1
00:00:07,339 --> 00:00:09,374
Previously on Californication...

2
00:00:10,409 --> 00:00:11,376
- Nothing?
- Uh-uh.

3
00:00:11,410 --> 00:00:13,812
Nope. Not a twitch.

4
00:00:13,846 --> 00:00:16,381
I even tossed his salad
for a second or three.

5
00:00:16,415 --> 00:00:18,149
Are you sure you can
actually handle the job?

6
00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:20,885
Can you show up on time,
play nice with others?

7
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,221
Can you work with actors without
fucking them or punching them?

8
00:00:23,255 --> 00:00:25,156
Oh, so you have read my work?

9
00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:27,592
What? What? What is it now?

10
00:00:27,626 --> 00:00:29,494
I mean, nothing would
surprise me at this point.

11
00:00:29,528 --> 00:00:31,129
He's really my kid?

12
00:00:31,163 --> 00:00:34,065
I mean, I... all I have is
his word to go on, and...

13
00:00:34,099 --> 00:00:35,733
and no offense, but he doesn't present

14
00:00:35,768 --> 00:00:37,569
as the most trustworthy source.

15
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I'm standing right here.

16
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He's got all these crazy expectations

17
00:00:41,173 --> 00:00:42,974
of you guys making up for lost time.

18
00:00:43,008 --> 00:00:44,342
I don't have the heart to tell him

19
00:00:44,376 --> 00:00:45,810
that you're not that kind of guy.

20
00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:47,278
Wha... Oh, is this your kid?

21
00:00:47,313 --> 00:00:49,314
- Apparently.
- Does he want a job?

22
00:00:49,348 --> 00:00:52,016
Because I just promoted the
PA to writer's assistant.

23
00:00:52,051 --> 00:00:55,520
Baby, there's someone you got to meet.

24
00:01:02,695 --> 00:01:04,529
- How can I make this better?
- You can't.

25
00:01:04,563 --> 00:01:07,832
Well, that's a very
defeatist attitude, Karen.

26
00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:09,767
Hank...

27
00:01:09,802 --> 00:01:11,669
you have another family.

28
00:01:11,704 --> 00:01:13,504
"Family" is a strong word.

29
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However dysfunctional,
we've always been a family.

30
00:01:17,376 --> 00:01:19,611
Now there's another one.

31
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There's another baby
mama. There's another kid.

32
00:01:22,548 --> 00:01:26,050
Do you realize how fucking
devastating that is?

33
00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:27,952
Do you realize that the bottom

34
00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:31,155
has just officially dropped
out of our relationship?

35
00:01:31,190 --> 00:01:33,024
Okay, okay, okay. I-I get it. I get it.

36
00:01:33,058 --> 00:01:34,392
But I think once you get over

37
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that first initial jolt of anger,

38
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you're gonna see that... that...

39
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Angry? I'm not angry.

40
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- No? You're not?
- No! Why would I be angry?

41
00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:44,502
- I don't know. You seem kind of angry.
- No. No, no, no.

42
00:01:44,536 --> 00:01:46,537
I'm not even entitled to anger,

43
00:01:46,572 --> 00:01:50,408
because... because you impregnated
her before you even met me.

44
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- That's true. That's very true.
- Yeah.

45
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And I'm actu... I'm glad
that you see it that way.

46
00:01:53,679 --> 00:01:55,046
- No!
- And I think you're actually being

47
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:56,581
hugely progressive about the whole thing.

48
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And that's what makes it ten times worse.

49
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She was there first.

50
00:02:01,587 --> 00:02:04,322
She is baby mama number one.

51
00:02:04,356 --> 00:02:06,724
I am baby mama number two.

52
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Okay.

53
00:02:08,227 --> 00:02:10,728
And she's a ridiculous fucking milf,

54
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which makes it even "Worser."

55
00:02:12,898 --> 00:02:14,999
I-I know that I have a
knack for this shit, Karen.

56
00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:17,201
Oh, you have a knack, all right.

57
00:02:17,236 --> 00:02:19,270
It's a minor miracle

58
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:21,039
that more kids didn't come looking for you.

59
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Oh, hey, that's not very nice.

60
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You know I've always been very responsible

61
00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:26,678
when it comes to the controlling of birth.

62
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And in the past, if a woman was kind enough

63
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to share her privates with me and asked me

64
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to slap on a prophylactic,
I would do that with a smile.

65
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You know, but sometimes the dogwater

66
00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:36,521
can seep in there and cause trouble.

67
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Oh, yeah, I know the trouble.

68
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I know the trouble.

69
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Do you know what you need
to start thinking about?

70
00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,427
Hmm?

71
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Is how you are gonna tell your daughter

72
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that she has a brother that
she never even knew about!

73
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It's a half-brother, Karen. Half.

74
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It's like having a long-lost cousin.

75
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It's not that big a deal, really.

76
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- It's nothing like that!
- Okay.

77
00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:55,106
I got to go to work anyway.

78
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So, um...

79
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It was good talking to you!

80
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Have a nice day!

81
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:17,000
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com

82
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What the fuck, dude?

83
00:03:56,301 --> 00:03:58,036
What happened to meeting
me out on the curb?

84
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Sorry. I guess I overslept. I
was up all night playing Xbox.

85
00:04:00,372 --> 00:04:02,173
Why? Why would you do that

86
00:04:02,207 --> 00:04:03,841
when you know you're starting
a new job in the morning?

87
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:05,543
'Cause that's how I deal with my anxiety...

88
00:04:05,577 --> 00:04:07,478
Xbox... and weed. Do you smoke weed?

89
00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:09,280
God, there's so much
I don't know about you.

90
00:04:09,314 --> 00:04:12,650
Anyway, I-I'm pretty
nervous about this new gig.

91
00:04:12,684 --> 00:04:15,053
Yeah, well, now you're gonna
be pretty late for this new gig.

92
00:04:15,087 --> 00:04:16,354
I guess I thought show business

93
00:04:16,388 --> 00:04:17,488
started later than the real world.

94
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It does. It's 11:00 AM.

95
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Is that late enough for you?

96
00:04:20,759 --> 00:04:22,560
Shit. O-o-okay, I-I'm
gonna go get dressed.

97
00:04:22,594 --> 00:04:23,795
- I'm sorry.
- It's a good plan.

98
00:04:23,829 --> 00:04:25,730
Now hustle! Come on, move it!

99
00:04:25,764 --> 00:04:28,332
- Okay!
- Go, go, go, go, go.

100
00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:29,867
You know what? I-I don't know if I'm okay

101
00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:31,069
with you coming down on me so hard.

102
00:04:31,103 --> 00:04:32,503
What gives you the right, huh?

