1
00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:03,936
(upbeat march plays)
2
00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:06,538
♪ Good morning, USA!
3
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:10,509
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
4
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,479
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
5
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:18,117
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
6
00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:23,288
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
7
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:25,224
♪ Good morning, USA
8
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:26,925
Aah!
9
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:31,430
♪ Good morning, USA!
10
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:36,802
Oh, Stan...
11
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:39,338
I love having date night on a Tuesday.
12
00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:42,841
And it's Taco Tuesday, where
all the tacos are two for one.
13
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:43,876
(laughs)
14
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,311
Your frugality is so sexy.
15
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:47,846
(whispering):
I brought a garbage bag
16
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,415
that we can fill with chips.
17
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:52,017
You know, maybe with
all the money we're saving
18
00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:55,354
on Mexican food, we can
finally buy a new couch.
19
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,923
Too many animals have
given birth on the old one.
20
00:00:57,925 --> 00:00:59,658
Stan...?
21
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:00,959
Are you listening?
22
00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:04,029
Yeah, uh...
23
00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:06,231
I was, I was just looking at, uh...
24
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,733
the-the alcohol.
25
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:10,102
H-H-Have they always
served hard alcohol here?
26
00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:13,272
Stan, you have two Jack
and Cokes in front of you.
27
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:16,008
You get them every time we come here.
28
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:17,409
Jack is alcohol?!
29
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,211
(laughs): Why, I always
thought it was slang.
30
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:22,481
Like, "That soda be so cheap
you Jack and Coke, son."
31
00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:30,222
You just couldn't keep your eyes off
32
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,924
that slutty bartender, could you?
33
00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:33,258
Wait, what?!
34
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:34,693
Are you just guessing that she's slutty,
35
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:37,255
or have you heard something?
36
00:01:38,698 --> 00:01:39,698
(brakes squeak)
37
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,033
Well, we're in the driveway
38
00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:42,868
and that's where all conversations end.
39
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:45,571
I'm gonna go deal with
the B-side of Taco Tuesday.
40
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,872
See you at sex later?
41
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,244
(laughs) Wednesday morning,
42
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,113
that means Stan's fresh off date night.
43
00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:55,380
Come on, spill it!
44
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:56,582
All right. Highlight:
45
00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:58,984
Successfully passed an expired coupon.
46
00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:00,219
Nice!
The master!
47
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:01,954
Keeping it cheap!
48
00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:04,089
Lowlight: Francine
almost busted me
49
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:05,791
checking out this hot girl's boobs.
50
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,793
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
You can't get caught looking.
51
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,495
Yeah, man.
Women talk.
52
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,797
If my girlfriend hears
you're checking out other women,
53
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,732
she'll realize I do it too.
54
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,100
Guys, guys, relax.
55
00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:16,668
I covered it with an excuse
56
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,504
and even agreed to go
couch shopping at the mall.
57
00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:19,805
The mall?!
58
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,640
That place is crawling with hot chicks.
59
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,443
So, I'll just play it safe
and not look at any women.
60
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:25,978
No, you can still look.
61
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,913
You just gotta learn to rubberneck.
62
00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,448
"Rubberneck?"
What's that?
63
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:32,351
We'll tell you, but you
gotta keep it a secret.
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00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:35,354
Women can never find out
about rubbernecking.
65
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:37,723
New black intern:
Kick it.
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00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,827
(needle scratches, hip hop music begins)
67
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:45,430
Rubbernecking is the art of
checking out women on the sly.
68
00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:48,934
And if you do it right,
you'll never get caught.
69
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,035
(rapping):
♪ Well...
