1
00:00:06,959 --> 00:00:09,193
Previously on Californication...
2
00:00:09,228 --> 00:00:11,896
Karen, I came back...
for you.
3
00:00:11,930 --> 00:00:13,297
Oh.
4
00:00:13,332 --> 00:00:15,867
- Atticus just fired me.
- Bummer.
5
00:00:15,901 --> 00:00:18,069
But not before he fired you too.
6
00:00:18,103 --> 00:00:19,537
I need to present myself
to Karen
7
00:00:19,571 --> 00:00:21,205
as an adult male with a job.
8
00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:23,941
- You must be Hank.
- Henry James Moody I.
9
00:00:23,976 --> 00:00:25,877
Rick Rath.
Call me Rath.
10
00:00:25,911 --> 00:00:27,645
The last thing I need around
here is some snotty,
11
00:00:27,679 --> 00:00:29,981
pretentious fuck who's gonna
look down on television.
12
00:00:30,015 --> 00:00:31,782
I'm trying to grow
the fuck up for once
13
00:00:31,817 --> 00:00:33,651
before it's too fucking late,
14
00:00:33,685 --> 00:00:35,653
and it all starts
with me getting a job.
15
00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:37,488
Are you sure you can actually
handle a job?
16
00:00:37,522 --> 00:00:40,024
Hey, did you manage
to get it up last night?
17
00:00:40,058 --> 00:00:41,459
I don't want to talk about it.
18
00:00:41,493 --> 00:00:43,327
- You're Hank Moody.
- Who would you be?
19
00:00:43,362 --> 00:00:44,795
This would be Levon.
20
00:00:44,830 --> 00:00:46,130
He's the kid
I've been telling you about.
21
00:00:46,198 --> 00:00:48,238
He wants to interview you
for his college newspaper.
22
00:00:48,267 --> 00:00:49,433
Do you have any children?
23
00:00:49,468 --> 00:00:51,502
Yeah, one, a daughter.
24
00:00:51,536 --> 00:00:53,070
You fucked my mom.
25
00:00:53,105 --> 00:00:55,172
Really?
You're not fucking with me?
26
00:00:55,207 --> 00:00:57,208
When did this occur?
27
00:00:57,242 --> 00:00:59,810
I guess about nine months
before I was born.
28
00:01:07,753 --> 00:01:10,087
[Gasps]
Yay! It's a murse!
29
00:01:10,122 --> 00:01:12,690
My very own murse!
How did you know?
30
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,191
Stop it.
31
00:01:14,226 --> 00:01:17,495
It's for all your writerly
[French accent] accoutrement.
32
00:01:17,529 --> 00:01:19,864
I thought it was very
rock and roll.
33
00:01:19,898 --> 00:01:21,165
Totally.
34
00:01:21,199 --> 00:01:22,767
And yet, it sends a very strong
and clear message
35
00:01:22,801 --> 00:01:24,101
to my co-workers
36
00:01:24,136 --> 00:01:26,203
that this dude could rock out
with his cock out.
37
00:01:26,238 --> 00:01:27,438
But when he's done,
38
00:01:27,472 --> 00:01:29,340
he can tuck it away
and get down to biz.
39
00:01:29,374 --> 00:01:32,243
- My thoughts exactly.
- Mm-hmm.
40
00:01:32,277 --> 00:01:34,045
Wear it well on your first day.
41
00:01:34,079 --> 00:01:36,847
I shall, my love.
Thank you so much.
42
00:01:39,418 --> 00:01:41,085
I'm very proud of you.
43
00:01:41,119 --> 00:01:43,654
Why?
'Cause I got a stinkin' job?
44
00:01:43,689 --> 00:01:44,849
If I'd known it was this easy
45
00:01:44,856 --> 00:01:46,524
to make your bosom swelleth
with pride,
46
00:01:46,558 --> 00:01:49,260
I would have applied for a job
at Starbucks long ago.
47
00:01:49,294 --> 00:01:52,296
- Barista.
- No, it's not just the job.
48
00:01:52,331 --> 00:01:55,199
You're finally ready
to embrace change, I think.
49
00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:58,235
Well, the times,
they are a-changing,
50
00:01:58,270 --> 00:01:59,904
whether I likes it or not.
51
00:01:59,938 --> 00:02:03,741
And change is...
52
00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:06,577
- sexy.
- You don't say?
53
00:02:06,611 --> 00:02:08,346
- I do.
- Really?
54
00:02:08,380 --> 00:02:11,515
I do say.
55
00:02:11,550 --> 00:02:14,318
Gosh, golly.
56
00:02:14,353 --> 00:02:17,855
Who knew gainful employ
could be such a panty peeler?
57
00:02:17,889 --> 00:02:19,523
Okay. All right.
All right.
58
00:02:19,558 --> 00:02:25,096
Before--okay, before this
accelerates into heavy petting,
59
00:02:25,130 --> 00:02:27,331
moist humping,
and multiple orgasms
60
00:02:27,366 --> 00:02:29,100
for me, of course,
61
00:02:29,134 --> 00:02:32,236
there's something
I got to tell you.
62
00:02:32,270 --> 00:02:33,571
What?
63
00:02:33,605 --> 00:02:34,839
What?
What is it now?
64
00:02:34,873 --> 00:02:36,107
- Mm--
- I know.
65
00:02:36,141 --> 00:02:38,209
You're a heroin addict.
66
00:02:38,243 --> 00:02:40,611
You have terminal hemorrhoids,
right?
67
00:02:40,645 --> 00:02:42,246
- Ow!
- [Laughing]
68
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,181
I mean, nothing
would surprise me at this point.
69
00:02:44,216 --> 00:02:45,383
[Door opens]
Come on.
70
00:02:45,417 --> 00:02:47,785
What is it?
71
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:49,520
Ah, nothing?
72
00:02:49,554 --> 00:02:50,588
Nope.
73
00:02:50,622 --> 00:02:52,023
Not a twitch.
74
00:02:52,057 --> 00:02:54,759
I even tossed his salad
for a second or three.
75
00:02:54,793 --> 00:02:56,227
Kid lives for fucking ass play.
76
00:02:56,261 --> 00:02:58,763
Ugh! You think this is maybe
psychological?
77
00:02:58,797 --> 00:03:00,231
I don't know.
78
00:03:00,265 --> 00:03:04,001
All I know is that it was like
sucking on a little hotdog
79
00:03:04,036 --> 00:03:05,469
wrapped in foreskin.
80
00:03:05,504 --> 00:03:06,637
[Shrill groan]
81
00:03:06,671 --> 00:03:09,540
And the more I sucked,
the smaller it got.
82
00:03:09,574 --> 00:03:13,210
It felt wrong,
like I was blowing a baby.
83
00:03:13,245 --> 00:03:16,013
A big, bald, unemployable baby.
84
00:03:16,048 --> 00:03:18,382
Look at the four of us.
85
00:03:18,417 --> 00:03:21,318
Ain't love fucking grand?
Huh?
86
00:03:21,353 --> 00:03:24,321
[Upbeat music]
87
00:03:24,356 --> 00:03:31,962
♪ ♪
88
00:03:52,936 --> 00:04:03,454
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
89
00:04:06,731 --> 00:04:08,632
How'd she take it?
90
00:04:08,667 --> 00:04:09,834
I was just about
to lay it on her
91
00:04:09,868 --> 00:04:11,268
when you sulked into the room
92
00:04:11,303 --> 00:04:13,170
with all your
broken weiner sadness.