103
00:04:32,538 --> 00:04:34,238
Where have you been
the last 20 years or so?

104
00:04:34,273 --> 00:04:37,075
Oh, I don't know, I've been
busy not knowing about you.

105
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Still.

106
00:04:38,343 --> 00:04:39,811
You mind if I use the facilities?

107
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I don't care.

108
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"I don't care."

109
00:04:46,385 --> 00:04:47,585
- Hank, what the fuck?
- Ay! Apologies.

110
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- Jesus!
- No need to take names in vain.

111
00:04:49,388 --> 00:04:51,055
We're all adults here,

112
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and we happen to be adults
who have seen each other naked.

113
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- 20 years ago.
- Hey, I remember that mole.

114
00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:56,928
Could we not have this
conversation while I'm peeing?

115
00:04:56,962 --> 00:04:58,863
Do we have to?

116
00:04:58,897 --> 00:05:00,665
Okay, I'm just kidding
and backing away slowly...

117
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- Very, very slowly.
- Get out!

118
00:05:06,305 --> 00:05:08,873
Yeah, could you maybe not
hit on my mom in front of me?

119
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It makes me feel uncomfortable.

120
00:05:10,275 --> 00:05:11,709
I wasn't hitting on her.

121
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I was engaging a little flirtatious banter.

122
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There's a big difference.

123
00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:16,114
Whatever, okay? I have issues.

124
00:05:16,148 --> 00:05:17,415
The only kids who ever
wanted to hang out with me

125
00:05:17,449 --> 00:05:18,916
wanted to fuck my mom.

126
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They'd be asking for hugs all the time,

127
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:21,686
knuckle-brushing her ass.

128
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:22,920
Fucking confusing times, man.

129
00:05:26,425 --> 00:05:29,193
- What?
- Nothing.

130
00:05:29,228 --> 00:05:31,028
Do I look pimp?

131
00:05:31,063 --> 00:05:33,297
You're pimp.

132
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,733
- Mom, come on, cut it out.
- Okay.

133
00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:37,301
Okay, be nice, work hard,

134
00:05:37,336 --> 00:05:39,036
mind your manners, and
don't be weird, okay?

135
00:05:39,071 --> 00:05:40,404
- I won't.
- Promise?

136
00:05:40,439 --> 00:05:41,706
- Promise.
- I love you.

137
00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:42,940
I love you too.

138
00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:45,776
- Where's my hug?
- Asshole.

139
00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:50,448
Can you wait in the car for a minute?

140
00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:52,049
No funny stuff.

141
00:05:52,084 --> 00:05:54,986
You look cute.

142
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:56,487
- Hmm.
- How's Karen?

143
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,122
Oh, she's been busy

144
00:05:58,157 --> 00:06:00,658
hating on me and whatnot,
making voodoo dolls.

145
00:06:00,692 --> 00:06:02,560
Oh! There she goes again.

146
00:06:02,594 --> 00:06:05,830
Ahh, and in the back
too. She's getting busy.

147
00:06:05,864 --> 00:06:08,499
- Do you want me to talk to her?
- Uh, that's not a good idea.

148
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:11,068
You're already a little
too milf-y for her taste.

149
00:06:11,103 --> 00:06:12,403
Really? Why would you say that?

150
00:06:12,437 --> 00:06:14,005
Because that's what she said.

151
00:06:14,039 --> 00:06:16,274
Wow, that is so nice of her.

152
00:06:16,308 --> 00:06:18,109
She is so beautiful.

153
00:06:18,143 --> 00:06:21,579
Yeah, me and my beautiful
baby mamas... lucky me.

154
00:06:21,613 --> 00:06:23,314
Keep an eye on him, okay?

155
00:06:23,348 --> 00:06:25,483
Because he can get a little
weird in social situations.

156
00:06:25,517 --> 00:06:27,852
Really? I hadn't noticed that.

157
00:06:27,886 --> 00:06:29,420
What do you mean "Weird"?

158
00:06:29,454 --> 00:06:33,257
He's not gonna yank out his dick, is he?

159
00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:36,694
- I don't think so.
- You don't think so?

160
00:06:36,728 --> 00:06:38,529
Look, maybe he went through a phase

161
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,097
where he liked to expose himself to girls.

162
00:06:40,132 --> 00:06:41,832
- "Maybe"?
- And if he did,

163
00:06:41,867 --> 00:06:43,367
it was totally normal and a
developmentally appropriate way

164
00:06:43,402 --> 00:06:44,802
for him to express his sexuality.

165
00:06:44,836 --> 00:06:47,104
- Well...
- And it was a long time ago.

166
00:06:47,139 --> 00:06:48,706
We got through it.

167
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:50,708
Hmm.

168
00:07:00,319 --> 00:07:04,622
All right, kids, let's make
some fucking television.

169
00:07:04,656 --> 00:07:06,958
Yes.

170
00:07:06,992 --> 00:07:09,527
Hugh, my boy, you're up.
You're writing episode three.

171
00:07:09,561 --> 00:07:11,829
Awesome! Appreciate the
vote of confidence, boss.

172
00:07:11,863 --> 00:07:14,131
Yeah, yeah. Let's hear it.

173
00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:17,034
Okay, okay, okay.

174
00:07:17,069 --> 00:07:19,403
Fade in... we open on
the Santa Monica strand.

175
00:07:19,438 --> 00:07:21,472
Camera finds Danko Jones.

176
00:07:21,506 --> 00:07:23,007
He's rollerblading down the street.

177
00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:25,243
Rollerblad... why the
fuck is he rollerblading?

178
00:07:25,277 --> 00:07:27,645
Why is the incredibly
cool, aggressively male

179
00:07:27,679 --> 00:07:28,980
star of our show rollerblading?

180
00:07:29,014 --> 00:07:30,548
Because he wants to meet women.

181
00:07:30,582 --> 00:07:31,916
Works like a charm. Trust.

182
00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:33,484
Anyway, stay with me.

183
00:07:33,518 --> 00:07:35,586
Danko meets this beautiful
girl on the strand.

184
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:36,988
She is bangin'.

185
00:07:37,022 --> 00:07:39,824
Think Rihanna meets...

186
00:07:39,858 --> 00:07:41,425
someone even hotter than Rihanna.

187
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:44,562
Danko takes her home and
bangs the shit out of her,

188
00:07:44,596 --> 00:07:46,197
'cause that's just the
kind of guy our Danko is.

189
00:07:46,231 --> 00:07:47,565
Yeah.

190
00:07:47,599 --> 00:07:50,001
Next morning, he wakes up, she's gone.

191
00:07:50,035 --> 00:07:52,336
He heads off to work. Guess
who the new captain is.

192
00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:54,905
Roller girl. Boom!

