1
00:00:01,553 --> 00:00:05,666
Well, I'd have to check but I'm pretty
sure we can handle that. I do have...
2
00:00:05,679 --> 00:00:06,986
one question.
3
00:00:09,465 --> 00:00:11,892
- Hold up.
- Oh my God!
4
00:00:12,441 --> 00:00:13,854
Andy!
5
00:00:13,877 --> 00:00:15,881
- Sorry. - Andy! Are
you getting sick?
6
00:00:15,904 --> 00:00:18,050
It's flu season again!
I cannot get sick.
7
00:00:18,070 --> 00:00:20,727
Stock up on kleenex. Don't touch your face.
Don't touch anything.
8
00:00:20,746 --> 00:00:22,540
People are dropping
like flies.
9
00:00:22,553 --> 00:00:24,580
We already had to
quarantine Larry.
10
00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:26,996
Leslie, I don't feel good.
Can't I just work from home?
11
00:00:27,022 --> 00:00:29,974
The tent is your home now, Larry.
We already forwarded your mail.
12
00:00:30,014 --> 00:00:30,967
[Sneezes]
13
00:00:30,993 --> 00:00:34,240
Oh, well, here's something that's
gonna make you feel really good.
14
00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:37,320
Guess who I just secured as the
headliner for the unity concert.
15
00:00:37,346 --> 00:00:38,273
Chipp McCapp.
16
00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:39,380
- No!
- Yes!
17
00:00:39,397 --> 00:00:40,977
Nice! Wait, no. I don't
want to touch your hand.
18
00:00:40,990 --> 00:00:42,643
Chipp McCapp is
the most amazing
19
00:00:42,649 --> 00:00:44,656
17-year-old country singer
in the entire world.
20
00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:46,709
- He's, like, Indiana's sweetheart.
- We are huge "Chipp Monks."
21
00:00:46,722 --> 00:00:49,542
That's what his fans call themselves.
I don't know why. "Chipmunks."
22
00:00:49,562 --> 00:00:52,418
- Because of the animal? No, that's too
simple. - Yeah, okay, his latest song,
23
00:00:52,431 --> 00:00:54,824
"Beautiful like my mom
(Support the troops)",
24
00:00:54,851 --> 00:00:57,101
has, like, 2 million
hits on YouTube.
25
00:00:57,108 --> 00:00:58,120
[Mellow country music]
26
00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:00,987
♪ Well, she don't care
about no fancy trends ♪
27
00:01:01,013 --> 00:01:04,194
♪ She's just a mom
from old south bend ♪
28
00:01:04,221 --> 00:01:05,786
Get home safe, boys.
29
00:01:05,806 --> 00:01:08,071
And thank you for
protecting our freedom.
30
00:01:08,086 --> 00:01:10,320
♪ ♪
31
00:01:10,355 --> 00:01:11,488
[Music fades]
32
00:01:11,523 --> 00:01:12,716
- Let's play it again.
- Play it again.
33
00:01:12,735 --> 00:01:15,735
[Triumphant music]
34
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:32,617
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
35
00:01:32,944 --> 00:01:35,691
Today at a local vineyard,
a bunch of sommeliers--
36
00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:37,420
aka, wine experts--
37
00:01:37,441 --> 00:01:39,298
are going to be competing
for their certification.
38
00:01:39,317 --> 00:01:42,886
I'm gonna hire the best one at my new
restaurant... [Clicks tongue] Tom's Bistro.
39
00:01:42,921 --> 00:01:46,722
People that convince other people to
buy expensive stuff they don't need--
40
00:01:46,747 --> 00:01:48,187
those are the real heroes.
41
00:01:48,686 --> 00:01:51,471
Donna, April, wine country
train is leaving the station.
42
00:01:51,491 --> 00:01:52,898
- You ready?
- I want to come.
43
00:01:52,936 --> 00:01:55,788
I love wine and everything about
it-- the soil, the vines.
44
00:01:55,801 --> 00:01:58,291
I studied Botany for three
years at Purdue University.
45
00:01:58,318 --> 00:01:59,671
Go, boilermakers!
46
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:02,722
There will be alcohol there,
so I will go as well.
47
00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:05,294
Well, maybe I'll tag along. I
don't have any more work to do.
48
00:02:05,313 --> 00:02:07,824
- Maybe it'll be relaxing.
- I didn't invite any of you.
49
00:02:07,846 --> 00:02:10,326
I started with two cool people; I
ended up with a bunch of grandpas.
50
00:02:10,355 --> 00:02:11,667
Listen, grandpas,
51
00:02:11,702 --> 00:02:15,485
when we get to the vineyard, there's
gonna be a lot of fancy people there.
52
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,980
Please, I beg you--
don't embarrass me.
53
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,821
- How would we embarrass you?
- You're already doing it.
54
00:02:20,843 --> 00:02:22,163
I begged you.
55
00:02:22,180 --> 00:02:24,564
I guess now that we got Chipp
McCapp as our headliner,
56
00:02:24,596 --> 00:02:26,369
I can get rid of my
awesome wish list.
57
00:02:26,395 --> 00:02:29,102
Yeah, those are long shots.
"Bob Dylan's friends"?
58
00:02:29,126 --> 00:02:31,275
Well, I just thought maybe they
could get Bob Dylan to come.
59
00:02:31,295 --> 00:02:33,515
Land Ho. God, I love them.
Everybody does.
60
00:02:33,541 --> 00:02:35,057
But there's no way they're
getting back together.