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00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:51,170
♪ My name's Mcgee
71
00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,304
♪ And soon you'll see
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00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:53,338
♪ If you wanna rubberneck
73
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,540
♪ Just listen to me
74
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,208
♪ Because a peek don't hurt ♪
75
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:57,643
♪ If you wanna scout skirt,
you have to be covert ♪
76
00:02:57,645 --> 00:02:58,845
♪ Listen up, you squirt
77
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,312
♪ Well, my name is Jackson
78
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:01,480
♪ My technique's the purest
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00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:02,714
♪ When I wanna scout girls
80
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,716
♪ I pretend I'm a tourist
81
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,518
♪ You look around like you're super lost ♪
82
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,288
♪ Hold up a map, now you're
peeking like a boss. ♪
83
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:13,125
Yeah... I guess when I'm lost,
I do look everywhere.
84
00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:15,360
♪ My name is Sanders and I don't lie ♪
85
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:16,728
♪ The best way to peek
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00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,330
♪ Say there's
something in your eye. ♪
87
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,898
Wow... smooth.
88
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,567
♪ Well, my name is Tiny Dick
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00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:22,734
♪ And I have a little trick
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00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:23,969
♪ To look at a lady
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00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:25,070
♪ So she don't think I'm shady
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00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,238
♪ I pretend that I'm dead
93
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,406
♪ And I lie on a gurney
94
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:28,874
♪ When the nurses come up
95
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,209
♪ I do the Weekend at Bernie's ♪
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00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:32,377
♪ Never forget, women like to judge ♪
97
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,379
♪ Go on, give that cattiness a nudge ♪
98
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,582
♪ So tell your woman that you hate a girl ♪
99
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:39,218
♪ And you can stare while
all that hate unfurls. ♪
100
00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:42,988
Ah... hey, Francine,
look at that terrible outfit.
101
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,058
Yeah, she looks like a hooker.
102
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,193
(echoing):
Hooker, hooker, hooker...
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00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:50,429
♪ When you wanna take a look,
hold up a book ♪
104
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,831
♪ A newspaper will do
to look at some boobs ♪
105
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,833
♪ I think you're ready to join the crew ♪
106
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,668
♪ Because you're rubbernecking
107
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:57,869
♪ With the best
108
00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:59,938
♪ Rubbernecking with the best
109
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,273
♪ Because you're rubbernecking
110
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:02,507
♪ With the best
111
00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,243
♪ Rubbernecking with the best.
112
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:05,677
(song ends)
113
00:04:11,618 --> 00:04:13,852
New couch!
114
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:15,854
Klaus, get in here!
115
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,557
(clinking against fish bowl)
116
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,025
This better be important.
117
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,727
I'm crank calling my aunt in Düsseldorf.
118
00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,061
(gasps) She's on.
119
00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:24,062
(deep voice):
I'm going to kill you.
120
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,063
I'm going to kill you.
121
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:25,931
(phone beeps)
122
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,132
Okay, what now?
123
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,102
(gasps) A new couch!
124
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:32,104
It feels like I'm floating.
125
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:35,207
Well, I took a long enough
lunch; better go back to work.
126
00:04:35,209 --> 00:04:36,608
Listen, Stan...
127
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,311
I'm sorry I got so paranoid last night.
128
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:42,047
There were beautiful women
all over the mall today
129
00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:43,415
and you didn't even notice.
130
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,083
You're talking about that redhead, right?
131
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:48,687
Either way, you should know
I only have eyes for you.
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00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:53,292
You know, Klaus,
133
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,594
I've been saving something
for an occasion just like this.
134
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:58,797
This bottle of wine was
a gift from Julia Child...
135
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,232
to Liz Taylor.
136
00:05:00,234 --> 00:05:02,794
I stole it when I worked
at the post office.
137
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:07,005
Yes, red wine, the deepest
staining of all the wines.
138
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,573
To our new couch.
139
00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:12,678
Ah, that was a terrible toast.
140
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,912
Could've been about any couch.
141
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,080
Let's try again.
142
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,749
To our new, pristine, white couch.
143
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:23,855
Blech! Ooh! It's turned.
144
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:25,490
That is bad wine.
145
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,025
That is real bad wine.
146
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,694
Never keep wine in the car.
147
00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:30,629
I knew it and I did it anyway.
148
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,164
Oh, no, the couch.
149
00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:35,467
The cushions are sewn in.