93
00:04:13,205 --> 00:04:15,239
Oh, right.
Sorry about that.
94
00:04:15,273 --> 00:04:17,108
No, it's okay.
It's probably for the best.
95
00:04:17,142 --> 00:04:18,709
'Cause we surely
would have made the love,
96
00:04:18,743 --> 00:04:20,544
and that surely
would have been spectacular,
97
00:04:20,579 --> 00:04:22,446
and then she surely would have
been super fucking pissed
98
00:04:22,481 --> 00:04:24,482
when she found out
I allegedly fathered a son
99
00:04:24,516 --> 00:04:26,550
with another woman, allegedly.
100
00:04:26,585 --> 00:04:27,885
Jesus!
101
00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:29,487
It sounds uncool when I say it
out loud like that.
102
00:04:29,521 --> 00:04:31,889
Why?
You got a son, man!
103
00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:33,491
Someone to carry on
the moodiness
104
00:04:33,525 --> 00:04:35,159
for generations to come.
105
00:04:35,193 --> 00:04:37,495
- Doesn't that feel amazing?
- Not really.
106
00:04:37,529 --> 00:04:38,796
The kid's kind of annoying.
107
00:04:38,830 --> 00:04:39,930
I mean, super fucking annoying
108
00:04:39,965 --> 00:04:41,232
like he should be your son
and not mine.
109
00:04:41,266 --> 00:04:42,566
[Phone ringing]
110
00:04:42,601 --> 00:04:44,435
See, the little fucker
keeps trying to Facetime me.
111
00:04:44,469 --> 00:04:45,736
Look at that.
112
00:04:45,770 --> 00:04:48,839
He shall be Levon,
and I shall decline that shit.
113
00:04:48,874 --> 00:04:51,208
So who's the mom?
114
00:04:51,243 --> 00:04:52,910
Oh, this woman, Julia,
I was seeing at the time.
115
00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:55,079
Wanted to be an actress.
She was gorgeous.
116
00:04:55,113 --> 00:04:58,149
We had a lot of fun.
In and out of the boudoir.
117
00:04:58,183 --> 00:04:59,350
I remember that.
118
00:04:59,384 --> 00:05:01,485
And then I met and quickly
impregnated Karen,
119
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:02,720
and that, as they say, was that.
120
00:05:02,754 --> 00:05:04,855
By the way, what the fuck
are you doing here?
121
00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:07,224
I wanted to make sure you
showed up for work, you know,
122
00:05:07,259 --> 00:05:09,760
on time, reasonably sober.
123
00:05:09,794 --> 00:05:11,795
You're gonna be pulling in
a weekly salary now.
124
00:05:11,830 --> 00:05:14,265
15% of your weekly is my weekly.
125
00:05:14,299 --> 00:05:15,866
15%?
I thought you got 10.
126
00:05:15,901 --> 00:05:17,768
Mm-mm.
Managers take 15.
127
00:05:17,802 --> 00:05:20,337
Oh, so you're my manager now?
What's the difference?
128
00:05:20,372 --> 00:05:21,338
5%.
129
00:05:21,373 --> 00:05:23,607
That is fucking pathetic,
Charlie.
130
00:05:23,642 --> 00:05:25,743
Maybe you should think about
getting some other clients.
131
00:05:25,777 --> 00:05:27,178
Yeah, well, that's
the other reason I'm here.
132
00:05:27,212 --> 00:05:29,747
Okay.
Let me look at you.
133
00:05:29,781 --> 00:05:31,949
Let me drink you in, big boy.
134
00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:33,617
So what if you got
a dysfunctional dong?
135
00:05:33,652 --> 00:05:35,653
So what if your cock
is but a vestigial organ?
136
00:05:35,687 --> 00:05:37,421
You're still a fucking shark!
137
00:05:37,455 --> 00:05:39,323
- Let's do this!
- No!
138
00:05:39,357 --> 00:05:40,758
No what?
139
00:05:40,792 --> 00:05:43,093
No, this is my first day
of work, Charlie, not yours.
140
00:05:43,128 --> 00:05:45,462
Mine.
I can't let you fuck my shit up.
141
00:05:45,497 --> 00:05:49,533
I still love you, though.
Long time.
142
00:05:54,239 --> 00:05:57,007
- Here you are.
- Thank you.
143
00:05:57,042 --> 00:05:58,242
Hey. Hank.
144
00:05:58,276 --> 00:05:59,677
- Terry.
- Right on.
145
00:05:59,711 --> 00:06:00,844
- Whoa!
- Oh!
146
00:06:00,879 --> 00:06:02,713
That's a powerful grip
you got there.
147
00:06:02,747 --> 00:06:04,181
Quite a handshake.
Very firm.
148
00:06:04,216 --> 00:06:06,550
Very firm indeed.
149
00:06:06,585 --> 00:06:10,354
Where do you work out?
150
00:06:10,388 --> 00:06:11,789
Fuck.
151
00:06:13,925 --> 00:06:15,426
Welcome.
152
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:16,860
Hey. Hank.
153
00:06:16,895 --> 00:06:19,263
Hugh.
154
00:06:19,297 --> 00:06:20,998
Are you into cupcakes?
155
00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:22,866
I suppose.
156
00:06:22,901 --> 00:06:24,702
There's some in the kitchen.
157
00:06:24,736 --> 00:06:26,003
Right on.
158
00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:28,839
Sometimes Rath
gets a little grumpy.
159
00:06:28,873 --> 00:06:30,074
I like to cheer him up
with cupcakes.
160
00:06:30,108 --> 00:06:31,575
It's the little things.
161
00:06:31,610 --> 00:06:34,745
Well, aren't you
the thoughtful little beaver.
162
00:06:34,779 --> 00:06:37,181
So what's the deal
with Victor/Victoria?
163
00:06:37,215 --> 00:06:38,782
What do you mean?
164
00:06:38,817 --> 00:06:40,251
What do you mean
what do I mean? Terry.
165
00:06:40,285 --> 00:06:43,621
What's up with that,
her/him gender-wise?
166
00:06:43,655 --> 00:06:45,756
Oh, that.
Of course.
167
00:06:45,790 --> 00:06:47,725
Okay, so here's the deal.
It's--
168
00:06:49,894 --> 00:06:52,296
Hey, Terry.
You want a cupcake?
169
00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:53,764
There's some in the kitchen.
170
00:06:53,798 --> 00:06:56,367
Fuck you
and your fucking cupcakes, Hugh!
171
00:06:56,401 --> 00:06:58,869
Get a fucking life.
172
00:06:58,903 --> 00:07:00,137
Okay, cool.
173
00:07:00,171 --> 00:07:01,472
I'm gonna go work on
some story ideas.
174
00:07:01,506 --> 00:07:03,741
I'll see you in the room, kids.
175
00:07:03,775 --> 00:07:06,510
"Fuck you," you said.
That was funny.
176
00:07:06,544 --> 00:07:08,445
So, Terry, tell me a bit
about yourself.
177
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,614
You married?
You have kids?
178
00:07:10,649 --> 00:07:12,650
I'm in a long-term
relationship,
179
00:07:12,684 --> 00:07:15,219
and these are my kids.
180
00:07:15,253 --> 00:07:18,822
Ah, ha, ha, little drooly,
but I see the resemblance.
181
00:07:18,857 --> 00:07:21,392
[Phone ringing]
182
00:07:21,426 --> 00:07:23,494
Oh, I shall decl--fuck!