61
00:02:35,083 --> 00:02:36,741
Their lead singer split
ten years ago.
62
00:02:36,754 --> 00:02:40,360
He titled their last album
We'll Never Reunite.
63
00:02:40,386 --> 00:02:42,846
- Leslie... - No! Back
in your tent, sicky!
64
00:02:42,881 --> 00:02:43,786
[Bottle spritzing]
65
00:02:43,812 --> 00:02:47,864
I'm sorry, but Chipp McCapp's
manager called. He has to drop out.
66
00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:48,717
No!
67
00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,010
Okay, we need all
hands on deck.
68
00:02:50,023 --> 00:02:52,280
But there are no hands to be on deck,
because everybody's at the winery.
69
00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:54,087
Okay, Andy, you and I
need to handle this.
70
00:02:54,106 --> 00:02:57,510
We need to be operating
at maximum capa--
71
00:02:57,548 --> 00:02:59,102
[gags]
72
00:02:59,122 --> 00:03:00,662
[Sighs]
73
00:03:01,525 --> 00:03:03,678
Oh, no.
[Retches]
74
00:03:04,082 --> 00:03:06,804
- Damn it, Larry!
- Sorry.
75
00:03:08,933 --> 00:03:10,487
Xander, my man-der.
76
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:15,171
Tom Haverford, owner, operator, and
global ambassador for Tom's Bistro,
77
00:03:15,191 --> 00:03:17,118
opening this
spring in Pawnee.
78
00:03:17,148 --> 00:03:20,882
- It's a pleasure to meet you.
- Damn. Look at that tie dimple.
79
00:03:20,895 --> 00:03:21,742
Respect.
80
00:03:21,765 --> 00:03:24,498
My main target
for Tom's Bistro:
81
00:03:24,517 --> 00:03:25,838
Xander Truffant.
82
00:03:25,851 --> 00:03:27,832
He's the best young
somm in the game.
83
00:03:27,843 --> 00:03:29,256
I don't say this lightly--
84
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,797
he's basically the Bruno Mars of
Indiana amateur wine tasting.
85
00:03:32,810 --> 00:03:36,701
If you'll excuse me, I must prepare
for the tasting competition.
86
00:03:36,714 --> 00:03:38,961
I pour saline water
through my nose
87
00:03:38,980 --> 00:03:41,188
to clear the mucous
from my smell-centers.
88
00:03:41,226 --> 00:03:45,075
That is the most beautiful
thing I've ever heard.
89
00:03:45,110 --> 00:03:48,617
Aw, man. It costs $200
to get certified.
90
00:03:48,637 --> 00:03:51,591
I wanted to make fun of stupid
people while I get drunk,
91
00:03:51,615 --> 00:03:53,228
my two true passions.
92
00:03:53,241 --> 00:03:55,953
You want to futz with these fools?
I will bankroll you.
93
00:03:55,987 --> 00:03:57,921
- Really?
- Oh, hell yeah, pimp.
94
00:03:57,968 --> 00:04:00,128
- Sounds like fun.
- Thank you.
95
00:04:00,144 --> 00:04:02,437
April Ludgate,
professional drinker.
96
00:04:02,469 --> 00:04:05,555
Where did you study,
Ms. Ludgate?
97
00:04:05,570 --> 00:04:08,397
The Wine... Academy.
98
00:04:08,423 --> 00:04:10,043
The Wine Academy?
99
00:04:10,067 --> 00:04:11,766
- In Bordeaux?
- Yes.
100
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,193
Carol, make sure
she's in group "A."
101
00:04:14,219 --> 00:04:16,400
Oh, excuse me.
I want in too.
102
00:04:16,413 --> 00:04:19,721
I know I don't look the part, but I know
everything about wine, and I will prove it.
103
00:04:19,734 --> 00:04:23,588
My name is Craig Middlebrooks, and
this is my debit rewards card.
104
00:04:23,614 --> 00:04:26,841
Well, why wouldn't you
run this by me first, dad?
105
00:04:26,870 --> 00:04:28,877
Whatever.
[Sighs]
106
00:04:28,897 --> 00:04:31,601
Sorry. Just weird
family business.
107
00:04:31,623 --> 00:04:33,856
Sounds private. No need
to discuss it with me.
108
00:04:33,882 --> 00:04:36,663
My parents had this small little
vacation house on Lake Hubbard,
109
00:04:36,688 --> 00:04:39,295
and now they've sold it without
telling the rest of us.
110
00:04:39,308 --> 00:04:42,182
Did you not hear me say there was
no need to discuss it with me?
111
00:04:42,195 --> 00:04:45,755
My dad sent me this check out of the
blue-- my share of the profits.
112
00:04:45,774 --> 00:04:48,824
It's so disrespectful
to the family structure.
113
00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:50,251
Maybe a drink will help.
114
00:04:50,274 --> 00:04:53,822
Put some alcohol in your mouth to
block the words from coming out.
115
00:04:53,842 --> 00:04:56,360
Some of our blueberry wine? We make
it right here at the vineyard.
116
00:04:56,373 --> 00:04:59,467
I don't drink alcohol from that
portion of the color spectrum.
117
00:04:59,494 --> 00:05:01,214
Hey! Whew!
118
00:05:01,245 --> 00:05:03,279
Whoa. That's strong.
119
00:05:03,285 --> 00:05:05,952
Holy hell. That's
a lot of alcohol.
