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Previously on Californication...
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Mm. I fucking love
teeth. They fascinate me.
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When Levon came along, he
derailed the whole acting thing.
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- Yeah.
- I became a dental hygienist.
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Oh, so you're my manager now.
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Maybe you should think about
getting some other clients.
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Yeah, but that's the other reason I'm here.
8
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I have a severe nut allergy.
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- Yeah, of course you do.
- I could die.
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That would be a shame.
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- [Retches]
- Oh!
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I-I really want to have
sex with Rath's assistant.
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Well, it's good to have dreams,
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good to shoot for the moon.
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Yeah, but how do I get there?
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It's best to play it cool.
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I'm sorry to interrupt.
I'm Julia, Levon's mom.
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H-hi, Melanie.
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I-I'm very sorry I created
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a hostile working environment for you.
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Rick Rath. Have you ever done any acting?
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Oh, years ago, in New York.
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You know what?
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I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
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I think you're probably a lot more talented
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than you think you are.
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Ohh.
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- Oh, hey.
- Hi.
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Oh, I know you, uh, love
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that overgrown man-child of yours.
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Ours? Too soon?
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But you got to stop visiting him at work.
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It's not cool.
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In fact, it's so far from
cool, it's almost creepy.
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No, it's creepy.
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Yep, we're in creepy town
right now... population you.
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"A," I have an appointment,
and "B," it's too soon.
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And "C," are you getting stoned right now?
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What kind of appointment?
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- It's an acting appointment.
- Mm.
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- You didn't answer my question.
- An audition.
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Rath said that there was a small part
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that I might be good for.
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Oh, Rath did, did he? Very interesting.
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You don't think it's a good idea?
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No, but I think very few
things are good ideas.
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It turns out I'm a very negative person,
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but I'm working on it with my therapist.
49
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Not really. What's wrong?
50
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[Breathes deeply] I'm really nervous.
51
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I'm really, really nervous.
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Like explosive diarrhea nervous?
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It doesn't matter.
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Whatever is going on in
your gastrointestinal tract,
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nobody cares. You know why?
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'Cause you look amazing.
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- Really? Do you think so?
- I do. I think.
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I think many thoughts,
many impure thoughts.
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It's like the pussycat
theater up in here right now.
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What the fuck am I
thinking? It's so stupid.
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I mean, I should just go
back to work where it's safe,
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where people love me, and people
have teeth that need cleaning,
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and I know how to do that.
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I do it really well.
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Just tell Rath thanks, but, no, thanks.
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I will do nothing of the sort.
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You... you can do this. Go on.
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How do you know?
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Because I am flashing back
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to a memory of our brief history together.
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I used to run lines with you.
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- Yeah, mm-hmm. Remember?
- Sort of.
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No matter what the sides were,
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you'd always turn it into a sex scene.
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Well, obviously, I was trying to get you
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to internalize the material
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without thinking too much about it.
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Or I was just being awesome.
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- [Chuckles]
- Either way, you're gonna be great in there.
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Just break one of those
incredibly sexy legs of yours.
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- Thank you, Hank.
- You're welcome, Julia.
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[Sighs]
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You can go back to getting stoned now.
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Thank you. Thank...
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Hey, um, maybe you care to partake.
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You know, all the cool kids are doing it.
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It might just take the edge off.
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Come here.
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A little shotgun.
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[Coughs]
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There you go. You're ready now.
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Go get them.
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[Upbeat music]
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♪
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Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
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Hey, get in here. Take a look at this.
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You tell me if it's as
good as I think it is.
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- I'm biased, but, uh...
- All right. Mmhmm.
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How was your weekend, Danko?
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Groovy, baby. Grande groovy.
101
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When are you gonna let me make you
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a permanent part of my weekend plans?
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- Who writes this shit... you?
- Fuck you.
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I didn't write this shit. You did.
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I didn't write it.
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Sounds like something
you would have written.
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- Shoo!
- Okay, watch.
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There's rules about that, Danko.
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Rules are made to be broken, sweetheart.
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So is hearts, Danko.
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So is hearts.
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Was that okay or... Can I do it again?
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Watch. She's gonna laugh.
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[Chuckles]
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That's it? That's the...
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Yeah, it's a small part,
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but she'd be the secretary
at the police station.
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So she'd be around a
lot, which would be nice.
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And she's good, right? She is good.
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She's... she's... she's very natural.
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Very natural.
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Extremely natural, if
you know what I'm saying.
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I think I know what you're saying.
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I'm sorry. Does this
make you uncomfortable?
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I guess not.
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- I mean, she's so beautiful.
- Yeah.
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But it's more than that.
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She is like a hit of
pure sunshine, you know.
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- She's not like all these fucking
damage cases - Yeah.
130
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- you meet out here, you know?
- Mmhmm.
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Is it cool if I, uh...
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- If you what?
- Pursue her?
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Well, her son does work for you, you know.
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Is that a conflict?
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Well, he's not gonna be that happy
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if he finds out you're banging his mom.
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Yeah, but what do I care
if he's happy or not?
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He works for me. I don't work for him.
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That's true. That's true.
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All right, I guess it's fine, then.
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You're not looking to rekindle?
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- No, no, not at all.
- Why not?
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My life is entirely too
complicated right now.
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Oh, right, you got that
whole thing going on
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with the mother of your other kid.
146
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Yeah, that whole other-mother thing, yeah.
147
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- Yeah.
- Got that going on.
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I don't know. Maybe you're right.
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Maybe this isn't a good idea.
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Maybe I shouldn't give her the part.
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No, you should. You should.
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I think you should. This is good.
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This is a thing of good.