183
00:07:23,528 --> 00:07:24,895
Facetime!
184
00:07:24,929 --> 00:07:26,169
You got to stop calling me, kid.
185
00:07:26,197 --> 00:07:27,765
Why?
186
00:07:27,799 --> 00:07:30,000
- Because I'm working.
- But you're my father.
187
00:07:30,035 --> 00:07:32,236
Yeah, well, we don't actually
know that for sure.
188
00:07:32,270 --> 00:07:34,305
Calling me a liar?
189
00:07:34,339 --> 00:07:35,806
No, not technically.
190
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:37,808
You're a real fucking
asshole, you know that?
191
00:07:37,842 --> 00:07:39,677
Now you sound like my kid.
192
00:07:39,711 --> 00:07:40,978
Want to hang out?
193
00:07:41,012 --> 00:07:42,913
No, I can't.
I'm working.
194
00:07:42,947 --> 00:07:44,081
Cool.
Where you working at?
195
00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:45,215
A television show.
196
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:46,817
Cool!
Which one?
197
00:07:46,851 --> 00:07:47,985
Santa Monica Cop.
198
00:07:48,019 --> 00:07:49,299
Is that like Beverly Hills Cop?
199
00:07:49,321 --> 00:07:51,755
No, it's set in Santa Monica.
200
00:07:51,790 --> 00:07:54,124
- Can I come see you?
- No, I'm busy.
201
00:07:54,159 --> 00:07:55,526
Can you get me a job there?
202
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:58,128
No.
I barely have a job here.
203
00:07:58,163 --> 00:07:59,330
Hey, guys.
204
00:07:59,364 --> 00:08:00,664
Rath's stuck in a meeting
at the network,
205
00:08:00,699 --> 00:08:02,499
so feel free to do whatever
until lunch.
206
00:08:02,534 --> 00:08:04,501
Cool!
You want to come over?
207
00:08:04,536 --> 00:08:07,504
[Hard rock]
208
00:08:07,539 --> 00:08:14,044
♪ ♪
209
00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:15,212
I'm sorry.
210
00:08:15,246 --> 00:08:16,607
Have you been knocking
for a while?
211
00:08:16,614 --> 00:08:17,881
I was listening to some tunes.
212
00:08:17,916 --> 00:08:20,250
No, no, I pretty much
just knocked the once,
213
00:08:20,285 --> 00:08:21,618
and then you immediately
opened the door,
214
00:08:21,653 --> 00:08:22,786
which leads me to believe
215
00:08:22,821 --> 00:08:24,021
you were just right there
waiting for me.
216
00:08:24,055 --> 00:08:25,656
You totally got me.
217
00:08:25,690 --> 00:08:26,924
I was pretty fucking excited.
218
00:08:26,958 --> 00:08:30,694
Hey, this is for you.
219
00:08:30,729 --> 00:08:33,697
- Oh, all right.
- [Laughing]
220
00:08:33,732 --> 00:08:35,799
Good man.
All right.
221
00:08:35,834 --> 00:08:37,634
There you go.
222
00:08:41,873 --> 00:08:43,173
Nice place you got here.
223
00:08:43,208 --> 00:08:45,409
Yeah, you know, it's home.
224
00:08:45,443 --> 00:08:48,479
Wow! Your mom.
225
00:08:48,513 --> 00:08:50,481
I got to say
she's still smoking hot.
226
00:08:50,515 --> 00:08:52,249
Yeah, people say that
all the time.
227
00:08:52,283 --> 00:08:54,218
I guess I just don't see her
that way.
228
00:08:54,252 --> 00:08:55,719
Right.
Because she's your mom.
229
00:08:55,754 --> 00:08:59,323
I'm just commenting as someone,
you know, who knew her when...
230
00:08:59,357 --> 00:09:00,858
- Okay, then.
- About her beauty.
231
00:09:00,892 --> 00:09:02,059
That's your thing.
232
00:09:02,093 --> 00:09:03,594
Well--
233
00:09:03,628 --> 00:09:06,597
you sure do have a lot
of pictures of your mom around.
234
00:09:06,631 --> 00:09:10,234
And I'm guessing that you don't
have too many girls over, huh?
235
00:09:10,268 --> 00:09:12,603
[Clears throat]
No. No, I don't.
236
00:09:12,637 --> 00:09:15,038
Which is a source
of great sadness for me,
237
00:09:15,073 --> 00:09:17,207
but the pictures
are my mom's thing.
238
00:09:17,242 --> 00:09:19,109
She likes having them around,
I guess.
239
00:09:19,144 --> 00:09:20,444
You're a grown
man-child, dude.
240
00:09:20,478 --> 00:09:21,945
You can do whatevs you want.
241
00:09:21,980 --> 00:09:24,515
Yeah, I guess, but I still
have to respect her wishes,
242
00:09:24,549 --> 00:09:25,849
you know.
243
00:09:25,884 --> 00:09:26,884
She's my mom.
244
00:09:26,918 --> 00:09:28,552
Sure, I suppose,
245
00:09:28,586 --> 00:09:31,088
if you want
to be all queer about it.
246
00:09:32,991 --> 00:09:34,825
You have a roommate?
[Door opening]
247
00:09:34,859 --> 00:09:36,093
[Mouthing words]
248
00:09:36,127 --> 00:09:39,797
Levon, did you take
my toothpaste again?
249
00:09:42,967 --> 00:09:44,535
What the fuck?
250
00:09:44,569 --> 00:09:46,970
I couldn't have said it
any better myself.
251
00:09:47,005 --> 00:09:50,307
Mom, dad, don't be mad.
252
00:09:50,341 --> 00:09:53,710
Uh, if it's any consolation,
I was just commenting to the boy
253
00:09:53,745 --> 00:09:57,514
that you still got it, you know,
you're still smoking hot.
254
00:09:57,549 --> 00:10:01,418
- Oh, my God.
- [Laughing]
255
00:10:01,453 --> 00:10:03,754
- You live with your mom.
- Obviously.
256
00:10:03,788 --> 00:10:05,255
You don't think you could
have mentioned that?
257
00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:06,390
Would you have still come over?
258
00:10:06,424 --> 00:10:07,658
- Probably not.
- See?
259
00:10:07,692 --> 00:10:09,660
I did the right thing then.
260
00:10:09,694 --> 00:10:13,497
Does she know
that you made contact?
261
00:10:13,531 --> 00:10:14,765
She does now.
262
00:10:14,799 --> 00:10:16,767
Sweet jumping Jesus.
263
00:10:16,801 --> 00:10:18,969
Levon, can you come in here
a minute, please?
264
00:10:19,003 --> 00:10:20,938
Coming, mom!
265
00:10:20,972 --> 00:10:23,907
Sit, stay.
I'll be right back.
266
00:10:23,942 --> 00:10:28,178
Eat some of those cold cuts.
I made them for you.
267
00:10:28,213 --> 00:10:31,915
Hey, don't leave, okay?
Again.
268
00:10:33,751 --> 00:10:37,955
[Low arguing]
269
00:10:39,824 --> 00:10:41,124
What the fuck
were you thinking?!
270
00:10:41,159 --> 00:10:43,594
[Muted response]
271
00:10:45,096 --> 00:10:46,997
- Hank.
- Hi, Julia.
272
00:10:47,031 --> 00:10:50,634
- It's great to see you.
- Nice to see you too.
