1
00:00:01,886 --> 00:00:05,043
So what do we got so far?
We need big-ticket items.
2
00:00:05,075 --> 00:00:07,842
I got the Red Hot Chili Peppers
to send us a signed guitar.
3
00:00:07,855 --> 00:00:09,556
That's great, April.
How'd you do that?
4
00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:12,110
It's a long story, but
the short version is,
5
00:00:12,130 --> 00:00:14,741
I'm currently catfishing
Anthony Kiedis.
6
00:00:14,763 --> 00:00:18,080
We're throwing a charity auction to
raise money for the unity concert,
7
00:00:18,106 --> 00:00:19,886
and we're gonna
need it too,
8
00:00:19,906 --> 00:00:24,358
if I'm gonna perform Islands In the
Stream with a Sacagawea hologram.
9
00:00:24,404 --> 00:00:28,496
Plus, we need lights, generators,
microphones, water, that boring stuff too.
10
00:00:28,516 --> 00:00:31,609
Why don't we put a pin in this?
'Cause we have to do that thing.
11
00:00:31,622 --> 00:00:33,185
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, okay.
12
00:00:33,198 --> 00:00:34,212
- All right, yep.
- Just, like--
13
00:00:34,228 --> 00:00:36,683
Everybody, keep working.
We'll be back.
14
00:00:36,696 --> 00:00:39,890
Andy, hey, you haven't told
anyone about the baby, right?
15
00:00:39,901 --> 00:00:43,396
No, but my brain is about
to explode from stress.
16
00:00:43,409 --> 00:00:44,809
I am not good at
keeping secrets.
17
00:00:44,816 --> 00:00:47,808
That's exactly what I told Kyle when he
told me his wife was cheating on him.
18
00:00:47,828 --> 00:00:50,625
- Andy, come on!
- Ah! See? Oh!
19
00:00:50,638 --> 00:00:53,162
- Not cool, man.
- Not him, not that Kyle.
20
00:00:53,182 --> 00:00:55,335
Okay, we are going to have
a doctor's appointment,
21
00:00:55,340 --> 00:00:57,004
and then after that, we
can probably tell people.
22
00:00:57,023 --> 00:00:58,517
So just hang in
there, please.
23
00:00:58,530 --> 00:01:00,360
I can do this. People do this.
People keep secrets.
24
00:01:00,375 --> 00:01:02,776
My neighbor Eric-- he's
kept a secret for 20 years.
25
00:01:02,803 --> 00:01:04,731
He's in Witness Protection.
26
00:01:05,272 --> 00:01:06,372
Okay.
27
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:09,414
[Triumphant music]
28
00:01:18,486 --> 00:01:26,486
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
29
00:01:26,983 --> 00:01:28,510
- You wanted to see me?
- Yes.
30
00:01:28,529 --> 00:01:31,932
I need to ask you for a...
31
00:01:32,895 --> 00:01:33,709
favor.
32
00:01:33,729 --> 00:01:36,924
[Shouts] What?
Ron Swanson asking for help?
33
00:01:36,944 --> 00:01:39,003
Keep your voice
down, woman!
34
00:01:39,669 --> 00:01:44,831
Part of the unity concert is a youth
revue about the history of Pawnee.
35
00:01:44,848 --> 00:01:46,814
They require volunteers,
so I want you
36
00:01:46,827 --> 00:01:49,621
to come with me to
my daughters'...
37
00:01:49,639 --> 00:01:53,852
public elementary school
to help make costumes.
38
00:01:53,885 --> 00:01:55,912
The elementary school.
39
00:01:55,925 --> 00:01:57,743
I'll do you this solid,
but you're gonna have
40
00:01:57,749 --> 00:02:00,279
to keep an eye out
for my ex-boyfriend Joe.
41
00:02:00,303 --> 00:02:02,943
He teaches music at that
school, and he is a nightmare.
42
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,569
- He's my Tammy.
- Your Tammy?
43
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:09,156
Donna, my two ex-wives are
the worst people in the world.
44
00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:13,193
Tammy two once seduced a coroner
and had me declared legally dead
45
00:02:13,206 --> 00:02:15,844
just so she could get a
discount on a plane ticket.
46
00:02:15,871 --> 00:02:19,980
When I'm with Joe, he turns me into
a person I don't like or recognize.
47
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:21,587
I go insane.
48
00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:25,699
All I'm asking is for you
to keep him away from me.
49
00:02:25,734 --> 00:02:30,867
I understand this problem well and
agree to this exchange of services.
50
00:02:31,927 --> 00:02:35,230
We need to raise a minimum
of $30,000 from the auction,
51
00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:36,970
or else the concert's
gonna be in trouble.
52
00:02:36,983 --> 00:02:39,459
What else can
we auction off?
53
00:02:39,484 --> 00:02:42,851
What about those fish? Think
they're valuable? Cover me.
54
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,861
Maybe you should start
taking it easy.
55
00:02:44,868 --> 00:02:47,835
You're stressing
out for two now.
56
00:02:47,848 --> 00:02:50,162
Hmm, that's actually a
pretty decent t-shirt idea.
57
00:02:50,182 --> 00:02:53,687
Babe, I cannot slow down. The
concert is in three weeks.
58
00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:55,827
Look, I feel fine, and
if you're worried,
59
00:02:55,833 --> 00:02:58,602
we can just ask Dr.
Saperstein what he thinks.
60
00:02:58,621 --> 00:03:01,174
Someone say "Saperstein"?
Come on, you two.
61
00:03:01,204 --> 00:03:04,557
Let's saddle you up and put
some jelly on the belly.
62
00:03:04,580 --> 00:03:06,581
- He's a little weird.
- Mm-hmm.
63
00:03:09,319 --> 00:03:11,269
- Look at me!
- Jeez.
64
00:03:11,288 --> 00:03:13,340
Okay, here's what's happening--I
want to auction off
65
00:03:13,353 --> 00:03:14,982
a personalized Johnny
Karate song tomorrow,
66
00:03:15,001 --> 00:03:16,857
so I need you to
come to the auction.
67
00:03:16,886 --> 00:03:19,817
[Sighs] Auction? Okay, yeah.
Let me write that down.
68
00:03:19,842 --> 00:03:22,833
Andy, you already have three
Johnny Karate shows tomorrow.
69
00:03:22,853 --> 00:03:24,726
No, not according
to my file here.
70
00:03:24,747 --> 00:03:27,215
Oh, I forgot, other hand.
Crap.
71
00:03:27,230 --> 00:03:28,903
Okay, we need a
better system.
72
00:03:28,923 --> 00:03:32,511
Look, I'll just write down an itinerary
for you, so you can just focus on songs.
73
00:03:32,524 --> 00:03:34,159
Okay, well, you have to
catalog all this stuff.
74
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,526
I mean, this is
hours' worth of work.
75
00:03:35,546 --> 00:03:38,359
- What is that? "Don't tell secret"?
- Oh, no, that's not one.
76
00:03:38,372 --> 00:03:40,919
Andy, if you have a secret,
you have to tell me.
77
00:03:40,939 --> 00:03:43,312
That's the whole point of marriage.
You get twice the secrets.
78
00:03:43,327 --> 00:03:46,358
Dude, it is nothing.
I don't have anything.
79
00:03:46,378 --> 00:03:49,605
I'm not acting weird. You're
acting weird. Excuse me.
80
00:03:49,627 --> 00:03:52,152
I have to get
back to work now.
81
00:03:52,768 --> 00:03:54,602
[Breathing heavily]
82
00:03:54,744 --> 00:03:57,543
[Saw whirring]
83
00:03:58,162 --> 00:03:59,229
What are you doing?
84
00:03:59,248 --> 00:04:02,548
I'm getting a picture of you volunteering
at a public elementary school
85
00:04:02,561 --> 00:04:04,941
in case I ever need
to blackmail you.
86
00:04:05,574 --> 00:04:07,541
That's Joe, 12:00.
87
00:04:07,557 --> 00:04:09,593
Donna, how are you?
88
00:04:09,606 --> 00:04:11,920
- It's really nice to see you.
- Mm-hmm.
89
00:04:11,926 --> 00:04:13,280
Thank you so much
for helping out.
90
00:04:13,293 --> 00:04:15,670
These kids are so lucky to
have your fashion expertise.
91
00:04:15,696 --> 00:04:18,456
Hello, Joe. My name
is Ron Swanson.
92
00:04:18,474 --> 00:04:20,749
I am Donna's
work-proximity associate.
93
00:04:20,769 --> 00:04:23,796
Oh, my gosh, Donna has
told me so much about you.
94
00:04:23,814 --> 00:04:25,864
It's nice to put a
face to the name.
95
00:04:25,884 --> 00:04:27,737
Mm-hmm.
[School bell rings]
96
00:04:27,757 --> 00:04:30,363
Well, I gotta get back
to my classroom.
97
00:04:30,389 --> 00:04:32,236
It's a pleasure
to meet you, Ron.
98
00:04:32,242 --> 00:04:34,545
And if either of you guys
need anything at all today,
99
00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:36,432
please do not hesitate
to ask, okay?
100
00:04:36,452 --> 00:04:38,752
- I'm onto you, friend.
- What?
101
00:04:38,775 --> 00:04:40,702
Tread lightly.
102
00:04:40,729 --> 00:04:42,503
Okay.
103
00:04:43,713 --> 00:04:45,426
Now, Ben wants
me to slow down,
104
00:04:45,433 --> 00:04:49,896
but I have this huge project coming up,
and slowing down isn't really my jam.
105
00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:52,152
Your body is going
through some changes,
106
00:04:52,176 --> 00:04:54,069
but you're a healthy
gal, right, Leslie?
107
00:04:54,082 --> 00:04:56,540
There is no reason for
you not to be yourself.
108
00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:57,887
[Laughs] I win.
109
00:04:57,902 --> 00:05:00,166
- It wasn't a competition.
- All right.
110
00:05:00,185 --> 00:05:01,999
Let's see what's going
down in baby town.
111
00:05:02,030 --> 00:05:03,330
[Beep]
[Leslie and Dr. Saperstein gasp]
112
00:05:03,346 --> 00:05:04,899
There's your healthy baby.
113
00:05:04,928 --> 00:05:06,618
Oh, wow.
114
00:05:07,511 --> 00:05:10,045
Oh, and there's
another one.
115
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:13,062
- The baby has two bodies?
- Twins.
116
00:05:13,081 --> 00:05:15,154
Ben, we're having twins.
117
00:05:15,185 --> 00:05:17,248
[Laughs]
118
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:20,598
No, you're not, 'cause look
who's hiding over here.
119
00:05:21,257 --> 00:05:22,724
Triplets?
120
00:05:23,095 --> 00:05:26,168
- Triplets? - And here's
a fourth. I'm so sorry, no.
121
00:05:26,187 --> 00:05:28,154
It's a little fleck of cream
cheese on the screen.
