1
00:00:01,004 --> 00:00:03,190
And just when they thought all
hope was lost... [door opens]
2
00:00:03,191 --> 00:00:05,518
Hi. Oh no. Am I too late?
Did I miss storytelling?
3
00:00:05,519 --> 00:00:07,213
No, no. We're just
getting to the good part.
4
00:00:07,214 --> 00:00:09,993
So, he turned up the music,
threw a raging party...
5
00:00:14,234 --> 00:00:16,885
[Ben laughs] Danny: Yeah!
6
00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:19,071
And fell in love with a hooker.
7
00:00:20,776 --> 00:00:22,329
Oh, I get to be the hooker.
8
00:00:24,732 --> 00:00:26,877
Whoo. (Chuckling)
9
00:00:26,878 --> 00:00:28,136
And that wraps up tonight's edition
10
00:00:28,137 --> 00:00:29,698
of drive-in with daddy.
11
00:00:31,311 --> 00:00:32,690
Wow. "Risky Business."
12
00:00:33,023 --> 00:00:36,019
Kind of threw me there, 'cause I
thought tonight's movie was "Goldilocks."
13
00:00:36,020 --> 00:00:37,061
Oh, well,
14
00:00:37,062 --> 00:00:39,100
Tucker was tired of being the baby bear.
15
00:00:40,610 --> 00:00:43,736
Well, I do enjoy these
father-daughter moments.
16
00:00:43,737 --> 00:00:46,079
And in fact, you've kind of inspired me
17
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,911
to find my own biological father.
18
00:00:47,912 --> 00:00:49,874
Which by the way, I have.
19
00:00:50,630 --> 00:00:51,733
No way!
20
00:00:51,734 --> 00:00:52,884
Yes, way. Well, ever since
21
00:00:52,885 --> 00:00:54,906
I found out that aunt Margot
actually gave birth to me,
22
00:00:54,907 --> 00:00:56,787
I've wanted to know who he is,
23
00:00:56,788 --> 00:00:59,526
but my mom forbid Margot
from saying anything.
24
00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:02,398
So my dad slipped me his old yearbook
25
00:01:02,399 --> 00:01:05,267
and said "page 37, Mark Clements.
26
00:01:05,268 --> 00:01:07,626
That's the bastard who
knocked up your aunt Margot."
27
00:01:08,044 --> 00:01:08,981
(Chuckles)
28
00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:10,978
I love my dad.
29
00:01:11,856 --> 00:01:13,533
Attention, ladies and gentlemen,
30
00:01:13,534 --> 00:01:15,168
parents arriving momentarily.
31
00:01:15,169 --> 00:01:17,236
Next stop, dysfunction junction.
32
00:01:18,939 --> 00:01:20,096
(Knocks on door)
33
00:01:20,577 --> 00:01:21,748
And they're here.
34
00:01:22,371 --> 00:01:24,018
Let the judging begin.
35
00:01:26,476 --> 00:01:27,978
- Tucker.
- Dad.
36
00:01:29,282 --> 00:01:31,178
Wait, where's mom?
37
00:01:31,756 --> 00:01:33,175
See, I told her you'd notice.
38
00:01:34,372 --> 00:01:36,020
I said, "Joanne, the boy's gonna notice."
39
00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:39,646
Dad, what's going on? Is something wrong?
40
00:01:39,647 --> 00:01:40,534
Not at all.
41
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,303
Your mother and I are getting a divorce.
42
00:01:44,478 --> 00:01:45,894
So...
43
00:01:45,895 --> 00:01:48,425
Then the three little bears, trying
to avoid a very awkward situation,
44
00:01:48,426 --> 00:01:49,965
all took Goldilocks to bed. Let's go.
45
00:01:52,857 --> 00:01:54,926
You know, the big one isn't wearing pants.
46
00:01:55,771 --> 00:01:57,164
(Theme music playing)
47
00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,704
* it's amazing how the unexpected *
48
00:02:00,705 --> 00:02:04,338
* can take your life
and change direction. *
49
00:02:04,339 --> 00:02:08,280
Synced and corrected by Nantinha
~ www.addic7ed.com ~
50
00:02:08,281 --> 00:02:09,429
Tucker: Divorced?
51
00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:12,113
Dude, I cannot believe I'm
going to be from a broken home.
52
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,559
Well, technically four broken homes
53
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,482
if you count our vacation properties.
54
00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:19,253
I know what you're going through, bud.
55
00:02:19,254 --> 00:02:21,650
When my parents got
divorced, it was horrible.
56
00:02:21,651 --> 00:02:23,615
The constant shuttling back and forth,
57
00:02:23,616 --> 00:02:24,825
splitting holidays,
58
00:02:24,826 --> 00:02:27,034
never really knowing where to call home.
59
00:02:27,559 --> 00:02:29,197
You were 24.
60
00:02:30,373 --> 00:02:32,004
Hey, maybe I can talk to your dad.
61
00:02:32,005 --> 00:02:34,338
I'm sure whatever happened was his fault.
62
00:02:34,339 --> 00:02:36,256
I could certainly point
that out to him for you.
63
00:02:36,559 --> 00:02:38,218
I don't know. I mean, if someone's gonna
64
00:02:38,219 --> 00:02:40,042
give my dad advice about marriage,
65
00:02:40,043 --> 00:02:41,950
shouldn't it be someone who was good at it?