193
00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:57,074
Deal with that, Danko.

194
00:08:00,045 --> 00:08:02,113
Hank, you're writing episode three.

195
00:08:02,147 --> 00:08:03,681
I'll write it.

196
00:08:03,715 --> 00:08:05,283
Hank, you're writing episode three.

197
00:08:05,317 --> 00:08:08,686
I do have 15 years of
procedural experience...

198
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,889
versus the rapist, who has none.

199
00:08:11,923 --> 00:08:13,824
- Hank, episode three.
- Groovy.

200
00:08:13,859 --> 00:08:16,027
- What do you got?
- What do you mean?

201
00:08:16,061 --> 00:08:18,362
Story ideas... let's go.

202
00:08:18,397 --> 00:08:22,833
Oh, I-I'm not a-a big
fan of outlining, per se.

203
00:08:22,868 --> 00:08:25,336
I like to do a fair amount
of exploring on the page.

204
00:08:25,370 --> 00:08:26,737
Well, that's good to know.

205
00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:28,339
Save it for your novel, all right?

206
00:08:28,373 --> 00:08:30,508
Writing a good episode of television

207
00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:32,276
means knowing every
single little fucking thing

208
00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:33,878
before you put pen to paper.

209
00:08:33,912 --> 00:08:36,347
This way, the work is
done before you even begin.

210
00:08:36,381 --> 00:08:38,049
Well, what about a bad
episode of television?

211
00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:40,418
Same thing.

212
00:08:40,452 --> 00:08:42,386
Come on, man, pitch me something!

213
00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:43,554
This isn't a fucking internship.

214
00:08:43,588 --> 00:08:46,957
Okay, all right. Okay.

215
00:08:46,992 --> 00:08:50,428
Um...

216
00:08:50,462 --> 00:08:52,797
There's a... there's a... there's...

217
00:08:52,831 --> 00:08:55,866
there's a serial rapist
run amok in Santa Monica.

218
00:08:55,901 --> 00:08:57,635
- Good.
- Here we go.

219
00:08:57,669 --> 00:08:59,937
Don't worry. I'll make sure
he gets his comeuppance.

220
00:08:59,971 --> 00:09:03,374
And... and he's targeting hot
female rollerbladers, right?

221
00:09:03,408 --> 00:09:05,710
And... and Danko Jones, against his will,

222
00:09:05,744 --> 00:09:08,045
has to lace up and... and hit the strand.

223
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,380
Good. I like it.

224
00:09:09,414 --> 00:09:10,548
This is fun. This is funny.

225
00:09:10,582 --> 00:09:12,216
It's a fish out of water.

226
00:09:12,250 --> 00:09:13,751
You got the cool black guy

227
00:09:13,785 --> 00:09:15,586
doing the stupid white-guy thing.

228
00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:17,254
This is how we tell stories.

229
00:09:17,289 --> 00:09:19,223
Riff on it a little bit.

230
00:09:19,257 --> 00:09:20,758
What do you got for a "B" story?

231
00:09:20,792 --> 00:09:23,260
Uh...

232
00:09:23,295 --> 00:09:24,729
Yeah...

233
00:09:24,763 --> 00:09:26,397
What if this doesn't need a "B" story?

234
00:09:26,431 --> 00:09:28,632
What if this is just a very special episode

235
00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:30,267
of primetime... Oh, hey, lunch.

236
00:09:30,302 --> 00:09:32,269
- Oh, my God.
- Ah!

237
00:09:32,304 --> 00:09:33,838
What took you so long?

238
00:09:33,872 --> 00:09:36,607
Kid, you got to pretend
like I'm hypoglycemic.

239
00:09:36,641 --> 00:09:37,641
Mmm!

240
00:09:43,615 --> 00:09:47,184
What part of "Chopped and tossed,

241
00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:49,520
extra dressing on the side, no onions"

242
00:09:49,554 --> 00:09:51,689
don't you understand?

243
00:09:51,723 --> 00:09:54,492
Chopped and tossed! Extra
dressing on the side!

244
00:09:54,526 --> 00:09:56,494
No onions!

245
00:09:56,528 --> 00:09:58,896
Motherfucker!

246
00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:01,399
Way to go, Levon.

247
00:10:01,433 --> 00:10:03,401
You should go get some cupcakes.

248
00:10:03,435 --> 00:10:05,603
It'll cheer him up.

249
00:10:05,637 --> 00:10:07,571
I think he prefers sprinkles to crumbs,

250
00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:08,973
- for what it's worth.
- Cupcakes.

251
00:10:09,007 --> 00:10:10,107
Mmm.

252
00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:12,810
Nobody wants cupcakes, Hugh.

253
00:10:12,844 --> 00:10:14,512
Yes!

254
00:10:14,546 --> 00:10:16,347
They have peanut butter mocha fudge today.

255
00:10:20,886 --> 00:10:22,753
You okay?

256
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,288
Fuck, no.

257
00:10:24,322 --> 00:10:26,590
I just got my asshole torn apart in there.

258
00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:29,260
Yeah, just dust yourself
off, get back in there.

259
00:10:29,294 --> 00:10:30,528
That's all you can do.

260
00:10:30,562 --> 00:10:32,096
Why didn't you stick up for me?

261
00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:34,031
'Cause you fucked up.

262
00:10:34,065 --> 00:10:36,167
You know, those people take
their lunches very seriously.

263
00:10:36,201 --> 00:10:38,135
I've never seen anything like it, actually.

264
00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:41,605
- Can I get a cigarette?
- Mm-mm.

265
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:45,009
That shit was really fucking
uncalled for... you know it.

266
00:10:45,043 --> 00:10:47,945
Did he hit you? Did he fire you?

267
00:10:47,979 --> 00:10:50,548
Did he stick his finger up
your ass and make you smell it?

268
00:10:50,582 --> 00:10:52,283
- No, I don't think so.
- No.

269
00:10:52,317 --> 00:10:53,717
I think you'd know.

270
00:10:53,752 --> 00:10:55,553
He didn't.

271
00:10:55,587 --> 00:10:57,788
So just, you know, do better tomorrow.

272
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,790
My whole life has been
about doing better tomorrow.

273
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:02,526
It's a sound philosophy.
I just don't know, man.

274
00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:05,362
This show-business stuff
is really high stakes.

275
00:11:05,397 --> 00:11:07,898
Oh, yeah. Yeah, the
business of chopped salads

276
00:11:07,933 --> 00:11:09,667
is some cutthroat shit, isn't it?

277
00:11:09,701 --> 00:11:11,902
You think that's bad? You
say you want to be an actor?