122
00:05:28,178 --> 00:05:28,947
[Sighs]
123
00:05:28,972 --> 00:05:32,619
Just triplets. Wow, you guys
really dodged a bullet.
124
00:05:32,635 --> 00:05:35,382
Can you imagine raising
four children at one time?
125
00:05:35,392 --> 00:05:37,723
Ha, a nightmare.
126
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,501
Triplets.
127
00:05:40,499 --> 00:05:41,724
Triplets.
128
00:05:42,564 --> 00:05:45,677
I can't believe it. We knocked it
out of the park on the first try.
129
00:05:45,698 --> 00:05:49,488
If we do this right, we can be
parents to 1/3 of the supreme court!
130
00:05:49,506 --> 00:05:52,033
- This is insane.
- This is amazing.
131
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:55,173
I always knew we were one in a
million, and now we got the proof!
132
00:05:55,196 --> 00:05:57,343
Well, actually,
one in 8,000.
133
00:05:57,361 --> 00:05:59,748
Triplets occur a lot more
frequently than you imagine,
134
00:05:59,761 --> 00:06:01,161
- especially at your age.
- Oh.
135
00:06:01,181 --> 00:06:05,007
Your body is prone to
releasing multiple eggs.
136
00:06:05,028 --> 00:06:08,501
It's what we doctors like to call--
and I don't mean to be insensitive--
137
00:06:08,517 --> 00:06:10,984
a going-out-of-business
sale.
138
00:06:10,992 --> 00:06:13,805
So, doctor, um,
what do we--
139
00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:17,138
like, what do we do?
Like, what do we do?
140
00:06:17,165 --> 00:06:20,919
Um, how do we--
how--how--how--
141
00:06:20,953 --> 00:06:22,280
how--
what do we do?
142
00:06:22,291 --> 00:06:24,541
The first thing you do is,
you forget everything
143
00:06:24,547 --> 00:06:26,784
that I said before
because you, young lady,
144
00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:30,633
need a lot of rest and
especially avoiding stress.
145
00:06:30,646 --> 00:06:33,530
Leslie, I need you to be
Buddha on quaaludes,
146
00:06:33,549 --> 00:06:37,991
and, Ben, you are Matthew McConaughey
in a hammock on the beach.
147
00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:40,957
All right, all right.
All right.
148
00:06:41,353 --> 00:06:43,693
This is insane.
Three kids?
149
00:06:43,725 --> 00:06:47,814
I just multiplied all our future expenses
by three, and you know what happened?
150
00:06:47,833 --> 00:06:49,634
The numbers got
a lot higher.
151
00:06:49,651 --> 00:06:51,751
I think I heard the
computer laugh at me.
152
00:06:51,780 --> 00:06:54,013
And Saperstein
wants us to relax?
153
00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:56,731
Are you ready to go,
my gentle dove?
154
00:06:56,770 --> 00:07:00,404
Oh, I will be there in two
flaps of a butterfly's wing,
155
00:07:00,434 --> 00:07:02,435
and I love you.
156
00:07:04,547 --> 00:07:06,848
We are so fucking screwed.
157
00:07:07,896 --> 00:07:10,016
[Crying]
158
00:07:10,494 --> 00:07:11,348
Uh-oh.
159
00:07:11,374 --> 00:07:13,452
What did you do now, Joe?
160
00:07:13,482 --> 00:07:15,309
Thank you so much.
161
00:07:15,329 --> 00:07:18,671
We thought we were gonna have to tell
Dylan that his doggie was gone forever.
162
00:07:18,684 --> 00:07:20,064
Oh, my gosh.
163
00:07:20,094 --> 00:07:21,747
Barbara, don't
even mention it.
164
00:07:21,763 --> 00:07:23,966
Look, I hate it when
my students are upset,
165
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,041
so I just went out,
driving around.
166
00:07:26,074 --> 00:07:29,914
I checked a few neighborhood parks.
It took barely six hours.
167
00:07:29,938 --> 00:07:31,198
Oh, how can we
ever repay you?
168
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:33,660
No need. Would you
like a muffin?
169
00:07:33,681 --> 00:07:35,814
I made them last night.
170
00:07:37,773 --> 00:07:40,333
It's the best muffin
I've ever had.
171
00:07:40,347 --> 00:07:42,647
You're welcome, guys.
You're welcome. Oh.
172
00:07:42,675 --> 00:07:43,978
[Patting on the back]
173
00:07:45,413 --> 00:07:47,280
So whose birthday
is it anyway?
174
00:07:47,299 --> 00:07:48,573
Oh, who knows?
175
00:07:48,603 --> 00:07:50,455
I got so many kids
from different women,
176
00:07:50,475 --> 00:07:54,434
I just get all of their birthdays
out of the way one day a year.
177
00:07:55,671 --> 00:07:57,065
Ladies.
[Clears throat]
178
00:07:57,099 --> 00:07:59,952
Okay, so when this ends, we have a
half hour to get to the next party.
179
00:07:59,978 --> 00:08:01,932
That gives us 15
minutes of travel time
180
00:08:01,938 --> 00:08:04,373
and 15 minutes for you to take
a wet-nap shower in the car.
181
00:08:04,392 --> 00:08:07,157
- Good, I need one.
- Also, tell me your secret.
182
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,988
Babe, don't make me tell.
I don't wanna break my promise.
183
00:08:10,012 --> 00:08:11,592
Tell me now.
184
00:08:11,612 --> 00:08:14,028
Oh, jeez, this is heavy.
Pardon me.