66
00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:44,125
Hey, I was brilliant at it.
67
00:02:44,542 --> 00:02:46,282
He was gay at it.
68
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,677
Well, my mom says he's too uptight at it.
69
00:02:51,062 --> 00:02:52,456
Too uptight?
70
00:02:52,457 --> 00:02:54,967
Now that I could fix.
71
00:02:56,963 --> 00:02:58,093
That's a good idea.
72
00:02:58,622 --> 00:03:00,148
Dude, I can fix him.
73
00:03:00,149 --> 00:03:01,604
I just need to loosen him up a bit,
74
00:03:01,605 --> 00:03:04,676
and nobody is more laid back than me.
75
00:03:04,677 --> 00:03:05,631
(Chuckles)
76
00:03:05,632 --> 00:03:07,347
Dude, would it kill you to use a coaster?
77
00:03:08,486 --> 00:03:11,285
Oh, and remember to scrub
that for a full 20 seconds
78
00:03:11,286 --> 00:03:12,933
using circular motions.
79
00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:16,832
He's hilarious.
80
00:03:16,833 --> 00:03:18,184
Like I'm gonna wash this.
81
00:03:19,565 --> 00:03:20,712
What are we gonna do?
82
00:03:20,713 --> 00:03:22,593
Tucker doesn't have a
laid back bone in his body.
83
00:03:22,594 --> 00:03:24,791
I know. He caught me reading his journal
84
00:03:24,792 --> 00:03:26,377
and he got all mad about it.
85
00:03:27,813 --> 00:03:29,800
Maybe you could go out with Mr. Dobbs.
86
00:03:29,801 --> 00:03:31,903
You know, loosen him
up. Show him a good time.
87
00:03:31,904 --> 00:03:35,218
Well, I think the no fun
police has plans of his own.
88
00:03:35,219 --> 00:03:36,606
It could be our little secret.
89
00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:39,240
Like your hair color and your real age.
90
00:03:40,325 --> 00:03:42,015
Good morning. Hey, mom,
91
00:03:42,016 --> 00:03:43,823
I was just flipping
through your old yearbook.
92
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,988
I didn't know you were voted "most likely
to be a grandma before the age of 50."
93
00:03:47,397 --> 00:03:49,690
On behalf of Emma, you're welcome.
94
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,954
See this. Ahh.
95
00:03:52,955 --> 00:03:53,726
Dated him,
96
00:03:54,554 --> 00:03:55,544
dated him,
97
00:03:56,131 --> 00:03:58,518
way more than dated him.
98
00:03:59,085 --> 00:04:01,503
God, we had some hot teachers at school.
99
00:04:02,153 --> 00:04:03,401
Where'd you get this?
100
00:04:03,402 --> 00:04:04,604
Uh, Riley left it here.
101
00:04:04,605 --> 00:04:06,481
She's trying to track
down her biological father.
102
00:04:06,482 --> 00:04:07,976
Oh, David Brinkerhoff?
103
00:04:07,977 --> 00:04:09,541
Uh, no. Mark Clements.
104
00:04:09,542 --> 00:04:10,549
Margot's old boyfriend.
105
00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:12,217
Oh, no no no. Mark and Margot
106
00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:13,535
may have been going steady,
107
00:04:13,536 --> 00:04:16,244
but Margot and David
were going all the way.
108
00:04:16,245 --> 00:04:17,429
Oh my God, really?
109
00:04:17,430 --> 00:04:19,674
I gotta go stop Riley from
calling the wrong guy daddy.
110
00:04:20,111 --> 00:04:23,298
But first, I gotta take care
of the girl who calls me daddy.
111
00:04:23,299 --> 00:04:26,172
Or at least she should be.
Seriously, it's not that hard.
112
00:04:26,173 --> 00:04:28,276
Da-da.
Da-da.
113
00:04:28,884 --> 00:04:30,276
Okay, I tried.
114
00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:35,327
Ben, hi.
115
00:04:35,328 --> 00:04:36,703
Oh, Riley. Good you're here.
116
00:04:36,704 --> 00:04:38,304
Sorry if I pulled you out of court.
117
00:04:38,305 --> 00:04:39,484
Oh, shoot.
118
00:04:39,485 --> 00:04:41,144
I knew I had something to do today.
119
00:04:42,058 --> 00:04:44,441
Sorry, I've just been so busy
working on my bio dad file.
120
00:04:44,442 --> 00:04:46,848
Everything there is to know
about Mark Clements is in here.
121
00:04:46,849 --> 00:04:47,958
Yeah, about that...
122
00:04:47,959 --> 00:04:50,077
Married twice, divorced once, two sons,
123
00:04:50,487 --> 00:04:53,434
so there's still an opening
for daddy's little girl.
124
00:04:53,435 --> 00:04:55,089
And oh, get this. Get this.
125
00:04:55,090 --> 00:04:58,557
He's a successful, high
powered, Manhattan attorney.
126
00:04:59,135 --> 00:05:01,017
Hello? Chip meet block.
127
00:05:02,037 --> 00:05:03,499
Or rush meet judgment.
128
00:05:04,232 --> 00:05:05,988
He was also a high school jock, me.
129
00:05:05,989 --> 00:05:07,907
President of his college debate club, me.
130
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,737
And allergic to shellfish.
131
00:05:09,738 --> 00:05:11,240
Me me me.
