1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,731
ANDY: I'd have to check, but I'm
pretty sure we can handle that.
2
00:00:03,803 --> 00:00:06,363
I do have one question.
3
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:08,131
(SNEEZING)
4
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,233
Hold on.
5
00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:11,334
Oh, my God.
6
00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:14,010
Andy! Oh, my...
Sorry.
7
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,240
Andy. Are you getting sick?
8
00:00:15,548 --> 00:00:17,573
It's flu season again,
and I cannot get sick.
9
00:00:17,817 --> 00:00:20,377
Stock up on Kleenex. Don't touch your face.
Don't touch anything.
10
00:00:20,453 --> 00:00:22,182
People are dropping like flies.
11
00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:24,223
We already had to
quarantine Larry.
12
00:00:24,290 --> 00:00:26,588
Leslie, I don't feel good.
Can't I just work from home?
13
00:00:26,659 --> 00:00:28,149
The tent is your
home now, Larry.
14
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:29,422
We already forwarded your mail.
15
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:30,656
(SNEEZES)
16
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,756
Oh, well, here's something that's
going to make you feel really good.
17
00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:36,859
Guess who I just secured as the
headliner for the Unity Concert.
18
00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:38,267
Chipp McCapp!
No!
19
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:39,565
Yes!
Nice!
20
00:00:39,639 --> 00:00:40,663
Wait, no, I don't
want to touch your hand.
21
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:42,298
Chipp McCapp is the most amazing
22
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,138
17-year-old country singer
in the entire world.
23
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:45,302
He's like Indiana's sweetheart.
24
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:48,074
We are huge Chippmunks. That's
what his fans call themselves.
25
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:49,672
I don't know why. Chippmunks.
Because of the animal?
26
00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:51,239
No, that's too simple.
Yeah. Okay.
27
00:00:51,317 --> 00:00:53,182
His latest song,
Beautiful Like My Mom
28
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:54,481
parentheses (Support the Troops)
29
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,613
Has, like, two million
hits on YouTube.
30
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,485
(SINGING) She don't care about
no fancy trends
31
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,893
She's just a mom
from old South Bend
32
00:01:03,963 --> 00:01:07,455
Get home safe, boys, and thank
you for protecting our freedom.
33
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:10,929
(HUMMING)
34
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,130
Let's play it again.
Play it again.
35
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:24,000
Ripped By mstoll
36
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:35,287
Today at a local vineyard,
a bunch of sommeliers,
37
00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:37,056
AKA wine experts,
38
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,859
are going to be competing
for their certification.
39
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,230
I'm going to hire the best
one at my new restaurant.
40
00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:42,290
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Tom's Bistro.
41
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:44,102
People that convince
other people
42
00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,502
to buy expensive
stuff they don't need.
43
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:47,904
Those are the real heroes.
44
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:49,232
Donna. April.
45
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:51,539
Wine Country train is leaving
the station. You ready?
46
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:52,600
I want to come.
47
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,237
I love wine and
everything about it.
48
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:55,542
The soil, the vines.
49
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:56,843
I studied botany for three years
50
00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:57,905
at Purdue University.
51
00:01:57,984 --> 00:01:59,349
Go, Boilermakers!
52
00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:02,388
There will be alcohol there,
so I will go, as well.
53
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:03,649
Well, maybe I'll tag along.
54
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:04,747
I don't have anymore work to do.
55
00:02:04,824 --> 00:02:05,813
Maybe it will be relaxing.
56
00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:07,222
I didn't invite any of you.
57
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,385
I started with two cool people
58
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:09,860
and I ended up with
a bunch of grandpas.
59
00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:11,260
Listen, grandpas.
60
00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:12,730
When we get to the vineyard,
61
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,063
there'll be a lot of
fancy people there.
62
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,695
Please, I beg you,
don't embarrass me.
63
00:02:17,770 --> 00:02:18,964
How would we embarrass you?
64
00:02:19,038 --> 00:02:21,529
You're already doing it.
I begged you.
65
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,139
I guess, now that we've got
Chipp McCapp as our headliner,
66
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,973
I can get rid of my
awesome wish list.