273
00:10:50,668 --> 00:10:52,436
I'll be in touch.
274
00:10:52,470 --> 00:10:53,704
How do you mean?
275
00:10:53,738 --> 00:10:56,073
This is just a lot
to process right now.
276
00:10:56,107 --> 00:10:57,241
- Yes.
- I think I need some time.
277
00:10:57,275 --> 00:10:58,876
Yeah, I get that.
I get that.
278
00:10:58,910 --> 00:11:00,310
I get that.
279
00:11:00,345 --> 00:11:03,080
So he's--I'm guessing
that he's really mine?
280
00:11:03,114 --> 00:11:05,048
- What?
- He's really my kid?
281
00:11:05,083 --> 00:11:08,218
I mean, all I have is his word
to go on,
282
00:11:08,253 --> 00:11:09,853
and no offense,
but he doesn't present
283
00:11:09,888 --> 00:11:11,622
as the most trustworthy source.
284
00:11:11,656 --> 00:11:13,290
I'm standing right here.
285
00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:14,925
Okay, yeah, fuck.
286
00:11:14,959 --> 00:11:16,260
Shit.
287
00:11:16,294 --> 00:11:18,962
- I'm still standing here.
- Please leave.
288
00:11:18,997 --> 00:11:22,366
I could--I don't have to be
back at work for a few minutes.
289
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,635
- We could sit and talk.
- Oh, God.
290
00:11:24,669 --> 00:11:26,770
Or--or--or I could go.
291
00:11:26,804 --> 00:11:29,406
Going, going, gone.
Okay.
292
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,408
- Levon, always a pleasure.
- Bye, dad.
293
00:11:31,442 --> 00:11:33,043
Catch you
on the flippity-flop.
294
00:11:38,082 --> 00:11:40,317
That's a good-looking Sammie
you got there, Hank.
295
00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:41,885
I went with the burger.
296
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,160
That's the move from this place.
297
00:11:43,187 --> 00:11:45,422
I'm pretty happy
about my lunch order right now.
298
00:11:45,456 --> 00:11:47,291
Killed it.
299
00:11:47,325 --> 00:11:49,393
- This is gluten-free, right?
- I'd stake my life on it.
300
00:11:49,427 --> 00:11:51,995
And it hasn't been in
the vicinity of any shellfish?
301
00:11:52,030 --> 00:11:54,398
I watched them cook it
just like you asked.
302
00:11:54,432 --> 00:11:55,832
Thank you.
I don't mean to be a nudge.
303
00:11:55,867 --> 00:11:57,601
Yeah, we got it, Goldie, okay?
304
00:11:57,635 --> 00:11:58,835
Hey, look at me.
305
00:11:58,870 --> 00:12:00,337
I'm allergic to fucking
everything, all right?
306
00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:01,738
Maybe you should
brown bag it tomorrow.
307
00:12:01,773 --> 00:12:04,107
Make yourself a little PB&J
or something.
308
00:12:04,142 --> 00:12:05,876
I have a severe nut allergy.
309
00:12:05,910 --> 00:12:07,644
- Yeah, of course you do.
- I could die.
310
00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:09,279
That would be a shame.
311
00:12:11,950 --> 00:12:13,884
[Picture snaps]
312
00:12:13,918 --> 00:12:15,485
What the fuck are you doing?
313
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,120
Taking a picture of my burger.
314
00:12:17,155 --> 00:12:18,589
Why the fuck are you taking
a picture of your burger?
315
00:12:18,623 --> 00:12:20,263
'Cause I want to put it
on my instagram.
316
00:12:20,291 --> 00:12:21,258
Oh, you're gonna put it
on your instagram.
317
00:12:21,292 --> 00:12:22,492
Of course.
Well, that makes sense.
318
00:12:22,527 --> 00:12:24,227
- Yeah.
- It's a beautiful burger.
319
00:12:24,262 --> 00:12:25,462
- Yeah, #lunch.
- I know, right?
320
00:12:25,496 --> 00:12:27,364
Yeah. Yeah.
Absolutely.
321
00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:29,266
It's a gorgeous burger.
322
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,634
So let me get this straight.
323
00:12:30,668 --> 00:12:33,337
It's not enough
that I have to watch you chew
324
00:12:33,371 --> 00:12:35,205
with your mouth open
every fucking day.
325
00:12:35,239 --> 00:12:37,274
Now I'm gonna have
to watch you play Diane Arbus
326
00:12:37,308 --> 00:12:38,775
with your food?
327
00:12:38,810 --> 00:12:41,278
How about I bring some starving
African kid in here,
328
00:12:41,312 --> 00:12:44,114
have him watch you take
a picture of your gourmet burger
329
00:12:44,148 --> 00:12:46,350
with your fucking iPhone?
330
00:12:46,384 --> 00:12:47,784
Ought to be ashamed of yourself.
331
00:12:47,819 --> 00:12:49,386
Maybe you should spend
a little less time
332
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:51,054
sexualizing your lunch,
333
00:12:51,089 --> 00:12:52,422
and a little more time coming up
334
00:12:52,457 --> 00:12:54,124
with a workable fucking
story idea.
335
00:12:54,158 --> 00:12:55,692
Come on, Rath.
336
00:12:55,727 --> 00:12:57,194
I pitched you five
brand-new ideas this morning.
337
00:12:57,228 --> 00:12:59,062
And every one of them
sucked, man!
338
00:12:59,097 --> 00:13:00,230
Do better!
339
00:13:00,264 --> 00:13:02,065
Stop instagraming,
stop tweeting!
340
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,301
I do read them, you know,
341
00:13:04,335 --> 00:13:05,969
when I'm in the mood
for a raging hate-boner.
342
00:13:06,004 --> 00:13:07,404
[Sighs]
343
00:13:07,438 --> 00:13:08,772
Hank, you're awfully quiet
over there.
344
00:13:08,806 --> 00:13:10,073
What's happening?
345
00:13:10,108 --> 00:13:11,708
Sorry, usually,
I'm a fucking firecracker,
346
00:13:11,743 --> 00:13:13,910
but I'm just dealing
with some heavy shit right now.
347
00:13:13,945 --> 00:13:15,145
Tell us.
348
00:13:15,179 --> 00:13:16,647
I'd rather not.
349
00:13:16,681 --> 00:13:17,981
Hank, this is
what we do in here.
350
00:13:18,016 --> 00:13:19,282
This is church.
351
00:13:19,317 --> 00:13:21,652
This is where we confess
our deepest, darkest secrets,
352
00:13:21,686 --> 00:13:22,919
shoot 'em through a prism,
353
00:13:22,954 --> 00:13:24,054
put 'em up there on the screen.
354
00:13:24,088 --> 00:13:25,255
Oh, God.
355
00:13:25,289 --> 00:13:26,523
All right, if you must know,
356
00:13:26,557 --> 00:13:29,660
I recently discovered
that I have fathered a son
357
00:13:29,694 --> 00:13:31,995
from a relationship
about 20 years ago.
358
00:13:32,030 --> 00:13:33,230
- Oh, wow!
- Holy shit.
359
00:13:33,264 --> 00:13:34,498
That is fucking heavy.
360
00:13:34,532 --> 00:13:35,732
- Perfect.
- Yikes!
361
00:13:35,767 --> 00:13:38,101
- That makes perfect sense.
- I got a lawyer.
362
00:13:38,136 --> 00:13:40,070
Those 20 years' child support,
you don't want to pay that.
