(Coughing)
Hey, cough on someone else!
This girl's spending Christmas in Tahiti!
(Sneezing)
Sorry.
Gordo, keep the sneeze cheese to yourself.
This girl's spending Christmas in Tahiti.
Oh, Tess, have I told you today where this girl's spending Christmas?
♪ Ta a huala ata awa awa hay huhalu hula ha ♪
Look, Allie, I'm really happy your parents are taking you to
Tahiti, seeing that the last two Christmases in Italy have grown
boring to you.
Tell me about it.
I mean, how many old buildings can you look at?
It's a tower, it's leaning.
We get it.
Okay, the point is most people in this school can't
afford to go to places like that.
So, maybe you should just be a little more sensitive and keep it down?
You're right, sorry.
But guess what?
My dad says I can bring a friend this year.
Want to go?
I'm going to Tahiti?
Oh, I'm going to Tahiti.
I'm going to Tahiti.
I'm going to...
(Sneezing)
Yo, Gordo, aim that snot shooter somewhere else, buddy.
'Cause this girl's spending Christmas in Tahiti.
♪ Atta ula atta hay ♪
♪ Tahiti, Tahiti ♪
♪ A-woo, a-whoo ♪
♪ Tiki tiki tiki ♪
♪ Tahiti, Tahiti ♪
♪ Ooh ta tui tui, tiki teriyaki, and a piece of yummy apple pie ♪
Bet you can't guess where I'm going over Christmas break.
Bet you we can.
Finally, the one child in this family who's going to act like an adult here.
Guess what, Tessie?
We're all spending Christmas at Grandma's!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh.
♪
♪ Feels like I'm caught in the middle ♪
♪ Drama comes with every new day ♪
♪ So far to fall ♪
♪ Walking the tightrope ♪
♪ But I wouldn't have it any other way ♪
♪ We're gonna put one foot in front of the other ♪
♪ Get tripped up and step on one another ♪
♪ We move ahead and try to keep it on track ♪
♪ 'Cause we know we got each other's back ♪
♪ Don't need to fight it ♪
♪ No need to deny ♪
♪ It's a crazy life, a random life ♪
♪ A wonderful life ♪
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen www.addic7ed.com
But Dad, it's Tahiti.
When am I ever going to have another chance to huka huka huka luah?
Well suck-ucka-ucka it up.
Guys, it'll be fun.
We're gonna surprise Grandma at Christmas.
(Groaning)
Oh, we're going.
We're going to have some of her famous white chocolate hot
chocolate with homemade marshmallows and we're going to
have the best Christmas ever whether you gosh darn kids like it or not!
"Gosh darn kids?"
Oh, it's happened.
I officially sound like my father.
(Coughing)
Got the old man hack.
Might as well go strap on a diaper.
Great, Allie's going to be sitting in Tahiti on a
Bedazzled beach towel and I'm going to be sitting in a
retirement village with my thighs stuck to a plastic couch!
You're not the only one whose plans got flushed.
I mean, I love Grandma, but Sam and I were invited to
go skiing with the Davis brothers.
This is awful.
Worst Christmas ever.
What do you care?
It's not like you were going anywhere.
Grandma doesn't even have a DVR.
I have to wait for commercials to go to the bathroom.
What am I, a trained monkey?
Are we even sure that surprising Grandma is a good idea?
I mean the woman keeps a Taser in her purse.
Surprise, Grandma!
(Buzzing)
Surprise... that's it.
Yeah.
You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?
No.
Since it's a surprise, Grandma doesn't know yet.
Oh.
Yeah, you still don't know what I'm talking about, do you.
No.
Sam?
If Grandma doesn't know we're coming, then maybe she's made other plans.
Oh!
Hi Grandma, I'm calling for no other reason then to say, "How are you?"
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, um, what you got going on over Christmas?
What do you mean you have no plans?
Um...
(Whispering) You live in an active adult community that
promotes an independent lifestyle.
You live in an active adult community that promotes an independent lifestyle.
(Whispering) What are you waiting for?
Be active and independent.
What are you waiting for?
Be active and impendent.
(Whispering) What is she saying?
What is she saying...
I mean, what are you saying?
You want to spend Christmas alone?
Well, you can take the charter bus to the casino and play the
slot machines and then chow down at the 24-hour Christmas buffet.
Can you say, "holiday jackpot?"
Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!
No, no, I get it...
Yeah, you would rather stay
home and watch It's a Wonderful Life.
Again...
Yeah, sounds like fun.
Okay, bye, Grandma.
Love you.
Well, it looks like the two geniuses couldn't figure this one out.
Time for the bro with the big brain to step in.
I'd hate to feed his ego like this.
Yeah, we've got no choice.
Spencer!
Took you long enough.
Let me top that off for you, big guy.
We're going to Grandma's.
I know, I know.
Biscotti?
Spencer...
I know, I know.
I just want to remind you it's a six-hour drive, and that's in good traffic.
Let me paint you the picture.
I hate this.
I wanna go home.
Worst Christmas ever.