150
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:36,468
We can't flip them.
151
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,437
(gasps) Stan will kill us!
152
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,305
What are we gonna do?!
153
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:42,274
We'll just have to sit here forever.
154
00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:44,209
That's brilliant!
155
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:48,046
Oh, isn't it crazy how worried
we were a moment ago?
156
00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:57,556
Well, hello, hot jogger.
157
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,491
♪ Rubbernecking...
158
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,660
Might as well get some
photo proof for the boys
159
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:02,794
while I'm here.
160
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,029
Not doing anything wrong.
161
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,497
Just looking for a signal.
162
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:07,132
Definitely not zooming in to see
163
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,800
if you're wearing underpants.
164
00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:14,973
Some from the back
and don't forget the rack.
165
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,575
(crashing)
166
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,349
Damn it, if Francine finds out I crashed
167
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:26,084
because I was rubbernecking,
I'm a dead man.
168
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,487
Ah...! My back hurts
169
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:29,988
and I used to have a great back!
170
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,423
What the hell were you looking at?
171
00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:35,694
Uh, uh, nothing.
I must've lingered on a blink.
172
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,929
(gasps) Are you okay?
173
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,164
Do you need help?
174
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,166
Get out of here!
You've done enough!
175
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,741
Nice.
176
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:02,621
Oh, my God, what happened to you?!
177
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:05,424
Oh, I got in a car accident,
Francine, but don't worry,
178
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:07,025
luckily I've had enough time to remember
179
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,593
the exact truth of what happened.
180
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:11,196
Oh, you poor thing.
Come rest your bloody head
181
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,731
right here underneath where I'm sitting.
182
00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,933
You see, I was driving responsibly
183
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:18,103
with my eyes on the road,
when a dog jumped out.
184
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:20,071
I saved his life by swerving.
185
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,907
He made eye contact as he ran away.
186
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:24,543
No words exchanged,
he wasn't a talking dog,
187
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:27,779
but in that moment,
I knew he thought me a hero.
188
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,549
Well, come on.
With a head trauma like this,
189
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,217
you should get right into bed.
190
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:36,555
It's like they say, "Starve a
fever, sleep a concussion."
191
00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:42,093
(groans) How'd you sleep?
192
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,762
Ugh, lousy.
193
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,130
Do I have tank head?
194
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,998
Did you guys spend the night on the couch?
195
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,133
Uh... yes.
196
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,668
We are, um...
197
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:52,771
trying to set the world record
for longest continuous
198
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,973
couch-sitting
in Smith household history.
199
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,074
(whispering):
Good one, Klaus.
200
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,909
(doorbell rings)
201
00:07:57,911 --> 00:08:00,412
Mr. Smith,
my name is Heinrich Brown.
202
00:08:00,414 --> 00:08:01,580
Okay!
203
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,281
I'm from your insurance company
204
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,150
and I'm here to review
the details of your accident.
205
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,818
(dramatic music stinger plays)
206
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,987
Anyway, I was hoping to talk to you
207
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,690
about exactly how your accident went down.
208
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,091
Of course!
Of cour... of course.
209
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,159
Come in. Come in.
210
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,962
Hope you like nothin', 'cause
that's what I got to hide.
211
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:18,697
(nervous laugh) Hey, do you mind
if we meet in the kitchen?
212
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,333
My-my fish,
and this, uh...
213
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:24,469
little girl are trying to set
a couch-sitting record.
214
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:26,004
(Southern accent):
You don't remember me?
215
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,706
I'm Jean-Louise Finch.
216
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:31,109
You brought us some molasses
one foggy morning, remember?
217
00:08:32,645 --> 00:08:35,780
So... yeah, let's-let's
go to the kitchen.
218
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,316
(gulping)
219
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,619
Thank you once more for this delicious...
220
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,354
glass of milk.
221
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:45,190
Now, Mr. Smith, before I start,
I want to remind you
222
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,459
that insurance fraud is a felony,
223
00:08:47,461 --> 00:08:49,561
punishable by serious jail time.
