1
00:00:04,819 --> 00:00:06,153
Oh, no.
2
00:00:09,991 --> 00:00:11,792
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:16,197 --> 00:00:18,165
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:20,868 --> 00:00:21,968
(Barney belches)
5
00:00:22,003 --> 00:00:23,837
(whistle blows)
6
00:00:23,871 --> 00:00:25,939
(yells)
7
00:00:30,111 --> 00:00:31,378
(beeping)
8
00:00:36,551 --> 00:00:38,652
(playing the blues)
9
00:00:39,687 --> 00:00:43,457
(playing the blues)
10
00:00:43,491 --> 00:00:44,658
(tires screeching)
11
00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:47,627
D'oh!
12
00:00:47,662 --> 00:00:48,628
(tires screeching)
13
00:00:48,663 --> 00:00:49,863
(grunts)
14
00:00:49,897 --> 00:00:50,897
(yells)
15
00:00:50,932 --> 00:00:52,332
(grunts)
16
00:00:53,534 --> 00:00:55,335
(screams)
17
00:00:55,903 --> 00:00:57,904
(screaming)
18
00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:02,209
(chuckles)
19
00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:09,483
D'oh! Ooh!
20
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,387
(groans)
21
00:01:19,193 --> 00:01:20,627
(mouth groans)
22
00:01:23,698 --> 00:01:25,098
Ooh!
23
00:01:27,702 --> 00:01:29,035
(gasps)
24
00:01:32,673 --> 00:01:34,174
(belches)
25
00:01:35,076 --> 00:01:36,910
(heart beating)
26
00:01:39,247 --> 00:01:41,515
♪ ♪
27
00:01:41,549 --> 00:01:43,250
(squishing, blurping)
28
00:01:46,220 --> 00:01:47,487
Why, you little...!
29
00:01:47,522 --> 00:01:48,622
(Homer and Bart grunt)
30
00:01:48,647 --> 00:01:52,647
♪ The Simpsons 25x19 ♪
What to Expect When Bart's Expecting
Original Air Date
31
00:01:52,672 --> 00:01:57,672
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
32
00:02:03,838 --> 00:02:05,505
Huh...?!
33
00:02:07,642 --> 00:02:12,045
Eh, welcome fellow barkeeps,
gin-slingers, and beer jerks.
34
00:02:12,079 --> 00:02:15,448
We are all here because drinkin'
in our bars is down.
35
00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:18,785
Mom-and-pop bartenders can't
compete with big box stores
36
00:02:18,819 --> 00:02:21,254
like Booze Barn and Hooch City.
37
00:02:21,289 --> 00:02:23,390
(bell dinging)
38
00:02:23,424 --> 00:02:24,991
(all clamoring)
39
00:02:25,026 --> 00:02:26,760
Uh, folks, this
is the owner
40
00:02:26,794 --> 00:02:28,461
of the airport bar
speaking.
41
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:31,665
Uh, we're experiencing
some financial turbulence.
42
00:02:31,699 --> 00:02:32,966
Uh, please remain calm.
43
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,568
Now let's watch
this informational video
44
00:02:34,602 --> 00:02:38,004
that'll help save our business.
45
00:02:38,839 --> 00:02:40,173
Thanks, Cap.
46
00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:43,777
Now what I'm proposing
is a superhero pub crawl.
47
00:02:43,811 --> 00:02:45,912
Our clientele dress up
in costume
48
00:02:45,947 --> 00:02:47,681
and go drinking from bar to bar.
49
00:02:47,715 --> 00:02:51,117
Their masks make 'em feel
uninhibited and invulnerable.
50
00:02:51,152 --> 00:02:53,153
(all murmuring positively)
51
00:02:53,187 --> 00:02:54,487
Yeah, and that's not all.
52
00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:56,356
Why don't you tell 'em
about it, Moe?
53
00:02:56,390 --> 00:02:58,425
Yeah, you got it, Moe.
54
00:02:58,459 --> 00:03:01,027
We can make up superhero drink
names and charge 'em double.
55
00:03:01,062 --> 00:03:02,829
Like, uh, Nick Fury,
Agent of Schnapps;
56
00:03:02,863 --> 00:03:04,664
Sex in the Batmobile;
57
00:03:04,699 --> 00:03:05,832
and Wolveriskey.
58
00:03:05,866 --> 00:03:08,001
Here, check out
my, uh, portfolium here.
59
00:03:14,175 --> 00:03:16,142
(all clamoring, cheering)
60
00:03:16,177 --> 00:03:18,778
Whoo! Yeah!
