1
00:00:02,296 --> 00:00:03,730
(upbeat march plays)
2
00:00:03,764 --> 00:00:06,432
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
3
00:00:06,467 --> 00:00:10,370
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
4
00:00:10,404 --> 00:00:13,339
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
5
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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00:00:23,083 --> 00:00:25,051
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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00:00:25,085 --> 00:00:33,084
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
9
00:00:33,827 --> 00:00:36,663
Where the hell's my Red Dawn DVD?
10
00:00:36,697 --> 00:00:38,965
I told Steve to alphabetize these.
11
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Oh, honey, cut him a little slack.
12
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He just started his first summer job.
13
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Why don't I alphabetize them?
14
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No! I asked Steve to do this.
15
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And he did a half-ass job.
16
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It may not seem important,
17
00:00:50,444 --> 00:00:52,912
but he needs to learn to do
everything with his full ass.
18
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(door slams)
19
00:00:53,948 --> 00:00:55,214
Steve, there you are.
20
00:00:55,249 --> 00:00:56,883
I told you to alphabetize the DVDs.
21
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And I can't find Red Dawn.
22
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Dad, can I unwind for a minute?
23
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I'm walking in from a hard day at work.
24
00:01:02,489 --> 00:01:03,456
Hard day?
25
00:01:03,490 --> 00:01:05,158
You work at a grocery store.
26
00:01:05,192 --> 00:01:06,726
You know who actually works hard?
27
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:07,927
Machines.
28
00:01:07,962 --> 00:01:09,963
Machines work non-stop
for years.
29
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I mean, take my watch.
30
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Where's my watch?
31
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You left it in the hotel
room in Orlando last spring.
32
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Wow. You can go a long time
without needing a watch.
33
00:01:20,441 --> 00:01:22,542
Dad, Red Dawn is right here.
34
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It just got switched with Red Sonja.
35
00:01:24,578 --> 00:01:26,879
No, I want you to
re-alphabetize these.
36
00:01:26,914 --> 00:01:28,948
Switching isn't alphabetizing.
37
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What's the difference?
They're all in order now.
38
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What's the difference?!
39
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You do things the right way,
you have a good life.
40
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You do things the wrong way,
you end up riding the rails.
41
00:01:37,091 --> 00:01:38,291
What?
42
00:01:38,325 --> 00:01:40,226
Wh-What does that even mean?
43
00:01:40,261 --> 00:01:41,594
It means do it the right way!
44
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(groans)
45
00:01:42,696 --> 00:01:43,863
Now, if you'll excuse me,
46
00:01:43,898 --> 00:01:46,833
I have a Father of the
Year award to accept.
47
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And the Pappy goes to...
48
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(gasps)
...my man, Stan Smith.
49
00:01:56,010 --> 00:01:57,443
Thank you, Alan Thicke.
50
00:01:57,478 --> 00:02:00,613
This is amazing.
51
00:02:00,648 --> 00:02:01,915
Honey!
52
00:02:01,949 --> 00:02:04,751
I told you I'm using
the garage for my award show!
53
00:02:04,785 --> 00:02:06,586
Park on the street!
54
00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:08,721
I am so sick of this crap, Alan!
55
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You're ruining my thing!
56
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(crying)
57
00:02:16,730 --> 00:02:18,565
I'm sorry, it's over.
58
00:02:18,599 --> 00:02:19,732
But it's not you.
59
00:02:19,767 --> 00:02:20,833
You know that, right?
60
00:02:20,868 --> 00:02:21,868
It's not you.
61
00:02:21,902 --> 00:02:23,903
It's your body.
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00:02:23,938 --> 00:02:25,572
(crying)
63
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Hey, knock that off!
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I'm dumping this girl, and your
sad music is making her cry.
65
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Uh, I don't think it's the music, buddy.
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I do. In fact, I'm surprised
your crappy playing
67
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hasn't driven everyone
in this place to tears.
68
00:02:37,718 --> 00:02:38,985
Oh, yeah?
Well, why don't you come up here
69
00:02:39,019 --> 00:02:40,259
if you think you can do better?
70
00:02:40,287 --> 00:02:41,788
I don't even play guitar.
71
00:02:41,822 --> 00:02:43,323
But you suck so hard, I bet I could
72
00:02:43,357 --> 00:02:44,657
be better than you in a week.
73
00:02:44,692 --> 00:02:46,459
Donald!
It's okay.
74
00:02:46,493 --> 00:02:47,694
Wait, if you don't play,
75
00:02:47,728 --> 00:02:49,863
why are you wearing a
Martin Guitar T-shirt?
76
00:02:49,897 --> 00:02:51,464
That's 'cause I'm a hipster, dumbass.
77
00:02:51,498 --> 00:02:53,233
We pretend to be stuff.
78
00:02:53,267 --> 00:02:55,001
All right, Mr. Hip.
79
00:02:55,035 --> 00:02:57,704
Meet me back here in a week,
and let's see who's better.
80
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Loser never shows his face in here again.
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I'll do you one better.
82
00:03:01,675 --> 00:03:05,578
The loser never comes back
here even in a mask.
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00:03:05,613 --> 00:03:07,480
See you in a week, Mr. Hip.
84
00:03:07,515 --> 00:03:09,582
See you in a week, um...
85
00:03:09,617 --> 00:03:10,650
Jamal.
86
00:03:10,684 --> 00:03:12,652
Your name's Jamal?
But you're white.
87
00:03:12,686 --> 00:03:13,653
So?
88
00:03:13,687 --> 00:03:16,222
Is this really the first time
you've had this conversation?
89
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Come on, Jamal.
90
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What do you think's going on?
91
00:03:22,429 --> 00:03:23,630
Seems like everyone's getting called
92
00:03:23,664 --> 00:03:25,231
into Bullock's office today.
93
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(crying)
94
00:03:27,268 --> 00:03:28,968
Uh-oh, I know that cry.
95
00:03:29,003 --> 00:03:30,603
Either they're making budget cuts
96
00:03:30,638 --> 00:03:33,139
or all our parents got
in a car accident again.
97
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Smith?
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Sir, am I getting fired?
99
00:03:38,746 --> 00:03:40,613
(laughing):
I wouldn't say that.
100
00:03:40,648 --> 00:03:42,582
I'd say "sacked."
101
00:03:42,616 --> 00:03:45,285
Because that's more
what Austin Powers would say.
102
00:03:45,319 --> 00:03:48,154
I do a great Austin Powers impression.
103
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(poor Austin Powers impression):
You're sacked, baby!
104
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But I've worked here 20 years.
105
00:03:52,126 --> 00:03:53,927
You're just eliminating the position?
106
00:03:53,961 --> 00:03:55,829
Oh, no, what you do is important.
107
00:03:55,863 --> 00:03:58,131
I just found someone
who will do it cheaper.
108
00:03:58,165 --> 00:04:00,600
Meet Agent Gary.
109
00:04:00,634 --> 00:04:02,535
Gary's a half-wit.
110
00:04:02,570 --> 00:04:04,637
But he only costs half as much.
111
00:04:04,672 --> 00:04:08,475
Gary, stop rubbing
the stapler on your pants.
112
00:04:08,509 --> 00:04:11,044
(sniffs)
113
00:04:11,078 --> 00:04:12,712
So, that's it?
114
00:04:12,746 --> 00:04:15,215
I'm out of a job just like that?
115
00:04:15,249 --> 00:04:18,384
Yup, it's pretty crazy
how life can change so quickly.
116
00:04:18,419 --> 00:04:21,921
Here's another example of how
life can change so quickly.
117
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(laughing)
118
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(thud, crashing)
119
00:04:26,093 --> 00:04:28,561
(strumming guitar)
120
00:04:28,596 --> 00:04:30,697
Ha-hey! Am I in time for a show?
121
00:04:30,731 --> 00:04:33,166
No, I challenged some dick
to a guitar duel.
122
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:34,834
Now get out of here, I need to practice.
123
00:04:34,869 --> 00:04:36,970
Go play in your attic
if you don't want an audience.
124
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(groans) Stairs.
125
00:04:39,673 --> 00:04:41,474
All right, how hard could this be?
126
00:04:41,509 --> 00:04:43,510
The shape is pretty
self-explanatory.
127
00:04:46,414 --> 00:04:48,748
Roger, I-I thought you knew
how to play the guitar.
128
00:04:48,783 --> 00:04:50,116
I used to.
129
00:04:50,151 --> 00:04:52,585
But you know the part of your
brain that deals with music?
130
00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:55,955
I took some PCP and just destroyed it.
131
00:04:55,990 --> 00:04:57,457
Hey, why don't you order some DVDs
132
00:04:57,491 --> 00:04:59,359
from that Latin guy with the infomercials?
133
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Lorenzo!
134
00:05:00,661 --> 00:05:02,395
That's genius, Hayley.
135
00:05:02,430 --> 00:05:04,998
Wonder how come I never
have any great ideas?
136
00:05:05,032 --> 00:05:07,000
I mean, could it be the PCP?
