1 00:00:03,242 --> 00:00:08,463 (Archer moaning deliriously) LANA: Archer. 2 00:00:08,465 --> 00:00:10,465 ARCHER: Lana? (Lana yelps) 3 00:00:10,467 --> 00:00:12,564 Lana! LANA: Whoa, Jesus Christ! 4 00:00:12,686 --> 00:00:15,103 Chill out, Miggs! ARCHER: I'm sorry, it's just 5 00:00:15,105 --> 00:00:17,105 been so long. LANA: Okay, it's been... 6 00:00:17,107 --> 00:00:18,337 ARCHER: Oh, my God. You're pregnant again?! 7 00:00:18,457 --> 00:00:20,223 LANA: What? ARCHER: How long have I been 8 00:00:20,343 --> 00:00:24,529 down here, left to rot in this godforsaken hole?! 9 00:00:24,531 --> 00:00:28,700 LANA: Like... three weeks. ARCHER: Hmm, seems so much 10 00:00:28,702 --> 00:00:30,702 longer than that. LANA: It... 11 00:00:30,704 --> 00:00:33,205 ARCHER: So, please tell me that's an entire canard à la 12 00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:35,657 presse with a file in it. LANA: Half a chicken, no 13 00:00:35,659 --> 00:00:37,739 file, just that weird quasi-cornbread they have here. 14 00:00:37,744 --> 00:00:39,514 ARCHER: Ugh, why do you even bother? 15 00:00:39,612 --> 00:00:41,979 LANA: That's weird, I was asking myself the same thing on 16 00:00:41,981 --> 00:00:44,064 the way down here. ARCHER: And then brought 17 00:00:44,066 --> 00:00:46,617 crappy food anyway? LANA: And then left? 18 00:00:46,619 --> 00:00:48,652 ARCHER: No, no, no, wait, come on, Lana, I-I'm sorry, but 19 00:00:48,654 --> 00:00:50,353 I-I'm starting to lose it down here. 20 00:00:50,355 --> 00:00:52,022 You-you got to make him let me go! 21 00:00:52,024 --> 00:00:54,024 LANA: Make him how? ARCHER: Well, I hate to 22 00:00:54,026 --> 00:00:56,026 even ask, but... LANA: Blow him? 23 00:00:56,028 --> 00:00:58,028 ARCHER: Your words. LANA: And then what, Archer, 24 00:00:58,030 --> 00:01:00,030 you want me to blow the whole army? 25 00:01:00,032 --> 00:01:01,965 ARCHER: How is there still an army? 26 00:01:01,967 --> 00:01:04,384 How have the rebels not wiped them out already? 27 00:01:04,386 --> 00:01:06,637 LANA: Because turns out, he's actually very good at 28 00:01:06,639 --> 00:01:09,256 commanding an army. CYRIL: And as Third and 29 00:01:09,258 --> 00:01:12,426 Fourth Battalion withdraw, here comes First Armored, and now the 30 00:01:12,428 --> 00:01:15,512 rebels are outflanked. COMANDANTE (laughs): Sir, 31 00:01:15,514 --> 00:01:17,931 it's brilliant! CYRIL: A classic pincher 32 00:01:17,933 --> 00:01:19,933 movement. Just like Hannibal at the battle 33 00:01:19,935 --> 00:01:22,436 of Cannae. And also Keith, in my 34 00:01:22,438 --> 00:01:24,938 Warhammer guild. LANA: So, get used to that 35 00:01:24,940 --> 00:01:27,441 weird cornbread, 'cause you might be down here a... 36 00:01:27,443 --> 00:01:30,744 ARCHER: Lana, I need a woman's touch! 37 00:01:30,746 --> 00:01:33,730 (Lana grunts) Oh! Ow! 38 00:01:33,732 --> 00:01:36,333 I'm sorry, Lana. I said a woman, not a 39 00:01:36,335 --> 00:01:39,569 stevedore who lost his hand in a stevedoring accident 40 00:01:39,571 --> 00:01:43,073 and then got a hand transplant from an actual bear. 41 00:01:43,075 --> 00:01:45,425 LANA: So, did you want to just do it right through the 42 00:01:45,427 --> 00:01:49,429 bars or...? ARCHER: I mean, we do. 43 00:01:49,431 --> 00:01:53,133 And sometimes they do. CALDÉRON: Hello. 44 00:01:53,135 --> 00:01:55,602 LANA: I... wait. So, in three weeks, you go from 45 00:01:55,604 --> 00:01:58,689 you're gonna execute Archer to now you guys are, like, 46 00:01:58,691 --> 00:02:00,724 swinger pals? CALDÉRON: Well, I wouldn't 47 00:02:00,726 --> 00:02:03,360 say "pals." ARCHER: Wow, not what you 48 00:02:03,362 --> 00:02:05,362 said yesterday. CALDÉRON: Oh, come on, that 49 00:02:05,364 --> 00:02:07,948 was the pruno talking. LANA: Well, I hate to break 50 00:02:07,950 --> 00:02:10,617 up this delightful ménage, but Presidente Cyril wants her back 51 00:02:10,619 --> 00:02:12,869 upstairs. ARCHER: Wait, what? 52 00:02:12,871 --> 00:02:14,955 CALDÉRON: What? JULIANA: Why. 53 00:02:14,957 --> 00:02:17,124 LANA: Guess. JULIANA: Ah. 54 00:02:17,126 --> 00:02:19,576 LANA: Mm. CALDÉRON: Ow! 55 00:02:19,578 --> 00:02:21,578 Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 56 00:02:21,580 --> 00:02:24,498 BOTH: What? CALDÉRON: Archer, do you want 57 00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:27,535 me to move over one? ARCHER: Eh. 58 00:02:53,669 --> 00:03:04,173 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 59 00:03:08,335 --> 00:03:12,972 CYRIL: Ah, Madame First Lady. So good of you to join me. 60 00:03:13,212 --> 00:03:15,212 JULIANA: It's not as if I had a choice. 