(Ceil): Every neighborhood has a crazy family. And for us,
it was always the Vanderhoovens.
It wasn't just the dutchness,
although, sure, that was part of it. It was their weird
Halloween treats... These are my famous Dutch sausages.
Trick or meat! Who's first?
(Ceil): Their creepy Christmas display...
- Nicey nieuwjaar! - (Camera click)
(Ceil): If I had a Nemesis, it would be Grace Vanderhooven.
She thinks she's so superior!
Who are you telling? We know.
I mean, listen to that!
- (Faint music) - I can barely hear it.
- Are you kidding? It's deafening. - Oh, who cares?
Why are you always going on about the Vanderhoovens?
That woman, Grace Vanderhooven.
- Here we go. - Fine, I'm not gonna talk about it.
I get a car, she gets a nicer car!
She's always complaining about our music?
What about us? We have to listen to her music.
Is it Dutch? Well, it's not much!
Mother. Must you behave like such a child?
Everyone knows they're the neighborhood crazy family.
Just leave it be. I'm trying something new.
You should try it. Ok, 30 days without saying anything negative.
And if you mess up and you say, or think,
something negative, you have to start all over again.
Well, good for you. How long has that been going on?
I started four days ago.
How long, Sandy?
Two hours.
Five minutes.
I just had to start again just now.
Oh, Jenna, look at you. You're always working
- so hard. - I'm going over our books.
You know, I don't want you to worry, honey. When you worry,
you're gonna get a line right across your forehead.
- Thank you, that's helpful. - Look at that.
See, I can see one forming right now.
By the time you reach 30, you're going to have
- an unsightly ridge. - Sorry I'm late.
Are you really sorry, or are you just saying you're sorry?
- Yes? - Well, we're all together now.
Finally we're having a family barbecue,
and Sandy's cooking for the very first time.
Wonderful. God, I'm famished. How much more of that do you have?
That Jerk chicken place on 4th street is going out of business.
- What? The Total Jerk? - Yeah.
- Oh, I love that place. I used to go there to underage drink.
- What? - I mean enjoy the rotis.
Landlord is kicking him out. Only gave him a week's notice.
They're putting up condos. It's been all over the news.
You can't kick someone out of a retail space
without giving them proper notice. That's illegal.
Yeah, exactly. You should be their lawyer.
- I'm way ahead of you, mom. - Oh!
I was there on a date once with this guy named Ronnie.
We had such a good time.
Ok, honey, no one's listening. It's ok,
- because we're talking about the law now. - Oh.
- Burgers are ready. - Oh, yummy!
- Wonderful! - Could you slip me some chicken?
Come on. Honey, we'll be right back.
We're gonna go get some... mustard.
♪ The odds are that we will probably be all right ♪
♪ odds are we're gonna be all right ♪
♪ odds are we're gonna be all right for another night ♪
- Synced and corrected by killianp77 - - www.Addic7ed.com -
If you hire me as your lawyer, I will win this for you.
The Total Jerk is a neighborhood institution.
They're kicking you out illegally.
- This is gonna be a slam dunk. - Yeah.
Have to consult the wife.
Happy wife, happy life.
Fine then, go on, you dumb vegan...
Mavis, my sweet angel.
I want you to meet someone. She's a lawyer.
She wants to save the Jerk.
We don't need a lawyer.
- This girl could help us. - You're kidding, right?
Look at that poly-blend shirt she's wearing.
She seems serious. Look at the worry ridge on her forehead.
Maybe I should just let you two talk amongst yourselves.
- No, no, it's fine. - I don't like her.
- Why not? - It's just a feeling.
I mean, I could say it's her clothes.
- She shows up uninvited... - Feel free to get back to me.
She probably just an ambulance chaser.
You know what, I am a lawyer, and I am a good one.
You don't like me? Well, I don't like you. You are rude and judgmental.
You don't have to use me as your lawyer,
but I will not stand here and have you insult me.
Come here, firecracker.
You want to save the Jerk? Hmm?
I do. You're being treated unfairly, and I want to help you save your business.
Mama! Come on out!
Come out here! Come meet the girl
- who going to save the Jerk. - If you could just let me take
a look at some papers, I could get started. Like a lease?