67
00:02:26,045 --> 00:02:27,410
LESLIE: Yeah,
those are long shots.
68
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,538
"Bob Dylan's friends?"
69
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:30,879
I just thought maybe they
could get Bob Dylan to come.
70
00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:32,918
Land Ho. God, I love them.
Everybody does.
71
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,510
But there's no way they're
getting back together.
72
00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:36,384
Their lead singer
split 10 years ago.
73
00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:39,084
He titled their last
album We'll Never Reunite.
74
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:41,082
Leslie?
75
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,253
No! Back in
your tent, sicky.
76
00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:46,264
I'm sorry, but Chipp
McCapp's manager called.
77
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:47,765
He has to drop out.
LESLIE: No!
78
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,528
Okay, we need all hands on deck.
79
00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:50,660
There are no hands to be on deck
80
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:51,761
because everybody's
at the winery.
81
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,738
Okay, Andy, you and I
need to handle this.
82
00:02:53,806 --> 00:02:57,173
We need to be
operating at maximum...
83
00:02:58,745 --> 00:02:59,734
(SIGHS)
84
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,140
Oh, no.
85
00:03:02,215 --> 00:03:03,773
(RETCHING)
86
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:04,976
Damn it, Larry!
87
00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:06,040
Sorry.
88
00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:11,055
Xander, my man-der.
Tom Haverford.
89
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:14,651
Owner, operator, and global
ambassador for Tom's Bistro,
90
00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:16,592
opening this spring in Pawnee.
91
00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:17,652
It's a pleasure to meet you.
92
00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:21,427
Damn. Look at that
tie dimple. Respect.
93
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:25,528
My main target for Tom's Bistro?
Xander Truffant.
94
00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:27,539
He's the best young
somm in the game.
95
00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:28,869
I don't say this lightly.
96
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:32,309
He's basically the Bruno Mars of
Indiana amateur wine tasting.
97
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:36,144
If you'll excuse me, I must prepare
for the tasting competition.
98
00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:38,541
I pour saline water
through my nose
99
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:40,586
to clear the mucus
from my smell centers.
100
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:44,253
That is the most beautiful
thing I've ever heard.
101
00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:47,850
Man. It costs $200
to get certified.
102
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:51,286
I wanted to make fun of stupid
people while I get drunk.
103
00:03:51,364 --> 00:03:52,922
My two true passions.
104
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:55,399
You want to futz with these fools?
I will bankroll you.
105
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:58,296
Really? Oh, hell, yeah, pimp.
Sounds like fun.
106
00:03:58,504 --> 00:03:59,528
Thank you.
107
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:01,501
April Ludgate,
professional drinker.
108
00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:05,039
Uh, where did you
study, Ms. Ludgate?
109
00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:07,438
The Wine Academy.
110
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,549
The Wine Academy?
In Bordeaux?
111
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:11,641
Yes.
112
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,879
Carol, make sure
she's in Group A.
113
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:15,978
Uh, excuse me.
I want in, too.
114
00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:17,079
I know I don't look the part,
115
00:04:17,156 --> 00:04:19,386
but I know everything about
wine and I will prove it.
116
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:20,790
My name is Craig Middlebrooks,
117
00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:22,760
and this is my
debit rewards card.
118
00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:26,332
Why wouldn't you run
this by me first, Dad?
119
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:28,193
Whatever. (SIGHS)
120
00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:31,160
Sorry, just weird
family business.
121
00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:33,467
Sounds private. No need
to discuss it with me.
122
00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:35,973
My parents had this small, little
vacation house on Lake Hubbard.
123
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:39,136
And now, they've sold it without
telling the rest of us.
124
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:41,874
Did you not hear me say there was
no need to discuss it with me?
125
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,974
My dad sent me this check out of the blue.
My share of the profits.
126
00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:48,453
It's so disrespectful to
the family structure...
127
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:49,681
Maybe a drink will help.
128
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:53,385
Put some alcohol in your mouth to
block the words from coming out.
129
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,984
Some of our blueberry wine? We make
it right here at the vineyard.
