1 00:00:07,614 --> 00:00:09,007 D'oh! 2 00:00:09,032 --> 00:00:10,259 (tires screeching) 3 00:00:10,275 --> 00:00:11,418 (grunts) 4 00:00:11,691 --> 00:00:12,815 What the...?! 5 00:00:15,828 --> 00:00:18,496 Well, this is a no-brainer. 6 00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:21,487 Woo-hoo! 7 00:00:23,729 --> 00:00:24,733 D'oh! 8 00:00:26,778 --> 00:00:27,931 D'oh! 9 00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:30,845 D'oh! 10 00:00:32,349 --> 00:00:33,807 D'oh! 11 00:00:35,889 --> 00:00:38,077 D'oh! D'oh! 12 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:39,745 D'oh! 13 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,574 D'oh! D'oh! 14 00:00:43,323 --> 00:00:45,038 D'oh! 15 00:00:48,016 --> 00:00:48,996 (groans) 16 00:00:49,021 --> 00:00:50,301 Now what? 17 00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:51,365 (screams) 18 00:00:52,046 --> 00:00:55,346 ♪ The Simpsons 25x21 ♪ Pay Pal Original Air Date on May 11, 2014 19 00:00:55,363 --> 00:00:58,663 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man Resync for WEB-DL-YFN by jasonnguyen2606 20 00:00:59,633 --> 00:01:01,601 (Marge humming) 21 00:01:06,681 --> 00:01:08,682 ♪ ♪ 22 00:01:10,651 --> 00:01:11,990 (laughing) 23 00:01:38,212 --> 00:01:40,213 ♪ ♪ 24 00:01:53,068 --> 00:01:54,046 (whirring) 25 00:01:54,066 --> 00:01:57,950 Mom, it's not funny if I can't hear the cats drown in their own barf. 26 00:01:57,972 --> 00:02:00,107 (screaming) 27 00:02:00,935 --> 00:02:02,302 (whirring louder) 28 00:02:02,403 --> 00:02:04,123 (retching continues louder) 29 00:02:04,156 --> 00:02:07,708 Why can't kids still watch Captain Kangaroo?! 30 00:02:07,734 --> 00:02:09,743 Culture's in decline. Deal with it. 31 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:10,750 (groans): Oh! 32 00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:13,071 (whirring louder) 33 00:02:13,084 --> 00:02:14,805 (laughs) Yay! A mess! 34 00:02:14,825 --> 00:02:17,252 - Ooh! Can I lick the ceiling? - (groans): Oh. 35 00:02:17,272 --> 00:02:20,338 I was making that cake for the block party today. 36 00:02:20,351 --> 00:02:22,508 Now there's no choice but to go... 37 00:02:22,523 --> 00:02:24,224 store-bought. 38 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,903 (humming) 39 00:02:34,508 --> 00:02:38,853 (over P.A.): I need a price check on Gramma Shortcut's Store-bought Bundt Cake. 40 00:02:38,878 --> 00:02:40,145 (crowd gasps) 41 00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,280 Keep it! Let's go! 42 00:02:46,881 --> 00:02:50,252 - We've got some put-backs. - Roger dodger, boss. 43 00:02:50,272 --> 00:02:52,795 Hey, don't turn old man on me. 44 00:02:52,808 --> 00:02:56,603 You know, I used to be the buyer for the whole chain... 71 stores. 45 00:02:56,616 --> 00:02:59,771 You heard of the A&P? Well, we used to be the J&G. 46 00:02:59,790 --> 00:03:02,864 ♪ You like what you see at the J&G ♪ 47 00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:06,143 ♪ They're used to be three, but we lost the "Z" and... ♪ 48 00:03:06,163 --> 00:03:08,584 If I make out with you, will you shut up? 49 00:03:08,603 --> 00:03:10,629 - Ah, give it a shot. - (moans) 50 00:03:10,656 --> 00:03:12,924 You know, we used to give out gray stamps. 51 00:03:12,947 --> 00:03:15,496 Remember green stamps? Ours was gray. 52 00:03:21,060 --> 00:03:23,220 Attention block party losers! 53 00:03:23,239 --> 00:03:25,515 We are Ear Poison! 