132
00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:12,593
I'm so excited.
133
00:05:12,594 --> 00:05:14,708
Well, how would you like
to be twice as excited?
134
00:05:14,709 --> 00:05:16,486
- What do you mean?
- Well, according to my mom,
135
00:05:16,487 --> 00:05:17,681
there's a second contestant
136
00:05:17,682 --> 00:05:19,146
in this round of "who's your daddy?"
137
00:05:19,147 --> 00:05:20,928
His name's David Brinkerhoff.
138
00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:22,738
Oh my God. No.
139
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:23,703
No no no no.
140
00:05:23,704 --> 00:05:26,327
I am absolutely positive
that Mark is my father.
141
00:05:26,788 --> 00:05:29,863
David is a pastry chef
and owns his own bakery.
142
00:05:30,369 --> 00:05:31,919
Oh my God, it might be him.
143
00:05:33,770 --> 00:05:35,432
What am I gonna do now?
144
00:05:35,433 --> 00:05:36,924
I have to start a whole new file.
145
00:05:37,401 --> 00:05:39,857
Or we could just go
check them out in person.
146
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,951
Ben, I can't just walk
into some guy's bakery
147
00:05:42,952 --> 00:05:45,529
and be like "oh, hey. I'll
have two dozen cupcakes
148
00:05:45,530 --> 00:05:47,192
and some DNA."
149
00:05:47,845 --> 00:05:48,841
No.
150
00:05:48,842 --> 00:05:50,687
But an engaged couple from Yonkers
151
00:05:50,688 --> 00:05:53,655
who's looking for someone to
make their wedding cake can.
152
00:05:53,656 --> 00:05:55,851
Yeah, but where are we gonna
find a couple like that?
153
00:05:57,888 --> 00:05:59,099
Oh oh.
154
00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:00,465
- You mean us.
- Yeah.
155
00:06:00,466 --> 00:06:01,694
Oh, I like that. Okay.
156
00:06:06,294 --> 00:06:07,798
(Laughing)
157
00:06:08,309 --> 00:06:09,750
(Groans)
158
00:06:11,726 --> 00:06:12,852
Well...
159
00:06:12,853 --> 00:06:14,156
Thank you for a lovely evening.
160
00:06:14,851 --> 00:06:16,642
This really is the city that never sleeps.
161
00:06:17,226 --> 00:06:19,241
Especially not at 9:00 pm.
162
00:06:20,401 --> 00:06:22,985
Though it sure feels like
I pulled an all nighter.
163
00:06:23,803 --> 00:06:25,896
It's also the city where
everything you touch
164
00:06:25,897 --> 00:06:27,302
is just a little sticky.
165
00:06:27,670 --> 00:06:28,952
Ahh. Okay.
166
00:06:31,316 --> 00:06:33,277
- So, well?
- Well, nothing.
167
00:06:33,603 --> 00:06:36,188
He's tighter than the jeans
on the left side of my closet.
168
00:06:37,616 --> 00:06:39,224
Never say die.
169
00:06:39,589 --> 00:06:41,486
Look, honey, I tried. But there is no
170
00:06:41,487 --> 00:06:43,117
loosening up that lug nut.
171
00:06:43,118 --> 00:06:44,613
Night, Marshall.
172
00:06:44,614 --> 00:06:45,899
You're on your own.
173
00:06:49,299 --> 00:06:50,926
So, Mr. Dobbs.
174
00:06:50,927 --> 00:06:52,038
Daniel, I have to thank you.
175
00:06:52,039 --> 00:06:54,581
That was the best date I've
been on in thirty years.
176
00:06:55,950 --> 00:06:59,115
Whoo. Whoo.
177
00:07:00,215 --> 00:07:01,732
Um, date, what?
178
00:07:01,733 --> 00:07:03,648
I really appreciate you setting me up.
179
00:07:03,649 --> 00:07:05,475
Setting you up? I never set you up.
180
00:07:05,476 --> 00:07:07,440
- What about your wife?
- You mean the death star?
181
00:07:08,786 --> 00:07:09,992
She hates me.
182
00:07:09,993 --> 00:07:10,988
But that Bonnie,
183
00:07:11,479 --> 00:07:13,198
she makes me feel alive again.
184
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:14,462
I mean, just look at me.
185
00:07:14,776 --> 00:07:16,450
I'm as giddy as a school boy.
186
00:07:18,034 --> 00:07:20,358
No no, you can't see my mom.
187
00:07:20,359 --> 00:07:21,390
What about Tucker?
188
00:07:22,174 --> 00:07:24,044
I didn't realize he had his eye on her too.
189
00:07:25,307 --> 00:07:27,440
No! No no no no. The divorce.
190
00:07:27,441 --> 00:07:29,736
I'm sure Tucker's not gonna
want to see you dating my mom.
191
00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:33,644
Oh. Well then, we should just
keep this between us for now.
192
00:07:33,645 --> 00:07:35,066
Hey, dad. I'm glad you're back.
193
00:07:35,067 --> 00:07:37,038
Listen, I thought we could
go on a little bar crawl
194
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:39,119
and really get crazy, right?
195
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:40,245
(Chuckles)
196
00:07:40,557 --> 00:07:42,527
But we're gonna need
to be there before 9:15
197
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,237
if we're gonna follow my itinerary.
