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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Aah!
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♪ Good morning, USA!
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(brakes squeak)
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(door opens)
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Stan, what are you doing home?
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It's only 4:00.
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They all went bowling.
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Who did?
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Bullock and his Inner Circle.
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00:00:40,356 --> 00:00:42,524
Well, why don't you ask to be
in the Inner Circle?
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I did.
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Sir?
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(wind whistling)
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Smith, what are you doing here?
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Can I be in the Inner Circle?
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No! And shut the door.
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Taxpayers are paying top dollar
for this wind.
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All the agents in
the Inner Circle
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were flying like
birds, Francine,
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00:01:00,676 --> 00:01:02,877
and I was just standing
there on the ground,
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00:01:02,912 --> 00:01:03,945
like a stupid mammal.
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Well, I don't think
you're a mammal.
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Morning, guys.
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00:01:07,283 --> 00:01:08,817
Morning? You
better be talking
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00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:10,819
about former Charlotte
Hornet Alonzo Mourning,
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00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:12,153
because it's 4:00
in the afternoon.
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You can't possibly
just be getting up.
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Whatevs.
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Mom, hands, eggs, make.
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You, hold it right there.
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You, make your own eggs.
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You, stay beautiful.
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I don't know how to make eggs.
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Mom always makes my breakfast.
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Oh, my God.
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You can't make food,
you sleep all day,
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you barely form
complete sentences.
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What are you talking me at?
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You have no survival skills.
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Oh, don't be so overdramatic.
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Someday, we are
gonna die, Francine.
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You sooner than me, probably,
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with all that string
cheese you eat,
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but we're both gonna go,
and when we do,
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this girl right here is not
qualified to be anything
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other than a stripper
or a crack whore
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or a-a...
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00:01:49,525 --> 00:01:51,192
Oh, I was sure
there was a third.
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Uh, stripper, crack
whore, grocery bagger?
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00:01:55,598 --> 00:01:57,432
No, no, that's a
noble profession.
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I have plenty
of survival skills.
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The prove it.
Effective immediately,
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you are gonna start paying
rent around here, young lady.
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How am I supposed
to afford that?
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You've got survival
skills; figure it out.
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Go be something other than
a stripper or a crack whore
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or a-a... or a...
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Oh, God, that is so annoying.
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00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:15,216
Uh, stay-at-home mom.
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It was right in front
of me the whole time.
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(rock music playing)
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Thanks for the bartending job,
Roger.
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My dad is insisting I pay rent.
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I don't blame him.
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Somebody's got to pay
for all this neon,
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00:02:28,531 --> 00:02:29,831
and it's not gonna be me.
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00:02:29,865 --> 00:02:32,233
All my money goes to
experimental VD treatments.
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00:02:32,268 --> 00:02:34,035
Anyway, now that
you're a bartender,
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00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,104
people are gonna share a
lot of things with you,
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00:02:36,138 --> 00:02:38,506
and the better listener you are,
the better tips you'll get.
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Except for Carlos.
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He's gonna offer you a tip.
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You don't want that tip.
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That tip is connected
to his body.
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KLAUS: I am so excited to
share Das Boot with you.
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This is the greatest
German movie of all time.
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If you don't count
the Hindenburg footage.
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(speaking German)
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(chuckles)
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What's so funny?
They're just eating dinner.
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It's a reference to Das Kleines
Madchen und Der Zwergenhafter.
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The Little Girl
and the Little Person?
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No idea.
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00:03:08,404 --> 00:03:09,738
What?
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00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:12,240
You don't know
the famous German fairy tale
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The Little Girl
and the Little Person?
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You can't fully
appreciate this movie
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without knowing this story.
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(clears throat)
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Once upon a time,
there was a little girl
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with hair as golden
as sauerkraut.
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Das Madchen was taking
her beloved schnauzer
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for a walk one day,
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when she came
upon a little person
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toiling in the fields.
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STEVE:
Why am I the little girl?
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SNOT: And why am I
the little person?
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KLAUS: Because German kinder
do what they're told!
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Now shut up and listen!
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00:03:42,738 --> 00:03:45,573
Suddenly, the little person
saw an eagle
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soaring overhead.
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Achtung, an eagle.
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The little girl cowered,
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since we all know
what natural sworn enemies
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schnauzers and eagles are.
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STEVE:
Wait, why schnauzers and eagles
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be natural sworn enemies?
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What?!
110
00:04:00,222 --> 00:04:02,423
You don't know the
story of the schnauzer
111
00:04:02,458 --> 00:04:04,526
who stole the eagle's worm?