You should give it to her.
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Oh, I'll give it to her, all right.
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Tha... sorry.
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Goldie, I cannot thank you enough
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for agreeing to sit down with me today.
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Don't thank me. Thank
Hank. He begged me to.
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He also speaks the world of you.
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- Really?
- Yes.
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Because usually he makes fun of me.
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Well, he does that too, but
I can tell it's out of love.
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There is love. I do love the guy.
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That is so sweet.
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I took a bullet for him, you know?
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- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.
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- Would you like to see?
- Not really.
168
00:07:07,384 --> 00:07:08,351
Can you see it?
169
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That looks like eczema.
170
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What? It's scar tissue.
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Whatever, dude. What's your pitch?
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Oh, right.
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You are a very talented
young woman, Goldie Forrest.
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I have been a big fan for quite some time.
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Cool. I haven't heard that one before.
176
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You wrote an episode of
Dawson's Creek, didn't you?
177
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Yes, about a hundred years ago.
178
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Why do you know that?
179
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- 'Cause I love that show.
- Bullshit.
180
00:07:33,112 --> 00:07:34,511
You didn't watch Dawson's Creek.
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Yes, I did!
182
00:07:35,783 --> 00:07:38,253
I swear. I still watch it in reruns.
183
00:07:38,286 --> 00:07:41,118
- Are you gay?
- No, not at all.
184
00:07:41,151 --> 00:07:43,360
Well, I was, yeah, for a short time.
185
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- Plus, I was just pretending.
- Why?
186
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If I told you that, I
would have to kill you,
187
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because you would be bored to tears.
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Thank you for that.
189
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:53,773
Sometimes when other
people are telling a story,
190
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I fantasize about
reaching into their mouth,
191
00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:57,042
ripping their tongue out,
192
00:07:57,075 --> 00:07:59,378
and shoving it so far up their fucking ass
193
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that they can only
dream of shitting it out.
194
00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:04,579
Wow.
195
00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:07,221
You are a most delightful young lady.
196
00:08:07,255 --> 00:08:08,887
Do you think I'm pretty?
197
00:08:08,928 --> 00:08:12,231
Yes, very much so. I
think you're beautiful.
198
00:08:12,264 --> 00:08:16,495
But do you think it's working
against me professionally?
199
00:08:16,536 --> 00:08:18,833
Sometimes I think my looks are a problem.
200
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:20,907
You know, like, if I were a hatchet face,
201
00:08:20,940 --> 00:08:22,075
I'd have my own show by now.
202
00:08:22,108 --> 00:08:24,474
- Who are you with?
- UTK.
203
00:08:24,507 --> 00:08:26,576
But I'm feeling kind of lost over there.
204
00:08:26,610 --> 00:08:28,481
That's not uncommon.
205
00:08:28,515 --> 00:08:31,682
Have you ever given any
thought to taking on a manager?
206
00:08:31,715 --> 00:08:34,290
I have one.
207
00:08:34,323 --> 00:08:36,091
In fact, I really should
not be doing this right now.
208
00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,825
Why? What are we doing?
209
00:08:37,858 --> 00:08:39,424
We're talking. We're just... we're sitting.
210
00:08:39,457 --> 00:08:41,362
We're talking. Two people
sitting and talking.
211
00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:45,367
It feels wrong, dirty,
like I'm cheating on him.
212
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,135
I'm a dirty little slut.
213
00:08:48,175 --> 00:08:51,378
- But obviously you're unhappy.
- He's a good guy.
214
00:08:51,411 --> 00:08:53,852
He's just kind of old, you know.
215
00:08:53,885 --> 00:08:56,052
My writer friends call him "Old Balls."
216
00:08:56,085 --> 00:08:58,221
He just seems impotent.
217
00:08:58,254 --> 00:09:01,062
Actually, that's not the appropriate word.
218
00:09:01,095 --> 00:09:03,662
It is the perfect word.
He's a real limp dick.
219
00:09:03,695 --> 00:09:08,061
Yeah, well, sometimes those
limp dicks can surprise you.
220
00:09:08,102 --> 00:09:10,804
Are you doing some kind of
a weird reverse psychology
221
00:09:10,837 --> 00:09:12,806
where you defend my current representation
222
00:09:12,839 --> 00:09:14,808
and make me think you're a good guy?
223
00:09:14,841 --> 00:09:18,608
Because it's totally working.
224
00:09:29,763 --> 00:09:32,360
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
225
00:09:32,393 --> 00:09:34,161
Why do you think something's wrong?
226
00:09:34,194 --> 00:09:36,430
Because you're quiet, too quiet.
227
00:09:36,463 --> 00:09:39,264
Usually I got to keep turning
up the volume to drown you out.
228
00:09:39,297 --> 00:09:40,864
I like that you know me.
229
00:09:40,905 --> 00:09:42,768
What's the problem?
230
00:09:42,801 --> 00:09:45,239
I'm fucking heartsick, man.
231
00:09:45,272 --> 00:09:47,545
- Melanie?
- Melanie.
232
00:09:47,578 --> 00:09:49,884
Maybe you should shoot a little lower.
233
00:09:49,917 --> 00:09:52,684
You know, what about that, um,
that girl that works in post?
234
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,021
What about her?
235
00:09:54,054 --> 00:09:55,854
You mean the one with the lazy eye?
236
00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:58,789
Hey, her eye may be lazy, but
that girl works her ass off.
237
00:09:58,822 --> 00:10:01,522
When was the last time
you jerked off to a girl
238
00:10:01,555 --> 00:10:03,459
because she was a hard worker?
239
00:10:03,492 --> 00:10:06,567
Melanie drives me crazy.