61
00:03:26,187 --> 00:03:28,488
Flame on! (belches)
62
00:03:28,522 --> 00:03:30,323
(gasps)
Oh-God-oh-God-oh-God!
63
00:03:32,727 --> 00:03:34,427
I can't breathe!
64
00:03:34,462 --> 00:03:36,162
No, no, no!
65
00:03:36,197 --> 00:03:38,531
Why do they call this
a yard of ale?
66
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,966
Easy. After you drink one,
67
00:03:40,001 --> 00:03:41,701
you're passed out
in your yard.
68
00:03:41,736 --> 00:03:42,969
Hmm.
69
00:03:57,885 --> 00:04:00,053
(drunkenly):
Well, better get home.
70
00:04:00,087 --> 00:04:03,323
The delightfulness
ended hours ago.
71
00:04:03,357 --> 00:04:05,859
Homer, the best thing
for you to do
72
00:04:05,893 --> 00:04:08,728
in this situation
is keep drinking. Heh.
73
00:04:12,967 --> 00:04:15,869
(Homer moaning)
74
00:04:15,903 --> 00:04:17,904
(groaning)
75
00:04:17,938 --> 00:04:20,040
(Otto laughs)
76
00:04:20,074 --> 00:04:23,343
Oh, why are you doing this
to me, booze?
77
00:04:23,377 --> 00:04:26,046
I drank
every kind of you!
78
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:27,447
See ya, Homer!
Bye, Dad!
79
00:04:27,481 --> 00:04:29,683
Have a good day,
you two!
80
00:04:29,717 --> 00:04:31,551
Don't be me!
81
00:04:38,025 --> 00:04:40,093
There's my dad!
82
00:04:41,529 --> 00:04:44,130
Wait, I think
I just sucked up a dollar!
83
00:04:44,165 --> 00:04:45,665
(grunting)
84
00:04:46,734 --> 00:04:48,134
José, hit the switch!
85
00:04:48,169 --> 00:04:49,836
We are not all Josés, man.
86
00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:51,471
(other kids laugh)
87
00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:57,377
Oh! Art.
88
00:04:57,411 --> 00:04:59,379
Simpson! Smock up!
89
00:04:59,413 --> 00:05:01,181
Every time I do art,
90
00:05:01,215 --> 00:05:03,216
some do-gooder teacher sends it
straight to a therapist.
91
00:05:03,250 --> 00:05:05,652
Your stuff is
pretty disturbing.
92
00:05:05,686 --> 00:05:07,854
I've never acted
on any of it.
93
00:05:07,888 --> 00:05:10,090
You will take art,
you will enjoy art,
94
00:05:10,124 --> 00:05:13,426
and you will make something
in a kiln your mother can use.
95
00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:17,030
Oh... (groans)
96
00:05:19,533 --> 00:05:21,901
Maggie!
Why'd you do that?
97
00:05:24,638 --> 00:05:28,641
Oh, I just came in
to take out the trash!
98
00:05:28,676 --> 00:05:31,244
And you shall leave immortal!
99
00:05:31,278 --> 00:05:33,146
Also, take out the trash.
100
00:05:34,115 --> 00:05:35,115
Honest!
101
00:05:35,149 --> 00:05:36,883
Inspiring!
102
00:05:36,917 --> 00:05:39,185
Yes... necessary!
103
00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:41,788
Oh, Milhouse-ian!
104
00:05:41,822 --> 00:05:44,958
Oh, Bart,
it's wonderful!
105
00:05:44,992 --> 00:05:46,526
Really? Wonderful?
I just drowned
106
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:47,727
a grasshopper in paint
107
00:05:47,762 --> 00:05:49,796
and let him crawl on the paper
till he died.
108
00:05:49,830 --> 00:05:51,064
You know
what that's called?
109
00:05:51,098 --> 00:05:53,533
Mixed-media conceptual art.
110
00:05:53,567 --> 00:05:55,702
No, it's not,
because I hate art.
111
00:05:55,736 --> 00:05:57,804
Oh, then it's protest art!
112
00:05:57,838 --> 00:05:59,539
Stop encouraging me!
113
00:05:59,573 --> 00:06:02,409
I will admire you
from afar...!
114
00:06:02,443 --> 00:06:03,676
(exasperated grunt)
115
00:06:03,711 --> 00:06:05,478
(gasps)
116
00:06:08,516 --> 00:06:10,583
Shauna?
What are you doing here?
117
00:06:10,618 --> 00:06:13,052
Training for the Olympics.
118
00:06:13,087 --> 00:06:16,122
I gotta find a way
to get rid of my art teacher.
119
00:06:16,157 --> 00:06:17,724
Easy. Voodoo.