185
00:08:14,055 --> 00:08:18,920
It's about Larry. He is very sick.
He has some kind of disease.
186
00:08:18,954 --> 00:08:22,206
Oh, so that's why you've
been so nice to him
187
00:08:22,219 --> 00:08:24,029
and let him carry
all your stuff.
188
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:27,147
Yes, that's the reason.
Good call, babe.
189
00:08:27,175 --> 00:08:28,988
[Clatter]
190
00:08:29,018 --> 00:08:30,831
Jeez, I'm sorry.
191
00:08:30,858 --> 00:08:32,465
Poor guy.
192
00:08:33,393 --> 00:08:38,842
Hello, everyone. Thank you all for
coming to this wonderful and calm event.
193
00:08:38,859 --> 00:08:44,888
Our first item up for bid is two all-access
V.I.P. passes to the unity concert.
194
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:48,353
Let's start the bidding at $40.
Do I hear 40?
195
00:08:48,379 --> 00:08:53,628
Thank you. 40. We can beat this. 50.
Anyone for 50? $50. Thank you, sir.
196
00:08:53,655 --> 00:08:57,495
Terrific. Any higher? No?
197
00:08:57,513 --> 00:09:01,173
Well, that's fine. We're all
just calm and happy people
198
00:09:01,186 --> 00:09:03,113
enjoying ourselves
together on earth.
199
00:09:03,138 --> 00:09:06,476
Sold for $50.
How magnificent.
200
00:09:06,494 --> 00:09:08,376
Leslie, that's less
than face value.
201
00:09:08,402 --> 00:09:10,108
You need passion,
zeal, showmanship.
202
00:09:10,127 --> 00:09:11,693
I don't have the gavel,
so I'm powerless.
203
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,519
I respect the hierarchy
of the auction!
204
00:09:13,539 --> 00:09:14,974
I think Leslie's
doing a great job.
205
00:09:14,996 --> 00:09:16,496
Thank you, Craig. Hey,
are you doing all right?
206
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:17,652
- Yeah.
- You want to do some tai chi?
207
00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:18,685
- No, I'm doing really fine.
- Okay.
208
00:09:18,714 --> 00:09:20,715
Leslie is already
the queen of stress,
209
00:09:20,729 --> 00:09:24,032
so I have to be like
her stress shamwow.
210
00:09:24,051 --> 00:09:26,875
I wrap myself around her,
I soak up all of her stress,
211
00:09:26,888 --> 00:09:30,682
and then after the kids are born, someone
can squeeze me out into a bucket.
212
00:09:30,973 --> 00:09:31,997
- Ron!
- Ron!
213
00:09:32,026 --> 00:09:33,456
Ron, play with us!
214
00:09:33,469 --> 00:09:34,646
- Okay.
- Ron, play with us.
215
00:09:34,676 --> 00:09:36,366
Girls, Ron's got
sharp tools now.
216
00:09:36,385 --> 00:09:38,551
- Oh, Ron!
- Ladies.
217
00:09:38,580 --> 00:09:41,772
♪ Eyes are watching,
ears are listening ♪
218
00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:44,762
♪ Lips are closed,
hands are still ♪
219
00:09:44,772 --> 00:09:46,214
All: ♪ Feet are very quiet ♪
220
00:09:46,233 --> 00:09:47,576
♪ You should
really try it, ♪
221
00:09:47,601 --> 00:09:50,310
♪ Listen well, listen well ♪
222
00:09:52,027 --> 00:09:54,641
That was well played.
223
00:09:54,676 --> 00:09:57,945
Children their age respond
positively to melody and rhyme.
224
00:09:57,973 --> 00:09:59,458
They are great girls.
225
00:09:59,478 --> 00:10:01,908
You must feel very lucky
to be their stepdad.
226
00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:04,356
I do, indeed.
227
00:10:05,294 --> 00:10:06,627
If you'll excuse me, Joe,
228
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:09,669
I have to finish hogging out
the cheeks on these lap joints.
229
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:12,266
Oh, maybe you could use
this jig I made.
230
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:15,632
It's just a hardwood clamping block
connected to a small piece of hackberry.
231
00:10:15,650 --> 00:10:18,757
You could use it to locate your
cuts for the inside shoulder...
232
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:21,146
Both: Without having
to reset the fence.
233
00:10:21,175 --> 00:10:23,510
Exactly.
[Laughs]
234
00:10:23,564 --> 00:10:25,705
Muffin?
235
00:10:28,363 --> 00:10:31,137
Thirsty there, big guy?
236
00:10:31,153 --> 00:10:33,978
Well, jeez, yes.
Thank you so much.
237
00:10:34,011 --> 00:10:38,077
Do you remember the time when you
put sleeping pills in my soda?
238
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,523
I fell right over in the
middle of a town hall meeting.
239
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:43,216
Mm, no. I don't
remember that.
240
00:10:43,236 --> 00:10:46,777
You made a video of it and
showed it at my birthday party.
241
00:10:46,795 --> 00:10:48,425
Yes, it went
over really big.
242
00:10:48,450 --> 00:10:50,652
Well, I'm sorry.
243
00:10:51,474 --> 00:10:54,881
Is there anything I can
do to make it up to you?
244
00:10:54,903 --> 00:10:57,830
That's very sweet. Yeah,
um, I have got an itch
245
00:10:57,849 --> 00:10:59,531
that I have not been
able to get to all day,
246
00:10:59,543 --> 00:11:01,722
and even against the wall,
nothing will do it.
247
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,817
- Would you mind doing that?