363
00:13:40,104 --> 00:13:41,204
- Okay, people.
- I'll hook you up.
364
00:13:41,272 --> 00:13:42,472
How do we use this on the show?
365
00:13:42,507 --> 00:13:43,774
God.
366
00:13:43,808 --> 00:13:45,909
Okay, so maybe Danko
has a baby with a stranger,
367
00:13:45,943 --> 00:13:48,679
but the stranger happens to be,
like, a cousin from the past.
368
00:13:48,713 --> 00:13:49,780
A retarded cousin.
369
00:13:49,814 --> 00:13:50,847
A retarded cousin from the past.
370
00:13:50,882 --> 00:13:51,882
Can't say "retarded."
Autistic.
371
00:13:51,916 --> 00:13:52,983
An autistic cousin
from the past.
372
00:13:53,017 --> 00:13:54,184
Ooh, ooh, title of the show,
"Aw...
373
00:13:54,218 --> 00:13:55,285
- "Aw...
Both: "Tistic."
374
00:13:55,319 --> 00:13:56,386
I got it, I got it.
375
00:13:56,421 --> 00:13:57,554
Here, this is
the bad version now.
376
00:13:57,588 --> 00:13:58,722
What if Danko Jones--
377
00:13:58,756 --> 00:13:59,823
Didn't you also
rape a woman once?
378
00:13:59,857 --> 00:14:02,125
- Wow. Harsh!
- Stand down, Terry!
379
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,061
What? It's true.
It was all over the news.
380
00:14:04,095 --> 00:14:05,796
Yeah.
[Chuckles]
381
00:14:05,830 --> 00:14:07,264
If anybody was raped, it was me,
382
00:14:07,298 --> 00:14:09,099
and it was all just a big
misunderstanding anyway.
383
00:14:09,133 --> 00:14:10,413
It could have happened
to anyone.
384
00:14:10,435 --> 00:14:12,069
Wish it happened to me.
She was really hot.
385
00:14:12,103 --> 00:14:13,570
She's so skinny.
386
00:14:13,604 --> 00:14:15,305
I shouldn't have
to share an office
387
00:14:15,339 --> 00:14:16,406
with a convicted rapist.
388
00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:17,541
What if a wear a cock cage?
389
00:14:17,575 --> 00:14:18,909
I like that.
I like that.
390
00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:20,410
[All talking]
391
00:14:20,445 --> 00:14:21,511
It's a male chastity device.
392
00:14:21,546 --> 00:14:22,713
I need one of those.
393
00:14:22,747 --> 00:14:24,881
It traps your penis
in a flaccid state.
394
00:14:24,916 --> 00:14:26,517
Even Danko could be
in his own cock cage.
395
00:14:26,551 --> 00:14:27,784
It's like he feels trapped
396
00:14:27,819 --> 00:14:29,099
'cause he's
in his own cock cage.
397
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,520
Why?
Why would he be in a cock cage?
398
00:14:30,555 --> 00:14:32,322
Despite all his rage, he is
still just a cock in a cage.
399
00:14:32,356 --> 00:14:33,857
- You think rape is funny?
- No!
400
00:14:33,891 --> 00:14:36,093
I think it's awful, unless
it's a woman raping a man.
401
00:14:36,127 --> 00:14:37,327
That's inherently funny.
402
00:14:37,361 --> 00:14:38,829
- Rath, are you really--
- What?
403
00:14:38,863 --> 00:14:40,497
Are you just gonna sit here
and let this happen?
404
00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:42,032
What are you talking about?
405
00:14:42,066 --> 00:14:43,166
For the first time
in three weeks,
406
00:14:43,201 --> 00:14:44,701
I'm actually enjoying myself.
407
00:14:44,736 --> 00:14:47,337
- Please continue.
- Goldie, are you okay?
408
00:14:47,371 --> 00:14:51,108
That was not gluten-free.
409
00:14:51,142 --> 00:14:52,909
[All gasping]
410
00:14:52,944 --> 00:14:55,746
Oh! What the fu--
Goldie?
411
00:14:55,780 --> 00:14:57,581
At least we know it wasn't
all in your head.
412
00:14:57,615 --> 00:14:59,282
My fucking mom just got me
this shit, Goldie!
413
00:14:59,317 --> 00:15:00,684
Jesus fucking Christ!
414
00:15:00,718 --> 00:15:02,919
I've seen crime scenes
less disgusting than that.
415
00:15:02,954 --> 00:15:04,020
I think lunch is over.
416
00:15:04,055 --> 00:15:05,222
They told me it was
gluten-free.
417
00:15:05,256 --> 00:15:06,523
- Clean this shit up!
- Shit!
418
00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:07,657
Clean this shit up!
419
00:15:07,692 --> 00:15:09,092
Disinfect the whole fucking room, okay?
420
00:15:09,127 --> 00:15:10,494
I'm gonna go meditate.
421
00:15:10,528 --> 00:15:12,395
We'll reconvene
in a couple of hours.
422
00:15:12,430 --> 00:15:14,931
Does anybody know
of a bar around here
423
00:15:14,966 --> 00:15:16,399
where I could meet somebody
for a drink?
424
00:15:16,434 --> 00:15:17,834
God!
425
00:15:17,902 --> 00:15:20,570
I would love a nice wine cooler
right now or like a microbrew.
426
00:15:20,605 --> 00:15:22,439
An allagash white would totally
hit the fucking spot, right?
427
00:15:22,473 --> 00:15:24,174
[Inhales] But here's the thing.
428
00:15:24,208 --> 00:15:26,710
Rath does not like it when we
leave the office during the day.
429
00:15:26,744 --> 00:15:29,112
It's totally frowned upon.
But I'm totes free tonight.
430
00:15:29,147 --> 00:15:30,380
What do you say?
Let's do it!
431
00:15:30,414 --> 00:15:33,383
[Hard rock]
432
00:15:33,417 --> 00:15:40,557
♪ ♪
433
00:15:51,803 --> 00:15:53,737
[Both laugh]
434
00:15:53,771 --> 00:15:56,273
- Hmm.
- Hi.
435
00:15:56,307 --> 00:15:59,476
Thank you.
436
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,915
How come you never told me?
437
00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:08,718
This is what I remember.
438
00:16:08,753 --> 00:16:12,289
We were running around the city
for a few months, hanging out,
439
00:16:12,323 --> 00:16:14,724
having fun, keeping it simple,
440
00:16:14,759 --> 00:16:16,293
and then one day the phone
stopped ringing.
441
00:16:16,327 --> 00:16:18,662
And I called you to make sure
you weren't dead,
442
00:16:18,696 --> 00:16:20,197
and you said
you met someone special,
443
00:16:20,231 --> 00:16:21,598
someone that you could picture
444
00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:24,167
spending the rest
of your life with.
445
00:16:24,202 --> 00:16:25,936
I remember not being
all that offended
446
00:16:25,970 --> 00:16:28,605
because we were never really
that together.
447
00:16:28,639 --> 00:16:31,041
So when I realized
I was knocked up,
448
00:16:31,075 --> 00:16:34,411
it seemed pretty pointless
to tell you.
449
00:16:34,445 --> 00:16:36,079
I'm sorry.
450
00:16:36,113 --> 00:16:38,348
No, I'm sorry.
451
00:16:38,382 --> 00:16:39,716
Don't be.
452
00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:41,451
I never expected anything
from you.