54 00:03:25,566 --> 00:03:28,735 (electric guitar riff plays) 55 00:03:28,889 --> 00:03:32,656 ♪ There were bells on a hill ♪ 56 00:03:32,676 --> 00:03:36,587 ♪ But I never heard them ringing ♪ 57 00:03:36,630 --> 00:03:38,621 ♪ No, I never... ♪ 58 00:03:40,447 --> 00:03:41,194 (gasps) 59 00:03:41,213 --> 00:03:42,793 (British accent): We must have the same recipe. 60 00:03:42,819 --> 00:03:45,720 Drive to store, buy cheap cake, serves them right. 61 00:03:45,740 --> 00:03:47,063 Booth Wilkes-John. 62 00:03:47,082 --> 00:03:49,617 My wife and I just moved here from London. 63 00:03:49,650 --> 00:03:50,997 Marge Simpson. 64 00:03:51,017 --> 00:03:53,755 Congratulations on Little King George. 65 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:56,895 Well, Marge, my wife and I are hosting a get-to-know-you 66 00:03:56,914 --> 00:04:00,775 game night on Saturday next... or as you call it, next Saturday. 67 00:04:00,795 --> 00:04:02,753 Ooh! Game night? 68 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,247 You know? Adult games. 69 00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:08,305 Well, not "adult games," fun games, like Charades... 70 00:04:08,328 --> 00:04:10,370 or as you call it, Pictionary. 71 00:04:10,396 --> 00:04:14,164 It sounds like fun. I'll just tell Homer and... 72 00:04:15,629 --> 00:04:19,176 Homer, for the last time, do not drink the Yahtzee dice. 73 00:04:19,185 --> 00:04:20,092 Fine. 74 00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:21,600 (grunts) 75 00:04:21,626 --> 00:04:23,112 Ooh! Doubles. 76 00:04:23,484 --> 00:04:28,348 Mm, I don't know. We have church the next morning, starts at 11:00. 77 00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:30,122 Oh, we're going to the game night. 78 00:04:30,135 --> 00:04:32,485 Moving church to Monday afternoon. 79 00:04:32,519 --> 00:04:33,933 (groans) 80 00:04:33,946 --> 00:04:36,514 Well, if you change your mind, please let us know. 81 00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,468 We could become "couples friends." 82 00:04:38,481 --> 00:04:41,963 Now, let me try some of Ned Flanders' No Alarm Chili. 83 00:04:41,975 --> 00:04:43,960 You'll only taste the spoon. 84 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:44,919 Brilliant. 85 00:04:47,414 --> 00:04:49,731 Why don't we have any couples friends? 86 00:04:49,744 --> 00:04:50,591 (groans) 87 00:04:50,611 --> 00:04:54,033 Because... couples friends are a myth, 88 00:04:54,047 --> 00:04:56,630 started by restaurants with tables for four. 89 00:04:56,643 --> 00:04:59,710 I want friends! Any friends. 90 00:04:59,723 --> 00:05:02,149 Okay, sweetie. I'll call the Van Houtens. 91 00:05:02,161 --> 00:05:03,716 - Not the Van Houtens. - But... 92 00:05:03,722 --> 00:05:06,026 They're always bragging about their trip to Rome. 93 00:05:06,046 --> 00:05:08,860 It was 12 years ago, and it was a layover. 94 00:05:08,886 --> 00:05:10,678 I want new friends. 95 00:05:10,698 --> 00:05:12,391 LISA: Can I make an observation? 96 00:05:12,406 --> 00:05:16,042 I'm okay with no friends. It's easier to focus, 97 00:05:16,062 --> 00:05:19,591 and it'll give me great material for whatever art form I choose. 98 00:05:19,604 --> 00:05:22,385 Right now, I'm thinking long novella. 99 00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:23,288 Good night. 100 00:05:23,301 --> 00:05:26,570 Okay with no friends? 101 00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:30,104 That's the saddest thing I can imagine my daughter saying to me. 102 00:05:30,123 --> 00:05:31,331 BART: I can think of worse. 