1 00:00:23,614 --> 00:00:25,007 D'oh! 2 00:00:25,032 --> 00:00:26,259 (tires screeching) 3 00:00:26,275 --> 00:00:27,418 (grunts) 4 00:00:27,691 --> 00:00:28,815 What the...?! 5 00:00:31,828 --> 00:00:34,496 Well, this is a no-brainer. 6 00:00:36,153 --> 00:00:37,487 Woo-hoo! 7 00:00:39,729 --> 00:00:40,733 D'oh! 8 00:00:42,778 --> 00:00:43,931 D'oh! 9 00:00:45,638 --> 00:00:46,845 D'oh! 10 00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:49,807 D'oh! 11 00:00:51,889 --> 00:00:54,077 D'oh! D'oh! 12 00:00:54,705 --> 00:00:55,745 D'oh! 13 00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:58,574 D'oh! D'oh! 14 00:00:59,323 --> 00:01:01,038 D'oh! 15 00:01:04,016 --> 00:01:04,996 (groans) 16 00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:06,301 Now what? 17 00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:07,365 (screams) 18 00:01:08,046 --> 00:01:11,346 ♪ The Simpsons 25x21 ♪ Pay Pal Original Air Date on May 11, 2014 19 00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:14,663 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 20 00:01:15,633 --> 00:01:17,601 (Marge humming) 21 00:01:22,681 --> 00:01:24,682 ♪ ♪ 22 00:01:26,651 --> 00:01:27,990 (laughing) 23 00:01:54,212 --> 00:01:56,213 ♪ ♪ 24 00:02:09,068 --> 00:02:10,046 (whirring) 25 00:02:10,066 --> 00:02:13,950 Mom, it's not funny if I can't hear the cats drown in their own barf. 26 00:02:13,972 --> 00:02:16,107 (screaming) 27 00:02:16,935 --> 00:02:18,302 (whirring louder) 28 00:02:18,403 --> 00:02:20,123 (retching continues louder) 29 00:02:20,156 --> 00:02:23,708 Why can't kids still watch Captain Kangaroo?! 30 00:02:23,734 --> 00:02:25,743 Culture's in decline. Deal with it. 31 00:02:25,763 --> 00:02:26,750 (groans): Oh! 32 00:02:26,764 --> 00:02:29,071 (whirring louder) 33 00:02:29,084 --> 00:02:30,805 (laughs) Yay! A mess! 34 00:02:30,825 --> 00:02:33,252 - Ooh! Can I lick the ceiling? - (groans): Oh. 35 00:02:33,272 --> 00:02:36,338 I was making that cake for the block party today. 36 00:02:36,351 --> 00:02:38,508 Now there's no choice but to go... 37 00:02:38,523 --> 00:02:40,224 store-bought. 38 00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,903 (humming) 39 00:02:50,508 --> 00:02:54,853 (over P.A.): I need a price check on Gramma Shortcut's Store-bought Bundt Cake. 40 00:02:54,878 --> 00:02:56,145 (crowd gasps) 41 00:02:59,231 --> 00:03:01,280 Keep it! Let's go! 42 00:03:02,881 --> 00:03:06,252 - We've got some put-backs. - Roger dodger, boss. 43 00:03:06,272 --> 00:03:08,795 Hey, don't turn old man on me. 44 00:03:08,808 --> 00:03:12,603 You know, I used to be the buyer for the whole chain-- 71 stores. 45 00:03:12,616 --> 00:03:15,771 You heard of the A&P? Well, we used to be the J&G. 46 00:03:15,790 --> 00:03:18,864 ♪ You like what you see at the J&G ♪ 47 00:03:18,883 --> 00:03:22,143 ♪ They're used to be three, but we lost the "Z" and... ♪ 48 00:03:22,163 --> 00:03:24,584 If I make out with you, will you shut up? 49 00:03:24,603 --> 00:03:26,629 - Ah, give it a shot. - (moans) 50 00:03:26,656 --> 00:03:28,924 You know, we used to give out gray stamps. 51 00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:31,496 Remember green stamps? Ours was gray. 52 00:03:37,060 --> 00:03:39,220 Attention block party losers! 53 00:03:39,239 --> 00:03:41,515 We are Ear Poison! 54 00:03:41,566 --> 00:03:44,735 (electric guitar riff plays) 55 00:03:44,889 --> 00:03:48,656 ♪ There were bells on a hill ♪ 56 00:03:48,676 --> 00:03:52,587 ♪ But I never heard them ringing ♪ 57 00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:54,621 ♪ No, I never... ♪ 58 00:03:56,447 --> 00:03:57,194 (gasps) 59 00:03:57,213 --> 00:03:58,793 (British accent): We must have the same recipe. 