1
00:00:01,019 --> 00:00:04,088
So what do we got so far?
We need big-ticket items.
2
00:00:04,208 --> 00:00:05,408
I got the Red Hot Chili Peppers
3
00:00:05,409 --> 00:00:06,676
to send us a signed guitar.
4
00:00:06,710 --> 00:00:08,411
That's great, April.
How'd you do that?
5
00:00:08,445 --> 00:00:11,214
It's a long story,
but the short version is,
6
00:00:11,248 --> 00:00:13,649
I'm currently catfishing
Anthony Kiedis.
7
00:00:13,684 --> 00:00:15,985
We're throwing
a charity auction to raise money
8
00:00:16,019 --> 00:00:16,986
for the unity concert,
9
00:00:17,021 --> 00:00:18,855
and we're gonna need it too,
10
00:00:18,889 --> 00:00:20,857
if I'm gonna perform
Islands In the Stream
11
00:00:20,891 --> 00:00:23,226
with a Sacagawea hologram.
12
00:00:23,260 --> 00:00:24,994
Plus, we need
lights, generators,
13
00:00:25,028 --> 00:00:27,663
microphones, water,
that boring stuff too.
14
00:00:27,698 --> 00:00:28,898
Why don't we put a pin in this?
15
00:00:28,899 --> 00:00:30,666
'Cause we have to do that thing.
16
00:00:30,701 --> 00:00:31,934
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, okay.
17
00:00:31,969 --> 00:00:33,169
- All right, yep.
- Just, like--
18
00:00:33,203 --> 00:00:35,404
Everybody, keep working.
We'll be back.
19
00:00:35,439 --> 00:00:38,841
Andy, hey, you haven't told
anyone about the baby, right?
20
00:00:38,876 --> 00:00:42,578
No, but my brain
is about to explode from stress.
21
00:00:42,613 --> 00:00:43,893
I am not good
at keeping secrets.
22
00:00:43,914 --> 00:00:45,581
That's exactly what I told Kyle
when he told me
23
00:00:45,616 --> 00:00:46,816
his wife was cheating on him.
24
00:00:46,850 --> 00:00:49,552
- Andy, come on!
- Ah! See? Oh!
25
00:00:49,586 --> 00:00:51,621
- Not cool, man.
- Not him, not that Kyle.
26
00:00:51,655 --> 00:00:54,390
Okay, we are going to have
a doctor's appointment,
27
00:00:54,425 --> 00:00:55,792
and then after that,
we can probably tell people.
28
00:00:55,826 --> 00:00:57,059
So just hang in there, please.
29
00:00:57,094 --> 00:00:59,395
I can do this. People do this.
People keep secrets.
30
00:00:59,430 --> 00:01:01,831
My neighbor Eric--
he's kept a secret for 20 years.
31
00:01:01,865 --> 00:01:03,733
He's in Witness Protection.
32
00:01:03,767 --> 00:01:05,301
Okay.
33
00:01:08,338 --> 00:01:16,345
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
34
00:01:25,522 --> 00:01:27,790
- You wanted to see me?
- Yes.
35
00:01:27,825 --> 00:01:31,594
I need to ask you for a...
36
00:01:31,628 --> 00:01:32,728
favor.
37
00:01:32,763 --> 00:01:35,998
What?
Ron Swanson asking for help?
38
00:01:36,033 --> 00:01:38,901
Keep your voice down, woman!
39
00:01:38,936 --> 00:01:41,871
Part of the unity concert
is a youth revue
40
00:01:41,905 --> 00:01:43,673
about the history of Pawnee.
41
00:01:43,707 --> 00:01:45,842
They require volunteers,
so I want you
42
00:01:45,876 --> 00:01:48,611
to come with me
to my daughters'...
43
00:01:48,645 --> 00:01:51,047
public elementary school
44
00:01:51,081 --> 00:01:52,682
to help make costumes.
45
00:01:52,716 --> 00:01:54,517
The elementary school.
46
00:01:54,551 --> 00:01:56,752
I'll do you this solid,
but you're gonna have
47
00:01:56,787 --> 00:01:59,322
to keep an eye out
for my ex-boyfriend Joe.
48
00:01:59,356 --> 00:02:01,924
He teaches music at that school,
and he is a nightmare.
49
00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:04,260
- He's my Tammy.
- Your Tammy?
50
00:02:04,294 --> 00:02:07,997
Donna, my two ex-wives are
the worst people in the world.
51
00:02:08,031 --> 00:02:10,233
Tammy two once seduced a coroner
52
00:02:10,267 --> 00:02:12,201
and had me declared legally dead
53
00:02:12,236 --> 00:02:14,370
just so she could get a discount
on a plane ticket.
54
00:02:14,404 --> 00:02:15,772
When I'm with Joe,
55
00:02:15,806 --> 00:02:19,041
he turns me into a person
I don't like or recognize.
56
00:02:19,076 --> 00:02:20,476
I go insane.
57
00:02:20,511 --> 00:02:24,113
All I'm asking is for you
to keep him away from me.
58
00:02:24,148 --> 00:02:26,549
I understand this problem well
59
00:02:26,583 --> 00:02:30,520
and agree
to this exchange of services.
60
00:02:30,554 --> 00:02:33,456
We need to raise
a minimum of $30,000
61
00:02:33,490 --> 00:02:35,892
from the auction, or else the
concert's gonna be in trouble.
62
00:02:35,926 --> 00:02:39,195
What else can we auction off?
What about those fish?