224
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:50,829
(gulps nervously)
225
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,864
Your sworn statement says you swerved
226
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,033
because a dog jumped in front of your car?
227
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,968
Are you sure that's
what caused the accident?
228
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,637
Why wouldn't he be sure?
229
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,138
I don't know, Mrs. Smith.
230
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,974
It's not my job to know
what caused the accident.
231
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:05,043
It's my job to find out.
232
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,579
And then, after that... to know.
233
00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:16,087
He keeps drinking, but there's
always the same amount of milk!
234
00:09:20,092 --> 00:09:22,427
Thank you again,
Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
235
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:25,697
I will return this glass
when I am done with my milk.
236
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:28,667
Oh, don't return it, just put
it down when you're done.
237
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,435
If I was meant to have it,
it'll find its way back to me.
238
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:34,839
And Mr. Smith, please know that
if you are hiding anything,
239
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:37,776
anything at all, I will sniff it out.
240
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,778
It's an ability of mine.
241
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:42,047
For instance...
(sniffs)
242
00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,516
your fish and that Southern tomboy
243
00:09:44,518 --> 00:09:47,385
are hiding a wine stain on your couch.
244
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,220
What?! Is that true?!
245
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,756
It was Klaus, he spilled the wine!
246
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,858
He said if I told you, AI'd be next!
247
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,193
(gasps)
248
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:01,633
(a hard hip hop beat begins)
249
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,969
♪ Hey, yo, insurance is not a game ♪
250
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:04,803
♪ You know what I'm saying?
251
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:05,804
(barks)
252
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,472
♪ I'm a dog. Here we go
253
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:08,640
♪ Radio edit
254
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:09,874
♪ Yo, let's do this
255
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,543
♪ Hey, yo, if you commit fraud
256
00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:12,978
♪ You gon' be paying to God
257
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,446
♪ If you fake your wreck
258
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:15,947
♪ We gon' break your neck
259
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,282
♪ Cover your tracks well
260
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,750
♪ I'll use my sense to smell
261
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,251
♪ And all of a sudden
262
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:22,153
♪ Your permanent hotel is goin' be jail ♪
263
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,388
♪ I'm a fraud sniff in' dog
264
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:24,823
♪ Make you squeal like a hog
265
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:25,991
♪ If I see fraudulence
266
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,759
♪ I pull a de-liverence
267
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:29,227
♪ And when I find out
268
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,929
♪ You'll lose that
safe driver discount! ♪
269
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:33,164
(echoing):
♪ Discount, discount, discount
270
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,399
- (gunshot sound effect)
- ♪ Yo
271
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:35,834
♪ Earthquakes are not covered
272
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:37,569
♪ Under the home insurance plan, bitch ♪
273
00:10:37,571 --> 00:10:39,904
♪ Yo, we do not cover acts of God ♪
274
00:10:39,906 --> 00:10:41,406
♪ I am an act of God ♪
275
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,641
♪ Yo, you just remember
276
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:43,808
♪ You want fire coverage
277
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,310
♪ It's a separate policy
278
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,312
♪ The zip code affects your premium ♪
279
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:49,748
♪ Yo, I ain't a good neighbor
280
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:50,949
♪ I banged your wife
281
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,484
♪ And you ain't in good hands
282
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:53,985
♪ Because I'll take your life.
283
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,887
(engine revving)
284
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:58,923
(thunder crashing)
285
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:06,197
I'll tell you what I told Verne Troyer:
286
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:09,701
if the sidecar comes unattached,
it's a separate vehicle
287
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,636
and it's not covered.
288
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:12,937
Heinrich!
289
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:14,539
Wh-What, wh-what
are you doing here?
290
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,374
Ah, Mr. Smith.
291
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,009
I was about to close your case,
292
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:22,447
but one small, easily-answered
question arose.
293
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:23,848
It-it... it did?
294
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,818
Yes, you said a dog ran in front
of your car.
295
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,687
But in this traffic camera photo,
296
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:32,057
the only thing I see is a fox.
