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ARCHER: What do you mean, your water
broke?! LANA: What do you mean, what
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do I mean? I mean that! I'm going
into labor! CHERLENE: Wait. What?!
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LANA: I'm having a baby? CHERLENE: Gross!
ARCHER: Bu-But it's early.
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Is-is that early?! LANA: Like, ten
days, but... ARCHER: But that's bad.
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Is that bad?! LANA: Archer,
none of this is ideal!
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HOLLY: Hey! LANA & ARCHER: What?!
HOLLY: What the hell are you
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people doing in San Marcos in the first
place?! LANA: Selling weapons to
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Calderón! ARCHER: That we got from him!
HOLLY: What?!
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SLATER: What? HOLLY: What what? You
didn't think that was something I'd
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like to know about?! SLATER: I'm
positive we talked about this.
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HOLLY: No, we didn't! SLATER: 100%
positive. HOLLY: When?! When did we
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talk about this?! SLATER: 80% positive.
LANA: Wait a minute.
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If the CIA is backing the
rebels against Calder... Ohhh!
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ARCHER: Lana! Was that a contraction?!
LANA: Yup. Ohh!
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God, I hope so. Yup. ARCHER: Time!
Start a clock, assholes!
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SLATER: Uh, okay. Mark!
(beep) CHERLENE: Twain!
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No, that's barges. LANA: Shut up!
(groans)
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But, hey, speaking of time...
ARCHER: What's your Bishop Score?!
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LANA: How should I...? Wait. How do
you even know what a Bishop Score is?
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ARCHER: I got certified as a doula,
which, turns out, is not that hard.
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LANA: Shut up. Does the CIA know Calderón
has a nerve gas missile at the palace?
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ARCHER: What?! CHERLENE: Cool.
HOLLY: We didn't give him
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gas! LANA: Well, he's got it, and
we can't override the launch
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sequence, so we've... HOLLY: Get
that idiot Calderón on the phone!
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ARCHER: Oh, did I mention, a tiger ate him?
HOLLY: What?!
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SLATER: Wait. What?! CHERLENE: Well,
not ate ate. ARCHER: Well, no, but by
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now... HOLLY: Jesus God.
Okay, Slater, I know it's a
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little sooner than we wanted, but...
SLATER: Operation Dropkick.
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Roger that. LANA: What's
Operation Dropkick?
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HOLLY: Well, the endgame has always
been for us to invade San Marcos, so...
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SLATER: Hey, Donna, we got a
carrier group in the Gulf, right?
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LANA: Wait. If you were going to invade San
Marcos, then why have you been selling weapons to
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Calderón? HOLLY: So he
could fight the rebels.
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LANA: Which is you. HOLLY: Well,
technically, they're mercenaries from
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Honduras and Guatemala, but yes. LANA:
Okay, so, am I just stupid, or...?
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CHERLENE: Duh. Pregnant. SLATER: Yeah,
airstrike, naval bombardment, amphibious
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landing, whole megillah. HOLLY: Calderón
needed weapons to fight the rebels, but
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he didn't have money to buy weapons.
He only had cocaine, but Iran
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was like, "No way. Cash only." So...
ARCHER & LANA: Iran?!
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HOLLY: Ooh, sorry. Iraq. Wait. No, Iran.
No, doesn't matter who.
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Anyway, to buy the weapons, we needed to...
monetize the cocaine.
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(Lana gasps) LANA: Oh, my God.
ARCHER: Join the club.
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We've been trying to monetize cocaine
for, like... I mean, you even came to the
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house, where we... We've been selling
cocaine for the CIA so they could buy arms
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from Iran?! Did we at least
free some hostages?!
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HOLLY: No, this was about our annual
budget. ARCHER & LANA: What?!
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HOLLY: If we don't spend it this year,
we can't get an increase next year.
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ARCHER: You son of a... HOLLY: Oh,
come on, Archer. Drop the act!
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He was in on it from day one.
ARCHER & LANA: What?! (Lana growls)
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(Archer chokes) (Cherlene squeals
and laughs) (Archer chokes)
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny, Resync by er1ck9
www.addic7ed.com
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LANA: You lying son of a bitch!
