♪ Ah wooooo ♪
(Jenna): I like my alone time. I'm not one of those people
who needs to be in a group.
♪ Ah wooooo ♪
♪ Dawn is coming ♪
♪ What's this coming to? ♪
(Jenna): Groups can be intimidating.
The scariest group of women I know are the "Momfia".
♪ Ah wooooo, stars are falling ♪
Jenna?
- Oh, Chelsea! - Hi!
(Jenna): Growing up, some people idolize movie stars
or rock stars. I idolized my camp counselor.
Don't judge. This is so great!
- Isn't it? - Hey, whatever happened to
your boyfriend from back then? Ken?
He was, like, the coolest counselor.
Yeah. Well, I married him! Oh!
- Oh, haha! They were the coolest couple. - Listen, um,
I need your help. I heard you're back and took over
your dad's law firm. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear
- about your dad, by the way. - Thank you. It was such a sh...
Anyway, I need a little legal advice.
I've been having this issue with this crossing guard, Delores
or something, and my BEAUTIFUL SON, Jayden.
(sigh)
Well, sure! Come by the office tomorrow.
I will. Let's go, girls.
We're all training for the half marathon.
- Go on without me. - I said ALL,
Ok?
(Jenna): Even though groups aren't really my thing,
it's kinda nice when they ask.
♪ The odds are that we will probably be all right ♪
♪ Odds are we're gonna be all right ♪
♪ Odds are we're gonna be all right for another night ♪
- Synced and corrected by killianp77 - - www.Addic7ed.com -
Mrs. Danes!
This is Sandy Engel Karinsky.
Just wanted to apologize for mooning you and your friends that time.
I hope the rest of your mother's funeral was tasteful.
- Well done. - In what universe?
Sandy is getting her one-year
sobriety chip, but they won't give it to her unless
she finishes all her steps, and she might have overlooked a few. She's making amends.
Is this Ping?
Anyway, it looks like I have a new case.
Do you remember my old camp counselor, Chelsea?
- The one you were in love with? - Ok, I wasn't in love with her;
I just looked up to her. She had that perfect tan,
and Ken, her gorgeous boyfriend
in those cool cutoffs, and her with that perfect tan.
Sounds like you were in love with her.
- In love with who? - Jenna's taken up
with that Chelsea from camp, that counselor.
- The one she was in love with? - I just looked up to her.
It's ok if you were, darling.
You know, it's very in to have a daughter who's LGVD.
That's actually not a thing.
Anyway, she wants my help to sue her son's crossing guard.
Ok, I have very strong opinions on this case.
I don't trust Chelsea. I think she's a phony.
A mother knows.
- A mother knows. - Tell me that isn't gonna become
- your catchphrase. - I just don't want you to get hurt.
Get a start on the paperwork? I'm gonna run over to Chelsea's.
(singsong voice): Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea.
- [Hello?] - Hello?
One moment, please. Mr. Ping is
still on the line. Get back in the game.
Wow, I can't believe it. I'm in your house!
Oh, man!
Look at you and Ken back at camp.
You guys were so cute! Look at him
in those cut-offs!
Oh, look at him in those cut-offs...
(truck crashing)
Hey.
Hey. Hey! I totally recognize you.
You're that girl who used to come and hang while we would do the sing-alongs.
- Yeah! - You remember that song I used to play?
Oh, Ken, don't play it.
Really, don't play it.
I can still play it. Where's my guitar?
Where is my guitar?
You guys are still the cutest couple.
Yeah.
Jenna, thank you so much for your help. You know,
this crossing guard has just made Jayden's life miserable.
She's always telling him how to act. You know,
"Say please! Say thank you!"
That sounds... horrible?
When it's your kid, it is. You know, she's telling my kid how to act.
Well, if what you're saying is true, it sounds like a case of harassment.
Yes! Yes, harassment!
♪
I'd like to dedicate this song to all the junior girls that passed
- the red tag swim today. - (excited explanation)
You can now canoe out beyond the buoy.
♪
♪ You and me ♪
♪ Come from different worlds ♪
♪ You like to laugh at me when I look at other girls ♪
You laugh at me when I do that. She does.