We don't have a lease. Mama,
bring Barry and the little ones. Come meet the girl
- who going to save the Jerk. - You don't have a lease?
Maybe a document proving that you have the right to reside?
No, we don't have nothing like that. Hey,
tell nanny. Come meet the girl who going to save the Jerk.
- Uh, anything a utility bill? - No, we don't keep those.
- Is she gonna save the Jerk? - That's right. Tell nanny!
- Hey. - There's really no lease?
- Mavis' dad did everything by handshake. - Ok, well...
This is... more complicated...
- Somebody gonna save the Jerk? - That's right, and it's a girl!
- Where she be? - She right there!
This little white girl says she's gonna do it for us.
Sure!
Oh, she really white. She going to save us all!
(Cheering)
(Bees buzzing)
Oh, my God. What the frick now?
- (Bees buzzing) - Ugh!
No, no, no. Just no.
No!
Hello, Ceil.
You cannot keep bees. That has got to be
- against city laws. - It's perfectly legal.
Would you like some honey?
I appreciate you think that our street is a farmer's market,
but I think I speak on behalf of all of our neighbors when I say: It is not.
Well, from what I can tell, everybody looks pretty happy
- about it. - Oh, please. They just don't
want to say... you know what we say.
(Ceil chuckling)
You know what we all say about...
Behind her...
All right, I don't want to hurt your feelings, Grace,
but everybody thinks you're the crazy family.
Is that so?
- Yes. - Because, from what I've heard,
there is one crazy family in this neighborhood.
- That's right. - It's the Engels.
Well, you're gonna have to say that, aren't you?
Because all of us every single person here is...
- (Neighbors): Mmm... - Uh-huh.
Well, that's just your opinion.
I don't care what you think. And we will see about that.
- Grace Vanderhooven says we're the nuts, right? - Yeah.
Ok, so what I want to do is I want to ask
some of our neighbors who's the crazy family:
Us or the Vanderhoovens.
Jimmy, I don't know if it's a good idea.
But I support you in whatever you want to do.
Start with the conklins. They love us.
- We're the crazy ones. - What?!
♪
The purdys too?
♪ Now every time that I break down ♪
♪ some up-and-comer try to steal my crown ♪
♪ gonna send him back to the underground ♪
Come on. Please.
We lost the fongs!
All right, the Horowitzes.
♪ I ain't going down ♪
Hey! You! Wait!
Jimmy, come on!
Ah! I'm getting a thong.
- Go on without me! - I think she's juicing!
Which one of us is the crazy family,
us or the Vanderhoovens?!
The Total Jerk has been here for years. What they're doing is wrong.
We don't need condos; We need roti.
No, that sucked. Can I do it again?
What they're doing is wr... what you mean, no?
- Oh, dear. - I also spoke
to the landlord's lawyer, who also happened to be
his son, Simon Hightower.
My client is within his legal rights to close the place...
Shut your pie hole!
Well, she's a diamond in the rough.
Simon Hightower.
Oh, my God. I have to get out of this.
Are you hyperventilating?
Do you need to breathe into a plastic bag?
It's paper bag, Sandy, and no. Simon Hightower is one of
the most powerful lawyers on bay street. What am I gonna do?
- I know what you can do. - Oh, do you?
It's all about branding. This Total Jerk family,
they need an image consultant. They go on the news,
everyone loves them, you play it up,
you get the whole neighborhood behind them.
Image consultant.
And it should be you?
Please. Have you seen my new Facebook makeover?
I branded the new Sandy. Guess who friended me. A nun.
My old teacher, sister Sideburns. Ok, you're hired.
- Just call me Brandy Sandy. - Should have left it at that.
- I should have. - I'm gonna make a fortune.
- Is there room in the freezer? - You mean the freezer that no one
- who runs a law office has? - I bought
all this Jerk chicken from the Total Jerk
so when they go out of business, I'm gonna make a fortune,
'cause I'm gonna have the only supply. Where can I store it?
- In the "not here". - I'll put it in my trunk.
Jimmy, that stuff needs to go in the fridge.
Yeah, Sandy, 'cause chickens live in fridges on farms?