60 00:03:58,819 --> 00:04:01,720 Drive to store, buy cheap cake, serves them right. 61 00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:03,063 Booth Wilkes-John. 62 00:04:03,082 --> 00:04:05,617 My wife and I just moved here from London. 63 00:04:05,650 --> 00:04:06,997 Marge Simpson. 64 00:04:07,017 --> 00:04:09,755 Congratulations on Little King George. 65 00:04:09,775 --> 00:04:12,895 Well, Marge, my wife and I are hosting a get-to-know-you 66 00:04:12,914 --> 00:04:16,775 game night on Saturday next-- or as you call it, next Saturday. 67 00:04:16,795 --> 00:04:18,753 Ooh! Game night? 68 00:04:18,776 --> 00:04:20,247 You know? Adult games. 69 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:24,305 Well, not "adult games," fun games, like Charades-- 70 00:04:24,328 --> 00:04:26,370 or as you call it, Pictionary. 71 00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:30,164 It sounds like fun. I'll just tell Homer and... 72 00:04:31,629 --> 00:04:35,176 Homer, for the last time, do not drink the Yahtzee dice. 73 00:04:35,185 --> 00:04:36,092 Fine. 74 00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:37,600 (grunts) 75 00:04:37,626 --> 00:04:39,112 Ooh! Doubles. 76 00:04:39,484 --> 00:04:44,348 Mm, I don't know. We have church the next morning, starts at 11:00. 77 00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:46,122 Oh, we're going to the game night. 78 00:04:46,135 --> 00:04:48,485 Moving church to Monday afternoon. 79 00:04:48,519 --> 00:04:49,933 (groans) 80 00:04:49,946 --> 00:04:52,514 Well, if you change your mind, please let us know. 81 00:04:52,527 --> 00:04:54,468 We could become "couples friends." 82 00:04:54,481 --> 00:04:57,963 Now, let me try some of Ned Flanders' No Alarm Chili. 83 00:04:57,975 --> 00:04:59,960 You'll only taste the spoon. 84 00:04:59,984 --> 00:05:00,919 Brilliant. 85 00:05:03,414 --> 00:05:05,731 Why don't we have any couples friends? 86 00:05:05,744 --> 00:05:06,591 (groans) 87 00:05:06,611 --> 00:05:10,033 Because... couples friends are a myth, 88 00:05:10,047 --> 00:05:12,630 started by restaurants with tables for four. 89 00:05:12,643 --> 00:05:15,710 I want friends! Any friends. 90 00:05:15,723 --> 00:05:18,149 Okay, sweetie. I'll call the Van Houtens. 91 00:05:18,161 --> 00:05:19,716 - Not the Van Houtens. - But... 92 00:05:19,722 --> 00:05:22,026 They're always bragging about their trip to Rome. 93 00:05:22,046 --> 00:05:24,860 It was 12 years ago, and it was a layover. 94 00:05:24,886 --> 00:05:26,678 I want new friends. 95 00:05:26,698 --> 00:05:28,391 LISA: Can I make an observation? 96 00:05:28,406 --> 00:05:32,042 I'm okay with no friends. It's easier to focus, 97 00:05:32,062 --> 00:05:35,591 and it'll give me great material for whatever art form I choose. 98 00:05:35,604 --> 00:05:38,385 Right now, I'm thinking long novella. 99 00:05:38,409 --> 00:05:39,288 Good night. 100 00:05:39,301 --> 00:05:42,570 Okay with no friends? 101 00:05:42,587 --> 00:05:46,104 That's the saddest thing I can imagine my daughter saying to me. 102 00:05:46,123 --> 00:05:47,331 BART: I can think of worse. 103 00:05:47,357 --> 00:05:51,070 The saddest thing would be if you were driving and texting Lisa 104 00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:54,873 and you hit her. And the last thing she texted before she died was, 105 00:05:54,885 --> 00:05:56,673 "I got your message." 