(All repeating)
Get the picture?
(Sighing)
We are going to your grandmother's and I'm done talking about it.
Oh good golly!
It's my father's finger point.
Did I just say, "Good golly?"
Yep.
What's happening to me?
(Humming Chopin's "Funeral March")
Wait!
Where's Dad?
This is some great guilt we're wasting.
Dad?
He's probably out checking the oil and tires to make sure
that we get there safely.
Is there no end to his cruelty?
Oh no.
You can unpack your bags.
I have a cold.
We're not going.
Woo-hoo!
Oh sweet!
Aww, poor Dad.
Tough break.
Rest up.
Drink lots of fluids.
Your concern "overwhelmbs"
me.
What?
Your concern over... ah,
forget it.
I'm going back to bed.
And I'm going to Tahiti.
...Where I'm going to buy you
something very special.
I'm thinking puka shell cufflinks.
Ugh, great... cufflinks.
Just like my dad used to wear.
What's next?
Hair growing out of my ears.
Oh no.
Yeah!
I'm going to need a little help hooking this back up.
I have to record Cupcake Wars vs. Iron Chef Christmas special.
Butter cream!
Allie, I can go, I can go!
(Allie screaming)
Ryan, we're on again.
Later.
Yeah, I'm going to learn how to scuba, jet-ski and snorkel.
(Door bell ringing)
I'm going to be in the water so long I'm going to prune up like
an old, wrinkly...
Grandma!
Surprise!
What are you doing here?
Well, honey, I just got to thinking, it's Christmas.
We're family.
We should be together, right?
Right.
Grandma and a DVR?
Spencey likey.
Ugh.
Ugh, Helen, how much longer do I have to breathe this steam?
Oh, man up, you sniffley little baby.
Doesn't he just sound adorable?
Cute as a button.
Adorable.
Um, you know, Grandma, a woman your age shouldn't be
around someone so obviously contagious.
Maybe you should go home.
Tessie, dear, I-I live in a seniors' community where every
Thursday night they served chicken "catch-a-flu-y."
Now, you see what I did there?
I didn't say "chicken cacciatore, " I said " chicken catch-a-flu-y."
F-flu-y.
I don't get that.
That rocked when I emceed bingo night.
Oh, and I'm sure there's a holiday bingo night.
Grandma, you can't miss that.
You really should go home.
Helen, please, can I just...
Not yet, Wimpy McWusserstein.
Wusser... Wusserstein.
Nothing.
I don't know... this is my best material.
Come on, Grandma, they're about to do marshmallows.
Ooh, let the battle begin.
Is she gone?
Yeah.
Ugh, good.
I feel like steamed cabbage with a side of snot.
Dad, wait!
This isn't fair!
Ugh.
You have to talk to her.
You want me to tell a woman who came all dis way to be with
us at "Christmus" that you don't want to be with her?
Yes.
No "bay."
I will not break dat woman's heart.
If you want to so badly, you go down there, look her in the face
and tell her you'd rather spend "Christmus" with your friends
instead of "fabily."
What are we going to do now?
I mean if he's not going to tell her, there's no way any of us
are cold enough to break Grandma's heart.
So you want to go on a ski trip with friends instead of
spending Christmas with Grandma who came all this way to
surprise you and make her famous white chocolate hot chocolate
with homemade marshmallows.
Yes.
Well I have one thing to say to you guys.
You got guts.
Have a great time.
We can go?
Yes, of course you can go.
I surprised you.
You know, I don't expect you to change all your plans for me.
And besides, it was actually Tessie who wanted me to come.
"What do you have going on for Christmas, Grandma?"
"You shouldn't be alone at Christmas."
So as you kids say, I picked up what she was throwin'
down.
Anyway, listen, you guys have a good time and don't worry about your grandma.
Tessie and I are going to have some quality girl time.
Takin' care of old sickie and little Spencer, and if I get
bored or I want to see a movie or something, my Tessie will babysit.
Here she comes.
Tess, you know I'm not good at this kind of stuff.
Look, I'm not like my brothers.
I can't tell her straight to her face, so it's either this or ta-ta Tahiti.
And go!
I can't believe you're not going to be able to come to
Tahiti with me and my family on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
I know, but she came all this way just for me.
Sure, a free trip to Tahiti would be fantastic.
Not to mention an educational opportunity.
What with studying the local culture and unique ecosystem.
Nice!
But there's no way I'm going to abandon my grandma on Christmas.
I love her too much.
Heaven's sakes.
Of course you have my permission.
Really?
Grandma, I didn't even know you were there.
Sydelle, you're the one house-sitting for goodness sakes.
If you want to order a movie on demand go ahead.
I'll miss you in Tahiti.
Don't miss me yet.
It's time to appeal to a higher power.
Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad!
Oh, what, what?
(Choking)
Oh, I coughed up something green.
It can't be good.
Dad, it's a grape.
Huh?
I need to talk to you and I'm not coming any closer without a
Homer Simpson nuclear suit.
(Chuckling)
He's funny.
D'oh.