297
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:33,725
(dramatic music stinger plays)
298
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,694
She's quite beautiful.
299
00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:37,896
Did she happen to catch your eye?
300
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,564
Oh, I don't... I don't pay
attention to joggers
301
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:42,367
when I'm driving. No, th-they're
like pedestrians to me.
302
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,135
I'm just gonna come out and say it:
303
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,570
I think you were rubbernecking.
304
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:46,905
With the best.
305
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,174
But I unfortunately have no evidence.
306
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:52,210
So I'm gonna have to close your case.
307
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,912
(others sigh with relief)
308
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,481
As long as I don't find anything
at the routine inspection
309
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:59,150
of your vehicle at the body shop.
310
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:05,056
Well, looks like we're in the clear.
311
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,158
He's not gonna find anything.
The only evidence
312
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,027
is some pictures of that jogger
in my phone.
313
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:11,029
Which I haven't even looked at
since the accident
314
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,198
because my phone's in my car.
(gasps)
315
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,067
You brought him in here, you bastard!
316
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,838
Rubbernecking is all I have!
317
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,240
(whirring)
318
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,677
Get down there and clean up your mess!
319
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:31,349
'Twas beauty killed the beast.
320
00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:36,087
Mr. Smith, how odd
to see you here.
321
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,123
Uh, have you inspected the car?
322
00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:40,125
Everywhere but under the driver's seat.
323
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:43,294
I always save that...
for dessert.
324
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:55,206
Nothing.
325
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,308
Mr. Smith,
I'm a proud man
326
00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:00,378
but not too proud to admit when I'm beaten.
327
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,914
I'm very proud of that.
328
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,216
Good-bye forever,
Mr. Smith.
329
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,886
(phone ringtone playing)
330
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:11,689
(grunting)
331
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,353
(gasps) My glass!
332
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:18,062
Aw...
333
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:20,665
Stan? I lied, Stan.
334
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:23,668
Klaus didn't spill
the wine... we both did.
335
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:25,937
I had to tell you 'cause it's the truth.
336
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:29,808
And if we ain't got no truth
in this world, what do we have?
337
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,442
Damn lies.
338
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:33,678
You're not Stan.
How'd you get Stan's phone?
339
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,246
What else of Stan's do you have?
340
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,848
Let's sell it all and split the dough.
341
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:39,851
We're in this together.
Don't you dare double-cross me!
342
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:45,523
(chuckles) Just as I suspected.
343
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:47,859
Your crash was caused by rubbernecking.
344
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:51,830
Mr. Smith, you're under arrest
for insurance fraud.
345
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:52,797
(gasps)
346
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:55,033
(crashing)
347
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,701
Oh, my God, what happened?
348
00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,136
(strained):
I was checking out
349
00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:00,772
a hot chick in a news copter.
350
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:03,608
See? He told the truth.
351
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,510
And everyone's the better for it.
352
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,512
(weakly):
I'd like to purchase...
353
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,848
some life insurance.
354
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,482
Are you a smoker?
355
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:13,484
Only when I drink.
356
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,954
(moans)
357
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,689
(splat)
358
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:23,962
Steve, why isn't your mother here?
359
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,296
She's hurt, Dad.
360
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,165
She's so upset about your rubbernecking
361
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:29,334
she's not even coming to your trial.
362
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:32,337
And I got to say, I don't blame her.
363
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:34,639
(slow, soulful R & B melody playing)
364
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:41,846
It's time to wake up, Stan.
365
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:45,783
♪ It's time to stand up and be a man ♪
366
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:50,355
♪ Be the husband that you told her you ♪
367
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,590
♪ Were gonna be forever
368
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:55,426
♪ Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today ♪
369
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:58,363
♪ But I can't see what's wrong with you ♪
370
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:00,932
♪ You got a wife, a hot one, too ♪
371
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:04,535
♪ But if you keep on looking,
you won't end up together ♪
372
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:07,038
♪ Oh, my God
373
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,707
♪ Is she not hot enough
374
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,442
♪ For you, Dad?