112
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,162
Well, now I have to tell
you that story first,
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because you can't
get the other story
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without knowing this story.
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(inhales sharply)
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Once upon a time...
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SNOT:
Oh, God.
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Stan, I know you want Hayley
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to learn to take care
of herself,
120
00:04:26,215 --> 00:04:27,949
but is Roger's bar
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the healthiest environment
for her?
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Will you go up there
and see if she's okay?
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00:04:32,154 --> 00:04:33,922
Spy on Hayley? Sure.
124
00:04:33,956 --> 00:04:35,824
It's been years
since I've gone undercover.
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00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:37,926
Let me refresh myself
on my special skills.
126
00:04:41,730 --> 00:04:43,431
(Jamaican accent):
Oye, dis'll be as easy
127
00:04:43,465 --> 00:04:46,935
as rolling a spliff
in Kingston Town, mon.
128
00:04:46,969 --> 00:04:48,970
♪
129
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(rock music playing)
130
00:05:02,685 --> 00:05:05,153
How do you do that, man?
131
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(lips smacking)
132
00:05:16,565 --> 00:05:18,399
Good Lord, Francine is right.
133
00:05:18,434 --> 00:05:20,168
I can't let Hayley work here.
134
00:05:20,202 --> 00:05:22,537
BULLOCK: Want to know
what I really think?
135
00:05:22,571 --> 00:05:25,306
Agents don't have
any style anymore.
136
00:05:25,341 --> 00:05:29,310
If some agent today were
to have the sense of élan
137
00:05:29,345 --> 00:05:33,681
to walk into my office
wearing a pocket square,
138
00:05:33,716 --> 00:05:36,050
what I wouldn't do for that man.
139
00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:38,920
Maybe even let him
into the Inner Circle?
140
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:41,322
I'll have another.
141
00:05:41,357 --> 00:05:43,157
And pour one for yourself.
142
00:05:43,192 --> 00:05:44,759
Sorry, on the clock.
143
00:05:44,793 --> 00:05:46,861
Ah, but I insist.
144
00:05:46,896 --> 00:05:48,897
Okay, why not?
145
00:05:50,499 --> 00:05:51,866
(sighs)
146
00:05:51,901 --> 00:05:53,534
Don't get too drunk, Avery.
147
00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:55,603
I know you're a guy
with a lot of secrets,
148
00:05:55,638 --> 00:05:57,138
and, you know, loose lips.
149
00:05:57,172 --> 00:05:58,439
You're my bartender.
150
00:05:58,474 --> 00:06:01,175
If I can't share
with you, who can I?
151
00:06:01,210 --> 00:06:04,579
I might even tell you
my favorite animal.
152
00:06:04,613 --> 00:06:05,847
I'll give you a hint.
153
00:06:05,881 --> 00:06:08,283
Meow.
154
00:06:09,818 --> 00:06:12,287
Francine, what the hell
is a pocket square?
155
00:06:12,321 --> 00:06:13,955
What?
It's a decorative kerchief.
156
00:06:13,989 --> 00:06:14,823
Who cares?
157
00:06:14,943 --> 00:06:15,964
How was the bar?
158
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,173
Is Hayley gonna be okay
working up there?
159
00:06:18,293 --> 00:06:19,794
Huh? Oh, oh, great bar.
160
00:06:19,828 --> 00:06:21,029
Great bar, classy bar.
161
00:06:21,063 --> 00:06:23,231
(gunshots, screaming)
162
00:06:24,997 --> 00:06:27,502
ROGER: Free drinks for everyone
who saw him threaten me.
163
00:06:27,536 --> 00:06:29,704
Great bar.
164
00:06:32,841 --> 00:06:34,575
All right, pocket square,
165
00:06:34,610 --> 00:06:36,441
time to work your magic.
166
00:06:36,669 --> 00:06:38,536
This is Rihanna.
167
00:06:38,571 --> 00:06:40,271
This is Katy Perry.
168
00:06:40,306 --> 00:06:42,540
This is Selena Gomez.
169
00:06:42,575 --> 00:06:44,976
All right, that completes
today's hotties.
170
00:06:45,011 --> 00:06:46,344
Smith,
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00:06:46,379 --> 00:06:47,946
this meeting
doesn't concern you.
172
00:06:47,980 --> 00:06:50,148
If we need...
173
00:06:53,052 --> 00:06:54,419
I'm sorry.
174
00:06:54,453 --> 00:06:57,088
I didn't mean to use
a harsh tone there.