278
00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:14,038
You have any idea how much
rejection you're gonna face

279
00:11:14,072 --> 00:11:15,506
on a daily basis,

280
00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:17,908
especially looking the way you do?

281
00:11:17,943 --> 00:11:21,412
Which is absolutely fucking adorable.

282
00:11:23,415 --> 00:11:25,249
Can I get your advice on something?

283
00:11:25,283 --> 00:11:27,818
If you must.

284
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:32,189
I-I really want to have
sex with Rath's assistant.

285
00:11:32,224 --> 00:11:34,859
Not... not today, in the future,
the not-too-distant future.

286
00:11:34,893 --> 00:11:36,694
Like, soon.

287
00:11:36,728 --> 00:11:38,929
Ah, it's good to have dreams.
Good to shoot for the moon.

288
00:11:38,964 --> 00:11:40,231
Yeah, but how do I get there, you know?

289
00:11:40,265 --> 00:11:41,665
Mm-hmm.

290
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,367
Do I come on really strong, you know?

291
00:11:43,401 --> 00:11:44,835
- Nope. Mm-mm.
- Or do I play it cool?

292
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,670
Yes, it's best to play it cool.

293
00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:50,040
Like... like, almost don't
even say anything to her, ever.

294
00:11:50,075 --> 00:11:52,042
Like... like, almost ignore her completely.

295
00:11:52,077 --> 00:11:54,011
Let her come to you.

296
00:11:54,045 --> 00:11:55,913
I'm... I'm not I sure I see
how that... that's gonna...

297
00:11:55,947 --> 00:11:58,115
Shh. Trust.

298
00:11:58,149 --> 00:11:59,617
Hey, sorry I blew up at you, kid.

299
00:11:59,651 --> 00:12:01,085
- Rite of passage.
- No problem.

300
00:12:01,119 --> 00:12:02,920
- Just get it right next time.
- Okay.

301
00:12:02,954 --> 00:12:05,122
When in doubt, you just
follow the fucking directions.

302
00:12:05,156 --> 00:12:07,625
- Okay.
- Like with actors...

303
00:12:07,659 --> 00:12:09,693
when in doubt, just say the fucking lines.

304
00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:11,295
Same thing applies to writers, right?

305
00:12:11,329 --> 00:12:13,564
When in doubt, just
follow the fucking note.

306
00:12:13,598 --> 00:12:15,199
You're getting a real
master class here today.

307
00:12:15,233 --> 00:12:17,368
Speaking of actors, you
want to join me in casting?

308
00:12:17,402 --> 00:12:19,703
- We're auditioning crack whores.
- Oh, yeah!

309
00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:21,805
Hey, that sounds cool. Can I come watch?

310
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,375
No, but you can get me an iced half-caf,

311
00:12:24,409 --> 00:12:27,144
one pump sugar-free caramel,
two pumps sugar-free vanilla,

312
00:12:27,178 --> 00:12:29,046
nonfat caramel macchiato.

313
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:30,714
Got that?

314
00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:32,583
Sure.

315
00:12:32,617 --> 00:12:34,818
Um, what... what was after "Iced"?

316
00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:40,324
Uh, you know what? I'll
just go ask your assistant.

317
00:12:40,358 --> 00:12:43,460
There you go. Now you're thinking, kid.

318
00:12:43,495 --> 00:12:46,297
All right.

319
00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:52,403
Danko, I know you're trying
to do the right thing,

320
00:12:52,437 --> 00:12:55,039
but I love the rock.

321
00:12:55,073 --> 00:12:59,543
The rock is my friend, my
lover, my "Confidantay."

322
00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:02,313
So I know you think you have magic

323
00:13:02,347 --> 00:13:05,983
there between your legs,
but when I put my dick...

324
00:13:06,017 --> 00:13:10,087
my li... but putting my
lips on that glass dick,

325
00:13:10,121 --> 00:13:12,556
that's the shit.

326
00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:16,594
That's all the dick this girl's gonna need.

327
00:13:18,296 --> 00:13:21,231
- Scene.
- Very good.

328
00:13:21,266 --> 00:13:22,633
I like the improv, the "glass dick" stuff.

329
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:24,001
- Mm, yeah.
- Yeah, thank you.

330
00:13:24,035 --> 00:13:25,636
- Very creative.
- Thanks.

331
00:13:25,670 --> 00:13:28,739
I just... it just came on
me... came to me. It came...

332
00:13:28,773 --> 00:13:31,976
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

333
00:13:32,010 --> 00:13:33,744
I think you're a lot more talented

334
00:13:33,778 --> 00:13:36,447
than you think you are.

335
00:13:36,481 --> 00:13:37,848
Thank you.

336
00:13:37,882 --> 00:13:40,317
There was a real moment in there.

337
00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:41,585
I saw the price you paid.

338
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:43,621
Oh. Thank you.

339
00:13:43,655 --> 00:13:45,122
No, thank you.

340
00:13:45,156 --> 00:13:47,257
And come back and see us again, please.

341
00:13:47,292 --> 00:13:48,425
Okay.

342
00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:53,931
Why do you keep saying that?

343
00:13:53,965 --> 00:13:56,266
"The... the price you
paid." What does that even...

344
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:59,503
Fuck if I know.

345
00:13:59,537 --> 00:14:02,272
A director I worked with used it once.

346
00:14:02,307 --> 00:14:03,607
I thought it sounded good,

347
00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:06,176
so I incorporated it into my patter.

348
00:14:06,211 --> 00:14:07,645
It's good to have patter.

349
00:14:10,815 --> 00:14:12,016
Hello.

350
00:14:12,050 --> 00:14:13,617
I have the network for you two.

351
00:14:13,652 --> 00:14:15,185
They want to make an offer to Eddie Nero.

352
00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:16,654
Oh.

353
00:14:16,688 --> 00:14:18,622
Don't do it. You'll regret it.

354
00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:20,391
- Why?
- He poops on people.

355
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,661
Nah, I'm not... I'm not kidding.

356
00:14:23,695 --> 00:14:26,664
You got to poop somewhere.

357
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:30,134
So, acting, huh?

358
00:14:30,168 --> 00:14:33,203
- I want this part.
- Ah, but why?

359
00:14:33,238 --> 00:14:34,972
Because it's the kind of
part that gets you noticed,

360
00:14:35,006 --> 00:14:36,807
and I want to be noticed.

361
00:14:36,841 --> 00:14:38,375
As a crack whore?

362
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:40,844
I want this part.

363
00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:42,379
Well, good luck to you.

364
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:44,548
You know, may the best crack whore win.

365
00:14:44,582 --> 00:14:47,785
I will totally fuck you for this part.

366
00:14:47,819 --> 00:14:51,155
Oh, that is... that is totally sweet,

367
00:14:51,189 --> 00:14:53,857
but I'm not really what
you'd call a decision maker.

