At least the queue's moving a bit. Mm.
What's his beef, anyway?
Apparently the boss killed his entire family
so he's out for revenge.
Right!
Oh, excuse me.
I don't know why we can't all just rush him at once, though.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Aaaarghh!
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru.
# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
# Mysterious girl I want to get close to you
What are you doing?!
I'm making a fanny tickler. What's that?
It's a style of facial hair, common amongst African-American men,
most notably...
Jazz men. Cool. I want one!
Come here. There you go.
How does it look? Like a dream.
Yeah, boy! Oh!
That's our 10am flirt with the sisters
and if we miss our first flirt, it has a knock-on effect
for the rest of the day. You worry too much!
That's why I've got a system.
Who do I have to fuck around here to find out where the hole punch lives?
46 words a minute, right?
45!
I think you'll find it's 46.
So.
I mean, anyway.
That's what I do.
I'm a temp. I'm a temp!
We're all temps. Temp city. What of it? Jog on.
My name, is Blake Logan. I'm here to do five days of Excel data-entry
and hoover up the poontang.
The question you've got to ask yourself is this -
are you with me...
..or against me?
I'm with you, Blake Logan.
That was the right answer.
Before we can do business together,
you're going to have to ditch the sidekick.
Hey! All right, lecture's over, Professor.
I've had enough of this, NG. Let's go flirt with Louise in Accounts.
Oh, well, that's kind of the thing.
I'm going to hang out with Blake Logan, if that's cool?
You fucking what?
So. Tell me about the kitchenette.
Oh, well, there's a coffee machine and that's pretty cool -
and the microwave goes "ping".
But the toaster's broken, but they're going to fix it.
Ha, ha, ha! You're joking me.
# Has one thing in common, too
# It's a, it's a, it's a
♪ It's a sin! ♪
Here we are.
Jase, did you bring the Dream Machine?
Yes, Phil, I am a technical manager.
Ooh. Someone's a bit tetchy.
Shut up, you. Carry that.
We're both a little bit hung-over.
That's an understatement.
Come on in now, don't be shy.
Hello!
Hello.
These nice young men are here to help you. You're safe.
Please.
It's the same every night. Oh, yeah?
I wake up in this house, but it's completely empty, and I'm scared.
I walk across the landing and he's standing in the shadows.
Oh, yeah. Suddenly he's towering over me. OK. His eyes staring into mine.
Yeah, I know. Lovely.
I know it's just a dream, but... Show them.
Ooh! Stigmata!
OK, so what's happened here, as Eduardo's probably explained,
is the demon has found a gateway from the third dimension into your dreams.
Sounds more complicated than it is.
We're going to set up the Dream Machine, OK?
And then we're going to enter your dreams
and expel the demon and everyone's going to be happy, OK?
Ta-da!
Come back, put them on your temples. That's it, you can do yourself.
OK, just lean back. All right?
Right, shall we get on, Jase?
Yep, sure. OK.
Whoop!
OK, see you in your dreams!
Hello?
Come in, Phil.
Hello? Earth to Phil?!
Phil, do you copy? Over.
I'm right here, silly. Oh, God! Bloody hell, Phil!
What are you like? Funny, Jase.
Hey, Phil.
Hi, Eduardo.
Just been looking for the demon.
Not seen him. Looks like it's just you and me.
So, how long have you been a priest for?
Couple of weeks.
You'd never have known that.
How long have you been chasing ghosts? Too long.
Lovely. Shall we lie down?
Yeah. Why not? Phil...
I can hear breathing.
I think it might be the demon.
Oh, Jesus Christ! Phil, I've seen the demon and I'm in hot pursuit.
Repeat. I've seen the demon and I'm in hot pursuit!
You're funny!
Oh, Eduardo, you are so funny!
Phil?
What is it, Jase?
Well, you might be interested to know, I've located the demon.
Oh, right, and is it all all right? Yeah, basically.
Used to live here, 100 years ago, but he was murdered.
So he's been trapped in the house ever since.
Yeah, that's not our problem, is it?
That's what I said. I said, look, she's a first-time buyer,
doesn't even own the freehold! Leave her alone.
Was he all right about that? Yeah, he was, actually.
He said there's obviously been a mix up and, you know,
he'll be on his way so...
Oh, good. And did you clear all the channels?
Yeah. Cleared all the channels.
OK. Why don't we get them up and tell them the good news? OK.
OK, hello!
So, Eduardo, can we offer you a lift somewhere?
That'd be great. Where do you live?
Bayswater. Bayswater. OK.
So, maybe it might be easier, Phil, if we drop you off first,
then I can take the A12 and get Eduardo home safe and sound.
Yeah, but, wouldn't it be easier if I drive
and then I can drop you off first, Jase,
take the A402 and then take Eduardo off from there?