120
00:05:05,965 --> 00:05:09,186
We will take four bottles,
please and thank you.
121
00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:12,940
All we need to do is
go to Indianapolis,
122
00:05:12,977 --> 00:05:15,097
convince Chipp to
do the festival,
123
00:05:15,117 --> 00:05:18,055
and then, you know, head home.
124
00:05:18,083 --> 00:05:20,005
Are you sure you're feeling
up for this, boss?
125
00:05:20,024 --> 00:05:22,778
I'm fine. I've had the flu
before, and I worked through it.
126
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:26,338
Okay, well, if you do collapse,
luckily I know first aid. Or karate.
127
00:05:26,357 --> 00:05:29,311
- That's not first aid.
- It is if you do it right.
128
00:05:29,331 --> 00:05:30,801
Heimlich!
129
00:05:31,106 --> 00:05:32,599
Well, I guess while you
get your medicine,
130
00:05:32,617 --> 00:05:34,844
I'll just stroll through the
candy aisles but won't get any.
131
00:05:34,864 --> 00:05:37,264
- You can buy two candies.
- Two!
132
00:05:37,277 --> 00:05:39,355
- Can I help you?
- I have the flu.
133
00:05:39,368 --> 00:05:43,477
Super nauseated for a few days, a lot
of barfing. It's a total disaster.
134
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:46,104
Plus I have a ton of work to
do, so I need the good stuff,
135
00:05:46,124 --> 00:05:50,415
the "Mariah needs to
sing tonight" stuff.
136
00:05:50,446 --> 00:05:53,834
You don't look flushed,
no signs of fever.
137
00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:56,107
- That doesn't seem like the flu.
- It's the flu.
138
00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:59,275
I mean, I don't think
it could be anything...
139
00:06:05,211 --> 00:06:07,200
This counts as one.
140
00:06:08,507 --> 00:06:10,534
So mad at my parents.
141
00:06:10,561 --> 00:06:13,223
I mean, they both wanted the
house for Columbus Day weekend,
142
00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:15,769
and they fought so much that
they decided to just sell it
143
00:06:15,782 --> 00:06:18,823
- to spite each other--
- More wine, less talking.
144
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:20,805
You know, you are
a wonderful guy,
145
00:06:20,832 --> 00:06:22,739
and I admire many
things about you,
146
00:06:22,769 --> 00:06:26,599
but you're a terrible person to
discuss personal problems with.
147
00:06:26,632 --> 00:06:28,279
Thank you, friend.
148
00:06:28,307 --> 00:06:30,692
That really means
a lot to me.
149
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:34,104
Pumpkin, undertones
of lavender.
150
00:06:34,137 --> 00:06:36,776
Medium-plus body.
It's mostly pumpkin.
151
00:06:36,795 --> 00:06:39,909
There's so much pumpkin, it's like
a Charlie Brown Halloween special.
152
00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:43,303
I'm getting notes
of dried robin's blood,
153
00:06:43,329 --> 00:06:48,086
old dirty cashews, and just a
hint of a robot's bathwater.
154
00:06:48,114 --> 00:06:51,147
An old-world wine, Italian.
Ah.
155
00:06:51,173 --> 00:06:54,000
It's a Verdicchio Doc classico,
2010.
156
00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:56,984
It's new world, Northern
California, Napa Valley,
157
00:06:57,010 --> 00:06:58,811
someplace beautiful
and warm and amazing
158
00:06:58,845 --> 00:07:02,548
where everyone is in great shape and
the night sky is full of stars!
159
00:07:02,575 --> 00:07:06,011
This comes from...
your mother's butt.
160
00:07:06,052 --> 00:07:07,665
♪ Enlist in Vietnam ♪
161
00:07:07,691 --> 00:07:09,004
♪ Ain't no woman in the world ♪
162
00:07:09,024 --> 00:07:12,149
♪ As beautiful like my mom ♪
163
00:07:12,162 --> 00:07:13,564
♪ America ♪
164
00:07:13,593 --> 00:07:16,995
Man, you were in the
bathroom forever.
165
00:07:17,809 --> 00:07:19,862
The receptionist said that Chipp
will be out in just a second.
166
00:07:19,882 --> 00:07:23,395
Uh, I just need a minute. I'm
going to call Ben about nothing.
167
00:07:23,768 --> 00:07:26,281
My parents make me
so mad sometimes.
168
00:07:26,301 --> 00:07:29,949
Just like the time they couldn't
decide who gets the dog,
169
00:07:29,968 --> 00:07:32,380
so they just dropped it
off at a local synagogue.
170
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:35,334
I was like,
"Wh--wh--say what?"
171
00:07:35,361 --> 00:07:36,661
[Cell phone ringing]
172
00:07:36,862 --> 00:07:39,251
Hold on, Ron. Hold that
thought, just for a sec.
173
00:07:39,285 --> 00:07:40,385
[Cell phone ringing]
174
00:07:40,566 --> 00:07:41,639
Hey, honey.
175
00:07:41,659 --> 00:07:43,626
Hey. It's your me.
176
00:07:43,657 --> 00:07:44,870
It's wife.
177
00:07:44,877 --> 00:07:47,233
It's Leslie, uh, Knope.
178
00:07:47,260 --> 00:07:48,894
I have very big
news for you.
179
00:07:48,928 --> 00:07:51,230
Oh, my teeth are blue.
180
00:07:51,244 --> 00:07:52,857
- Blueberries are alcohol...