(Archer gasps, mutters)
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LANA: You knew about this the entire time?!
ARCHER: No, no.
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(Archer choking) (Cherlene
squeals) SLATER: Hey, do you mind?
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I'm trying to call in an air strike here.
HOLLY: Ooh, hey, what's our ride situation?
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SLATER: Hang on.
Thanks, doll.
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Air strike on the palace is a go, and
I suggest we take Calderón's jet.
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HOLLY: Good. Yeah, we need plenty of room...
until we dump them at a black site.
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ARCHER: What the f... (Archer gasps,
coughs) HOLLY: Come on, even if you
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people hadn't lost 50 million bucks worth
of our cocaine, you know way too much.
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CHERLENE: Uh, I don't know anything!
HOLLY: I believe that to be
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literally true. Oye, muchachos!
Agarrenlos!
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(Lana grunts) (grunting)
(gun cocks, Lana yells)
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HOLLY: Okay. Whoa! Whoa! SLATER: Jesus!
We give up. HOLLY: Whoa! Whoa! Come on.
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SLATER: Don't shoot! (Lana
sighs) LANA: Now then.
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Let's get this baby out of me.
CHERLENE: Gross! LANA: Will you sh...
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(Lana groans loudly) ARCHER (weakly):
Time?! SLATER: Nine minutes!
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What? This is exciting. KRIEGER: Right?
FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
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Minutes to launch-- 60. RAY: Yeah, Krieger,
I guess trying to defuse a warhead
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tipped with deadly nerve gas is technically
exciting. KRIEGER: Yeah, right?
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RAY: What is wrong with you?
KRIEGER: Nothin', Roy. RAY: Or Ray.
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KRIEGER: Eh. Doesn't matter who.
CYRIL: Krieger!
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(Krieger and Ray gasp) CYRIL:
Where are we on the missile?!
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KRIEGER: Uh, kind of just like... on it.
Oh, do you mean where are we in
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the process of disarming it? Ooh!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (Cyril sighs)
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Ow! Come on. Ow! Ow! CYRIL: Okay.
MALORY: What happened?!
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Did it explode?! CYRIL: Uh, no.
I think we would've heard it.
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MALORY: Well, it's just a matter of time before
it does, with those idiots working on it!
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We need to leave! CYRIL: Well, A:
I'm president for life, so I'm not
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going anywhere, and B... COMANDANTE: Señor
Presidente! Our radar station has detected
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incoming bombers! From their
heading, they appear... American!
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(Malory gasps) (Cyril clears
his throat) CYRIL: And B...
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COMANDANTE: And I hate to tell you this, but
the First Lady and I are having an affair.
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(Cyril sniffles) CYRIL: Damn, dawg.
That was my B.
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JULIANA: It's over, Cyril. It's over!
CYRIL: Nothing is over!
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Nothing! You don't just turn it off!
It wasn't my war!
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You asked me. I didn't ask you!
And I did what I had to do to
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win! But somebody
wouldn't let us win!
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MALORY: Yes, and that somebody is a U.S.
Navy carrier group, so let's go already!
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(Cyril sniffles) CYRIL:
Okay, but I'm taking these.
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MALORY (laughing): Oh, we're taking
everything! Furs, jewels, the silverware,
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bullion, anything you can cram in a
suitcase! PAM: Mm, mm. Wouldn't bullion
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leak out of a...? Ow! Ow! Cut it...
Ow, goddamn it!
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I... Ow! MALORY: Gold
bullion, you idiot!
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PAM: I don't know what that is!
JULIANA: And I don't know who
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you think you are! You are not robbing
my palace! MALORY: Oh, yes, we are, and
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if you've got any sense, you'll fill your
pockets, too! Because your regime is
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officially over. And I've seen coups from
Angola to Zanzibar, and this is how it
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ends: in the trunk of a taxi to the airport,
your belly full of diamonds and vodka,
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praying your driver doesn't rat you out
to the Reds at the last checkpoint.