- No, not at all.
248
00:11:03,844 --> 00:11:06,397
Just--if you could, like--
okay, go up.
249
00:11:06,429 --> 00:11:08,590
Go up the back.
[Groans]
250
00:11:09,237 --> 00:11:13,303
Hey, Ben. Can I just
please tell just April?
251
00:11:13,329 --> 00:11:15,269
I am hanging on by a
thread over here.
252
00:11:15,284 --> 00:11:17,927
No, just--look, everyone's
healthy and fine,
253
00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:19,641
but it's complicated.
There's a lot going on.
254
00:11:19,662 --> 00:11:23,015
So just don't say anything to anyone
about anything forever, okay?
255
00:11:23,038 --> 00:11:24,203
[Larry grunting]
256
00:11:24,847 --> 00:11:27,694
Andy? You can say "Okay."
257
00:11:27,722 --> 00:11:30,235
Okay. Bye.
258
00:11:30,254 --> 00:11:31,475
I didn't mean
to say "Bye."
259
00:11:31,493 --> 00:11:35,323
Our next item up for bid is the naming
rights for our children's tent,
260
00:11:35,338 --> 00:11:38,769
so let's start the bidding
at $1,000, please.
261
00:11:38,793 --> 00:11:39,986
I'll bid 100 bucks.
262
00:11:40,006 --> 00:11:42,933
1,000?
Anyone want to--
263
00:11:42,944 --> 00:11:44,732
Oh, thank you, madam.
264
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:47,018
A very wealthy and
elegant-looking woman
265
00:11:47,031 --> 00:11:49,294
with a diamond-encrusted eye
patch just raised her hand.
266
00:11:49,313 --> 00:11:52,133
Don't look at her. She doesn't
like attention, but she's there.
267
00:11:52,161 --> 00:11:55,407
She's real. So
do I hear 2,000?
268
00:11:55,424 --> 00:11:57,384
Ooh, yeah, here we go.
269
00:11:57,411 --> 00:12:00,240
The sheik has thrown
his hat into the ring.
270
00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:01,500
- Well...
- There's no sheik.
271
00:12:01,530 --> 00:12:02,992
It looks like we've got
a real bidding war between...
272
00:12:03,005 --> 00:12:04,352
There's no bidding war.
No one's talking...
273
00:12:04,373 --> 00:12:05,809
- An elegant--
- 'Cause there's no sheik,
274
00:12:05,815 --> 00:12:08,475
and there's no old lady with a diamond--
what is it, a diamond eye patch?
275
00:12:08,498 --> 00:12:11,024
- 3,000, says the gentleman...
- There's no 3,000.
276
00:12:11,044 --> 00:12:12,771
With the crazy hat and a
monkey on his shoulder.
277
00:12:12,803 --> 00:12:14,300
- It's 100 bucks. It's my bid.
- That is outrageous.
278
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:15,901
That's the only bid
out there right now.
279
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:20,409
Naming rights for the kids' tent go to
Jamm Orthodontics for 100 smackers.
280
00:12:20,427 --> 00:12:22,834
Now that is the
steal of the day.
281
00:12:22,853 --> 00:12:24,633
I think it's going great.
You want a head massage?
282
00:12:24,657 --> 00:12:26,353
Okay.
283
00:12:26,373 --> 00:12:29,502
So, um, Andy told me
what's going on.
284
00:12:29,528 --> 00:12:31,546
Really? Oh.
285
00:12:31,572 --> 00:12:33,959
I was trying to
keep it hush-hush.
286
00:12:33,972 --> 00:12:35,339
It's kind of embarrassing.
287
00:12:35,365 --> 00:12:38,893
Well, if you ever need to talk
to anyone, I'm here for you.
288
00:12:38,918 --> 00:12:43,148
Or, like, you know, I'm
here, standing near you.
289
00:12:43,161 --> 00:12:46,181
Well, earlier today, I was
licking icing off of my finger,
290
00:12:46,207 --> 00:12:49,434
and then, boom, I swallow
my wedding ring.
291
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,307
And I wish I could say it
was the first time, but--
292
00:12:51,329 --> 00:12:56,246
Wait, wait, wait. So
you're not, like, dying?
293
00:12:56,272 --> 00:12:59,570
No, no, no, I mean,
can it be painful?
294
00:12:59,583 --> 00:13:02,314
Sure, but the good news is, I've
gotten very good at passing it.
295
00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:04,372
It's just a matter of getting
out the old colander.
296
00:13:04,902 --> 00:13:06,903
Come on, Pearl, jump in.
297
00:13:06,918 --> 00:13:09,245
Don't make me pull the permits
on your rental units.
298
00:13:09,261 --> 00:13:12,216
Hey, all the paperwork on those
buildings are under my dog's name,
299
00:13:12,236 --> 00:13:14,545
so if you got a problem,
take it up with Princess.
300
00:13:14,566 --> 00:13:18,693
Honey, why don't you take a whale-sounds
break, okay? I'll finish this up.
301
00:13:18,729 --> 00:13:22,782
Guys, come on, now. This is signed
by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
302
00:13:22,808 --> 00:13:24,662
Just think about all
their great songs,
303
00:13:24,674 --> 00:13:27,828
covering everything from the
culture of Southern California
304
00:13:27,852 --> 00:13:30,900
to drug use in
Southern California.
305
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:32,594
- I'll bid 30 bucks.
- Okay.
306
00:13:32,611 --> 00:13:35,958
This is easily worth $500.
Come on.
