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(upbeat march plays)
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♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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00:00:09,412 --> 00:00:12,381
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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00:00:12,415 --> 00:00:16,719
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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00:00:21,958 --> 00:00:23,926
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:32,468
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:32,869 --> 00:00:34,656
Good... morning, everyone.
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00:00:34,776 --> 00:00:37,273
It is a beautiful
72 degrees out.
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(sighs)
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Today has so much promise.
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Today?
Try Berlin in '38.
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So many different people.
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So many opinions.
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A marketplace of ideas.
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Anyway,
today in sex-ed,
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00:00:50,469 --> 00:00:53,171
we're asking our teacher
anonymous questions.
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It can be anything
we want to know.
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00:00:54,773 --> 00:00:55,973
That's great, honey.
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You know, Steve, legend has it,
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00:00:57,442 --> 00:00:59,343
that if you can stump
a sex-ed teacher,
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00:00:59,378 --> 00:01:01,512
you become the
sex-ed teacher.
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00:01:01,547 --> 00:01:04,782
(imitates Highlander):
"There can be only one!"
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00:01:04,817 --> 00:01:06,851
Hey. Did you guys know
that there's a landmass
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00:01:06,885 --> 00:01:09,520
made up of garbage that's
floating in the Pacific Ocean?
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You shouldn't
have to go that far
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just to throw away
that manly jacket.
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Well, I'm tired of ignoring
the world's problems.
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So, today, I start my new job
for a local news reporter
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with a brand-new show.
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Oh, that sounds hard.
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00:01:22,634 --> 00:01:23,914
Are you sure you want to bother?
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Look, this is my chance
to get the truth out there
35
00:01:26,572 --> 00:01:29,040
about Garbage Island
and so many other things.
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00:01:29,074 --> 00:01:32,877
People need to know the dangers
of eating non-organic fruit
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and that vaccines are--
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Hayley! Behind you!
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(footsteps departing)
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(all grunting)
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00:01:38,217 --> 00:01:39,917
Damn it!
One at a time, you guys.
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This is why we had
all those drills.
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00:01:42,154 --> 00:01:43,354
Whatever.
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00:01:43,388 --> 00:01:45,756
I'm going out there
to make a difference.
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("Let the River Run"
by Carly Simon begins)
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♪ It's asking for the taking ♪
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♪ Trembling, shaking ♪
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♪ Oh, my heart is aching ♪
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00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:03,141
♪ We're coming to the edge ♪
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00:02:03,175 --> 00:02:04,408
♪ Running on the water ♪
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00:02:04,443 --> 00:02:05,443
♪ Coming through the fog ♪
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00:02:05,477 --> 00:02:07,411
♪ Your sons and daughters ♪
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00:02:07,446 --> 00:02:09,680
♪ Let the river run ♪
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00:02:09,715 --> 00:02:11,115
♪ Let the river run ♪
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♪ Let all the dreamers ♪
♪ Let all the dreamers ♪
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♪ Wake the nation ♪
♪ Wake the nation ♪
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♪ Come, the New Jerusalem. ♪
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(song abruptly ends)
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Oh, come on!
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♪ ♪
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I'm Genevieve Vavance.
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00:02:39,011 --> 00:02:40,445
Tonight on News Glance:
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00:02:40,479 --> 00:02:42,513
Is heroin the
new cure for cancer?
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00:02:42,548 --> 00:02:45,216
What I don't know about things
will shock you.
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00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,251
And cut. We're clear.
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00:02:47,286 --> 00:02:48,586
You're late.
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00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:50,221
You're Genevieve Vavance?
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00:02:50,255 --> 00:02:52,490
I thought I was working for
a real reporter.
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00:02:52,524 --> 00:02:53,891
I am a real reporter.
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00:02:53,926 --> 00:02:57,528
I broadcast live to Langley
Falls every night on channel 438
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after reruns of the
Taiwanese prayer breakfast.