175
00:06:57,123 --> 00:07:00,725
Would you step
into my office, please?
176
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:02,460
We're not to be disturbed.
177
00:07:04,096 --> 00:07:06,765
Unless you see something
funny on YouTube.
178
00:07:06,799 --> 00:07:11,169
Smith, I had no idea you
rock it in the pocket.
179
00:07:11,203 --> 00:07:12,504
Feast your eyes.
180
00:07:12,538 --> 00:07:13,772
(beeps)
181
00:07:13,806 --> 00:07:15,507
(gasps)
182
00:07:15,541 --> 00:07:17,609
You like pocket squares, too?
183
00:07:17,643 --> 00:07:19,110
I do. In fact,
184
00:07:19,145 --> 00:07:20,545
the first time I wore one,
185
00:07:20,579 --> 00:07:22,947
I was at Buzz Aldrin's
bachelor party.
186
00:07:22,982 --> 00:07:26,418
Oh, you're not in
the Inner Circle,
187
00:07:26,452 --> 00:07:27,786
but keep up the good work.
188
00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:28,953
Sir, come quick.
189
00:07:28,988 --> 00:07:31,389
Some frat boys put sunglasses
on a bulldog,
190
00:07:31,424 --> 00:07:34,325
and he's walking around
to "Bad to the Bone."
191
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,361
AGENT: They're pulling
him in a wagon now!
192
00:07:40,966 --> 00:07:43,568
Hayley?
193
00:07:43,602 --> 00:07:45,770
Hey, button-nose,
time to get up.
194
00:07:45,805 --> 00:07:47,238
Got to get ready for work.
195
00:07:47,273 --> 00:07:48,873
(groans) Not feeling so good.
196
00:07:48,908 --> 00:07:50,241
So, listen,
I couldn't help but notice
197
00:07:50,276 --> 00:07:51,976
that Bullock was in the bar
last night.
198
00:07:52,011 --> 00:07:53,445
Any fun stories or anything?
199
00:07:53,479 --> 00:07:55,280
Dad, I can't tell you that.
200
00:07:55,314 --> 00:07:56,581
Bartender's code.
201
00:07:56,615 --> 00:07:57,682
Oh, no, no, of course.
202
00:07:57,717 --> 00:07:59,284
You don't need to tell me
about codes.
203
00:07:59,318 --> 00:08:00,819
Morse, da Vinci,
I follow them all.
204
00:08:00,853 --> 00:08:02,053
Now get up.
205
00:08:02,088 --> 00:08:04,589
Important people need
to unload their secrets on you.
206
00:08:04,623 --> 00:08:06,691
But I'm-I'm just
so hungover.
207
00:08:06,726 --> 00:08:08,426
Bullock's there every night,
208
00:08:08,461 --> 00:08:10,595
and he always insists
that I drink with him.
209
00:08:10,629 --> 00:08:12,964
Oh, maybe I should just
get a different job.
210
00:08:12,998 --> 00:08:14,432
What? Oh, no, no, no.
211
00:08:14,467 --> 00:08:15,967
Come on now,
that's where you're working.
212
00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:17,502
Now, let's not have
any silly talk
213
00:08:17,536 --> 00:08:18,903
of you quitting that job.
214
00:08:18,938 --> 00:08:20,338
Quitting is for Realtors
215
00:08:20,372 --> 00:08:21,673
before they become Realtors.
216
00:08:21,707 --> 00:08:23,708
I'll leave you with that.
217
00:08:25,277 --> 00:08:27,779
(birds twittering, bird squawks)
218
00:08:27,813 --> 00:08:31,449
KLAUS: And so the Frog King
said to the Burgermeister...
219
00:08:31,484 --> 00:08:33,551
STEVE: At long last,
Herr Frederick,
220
00:08:33,586 --> 00:08:35,353
what gift have you
brought for me?
221
00:08:35,387 --> 00:08:38,022
SNOT:
The only gift I have, mein King,
222
00:08:38,057 --> 00:08:41,526
is the gift of Liebenspiel.
223
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:42,994
(frogs croaking)
KLAUS: The end.
224
00:08:43,028 --> 00:08:45,063
SNOT:
I know I'm gonna regret this,
225
00:08:45,097 --> 00:08:47,832
but what exactly is Liebenspiel?
226
00:08:47,867 --> 00:08:49,200
What?!
227
00:08:49,235 --> 00:08:51,736
You don't know the
meaning of Liebenspiel?
228
00:08:51,771 --> 00:08:53,538
Stop asking questions!