307
00:13:35,986 --> 00:13:39,339
Please, anyone. We're just trying to
raise some money for this concert,
308
00:13:39,359 --> 00:13:42,345
- so no one gets stressed out.
- Fine.
309
00:13:42,373 --> 00:13:45,661
50 and another win
for Old Herman.
310
00:13:45,681 --> 00:13:47,645
Why would you erase
the signatures?
311
00:13:47,665 --> 00:13:50,273
- I'm more of a Jack Johnson guy.
- Okay, give it back.
312
00:13:50,301 --> 00:13:52,014
If you want it so
bad, bid on it.
313
00:13:52,034 --> 00:13:56,215
I don't like the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
It's not even the original lineup.
314
00:13:56,242 --> 00:13:57,409
- Give it back!
- [Grunts]
315
00:13:57,429 --> 00:13:59,597
[Screams] Ben!
316
00:13:59,618 --> 00:14:01,898
It's okay. I'm fine.
Stay relaxed.
317
00:14:01,919 --> 00:14:05,638
Oh, my God, there's blood everywhere.
Call a doctor! No, call a coroner!
318
00:14:05,658 --> 00:14:07,214
It just got insane!
319
00:14:08,511 --> 00:14:11,798
- You have very weak hands.
- Why would you say that?
320
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:13,694
Just making an observation.
321
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:17,863
Poor Ben. You know the EMT said
that if flea had sent you his bass,
322
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:20,495
- you could've lost a thumb.
- I'm totally fine, babe.
323
00:14:20,514 --> 00:14:23,883
Everything is a-okay
coolio beans.
324
00:14:23,910 --> 00:14:25,889
- You want to meditate real quick?
- No, we do not have time.
325
00:14:25,916 --> 00:14:28,929
We have a concert to save.
Excuse me, he's feeling better.
326
00:14:28,948 --> 00:14:31,422
He can go, right, Ann?
Damn it.
327
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:33,637
I wonder if I'll ever stop
doing that. Come on.
328
00:14:35,002 --> 00:14:38,209
I honestly don't care, but
I'm just gonna say it.
329
00:14:38,237 --> 00:14:39,697
I like Joe.
330
00:14:39,724 --> 00:14:43,587
He's a nice man who's good with kids,
and he seems to be smart and patient.
331
00:14:43,597 --> 00:14:46,144
I know. That's why
he's my Tammy.
332
00:14:46,179 --> 00:14:49,895
I'm a social butterfly. When we're
together, all we do is have sex,
333
00:14:49,915 --> 00:14:53,595
- sit on the couch, eat homemade
pasta, have sex again. - Enough.
334
00:14:53,613 --> 00:14:55,445
He's constantly
being respectful,
335
00:14:55,458 --> 00:14:59,025
wanting to spend time with me,
trying to "connect" with me.
336
00:14:59,051 --> 00:15:02,453
It's a nightmare.
I become boring.
337
00:15:02,475 --> 00:15:04,695
Live your life
how you want,
338
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:08,187
but don't confuse
drama with happiness.
339
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:13,316
So I've been talking to Larry,
and he's definitely not dying.
340
00:15:13,340 --> 00:15:17,175
Technically, we're all dying,
unless you choose the right grail.
341
00:15:17,189 --> 00:15:18,342
It's the dusty one.
342
00:15:18,358 --> 00:15:20,920
Andy, I was nice to Larry.
343
00:15:20,939 --> 00:15:23,549
I scratched his back. I had
a conversation with him.
344
00:15:23,575 --> 00:15:25,816
It was horrible. How
can you do that to me?
345
00:15:25,838 --> 00:15:28,891
Fine. I'll tell
you the secret.
346
00:15:28,923 --> 00:15:30,689
- Ben's dog is dying.
- Lie.
347
00:15:30,704 --> 00:15:33,389
Ben is dying--he has the
same disease Larry has.
348
00:15:33,409 --> 00:15:34,889
- Leslie is dying.
- No.
349
00:15:34,908 --> 00:15:36,409
- They're both dying.
- No.
350
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:37,855
I'm dying.
351
00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:40,061
- Chris and Ann are moving.
- They already moved.
352
00:15:40,094 --> 00:15:44,875
They're moving again
to China...town in France.
353
00:15:44,897 --> 00:15:46,331
- No!
- Okay, fine.
354
00:15:46,339 --> 00:15:47,946
- Do you really want to know?
- Yes.
355
00:15:47,967 --> 00:15:49,910
- Leslie is a spy.
- No.
356
00:15:49,930 --> 00:15:51,430
Tom has something
wrong with his butt.
357
00:15:51,458 --> 00:15:52,658
- Oh, my God.
- What?
358
00:15:52,672 --> 00:15:53,872
Did you hear that?
They need an encore.
359
00:15:53,891 --> 00:15:55,641
Honey, they want--the kids
want an encore, I'm sorry.
360
00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:57,767
What song should we do?
You wanna do Toots?
361
00:15:57,784 --> 00:15:59,609
I hope you don't mind,
but I noticed that
362
00:15:59,615 --> 00:16:01,702
your right rear tire
was a little flat,
363
00:16:01,715 --> 00:16:04,210
so I patched it, and I
inflated it for you.
364
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,145
But you're still gonna want to
go to a garage 'cause I don't--
365
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,392
- I like to do things.
- Excuse me.
366
00:16:08,407 --> 00:16:10,660
Museums, opera, nightclubs.
367
00:16:10,676 --> 00:16:13,968
Sometimes I disappear for a day
or two 'cause I'm fly-fishing
368
00:16:13,986 --> 00:16:16,346
or I'm at a Seattle
Sounders game.