198
00:07:45,708 --> 00:07:47,106
Now let's loosen up this tie.
199
00:07:47,107 --> 00:07:48,744
- Don't touch my tie, damn it.
- I'm sorry, sir.
200
00:07:54,215 --> 00:07:56,084
Oh my God, this is so weird.
201
00:07:56,085 --> 00:07:57,927
I mean, at first I was
positive it was Mark,
202
00:07:57,928 --> 00:08:00,098
but now I think it might actually be David.
203
00:08:00,099 --> 00:08:02,012
He's married, no kids,
204
00:08:02,013 --> 00:08:03,814
he has a dog named sprinkles.
205
00:08:03,815 --> 00:08:05,278
I love sprinkles.
206
00:08:05,279 --> 00:08:06,716
And like me, he may have had
207
00:08:06,717 --> 00:08:08,654
a slight weight problem in high school.
208
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:09,558
Slight?
209
00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:11,415
May?
210
00:08:11,416 --> 00:08:12,734
Punch.
211
00:08:12,735 --> 00:08:14,030
Face. (Murmurs)
212
00:08:14,425 --> 00:08:16,858
When he comes out here just
let me do the talking, okay?
213
00:08:16,859 --> 00:08:19,108
'Cause I have a whole list of
questions I want to ask him.
214
00:08:19,109 --> 00:08:20,766
Oh, hi. I'm David.
215
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,391
Care to sample my new crapnut?
216
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:24,916
Croissant-apple-doughnut.
217
00:08:25,419 --> 00:08:26,982
I'm still working on the name.
218
00:08:31,021 --> 00:08:32,538
Uh, hi. I'm Ben Wheeler.
219
00:08:32,539 --> 00:08:33,808
We called yesterday.
220
00:08:33,809 --> 00:08:35,191
Wheeler? I went to high school
221
00:08:35,192 --> 00:08:36,863
with a guy named Ray Wheeler.
222
00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:38,918
Used to beat the crap out of me every day,
223
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,409
but he knocked up some bimbo,
224
00:08:40,410 --> 00:08:42,496
so I guess the joke's on him, right?
225
00:08:43,304 --> 00:08:44,094
Right.
226
00:08:44,503 --> 00:08:46,210
Well, this is my lovely bride to be,
227
00:08:46,211 --> 00:08:48,547
Riley, who just has a
few questions for you.
228
00:08:48,957 --> 00:08:50,283
Right, Riley?
229
00:08:51,754 --> 00:08:53,004
Yeah.
230
00:08:53,005 --> 00:08:54,792
Yeah, I was just wondering if you had...
231
00:08:54,793 --> 00:08:56,208
(Muttering)
232
00:09:00,647 --> 00:09:01,675
Okay, um,
233
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,939
do you have a peanut butter
cake with marshmallow frosting?
234
00:09:04,940 --> 00:09:06,156
It's her favorite.
235
00:09:06,157 --> 00:09:07,548
Get out.
236
00:09:08,109 --> 00:09:10,327
That's my favorite too. (Laughs)
237
00:09:10,655 --> 00:09:12,226
I'll grab you guys some samples.
238
00:09:13,607 --> 00:09:14,890
- Oh my God.
- What's the matter with you?
239
00:09:14,891 --> 00:09:16,359
- I think it's him.
- I can't do this.
240
00:09:16,727 --> 00:09:17,822
I am too nervous.
241
00:09:17,823 --> 00:09:19,037
I mean, it's too real.
242
00:09:19,615 --> 00:09:20,992
What if he is my dad?
243
00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:22,789
Oh my God, these are good.
244
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,689
Here. Will you just
ask him these questions?
245
00:09:26,097 --> 00:09:27,329
I'm sorry. I got to get out of here.
246
00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:29,576
Riley, wait. What are you... come on!
247
00:09:29,577 --> 00:09:30,765
Is everything okay?
248
00:09:30,766 --> 00:09:33,138
Yeah, ironically she just remembered
249
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,614
that she left a cake in the oven.
250
00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:36,721
Aww, a girl after my own heart.
251
00:09:36,722 --> 00:09:38,664
You know, she reminds
me of my little sister.
252
00:09:41,072 --> 00:09:42,444
Or your daughter?
253
00:09:42,445 --> 00:09:44,301
- I don't have one.
- But what if you did?
254
00:09:44,302 --> 00:09:45,606
But I don't.
255
00:09:45,607 --> 00:09:47,127
Well, you do now.
256
00:09:48,358 --> 00:09:50,096
- You mean, she's my...
- Yep.
257
00:09:55,554 --> 00:09:56,943
What is wrong with you?
258
00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:58,174
You were supposed to loosen him up,
259
00:09:58,175 --> 00:09:59,635
not make him fall in love with you.
260
00:10:00,389 --> 00:10:02,189
It's not my fault.
261
00:10:02,190 --> 00:10:03,359
It's a curse.
262
00:10:05,133 --> 00:10:06,796
Men love me.
263
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,473
Honestly, I should come
with a warning label.
264
00:10:13,175 --> 00:10:15,218
Listen, honey, maybe you misunderstood.
265
00:10:15,219 --> 00:10:16,494
Maybe you're wrong.
266
00:10:16,495 --> 00:10:17,894
(Knocking on door)
267
00:10:21,753 --> 00:10:22,921
Bonnie.
268
00:10:28,067 --> 00:10:29,328
You're not wrong.