120
00:06:17,758 --> 00:06:19,726
Is there a voodoo queen
you can direct me to?
121
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,562
Oh, yeah. She lives in a trailer
down by Yogurtland.
122
00:06:22,596 --> 00:06:23,563
Now kiss me.
123
00:06:23,597 --> 00:06:25,198
I wanna make
somebody mad.
124
00:06:25,232 --> 00:06:26,433
(grunting)
125
00:06:26,467 --> 00:06:27,901
What are you doing?!
126
00:06:27,935 --> 00:06:30,470
What's my no-good
daughter up to now?
127
00:06:33,441 --> 00:06:36,609
Now u have everyt'ing
you need for the voodoo.
128
00:06:36,644 --> 00:06:38,244
Would you like a bag?
129
00:06:38,279 --> 00:06:39,145
Yes, ma'am.
130
00:06:39,180 --> 00:06:41,881
Paper or plastic?
131
00:06:41,916 --> 00:06:43,483
Uh, plastic.
132
00:06:43,517 --> 00:06:46,386
Just like the chicken foot say
you would!
133
00:06:53,627 --> 00:06:55,562
Okay, did you get
Trunch's DNA?
134
00:06:55,596 --> 00:06:58,031
Yeah, got it out
of her purse.
135
00:06:58,065 --> 00:06:59,432
(chuckles)
136
00:06:59,467 --> 00:07:00,567
How'd you do that?
137
00:07:00,601 --> 00:07:02,469
Art teachers
don't have a desk.
138
00:07:02,503 --> 00:07:05,305
They just throw
their purse anywhere.
139
00:07:06,140 --> 00:07:09,075
Voodoo spell, voodoo spell,
140
00:07:09,109 --> 00:07:11,611
seagull beak and bone of Mel,
141
00:07:11,645 --> 00:07:13,580
purple heart and tear of chum...
142
00:07:13,614 --> 00:07:14,614
(grunts)
143
00:07:15,649 --> 00:07:18,918
Just had to be
tear of chum.
144
00:07:18,953 --> 00:07:22,388
Send her home
with aching tum!
145
00:07:24,592 --> 00:07:27,794
Oh, right, we need one more
thing from her purse.
146
00:07:27,828 --> 00:07:29,395
I've got these.
147
00:07:29,430 --> 00:07:33,066
Hmm, she's got tickets
to the play God of Carnage.
148
00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:34,334
Orchestra?!
149
00:07:34,368 --> 00:07:36,302
On an art teacher's salary?
150
00:07:36,337 --> 00:07:38,605
That's black magic!
151
00:07:38,639 --> 00:07:40,607
Where's Mrs. Trunch?
152
00:07:40,641 --> 00:07:42,575
I need to know the correct
density of "points"
153
00:07:42,610 --> 00:07:44,410
in my pointillism.
154
00:07:44,445 --> 00:07:47,380
Mm, sorry,
but I don't think
155
00:07:47,414 --> 00:07:50,083
we'll be seeing much
of Trunch today.
156
00:07:50,117 --> 00:07:51,918
Yep, I cast
a voodoo spell on her.
157
00:07:51,952 --> 00:07:53,586
I won't bore you
with the dark details,
158
00:07:53,621 --> 00:07:56,723
but let's just say she's
in no condition for teaching.
159
00:07:56,757 --> 00:07:57,724
(gasps)
160
00:07:57,758 --> 00:07:58,725
(disappointed):
Oh...
161
00:07:58,759 --> 00:08:00,693
Class, I have an announcement.
162
00:08:00,728 --> 00:08:04,731
I'm afraid I can't teach today.
I have a tummy ache.
163
00:08:04,765 --> 00:08:05,732
Mm...
164
00:08:05,766 --> 00:08:08,034
A very special tummy ache.
165
00:08:09,003 --> 00:08:11,137
I'm going
to have a baby!
166
00:08:11,171 --> 00:08:12,305
(gasps)
167
00:08:12,339 --> 00:08:15,508
Aah! Bart Simpson got
a teacher pregnant!
168
00:08:15,543 --> 00:08:17,510
(scoffing)
Typical Ralph nonsense.
169
00:08:17,545 --> 00:08:18,511
(Milhouse panting)
170
00:08:18,546 --> 00:08:21,514
Bart Simpson got
a teacher pregnant!
171
00:08:21,549 --> 00:08:25,151
You happy with your
two-timing boyfriend now?
172
00:08:31,668 --> 00:08:34,336
I admit, I did make
a voodoo doll of Mrs. Trunch.