♪ Sometimes you're crazy... ♪
Yay! Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay!
That was great! Can I talk to you out here for a second?
- Just for a quick sec? Thanks. - All right, sure.
- Scoot, scoot! - (Jenna laughs.)
- Give it to me! - (Ken): Hey!
- Oh, hey, you must be Jayden. - You must be Miss Engel.
Oh, you can just call me Jenna.
Hey, are these your cars? Don't touch my cars,
(expletive bleeps)
What did you just say?
I am having a little cocktail party
on Saturday for the moms. You mean the Momfia?
The what? What did you call them?
The m... moms.
A party. How fun!
Everybody just thinks my parties are amazing.
They all think I'm perfect. Can you blame them?
(Jenna laughing)
So, I'm sorry your wife left you for that,
but I just wanted to say... sorry.
Ugh. Mommy, there's too many. I can't finish.
You can do it, baby. Now get back in there.
(sigh) Mom,
this is a biggie, but I have to get this one out of the way.
About the Sandy incident...
It's nothing. It's water under the bridge.
Mom, I drove the car into the living room
and passed out drunk in the flowerbed.
Whatever. We're good.
Jenna! How did your appointment go with Chelsea?
Fine, great. I'm going to a party at her house on Saturday.
I know it sounds silly, but can you believe I'm hanging out with her?
I guess I still feel like she's one of the cool kids.
- She's not. - I'm so glad we had this talk.
Ok, I've done the paperwork for the crossing guard.
Unfortunately, I'm going to have to recuse myself.
Well, since you weren't a part of the case, recuse away.
I know the plaintiff, Delores Martino. She's a good friend.
You mean the one I've never heard of? Who could forget her?
While we were selling Avon products years ago,
she was there for me when Barb Miller accused me pocketing those rouge samples.
Ok, Mom, this could mean a lot of business,
so... let's not make this personal.
Exactly, let's not.
- As in: you not. - Or you not.
- No, you not.
What is tearing this family apart?
- Have you heard of the Momfia? - You mean those hot moms that
- hang out at the coffee shop? - It's a case of Jenna's
- weirdo friend from the Momfia - against Mom's weirdo friend from who cares?
I'm gonna take one for the team and immerse myself
with those hot moms and bring peace to this family.
And if I happen to get
a little action on the side, who's it hurting?
You do that, good boy.
Do you listen to what he says, or just... blindly agree?
- Mom? - No, not now,
Sandy. Sorry, honey, I'm having Delores over
for tea, and I'm making my famous cinnamon dough balls.
- Can I just talk to you for... - Uhoh. What did you do?
I need to make amends to you for what happened in 1999.
If this is about the Sandy incident, then we have nothing to talk about.
- But I want to... I need to... - Shh. Hush.
- But I have to... - Ah-ah-ah.
Mom, I feel like you're brushing me off.
Well, I would never, ever do that.
- Jimmy! Hey! Thank God! - Hey, how do you hold a baby?
What are you trying to tell me?
I need to bring my fake baby over to the Momfia
- and act like I'm one of them. - All right, that is ridiculous.
I have got to sugar these balls so I can entertain a crossing guard.
Mommy, I need you to hear my amends
- for the Sandy incident. - The Sandy incident?
- Oh, my God, that was hilarious! - Oh, run out of milk. Oh, my God.
Don't eat all the... balls.
That was weird.
Mom's not the forgiving type. She loves a good grudge.
Ok, that's not how you hold a baby. You have to support its head.
Or this happens.
I found all these camp pictures.
You look exactly the same as you did back then.
I know! So, are we gonna sue the crossing guard? We're gonna sue, right?
(cell phone ringtone)
Yes, the party is at 3PM.
I swear, they can't do anything without me. It's like,
"Where do we sit, Chelsea? What do we wear? What color baby should we adopt?"
I mean, it gets exhausting, you know?
Do you ever just want to go down to the river and throw yourself in?
- I... - I'm kidding!
- I am totally kidding. - Oh! Ha! Ha!
I was hoping that maybe we could reach a mediation rather than sue.
You remember when you used to have us sit
in the friendship corner until we worked out our differences?