She... she gets me so hot.
240
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,565
- I beat off to her at work today.
- Oh, shit.
241
00:10:09,606 --> 00:10:11,540
You know, that's very
dangerous to masturbate at work.
242
00:10:11,573 --> 00:10:13,236
You should talk to your
Uncle Charlie about that.
243
00:10:13,270 --> 00:10:14,772
It's not safe, and it's fucking disgusting.
244
00:10:14,805 --> 00:10:16,244
- Hey!
- What's wrong with you?
245
00:10:16,277 --> 00:10:17,979
- Fuck you.
- Don't jerk off at work.
246
00:10:18,012 --> 00:10:19,906
Fuck you. Fuck you.
247
00:10:19,946 --> 00:10:21,577
I think the director's
trying to get in there.
248
00:10:21,610 --> 00:10:22,913
What?
249
00:10:22,946 --> 00:10:24,880
That little worm, that fucking hack?
250
00:10:24,913 --> 00:10:27,415
You got the Moody blood
running through your veins.
251
00:10:27,448 --> 00:10:29,414
You can't let that
little worm get in the way
252
00:10:29,447 --> 00:10:31,213
of you and all your masturbatory daydreams.
253
00:10:31,254 --> 00:10:33,821
She's way out of both your leagues anyway.
254
00:10:33,854 --> 00:10:36,327
Yeah, but he's gonna win. He's a director.
255
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,329
No, he's a TV director,
256
00:10:38,362 --> 00:10:40,266
and you're on your way up the ladder.
257
00:10:40,299 --> 00:10:41,666
Granted, you're using a footstool
258
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,236
and barely holding on to the first rung,
259
00:10:43,269 --> 00:10:45,005
but he's stuck in the middle.
260
00:10:45,038 --> 00:10:47,509
Eventually he's just gonna
fall off and die screaming.
261
00:10:47,542 --> 00:10:49,910
I don't know how that little
fuck keeps getting jobs.
262
00:10:49,943 --> 00:10:51,846
- I don't know either.
- He must have film somewhere
263
00:10:51,879 --> 00:10:54,079
of Stu riding the Sybian or something.
264
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,783
- I think I'd like to see that.
- Yeah, me too.
265
00:10:56,816 --> 00:10:57,855
Whoo! I got it!
266
00:10:57,888 --> 00:10:59,687
I got the part! I got the part!
267
00:10:59,722 --> 00:11:01,459
Congrats. Way to go.
268
00:11:01,492 --> 00:11:03,103
Whoo!
269
00:11:03,137 --> 00:11:06,003
All right, congrats. Way to go.
270
00:11:06,044 --> 00:11:07,476
I'd like to think my little pep talk
271
00:11:07,509 --> 00:11:08,780
had something to do with it...
272
00:11:08,813 --> 00:11:10,211
That and the shotgun.
273
00:11:10,244 --> 00:11:11,977
[Inhales sharply] What's wrong?
274
00:11:12,010 --> 00:11:14,147
- Nothing.
- Aren't you happy for me?
275
00:11:14,180 --> 00:11:15,850
Are you kidding me? It's awesome.
276
00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:18,448
Not only am I a 21-year-old
guy who lives with his mother.
277
00:11:18,481 --> 00:11:20,050
Now I'm a 21-year-old guy
who works with his mother.
278
00:11:20,091 --> 00:11:21,987
It's so cool.
279
00:11:22,021 --> 00:11:23,796
Oh, and then there's the fact
we moved all the way out here
280
00:11:23,829 --> 00:11:25,292
to launch my acting career,
281
00:11:25,325 --> 00:11:26,892
and you're the one who lucks into a job.
282
00:11:26,933 --> 00:11:28,468
Good for you, mom. Good for you.
283
00:11:28,501 --> 00:11:30,797
Hey, stop being such a
snotty little killjoy.
284
00:11:30,838 --> 00:11:32,502
This is your mother's happy day.
285
00:11:32,535 --> 00:11:35,673
- Yeah, what he said.
- I'm sorry.
286
00:11:35,714 --> 00:11:37,879
Come on, let's celebrate. It's great.
287
00:11:37,912 --> 00:11:39,742
- You go have fun, you two.
- You're happy for me.
288
00:11:39,775 --> 00:11:41,645
- Let's have dinner.
- Here, get the door. Just shut it.
289
00:11:41,678 --> 00:11:43,349
- Wait. Can Hank come?
- No.
290
00:11:43,382 --> 00:11:45,046
Oh, I'm sure Hank has better things to do.
291
00:11:45,087 --> 00:11:47,382
No, no, I got to work
on my 85-page outline
292
00:11:47,423 --> 00:11:48,748
for Santa Monica Cop.
293
00:11:48,789 --> 00:11:50,315
New career high, by the way.
294
00:11:50,356 --> 00:11:51,724
Come on, Hank. Don't be such a killjoy.
295
00:11:51,757 --> 00:11:53,823
It's mom's happy day. Right?
296
00:11:53,864 --> 00:11:55,160
Oh, all right.
297
00:11:55,193 --> 00:11:56,600
- Whoo!
- Come on, get in.
298
00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:59,262
Tight squeeze back here.
299
00:12:03,135 --> 00:12:04,701
To the city of angels,
300
00:12:04,734 --> 00:12:07,604
where it turns out dreams
actually do come true.
301
00:12:07,637 --> 00:12:09,237
Tell that to all the brokenhearted starlets
302
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,741
who got chewed up, spit
out, and f'd in the "A"
303
00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:12,774
atop the Hollywood sign.
304
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,214
- Cheers.