103 00:05:31,357 --> 00:05:35,070 The saddest thing would be if you were driving and texting Lisa 104 00:05:35,089 --> 00:05:38,873 and you hit her. And the last thing she texted before she died was, 105 00:05:38,885 --> 00:05:40,673 "I got your message." 106 00:05:41,228 --> 00:05:42,361 Good night. 107 00:05:44,618 --> 00:05:46,425 Well, they all make good points. 108 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,314 ANNOUNCER: And now, the moment of truth on Topiary Wars. 109 00:06:00,412 --> 00:06:05,044 This Taj Mahal should be floated down the Ganges. 110 00:06:05,064 --> 00:06:07,451 I'm sorry, Cathy. Turn in your shears and ladders. 111 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:10,336 Come and get 'em! (laughs maniacally) 112 00:06:10,464 --> 00:06:11,664 (grunting) 113 00:06:12,185 --> 00:06:13,492 Oh! Thank you. 114 00:06:13,513 --> 00:06:15,948 Why was that on the Military History Channel? 115 00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:20,151 We're going to that game party, and we're going to be charming and witty. 116 00:06:20,170 --> 00:06:22,251 You're not going to eat too much, 117 00:06:22,263 --> 00:06:24,536 and we're not going to stay too late. 118 00:06:24,544 --> 00:06:27,579 MARGE: You will not sing unless there's a sing-along, 119 00:06:27,601 --> 00:06:30,952 and never take the tray out of the caterer's hand. 120 00:06:31,231 --> 00:06:33,951 Don't be too loud, and don't be too quiet. 121 00:06:33,974 --> 00:06:36,581 When you're too quiet, you get that psycho look. 122 00:06:36,602 --> 00:06:37,960 (jittering) 123 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,327 And stay in the living room. 124 00:06:39,347 --> 00:06:42,346 Don't go to their kids' room and watch a basketball game. 125 00:06:42,365 --> 00:06:44,742 - Can I check out what toys they have? - No. 126 00:06:45,212 --> 00:06:45,935 (groans) 127 00:06:45,955 --> 00:06:48,465 Dinner party at the neighbors'. 128 00:06:48,488 --> 00:06:51,149 - At least I can drink. - One drink. 129 00:06:51,171 --> 00:06:54,105 Wha...?! Walking distance, Marge! 130 00:06:54,131 --> 00:06:56,858 I've been looking forward to this all week. 131 00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,893 DUFFMAN: Don't show your wife this app! 132 00:07:00,919 --> 00:07:02,166 Powering down! 133 00:07:03,931 --> 00:07:06,398 You were charming enough to win me, 134 00:07:06,418 --> 00:07:09,243 and that day you didn't have a drink in you. 135 00:07:15,081 --> 00:07:17,329 Marge! Homer! 136 00:07:17,357 --> 00:07:19,858 Mwah! Mwah! 137 00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:21,881 (quietly): Homer. 138 00:07:21,902 --> 00:07:24,227 You know, I have more cheeks. 139 00:07:24,252 --> 00:07:25,352 (chuckles) 140 00:07:25,372 --> 00:07:27,765 I'd like you to meet my wife Wallis. 141 00:07:27,798 --> 00:07:28,758 (deep voice): How ya doin'? 142 00:07:28,778 --> 00:07:31,945 Wallis has unearthed the most delightful entertainment 143 00:07:31,957 --> 00:07:33,750 to thrill us for hours on end. 144 00:07:33,767 --> 00:07:37,306 It's a murder mystery, and we're all suspects. 145 00:07:37,346 --> 00:07:38,719 (crowd gasps) 146 00:07:38,745 --> 00:07:42,150 Great! I've always wanted to try and solve a crime. 147 00:07:42,775 --> 00:07:43,835 (crowd gasps) 148 00:07:43,870 --> 00:07:46,383 Please, everyone, read your bio. 149 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:47,150 (gasps) 150 00:07:47,162 --> 00:07:50,695 I am a humble farmer from Yorkshire. 151 00:07:50,714 --> 00:07:53,225 Humble I can be! 152 00:07:53,244 --> 00:07:54,605 That's the spirit! 153 00:07:54,631 --> 00:07:56,691 Wallis and I have found this game to provide 154 00:07:56,704 --> 00:07:59,471 a full evening of divertissement, 155 00:07:59,497 --> 00:08:02,589 building in suspense to a masterful climax. 156 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:07,116 We've rented costumes you'll find accurate to period and conducive to character. 157 00:08:07,133 --> 00:08:11,236 We will serve food and wine appropriate to period and palette. 158 00:08:11,271 --> 00:08:12,724 (excited murmuring) 159 00:08:12,737 --> 00:08:16,483 We've programmed music to cover every dramatic event. 160 00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:18,241 Hired a Foley artist. 161 00:08:18,254 --> 00:08:19,956 (steady galloping) 162 00:08:19,980 --> 00:08:22,773 I believe the mare has a slight limp. 163 00:08:22,809 --> 00:08:24,660 (erratic galloping) 164 00:08:24,687 --> 00:08:26,347 Yes. Yes! 165 00:08:26,366 --> 00:08:31,773 So, for the next three hours, I welcome you to the moors of... 166 00:08:31,791 --> 00:08:35,744 Question. Uh, it says here the murderer is Admiral Wainsworth. 167 00:08:35,762 --> 00:08:36,502 Who's that? 168 00:08:36,522 --> 00:08:37,767 (crowd groaning, murmuring) 169 00:08:37,787 --> 00:08:40,493 You've... you-you've given away the game! 170 00:08:40,519 --> 00:08:42,220 Well, you know... 171 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,421 Why you...! 172 00:08:43,450 --> 00:08:45,017 (both grunting) 173 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,627 Thank you so much! 174 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:52,384 Now Wallis will once again withdraw into melancholia! 175 00:08:52,419 --> 00:08:55,055 (monotonous): Birth, school, work, death. 176 00:08:55,081 --> 00:08:57,681 Worth, drool, shirk, breath. 177 00:08:57,694 --> 00:09:00,516 Mirth, cruel, quirk, meth. 178 00:09:00,533 --> 00:09:01,972 Just so you know, Homer, 179 00:09:01,984 --> 00:09:06,199 you were going to be a dashing Russian count with multiple lovers! 180 00:09:06,219 --> 00:09:08,904 Well, as we say in Russia, 181 00:09:08,922 --> 00:09:12,377 - "Good-bye in Russian!" - Do svidaniya! 182 00:09:19,395 --> 00:09:21,904 Uh, nice night for a walk. 183 00:09:21,925 --> 00:09:22,677 (sighs) 184 00:09:22,697 --> 00:09:25,019 I'd like to be alone for a while. 185 00:09:26,516 --> 00:09:29,557 - You want to be more alone? - Yes. 186 00:09:34,151 --> 00:09:36,281 - More? - Mm-hmm. 187 00:09:39,189 --> 00:09:40,569 What the...?! D'oh! 188 00:09:40,577 --> 00:09:41,922 (groaning) 189 00:09:41,955 --> 00:09:43,666 That's good. 190 00:09:47,050 --> 00:09:50,879 Okay, I slept on the couch and I flipped the sweaty cushions over. 191 00:09:50,892 --> 00:09:53,070 - What else can I do? - It's okay. 192 00:09:53,089 --> 00:09:56,873 I mean, those people didn't even want us at that party in the first place. 193 00:09:56,886 --> 00:10:01,100 I think it's time we learn to live with being ostracized. 194 00:10:01,117 --> 00:10:02,400 Mmm... 195 00:10:02,413 --> 00:10:05,627 Don't you dare say "ostrich eyes"! 196 00:10:05,649 --> 00:10:07,905 Because... uh... 197 00:10:07,918 --> 00:10:10,573 Oh! Oh, okay, okay! What should we do? 198 00:10:10,593 --> 00:10:12,280 Nothing. I give up. 199 00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:14,042 No more dinner parties. 