229
00:08:53,572 --> 00:08:55,940
We've been listening
to these stupid stories forever.
230
00:08:55,975 --> 00:08:58,943
I can't take another day
off school.
231
00:08:58,978 --> 00:09:01,379
(indistinct crowd chatter)
232
00:09:01,413 --> 00:09:04,215
Hey, button-nose.
Now, don't worry.
233
00:09:04,250 --> 00:09:06,584
I'm not gonna ask you to
break the bartender's code.
234
00:09:06,619 --> 00:09:08,220
I just thought I'd
bring you some flowers
235
00:09:08,254 --> 00:09:09,554
to show how proud I am of you.
236
00:09:09,588 --> 00:09:11,122
(mic feedback squeals)
Don't water these.
237
00:09:11,157 --> 00:09:13,024
Aw, thank you.
238
00:09:13,058 --> 00:09:14,759
That's very thoughtful of you.
239
00:09:14,794 --> 00:09:16,694
Hayley, are you drunk?
240
00:09:16,729 --> 00:09:18,763
Hey, I'm just doing
what you told me to do.
241
00:09:18,798 --> 00:09:19,964
I'm doing my job.
242
00:09:19,999 --> 00:09:21,239
Well, maybe your mother's right.
243
00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:23,201
Maybe this isn't the healthiest
environment for you.
244
00:09:23,235 --> 00:09:24,402
You should quit.
245
00:09:24,436 --> 00:09:25,670
BULLOCK: Hello. (gasps)
246
00:09:27,873 --> 00:09:30,241
But you're clearly
too legit to quit.
247
00:09:30,276 --> 00:09:32,277
Hey, hey!
248
00:09:35,014 --> 00:09:37,248
Barkeep, line them up.
249
00:09:37,283 --> 00:09:39,250
BULLOCK (slurring):
Hayley, did I ever tell you
250
00:09:39,285 --> 00:09:43,188
about the time I murdered
the entire Bolshoi ballet?
251
00:09:43,222 --> 00:09:47,325
It was also the weekend
I discovered Crocs.
252
00:09:50,529 --> 00:09:52,530
♪
253
00:10:08,948 --> 00:10:10,949
♪
254
00:10:17,790 --> 00:10:19,791
♪
255
00:10:36,775 --> 00:10:38,109
And now I'd like to welcome
256
00:10:38,143 --> 00:10:40,411
the newest member
of our Inner Circle,
257
00:10:40,446 --> 00:10:42,146
Stan Smith.
258
00:10:44,483 --> 00:10:46,784
That means you're out,
Quackenbush.
259
00:10:48,854 --> 00:10:51,322
Well, we got the chair right.
260
00:10:51,357 --> 00:10:54,125
There's just the small matter
of the ceiling.
261
00:11:02,935 --> 00:11:04,802
Hayley?
262
00:11:05,838 --> 00:11:07,438
I knew this was a mistake.
263
00:11:07,473 --> 00:11:08,873
Hayley, get up!
264
00:11:08,908 --> 00:11:11,509
(slurring): I am showing
Dad I'm responsible.
265
00:11:12,678 --> 00:11:14,412
When did I eat vomit?
266
00:11:14,446 --> 00:11:16,414
Hayley, you have a problem!
267
00:11:16,448 --> 00:11:17,949
Oh, you want to go, bitch?
268
00:11:17,983 --> 00:11:19,117
Let's go!
269
00:11:20,819 --> 00:11:22,353
Ooh, shiny!
270
00:11:22,388 --> 00:11:24,889
Hey, that's my badass Stingray!
271
00:11:24,924 --> 00:11:26,291
Hayley, are you okay?!
272
00:11:26,325 --> 00:11:27,358
Lucky she's drunk.
273
00:11:27,393 --> 00:11:29,027
When you're drunk,
your body goes limp
274
00:11:29,061 --> 00:11:31,596
so you don't get hurt when you fall.
Really?
275
00:11:31,630 --> 00:11:34,098
Oh, yeah, that's how Gary Busey
did all his own stunts.
276
00:11:34,133 --> 00:11:35,099
(tires squeal)
277
00:11:35,134 --> 00:11:38,269
Hayley, stop!
Please come back!
278
00:11:41,173 --> 00:11:43,341
(tires squeal)
279
00:11:43,375 --> 00:11:46,044
Nice...
Nice...
280
00:11:50,482 --> 00:11:52,383
(steam hissing)
281
00:11:52,418 --> 00:11:54,686
(slurring):
My bumper car's not working.