269
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,326
Oh, damn. I'm good. (Groans)
270
00:10:32,238 --> 00:10:33,844
All right, well, what am I supposed to do?
271
00:10:33,845 --> 00:10:35,447
Tell him to go away.
272
00:10:35,448 --> 00:10:37,118
No. Wait.
273
00:10:37,119 --> 00:10:38,678
Get him to stop liking you.
274
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,059
Do whatever you did to dad.
275
00:10:41,758 --> 00:10:44,355
For the last time, I did not make him gay.
276
00:10:44,356 --> 00:10:45,898
He came that way!
277
00:10:47,845 --> 00:10:49,235
David: Maybe this is a mistake.
278
00:10:49,236 --> 00:10:50,605
I shouldn't even be here.
279
00:10:50,606 --> 00:10:52,187
I mean, me with a kid?
280
00:10:52,188 --> 00:10:53,693
I never wanted one of those.
281
00:10:55,397 --> 00:10:57,138
What am I supposed to say to her?
282
00:10:57,139 --> 00:10:58,580
Probably none of that.
283
00:10:59,650 --> 00:11:01,390
But how about you let me
do most of the talking?
284
00:11:01,391 --> 00:11:02,325
Okay.
285
00:11:02,326 --> 00:11:03,673
I can't believe Margot never told me
286
00:11:03,674 --> 00:11:04,787
she was pregnant.
287
00:11:05,101 --> 00:11:07,856
I wasn't even sure we
were really doing it right.
288
00:11:08,961 --> 00:11:10,505
You know, Riley's gonna be here any minute.
289
00:11:10,506 --> 00:11:12,341
So why don't you go out on the fire escape
290
00:11:12,342 --> 00:11:14,829
while I try to make her
believe this was all her idea.
291
00:11:14,830 --> 00:11:16,428
Knock knock. Look, I know...
292
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:18,308
I know what you're gonna say.
293
00:11:18,309 --> 00:11:19,669
And you are right, okay?
294
00:11:19,670 --> 00:11:21,415
I'm being silly, and I started this thing,
295
00:11:21,416 --> 00:11:22,730
so I need to finish it.
296
00:11:22,731 --> 00:11:25,875
And I do. I want to know
who my biological father is.
297
00:11:25,876 --> 00:11:27,336
Oh my God. I'm so glad you said that.
298
00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:29,630
Which is why I called Mark
and asked him to meet me here.
299
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:31,806
Mark? The lawyer, here?
300
00:11:32,230 --> 00:11:34,340
I told him there's a newly
engaged couple from Yonkers,
301
00:11:34,341 --> 00:11:35,590
and they want to sign a prenup.
302
00:11:35,591 --> 00:11:36,868
Where are we gonna find a couple like that?
303
00:11:37,787 --> 00:11:38,910
Oh, you mean us.
304
00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:42,527
Hi, Mark Clements.
305
00:11:42,528 --> 00:11:45,247
I'm looking for a Riley Jemima?
306
00:11:49,492 --> 00:11:50,766
I was having pancakes.
307
00:11:52,436 --> 00:11:53,489
Yes, hi.
308
00:11:53,915 --> 00:11:55,899
I'm Riley. Come on in, come on in.
309
00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:57,125
Actually, why don't we go outside?
310
00:11:57,126 --> 00:11:58,663
I got a sleeping baby. Water?
311
00:11:58,664 --> 00:11:59,848
There you go. Okay.
312
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:03,509
Hey, Danny,
313
00:12:03,510 --> 00:12:05,195
do you know what happened to my dad?
314
00:12:05,196 --> 00:12:06,562
I've called him like three times
315
00:12:06,563 --> 00:12:07,995
and I still haven't heard back.
316
00:12:09,044 --> 00:12:10,545
- Hey, man.
- Hey.
317
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,373
No, I haven't seen him.
318
00:12:17,374 --> 00:12:19,001
But I'll let you know the moment I do.
319
00:12:19,002 --> 00:12:20,082
Cool.
320
00:12:20,398 --> 00:12:21,659
Hey, mom. How'd it go with...
321
00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:23,268
- oh, God, Danny!
- Mom!
322
00:12:23,269 --> 00:12:24,549
Mr. Dobbs!
323
00:12:24,966 --> 00:12:26,408
(Grunts)
324
00:12:32,563 --> 00:12:33,533
So, Daniel.
325
00:12:34,303 --> 00:12:35,824
I understand you're a hockey player.
326
00:12:38,297 --> 00:12:39,704
So, before your wedding,
327
00:12:39,705 --> 00:12:41,693
you want to sign a prenuptial agreement.
328
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:44,882
Even though neither one
of you has any assets.
329
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:47,089
Well, I just want to make sure
330
00:12:47,090 --> 00:12:48,619
that if we ever split up,
331
00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,142
he doesn't try to take half.
332
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,376
Of nothing?
333
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,014
Exactly.
334
00:12:55,607 --> 00:12:57,447
So... so I was wondering,
335
00:12:57,448 --> 00:13:00,138
when did you decide that you
wanted to become a lawyer?
336
00:13:00,139 --> 00:13:03,071
Because you know, I'm one too.
337
00:13:03,072 --> 00:13:05,452
Oh, well then I guess the
next logical question is
338
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,397
why am I here?
339
00:13:09,657 --> 00:13:11,232
She's not very good.