200 00:10:14,055 --> 00:10:19,287 Our whole social life will be us watching TV and you going to Moe's. 201 00:10:19,309 --> 00:10:21,167 I see. 202 00:10:22,245 --> 00:10:23,747 (quietly): Woo-hoo! 203 00:10:24,181 --> 00:10:25,404 (rattles) 204 00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:29,430 Well, if that's how you think it has to be. 205 00:10:29,456 --> 00:10:30,990 Yes, for us. 206 00:10:31,010 --> 00:10:34,430 But not for Lisa. Never for Lisa. 207 00:10:34,431 --> 00:10:36,431 We're going to help her make friends. 208 00:10:36,457 --> 00:10:38,198 It might be easier with Maggie. 209 00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:40,663 She's always getting letters from the day care center. 210 00:10:40,683 --> 00:10:44,850 - Those are past-due bills. - They'll get their blood money. 211 00:10:44,876 --> 00:10:47,782 And Lisa will get a friend. 212 00:10:48,484 --> 00:10:50,517 After this, we'll do makeovers. 213 00:10:50,533 --> 00:10:51,785 (groans) 214 00:10:55,852 --> 00:10:57,599 So where are all the friends? 215 00:10:57,619 --> 00:10:58,886 I don't know. 216 00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:01,887 I invited everyone that Lisa's ever met. 217 00:11:02,377 --> 00:11:04,206 - Who are you? - Gus Huebner. 218 00:11:04,225 --> 00:11:07,591 I was on Lisa's coed soccer team two years ago. 219 00:11:08,157 --> 00:11:10,270 Well, Lisa's gonna be here in five minutes, 220 00:11:10,290 --> 00:11:12,980 and the only kid who showed up is Gus freakin' Huebner. 221 00:11:13,003 --> 00:11:14,823 - Watch your mouth. - (groans) 222 00:11:14,851 --> 00:11:17,018 Oh, no, you're right, Homer. Abort! 223 00:11:17,038 --> 00:11:19,100 - Abort! Oh, no. 224 00:11:19,128 --> 00:11:21,551 I was the only chump who showed up at this train wreck. 225 00:11:21,577 --> 00:11:23,631 Well, I'm not leaving till I get a party. 226 00:11:23,653 --> 00:11:26,508 Fine, fine. Homer, give him a party. 227 00:11:26,528 --> 00:11:30,419 (The Streets of San Francisco theme playing) 228 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:44,950 (Homer shouts) 229 00:11:56,151 --> 00:11:59,192 Gus Huebner? Is that you? 230 00:12:01,236 --> 00:12:02,364 (chuckles): I wish. 231 00:12:02,383 --> 00:12:04,316 That kid can play youth soccer. 232 00:12:09,931 --> 00:12:11,164 Are you guys okay? 233 00:12:11,177 --> 00:12:12,783 Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I'm fine. 234 00:12:12,802 --> 00:12:14,782 Yeah. That's... Nothing's going on. 235 00:12:14,808 --> 00:12:16,129 Right, right. Nothing. 236 00:12:16,146 --> 00:12:18,919 - What's for dinner? - Pizza. Mmm. 237 00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:20,631 Lots of pizza. 238 00:12:29,845 --> 00:12:33,323 So, as her teacher, I was wondering if you could tell me 239 00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:36,535 why Lisa has such trouble making friends. 240 00:12:36,552 --> 00:12:39,679 Marge, this is when I normally eat lunch. 241 00:12:39,702 --> 00:12:43,338 So I'll just tell you Lisa is... unique. 242 00:12:43,706 --> 00:12:45,407 And we're done. 243 00:12:49,605 --> 00:12:54,458 All right. For some reason, square dancing is a part of the gym curriculum. 244 00:12:54,471 --> 00:12:57,021 Now, I'm gonna open the divider to the girls' gym, 245 00:12:57,048 --> 00:13:01,368 and if you don't find a dance partner within ten seconds, 246 00:13:01,384 --> 00:13:04,254 there is something very wrong with you! 247 00:13:04,395 --> 00:13:06,430 ♪ ♪ 248 00:13:16,867 --> 00:13:18,323 Hmm. 249 00:13:18,915 --> 00:13:19,915 (groans) 250 00:13:21,157 --> 00:13:22,595 Aw. 251 00:13:23,492 --> 00:13:24,759 That's tough luck, Lisa. 252 00:13:24,778 --> 00:13:26,912 Looks like you're dancing with Groundskeeper Willie. 