106 00:05:57,228 --> 00:05:58,361 Good night. 107 00:06:00,618 --> 00:06:02,425 Well, they all make good points. 108 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:07,314 ANNOUNCER: And now, the moment of truth on Topiary Wars. 109 00:06:16,412 --> 00:06:21,044 This Taj Mahal should be floated down the Ganges. 110 00:06:21,064 --> 00:06:23,451 I'm sorry, Cathy. Turn in your shears and ladders. 111 00:06:23,468 --> 00:06:26,336 Come and get 'em! (laughs maniacally) 112 00:06:26,464 --> 00:06:27,664 (grunting) 113 00:06:28,185 --> 00:06:29,492 Oh! Thank you. 114 00:06:29,513 --> 00:06:31,948 Why was that on the Military History Channel? 115 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:36,151 We're going to that game party, and we're going to be charming and witty. 116 00:06:36,170 --> 00:06:38,251 You're not going to eat too much, 117 00:06:38,263 --> 00:06:40,536 and we're not going to stay too late. 118 00:06:40,544 --> 00:06:43,579 MARGE: You will not sing unless there's a sing-along, 119 00:06:43,601 --> 00:06:46,952 and never take the tray out of the caterer's hand. 120 00:06:47,231 --> 00:06:49,951 Don't be too loud, and don't be too quiet. 121 00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:52,581 When you're too quiet, you get that psycho look. 122 00:06:52,602 --> 00:06:53,960 (jittering) 123 00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,327 And stay in the living room. 124 00:06:55,347 --> 00:06:58,346 Don't go to their kids' room and watch a basketball game. 125 00:06:58,365 --> 00:07:00,742 - Can I check out what toys they have? - No. 126 00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:01,935 (groans) 127 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,465 Dinner party at the neighbors'. 128 00:07:04,488 --> 00:07:07,149 - At least I can drink. - One drink. 129 00:07:07,171 --> 00:07:10,105 Wha...?! Walking distance, Marge! 130 00:07:10,131 --> 00:07:12,858 I've been looking forward to this all week. 131 00:07:14,293 --> 00:07:16,893 DUFFMAN: Don't show your wife this app! 132 00:07:16,919 --> 00:07:18,166 Powering down! 133 00:07:19,931 --> 00:07:22,398 You were charming enough to win me, 134 00:07:22,418 --> 00:07:25,243 and that day you didn't have a drink in you. 135 00:07:31,081 --> 00:07:33,329 Marge! Homer! 136 00:07:33,357 --> 00:07:35,858 Mwah! Mwah! 137 00:07:36,441 --> 00:07:37,881 (quietly): Homer. 138 00:07:37,902 --> 00:07:40,227 You know, I have more cheeks. 139 00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:41,352 (chuckles) 140 00:07:41,372 --> 00:07:43,765 I'd like you to meet my wife Wallis. 141 00:07:43,798 --> 00:07:44,758 (deep voice): How ya doin'? 142 00:07:44,778 --> 00:07:47,945 Wallis has unearthed the most delightful entertainment 143 00:07:47,957 --> 00:07:49,750 to thrill us for hours on end. 144 00:07:49,767 --> 00:07:53,306 It's a murder mystery, and we're all suspects. 145 00:07:53,346 --> 00:07:54,719 (crowd gasps) 146 00:07:54,745 --> 00:07:58,150 Great! I've always wanted to try and solve a crime. 147 00:07:58,775 --> 00:07:59,835 (crowd gasps) 148 00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:02,383 Please, everyone, read your bio. 149 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:03,150 (gasps) 150 00:08:03,162 --> 00:08:06,695 I am a humble farmer from Yorkshire. 151 00:08:06,714 --> 00:08:09,225 Humble I can be! 152 00:08:09,244 --> 00:08:10,605 That's the spirit! 153 00:08:10,631 --> 00:08:12,691 Wallis and I have found this game to provide 154 00:08:12,704 --> 00:08:15,471 a full evening of divertissement, 155 00:08:15,497 --> 00:08:18,589 building in suspense to a masterful climax. 