61 00:03:15,214 --> 00:03:17,214 CYRIL: Well... JULIANA: Nor am I still the 62 00:03:17,216 --> 00:03:18,696 the first lady. CYRIL: Well, maybe not 63 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:21,022 technically, since your husband divorced you and then was 64 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,972 immediately deposed by me, but the situation is, as they say, 65 00:03:24,974 --> 00:03:26,685 fluid. LANA: Ugh. 66 00:03:26,805 --> 00:03:29,303 I brought her, can I go now? CYRIL: Yes, for the love of 67 00:03:29,423 --> 00:03:32,012 God, get out. LANA: I meant home. 68 00:03:32,014 --> 00:03:34,014 PAM (laughing): What are you, nuts? 69 00:03:34,016 --> 00:03:36,400 Cap'n Crunch here just took all the coca fields back 70 00:03:36,402 --> 00:03:38,402 from the rebels. We're sitting on an endless 71 00:03:38,404 --> 00:03:40,404 supply. LANA: Of what, coca leaf 72 00:03:40,406 --> 00:03:42,707 smoothies? (rhythmic gulping) 73 00:03:42,709 --> 00:03:44,959 Oh, my God. That's a coca leaf smoothie. 74 00:03:44,961 --> 00:03:47,361 CHERLENE: And they're gross. It basically tastes like a fart 75 00:03:47,363 --> 00:03:50,331 of itself, but it's better than the cocaine donuts and whipped 76 00:03:50,333 --> 00:03:52,333 cocaine she was eating. (Pam burps) 77 00:03:52,335 --> 00:03:54,468 PAM: 'Cause that's just empty calories. 78 00:03:54,470 --> 00:03:56,504 LANA: Well, and cocaine. PAM: Which, if I'm being 79 00:03:56,506 --> 00:03:59,390 totally honest, I maybe might have a problem with. 80 00:03:59,392 --> 00:04:01,842 LANA: No. CYRIL: And, Lana, the rebels 81 00:04:01,844 --> 00:04:03,928 still control the airport. It's their HQ. 82 00:04:03,930 --> 00:04:06,380 So, unless you want to walk, you can't go home. 83 00:04:06,382 --> 00:04:08,382 MALORY: And why on Earth would you want to? 84 00:04:08,384 --> 00:04:10,384 (Lana sighs) CYRIL: Uh... 85 00:04:10,386 --> 00:04:12,386 MALORY: Why bother going back? 86 00:04:12,388 --> 00:04:14,388 The U.S. government stole your livelihood, forced you to become 87 00:04:14,390 --> 00:04:17,908 a criminal. And I hate to say it, but it's 88 00:04:17,910 --> 00:04:20,394 not like you have a man waiting for you. 89 00:04:20,396 --> 00:04:22,830 LANA: I... You know... MALORY: Whereas here we have 90 00:04:22,832 --> 00:04:25,666 everything we need. It's like San Marcos has been 91 00:04:25,668 --> 00:04:28,619 waiting thousands of years for us to arrive. 92 00:04:28,621 --> 00:04:30,838 Lana, this could be our... LANA: Don't. 93 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,840 MALORY: Zion, yes, there, I said it. 94 00:04:32,842 --> 00:04:34,842 (Pam burps) PAM: Wait, they got weed 95 00:04:34,844 --> 00:04:36,844 here, too? LANA: That's not what the 96 00:04:36,846 --> 00:04:38,846 song's about! CHERLENE: Told you. 97 00:04:38,848 --> 00:04:40,881 LANA: But I just this second realized why you want to stay 98 00:04:40,883 --> 00:04:43,601 down here. Cyril's just the Vader to your 99 00:04:43,603 --> 00:04:46,470 Palpatine. MALORY: Is that a reference 100 00:04:46,472 --> 00:04:48,756 I should get, or...? LANA: Seriously? 101 00:04:48,758 --> 00:04:51,091 MALORY: Well, I'm sorry, Lana, I didn't go to rabbinical 102 00:04:51,093 --> 00:04:53,561 school. LANA: It's from... No, you 103 00:04:53,563 --> 00:04:55,813 know what? Never mind. But, spoiler alert, Vader ends 104 00:04:55,815 --> 00:04:57,815 up killing Palpatine. CYRIL: Hey. 105 00:04:57,817 --> 00:04:59,867 CHERLENE: But only for three days, right? 106 00:04:59,869 --> 00:05:01,869 And then he moves the rock and comes out of his cave stronger 107 00:05:01,871 --> 00:05:03,871 than ever. PAM: Then he shuts off the 108 00:05:03,873 --> 00:05:05,873 tractor beam, releasing the Jews from captivity. 109 00:05:05,875 --> 00:05:07,875 LANA: What? CYRIL: Hey. 110 00:05:07,877 --> 00:05:09,877 MALORY: Wait, yes, now that sounds familiar. 111 00:05:09,879 --> 00:05:12,780 LANA: It cannot possibly. MALORY: Gospel of Luke? 112 00:05:12,782 --> 00:05:14,782 CYRIL: Hey. LANA: Oh for... Ray, you used 113 00:05:14,784 --> 00:05:16,784 to be a preacher, you want to back me up here? 114 00:05:16,786 --> 00:05:18,786 RAY: I actually don't know. My church didn't really do the 115 00:05:18,788 --> 00:05:21,121 New Testament. LANA: The one with Jesus 116 00:05:21,123 --> 00:05:23,724 Christ in it. RAY: I mean, I take your 117 00:05:23,726 --> 00:05:25,926 word for it, but... CYRIL: Hey! 118 00:05:25,928 --> 00:05:27,978 Will you idiots get out?! I'm trying to talk to the first 119 00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:29,980 lady! CHERLENE: Of what, this 120 00:05:29,982 --> 00:05:32,966 country or country music? 'Cause I'm first lady of both! 121 00:05:32,968 --> 00:05:36,404 CYRIL No, you're not... CHERLENE: Outlaw country! 122 00:05:36,406 --> 00:05:39,640 (jail door bangs shut) (Cherlene sighs) 123 00:05:39,642 --> 00:05:41,575 CALDÉRON: Oh, my God, my beautiful and also 124 00:05:41,577 --> 00:05:44,445 multi-talented wife! You are here! 125 00:05:44,447 --> 00:05:46,914 CHERLENE: I know, right? It's like, finally. 126 00:05:46,916 --> 00:05:49,033 ARCHER: As in... this is a good thing? 127 00:05:49,035 --> 00:05:50,701 (plays random notes) CHERLENE: Duh! 128 00:05:50,703 --> 00:05:53,621 I'm finally gonna get the outlaw country cred I deserve. 129 00:05:53,623 --> 00:05:55,840 CALDÉRON: Oh, my God, you've always deserved it. 130 00:05:55,842 --> 00:05:57,842 ARCHER: Wait, how does being in jail...? 131 00:05:57,844 --> 00:06:00,377 CHERLENE: Paging Dr. Black, Dr. Man In Black! 132 00:06:00,379 --> 00:06:03,431 Johnny Cash was in Folsom Prison and San Quentin, so... 133 00:06:03,433 --> 00:06:06,667 ARCHER: Yeah, to visit. CHERLENE: Hmm? 134 00:06:06,669 --> 00:06:08,686 ARCHER: He just played for the prisoners, dummy. 135 00:06:08,688 --> 00:06:12,857 He wasn't actually in prison. (plays "womp womp") 136 00:06:12,859 --> 00:06:14,859 But don't worry. We're gonna get out of here and 137 00:06:14,861 --> 00:06:17,511 go join the rebels. CALDÉRON: Yes, then you and 138 00:06:17,513 --> 00:06:20,531 I, my beautiful wife, will live a simple life in the hills, 139 00:06:20,533 --> 00:06:23,617 scratching shit food, like yams, out of the ground with a, uh, 140 00:06:23,619 --> 00:06:26,403 yam-scratcher. CHERLENE: Okay, A-- start 141 00:06:26,405 --> 00:06:28,522 counting backwards from a million years, and when you get 142 00:06:28,524 --> 00:06:31,024 to zero that still won't happen. 143 00:06:31,026 --> 00:06:34,128 CALDÉRON: Aw. CHERLENE: And B-- how... 144 00:06:34,130 --> 00:06:37,131 how do we get out of here? ARCHER: Well, we're, uh, 145 00:06:37,133 --> 00:06:39,800 still fine-tuning it, but... CALDÉRON: We have no plan, 146 00:06:39,802 --> 00:06:41,836 whatsoever. CHERLENE: Okay, good, because 147 00:06:41,838 --> 00:06:45,038 I didn't want to step on anybody's toes, but byoink. 148 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,040 CALDÉRON: Whaaaaat? ARCHER: Where did you get 149 00:06:47,042 --> 00:06:49,209 that? CHERLENE: Let's just say, 150 00:06:49,211 --> 00:06:51,679 "I honestly don't know." ARCHER: Fair enough. 151 00:06:51,681 --> 00:06:53,814 CHERLENE: Cyril says the rebel headquarters are... 152 00:06:53,816 --> 00:06:57,651 Wait, is it "are" or is it "is"? ARCHER: It's "where," idiot! 153 00:06:57,653 --> 00:06:59,687 CHERLENE: The airport! Jesus! 154 00:06:59,689 --> 00:07:02,072 CALDÉRON: And you, sir, will keep a civil tongue in your head 155 00:07:02,074 --> 00:07:04,074 when you are addressing the First Lady of the 156 00:07:04,076 --> 00:07:06,777 government-in-exile of La República de San Marcos! 157 00:07:06,779 --> 00:07:08,562 CHERLENE: And also country music. 158 00:07:08,564 --> 00:07:11,415 ARCHER: I facetiously beg milady's pardon. 159 00:07:11,417 --> 00:07:14,168 CHERLENE: Oh, milady facetiously grants it. 160 00:07:14,170 --> 00:07:16,787 ARCHER: Oh, goody. Now let's steal a car, go join 161 00:07:16,789 --> 00:07:19,623 the rebels, then come back here and crush Cyril's stupid army. 162 00:07:19,625 --> 00:07:21,625 CALDÉRON: You make it sound so easy. 163 00:07:21,627 --> 00:07:23,210 ARCHER (chuckling): Well, it's Cyril. 164 00:07:23,212 --> 00:07:25,913 I mean, unless he's got a nuclear warhead in his pants... 165 00:07:25,915 --> 00:07:28,549 CHERLENE: Which he totally does. 166 00:07:28,551 --> 00:07:31,852 KRIEGER: Which, guys, can we talk about this? 167 00:07:31,854 --> 00:07:34,386 KRIEGER CLONE 1: The time for talk is kaput, Klon-Bruder. 168 00:07:34,506 --> 00:07:38,122 Now is the time for action! KRIEGER CLONE 2: Clone bone! 169 00:07:38,841 --> 00:07:42,780 CHERLENE: And by that I mean his... you know... 170 00:07:42,782 --> 00:07:45,054 ARCHER: Yeah, we... CHERLENE: Let me finish! 171 00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:47,693 ...penis. No, you ruined it. 172 00:07:47,813 --> 00:07:52,623 And by "it," I meant the moment. Not his penis. 173 00:07:52,625 --> 00:07:53,879 ARCHER: I... CHERLENE: Penis. 174 00:07:57,499 --> 00:07:59,915 ARCHER: Will you shut up?! I know what I'm doing! 175 00:08:00,155 --> 00:08:02,538 CALDÉRON: Yes, but don't do what you are doing! 176 00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:05,741 (Caldéron and Cherlene yelp) (Archer chuckles) 177 00:08:06,478 --> 00:08:08,979 CALDÉRON: Are you crazy?! This car is worth one quarter of 178 00:08:08,981 --> 00:08:10,864 $1 million! CHERLENE: Well, was. 179 00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:12,566 ARCHER: And did you ever think maybe your fleet of 180 00:08:12,568 --> 00:08:15,202 priceless cars is the reason you're fighting off a 181 00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:17,154 rebellion? CALDÉRON: I'm fighting the 182 00:08:17,156 --> 00:08:19,072 rebels because that is what we do! 183 00:08:19,074 --> 00:08:21,158 My father fought the rebels, his father fought the rebels... 184 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,076 CHERLENE: So, like a family business. 185 00:08:23,078 --> 00:08:25,078 ARCHER: That manufactures oppression. 186 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,947 CALDÉRON: Well, and cocaine. In fact... 187 00:08:26,949 --> 00:08:30,217 CHERLENE: Stop! (Archer and Caldéron scream) 188 00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,836 (tires screeching) ARCHER: What?! 189 00:08:32,838 --> 00:08:34,838 CHERLENE: That. (Archer gasps) 190 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:37,257 I mean, if you think we have time. 191 00:08:37,259 --> 00:08:39,459 (tiger roars) ARCHER: I... Is there a 192 00:08:39,461 --> 00:08:41,311 tiger? CALDÉRON: Of course there is 193 00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:43,063 a tiger. Where did you think you are, 194 00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:46,466 Tegucigalpa? (Archer giggles gleefully) 195 00:08:46,468 --> 00:08:49,570 (tires squealing) CYRIL: And so, by the power 196 00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:54,074 self-vested in me, I now pronounce us man and wife, and I 197 00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:58,478 may also kiss the bride. (Cyril kissing, Juliana grunts) 198 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:02,532 PAM: Yay! MALORY: Ugh, second worst 199 00:09:02,534 --> 00:09:04,484 wedding ever. RAY: Yeah, but at least 200 00:09:04,486 --> 00:09:07,153 nobody died. PAM (laughing): Yet! 201 00:09:07,155 --> 00:09:09,373 (clears throat) Inappropes. 202 00:09:09,375 --> 00:09:11,157 MALORY: What is wrong with you? 203 00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,627 PAM: I'm trying to make that a thing people say, like, 204 00:09:13,629 --> 00:09:17,848 "Damn, dawg, that's inappropes!" Plus, I think I'm addicted to 205 00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,933 cocaine. MALORY: Well, but look on the 206 00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:23,186 bright side. With any luck at all, it will 207 00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:26,306 save me the trouble of killing you myself. 208 00:09:26,308 --> 00:09:29,009 PAM (sniffling): Damn, dawg... 209 00:09:29,011 --> 00:09:32,479 RAY: Inappropes. PAM: Yay! 210 00:09:32,481 --> 00:09:35,015 ARCHER (quietly): Yay! Yay! 211 00:09:35,017 --> 00:09:39,119 (tiger roars) They should've sent a poet. 212 00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:42,155 Oh, and some meat. Do we have any meat? 213 00:09:42,157 --> 00:09:44,458 (elephant trumpets) CALDÉRON: Literally tons. 214 00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:46,660 ARCHER: No, I didn't mean another animal. 215 00:09:46,662 --> 00:09:49,379 I meant like a steak, or some... CALDÉRON: Typical American. 216 00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,698 You think meat comes from the supermercado, all wrapped in a 217 00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:54,134 nice plastic wrap. ARCHER: Yeah, you're 218 00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:55,669 describing meat. CALDÉRON: No, no, no. 219 00:09:55,671 --> 00:09:58,171 Meat is blood and bones and sinew! 220 00:09:58,173 --> 00:10:00,373 ARCHER: Well, now you're describing not-meat. 221 00:10:00,375 --> 00:10:03,093 CALDÉRON: Meat is whatever the tiger says is meat, because 222 00:10:03,095 --> 00:10:06,980 God made him the boss and all the other animals his food! 223 00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:10,067 (tiger roars) ARCHER: Hang on, buddy. 224 00:10:10,069 --> 00:10:13,270 And thank you, George Bore-well, for that clunky analogy in 225 00:10:13,272 --> 00:10:16,323 defense of totalitarianism, but I'm not feeding Shane an 226 00:10:16,325 --> 00:10:18,325 elephant. CHERLENE: Who the hell is... 227 00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:20,994 (gasps) Oh, my God, he's totally a 228 00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:23,563 Shane. So let me bounce this off you 229 00:10:23,565 --> 00:10:26,366 guys... KRIEGER: What say we don't 230 00:10:26,368 --> 00:10:29,036 launch this giant nerve gas missile at, uh... 231 00:10:29,038 --> 00:10:31,505 where did you say you were launching it? 232 00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:33,406 KRIEGER CLONE 1: Wouldn't you like to know? 233 00:10:33,408 --> 00:10:35,792 (hearty laughter) KRIEGER: I would, actually. 234 00:10:35,794 --> 00:10:38,679 Come on, you guys are acting a little... insane. 235 00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,681 KRIEGER CLONE 1: Do you know what's insane?! 236 00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:43,600 KRIEGER: Yeah, this. All of it, everything. 237 00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:45,802 The rocket, uh... I'm not really comfortable with the 238 00:10:45,804 --> 00:10:47,688 clone-bone. KRIEGER CLONE 1: You're not 239 00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:49,439 doing it right. Now move, so I can begin the 240 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:52,759 launch sequence. KRIEGER: Over my dead... 241 00:10:52,761 --> 00:10:54,611 ...body, man that was a jinx, huh? 242 00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,980 (cocks gun) No, no, no, wait, wait, wait! 243 00:10:56,982 --> 00:10:59,449 ARCHER: Hang on! As amazing as it would be, 244 00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,985 we can't take Shane with us. CHERLENE: Yeah, we can, 245 00:11:01,987 --> 00:11:03,570 watch. BOTH: No, no, no, no! 246 00:11:03,572 --> 00:11:06,439 No, don't! (low rumbling growl) 247 00:11:06,441 --> 00:11:09,042 CALDÉRON: Okay, okay, okay, okay. 248 00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:12,079 ARCHER: Carol, listen to me very closely. 249 00:11:12,081 --> 00:11:14,131 CHERLENE: Why, you gonna walk me through your organic method 250 00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:16,383 of vaginal hygiene? ARCHER: My what? 251 00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:18,468 CHERLENE: You're a bigger pussy than Shane! 252 00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:22,556 Come here, boy! (smacking lips) (tiger roars, Caldéron screams) 253 00:11:22,558 --> 00:11:25,392 ARCHER AND CHERLENE: Shane! (Caldéron screams) 254 00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:27,677 CHERLENE: Do something! (Caldéron screaming) 255 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:31,231 ARCHER: Like what? KRIEGER CLONE 1: Get him! 256 00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:35,135 (grunting) KRIEGER CLONE 2: We're 257 00:11:35,137 --> 00:11:37,738 coming, brother! KRIEGER CLONE 3: Hiy...! 258 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:40,407 (gunshot) (Krieger Clone 3 screams) 259 00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:42,642 KRIEGER CLONE 2: No...! KRIEGER CLONE 1: Brother...! 260 00:11:42,644 --> 00:11:45,478 (thuds) You bastard! 261 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,782 Brother, the launch sequence! KRIEGER: No! 262 00:11:48,784 --> 00:11:51,118 (keyboard clicking) (strained grunting) 263 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:54,287 (gunshot) KRIEGER CLONE 1: Don't stop! 264 00:11:54,289 --> 00:11:57,323 (four gunshots) (grunting) 265 00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:59,492 KRIEGER CLONE 2: Almost... there. 266 00:11:59,494 --> 00:12:03,096 KRIEGER: Oh, come on! KRIEGER CLONE 2: Shut... up. 267 00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:05,298 >SEXY ROBOT VOICE: Launch sequence initiated. 268 00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:08,051 KRIEGER: No! KRIEGER CLONE 1 (sobs): No! 269 00:12:08,053 --> 00:12:12,338 (thuds) (strained grunting) 270 00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:16,342 (choking) KRIEGER: Ha-ha! 271 00:12:16,344 --> 00:12:20,530 It doesn't work with a bow... tiiiiiiiiieeeeee! 272 00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:24,818 (loud thuds) ARCHER: Shane! 273 00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:26,620 Shane...! CHERLENE: Shane...! 274 00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:29,623 (Caldéron screaming) (tiger roars) 275 00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:31,625 (scream stops abruptly) 276 00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:36,463 ARCHER: Shane? (tiger snuffles) 277 00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:42,335 (low, contented growl) 278 00:12:42,337 --> 00:12:45,922 CHERLENE: Well, we should've guessed that was gonna happen. 279 00:12:45,924 --> 00:12:50,177 (chuckling) ARCHER: W... we should've? 280 00:12:50,179 --> 00:12:52,813 CHERLENE: Well, or at least could've. 281 00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:55,565 I mean... ARCHER: Yeah, I-I-I guess, 282 00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:58,735 uh... I guess a leopard can't change his spots. 283 00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:02,239 CHERLENE: Uh... I don't know that much about leopards. 284 00:13:02,241 --> 00:13:05,525 ARCHER: That was actually a proverb. 285 00:13:05,527 --> 00:13:09,779 CHERLENE: That was actually a tiger. 286 00:13:12,414 --> 00:13:15,120 SEXY ROBOT VOICE: Minutes to launch: 180. 287 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,527 KRIEGER: Huh. That is a lot longer than I 288 00:13:17,529 --> 00:13:20,029 thought it would be. 289 00:13:24,772 --> 00:13:27,020 ARCHER: Okay, when we get to rebel HQ, they might be 290 00:13:27,022 --> 00:13:29,055 aggressive at first, but... CHERLENE: They wouldn't if we 291 00:13:29,057 --> 00:13:31,224 had a damn tiger. (Archer sighs) 292 00:13:31,226 --> 00:13:34,193 ARCHER: No. We're-we're not going back. 293 00:13:34,195 --> 00:13:37,447 Unless... No. 294 00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:39,983 CHERLENE: What if... ARCHER: He had his chance! 295 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,985 JULIANA: A what? CYRIL: A charivari. 296 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,153 Also called a shivaree? You know, it's that thing where 297 00:13:44,155 --> 00:13:46,572 everybody bangs pots and pans outside our room as we... 298 00:13:46,574 --> 00:13:48,691 consummate. (chuckles) 299 00:13:48,693 --> 00:13:51,127 JULIANA: Oh... n-no. We're not doing that. 300 00:13:51,129 --> 00:13:53,029 LANA: Ha-ha! Ow! 301 00:13:53,031 --> 00:13:55,248 Ray, my feet are already killing me. 302 00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,083 RAY: Sorry. MALORY: He's probably not 303 00:13:57,085 --> 00:13:59,052 used to leading. RAY: You know... 304 00:13:59,054 --> 00:14:02,138 MALORY: You, on the other hand... lead away. 305 00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:04,173 PAM: Mind if I cut in? COMANDANTE: No. 306 00:14:04,175 --> 00:14:06,059 MALORY: Yes! PAM: Screw you guys. 307 00:14:06,061 --> 00:14:08,011 Hey, Krieger! KRIEGER: What the hell is 308 00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,545 going on? PAM: Cyril's the new 309 00:14:09,547 --> 00:14:11,264 dictator... CYRIL: President. 310 00:14:11,266 --> 00:14:13,149 PAM: Shut up, and he just married crazy tits, and I need 311 00:14:13,151 --> 00:14:14,517 a dance partner. KRIEGER: Wh...? 312 00:14:14,519 --> 00:14:16,352 So nobody noticed that I've been missing for three weeks? 313 00:14:16,354 --> 00:14:17,553 RAY: Um... CYRIL: No. 314 00:14:17,555 --> 00:14:19,155 MALORY: Well, I certainly didn't. 315 00:14:19,157 --> 00:14:20,573 PAM: We figured the vampires ate you. 316 00:14:20,575 --> 00:14:22,058 MALORY: The what? LANA: Wait, what? 317 00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:24,610 KRIEGER (sighs): They're not vampires, they're my clones. 318 00:14:24,612 --> 00:14:28,164 Or I'm their clone, or... MALORY: Oh, please, you and 319 00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:30,583 your clone nonsense, it's all a bunch of... 320 00:14:30,585 --> 00:14:34,037 LANA: Holy shit. CYRIL: Why was I not informed 321 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:37,206 of this, Krieger? PAM: If he even is Krieger! 322 00:14:37,208 --> 00:14:38,574 CYRIL: Huh? RAY: What? 323 00:14:38,576 --> 00:14:40,510 PAM: The real Krieger could be down there! 324 00:14:40,512 --> 00:14:42,261 KRIEGER: Oh, for... that is just... 325 00:14:42,263 --> 00:14:44,213 I won't even dignify that with a response. 326 00:14:44,215 --> 00:14:47,684 Uh, uh... (snapping fingers) LANA: Pam? 327 00:14:47,686 --> 00:14:49,775 KRIEGER: Pam! PAM: Uh-huh. 328 00:14:49,895 --> 00:14:51,779 KRIEGER: I've got a concussion. 329 00:14:51,781 --> 00:14:54,231 And this regular tie means nothing, I don't like bow ties 330 00:14:54,233 --> 00:14:56,200 so I switched. LANA: Well, you certainly 331 00:14:56,202 --> 00:14:57,918 sound concussed. PAM: He sounds like a 332 00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,736 vampire! I say we tie him up and let the 333 00:14:59,738 --> 00:15:01,738 sun sort it out! LANA: You need to hush. 334 00:15:01,740 --> 00:15:04,208 SEXY ROBOT VOICE: Minutes to launch: 150. 335 00:15:04,210 --> 00:15:05,926 MALORY: What is that? PAM: What is going on? 336 00:15:05,928 --> 00:15:07,878 CYRIL: Tell me that robot's not talking about launching this 337 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,964 rocket, Krieger. PAM: Or should we say 338 00:15:09,966 --> 00:15:11,882 Count Krieg... Ow! Ow! 339 00:15:11,884 --> 00:15:15,469 Ow, cut it out! Ow! Goddamn it! Ow! 340 00:15:15,471 --> 00:15:17,521 LANA: Thank you. PAM: Vampire lovers. 341 00:15:17,523 --> 00:15:19,590 KRIEGER: Yeah, so, here's the thing... 342 00:15:19,592 --> 00:15:21,559 ARCHER: This is it, rebel headquarters. 343 00:15:21,561 --> 00:15:24,195 Now, remember, let me do the talking. 344 00:15:24,197 --> 00:15:25,946 CHERLENE: Got it. ARCHER: I'm serious. 345 00:15:25,948 --> 00:15:27,698 CHERLENE: I got it. ARCHER: Look at me. 346 00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:29,700 CHERLENE: I got it! Jesus! 347 00:15:29,702 --> 00:15:31,869 ARCHER: Okay. Then here we go. 348 00:15:31,871 --> 00:15:36,607 (rebels shouting in Spanish) REBEL SOLDIER: Pinche cabrón! 349 00:15:36,609 --> 00:15:38,158 CHERLENE: Ow! ARCHER: Goddamn it! 350 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,661 You said you'd let me do the... (grunts) 351 00:15:40,663 --> 00:15:43,280 (Cherlene laughing) REBEL SOLDIER 2: ¡Espere, 352 00:15:43,282 --> 00:15:44,948 espere! ¡Mira, mira! 353 00:15:44,950 --> 00:15:47,167 Es la cantante! CHERLENE: ♪ It's all about me 354 00:15:47,169 --> 00:15:49,803 this time... ♪ Aw... 355 00:15:49,805 --> 00:15:52,506 MALORY: So. You're saying this gigantic 356 00:15:52,508 --> 00:15:56,060 rocket is not only full of deadly nerve gas, but also aimed 357 00:15:56,062 --> 00:15:58,762 God knows where? KRIEGER: Well, that statement 358 00:15:58,764 --> 00:16:00,931 presupposes the existence of God, but... 359 00:16:00,933 --> 00:16:03,183 MALORY: Krieger, I am about two seconds away from telling 360 00:16:03,185 --> 00:16:06,654 Pam to get a wooden stake. PAM: Yay! 361 00:16:06,656 --> 00:16:09,156 KRIEGER: I'm not a vampire! MALORY: Doesn't matter to 362 00:16:09,158 --> 00:16:11,025 the stake. KRIEGER: Then yes! 363 00:16:11,027 --> 00:16:13,027 It's full of nerve gas, and I don't know where it's aimed! 364 00:16:13,029 --> 00:16:14,912 LANA: What? What's the range on this thing? 365 00:16:14,914 --> 00:16:16,780 KRIEGER: I don't know, 2,000 miles? 366 00:16:16,782 --> 00:16:18,532 (Malory gasps) MALORY: How far away is the 367 00:16:18,534 --> 00:16:20,317 Upper East Side? KRIEGER: I don't know, 368 00:16:20,319 --> 00:16:23,120 1,980-something miles? (Malory screams) 369 00:16:23,122 --> 00:16:25,089 CYRIL: Okay, this is a presidential order from the 370 00:16:25,091 --> 00:16:27,174 president. Shut it down! 371 00:16:27,176 --> 00:16:29,677 KRIEGER: I can't! PAM: Can't, or won't? 372 00:16:29,679 --> 00:16:31,328 KRIEGER: Can't! PAM: Oh. 373 00:16:31,330 --> 00:16:33,347 I didn't hear you. LANA: Ray, can you override 374 00:16:33,349 --> 00:16:35,799 the launch sequence? RAY: Um... 375 00:16:35,801 --> 00:16:37,351 SEXY ROBOT VOICE: Launch sequence accelerated. 376 00:16:37,353 --> 00:16:39,002 RAY: No. (all exclaiming) 377 00:16:39,004 --> 00:16:41,021 MALORY: Oh, for God's sake. SEXY ROBOT VOICE: Minutes to 378 00:16:41,023 --> 00:16:43,223 launch: 90. LANA: Cyril... 379 00:16:43,225 --> 00:16:45,976 CYRIL: Uh, it's actually Señor Presidente, but... 380 00:16:45,978 --> 00:16:49,813 LANA: Shh, hush. Now I know you've had a fun time 381 00:16:49,815 --> 00:16:53,651 as dictator, and we all enjoyed this little break from him, 382 00:16:53,653 --> 00:16:57,020 but Cyril-- and if you tell him I said this, I'll break your 383 00:16:57,022 --> 00:17:02,910 frickin' arms-- it's... ugh... Archer time. 384 00:17:02,912 --> 00:17:06,330 CYRIL: Wha...? Oh, all right. 385 00:17:06,332 --> 00:17:09,049 LANA: Krieger, I assume the whatever... 386 00:17:09,051 --> 00:17:11,001 PAM: Doppelkriegers. LANA: I assume they had a 387 00:17:11,003 --> 00:17:13,304 lab, so take Ray and see if you can find some info on how to 388 00:17:13,306 --> 00:17:16,140 shut this damn thing down. We'll go get Archer. 389 00:17:16,142 --> 00:17:19,343 PAM: Ooh, and Cherlene! LANA: Ooh, and no. 390 00:17:19,345 --> 00:17:22,346 Because she isn't here. CYRIL: Oh! 391 00:17:22,348 --> 00:17:24,732 Damn it, Archer! Damn you! 392 00:17:24,734 --> 00:17:26,934 You can't even let me pretend to be magnanimous while inwardly 393 00:17:26,936 --> 00:17:28,852 gloating! MALORY: Oh, shut up. 394 00:17:28,854 --> 00:17:30,154 What does the note say? 395 00:17:30,156 --> 00:17:32,656 LANA (reading): 396 00:17:37,162 --> 00:17:39,830 So, airport? PAM: But the note says not... 397 00:17:39,832 --> 00:17:41,732 (mumbling) CYRIL: Well, I guess that 398 00:17:41,734 --> 00:17:43,417 settles that! I mean, it's not like we can 399 00:17:43,419 --> 00:17:46,036 just waltz into enemy territory and... 400 00:17:46,038 --> 00:17:48,956 Well, I certainly can't. LANA: Can't, or... 401 00:17:48,958 --> 00:17:52,343 CYRIL: Both, either, all. They'd shoot me on sight, Lana. 402 00:17:52,345 --> 00:17:55,129 And if you want Archer so damn bad, you can go get him your... 403 00:17:55,131 --> 00:17:57,631 (tires squealing) 404 00:17:57,633 --> 00:18:02,269 Huh. I didn't think she'd actually 405 00:18:02,271 --> 00:18:04,254 do it. MALORY: Then you're an idiot. 406 00:18:04,256 --> 00:18:09,360 CYRIL: Oh, I'm the idiot? MALORY: Yes. 407 00:18:09,362 --> 00:18:11,261 (Archer grunts) ARCHER: What the...? 408 00:18:11,263 --> 00:18:13,263 Holly? HOLLY: Archer? 409 00:18:13,265 --> 00:18:15,282 SLATER: Rando? ARCHER: Slater? 410 00:18:15,284 --> 00:18:17,401 HOLLY: Who the hell is Rando? SLATER: Him! 411 00:18:17,403 --> 00:18:19,153 HOLLY: That's Sterling Archer! 412 00:18:19,155 --> 00:18:22,206 CHERLENE (loudly): A-hem! And I am Cherlene? 413 00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:26,276 The Queen of Outlaw Country? SLATER: What the hell are you 414 00:18:26,278 --> 00:18:28,278 doing here? ARCHER: What the hell are you 415 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,047 doing here? HOLLY: I could ask you the 416 00:18:30,049 --> 00:18:31,999 same question. I am asking you the same 417 00:18:32,001 --> 00:18:33,784 question! ARCHER: We came to join the 418 00:18:33,786 --> 00:18:35,302 rebels. SLATER: What? 419 00:18:35,304 --> 00:18:37,388 ARCHER: What's the FBI doing in San Marcos? 420 00:18:37,390 --> 00:18:39,973 With a cocaine smuggler? (Holly sighs) 421 00:18:39,975 --> 00:18:42,426 HOLLY: I'm not FBI, and he's not a... 422 00:18:42,428 --> 00:18:44,678 SLATER: Well, technically, I am, but... 423 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,980 HOLLY: We're both CIA. ARCHER: What?! 424 00:18:46,982 --> 00:18:49,733 CHERLENE (whispering): C... I... A. 425 00:18:49,735 --> 00:18:51,752 SLATER: And we're also the rebels. 426 00:18:51,872 --> 00:18:54,575 HOLLY: And you are in a mundo of caca. 427 00:18:54,695 --> 00:18:57,402 LANA: Okay! Listen, stop, listen to me! 428 00:18:58,221 --> 00:18:59,869 ARCHER: Lana?! LANA: Holly? 429 00:18:59,989 --> 00:19:01,389 LANA: Holly? What's the FBI doing... 430 00:19:01,414 --> 00:19:04,327 ARCHER: These dickheads aren't FBI, Lana, they're CIA! 431 00:19:04,447 --> 00:19:06,743 And also the rebels! 432 00:19:09,964 --> 00:19:13,240 Huh. Thought that would get more of a reaction. 433 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:17,292 LANA: Yeah, no, that is, um... news, uh... 434 00:19:17,412 --> 00:19:20,321 but my water just broke, so... 435 00:19:22,365 --> 00:19:32,893 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com