137
00:05:07,034 --> 00:05:08,034
Well, I don't know.
138
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Let's find out!
139
00:05:10,137 --> 00:05:12,906
Shoot, left my lighter in the attic.
140
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(groans) Stairs.
141
00:05:18,079 --> 00:05:20,113
You know, Mr. Smith,
I'd like to give you the job.
142
00:05:20,147 --> 00:05:22,749
And the way you opened
an entire pack of Starbursts
143
00:05:22,783 --> 00:05:24,751
with your tongue was really impressive.
144
00:05:24,785 --> 00:05:27,620
But I just don't think you're qualified.
145
00:05:27,655 --> 00:05:30,457
But I've worked for the
CIA for the last 20 years.
146
00:05:30,491 --> 00:05:33,193
Yes, I see you put that on your résumé.
147
00:05:33,227 --> 00:05:36,062
But it's not on your permanent record.
148
00:05:36,097 --> 00:05:37,297
"Permanent record"?
149
00:05:37,331 --> 00:05:38,732
That's a real thing?
150
00:05:38,766 --> 00:05:40,300
Well, if it wasn't, how would I know
151
00:05:40,334 --> 00:05:42,902
that in fifth grade you tried
152
00:05:42,937 --> 00:05:45,138
to get out of a math test
by putting a slice of pizza
153
00:05:45,172 --> 00:05:48,775
in your underwear
and saying it was your period?
154
00:05:48,809 --> 00:05:50,143
That's on there?!
155
00:05:50,177 --> 00:05:51,811
All right, first of all,
that never happened.
156
00:05:51,846 --> 00:05:53,446
Second of all, it was a calzone.
157
00:05:53,481 --> 00:05:54,714
I'm sorry, Mr. Smith.
158
00:05:54,749 --> 00:05:56,229
But with a permanent record like this,
159
00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:58,685
no one's going to hire you.
160
00:05:58,719 --> 00:06:00,587
Oh, you know what it must be?
161
00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:03,456
My CIA work isn't on there
because it's classified.
162
00:06:03,491 --> 00:06:04,724
Here, talk to my boss.
163
00:06:04,759 --> 00:06:05,725
(line ringing)
164
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,293
Yeah, hi, this is Shaun
165
00:06:07,328 --> 00:06:09,029
over at Buffalo Wild Wings corporate.
166
00:06:09,063 --> 00:06:10,904
I-I'm sorry to bother you,
but I'm sitting here
167
00:06:10,931 --> 00:06:13,667
with a Stan Smith,
who claims he worked for you.
168
00:06:13,701 --> 00:06:15,802
He-he did?
169
00:06:15,836 --> 00:06:18,538
(laughs) Oh, is that right?
170
00:06:18,572 --> 00:06:20,206
Okay.
171
00:06:20,241 --> 00:06:22,642
Eh, nice try, but that was
clearly one of your friends.
172
00:06:22,677 --> 00:06:24,644
He gave me the old "Now that I told you,
173
00:06:24,679 --> 00:06:26,680
I'm gonna have to kill you" joke.
174
00:06:28,382 --> 00:06:29,649
Hi, Stan.
175
00:06:29,684 --> 00:06:32,185
You got to stop telling people, Stan.
176
00:06:34,722 --> 00:06:36,556
So according to my permanent record,
177
00:06:36,590 --> 00:06:39,626
the last job I had was in
college sweeping up hair.
178
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:41,761
Working at a barbershop shows initiative.
179
00:06:41,796 --> 00:06:42,796
Barbershop?
180
00:06:42,830 --> 00:06:44,230
It was a White Castle.
181
00:06:44,265 --> 00:06:46,066
I finished raking all the leaves.
182
00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:47,267
Did you clean the gutters?
183
00:06:47,301 --> 00:06:48,268
There was nothing in them.
184
00:06:48,302 --> 00:06:49,602
Then get a ladder and go up
185
00:06:49,637 --> 00:06:51,037
and stuff the leaves in the gutters.
186
00:06:51,038 --> 00:06:52,272
Then clean the gutters.
But that's...
187
00:06:52,306 --> 00:06:53,640
They won't always be clean.
188
00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,542
You need to be prepared for that day.
189
00:06:55,576 --> 00:06:57,043
Full ass, son.
190
00:06:57,078 --> 00:06:59,579
(sighs) Fine, I'll do it after work.
191
00:06:59,613 --> 00:07:01,614
Wait, Steve, didn't you say
192
00:07:01,649 --> 00:07:03,750
someone got fired at the grocery store?
193
00:07:03,784 --> 00:07:06,219
Stan, maybe you could take that job.