156 00:08:18,616 --> 00:08:23,116 We've rented costumes you'll find accurate to period and conducive to character. 157 00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:27,236 We will serve food and wine appropriate to period and palette. 158 00:08:27,271 --> 00:08:28,724 (excited murmuring) 159 00:08:28,737 --> 00:08:32,483 We've programmed music to cover every dramatic event. 160 00:08:32,497 --> 00:08:34,241 Hired a Foley artist. 161 00:08:34,254 --> 00:08:35,956 (steady galloping) 162 00:08:35,980 --> 00:08:38,773 I believe the mare has a slight limp. 163 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,660 (erratic galloping) 164 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,347 Yes. Yes! 165 00:08:42,366 --> 00:08:47,773 So, for the next three hours, I welcome you to the moors of... 166 00:08:47,791 --> 00:08:51,744 Question. Uh, it says here the murderer is Admiral Wainsworth. 167 00:08:51,762 --> 00:08:52,502 Who's that? 168 00:08:52,522 --> 00:08:53,767 (crowd groaning, murmuring) 169 00:08:53,787 --> 00:08:56,493 You've... you-you've given away the game! 170 00:08:56,519 --> 00:08:58,220 Well, you know... 171 00:08:58,255 --> 00:08:59,421 Why you...! 172 00:08:59,450 --> 00:09:01,017 (both grunting) 173 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,627 Thank you so much! 174 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:08,384 Now Wallis will once again withdraw into melancholia! 175 00:09:08,419 --> 00:09:11,055 (monotonous): Birth, school, work, death. 176 00:09:11,081 --> 00:09:13,681 Worth, drool, shirk, breath. 177 00:09:13,694 --> 00:09:16,516 Mirth, cruel, quirk, meth. 178 00:09:16,533 --> 00:09:17,972 Just so you know, Homer, 179 00:09:17,984 --> 00:09:22,199 you were going to be a dashing Russian count with multiple lovers! 180 00:09:22,219 --> 00:09:24,904 Well, as we say in Russia, 181 00:09:24,922 --> 00:09:28,377 - "Good-bye in Russian!" - Do svidaniya! 182 00:09:35,395 --> 00:09:37,904 Uh, nice night for a walk. 183 00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:38,677 (sighs) 184 00:09:38,697 --> 00:09:41,019 I'd like to be alone for a while. 185 00:09:42,516 --> 00:09:45,557 - You want to be more alone? - Yes. 186 00:09:50,151 --> 00:09:52,281 - More? - Mm-hmm. 187 00:09:55,189 --> 00:09:56,569 What the...?! D'oh! 188 00:09:56,577 --> 00:09:57,922 (groaning) 189 00:09:57,955 --> 00:09:59,666 That's good. 190 00:10:03,050 --> 00:10:06,879 Okay, I slept on the couch and I flipped the sweaty cushions over. 191 00:10:06,892 --> 00:10:09,070 - What else can I do? - It's okay. 192 00:10:09,089 --> 00:10:12,873 I mean, those people didn't even want us at that party in the first place. 193 00:10:12,886 --> 00:10:17,100 I think it's time we learn to live with being ostracized. 194 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,400 Mmm... 195 00:10:18,413 --> 00:10:21,627 Don't you dare say "ostrich eyes"! 196 00:10:21,649 --> 00:10:23,905 Because... uh... 197 00:10:23,918 --> 00:10:26,573 Oh! Oh, okay, okay! What should we do? 198 00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:28,280 Nothing. I give up. 199 00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:30,042 No more dinner parties. 