369
00:16:16,762 --> 00:16:19,049
I promise not
to cheat on you
370
00:16:19,074 --> 00:16:23,404
if you promise not to try
to pin me down too fast.
371
00:16:23,421 --> 00:16:25,508
I have no problem
with that.
372
00:16:25,532 --> 00:16:28,025
You can take me
to dinner Friday.
373
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:29,947
I have only one request--
374
00:16:29,963 --> 00:16:32,694
that you wear
that, uh, red thing.
375
00:16:32,712 --> 00:16:37,527
I'll wear that red thing when you
deserve to see me in that red thing.
376
00:16:38,758 --> 00:16:39,625
[Clears throat]
377
00:16:39,650 --> 00:16:41,510
Gotta go make
some muffins.
378
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:45,506
Okay, there's still plenty of ways to
raise money for the concert, right?
379
00:16:45,525 --> 00:16:46,772
Maybe we'll win
the lottery.
380
00:16:46,799 --> 00:16:50,836
I mean, hey, you're looking at a woman who
just hit triple cherries in her uterus.
381
00:16:50,869 --> 00:16:53,656
- We're screwed. - No, we're not, we
have three weeks until the concert.
382
00:16:53,689 --> 00:16:55,296
- It'll be fine.
- No, not the concert.
383
00:16:55,314 --> 00:16:57,339
The triple cherries.
384
00:16:57,358 --> 00:17:00,874
I mean, of course it's the most amazing
and wonderful thing to ever happen,
385
00:17:00,893 --> 00:17:05,342
but, okay, I am an accountant, and
I am looking a cold, hard facts.
386
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:09,596
Raising three kids is
going to cost $2 million.
387
00:17:09,609 --> 00:17:12,729
Babe, our kids will be geniuses.
They'll get scholarships.
388
00:17:12,736 --> 00:17:14,849
Half of my tuition
was paid for
389
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:18,117
by the Indiana scholarship for
pretty blondes who like to read.
390
00:17:18,143 --> 00:17:20,506
It's now called the Virginia
Woolf prize--different time.
391
00:17:20,519 --> 00:17:23,605
Leslie, I have been trying so
hard not to stress you out,
392
00:17:23,611 --> 00:17:27,558
but we just spent our entire savings
account on a trip to Paris.
393
00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:31,349
What were we thinking? We spent
too much money on macaroons.
394
00:17:31,371 --> 00:17:33,404
- Okay, honey... - Okay, wait,
what's the number for the Louvre?
395
00:17:33,434 --> 00:17:34,674
I mean, maybe I
can get a refund.
396
00:17:34,693 --> 00:17:36,136
We barely looked
at the Mona Lisa.
397
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:37,463
Honey, can you just
breathe for a second?
398
00:17:37,469 --> 00:17:39,311
Leslie, these numbers are
going to determine everything
399
00:17:39,339 --> 00:17:40,692
for the rest of our lives!
400
00:17:40,712 --> 00:17:43,051
- Breathe. - I mean, maybe we should
move because we could make more money,
401
00:17:43,064 --> 00:17:45,784
or maybe we should stay here because it's
cheaper to live here than in Chicago.
402
00:17:45,812 --> 00:17:46,771
Oh, my God!
403
00:17:46,790 --> 00:17:48,423
I'm shamwowing
all of your stress,
404
00:17:48,443 --> 00:17:49,873
and there's no one here
to wring me out.
405
00:17:49,897 --> 00:17:51,159
- Benjamin Wyatt...
- I don't even know--
406
00:17:51,177 --> 00:17:54,957
The man of my dreams,
the one that I love, shh.
407
00:17:54,977 --> 00:17:57,591
Leslie, we are in trouble here.
We are in real trouble!
408
00:17:57,618 --> 00:18:00,001
- [Laughs] I'm so sorry.
- What?
409
00:18:00,013 --> 00:18:02,722
You just look so crazy
right now, but cute.
410
00:18:02,754 --> 00:18:06,206
You're always stressed out.
How are you calm right now?
411
00:18:06,233 --> 00:18:08,753
Because I realized
something.
412
00:18:08,775 --> 00:18:10,108
Everything that we
have been through--
413
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:13,016
the harvest festival,
the election, the recall,
414
00:18:13,036 --> 00:18:18,077
the merger, Ann leaving, Larry changing
his name for some stupid reason--
415
00:18:18,123 --> 00:18:22,353
all of it has just been
preparation for this.
416
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:26,124
I am immune to stress
because I have you.
417
00:18:27,887 --> 00:18:30,167
Come on. I have an idea.
418
00:18:31,535 --> 00:18:33,402
[Scraping]
419
00:18:33,631 --> 00:18:36,233
Ron is King Sparkle
of Cupcake Forest.
420
00:18:36,260 --> 00:18:38,795
- Much obliged.
- [Ivy and Zoe laugh]
421
00:18:39,269 --> 00:18:42,052
So I'm going to dinner
with Joe next week.
422
00:18:42,072 --> 00:18:43,099
Glad to hear it.
423
00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:45,919
It's always nice to see someone
actually change for the better.
424
00:18:45,947 --> 00:18:48,167
Yes, Joe seems
like a good man,
425
00:18:48,186 --> 00:18:50,420
but at this point, I'm
done talking about him.
426
00:18:50,432 --> 00:18:52,345
I was talking about you.
427
00:18:52,358 --> 00:18:55,778
Your family has made you a more
patient and empathetic person.