- Or we could just sue the cow. - Wow. We are a long way
from the friendship corner. Yes, there will be snacks for the kids!
Idiot! Oh, this party
has to be perfect. The pressure is ridiculous.
Sometimes I get so frustrated, I go into the pantry and I yell into a coffee can.
- Well, that seems a little... - I even bring it with me sometimes.
I can't take it anymore!
Try it. Do it.
- Oh... - Are you too good for the can?
Um...
I can't take it anymore.
Yeah, well... you'll get there.
Momfia.
Excuse me.
Are these seats taken?
I'm Jimmy. I'm a single dad.
Aww!
Mmm. Pablum is delicious.
Ok, so what you girls are telling me, if I'm clear:
Delores, bit of a drinking problem; Chelsea's a dictator;
and for my legal notes, Karen, you're separated, right?
(moms laughing)
So, ok.
Oh, sorry, would you like a swig? It's herbal.
- Oh, that's scotch. - Which is an herb.
- Mmm. - So...
You have no idea what it's like on the streets, Ceil.
- I've seen things. - You have. I hear you're having
- trouble with a little boy. - Oh, you would not believe what's going.
- Oh, yes, I would... - Oh, oh. You interrupted me.
- Oh. - What do you say?
- Uh... sorry? - Attagirl!
Delores, Chelsea claims that you correct her child all the time,
and I didn't believe it, but now I do...
ma'am, and I think
if you just apologize, the whole thing's gonna go away.
Jayden is a monster, and I'm gonna prove it to you. Here, take
a look at that. Can you work one of those?
Hey, Delores, you old... (expletive bleeps)
- How's your loser day going? - (Delores): Jayden,
that's no way to talk to a grownup.
Shut your... you old... (expletive bleeps)
- (gasp) - (expletive bleeps)
How about that?
What a piece of...
sheee-mice-mimmy.
Well, now you see what I'm dealing with.
And I gotta go into mediation with your daughter?
And I can't afford a lawyer to represent me.
Well, you can afford a paralegal
one that you do not have to pay,
one that is free.
Ugh, who would do that?
Hey, over here.
Me. Me, drunky.
- You? - Of course!
Delores.
So, you admit that you keep Chelsea's son waiting and that
you insist he say thank you? So I teach them better manners. Sue me!
- Oh, I plan to. - Ok, my client would like
- to take the Fifth. - Well she cant because that makes no sense
- and also, your client? - Yes, darling, full disclosure.
I met with Delores,
and as a trained paralegal, I am representing her.
And I'm sorry to say, sweetheart, we are countersuing
Chelsea for harassment, because her son is a little
sheee-ee-ee-me-shammer.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Ceil, I'd like to add to that.
Stop talking for yourself, Delores, or I am going to
have to hold you in contempt!
Well, I think that we have reached a non conclusion.
Why don't we just wrap it up here? Mom,
Can I speak to you in the storage closet for a second?
- Mother, what are you doing? - As you mother, I didn't want
to have to do this, but as opposing counsel...
(Ceil laughing) ... I'm thrilled!
- Jayden, that's no way to talk to a grownup. - Shut your...
(expletive bleeps) ... you old...
You're a piece... (expletive bleep)
- How about that? - Mm-hmm. What do you think
of your perfect friend's perfect kid now?
- Oh, boy. - (Ceil laughing)
I was really hoping he just hated me.
(Ceil laughing)
Ok, I'd like my mom back, please.
Mom, I'm going to make amends to you.
I don't need your amends.
But I need to make them!
Sandy, take a seat.
I don't know if you've noticed,
but I've been trying to avoid a certain conversation.
- About the Sandy... - Buh-buh-buh-buh. Please.
I have this memorized.
What I'm trying to say is...
some things are not as simple
as driving the family car into
- the middle of a living room. - Mom...
One likes to think of oneself in a certain way.
And when one thinks that one...
has strayed from that...
which... till death do us part.
Ok...
- I think I've said too much. - Mom, you haven't said anything.
I can't. I thought I could, but I can't.
Jimmy, there's more to this Sandy incident than I know.
What do you know?
Ok, you obviously know nothing.
So, Phyllis...
- It's Harmeet. - I can't believe
we've lived practically next door to each other
since I was a teenager and we've never visited.