Let's do that then. Great. Jump in the front, Eduardo.
Jase can get in the back. I hope you like singing! I'm easy.
# It's a, it's a, it's a
♪ It's a sin ♪
No, thank you.
I don't want housekeeping, thank you!
Go away!
Can you not just come back later?
Look, can you not just come ba...
Hey!
Hey, look...
Hello? 'Scuse me?
Swans!
Fuck's sake!
There we go.
Fancy a flirt, Charlie?
Nah, you're all right.
Hmm.
I'll get it! It went over here!
Oh. Hey, Charlie. Can I have that back? Kind of need it for something.
How's things?
Hey, New Guy. I've just thought of something we can do. Come on!
Where we going?
You'll see!
OK.
What I'd like you to do for me is go into this cubicle. OK.
New Guy? Yes?
I am in the cubicle next to you. Great.
Now if you kneel down, you'll see a hole that I've built in the wall.
Yep. I see it.
I want you to put your face right up against the hole.
I've done it. Good. New Guy, do you like puppet shows? Yes.
Then please, turn off your mobile phones
because the show is about to begin.
Hey, Charlie. What's the matter? Trouble in paradise?
Let's just say we didn't see eye to eye.
I bought you something.
What is it? Open it.
Oh, well wicked! Try it on!
Dollar, dollar bills, y'all!
You know, the cleaners arrive at seven.
If we get a move on, we can squeeze in a quick flirt!
Sounds good, let's go!
New Guy? Oh, hey, Blake. Listen, I...
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Yes!
And so, how many beads?
Busy night.
OK, stop making sexy timecodes and listen up.
What've we got, boss?
It's a pick-up in Dalston.
Eugh!
At a nightclub.
You had me at nightclub.
Want mini cab?
Mini cab?
Who ordered a mini cab?
Hey!
Hashtag, Bukake.
Diggin' the v-necks, man. Beat it, Scooterman.
I know who ordered the taxi, man.
Tell me who!
The girl, man.
Which girl?
The girl in the red, backless dress, man.
Where is she? Where is she?
She's on the dance floor. She's smokin' hot, man.
Come on, Bukake.
Yo, man! Help a brother out.
You know how it is?
Why, I'll suck your dicks, man.
Mini cab?
Did you order a mini cab?
Maybe I've changed my mind.
Hey, she don't need no cab.
Say that again, please, for me now.
What are you? Deaf?
Girl's going nowhere, she's staying with me.
I'm going to ask you one more time.
Mini cab?
Beat it, creep.
No, you keep dancing. Everyone, keep dancing.
Up against the wall.
Dirty hipsters.
Yeah? Yeah.
Aargh!
Your punches are like English girls.
That's just plain racist.
Aargh!
Oh, gosh, gosh. Gosh!
Hey! What's all this?
Having all the funs without me?
Hey, Hashtag? There's someone here to see you.
How 'bout that ride home?
Your taxi awaits.
Wait.
I never thanked your friend.
Thank you.
Aieee!
Ya!
Come and see the world's biggest baby!
Baby coming through, mind the gap, please!
Honestly, Metcalfe, I hope you're getting all these spontaneous moments down, man.
Don't you worry about it. Perfect ammunition, bruv.
Best man speech.
Come on, mate. Three, two, one...
Organised fun!
Quality. I tell you what, Metcalfe, D-locking Rhino's head to a gate has
proved to be an inspired stag prank, mate.
I couldn't agree with you more, Jonesy. That along with the fact that he's dressed up as a giant baby
just goes to show that we're completely off our rockers.
- Totally. Stag do, is it lads? - Yeah.
- Classic. Have a good one. - Thank you.
See, what'd I tell ya? Absolute winner.
Usain Bolt. Mo Farah.
Athletics career. South Korea.
Zi. Gangnam Style.
Oh!
Get tattoos, paintballing, giant baby, doin' all right.
Come on, mate. Rhino, come on mate! Last night of freedom!
Better make the most of it before you sign your life away, mate!
Yolo!
Oh, no.
Hello, mate.
When we were trying to work out what to say about Rhino,
we asked his nearest and dearest if they had any embarrassing stories
and to our surprise, there were absolutely none.
Or were there?
But don't worry, Rhino, we won't talk about the time that
when you were ten years old, your pet name for your willy
was Mr Snail.
Or when you lost your virginity to Kerry Davidson
and vomited all over her hair, we won't be talking about that.
But we're not here to bang on about Rhino's faults.
Although we have jotted just a few of them down.
Of course, today is not just about Rhino.
It's also about Claire, his wife.
Widow. Widow.
Who, I think we can all agree, looks absolutely stunning.
We all know the reason we're here today.