282
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:55,954
Lucky you were drunk.
283
00:11:55,988 --> 00:11:57,956
When you're drunk,
your body goes limp
284
00:11:57,990 --> 00:11:59,590
and you don't get hurt
when you crash.
285
00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:00,792
Really?
286
00:12:00,826 --> 00:12:03,628
Yeah, that's how
I did my stunts.
287
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:11,002
Hey, you stepped in
something, Quackenbush!
288
00:12:11,036 --> 00:12:12,203
(all laugh)
289
00:12:12,237 --> 00:12:13,438
(phone rings)
290
00:12:13,472 --> 00:12:14,505
Hello?
291
00:12:14,540 --> 00:12:16,274
FRANCINE:
Stan, Hayley's in rehab.
292
00:12:16,308 --> 00:12:18,443
Hayley's in rehab?! Hold on.
293
00:12:18,477 --> 00:12:19,777
I'm in the Inner Circle,
294
00:12:19,812 --> 00:12:21,379
Hayley's out of the house.
295
00:12:21,413 --> 00:12:22,413
There's no downside.
296
00:12:22,448 --> 00:12:23,881
Wait-- whose car did she crash?
297
00:12:23,916 --> 00:12:25,049
Roger's.
Great, bye.
298
00:12:25,084 --> 00:12:29,020
Rehab, eh?
299
00:12:31,557 --> 00:12:33,958
Hey, we'd like to rent Das Boot.
300
00:12:33,993 --> 00:12:35,827
Whoa! That's so weird.
301
00:12:35,861 --> 00:12:37,362
Some orange dude
just came in here
302
00:12:37,396 --> 00:12:40,098
and rented our last two copies.
303
00:12:41,567 --> 00:12:44,135
Klaus! We just wanted
to watch the movie
304
00:12:44,169 --> 00:12:47,071
without having to listen
to all your Germanic folktales.
305
00:12:47,106 --> 00:12:50,575
Yes, you two always try
to take the easy way out.
306
00:12:50,609 --> 00:12:54,278
Just like the story of Die
Krankenschwester und Der Augenblick.
307
00:12:54,313 --> 00:12:55,613
What's that story?
308
00:12:55,647 --> 00:12:57,048
What?!
309
00:12:57,082 --> 00:12:58,883
Stoner video clerk,
310
00:12:58,917 --> 00:13:00,785
you don't know the story of
311
00:13:00,819 --> 00:13:03,054
Die Krankenschwester
und Der Augenblick?!
312
00:13:03,088 --> 00:13:04,555
(both groan)
313
00:13:04,590 --> 00:13:07,392
Bro. Bro, bro,
bro, bro...
314
00:13:07,426 --> 00:13:08,793
are you Nemo?
315
00:13:08,827 --> 00:13:11,629
People are looking for you, bro.
316
00:13:14,166 --> 00:13:16,801
Attention, Inner Circle.
317
00:13:16,835 --> 00:13:19,037
Hayley Smith has
just entered rehab.
318
00:13:19,071 --> 00:13:20,238
This is her.
319
00:13:20,272 --> 00:13:21,906
She has classified intel.
320
00:13:21,940 --> 00:13:24,542
I have no idea
how she obtained it,
321
00:13:24,576 --> 00:13:26,577
but as part of her treatment,
322
00:13:26,612 --> 00:13:28,579
she'll no doubt be forced
to open up
323
00:13:28,614 --> 00:13:30,681
to a bunch
of loose-lipped drunks.
324
00:13:30,716 --> 00:13:33,618
Therefore,
she must be eliminated.
325
00:13:33,652 --> 00:13:34,919
(gasps)
326
00:13:34,953 --> 00:13:36,220
Oh, right, Smith.
327
00:13:36,255 --> 00:13:38,756
Still not used to you being in
the Inner Circle.
328
00:13:38,791 --> 00:13:40,091
(chuckles)
329
00:13:40,125 --> 00:13:42,326
Of course we won't be
killing your daughter.
330
00:13:42,361 --> 00:13:44,362
Just a little joke there.
331
00:13:44,396 --> 00:13:47,398
But seriously, could
you leave the room?
332
00:13:47,433 --> 00:13:48,933
Uh... sure.
333
00:13:48,967 --> 00:13:50,501
No problem.
334
00:13:51,537 --> 00:13:53,304
I was joking about joking.
335
00:13:53,338 --> 00:13:56,507
The killing of Hayley Smith
is very much on.
336
00:13:56,542 --> 00:13:59,110
I'll tell you what
else is still on...