253 00:13:26,938 --> 00:13:30,314 Careful of your toes. I got me cleats on! 254 00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:32,140 I'll dance with Lisa. 255 00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:34,618 Tumi? But you're from the other second grade. 256 00:13:34,638 --> 00:13:37,813 We only come together for tornado drills. 257 00:13:39,342 --> 00:13:40,016 (groans) 258 00:13:40,041 --> 00:13:41,794 God, I hate square dancing. 259 00:13:41,811 --> 00:13:44,470 It ain't gym class if a fat kid's not crying. 260 00:13:44,489 --> 00:13:46,236 Let's do this thing. 261 00:13:46,255 --> 00:13:47,895 (plucking notes) 262 00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:50,392 (playing lively music) 263 00:13:53,649 --> 00:13:55,476 ♪ Swing your partner, swing her hard ♪ 264 00:13:55,485 --> 00:13:57,602 ♪ Do-si-do while I bombard ♪ 265 00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,494 Hey! Ha! Ho! Ha! 266 00:13:59,515 --> 00:14:01,702 ♪ Do-si-do while I bombard ♪ 267 00:14:01,728 --> 00:14:03,551 ♪ Oh, thank God, the clock says 3:00 ♪ 268 00:14:03,573 --> 00:14:05,392 ♪ 'Cause I have to take a pee. ♪ 269 00:14:05,821 --> 00:14:07,121 (school bell ringing) 270 00:14:07,523 --> 00:14:09,169 - Finally. - That was fun. 271 00:14:09,194 --> 00:14:10,754 Yeah, it kind of was. 272 00:14:10,781 --> 00:14:13,089 But I won't push it, I promise. See ya. 273 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:17,551 Oh, wait, wait, wait. Um, I was going to All Sales Vinyl after school. 274 00:14:17,564 --> 00:14:19,058 The vintage record store? 275 00:14:19,088 --> 00:14:20,768 Yeah. You want to come with me? 276 00:14:20,788 --> 00:14:24,861 At the risk of sounding like a broken record, yes, yes, yes! 277 00:14:25,327 --> 00:14:27,562 ("Stolen Moments" by Oliver Nelson playing) 278 00:14:29,586 --> 00:14:31,986 (strained): They will fit. They will fit. 279 00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:32,699 (grunts) 280 00:14:32,724 --> 00:14:33,865 Yes! 281 00:14:37,574 --> 00:14:40,184 Hmm. Nobody likes jazz that much. 282 00:14:40,197 --> 00:14:42,668 Even the guy playing it had to take drugs. 283 00:14:43,266 --> 00:14:46,435 It's so much fun to finally have a friend who likes the NPR show 284 00:14:46,454 --> 00:14:49,441 Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! As much as I do. 285 00:14:49,465 --> 00:14:53,676 PETER SAGAL: So, Carl Kasell, how did the House Minority Whip do on our news quiz? 286 00:14:53,696 --> 00:14:55,934 CARL KASELL: Well, Peter, he got two out of three right, 287 00:14:55,947 --> 00:14:59,008 so he wins me recording his outgoing message. 288 00:14:59,036 --> 00:15:01,176 MAN: Oh, that's okay. Really. No, no, no. Please don't. 289 00:15:01,190 --> 00:15:02,970 KASELL: It's not optional. 290 00:15:02,992 --> 00:15:04,893 (both giggling) 291 00:15:07,303 --> 00:15:08,576 See, Marge? 292 00:15:08,584 --> 00:15:12,448 Problems will work themselves out if you just leave them alone. 293 00:15:12,462 --> 00:15:13,275 Mm-hmm. 294 00:15:13,294 --> 00:15:14,535 Want some more smoothie? 295 00:15:14,541 --> 00:15:17,747 As long as you load up on the kale and chia. 296 00:15:20,248 --> 00:15:23,060 Oh, no one likes veggie smoothies that much. 297 00:15:23,065 --> 00:15:26,420 Or at all. Hmm. Something's fishy about that girl, 298 00:15:26,433 --> 00:15:28,673 and I'm gonna follow her till I find out what. 299 00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,311 And I'm gonna help you. 300 00:15:30,326 --> 00:15:33,159 I think I'll need you back at headquarters manning the phones. 301 00:15:33,179 --> 00:15:35,212 Great. What do I say? 302 00:15:35,231 --> 00:15:37,230 - Just let 'em ring. - Got it! 303 00:15:37,786 --> 00:15:39,753 ♪ They smile in your face ♪ 304 00:15:39,769 --> 00:15:41,867 ♪ All the time they want to take your place ♪ 305 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,036 ♪ The backstabbers ♪ 306 00:15:44,063 --> 00:15:45,535 ♪ Backstabbers ♪ 307 00:15:45,548 --> 00:15:47,423 ♪ They smile in your face ♪ 308 00:15:47,456 --> 00:15:49,583 ♪ All the time they want to take your place ♪ 309 00:15:49,599 --> 00:15:51,710 ♪ The backstabbers ♪ 310 00:15:51,736 --> 00:15:52,715 ♪ Backstabbers ♪ 311 00:15:52,741 --> 00:15:56,048 ♪ All you fellas who have someone ♪ 312 00:15:56,065 --> 00:15:57,955 ♪ And you really care ♪ 313 00:15:57,975 --> 00:16:00,298 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 314 00:16:00,316 --> 00:16:03,914 ♪ Then it's all of you fellas... ♪ 315 00:16:09,759 --> 00:16:12,825 ♪ Low-down, dirty. ♪ 316 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:18,813 What do you want? 317 00:16:18,825 --> 00:16:20,526 I've got two things for you. 318 00:16:20,550 --> 00:16:24,274 This envelope will change your life for the low, low price of five dollars, 319 00:16:24,294 --> 00:16:26,947 and I'll throw in a piece of great advice. 320 00:16:26,976 --> 00:16:28,467 Tempted? 321 00:16:30,873 --> 00:16:32,313 What's the advice? 322 00:16:32,326 --> 00:16:34,182 Don't open the envelope. 323 00:16:34,203 --> 00:16:36,063 (snickers) 324 00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:41,387 Oh, God, I'm gonna be sick. 325 00:16:47,623 --> 00:16:48,330 (gasps) 326 00:16:48,363 --> 00:16:50,838 Mom paid her to be my friend? 327 00:16:50,853 --> 00:16:52,854 (crying) 328 00:16:56,879 --> 00:16:59,176 That's mine. It's for my library card. 329 00:17:00,121 --> 00:17:01,822 (groans) 330 00:17:07,275 --> 00:17:08,475 You don't want to be here. 331 00:17:08,497 --> 00:17:09,268 (whimpers) 332 00:17:09,293 --> 00:17:10,540 Neither do you! 333 00:17:10,544 --> 00:17:11,911 (whimpers) 334 00:17:15,217 --> 00:17:18,953 Mom, how could you pay someone to be my friend? 335 00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:21,426 Answer me! 336 00:17:21,445 --> 00:17:25,324 Oh, I wouldn't say I paid someone to be your friend. 337 00:17:25,346 --> 00:17:28,181 I just gave her money for records and ice cream. 338 00:17:28,203 --> 00:17:29,943 HOMER: You gave away ice cream?! 339 00:17:29,970 --> 00:17:32,189 I would've found a friend eventually. 340 00:17:32,213 --> 00:17:36,289 You couldn't wait a damn decade until I got into college? 341 00:17:36,297 --> 00:17:37,497 (crying) 342 00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:40,423 Oh, Lisa. Lisa, wait! 343 00:17:40,442 --> 00:17:41,830 (crying) 344 00:17:41,862 --> 00:17:43,517 Oh, God, oh, God. 345 00:17:43,525 --> 00:17:45,820 I'm the smart parent. 346 00:17:48,256 --> 00:17:51,027 I'm sorry she rejected your "I'm Sorry" cake, 347 00:17:51,053 --> 00:17:55,807 but, in a way, I'm not. I guess what I'm trying to say is I like cake. 348 00:17:55,830 --> 00:17:57,689 Marge, don't feel bad. 349 00:17:57,716 --> 00:18:00,193 You did what any parent would do. 350 00:18:00,215 --> 00:18:02,267 No, I think I went too far. 351 00:18:02,287 --> 00:18:08,223 Let me tell you a little story about a chubby unpopular boy named Homer. 