173
00:08:34,370 --> 00:08:37,039
But I just asked for
a stomachache, not a baby!
174
00:08:37,073 --> 00:08:40,075
Classic wish-maker's mistake:
vague language.
175
00:08:40,109 --> 00:08:41,743
So I did make her pregnant?
176
00:08:41,778 --> 00:08:43,745
Of course not.
Doesn't work that way.
177
00:08:43,780 --> 00:08:45,747
Just how do women get babies?
178
00:08:45,782 --> 00:08:48,116
I'm not allowed to discuss
that with fourth-graders.
179
00:08:48,151 --> 00:08:50,085
Fifth grade, you get
every dirty detail.
180
00:08:50,119 --> 00:08:52,487
Do you know how
embarrassed I was
181
00:08:52,522 --> 00:08:54,723
to get a call
at my arraignment
182
00:08:54,757 --> 00:08:56,558
for my behavior
during the pub crawl
183
00:08:56,592 --> 00:08:58,026
because of a
voodoo curse
184
00:08:58,061 --> 00:09:00,095
my son placed
on his art teacher?
185
00:09:00,129 --> 00:09:02,030
I didn't mean
to make her pregnant.
186
00:09:02,065 --> 00:09:03,765
I just hate art so much.
187
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:05,233
Oh, everyone does, son.
188
00:09:05,268 --> 00:09:07,202
That's why they
lock it up in museums
189
00:09:07,236 --> 00:09:08,837
where no one
will ever visit.
190
00:09:10,206 --> 00:09:13,508
So, uh, your boy's got magic
knock-up powers, huh?
191
00:09:13,543 --> 00:09:15,577
Hey, I created three kids,
192
00:09:15,611 --> 00:09:17,713
and no one's making a big deal
of that.
193
00:09:17,747 --> 00:09:19,881
Not true! Whenever
I compliment your virility,
194
00:09:19,916 --> 00:09:21,116
you act all weird.
195
00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:23,452
And you are
very virile.
196
00:09:23,486 --> 00:09:25,187
Uh, yeah.
Just talk about sports!
197
00:09:25,221 --> 00:09:26,455
No problem.
198
00:09:26,489 --> 00:09:28,957
Wish I had
that Tom Brady's libido.
199
00:09:28,991 --> 00:09:30,692
(shudders)
200
00:09:30,727 --> 00:09:33,428
Oh, it's amazing how many
Cheerios Maggie drops
201
00:09:33,463 --> 00:09:35,197
in the back seat.
202
00:09:35,231 --> 00:09:37,065
Here you go.
Put those in the trash,
203
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:40,102
then you can help me
unload the dishwasher.
204
00:09:40,136 --> 00:09:43,038
Oh! A minute of fun,
a lifetime of work.
205
00:09:43,072 --> 00:09:45,240
I've never heard
of a pregnancy like this.
206
00:09:45,274 --> 00:09:46,375
There he is.
207
00:09:46,409 --> 00:09:47,709
Jenny, this is crazy.
208
00:09:47,744 --> 00:09:49,478
Nothing's crazy
at this point.
209
00:09:49,512 --> 00:09:51,880
Are you the boy
that makes babies?
210
00:09:51,914 --> 00:09:55,050
I like to think I'm the boy
that makes families.
211
00:09:55,084 --> 00:09:56,718
You see, Jenny?
He's just a jerk kid.
212
00:09:56,753 --> 00:09:59,020
It's just... (sobs)
213
00:09:59,055 --> 00:10:01,223
we've been trying so hard
to start a family.
214
00:10:01,257 --> 00:10:03,892
With all the money
we've spent on IVF....
215
00:10:03,926 --> 00:10:06,194
(sobs)
You have no idea!
216
00:10:06,229 --> 00:10:08,063
Hmm, maybe I can help.
217
00:10:08,097 --> 00:10:09,264
But it'll cost you.
218
00:10:09,298 --> 00:10:10,165
How much?
219
00:10:10,199 --> 00:10:11,233
Five dollars.
220
00:10:11,267 --> 00:10:13,435
Plus one dollar
haw-haw insurance.
221
00:10:13,469 --> 00:10:15,570
Trust me,
the insurance is worth it.
222
00:10:18,274 --> 00:10:20,409
By the power of this place,
223
00:10:20,443 --> 00:10:22,277
make a baby with a face.
224
00:10:22,311 --> 00:10:23,311
That's great, really.
225
00:10:23,346 --> 00:10:24,713
Really glad
we're getting a baby
226
00:10:24,747 --> 00:10:26,014
with a face.
Thank you.
227
00:10:26,048 --> 00:10:27,849
(tires screech)
228
00:10:27,884 --> 00:10:29,050
Haw...!