337
00:13:59,144 --> 00:14:02,080
our afternoon pants trading.
338
00:14:02,114 --> 00:14:03,948
Gentlemen?
339
00:14:05,484 --> 00:14:07,285
Can I get your underpants, too?
340
00:14:07,319 --> 00:14:09,520
Mine are... kinda gross.
341
00:14:14,676 --> 00:14:15,854
I need to see my daughter!
342
00:14:15,974 --> 00:14:16,760
I'm sorry, sir,
343
00:14:16,887 --> 00:14:18,788
I'm afraid it's patients only
beyond this point.
344
00:14:18,822 --> 00:14:20,189
Oh, what am I talking about?
345
00:14:20,224 --> 00:14:22,625
I don't have a daughter.
I'm drunk! I need help!
346
00:14:22,659 --> 00:14:24,327
There's no way I should
be behind the wheel!
347
00:14:24,361 --> 00:14:27,163
Listen to how I'm
slurring my words.
348
00:14:27,197 --> 00:14:29,031
Sir, that's
not convincing at all.
349
00:14:29,066 --> 00:14:31,234
I'm telling you, I'm a menace!
350
00:14:31,268 --> 00:14:32,468
Argh!
351
00:14:32,503 --> 00:14:33,903
Sir, now you're
just doing a pirate.
352
00:14:33,937 --> 00:14:35,338
Damn it!
353
00:14:47,518 --> 00:14:48,618
(tires screech)
354
00:14:48,652 --> 00:14:51,154
(steam hissing)
355
00:14:53,824 --> 00:14:55,024
That's it!
356
00:14:55,058 --> 00:14:58,227
Now get in there,
ya drunk son of a bitch!
357
00:15:01,198 --> 00:15:03,933
Hey, aren't you The Most
Interesting Man in the World?
358
00:15:03,967 --> 00:15:05,268
What are you doing here?
359
00:15:05,302 --> 00:15:07,036
I don't always drink beer,
360
00:15:07,070 --> 00:15:10,072
but when I do,
I drink to excess.
361
00:15:10,107 --> 00:15:11,741
Dad?
Hayley?
362
00:15:11,775 --> 00:15:13,843
Oh, my God! I just
remembered why I'm here!
363
00:15:13,877 --> 00:15:16,779
Oh, good. Then perhaps you could
share it with the rest of us.
364
00:15:16,813 --> 00:15:18,548
Dr. Penguin?
What are you doing here?
365
00:15:18,582 --> 00:15:19,815
I run this group.
366
00:15:19,850 --> 00:15:21,570
I've had my own issues
with substance abuse,
367
00:15:21,585 --> 00:15:23,786
and the cash I make
from this gig helps me
368
00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:25,087
to continue to have them.
369
00:15:25,122 --> 00:15:27,590
So... Stan,
why are you here?
370
00:15:27,624 --> 00:15:30,193
Because my daughter knows all
these secrets about the CIA,
371
00:15:30,227 --> 00:15:32,061
and they're sending people
to have her killed!
372
00:15:32,095 --> 00:15:33,696
What?!
That's right!
373
00:15:33,730 --> 00:15:35,331
We have to get you out of here!
374
00:15:35,365 --> 00:15:37,166
Stan, look at me.
Why are you here?
375
00:15:37,201 --> 00:15:38,267
I just told you!
376
00:15:38,302 --> 00:15:40,836
Stan...
why are you here?
377
00:15:45,108 --> 00:15:47,210
Because I'm no good.
378
00:15:47,244 --> 00:15:49,745
I pushed my daughter
to become a drunk
379
00:15:49,780 --> 00:15:52,281
just so I could
get ahead at work.
380
00:15:52,316 --> 00:15:54,383
And I didn't even prepare
her for life.
381
00:15:54,418 --> 00:15:56,219
She can't even take care
of herself!
382
00:15:56,253 --> 00:16:00,022
I'm a terrible father!
(sobs)
383
00:16:00,057 --> 00:16:01,991
There we go.
384
00:16:02,025 --> 00:16:04,227
Dad, that's not true.
385
00:16:04,261 --> 00:16:05,861
You're a great father.
386
00:16:05,896 --> 00:16:08,564
Oh, you're just saying that
because you're so stupid.
387
00:16:08,599 --> 00:16:09,865
(sobbing)
388
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:11,033
See, people?
389
00:16:11,068 --> 00:16:13,302
We're all about
breaking down walls here.
