1 00:00:01,748 --> 00:00:06,969 (Archer moaning deliriously) LANA: Archer. 2 00:00:06,971 --> 00:00:08,971 ARCHER: Lana? (Lana yelps) 3 00:00:08,973 --> 00:00:11,898 Lana! LANA: Whoa, Jesus Christ! 4 00:00:12,018 --> 00:00:14,435 Chill out, Miggs! ARCHER: I'm sorry, it's just 5 00:00:14,437 --> 00:00:16,437 been so long. LANA: Okay, it's been... 6 00:00:16,439 --> 00:00:17,669 ARCHER: Oh, my God. You're pregnant again?! 7 00:00:17,789 --> 00:00:19,555 LANA: What? ARCHER: How long have I been 8 00:00:19,675 --> 00:00:23,861 down here, left to rot in this godforsaken hole?! 9 00:00:23,863 --> 00:00:28,032 LANA: Like... three weeks. ARCHER: Hmm, seems so much 10 00:00:28,034 --> 00:00:30,034 longer than that. LANA: It... 11 00:00:30,036 --> 00:00:32,537 ARCHER: So, please tell me that's an entire canard à la 12 00:00:32,539 --> 00:00:34,989 presse with a file in it. LANA: Half a chicken, no 13 00:00:34,991 --> 00:00:37,071 file, just that weird quasi-cornbread they have here. 14 00:00:37,076 --> 00:00:38,846 ARCHER: Ugh, why do you even bother? 15 00:00:38,944 --> 00:00:41,311 LANA: That's weird, I was asking myself the same thing on 16 00:00:41,313 --> 00:00:43,396 the way down here. ARCHER: And then brought 17 00:00:43,398 --> 00:00:45,949 crappy food anyway? LANA: And then left? 18 00:00:45,951 --> 00:00:47,984 ARCHER: No, no, no, wait, come on, Lana, I-I'm sorry, but 19 00:00:47,986 --> 00:00:49,685 I-I'm starting to lose it down here. 20 00:00:49,687 --> 00:00:51,354 You-you got to make him let me go! 21 00:00:51,356 --> 00:00:53,356 LANA: Make him how? ARCHER: Well, I hate to 22 00:00:53,358 --> 00:00:55,358 even ask, but... LANA: Blow him? 23 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:57,360 ARCHER: Your words. LANA: And then what, Archer, 24 00:00:57,362 --> 00:00:59,362 you want me to blow the whole army? 25 00:00:59,364 --> 00:01:01,297 ARCHER: How is there still an army? 26 00:01:01,299 --> 00:01:03,716 How have the rebels not wiped them out already? 27 00:01:03,718 --> 00:01:05,969 LANA: Because turns out, he's actually very good at 28 00:01:05,971 --> 00:01:08,588 commanding an army. CYRIL: And as Third and 29 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:11,758 Fourth Battalion withdraw, here comes First Armored, and now the 30 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,844 rebels are outflanked. COMANDANTE (laughs): Sir, 31 00:01:14,846 --> 00:01:17,263 it's brilliant! CYRIL: A classic pincher 32 00:01:17,265 --> 00:01:19,265 movement. Just like Hannibal at the battle 33 00:01:19,267 --> 00:01:21,768 of Cannae. And also Keith, in my 34 00:01:21,770 --> 00:01:24,270 Warhammer guild. LANA: So, get used to that 35 00:01:24,272 --> 00:01:26,773 weird cornbread, 'cause you might be down here a... 36 00:01:26,775 --> 00:01:30,076 ARCHER: Lana, I need a woman's touch! 37 00:01:30,078 --> 00:01:33,062 (Lana grunts) Oh! Ow! 38 00:01:33,064 --> 00:01:35,665 I'm sorry, Lana. I said a woman, not a 39 00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:38,901 stevedore who lost his hand in a stevedoring accident 40 00:01:38,903 --> 00:01:42,405 and then got a hand transplant from an actual bear. 41 00:01:42,407 --> 00:01:44,757 LANA: So, did you want to just do it right through the 42 00:01:44,759 --> 00:01:48,761 bars or...? ARCHER: I mean, we do. 43 00:01:48,763 --> 00:01:52,465 And sometimes they do. CALDÉRON: Hello. 44 00:01:52,467 --> 00:01:54,934 LANA: I... wait. So, in three weeks, you go from 45 00:01:54,936 --> 00:01:58,021 you're gonna execute Archer to now you guys are, like, 46 00:01:58,023 --> 00:02:00,056 swinger pals? CALDÉRON: Well, I wouldn't 47 00:02:00,058 --> 00:02:02,692 say "pals." ARCHER: Wow, not what you 48 00:02:02,694 --> 00:02:04,694 said yesterday. CALDÉRON: Oh, come on, that 49 00:02:04,696 --> 00:02:07,280 was the pruno talking. LANA: Well, I hate to break 50 00:02:07,282 --> 00:02:09,949 up this delightful ménage, but Presidente Cyril wants her back 51 00:02:09,951 --> 00:02:12,201 upstairs. ARCHER: Wait, what? 52 00:02:12,203 --> 00:02:14,287 CALDÉRON: What? JULIANA: Why. 53 00:02:14,289 --> 00:02:16,456 LANA: Guess. JULIANA: Ah. 54 00:02:16,458 --> 00:02:18,908 LANA: Mm. CALDÉRON: Ow! 55 00:02:18,910 --> 00:02:20,910 Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 56 00:02:20,912 --> 00:02:23,830 BOTH: What? CALDÉRON: Archer, do you want 57 00:02:23,832 --> 00:02:26,867 me to move over one? ARCHER: Eh. 58 00:02:53,001 --> 00:03:03,505 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 59 00:03:06,994 --> 00:03:11,631 CYRIL: Ah, Madame First Lady. So good of you to join me. 60 00:03:11,871 --> 00:03:13,871 JULIANA: It's not as if I had a choice. 61 00:03:13,873 --> 00:03:15,873 CYRIL: Well... JULIANA: Nor am I still the 62 00:03:15,875 --> 00:03:17,355 the first lady. CYRIL: Well, maybe not 63 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,681 technically, since your husband divorced you and then was 64 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:23,631 immediately deposed by me, but the situation is, as they say, 65 00:03:23,633 --> 00:03:25,344 fluid. LANA: Ugh. 66 00:03:25,464 --> 00:03:27,962 I brought her, can I go now? CYRIL: Yes, for the love of 67 00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:30,671 God, get out. LANA: I meant home. 68 00:03:30,673 --> 00:03:32,673 PAM (laughing): What are you, nuts? 69 00:03:32,675 --> 00:03:35,059 Cap'n Crunch here just took all the coca fields back 70 00:03:35,061 --> 00:03:37,061 from the rebels. We're sitting on an endless 71 00:03:37,063 --> 00:03:39,063 supply. LANA: Of what, coca leaf 72 00:03:39,065 --> 00:03:41,366 smoothies? (rhythmic gulping) 73 00:03:41,368 --> 00:03:43,618 Oh, my God. That's a coca leaf smoothie. 74 00:03:43,620 --> 00:03:46,020 CHERLENE: And they're gross. It basically tastes like a fart 75 00:03:46,022 --> 00:03:48,990 of itself, but it's better than the cocaine donuts and whipped 76 00:03:48,992 --> 00:03:50,992 cocaine she was eating. (Pam burps) 77 00:03:50,994 --> 00:03:53,127 PAM: 'Cause that's just empty calories. 78 00:03:53,129 --> 00:03:55,163 LANA: Well, and cocaine. PAM: Which, if I'm being 79 00:03:55,165 --> 00:03:58,049 totally honest, I maybe might have a problem with. 80 00:03:58,051 --> 00:04:00,501 LANA: No. CYRIL: And, Lana, the rebels 81 00:04:00,503 --> 00:04:02,587 still control the airport. It's their HQ. 82 00:04:02,589 --> 00:04:05,039 So, unless you want to walk, you can't go home. 83 00:04:05,041 --> 00:04:07,041 MALORY: And why on Earth would you want to? 84 00:04:07,043 --> 00:04:09,043 (Lana sighs) CYRIL: Uh... 85 00:04:09,045 --> 00:04:11,045 MALORY: Why bother going back? 86 00:04:11,047 --> 00:04:13,047 The U.S. government stole your livelihood, forced you to become 87 00:04:13,049 --> 00:04:16,567 a criminal. And I hate to say it, but it's 88 00:04:16,569 --> 00:04:19,053 not like you have a man waiting for you. 89 00:04:19,055 --> 00:04:21,489 LANA: I... You know... MALORY: Whereas here we have 90 00:04:21,491 --> 00:04:24,325 everything we need. It's like San Marcos has been 91 00:04:24,327 --> 00:04:27,278 waiting thousands of years for us to arrive. 92 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,497 Lana, this could be our... LANA: Don't. 93 00:04:29,499 --> 00:04:31,499 MALORY: Zion, yes, there, I said it. 94 00:04:31,501 --> 00:04:33,501 (Pam burps) PAM: Wait, they got weed 95 00:04:33,503 --> 00:04:35,503 here, too? LANA: That's not what the 96 00:04:35,505 --> 00:04:37,505 song's about! CHERLENE: Told you. 97 00:04:37,507 --> 00:04:39,540 LANA: But I just this second realized why you want to stay 98 00:04:39,542 --> 00:04:42,260 down here. Cyril's just the Vader to your 99 00:04:42,262 --> 00:04:45,129 Palpatine. MALORY: Is that a reference 100 00:04:45,131 --> 00:04:47,415 I should get, or...? LANA: Seriously? 101 00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:49,750 MALORY: Well, I'm sorry, Lana, I didn't go to rabbinical 102 00:04:49,752 --> 00:04:52,220 school. LANA: It's from... No, you 103 00:04:52,222 --> 00:04:54,472 know what? Never mind. But, spoiler alert, Vader ends 104 00:04:54,474 --> 00:04:56,474 up killing Palpatine. CYRIL: Hey. 105 00:04:56,476 --> 00:04:58,526 CHERLENE: But only for three days, right? 106 00:04:58,528 --> 00:05:00,528 And then he moves the rock and comes out of his cave stronger 107 00:05:00,530 --> 00:05:02,530 than ever. PAM: Then he shuts off the 108 00:05:02,532 --> 00:05:04,532 tractor beam, releasing the Jews from captivity. 109 00:05:04,534 --> 00:05:06,534 LANA: What? CYRIL: Hey. 110 00:05:06,536 --> 00:05:08,536 MALORY: Wait, yes, now that sounds familiar. 111 00:05:08,538 --> 00:05:11,439 LANA: It cannot possibly. MALORY: Gospel of Luke? 112 00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:13,441 CYRIL: Hey. LANA: Oh for... Ray, you used 113 00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:15,443 to be a preacher, you want to back me up here? 114 00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:17,445 RAY: I actually don't know. My church didn't really do the 115 00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:19,780 New Testament. LANA: The one with Jesus 116 00:05:19,782 --> 00:05:22,383 Christ in it. RAY: I mean, I take your 117 00:05:22,385 --> 00:05:24,585 word for it, but... CYRIL: Hey! 118 00:05:24,587 --> 00:05:26,637 Will you idiots get out?! I'm trying to talk to the first 119 00:05:26,639 --> 00:05:28,639 lady! CHERLENE: Of what, this 120 00:05:28,641 --> 00:05:31,625 country or country music? 'Cause I'm first lady of both! 121 00:05:31,627 --> 00:05:35,063 CYRIL No, you're not... CHERLENE: Outlaw country! 122 00:05:35,065 --> 00:05:38,299 (jail door bangs shut) (Cherlene sighs) 123 00:05:38,301 --> 00:05:40,234 CALDÉRON: Oh, my God, my beautiful and also 124 00:05:40,236 --> 00:05:43,104 multi-talented wife! You are here! 125 00:05:43,106 --> 00:05:45,573 CHERLENE: I know, right? It's like, finally. 126 00:05:45,575 --> 00:05:47,692 ARCHER: As in... this is a good thing? 127 00:05:47,694 --> 00:05:49,360 (plays random notes) CHERLENE: Duh! 128 00:05:49,362 --> 00:05:52,280 I'm finally gonna get the outlaw country cred I deserve. 129 00:05:52,282 --> 00:05:54,499 CALDÉRON: Oh, my God, you've always deserved it. 130 00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:56,501 ARCHER: Wait, how does being in jail...? 131 00:05:56,503 --> 00:05:59,036 CHERLENE: Paging Dr. Black, Dr. Man In Black! 132 00:05:59,038 --> 00:06:02,090 Johnny Cash was in Folsom Prison and San Quentin, so... 133 00:06:02,092 --> 00:06:05,326 ARCHER: Yeah, to visit. CHERLENE: Hmm? 134 00:06:05,328 --> 00:06:07,345 ARCHER: He just played for the prisoners, dummy. 135 00:06:07,347 --> 00:06:11,516 He wasn't actually in prison. (plays "womp womp") 136 00:06:11,518 --> 00:06:13,518 But don't worry. We're gonna get out of here and 137 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:16,170 go join the rebels. CALDÉRON: Yes, then you and 138 00:06:16,172 --> 00:06:19,190 I, my beautiful wife, will live a simple life in the hills, 139 00:06:19,192 --> 00:06:22,276 scratching shit food, like yams, out of the ground with a, uh, 140 00:06:22,278 --> 00:06:25,062 yam-scratcher. CHERLENE: Okay, A-- start 141 00:06:25,064 --> 00:06:27,181 counting backwards from a million years, and when you get 142 00:06:27,183 --> 00:06:29,683 to zero that still won't happen. 143 00:06:29,685 --> 00:06:32,787 CALDÉRON: Aw. CHERLENE: And B-- how... 144 00:06:32,789 --> 00:06:35,790 how do we get out of here? ARCHER: Well, we're, uh, 145 00:06:35,792 --> 00:06:38,459 still fine-tuning it, but... CALDÉRON: We have no plan, 146 00:06:38,461 --> 00:06:40,495 whatsoever. CHERLENE: Okay, good, because 147 00:06:40,497 --> 00:06:43,697 I didn't want to step on anybody's toes, but byoink. 148 00:06:43,699 --> 00:06:45,699 CALDÉRON: Whaaaaat? ARCHER: Where did you get 149 00:06:45,701 --> 00:06:47,868 that? CHERLENE: Let's just say, 150 00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:50,338 "I honestly don't know." ARCHER: Fair enough. 151 00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:52,473 CHERLENE: Cyril says the rebel headquarters are... 152 00:06:52,475 --> 00:06:56,310 Wait, is it "are" or is it "is"? ARCHER: It's "where," idiot! 153 00:06:56,312 --> 00:06:58,346 CHERLENE: The airport! Jesus! 154 00:06:58,348 --> 00:07:00,731 CALDÉRON: And you, sir, will keep a civil tongue in your head 155 00:07:00,733 --> 00:07:02,733 when you are addressing the First Lady of the 156 00:07:02,735 --> 00:07:05,436 government-in-exile of La República de San Marcos! 157 00:07:05,438 --> 00:07:07,221 CHERLENE: And also country music. 158 00:07:07,223 --> 00:07:10,074 ARCHER: I facetiously beg milady's pardon. 159 00:07:10,076 --> 00:07:12,827 CHERLENE: Oh, milady facetiously grants it. 160 00:07:12,829 --> 00:07:15,446 ARCHER: Oh, goody. Now let's steal a car, go join 161 00:07:15,448 --> 00:07:18,282 the rebels, then come back here and crush Cyril's stupid army. 162 00:07:18,284 --> 00:07:20,284 CALDÉRON: You make it sound so easy. 163 00:07:20,286 --> 00:07:21,869 ARCHER (chuckling): Well, it's Cyril. 164 00:07:21,871 --> 00:07:24,572 I mean, unless he's got a nuclear warhead in his pants... 165 00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:27,208 CHERLENE: Which he totally does. 166 00:07:27,210 --> 00:07:30,511 KRIEGER: Which, guys, can we talk about this? 167 00:07:30,513 --> 00:07:33,045 KRIEGER CLONE 1: The time for talk is kaput, Klon-Bruder. 168 00:07:33,165 --> 00:07:36,781 Now is the time for action! KRIEGER CLONE 2: Clone bone! 169 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:41,439 CHERLENE: And by that I mean his... you know... 170 00:07:41,441 --> 00:07:44,442 ARCHER: Yeah, we... CHERLENE: Let me finish! 171 00:07:44,444 --> 00:07:46,811 ...penis. No, you ruined it. 172 00:07:46,813 --> 00:07:51,282 And by "it," I meant the moment. Not his penis. 173 00:07:51,284 --> 00:07:52,538 ARCHER: I... CHERLENE: Penis. 174 00:07:56,158 --> 00:07:58,574 ARCHER: Will you shut up?! I know what I'm doing! 175 00:07:58,814 --> 00:08:01,197 CALDÉRON: Yes, but don't do what you are doing! 176 00:08:01,199 --> 00:08:04,400 (Caldéron and Cherlene yelp) (Archer chuckles) 177 00:08:04,402 --> 00:08:06,903 CALDÉRON: Are you crazy?! This car is worth one quarter of 178 00:08:06,905 --> 00:08:08,788 $1 million! CHERLENE: Well, was. 179 00:08:08,790 --> 00:08:10,490 ARCHER: And did you ever think maybe your fleet of 180 00:08:10,492 --> 00:08:13,126 priceless cars is the reason you're fighting off a 181 00:08:13,128 --> 00:08:15,078 rebellion? CALDÉRON: I'm fighting the 182 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,996 rebels because that is what we do! 183 00:08:16,998 --> 00:08:19,082 My father fought the rebels, his father fought the rebels... 184 00:08:19,084 --> 00:08:21,000 CHERLENE: So, like a family business. 185 00:08:21,002 --> 00:08:23,002 ARCHER: That manufactures oppression. 186 00:08:23,004 --> 00:08:24,871 CALDÉRON: Well, and cocaine. In fact... 187 00:08:24,873 --> 00:08:28,141 CHERLENE: Stop! (Archer and Caldéron scream) 188 00:08:28,143 --> 00:08:30,760 (tires screeching) ARCHER: What?! 189 00:08:30,762 --> 00:08:32,762 CHERLENE: That. (Archer gasps) 190 00:08:32,764 --> 00:08:35,181 I mean, if you think we have time. 191 00:08:35,183 --> 00:08:37,383 (tiger roars) ARCHER: I... Is there a 192 00:08:37,385 --> 00:08:39,235 tiger? CALDÉRON: Of course there is 193 00:08:39,237 --> 00:08:40,987 a tiger. Where did you think you are, 194 00:08:40,989 --> 00:08:44,390 Tegucigalpa? (Archer giggles gleefully) 195 00:08:44,392 --> 00:08:47,494 (tires squealing) CYRIL: And so, by the power 196 00:08:47,496 --> 00:08:51,998 self-vested in me, I now pronounce us man and wife, and I 197 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:56,402 may also kiss the bride. (Cyril kissing, Juliana grunts) 198 00:08:56,404 --> 00:09:00,456 PAM: Yay! MALORY: Ugh, second worst 199 00:09:00,458 --> 00:09:02,408 wedding ever. RAY: Yeah, but at least 200 00:09:02,410 --> 00:09:05,077 nobody died. PAM (laughing): Yet! 201 00:09:05,079 --> 00:09:07,297 (clears throat) Inappropes. 202 00:09:07,299 --> 00:09:09,081 MALORY: What is wrong with you? 203 00:09:09,083 --> 00:09:11,551 PAM: I'm trying to make that a thing people say, like, 204 00:09:11,553 --> 00:09:15,772 "Damn, dawg, that's inappropes!" Plus, I think I'm addicted to 205 00:09:15,774 --> 00:09:17,857 cocaine. MALORY: Well, but look on the 206 00:09:17,859 --> 00:09:21,110 bright side. With any luck at all, it will 207 00:09:21,112 --> 00:09:24,230 save me the trouble of killing you myself. 208 00:09:24,232 --> 00:09:26,933 PAM (sniffling): Damn, dawg... 209 00:09:26,935 --> 00:09:30,403 RAY: Inappropes. PAM: Yay! 210 00:09:30,405 --> 00:09:32,939 ARCHER (quietly): Yay! Yay! 211 00:09:32,941 --> 00:09:37,043 (tiger roars) They should've sent a poet. 212 00:09:37,045 --> 00:09:40,079 Oh, and some meat. Do we have any meat? 213 00:09:40,081 --> 00:09:42,382 (elephant trumpets) CALDÉRON: Literally tons. 214 00:09:42,384 --> 00:09:44,584 ARCHER: No, I didn't mean another animal. 215 00:09:44,586 --> 00:09:47,303 I meant like a steak, or some... CALDÉRON: Typical American. 216 00:09:47,305 --> 00:09:49,622 You think meat comes from the supermercado, all wrapped in a 217 00:09:49,624 --> 00:09:52,058 nice plastic wrap. ARCHER: Yeah, you're 218 00:09:52,060 --> 00:09:53,593 describing meat. CALDÉRON: No, no, no. 219 00:09:53,595 --> 00:09:56,095 Meat is blood and bones and sinew! 220 00:09:56,097 --> 00:09:58,297 ARCHER: Well, now you're describing not-meat. 221 00:09:58,299 --> 00:10:01,017 CALDÉRON: Meat is whatever the tiger says is meat, because 222 00:10:01,019 --> 00:10:04,904 God made him the boss and all the other animals his food! 223 00:10:04,906 --> 00:10:07,991 (tiger roars) ARCHER: Hang on, buddy. 224 00:10:07,993 --> 00:10:11,194 And thank you, George Bore-well, for that clunky analogy in 225 00:10:11,196 --> 00:10:14,247 defense of totalitarianism, but I'm not feeding Shane an 226 00:10:14,249 --> 00:10:16,249 elephant. CHERLENE: Who the hell is... 227 00:10:16,251 --> 00:10:18,918 (gasps) Oh, my God, he's totally a 228 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,487 Shane. So let me bounce this off you 229 00:10:21,489 --> 00:10:24,290 guys... KRIEGER: What say we don't 230 00:10:24,292 --> 00:10:26,960 launch this giant nerve gas missile at, uh... 231 00:10:26,962 --> 00:10:29,429 where did you say you were launching it? 232 00:10:29,431 --> 00:10:31,330 KRIEGER CLONE 1: Wouldn't you like to know? 233 00:10:31,332 --> 00:10:33,716 (hearty laughter) KRIEGER: I would, actually. 234 00:10:33,718 --> 00:10:36,603 Come on, you guys are acting a little... insane. 235 00:10:36,605 --> 00:10:38,605 KRIEGER CLONE 1: Do you know what's insane?! 236 00:10:38,607 --> 00:10:41,524 KRIEGER: Yeah, this. All of it, everything. 237 00:10:41,526 --> 00:10:43,726 The rocket, uh... I'm not really comfortable with the 238 00:10:43,728 --> 00:10:45,612 clone-bone. KRIEGER CLONE 1: You're not 239 00:10:45,614 --> 00:10:47,363 doing it right. Now move, so I can begin the 240 00:10:47,365 --> 00:10:50,683 launch sequence. KRIEGER: Over my dead... 241 00:10:50,685 --> 00:10:52,535 ...body, man that was a jinx, huh? 242 00:10:52,537 --> 00:10:54,904 (cocks gun) No, no, no, wait, wait, wait! 243 00:10:54,906 --> 00:10:57,373 ARCHER: Hang on! As amazing as it would be, 244 00:10:57,375 --> 00:10:59,909 we can't take Shane with us. CHERLENE: Yeah, we can, 245 00:10:59,911 --> 00:11:01,494 watch. BOTH: No, no, no, no! 246 00:11:01,496 --> 00:11:04,363 No, don't! (low rumbling growl) 247 00:11:04,365 --> 00:11:06,966 CALDÉRON: Okay, okay, okay, okay. 248 00:11:06,968 --> 00:11:10,003 ARCHER: Carol, listen to me very closely. 249 00:11:10,005 --> 00:11:12,055 CHERLENE: Why, you gonna walk me through your organic method 250 00:11:12,057 --> 00:11:14,307 of vaginal hygiene? ARCHER: My what? 251 00:11:14,309 --> 00:11:16,392 CHERLENE: You're a bigger pussy than Shane! 252 00:11:16,394 --> 00:11:20,480 Come here, boy! (smacking lips) (tiger roars, Caldéron screams) 253 00:11:20,482 --> 00:11:23,316 ARCHER AND CHERLENE: Shane! (Caldéron screams) 254 00:11:23,318 --> 00:11:25,601 CHERLENE: Do something! (Caldéron screaming) 255 00:11:25,603 --> 00:11:29,155 ARCHER: Like what? KRIEGER CLONE 1: Get him! 256 00:11:29,157 --> 00:11:33,059 (grunting) KRIEGER CLONE 2: We're 257 00:11:33,061 --> 00:11:35,662 coming, brother! KRIEGER CLONE 3: Hiy...! 258 00:11:35,664 --> 00:11:38,331 (gunshot) (Krieger Clone 3 screams) 259 00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:40,566 KRIEGER CLONE 2: No...! KRIEGER CLONE 1: Brother...! 260 00:11:40,568 --> 00:11:43,402 (thuds) You bastard! 261 00:11:43,404 --> 00:11:46,706 Brother, the launch sequence! KRIEGER: No! 262 00:11:46,708 --> 00:11:49,042 (keyboard clicking) (strained grunting) 263 00:11:49,044 --> 00:11:52,211 (gunshot) KRIEGER CLONE 1: Don't stop! 264 00:11:52,213 --> 00:11:55,247 (four gunshots) (grunting) 265 00:11:55,249 --> 00:11:57,416 KRIEGER CLONE 2: Almost... there. 266 00:11:57,418 --> 00:12:01,020 KRIEGER: Oh, come on! KRIEGER CLONE 2: Shut... up. 267 00:12:01,022 --> 00:12:03,222 >SEXY ROBOT VOICE: Launch sequence initiated. 268 00:12:03,224 --> 00:12:05,975 KRIEGER: No! KRIEGER CLONE 1 (sobs): No! 269 00:12:05,977 --> 00:12:10,262 (thuds) (strained grunting) 270 00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:14,266 (choking) KRIEGER: Ha-ha! 271 00:12:14,268 --> 00:12:18,454 It doesn't work with a bow... tiiiiiiiiieeeeee! 272 00:12:18,456 --> 00:12:22,742 (loud thuds) ARCHER: Shane! 273 00:12:22,744 --> 00:12:24,544 Shane...! CHERLENE: Shane...! 274 00:12:24,546 --> 00:12:27,547 (Caldéron screaming) (tiger roars) 275 00:12:27,549 --> 00:12:29,549 (scream stops abruptly) 276 00:12:29,551 --> 00:12:34,387 ARCHER: Shane? (tiger snuffles) 277 00:12:34,389 --> 00:12:40,259 (low, contented growl) 278 00:12:40,261 --> 00:12:43,846 CHERLENE: Well, we should've guessed that was gonna happen. 279 00:12:43,848 --> 00:12:48,101 (chuckling) ARCHER: W... we should've? 280 00:12:48,103 --> 00:12:50,737 CHERLENE: Well, or at least could've. 281 00:12:50,739 --> 00:12:53,489 I mean... ARCHER: Yeah, I-I-I guess, 282 00:12:53,491 --> 00:12:56,659 uh... I guess a leopard can't change his spots. 283 00:12:56,661 --> 00:13:00,163 CHERLENE: Uh... I don't know that much about leopards. 284 00:13:00,165 --> 00:13:03,449 ARCHER: That was actually a proverb. 285 00:13:03,451 --> 00:13:07,703 CHERLENE: That was actually a tiger. 286 00:13:10,338 --> 00:13:13,044 SEXY ROBOT VOICE: Minutes to launch: 180. 287 00:13:13,284 --> 00:13:15,451 KRIEGER: Huh. That is a lot longer than I 288 00:13:15,453 --> 00:13:17,953 thought it would be. 289 00:13:22,696 --> 00:13:24,944 ARCHER: Okay, when we get to rebel HQ, they might be 290 00:13:24,946 --> 00:13:26,979 aggressive at first, but... CHERLENE: They wouldn't if we 291 00:13:26,981 --> 00:13:29,148 had a damn tiger. (Archer sighs) 292 00:13:29,150 --> 00:13:32,117 ARCHER: No. We're-we're not going back. 293 00:13:32,119 --> 00:13:35,371 Unless... No. 294 00:13:35,373 --> 00:13:37,907 CHERLENE: What if... ARCHER: He had his chance! 295 00:13:37,909 --> 00:13:39,909 JULIANA: A what? CYRIL: A charivari. 296 00:13:39,911 --> 00:13:42,077 Also called a shivaree? You know, it's that thing where 297 00:13:42,079 --> 00:13:44,496 everybody bangs pots and pans outside our room as we... 298 00:13:44,498 --> 00:13:46,615 consummate. (chuckles) 299 00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:49,051 JULIANA: Oh... n-no. We're not doing that. 300 00:13:49,053 --> 00:13:50,953 LANA: Ha-ha! Ow! 301 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,172 Ray, my feet are already killing me. 302 00:13:53,174 --> 00:13:55,007 RAY: Sorry. MALORY: He's probably not 303 00:13:55,009 --> 00:13:56,976 used to leading. RAY: You know... 304 00:13:56,978 --> 00:14:00,062 MALORY: You, on the other hand... lead away. 305 00:14:00,064 --> 00:14:02,097 PAM: Mind if I cut in? COMANDANTE: No. 306 00:14:02,099 --> 00:14:03,983 MALORY: Yes! PAM: Screw you guys. 307 00:14:03,985 --> 00:14:05,935 Hey, Krieger! KRIEGER: What the hell is 308 00:14:05,937 --> 00:14:07,469 going on? PAM: Cyril's the new 309 00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:09,188 dictator... CYRIL: President. 310 00:14:09,190 --> 00:14:11,073 PAM: Shut up, and he just married crazy tits, and I need 311 00:14:11,075 --> 00:14:12,441 a dance partner. KRIEGER: Wh...? 312 00:14:12,443 --> 00:14:14,276 So nobody noticed that I've been missing for three weeks? 313 00:14:14,278 --> 00:14:15,477 RAY: Um... CYRIL: No. 314 00:14:15,479 --> 00:14:17,079 MALORY: Well, I certainly didn't. 315 00:14:17,081 --> 00:14:18,497 PAM: We figured the vampires ate you. 316 00:14:18,499 --> 00:14:19,982 MALORY: The what? LANA: Wait, what? 317 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,534 KRIEGER (sighs): They're not vampires, they're my clones. 318 00:14:22,536 --> 00:14:26,088 Or I'm their clone, or... MALORY: Oh, please, you and 319 00:14:26,090 --> 00:14:28,507 your clone nonsense, it's all a bunch of... 320 00:14:28,509 --> 00:14:31,961 LANA: Holy shit. CYRIL: Why was I not informed 321 00:14:31,963 --> 00:14:35,130 of this, Krieger? PAM: If he even is Krieger! 322 00:14:35,132 --> 00:14:36,498 CYRIL: Huh? RAY: What? 323 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,434 PAM: The real Krieger could be down there! 324 00:14:38,436 --> 00:14:40,185 KRIEGER: Oh, for... that is just... 325 00:14:40,187 --> 00:14:42,137 I won't even dignify that with a response. 326 00:14:42,139 --> 00:14:45,608 Uh, uh... (snapping fingers) LANA: Pam? 327 00:14:45,610 --> 00:14:47,342 KRIEGER: Pam! PAM: Uh-huh. 328 00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:49,228 KRIEGER: I've got a concussion. 329 00:14:49,230 --> 00:14:51,680 And this regular tie means nothing, I don't like bow ties 330 00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:53,649 so I switched. LANA: Well, you certainly 331 00:14:53,651 --> 00:14:55,367 sound concussed. PAM: He sounds like a 332 00:14:55,369 --> 00:14:57,185 vampire! I say we tie him up and let the 333 00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:59,187 sun sort it out! LANA: You need to hush. 334 00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:01,657 SEXY ROBOT VOICE: Minutes to launch: 150. 335 00:15:01,659 --> 00:15:03,375 MALORY: What is that? PAM: What is going on? 336 00:15:03,377 --> 00:15:05,327 CYRIL: Tell me that robot's not talking about launching this 337 00:15:05,329 --> 00:15:07,413 rocket, Krieger. PAM: Or should we say 338 00:15:07,415 --> 00:15:09,331 Count Krieg... Ow! Ow! 339 00:15:09,333 --> 00:15:12,918 Ow, cut it out! Ow! Goddamn it! Ow! 340 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,970 LANA: Thank you. PAM: Vampire lovers. 341 00:15:14,972 --> 00:15:17,039 KRIEGER: Yeah, so, here's the thing... 342 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:19,008 ARCHER: This is it, rebel headquarters. 343 00:15:19,010 --> 00:15:21,644 Now, remember, let me do the talking. 344 00:15:21,646 --> 00:15:23,395 CHERLENE: Got it. ARCHER: I'm serious. 345 00:15:23,397 --> 00:15:25,147 CHERLENE: I got it. ARCHER: Look at me. 346 00:15:25,149 --> 00:15:27,149 CHERLENE: I got it! Jesus! 347 00:15:27,151 --> 00:15:29,318 ARCHER: Okay. Then here we go. 348 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:34,056 (rebels shouting in Spanish) REBEL SOLDIER: Pinche cabrón! 349 00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:35,607 CHERLENE: Ow! ARCHER: Goddamn it! 350 00:15:35,609 --> 00:15:38,110 You said you'd let me do the... (grunts) 351 00:15:38,112 --> 00:15:40,729 (Cherlene laughing) REBEL SOLDIER 2: ¡Espere, 352 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,397 espere! ¡Mira, mira! 353 00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:44,616 Es la cantante! CHERLENE: ♪ It's all about me 354 00:15:44,618 --> 00:15:47,252 this time... ♪ Aw... 355 00:15:47,254 --> 00:15:49,955 MALORY: So. You're saying this gigantic 356 00:15:49,957 --> 00:15:53,509 rocket is not only full of deadly nerve gas, but also aimed 357 00:15:53,511 --> 00:15:56,211 God knows where? KRIEGER: Well, that statement 358 00:15:56,213 --> 00:15:58,380 presupposes the existence of God, but... 359 00:15:58,382 --> 00:16:00,632 MALORY: Krieger, I am about two seconds away from telling 360 00:16:00,634 --> 00:16:04,103 Pam to get a wooden stake. PAM: Yay! 361 00:16:04,105 --> 00:16:06,605 KRIEGER: I'm not a vampire! MALORY: Doesn't matter to 362 00:16:06,607 --> 00:16:08,474 the stake. KRIEGER: Then yes! 363 00:16:08,476 --> 00:16:10,476 It's full of nerve gas, and I don't know where it's aimed! 364 00:16:10,478 --> 00:16:12,361 LANA: What? What's the range on this thing? 365 00:16:12,363 --> 00:16:14,229 KRIEGER: I don't know, 2,000 miles? 366 00:16:14,231 --> 00:16:15,981 (Malory gasps) MALORY: How far away is the 367 00:16:15,983 --> 00:16:17,766 Upper East Side? KRIEGER: I don't know, 368 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:20,569 1,980-something miles? (Malory screams) 369 00:16:20,571 --> 00:16:22,538 CYRIL: Okay, this is a presidential order from the 370 00:16:22,540 --> 00:16:24,623 president. Shut it down! 371 00:16:24,625 --> 00:16:27,126 KRIEGER: I can't! PAM: Can't, or won't? 372 00:16:27,128 --> 00:16:28,777 KRIEGER: Can't! PAM: Oh. 373 00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:30,796 I didn't hear you. LANA: Ray, can you override 374 00:16:30,798 --> 00:16:33,248 the launch sequence? RAY: Um... 375 00:16:33,250 --> 00:16:34,800 SEXY ROBOT VOICE: Launch sequence accelerated. 376 00:16:34,802 --> 00:16:36,451 RAY: No. (all exclaiming) 377 00:16:36,453 --> 00:16:38,470 MALORY: Oh, for God's sake. SEXY ROBOT VOICE: Minutes to 378 00:16:38,472 --> 00:16:40,672 launch: 90. LANA: Cyril... 379 00:16:40,674 --> 00:16:43,425 CYRIL: Uh, it's actually Señor Presidente, but... 380 00:16:43,427 --> 00:16:47,262 LANA: Shh, hush. Now I know you've had a fun time 381 00:16:47,264 --> 00:16:51,100 as dictator, and we all enjoyed this little break from him, 382 00:16:51,102 --> 00:16:54,469 but Cyril-- and if you tell him I said this, I'll break your 383 00:16:54,471 --> 00:17:00,359 frickin' arms-- it's... ugh... Archer time. 384 00:17:00,361 --> 00:17:03,779 CYRIL: Wha...? Oh, all right. 385 00:17:03,781 --> 00:17:06,498 LANA: Krieger, I assume the whatever... 386 00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:08,450 PAM: Doppelkriegers. LANA: I assume they had a 387 00:17:08,452 --> 00:17:10,753 lab, so take Ray and see if you can find some info on how to 388 00:17:10,755 --> 00:17:13,589 shut this damn thing down. We'll go get Archer. 389 00:17:13,591 --> 00:17:16,792 PAM: Ooh, and Cherlene! LANA: Ooh, and no. 390 00:17:16,794 --> 00:17:19,795 Because she isn't here. CYRIL: Oh! 391 00:17:19,797 --> 00:17:22,181 Damn it, Archer! Damn you! 392 00:17:22,183 --> 00:17:24,383 You can't even let me pretend to be magnanimous while inwardly 393 00:17:24,385 --> 00:17:26,301 gloating! MALORY: Oh, shut up. 394 00:17:26,303 --> 00:17:27,603 What does the note say? 395 00:17:27,605 --> 00:17:30,105 LANA (reading): 396 00:17:34,611 --> 00:17:37,279 So, airport? PAM: But the note says not... 397 00:17:37,281 --> 00:17:39,181 (mumbling) CYRIL: Well, I guess that 398 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,866 settles that! I mean, it's not like we can 399 00:17:40,868 --> 00:17:43,485 just waltz into enemy territory and... 400 00:17:43,487 --> 00:17:46,405 Well, I certainly can't. LANA: Can't, or... 401 00:17:46,407 --> 00:17:49,792 CYRIL: Both, either, all. They'd shoot me on sight, Lana. 402 00:17:49,794 --> 00:17:52,578 And if you want Archer so damn bad, you can go get him your... 403 00:17:52,580 --> 00:17:55,080 (tires squealing) 404 00:17:55,082 --> 00:17:59,718 Huh. I didn't think she'd actually 405 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,703 do it. MALORY: Then you're an idiot. 406 00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:06,809 CYRIL: Oh, I'm the idiot? MALORY: Yes. 407 00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:08,710 (Archer grunts) ARCHER: What the...? 408 00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:10,712 Holly? HOLLY: Archer? 409 00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:12,731 SLATER: Rando? ARCHER: Slater? 410 00:18:12,733 --> 00:18:14,850 HOLLY: Who the hell is Rando? SLATER: Him! 411 00:18:14,852 --> 00:18:16,602 HOLLY: That's Sterling Archer! 412 00:18:16,604 --> 00:18:19,655 CHERLENE (loudly): A-hem! And I am Cherlene? 413 00:18:19,657 --> 00:18:23,725 The Queen of Outlaw Country? SLATER: What the hell are you 414 00:18:23,727 --> 00:18:25,727 doing here? ARCHER: What the hell are you 415 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:27,496 doing here? HOLLY: I could ask you the 416 00:18:27,498 --> 00:18:29,448 same question. I am asking you the same 417 00:18:29,450 --> 00:18:31,233 question! ARCHER: We came to join the 418 00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:32,751 rebels. SLATER: What? 419 00:18:32,753 --> 00:18:34,837 ARCHER: What's the FBI doing in San Marcos? 420 00:18:34,839 --> 00:18:37,422 With a cocaine smuggler? (Holly sighs) 421 00:18:37,424 --> 00:18:39,875 HOLLY: I'm not FBI, and he's not a... 422 00:18:39,877 --> 00:18:42,127 SLATER: Well, technically, I am, but... 423 00:18:42,129 --> 00:18:44,429 HOLLY: We're both CIA. ARCHER: What?! 424 00:18:44,431 --> 00:18:47,182 CHERLENE (whispering): C... I... A. 425 00:18:47,184 --> 00:18:49,201 SLATER: And we're also the rebels. 426 00:18:49,321 --> 00:18:52,024 HOLLY: And you are in a mundo of caca. 427 00:18:52,144 --> 00:18:54,851 LANA: Okay! Listen, stop, listen to me! 428 00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:57,318 ARCHER: Lana?! LANA: Holly? 429 00:18:57,438 --> 00:18:58,838 LANA: Holly? What's the FBI doing... 430 00:18:58,863 --> 00:19:01,776 ARCHER: These dickheads aren't FBI, Lana, they're CIA! 431 00:19:01,896 --> 00:19:04,192 And also the rebels! 432 00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:10,689 Huh. Thought that would get more of a reaction. 433 00:19:10,809 --> 00:19:14,741 LANA: Yeah, no, that is, um... news, uh... 434 00:19:14,861 --> 00:19:17,770 but my water just broke, so... 435 00:19:19,814 --> 00:19:30,342 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com