340
00:13:12,389 --> 00:13:14,168
I bet that's not true.
341
00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:17,158
You know, I give myself a pep
talk every morning in the mirror.
342
00:13:17,159 --> 00:13:19,029
"You're tough, you're rough,
343
00:13:19,030 --> 00:13:21,131
and damn, you look good in the buff."
344
00:13:22,743 --> 00:13:24,347
I do it when I get out of the shower.
345
00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:27,005
That's even better than mine.
346
00:13:27,416 --> 00:13:29,426
"Don't cry at the office today."
347
00:13:29,427 --> 00:13:30,689
(Elevator dings)
348
00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:33,083
Oh, Ben. I need to speak to you.
349
00:13:33,084 --> 00:13:34,365
But Riley and I are in the middle of...
350
00:13:34,366 --> 00:13:35,237
- now.
- No, but, dude...
351
00:13:35,238 --> 00:13:36,390
excuse us.
352
00:13:38,606 --> 00:13:39,949
And I think I'm out of here.
353
00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:41,334
Oh, no. You can't go yet.
354
00:13:41,335 --> 00:13:42,907
Give me one good reason why not.
355
00:13:46,657 --> 00:13:49,064
Because I think I'm your daughter.
356
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,472
They were what?!
357
00:13:56,882 --> 00:13:59,808
I know. It's exactly like the
time I walked in on mom and dad.
358
00:14:00,374 --> 00:14:02,304
I could never play twister again.
359
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:04,572
Okay.
360
00:14:04,573 --> 00:14:06,832
Well, we have to make sure
Tucker never finds out. Tucker!
361
00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:08,022
Hey, guys. First of all,
362
00:14:08,023 --> 00:14:09,771
did y'all know that there
was a funny little man
363
00:14:09,772 --> 00:14:11,747
who smells like doughnuts
out on the fire escape?
364
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:15,664
Oh, and Danny, I think you were right.
365
00:14:15,665 --> 00:14:18,041
I think I'm gonna ask
your mom to talk to my dad.
366
00:14:18,042 --> 00:14:19,521
Our mom talk to your dad?
367
00:14:19,522 --> 00:14:20,971
- Now, you can't.
- Why not?
368
00:14:20,972 --> 00:14:24,059
Because she's with Emma at the park.
369
00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:25,260
I've gotta go meet them. Bye.
370
00:14:25,588 --> 00:14:26,801
They could be gone for hours.
371
00:14:27,151 --> 00:14:28,475
(Emma giggles)
372
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,333
Wait, isn't that Emma?
373
00:14:31,135 --> 00:14:32,203
Is it?
374
00:14:33,236 --> 00:14:34,176
(Chuckles)
375
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,963
Way to keep track of your baby, dude.
376
00:14:37,620 --> 00:14:39,063
Oh my God, Ben. It's him.
377
00:14:39,064 --> 00:14:40,498
I just... I just know it is.
378
00:14:40,499 --> 00:14:42,197
Really? 'Cause I had my money on David.
379
00:14:42,198 --> 00:14:43,764
Hey. You can't just tell
a guy he's your father
380
00:14:43,765 --> 00:14:45,038
and leave him standing there.
381
00:14:45,039 --> 00:14:46,671
Oh my God, Riley. What are you doing?
382
00:14:46,672 --> 00:14:47,948
You're so irresponsible.
383
00:14:47,949 --> 00:14:50,121
Any chance we can cut to the dad stuff?
384
00:14:50,510 --> 00:14:51,498
David.
385
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,936
Oh my God. You brought him in here too?
386
00:14:55,033 --> 00:14:56,569
Well that really is irresponsible.
387
00:14:58,490 --> 00:14:59,999
What the hell is going on here?
388
00:15:00,495 --> 00:15:01,671
I can explain.
389
00:15:02,399 --> 00:15:03,953
Ben, you want to jump in here?
390
00:15:05,214 --> 00:15:06,627
Mark Clements?
391
00:15:06,628 --> 00:15:08,458
David Brinkerhoff.
392
00:15:08,459 --> 00:15:10,427
Looks like you finally
got out of that locker.
393
00:15:11,602 --> 00:15:14,471
Apparently just in time for
you to sell me a used car.
394
00:15:16,609 --> 00:15:17,937
What's he doing here?
395
00:15:17,938 --> 00:15:20,490
I was just told that I had
a kid with Margot Davis.
396
00:15:20,491 --> 00:15:21,503
You and Margot?
397
00:15:21,843 --> 00:15:23,581
I thought you said I was her father.
398
00:15:23,582 --> 00:15:24,768
How could you be her father?
399
00:15:24,769 --> 00:15:26,165
Margot was my girlfriend.
400
00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:28,636
Not in the back of my pinto, she wasn't.
401
00:15:31,212 --> 00:15:33,526
Oh, Margot would have never
cheated on me with you.
402
00:15:33,527 --> 00:15:35,183
Why, 'cause I was fat in high school?
403
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,735
Yeah, pretty much. It wasn't easy
404
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:38,463
shoving you in that locker.
405
00:15:38,464 --> 00:15:39,960
Oh, try it now, pretty boy.
406
00:15:39,961 --> 00:15:41,537
Oh oh, whoa!
407
00:15:41,538 --> 00:15:43,807
Okay, okay. I think we're
kind of missing the point here.