390
00:16:13,337 --> 00:16:14,470
(explosion)
391
00:16:14,504 --> 00:16:15,771
Go, go, go!
392
00:16:15,806 --> 00:16:17,473
No, stop, stop, stop!
393
00:16:17,507 --> 00:16:20,743
Tell me, friend, how did breaking
down that wall make you feel?
394
00:16:20,777 --> 00:16:22,912
Sir, I don't have time for...
395
00:16:26,950 --> 00:16:30,820
(sobs): If only I could have broken
down the wall between me and my ex,
396
00:16:30,854 --> 00:16:33,422
I might still see my kids!
397
00:16:33,457 --> 00:16:34,724
(sobbing)
398
00:16:34,758 --> 00:16:35,791
Oh, God.
399
00:16:35,826 --> 00:16:38,327
They call Ron "Dad".
400
00:16:38,362 --> 00:16:40,596
This is good.
This is healthy.
401
00:16:40,631 --> 00:16:41,998
I'm creating a connection.
402
00:16:42,032 --> 00:16:43,199
And a diversion.
403
00:16:43,233 --> 00:16:45,501
Run, you idiot!
404
00:16:45,535 --> 00:16:49,171
♪
405
00:16:58,749 --> 00:17:00,216
This way!
406
00:17:06,156 --> 00:17:07,690
Hayley, what did you do?
407
00:17:07,724 --> 00:17:09,058
We have nowhere to go!
408
00:17:09,092 --> 00:17:10,660
Yes, we do.
We're gonna drink this,
409
00:17:10,694 --> 00:17:12,862
and then we're gonna
jump off the roof,
410
00:17:12,896 --> 00:17:15,364
but we're gonna be fine,
because our bodies'll go limp.
411
00:17:15,399 --> 00:17:16,699
This is a terrible idea.
412
00:17:16,733 --> 00:17:19,268
Drink, drink,
drink, drink, drink!
413
00:17:21,405 --> 00:17:24,040
(slurring): This was,
this was a great idea!
414
00:17:24,074 --> 00:17:25,841
I know, right?!
415
00:17:32,082 --> 00:17:33,316
(engine idling)
416
00:17:33,350 --> 00:17:35,651
Ooh, grab-grab that cab.
417
00:17:39,756 --> 00:17:42,391
Hey, so what's the
craziest thing you ever...
418
00:17:42,426 --> 00:17:44,493
has ever happened in this cab?
419
00:17:44,528 --> 00:17:46,862
So-so how many
hours did...? Sir?
420
00:17:46,897 --> 00:17:48,597
How many, how long ago
when you...?
421
00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:49,865
(tires squeal)
422
00:17:56,173 --> 00:17:59,008
Did the cabbie survive?
423
00:17:59,042 --> 00:18:02,745
No. The damn fool
was driving sober!
424
00:18:04,314 --> 00:18:06,415
We gotta find a place to hide!
425
00:18:06,450 --> 00:18:07,950
We-we need a parade.
426
00:18:07,984 --> 00:18:09,719
When-when's
Chinese New Year?
427
00:18:09,753 --> 00:18:11,954
Or we could just go
in that Dumpster.
428
00:18:17,361 --> 00:18:19,228
STAN:
Mmm, do you smell that?
429
00:18:19,262 --> 00:18:21,831
Oh, my God,
this must be the Dumpster
430
00:18:21,865 --> 00:18:24,066
for a pancake house.
431
00:18:25,202 --> 00:18:27,336
Mmm. How good are these?
432
00:18:27,371 --> 00:18:28,571
So... good.
433
00:18:28,605 --> 00:18:30,206
Oh, my God, I had...
434
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,007
My friend went to Vegas once,
435
00:18:32,042 --> 00:18:33,943
and he said that he has found,
436
00:18:33,977 --> 00:18:37,580
he found a place with, that has,
like, the best pancakes.
437
00:18:39,816 --> 00:18:42,251
Hey, it's the guys
from your office!
438
00:18:42,285 --> 00:18:43,819
Oh, right!
439
00:18:46,923 --> 00:18:49,458
Leave it!
We don't have time!
440
00:18:52,129 --> 00:18:54,897
(wind whistling)
441
00:18:57,033 --> 00:18:59,235
You know what's crazy?
442
00:18:59,269 --> 00:19:02,938
This already happened
for people in Europe.
443
00:19:02,973 --> 00:19:04,407
(tires squeal)
444
00:19:05,942 --> 00:19:07,309
We're trapped!
445
00:19:07,344 --> 00:19:08,978
I'm really scared.