428
00:18:55,804 --> 00:18:58,271
- You take that back.
- Come on, Swanson.
429
00:18:58,301 --> 00:19:01,194
Did you think even two years ago
you'd be playing matchmaker for me
430
00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:02,867
while wearing a glittery crown?
431
00:19:02,891 --> 00:19:06,271
Now you're a dad. You care a little,
itty bit about your friends.
432
00:19:06,303 --> 00:19:09,583
You're King Sparkle
of Cupcake Forest.
433
00:19:09,612 --> 00:19:11,297
It suits you.
434
00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:21,979
Andy, the camo is not working.
I can see you.
435
00:19:21,980 --> 00:19:22,992
[Sighs]
436
00:19:23,018 --> 00:19:25,025
- Damn, really?
- Yes.
437
00:19:25,049 --> 00:19:26,927
Babe, you don't have
to hide from me.
438
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:29,340
I don't care about the
secret anymore, okay?
439
00:19:29,364 --> 00:19:32,476
I just thought, when we got
married, we would share everything,
440
00:19:32,495 --> 00:19:36,837
but if you really can't tell me or
whatever, it's fine. I trust you.
441
00:19:36,863 --> 00:19:39,744
It's just that it's a
really big secret,
442
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:42,128
and for once, I wanted
to keep my word.
443
00:19:42,919 --> 00:19:44,124
But screw it.
444
00:19:44,147 --> 00:19:45,781
You're more important
than anything.
445
00:19:45,802 --> 00:19:49,251
- I'm gonna tell you 'cause it's
super juicy-- you ready? - Okay.
446
00:19:49,277 --> 00:19:51,538
Everybody, if you could
gather around...
447
00:19:51,568 --> 00:19:54,311
They're here--don't try to
get it out of me anymore.
448
00:19:54,336 --> 00:19:57,733
The reason I have been acting so weird
is not because I've been waiting
449
00:19:57,759 --> 00:20:00,226
for the results of the
soil samples to come back.
450
00:20:00,257 --> 00:20:02,146
Well, jeez, I've been up all
night trying to make sure--
451
00:20:02,158 --> 00:20:03,292
It doesn't matter, Larry.
452
00:20:03,304 --> 00:20:05,494
It was a pointless ruse
designed to waste time.
453
00:20:05,514 --> 00:20:07,627
The truth is...
454
00:20:07,652 --> 00:20:09,730
- I'm pregnant.
- [All cheering]
455
00:20:10,107 --> 00:20:12,054
Yes, I did it! I
kept a secret.
456
00:20:12,089 --> 00:20:13,480
Congratulations.
457
00:20:13,499 --> 00:20:15,946
I'm sure you will both
raise a wonderful child
458
00:20:15,972 --> 00:20:18,917
with whom I will profoundly
disagree on nearly everything.
459
00:20:18,935 --> 00:20:23,588
Well, actually, and this is
crazy, but it's children, plural.
460
00:20:23,608 --> 00:20:26,002
- We're having triplets, and...
- Shut the--
461
00:20:26,015 --> 00:20:27,755
- Oh, my God!
- A little freaked out about it.
462
00:20:27,774 --> 00:20:30,403
That's amazing. Babe, I am
so glad you didn't tell me.
463
00:20:30,427 --> 00:20:31,994
I know.
I'm incredible.
464
00:20:32,016 --> 00:20:33,496
Okay, now listen
to me, you two.
465
00:20:33,502 --> 00:20:35,630
Gayle and I have kept
everything our girls ever used,
466
00:20:35,643 --> 00:20:38,167
so we have, like, millions of
clothes and strollers and--
467
00:20:38,186 --> 00:20:40,414
- just don't buy a thing, okay?
- A triple crib--
468
00:20:40,434 --> 00:20:43,007
sounds like an interesting
woodworking challenge.
469
00:20:43,039 --> 00:20:44,859
Would you like
oak or pine?
470
00:20:44,881 --> 00:20:46,568
I'll make both,
and you can choose.
471
00:20:46,587 --> 00:20:50,389
My boyf-- my friend Joe has the
hookup at all the good preschools.
472
00:20:50,406 --> 00:20:52,513
Andy and I can
babysit anytime,
473
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,529
except for on
weekends and nights,
474
00:20:54,555 --> 00:20:56,576
but we're free anytime
during work hours.
475
00:20:56,602 --> 00:20:58,822
This is gonna be the
happiest time of your life!
476
00:20:58,854 --> 00:21:02,789
Well, I sold everything on the auction
list, no thanks to you people.
477
00:21:02,806 --> 00:21:06,086
What's so wonderful that you're all
celebrating while I do all the hard work?
478
00:21:06,115 --> 00:21:07,409
We're having triplets.
479
00:21:07,429 --> 00:21:08,749
[Laughter]
480
00:21:08,781 --> 00:21:10,154
Oh, great.
481
00:21:10,187 --> 00:21:12,363
First my cousin Winona
gets into a car accident
482
00:21:12,369 --> 00:21:14,650
the night my one-man show
opens, and now this?
483
00:21:14,658 --> 00:21:17,266
Why are my accomplishments
always overshadowed?
484
00:21:17,294 --> 00:21:20,080
Congratulations, I suppose.
485
00:21:21,250 --> 00:21:23,077
- That's nice of him.
- Yeah, yeah, I'll take that.
486
00:21:23,097 --> 00:21:24,033
Yeah.
487
00:21:24,093 --> 00:21:31,093
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www.addic7ed.com
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