Your mother never invited me over.
I just thought you might like
to see the renovations that we did in the '90s,
after the whole front of our house was destroyed.
- Would you like some tea? - What kind do you have?
What do you remember from the night of September 18th, 1999?
- I know nothing. - My mother's gotten to you,
- hasn't she? - Please. I have a family.
(Ceil): Jenna.
Mom, you didn't have to come here.
I want to make sure you who Chelsea that video.
I will, Mom. She's just a little fragile.
Where are the meatballs?
Where are the meat...
They can't have chianti without the meatballs!
Mm-hmm. Hope she's taking pills for her fragility.
Hey, Chelsea. I was thinking
- maybe we should... - Drop the case.
Look, crab dip.
Why would we want to drop the case?
Because maybe Jayden isn't as perfect as you think he is?
Jenna!
Whose side are you on? Did those two months
at camp 10 years ago mean nothing to you?
Oh, Karen, Bev! (Chelsea laughs.)
Oh, you look gorgeous!
♪
♪ So I'm just gonna pout at you ♪
♪ Till I get my way ♪
- You're here too? - Momfia invited me.
- You can't say no. - Hmm.
- I'm not giving up the case. - We don't really have a case,
Chelsea. Will you just give me a second and look at this, please?
Shut your... you old... (expletive bleeps)
(expletive bleeps)
How about that?
Well, clearly someone has doctored that video.
See, Jayden did that to ME. Look, Chelsea,
it's ok not to be perfect. We don't have a case.
Fine.
You... you were not my favorite camper.
And I told everybody
about how you peed in the canoe! Pee-er!
Ok, where is that coffee can now?
And now you. Why?
I need to confront Mom
loudly and publicly about the Sandy incident.
Ok, instead, here's an idea: why don't we all just leave this lousy party?
Mother!
- Oh, Sandy! Hey! - The time has come
for you to forgive me for the Sandy incident so I can get my chip and move on.
Sandy, there's nothing to forgive.
It wasn't your fault.
- I'm just not a perfect mother. - What? That's it?
- Mom, just tell me what happened! - I can't. I can't.
- I'm leaving. - No one is driving you...
I'll drive myself!
♪
I'm not a perfect mother!
I'm not a perfect mother! (Woman screams.)
♪ All my friends know the low rider ♪
Looks like it's 1999 all over again.
(Honk! Honk!)
Can someone explain this to me?
Here's the truth: you did drive the car onto the lawn
and you did pass out in the flowerbed,
but when Mom went to park the car, she accidentally drove it through the living room.
So...
all these years she let me think that I did it?
She wanted to teach you a lesson.
And it worked.
(Sandy gasps.) She's a good mom.
- (all laughing) - Oh, God love her.
I'm a coward.
Mom,
I forgive you.
- I'm sorry, Sandy. - It's ok,
Mommy.
Do you think anybody saw that?
Yeah.
Well, it's been an honor working with you.
No, thank YOU, Delores.
- Ok, bye. - Well, Mom,
Chelsea dropped the case. Good for us!
It's my first big win!
Or... Ugh, fine, whatever.
Jimmy, you gotta lay off the Pablum.
Jenna, it's a hard habit to break.
I got it! My one year chip!
- Ohhhh! - Yay!
Thanks, you guys. On my way home, I...
sideswiped three cars.
That'll be some amends for next time.
Yeah. Children, gather around.
- Come. - (slurp!)
- Sit you down. - Ok, we're going down.
- Ok. - You know, Jenna, I know
you wanted Chelsea to be perfect.
And I know you've all thought of me as being perfect.
But sometimes the nicest thing you can do
for a person is to see them the way they really are.
You know, it's like the end of The Wizard of Oz.
They pulled back that curtain,
and there he was.
And he was free, Jenna.
Free to go off and be as gay as he wanted to be.
Really? Is that the point of it?
Well, something like that.
All right! Who wants to go out and celebrate Sandy's... thing?
- I'll drive! - I'll drive.
- Come on, honey. - Yeah.
(door closing) Peace at last.
For frick's sake, move!
- Synced and corrected by killianp77 - - www.Addic7ed.com -