375
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:14,779
♪ I can't believe ♪
376
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:17,515
♪ That you can't see ♪
377
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:20,518
♪ Those lips, hips and face
378
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,521
♪ Body's all over the place
379
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:25,356
♪ Oh, yeah
380
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:28,693
♪ Damn, that's my mama ♪ That's his mama ♪
381
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:31,095
♪ Mmm, damn, if that wasn't my mama ♪
382
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,564
♪ Stan, you know it's not fair
383
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:36,601
♪ Why you looking at some other ho ♪
384
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:40,338
♪ When she's got the milky
breasts and silky hair ♪
385
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,141
♪ Helen Keller, open your eyes
386
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,543
♪ You got the perfect wife
387
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,112
♪ The time inside her
388
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:53,117
♪ Was the best damn nine months
of my life ♪
389
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,820
♪ Is she not hot enough
390
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:57,322
♪ For you, Dad?
391
00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,624
♪ I can't believe ♪
392
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:03,261
♪ Ooh, oh, my God, oh, my God
♪ That you can't see ♪
393
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:05,563
♪ Now I'm thinking maybe she's
394
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,065
♪ Just too hot
395
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,433
♪ For someone
396
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:11,169
♪ As blind as you...
STAN: Steve!
397
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:13,905
Seriously, this isn't a great
place not to be wearing a shirt.
398
00:16:13,907 --> 00:16:16,574
Let him sing!
399
00:16:22,247 --> 00:16:23,481
(slurping)
400
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:26,351
JUDGE:
All right.
401
00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:29,954
Mr. Smith, you will be judged
by a jury of your peers,
402
00:16:29,956 --> 00:16:31,856
who just happen to all be
403
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:33,858
married women around your wife's age.
404
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,660
(groans loudly)
405
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:39,364
Mr. Smith, this is a photo not
of the dog you claimed to avoid
406
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,366
but of an admittedly attractive jogger
407
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:43,801
that you took at the time of your accident.
408
00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:46,704
And here is a photo of your wife.
409
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,106
With a wife this attractive,
410
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,174
why were you looking at another woman?
411
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,710
Are you some kind of deviant?
412
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:54,112
What? No.
413
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:56,914
Looking at other women
is normal. It's...
414
00:16:57,716 --> 00:16:58,850
LAWYER:
Mr. Smith?
415
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,051
You were saying?
416
00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:01,819
No, I-I-I don't,
I don't think I was.
417
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:04,689
Come on, Mr. Smith.
Admit it.
418
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:09,394
You're a sex-crazed maniac,
no better than a U.S. senator.
419
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:10,795
How dare you!
420
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:13,031
I am a lot of things, but not a senator!
421
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,867
Then why were you taking these photos?!
422
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,735
Because I was rubbernecking!
(women gasping)
423
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:18,903
All men do it!
424
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:21,072
(slurping) (gallery clamoring)
425
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,974
Uh... I don't.
426
00:17:22,976 --> 00:17:24,375
You're a dead man, Smith!
427
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,044
You are gonna die!
428
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:27,512
I don't know where or when,
429
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:30,381
but each of us has to go in our own time!
430
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,483
Is that even a threat?
431
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:33,851
Order! Order!
432
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:35,153
The gallery will refrain
433
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,321
from shouting out existential truisms!
434
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:38,890
Listen, I know I'm a judge
435
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,859
and I'm supposed to make sure
you get a fair trial,
436
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:44,896
but everyone in here
should be disgusted with you.
437
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:48,199
If my wife looked like yours,
I'd never take my eyes off her.
438
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,034
Oh, you wouldn't, would you?
439
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:54,172
Wait, Your Honor, can I ask
the court for a quick recess?
440
00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:56,908
Didn't really wait for my answer...
441
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,609
Steve, take this to your mother.
442
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:00,211
She doesn't want to hear it, Dad.
443
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:02,346
She won't have to hear it.
She'll have to read it.
444
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:05,049
Just make sure she does.