229
00:10:29,085 --> 00:10:30,685
No haw-haw!
It worked!
230
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:31,520
(groans)
231
00:10:31,554 --> 00:10:32,587
I'm pregnant!
232
00:10:32,622 --> 00:10:33,755
Look, Bart, I really,
233
00:10:33,790 --> 00:10:35,357
I can't believe
there's a connection here.
234
00:10:35,391 --> 00:10:37,025
But, uh, we have some friends
235
00:10:37,059 --> 00:10:39,127
who are in the same
dark place that we were.
236
00:10:39,162 --> 00:10:40,429
Can we give them your name?
237
00:10:40,463 --> 00:10:42,330
Only if they have five dollars.
238
00:10:42,365 --> 00:10:45,033
Yes, right. I'll make sure
that they have five dollars.
239
00:10:45,067 --> 00:10:46,201
With them.
240
00:10:46,235 --> 00:10:47,636
Look, I'm sorry
our check bounced, man.
241
00:10:47,670 --> 00:10:49,304
I can have
the bank teller call you.
242
00:10:49,338 --> 00:10:52,441
Just give me the cash and you'll
get your driver's license back.
243
00:10:52,475 --> 00:10:54,509
Please keep the chatter down
244
00:10:54,544 --> 00:10:57,379
while the Womb Wizard
is casting his spells.
245
00:10:57,413 --> 00:10:59,714
Ones are appreciated, people.
246
00:11:01,484 --> 00:11:04,319
Barbeque sauce
and teddy bear's eye.
247
00:11:04,353 --> 00:11:06,922
They want a baby,
God knows why.
248
00:11:09,492 --> 00:11:11,393
Homie, I can't find my spatula.
249
00:11:11,427 --> 00:11:12,694
Can you get another one?
250
00:11:12,728 --> 00:11:15,130
Flanders, can we borrow
your spatula?
251
00:11:15,164 --> 00:11:16,665
That was my spatula.
252
00:11:16,699 --> 00:11:18,633
And you never bought
a replacement?
253
00:11:18,668 --> 00:11:20,101
Ah, too much aggravation.
254
00:11:20,136 --> 00:11:21,770
We just forego flipped food.
255
00:11:21,804 --> 00:11:22,804
D'oh!
256
00:11:22,839 --> 00:11:24,739
(grunts)
257
00:11:24,774 --> 00:11:25,807
Hmm.
258
00:11:25,842 --> 00:11:26,908
(humming a tune)
Bart?
259
00:11:26,943 --> 00:11:28,276
Huh?
260
00:11:28,311 --> 00:11:29,778
Why, you little...!
261
00:11:29,812 --> 00:11:31,947
I'll teach you to answer
peoples' prayers!
262
00:11:31,981 --> 00:11:33,982
(both grunting)
263
00:11:36,185 --> 00:11:38,520
Yeah, you know,
I just don't think
264
00:11:38,554 --> 00:11:40,956
we're going to get
in to see him today.
265
00:11:42,859 --> 00:11:45,193
What is your problem, boy?
266
00:11:45,228 --> 00:11:47,529
Maybe when I've got a dad
who shows up in the morning
267
00:11:47,563 --> 00:11:49,998
with no shirt on and
rocks on his face,
268
00:11:50,032 --> 00:11:52,501
it sets, I don't know,
a low bar?
269
00:11:52,535 --> 00:11:54,469
Wow, I got to take that in.
270
00:11:54,504 --> 00:11:55,904
While I do,
have some bar nuts.
271
00:11:55,938 --> 00:11:57,506
Aren't those full of germs?
272
00:11:57,540 --> 00:11:59,274
Eat the nuts!
They're your dinner!
273
00:11:59,308 --> 00:12:01,309
(guns click)
274
00:12:01,344 --> 00:12:03,345
You guys
are coming with us.
275
00:12:05,014 --> 00:12:07,015
Not so fast!
276
00:12:07,049 --> 00:12:10,986
Nobody comes into my bar and
kidnaps two paying customers.
277
00:12:11,020 --> 00:12:13,021
Aw, thanks, Moe, I...
278
00:12:13,055 --> 00:12:14,122
Huh?
279
00:12:14,156 --> 00:12:16,057
I must've left
my wallet at home.
280
00:12:16,092 --> 00:12:17,292
All right, take them, take them!
281
00:12:17,326 --> 00:12:18,293
Fill their pockets with corn
282
00:12:18,327 --> 00:12:19,661
and toss them to the pigs.
283
00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:21,997
Don't tell us our business!
