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Previously on Californication:
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I have decided to go abroad,
for an indeterminate amount of time.
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I want to make a literary pilgrimage.
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Watching her go, I don't know,
it feels like the end of something.
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It makes you wonder if she was the only
thing that was still keeping us together.
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- We're getting married.
- The Runkles.
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I now pronounce you
wife and early man.
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What the fuck?
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Dude, I told you I never wanna
see his ass on one of my sets ever again.
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This is a producer-driven medium,
you ineffectual little shit bird.
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Shut the fuck up, both of you.
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I was thinking about
what I want for all the people in my life.
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And I realized that
I just want you to be happy.
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I wanna see you smile
and know you mean it.
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Hank has to go.
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- He's gotta see a horse about a girl.
- Is this about following your bliss?
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- Is this about love?
- It is.
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Then you must go.
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Go and get her, pal.
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Karen, hello.
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What are you doing here?
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I thought you ran off
with the rock 'n' roll circus.
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I did.
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But I came back, for you.
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Karen.
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Hello.
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What are you doing here?
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I thought you ran off
with the rock 'n' roll circus.
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I did, but I came back, for you.
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Well, I know it's overwhelming,
disorienting even.
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But I couldn't be out there knowing that
you were back here alone, by yourself.
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Getting older, by the way.
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Karen, I love you.
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I have always loved you,
and I will always love you.
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But we need to resolve this shit,
wouldn't you agree?
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- Sure, sure, but...
- No, no buts.
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We gotta roll up our sleeves
and do the work right now.
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I say we stay here
until we figure it out...
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...or until we both get so fucking horny
we can't stand it.
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E*ither way, it's a win-win for both of us.
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- Hello.
- Dude, please, no, absolutely not.
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We are not sharing our table with you.
Are you E*uropean or something?
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- I'm sorry, should...?
- No. I'm really sorry.
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- This is...
- This is... What is this?
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E*xplain yourself, woman.
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Hank, this is Chris.
He's in my yoga class.
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- Oh, Jesus.
- And this is Hank. He is...
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He is? He is?
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- From my life.
- Yoga class?
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That fucking old chestnut?
Karen, please, come on.
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- I'm sorry.
- You should be.
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Hey, what are we talking about here?
Bikram?
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Who has time to make time during
Bikram? It's hot and farty there.
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You ever let one loose in there, cowboy?
I'm sure you have.
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It's hard not to let a little prairie dog
run in through there, huh?
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Why don't we do this another time?
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- Now, there's an idea.
- I'm sorry.
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- Don't be.
- Yeah, don't be.
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- It's totally cool. I know where to find you.
- Stalker.
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- Really nice to meet you, Hank.
- Pleasure was all mine, yoga man...
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...all fucking mine, all day long.
Bye-bye, now.
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- Namaste away, buddy boy.
- Thanks.
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Look, this is what makes us fantastic.
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- Laughing about that creeper.
- What are you talking about?
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- He's totally hot.
- What?
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Westside yoga guy? That is the
oldest shtick in the book, Karen.
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You're not falling for that.
His cum probably tastes like hummus.
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Cummus.
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Oh, my God.
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This is not going as I had hoped.
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Hanky Panky.
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I thought I would find you here.
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One pear Cosmotini, please,
my good man.
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He's not kidding.
And he's not gay anymore, entirely.
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No.
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I came back for her, Charlie.
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Yep, Atticus told me all about it.
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I ripped my heart out
and threw it at her feet.
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And what did she give me in return?
A shit sandwich to chew on.
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E*nough of my harrowing despair.
Tell me about your honeymoon.
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Did you crazy kids
fuck each other's faces off?
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- Never mind all that. I got news.
- Don't tell me. Another gnarly skin tag...
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...has sprouted up on the underside of
that hideous pouch you call a scrotum.
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That, and Atticus just fired me.
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- Bummer.
- But not before he fired you too.
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That's impossible.
That cunty little fucking ginger loves me.
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- He was incredibly moved by my quest.
- Yes, he was. Yes, he was.
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And then he got incredibly bored.
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Your absence made him grow
fonder of Aaron Sorkin...
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...who became incredibly available.
- Aaron Sorkin.
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Bringing your Broadway career
to a sudden screeching halt.
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Okay, well, what now?
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I'm waiting. Go on.
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- Say it. Come on, just say it already.
- Say what?
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- Oh, that.
- Yeah.