445
00:18:05,051 --> 00:18:06,050
Eh, whatever.
446
00:18:06,052 --> 00:18:07,251
20 minute recess.
447
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,953
Dick.
448
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:11,189
(man giggling)
449
00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,826
(bell rings)
450
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:17,562
Oh...
451
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:18,963
(gavel banging)
452
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:21,265
Well, I forgot where we were,
453
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,134
so I guess, Mr. Smith,
you have the floor.
454
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:24,435
You're a bad judge.
455
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,271
Well, I'm not the one on trial, am I?
456
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,539
Am I?
457
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:30,641
Proceed.
458
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:31,709
(door creaks)
459
00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:36,714
Uh, Your Honor, I'd like
to call to the stand...
460
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,549
Francine Smith.
461
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,785
♪
462
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:01,339
Busted!
463
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,641
Rubbernecking! Rubbernecking!
464
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,843
Rubberne...
465
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,079
Rubbernecking!
466
00:19:08,081 --> 00:19:09,514
You were all rubbernecking!
467
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:11,916
See? I told you! All men do it.
468
00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:13,784
But that doesn't make us bad guys.
469
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:15,853
It's like I said in my note, Francine.
470
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,788
I may look at other women, but...
471
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,857
it doesn't mean I love you any less.
472
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:24,095
My eyes may wander, but my
heart always comes home.
473
00:19:24,097 --> 00:19:25,763
Oh, Stan.
474
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:30,201
Well, to be completely honest,
when I walked in here,
475
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:33,137
it felt kind of good being looked at.
476
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:36,541
♪ Yo, fellas, so what my girl
wants to wear a short skirt? ♪
477
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:37,975
♪ It be hot in Virginia
478
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,210
♪ I'm gonna wear a skirt
479
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:41,712
♪ Me, too, I want to be seen
480
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:44,849
♪ You look like a prostitute
but it's not obscene ♪
481
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:47,852
♪ If I got the goods
and my body's rocking ♪
482
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,621
♪ Ain't nothing wrong
with window-shopping ♪
483
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:53,624
♪ I get looked at all the time ♪
484
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:56,994
♪ Tons and tons and tons of times ♪
485
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,830
♪ How much is normal
to get looked at? ♪
486
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:01,365
♪ You can double that
487
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,701
♪ That's how much I get looked at ♪
488
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,070
♪ It's pretty annoying sometimes ♪
489
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:08,706
♪ But you live with it
when you're hecka good-looking ♪
490
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,676
♪ See, rubbernecking just ain't no crime ♪
491
00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:14,412
♪ We're doing it just to pass the time ♪
492
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:18,182
♪ We might look but you'll go
home with only me ♪
493
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,218
♪ My eyes may wander
494
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:22,887
♪ But my heart comes home
495
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:26,057
♪ Comes home, comes home ♪
♪ My eyes may wander
496
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:28,893
♪ But my heart comes home
497
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:32,163
♪ Comes home, comes home ♪
♪ If Francine wasn't my mama
498
00:20:32,165 --> 00:20:35,199
♪ Lord, you know
I'd try to bone... ♪
499
00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:36,567
Come on, Steve.
500
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,869
♪ Lord, I've learned my lesson
501
00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:41,572
♪ Lord, I've learned my lesson ♪
502
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:44,442
♪ Lord, we've learned our lesson ♪
503
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:46,277
♪ Tonight!
504
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:48,846
That was a lot of fun to sing.
505
00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:50,281
But unfortunately, Mr. Smith,
506
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,016
you're on trial for insurance fraud,
507
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:54,285
which you definitely did.
508
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:57,288
I hereby sentence you
to six years in prison.
509
00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,190
ROGER:
Lucky!
510
00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:04,395
(compressor whirring)
511
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:06,597
(sprayer hissing)
512
00:21:22,047 --> 00:21:24,215
(clicking)
513
00:21:27,486 --> 00:21:29,387
We need a new couch!
514
00:21:31,257 --> 00:21:33,391
Bye! Have a beautiful time.