368
00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:56,860
I will suck your big black dick.

369
00:14:56,895 --> 00:14:59,463
How do you know about my big black dick?

370
00:14:59,497 --> 00:15:01,865
Oh! You were in character just then.

371
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:03,634
That is... that's cool. That...

372
00:15:03,668 --> 00:15:07,037
you had a real moment there.
I-I saw the price you paid.

373
00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:08,539
You want to see my titties?

374
00:15:08,573 --> 00:15:11,308
That's... it's not necessary.

375
00:15:11,342 --> 00:15:12,876
We're a network show. We don't do...

376
00:15:12,911 --> 00:15:14,578
- Whoops.
- Titty.

377
00:15:14,612 --> 00:15:16,013
Wardrobe malfunction.

378
00:15:16,047 --> 00:15:17,915
Yeah.

379
00:15:17,949 --> 00:15:20,818
- You want to taste my juice?
- Oh, well, no, that's cool.

380
00:15:20,852 --> 00:15:24,088
I had some for breakfast already.

381
00:15:24,122 --> 00:15:25,823
Ooh.

382
00:15:25,857 --> 00:15:27,991
Hello, Frisco.

383
00:15:31,029 --> 00:15:32,529
Oh!

384
00:15:34,866 --> 00:15:37,034
- This is not as it seems.
- Fuck you, Hank.

385
00:15:37,068 --> 00:15:39,670
I'm not gonna let you
get away with this shit.

386
00:15:39,704 --> 00:15:42,439
- This... Rath, Rath, Ra...
- No, not now, Terry.

387
00:15:42,474 --> 00:15:44,675
I'm not in the mood for
your militant bullshit, okay?

388
00:15:44,709 --> 00:15:46,343
Please, go do something in the room.

389
00:15:46,377 --> 00:15:49,012
Make yourself useful, okay?

390
00:15:49,047 --> 00:15:51,381
Are we ready to do some thesping or what?

391
00:15:51,416 --> 00:15:53,016
What's that smell?

392
00:15:55,553 --> 00:15:58,255
Must be ambition. Let's do this.

393
00:15:58,289 --> 00:16:00,090
- What's that on the wall?
- Cock.

394
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:02,192
And what color is it?

395
00:16:02,227 --> 00:16:04,228
- Black.
- It's black.

396
00:16:04,262 --> 00:16:05,763
It's a black clock.

397
00:16:05,797 --> 00:16:08,198
Big black cock.

398
00:16:10,535 --> 00:16:13,337
Holy shit. That is so funny.

399
00:16:13,371 --> 00:16:15,539
Little kids are hilarious.

400
00:16:15,573 --> 00:16:17,074
I know, right?

401
00:16:17,108 --> 00:16:19,810
- Oh, my gosh.
- Okay, now it's your turn.

402
00:16:19,844 --> 00:16:21,979
W-what do you mean?

403
00:16:22,013 --> 00:16:24,314
I showed you mine. Now you show me yours.

404
00:16:24,349 --> 00:16:26,550
Yeah, but my... my favorite stuff is...

405
00:16:26,584 --> 00:16:28,485
is definitely not safe for the workplace.

406
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,754
Oh, pshh, that's okay. I mean, come on.

407
00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:33,223
This isn't, like, your typical workplace.

408
00:16:36,227 --> 00:16:38,695
- Okay, I'll show you some shit.
- Okay.

409
00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:40,330
And I really don't want
to fucking deal with this.

410
00:16:40,365 --> 00:16:42,232
Okay, okay. Hank! Hank, Hank.

411
00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:43,433
Can I see you in here a minute, please?

412
00:16:43,468 --> 00:16:45,869
Thank you, Terry.

413
00:16:45,904 --> 00:16:47,838
Have a seat.

414
00:16:47,872 --> 00:16:50,874
Don't mind if I do. What's up?

415
00:16:52,143 --> 00:16:53,443
Did you finger that actress?

416
00:16:53,478 --> 00:16:56,079
Oh, dear.

417
00:16:56,114 --> 00:16:57,681
Not exactly.

418
00:16:57,715 --> 00:17:00,184
What the fuck does that
mean, "Not exactly"?

419
00:17:00,218 --> 00:17:01,885
Either you finger someone, or you don't.

420
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:03,287
Well, technically,

421
00:17:03,321 --> 00:17:06,790
she fingered herself... with my finger.

422
00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:08,859
That's why it smelled like pussy in there?

423
00:17:08,893 --> 00:17:11,862
No, that was ambition.

424
00:17:11,896 --> 00:17:13,697
Now I have to hire that crazy bitch.

425
00:17:13,731 --> 00:17:15,132
- Why?
- Why?

426
00:17:15,166 --> 00:17:16,867
Because if I don't,

427
00:17:16,901 --> 00:17:18,535
she's gonna claim that you
did something inappropriate

428
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:19,870
- with your stink finger.
- Oh.

429
00:17:19,904 --> 00:17:21,438
And with your fucking record,

430
00:17:21,472 --> 00:17:23,640
no one's ever gonna believe you didn't.

431
00:17:23,675 --> 00:17:25,709
- I see.
- What?

432
00:17:25,743 --> 00:17:28,946
What's the matter, hon?
Did he finger you too?

433
00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:30,747
What did you make her watch?

434
00:17:30,782 --> 00:17:32,916
I-I didn't make her watch anything.

435
00:17:32,951 --> 00:17:34,484
Well, something fucking upset her.

436
00:17:34,519 --> 00:17:35,953
She was showing me

437
00:17:35,987 --> 00:17:38,055
some of her favorite YouTube videos, right?

438
00:17:38,089 --> 00:17:40,557
And she asked me to show
her something that I liked.

439
00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:41,892
And?

440
00:17:41,926 --> 00:17:43,927
It... it's kind of dirty.

441
00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:45,896
I'm a big boy. I can handle it.

442
00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:48,565
Well, speaking of big boys.

443
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,934
This huge, prison
yard-looking motherfucker

444
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:53,470
is having anal sex with this
cute little porno chick, right?

445
00:17:53,504 --> 00:17:55,239
- Here we go.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

446
00:17:55,273 --> 00:17:57,074
So he's just banging away and banging away,

447
00:17:57,108 --> 00:17:58,909
- but that's not the cool part.
- No.

448
00:17:58,943 --> 00:18:00,410
At a key point in the video,

449
00:18:00,445 --> 00:18:02,746
the guy pulls his monster
cock out of her butt,

450
00:18:02,780 --> 00:18:04,748
and shoves his entire scrotus in there.

451
00:18:04,782 --> 00:18:07,117
And this thing is ridiculous.

452
00:18:07,151 --> 00:18:09,419
It's literally like a giant
gym bag full of basketballs.

453
00:18:09,454 --> 00:18:11,154
So then... best of part of the video...

454
00:18:11,189 --> 00:18:13,257
he pulls it out again and yells, "Boo-yah!

455
00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:14,791
Boo-yah!"

456
00:18:17,528 --> 00:18:19,930
It... it's actually r-really funny.

457
00:18:19,964 --> 00:18:21,465
Yeah, no, it's fucking hilarious.

458
00:18:21,499 --> 00:18:23,600
Do you know what else
it is? Sexual harassment.

459
00:18:23,635 --> 00:18:25,769
What? She asked for it.

460
00:18:25,803 --> 00:18:28,505
- This is a workplace, Leon.
- Le... it's Levon.

461
00:18:28,539 --> 00:18:29,840
That's what I said.

462
00:18:29,874 --> 00:18:32,776
Look. It... it wasn't even sexual, though.

463
00:18:32,810 --> 00:18:36,546
It was comedic. I mean, was I turned on?

464
00:18:36,581 --> 00:18:38,649
Yes, because she's incredibly hot.

465
00:18:38,683 --> 00:18:40,117
But was I trying to fuck her? No.

466
00:18:40,151 --> 00:18:41,952
She said you started
to give her a back rub.

467
00:18:41,986 --> 00:18:45,789
- Jesus.
- She said that?

468
00:18:45,823 --> 00:18:47,391
You... you told me to play it cool.

469
00:18:47,425 --> 00:18:48,959
I did, I did.

470
00:18:48,993 --> 00:18:51,028
I told him to play it
cool. Well played, son.

471
00:18:51,062 --> 00:18:52,829
- Thanks, dad.
- Well played.

472
00:18:52,864 --> 00:18:54,464
The agent's on the phone.

473
00:18:54,499 --> 00:18:56,566
W-who? Which one?

474
00:18:56,601 --> 00:19:00,037
Oh, the one who represents
the actress that Hank fingered.

475
00:19:00,071 --> 00:19:02,272
Happy?

476
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:04,474
You fingered an actress
today? Where the fuck was I?

477
00:19:04,509 --> 00:19:07,277
You were busy sexually
harassing my assistant.

478
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,713
Jesus Christ! Like father, like son.

479
00:19:09,747 --> 00:19:13,517
Two real, live degenerate assholes.

480
00:19:13,551 --> 00:19:15,686
Get the fuck out of here, now.

481
00:19:20,158 --> 00:19:22,225
So what are we talking about here?

482
00:19:22,260 --> 00:19:23,794
Are we... are we fired?

483
00:19:23,828 --> 00:19:25,295
Does it look like I
fire people around here?

484
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:26,964
Have you seen this fucking office?

485
00:19:26,998 --> 00:19:30,400
It's a fucking clown college out there.

486
00:19:30,435 --> 00:19:32,469
Get out!

487
00:19:32,503 --> 00:19:35,472
- What were you thinking?
- What's the big deal?

488
00:19:35,506 --> 00:19:37,207
You can't do something like that at work.

489
00:19:37,241 --> 00:19:39,042
It's disrespectful.

490
00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:40,744
Says the guy who just got in
trouble for fingering someone.

491
00:19:40,778 --> 00:19:42,346
Hey, watch your tone, all right?

492
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:43,580
You know what? Fuck this.

493
00:19:43,614 --> 00:19:45,148
Whoa, whoa. Where you going?

494
00:19:45,183 --> 00:19:46,483
- Home. I'm done.
- What, that's it?

495
00:19:46,517 --> 00:19:48,352
- You're just gonna quit?
- Yeah, why not?

496
00:19:48,386 --> 00:19:50,153
- It's a stupid fucking job anyways...
- Okay.

497
00:19:50,188 --> 00:19:52,055
fetching lunches for a
bunch of Hollywood assholes.

498
00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:53,857
All right, now we know why you
still live with your mother.

499
00:19:53,891 --> 00:19:55,492
Who the fuck are you?

500
00:19:55,526 --> 00:19:57,494
I'm just a guy who's
trying to make the best

501
00:19:57,528 --> 00:19:59,429
of an incredibly fucked-up situation.

502
00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:00,731
Yeah, well, don't bother.

503
00:20:00,765 --> 00:20:02,532
I'm sorry I came looking for you.

504
00:20:02,567 --> 00:20:04,167
Hey, don't start saying
things you can't take back.

505
00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:05,702
Who says I want to take it back?

506
00:20:05,737 --> 00:20:07,371
You're a fucking drama
queen, you know that?

507
00:20:07,405 --> 00:20:08,505
Yeah, which is why I'm gonna be

508
00:20:08,539 --> 00:20:10,340
a great fucking actor one day.

509
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,075
You think you're gonna
be a great fucking actor?

510
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:15,579
You can't even get through
one day as a fucking PA.

511
00:20:15,613 --> 00:20:17,714
- Fuck you.
- Fuck me?

512
00:20:17,749 --> 00:20:19,182
Yeah, fuck you.

513
00:20:19,217 --> 00:20:20,851
No, fuck you, you ungrateful little shit.

514
00:20:20,885 --> 00:20:22,219
I get you a job, and what do you do?

515
00:20:22,253 --> 00:20:23,387
You embarrass me.

516
00:20:23,421 --> 00:20:25,789
It won't happen again.

517
00:20:28,059 --> 00:20:29,593
Come on. Come on, Hank.

518
00:20:29,627 --> 00:20:31,528
Do that shit. Come on, baby.

519
00:20:31,562 --> 00:20:32,863
- Come on, Hank.
- Come on, Hank!

520
00:20:32,897 --> 00:20:34,598
Do it! Come on.

521
00:20:34,632 --> 00:20:36,800
No, come on... no!

522
00:20:36,834 --> 00:20:38,402
Yes!

523
00:20:38,436 --> 00:20:40,604
- Are you kidding me?
- That's my money!

524
00:20:43,107 --> 00:20:45,075
What the fuck is going on here?

525
00:20:45,109 --> 00:20:47,110
I won. I'm writing the episode.

526
00:20:47,145 --> 00:20:48,779
No, you're not.

527
00:20:48,813 --> 00:20:50,380
That's not the way it
works around here, Terry.

528
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:51,915
I'll arm-wrestle you for it.

529
00:20:51,949 --> 00:20:53,884
And you will win. Of that, I have no doubt.

530
00:20:53,918 --> 00:20:56,620
But I assign the episodes.

531
00:20:56,654 --> 00:20:59,589
This place is a fucking freak show.

532
00:20:59,624 --> 00:21:01,658
What the fuck is this now?