- What?
181
00:07:52,876 --> 00:07:53,877
Are you having a stroke?
182
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,617
And I was just saying to Ron
that my dog's Jewish.
183
00:07:56,669 --> 00:07:58,596
Oh.
Phone water.
184
00:07:58,618 --> 00:07:59,751
Ben?
185
00:07:59,766 --> 00:08:00,888
Hello?
186
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,509
Hello?
Hi.
187
00:08:03,543 --> 00:08:05,511
Leslie? It's dead.
188
00:08:05,545 --> 00:08:07,346
Hello?
189
00:08:07,380 --> 00:08:08,594
[Sighs]
190
00:08:08,807 --> 00:08:10,600
You know, Leslie sounded weird.
191
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:12,964
I don't want to wait for Tom.
I want to walk home.
192
00:08:12,985 --> 00:08:16,125
I'll join you. I'm always
game for a brisk walk.
193
00:08:16,155 --> 00:08:19,422
Also, if I leave you alone,
I'm pretty sure you'll die.
194
00:08:19,438 --> 00:08:21,124
Home is that way.
195
00:08:30,864 --> 00:08:32,364
Watch out for that fence.
196
00:08:32,677 --> 00:08:37,685
Ah, Mr. Haverford, allow me to
introduce Terrence Montreaux.
197
00:08:37,703 --> 00:08:39,089
He is a restaurateur
like yourself.
198
00:08:39,105 --> 00:08:43,455
- You own a restaurant too?
- No, monsieur. I own 12.
199
00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:46,885
I am here to find the best
sommeliers as soon as they are...
200
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,388
how you say, um,
"certified."
201
00:08:49,415 --> 00:08:52,191
- That was my idea.
- That is everyone's idea.
202
00:08:52,211 --> 00:08:56,525
That is why we have this,
how you say... "thing."
203
00:08:56,544 --> 00:08:59,331
Okay, don't act like you
don't know the word "thing."
204
00:08:59,365 --> 00:09:01,667
With a filet mignon,
I'd recommend a red--
205
00:09:01,701 --> 00:09:04,488
something bold and dry,
like David Sedaris.
206
00:09:04,504 --> 00:09:07,195
Perhaps you could recommend
a Riesling instead.
207
00:09:07,219 --> 00:09:09,187
Not if you're eating
steak, you loon!
208
00:09:09,208 --> 00:09:12,009
You know in the movies,
when the cops show up
209
00:09:12,025 --> 00:09:15,848
and find lipstick on a wine
glass next to a dead body?
210
00:09:15,882 --> 00:09:17,449
This is that wine.
211
00:09:17,937 --> 00:09:19,270
♪ I'll bring the girls ♪
212
00:09:19,299 --> 00:09:21,541
♪ You bring the beer ♪
213
00:09:21,567 --> 00:09:23,554
♪ And the troops will
bring the freedom ♪
214
00:09:24,269 --> 00:09:25,687
We're sorry to
interrupt, Chipp, hi.
215
00:09:25,712 --> 00:09:29,225
We just wanted to say we are such big fans.
It's an honor to meet you.
216
00:09:29,248 --> 00:09:30,608
Yeah, well, I'm very blessed.
217
00:09:30,629 --> 00:09:33,644
It's always nice to meet my
amazing fans that keep me going.
218
00:09:33,664 --> 00:09:35,057
You're the real superstars.
219
00:09:35,081 --> 00:09:36,504
[Laughs] Thank you.
220
00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:38,629
Would somebody get me
one of those lunch stacks?
221
00:09:38,649 --> 00:09:40,292
And stack 'em for
me this time.
222
00:09:40,319 --> 00:09:42,066
Cheese on top or
no one gets paid.
223
00:09:42,095 --> 00:09:43,608
You got it, Chipp.
224
00:09:43,627 --> 00:09:45,940
That's my dad. The
guy's such an idiot.
225
00:09:46,638 --> 00:09:51,084
We wanted to talk to you about
the unity concert, in Pawnee.
226
00:09:51,111 --> 00:09:54,054
- Can you do it?
- Yeah... uh, no.
227
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,232
Sorry. I got a previous
engagement. It's a bummer.
228
00:09:56,261 --> 00:09:57,881
Oh.
229
00:09:57,911 --> 00:10:00,626
- Here you go, Chipp. - Look at that.
The cheese is on top...
230
00:10:00,660 --> 00:10:04,027
of turkey, you dick.
I want ham.
231
00:10:04,049 --> 00:10:05,996
I'm sorry, son. They
were out of ham.
232
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,968
All right, well, maybe I should
just let mom be manager, then.
233
00:10:08,987 --> 00:10:10,454
Pick 'em up, skip.
234
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,918
Ew. This guy's the worst.
235
00:10:12,938 --> 00:10:15,145
I mean, it sucks that
they didn't have ham,
236
00:10:15,165 --> 00:10:17,032
but you can't treat
your dad like that.
237
00:10:17,065 --> 00:10:19,843
I know, he's a monster.
But we need him.
238
00:10:19,865 --> 00:10:23,092
Your job's not that hard, okay?
Just anticipate my needs.
239
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:24,569
Anticipatin', Chipp.
240
00:10:24,870 --> 00:10:29,685
Of the 25 entrants today,
only 1 has deemed himself
241
00:10:29,702 --> 00:10:32,203
worthy of a sommelier
certificate.
242
00:10:32,224 --> 00:10:33,911
Oh, my God.