Dad!
Oh, okay.
Sorry, honey.
I took some cold stuff, but now I'm all ears.
Ugh.
Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad...
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
(Sighing)
Look, Grandma said the boys could go on their ski trip.
Good times.
But I should be able to go to Tahiti and I don't have the
heart to tell her because she said she was here for me.
So can you do it?
Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh?
Oh, okay.
All right, all right.
I'm going... okay.
Your father always skimps on the lights.
He can stop every morning for a venti mocha, but he can't afford
$3.98 for an extra string of 50.
Preach it, Sista.
Almost there, champ.
Dig deep.
Jack Foster, I told you to stay in bed.
That's right, but she had a hockey stick and grapes.
It's the cold medicine.
Makes him a little loopy-doopy, but he wanted to talk to you
anyway, so, I'll leave you two to chat.
Come on, Spence, let's go.
But I'm decorating.
I'll give you a treat.
What am I, a dog?
I've got crispy balls.
Arroo.
So what is it, Jack?
(Snoring)
Ugh, okay.
Okay.
"Tuss" didn't know how to tell you this, but what she really wanted was a...
(Snoring)
Ugh, okay!
I'm up.
Tess!
Spencer!
Kids.
What she really wanted was...
To go to Tahiti with Allie.
Ah, instead of spending Christmas at home.
Yeah, like Sam and Gabe.
Tess?
Oh just remember when you're making out the will, I'm the one who stayed.
You're on your own, kid.
So, you want me to give you permission to go.
Kinda.
But if you don't want me to go on what might me a
once-in-a-lifetime trip, it's fine.
I'll stay here.
I don't want you to go.
What now?
You did hear the whole "once-in-a-lifetime" thing, right?
Mm-hmm.
And that is why even though I would love for you to stay, you have to go.
Honey, I have lots of Christmases left in me, but Tahiti.
♪ Ohh ha wukka wakka wikki wakka woo ♪
Oh thanks, Grandma.
You're awesome.
Just bring me back a coconut bra.
That's going to kill on bingo night.
Ooh, yeah!
Hey Dad, she said I can go.
Ah, ah!
Tess wants to go with Allie to Tahiti.
Ta-da!
♪
A little bit higher.
Come on, stretch.
You can do it.
There, there.
There you go.
Perfect.
Okay, plug 'em in.
I would, but I'm afraid of blinding the dog.
Whoa, Dad, wait.
Okay.
(Gasping)
Wow.
Say it.
(Muttering) You're right.
It needed more lights.
Little louder?
You're right.
It needed more lights.
And you know when else I was right?
When I said to my daughter, "That's the one."
Thanks, Mom.
(Chuckling)
Ow, ow, ow.
Thanks for your help, Allie.
I'm sorry.
My other hand's busy holding your free ticket.
Um, like I said, thanks for your help, Allie.
You're welcome.
Bye, everybody.
Merry Christmas.
See you in the car.
And no long goodbyes.
I gotta get all... this through security.
Thanks again for understanding, Grandma.
Oh, of course, honey.
You have a wonderful trip.
Bye, Spence.
Love you.
You too.
I'll miss you, Tessie.
Call me as soon as you land.
I will.
And on Christmas morning?
Promise.
All right.
But not after eight.
I'll be outside riding my new scooter.
Bike?
Electric car?
Oh, curse your poker face.
(Horn honking)
Okay, we're up here.
Well, I'll miss you guys.
Call me as soon as you get there.
Yep.
Forgetting something?
Sorry.
Oh right.
Excuse me.
Love you, dear.
Love you.
Oh, have a good time, honey.
Love you, Grandma.
Bye.
All right.
Hey, two blind mice.
Ah, bye, dad.
Love you.
Ah, it's the afterthought that counts.
Come on, Dad.
Time to top the tree.
You got it, buddy.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Merry Christmas, Tess.
Merry Christmas, honey.
♪ Tis the season for holiday cheer ♪
♪ So many reason to hold you near ♪
♪ Yeah, the mistletoe is helping my cause ♪
Hey guys...
♪ And I hope you know my letter
went to Santa Claus ♪
♪ It's says what I want for Christmas ♪
♪ Well it's all wrapped up in you ♪
♪ It's all wrapped up in you ♪
♪ What I want for Christmas ♪
♪ Well, it's all wrapped up you
♪ It's all wrapped up in you ♪
I think this calls for a round of my white chocolate hot chocolate.
With homemade marshmallows.
Is there any other way?
Wait!
Can you make enough for us too?
Really?
Yeah, there's plenty of time to go on other trips.
But this is Christmas.
And we're a family.
We should be together.
Well, what are we waiting for?
Six white chocolate hot chocolates coming right up.
What'd I tell ya?
Best Christmas ever.
It will be when I get my...
Jetpack?
Robot butler?
Oh, come on, five bucks for a hint.
I'll let you beat me in Scrabble!
♪
♪ What I want for Christmas ♪
♪ Well, it's all wrapped up in you ♪
Good boy, Walter.
Good boy.