130
00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:59,054
I don't drink alcohol from that
portion of the color spectrum.
131
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,464
Hey! (SIGHS)
Whoa, that's strong.
132
00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:05,267
Holy hell,
that's a lot of alcohol.
133
00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:08,868
We will take four bottles,
please, and thank you.
134
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,008
All we need to do is
go to Indianapolis,
135
00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,202
convince Chipp
to do the festival
136
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:17,442
and then, you know, head home.
137
00:05:17,750 --> 00:05:19,581
Are you sure you're
feeling up for this, boss?
138
00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:22,086
I'm fine. I've had the flu
before, and I worked through it.
139
00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:24,887
Okay. Well, if you do collapse,
luckily, I know first aid.
140
00:05:24,957 --> 00:05:25,981
Or karate.
141
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:27,048
That's not first aid.
142
00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:28,991
It is if you do it right.
143
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,188
Heimlich!
144
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,354
ANDY: Oh, I guess while
you get your medicine,
145
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,423
I'll just stroll through the
candy aisles, but won't get any.
146
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:35,694
You can buy two candies.
147
00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:36,894
Two?
148
00:05:36,969 --> 00:05:38,937
Can I help you?
I have the flu.
149
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,599
Super-nauseated for a few
days, a lot of barfing.
150
00:05:41,974 --> 00:05:43,066
It's a total disaster.
151
00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:45,770
Plus, I have a ton of work to
do, so I need the good stuff.
152
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:49,440
The Mariah-needs-
to-sing-tonight stuff.
153
00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:53,209
You don't look flushed,
no signs of fever.
154
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:54,719
That just doesn't
seem like the flu.
155
00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:58,723
It's the flu. I mean, I don't
think it could be anything...
156
00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:06,693
This counts as one.
157
00:06:08,768 --> 00:06:10,599
BEN: I'm so mad
at my parents.
158
00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:13,161
I mean, they both wanted the
house for Columbus Day weekend,
159
00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:14,934
and they fought so much,
they decided to
160
00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:16,668
just sell it to
spite each other.
161
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:19,007
More wine, less talking.
162
00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:20,909
You know, you are
a wonderful guy,
163
00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:22,914
and I admire many
things about you.
164
00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:26,474
But you're a terrible person to
discuss personal problems with.
165
00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:29,880
Thank you, friend. That
really means a lot to me.
166
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:35,655
Pumpkin, undertones of lavender.
Medium-plus body.
167
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:36,922
It's mostly pumpkin.
168
00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:40,022
There's so much pumpkin, it's like
a Charlie Brown Halloween special.
169
00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:43,364
I'm getting notes of
dried robin's blood,
170
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:47,896
old, dirty cashews and just a
hint of a robot's bathwater.
171
00:06:48,307 --> 00:06:50,605
An old world wine. Italian.
172
00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:53,979
Ah. It's a Verdicchio
Doc Classico, 2010.
173
00:06:54,046 --> 00:06:57,106
It's new world. Northern
California, Napa Valley.
174
00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:58,843
Some place beautiful
and warm and amazing
175
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:00,351
where everyone is in great shape
176
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,615
and the night sky
is full of stars!
177
00:07:02,688 --> 00:07:06,055
This comes from
your mother's butt.
178
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:09,561
(SONG PLAYING ON RADIO)
179
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:16,394
Man, you were in
the bathroom forever.
180
00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:20,004
The receptionist said that Chipp
will be out in just a second.
181
00:07:20,072 --> 00:07:23,508
Uh, I just need a minute. I'm
going to call Ben about nothing.
182
00:07:23,976 --> 00:07:26,444
My parents make me
so mad sometimes.
183
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:29,970
Just like the time they couldn't
decide who gets the dog,
184
00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:32,244
so they just dropped it off
at the local synagogue.
185
00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:35,151
I was, like,
"Say what?"
186
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:36,849
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
187
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:39,323
Hold on, Ron. Hold that thought.
Just for a sec.
188
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:42,127
Hey, honey.
Hey.
189
00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:44,560
It's your me. It's wife.
190
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:47,096
(SOFTLY)
It's Leslie. Knope.