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No, I won't say that. I can't.
It would be irresponsible of me, Hank.
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I do not have an offer for you.
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Oh, that's not entirely true, actually.
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Yeah, some kid keeps e-mailing
about wanting to interview you...
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...for his college newspaper.
- I need a fucking job, Charlie.
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Yeah, so do I, Hank.
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I need to present myself
as an adult with a job.
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A hunter and a gatherer, a provider.
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You're sweet.
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And totally fucking naive.
There are no jobs, Hank, not anymore.
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Why, you don't ask?
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Because you have pissed on
and pissed off...
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...anyone and everyone
who's ever given you one.
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You have taken a shit on all of it, Hank.
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- Books, movies, theater...
- What about television?
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- What about it?
- I could shit on that.
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- You don't even watch television.
- Doesn't mean I can't write it.
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- What are we gonna do, Hank?
- It's all right.
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It's all right, baby boy.
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Tonight we drink.
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Tomorrow you start
making some phone calls.
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An opportunity will present itself.
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If not, we can always
stuff our pockets filled with rocks...
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...and walk hand-in-hand
into the Pacific.
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- That sounds romantic.
- Speaking of romance...
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...I wanna hear about your honeymoon.
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Did you give your aging bride
a kidney infection?
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No, really? Okay.
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Talk to me, buddy boy.
Tell me all your woes.
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Dr. Hanxtable is most definitely in.
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Where's my bride?
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- Marcy Runkle.
- My beautiful bride.
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- Cokey Smurf.
- Are you serious right now?
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This is just what we need, Charlie,
a bad case of whiskey dick.
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- No whiskey.
- Don't worry, Marce.
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- Didn't drink whiskey.
- Been slamming pear Cosmotinis.
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- He probably grew a big lippy puss.
- I'm gonna fuck you so hard, Marcy.
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I'm gonna fuck you.
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Let's not write any checks
your limp biscuit can't cash, okay?
135
00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:10,575
Hey, hey. Be gentle with the boy.
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00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,809
- He's delicate right now.
- What about me?
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I impulse remarried a depraved lunatic
who can't even get it up for me.
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I know. It's not good.
I'm sorry, Marcy, you deserve better.
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- Yeah, I do. I do.
- Hey, you guys. Bring it in. Take a knee.
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Okay.
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You guys gotta get
this shit in perspective, okay?
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I came back for the love of my life,
she rejected me...
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...which bums me out on many levels.
Not the least of which...
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...is that you fucktards
got your shit together before we did.
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Now, you, you're letting
your pasty-white cone head...
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...get in the way of the prime directive.
Yours is not to reason why.
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Yours is to seek and destroy
her shimmering snatch.
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Don't be fucking with her elf-esteem.
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Thanks, Hanky.
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And she's got the magic vagina.
You know you want it.
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I do want it.
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- I'm gonna fuck your face off, Marcy.
- All right.
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- You're gonna be seeing stars.
- All right.
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- Step at a time.
- Gonna fuck you.
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Let's see if we can get some blood
flowing to that thin, bent wang of yours.
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Yes, baby.
157
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Wait. Hank, stay.
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You're not coming.
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00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:22,983
What can I do for you?
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00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:25,487
Settle down, dude.
Are you Charlie Runkle?
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00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:26,682
Who's asking?
162
00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:29,123
Levon. I've been e-mailing you
about Hank Moody.
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00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,059
- I want to interview him.
- What are you talking about?
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00:10:32,231 --> 00:10:34,199
I sent you, like, 20 e-mails.
165
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,892
Why are you here?
Who told you where I live?
166
00:10:37,069 --> 00:10:39,560
The Internet told me.
You got a pretty retarded name.
167
00:10:39,739 --> 00:10:41,570
Know how many Runkles
there are in L. A?
168
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:44,733
- You got the wrong Runkle, kid.
- You're lying.
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That's you.
You're the masturbating agent.
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00:10:49,915 --> 00:10:52,816
Look, whatever.
If Hank's into it, I'll be in touch.
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00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:55,010
- Come on, man, can I meet him?
- No!
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00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:57,018
- No, that's impossible.
- Please?
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What's the racket? How the fuck a
brother supposed to get beauty sleep?
174
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:02,426
That's him. You're him.
175
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,529
- Who?
- You're Hank Moody.
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00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:07,257
Hank Moody I must be. Who you be?
177
00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:10,095
This would be Levon,
the kid I've been telling you about.
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00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:12,396
He wants to interview you
for his newspaper.
179
00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:14,766
What the fuck?
I didn't tell you to set that up.
180
00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:18,068
You lying, fucking masturbating asshole.
You did get my e-mails.
181
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:21,907
I like this kid. Levon, huh? That's pretty
groovy. Parents big E*Iton John fans?
182
00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:23,412
My mother.
183
00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:25,015
Must have good taste.
184
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,209
That's debatable.
185
00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:29,581
Hey, look, are you okay
with whatever this is?
186
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:33,122
Yeah, it's fine. Come on in.
187
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:36,359
You got 15 minutes.
I want you out of here before I wake up.
188
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:39,089
- Now, what do you want to talk about?
- Okay, right.
189
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:41,392
So where were you born?
190
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:44,730
Oh, you want to go way back.
I was born and bred in the Bronx...
191
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:47,634
...but my parents moved to raise me
on the Island of Long.
192
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:52,369
Which ultimately inspired me to escape
back to the big, bad wilds of the city...
193
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,308
...as soon as I was vaguely able.
194
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,209
How many girlfriends have you had?
195
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,815
A few?
196
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:01,111
How many significant relationships?
197
00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:03,650
What, you writing my obituary?
198
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:06,121
Do you consider yourself
a misogynist?
199
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:07,919
Not really.
200
00:12:08,094 --> 00:12:10,221
I mean, I'm a big fan of womaninity.
201
00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:16,258
I like it all. You know, big, fat, tall, short,
small, white, black, yellow, purple.
202
00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:18,835
Big fan of ladyness.
You wanted to talk writing?
203
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:20,928
- I've read your books.
- And?
204
00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:25,243
- Do you have any children?
- Yeah, one, a daughter.
205
00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:29,243
Okay. Does she think
that you are a good father?
206
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:33,852
I'm sure she has issues with the old man.
Do you think you're a good interviewer?
207
00:12:34,019 --> 00:12:38,115
- How many hearts have you broken?
- Hey, kid, you have a problem with me?
208
00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:42,124
- Did I fuck your girlfriend or something?
- Hank! Hank, you were right.
209
00:12:42,294 --> 00:12:45,195
A new day has dawned, and an
opportunity has presented itself.
210
00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:47,826
Change your clothes.
We got ourselves a meeting.
211
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,558
- Where?
- I'll tell you on the way.
212
00:12:49,735 --> 00:12:51,600
- You, kid, out of here.
- Wait.
213
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,467
Can I come with you guys?
It might be good for the article.
214
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,403
You know what? We'll reschedule.
215
00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:58,770
Really great start today.
216
00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:01,005
Bye.
217
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:08,487
Just don't come off as one of those
snotty, pretentious fucks...
218
00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:12,215
...who looks down on television.
- Me? Never.
219
00:13:12,391 --> 00:13:13,415
How is it?
220
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:15,924
To be honest,
it's like a colonoscopy of the mind.
221
00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:17,995
- Hank...
- But if he asks, I will tell him:
222
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:21,463
"It's totes fucking brill." I will be my
absolute best self in there.
223
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,398
Good boy.
It's weird seeing you like this.
224
00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,561
All driven and shit.
225
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:34,611
Funny how these things
come full circle, huh?
226
00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:39,641
When people are truly connected,
they can never fully escape each other.
227
00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:43,917
- Speaking of which, how's Marcy?
- Good. Great.
228
00:13:44,089 --> 00:13:47,320
Yeah. Just back from
the honeymoon, actually.
229
00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:51,422
Gosh, Runkle, you really know
how to kick a guy when he's down.
230
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:55,665
I know exactly what that woman
is like on a honeymoon.
231
00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:59,927
Our magnificent sex organs
were fused 10 days straight.
232
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:04,839
I couldn't stand not being inside of her.
I'd walk around the hotel room and boom.
233
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:08,446
- Right there on my jock.
- Steady, Runks.
234
00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:11,178
Hey, kid, nice to see you.
How you doing?
235
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,250
Oh, I'm great, Moody.
236
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:16,047
Last we met, I was directing
Santa Monica Cop, the movie.
237
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:20,056
Now I'm peripherally involved with
Santa Monica Cop, the TV show.
238
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,285
So things are going well.
Thanks for asking.
239
00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:24,053
Shit. What the fuck happened?
240
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:28,428
I recall things going to shit somewhere
around the time you showed up.
241
00:14:29,668 --> 00:14:31,260
- The very idea.
- Hey, hey, hey.
242
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:35,271
Let us not
rehash ancient history, right?
243
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:38,205
Okay, Sam went off the rails,
they shut the picture down...
244
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,538
...my beloved wife divorced me.
245
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,237
But did I wallow?
246
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,081
Well, yeah. Sure.
247
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:50,780
But then I picked myself the fuck up,
I dusted myself off...
248
00:14:50,956 --> 00:14:53,823
...and I sold that messy,
late-term abortion...
249
00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:56,553
...as a TV pilot,
because that is what a producer does.
250
00:14:56,729 --> 00:15:01,132
He takes a sudden burst of rain
and turns it into a golden shower.
251
00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:09,897
Quiet. Writers start talking shit about you
the second you leave the room.
252
00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:13,669
I want to know whose option
not to pick up when the time comes.
253
00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:17,643
Rosenberg.
254
00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:20,216
You fucking dick.
255
00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:22,251
You'll get yours.
256
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,482
Very nice.
257
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:28,252
Try paying for private school
next year with no job.
258
00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:33,096
- You must be Hank.
- Henry James Moody I.
259
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:35,290
Rick Rath. Call me Rath.
260
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:37,961
- Who are you? Why are you here?
- I'm his agent.
261
00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:40,867
He likes to make sure
I don't use my feces as a crayon.
262
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,531
Take a walk. You guys too. Get out.
263
00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:46,571
Leave us alone. Talent only.
264
00:15:46,745 --> 00:15:48,872
Remember what I told you.
Guy's a monster.
265
00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:52,711
- Leave us alone. Talent only.
- Just a fucking monster.
266
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:57,219
I'm not gonna hire you, Hank.
267
00:15:58,324 --> 00:15:59,814
- Really?
- Yeah.
268
00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:02,460
Don't even want to hear
what I think about the script?
269
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,152
I had a whole speech prepared...
270
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:09,063
...followed by a PowerPoint presentation
and brief, but very moving puppet show.
271
00:16:09,601 --> 00:16:12,934
Stu asked me to sit down with you,
I admit I was intrigued...
272
00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:15,972
...but then I did my due diligence.
273
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,371
And every single person
I reached out to...
274
00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:20,637
...said you're an
absolute fucking nightmare.
275
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,713
So there you have it, case closed.
276
00:16:22,881 --> 00:16:26,578
I mean, sorry, last thing I need around
here is some snotty, pretentious fuck...
277
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:30,017
...who's gonna look down on television.
- Yeah, but if I'm not wrong...
278
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:32,157
...you need a writer
who can write, right?
279
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:36,988
Well, yeah, talent's always a plus, but life
is too short for shenanigans, Hank.
280
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:41,462
I'm too old to be babysitting toddlers
with toxic personalities.
281
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:44,693
Okay, just hang on
and hear me out, okay?
282
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:48,337
If I'm not mistaken, you got a room full
of hacks and wannabes in there.
283
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,907
The hacks give you a safe,
fear-driven mediocrity...
284
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:52,907
...because they want
their pools heated.
285
00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:55,546
Wannabes wanna be
because the lifestyle looks swell...
286
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:57,682
...but have nothing to write,
and it shows.
287
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,751
That's an incredibly
cynical generalization, Hank.
288
00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:02,409
I am the best of both worlds.
289
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:05,318
I have the sexy,
energetic brain of a newbie...
290
00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:07,288
...and the body of a drunken old hack.
291
00:17:07,459 --> 00:17:12,658
And you shit the bed all over this town.
So why would this gig be any different?
292
00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:14,355
Fair enough. That's a good point.
293
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,127
And I have squandered
a lot of opportunities, it's true.
294
00:17:17,302 --> 00:17:19,566
- Yeah.
- I could give you a bunch of excuses.
295
00:17:19,738 --> 00:17:22,536
I could blame my masturbating agent,
or chalk it up to...
296
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:26,667
...fear and self-Ioathing in Los Angeles,
but the truth is that...
297
00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:29,871
...I'm trying to grow
the fuck up for once.
298
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:34,509
I'm on a quest to reclaim the best parts
of myself before it's too fucking late.
299
00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:36,779
And it all starts with me getting a job.
300
00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:42,452
Well, that's very inspiring, but are you
sure you can actually handle the job?
301
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,220
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
302
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,422
- Can you show up on time?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
303
00:17:47,599 --> 00:17:48,793
Play nice with others?
304
00:17:49,968 --> 00:17:51,265
Maybe. Yeah.
305
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:53,530
Can you take a note
without getting defensive?
306
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,464
Possibly.
307
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:58,610
Can you work with actors without
fucking them or punching them?
308
00:17:58,777 --> 00:18:01,075
- So you have read my work.
- I've read your work.
309
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:04,613
I like your work. It reminds me
of some of the shit I used to write.
310
00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:07,217
Once upon a time, back in New York.
311
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,684
Before all of this shit
swallowed me whole.
312
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:14,856
Hey, man...
313
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:17,154
...I'm a sucker
for a good redemption story...
314
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:19,957
...but I am suspicious of your motives.
315
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:21,690
What is this really about?
316
00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:26,870
I guess you could say it's about a girl.
317
00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:30,439
The writer's assistant just IM'd me.
318
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,702
Rosenberg's doing
his impression of you again.
319
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:35,678
- Think he's trying to stage a coup.
- Motherfucker.
320
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:38,476
I'd give the fucker a titty twister,
but that's just me.
321
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:41,448
- Thank you for seeing me.
- No, hey. Sit.
322
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,611
You stay.
I'm not guaranteeing anything...
323
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:46,383
...but I might have an open seat
in about 45 seconds.
324
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:50,961
I got eyes and ears all over
this fucking building, scumbags.
325
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:04,804
Okay. To be perfectly honest, I'm just...
I'm feeling a little bit nervous.
326
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,344
Okay. Can we just not
be such a fucking girl, Charlie?
327
00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:10,277
This is just me.
328
00:19:10,449 --> 00:19:14,647
It's just me.
Your sexy, little fuck ninja.
329
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:16,819
- What?
- Nothing.
330
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:20,049
It's just that seems like something
Stu would call you. I'm sorry.
331
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:26,563
Yeah. Yeah, it probably is.
Among other things.
332
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,700
And I'm sorry, baby.
I just get confused.
333
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:30,732
Things happened so fast between us.
334
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:34,862
I know, I know.
Look, maybe we just made a mistake.
335
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,508
Hey, you shut the fuck up.
336
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,439
No retreat, no surrender.
337
00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:42,171
I am not ready to call this shit yet.
338
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:45,510
Okay? Give me kissy.
339
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,815
Give me more.
340
00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:53,623
Oh, hey, no, not yet. Not so fast, okay?
341
00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:55,384
Just, it's...
342
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:58,621
You know, it's a little handsy.
343
00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:03,260
Okay.
344
00:20:03,435 --> 00:20:04,800
Okay, baby.
345
00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:10,306
Why don't you just let Mommy
work her Mommy magic, okay?
346
00:20:10,475 --> 00:20:12,943
Okay.
347
00:20:13,111 --> 00:20:14,544
Yes, please, Mommy.
348
00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:20,315
But don't actually call me Mommy,
because that's fucking creepy, right?
349
00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:21,816
Right. Yeah, my bad.
350
00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:23,750
- Okay.
- Okay.
351
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,094
Okay, it's not working, Marcy.
It's just, it...
352
00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:41,668
- Oh, my God. Stop it.
- I want to feel something. Anything.
353
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,638
No, be nice to my penis. Stop.
354
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:47,836
It's just so upsetting, Marcy.
355
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:50,243
I know, baby. I get it.
356
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:52,383
Okay? But just breathe.
357
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:53,779
You gotta relax.
358
00:20:54,486 --> 00:20:56,078
- Just breathe.
- Okay, know what?
359
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,985
- Let me go down on you. I'm gonna go...
- What? No, no, no...
360
00:20:59,157 --> 00:21:02,786
Yes, Marcy! Yes, please!
I insist, okay?
361
00:21:02,961 --> 00:21:06,624
I'm gonna go down on you because
I need to feel like a man tonight.
362
00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:09,824
Okay, so munching my box
has become all about you?
363
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:12,664
You're such a fucking narcissist,
Charlie.
364
00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:16,370
I need to go down on you, Marcy!
365
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,837
Fine. Go ahead.
366
00:21:24,683 --> 00:21:26,310
Okay.
367
00:21:29,354 --> 00:21:34,121
Oh, my God, Charlie.
If you're gonna eat me out you can't cry.
368
00:21:39,264 --> 00:21:40,663
Okay. I'm sorry.
369
00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:45,628
Okay.
370
00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:53,869
- Yeah, Papi, get it.
- Is it good?
371
00:22:11,196 --> 00:22:14,359
I don't want you to think
I am E*uropean or anything, you know...
372
00:22:14,533 --> 00:22:17,434
...but maybe I could share your table?
373
00:22:17,602 --> 00:22:22,437
Oh, I'm sorry, mademoiselle, but I'm
meeting somebody from my Pilates class.
374
00:22:22,607 --> 00:22:26,634
Very flexible guy. He can suck himself off
and clip his toenails at the same time.
375
00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:29,406
We're taking it slow.
Just getting to know each other.
376
00:22:29,581 --> 00:22:31,947
Hank, I'm not involved with anyone.
377
00:22:32,117 --> 00:22:35,143
Well, that's good to know. Me neither.
378
00:22:35,454 --> 00:22:37,285
Just kidding about the Pilates guy.
379
00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:39,384
Good to know.
380
00:22:40,125 --> 00:22:44,061
- So, what are you doing here?
- Oh, I'm meeting this kid.
381
00:22:44,229 --> 00:22:46,925
He's gonna interview me
for a college newspaper.
382
00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:49,761
- Oh, dear. Has it come to that?
- I know, right?
383
00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:52,495
Remember that lady from
The New York Times who wrote...
384
00:22:52,671 --> 00:22:54,969
...that nice profile on me
all those years ago?
385
00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:57,768
I do. The one with the ample bosom.
386
00:22:57,943 --> 00:23:00,503
Yes, she did have an ample bosom.
Know what I didn't do?
387
00:23:00,679 --> 00:23:03,739
I didn't sample that ample bosom
because I loved you so much then.
388
00:23:03,915 --> 00:23:07,248
- And I still love you.
- Because you're incredible, Hank Moody.
389
00:23:07,419 --> 00:23:10,320
- Finally you speak the truth.
- Yeah.
390
00:23:11,823 --> 00:23:13,552
I'm sorry about the other day.
391
00:23:13,725 --> 00:23:15,750
Yeah, I'm sorry too.
392
00:23:15,927 --> 00:23:20,421
Although I don't know why I'm
apologizing. I came back for you and all.
393
00:23:20,599 --> 00:23:23,193
It was a lot to process, you know?
394
00:23:23,368 --> 00:23:25,165
And the timing was all off and...
395
00:23:25,337 --> 00:23:27,362
Well, that's us in a nutshell.
396
00:23:27,539 --> 00:23:30,167
Couple of good-timers
with exceptionally bad timing.
397
00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:32,469
No, I'm not...
398
00:23:33,645 --> 00:23:36,273
Hello? E*xcuse me.
399
00:23:37,716 --> 00:23:38,740
Are you the wife?
400
00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:42,076
- No. No, I'm not.
- This is the mother of my child.
401
00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:44,188
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
402
00:23:45,157 --> 00:23:47,591
- Did he leave you?
- No.
403
00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:50,159
- She left me.
- Actually, it's complicated.
404
00:23:50,328 --> 00:23:52,592
Yeah, sounds like it.
405
00:23:53,498 --> 00:23:55,363
I believe we actually had
an appointment.
406
00:23:55,534 --> 00:23:58,002
Oh, yeah, sure. I'm gonna shoo.
407
00:23:58,170 --> 00:24:00,195
Let's talk later
about things big and small.
408
00:24:00,372 --> 00:24:02,431
I wanna tell you all about my new job.
409
00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:03,801
I'm intrigued.
410
00:24:05,777 --> 00:24:07,039
Stop it.
411
00:24:08,246 --> 00:24:09,770
It was nice to meet you.
412
00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:12,382
My name's Karen, by the way.
413
00:24:12,651 --> 00:24:13,948
Okay. Bye.
414
00:24:15,854 --> 00:24:18,118
Okay. Good luck.
415
00:24:24,029 --> 00:24:26,793
- Is it cool if I record this?
- Yeah, whatever you gotta do.
416
00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:28,557
Okay, great.
417
00:24:32,370 --> 00:24:35,271
- Hi.
- Hi, yourself.
418
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,568
Okay, so I'm here with Hank Moody...
419
00:24:38,743 --> 00:24:42,110
...writer of books
and some movies, I guess.
420
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,009
Anything else?
421
00:24:44,716 --> 00:24:46,946
No, I think that about covers it.
422
00:24:47,118 --> 00:24:48,813
Thanks for the intro, Charlie Rose.
423
00:24:52,357 --> 00:24:54,848
- She's pretty hot. That lady.
- I concur.
424
00:24:55,026 --> 00:24:57,859
- Like in a MILF-y way.
- Oh, that's the best-y way.
425
00:24:58,797 --> 00:25:00,560
Yeah, I guess.
426
00:25:00,732 --> 00:25:03,200
- I guess you hit that, huh?
- Totally.
427
00:25:03,368 --> 00:25:04,596
I totally hit that.
428
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:07,904
Cool. Do you still love her?
429
00:25:08,373 --> 00:25:11,001
I do. Very much so.
430
00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:13,440
Are you guys, like, together still?
431
00:25:13,612 --> 00:25:16,672
Not, like, at the moment, like, no.
432
00:25:17,949 --> 00:25:21,646
It's smart to keep your options open.
Wouldn't want anything tying you down.
433
00:25:21,820 --> 00:25:25,221
Yeah, but freedom is just another word
for missing someone.
434
00:25:25,390 --> 00:25:27,187
I think Taylor Swift said that.
435
00:25:29,628 --> 00:25:32,290
- You want to be a writer, huh?
- No. No, not really.
436
00:25:32,464 --> 00:25:34,261
- Seems like hard work.
- It's the worst.
437
00:25:34,432 --> 00:25:37,401
It sucks balls. It's having homework
for the rest of your life.
438
00:25:37,569 --> 00:25:39,332
What do you want to do?
439
00:25:39,504 --> 00:25:41,938
Well, I kind of want to be an actor.
440
00:25:42,107 --> 00:25:44,507
Right on. Noble.
441
00:25:44,676 --> 00:25:46,701
- Practical.
- Yeah.
442
00:25:46,878 --> 00:25:49,745
My grandmother says
I remind her of a young...
443
00:25:49,915 --> 00:25:52,907
- Dustin Hoffman.
- No, Marlon Brando.
444
00:25:55,086 --> 00:25:58,647
It just seems like fun. You show up,
everyone's always really nice to you.
445
00:25:58,823 --> 00:26:02,190
Hang out with beautiful actresses,
kiss them and shit, have a nude scene.
446
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:03,691
Touch their boobs.
447
00:26:03,862 --> 00:26:07,298
Then you get to move on, do the same
thing all over again somewhere else.
448
00:26:08,466 --> 00:26:11,799
Seems like a really great life.
The life I'm trying to lead for myself.
449
00:26:11,970 --> 00:26:13,631
Sure.
450
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,406
Bet you fuck a lot of actresses, huh?
451
00:26:17,909 --> 00:26:20,070
Sorry, what is this
supposed to be about again?
452
00:26:20,478 --> 00:26:22,708
You. The type of guy you are.
453
00:26:22,881 --> 00:26:25,782
- Things of that nature.
- How do you know what type of guy I am?
454
00:26:25,951 --> 00:26:28,146
Well, I don't know.
I'm trying to figure it out.
455
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:32,450
- I know you seem kind of into yourself.
- You have some weird beef with me, kid.
456
00:26:32,657 --> 00:26:35,148
You sure I didn't fuck
your girlfriend or something?
457
00:26:35,327 --> 00:26:36,919
- Not at all.
- You sure about that?
458
00:26:37,095 --> 00:26:40,861
Pretty much, yeah. Never really
had what you'd call a girlfriend.
459
00:26:41,032 --> 00:26:44,365
- Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
- Yeah.
460
00:26:45,437 --> 00:26:48,270
- But you did fuck my mom.
- What?
461
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,965
- You fucked my mom.
- Really?
462
00:26:51,142 --> 00:26:52,837
You're not fucking with me?
463
00:26:53,011 --> 00:26:55,536
Oh, dear. Oh, me, oh, my.
464
00:26:55,714 --> 00:26:58,342
Believe it or not, this happened before.
Very unpleasant.
465
00:26:58,516 --> 00:27:02,646
But we're gonna get through it,
just keep calm and carry on, all right?
466
00:27:03,521 --> 00:27:08,220
Now, when did this unfortunate moment
of carnal whimsy occur?
467
00:27:10,996 --> 00:27:14,898
I don't know, I guess about
nine months before I was born.
Ripped By mstoll