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First pitch meeting
is this afternoon.
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00:03:01,934 --> 00:03:03,768
Prepare to wow me.
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You're already halfway there.
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I love that jacket.
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00:03:06,138 --> 00:03:07,105
Is it...?
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00:03:07,139 --> 00:03:08,706
Yeah. Cheap.
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00:03:13,045 --> 00:03:14,946
All right.
It's time for me to answer
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00:03:14,980 --> 00:03:17,248
your anonymous questions
about sex.
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"I've had sex three times."
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Kudos.
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00:03:20,786 --> 00:03:23,054
But that's not a question.
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00:03:23,088 --> 00:03:26,290
"What's it called when you
kiss someone on the toilet?"
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00:03:26,325 --> 00:03:27,558
Good question.
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00:03:27,593 --> 00:03:31,095
Scientists call that
a "San Diego Thank You."
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00:03:32,798 --> 00:03:37,368
"Is it true that, during sex,
a woman's uterus can create
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00:03:37,403 --> 00:03:41,205
a vacuum-like effect and suck
a person up inside of it?"
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00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:42,540
(class laughing)
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Idiot.
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Hold up. Hold up.
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I recognize this handwriting.
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It's Steve Smith's.
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(laughing continues)
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Hey, Steve! Look out...!
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00:03:53,652 --> 00:03:55,787
(whooshes)
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00:03:55,821 --> 00:03:59,057
(laughing and whooshing
continue)
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00:04:01,593 --> 00:04:03,494
Okay. Story ideas.
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00:04:03,529 --> 00:04:05,029
Now, I don't know
where you worked before,
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00:04:05,064 --> 00:04:07,765
but Genevieve Vavance does
things a little differently.
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00:04:09,168 --> 00:04:10,535
Now, pitch.
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00:04:11,970 --> 00:04:13,971
How 'bout we do a report
on the corruption
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00:04:14,006 --> 00:04:15,239
in the Langley Light Rail?
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00:04:15,274 --> 00:04:16,174
No.
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(gun clicking)
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00:04:17,643 --> 00:04:19,143
(sighs) Can we please get
106
00:04:19,178 --> 00:04:22,513
a bullet intern to make sure
I always have bullets?
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00:04:22,548 --> 00:04:24,082
We had one?
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00:04:24,116 --> 00:04:25,149
What happened to her?
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00:04:25,184 --> 00:04:26,684
Oh, that's right.
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She went back to school.
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She was great.
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00:04:29,455 --> 00:04:30,722
She's gonna do great things.
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00:04:30,756 --> 00:04:34,192
Well, I want to do an exposé
about Garbage Island.
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00:04:34,226 --> 00:04:36,894
It's a giant mass of trash
polluting the Pacific Ocean.
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You know what's garbage?
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That story.
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Come on, I need something juicy
to boost my ratings!
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I need a serial killer priest!
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00:04:43,302 --> 00:04:44,736
I need a vegetarian cop!
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00:04:44,770 --> 00:04:47,004
I need a senator cheating
on his wife with a bagel!
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00:04:47,039 --> 00:04:49,440
(yells, grunts)
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00:04:49,475 --> 00:04:50,775
All of you, get out there
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00:04:50,809 --> 00:04:53,811
and find me my JonBenét Ramsey!
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00:04:53,846 --> 00:04:56,781
But Garbage Island is a story
that people need to hear.
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00:04:56,815 --> 00:04:57,782
I'll tell you what:
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00:04:57,816 --> 00:05:00,318
you find me a story
that gets me ratings
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00:05:00,352 --> 00:05:03,554
and I'll let you report on as
much idealistic crap as you want.
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00:05:03,589 --> 00:05:05,590
Genevieve?
My bagel and I are ready
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00:05:05,624 --> 00:05:07,592
to tell our side of the story.
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00:05:07,626 --> 00:05:09,327
You have my ear, Senator.