191
00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:49,027
I have very big news for you.
192
00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:52,127
Oh, well, my teeth
are blue. Blueberries...
193
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:53,866
What? Are you
having a stroke?
194
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:55,931
I was just saying to Ron
that my dog's Jewish.
195
00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:58,606
Oh. Phone water.
196
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:00,441
Ben? Hello?
197
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:04,312
(SIGHS) Hello?
Hi. Leslie?
198
00:08:04,383 --> 00:08:05,372
It's dead.
199
00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:07,013
Hello?
200
00:08:07,453 --> 00:08:08,511
(SIGHS)
201
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:10,718
You know, Leslie sounded weird.
202
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:13,088
I don't want to wait for Tom.
I want to walk home.
203
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,253
I'll join you. I'm always
game for a brisk walk.
204
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:19,162
Also, if I leave you alone,
I'm pretty sure you'll die.
205
00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:20,423
Home is that way.
206
00:08:30,943 --> 00:08:32,376
Watch out for that fence.
207
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:34,506
Ah, Mister Haverford.
208
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:37,208
Allow me to introduce
Terrence Montreaux.
209
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:38,975
He is a restaurateur
like yourself.
210
00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:40,450
You own a restaurant, too?
211
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,216
No, monsieur.
I own 12.
212
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:47,022
I am here to find the best
sommeliers as soon as they are,
213
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:49,459
how you say, certified.
214
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,518
That was my idea.
215
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:52,291
That is everyone's idea.
216
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:56,529
That is why we have this,
how do you say, thing.
217
00:08:56,769 --> 00:08:59,397
Okay, don't act like you
don't know the word "thing."
218
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,804
With a filet mignon,
I'd recommend a red.
219
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:04,468
Something bold and dry,
like David Sedaris.
220
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,308
Perhaps you could recommend
a Riesling instead.
221
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,314
Not if you're eating
steak, you loon.
222
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,078
You know in the movies,
when the cops show up
223
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:15,450
and they find lipstick on a
wine glass next to a dead body?
224
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,522
This is that wine.
225
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:21,150
(SINGING) I'll bring the girls
You bring the beer
226
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,519
And the troops
will bring the freedom
227
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,759
We're sorry to
interrupt, Chipp. Hi.
228
00:09:25,831 --> 00:09:29,062
We just wanted to say we are such big fans.
It's an honor to meet you.
229
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:30,659
Yeah. Well,
I'm very blessed.
230
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:33,762
And it's always nice to meet my
amazing fans who keep me going.
231
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:35,534
You're the real superstars.
232
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:36,666
Thank you.
233
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,141
Can somebody give me
one of those LunchStacks?
234
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:40,335
And stack them for me this time.
235
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,778
Cheese on top,
or no one gets paid.
236
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:43,771
You got it, Chipp.
237
00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:45,373
That's my dad.
Guy's such an idiot.
238
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,111
We wanted to talk to you
239
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:50,815
about the Unity
Concert in Pawnee.
240
00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:52,848
Can you do it?
Yeah.
241
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:56,258
Uh, no. I'm sorry, I got a previous
engagement. It's a bummer.
242
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,418
Oh.
243
00:09:57,830 --> 00:09:58,956
Here you go, Chipp.
244
00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:00,658
Look at that.
The cheese is on top.
245
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:03,725
Of turkey.
You dick. I want ham.
246
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,965
Sorry, son.
They were out of ham.
247
00:10:06,038 --> 00:10:08,063
All right, well, maybe I should
just let Mom be manager, then?
248
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:11,168
Pick them up, Skipp.
249
00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:12,872
Ew! This guy's the worst.
250
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,140
I mean, it sucks that
they didn't have ham.
251
00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:17,045
But you can't treat
your dad like that.
252
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,983
I know. He's a monster.
But we need him.
253
00:10:20,052 --> 00:10:23,249
Your job's not that hard, okay?
Just anticipate my needs.
254
00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:24,584
Anticipating, Chipp.
255
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:27,753
Of the 25 entrants today,
256
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:32,287
only one has deemed himself worthy
of a sommelier certificate.
257
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,663
Oh, my God.
Are you sure? No way.
258
00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:37,999
Oh, my God. Thank you.
Thank you so much, everyone.
259
00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:41,506
I think we can agree that
all wine tastes the same.
260
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,372
And if you spend
more than $5 on wine,
261
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:47,105
you are very stupid.
JUDGE REINLETGO: Security.
262
00:10:47,179 --> 00:10:48,806
I just want to thank all the
people that got me here.
263
00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:53,015
Norbit, uh, Pluto Nash,
all the Klumps.
264
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:57,879
Congratulations to the next
Indiana Master Sommelier,
265
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:00,115
Xander Truffant.
266
00:11:02,695 --> 00:11:04,754
I've got to go talk to Xander
before Terrence gets to him.
267
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,195
Cover me.
Got you.
268
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,363
Oh, my goodness.
269
00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:13,034
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
270
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:15,635
Xander.
Yeah.
271
00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:18,575
Look. Tom's Bistro is
going to be the dopest,
272
00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:21,613
quite possibly trillest
restaurant in the area.
273
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,171
What do you say?
You want to work with me?
274
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:26,309
Thank you, but I've already accepted
an offer from Monsieur Montreaux.
275
00:11:26,385 --> 00:11:28,478
I'll double whatever
he's paying you.
276
00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:30,852
You'll pay me $500,000 a year?
277
00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:34,290
I will pay you one-tenth
of whatever he's paying you.
278
00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:35,751
Sorry.
279
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:42,799
Aw, man, this wine bottle
is all out of the wine.
280
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,267
Well, hello, gentlemen.
281
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:47,065
What brings you out
on this fine evening?
282
00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:48,401
Mother (BEEP).
283
00:11:48,474 --> 00:11:49,668
Whoa. Where'd you come from?
284
00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:52,172
Uh, that's a
complicated question.
285
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:57,007
All depends on whether your conception
of time is linear or circular.
286
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:58,975
What?
287
00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:01,419
Hello, Ron.
Ron.
288
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:02,511
You know this hobo?
289
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:05,817
He was my counterpart from the
Eagleton Parks Department.
290
00:12:06,525 --> 00:12:08,186
Dude. Are you a ghost?
291
00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:10,189
Am I?
292
00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:13,726
What is happening right now?
293
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:16,893
We know that you have that
important other engagement...
294
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:19,369
Yo, I gots to get
that haircut. Snip!
295
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:22,532
It's not just Pawnee that needs you.
It's the entire region.
296
00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:24,007
Permission to speak, son?
297
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:26,601
Pawnee is kind of the gateway
to that whole region.
298
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,203
They do buy a lot of albums.
299
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,306
They sure ain't buying toothpaste.
Bunch of dirty hicks.
300
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:32,407
(LAUGHS)
301
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:33,816
What if we fly me
in and out same day,
302
00:12:33,886 --> 00:12:35,581
so I wouldn't have to spend
a night in your crap town?
303
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:37,883
Excuse me.
Pawnee is a good town.
304
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:40,255
With good people
from all walks of life.
305
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:43,955
Plus, it is an amazing place to
raise kids and start a family.
306
00:12:44,029 --> 00:12:45,291
You think I care about that?
307
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,195
Look. I can do whatever
I want. All right?
308
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:50,099
If I want to shoot a paintball gun
at my dad, I'm going to do it.
309
00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:51,696
(GROANS)
310
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,762
Good shot, son.
I'm proud of you.
311
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,704
You're crazy.
This is over. Okay?
312
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:56,901
Pawnee does not need you.
313
00:12:56,976 --> 00:12:59,501
And you should know that, when
you shook my hand earlier,
314
00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:01,136
there was pee on my palms.
315
00:13:01,213 --> 00:13:03,340
That makes us sound like hicks.
We're not. Shut up. Stupid.
316
00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:04,939
Okay. Let's go, Andy.
317
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:08,049
You know what? That was awesome.
You were great.
318
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,781
I thought you were going to
punch that kid's lights out.
319
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,482
It was not awesome.
320
00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:14,856
I lost our headliner,
I can't stop throwing up,
321
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:16,724
and Ben has not
called me back yet.
322
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:18,889
I'm sorry I'm so frazzled.
323
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,955
There's just a lot of
things going on right now.
324
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,898
Personal things that I
can't talk to you about.
325
00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:28,329
You know, Leslie, sometimes
life throws us crazy curves.
326
00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:34,011
And yes, this moment
may be the biggest curve
327
00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:37,104
you've ever had to deal with.
328
00:13:37,616 --> 00:13:39,811
But just because your
family is getting bigger
329
00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:42,353
does not mean that
you can't handle it.
330
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:44,389
You and Ben can handle anything.
331
00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:48,317
Wow. Andy, thank you.
332
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:50,555
That's exactly what
I needed to hear right now.
333
00:13:52,064 --> 00:13:54,794
God, it's so weird that you know
that I'm pregnant before Ben does.
334
00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:57,961
Pregnant?
Holy crap! Leslie!
335
00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:00,031
Yeah. What did you think?
336
00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:01,595
I thought you
were getting a dog.
337
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,868
Why did you go like this?
338
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:05,410
That's a sign for petting a dog
that's sitting on your lap.
339
00:14:05,477 --> 00:14:08,776
Pregnant? Wow.
Oh, that's amazing.
340
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,817
Andy, I think we need to focus on the
fact that we have lost our headliner.
341
00:14:11,884 --> 00:14:14,546
We are out of options.
It's time for a Hail Mary.
342
00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:18,946
How are we going to convince
this guy to reunite Land Ho?
343
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:21,288
Same way I got a perfect
score on the SATs.
344
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,759
Broken Scantron machine.
345
00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:24,693
Okay, wait. Andy, that is
not a good strategy, okay?
346
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:27,630
I will give him a brief explanation
about the Unity Concert.
347
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,691
And you stand by.
Stand by.
348
00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:31,830
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
(RETCHING)
349
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:34,972
Hello?
Scott Tanner.
350
00:14:35,107 --> 00:14:36,131
(CHUCKLES)
351
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:37,903
It's Scott Tanner.
352
00:14:38,143 --> 00:14:40,509
Uh, hi. My name's Andy.
353
00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:43,509
And this barfing lady
over here is Leslie.
354
00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:44,907
We just need 10
minutes of your time.
355
00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:45,973
To do what?
356
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,144
To convince you
to reunite Land Ho.
357
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:51,781
Listen, it means a lot to me
that you guys loved the band.
358
00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:54,189
And I'm going to tell you
the exact same thing
359
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:57,024
I've told everyone who has
ever asked us to reunite.
360
00:14:58,597 --> 00:14:59,621
No.
361
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,526
Listen, I know
that you and the band
362
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,465
aren't on the best
of terms right now.
363
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:05,594
But bringing people
together is exactly
364
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:07,662
what we want to
talk to you about.
365
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:14,539
Hold that. Hold that down at the bottom.
Yeah. Yeah.
366
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,510
Mr. Ron Dunn.
367
00:15:17,182 --> 00:15:19,116
I have something
I'm very angry about.
368
00:15:19,184 --> 00:15:22,642
But other Ron, he's
not helping me with it.
369
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:24,114
Can you help?
370
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:26,214
I can tell by the
indigo on your Chiclet
371
00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:28,453
that you've been
drinking blueberry wine.
372
00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:29,921
That's a good start.
373
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:33,355
The Wamapoke
called it "mattapiqua."
374
00:15:34,366 --> 00:15:36,732
They believed it
had mystical powers.
375
00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:38,895
Yeah, it also tastes like jelly.
376
00:15:39,371 --> 00:15:41,339
So, what's got your
goat there, friend?
377
00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:43,500
My parents,
they had this lake house
378
00:15:43,575 --> 00:15:45,440
and they sold it
without telling me.
379
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,911
And so, I was like,
"Why?" You know?
380
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:50,448
I was like,
"God! You guys!"
381
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,911
Oh. You're hanging onto that
anger for dear life, compadre.
382
00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:56,418
Let's role play.
383
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,350
Well, goodnight, everyone.