453
00:16:41,485 --> 00:16:45,422
You're fun, kind of like driving
around in a car with a dog
454
00:16:45,456 --> 00:16:47,290
who sticks his head
out the window.
455
00:16:47,325 --> 00:16:49,159
What kind of dog?
456
00:16:49,193 --> 00:16:50,827
Not the marrying kind.
457
00:16:50,862 --> 00:16:53,129
Oh, that's--I don't know
that that's a breed.
458
00:16:53,164 --> 00:16:55,398
[Laughing]
459
00:16:55,433 --> 00:16:56,754
I don't see a ring
on your finger.
460
00:16:56,767 --> 00:17:00,337
- Did you ever get hitched?
- Uh, no, not technically.
461
00:17:00,371 --> 00:17:02,706
How long have you been here?
462
00:17:02,740 --> 00:17:04,074
A few months.
463
00:17:04,108 --> 00:17:06,076
When Levon came along,
464
00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:07,911
he derailed
the whole acting thing.
465
00:17:07,945 --> 00:17:09,179
Yeah.
466
00:17:09,213 --> 00:17:10,580
So I moved back to the island,
467
00:17:10,615 --> 00:17:13,750
and I went to school,
and I became a dental hygienist.
468
00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:15,118
- Really?
- I fucking love teeth.
469
00:17:15,152 --> 00:17:17,554
They fascinate me.
470
00:17:17,588 --> 00:17:22,359
Open up.
471
00:17:22,393 --> 00:17:23,793
- Ooh.
- Huh?
472
00:17:23,828 --> 00:17:25,161
Have you been
to a dentist recently?
473
00:17:25,196 --> 00:17:27,264
Can we get back to your story?
474
00:17:27,298 --> 00:17:30,667
So Levon decided
he wants to act,
475
00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:32,702
and it seemed like a good time
for a change of scenery.
476
00:17:32,737 --> 00:17:34,571
So here we are.
477
00:17:34,605 --> 00:17:39,009
Yeah.
So where do we go from here?
478
00:17:39,043 --> 00:17:40,543
Nowhere.
479
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:43,780
I'd really love it
if you bowed out
480
00:17:43,814 --> 00:17:46,917
and never saw him again.
481
00:17:46,951 --> 00:17:48,418
I mean, Levon's a weird kid.
482
00:17:48,452 --> 00:17:50,553
I don't know
what you're talking about.
483
00:17:52,056 --> 00:17:53,890
He's got all these crazy
expectations
484
00:17:53,925 --> 00:17:55,792
of you guys making up
for lost time.
485
00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:57,227
I don't have the heart
to tell him
486
00:17:57,261 --> 00:17:59,095
that you're not
that kind of guy.
487
00:17:59,130 --> 00:18:03,566
How do you know
what kind of guy I am now?
488
00:18:03,601 --> 00:18:05,769
Look, I'm giving you
a gift here.
489
00:18:05,803 --> 00:18:08,538
I'm telling you
it's okay to walk away.
490
00:18:08,572 --> 00:18:11,274
I'm asking you nicely
to just do the right thing
491
00:18:11,309 --> 00:18:13,944
and leave us the fuck alone.
492
00:18:13,978 --> 00:18:17,314
Drink's on me.
[Sighs]
493
00:18:25,756 --> 00:18:27,958
- Are you sure about this?
- Yes.
494
00:18:27,992 --> 00:18:29,426
Stu used to pop them
all the time.
495
00:18:29,460 --> 00:18:31,628
Hmm.
Hmm?
496
00:18:31,662 --> 00:18:33,296
Stu has E.D. too?
497
00:18:33,331 --> 00:18:35,932
No, not at all.
He used to take them for fun.
498
00:18:35,967 --> 00:18:37,434
We used to fuck for hours.
499
00:18:37,468 --> 00:18:39,836
His cock was
like a battering ram.
500
00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:41,538
It was like it was made
of liquid metal.
501
00:18:41,572 --> 00:18:43,640
It was the T-1000 of boners.
502
00:18:43,674 --> 00:18:44,908
Okay, Marcy,
503
00:18:44,942 --> 00:18:47,277
I don't know how many times
I can say this,
504
00:18:47,311 --> 00:18:50,680
but your fond remembrance
of your ex-husband's horse cock
505
00:18:50,715 --> 00:18:53,316
does not work wonders
for my fragile psyche.
506
00:18:53,351 --> 00:18:54,951
Pussy!
[Phone ringing]
507
00:18:54,986 --> 00:18:56,286
Shit!
This is Hank.
508
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:57,587
- No!
- I'm sorry.
509
00:18:57,621 --> 00:18:58,588
- I got to take this.
- No!
510
00:18:58,622 --> 00:18:59,656
I got to take it!
511
00:18:59,690 --> 00:19:00,890
What's up, buddy?
512
00:19:00,925 --> 00:19:02,092
Hey, buddy, I need you
to do me a favor.
513
00:19:02,126 --> 00:19:03,893
Anything at all.
You name it.
514
00:19:03,928 --> 00:19:05,295
Yeah, you got to get me off
of this thing.
515
00:19:05,329 --> 00:19:07,163
- What thing?
- The show.
516
00:19:07,198 --> 00:19:08,865
I just can't do it anymore.
517
00:19:08,899 --> 00:19:10,400
Hank, it's your first day!
518
00:19:10,434 --> 00:19:11,868
I know, but there's
too much shit going on
519
00:19:11,902 --> 00:19:12,936
in my personal life,
520
00:19:12,970 --> 00:19:14,704
and I'm a delicate
fucking flower.
521
00:19:14,739 --> 00:19:16,673
The thought about
getting back in there
522
00:19:16,707 --> 00:19:18,675
with those fucking monkeys
is giving me a fucking migraine.
523
00:19:18,709 --> 00:19:19,776
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
524
00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:21,077
Hank, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
525
00:19:21,112 --> 00:19:23,179
Back in where?
Why aren't you there right now?
526
00:19:23,214 --> 00:19:26,449
- It's a long story.
- Hank, go back in there!
527
00:19:26,484 --> 00:19:27,851
You talk it out with Rath.
528
00:19:27,885 --> 00:19:29,753
He's a cool guy.
He'll understand.
529
00:19:29,787 --> 00:19:32,188
I understand
what you're saying, and I agree,
530
00:19:32,223 --> 00:19:33,623
but that's what I have you for,
Charlie,
531
00:19:33,657 --> 00:19:35,091
to have the conversations
I do not want to have.
532
00:19:35,126 --> 00:19:37,293
That's what the extra 5% is for.
533
00:19:37,328 --> 00:19:39,863
Besides, it's like auditing
a class, right?
534
00:19:39,897 --> 00:19:42,298
I tried it, it wasn't for me.
No harm, no foul.
535
00:19:42,333 --> 00:19:43,600
No, Hank! No!
536
00:19:43,634 --> 00:19:45,535
There is harm,
and there is foul!
537
00:19:45,569 --> 00:19:46,836
Jesus Christ!
538
00:19:46,871 --> 00:19:48,038
I can't believe
you're doing this to me
539
00:19:48,072 --> 00:19:50,206
when I've just taken
a fucking Viagra!
540
00:19:50,241 --> 00:19:51,341
Oh.
Good luck with that.
541
00:19:51,375 --> 00:19:52,675
My mind's made up, though.
542
00:19:52,710 --> 00:19:54,778
Make it happen.
Smooth that shit over.
543
00:19:54,812 --> 00:19:56,713
Hank!