533
00:21:01,692 --> 00:21:04,594
I'm sorry to interrupt.
I'm Julia, Levon's mom.

534
00:21:04,629 --> 00:21:06,730
Levon has something
he'd like to say to you.

535
00:21:06,764 --> 00:21:08,131
Do it.

536
00:21:08,166 --> 00:21:10,400
Hi... hi, Melanie.

537
00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:12,102
I'm... I'm very sorry I created

538
00:21:12,136 --> 00:21:13,837
a hostile working environment for you.

539
00:21:13,871 --> 00:21:15,138
I was just trying to make you laugh.

540
00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:16,907
I-I guess I got a little carried away.

541
00:21:16,941 --> 00:21:18,241
Yeah.

542
00:21:18,276 --> 00:21:19,509
It's partially my fault,

543
00:21:19,544 --> 00:21:21,078
because I had a very liberal attitude

544
00:21:21,112 --> 00:21:22,479
about Levon and pornography.

545
00:21:22,513 --> 00:21:24,081
Well, I guess it's okay.

546
00:21:24,115 --> 00:21:26,149
It was kind of funny when the guy's balls

547
00:21:26,184 --> 00:21:27,984
just popped out of her butt like that.

548
00:21:28,019 --> 00:21:29,553
I know, right?

549
00:21:29,620 --> 00:21:31,254
Just don't try to massage me again.

550
00:21:31,289 --> 00:21:33,123
I won't. I promise.

551
00:21:33,157 --> 00:21:34,624
- It was creepy.
- Got it.

552
00:21:34,659 --> 00:21:37,094
And your breath was horrible.

553
00:21:37,128 --> 00:21:38,795
Did you brush your teeth this morning?

554
00:21:38,830 --> 00:21:41,331
I forgot. Hank was rushing me.

555
00:21:41,365 --> 00:21:43,266
Did you floss last night?

556
00:21:43,301 --> 00:21:45,569
Mom, stop it.

557
00:21:45,603 --> 00:21:48,638
Okay, well...

558
00:21:48,673 --> 00:21:50,073
Mr. Rath, sir,

559
00:21:50,108 --> 00:21:52,409
I'm very sorry I fucked up lunch

560
00:21:52,443 --> 00:21:53,777
a-and disrespected your authority.

561
00:21:53,811 --> 00:21:55,112
It will not happen again, sir.

562
00:21:55,146 --> 00:21:56,813
Hey, whatever, kid. Shit happens.

563
00:21:56,848 --> 00:21:58,982
- You live and learn. Get me a diet coke.
- Yes, sir.

564
00:21:59,016 --> 00:22:00,917
- Rick Rath.
- Julia.

565
00:22:00,952 --> 00:22:02,853
- Everybody calls me Rath.
- Oh.

566
00:22:02,887 --> 00:22:05,789
Well, I'd appreciate it if
you didn't scream at my son.

567
00:22:05,823 --> 00:22:07,791
He's a human being, and
I'm sure you can find

568
00:22:07,825 --> 00:22:09,626
a better way to motivate your employees.

569
00:22:09,660 --> 00:22:11,862
Wow. Okay. This is really happening, huh?

570
00:22:11,896 --> 00:22:13,930
Um...

571
00:22:13,965 --> 00:22:15,398
How is it even remotely possible

572
00:22:15,433 --> 00:22:16,800
that you have kid that old?

573
00:22:16,834 --> 00:22:20,470
Oh, thank you. Um...

574
00:22:21,806 --> 00:22:23,607
Oh, right. Him.

575
00:22:23,641 --> 00:22:25,242
- Yeah, sorry.
- Okay.

576
00:22:25,276 --> 00:22:27,410
I'm... I'm waiting. Where's my apology?

577
00:22:27,445 --> 00:22:30,347
I do have something I'd like to say to you.

578
00:22:30,381 --> 00:22:33,650
Who the fuck do you think you
are coming down on him so hard?

579
00:22:33,684 --> 00:22:35,018
That doesn't sound like an apology.

580
00:22:35,052 --> 00:22:36,686
You got to put in some serious time

581
00:22:36,721 --> 00:22:38,021
before you tear into him like that.

582
00:22:38,055 --> 00:22:39,689
He is my son.

583
00:22:39,724 --> 00:22:41,324
I mean, you're just a
sperm donor at this point.

584
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:42,592
Why don't you try being his friend?

585
00:22:42,627 --> 00:22:44,361
What do you know about him? Nothing.

586
00:22:44,395 --> 00:22:46,363
Boo-yah. Moody just got schooled.

587
00:22:46,397 --> 00:22:48,365
Well, maybe I overreacted a tad,

588
00:22:48,399 --> 00:22:50,267
but the boy is in need
of some male guidance.

589
00:22:50,301 --> 00:22:53,270
Hey, I think this woman
is doing a fantastic job.

590
00:22:53,304 --> 00:22:54,938
This kid's got excellent manners.

591
00:22:54,972 --> 00:22:57,007
She brought cookies. Which are amazing.

592
00:22:57,041 --> 00:22:58,608
Why don't you find some patience, Hank?

593
00:22:58,643 --> 00:23:00,310
And don't be a fucking asshole.

594
00:23:00,344 --> 00:23:03,613
Well said, Julia.

595
00:23:03,648 --> 00:23:07,284
- Can I ask you something?
- Sure.

596
00:23:07,318 --> 00:23:09,019
Have you ever done any acting?

597
00:23:09,053 --> 00:23:11,121
Oh, years ago, in New York.

598
00:23:11,155 --> 00:23:12,455
- New York?
- Yeah.

599
00:23:12,490 --> 00:23:14,791
- I'm from New York.
- Oh, cool. Wow.

600
00:23:14,825 --> 00:23:17,527
Well, yeah, I did some
theater and a few commercials,

601
00:23:17,562 --> 00:23:18,828
but I wasn't very good.

602
00:23:18,863 --> 00:23:20,330
You know what?

603
00:23:20,364 --> 00:23:22,966
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

604
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,068
I think you're probably a lot more talented

605
00:23:25,102 --> 00:23:27,070
than you think you are.

606
00:23:29,707 --> 00:23:31,308
Let me show you around.

607
00:23:31,342 --> 00:23:34,811
Take that, rapist.

608
00:23:34,845 --> 00:23:36,980
- So this is...
- Levon!

609
00:23:37,014 --> 00:23:38,748
Milk!

610
00:23:45,456 --> 00:23:48,858
I didn't see this
coming, Runks, not at all.

611
00:23:48,893 --> 00:23:50,994
Me either, buddy.

612
00:23:51,028 --> 00:23:52,862
Boy, you really take your
erections for granted, huh?