- I guess not. - Yeah.
Sometimes I get very concerned with the state of the world with this family.
- Is there no voice of reason? - I will run down the street
in my nightgown before we are known as the crazy family!
And there we go.
Hey, Mavis. I filed an injunction,
so that should hold them off for a couple of days.
Is this is it for lighting? It's a little harsh.
When the cameras get here, we'll need something softer.
I'd like to plan a rally to garner public support.
I saw an old lady in the kitchen.
Those are always good for the heartstrings.
- Who this? - That's my sister, Sandy.
Sandy Engel Karinsky, image consultant.
The audience needs to love you.
- Hearts and minds, Mabel. - Mavis.
Mabel is better. I feel like we need
a fat sister with a heart of gold. Do you have one of those?
Ok, anyway, what Sandy is trying to say...
Media. Lots of media.
TV.
I've always thought I should have my own show.
- I totally see that. - You should listen to this one!
So, tell me what you're seeing. The show is called
Mabel. Mabel's table.
Where I'm, like, "sit your ass down! We are gonna talk!"
- Yes! I can work with that. - This is fun.
In the meantime, I have a rally to plan for tomorrow,
and I'm running out of time.
- So go on. - Fine, go. Shoo-shoo.
- Come, come. - So, what do you think, a round table...
I have printed up more flyers for the rally
tomorrow afternoon. I need you to distribute these to people in the neighborhood,
where you haven't been. Hey, maybe while I'm out...
Ah, you are not gonna ask people if you can store your chicken in their freezer.
Oh, man.
Jenna Engel.
Oh. Huh. Simon Hightower.
- Jimmy Engel. That was cool. - You think you're pretty smart
with that injunction. How much time did you get yourself?
A couple of days?
- Who's this jackass? - Opposing counsel.
The kind of guy who thinks he's got it all, huh?
Cars, the money, the life.
But there's a hole, and there's only one thing that can fill it.
Chicken, at unbeatable prices.
It's good.
Father's way of doing business is old fashioned.
That building that the Total Jerk is in used to be the rialto theatre.
But now, it's gonna be condos.
You don't intimidate me.
I think I do,
unless you just came from a sweat lodge.
You can't just kick out tenants who have paid their rent.
Ah, and who's gonna stop me, counselor pitstains?
The rialto theatre was haunted. Yeah, yeah, it used to be an old
vaudeville theatre and this woman would show up and she'd play cymbals with her knees.
- Ok. - People said years later this ghost lady
would show up, and then she would, like, eat a sandwich in front of people.
- (Jenna clears her throat.) - I saw a show on it.
Don't you have some flyers to distribute?
Yeah.
Mr. Hightower, I think you'll find that you have
- a fight on your hands. - You're out of your league,
little lady lawyer.
My advice
would be to drop this case before you suffer
public humiliation. Oh, please.
Public humiliation?
You clearly haven't met my mother.
You're going to lose.
You won't make that face when the news cameras are there, right?
No.
Thank you for coming.
As you know, Grace Vanderhooven made a malicious
and libelous claim that we are known as the neighborhood
crazy family. Matzu, dinner in a minute.
I'm not gonna discuss this with you. No.
- (Barking) - No. No.
(Barking and whining)
All right. Five minutes.
Now, Jimmy and I went around yesterday... stop complain...
Stop... (Ceil laughing)
(Ceil laughing)
I know what you mean.
(Ceil laughing) I know.
Ah. And I believe we took a temperature of the neighborhood.
Apparently, the following things
have made us the crazy family.
One of us stole the Vanderhoovens' grandfather's wooden leg.
I needed an oar for my go kart.
Years later, someone else made a bong out of it.
Can I go?
This hardly constitutes a family emergency,
and I have a rally in three hours, so...
- Yes, you can go, Jenna. - What? She didn't do anything
to get our reputation? Someone passed out
in the Mitchells' flowerbed. Someone else drove
a motorcycle on the roof of the Carmichaels' house.
- That was so much fun. - Somebody burned a pile
of her pantsuits in the middle of...
Let's just...
Get past that one.
Someone else thought it was a good idea
to ditch her Mary Jane stash
in the pantsuit fire when the police drove by.
- You can go. - Good.
Speaking of good,
we need to make good.
We need to prove to this neighborhood that
we are not the crazy family. And we need to do it...
Now!
How are we supposed to do that?
Save the junk! Save
the junk! Save the junk!
Jerk! Save the Jerk!
Save the Junky Jerk!
- Save the Junky Jerk! - Oh.
Ok, now, if we want people to care about the Jerk,
they need to care about you. You're helpless.
You're a victim.
But be authentic. You got it, Mabel?
Got it. I got it.
Hey, girl, get up off of your lazy ass
- and come interview me. - Oh, boy.
Where is everybody?
Yeah. It's weird.
Did you hand out all the flyers?
♪ (Sentimental orchestral music) ♪
Did...
(Jimmy laughs.) Obviously I h...
Save the Jerk! Save the Jerk!
Save it!
Wow. Impressive turnout,
- Jenna. - What's this?
I got an injunction of my own.
This piece of paper says that the bailiff and I will be here at the end of business today
to lock the doors.
No! You can't do this!
- Jimmy! - I'm coming! Are you ok?
Jimmy, chain me to the door, quick!
(Jimmy): Chaining away.
- (Mavis): What you doing? - Oh, right. Be careful.
You want to chain the doors, Hightower? There you go.
Chained and locked. Now what are you gonna do
about this, huh? Huh?
You've put the only key in your stomach?
(Jimmy swallows and coughs.)
No, it's still open! How are we going to get in?
Wait a minute.
This is the site of the old rialto theatre haunting!
Get me out of here! How for me to get out?
What's happening?
- Get off of me! - What's happening?
Mavis, I am going to save the Jerk. Somehow.
Yeah, that work out real good so far.
Ok...
- Panic attack. Panic attack. - (Jimmy yelling)
Panic attack. Panic attack.
Now the whole metropolitan area thinks we're crazy.
I'll be honest.
I think I have an intestinal parasite.
- I have an idea. - I have an idea.
- Is it my idea? - I'd like to say mine first.
Yeah.
- Great, now I've forgotten it. - I forgof mine first.
Wait, I have an idea. The rialto theatre. Jimmy,
you used to go on ghost tours there, right?
It must have some... history to it.
That cymbals lady, with the knees.
I'm freaking myself out.
- Mom, I need you to go talk... - Wait, I'm way ahead of you.
Ah!
Wait, where am I going?
I'm just gonna drive you.
Great.
Sorry, folks, but this is it.
Wait, I... I just want to say that whatever happens
to this restaurant and to your family,
that I did a great job.
Simon.
Hi. This is Henry Dahlinger, the chair of the north York heritage society.
Jenna, Jenna, we agreed that I could say that.
That was mother's news. You can do the next part.
- There is no next part. That was mother's news. - Could we...
Could we move this along?
This building was a vaudeville theatre
from 1890-1915, and as such been designated an historical site.
- As of when? - Twenty-five minutes ago,
which, as you may know, means that this building cannot be demolished or altered
in any way. It's now protected by the city.
Boom! And bye.
You may have won here today,
but my shoes are still worth more than your car.
Oh, joke's on you. I don't have a car.
Excuse me, pardon me. Coming through. Out of the way.
- This means we can stay? - You can stay.
- Yay! - So, we won!
I can spin that.
- This means I did a good thing. - Yes!
Oh, my God.
Rotis for everyone! Not free.
Oh, we did it! Thanks,
- you guys. - You did it, honey.
- No... - I just want to say one thing.
Come here.
You may have stolen a wooden leg.
And you may have hollowed it out and made a bong out of it,
and I may have slept with the Carmichaels once at a key party.
The point is, I don't care what people think.
So we're the crazy family. Except for Jenna.
I've done things.
Sure you have. Come here.
- Yeah... - Aww.
Grace.
Grace, it's me, Ceil.
I think we should all just call a truce.
It's fine. Your family is just the same as my family.
We're all crazy. Wowza! Not that crazy.
You people are nuts! Bee beard!
Bee beard!
- Synced and corrected by killianp77 - - www.Addic7ed.com -