194
00:07:06,253 --> 00:07:07,320
Oh, no, no, no!
195
00:07:07,355 --> 00:07:08,989
Uh, uh, Dad doesn't want that job.
196
00:07:09,023 --> 00:07:10,323
It's-it's entry level.
197
00:07:10,358 --> 00:07:11,791
Well, I got to start somewhere.
198
00:07:11,826 --> 00:07:14,561
Yay, I don't have to get a job!
199
00:07:19,967 --> 00:07:23,370
Hey, Steve, did you see that
guy earlier buying condoms?
200
00:07:23,404 --> 00:07:25,372
And now this lady's getting tampons.
201
00:07:25,406 --> 00:07:27,107
This day is crazy.
202
00:07:27,141 --> 00:07:30,343
I didn't know grocery stores were so sexy.
203
00:07:30,378 --> 00:07:32,345
Have fun.
204
00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:34,714
You know that chick has sex.
205
00:07:34,749 --> 00:07:36,850
Dad, come on, we're working.
206
00:07:36,884 --> 00:07:38,218
Hey, Steve.
207
00:07:38,252 --> 00:07:39,753
Rick just quit.
208
00:07:39,787 --> 00:07:43,823
So, how would you like to be
the new assistant manager?
209
00:07:43,858 --> 00:07:45,091
Would I?!
210
00:07:45,126 --> 00:07:48,361
Sir, I've got so much more
workforce experience than Steve.
211
00:07:48,396 --> 00:07:50,463
Yeah, but Steve's been here a month.
212
00:07:50,498 --> 00:07:52,899
So, Steve, here's your huge key ring.
213
00:07:52,934 --> 00:07:56,236
Oh, boy, now I have access
to the teeth-whitening kits
214
00:07:56,270 --> 00:07:58,939
and all liquor over $40!
215
00:07:58,973 --> 00:08:00,540
Well, congratulations, Steve.
216
00:08:00,575 --> 00:08:02,208
Thanks, Dad.
217
00:08:02,243 --> 00:08:03,844
Now go take the pieces of dead onion skin
218
00:08:03,878 --> 00:08:06,846
out of the shopping baskets.
219
00:08:06,881 --> 00:08:08,648
This totally blows.
220
00:08:08,683 --> 00:08:11,217
I worked for the CIA
for 20 years, you know.
221
00:08:11,252 --> 00:08:13,153
(glass breaks)
222
00:08:13,187 --> 00:08:16,222
SNIPER: You really got to
put a sock in it, Stan!
223
00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:23,334
(whistling)
224
00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:27,171
I don't like your tune.
225
00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:28,486
Now, when you're done with this,
226
00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:29,947
I need you to go count the tomatoes.
227
00:08:29,975 --> 00:08:31,843
Geez, why are you being so bossy?
228
00:08:31,877 --> 00:08:33,344
'Cause I'm your boss.
229
00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:34,445
Not if I quit.
230
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,015
Yeah? You think your permanent
record looks bad now?
231
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:40,118
Think how it'll look if you
quit your only job in 20 years.
232
00:08:40,152 --> 00:08:41,252
(laughs) Quit.
233
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:42,453
In your dreams.
234
00:08:43,722 --> 00:08:46,190
Steve, they just delivered the butter.
235
00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:47,659
One of your new responsibilities
236
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,594
is to show the baggers how to stock it.
237
00:08:49,628 --> 00:08:51,262
Yes, sir. I'm on it.
238
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,133
So, we're right behind the butter shelves.
239
00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:59,103
Whoa! How long has
this place been here?
240
00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:01,506
Get your jaw off
the floor and start stocking.
241
00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:03,540
And don't let the butter sit
on the ground too long
242
00:09:03,542 --> 00:09:05,643
because the fridges
put out some major heat.
243
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:07,679
Got it?
244
00:09:09,415 --> 00:09:10,815
It won't fit.
245
00:09:10,849 --> 00:09:12,951
You got to take it out of the crate, dummy.
246
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:14,419
Then you make it fit.
247
00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:15,620
Lay the butter like bricks.
248
00:09:15,654 --> 00:09:16,955
With the labels facing out.
249
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:17,956
Got it?
250
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:19,991
Yeah, I got it.
251
00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:30,802
I earned a break.
252
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:32,403
I'll be napping
in the blood pressure chair.
253
00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:33,638
What's this?
254
00:09:33,672 --> 00:09:35,473
Oh, sorry.
255
00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:37,909
No, start over and do it right.
256
00:09:43,949 --> 00:09:46,017
Oh, that poor,
mentally-disabled man.