Are you sure?
243
00:10:33,927 --> 00:10:36,013
No way. Oh, my God.
Thank you.
244
00:10:36,042 --> 00:10:37,889
Thank you so
much, everyone.
245
00:10:37,916 --> 00:10:41,375
I think we can agree that
all wine tastes the same,
246
00:10:41,388 --> 00:10:44,267
and if you spend more
than $5 on wine,
247
00:10:44,283 --> 00:10:46,336
you are very stupid.
248
00:10:46,351 --> 00:10:49,002
- Security. - I just want to thank
all the people that got me here:
249
00:10:49,020 --> 00:10:53,153
Norbit, Pluto Nash,
all the klumps.
250
00:10:53,179 --> 00:10:58,446
Congratulations to the next
Indiana master sommelier,
251
00:10:58,477 --> 00:10:59,914
Xander Truffant.
252
00:10:59,940 --> 00:11:02,604
[Applause]
253
00:11:02,636 --> 00:11:04,629
Got to go talk to Xander
before Terrence gets to him.
254
00:11:04,651 --> 00:11:07,253
- Cover me.
- Gotcha.
255
00:11:07,493 --> 00:11:09,586
- Oh, my goodness.
- Mon Dieu!
256
00:11:09,609 --> 00:11:12,982
- Qu'est-ce qui se passe?
- Oh, je suis desolée, monsieur.
257
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:14,265
Allons-y. Allons-y.
258
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:18,463
Xander. Look, Tom's Bistro
is going to be the dopest,
259
00:11:18,484 --> 00:11:21,442
quite possibly trillest
restaurant in the area.
260
00:11:21,460 --> 00:11:23,053
What do you say? You
want to work with me?
261
00:11:23,066 --> 00:11:26,046
Thank you, but I've already accepted
an offer from Monsieur Montreaux.
262
00:11:26,059 --> 00:11:28,346
I'll double whatever
he's paying you.
263
00:11:28,374 --> 00:11:30,740
You'll pay me
$500,000 a year?
264
00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:34,622
I will pay you 1/10 of
whatever he's paying you.
265
00:11:35,087 --> 00:11:36,521
Sorry.
266
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:42,661
Oh, man. This wine bottle
is all out of the wine.
267
00:11:42,696 --> 00:11:44,629
Well, hello, gentlemen.
268
00:11:44,657 --> 00:11:46,864
What brings you out
on this fine evening?
269
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:48,227
Motherfucker.
270
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,200
Whoa. Where'd
you come from?
271
00:11:50,220 --> 00:11:52,224
Uh, that's a
complicated question.
272
00:11:52,251 --> 00:11:58,163
All depends on whether your conception
of time is linear or circular.
273
00:11:58,181 --> 00:12:00,567
- What?
- Hello, Ron.
274
00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:02,932
- Ron.
- You know this hobo?
275
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:06,345
He was my counterpart from the
Eagleton Parks Department.
276
00:12:06,372 --> 00:12:08,793
Dude, are you a ghost?
277
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,494
Am I?
278
00:12:11,912 --> 00:12:13,752
What is happening
right now?
279
00:12:13,779 --> 00:12:16,774
We know that you have
that important other engagement.
280
00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:19,233
Yo, I gots to get that haircut.
Snoop!
281
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,320
It's not just Pawnee that needs you.
It's the entire region.
282
00:12:22,333 --> 00:12:23,833
Permission to speak, son?
283
00:12:23,863 --> 00:12:26,456
Pawnee is kind of the gateway
to that whole region.
284
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,107
They do buy a
lot of albums.
285
00:12:28,134 --> 00:12:31,007
They sure ain't buying toothpaste.
Bunch of dirty Hicks.
286
00:12:31,019 --> 00:12:32,300
[Laughs]
287
00:12:32,306 --> 00:12:33,666
What if we fly me
in and out same day
288
00:12:33,692 --> 00:12:36,006
so I wouldn't have to spend
a night in your crap town?
289
00:12:36,028 --> 00:12:40,252
Excuse me. Pawnee is a good town with
good people from all walks of life.
290
00:12:40,286 --> 00:12:43,878
Plus, it is an amazing place to
raise kids and start a family.
291
00:12:43,904 --> 00:12:45,158
You think I care about that?
292
00:12:45,191 --> 00:12:47,064
Look, I can do whatever
I want, all right?
293
00:12:47,077 --> 00:12:50,029
If I want to shoot a paintball
gun at my dad, I'm gonna do it.
294
00:12:50,063 --> 00:12:50,883
[Gun fires]
295
00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:52,711
[Groans] Good shot, son.
296
00:12:52,732 --> 00:12:54,485
- I'm proud of you.
- You're crazy.
297
00:12:54,498 --> 00:12:56,731
This is over, okay?
Pawnee does not need you.
298
00:12:56,762 --> 00:13:01,106
And you should know that when you shook my
hand earlier, there was pee on my palms.
299
00:13:01,141 --> 00:13:03,099
That makes us sound like Hicks.
We're not. Shut up.
300
00:13:03,112 --> 00:13:04,761
Stupid. Okay.
Let's go, Andy.
301
00:13:05,532 --> 00:13:07,434
You know what? That was
awesome. You were great.
302
00:13:07,447 --> 00:13:09,142
I thought you were gonna
punch that kid's lights out.
303
00:13:09,159 --> 00:13:12,738
It was not awesome.
I lost our headliner.