[Grunts]
544
00:19:56,747 --> 00:19:58,815
[Groans]
545
00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:00,517
Hank!
Hank!
546
00:20:00,551 --> 00:20:01,885
Thank God you're here.
547
00:20:01,919 --> 00:20:03,620
This motherfucker's trying
to waterboard me! Pig!
548
00:20:03,654 --> 00:20:05,622
- Get your fucking hands off me!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
549
00:20:05,656 --> 00:20:07,023
Get your fucking hands off me!
550
00:20:07,058 --> 00:20:10,060
- Stop!
- Calm down!
551
00:20:10,094 --> 00:20:11,534
- He's a little retarded.
- A little?
552
00:20:11,562 --> 00:20:13,730
Fuck you, you rent-a-cop
motherfucker!
553
00:20:13,764 --> 00:20:15,031
- You don't--
- What are you doing?
554
00:20:15,066 --> 00:20:16,299
You can't just show up
at a movie studio
555
00:20:16,333 --> 00:20:17,834
and expect to see someone.
556
00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:18,968
But you weren't
answering your phone,
557
00:20:19,003 --> 00:20:20,804
- and I needed to see you.
- Why?
558
00:20:20,838 --> 00:20:23,473
I think my mother's trying
to keep us apart.
559
00:20:23,507 --> 00:20:24,974
Why do you say that?
560
00:20:25,009 --> 00:20:26,543
'Cause I think she's afraid
she's gonna lose me
561
00:20:26,577 --> 00:20:28,044
if I develop
a relationship with you.
562
00:20:28,079 --> 00:20:30,480
Well, maybe she's just afraid
that I'll disappoint you.
563
00:20:30,514 --> 00:20:31,981
That's impossible.
You're my father, right?
564
00:20:32,016 --> 00:20:34,350
You'd never let me down.
565
00:20:34,385 --> 00:20:36,019
What has she told you about me?
566
00:20:36,053 --> 00:20:37,420
Not much.
567
00:20:37,455 --> 00:20:38,655
Just that she got knocked up
568
00:20:38,689 --> 00:20:40,290
by some guy
she didn't know very well,
569
00:20:40,324 --> 00:20:42,192
a guy who didn't seem like
much of a father figure.
570
00:20:42,226 --> 00:20:43,426
But you know what?
571
00:20:43,461 --> 00:20:46,496
You never knew,
so I thought maybe you should.
572
00:20:46,530 --> 00:20:48,131
I don't know.
573
00:20:48,165 --> 00:20:50,100
I never told her
I was trying to find you.
574
00:20:50,134 --> 00:20:51,434
I didn't want to hurt
her feelings.
575
00:20:51,469 --> 00:20:53,429
But I did my research,
and when we moved out here,
576
00:20:53,437 --> 00:20:55,238
I knew that was my opportunity
to come find you.
577
00:20:56,907 --> 00:21:00,043
You know, your mom has done a
pretty good job all by herself.
578
00:21:00,077 --> 00:21:03,346
Yeah, she's pretty cool,
don't get me wrong.
579
00:21:03,380 --> 00:21:04,914
It's just being raised
by a single mom
580
00:21:04,949 --> 00:21:06,483
has made me
really fucking weird.
581
00:21:06,517 --> 00:21:08,818
I don't even know
how to relate to other guys.
582
00:21:08,853 --> 00:21:10,887
She didn't have
any boyfriends around?
583
00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:13,690
Some.
I'm sure I scared them away.
584
00:21:13,724 --> 00:21:15,859
Yeah, you're a lot
of responsibility.
585
00:21:15,893 --> 00:21:17,927
You're like
a walking boner killer.
586
00:21:17,962 --> 00:21:20,430
I don't even know
how to deal with girls.
587
00:21:20,464 --> 00:21:22,732
I paid this chick one time
to take off her top.
588
00:21:22,766 --> 00:21:24,100
She let me jerk off
in front of her.
589
00:21:24,135 --> 00:21:25,435
- I finished right on her feet.
- That's too much.
590
00:21:25,469 --> 00:21:26,636
I'm not as cool
as you might think.
591
00:21:26,670 --> 00:21:27,871
That's too much.
That's enough.
592
00:21:27,905 --> 00:21:29,639
- Look, I need help, Hank.
- You know what I think?
593
00:21:29,673 --> 00:21:31,808
I think you'd get along famously
with your Uncle Charlie.
594
00:21:31,842 --> 00:21:33,910
[Sighs] Look...
595
00:21:33,944 --> 00:21:36,246
I know this is pretty much
the last thing you wanted
596
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:37,480
out of life.
597
00:21:37,515 --> 00:21:39,048
I know there's nothing cute
or charming
598
00:21:39,083 --> 00:21:40,350
about me showing up
on your doorstep.
599
00:21:40,384 --> 00:21:42,719
It's just reading about you,
600
00:21:42,753 --> 00:21:44,921
you seemed like
a really cool guy,
601
00:21:44,955 --> 00:21:48,925
and I guess I just wanted to get
to know you a little bit.
602
00:21:48,959 --> 00:21:50,560
I thought maybe
some of your cool
603
00:21:50,594 --> 00:21:53,296
would rub off on me
or something.
604
00:21:54,498 --> 00:21:57,000
You want to see where I work?
605
00:21:57,034 --> 00:22:01,004
Are you kidding me?
I'd love to.
606
00:22:01,038 --> 00:22:03,339
That's right, motherfuckers!
Die, pigs, die!
607
00:22:03,374 --> 00:22:05,675
Leave it!
Leave it, leave it, leave it.
608
00:22:05,709 --> 00:22:09,512
Oh, my God!
They have a foosball table here.
609
00:22:09,547 --> 00:22:10,980
Hank, what the fuck, man?
610
00:22:11,015 --> 00:22:12,382
- What?
- What?
611
00:22:12,416 --> 00:22:13,850
Your dipshit agent
just called me,
612
00:22:13,884 --> 00:22:15,451
said you were in a car accident.
613
00:22:15,486 --> 00:22:16,920
Ah, you can't listen to a word
that guy says.
614
00:22:16,954 --> 00:22:18,388
He's mentally ill.
615
00:22:18,422 --> 00:22:19,789
I just keep him around so he
doesn't blow his brains out.
616
00:22:19,823 --> 00:22:21,925
I am sorry
for getting back late though.
617
00:22:21,959 --> 00:22:23,459
Thought maybe you went out
for a pack of smokes
618
00:22:23,494 --> 00:22:24,994
and decided TV wasn't for you.
619
00:22:25,029 --> 00:22:26,262
What?
620
00:22:26,297 --> 00:22:28,765
That'd be crazy,
not to mention unprofessional.
621
00:22:28,799 --> 00:22:30,733
I'm here, I'm queer,
get used to it.
622
00:22:30,768 --> 00:22:32,602
I just wanted to show
this young man
623
00:22:32,636 --> 00:22:34,437
what I do for a living.
624
00:22:34,471 --> 00:22:36,873
- Oh, is this your kid?
- Apparently.
625
00:22:36,907 --> 00:22:39,742
- Is he--
- On the spectrum?
626
00:22:39,777 --> 00:22:41,544
Probably, but aren't we all?
627
00:22:41,579 --> 00:22:43,012
Does he want a job?
628
00:22:43,047 --> 00:22:45,548
Because I just promoted the P.A.
to writer's assistant.
629
00:22:45,583 --> 00:22:48,218
He wanted a reward
for cleaning up all that puke.
630
00:22:48,252 --> 00:22:50,353
Kids today, you know,
they're so fucking entitled.
631
00:22:50,387 --> 00:22:52,388
Hey, hey, I remember this show.
632
00:22:52,423 --> 00:22:53,890
Oh, yeah, you like that one?
633
00:22:53,924 --> 00:22:55,191
It was awful.
634
00:22:55,226 --> 00:22:57,760
Like, really bad.
Like, who-writes-that-shit bad.
635
00:22:57,795 --> 00:23:00,063
- Just terrible.
- I write that shit.
636
00:23:00,097 --> 00:23:01,698
I created that show.
637
00:23:01,732 --> 00:23:03,900
- Oh, sorry.
- No, you're right.
638
00:23:03,934 --> 00:23:06,502
The show sucked.
It sucked hard.
639
00:23:06,537 --> 00:23:08,071
Never got the casting right.
640
00:23:08,105 --> 00:23:10,506
Much like life,
it's all in the fucking casting.
641
00:23:10,541 --> 00:23:13,243
- Hank? Oh, my God!
- Get a load of this cunt.
642
00:23:13,277 --> 00:23:16,613
- Hank, thank God you're alive.
- Shh.
643
00:23:16,647 --> 00:23:18,548
I guess it was just
a fender bender after all.
644
00:23:18,582 --> 00:23:20,750
Shut the fuck up, Charlie.
Shut the fuck up.
645
00:23:20,784 --> 00:23:22,285
What?
646
00:23:22,319 --> 00:23:23,920
Oh! Levon!
647
00:23:23,954 --> 00:23:26,022
Hey, it's Uncle Charlie,
remember?
648
00:23:26,056 --> 00:23:28,224
- It's great to see you...
- What is wrong with this thing?
649
00:23:28,259 --> 00:23:31,494
Again.
650
00:23:31,528 --> 00:23:33,463
Will you get a load of that?
651
00:23:38,836 --> 00:23:41,104
Hank...
652
00:23:41,138 --> 00:23:44,073
I think it's working.
The little blue pill worked.
653
00:23:44,108 --> 00:23:45,575
I think I'm getting hard.
654
00:23:45,609 --> 00:23:47,510
Behave yourself, you animal.
655
00:23:47,544 --> 00:23:49,012
Oh, oh, that.
656
00:23:49,046 --> 00:23:50,546
Oh, good!
Good for you.
657
00:23:50,581 --> 00:23:52,315
Good for you
and your thin, veiny dong.
658
00:23:52,349 --> 00:23:53,983
My heart's beating
really fast, Hank.
659
00:23:54,018 --> 00:23:55,685
It's kind of freaking me out.
Here, feel.
660
00:23:55,719 --> 00:23:56,853
No, I'm not gonna feel anything.
661
00:23:56,887 --> 00:23:58,254
- It's just an erection.
- Feel it. Feel.
662
00:23:58,289 --> 00:23:59,422
You've had a million of them,
and you botched them all.
663
00:23:59,456 --> 00:24:01,557
I'm feeling very dizzy, Hank.
Call 911.
664
00:24:01,592 --> 00:24:03,860
- It's a massive coronary event.
- No, it's not.
665
00:24:03,894 --> 00:24:05,495
- Call 911.
- It's not.
666
00:24:05,529 --> 00:24:08,197
Call 911!
It's a massive coronary event!
667
00:24:08,232 --> 00:24:10,600
Call 911!
Please!
668
00:24:10,634 --> 00:24:12,001
This is it, Hank.
This is it.
669
00:24:12,036 --> 00:24:14,170
- No, it's not.
- What's with the boner?
670
00:24:14,204 --> 00:24:15,705
Whoa!
671
00:24:15,739 --> 00:24:17,373
Seriously, Hank,
you need a new fucking agent.
672
00:24:17,408 --> 00:24:19,709
- He's my manager now.
- Are you okay?
673
00:24:19,743 --> 00:24:21,344
Is there anything
I could do to help?
674
00:24:21,378 --> 00:24:26,816
God, you smell good.
Ha, ha.
675
00:24:26,850 --> 00:24:28,918
- Oh!
- Holy shit!
676
00:24:28,952 --> 00:24:30,486
Did he just cum in his pants?
677
00:24:30,521 --> 00:24:33,122
Ahh.
678
00:24:33,157 --> 00:24:34,590
[Scoffs]
679
00:24:40,731 --> 00:24:42,498
[Knocking on door]
680
00:24:49,206 --> 00:24:50,873
Quit stalking me, lady.
681
00:24:50,908 --> 00:24:52,975
Levon told me where you lived.
682
00:24:53,010 --> 00:24:54,377
Of course he did.
683
00:24:55,779 --> 00:24:59,315
Wow!
684
00:24:59,350 --> 00:25:00,917
He also told me
what you did for him.
685
00:25:00,951 --> 00:25:03,653
Oh, yeah, that's just
a lowly P.A. job.
686
00:25:03,687 --> 00:25:05,488
He's gonna be cleaning up
a lot of puke.
687
00:25:05,522 --> 00:25:07,657
Thanks for ignoring
everything I said.
688
00:25:07,691 --> 00:25:09,959
That's what I do.
689
00:25:09,993 --> 00:25:11,427
I'm--no, I'm sorry.
690
00:25:11,462 --> 00:25:12,895
No, I mean it.
Thank you.
691
00:25:12,930 --> 00:25:14,764
Thanks.
692
00:25:14,798 --> 00:25:17,166
It's good to see him
so excited about something.
693
00:25:17,201 --> 00:25:19,369
I'm sorry about earlier.
694
00:25:19,403 --> 00:25:21,003
My defenses were up.
Mother bear issues, I guess.
695
00:25:21,038 --> 00:25:23,072
No, it's totally understandable.
696
00:25:23,107 --> 00:25:27,410
This is uncharted territory
for both of us.
697
00:25:27,444 --> 00:25:31,314
More for me, 'cause I just
found out that I have a child.
698
00:25:31,348 --> 00:25:33,416
- You've known for 20 years.
- I'm not used to
699
00:25:33,450 --> 00:25:37,553
having the guy involved, but--
so do you play guitar?
700
00:25:37,588 --> 00:25:39,722
Uh, not really.
701
00:25:39,757 --> 00:25:44,293
It's more like I callous myself
in the pursuit of happiness.
702
00:25:44,328 --> 00:25:47,563
Play something.
703
00:25:51,535 --> 00:25:53,102
I'm too shy, actually.
704
00:25:53,137 --> 00:25:56,239
I don't remember you being shy.
705
00:25:56,273 --> 00:25:57,373
[Knocking on door]
706
00:25:57,408 --> 00:25:59,609
- Excuse me.
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
707
00:26:04,148 --> 00:26:06,949
Hey, how was the first day?
708
00:26:06,984 --> 00:26:08,818
What?
709
00:26:08,852 --> 00:26:11,487
Oh, baby, was it that bad?
710
00:26:11,522 --> 00:26:13,689
[Laughing] What are you doing?
711
00:26:13,724 --> 00:26:15,425
Tell me.
712
00:26:15,459 --> 00:26:18,202
Baby, there's someone
you got to meet.
713
00:26:18,322 --> 00:26:19,604
Uh-huh.
714
00:26:24,201 --> 00:26:27,370
Oh, no.
715
00:26:30,669 --> 00:26:40,788
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com