To speak about a man who is witty, charming,
intelligent and good looking.
Although we're not here to talk about ourselves.
No, but really, we're here of course to talk about Rhino who
bestowed on us the honour of making us his best men.
As we all know, Rhino's a bit of a unit.
Rhino by name, Rhino certainly by nature.
In fact, it's hard to know who came off worse, Rhino or the Golf GTI.
But I think we now all know the answer to that question.
Rhino.
Rhino, I know that you're up there,
smiling down at us from the Pearly Gates.
You're a top bloke and we're going to miss you loads,
although I won't miss having to fork out for you every time it's your round.
But joking aside, we'd like to leave you now with some
photos of some of the choice moments taken from Rhino's life.
I think that went quite well. Yeah, got a few laughs.
My name's Banksy and I'm a street artist.
Tonight, I'm taking my wife, Jill,
out for a romantic dinner in an attempt to rekindle our love life.
Our relationship has been suffering recently as a result of me
spending too much time on my street pictures.
How's your soup?
Yeah, it's nice.
Oniony.
Not too oniony, is it?
No.
It's nice.
Banksy?
Yes. Oh! Street artist?
Yeah, for my sins.
Big giant rats and that?
Yeah, guilty as charged.
Sorry, love, but I am your biggest fan.
Oh, ta very much.
Absolutely mind-blowing stuff, innit? Oh, thank you.
Oh, man. Look, I've just opened a bottle of the bubbly stuff
and would you and your lovely daughter...
..care to join me? Yeah.
Oh, great, come on.
No, don't draw on that wall.
Have you ever thought about doing anything on 9/11?
No. That's food for thought, yeah, yeah.
Or, the hosepipe ban?
Oh, very zeitgeist. Yeah, you could have fun with the visuals.
Bit sexual. Yeah, quite cheeky.
Oh, Jill, here, please, sorry.
Let me fill you up.
Now look, you two, I've got a little proposition.
I'm only here for one night, right?
I'm staying over in the Premier Lodge.
Why don't we continue our little party chez moi?
Yeah. Yeah? Why not? Yeah, sod it.
Right, come on. I've settled the bill, let's go.
Oh, no, Let me at least give you some money for the bubbly stuff.
No, no, no. Your money's no good here. Oh, well, thanks, Hugh!
Probably cos you've drawn all over it.
Please notice my hands never leave my wrists at any time
It's a bit of a mixture. Here we are.
Oh, cheers. Ladies first.
Room for another little 'un?
Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.
I do like your hair like that, Jill, you know, up.
It puts me in mind of, like, a pre-Raphaelite look. Oh!
It's rather nice that, innit?
Lord, I'll never hear the end of that, Hugh. No, you won't
Oh, dear me I tell you, this has gone to my head this.
But, I'm going to get ready for bed.
But listen, stay if you like because, you know, bed's big enough.
Thanks, Hugh.
What are you thinking, Jill?
Well, it is quite late and we would save money on a cab.
He's paid for all the bubbly stuff. Exactly. You only live once. Yeah.
OK. We should have a safety word, though. OK, yeah. What?
Rats!
Shazam!
Put that in one of your street paintings.
Wow.
Oh, that is tiptop.
You want to see it do a trick?
You just made it wink.
Oh shit!
Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit! Jill, can you come in here please?
Jill and I woke up this morning to some rather shocking news.
What is it? He was a honeytrap, Jill. He was a honeytrap.
I don't believe it!
He was a honeytrap! We're in a sex video!
Oh! Google it, Jill, Google it.
Well, what do I Google?
Google "Banksy", "sex", "Jill",
"Premier Lodge", "bubbly stuff".
Ooh, that feels fantastic.
Oh, you're really second to none.
Hold on a sec, what are you doing?
Oh, shit.
No, Hugh, I will not allow that. No.
Not even if you did pay for the bubbly stuff.
Rats!
# She worked in TV
# PR for Disney
# The scent of sweet perfume
# She drive me crazy
# She lived in Parsons Green
# I charged her 17
# She tried to pay me ten
# I said not on weekend
# Hatchback
# You know I've got a hatchback
# She'd been on long haul flight
# My last fare of the night
# She had on knee-high boots
# I think I love her
# I tried to touch her knee
# She said, "Get off my knee"
# I ask, forgive me
# I am your destiny
# TomTom
# You know I got a TomTom
Where are you going to?
Maybe I can take you there
Tonight.
Highbury. Dalston. Bethnal Green.
Angel. Putney. Kentish Town.
Hackney. Hackney Town.
Hackney Central.
Anywhere in Hackney.
Whitechapel. Leyton.
Wandsworth.
And Walthamstow.
Yes, that will do.
So many places, so many faces.
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru.