sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
[up-tempo music plays]
[thunder crashes]
[wind howling]
Arkham Asylum ... prison to the greatest
supervillains the world has ever known. And Mr. Banjo.
Ever since the first "Robot Chicken DC Comics
special," #rcdc, humanity has been safe from
these deviants... until...
tonight. [march plays]
[electricity crackling]
[machine-gun fire]
And now the "Robot Chicken DC Comics Special 2:
Villains in Paradise." #rcdc2vip.
Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?
- No! - Okay. Thanks, mister.
But Bizarro... said no. [ominous music plays]
Oh, this commute is murder. Okay.
[breathes deeply] Let's do this.
[flies buzzing] Unh!
Get aw... ow! You little vampires!
[grunting] Unh!
Oh, my moccasin.
[alligator roars]
Oh, no, not again! No, no!
Just be gentle, Mr. Snappy. [beeps]
What is wrong with this piece of [bleep]
Swipe it slower. [beeps]
- Ah, that's too slow. - Aah!
- Is it facing the right way? - Of course it's facing
the right ... okay, it was not.
Dad, this is total bull crap. It's spring break.
My boyfriend invited me to his family's place at the beach.
Well, the court says I get you on weekends and holidays.
Like it or not, we're spending this time together.
- Ugh! Doing what? - Oh, I have a plan for you.
Give me a double espresso latte, half decaf, medium foam,
with a dusting of Dutch chocolate.
- That bald son of a bitch. - Does Weather Wizard
- want coffee? - I texted him.
I think he's responding because those three
dots are hovering right there. [grunts]
- Tall café latte, please. - Okay. That's $3.95.
[chuckles] You didn't ask me if I wanted
- whip or no whip. - Do you want whip?
- Whip. - Great.
Do I want an extra shot of espresso?
- I don't know. Do you? - We'll see.
Oh, sorry. Hold on. It's ... it's in my keys.
- It's in my keys. - It's on the house, okay?
Free or not free has ing to do with it.
I don't know if I want it.
Only the coin knows if I want it. Ah.
[coins rattle] Hang on.
Oh, come on. The wi-fi password doesn't work.
Aren't you a living supercomputer?
- Use the wi-fi in your brain. - I don't have wi-fi.
I have 3G. And I'm locked into a [bleep]
family plan. Mom blows through all my data
Netflixing episodes of "Castle." I have no minutes ever.
- Ever! - Working here on your spring break?
- That's total bull crap, Lena. - Yeah. Well, tell that to daddy War-bald.
"Daddy War-bald"! [laughing]
We ... we should follow each other on twitter.
Damon Lindelof favorited my tweet once.
[whistles]
So, Lena over there has to work
on spring break. Did you even know it was spring break?
What does it matter?
- We don't get vacations. - That's what I told Lena!
- She says that's so unfair. - Lena makes a lot of
- good points. - Oh! And you know she's vegan?
[grunting] I really admire that Lena.
[ringtone plays] Weather Wizard wants
- an Americano. - Say we already left.
I'd like to introduce you to Superboy, my, uh ... my clone.
- What up? - "Clone"?
Oh, I knew you wouldn't have the guts to tell them the truth.
I never should have had your baby.
That's what I've been telling you for 16 years.
That's right ... a clone! A clone with no strings attached.
Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff.
Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff!
Woof woof woof, woof woof. Woof woof woof, woof woof,
- woof woof. - Ruff ruff!
[yelps] Woof woof woof woof woof.
By sending a targeted energy pulse from our stealth drone,
we will deactivate the Justice League's power generator,
housed in the South quadrant of the Hall of justice,
rending those hapless heroes completely defenseless and ...
- Meow! - We're in the middle of a meeting!
Do you fools want to tell me
- what's so important? - Well, if you insist.
Welcome to the 1986 Smallville high school talent show!
My name is Sexylexy, and we are
- Sexx Luthor! - Turn it off.
♪ oh, baby, baby with that ass so sweet ♪
♪ we're the brainy studs that you're dying to meet ♪
♪ Sexx Luthor ♪ ♪ ha ha! ♪
♪ Sexx Luthor ♪ ♪ Come on! ♪
♪ Lana Lang, Lana Lang ♪ with that sweet poontang
♪ I wrote you a song ♪ ♪ now shake hands with my wang ♪
♪ Sexx Luthor ♪
I said turn it off!
- # Sexx Luthor # - Just made it my ringtone.
I had a great time tonight, Iris. Reverse-flash!
You're not the only one who's good with the ladies.
- Flash, feast your eyes on Reverse-Iris! - My name is Tina.
Up, up, and away!
- Ugh! - Uh, don't you think you
should sit down? [sighs]
'Cause I'm gonna be flying really fast.
- I just think it would be safer. - I just ... [sighs]
Isn't there another shape? Couldn't you make it more...
- vehicular? - Why?
Look, it doesn't matter. Let ... let's just go in the ball.
- Oh, because it's emasculating. - Oh, boy. You're one of those
"just put it right out there" guys, aren't you?
Yes! It is emasculating! It is emasculating to show up
with no superpowers in a lime-Green safety bubble!
Oh. Well, no, let's talk about this for a second.
Earlier, you said "something more vehicular."
- Like a plane? - Sure.
- Okay, yeah. No, jet or prop? - Oh, a big prop plane,
for sure! And while you guys are fighting
the robot, I'll get in a dogfight with Snoopy!
Let's just go! I am sorry I ever said anything!
Look, I'm not gonna fly you in the bubble.
I know you hate it, and that's all I'll be thinking about.
♪ There does come a time ♪
♪ when you must unwind ♪
- # and it's just the wind # - Yeah!
♪ and your superfriends ♪
♪ be set free ♪
♪ upon the sea ♪
♪ and you're with your ♪
♪ Superfriends ♪ ♪ until the super end ♪
♪ just sailin' ♪
♪ sailin' ♪
♪ sailing! ♪ ♪ sailing! ♪
I... I got to call my dad.
...which will bump Eddie's plan to the end
of March, but I don't think anyone loves
"Malcolm in the riddle" anyway. All in favor?
[all murmuring] All in favor?
- Okay. What's the problem? - You're working us to
the bone, Luthor! We've butt-polished these seats
into reflective surfaces. I pulled a chair out for Grodd
the other day and got into a staring contest with
- this brown eye! - Why don't we get vacations?
Together: Vacation! Vacation!
You idiots have plenty of time off.
- It's called prison. - Luthor is correct!
I, Starro the Conqueror, require no vacation.
Why when I'm defeated by the Justice League, I'm back
to business the next day. I was at the drawing board,
not the shuffle board. I ... uh, h-hey, where we going?
Oh! Two guys taking a leak. All right, well, it's odd ...
[toilet flushes, seat closes]
- We're all on the same page, right, guys? - You shouldn't flush those
things. That's how New York got giant
- alligators in the sewers. - Ugh! That's just
- an urban legend. - Oh, you think so?!
- Moving on to new business ... - I got four mochas, two
- whipped, two naked. - What?
My daughter Lena is supposed to bring the coffee!
- Who the [bleep] are you?! - Oh, that's my nephew Calvin.
Isn't he great? Trying to help my sister out.
I'm taking Lena's shift while she's on vacation
- with her boyfriend. - Wow.
- Lena does what she wants. - No!
This insubordination will not stand!
Well, you heard him ... go. It's over.
I tried, but it didn't work out. It is what it is, okay?
Tell sis I love her. What? What are you looking at?
- Get the [bleep] out of here. - Brainiac, tap into the grid!
We'll cross-reference the database of every airline
in the country until ... [ringtone beeps]
Whoa! Lena's instagram is blowing up with vacay pics!
Wow! That beach house looks amazing!
Gross, cross your legs. I can see your dick.
Lena thinks she can defy me? You all wanted a vacation?
Well, the Legion of Doom is going to the beach!
- Flight mode engaged. - What?!
- The Hall of Doom ... it flies. - Meow.
We've been commuting to the okefenokee swamp when we could
have been anywhere else? Meow?!
I wear [bleep] burlap, man, and the 20 pounds of swamp water
it takes on every morning! I've got a case of trench foot
That's marched halfway up my balls!
- Buckle up! - This bastion of evil upsets
the delicate balance of the green.
You were right to summon me, the Swamp Thing,
for I am your protector. Do you smell gasoline?
Shit! Shit! This thing's taking off!
Aah! Aah! Get the [bleep] out of my way!
- N-o-o-o-o! - "The death of Swamp Thing" ...
the most shocking comic book of he year, now on sale!
He's back and better than ever!
"Swamp Thing" #1! Now back to our show.
Green Arrow to tower! The turbulence knocked
the pilot out cold! I'm all alone up here!
Easy, India Juliet 32, we can talk you down.
First, tell me what it says on your altimeter.
I-I-I can't even see the altimeter!
- I assure you it's there. - I know it's there!
- I'm saying I can't see it! - If you're having trouble
identifying the altimeter, you need to look
- it up in the flight manual. - I can't read it!