257
00:09:46,051 --> 00:09:47,485
I'm not mentally disabled!
258
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,355
Well, you don't know
how to stack butter, so...
259
00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:57,295
Hey, your guitar DVD came.
260
00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:01,065
What the hell are you talking about?
261
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,902
You're battling that guy in
the coffee shop in two days.
262
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:05,456
Oh, my God, that's so important to me!
263
00:10:05,471 --> 00:10:07,472
Quick, put it in the DVD player!
264
00:10:08,974 --> 00:10:10,208
Just skip to the first lesson.
265
00:10:10,242 --> 00:10:11,509
I don't have a lot of time to learn.
266
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,478
(strumming guitar)
267
00:10:13,512 --> 00:10:15,413
Now it is your turn.
268
00:10:15,447 --> 00:10:19,417
Start with the G chord,
which you finger like this.
269
00:10:19,451 --> 00:10:20,785
(groans) He's going too fast.
270
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,520
I'll pause.
271
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:23,822
I think I got it.
272
00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:25,356
Ready?
Yeah.
273
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,425
Now strum.
274
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,596
Aah! It's got me!
275
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:33,631
(grunting)
276
00:10:35,467 --> 00:10:38,403
Well, I guess this is my hand now.
277
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:42,774
I hate working at that store!
278
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:44,542
Steve just bosses me around.
279
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,644
The only good thing is that the stock boys
280
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:47,979
are teaching me Spanish,
281
00:10:48,013 --> 00:10:50,215
so that's pretty cállate gringo.
282
00:10:50,249 --> 00:10:51,883
Dad, why on Earth did you make me
283
00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:54,419
take all of our spare light
bulbs out of their boxes?
284
00:10:54,453 --> 00:10:57,122
Stan, is this just to get back at Steve
285
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,923
for bossing you around at the store?
286
00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:01,092
Are you accusing me of
being vindictive, Francine?
287
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:02,894
Because I will destroy you!
288
00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:04,262
Besides, there's a reason
289
00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:06,631
I'm making him do all these things.
290
00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:08,545
Now take off your shoes
and sweep up that glass.
291
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:09,834
Take off my shoes?!
292
00:11:09,869 --> 00:11:10,935
Take 'em off.
293
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:13,271
Oh, you're in for it tomorrow, mister.
294
00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:15,273
The regional manager's
coming for our review
295
00:11:15,307 --> 00:11:17,275
and I'm gonna be busting your ass all day.
296
00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:18,409
I'll just call in sick.
297
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:19,677
I'll tell them you're faking.
298
00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:20,912
And you'll get fired.
299
00:11:20,946 --> 00:11:22,780
Then how will you support your woman?
300
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:25,283
How will you keep her
glowing in such finery?
301
00:11:25,317 --> 00:11:27,252
(sighs)
302
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:31,122
(strums badly)
303
00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:32,123
LORENZO:
That's right.
304
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:33,591
Now you're getting it!
305
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:37,429
No, I'm not, and there's no
way I'll learn by tomorrow!
306
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,265
Not learning fast enough?
307
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:41,266
What the hell?
308
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:42,267
How are you...
309
00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:43,802
(laughs evilly)
310
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:48,006
(plays dramatic chords)
311
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,607
I am Lorenzo.
312
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:51,676
AKA Old Scratch.
313
00:11:51,710 --> 00:11:54,879
I can offer you a shortcut
to guitar mastery,
314
00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:57,682
but it comes at an ironic price.
315
00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:59,284
Yeah, yeah, I'll pay any price.
316
00:11:59,318 --> 00:12:01,586
You realize I'm the Devil
and... and you're making
317
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:03,054
what is called a Faustian bargain, right?
318
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:04,522
Yeah, sure, sure, sure.
Really?
319
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,724
'Cause you don't sound like you understand
320
00:12:06,759 --> 00:12:08,059
the gravity of the ironic price.
321
00:12:08,094 --> 00:12:09,260
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, it's fine.
322
00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:11,596
I mean, I really have to crush
this punk at the coffee shop.
323
00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:12,931
He's got this stupid little goatee...
324
00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:14,232
Ah! Enough!
Enough.
325
00:12:14,266 --> 00:12:16,134
I'm sure your reasons are terrific
326
00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:18,169
if you are willing to pay with your soul.
327
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:21,806
Wait, my soul?
328
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,475
My Kia Soul?
329
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:25,810
How am I supposed to get
to my shift at Dairy Queen?
330
00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:28,413
Stacey, it's Roger.
331
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:30,515
Hey, can you cover my
3:00 to 7:00 tonight?