- [Glasses clink]
305
00:12:14,247 --> 00:12:16,382
- Cheers.
- I love this city. Whoo-hoo!
306
00:12:16,415 --> 00:12:19,082
Okay, okay, go easy there, ma.
She can't handle her alcohol.
307
00:12:19,115 --> 00:12:21,249
I beg to differ. Back in the
day, your mom could drink.
308
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,852
That's right.
309
00:12:22,885 --> 00:12:24,421
I could drink you under
the table, motherfucker.
310
00:12:24,455 --> 00:12:25,896
Maybe I just like getting
you under the table.
311
00:12:25,929 --> 00:12:28,064
- Motherfucker.
- Oh, gross.
312
00:12:28,097 --> 00:12:29,528
Get a room, you two.
313
00:12:29,561 --> 00:12:32,096
Jesus.
314
00:12:32,136 --> 00:12:33,631
You know what?
315
00:12:33,664 --> 00:12:35,438
There are some seriously
hot bitches here tonight.
316
00:12:35,471 --> 00:12:37,135
- This is great.
- Who are you right now?
317
00:12:37,168 --> 00:12:39,104
What have I told you about trying too hard?
318
00:12:39,137 --> 00:12:40,440
You know, anybody can be a dick.
319
00:12:40,473 --> 00:12:41,973
Be a gentleman.
320
00:12:42,006 --> 00:12:43,276
- Yeah, what she said.
- Thank you.
321
00:12:43,309 --> 00:12:44,475
Excellent parenting.
322
00:12:44,508 --> 00:12:46,077
Shit.
323
00:12:46,110 --> 00:12:47,707
- [Both]: What?
- It's Melanie.
324
00:12:47,747 --> 00:12:50,609
What's so bad about that? He likes Melanie.
325
00:12:50,642 --> 00:12:53,046
- Shut up.
- Will you tell me? I want to hear all about it.
326
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,216
They need me back at the
office. You got to drive me.
327
00:12:55,249 --> 00:12:57,218
Oh, no, we're just getting started.
328
00:12:57,251 --> 00:12:59,584
We're gonna raise the roof!
Come on, let's play some pool!
329
00:12:59,617 --> 00:13:01,423
Mom, this is my job
we're talking about here.
330
00:13:01,456 --> 00:13:02,792
They tell me to jump. I got to jump.
331
00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:03,761
It's show business.
332
00:13:03,794 --> 00:13:05,457
Can I pee first?
333
00:13:05,498 --> 00:13:09,498
- Permission granted. Bring back a sample.
- [Laughs]
334
00:13:09,531 --> 00:13:11,466
So what's the move here?
335
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,904
If I find myself alone with
her, you know, what do I do?
336
00:13:13,937 --> 00:13:16,641
- You really like this girl?
- Pretty much, yeah.
337
00:13:16,674 --> 00:13:18,273
Then just make your intentions known,
338
00:13:18,306 --> 00:13:19,843
and don't be creepy about it.
339
00:13:19,876 --> 00:13:21,612
Don't whip out your dick
or anything like that.
340
00:13:21,645 --> 00:13:23,645
- Why would I take my dick out?
- Because... Well, your mom and I spoke.
341
00:13:23,686 --> 00:13:25,451
Shut... It was a phase.
342
00:13:25,484 --> 00:13:27,586
Why did she tell you that?
343
00:13:27,619 --> 00:13:28,987
I'm impressed.
344
00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:30,652
I could totally see us working together.
345
00:13:30,693 --> 00:13:32,359
That is music to my ears, Goldie.
346
00:13:32,392 --> 00:13:34,294
You just say the word,
347
00:13:34,327 --> 00:13:36,463
and I will start working to
make your dreams come true.
348
00:13:36,496 --> 00:13:38,096
Tell me something.
349
00:13:38,136 --> 00:13:39,831
What are some of your immediate goals?
350
00:13:39,872 --> 00:13:42,101
You know what I want more than anything?
351
00:13:42,134 --> 00:13:44,175
- Hmm?
- To run the fucking show.
352
00:13:44,208 --> 00:13:45,839
Rath is a hack.
353
00:13:45,872 --> 00:13:48,277
He's just coasting on
his resume at this point.
354
00:13:48,310 --> 00:13:50,211
I mean, if he would just listen to me,
355
00:13:50,244 --> 00:13:51,876
we could totally fucking crush it,
356
00:13:51,909 --> 00:13:53,508
but his head is so far up his own ass
357
00:13:53,549 --> 00:13:55,475
that he can't hear what
anyone else is saying.
358
00:13:55,516 --> 00:13:57,284
I find myself just sitting in meetings,
359
00:13:57,317 --> 00:14:00,720
like, nodding my head at every
stupid fucking idea he has.
360
00:14:00,761 --> 00:14:03,191
You know what I mean?
361
00:14:03,224 --> 00:14:05,358
You help me get the
show out from under Rath,
362
00:14:05,391 --> 00:14:07,495
and I'm all yours. What do you say?
363
00:14:07,528 --> 00:14:10,168
It sounds kind of devious, actually.
364
00:14:10,201 --> 00:14:12,200
I know, right?
365
00:14:12,233 --> 00:14:14,905
So all I have to do is
break up with "Old Balls."
366
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:18,870
- Oh, unpleasant.
- But necessary.
367
00:14:18,903 --> 00:14:21,375
- I have a confession to make.
- Oh, what's that?
368
00:14:21,408 --> 00:14:23,246
Before the meeting,
369
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:26,245
I went on RedTube and watched
your masturbation video.
370
00:14:26,278 --> 00:14:28,551
[Sighs] I'm sorry about that.