We're ejecting out of this flying death box!
[clang!] Fuel jettisoned.
Oh [bleep].
You know, I was just off a very hard breakup, but I have to
say, this actually feels ... [chokes]
[diners gasp] Is there a doctor in the house?
Oh! Right here ... Dr. Fate!
- He's a doctor. - I'm not, uh ...
- Actually, I'm not that kind of doctor. - What? You lied to me!
I never meant to hurt you, Melanie!
Ahh. Ugh!
[toilet flushes] Ahh.
Green Arrow was a champion of justice, but more importantly,
he was my friend. And no amount of tears will ...
will... No, you know what?
[bleep] this! [audience gasps]
Oh, don't act so shocked, you phonies!
You know how this works. In a few months, some magic
Amulet will bring him back or we'll find some
alternate-dimension Green Arrow that's exactly like the one we
had before! How many of you here have
already died? Come on! Put them up!
Exactly. So, all due respect to
Green Arrow or whoever bites it next, but I'm done with your
memorials, your wakes, or flying to your home planets
to scatter your [bleep] ashes! I am done!
[cheers and applause] [gasps]
Wow! First day of my internship at the Daily Planet!
Oh, working at the Daily Planet is great!
Mr. Kent's really nice, and Miss Lane gets all the scoops!
And if I ever get in hot water, I can call Superman
- on my signal watch! - [scoffs] Good one, Jimmy.
- It's true! - Pfft! No way!
I'll prove it, rookie! Superman will catch me before
- I even hit the grou-ou-ou-ound! - Is this your signal watch?
[metal crunching] The bad news ...
Jimmy Olsen died. The good news ... I got promoted.
Come on, you stupid Gorilla. It's my first day.
Do something cool! [camera shutter clicks]
[Gorilla roars] Aah! Help!
Help me, Superman! Aah-aah!
[watch beeping] Jimmy? Jimmy!
Jimmy! [beeping continues]
[breathing heavily] What? Why?
[camera shutter clicks] Look, Mr. Kent!
I got the front page on my very first day!
Congrats.
So, what made you respond to
- my profile? - Well, you said you liked Fish. So?
Ain't no poontang until date six, and the hedge grows wild,
My man ... like fangorn forest wild.
Hey, I just remembered I left the ocean running, so maybe
another time!
[beach music plays]
- What a beautiful morning. - You're welcome.
You gonna make that joke every [bleep] day,
Weather Wizard?! Your power's not called "July"!
Hey, man, you're really sunburned!
- You should go inside. - This is my natural skin tone.
You know what? Mind your own business.
- Okay. All right. - Cute mermaid, girls.
Damn cute. Hey, here's $5.
Why don't you girls go get yourself some ice cream?
Hey, there, baby. From around here?
Clayface don't get to meet a lot of ... [gurgling]
Wah! Hey, fellas, "private beach" is code for "nude beach."
- Wah-ha! - Keep your visibly-mangled and
misshapen sausage [bleep] in your pants, Penguin.
Guys, at a nude beach ... hey, that really hurt.
[clears throat] Wah. Guys, at a nude beach, there's
nude women. Wah, wah wah wah!
- Oh, my god! - Wha... huh?!
- Dude, you got fried! - I told you, my skin is
naturally ... Holy [bleep] shit!
- Problem? - Oh, n-no.
Oh ... [grunts] [chuckles nervously]
[groaning loudly] Aah!
Ohh! Ohh! [skin crackling]
- Is it sunburn? - N... no-no... nope!
Oh-ho-ho! I'm perfectly bronzed.
- Aaaaah! - Hey, I think this guy is dead.
I think I'm finally
- comfortable in my own skin. - So take off your mask.
Uh, no, no, no. I'm a real "but-his-face."
There's no judgment here, Scarecrow.
We're all beautiful in our own way.
Look at those dudes' dicks! [Laughter]
Wait. So "private" doesn't mean "nude"?
- "Private" means "private." - What are you fools doing?!
- Where are your clothes?! - What the hell kind of freak show
are you running here, Luthor?
I'm just here looking for my daughter.
- Daddy? - Lena!
- "Daddy"? - Lena, you are never to see
- him again. - No!
Conner, you are never to see that gitl again!
- No! - Hey, a quarter.
N-o-o-o-o!
Oh, golly, Superboy!
How'd you ever land a high-class [bleep] trail like Lena Luthor?
Well, talking about teenagers having sex would be
cheap exploitation. But singing about it is another story.
♪ I met Lena ♪
- # went to a movie # - # fell for Conner #
- # I let him super do me # - # we made out #
- # started to bone # - # you'd be surprised what #
♪ They've enhanced on this clone ♪
♪ super teens ♪
♪ who cares what they mean? ♪
♪ when all you need are super ♪
- # nights # - # a-pow, a-bam, a-boom, #
♪ a-crack ♪ ♪ give us dirt, give us dirt ♪
♪ did you find out their scheme? ♪
♪ give us dirt, give us dirt ♪
♪ does his dick shoot red beams? ♪
♪ good thing my panties are 10% lead ♪
# and she's no stranger to
- # dicks with smooth heads # - Gross.
♪ my super dad, he'll get super mad ♪
♪ but it's worth it for those super ♪
♪ N-i-i-i-i-i-i-ights ♪
I let you finish that song as
a professional courtesy. That was a mistake.
Lena, you're too good for that super-trash.
My clone's too good to date a filthy Luthor!
Lena's got more class in her little finger than you ...
[grunting] I'm cool, I'm cool.
Silence, fools! It's over.
[coughing] Slut! She's a slut!
- Oh! You! - Oh, hell, no!
[grunting]
Check me out now, mother[bleep]!
It's Starro! Like a mighty New York city sewer alligator!
I'd hate to say I told you so.
That is a lie. [screaming]
- I tol... - Only our combined forces can
- defeat a foe that size. - All right, Luthor, I'll bring
my super-strength, laser eyes, invulnerability, and
super-speed, and you bring your slightly above-average
- intelligence. - You know what?
[bleep] you, Superman.
I've got this one, Mr. J! Hyah!
- N-o-o-o-o-o-o! - "Death of a Joker," now on sale!
- Collect all 18 variant covers! - I got mine!
Hey, Sinestro, you remember your Lantern Corps
- basic training? - The old bow-and-arrow maneuver?
Both: You idiot!
This parasol's more than just a fashion statement.
Wah wah! Ohh! Wah! Sorry! Sorry!
Wah! Wah. Wah. Wah w-a-a-a-ah!
Riddle me this! Can anybody hear me?!
Riddle me this! Aah!
It's time Starro learned that speed kills!
- Sorry! Sorry! - I got this, guys!
- Aah! - Maybe I can turn the tide of
this battle with the aid of my ocean friends!
[dolphin squeaks] [whale sings]
Aquaman calls us, the horses of the sea, to fight!
So if any of ye wishes to leave, go now, and let no seahorse hold
in judgment he that does! You are free ... all of you ...
to do as you choose. Aye, lads.
Even slow-witted steve stayed. And crippled Kevin.
Kevin, whose tail was gripped by a crab.
Look upon one another and know that on this day, ye all chose
to fight for the one in the tight-green leggings and orange
shirt, the one who sometimes carries a trident but mostly no,
the one with the locks of gold fairer than any maiden!
We fight for the one they call Aquaman!
[all cheering] So, ride the currents as though
your tails were set alight, for your names shall be remembered
from this day and forevermore! [all cheering]
All: For Aquaman!
If this is the end, I want to die here, in your arms, among
- all these dead sea horses. - For Aquaman!
- So many dead sea horses. - I love you.
- I love you! - Could it be?
True love has touched even this old starfish's heart?
We have no reason to fight, my friends!
- Smile, you son of a bitch! - Aah!
♪ sailin' ♪ [Starro screaming]
- # Sailin' # - I guess we learned something
- here today, Luthor. - Indeed, we have.
For all our combined powers, we were fools to think we could
defeat the greatest power in the universe ... love.
[Mendelssohn's "Wedding march" plays]
- It's so beautiful. - It's a little gross.
The bride and groom will now read the vows they have written.
When I met Lena... I never realized one person
could teach me so much about life and love and following my
own passion. That's how I finally found the
courage to ask...
Bizarro, will you marry me?
- And ... and Bizarro say yes! - Oh! This is beautiful!
Bizarro say yes! Yes! Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!
- You may now kiss the bride. - Yes! Me want kiss!
Yes! Yes! [all cheering]
This is how we're ending the second "Robot chicken
DC Comics Special," with a [bleep] fake-out wedding?
- Damn it! Aren't you dead?! - Oh, I got the magic amulet.
Drop your [bleep] and grab your flip-flops.
We are Sexx Luthor!
♪ oh, baby, baby ♪ ♪ with that ass so sweet ♪
♪ we're the brainy studs that you're dying to meet ♪
♪ Sexx Luthor ♪ ♪ ha ha! ♪
♪ Sexx Luthor ♪
The Joker's back and better than ever! On sale now.
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~