332
00:12:30,549 --> 00:12:32,384
Oh, my soul!
333
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,185
Never mind.
334
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:36,387
Hey, are you going to Jake's party?
335
00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:40,492
Tom, I gotta say.
336
00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:42,060
You hit a solid double here.
337
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:43,828
I'm just happy to get on base.
338
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:46,264
I make the baseball references...
339
00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:48,299
Oh. My. God.
340
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:49,300
Holy moly.
341
00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:51,403
Stan, what's going on?
342
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,371
There's butter melting all over the place!
343
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:56,341
Yeah, I, uh, I could only
fit one crate on the shelf.
344
00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:58,576
The rest is by the refrigeration exhaust.
345
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,578
Steve, you were supposed to show Stan
346
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:01,913
how to stock the butter!
347
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:04,749
Yeah, I sure could have used
some supervision on that one.
348
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:05,750
Wh-What?
349
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,085
I-I showed you!
350
00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:08,486
Clearly not well enough.
351
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,688
And I'm a sponge, I was waiting for it.
352
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,490
This is not good, Steve.
353
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:15,193
It's just lucky no one got hurt.
354
00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:16,227
Joshua!
355
00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:18,229
(screaming)
356
00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:29,374
(screams)
357
00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:36,915
I'm sorry, Steve, but I'm
gonna have to let you go.
358
00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:37,982
But...
No buts.
359
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:40,018
Now let's have the apron.
360
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:43,188
(grunts)
361
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:46,491
It's always hard to see a young boy
362
00:13:46,525 --> 00:13:47,859
tarnish his permanent record.
363
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:48,960
Hold on.
364
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:50,395
This'll be on his permanent record?
365
00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:51,496
Uh, yeah.
366
00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:52,964
He was assistant manager
367
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:54,866
and he didn't show you
how to put the butter away.
368
00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:56,534
That's something every employer
369
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:59,104
for the rest of his life
is gonna want to know.
370
00:13:59,138 --> 00:14:01,473
Yeah, if he can even find a job.
371
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:02,974
Oh, God!
372
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,083
What have I done?
373
00:14:04,203 --> 00:14:06,366
(thunder crashes)
374
00:14:13,449 --> 00:14:15,102
I showed him how to stock the butter
375
00:14:15,136 --> 00:14:17,070
and he did it wrong on purpose.
376
00:14:17,105 --> 00:14:18,305
He got me fired!
377
00:14:18,339 --> 00:14:20,040
But he still has his job, right?
378
00:14:20,074 --> 00:14:21,775
I can keep my finery?
379
00:14:21,809 --> 00:14:23,043
You!
380
00:14:23,077 --> 00:14:25,345
You have a lot of nerve
showing your face here!
381
00:14:25,380 --> 00:14:26,880
You're right to be mad, Steve.
382
00:14:26,915 --> 00:14:28,448
And it's worse than you think.
383
00:14:28,483 --> 00:14:29,750
I got you fired...
384
00:14:29,784 --> 00:14:31,652
and now it's on your permanent record.
385
00:14:31,686 --> 00:14:33,520
Good lord.
386
00:14:33,555 --> 00:14:34,988
My future...
387
00:14:35,023 --> 00:14:36,957
He's gonna be ridin' the rails, Stan!
388
00:14:36,991 --> 00:14:37,991
(doorbell rings)
389
00:14:39,894 --> 00:14:41,728
It's come to our attention!
390
00:14:41,763 --> 00:14:43,697
That your son's run out of options.
391
00:14:43,731 --> 00:14:45,065
The Army'll take him!
392
00:14:45,099 --> 00:14:47,100
Get out of here, you damn vulture!
393
00:14:48,903 --> 00:14:50,604
Thank you for your service.
394
00:14:57,879 --> 00:14:59,880
Dad, what are we doing at your old office?
395
00:14:59,914 --> 00:15:01,582
Well, the CIA was able to keep
396
00:15:01,616 --> 00:15:04,284
my 20 years with them
off my permanent record,
397
00:15:04,319 --> 00:15:05,786
so they must have access to them.
398
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:07,988
Okay, but why'd you drag me along?
399
00:15:08,022 --> 00:15:10,057
Well, I don't have my badge anymore,
400
00:15:10,091 --> 00:15:11,725
so I need your help
getting into the building.
401
00:15:11,759 --> 00:15:13,460
And how am I supposed to do that?
402
00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:14,561
Like this.
403
00:15:15,597 --> 00:15:18,465
(grunting, groaning)
404
00:15:19,868 --> 00:15:21,401
STEVE:
Ow!
405
00:15:21,436 --> 00:15:22,436
(lock clicking)
406
00:15:25,473 --> 00:15:27,374
Okay, I just have to log in
407
00:15:27,408 --> 00:15:29,710
and see how they access
the permanent records.
408
00:15:31,646 --> 00:15:33,981
Damn it, they already deleted my password!
409
00:15:34,015 --> 00:15:35,749
Your password was one letter?
410
00:15:35,783 --> 00:15:37,985
Yeah, it's, like, super easy
to remember that way.
411
00:15:38,019 --> 00:15:40,187
Well, I guess this was a dead end.
412
00:15:40,221 --> 00:15:41,288
Or...
413
00:15:41,322 --> 00:15:42,823
maybe we could go to the basement,
414
00:15:42,857 --> 00:15:43,957
'cause that's where
415
00:15:43,992 --> 00:15:45,626
the Permanent Record Department is.
416
00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:48,295
BULLOCK (recording):
This is Deputy Director Bullock
417
00:15:48,329 --> 00:15:51,131
reminding you that secrets
are meant to be kept.
418
00:15:51,166 --> 00:15:53,734
Now, back to the elevator music.
419
00:15:53,768 --> 00:15:55,669
(singing):
♪ Friday night it was late ♪
420
00:15:55,703 --> 00:15:57,104
♪ I was walking you home ♪
421
00:15:57,138 --> 00:15:58,972
♪ We got down to the gate ♪
422
00:15:59,007 --> 00:16:02,009
♪ And I was dreaming
of the night... ♪
423
00:16:04,846 --> 00:16:06,580
It's a permanent record!
424
00:16:06,614 --> 00:16:10,050
"Martin McGowan pretended
to pick up his dog's poop,
425
00:16:10,084 --> 00:16:12,486
but just grabbed at the air
and kept walking."
426
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:13,487
Wow.
427
00:16:13,521 --> 00:16:14,721
They are on top of stuff.
428
00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:16,523
Come on, let's find yours.
429
00:16:20,361 --> 00:16:22,362
Here it is.
430
00:16:23,364 --> 00:16:26,667
"Fired from grocery store for
incompetent management."
431
00:16:26,701 --> 00:16:28,836
Don't worry, we'll fix that.
432
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:36,677
"And it was totally not
Steve's fault."
433
00:16:36,711 --> 00:16:37,678
There.
434
00:16:37,712 --> 00:16:39,346
Now, to spice it up.
435
00:16:39,380 --> 00:16:41,515
"Steve Smith lost his virginity
436
00:16:41,549 --> 00:16:43,817
"after a romantic candlelight
dinner on the beach.
437
00:16:43,852 --> 00:16:47,654
"He suggested taking things
slow, "but she was voracious,
438
00:16:47,689 --> 00:16:49,823
"with an unquenchable
sex-thirst.
439
00:16:49,858 --> 00:16:51,692
And he did a good job."
440
00:16:51,726 --> 00:16:53,060
Solid.
441
00:16:53,094 --> 00:16:54,695
Now, let's get outta here.
GUARD: Freeze!
442
00:16:56,264 --> 00:16:59,166
Sir, we were just trying to
repair Steve's permanent record.
443
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:00,534
He shouldn't be burdened
444
00:17:00,568 --> 00:17:02,328
for the rest of his life
for something I did.
445
00:17:02,337 --> 00:17:04,004
Well, that's the system.
446
00:17:04,038 --> 00:17:05,906
And when I send this downstairs,
447
00:17:05,940 --> 00:17:08,409
you'll be a virgin again, Master Smith.
448
00:17:08,443 --> 00:17:10,744
You're in charge of the permanent records?
449
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,579
I play many roles here.
450
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:15,582
I also design the company softball shirts.
451
00:17:17,685 --> 00:17:19,820
It came to me in a dream.
452
00:17:19,854 --> 00:17:22,823
Daddy, the bombs came.
453
00:17:22,857 --> 00:17:26,326
It's C-4, Gary, and I am not your father.
454
00:17:26,361 --> 00:17:27,861
What about the detonators?
455
00:17:27,896 --> 00:17:29,229
They came, too.
456
00:17:29,264 --> 00:17:31,832
I put them in the bombs
so Gary wouldn't lose them.
457
00:17:31,866 --> 00:17:33,834
Did you set the timer on these?!
458
00:17:33,868 --> 00:17:35,736
Uh-huh, Gary
making oatmeal.
459
00:17:35,770 --> 00:17:38,205
Almost ready.
(ticking)
460
00:17:38,239 --> 00:17:40,541
Good God, you're gonna blow up this office!
461
00:17:40,575 --> 00:17:43,744
We've got to get
this C-4 out of here!
462
00:17:43,778 --> 00:17:45,245
Uh-oh!
463
00:17:47,415 --> 00:17:48,749
Steve, throw me more bricks.
464
00:17:48,783 --> 00:17:50,117
It's just like the butter!
465
00:17:50,151 --> 00:17:52,519
Oh, yeah!
466
00:17:54,122 --> 00:17:55,089
Go, Dad!
467
00:18:02,564 --> 00:18:04,231
(explosion, glass shattering)
468
00:18:04,265 --> 00:18:05,232
Yay!
469
00:18:05,266 --> 00:18:06,633
Oatmeal time!
470
00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:07,968
Gary, you're fired!
471
00:18:08,002 --> 00:18:10,204
Stan, you got your job back.
472
00:18:10,238 --> 00:18:12,373
Thank you for saving our lives, Smith.
473
00:18:12,407 --> 00:18:14,041
Well, actually, you
should be thanking Steve.
474
00:18:14,075 --> 00:18:16,710
I was only able to
stack the C-4 so fast
475
00:18:16,745 --> 00:18:19,179
because Steve was so hard
on me at the grocery store.
476
00:18:19,214 --> 00:18:20,781
Oh. Well-well,
I just did that
477
00:18:20,815 --> 00:18:22,983
because you were such a jerk to me at home.
478
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:24,985
I'm not trying to be a jerk, Steve.
479
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:27,488
I'm trying to save you from
a life of ridin' the rails.
480
00:18:27,522 --> 00:18:29,590
Dad, that's just an expression.
481
00:18:29,624 --> 00:18:31,291
Tell that to Tony Lura.
482
00:18:31,326 --> 00:18:34,361
He half-assed it all summer
on the grill at White Castle.
483
00:18:34,396 --> 00:18:36,497
A lot of people got really sick, actually.
484
00:18:36,531 --> 00:18:37,998
Then he just disappeared.
485
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:39,500
Last anyone saw of him,
486
00:18:39,534 --> 00:18:41,101
he was hoppin' the Union Pacific Line
487
00:18:41,136 --> 00:18:42,936
with all of his possessions in a sock.
488
00:18:42,971 --> 00:18:44,238
Oh.
489
00:18:44,272 --> 00:18:46,540
Well, thanks for looking out for me, Dad.
490
00:18:46,574 --> 00:18:48,976
I sure wouldn't want
to end up like Tony Lura.
491
00:18:49,010 --> 00:18:50,611
No, you wouldn't, son.
492
00:18:50,645 --> 00:18:52,479
And, son, that's why
493
00:18:52,514 --> 00:18:54,481
you don't want to end up like Stan Smith,
494
00:18:54,516 --> 00:18:57,518
the White Castle employee
who did everything right.
495
00:18:57,552 --> 00:18:58,752
'Cause what did it get him?
496
00:18:58,787 --> 00:19:01,255
A government job
fighting for so-called freedom
497
00:19:01,289 --> 00:19:03,524
from the confines of a cubicle.
498
00:19:03,558 --> 00:19:05,993
Well, this is my cubicle!
499
00:19:06,027 --> 00:19:07,895
(train horn blares)
500
00:19:07,929 --> 00:19:10,798
And this is real freedom!
501
00:19:10,832 --> 00:19:12,466
You understand, son?
502
00:19:14,235 --> 00:19:15,369
Yep.
503
00:19:15,403 --> 00:19:19,039
The world is our oyster!
504
00:19:24,379 --> 00:19:26,880
(acoustic guitar playing)
505
00:19:28,850 --> 00:19:32,086
(applause) They're
clapping 'cause it's over.
506
00:19:33,822 --> 00:19:35,823
(playing "Classical Gas")
507
00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:06,954
♪ ♪
508
00:20:34,549 --> 00:20:36,216
You get the drift, I win.
509
00:20:36,251 --> 00:20:37,885
(applause, cheering)
510
00:20:37,919 --> 00:20:40,955
Listen, buddy, you clearly won,
but I really need this gig.
511
00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:43,090
I tell you what... you
seem like a nice guy.
512
00:20:43,124 --> 00:20:44,792
What if I let you keep playing here
513
00:20:44,826 --> 00:20:46,794
and you just cover the price of my lessons?
514
00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:48,429
That'd be amazing!
515
00:20:48,463 --> 00:20:50,197
Then it's a deal.
516
00:20:50,232 --> 00:20:52,233
(screaming)
517
00:20:53,024 --> 00:20:58,993
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com