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Because then, the last thing you'll ever hear,
besides a pistol cocking behind your head,
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is Ivan's laugh-- (Pam cackling)
MALORY: What... in the name
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of God... is funny?! PAM (laughing):
You said you've seen cooze.
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(Pam clears her throat) Appropes.
(Pam grunts)
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REBEL SOLDIER 1: Vamonos! Los Americanos
vienen! REBEL SOLDIERS: Corre!
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Corre! Corre! REBEL SOLDIER 2: Espere!
Espere! Esp-- wughh!
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CHERLENE: Aww... All the
gardeners are running away.
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HOLLY: Because this entire country's about
to be up to its tits in U.S. Marines.
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00:07:01,776 --> 00:07:05,546
SLATER: And unless you people want to wind
up classified as enemy combatants, you...
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(gunfire) ARCHER: Six minutes!
Doing great, buddy.
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Got to remember to breathe, though. That's
the... LANA: Oh, get out, you lying
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sack of bastard! ARCHER: Okay, A: He
and Mother are the lying sacks of
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00:07:17,759 --> 00:07:21,028
bastard. I didn't know it
was the CIA's cocaine.
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And B: Seriously, buddy, let's try and work on
that breathing. CHERLENE: What's wrong with
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her? ARCHER: Wha...?
She's having a baby!
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CHERLENE: Gross.
(Cherlene slurping)
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(Lana breathing rapidly) ARCHER:
Doing good, buddy. LANA: Archer!
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If you call me buddy again, I will put
the bullets in your body by hand!
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ARCHER: Shh, and we're breathing...
(both breathe deeply)
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LANA (exhaling): Ooh... ARCHER:
There we go. Okay, Carol!
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(Cherlene slurps) CHERLENE: What?
Jesus! What is your problem!
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LANA: Morphine, want, find, give!
ARCHER: Shh. Come on, Lana,
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you don't need that. LANA (gasps):
How dare you tell me what I...
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ARCHER: Shut up. Okay, Carol, I need
you to look down there and give me a
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sit-rep. CHERLENE: Down where?
ARCHER: There, down there, at
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her, um... CHERLENE: Ew! No! You do it!
SLATER: I'll do it!
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ARCHER: Shut up. I can't look down there
because there's, like, a hundred percent
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chance that at some point in the
future we're gonna have sex, so...
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LANA: Who?! ARCHER: Shh. So
just look down there and...
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CHERLENE: I'm not looking at her goddamn
va... Joinks! Well, you don't need to shave.
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(laughs) That thing is smooth.
LANA: I...! Thank you.
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CHERLENE: And also kind of mauve.
LANA (sighs): Okay.
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SLATER: Eh, I'd say more
of a mauve-taupe? Ow!
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HOLLY: Ow! (Lana grunting
loudly) ARCHER: Breathe, bu...
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breathe, friend. Because, uh...
Wow. Okay.
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FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE:
Minutes to launch... six...
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(Gillette yells) (Krieger
screaming) GILLETTE: Where the...
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00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:04,643
(approaching footsteps, screaming
continues) KRIEGER (panting): Okay...
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00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:08,447
I have some thoughts on this.
GILLETTE: Really? KRIEGER: Yes.
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GILLETTE: Which are...?! KRIEGER: Oh. Okay.
So, I don't think we can disarm
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this thing. GILLETTE: Really?
KRIEGER: Yes.
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00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:20,425
Oh. Okay. So, it doesn't have an explosive
payload, so it's basically just a flying
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00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,695
trash can. The only dangerous
part is the nerve gas.
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(jet engines whooshing) GILLETTE: I'm
listening. COPILOT (over radio): Roger
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00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:33,505
that, flight deck. Um... PILOT:
Range-- 150. ETA-- 12 minutes.
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COPILOT: Hey, is your dad still
big into tapas? PILOT: My what?
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00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:49,187
Oh, no, that wasn't my dad. COPILOT: Well,
who was it? PILOT: Doesn't matter who.
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00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:52,391
PAM: Because these trunks feel light.
Do you swear they're full of
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00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:55,660
cocaine? MALORY: As God...
is my witness.
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00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:58,530
PAM: God hates you. Open 'em up.
MALORY: Wha...?