63
00:02:39,229 --> 00:02:41,664
Think they're valuable?
Cover me.
64
00:02:41,698 --> 00:02:43,733
Maybe you should start
taking it easy.
65
00:02:43,767 --> 00:02:46,803
You're stressing out
for two now.
66
00:02:46,837 --> 00:02:49,038
Hmm, that's actually
a pretty decent t-shirt idea.
67
00:02:49,073 --> 00:02:51,207
Babe, I cannot slow down.
68
00:02:51,241 --> 00:02:52,575
The concert is in three weeks.
69
00:02:52,609 --> 00:02:54,811
Look, I feel fine,
and if you're worried,
70
00:02:54,845 --> 00:02:57,480
we can just ask Dr. Saperstein
what he thinks.
71
00:02:57,514 --> 00:03:00,283
Someone say "Saperstein"?
Come on, you two.
72
00:03:00,317 --> 00:03:03,219
Let's saddle you up
and put some jelly on the belly.
73
00:03:03,253 --> 00:03:05,254
- He's a little weird.
- Mm-hmm.
74
00:03:08,459 --> 00:03:09,892
- Look at me!
- Jeez.
75
00:03:09,927 --> 00:03:12,095
Okay, here's what's
happening--I want to auction off
76
00:03:12,129 --> 00:03:13,996
a personalized
Johnny Karate song tomorrow,
77
00:03:14,031 --> 00:03:15,665
so I need you to come
to the auction.
78
00:03:15,699 --> 00:03:16,966
Auction?
79
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,434
Okay, yeah.
Let me write that down.
80
00:03:18,469 --> 00:03:21,704
Andy, you already have three
Johnny Karate shows tomorrow.
81
00:03:21,738 --> 00:03:23,539
No, not according
to my file here.
82
00:03:23,574 --> 00:03:26,042
Oh, I forgot, other hand.
Crap.
83
00:03:26,076 --> 00:03:27,777
Okay, we need a better system.
84
00:03:27,811 --> 00:03:30,313
Look, I'll just write down
an itinerary for you,
85
00:03:30,347 --> 00:03:31,614
so you can just focus on songs.
86
00:03:31,648 --> 00:03:33,382
Okay, well, you have
to catalog all this stuff.
87
00:03:33,417 --> 00:03:34,684
I mean,
this is hours' worth of work.
88
00:03:34,718 --> 00:03:36,185
What is that?
"Don't tell secret"?
89
00:03:36,220 --> 00:03:37,787
Oh, no, that's not one.
90
00:03:37,821 --> 00:03:39,956
Andy, if you have a secret,
you have to tell me.
91
00:03:39,990 --> 00:03:41,023
That's the whole point
of marriage.
92
00:03:41,058 --> 00:03:42,291
You get twice the secrets.
93
00:03:42,326 --> 00:03:45,395
Dude, it is nothing.
I don't have anything.
94
00:03:45,429 --> 00:03:46,529
I'm not acting weird.
95
00:03:46,563 --> 00:03:48,464
You're acting weird.
Excuse me.
96
00:03:48,499 --> 00:03:52,068
I have to get back to work now.
97
00:03:57,074 --> 00:03:58,040
What are you doing?
98
00:03:58,075 --> 00:03:59,442
I'm getting a picture of you
99
00:03:59,476 --> 00:04:01,477
volunteering
at a public elementary school
100
00:04:01,512 --> 00:04:04,814
in case I ever need
to blackmail you.
101
00:04:04,848 --> 00:04:06,082
That's Joe, 12:00.
102
00:04:06,116 --> 00:04:08,317
Donna, how are you?
103
00:04:08,352 --> 00:04:10,920
- It's really nice to see you.
- Mm-hmm.
104
00:04:10,954 --> 00:04:12,188
Thank you so much
for helping out.
105
00:04:12,222 --> 00:04:14,624
These kids are so lucky to have
your fashion expertise.
106
00:04:14,658 --> 00:04:17,527
Hello, Joe.
My name is Ron Swanson.
107
00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:19,662
I am Donna's
work-proximity associate.
108
00:04:19,696 --> 00:04:22,765
Oh, my gosh, Donna has told me
so much about you.
109
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,734
It's nice to put a face
to the name.
110
00:04:24,768 --> 00:04:26,636
Mm-hmm.
111
00:04:26,670 --> 00:04:29,439
Well, I gotta get back
to my classroom.
112
00:04:29,473 --> 00:04:31,741
It's a pleasure
to meet you, Ron.
113
00:04:31,775 --> 00:04:33,643
And if either of you guys
need anything at all today,
114
00:04:33,677 --> 00:04:35,311
please do not hesitate
to ask, okay?
115
00:04:35,345 --> 00:04:37,413
- I'm onto you, friend.
- What?
116
00:04:37,448 --> 00:04:39,015
Tread lightly.
117
00:04:39,049 --> 00:04:41,050
Okay.
118
00:04:42,553 --> 00:04:44,287
Now, Ben wants me to slow down,
119
00:04:44,321 --> 00:04:46,155
but I have this huge project
coming up,
120
00:04:46,190 --> 00:04:49,358
and slowing down
isn't really my jam.
121
00:04:49,393 --> 00:04:51,194
Your body is going
through some changes,
122
00:04:51,228 --> 00:04:52,995
but you're a healthy gal,
right, Leslie?
123
00:04:53,030 --> 00:04:55,431
There is no reason for you
not to be yourself.
124
00:04:55,466 --> 00:04:56,799
I win.
125
00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:59,035
- It wasn't a competition.