284
00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:24,065
(sobs)
285
00:12:30,606 --> 00:12:32,107
Huh? Fat Tony?
286
00:12:32,141 --> 00:12:33,441
That's right...
287
00:12:33,476 --> 00:12:35,677
Fat Homer.
Hey!
288
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:38,346
I need your boy
to make a baby.
289
00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:41,635
Do you really need the boy's
help to make a baby?
290
00:12:41,651 --> 00:12:43,518
Just do a little
of the bunga-bunga,
291
00:12:43,553 --> 00:12:45,320
and the hotsie-totsie,
292
00:12:45,354 --> 00:12:46,955
and the bop-bada-
bop-bada-bop.
293
00:12:46,989 --> 00:12:50,392
You sound like every doctor
I've ever been to.
294
00:12:50,426 --> 00:12:51,860
But it's not for me.
295
00:12:51,894 --> 00:12:53,595
It's for her.
296
00:12:53,629 --> 00:12:56,064
Meet my filly, Cheesesteak.
297
00:12:56,098 --> 00:12:57,966
The love of my life.
298
00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,034
(baby-talking, kissing)
299
00:12:59,068 --> 00:13:00,702
Who has apple breath?
300
00:13:00,736 --> 00:13:02,571
You has apple breath.
301
00:13:02,605 --> 00:13:03,672
(kissing, baby-talking)
302
00:13:05,875 --> 00:13:07,075
And this horse,
303
00:13:07,109 --> 00:13:08,843
who I have briefly "borrowed,"
304
00:13:08,878 --> 00:13:11,446
is the winner of last year's
Springfield Stakes--
305
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,415
Rear Admiral.
306
00:13:13,449 --> 00:13:16,918
So work your magic,
and breed me a champion.
307
00:13:16,953 --> 00:13:18,119
Look, Fat Tony,
308
00:13:18,154 --> 00:13:19,654
I don't know
what you know about voodoo,
309
00:13:19,689 --> 00:13:21,456
but it only works on people.
310
00:13:21,490 --> 00:13:22,557
Horses?
311
00:13:22,592 --> 00:13:23,858
That's crazy talk!
312
00:13:23,893 --> 00:13:26,695
You will breed me a
champion by morning
313
00:13:26,729 --> 00:13:30,098
or it will be the last
sunrise you ever see.
314
00:13:30,132 --> 00:13:31,333
Don't over-promise, boss.
315
00:13:31,367 --> 00:13:32,934
It might be overcast.
316
00:13:32,969 --> 00:13:35,470
How'd you like a
cast over your face?
317
00:13:35,504 --> 00:13:38,740
Well, as long as there
re breath holes.
318
00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:41,009
You know, I'm just saying.
319
00:13:42,144 --> 00:13:43,712
Okay, boy, if there ever was
320
00:13:43,746 --> 00:13:45,347
a good time for you to find out
321
00:13:45,381 --> 00:13:46,414
where babies come from
322
00:13:46,449 --> 00:13:48,049
in the grossest way possible,
323
00:13:48,084 --> 00:13:49,250
with your life on the line,
324
00:13:49,285 --> 00:13:50,418
this is it.
325
00:13:50,453 --> 00:13:52,187
One more thing:
326
00:13:52,221 --> 00:13:54,222
It better be a boy.
327
00:13:54,256 --> 00:13:56,324
(scoffs)
Anything else?
328
00:13:56,359 --> 00:13:58,259
It would be helpful
if he could go undercover
329
00:13:58,294 --> 00:14:01,162
with police horses
and find out what they know.
330
00:14:07,406 --> 00:14:09,707
(crickets trilling)
331
00:14:09,741 --> 00:14:11,442
Hey, this is all your fault.
332
00:14:11,477 --> 00:14:12,844
How is it my fault?
333
00:14:12,878 --> 00:14:15,279
I wouldn't be here if you
were more of a role model.
334
00:14:15,314 --> 00:14:18,282
Pub crawls,
naked Frisbee golf...
335
00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:22,286
I just did that because it was
a series of funny words.
336
00:14:22,321 --> 00:14:23,855
Well, it's your
mediocre fathering
337
00:14:23,889 --> 00:14:26,123
that put me on
the path to hell!
338
00:14:26,158 --> 00:14:27,124
Wha...?
339
00:14:27,159 --> 00:14:28,359
Maybe you're right, boy.
340
00:14:28,393 --> 00:14:30,094
It's time I was a better father.
341
00:14:30,128 --> 00:14:32,196
And I'll start by saving us.
342
00:14:32,231 --> 00:14:34,031
I just need to facilitate
343
00:14:34,066 --> 00:14:35,466
some horse intercourse.
