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:25,149 Will you do that, Bartender? 430 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,352 You're very pretty. 431 00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:29,120 I'll do it. 432 00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:30,655 Thank you. 433 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,423 [ both moaning ] 434 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:33,524 Get on the sink! 435 00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:34,659 Stop yelling! 436 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,594 Do you think Jessica's gonna mind? 437 00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:37,595 Who cares? 438 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,063 Isn't she Your best friend? 439 00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:40,465 Stop talking About jessica. 440 00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:42,233 I'm not. 441 00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,402 I don't even care About jessica. 442 00:16:47,272 --> 00:16:49,340 and in that moment, they both realized 443 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,376 how much bruce cared about jessica. 444 00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,378 So, uh, Should we just call it? 445 00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:56,214 Yeah. Hand me my raccoon. 446 00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,483 Yeah. 447 00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:00,118 and for the first time in his life, 448 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,753 bruce said no to sex with someone he didn't like 449 00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:03,354 because he wanted something more, 450 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,157 and that more was sitting right down the street. 451 00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:09,260 [ chuckles ] I'll tell you what, kiddo. 452 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,196 Let's never talk again. 453 00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,198 I'd really like that. 454 00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,435 Kacey: We're almost there. 455 00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:18,369 [ groans ] 456 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,404 Oh, i feel so terrible. 457 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:20,605 If you hadn't Stood up for me, 458 00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,273 None of this Would've happened. 459 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:26,711 [ grunts ] no, their girlfriends Were way worse. 460 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,146 Oh! Ow! 461 00:17:29,481 --> 00:17:31,516 Hey, i'm sorry People talk to you like that 462 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,384 And i can't do anything To stop them. 463 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:37,588 And i'm sorry That i was ignoring you guys. 464 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:40,224 And i'm sorry I stood you up. 465 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,493 Yeah, why'd you do that? That really sucked. 466 00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,228 I don't know. 467 00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:47,131 I've rushed into A lot of relationships Really fast before, 468 00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:49,100 And it felt Like i was doing it again. 469 00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:52,270 Well... I could go slow. 470 00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,305 Okay. 471 00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:56,240 Okay. 472 00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,242 Tom: seriously, you guys, i Think i'm bleeding internally. 473 00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,078 We might want to call An ambulance, 474 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,446 Maybe a medevac helicopter. 475 00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:02,480 What time do you get off? 476 00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,315 2:00 a.M. I'll be here. 477 00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,517 I'll see you later. I'll see you. 478 00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:10,555 Tom: cal. 479 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:13,391 Cal, will you hold my hand? I'm so cold. 480 00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:16,260 Yeah, we're outside, Buddy. 481 00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:27,472 I knew it. 482 00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:29,474 No buffer required, Right? 483 00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:30,608 What's that now? 484 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,643 Oh, it's just -- just... 485 00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:40,618 Would you like To take a picture? 486 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,120 No, thanks. 487 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,222 [ zipper closes ] I already have one. 488 00:18:46,758 --> 00:18:49,227 [ gasps ] okay. 489 00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,863 Well? Is it his? 490 00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:53,397 Yes, it is. 491 00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:54,632 [ sighs ] 492 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,667 It's even more beautiful In real life. 493 00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:59,437 Oh, my god. I'm so glad it's his! 494 00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,439 Nothing will ever be The same. 495 00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,374 [ chuckles ] Wait. Am i? 496 00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,243 Because on the one hand, 497 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:08,312 That means he has A beautiful package. Handcrafted by god. 498 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,314 But on the other hand, That means he's the kind of guy 499 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,683 Who sends pictures Of his package to women, Which is just so gross. 500 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:15,319 No, everybody does that. Congressmen do it. 501 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,522 But on the other other hand, I'm engaged to jim, 502 00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:20,191 So this whole conversation Is kind of ridiculous. 503 00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:21,325 Yeah, but that's -- 504 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,627 But on the fourth hand, 505 00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:25,463 I've crossed some Pretty serious lines tonight. 506 00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:30,334 I'm already on the train To whoretown, usa. 507 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:31,636 All i'm saying is Maybe this 508 00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:33,538 Is reason enough For you to leave your fiancé. 509 00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:34,705 No. 510 00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:35,806 Hmm? 511 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,208 Maybe. 512 00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:39,343 [ sighs ] 513 00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,445 It looks like it's winking At me. 514 00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:43,548 [ both laugh ] 515 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:44,482 [ gasps ] 516 00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:47,818 Oh, my god, There he is. 517 00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:50,288 ♪ there's no other that can Treat me like my lover ♪ 518 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,356 ♪ who'll make me feel So right ♪ 519 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:55,359 ♪ his love is so tender, It makes me surrender ♪ 520 00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:58,863 ♪ when he squeeze And hold me tight ♪ 521 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:01,899 I brought you something, My lady. 522 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:04,669 Thank you. I'm starving. 523 00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:06,237 Mm-hmm. 524 00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:08,406 Hmm? Oh. 525 00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:12,310 Oh, my god. That is amazing. 526 00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:15,479 I know, right? Thank you. Thank you. 527 00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:18,282 God, if i could have sex With any food in the world, 528 00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:19,483 It would be this pizza. 529 00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:22,320 Obviously! Yes! Mmm. 530 00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,622 It means so much To hear you say that to me. 531 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,725 Seriously, though, thank you For bringing me this. 532 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,527 It's surprisingly Thoughtful. 533 00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,495 You want to go bang In the men's room? 534 00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,331 [ laughs ] come on, man, Not while i'm eating. 535 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,999 Okay. I'll ask again later. 536 00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,401 Okay. 537 00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:40,504 [ laughs ] 538 00:20:45,644 --> 00:20:49,280 Maya: i can't believe ron sent You a picture of his wiener. 539 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:50,848 Oh, my god. You should've seen 540 00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:52,650 The picture i sent back To him, though -- ooh! Oh? 541 00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:53,985 It's hard to keep A sexy face, though, 542 00:20:53,987 --> 00:20:55,486 When you're bent Over the waterbed, like -- 543 00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:59,357 Whoa! You put your face In a nudie pic? Yeah. 544 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,325 Yeah, you're seconds away From being on the internet. 545 00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:02,860 No, Ron wouldn't do that. 546 00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,262 Yeah, Ron wouldn't do that. 547 00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:06,731 Ron is someone That you met on the internet, 548 00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:09,734 So how well do you actually know This guy, right? 549 00:21:11,737 --> 00:21:13,304 I got to get That picture back asap.