- All right.
126
00:04:59,069 --> 00:05:00,937
Let's see what's going down
in baby town.
127
00:05:02,306 --> 00:05:03,539
There's your healthy baby.
128
00:05:03,574 --> 00:05:05,975
Oh, wow.
129
00:05:06,010 --> 00:05:08,544
Oh, and there's another one.
130
00:05:08,579 --> 00:05:10,613
The baby has two bodies?
131
00:05:10,647 --> 00:05:13,382
Twins.
Ben, we're having twins.
132
00:05:15,986 --> 00:05:18,988
No, you're not, 'cause look
who's hiding over here.
133
00:05:20,357 --> 00:05:23,025
Triplets?
Triplets?
134
00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:25,228
And here's a fourth.
I'm so sorry, no.
135
00:05:25,262 --> 00:05:26,863
It's a little fleck
of cream cheese on the screen.
136
00:05:26,897 --> 00:05:29,132
Just triplets.
137
00:05:29,166 --> 00:05:31,467
Wow, you guys really dodged
a bullet.
138
00:05:31,502 --> 00:05:34,203
Can you imagine raising
four children at one time?
139
00:05:34,238 --> 00:05:36,839
Ha, a nightmare.
140
00:05:36,874 --> 00:05:40,455
- Triplets.
- Triplets.
141
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,426
I can't believe it.
142
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,459
We knocked it out of the park
on the first try.
143
00:05:46,579 --> 00:05:48,351
If we do this right,
we can be parents
144
00:05:48,471 --> 00:05:50,472
to 1/3 of the supreme court!
145
00:05:50,506 --> 00:05:53,275
- This is insane.
- This is amazing.
146
00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:54,876
I always knew
we were one in a million,
147
00:05:54,911 --> 00:05:55,911
and now we got the proof!
148
00:05:55,962 --> 00:05:58,014
Well, actually, one in 8,000.
149
00:05:58,134 --> 00:06:00,983
Triplets occur a lot more
frequently than you imagine,
150
00:06:01,017 --> 00:06:02,251
- especially at your age.
- Oh.
151
00:06:02,285 --> 00:06:05,674
Your body is prone
to releasing multiple eggs.
152
00:06:05,794 --> 00:06:07,456
It's what we doctors
like to call--
153
00:06:07,490 --> 00:06:09,238
and I don't mean
to be insensitive--
154
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:11,704
a going-out-of-business sale.
155
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:14,774
So, doctor, um,
what do we--
156
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:17,777
like, what do we do?
Like, what do we do?
157
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:21,014
Um, how do we--
how--how--how--
158
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,078
how--
what do we do?
159
00:06:23,198 --> 00:06:25,485
The first thing you do is,
you forget everything
160
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,353
that I said before
because you, young lady,
161
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:31,791
need a lot of rest
and especially avoiding stress.
162
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:34,260
Leslie, I need you to be
Buddha on quaaludes,
163
00:06:34,295 --> 00:06:35,828
and, Ben, you are
164
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:38,498
Matthew McConaughey in a hammock
on the beach.
165
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:42,001
All right, all right.
All right.
166
00:06:42,036 --> 00:06:44,470
This is insane.
Three kids?
167
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:47,006
I just multiplied all
our future expenses by three,
168
00:06:47,041 --> 00:06:48,341
and you know what happened?
169
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,543
The numbers got a lot higher.
170
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,578
I think I heard the computer
laugh at me.
171
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,981
And Saperstein wants us
to relax?
172
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,450
Are you ready to go,
my gentle dove?
173
00:06:57,484 --> 00:07:01,354
Oh, I will be there in
two flaps of a butterfly's wing,
174
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:03,389
and I love you.
175
00:07:05,326 --> 00:07:07,627
We are so screwed.
176
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:11,898
Uh-oh.
177
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:14,400
What did you do now, Joe?
178
00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:16,035
Thank you so much.
179
00:07:16,070 --> 00:07:17,971
We thought we were gonna have
to tell Dylan
180
00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:19,606
that his doggie
was gone forever.
181
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:20,640
Oh, my gosh.
182
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:22,475
Barbara, don't even mention it.
183
00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:24,844
Look, I hate it
when my students are upset,
184
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:27,013
so I just went out,
driving around.
185
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,414
I checked
a few neighborhood parks.
186
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,183
It took barely six hours.
187
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,018
Oh, how can we ever repay you?
188
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:34,187
No need.
Would you like a muffin?
189
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,256
I made them last night.
190
00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:40,860
It's the best muffin
I've ever had.
191
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:42,328
You're welcome, guys.
192
00:07:42,363 --> 00:07:44,564
You're welcome. Oh.
193
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,034
So whose birthday is it anyway?
194
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,402
Oh, who knows?
195
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:51,604
I got so many kids
from different women,
196
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:53,239
I just get all of
their birthdays out of the way
197
00:07:53,274 --> 00:07:56,075
one day a year.
198
00:07:56,110 --> 00:07:57,710
Ladies.
199
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,178
Okay, so when this ends,
200
00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:00,747
we have a half hour
to get to the next party.
201
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,815
That gives us
15 minutes of travel time
202
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,170
and 15 minutes for you to take
a wet-nap shower in the car.
203
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,720
- Good, I need one.
- Also, tell me your secret.
204
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:10,623
Babe, don't make me tell.
I don't wanna break my promise.
205
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,859
Tell me now.
206
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,560
Oh, jeez, this is heavy.
Pardon me.
207
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,529
It's about Larry.