371
00:14:28,584 --> 00:14:30,319
I've been trying to get
them to take it down,
372
00:14:30,352 --> 00:14:32,388
but apparently it still gets a lot of hits.
373
00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:36,216
Don't apologize. It's kind of hot.
374
00:14:36,249 --> 00:14:39,688
I mean, there is nothing
375
00:14:39,721 --> 00:14:42,191
limp dick about you, Charlie.
376
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:22,285
[Moaning]
377
00:15:24,653 --> 00:15:27,661
[Groaning]
378
00:15:30,293 --> 00:15:33,297
[Breathing heavily]
379
00:15:43,304 --> 00:15:45,637
So what kind of cleanup
am I looking at in there?
380
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:49,676
I don't know what you're insinuating.
381
00:15:58,977 --> 00:16:00,815
Thanks for celebrating with us.
382
00:16:00,848 --> 00:16:02,783
I think it really meant a lot to Levon.
383
00:16:02,816 --> 00:16:05,416
Sure. I was happy to.
384
00:16:05,449 --> 00:16:07,489
You know, you deserve a little stardust.
385
00:16:07,522 --> 00:16:09,952
- You do.
- Thanks, Hank.
386
00:16:09,993 --> 00:16:11,993
I think your pep talk really helped.
387
00:16:12,026 --> 00:16:13,498
- Sure.
- Good night.
388
00:16:13,531 --> 00:16:15,469
And I probably shouldn't say this out loud,
389
00:16:15,502 --> 00:16:18,641
but apparently that's what I do, so I will.
390
00:16:18,674 --> 00:16:20,744
But you do realize that Rath
391
00:16:20,777 --> 00:16:23,311
might have certain expectations now, right?
392
00:16:23,344 --> 00:16:26,782
- What are you talking about?
- Well, he did give you the job.
393
00:16:26,815 --> 00:16:30,751
Are you saying that he
expects me to have sex with him
394
00:16:30,784 --> 00:16:32,519
or give him a blow job?
395
00:16:32,552 --> 00:16:34,590
I'm sure he'd enjoy either
one of those options.
396
00:16:34,623 --> 00:16:36,318
He does find you pretty foxy.
397
00:16:36,359 --> 00:16:39,022
Well, he said I was very natural.
398
00:16:39,055 --> 00:16:40,423
You are very natural.
399
00:16:40,464 --> 00:16:43,696
You are. You're also... you're very naive.
400
00:16:43,730 --> 00:16:47,537
Jeez, maybe I should turn it down.
401
00:16:47,570 --> 00:16:49,936
No... don't cut off your
boobs to spite your chest
402
00:16:49,969 --> 00:16:51,209
or something like that.
403
00:16:51,242 --> 00:16:53,274
I'm just trying to make you aware
404
00:16:53,307 --> 00:16:55,881
that the boss man might
have a crush on you.
405
00:16:55,914 --> 00:16:57,609
You know, you could do a lot worse.
406
00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,345
I mean, the guy's a serious fucking earner.
407
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,153
He has really nice teeth.
408
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,888
And he's got really nice teeth.
409
00:17:03,921 --> 00:17:06,225
- Smile.
- Do I have to?
410
00:17:06,258 --> 00:17:08,289
You have something between
your lateral incisor
411
00:17:08,322 --> 00:17:09,561
- and your canine.
- I know. Ah.
412
00:17:09,594 --> 00:17:11,395
Looks like a little hamburger meat.
413
00:17:11,428 --> 00:17:12,897
- Gone now.
- Thank you.
414
00:17:12,930 --> 00:17:14,191
Look at these choppers.
415
00:17:14,232 --> 00:17:15,526
They could really use a good cleaning.
416
00:17:15,559 --> 00:17:16,831
Okay, I'll make an appointment.
417
00:17:16,864 --> 00:17:18,398
I will. I'll make an appointment.
418
00:17:18,431 --> 00:17:20,566
- You should. - Mm-hmm.
I will, right away.
419
00:17:20,599 --> 00:17:22,396
You know, I'm not really
ready to call it a night.
420
00:17:22,436 --> 00:17:24,870
No? All right, I'm game.
421
00:17:24,903 --> 00:17:26,501
Let's do it.
422
00:17:26,542 --> 00:17:28,373
Just tell me where to point this lead sled.
423
00:17:28,406 --> 00:17:29,845
- Okay.
- [Engine revs]
424
00:17:29,878 --> 00:17:31,573
I'm waiting.
425
00:17:34,718 --> 00:17:36,848
So...
426
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,354
- Does Rath ever hit on you?
- No.
427
00:17:39,387 --> 00:17:42,531
I gave him a killer blow
job when I first got here.
428
00:17:42,564 --> 00:17:44,195
He's left me alone ever since.
429
00:17:44,228 --> 00:17:45,729
- Really?
- Yeah.
430
00:17:45,762 --> 00:17:48,402
That's smart, I guess.
431
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:51,338
[Laughs] Dude, I'm kidding.
432
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:53,875
[Chuckles] Of course you are.
433
00:17:55,476 --> 00:17:59,408
So what... what makes
your blow jobs so killer?
434
00:17:59,441 --> 00:18:01,238
Well, wouldn't you like to know?
435
00:18:01,279 --> 00:18:04,412
- I would, yeah.
- You're funny.
436
00:18:04,445 --> 00:18:07,212
Anyway, Rath has been through a bunch
437
00:18:07,245 --> 00:18:08,845
of sexual harassment lawsuits,
438
00:18:08,885 --> 00:18:11,452
so he's pretty much
learned to behave himself.