352 00:18:08,242 --> 00:18:10,602 Is that the boy you named me after? 353 00:18:10,626 --> 00:18:12,233 It is you, you idiot! 354 00:18:12,260 --> 00:18:15,653 - Whoa. - Little Homer had a devil of a time making friends. 355 00:18:15,673 --> 00:18:17,660 No one wanted to come visit him. 356 00:18:17,672 --> 00:18:21,094 So I decided to take matters into my own hands. 357 00:18:21,123 --> 00:18:23,257 I paid a couple of boys, 358 00:18:23,290 --> 00:18:27,567 Lenny and Carl, to make my Homer feel loved. 359 00:18:27,593 --> 00:18:31,169 A relationship I continued to this day. 360 00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:34,006 You pay Lenny and Carl to be my friends?! 361 00:18:34,032 --> 00:18:36,625 Yes, but Barney's yours for nothing. 362 00:18:36,651 --> 00:18:38,311 - Aw. - Hmm. 363 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,708 Well, that makes me feel better. 364 00:18:40,735 --> 00:18:41,479 (lock clicks) 365 00:18:41,505 --> 00:18:43,730 Lisa's door is unlocked! 366 00:18:44,905 --> 00:18:47,338 Dad, is that story really true? 367 00:18:47,371 --> 00:18:48,191 (laughs) 368 00:18:48,203 --> 00:18:52,045 I wouldn't pay ten cents to a lion to stop him from eating you! 369 00:18:52,060 --> 00:18:53,060 (groans) 370 00:18:56,043 --> 00:18:58,705 Lisa, just say something to me. 371 00:18:58,733 --> 00:19:02,358 I'm gonna tell every psychiatrist I ever go to what you did. 372 00:19:03,296 --> 00:19:05,554 (voice breaking): A mother's greatest fear. 373 00:19:05,574 --> 00:19:07,775 (crying) 374 00:19:08,535 --> 00:19:10,462 LISA: Wow, I made Mom cry. 375 00:19:10,477 --> 00:19:12,488 What unimaginable power. 376 00:19:12,508 --> 00:19:15,048 I can use this to get anything I want. 377 00:19:15,063 --> 00:19:19,984 But right now, all I want is for Mom to stop crying. 378 00:19:20,802 --> 00:19:22,688 Mom, stop! Stop! 379 00:19:22,708 --> 00:19:25,190 Stop. I'm sorry. 380 00:19:26,241 --> 00:19:28,279 - Oh... - Please stop! 381 00:19:28,309 --> 00:19:30,143 (cries, snorts) 382 00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:31,645 (sighs) 383 00:19:31,659 --> 00:19:33,627 You're not mad anymore? 384 00:19:33,655 --> 00:19:36,667 I'm fine. Fine. It's funny, but... 385 00:19:36,684 --> 00:19:39,279 hurting your feelings made me feel better. 386 00:19:39,306 --> 00:19:41,270 Mm, try to forget that. 387 00:19:41,283 --> 00:19:43,772 But when I grow up, I'll find other weird kids, 388 00:19:43,785 --> 00:19:47,128 and we will have the most intense relationships ever. 389 00:19:47,147 --> 00:19:49,216 And I'll always love you. 390 00:19:49,237 --> 00:19:50,792 Aw. 391 00:19:50,825 --> 00:19:52,812 Happy Mother's Day. 392 00:19:52,826 --> 00:19:55,461 - Mother's Day?! - Mother's Day?! Crap! 393 00:19:59,643 --> 00:20:04,308 Okay, initially I was just gonna be your friend till I could afford a nice belt. 394 00:20:04,331 --> 00:20:07,897 But I like you, Lisa, and I want to keep being friends with you. 395 00:20:07,929 --> 00:20:12,133 Great. But from now on, we have to be totally honest with each other. 396 00:20:12,153 --> 00:20:14,127 You're absolutely right. 397 00:20:14,142 --> 00:20:16,169 I'm not really a vegetarian. 398 00:20:16,189 --> 00:20:17,696 Have you ever tried horse meat? 399 00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,751 They eat it raw in Japan, and... 400 00:20:21,784 --> 00:20:26,784 Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 401 00:21:08,083 --> 00:21:10,083 Shh!