384
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,915
I'm going to go home
and feel totally fine.
385
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:02,889
Who am I kidding?
I'm going to go home,
386
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,896
put on a Macy Gray album,
and cry in the mirror!
387
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,226
Why are you bummed?
388
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:09,563
Are you all blind? I want
that job at Tom's Bistro.
389
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,762
I've been trying to show you
for the last five hours.
390
00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:13,429
Look, man, you know your stuff,
391
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:15,700
but you're like a crazy volcano.
392
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:17,173
You'd have to show me you
can bring it down a notch.
393
00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:19,676
I'll bring it down
1,000 notches if I have to!
394
00:16:21,213 --> 00:16:23,613
This looks like it's going
to be a great concert.
395
00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:25,616
The band just does
not play anymore.
396
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:27,276
Well, I understand.
397
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:29,719
(COUGHS) Excuse me.
Um, I'm sorry.
398
00:16:29,788 --> 00:16:31,415
My stomach is
trying to murder me.
399
00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:34,150
You still drunk from last night?
I've been there.
400
00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:35,591
You know, this
town still loves you.
401
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,925
I'm in a band myself,
actually. Mouse Rat.
402
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:40,123
And we cover about five of your
songs and they just go nuts.
403
00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:41,256
Really? Which ones?
404
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:45,100
(SINGING) Catapult me
into the Sun
405
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,866
And I'll burn, baby, burn
406
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:48,964
Oh, yeah.
407
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:50,804
Johnny Karate?
408
00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:52,036
I thought you said
your name was Andy.
409
00:16:52,444 --> 00:16:55,311
It is. I'm also a
children's performer.
410
00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:58,248
He played at Joey's
birthday and he's awesome.
411
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,343
Sing Karate Chop Master.
412
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:02,250
I'll do it as long as
your dad sings along.
413
00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:04,078
Let's do it. It's easy.
You'll pick it up.
414
00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:06,757
(SINGING) Karate chop master
I'm a karate chop master
415
00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:09,658
And I will karate chop you
416
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:12,563
Chop, chop, chop, chop
Kick, kick, kick, kick, chop
417
00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:13,620
Scott, you sing.
418
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:16,190
Chop, chop, kick, kick
Kick, kick, kick, kick, chop
419
00:17:16,268 --> 00:17:18,566
No. Just listen to me.
420
00:17:18,837 --> 00:17:20,930
Chop and a chop and
a kick-kick-kick-kick chop
421
00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:23,201
And tighten the throat
And chop-a-kick chop
422
00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:24,299
Now, your turn.
423
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:25,502
Chop, chop, kick, kick, chop
424
00:17:25,577 --> 00:17:26,874
Harmony! Oh, my God!
425
00:17:26,945 --> 00:17:29,413
Chop, chop, kick
Chop, kick-kick-kick
426
00:17:29,481 --> 00:17:31,642
And a chop and
a kick and a kick and a...
427
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:32,809
No.
428
00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:35,914
No. It's not... You didn't...
I mean... Just listen.
429
00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:38,649
Good evening. May I assist
you with a wine tonight?
430
00:17:39,024 --> 00:17:44,087
Yeah. I'm having fish,
so maybe a full-bodied red?
431
00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:46,255
You know, sir,
you might want to consider
432
00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:47,889
something white to
go with your fish.
433
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:50,457
No. Red.
434
00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:51,894
And bring some ice cubes.
435
00:17:51,970 --> 00:17:53,232
I like ice cubes in my red wine.
436
00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:56,669
I'll have a glass of your
most expensive red wine
437
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:59,506
mixed with a glass of
your cheapest white wine,
438
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:00,875
served in a dog bowl.
439
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:03,638
And silly straws
all around, please.
440
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,445
I'll be right back
with my recommendations.
441
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:08,312
He seems to be
keeping it together.
442
00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:11,413
(SHOUTING) What kind of
monster orders red with fish?
443
00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:13,515
I know they're messing
with me and it's just a test,
444
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,321
but have some decency!
445
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:20,390
For you, sir, a light, crisp
Pinot with just a hint of lemon
446
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:23,026
to bring out the
flavors in your fish.
447
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,626
I brought you a bold Cabernet,
448
00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:27,467
which should still taste
okay when watered down.
449
00:18:27,539 --> 00:18:30,201
And for you, madam,
would you consider this rose?
450
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,607
It's halfway
between red and white.
451
00:18:33,345 --> 00:18:35,313
Thanks very much.
Enjoy.
452
00:18:36,648 --> 00:18:38,377
I think I may have
found my new sommelier.
453
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,577
(SHOUTING)
That was so embarrassing!
454
00:18:40,652 --> 00:18:43,917
We'll have to make sure the wine
cellar at Tom's Bistro is soundproof.
455
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,024
(SCREAMS)
456
00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:52,158
That was beautiful.
457
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:54,726
You're surrendering
to the Earth Mother.
458
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,826
Now, stare into the fire and
picture your spirit animal.
459
00:18:58,036 --> 00:18:59,628
I don't know what
my spirit animal is.
460
00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:01,167
Because it doesn't exist
461
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,834
because that's nonsense
because you're an adult.
462
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:07,044
Baby snow owl.
463
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:08,972
He's right.
464
00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:12,278
Our spirit animals connect
us to the natural world.
465
00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:15,886
You need to remain
open to their message.
466
00:19:15,954 --> 00:19:17,148
Watch.
467
00:19:22,761 --> 00:19:24,661
Welcome back, old friend.
468
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:26,354
Whoa.
469
00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:29,059
If you really want to cleanse
yourself of that anger,
470
00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:32,699
take that check and
send it into the flames.
471
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:35,399
And up into the air
with your screams.
472
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:38,341
Do not burn that check.
It is money.
473
00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:40,002
No. Ron is right, Ron.
474
00:19:46,285 --> 00:19:48,480
There, there, baby snow owl.
475
00:19:49,988 --> 00:19:51,012
You're safe now.
476
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:55,820
RON: This is him right here.
477
00:19:57,095 --> 00:19:58,426
I'll also get out
here and walk home.
478
00:19:58,497 --> 00:19:59,486
You sure?
479
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:03,023
This thing runs on vegetable
oil and bat guano.
480
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:05,296
Actually cleans
the air as it drives.
481
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:06,735
Quite sure. Thank you.
482
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:10,803
Hey.
483
00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:14,605
Thank you for helping
me with my anger.
484
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:17,609
You've already emerged
from your cocoon.
485
00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:21,046
Now the question is,
will you fly?
486
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:31,796
Yeah, I don't feel any better.
I'm still angry.
487
00:20:31,863 --> 00:20:32,852
Damn it.
488
00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:36,827
I don't know why this lake house
thing is driving me so crazy.
489
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:40,531
Sorry we couldn't help you
work through your problems.
490
00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:41,971
Now, if you'll excuse me,
491
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,735
I've got a lady,
two little girls,
492
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:45,902
and an infant waiting for me.
493
00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:48,606
It's always nice to see the
kids at the end of a long day.
494
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:51,114
Really puts things
in perspective.
495
00:20:55,687 --> 00:20:58,019
Oh, my God. Ben,
I have so much to tell you.
496
00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:01,184
We got Land Ho to
play the Unity Concert.
497
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:02,684
Whoa, what happened to you?
498
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:03,750
It doesn't matter.
499
00:21:04,496 --> 00:21:07,226
I thought I was upset because
my parents are insane.
500
00:21:07,299 --> 00:21:10,325
But Ron kind of just
showed me the real reason.
501
00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:13,235
I have so many childhood
memories at that lake house
502
00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:17,139
that, in the back of my mind, I
always pictured taking my kids,
503
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:19,234
or taking our kids there.
504
00:21:19,711 --> 00:21:21,303
I want to start our family.
505
00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:25,146
I mean, I know things are crazy,
but there's no good time.
506
00:21:25,584 --> 00:21:27,484
And I want to do it. Now.
507
00:21:28,587 --> 00:21:31,522
Well, buddy, I've got
some good news for you.
508
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:42,500
Ripped By mstoll