344
00:14:35,501 --> 00:14:37,301
Come on, buddy.
345
00:14:37,336 --> 00:14:39,237
Just make a champion
thoroughbred,
346
00:14:39,271 --> 00:14:40,671
and we're out of here.
347
00:14:40,706 --> 00:14:43,307
(neighs)
348
00:14:43,342 --> 00:14:45,209
What's his problem?
349
00:14:45,244 --> 00:14:47,545
♪ It's raining men ♪
350
00:14:47,579 --> 00:14:50,648
♪ Hallelujah, it's raining men ♪
351
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:52,650
(neighing)
♪ Amen ♪
352
00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,719
♪ I'm gonna go out ♪
353
00:14:54,753 --> 00:14:56,654
♪ I'm gonna let myself get... ♪
354
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:58,089
(music stops)
Hey, you know?
355
00:14:58,123 --> 00:15:00,491
I don't think
this guy likes girls.
356
00:15:00,526 --> 00:15:01,692
(splutters)
Big deal.
357
00:15:01,727 --> 00:15:03,160
I don't like girls, either.
358
00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:04,462
Not like that.
359
00:15:04,496 --> 00:15:05,496
It's like this.
360
00:15:05,531 --> 00:15:07,198
(indistinct whispering)
361
00:15:07,232 --> 00:15:09,066
Smithers...
362
00:15:09,101 --> 00:15:11,168
Mr. Largo...
363
00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:12,837
Danny Kaye.
364
00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:14,405
What? Everyone knows.
365
00:15:14,439 --> 00:15:17,174
(neighs)
366
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:19,510
Now, where's she going?
367
00:15:19,545 --> 00:15:21,746
Hey, I know that horse!
368
00:15:21,780 --> 00:15:22,780
It's Sudsley!
369
00:15:22,814 --> 00:15:24,248
Sudsley Brew-Right!
370
00:15:24,283 --> 00:15:25,917
(neighs)
371
00:15:25,951 --> 00:15:29,086
That horse was instrumental
in me becoming a man.
372
00:15:30,289 --> 00:15:35,092
♪ It feels like the first time ♪
373
00:15:35,127 --> 00:15:38,529
♪ It feels like
the very first time ♪
374
00:15:39,965 --> 00:15:43,067
(neighing)
♪ It feels like the first time... ♪
375
00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:49,740
(neighs)
376
00:15:54,313 --> 00:15:56,714
Ew, that tastes horrible!
377
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:59,183
Beer transformed
that cute little boy
378
00:15:59,217 --> 00:16:02,386
into the man you see before you.
379
00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:04,956
Hmm.
380
00:16:05,624 --> 00:16:07,058
(neighs)
381
00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,993
Whoa! They like each other.
382
00:16:09,027 --> 00:16:12,096
You know,
pregnant is pregnant.
383
00:16:12,130 --> 00:16:13,864
What a you talking about?
384
00:16:13,899 --> 00:16:14,966
We're not lost, boy.
385
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,034
Not by a long shot.
386
00:16:17,069 --> 00:16:20,037
We just have to set the mood.
387
00:16:20,072 --> 00:16:23,374
(gentle orchestral intro begins)
388
00:16:24,977 --> 00:16:28,279
♪ Let them play ♪
389
00:16:28,313 --> 00:16:29,380
♪ We won't look ♪
390
00:16:29,414 --> 00:16:31,716
♪ We'll turn away ♪
391
00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:33,651
♪ Go make love ♪
392
00:16:33,685 --> 00:16:35,252
♪ Then eat some hay ♪
393
00:16:37,756 --> 00:16:39,924
♪ We'll be dead ♪
394
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:43,594
♪ Shot through the head ♪
395
00:16:43,629 --> 00:16:45,930
♪ Be that as it may ♪
396
00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:50,601
♪ Fat Tony's horse is gay ♪
397
00:16:50,636 --> 00:16:53,337
♪ I do not hear no banging ♪
398
00:16:53,372 --> 00:16:56,874
♪ No sound
of horseshoes clanging ♪
399
00:16:56,908 --> 00:16:59,110
♪ Roll in hay ♪
400
00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:02,713
♪ Or tomorrow we will pay ♪
401
00:17:02,748 --> 00:17:04,615
♪ I don't care ♪
402
00:17:04,650 --> 00:17:08,386
♪ About tomorrow ♪
403
00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:10,121
♪ We need ♪
404
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:14,525
♪ True horse love today ♪
405
00:17:14,559 --> 00:17:20,364
♪ Here's a blanket
they can borrow ♪
406
00:17:20,399 --> 00:17:26,270
♪ Let them rock the night away ♪
407
00:17:26,304 --> 00:17:28,706
♪ I don't really mind at all ♪
408
00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:32,877
♪ But why must
I go muck the stall? ♪
409
00:17:32,911 --> 00:17:36,113
♪ Roll in hay ♪
410
00:17:36,148 --> 00:17:38,716
♪ Roll in hay... ♪
411
00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:42,753
♪ Roll in hay! ♪
412
00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,529
(bottle shatters)
413
00:17:51,563 --> 00:17:53,564
(grunts)
414
00:18:00,839 --> 00:18:02,707
(steady banging nearby)
415
00:18:02,741 --> 00:18:05,242
Ah, young love.