200 00:10:30,055 --> 00:10:35,287 Our whole social life will be us watching TV and you going to Moe's. 201 00:10:35,309 --> 00:10:37,167 I see. 202 00:10:38,245 --> 00:10:39,747 (quietly): Woo-hoo! 203 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:41,404 (rattles) 204 00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:45,430 Well, if that's how you think it has to be. 205 00:10:45,456 --> 00:10:46,990 Yes, for us. 206 00:10:47,010 --> 00:10:50,430 But not for Lisa. Never for Lisa. 207 00:10:50,431 --> 00:10:52,431 We're going to help her make friends. 208 00:10:52,457 --> 00:10:54,198 It might be easier with Maggie. 209 00:10:54,222 --> 00:10:56,663 She's always getting letters from the day care center. 210 00:10:56,683 --> 00:11:00,850 - Those are past-due bills. - They'll get their blood money. 211 00:11:00,876 --> 00:11:03,782 And Lisa will get a friend. 212 00:11:04,484 --> 00:11:06,517 After this, we'll do makeovers. 213 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:07,785 (groans) 214 00:11:11,852 --> 00:11:13,599 So where are all the friends? 215 00:11:13,619 --> 00:11:14,886 I don't know. 216 00:11:14,909 --> 00:11:17,887 I invited everyone that Lisa's ever met. 217 00:11:18,377 --> 00:11:20,206 - Who are you? - Gus Huebner. 218 00:11:20,225 --> 00:11:23,591 I was on Lisa's coed soccer team two years ago. 219 00:11:24,157 --> 00:11:26,270 Well, Lisa's gonna be here in five minutes, 220 00:11:26,290 --> 00:11:28,980 and the only kid who showed up is Gus freakin' Huebner. 221 00:11:29,003 --> 00:11:30,823 - Watch your mouth. - (groans) 222 00:11:30,851 --> 00:11:33,018 Oh, no, you're right, Homer. Abort! 223 00:11:33,038 --> 00:11:35,100 - Abort! Oh, no. 224 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,551 I was the only chump who showed up at this train wreck. 225 00:11:37,577 --> 00:11:39,631 Well, I'm not leaving till I get a party. 226 00:11:39,653 --> 00:11:42,508 Fine, fine. Homer, give him a party. 227 00:11:42,528 --> 00:11:46,419 (The Streets of San Francisco theme playing) 228 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:00,950 (Homer shouts) 229 00:12:12,151 --> 00:12:15,192 Gus Huebner? Is that you? 230 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,364 (chuckles): I wish. 231 00:12:18,383 --> 00:12:20,316 That kid can play youth soccer. 232 00:12:25,931 --> 00:12:27,164 Are you guys okay? 233 00:12:27,177 --> 00:12:28,783 Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I'm fine. 234 00:12:28,802 --> 00:12:30,782 Yeah. That's... Nothing's going on. 235 00:12:30,808 --> 00:12:32,129 Right, right. Nothing. 236 00:12:32,146 --> 00:12:34,919 - What's for dinner? - Pizza. Mmm. 237 00:12:34,939 --> 00:12:36,631 Lots of pizza. 238 00:12:45,845 --> 00:12:49,323 So, as her teacher, I was wondering if you could tell me 239 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:52,535 why Lisa has such trouble making friends. 240 00:12:52,552 --> 00:12:55,679 Marge, this is when I normally eat lunch. 241 00:12:55,702 --> 00:12:59,338 So I'll just tell you Lisa is... unique. 242 00:12:59,706 --> 00:13:01,407 And we're done. 243 00:13:05,605 --> 00:13:10,458 All right. For some reason, square dancing is a part of the gym curriculum. 244 00:13:10,471 --> 00:13:13,021 Now, I'm gonna open the divider to the girls' gym, 245 00:13:13,048 --> 00:13:17,368 and if you don't find a dance partner within ten seconds, 246 00:13:17,384 --> 00:13:20,254 there is something very wrong with you! 247 00:13:20,395 --> 00:13:22,430 ♪ ♪ 248 00:13:32,867 --> 00:13:34,323 Hmm. 249 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:35,915 (groans) 250 00:13:37,157 --> 00:13:38,595 Aw. 251 00:13:39,492 --> 00:13:40,759 That's tough luck, Lisa. 252 00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:42,912 Looks like you're dancing with Groundskeeper Willie. 253 00:13:42,938 --> 00:13:46,314 Careful of your toes. I got me cleats on! 254 00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,140 I'll dance with Lisa. 255 00:13:48,159 --> 00:13:50,618 Tumi? But you're from the other second grade. 256 00:13:50,638 --> 00:13:53,813 We only come together for tornado drills. 257 00:13:55,342 --> 00:13:56,016 (groans) 258 00:13:56,041 --> 00:13:57,794 God, I hate square dancing. 259 00:13:57,811 --> 00:14:00,470 It ain't gym class if a fat kid's not crying. 260 00:14:00,489 --> 00:14:02,236 Let's do this thing. 261 00:14:02,255 --> 00:14:03,895 (plucking notes) 262 00:14:03,957 --> 00:14:06,392 (playing lively music) 263 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,476 ♪ Swing your partner, swing her hard ♪ 264 00:14:11,485 --> 00:14:13,602 ♪ Do-si-do while I bombard ♪ 265 00:14:13,628 --> 00:14:15,494 Hey! Ha! Ho! Ha! 266 00:14:15,515 --> 00:14:17,702 ♪ Do-si-do while I bombard ♪ 267 00:14:17,728 --> 00:14:19,551 ♪ Oh, thank God, the clock says 3:00 ♪ 268 00:14:19,573 --> 00:14:21,392 ♪ 'Cause I have to take a pee. ♪ 269 00:14:21,821 --> 00:14:23,121 (school bell ringing) 270 00:14:23,523 --> 00:14:25,169 - Finally. - That was fun. 271 00:14:25,194 --> 00:14:26,754 Yeah, it kind of was. 272 00:14:26,781 --> 00:14:29,089 But I won't push it, I promise. See ya. 273 00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:33,551 Oh, wait, wait, wait. Um, I was going to All Sales Vinyl after school. 274 00:14:33,564 --> 00:14:35,058 The vintage record store? 275 00:14:35,088 --> 00:14:36,768 Yeah. You want to come with me? 276 00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:40,861 At the risk of sounding like a broken record, yes, yes, yes! 277 00:14:41,327 --> 00:14:43,562 ("Stolen Moments" by Oliver Nelson playing) 278 00:14:45,586 --> 00:14:47,986 (strained): They will fit. They will fit. 279 00:14:48,001 --> 00:14:48,699 (grunts) 280 00:14:48,724 --> 00:14:49,865 Yes! 281 00:14:53,574 --> 00:14:56,184 Hmm. Nobody likes jazz that much. 282 00:14:56,197 --> 00:14:58,668 Even the guy playing it had to take drugs. 283 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:02,435 It's so much fun to finally have a friend who likes the NPR show 284 00:15:02,454 --> 00:15:05,441 Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! As much as I do. 285 00:15:05,465 --> 00:15:09,676 PETER SAGAL: So, Carl Kasell, how did the House Minority Whip do on our news quiz? 286 00:15:09,696 --> 00:15:11,934 CARL KASELL: Well, Peter, he got two out of three right, 287 00:15:11,947 --> 00:15:15,008 so he wins me recording his outgoing message. 288 00:15:15,036 --> 00:15:17,176 MAN: Oh, that's okay. Really. No, no, no. Please don't. 289 00:15:17,190 --> 00:15:18,970 KASELL: It's not optional. 290 00:15:18,992 --> 00:15:20,893 (both giggling) 291 00:15:23,303 --> 00:15:24,576 See, Marge? 292 00:15:24,584 --> 00:15:28,448 Problems will work themselves out if you just leave them alone. 293 00:15:28,462 --> 00:15:29,275 Mm-hmm. 294 00:15:29,294 --> 00:15:30,535 Want some more smoothie? 295 00:15:30,541 --> 00:15:33,747 As long as you load up on the kale and chia. 296 00:15:36,248 --> 00:15:39,060 Oh, no one likes veggie smoothies that much. 297 00:15:39,065 --> 00:15:42,420 Or at all. Hmm. Something's fishy about that girl, 298 00:15:42,433 --> 00:15:44,673 and I'm gonna follow her till I find out what. 299 00:15:44,678 --> 00:15:46,311 And I'm gonna help you. 300 00:15:46,326 --> 00:15:49,159 I think I'll need you back at headquarters manning the phones. 