304
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:16,649
I can't stop throwing up, and
Ben has not called me back yet.
305
00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:20,346
I'm sorry I'm so frazzled. There's just
a lot of things going on right now,
306
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:23,650
personal things that I
can't talk to you about.
307
00:13:23,671 --> 00:13:28,404
You know, Leslie, sometimes
life throws us crazy curves,
308
00:13:28,438 --> 00:13:31,871
and, yes, this
moment may be
309
00:13:31,884 --> 00:13:35,090
the biggest curve
310
00:13:35,112 --> 00:13:36,946
you've ever had
to deal with,
311
00:13:36,959 --> 00:13:39,248
but just because your
family is getting bigger
312
00:13:39,268 --> 00:13:41,834
does not mean
that you can't handle it.
313
00:13:41,852 --> 00:13:44,469
You and Ben can
handle anything.
314
00:13:45,573 --> 00:13:46,926
Wow.
315
00:13:46,946 --> 00:13:51,345
Andy, thank you. That's exactly
what I needed to hear right now.
316
00:13:51,374 --> 00:13:54,331
God, it's so weird that you know
that I'm pregnant before Ben does--
317
00:13:54,358 --> 00:13:57,818
Pregnant? Holy crap.
Leslie!
318
00:13:57,841 --> 00:14:01,126
- Yeah. Well, what did you think?
- I thought you were getting a dog.
319
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:02,471
Well, why did you
go like this?
320
00:14:02,497 --> 00:14:04,690
That's the sign for petting a
dog that's sitting on your lap.
321
00:14:04,703 --> 00:14:06,810
But pregnant? Wow.
322
00:14:06,835 --> 00:14:08,216
Oh, that's amazing.
323
00:14:08,229 --> 00:14:10,014
You know, Andy, I think we
need to focus on the fact
324
00:14:10,034 --> 00:14:12,547
that we have lost our headliner.
We are out of options.
325
00:14:12,576 --> 00:14:14,453
It's time for a Hail Mary.
326
00:14:15,818 --> 00:14:18,347
How are we gonna convince
this guy to reunite Land Ho?
327
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,714
Same way I got a perfect
score on the S.A.T.s--
328
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,261
broken Scantron machine.
329
00:14:22,288 --> 00:14:24,168
Okay, wait, Andy, that
is not a good strategy.
330
00:14:24,184 --> 00:14:27,044
Okay, I will give him a brief
explanation about the unity concert,
331
00:14:27,077 --> 00:14:29,488
and you stand by...
332
00:14:29,522 --> 00:14:30,589
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
333
00:14:30,602 --> 00:14:32,336
[Retching]
334
00:14:32,891 --> 00:14:35,057
- Hello?
- Scott Tanner.
335
00:14:35,595 --> 00:14:37,522
It's Scott Tanner.
336
00:14:38,504 --> 00:14:40,197
Hi. My name is Andy.
337
00:14:40,216 --> 00:14:43,181
And this barfing lady
over here is Leslie.
338
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,482
- We just need ten minutes
of your time. - To do what?
339
00:14:45,505 --> 00:14:47,554
To convince you
to reunite Land Ho.
340
00:14:47,574 --> 00:14:51,243
Listen, it means a lot to me
that you guys loved the band,
341
00:14:51,250 --> 00:14:53,577
and I'm gonna tell you
the exact same thing
342
00:14:53,596 --> 00:14:57,323
I've told everyone who's
ever asked us to reunite:
343
00:14:57,918 --> 00:14:59,311
No.
344
00:14:59,324 --> 00:15:02,898
Listen, I know that you and the band
aren't on the best of terms right now.
345
00:15:02,916 --> 00:15:07,206
But bringing people together is exactly
what we want to talk to you about.
346
00:15:11,164 --> 00:15:13,644
- Pull that. Hold it down on
the bottom. - I got it, yeah.
347
00:15:14,187 --> 00:15:16,520
Mr. Ron Dunn,
348
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:18,788
I have something I'm
very angry about,
349
00:15:18,808 --> 00:15:23,371
but other Ron, he's not helping
me with it. Can you help?
350
00:15:23,384 --> 00:15:25,644
Well, I can tell by the
indigo on your chiclets
351
00:15:25,664 --> 00:15:28,400
that you've been drinking
blueberry wine.
352
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:29,740
That's a good start.
353
00:15:29,769 --> 00:15:33,215
The Wamapoke called
it mattapiqua.
354
00:15:33,873 --> 00:15:36,226
They believed it had
mystical powers.
355
00:15:36,255 --> 00:15:38,695
Yeah, it also
tastes like jelly.
356
00:15:38,718 --> 00:15:40,731
So what's got your
goat there, friend?
357
00:15:40,753 --> 00:15:44,983
My parents, they had this lake house,
and they sold it without telling me.
358
00:15:45,005 --> 00:15:47,332
And so I was like,
"Why?" You know?
359
00:15:47,358 --> 00:15:50,077
I was like, "God,
you guys!"
360
00:15:50,095 --> 00:15:54,427
Oh, you're hanging on to that
anger for dear life, compadre.
361
00:15:54,447 --> 00:15:55,848
Let's role-play.
362
00:15:56,075 --> 00:16:00,534
Well, good night, everyone. I'm going
to go home and feel totally fine.
363
00:16:01,053 --> 00:16:03,440
Who am I kidding? I'm going to go
home, put on a Macy Gray album,
364
00:16:03,466 --> 00:16:05,713
- and cry in the mirror!
- Why are you bummed?
365
00:16:05,739 --> 00:16:07,348
Are you all blind?
366
00:16:07,368 --> 00:16:09,108
I want that job
at Tom's Bistro.
367
00:16:09,122 --> 00:16:11,189
I've been trying to show you
for the last five hours.
368
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:15,040
Look, man, you know your stuff,
but you're like a crazy volcano.
369
00:16:15,067 --> 00:16:16,674
You'd have to show me you
can bring it down a notch.
370
00:16:16,696 --> 00:16:19,616
I'll bring it down 1,000
notches if I have to!
371
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:22,886
This looks like it's gonna
be a great concert.
372
00:16:22,906 --> 00:16:24,993
The band just does
not play anymore.
373
00:16:25,019 --> 00:16:26,605
Well, I understand.
374
00:16:26,704 --> 00:16:29,371
[Chokes] Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
375
00:16:29,384 --> 00:16:30,956
My stomach is trying
to murder me.
376
00:16:30,977 --> 00:16:33,581
Still drunk from last night?
I've been there.
377
00:16:33,605 --> 00:16:35,039
You know, this town
still loves you.
378
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,421
I'm in a band myself
actually-- Mouse Rat--
379
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,701
and we cover about five of your
songs, and they just go nuts.
380
00:16:39,726 --> 00:16:41,453
Really? Which ones?
381
00:16:42,141 --> 00:16:45,109
♪ Catapult me into
the sun and I'll ♪
382
00:16:45,131 --> 00:16:47,399
[Together]
♪ Burn, baby, burn ♪
383
00:16:47,427 --> 00:16:48,394
Oh, yeah.
384
00:16:48,428 --> 00:16:50,261
Johnny Karate?
385
00:16:50,290 --> 00:16:51,783
I thought you said
your name was Andy.
386
00:16:51,809 --> 00:16:54,742
Well, it is. I'm also a
children's performer.
387
00:16:54,767 --> 00:16:58,116
He played at Joey's
birthday, and he's awesome.
388
00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,931
Sing Karate Chop Master.
389
00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:01,925
I'll do it as long as
your dad sings along.
390
00:17:01,945 --> 00:17:03,692
- Let's do it.
- It's easy. You'll pick it up.
391
00:17:03,711 --> 00:17:04,865
♪ Karate chop master ♪
392
00:17:04,884 --> 00:17:06,325
♪ I'm a karate chop master ♪
393
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:09,494
♪ And I will
karate chop you ♪
394
00:17:09,516 --> 00:17:10,916
♪ Chop, chop, chop, chop ♪
395
00:17:10,951 --> 00:17:12,249
♪ Kick, kick, kick,
kick-chop ♪
396
00:17:12,275 --> 00:17:14,315
- Scott, you sing.
- ♪ Chop, chop, kick, kick ♪
397
00:17:14,342 --> 00:17:15,655
♪ Kick-kick, kick-kick,
k-chop ♪
398
00:17:15,693 --> 00:17:17,224
No.
399
00:17:17,256 --> 00:17:18,256
Just listen to me.
400
00:17:18,276 --> 00:17:19,243
♪ Chop and a chop ♪
401
00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:20,810
♪ And a kick and kick
and chop ♪
402
00:17:20,825 --> 00:17:23,198
♪ And a titan throw
and chop and kick-chop ♪
403
00:17:23,218 --> 00:17:24,031
Now your turn.
404
00:17:24,064 --> 00:17:25,317
[Together]
♪ Chop, chop, kick, kick, chop ♪
405
00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:26,568
Harmonies! Oh, my God!
406
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:27,853
[Together]
♪ Chop, chop, kick, kick ♪
407
00:17:27,868 --> 00:17:29,049
♪ Chop-chop, kick ♪
408
00:17:29,062 --> 00:17:31,126
- ♪ And a chop and a kick ♪
- ♪ And a kick and a ♪
409
00:17:31,152 --> 00:17:32,606
No.
410
00:17:32,639 --> 00:17:35,680
No, it's not--you didn't--
I mean, just listen.
411
00:17:35,914 --> 00:17:38,381
Good evening. May I assist
you with a wine tonight?
412
00:17:38,401 --> 00:17:42,948
Yeah, I'm having fish,
so maybe a full-bodied...
413
00:17:42,974 --> 00:17:43,994
red?
414
00:17:44,020 --> 00:17:45,439
You know, sir, you
might want to consider
415
00:17:45,452 --> 00:17:47,219
something white
to go with your fish.
416
00:17:47,245 --> 00:17:50,192
No. Red.
417
00:17:50,207 --> 00:17:52,969
And bring some ice cubes. I
like ice cubes in my red wine.
418
00:17:53,396 --> 00:17:56,342
I'll have a glass of your
most expensive red wine
419
00:17:56,355 --> 00:18:00,426
mixed with a glass of your cheapest
white wine, served in a dog bowl.
420
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:03,173
Silly straws all
around, please.
421
00:18:03,194 --> 00:18:05,652
I'll be right back with
my recommendations.
422
00:18:06,564 --> 00:18:07,771
Seems to be keeping
it together.
423
00:18:07,797 --> 00:18:10,864
[Screaming] What kind of
monster orders red with fish?
424
00:18:10,883 --> 00:18:15,222
I know they're messing with me, and it's
just a test, but have some decency.