439
00:18:11,485 --> 00:18:14,084
I mean, I-I do catch him staring
at my tits here and there,
440
00:18:14,117 --> 00:18:15,357
but that's okay.
441
00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:16,760
You know, I take it as a compliment.
442
00:18:16,793 --> 00:18:18,424
You totally should.
443
00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:22,568
One, two, three, eyes on me.
444
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,570
- Hey, Mel.
- Hey, you.
445
00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:29,042
Can you, uh, run out and get
me a nonfat vanilla latte, kid?
446
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:31,878
Yeah. I really don't work for you, so...
447
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:33,783
Yeah, but you work for the show, right?
448
00:18:33,816 --> 00:18:35,614
Yeah, so?
449
00:18:35,655 --> 00:18:36,981
So, if you work for the
show, you work for me,
450
00:18:37,022 --> 00:18:38,989
because I direct the show.
451
00:18:39,022 --> 00:18:42,653
Well, you directed the pilot,
except for the reshoots.
452
00:18:42,694 --> 00:18:45,156
I guess they had to bring in
someone else for those, right?
453
00:18:45,189 --> 00:18:50,102
Come here.
454
00:18:50,135 --> 00:18:52,000
[Whispering] Look, I have
laid a lot of groundwork
455
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,935
with this girl... we're
talking weeks of prep.
456
00:18:53,968 --> 00:18:55,470
You are not gonna fuck this up for me.
457
00:18:55,503 --> 00:18:56,944
I know you think
458
00:18:56,977 --> 00:18:59,177
I'm just swinging my big, fat dick around.
459
00:18:59,210 --> 00:19:01,313
But the truth is I'm actually
seeing a few steps ahead.
460
00:19:01,346 --> 00:19:03,448
No matter what happens between her and me,
461
00:19:03,481 --> 00:19:04,751
it's gonna end badly.
462
00:19:04,784 --> 00:19:06,151
I know that going in.
463
00:19:06,184 --> 00:19:08,119
I accept it as the cost of doing business.
464
00:19:08,152 --> 00:19:11,621
But you... you could be
like the shoulder to cry on.
465
00:19:11,654 --> 00:19:14,294
- See where I'm going with this?
- Yeah. And you're full of shit.
466
00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:15,959
And you could use an altoid.
467
00:19:15,992 --> 00:19:18,294
[Normal voice] Vanilla latte.
468
00:19:18,327 --> 00:19:22,798
Get her one too, and, uh,
don't be too quick about it.
469
00:19:22,832 --> 00:19:24,303
Hello.
470
00:19:24,336 --> 00:19:27,135
I can't tell you how not into this I am.
471
00:19:27,168 --> 00:19:29,271
Oh, don't be such a pussy.
It's just a cleaning.
472
00:19:29,304 --> 00:19:31,008
Yes, but you've been drinking.
473
00:19:31,041 --> 00:19:32,681
You probably shouldn't be
handling dental equipment
474
00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:33,945
under the influence.
475
00:19:33,978 --> 00:19:35,850
What are you so afraid of?
476
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:37,482
You've seen Raiders of the Lost Ark.
477
00:19:37,515 --> 00:19:39,187
Yeah.
478
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,788
You know how Indiana Jones
is this all-around badass?
479
00:19:40,821 --> 00:19:42,060
- Mm-hmm. - He's literate.
He's smart.
480
00:19:42,093 --> 00:19:43,524
He's good with the whip,
481
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,200
great with the ladies,
a little like me, right?
482
00:19:45,233 --> 00:19:46,799
But he's definitely afraid of snakes.
483
00:19:46,832 --> 00:19:48,334
Okay, so?
484
00:19:48,367 --> 00:19:49,868
I'm definitely afraid of dentists.
485
00:19:49,901 --> 00:19:51,300
- Oh.
- That dude is my snakes.
486
00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:53,004
Oh.
487
00:19:53,037 --> 00:19:54,740
Once, I saw Marathon
Man when I was younger,
488
00:19:54,773 --> 00:19:56,205
and I had nightmares for weeks.
489
00:19:56,238 --> 00:19:57,709
I wet the bed after that,
490
00:19:57,742 --> 00:19:59,374
which is way hotter when a woman does it.
491
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:02,381
I'm gonna clean your teeth. Whoo!
492
00:20:02,414 --> 00:20:03,873
Say, "You're a really good director."
493
00:20:03,914 --> 00:20:05,512
You're a really good director.
494
00:20:05,545 --> 00:20:07,879
Say... say, "You're a feature director."
495
00:20:07,912 --> 00:20:09,415
You are a feature director. You are.
496
00:20:09,448 --> 00:20:11,477
Yeah, that's right. I
am a feature director.
497
00:20:11,518 --> 00:20:13,412
- I am.
- Yes, you are.
498
00:20:13,453 --> 00:20:16,620
Oh, I'm just doing television
because it pays good,
499
00:20:16,653 --> 00:20:18,556
- but I'm close. Oh!
- Oh, yeah.
500
00:20:18,589 --> 00:20:20,850
I'm close. I'm close to having a feature.
501
00:20:20,891 --> 00:20:22,922
- Oh, yeah. You're so close.
- Oh, Jesus, this is awful.
502
00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:24,858
I'm not gonna be able to un-see this shit.
503
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,730
Leave the lattes and
get the fuck out of here.
504
00:20:26,763 --> 00:20:28,098
Oh.
505
00:20:28,131 --> 00:20:30,762
Oh, my God. Oh.
506
00:20:30,795 --> 00:20:32,235
Oh, shit.
507
00:20:32,268 --> 00:20:33,266
You shouldn't be doing this, Melanie.