301 00:15:49,179 --> 00:15:51,212 Great. What do I say? 302 00:15:51,231 --> 00:15:53,230 - Just let 'em ring. - Got it! 303 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,753 ♪ They smile in your face ♪ 304 00:15:55,769 --> 00:15:57,867 ♪ All the time they want to take your place ♪ 305 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,036 ♪ The backstabbers ♪ 306 00:16:00,063 --> 00:16:01,535 ♪ Backstabbers ♪ 307 00:16:01,548 --> 00:16:03,423 ♪ They smile in your face ♪ 308 00:16:03,456 --> 00:16:05,583 ♪ All the time they want to take your place ♪ 309 00:16:05,599 --> 00:16:07,710 ♪ The backstabbers ♪ 310 00:16:07,736 --> 00:16:08,715 ♪ Backstabbers ♪ 311 00:16:08,741 --> 00:16:12,048 ♪ All you fellas who have someone ♪ 312 00:16:12,065 --> 00:16:13,955 ♪ And you really care ♪ 313 00:16:13,975 --> 00:16:16,298 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 314 00:16:16,316 --> 00:16:19,914 ♪ Then it's all of you fellas... ♪ 315 00:16:25,759 --> 00:16:28,825 ♪ Low-down, dirty. ♪ 316 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:34,813 What do you want? 317 00:16:34,825 --> 00:16:36,526 I've got two things for you. 318 00:16:36,550 --> 00:16:40,274 This envelope will change your life for the low, low price of five dollars, 319 00:16:40,294 --> 00:16:42,947 and I'll throw in a piece of great advice. 320 00:16:42,976 --> 00:16:44,467 Tempted? 321 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,313 What's the advice? 322 00:16:48,326 --> 00:16:50,182 Don't open the envelope. 323 00:16:50,203 --> 00:16:52,063 (snickers) 324 00:16:55,041 --> 00:16:57,387 Oh, God, I'm gonna be sick. 325 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:04,330 (gasps) 326 00:17:04,363 --> 00:17:06,838 Mom paid her to be my friend? 327 00:17:06,853 --> 00:17:08,854 (crying) 328 00:17:12,879 --> 00:17:15,176 That's mine. It's for my library card. 329 00:17:16,121 --> 00:17:17,822 (groans) 330 00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:24,475 You don't want to be here. 331 00:17:24,497 --> 00:17:25,268 (whimpers) 332 00:17:25,293 --> 00:17:26,540 Neither do you! 333 00:17:26,544 --> 00:17:27,911 (whimpers) 334 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:34,953 Mom, how could you pay someone to be my friend? 335 00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:37,426 Answer me! 336 00:17:37,445 --> 00:17:41,324 Oh, I wouldn't say I paid someone to be your friend. 337 00:17:41,346 --> 00:17:44,181 I just gave her money for records and ice cream. 338 00:17:44,203 --> 00:17:45,943 HOMER: You gave away ice cream?! 339 00:17:45,970 --> 00:17:48,189 I would've found a friend eventually. 340 00:17:48,213 --> 00:17:52,289 You couldn't wait a damn decade until I got into college? 341 00:17:52,297 --> 00:17:53,497 (crying) 342 00:17:53,523 --> 00:17:56,423 Oh, Lisa. Lisa, wait! 343 00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:57,830 (crying) 344 00:17:57,862 --> 00:17:59,517 Oh, God, oh, God. 345 00:17:59,525 --> 00:18:01,820 I'm the smart parent. 346 00:18:04,256 --> 00:18:07,027 I'm sorry she rejected your "I'm Sorry" cake, 347 00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:11,807 but, in a way, I'm not. I guess what I'm trying to say is I like cake. 348 00:18:11,830 --> 00:18:13,689 Marge, don't feel bad. 349 00:18:13,716 --> 00:18:16,193 You did what any parent would do. 350 00:18:16,215 --> 00:18:18,267 No, I think I went too far. 351 00:18:18,287 --> 00:18:24,223 Let me tell you a little story about a chubby unpopular boy named Homer. 352 00:18:24,242 --> 00:18:26,602 Is that the boy you named me after? 353 00:18:26,626 --> 00:18:28,233 It is you, you idiot! 354 00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:31,653 - Whoa. - Little Homer had a devil of a time making friends. 355 00:18:31,673 --> 00:18:33,660 No one wanted to come visit him. 356 00:18:33,672 --> 00:18:37,094 So I decided to take matters into my own hands. 357 00:18:37,123 --> 00:18:39,257 I paid a couple of boys, 358 00:18:39,290 --> 00:18:43,567 Lenny and Carl, to make my Homer feel loved. 359 00:18:43,593 --> 00:18:47,169 A relationship I continued to this day. 360 00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:50,006 You pay Lenny and Carl to be my friends?! 361 00:18:50,032 --> 00:18:52,625 Yes, but Barney's yours for nothing. 362 00:18:52,651 --> 00:18:54,311 - Aw. - Hmm. 363 00:18:54,318 --> 00:18:56,708 Well, that makes me feel better. 364 00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:57,479 (lock clicks) 365 00:18:57,505 --> 00:18:59,730 Lisa's door is unlocked! 366 00:19:00,905 --> 00:19:03,338 Dad, is that story really true? 367 00:19:03,371 --> 00:19:04,191 (laughs) 368 00:19:04,203 --> 00:19:08,045 I wouldn't pay ten cents to a lion to stop him from eating you! 369 00:19:08,060 --> 00:19:09,060 (groans) 370 00:19:12,043 --> 00:19:14,705 Lisa, just say something to me. 371 00:19:14,733 --> 00:19:18,358 I'm gonna tell every psychiatrist I ever go to what you did. 372 00:19:19,296 --> 00:19:21,554 (voice breaking): A mother's greatest fear. 373 00:19:21,574 --> 00:19:23,775 (crying) 374 00:19:24,535 --> 00:19:26,462 LISA: Wow, I made Mom cry. 375 00:19:26,477 --> 00:19:28,488 What unimaginable power. 376 00:19:28,508 --> 00:19:31,048 I can use this to get anything I want. 377 00:19:31,063 --> 00:19:35,984 But right now, all I want is for Mom to stop crying. 378 00:19:36,802 --> 00:19:38,688 Mom, stop! Stop! 379 00:19:38,708 --> 00:19:41,190 Stop. I'm sorry. 380 00:19:42,241 --> 00:19:44,279 - Oh... - Please stop! 381 00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,143 (cries, snorts) 382 00:19:46,712 --> 00:19:47,645 (sighs) 383 00:19:47,659 --> 00:19:49,627 You're not mad anymore? 384 00:19:49,655 --> 00:19:52,667 I'm fine. Fine. It's funny, but... 385 00:19:52,684 --> 00:19:55,279 hurting your feelings made me feel better. 386 00:19:55,306 --> 00:19:57,270 Mm, try to forget that. 387 00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:59,772 But when I grow up, I'll find other weird kids, 388 00:19:59,785 --> 00:20:03,128 and we will have the most intense relationships ever. 389 00:20:03,147 --> 00:20:05,216 And I'll always love you. 390 00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:06,792 Aw. 391 00:20:06,825 --> 00:20:08,812 Happy Mother's Day. 392 00:20:08,826 --> 00:20:11,461 - Mother's Day?! - Mother's Day?! Crap! 393 00:20:15,643 --> 00:20:20,308 Okay, initially I was just gonna be your friend till I could afford a nice belt. 394 00:20:20,331 --> 00:20:23,897 But I like you, Lisa, and I want to keep being friends with you. 395 00:20:23,929 --> 00:20:28,133 Great. But from now on, we have to be totally honest with each other. 396 00:20:28,153 --> 00:20:30,127 You're absolutely right. 397 00:20:30,142 --> 00:20:32,169 I'm not really a vegetarian. 398 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:33,696 Have you ever tried horse meat? 399 00:20:33,716 --> 00:20:35,751 They eat it raw in Japan, and... 400 00:20:37,784 --> 00:20:42,784 Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 401 00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:26,083 Shh!