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Today was awful.
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Someone spray painted
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00:05:15,701 --> 00:05:17,435
"Steve Smith thinks
vaginas suck",
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00:05:17,469 --> 00:05:18,503
on my locker.
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00:05:18,537 --> 00:05:19,937
So what?
People think you're gay.
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00:05:19,972 --> 00:05:21,406
(scoffs) I wish!
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00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:22,874
No one thinks I'm sexual at all,
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because of the stupid question
I asked in class.
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My day was worse.
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00:05:26,845 --> 00:05:28,813
My new boss is Roger.
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00:05:28,847 --> 00:05:30,848
I-I wanted to make
a difference in the world,
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00:05:30,883 --> 00:05:33,217
but he just wants a missing
kid to sensationalize.
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Missing kids are so lucky.
144
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,854
I'd kill to disappear right now.
145
00:05:36,889 --> 00:05:38,556
Wait a minute...
146
00:05:38,590 --> 00:05:39,991
What if you did disappear?
147
00:05:40,025 --> 00:05:40,892
What do you mean?
148
00:05:40,926 --> 00:05:42,226
Yeah. Yeah.
149
00:05:42,261 --> 00:05:43,861
We pretend you were kidnapped
150
00:05:43,896 --> 00:05:45,496
and we hide you away for a week,
151
00:05:45,531 --> 00:05:47,465
Roger gets his
missing person story
152
00:05:47,499 --> 00:05:50,068
and then I get to do my exposé
on Garbage Island.
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00:05:50,102 --> 00:05:51,269
That's great!
154
00:05:51,303 --> 00:05:52,503
By the time I get back,
155
00:05:52,538 --> 00:05:54,105
everyone will have
forgotten all about
156
00:05:54,139 --> 00:05:55,773
my ignorance of the fairer sex!
157
00:05:55,808 --> 00:05:56,941
I'm not as concerned about
158
00:05:56,975 --> 00:05:58,976
what you're getting
out of it, but sure.
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00:06:02,881 --> 00:06:04,482
I rented this cabin
for the next week.
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00:06:04,516 --> 00:06:06,084
Y-You sure
you'll be okay?
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00:06:06,118 --> 00:06:09,320
Of course!
I'll be fine.
162
00:06:09,355 --> 00:06:10,321
Geez, Steve.
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00:06:10,356 --> 00:06:12,056
Four gallons of Lubriderm?
164
00:06:12,091 --> 00:06:14,659
You try living with eczema.
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00:06:14,693 --> 00:06:15,793
All right.
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00:06:15,828 --> 00:06:17,729
Time to report a disappearance.
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(sighs)
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ROGER:
Hello?
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00:06:20,899 --> 00:06:21,933
(voice breaking):
Genevieve?
170
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It's Hayley.
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00:06:22,868 --> 00:06:24,402
I think I have your story.
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My little brother
has gone missing!
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00:06:26,438 --> 00:06:27,605
Steve is missing?!
174
00:06:27,639 --> 00:06:28,973
How horrible for him.
175
00:06:29,008 --> 00:06:30,575
But fantastic for us!
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We can make this national news!
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00:06:31,810 --> 00:06:33,144
(phone beeps)
178
00:06:33,178 --> 00:06:35,179
They said I wasn't
good enough for television.
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00:06:35,214 --> 00:06:37,749
How do you like me now,
voices in my head?
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00:06:37,783 --> 00:06:40,518
There's no pleasing you guys!
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00:06:40,552 --> 00:06:41,753
No, not you, Marc.
182
00:06:41,787 --> 00:06:43,354
You're always super positive.
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00:06:44,187 --> 00:06:45,467
ANNOUNCER:
Hard-hitting reporter.
184
00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:46,631
Truth seeker.
185
00:06:46,665 --> 00:06:48,366
Curves membership.