446
00:19:09,012 --> 00:19:11,981
See, this is why you should
never eat lobsters.
447
00:19:12,015 --> 00:19:13,315
Why?
448
00:19:13,350 --> 00:19:16,819
'Cause-'cause they get,
they get caught in a trap.
449
00:19:16,853 --> 00:19:19,422
I'm sorry it had
to come to this, Smith.
450
00:19:19,456 --> 00:19:21,424
All right, Hayley,
where do you want it?
451
00:19:21,458 --> 00:19:23,359
In the face.
Yeah!
452
00:19:23,393 --> 00:19:26,495
But before you do this,
you might be interested
453
00:19:26,530 --> 00:19:29,765
to know that I wrote down
all those dirty little secrets
454
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,867
that you told me at the bar:
455
00:19:31,902 --> 00:19:35,504
the Nepal slaughter,
the Copenhagen incident,
456
00:19:35,539 --> 00:19:37,640
the nuclear war in Chicago.
457
00:19:37,674 --> 00:19:39,642
We can't let that get out!
458
00:19:39,676 --> 00:19:42,978
It's all in a manila envelope
with strict instructions
459
00:19:43,013 --> 00:19:44,947
that if anything happens to me,
460
00:19:44,981 --> 00:19:48,217
it will be released to every
major newspaper in America!
461
00:19:48,251 --> 00:19:49,552
So?
462
00:19:49,586 --> 00:19:50,786
And to the Internet.
463
00:19:50,821 --> 00:19:52,721
(gasps)
464
00:19:54,658 --> 00:19:57,626
Well played, young Smith.
465
00:19:57,661 --> 00:19:59,261
As for you, old Smith,
466
00:19:59,296 --> 00:20:01,130
you're out of the Inner Circle.
467
00:20:01,164 --> 00:20:03,332
Please forget
the Wi-Fi password.
468
00:20:05,435 --> 00:20:06,936
That was amazing!
469
00:20:06,970 --> 00:20:09,305
Hayley, do you realize
what this means?
470
00:20:09,339 --> 00:20:12,675
It means you can
take care of yourself!
471
00:20:12,709 --> 00:20:14,643
You're gonna be just
fine after all!
472
00:20:14,678 --> 00:20:15,878
I told you!
473
00:20:15,912 --> 00:20:17,446
Ah, button-nose.
474
00:20:18,715 --> 00:20:20,082
You ready to go home?
475
00:20:20,116 --> 00:20:21,317
You bet.
476
00:20:25,522 --> 00:20:27,556
(loud crash, car alarm wails)
477
00:20:30,983 --> 00:20:32,595
Hi, I'm Nicholas Vanderbilt,
478
00:20:32,629 --> 00:20:34,063
the actor who plays Stan Smith.
479
00:20:34,097 --> 00:20:35,831
(Australian accent): And I'm
Kate Fagan, aka Hayley.
480
00:20:35,866 --> 00:20:37,766
You know, we've had
some fun tonight
481
00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:39,368
suggesting drunken people
are less likely
482
00:20:39,402 --> 00:20:41,370
to be injured
in falls and crashes.
483
00:20:41,404 --> 00:20:43,639
The dark reality is
that alcohol makes
484
00:20:43,673 --> 00:20:45,908
each of these far more
likely... and deadly.
485
00:20:45,942 --> 00:20:48,244
So, please, if you're going
to crash a car
486
00:20:48,278 --> 00:20:50,665
or jump off a building,
do it sober.
487
00:20:50,785 --> 00:20:51,682
Hang in there.
488
00:20:51,802 --> 00:20:53,382
You are loved and
you are special.
489
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:54,685
Good night.
490
00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,184
(boys sobbing)
491
00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:04,521
That was amazing!
492
00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:05,889
And so much more meaningful
493
00:21:05,923 --> 00:21:07,203
with all the
cultural references.
494
00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:08,258
I told you.
495
00:21:08,292 --> 00:21:10,760
There's only one thing
I don't understand.
496
00:21:10,795 --> 00:21:12,996
Why were they all fighting
in the first place?
497
00:21:13,030 --> 00:21:15,031
Yeah. What-what was
that all about?
498
00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:17,500
What?! You don't know why
499
00:21:17,535 --> 00:21:20,937
the Americans and Germans were
fighting in World War II?!
500
00:21:20,971 --> 00:21:23,940
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
501
00:21:23,974 --> 00:21:25,442
Nobody knows.
502
00:21:25,476 --> 00:21:27,510
Bye! Have a beautiful time.