613
00:23:52,897 --> 00:23:54,197
I mean, you never imagine

614
00:23:54,232 --> 00:23:55,699
they're just gonna go away one day.

615
00:23:55,733 --> 00:23:57,000
How did you manage to steer this

616
00:23:57,034 --> 00:23:58,335
back around to your dick?

617
00:23:58,369 --> 00:24:00,003
I was just sharing about how my life

618
00:24:00,037 --> 00:24:02,505
has been turned inside out
and upside down right now.

619
00:24:02,540 --> 00:24:04,040
Well, mine too, you know?

620
00:24:04,075 --> 00:24:07,177
My dick isn't working.

621
00:24:07,211 --> 00:24:09,212
I can't make sweet love to my wife,

622
00:24:09,247 --> 00:24:11,448
who surely must be growing frustrated

623
00:24:11,482 --> 00:24:13,450
and doubting whether
she did the right thing

624
00:24:13,484 --> 00:24:14,884
getting back together with me.

625
00:24:14,919 --> 00:24:16,453
Well, at least you have a wife, Charlie.

626
00:24:16,487 --> 00:24:18,054
My relationship with Karen

627
00:24:18,089 --> 00:24:20,257
has never been more fucked
than it is right now.

628
00:24:20,291 --> 00:24:22,192
She managed to get past
the whole Mia thing, right?

629
00:24:22,226 --> 00:24:24,527
- Barely.
- Proof...

630
00:24:24,562 --> 00:24:26,529
Time heals all.

631
00:24:26,564 --> 00:24:27,797
Even broken dicks?

632
00:24:27,832 --> 00:24:30,033
Here's hoping.

633
00:24:33,571 --> 00:24:35,238
It's Marcy.

634
00:24:35,273 --> 00:24:37,374
"Come home and fuck your wife.

635
00:24:37,408 --> 00:24:39,576
"She's stoned and horny
and wants some daddy dick.

636
00:24:39,610 --> 00:24:41,244
"If it doesn't work,

637
00:24:41,279 --> 00:24:43,647
you can eat me out and use the verb."

638
00:24:43,681 --> 00:24:44,981
- What, the ve...
- Verb?

639
00:24:45,016 --> 00:24:46,449
- Vibe.
- Vibe.

640
00:24:46,484 --> 00:24:47,784
"Brator."

641
00:24:47,818 --> 00:24:50,253
"Stop at the store. We need milk."

642
00:24:50,288 --> 00:24:52,055
Go.

643
00:24:52,089 --> 00:24:53,890
Go forth. Do as you're told.

644
00:24:53,924 --> 00:24:55,592
Get your tongue ready for a workout.

645
00:24:55,626 --> 00:24:57,227
And... and don't forget the milk.

646
00:24:57,261 --> 00:25:00,230
And grab some booze too. We're almost out.

647
00:25:00,264 --> 00:25:04,134
What? You know I like me
a nightcap when I get home.

648
00:25:04,168 --> 00:25:07,737
And some pop chips. I
love me some pop chips.

649
00:25:07,772 --> 00:25:10,940
Working in TV has taught
me a lot about snack food.

650
00:25:10,975 --> 00:25:14,177
Pop chips!

651
00:25:30,995 --> 00:25:33,596
- What?
- Hi.

652
00:25:33,631 --> 00:25:37,133
What do you want, Hank?
I'm not in the mood.

653
00:25:37,168 --> 00:25:40,437
I-I just wanted to say
how sorry I am, you know?

654
00:25:40,471 --> 00:25:43,773
This... this whole thing has got me so nuts

655
00:25:43,808 --> 00:25:46,443
that I haven't really taken the time

656
00:25:46,477 --> 00:25:48,445
to appreciate how bananas
it must be for you.

657
00:25:48,479 --> 00:25:50,814
You know, and I know I
can't talk my way out of it

658
00:25:50,848 --> 00:25:52,716
or expect... expect it to blow over,

659
00:25:52,750 --> 00:25:54,684
but, you know, I just want you to know

660
00:25:54,719 --> 00:26:00,190
that I-I fully appreciate what
a big deal this is for you.

661
00:26:00,224 --> 00:26:03,193
Okay. What else can I do for you?

662
00:26:05,162 --> 00:26:08,898
I'm a halfway-decent
paternal-type person, aren't I?

663
00:26:08,933 --> 00:26:13,636
So that's what this is about.
You want your ego stroked.

664
00:26:13,671 --> 00:26:15,705
No, no, no, I-I... it's
just that I'm feeling

665
00:26:15,740 --> 00:26:17,574
pretty rusty right now and I just...

666
00:26:17,608 --> 00:26:21,644
No, you're feeling pretty
sorry for yourself about now.

667
00:26:21,679 --> 00:26:25,482
And that's a waste of time,
because this is life, Hank.

668
00:26:25,516 --> 00:26:28,251
You know, shit comes flying at you,

669
00:26:28,285 --> 00:26:29,886
and you got to deal with it.

670
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:33,356
That's what defines you,
how you deal with it.

671
00:26:33,391 --> 00:26:36,059
You don't get points for wallowing.

672
00:26:36,093 --> 00:26:39,262
Well, that's funny, because I
have never felt more entitled

673
00:26:39,296 --> 00:26:43,233
to drink and contemplate
my job-like existence

674
00:26:43,267 --> 00:26:45,101
than I do right now.

675
00:26:45,136 --> 00:26:49,506
And you have a daughter who
has no idea what's coming.

676
00:26:49,540 --> 00:26:51,007
Lucky her.

677
00:26:51,041 --> 00:26:52,275
And you have this kid

678
00:26:52,309 --> 00:26:54,043
who's come looking for his father.

679
00:26:54,078 --> 00:26:55,578
I mean, it's a big deal.

680
00:26:55,613 --> 00:26:57,213
He's probably a raw nerve right now,

681
00:26:57,248 --> 00:26:59,883
and his mom all, like, freaked out

682
00:26:59,917 --> 00:27:02,886
and wondering how her life's gonna change.

683
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,889
It's a lot.

684
00:27:05,923 --> 00:27:07,590
How about you?

685
00:27:07,625 --> 00:27:09,759
You don't got time to think about me, Hank.

686
00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:11,428
You got enough on your plate.

687
00:27:11,462 --> 00:27:14,297
Just don't give up on me, okay?

688
00:27:14,331 --> 00:27:16,433
I'm still me.

689
00:27:16,467 --> 00:27:20,703
We're still us.

690
00:27:20,738 --> 00:27:23,706
Good night, Hank.

691
00:27:23,741 --> 00:27:27,377
Good night.

692
00:27:27,411 --> 00:27:34,052
♪ And I'll be down again ♪

693
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:41,000
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com