425
00:18:16,767 --> 00:18:20,009
For you, sir, a light, crisp
Pinot with just a hint of lemon
426
00:18:20,035 --> 00:18:22,404
to bring out the
flavors in your fish.
427
00:18:22,417 --> 00:18:24,291
I brought you a
bold Cabernet,
428
00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:26,907
which should still taste okay
when watered down.
429
00:18:26,917 --> 00:18:29,783
And for you, madam, would
you consider this rose?
430
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,676
It's halfway between
red and white.
431
00:18:32,696 --> 00:18:35,248
- Thanks very much.
- Enjoy.
432
00:18:36,078 --> 00:18:37,891
I think I may have found
my new sommelier.
433
00:18:37,914 --> 00:18:40,201
That was so embarrassing!
434
00:18:40,221 --> 00:18:43,653
We'll have to make sure the wine
cellar at Tom's Bistro is soundproof.
435
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:44,518
[Screaming]
436
00:18:44,545 --> 00:18:47,407
Hoy-hay!
437
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,118
Oh!
438
00:18:49,153 --> 00:18:49,860
[Sighs]
439
00:18:49,886 --> 00:18:51,869
That was beautiful.
440
00:18:51,902 --> 00:18:54,097
You're surrendering
to the earth mother.
441
00:18:54,123 --> 00:18:57,367
Now stare into the fire and
picture your spirit animal.
442
00:18:57,395 --> 00:18:59,255
I don't know what my
spirit animal is.
443
00:18:59,276 --> 00:19:03,854
Because it doesn't exist, because that's
nonsense, because you're an adult.
444
00:19:04,995 --> 00:19:07,382
Baby snow owl.
445
00:19:07,404 --> 00:19:08,477
He's right.
446
00:19:08,497 --> 00:19:12,289
Our spirit animals connect
us to the natural world.
447
00:19:12,316 --> 00:19:15,284
You need to remain open
to their message.
448
00:19:15,311 --> 00:19:16,929
Watch.
449
00:19:17,388 --> 00:19:20,390
[Wings flapping]
450
00:19:22,226 --> 00:19:24,766
Welcome back, old friend.
451
00:19:24,801 --> 00:19:25,922
Whoa.
452
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:29,410
If you really want to cleanse
yourself of that anger,
453
00:19:29,443 --> 00:19:32,571
take that check and
send it into the flames
454
00:19:32,596 --> 00:19:34,818
and up into the air
with your screams.
455
00:19:34,838 --> 00:19:37,837
Do not burn that check.
It is money.
456
00:19:37,857 --> 00:19:40,163
No. Ron's right, Ron.
457
00:19:40,177 --> 00:19:41,845
[Paper rustling]
458
00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:48,817
There, there,
baby snow owl.
459
00:19:49,579 --> 00:19:51,452
You're safe now.
460
00:19:53,157 --> 00:19:56,024
This is him right here.
461
00:19:56,046 --> 00:19:57,847
I will also get out here
and walk home.
462
00:19:57,875 --> 00:20:01,971
You sure? This thing runs on
vegetable oil and bat guano.
463
00:20:01,990 --> 00:20:04,258
Actually cleans the
air as it drives.
464
00:20:04,291 --> 00:20:06,768
Quite sure. Thank you.
465
00:20:08,632 --> 00:20:10,381
Hey,
466
00:20:10,892 --> 00:20:14,300
thank you for helping
me with my anger.
467
00:20:14,317 --> 00:20:16,777
You've already emerged
from your cocoon.
468
00:20:16,804 --> 00:20:18,957
Now the question is:
469
00:20:18,982 --> 00:20:21,150
Will you fly?
470
00:20:28,299 --> 00:20:32,546
Yeah, I don't feel any better.
I'm still angry. Damn it.
471
00:20:32,583 --> 00:20:35,936
I don't know why this lake house
thing is driving me so crazy.
472
00:20:35,954 --> 00:20:39,510
I'm sorry we couldn't help you
work through your problems.
473
00:20:39,536 --> 00:20:41,676
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I got a lady,
474
00:20:41,696 --> 00:20:44,878
two little girls, and an
infant waiting for me.
475
00:20:44,904 --> 00:20:47,543
It's always nice to see the kids
at the end of a long day.
476
00:20:47,572 --> 00:20:50,240
Really puts things
in perspective.
477
00:20:53,057 --> 00:20:54,558
[Door closes]
478
00:20:54,678 --> 00:20:56,911
Oh, my God, Ben. I have
so much to tell you.
479
00:20:56,928 --> 00:21:00,608
We got Land Ho to play
the unity concert.
480
00:21:00,631 --> 00:21:03,374
- Whoa. What happened to you?
- It doesn't matter.
481
00:21:03,401 --> 00:21:06,174
I thought I was upset because
my parents are insane.
482
00:21:06,190 --> 00:21:09,277
But Ron kind of just
showed me the real reason.
483
00:21:09,307 --> 00:21:13,443
I have so many childhood memories at that
lake house that, in the back of my mind,
484
00:21:13,464 --> 00:21:18,690
I always pictured taking my
kids-- or taking our kids there.
485
00:21:18,722 --> 00:21:20,395
I want to start
our family.
486
00:21:20,427 --> 00:21:24,450
I mean, I know things are crazy,
but there's no good time,
487
00:21:24,475 --> 00:21:26,877
and I want to do it now.
488
00:21:27,470 --> 00:21:31,021
Well, buddy, I got some
good news for you.
489
00:21:32,117 --> 00:21:39,117
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther