1
00:00:02,294 --> 00:00:03,591
(ARCHER MOANING)
2
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,099
LANA: Archer.
3
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:09,259
ARCHER: Lana?
4
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:10,844
Lana!
5
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:13,807
Whoa! Jesus Christ,
chill out, Miggs!
6
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:16,150
I'm sorry, it's just been so long.
Okay, it's been...
7
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:19,019
Oh, my God, you're pregnant again?
What?
8
00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:21,355
(CRYING) How long have
I been down here,
9
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:24,282
left to rot in this
godforsaken hole?
10
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:26,781
Like, three weeks.
11
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,575
Hmm. Seems so much
longer than that.
12
00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:32,704
So please tell me that's an
entire canard a la presse
13
00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:33,875
with a file in it.
14
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:36,124
Half a chicken, no
file, just that weird
15
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:37,705
quasi-cornbread
they have here.
16
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,506
Ugh! Why do you
even bother?
17
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:41,128
That's weird,
I was asking myself
18
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,881
the same thing
on the way down here.
19
00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:45,220
And then brought
crappy food anyway?
20
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:46,387
And then left?
21
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:48,841
No, no, wait. Come on, Lana.
(STUTTERING) I'm sorry.
22
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,975
But I'm starting to
lose it down here,
23
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,394
you gotta make him
let me go.
24
00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:53,512
Make him how?
25
00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:55,773
Well, I hate to
even ask, but...
26
00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,474
Blow him?
Your words.
27
00:00:57,641 --> 00:01:00,315
And then what, Archer, you want
me to blow the whole army?
28
00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:01,899
How is there
still an army?
29
00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:04,027
How have the rebels
not wiped them out already?
30
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:07,777
Because, turns out, he's actually
very good at commanding an army.
31
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,620
CYRIL: And as 3rd and 4th
Battalion withdraw,
32
00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:14,371
here comes 1st Armored, and now
the rebels are outflanked.
33
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:16,827
(LAUGHING)
Sir, it's brilliant.
34
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,787
Hmm. A classic
pincer movement.
35
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,960
Just like Hannibal
at the Battle of Cannae.
36
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,334
And also Keith in
my Warhammer guild.
37
00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:26,128
So get used to
that weird cornbread,
38
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:27,633
'cause you might be down here...
(YELPS)
39
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,174
Lana, I need
a woman's touch.
40
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:33,969
(GROANING)
41
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,100
I'm sorry, Lana.
I said a woman,
42
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:39,900
not a stevedore who lost his
hand in a stevedoring accident
43
00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,896
and then got a hand transplant
from an actual bear.
44
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:46,198
So did you wanna just do it
right through the bars, or...
45
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,695
I mean, we do.
46
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,699
And sometimes,
they do.
47
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:53,030
Hello.
48
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,408
(STUTTERING)
So in three weeks,
49
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,288
you go from you're going
to execute Archer
50
00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,711
to now you guys
are swinger pals?
51
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,793
Well, I wouldn't say "pals."
52
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:02,873
Oh, wow.
53
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,458
Not what you said yesterday.
54
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,464
Oh, come on, that was
the pruno talking.
55
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,137
Well, I hate to break up
this delightful ménage,
56
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:12,182
but Presidente Cyril
wants her back upstairs.
57
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:13,759
Wait, what?
What?
58
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,928
Why?
Guess.
59
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,354
Ah!
Mmm.
60
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:21,145
Ow! Oh, wait, wait, wait.
61
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:22,392
What?
What?
62
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:25,605
Archer, do you want me
to move over one?
63
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:27,905
Eh...
64
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,567
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
65
00:02:34,604 --> 00:02:44,869
Ripped By mstoll
Happy New Year 2015 - New Year, New Color ;-)
66
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,117
CYRIL: Ah, Madam First Lady.
67
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,244
So good of you
to join me.
68
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,617
It's not as if I had a choice.
Well...
69
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,665
Nor am I still
the first lady.
70
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:20,500
Well, maybe
not technically,
71
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:21,576
since your husband
divorced you
72
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:24,004
and then was immediately
deposed, by me.
73
00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:27,083
But the situation is,
as they say, fluid.
74
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,710
Ugh! I brought her,
can I go now?
75
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,386
Yes, for the love of God,
get out.
76
00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:32,800
I meant home.
77
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,722
PAM: (CHUCKLING)
What are you, nuts?
78
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:38,139
Cap'n Crunch here just took all the
coca fields back from the rebels.
79
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,970
We're sitting on
an endless supply.
80
00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:42,314
Of what?
Coca leaf smoothies?
81
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:45,646
Oh, my God, that's
a coca leaf smoothie.
82
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,980
And they're gross. It basically
tastes like a fart of itself.
83
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:50,819
But it's better than
the cocaine donuts
84
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,149
and whipped cocaine
she was eating.
85
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,860
(BELCHES) 'Cause that's
just empty calories.
86
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,282
Well, and cocaine.
87
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,030
Which, if I'm being
totally honest,
88
00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:00,081
I maybe might have
a problem with.
89
00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:01,408
No.
90
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,710
And Lana, the rebels
still control the airport.
91
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:07,172
It's their HQ, so unless you
want to walk, you can't go home.
92
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:09,291
And why on earth
would you want to?
93
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,877
(SIGHS)
Why bother going back?
94
00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:14,422
The U.S. government
stole your livelihood,
95
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,177
forced you to
become a criminal.
96
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,430
And I hate to say it,
but it's not like
97
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,261
you have a man
waiting for you.
98
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,561
I...you know...
99
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:25,265
Whereas here, we have
everything we need.
100
00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:27,188
It's like San Marcos
has been waiting
101
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,361
thousands of years
for us to arrive.
102
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,984
Lana, this could be our...
Don't.
103
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,407
Zion, yes.
There, I said it.
104
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:35,491
(BELCHES)
105
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,285
Wait, they got weed
here, too?
106
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,279
That's not what the song's about!
Told you.
107
00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,490
But I just this
second realized
108
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:43,246
why you want to
stay down here.
109
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,710
Cyril's just the Vader
to your Palpatine.
110
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:49,418
Is that a reference I should get, or...
Seriously?
111
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:53,006
Well, I'm sorry, Lana, I didn't
go to rabbinical school.
112
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,379
It's from... No, you know what?
Never mind.
113
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:58,674
But, spoiler alert, Vader
ends up killing Palpatine.
114
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:01,135
Hey. But only for
three days, right?
115
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,219
And then he
moves the rock
116
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,270
and comes out of his
cave stronger than ever.
117
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,689
Then he shuts off
the tractor beam,
118
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,141
releasing the Jews
from captivity.
119
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,312
What?
Hey.
120
00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,894
Wait, yes, now that
sounds familiar.
121
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,859
It cannot possibly.
122
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,406
Gospel of Luke?
Hey.
123
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,199
Ray, you used to
be a preacher,
124
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,491
you wanna
back me up here?
125
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:18,659
I actually don't know,
126
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,578
my church didn't really
do the New Testament.
127
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,452
The one with
Jesus Christ in it.
128
00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:26,035
I mean, I take your
word for it, but...
129
00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,915
Hey! Will you idiots
get out?
130
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,621
I'm trying to talk
to the first lady.
131
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,333
Of what, this country,
or country music?
132
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,792
'Cause I'm first lady
of both!
133
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:36,591
No, you're not.
Outlaw country!
134
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:38,759
(CELL DOOR SLAMS)
135
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,177
(SIGHING)
136
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:43,727
Oh, my God, my beautiful and
also multi-talented wife.
137
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,019
You are here.
138
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:47,723
I know, right?
It's like, finally.
139
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:50,229
As in,
this is a good thing?
140
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:54,526
Duh! I'm finally gonna get the
outlaw country cred I deserve.
141
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,823
Oh, my God, you've
always deserved it.
142
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,404
Wait, how does
being in jail...
143
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:01,278
Paging Doctor Black!
Doctor Man In Black!
144
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,744
Johnny Cash was in Folsom
Prison and San Quentin, so...
145
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,583
Yeah, to visit.
146
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:07,705
Hmm?
147
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,457
He just played for
the prisoners, dummy,
148
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,538
he wasn't actually
in prison.
149
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:17,090
But don't worry, we're gonna get out
of here and go join the rebels.
150
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:19,550
Yes. Then you and I,
my beautiful wife,
151
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,472
will live a simple
life in the hills,
152
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:26,019
scratching shit food like yams out
of the ground with a yam scratcher.
153
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:29,018
Okay A, start counting backwards
from a million years,
154
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,691
and when you get to zero,
that still won't happen.
155
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:32,767
(CLICKS TONGUE) Aw.
156
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:36,481
And B, how...(SIGHS) How
do we get out of here?
157
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,734
Well, we're still
fine-tuning it, but...
158
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,489
We have no plan
whatsoever.
159
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:45,576
Okay good, because I didn't wanna
step on anybody's toes, but...
160
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:46,702
Byoink!
161
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,749
What?
Where did you get that?
162
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:51,620
Let's just say I
honestly don't know.
163
00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:52,750
Fair enough.
164
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,797
Cyril says the rebel
headquarters are...
165
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,921
Wait, is it "are"
or is it "is"?
166
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,217
It's where, idiot!
167
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,170
The airport! Jesus!
168
00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,923
And you, sir, will keep a
civil tongue in your head
169
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,553
when you are
addressing the first lady
170
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:07,557
of the government-in-exile of
La República de San Marcos.
171
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,104
And also country music.
172
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:12,183
I facetiously beg
milady's pardon.
173
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,144
Oh! Milady
facetiously grants it.
174
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:16,273
Oh, goody.
175
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,151
Now let's steal a car,
go join the rebels,
176
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,448
then come back here and
crush Cyril's stupid army.
177
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,150
You make it sound
so easy.
178
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,281
(CHUCKLES)
Well, it's Cyril.
179
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,705
Unless he's got a nuclear
warhead in his pants...
180
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,828
Which he totally does.
181
00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:32,419
KRIEGER: Which... Guys,
can we talk about this?
182
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,296
The time for talk is
kaput, Klon-Bruder.
183
00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:37,337
Now is the time
for action.
184
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:38,959
Clone bone!
185
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:43,881
And by that I mean
his, you know...
186
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,552
Yeah, we...
Let me finish!
187
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:47,641
Penis.
188
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:48,934
No, you ruined it.
189
00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:51,896
And by it, I meant the moment.
Not his penis.
190
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:55,149
I...
Penis.
191
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,524
ARCHER: Will you shut up?
I know what I'm doing.
192
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,905
CALDERON: Yes, but don't do
what you are doing.
193
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:06,945
(CALDERON YELPS)
194
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,154
(ARCHER CHUCKLING)
195
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,123
Are you crazy?
This car is worth
196
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:11,825
one quarter of
one million dollars.
197
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:12,955
Well, was.
198
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,628
And did you ever think maybe
your fleet of priceless cars
199
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,127
is the reason you're
fighting off a rebellion?
200
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:20,592
I'm fighting the rebels
because that is what we do.
201
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,341
My father fought the rebels,
his father fought the rebels.
202
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,922
So like a family business.
203
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:26,468
That manufactures
oppression.
204
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:29,843
Well, and cocaine.
In fact... Stop!
205
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,348
(SCREAMS)
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
206
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,641
What?
That.
207
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:36,896
(GASPS)
208
00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:39,103
CHERYL: If you think
we have time.
209
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,437
(TIGER ROARING)
210
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,522
ls there a tiger?
211
00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:46,200
Of course there is a tiger. Where
do you think you are, Tegucigalpa?
212
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,277
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
213
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,000
And so, by the power
self-vested in me,
214
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,627
I now pronounce us
man and wife,
215
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,251
and I may also
kiss the bride.
216
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,127
(MOANING)
217
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,717
(CHEERING)
218
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,674
Ugh! Second worst
wedding ever.
219
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:07,430
Yeah, but at least
nobody died.
220
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,348
(LAUGHING) Yet!
221
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,350
(CLEARS THROAT)
lnappropes.
222
00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:12,803
What is wrong with you?
223
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,146
I'm trying to make that
a thing people say, like,
224
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,854
"Damn, dawg,
that's inappropes!"
225
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,568
Plus, I think I'm
addicted to cocaine.
226
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,771
Well, but look on
the bright side.
227
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,820
With any luck at all,
it will save me
228
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,072
the trouble of
killing you myself.
229
00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:30,661
Damn, dawg.
230
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,201
Inappropes.
231
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:35,459
(CHEERING)
232
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:37,578
(ROARING)
233
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:40,835
They should've
sent a poet.
234
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,921
Oh, and some meat,
do we have any meat?
235
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,092
(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)
236
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:46,420
(SCOFFS)
Literally tons.
237
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,426
No, I didn't mean
another animal.
238
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:49,973
I meant a steak or some...
239
00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:53,268
Typical American. You think meat
comes from the supermercado,
240
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:55,220
all wrapped in
a nice plastic wrap.
241
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,813
Yeah, you're
describing meat.
242
00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:59,937
No, no, no. Meat is blood,
and bones, and sinew.
243
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,235
Well, now you're
describing not-meat.
244
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,608
Meat is whatever
the tiger says is meat,
245
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,564
because God made him
the boss
246
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:09,033
and all the other animals
his food.
247
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,779
Hang on, buddy.
248
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,738
And thank you,
George Bore-well,
249
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:17,076
for that clunky analogy in
defense of totalitarianism,
250
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,286
but I'm not feeding
Shane an elephant.
251
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:21,042
Who the hell is...
(GASPS)
252
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,048
Oh, my God,
he's totally a Shane.
253
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,964
So let me bounce this
off you guys.
254
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:30,718
What say we don't launch this
giant nerve gas missile at, uh...
255
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,133
Where did you say
you were launching it?
256
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:34,843
Wouldn't you like to know.
257
00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:36,223
(LAUGHING)
258
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,519
I would, actually.
259
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,311
Come on, you guys are
acting a little insane.
260
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,438
Do you know
what's insane?
261
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:45,236
Yeah, this.
All of it, everything.
262
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:48,820
The rocket, I'm not really
comfortable with the clone bone.
263
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,115
You're not doing it right.
264
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,068
Now move, so I can begin
the launch sequence.
265
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,782
Over my dead...
266
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,077
Body. Man, that was
a jinx, huh?
267
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,241
(GUN COCKS)
No, no, wait, wait!
268
00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,325
ARCHER: Hang on!
269
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:03,080
As amazing as it would be,
we can't take Shane with us.
270
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,506
Yeah, we can, watch.
271
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:05,628
No, no, no!
No, no, no!
272
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:06,879
Don't!
273
00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:10,465
Okay, okay, okay.
274
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:13,799
Carol, listen to me
very closely.
275
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:17,393
Why, you gonna walk me through your
organic method of vaginal hygiene?
276
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:20,351
My what? You're a bigger
pussy than Shane.
277
00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:22,023
Come here, boy.
(CLICKING TONGUE)
278
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,270
(ROARS)
(ALL GASPING)
279
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:26,148
Shane!
280
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,319
(CALDERON SCREAMING)
(FLESH TEARING)
281
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:28,863
Do something!
282
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,153
Like what?
283
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:32,700
KRIEGER CLONE:
Get him!
284
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,611
(BOTH GRUNTING)
285
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:37,454
We're coming, brother!
286
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,873
(YELLING)
287
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,207
(SCREAMING) KRIEGER
CLONE: Brother!
288
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:46,965
You bastard.
289
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,963
Brother, the launch sequence.
290
00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:51,048
No!
291
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,470
(BOTH GRUNTING)
292
00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,716
Don't stop!
293
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,804
Almost there.
294
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:02,559
Oh, come on.
295
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,641
Shut up.
296
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,901
(BEEPS) ROBOTIC FEMALE VOICE:
Launch sequence initiated.
297
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,444
No!
298
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,147
(THUDS)
299
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:12,653
(BOTH GRUNTING)
300
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:14,950
(CHOKES)
301
00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,239
Ha-ha! It doesn't work
with a bow...
302
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:20,536
(BOTH SCREAMING)
303
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,326
(THUDS)
304
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,204
ARCHER: Shane!
305
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,631
Shane!
Shane!
306
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,671
(TIGER GROWLS)
(SCREAMS)
307
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:32,339
(BONE CRACKING)
308
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,723
Shane?
(GROWLS)
309
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,183
(SOFT GROWL)
310
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:48,940
Well, we should've guessed that
was gonna happen. (CHUCKLES)
311
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,020
Uh...
312
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,196
We should've?
313
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:54,741
Well,
or at least could've.
314
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:55,817
I mean...
315
00:12:55,900 --> 00:13:00,781
Yeah, (STUTTERS) I guess a
leopard can't change his spots.
316
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,201
Uh... I don't know
that much about leopards.
317
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,202
That was actually
a proverb.
318
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,793
That was actually
a tiger.
319
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:19,432
ROBOTIC FEMALE VOICE: Minutes
to launch, 180. Huh.
320
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:22,393
That is a lot longer
than I thought it would be.
321
00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,186
(ENGINE ROARS)
322
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:30,189
ARCHER: Okay, when
we get to rebel HQ,
323
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:31,565
they might be
aggressive at first...
324
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,692
They wouldn't if
we had a damn tiger.
325
00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:34,822
(SIGHS)
326
00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:36,899
No. We're not
going back.
327
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,236
Unless...
328
00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:41,241
No.
329
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,247
(GASPS) What if...
He had his chance!
330
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,283
JULIANA: A what?
CYRIL: A charivari.
331
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,952
Also called a shivaree.
332
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:49,129
It's that thing where
everybody bangs pots and pans
333
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,456
outside our room
as we consummate?
334
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,798
(CHUCKLES)
on...
335
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,756
No. We're not doing that.
(LANA LAUGHS)
336
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:58,721
Ow! Ray, my feet
are already killing me.
337
00:13:58,796 --> 00:13:59,843
Sorry.
338
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:02,342
He's probably not
used to leading.
339
00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:05,599
You, on the other hand,
lead away.
340
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,184
Mind if I Cut in?
341
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:08,310
Yes!
No.
342
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:10,562
Screw you guys,
Hey, Krieger!
343
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,610
What the hell is going on?
344
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,070
Cyril's
the new dictator.
345
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,320
President.
Shut up.
346
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:18,024
And he just married Crazy Tits,
and I need a dance partner.
347
00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:21,115
So nobody noticed that I've
been missing for three weeks?
348
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:22,574
(INDISTINCT MURMURING)
349
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,121
We figured
the vampires ate you.
350
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,369
Wait, what?
The what?
351
00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:28,452
(GROANS) They're not
vampires, they're my clones.
352
00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:30,461
Or I'm their clone,
or...
353
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,998
Oh, please, you and your
clone nonsense,
354
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,298
it's all a bunch of...
355
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,130
LANA: Holy shit!
356
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:39,045
Why was I not informed
of this, Krieger?
357
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,802
(LAUGHS) If he even is Krieger.
ALL: Huh? What?
358
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:43,932
The real Krieger
could be down there.
359
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,347
Oh, for...
That is just...
360
00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:48,350
I won't even dignify
that with a response. Urn...
361
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,640
Uh...(SNAPS FINGERS)
362
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:51,933
Pam! Pam?
363
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,063
Uh-huh.
364
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:54,815
I've got a concussion.
365
00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:56,901
And this regular tie
means nothing.
366
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,731
I don't like bow ties,
so I switched.
367
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:00,283
Well, you certainly
sound concussed.
368
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,860
He sounds
like a vampire.
369
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,991
I say we tie him up and
let the sun sort it out.
370
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:05,113
You need to hush.
371
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:07,574
FEMALE ROBOT:
Minutes to launch, 150.
372
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:08,704
What?
What was that?
373
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,410
Tell me that robot's
not talking about
374
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:11,836
launching this rocket,
Krieger.
375
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,006
Or should we say Count Krieg...
Ow! Ow!
376
00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:17,091
Ah! Cut it out! Ow!
377
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:18,505
God damn it! Ow!
378
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,261
Thank you.
Vampire lovers.
379
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,509
Yeah, so,
here's the thing.
380
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:24,386
ARCHER: This is it,
rebel headquarters.
381
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:27,344
Now remember,
let me do the talking.
382
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,145
Got it.
I'm serious.
383
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:30,472
I got it.
Look at me.
384
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,853
I got it! Jesus!
385
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:34,817
Okay. Then here we go.
386
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,690
(REBELS YELLING IN SPANISH)
387
00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:40,531
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Ow!
388
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,529
God damn it!
You said you'd let me
389
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:43,734
do the...(GROANS)
(THUDS)
390
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,369
(CHERYL LAUGHS)
391
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:49,248
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
392
00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:52,535
CHERYL: Aw...
393
00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:53,703
MALORY: So...
394
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:56,005
You're saying
this gigantic rocket
395
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,549
is not only full
of deadly nerve gas,
396
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,797
but also aimed
God knows where?
397
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:04,051
Well, that statement presupposes
the existence of God, but...
398
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,303
Krieger, I am about
two seconds away
399
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,635
from telling Pam
to get a wooden stake.
400
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:09,970
Yay!
401
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:11,304
I'm not a vampire!
402
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,348
Doesn't matter
to the stake.
403
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,975
Then, yes.
It's full of nerve gas,
404
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:16,354
and I don't know
where it's aimed.
405
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,399
What? What's the
range on this thing?
406
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,112
I don't know,
2,000 miles?
407
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,526
(GASPS)
How far away
408
00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:22,823
is the Upper East
Side?
409
00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:25,994
I don't know, 1,980-something miles?
(SCREAMS)
410
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:29,288
Okay, this is a presidential
order from the president.
411
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,290
Shut it down.
I can't.
412
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:33,000
Can't?
Or won't?
413
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:34,167
Can't!
Oh.
414
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:35,666
I didn't hear you.
415
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,918
Ray, can you override
the launch sequence?
416
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,377
Um...
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
417
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,459
(BEEPING) ROBOTIC FEMALE VOICE:
Launch sequence accelerated.
418
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,507
No.
(ALL COMPLAINING)
419
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,463
FEMALE ROBOT:
Minutes to launch, 90.
420
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:46,847
Cyril.
Uh...
421
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:49,767
It's actually Señor
Presidente, but... Shh!
422
00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:51,093
Hush.
423
00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:54,189
Now I know you've had
a fun time as dictator,
424
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:56,937
and we all enjoyed this
little break from him.
425
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:58,358
But Cyril.
426
00:16:58,434 --> 00:16:59,981
And if you tell him
I said this,
427
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:02,655
I'll break your
friggin' arms,
428
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,323
it's... Ugh...
429
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,359
Archer time.
430
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,115
Wha...
431
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:09,661
All right.
432
00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:12,123
Krieger, I assume
the whatever...
433
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,199
Doppelkriegers.
434
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,534
I assume
they had a lab.
435
00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:16,206
So take Ray and see
if you can find some
436
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:18,333
info on how to shut this
damn thing down.
437
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:19,585
We'll go get Archer.
438
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:20,964
Ooh, and Cherlene!
439
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,792
Ooh. And no.
440
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,836
Because
she isn't here.
441
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:27,846
Argh! Damn it, Archer!
Damn you!
442
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,341
He can't even let me
pretend to be
443
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,050
magnanimous while
inwardly gloating.
444
00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:33,057
Oh, shut up. What
does the note say?
445
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:34,975
"Hey Cyril!
You can suck it,
446
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,852
because we have gone
to join the rebels.
447
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:40,314
"Yes. At the airport. No, not the airport.
Somewhere else."
448
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,812
So, airport?
449
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,980
But the note says not...
(MUFFLED)
450
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,406
Well, I guess
that settles that.
451
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,279
It's not like
we can just waltz
452
00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:49,031
into enemy
territory and...
453
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:51,029
Well, I certainly
can't.
454
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:54,161
Can't, or...
Both, either, all.
455
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,742
They'd shoot me
on sight, Lana.
456
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:58,374
And if you want Archer so damn
bad, you can go get him your...
457
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,171
(ENGINE REVS)
458
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:03,833
CYRIL: Huh.
459
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,002
I didn't think
she'd actually do it.
460
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:07,719
Then you're an idiot.
461
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,547
Oh, I'm the idiot?
462
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,012
Yes.
463
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,594
Ugh. What the...
464
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,474
Holly?
Archer?
465
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,306
Rando?
Slater?
466
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:20,433
Who the hell is Rando? Him.
467
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:21,984
That's Sterling Archer.
468
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:23,185
(CHERYL CLEARS THROAT)
469
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:25,109
And I am Cherlene.
470
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,819
The Queen of
Outlaw Country.
471
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:32,286
What the hell are
you doing here?
472
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,863
I could ask you
the same question.
473
00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,123
lam asking you
the same question.
474
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,825
We came to join the rebels.
475
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:40,536
What? What's the FBI
doing in San Marcos?
476
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:42,330
With a cocaine smuggler.
477
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:45,675
(GROANS) I'm not FBI,
and he's not a...
478
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,718
Well, technically
I am, but...
479
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,090
We're both CIA.
480
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,137
What?
481
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:53,056
(WHISPERS) C-I-A.
482
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:54,804
And we're also
the rebels.
483
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,595
And you are in
a mundo of caca.
484
00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,146
LANA: Okay! Listen, stop!
485
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:00,564
Listen to me!
486
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,976
Lana?
Holly?
487
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,143
What's the FBI doing...
488
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:07,526
These dickheads aren't
FBI, Lana, they're CIA!
489
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:09,699
And also the rebels.
490
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:14,028
Huh.
491
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:16,239
Thought that would get
more of a reaction.
492
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:20,122
Yeah, no, that is,
um, news. Uh...
493
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:23,420
But my water
just broke. So...
494
00:19:26,527 --> 00:19:36,754
Ripped By mstoll
Happy New Year 2015 - New Year, New Color ;-)