408
00:15:43,808 --> 00:15:44,689
Yes yes.
409
00:15:44,690 --> 00:15:45,772
One of you is the lucky winner
410
00:15:45,773 --> 00:15:47,763
of this beautiful, fully grown daughter.
411
00:15:50,007 --> 00:15:52,899
Yeah, well, not without a
DNA test and a court order.
412
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,091
I don't know what the
two of you are pulling,
413
00:15:55,441 --> 00:15:56,864
but I've had enough.
414
00:15:56,865 --> 00:15:58,326
You know what? Me too.
415
00:15:58,667 --> 00:15:59,832
And to think,
416
00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:02,360
I was gonna rename the crapnut after you.
417
00:16:03,652 --> 00:16:04,991
wait. Wait wait wait...
418
00:16:04,992 --> 00:16:05,896
(door slams)
419
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:09,093
You know what the craziest
part of this whole thing is?
420
00:16:09,412 --> 00:16:11,787
You may have been conceived
in the back of a pinto.
421
00:16:15,220 --> 00:16:16,224
Knock knock.
422
00:16:17,605 --> 00:16:18,874
Mom!
423
00:16:18,875 --> 00:16:20,566
I got you that robe for Christmas.
424
00:16:22,212 --> 00:16:24,475
Daniel, forgive me for having
relations with your mother.
425
00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:27,272
I feel horrible about it.
426
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:29,933
And I may need to be punished.
427
00:16:29,934 --> 00:16:32,116
Oh, you're so bad. You're so bad.
428
00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:34,114
Thanks for the apology, but
I'm a little more worried
429
00:16:34,115 --> 00:16:35,671
about what you're gonna say to Tucker.
430
00:16:35,672 --> 00:16:37,317
Well, we will discuss this maturely
431
00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:39,085
and face it head on.
432
00:16:39,086 --> 00:16:40,454
- (Knocks on door)
- Tucker: Mrs. Wheeler?
433
00:16:40,455 --> 00:16:41,175
Hide me!
434
00:16:41,979 --> 00:16:43,468
Just a minute. Just a minute.
435
00:16:44,036 --> 00:16:45,122
(Murmurs)
436
00:16:51,337 --> 00:16:52,448
Come in.
437
00:16:53,067 --> 00:16:54,099
Hey, Mrs. Wheeler.
438
00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:55,872
Wow.
439
00:16:55,873 --> 00:16:58,584
You really do sit around
in your robe all day.
440
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,660
Ha! That's funny.
441
00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:03,186
Good visit. All right,
thanks for stopping by.
442
00:17:03,187 --> 00:17:04,162
I need your help.
443
00:17:04,902 --> 00:17:06,180
I don't know what to do.
444
00:17:06,553 --> 00:17:08,463
I feel like my family's falling apart,
445
00:17:08,464 --> 00:17:09,392
and if that happens,
446
00:17:10,394 --> 00:17:12,128
Mrs. Wheeler, I'll be lost.
447
00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:16,485
Poor little Tuck-Tuck.
448
00:17:18,556 --> 00:17:20,680
I really feel for you.
449
00:17:21,496 --> 00:17:23,064
But you know what? Now is
not a good time, alright?
450
00:17:23,065 --> 00:17:25,488
So perhaps I could call you tomorrow,
451
00:17:25,822 --> 00:17:28,011
or better yet, you know,
I'll email you, okay?
452
00:17:28,012 --> 00:17:29,633
- Bye bye bye bye bye.
- Wait, Mrs. Wheeler...
453
00:17:30,942 --> 00:17:32,143
I feel horrible.
454
00:17:32,879 --> 00:17:34,214
I don't think I really thought about
455
00:17:34,215 --> 00:17:36,366
how that divorce might affect Tucker.
456
00:17:36,367 --> 00:17:37,539
Mrs. Wheeler, I just don't...
457
00:17:41,620 --> 00:17:43,006
Hey, Tuck.
458
00:17:43,311 --> 00:17:45,306
I found your dad. He was in the closet.
459
00:17:46,841 --> 00:17:48,788
But not the same one my dad was in.
460
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:54,875
Tucker!
461
00:17:57,176 --> 00:17:58,458
Tucker, stop!
462
00:17:58,459 --> 00:18:00,376
- You have to talk to me.
- No, I don't.
463
00:18:00,377 --> 00:18:02,948
Tucker Thurgood Marshall
Dobbs, get out here.
464
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,277
You can't hide from me forever.
465
00:18:04,278 --> 00:18:06,035
- Tucker: Yes, I can!
- I got this.
466
00:18:06,342 --> 00:18:08,279
Tucker: Wait. No no no. No no no no no.
467
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,127
What are you doing? Stop. Stop it.
468
00:18:11,212 --> 00:18:12,288
Stop it!
469
00:18:15,699 --> 00:18:17,631
I have nothing to say to him.
470
00:18:17,632 --> 00:18:18,867
Well, I've got plenty to say to you.
471
00:18:18,868 --> 00:18:20,383
Oh, actually I've got
plenty to say to you too.
472
00:18:20,384 --> 00:18:21,438
Turn me around.
473
00:18:22,593 --> 00:18:23,961
Tucker, this isn't about you.
474
00:18:24,266 --> 00:18:26,795
I'm a grown man, and I
deserve some happiness.
475
00:18:26,796 --> 00:18:28,586
And that crazy woman makes you happy?
476
00:18:29,728 --> 00:18:31,443
Honestly, whether or
not Bonnie rocks my world
477
00:18:31,768 --> 00:18:33,037
isn't any of your business.
478
00:18:33,901 --> 00:18:35,087
Put me down.
479
00:18:37,002 --> 00:18:38,425
Tucker, one day you're gonna learn
480
00:18:38,426 --> 00:18:39,640
that the goal of raising a family
481
00:18:39,641 --> 00:18:41,275
takes precedence over your own happiness.
482
00:18:42,094 --> 00:18:43,238
But when the hard part is over
483
00:18:43,239 --> 00:18:44,611
and the kids are grown,
484
00:18:44,612 --> 00:18:45,834
you wake up one morning and you say
485
00:18:46,399 --> 00:18:48,004
"who is this woman next to me?
486
00:18:48,396 --> 00:18:50,018
And why does she hate me so much?"
487
00:18:52,012 --> 00:18:53,973
I had no idea you were so unhappy.
488
00:18:53,974 --> 00:18:55,160
Well, I was never willing to admit it
489
00:18:55,161 --> 00:18:57,193
until I saw you following your dreams.
490
00:18:57,194 --> 00:18:58,628
So you're saying this is my fault?
491
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,914
No, I'm saying I have you to thank.
492
00:19:02,911 --> 00:19:06,720
And I'm asking you to
let my find my own way.
493
00:19:09,011 --> 00:19:11,413
Well, as long you can find
your way out of that robe,
494
00:19:11,414 --> 00:19:12,835
I think I'm cool.
495
00:19:14,430 --> 00:19:16,074
No no no. Not that cool.
496
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:21,536
Hey.
497
00:19:21,537 --> 00:19:23,473
Ben, I so appreciate you calling,
498
00:19:23,474 --> 00:19:24,608
but I'm fine.
499
00:19:24,980 --> 00:19:27,379
Two boxes of tissues
and four pounds of cake
500
00:19:27,380 --> 00:19:28,494
might say otherwise,
501
00:19:28,495 --> 00:19:30,111
but I'm fine.
502
00:19:30,463 --> 00:19:32,440
Riley, I'm really sorry
about how all this happened.
503
00:19:32,441 --> 00:19:33,797
Don't be. It's my fault.
504
00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:34,999
I didn't handle it right.
505
00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:38,152
I don't even know what to say to them.
506
00:19:38,641 --> 00:19:42,148
Well, it might be easier if you
knew who you had to say it to.
507
00:19:42,796 --> 00:19:43,957
What's this?
508
00:19:43,958 --> 00:19:45,424
The results of a DNA test.
509
00:19:45,425 --> 00:19:47,641
I sent in the water glasses
they both used the other day,
510
00:19:47,642 --> 00:19:50,253
and I may or may not have
stolen your toothbrush.
511
00:19:51,117 --> 00:19:52,013
Ben...
512
00:19:52,863 --> 00:19:54,197
I thought I wanted to know,
513
00:19:54,198 --> 00:19:57,143
but I realized I was only
considering my feelings.
514
00:19:57,144 --> 00:19:59,792
I didn't even stop to think
about how this would affect them.
515
00:20:00,183 --> 00:20:01,179
And besides,
516
00:20:01,647 --> 00:20:03,652
I already have a really great dad.
517
00:20:05,482 --> 00:20:07,462
But don't you want to know who he is?
518
00:20:07,463 --> 00:20:08,818
How you came to be you?
519
00:20:09,121 --> 00:20:11,255
Why you have giant feet and tiny hands?
520
00:20:12,725 --> 00:20:14,879
This could be the greatest thing
that's ever happened to you.
521
00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:18,232
He's here, isn't he?
522
00:20:18,825 --> 00:20:19,957
Pretty much.
523
00:20:20,431 --> 00:20:22,199
(Sighs)
524
00:20:25,621 --> 00:20:26,771
Hi.
525
00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:29,445
I'm Riley.
526
00:20:30,223 --> 00:20:31,296
Your daughter.
527
00:20:31,710 --> 00:20:32,639
(Chuckles)
528
00:20:33,996 --> 00:20:35,296
(Chuckles)
529
00:20:41,690 --> 00:20:42,694
(Knocks on door)
530
00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:47,202
Tucker. What brings you by?
531
00:20:47,203 --> 00:20:49,481
Mrs. Wheeler, I just wanted to thank you
532
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,203
for everything that you've done.
533
00:20:51,204 --> 00:20:52,621
Ah ha!
534
00:20:53,570 --> 00:20:57,388
I know that you and my father
weren't trying to hurt anyone.
535
00:20:57,389 --> 00:20:59,553
In fact, I think you helped him.
536
00:20:59,554 --> 00:21:00,599
Gotcha!
537
00:21:02,087 --> 00:21:03,404
All right.
538
00:21:03,405 --> 00:21:04,903
Well, have a good night, Mrs. Wheeler.
539
00:21:04,904 --> 00:21:06,135
And remember...
540
00:21:06,136 --> 00:21:08,553
I can stop by anytime.
541
00:21:08,554 --> 00:21:10,523
You are always more than welcome.
542
00:21:10,524 --> 00:21:11,629
Okay.
543
00:21:13,726 --> 00:21:15,016
I thought he'd never leave.