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00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:02,134
(horn honking) CYRIL: Will you
two come on?! PAM: On what?
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00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:05,137
MALORY: Ugh! CYRIL: Do you hear that?
(jets whooshing)
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00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:08,774
MALORY (gasps): If we get out of here
alive, I'll buy you all new cocaine.
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00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:11,777
And a pony! PAM: You heard her,
Cyril-- that is legally binding.
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00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:14,880
CYRIL: Yeah, we'll stop at a notary.
MALORY: There's no time!
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00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:20,152
SLATER: Hey. Hi! Do you people hear that?
HOLLY: After the air strike
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00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,321
on the palace, you won't be able to swing a
dead cat around here without hitting a Marine.
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00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:27,492
CHERLENE: Plus, if you did, I bet they'd
smash your teeth down your stupid throat.
159
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:31,530
ARCHER: Okay, uh... Lana, I
need to borrow your weapon.
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00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:36,301
LANA: No! I will see you in Hell first.
ARCHER: I... Okay, Carol,
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00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:39,738
grab that one. (cocks weapon)
CHERLENE: Private Me,
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00:10:39,872 --> 00:10:43,542
reporting for sploosh. ARCHER (groans):
Take Tweedledick and Tweedleballs, go
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00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:48,447
get the jet ready for takeoff... CHERLENE:
Outlaw country! ARCHER: Let me finish!
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00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:51,750
CHERLENE: What?! ARCHER: And
make sure they don't escape.
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00:10:51,884 --> 00:10:57,389
CHERLENE: Oh, my God, good thing you added
that last part. You heard the doula-- move it!
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00:10:57,523 --> 00:11:00,692
LANA: And get me some frickin' morphine!
ARCHER: Lana, come on, what
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00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:04,196
kind of doula would I be if I let
you have more... (rifle clicks)
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00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:07,199
ARCHER: Wha...? (Lana
grunting loudly) ARCHER: Wow.
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00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:10,802
LANA: And some ammo! ARCHER (chuckling):
You were really gonna shoot me in the
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00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:15,440
face? LANA (sniffles):
Is that so much to ask?
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00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:21,346
COPILOT: Uncle. Uh, friend of the family.
PILOT: Dude. Drop it.
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00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:28,987
(classical piano music playing) COMANDANTE:
We should get to the shelter soon.
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00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:33,391
JULIANA: You coward. COMANDANTE: Wha...?
JULIANA: I've never loved
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you. (Comandante sighs)
COMANDANTE: Okay.
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00:11:39,398 --> 00:11:42,400
CYRIL: But what if the rebels recognize me?
MALORY: If...
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00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:45,737
PAM: Yeah, and then drag him out of the car
and kneel him down and shoot him in the back
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00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:51,209
of the head and string him up on a lamppost
like Mussolini! CYRIL: Yeah. What then?
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00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:55,347
MALORY: That's a chance I'm
willing to take. PAM: Me too.
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00:11:55,481 --> 00:11:58,483
(Pam munching, chewing) MALORY:
Cyril, look... PAM: Cyril...!
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(Cyril screaming) (Krieger and
Gillette screaming) (all screaming)
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00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:09,561
(screaming stops) (song playing
quietly on radio) KRIEGER: Hi, guys.
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00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:13,899
MALORY: What the hell are you idiots...
(rumbling)
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(song continues on radio): ♪ It's them
broken hearts... ♪ KRIEGER: Oh, come on, we
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couldn't leave it in the rocket. (car thuds,
all gasp) And we couldn't just leave it
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lying in the road. Come on, you don't want
a thing like that falling into the wrong
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hands. The only thing necessary for
evil to triumph is that good men
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do nothing. MALORY: Said
the clone of Adolf Hitler.
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KRIEGER: Well... Edmund Burke, but...
Doesn't matter who.
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(over radio): ♪ ...auto parts This year.
♪ (rattling)
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PILOT: Dude, drop it. COPILOT:
I'm not gonna judge you.
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00:12:57,752 --> 00:13:01,455
PILOT: The ordnance, Mike. Drop the
ordnance. COPILOT (chuckles): Oh.