508
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,066
You deserve so much better.
509
00:20:35,099 --> 00:20:36,834
He's on his way down. I'm on my way up.
510
00:20:36,874 --> 00:20:38,673
- Says who?
- My father.
511
00:20:38,707 --> 00:20:41,377
I knew it. That fucking guy...
512
00:20:41,410 --> 00:20:44,409
he lives to fuck my shit up!
He's such a fucking asshole!
513
00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:46,115
Hey, that's my father you're talking about!
514
00:20:46,148 --> 00:20:49,020
Yeah, your father is a fucking asshole!
515
00:20:49,053 --> 00:20:50,285
You're a dick. You know that?
516
00:20:50,318 --> 00:20:51,523
You're the dick.
517
00:20:51,556 --> 00:20:54,416
- You.
- I hate you.
518
00:20:54,457 --> 00:20:58,227
- You're a dick!
- Your dad is ruining my life.
519
00:20:58,260 --> 00:21:00,425
- Get off me.
- God damn it.
520
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,426
What the fuck? You have a gun in there?
521
00:21:02,467 --> 00:21:05,700
- Smell my finger.
- Ow. No, never!
522
00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:08,769
- Smell my fingers.
- God, fuck me, man.
523
00:21:08,802 --> 00:21:13,105
- Fucking asshole.
- You're a sick bastard.
524
00:21:13,138 --> 00:21:15,704
I can't believe you're
into that guy, Melanie.
525
00:21:15,744 --> 00:21:17,310
He... he's on his way down.
526
00:21:17,343 --> 00:21:19,277
I'm on my way up the ladder. I'm climbing.
527
00:21:19,310 --> 00:21:23,149
I don't mean this the way
it sounds, but you're a PA.
528
00:21:23,182 --> 00:21:25,748
- He's directed movies.
- Shitty movies.
529
00:21:25,781 --> 00:21:27,482
And what other way could
that have possibly sounded?
530
00:21:27,515 --> 00:21:30,682
He owns a home and a car.
531
00:21:30,715 --> 00:21:32,450
That's what this is about... possessions?
532
00:21:32,483 --> 00:21:37,347
Anyone can buy stuff. Not
everyone has one of these.
533
00:21:39,587 --> 00:21:42,290
Oh.
534
00:21:42,323 --> 00:21:45,155
You have a surprisingly big dick.
535
00:21:45,196 --> 00:21:47,162
Thanks.
536
00:21:47,195 --> 00:21:51,297
Oh, but that doesn't make me
want to be with you, Levon.
537
00:21:59,036 --> 00:22:01,411
[Slurring] This is not as bad
as I thought it was gonna be.
538
00:22:01,444 --> 00:22:03,011
I told you so.
539
00:22:03,044 --> 00:22:04,443
You're really good at
the cleaning of teeth.
540
00:22:04,476 --> 00:22:06,346
Fucking "A" right I am.
541
00:22:06,379 --> 00:22:07,682
Can I have another hit of the nitrous?
542
00:22:07,715 --> 00:22:09,314
No. Come on. You've had enough.
543
00:22:09,347 --> 00:22:10,786
[Normal voice] You didn't
see me cutting you off
544
00:22:10,819 --> 00:22:13,120
when we were at the bar, did you?
545
00:22:13,153 --> 00:22:14,320
Close your mouth.
546
00:22:14,353 --> 00:22:15,816
You know, you got to see a dentist
547
00:22:15,856 --> 00:22:17,688
on a more regular basis.
548
00:22:17,721 --> 00:22:20,455
I can't stress it enough how
important good oral hygiene is.
549
00:22:20,488 --> 00:22:21,823
[Slurring] Stop saying that.
550
00:22:21,855 --> 00:22:23,696
- What?
- "Oral." It's turning me on.
551
00:22:23,730 --> 00:22:26,266
Ha ha ha.
552
00:22:26,299 --> 00:22:27,929
It's good to know I still turn you on.
553
00:22:27,970 --> 00:22:29,337
There's nothing about you
554
00:22:29,370 --> 00:22:30,665
that wouldn't turn a person on, lady.
555
00:22:30,706 --> 00:22:32,137
- Really?
- Mm.
556
00:22:32,170 --> 00:22:33,602
It doesn't feel that way sometimes.
557
00:22:33,643 --> 00:22:36,644
[Normal voice] No serious
relationships ever?
558
00:22:36,677 --> 00:22:38,642
I mean, there were a few things
559
00:22:38,676 --> 00:22:41,546
that might have been something,
but Levon always got in the way.
560
00:22:41,579 --> 00:22:44,018
I just... I wanted to find
somebody who could embrace him
561
00:22:44,051 --> 00:22:45,880
for who he is and also, you know,
562
00:22:45,921 --> 00:22:48,818
play an active role in his life,
but I guess that's a lot to ask.
563
00:22:48,859 --> 00:22:50,226
Hmm.
564
00:22:50,259 --> 00:22:51,823
Well, this could be the nitrous talking,
565
00:22:51,856 --> 00:22:53,319
but I think he's kind of a great kid.
566
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:55,895
He's really... he's kind of awesome
567
00:22:55,928 --> 00:22:58,126
in an initially off-putting kind of way.
568
00:22:58,159 --> 00:22:59,558
- It's weird.
- I know, right?
569
00:22:59,599 --> 00:23:01,294
- He's a really good kid.
- Yeah.
570
00:23:01,335 --> 00:23:02,798
He's got a great heart.
571
00:23:02,831 --> 00:23:04,968
Well, he gets that from you, from his mom.
572
00:23:05,001 --> 00:23:06,704
- Well, that's not fair.
- What?
573
00:23:06,737 --> 00:23:08,842
You're just complimenting
me on my mothering skills
574
00:23:08,875 --> 00:23:10,844
when I'm so close to you?
575
00:23:10,877 --> 00:23:13,515
[Both chuckle]
576
00:23:25,122 --> 00:23:27,362
This is... is probably not a good idea.
577
00:23:27,395 --> 00:23:30,696
- It's a terrible idea.
- Terrible idea.
578
00:23:32,528 --> 00:23:36,431
[Cell phone ringing]
579
00:23:36,464 --> 00:23:38,200
[Groans]
580
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,004
[Scoffs] It's Levon. That figures.
581
00:23:41,037 --> 00:23:42,668
He's always been such
a little cock blocker.
582
00:23:42,701 --> 00:23:45,107
- Should I rinse?
- Yeah, rinse.
583
00:23:45,140 --> 00:23:46,571
What's wrong, honey?
584
00:23:46,604 --> 00:23:48,106
You told me to make my intentions known.
585
00:23:48,139 --> 00:23:50,072
Yeah, I also told you
not to take your dick out.
586
00:23:50,105 --> 00:23:51,608
I specifically said that.
587
00:23:51,641 --> 00:23:53,512
I know. I got carried away. I'm sorry.
588
00:23:53,545 --> 00:23:55,080
You think?
589
00:23:55,113 --> 00:23:57,080
I did not raise you to
threaten women with your penis.
590
00:23:57,113 --> 00:23:58,512
I wasn't threatening her, okay?
591
00:23:58,552 --> 00:23:59,847
I was showing it to her.
592
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,448
I thought it might make a difference.
593
00:24:01,489 --> 00:24:03,217
Whatever. I-I should've known better.
594
00:24:03,258 --> 00:24:05,425
No one I like ever likes me back anyways.
595
00:24:05,458 --> 00:24:07,528
I'm not saying what he did is right,
596
00:24:07,561 --> 00:24:09,562
but I get where he's coming from.
597
00:24:09,595 --> 00:24:12,099
You know, he's a guy. He
just wants to get laid.
598
00:24:12,132 --> 00:24:14,601
- It's totally normal.
- Oh, yeah, it's normal,
599
00:24:14,634 --> 00:24:16,767
but it's disgusting, and it's illegal.
600
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,441
Yeah, it's all those things too.
601
00:24:19,474 --> 00:24:21,444
But what is that about?
602
00:24:21,477 --> 00:24:25,073
I mean, is... is... is
it handsome and special?
603
00:24:25,114 --> 00:24:27,115
- It's pretty big.
- Oh.
604
00:24:27,148 --> 00:24:28,379
Like father, like son...
605
00:24:28,419 --> 00:24:30,218
Unless big dicks run in your family too.
606
00:24:30,251 --> 00:24:31,819
He could have your big dick.
607
00:24:31,852 --> 00:24:34,453
Now, where were we before
we were so rudely interrupted
608
00:24:34,493 --> 00:24:36,627
by your son's overwhelming
need to expose himself?
609
00:24:36,660 --> 00:24:38,962
My son? Our son.
610
00:24:38,995 --> 00:24:41,227
I thought you said it was too soon.
611
00:24:41,260 --> 00:24:43,959
Speaking of too soon,
612
00:24:43,992 --> 00:24:46,632
what happened before...
that can't happen again.
613
00:24:46,665 --> 00:24:49,167
I agree. Too confusing.
614
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,302
What happens in the dentist's office
615
00:24:51,335 --> 00:24:53,438
stays in the dentist's office.
616
00:24:53,471 --> 00:24:55,836
So you're saying it can only
happen in a dentist's office?
617
00:24:55,869 --> 00:24:57,436
[Both laugh] No, no, I get it.
618
00:24:57,469 --> 00:24:59,571
- I'm just kidding.
- I'm not saying that.
619
00:24:59,604 --> 00:25:01,473
I know. And I'm gonna have a talk with him,
620
00:25:01,506 --> 00:25:03,304
you know, about girls,
621
00:25:03,337 --> 00:25:05,640
and try to make sure he doesn't
get arrested for something.
622
00:25:05,673 --> 00:25:10,082
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
623
00:25:10,115 --> 00:25:12,482
It was a pleasure
co-parenting with you tonight,
624
00:25:12,515 --> 00:25:15,755
and I'm gonna hit the road
before the nitrous wears off.
625
00:25:15,788 --> 00:25:19,091
Do you have any more of
that stuff from this morning?
626
00:25:19,124 --> 00:25:22,964
- That stuff?
- Mmm.
627
00:25:22,997 --> 00:25:25,332
Let me see.
628
00:25:25,365 --> 00:25:27,838
♪ Your head'll collapse ♪
629
00:25:27,871 --> 00:25:29,670
- Ah...
- ♪ And there's nothing in it ♪
630
00:25:29,703 --> 00:25:33,048
♪ And you ask yourself ♪
631
00:25:33,081 --> 00:25:37,112
♪ Where is my mind? ♪
632
00:25:37,153 --> 00:25:40,983
- ♪ Where is my mind? ♪
- Whoa, whoa.
633
00:25:41,016 --> 00:25:45,159
♪ Where is my mind? ♪
634
00:25:45,192 --> 00:25:49,865
♪
635
00:25:49,898 --> 00:25:52,298
♪ Way out there ♪
636
00:25:52,331 --> 00:25:55,401
♪ Out in the water ♪
637
00:25:55,434 --> 00:25:57,801
♪ See it swimmin' ♪
638
00:25:57,874 --> 00:26:02,874
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com