416
00:18:06,845 --> 00:18:10,481
So, where is the pregnancy test?
417
00:18:10,515 --> 00:18:13,017
Right here.
418
00:18:16,822 --> 00:18:17,988
What does it say?
419
00:18:18,023 --> 00:18:19,890
The Pimlico plus of joy?
420
00:18:19,925 --> 00:18:23,027
Or the Maryland State
Fairgrounds minus?
421
00:18:25,464 --> 00:18:26,564
It's a plus!
422
00:18:26,598 --> 00:18:28,299
We're having a baby!
423
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:29,533
Hey, salute!
424
00:18:29,568 --> 00:18:32,169
I've never seen Johnny
Tightlips so happy.
425
00:18:34,873 --> 00:18:37,108
Simpsons, you're free to go!
426
00:18:37,142 --> 00:18:38,609
Louie, drive 'em home.
427
00:18:38,643 --> 00:18:40,778
Cool, another limo ride!
428
00:18:40,812 --> 00:18:42,446
The limo's in the shop.
429
00:18:42,481 --> 00:18:43,681
We have a loaner.
430
00:18:43,715 --> 00:18:46,183
BART:
Ay, caramba!
431
00:18:46,218 --> 00:18:47,485
You monster!
432
00:18:47,519 --> 00:18:49,687
My knees will be in my throat!
433
00:18:49,721 --> 00:18:52,957
There's another way you can go.
434
00:18:54,459 --> 00:18:55,693
Dad?
435
00:18:55,727 --> 00:18:59,130
Cheesesteak, a little advice
from a mother of three.
436
00:18:59,164 --> 00:19:02,633
They'll turn out the same
whether you gallop or trot.
437
00:19:02,667 --> 00:19:04,401
Teach him not
to pee during parades.
438
00:19:04,436 --> 00:19:05,970
He'll get more work.
439
00:19:06,972 --> 00:19:08,272
(neighing)
440
00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:13,511
Now that's what I call
a modern family.
441
00:19:13,545 --> 00:19:15,546
♪ Hey, hey! ♪
442
00:19:16,515 --> 00:19:17,515
♪ Hey, hey! ♪
443
00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:19,650
♪ Hey, hey! ♪
444
00:19:20,685 --> 00:19:22,286
♪ Hey, hey! ♪
445
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:23,454
♪ Hey! ♪
446
00:19:25,257 --> 00:19:27,258
(clamoring)
447
00:19:32,074 --> 00:19:35,609
The prosecution calls
Sudsley Brew-Right!
448
00:19:35,610 --> 00:19:38,278
(gallery murmuring)
449
00:19:38,312 --> 00:19:40,113
Sudsley, on the
night in question,
450
00:19:40,147 --> 00:19:42,749
how many did you see
the defendant kill?
451
00:19:42,783 --> 00:19:45,652
(knocks seven times)
452
00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:47,387
Seven in one night?
453
00:19:47,421 --> 00:19:49,656
What kind of a monster
could do that?
454
00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:51,024
A party monster!
455
00:19:51,058 --> 00:19:53,093
Drinking the new, convenient
456
00:19:53,127 --> 00:19:55,595
Duff Seven-Pack!
457
00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:58,598
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
458
00:19:58,633 --> 00:19:59,799
The Duff Seven-Pack--
459
00:19:59,834 --> 00:20:01,668
one more for the road.
460
00:20:01,702 --> 00:20:04,838
There's nothing symmetrical
about flavor!
461
00:20:04,872 --> 00:20:07,140
So get your seven pack today!
462
00:20:07,174 --> 00:20:12,279
It looks wrong, but it is
oh, so right! Oh, yeah!
463
00:20:12,313 --> 00:20:13,680
♪ Oh, yeah... ♪
464
00:20:13,714 --> 00:20:18,714
Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
465
00:21:02,481 --> 00:21:04,416
Shh!