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00:13:01,589 --> 00:13:07,461
Duh. PILOT (sighs): Idiot.
(explosions thundering)
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MALORY: Cyril, for God's sake, be careful!
CYRIL: Would you shut up?
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I know how to dr... (all gasping,
grunting) MALORY: Idiot.
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00:13:15,136 --> 00:13:18,171
(Lana screaming) OTHERS: Huh?
What the...? MALORY: Lana?
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00:13:18,306 --> 00:13:22,142
(Lana screaming) LANA: Archer!
What... are you doing?
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ARCHER: I'm trying to get this stupid angle
right, Lana, so you can look in the mirror
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and see if you're crowning. LANA: What?!
MALORY: For the love of
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Christ! ARCHER: Mother, hey, go over
there and tell me if you can...
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MALORY: Get out! And, Pam, get in here.
LANA (panting): No, no...
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MALORY: Shh... Everything's
all right. Here.
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00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,563
All right, now, Pam, I want you to...
PAM: You know how many times
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I've helped a cow give birth in the barn?
Plus, one time, my sister Edie?
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Well, she couldn't have it in the house.
Long story.
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00:13:53,441 --> 00:13:56,409
A long, racist story. RAY: I had black guy.
What did y'all have?
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CYRIL: (groans) I wasn't in the sperm
donor pool. RAY: Phra... Wait, are we
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00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,415
still doing phrasing? KRIEGER: Huh.
Should I be in there?
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I feel like I should. I mean, I am a
doctor. RAY & CYRIL: No, you're not.
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00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:09,554
KRIEGER: Well, no, but... a student of
life. (Archer grunting, loud crashing)
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00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:12,492
RAY: Loud. (more crashing) I
have cigarettes, if you want
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00:14:12,627 --> 00:14:17,397
them! ARCHER: (grunts) No, Ray, I
just feel like smashing stuff.
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00:14:17,532 --> 00:14:21,134
Jesus, I feel so helpless out here!
What if something goes wrong?
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00:14:21,269 --> 00:14:24,137
What-what if there's a-a birth defect or...
LANA: (grunts) No. No, no,
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00:14:24,272 --> 00:14:27,140
stop. No, what if there's
aren't enough hands and feet?
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00:14:27,275 --> 00:14:30,677
MALORY: Shh, it's going to... LANA: Oh, my
God, what if there are too many hands and
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00:14:30,811 --> 00:14:34,114
feet? Is that worse, or... PAM: Hey!
I have the correct
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00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:37,449
number of hands, but they're currently kind
of full and you need a slappin', so...
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00:14:37,518 --> 00:14:41,521
LANA: Wait... (gasps) MALORY: Oh, please.
Like you're the only one who
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00:14:41,656 --> 00:14:45,158
ever had a baby in a war zone. LANA:
You know... PAM: Okay, okay, okay.
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00:14:45,293 --> 00:14:50,063
Get some hay ready to dry this little
bastard off because now you are gonna push!
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00:14:50,198 --> 00:14:55,068
LANA: (grunts) No, no, no, no, what
if we... Ow! PAM: You old bitch!
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Now move that big fat smelly ass, you hear?
A Day No Pigs Would Die?
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00:15:01,409 --> 00:15:05,078
Anybody? Not a big Robert
Newton Peck crowd, huh?
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00:15:05,213 --> 00:15:08,715
MALORY: Who is... PAM: Oh, shut up.
Now push! (Lana screaming)
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ARCHER: (gasps) Lana! CYRIL: Hey,
hey, come on, they've got this.
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00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:17,591
(baby crying) (all
gasp) (Archer laughs)
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(Cyril grunts) PAM: Well, it's a girl!
OTHERS: Aw!
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00:15:20,861 --> 00:15:23,730
PAM: And whoever had black guy, pay up.
ARCHER: Aw, shit.
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00:15:23,864 --> 00:15:27,434
RAY: Goddamn it! PAM: Yep. Got
ourselves a little quadroon.
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MALORY: (sighs) You did good, kiddo.
LANA (dreamily): Mmm, yeah.