208
00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:19,566
He is very sick.
He has some kind of disease.
209
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,069
Oh, so that's why
you've been so nice to him
210
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,470
and let him carry
all your stuff.
211
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:27,607
Yes, that's the reason.
Good call, babe.
212
00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:31,611
Jeez.
213
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,713
Poor guy.
214
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,481
Hello, everyone.
215
00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:39,819
Thank you all for coming to
this wonderful and calm event.
216
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:44,424
Our first item up for bid is
two all-access V.I.P. passes
217
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:45,592
to the unity concert.
218
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,493
Let's start the bidding at $40.
219
00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:49,295
Do I hear 40?
220
00:08:49,330 --> 00:08:51,965
Thank you. 40.
We can beat this. 50.
221
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,334
Anyone for 50?
$50. Thank you, sir.
222
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,568
Terrific.
223
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:58,071
Any higher?
No?
224
00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,238
Well, that's fine.
225
00:08:59,273 --> 00:09:02,141
We're all just
calm and happy people
226
00:09:02,176 --> 00:09:04,110
enjoying ourselves together
on earth.
227
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:07,180
Sold for $50.
How magnificent.
228
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,148
Leslie, that's less
than face value.
229
00:09:09,183 --> 00:09:11,584
You need passion,
zeal, showmanship.
230
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:12,619
I don't have the gavel,
so I'm powerless.
231
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:14,420
I respect the hierarchy
of the auction!
232
00:09:14,455 --> 00:09:15,755
I think
Leslie's doing a great job.
233
00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,156
Thank you, Craig.
Hey, are you doing all right?
234
00:09:17,191 --> 00:09:18,224
- Yeah.
- You want to do some tai chi?
235
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:19,325
- No, I'm doing really fine.
- Okay.
236
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:21,361
Leslie is already
the queen of stress,
237
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:24,931
so I have to be like
her stress shamwow.
238
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,834
I wrap myself around her,
I soak up all of her stress,
239
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,068
and then
after the kids are born,
240
00:09:29,103 --> 00:09:31,704
someone can squeeze me out
into a bucket.
241
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:33,039
- Ron!
- Ron!
242
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,107
Ron, play with us!
243
00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:35,542
- Okay.
- Ron, play with us.
244
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,477
Girls, Ron's got
sharp tools now.
245
00:09:37,511 --> 00:09:39,178
- Oh, Ron!
- Ladies.
246
00:09:39,213 --> 00:09:42,582
♪ Eyes are watching,
ears are listening ♪
247
00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:45,285
♪ lips are closed,
hands are still ♪
248
00:09:45,319 --> 00:09:47,320
♪ feet are very quiet ♪
249
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:50,890
♪ you should really try it,
listen well, listen well ♪
250
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,328
That was well played.
251
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:58,631
Children their age respond
positively to melody and rhyme.
252
00:09:58,666 --> 00:09:59,832
They are great girls.
253
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:02,569
You must feel very lucky
to be their stepdad.
254
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:05,905
I do, indeed.
255
00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:07,307
If you'll excuse me, Joe,
256
00:10:07,341 --> 00:10:10,343
I have to finish hogging out
the cheeks on these lap joints.
257
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:13,513
Oh, maybe you could use
this jig I made.
258
00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:14,948
It's just
a hardwood clamping block
259
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:16,349
connected to a small piece
of hackberry.
260
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:19,519
You could use it to locate your
cuts for the inside shoulder...
261
00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:22,088
Without having to reset
the fence.
262
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,457
Exactly.
263
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:28,027
Muffin?
264
00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:31,698
Thirsty there, big guy?
265
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:35,168
Well, jeez, yes.
Thank you so much.
266
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:37,570
Do you remember the time
when you put sleeping pills
267
00:10:37,605 --> 00:10:39,572
in my soda?
268
00:10:39,607 --> 00:10:41,240
I fell right over in the middle
of a town hall meeting.
269
00:10:41,275 --> 00:10:43,876
Mm, no.
I don't remember that.
270
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:47,714
You made a video of it and
showed it at my birthday party.
271
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:48,908
Yes, it went over really big.
272
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:52,385
Well, I'm sorry.
273
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,555
Is there anything I can do
to make it up to you?
274
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:56,789
That's very sweet.
275
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,758
Yeah, um, I have got an itch
276
00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:00,260
that I have not been able
to get to all day,
277
00:11:00,294 --> 00:11:02,462
and even against the wall,
nothing will do it.
278
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:04,464
- Would you mind doing that?
- No, not at all.
279
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:07,233
Just--if you could, like--
okay, go up.
280
00:11:07,268 --> 00:11:09,736
Go up the back.
281
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:10,770
Hey, Ben.
282
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:14,240
Can I just please tell
just April?
283
00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:16,009
I am hanging on by a thread
over here.
284
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,745
No, just--look,
everyone's healthy and fine,
285
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,480
but it's complicated.
There's a lot going on.
286
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,081
So just don't say anything
to anyone
287
00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:23,683
about anything forever, okay?
288
00:11:25,653 --> 00:11:26,919
Andy?
289
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:28,321
You can say "Okay."
290
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,924
Okay. Bye.
291
00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:32,158
I didn't mean to say "Bye."
292
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,627
Our next item up for bid
is the naming rights
293
00:11:34,662 --> 00:11:36,329
for our children's tent,
294
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:39,299
so let's start the bidding
at $1,000, please.
295
00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:40,667
I'll bid 100 bucks.
296
00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:43,803
1,000?
Anyone want to--
297
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,538
Oh, thank you, madam.
298
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,974
A very wealthy
and elegant-looking woman
299
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:49,709
with a diamond-encrusted
eye patch just raised her hand.
300
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:50,977
Don't look at her.
301
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,879
She doesn't like attention,
but she's there.
302
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:56,215
She's real.
So do I hear 2,000?
303
00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:58,851
Ooh, yeah, here we go.
304
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:00,853
The sheik has thrown his hat
into the ring.
305
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:02,322
- Well...
- There's no sheik.
306
00:12:02,356 --> 00:12:03,690
It looks like we've got
a real bidding war between...
307
00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,325
There's no bidding war.
No one's talking...
308
00:12:05,359 --> 00:12:06,693
- An elegant--
- 'Cause there's no sheik,
309
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:07,961
and there's no old lady
with a diamond--
310
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,329
what is it, a diamond eye patch?
311
00:12:09,363 --> 00:12:10,997
- 3,000, says the gentleman...
- There's no 3,000.
312
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,498
With the crazy hat
and a monkey on his shoulder.
313
00:12:12,533 --> 00:12:15,034
- It's 100 bucks. It's my bid.
- That is outrageous.
314
00:12:15,069 --> 00:12:16,402
That's the only bid out there
right now.
315
00:12:16,437 --> 00:12:18,705
Naming rights for the kids' tent
go to Jamm Orthodontics
316
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:21,374
for 100 smackers.
317
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,576
Now that is
the steal of the day.
318
00:12:23,611 --> 00:12:25,211
I think it's going great.
You want a head massage?
319
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,013
Okay.
320
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:30,216
So, um, Andy told me
what's going on.
321
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,218
Really?
Oh.
322
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,854
I was trying
to keep it hush-hush.
323
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,422
It's kind of embarrassing.
324
00:12:36,457 --> 00:12:39,192
Well, if you ever need to talk
to anyone, I'm here for you.
325
00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:44,264
Or, like, you know, I'm here,
standing near you.
326
00:12:44,298 --> 00:12:47,166
Well, earlier today, I was
licking icing off of my finger,
327
00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:50,203
and then, boom,
I swallow my wedding ring.
328
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:52,237
And I wish I could say
it was the first time, but--
329
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:53,206
Wait, wait, wait.
330
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,409
So you're not, like, dying?
331
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:59,245
No, no, no, I mean,
332
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:00,480
can it be painful?
333
00:13:00,514 --> 00:13:01,781
Sure, but the good news is,
334
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:03,215
I've gotten very good
at passing it.
335
00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:05,785
It's just a matter
of getting out the old colander.
336
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,720
Come on, Pearl, jump in.
337
00:13:07,755 --> 00:13:09,989
Don't make me pull the permits
on your rental units.
338
00:13:10,024 --> 00:13:11,891
Hey, all the paperwork
on those buildings
339
00:13:11,926 --> 00:13:13,159
are under my dog's name,
340
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,194
so if you got a problem,
take it up with Princess.
341
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:17,830
Honey, why don't you take
a whale-sounds break, okay?
342
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,332
I'll finish this up.
343
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:20,633
Guys, come on, now.
344
00:13:20,668 --> 00:13:23,202
This is signed
by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
345
00:13:23,237 --> 00:13:25,738
Just think
about all their great songs,
346
00:13:25,773 --> 00:13:27,340
covering everything
from the culture
347
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:28,741
of Southern California
348
00:13:28,776 --> 00:13:31,711
to drug use
in Southern California.
349
00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:33,379
- I'll bid 30 bucks.
- Okay.
350
00:13:33,414 --> 00:13:36,616
This is easily worth $500.
Come on.
351
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,084
Please, anyone.
352
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,286
We're just trying to raise
some money for this concert,
353
00:13:40,321 --> 00:13:42,922
- so no one gets stressed out.
- Fine.
354
00:13:42,957 --> 00:13:47,226
50 and another win
for Old Herman.
355
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,428
Why would you erase
the signatures?
356
00:13:48,462 --> 00:13:50,063
I'm more of a Jack Johnson guy.
357
00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:51,264
Okay, give it back.
358
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:52,532
If you want it so bad,
bid on it.
359
00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:55,034
I don't like
the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
360
00:13:55,069 --> 00:13:56,869
It's not even
the original lineup.
361
00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:58,071
Give it back!
362
00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,273
Ben!
363
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,408
It's okay. I'm fine.
Stay relaxed.
364
00:14:02,443 --> 00:14:03,977
Oh, my God,
there's blood everywhere.
365
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,245
Call a doctor!
No, call a coroner!
366
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,883
It just got insane!
367
00:14:10,596 --> 00:14:12,063
You have very weak hands.
368
00:14:12,097 --> 00:14:13,097
Why would you say that?
369
00:14:13,098 --> 00:14:14,632
Just making an observation.
370
00:14:14,666 --> 00:14:16,434
Poor Ben.
371
00:14:16,468 --> 00:14:19,503
You know the EMT said that
if flea had sent you his bass,
372
00:14:19,538 --> 00:14:20,504
you could've lost a thumb.
373
00:14:20,539 --> 00:14:22,173
I'm totally fine, babe.
374
00:14:22,207 --> 00:14:25,343
Everything is
a-okay coolio beans.
375
00:14:25,377 --> 00:14:27,378
- You want to meditate real quick?
- No, we do not have time.
376
00:14:27,412 --> 00:14:30,381
We have a concert to save.
Excuse me, he's feeling better.
377
00:14:30,415 --> 00:14:33,050
He can go, right, Ann?
Damn it.
378
00:14:33,085 --> 00:14:34,285
I wonder
if I'll ever stop doing that.
379
00:14:34,319 --> 00:14:36,887
Come on.
380
00:14:36,922 --> 00:14:39,557
I honestly don't care,
but I'm just gonna say it.
381
00:14:39,591 --> 00:14:40,758
I like Joe.
382
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:43,194
He's a nice man
who's good with kids,
383
00:14:43,228 --> 00:14:44,996
and he seems to be
smart and patient.
384
00:14:45,030 --> 00:14:47,231
I know.
That's why he's my Tammy.
385
00:14:47,266 --> 00:14:48,833
I'm a social butterfly.
386
00:14:48,867 --> 00:14:51,602
When we're together,
all we do is have sex,
387
00:14:51,637 --> 00:14:53,571
sit on the couch,
eat homemade pasta,
388
00:14:53,605 --> 00:14:55,306
- have sex again.
- Enough.
389
00:14:55,340 --> 00:14:57,108
He's constantly
being respectful,
390
00:14:57,142 --> 00:15:00,611
wanting to spend time with me,
trying to "connect" with me.
391
00:15:00,646 --> 00:15:03,114
It's a nightmare.
I become boring.
392
00:15:03,148 --> 00:15:06,317
Live your life how you want,
393
00:15:06,351 --> 00:15:10,288
but don't confuse drama
with happiness.
394
00:15:11,490 --> 00:15:13,090
So I've been talking to Larry,
395
00:15:13,125 --> 00:15:14,725
and he's definitely not dying.
396
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,560
Technically, we're all dying,
397
00:15:16,595 --> 00:15:18,796
unless you choose
the right grail.
398
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:20,131
It's the dusty one.
399
00:15:20,165 --> 00:15:22,433
Andy, I was nice to Larry.
400
00:15:22,467 --> 00:15:24,936
I scratched his back.
I had a conversation with him.
401
00:15:24,970 --> 00:15:26,871
It was horrible.
How can you do that to me?
402
00:15:26,905 --> 00:15:30,041
Fine.
I'll tell you the secret.
403
00:15:30,075 --> 00:15:32,109
- Ben's dog is dying.
- Lie.
404
00:15:32,144 --> 00:15:35,179
Ben is dying--he has
the same disease Larry has.
405
00:15:35,213 --> 00:15:36,480
- Leslie is dying.
- No.
406
00:15:36,515 --> 00:15:37,782
- They're both dying.
- No.
407
00:15:37,816 --> 00:15:39,817
I'm dying.
408
00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:41,953
- Chris and Ann are moving.
- They already moved.
409
00:15:41,987 --> 00:15:46,324
They're moving again
to China...town in France.
410
00:15:46,358 --> 00:15:47,792
- No!
- Okay, fine.
411
00:15:47,826 --> 00:15:49,226
- Do you really want to know?
- Yes.
412
00:15:49,261 --> 00:15:51,295
- Leslie is a spy.
- No.
413
00:15:51,330 --> 00:15:52,891
Tom has something wrong
with his butt.
414
00:15:52,898 --> 00:15:54,098
- Oh, my God.
- What?
415
00:15:54,132 --> 00:15:55,499
Did you hear that?
They need an encore.
416
00:15:55,534 --> 00:15:57,535
Honey, they want--the kids
want an encore, I'm sorry.
417
00:15:57,569 --> 00:15:59,136
What song should we do?
You wanna do Toots?
418
00:15:59,171 --> 00:16:01,606
I hope you don't mind,
but I noticed that
419
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,074
your right rear tire
was a little flat,
420
00:16:03,108 --> 00:16:05,810
so I patched it,
and I inflated it for you.
421
00:16:05,844 --> 00:16:07,712
But you're still gonna want to
go to a garage 'cause I don't--
422
00:16:07,746 --> 00:16:09,380
- I like to do things.
- Excuse me.
423
00:16:09,414 --> 00:16:12,083
Museums, opera, nightclubs.
424
00:16:12,117 --> 00:16:15,486
Sometimes I disappear for a day
or two 'cause I'm fly-fishing
425
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:17,355
or I'm at a Seattle Sounders game.
426
00:16:17,389 --> 00:16:20,191
I promise not to cheat on you
427
00:16:20,225 --> 00:16:24,462
if you promise not to try
to pin me down too fast.
428
00:16:24,496 --> 00:16:26,797
I have no problem with that.
429
00:16:26,832 --> 00:16:29,066
You can take me
to dinner Friday.
430
00:16:29,101 --> 00:16:31,469
I have only one request--
431
00:16:31,503 --> 00:16:34,205
that you wear
that, uh, red thing.
432
00:16:34,239 --> 00:16:35,439
I'll wear that red thing
433
00:16:35,474 --> 00:16:40,411
when you deserve to see me
in that red thing.
434
00:16:40,445 --> 00:16:43,147
Gotta go make some muffins.
435
00:16:43,181 --> 00:16:45,082
Okay, there's still
plenty of ways
436
00:16:45,117 --> 00:16:46,984
to raise money
for the concert, right?
437
00:16:47,019 --> 00:16:48,653
Maybe we'll win the lottery.
438
00:16:48,687 --> 00:16:49,987
I mean, hey,
you're looking at a woman
439
00:16:50,022 --> 00:16:52,089
who just hit triple cherries
in her uterus.
440
00:16:52,124 --> 00:16:53,491
We're screwed.
441
00:16:53,525 --> 00:16:55,326
No, we're not, we have
three weeks until the concert.
442
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,094
- It'll be fine.
- No, not the concert.
443
00:16:57,129 --> 00:16:58,896
The triple cherries.
444
00:16:58,931 --> 00:17:00,451
I mean, of course
it's the most amazing
445
00:17:00,465 --> 00:17:02,233
and wonderful thing
to ever happen,
446
00:17:02,267 --> 00:17:03,567
but, okay, I am an accountant,
447
00:17:03,602 --> 00:17:06,871
and I am looking
a cold, hard facts.
448
00:17:06,905 --> 00:17:11,108
Raising three kids
is going to cost $2 million.
449
00:17:11,143 --> 00:17:12,843
Babe, our kids will be geniuses.
450
00:17:12,878 --> 00:17:14,211
They'll get scholarships.
451
00:17:14,246 --> 00:17:16,480
Half of my tuition was paid for
452
00:17:16,515 --> 00:17:19,450
by the Indiana scholarship for
pretty blondes who like to read.
453
00:17:19,484 --> 00:17:22,520
It's now called the Virginia
Woolf prize--different time.
454
00:17:22,554 --> 00:17:25,423
Leslie, I have been trying
so hard not to stress you out,
455
00:17:25,457 --> 00:17:27,291
but we just spent
our entire savings account
456
00:17:27,326 --> 00:17:29,760
on a trip to Paris.
457
00:17:29,795 --> 00:17:30,962
What were we thinking?
458
00:17:30,996 --> 00:17:32,597
We spent too much money
on macaroons.
459
00:17:32,631 --> 00:17:33,798
Okay, honey--
460
00:17:33,832 --> 00:17:35,032
Okay, wait, what's the number
for the Louvre?
461
00:17:35,067 --> 00:17:36,347
I mean,
maybe I can get a refund.
462
00:17:36,368 --> 00:17:37,568
We barely looked
at the Mona Lisa.
463
00:17:37,603 --> 00:17:39,570
Honey, can you just breathe
for a second?
464
00:17:39,605 --> 00:17:40,605
Leslie, these numbers are
going to determine everything
465
00:17:40,639 --> 00:17:41,606
for the rest of our lives!
466
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:42,974
- Breathe.
- I mean,
467
00:17:43,008 --> 00:17:44,241
maybe we should move because
we could make more money,
468
00:17:44,276 --> 00:17:45,643
or maybe we should stay here
469
00:17:45,677 --> 00:17:47,278
because it's cheaper
to live here than in Chicago.
470
00:17:47,312 --> 00:17:48,546
Oh, my God!
471
00:17:48,580 --> 00:17:49,981
I'm shamwowing
all of your stress,
472
00:17:50,015 --> 00:17:51,215
and there's no one here
to wring me out.
473
00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:52,683
- Benjamin Wyatt...
- I don't even know--
474
00:17:52,718 --> 00:17:56,521
The man of my dreams,
the one that I love, shh.
475
00:17:56,555 --> 00:17:57,795
Leslie, we are in trouble here.
476
00:17:57,823 --> 00:17:59,323
We are in real trouble!
477
00:17:59,358 --> 00:18:01,459
- I'm so sorry.
- What?
478
00:18:01,493 --> 00:18:03,928
You just look so crazy
right now, but cute.
479
00:18:03,962 --> 00:18:07,798
You're always stressed out.
How are you calm right now?
480
00:18:07,833 --> 00:18:09,967
Because I realized something.
481
00:18:10,002 --> 00:18:11,602
Everything that
we have been through--
482
00:18:11,637 --> 00:18:14,572
the harvest festival,
the election, the recall,
483
00:18:14,606 --> 00:18:16,240
the merger, Ann leaving,
484
00:18:16,274 --> 00:18:19,310
Larry changing his name
for some stupid reason--
485
00:18:19,344 --> 00:18:23,681
all of it has just been
preparation for this.
486
00:18:23,715 --> 00:18:27,251
I am immune to stress
because I have you.
487
00:18:29,154 --> 00:18:31,789
Come on.
I have an idea.
488
00:18:35,642 --> 00:18:38,244
Ron is King Sparkle
of Cupcake Forest.
489
00:18:38,278 --> 00:18:40,813
Much obliged.
490
00:18:40,847 --> 00:18:43,682
So I'm going to dinner
with Joe next week.
491
00:18:43,717 --> 00:18:45,417
Glad to hear it.
492
00:18:45,452 --> 00:18:46,418
It's always nice to see someone
493
00:18:46,453 --> 00:18:47,753
actually change for the better.
494
00:18:47,787 --> 00:18:50,089
Yes, Joe seems like a good man,
495
00:18:50,123 --> 00:18:52,191
but at this point,
I'm done talking about him.
496
00:18:52,225 --> 00:18:53,759
I was talking about you.
497
00:18:53,793 --> 00:18:55,728
Your family has made you
a more patient
498
00:18:55,762 --> 00:18:57,596
and empathetic person.
499
00:18:57,631 --> 00:18:59,965
- You take that back.
- Come on, Swanson.
500
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,534
Did you think even two years ago
501
00:19:01,568 --> 00:19:03,035
you'd be playing matchmaker
for me
502
00:19:03,069 --> 00:19:04,670
while wearing a glittery crown?
503
00:19:04,704 --> 00:19:05,938
Now you're a dad.
504
00:19:05,972 --> 00:19:08,074
You care a little, itty bit
about your friends.
505
00:19:08,108 --> 00:19:11,310
You're King Sparkle
of Cupcake Forest.
506
00:19:11,344 --> 00:19:13,445
It suits you.
507
00:19:21,321 --> 00:19:23,989
Andy, the camo is not working.
I can see you.
508
00:19:24,024 --> 00:19:26,992
- Damn, really?
- Yes.
509
00:19:27,027 --> 00:19:28,727
Babe, you don't have
to hide from me.
510
00:19:28,762 --> 00:19:31,063
I don't care about the secret
anymore, okay?
511
00:19:31,097 --> 00:19:33,098
I just thought,
when we got married,
512
00:19:33,133 --> 00:19:34,500
we would share everything,
513
00:19:34,534 --> 00:19:37,469
but if you really can't tell me
or whatever, it's fine.
514
00:19:37,504 --> 00:19:38,737
I trust you.
515
00:19:38,772 --> 00:19:41,640
It's just that
it's a really big secret,
516
00:19:41,675 --> 00:19:44,610
and for once,
I wanted to keep my word.
517
00:19:44,644 --> 00:19:45,744
But screw it.
518
00:19:45,779 --> 00:19:47,413
You're more important
than anything.
519
00:19:47,447 --> 00:19:48,647
I'm gonna tell you
520
00:19:48,682 --> 00:19:50,182
'cause it's super juicy--
you ready?
521
00:19:50,217 --> 00:19:51,617
Okay.
522
00:19:51,651 --> 00:19:53,419
Everybody,
if you could gather around...
523
00:19:53,453 --> 00:19:56,155
They're here--don't try
to get it out of me anymore.
524
00:19:56,189 --> 00:19:57,823
The reason
I have been acting so weird
525
00:19:57,857 --> 00:19:59,325
is not because I've been waiting
526
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:02,027
for the results of
the soil samples to come back.
527
00:20:02,062 --> 00:20:03,996
Well, jeez, I've been up
all night trying to make sure--
528
00:20:04,030 --> 00:20:05,197
It doesn't matter, Larry.
529
00:20:05,232 --> 00:20:06,699
It was a pointless ruse designed
to waste time.
530
00:20:06,733 --> 00:20:10,469
The truth is...
I'm pregnant.
531
00:20:12,005 --> 00:20:14,507
Yes, I did it!
I kept a secret.
532
00:20:14,541 --> 00:20:15,774
Congratulations.
533
00:20:15,809 --> 00:20:17,877
I'm sure you will both
raise a wonderful child
534
00:20:17,911 --> 00:20:21,180
with whom I will profoundly
disagree on nearly everything.
535
00:20:21,214 --> 00:20:23,349
Well, actually,
and this is crazy,
536
00:20:23,383 --> 00:20:25,851
but it's children, plural.
537
00:20:25,886 --> 00:20:28,220
- We're having triplets, and...
- Shut the--
538
00:20:28,255 --> 00:20:29,321
- Oh, my God!
- A little freaked out about it.
539
00:20:29,356 --> 00:20:30,489
That's amazing.
540
00:20:30,524 --> 00:20:32,358
Babe, I am so glad
you didn't tell me.
541
00:20:32,392 --> 00:20:33,959
I know.
I'm incredible.
542
00:20:33,994 --> 00:20:35,394
Okay, now listen to me, you two.
543
00:20:35,428 --> 00:20:37,730
Gayle and I have kept everything
our girls ever used,
544
00:20:37,764 --> 00:20:40,332
so we have, like, millions
of clothes and strollers and--
545
00:20:40,367 --> 00:20:42,401
- just don't buy a thing, okay?
- A triple crib--
546
00:20:42,435 --> 00:20:44,904
sounds like an interesting
woodworking challenge.
547
00:20:44,938 --> 00:20:47,172
Would you like oak or pine?
548
00:20:47,207 --> 00:20:48,707
I'll make both,
and you can choose.
549
00:20:48,742 --> 00:20:50,609
My boyf--
my friend Joe
550
00:20:50,644 --> 00:20:52,177
has the hookup
at all the good preschools.
551
00:20:52,212 --> 00:20:54,380
Andy and I can babysit anytime,
552
00:20:54,414 --> 00:20:56,482
except for on weekends
and nights,
553
00:20:56,516 --> 00:20:58,050
but we're free anytime
during work hours.
554
00:20:58,084 --> 00:21:01,253
This is gonna be
the happiest time of your life!
555
00:21:01,288 --> 00:21:03,122
Well, I sold everything
on the auction list,
556
00:21:03,156 --> 00:21:04,523
no thanks to you people.
557
00:21:04,558 --> 00:21:06,158
What's so wonderful
that you're all celebrating
558
00:21:06,193 --> 00:21:07,893
while I do all the hard work?
559
00:21:07,928 --> 00:21:09,328
We're having triplets.
560
00:21:09,362 --> 00:21:11,931
Oh, great.
561
00:21:11,965 --> 00:21:14,400
First my cousin Winona
gets into a car accident
562
00:21:14,434 --> 00:21:16,535
the night my one-man show opens,
and now this?
563
00:21:16,570 --> 00:21:18,904
Why are my accomplishments
always overshadowed?
564
00:21:18,939 --> 00:21:22,775
Congratulations, I suppose.
565
00:21:22,809 --> 00:21:23,876
That's nice of him.
566
00:21:23,910 --> 00:21:25,350
- Yeah, yeah, I'll take that.
- Yeah.
567
00:21:25,765 --> 00:21:32,309
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com