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00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:39,446
Oh, and, uh, I quit. MALORY: Wha... Why?
LANA: Because you lying to me
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I can handle-- I'm used to that-- but...
(sighs) not Archer.
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MALORY: Oh, for... He didn't know that I
made a deal to sell cocaine for the CIA.
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00:15:49,590 --> 00:15:54,594
LANA: (scoffs) Whatever. MALORY: Lana Kane,
you have known me for a long, long time.
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00:15:54,729 --> 00:16:00,300
When have I ever been honest
with Sterling? LANA: Huh.
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00:16:00,434 --> 00:16:05,772
MALORY: Exactly. Now, if you two will
excuse me, I need to go threaten and/or
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00:16:05,906 --> 00:16:11,278
bribe some federal agents. Well,
at least put a seatbelt on it!
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00:16:11,412 --> 00:16:14,347
ARCHER: See? What'd I tell you!
KRIEGER: I thought it was
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00:16:14,482 --> 00:16:17,684
just for takeoff and landing! MALORY:
Jesus Christ. ARCHER: So, um, how's she
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00:16:17,818 --> 00:16:21,570
doing? MALORY: She's fine.
I told her you didn't know
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anything about the CIA deal.
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00:16:23,514 --> 00:16:26,550
Well thanks for telling the truth, Mother--
sure that was hard for you.
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MALORY: You keep it up, mister, and I'll walk
right back in there and tell her the whole
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00:16:29,928 --> 00:16:33,230
thing was your idea.
ARCHER: Did you guys hear that?
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00:16:33,365 --> 00:16:36,500
OTHERS: No. ARCHER: Dicks.
MALORY: All right, Holly,
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00:16:36,635 --> 00:16:40,204
this is my offer and it is nonnegotiable...
PAM: (gasps) You think she's
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00:16:40,338 --> 00:16:44,174
buying more coke? CHERLENE: (groans)
You and your stupid, stupid cocaine!
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Can't you give her a brain chip?
KRIEGER: A what? CYRIL: A brain chip.
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Like you gave Cherlene so she could become a
country singer. KRIEGER: Oh, no, that wasn't
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00:16:51,883 --> 00:16:55,286
a brain chip. It was just the sticker
off the backpack of a little Lego
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spaceman. PAM: What?
CYRIL: A Lego sticker?
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00:16:58,423 --> 00:17:03,527
CHERLENE: Whoa. So my whole life, all I
ever had to do was believe in myself?
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00:17:03,662 --> 00:17:07,665
And inject a sticker into my brain?
HOLLY: Are you out of your
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00:17:07,799 --> 00:17:11,201
mind? MALORY: Are you?
Showing up at the mansion,
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pretending to search for the cocaine?
HOLLY: While planting the
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00:17:14,439 --> 00:17:17,941
seed in your idiot son's brain about selling
it overseas. MALORY: Which I could have
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00:17:18,076 --> 00:17:22,212
handled if the CIA had kept its fat
nose out! HOLLY: And yet here we are,
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00:17:22,347 --> 00:17:25,616
with a $50 million hole in our account.
MALORY: There's 40 of it.
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00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:30,514
An original Ivan Blitko we stole
from Calderón. HOLLY: What am I su
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00:17:30,648 --> 00:17:34,351
MALORY: Gosh, I don't know. What am I
supposed to do with a canister of nerve gas?
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00:17:34,485 --> 00:17:38,455
HOLLY: No, uh-uh. That is now CIA property.
MALORY: Ooh, and won't that
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00:17:38,589 --> 00:17:43,260
be a feather in your cap. They
might even make you director.
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00:17:43,394 --> 00:17:47,197
HOLLY: Hmm... or at least Deputy Ops.
MALORY: Which-- and I'm just
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00:17:47,331 --> 00:17:52,769
spitballing here-- would mean you could outsource
a good deal of business to a private firm.
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00:17:52,904 --> 00:17:56,773
(Malory slurps) Like ISIS.
HOLLY: So you lose us $50
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00:17:56,908 --> 00:18:01,311
million and you want to get on the
CIA payroll? MALORY: Right after you
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00:18:01,445 --> 00:18:04,681
renovate my offices. HOLLY: Ha!
You really are out of your mind.
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00:18:04,815 --> 00:18:08,752
MALORY: Or right after I take this
deal to your partner in the cockpit...
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00:18:08,886 --> 00:18:17,928
RAY: So, what's your deal? SLATER:
What's my deal? RAY: Never mind.
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00:18:18,062 --> 00:18:20,931
MALORY: Because you suddenly decided
to take up skydiving. (cocks gun)
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00:18:22,533 --> 00:18:25,302
HOLLY: I think we may have a deal here.
(knocking)
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ARCHER: Knock, knock. LANA: Who's there?
ARCHER: Shit, I-I had
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00:18:28,839 --> 00:18:32,309
something for this. LANA: (sighs)
Come see the baby, stupid.
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00:18:32,443 --> 00:18:37,781
ARCHER: Wow. LANA: Yeah.
ARCHER: Wow.
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00:18:37,915 --> 00:18:43,887
LANA: (sighs) Yeah. ARCHER: I-I had black
guy. LANA: Yeah. So, about that...
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00:18:44,021 --> 00:18:46,890
ARCHER: I don't think it's racist,
it's just that I thought...
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00:18:47,024 --> 00:18:49,259
LANA: Archer, shut up. ARCHER:
(chuckles) You shut up.
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00:18:49,393 --> 00:18:53,396
LANA: Archer... (clears throat) Okay,
so, remember when you had cancer?
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00:18:53,531 --> 00:18:57,567
ARCHER: (chuckles) Um, uh, vaguely.
LANA: (sighs) Okay.
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00:18:57,702 --> 00:19:01,304
Well, we all thought you were gonna die.
And one night you got really
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00:19:01,439 --> 00:19:06,476
drunk and we almost had sex and, right before you
passed out, you told me Malory had convinced you
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00:19:06,611 --> 00:19:10,513
to freeze a bunch of your sperm at Dr. Feldman's
office. And I was like, "Huh, weird."
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00:19:10,648 --> 00:19:13,850
(high-pitched ringing) And then you didn't
die, and then a few years went by and I
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00:19:13,985 --> 00:19:17,387
started thinking about having a baby, but I
was single. And all the other stuff aside,
285
00:19:17,521 --> 00:19:20,657
physically, you're an amazing human being.
And all the other other stuff
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00:19:20,791 --> 00:19:24,861
aside, I do actually love you. (muffled): And
so here's this viable sample just sitting there
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00:19:24,996 --> 00:19:29,499
at Dr. Feldman's, whose security system is a
joke, by the way. And so I guess it maybe wasn't
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00:19:29,634 --> 00:19:37,543
the most ethical thing I've ever done in
my entire life, but... (echoing): Archer?
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00:19:37,678 --> 00:19:44,650
Archer. Archer...
ARCHER: Wuzzat?!
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00:19:44,785 --> 00:19:49,922
Wait, wait, huh, huh? What? LANA: You okay?
ARCHER: (exhales) Yeah.
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00:19:50,057 --> 00:19:53,817
Sorry. For a second, I-I thought I was just now
coming out of a coma from when I drowned, saving
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00:19:53,894 --> 00:19:59,565
your life eight months ago. (Archer
sighs) Lana, am I just now coming out
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00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:02,568
of a coma from when I drowned
saving your life eight months ago?
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00:20:02,703 --> 00:20:08,708
LANA: No. ARCHER: Hmm. Lana,
am I just now coming out
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00:20:08,842 --> 00:20:12,044
of a coma from when I drowned,
saving your life eight months ago?
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00:20:12,179 --> 00:20:16,515
LANA: No. ARCHER: Then what are you...
Baby, what is she saying?
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00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:21,654
Baby? Baby. Baby!
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00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:29,061
(baby cooing) ARCHER: M-meep.
LANA: Sterling Archer, I'd
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00:20:29,196 --> 00:20:34,967
like you to meet your daughter, Abbiejean.
(Abbiejean cooing)
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny, Resync by er1ck9
www.addic7ed.com
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MAN: Made... in Georgia.