186
00:06:48,401 --> 00:06:50,135
This is News Glance
187
00:06:50,169 --> 00:06:52,037
with Genevieve Vavance.
188
00:06:52,395 --> 00:06:54,830
Sad news out of
Langley Falls tonight,
189
00:06:54,864 --> 00:06:57,099
stunningly gorgeous
high school student,
190
00:06:57,133 --> 00:06:59,101
Steve Smith, has gone missing.
191
00:06:59,135 --> 00:07:02,537
Athletic. Chiseled. Missing.
192
00:07:02,572 --> 00:07:04,940
All we know right now is that
Steve was last seen at home
193
00:07:04,974 --> 00:07:07,542
with his family
and he is adorable.
194
00:07:07,577 --> 00:07:10,212
This isn't some ugly kid
who went missing. No.
195
00:07:10,246 --> 00:07:11,580
This is a person who matters.
196
00:07:11,614 --> 00:07:14,016
To fully understand
the weight of this tragedy,
197
00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:16,685
let's take a look at some photos
of Steve to the song,
198
00:07:16,719 --> 00:07:19,087
"It's So Hard
to Say Goodbye to Yesterday",
199
00:07:19,122 --> 00:07:22,858
from the notable Boyz II Men
album, "Cooleyhighharmony."
200
00:07:22,892 --> 00:07:27,362
♪ And I'll take... ♪
♪ Take with me ♪
201
00:07:27,397 --> 00:07:30,899
♪ With me the memories... ♪
202
00:07:30,933 --> 00:07:33,068
♪ To be my sunshine ♪
203
00:07:33,102 --> 00:07:36,004
♪ After the rain ♪
204
00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:40,042
♪ It's so hard ♪
♪ Hard ♪
205
00:07:40,076 --> 00:07:43,612
♪ To say goodbye ♪
♪ Bye ♪
206
00:07:43,646 --> 00:07:48,884
♪ To yesterday. ♪
♪ Day. ♪
207
00:07:48,918 --> 00:07:50,519
(song ends)
208
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,555
It's too early to speculate
whether Steve is dead or alive,
209
00:07:53,589 --> 00:07:55,390
but, when we come back,
it won't be.
210
00:07:55,425 --> 00:07:56,892
And now,
a word from our sponsor,
211
00:07:56,926 --> 00:07:57,793
BeerWater.
212
00:07:57,827 --> 00:07:58,894
(bird screeches)
213
00:07:58,928 --> 00:08:01,797
You can lead a horse to water,
214
00:08:01,831 --> 00:08:04,566
but you can't make him party.
215
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,535
Unless you have BeerWater!
216
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:09,104
(house music plays)
217
00:08:13,509 --> 00:08:16,745
BeerWater--
quench your sober.
218
00:08:16,779 --> 00:08:19,181
This is great, right?!
219
00:08:19,215 --> 00:08:20,415
I just saw the early ratings
220
00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:21,783
and we're holding 81 percent
221
00:08:21,818 --> 00:08:23,485
of the Taiwanese
prayer breakfast numbers.
222
00:08:23,519 --> 00:08:26,121
Yeah. Listen, now that
I got you your hot story,
223
00:08:26,155 --> 00:08:28,256
I get to do my report on
Garbage Island, right?
224
00:08:28,291 --> 00:08:29,731
Yeah. We're definitely
gonna do that.
225
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,693
A thousand percent,
top priority on my mind.
226
00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:34,229
MEN:
♪ It's so hard... ♪
227
00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:35,297
What the hell is that?
228
00:08:35,331 --> 00:08:37,566
♪ To say goodbye... ♪
229
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,667
And we...
230
00:08:38,701 --> 00:08:41,603
have... vigil.
♪ To yesterday. ♪
231
00:08:41,638 --> 00:08:45,207
(women crying)
232
00:08:45,241 --> 00:08:47,142
Look how sad everyone is.
233
00:08:47,176 --> 00:08:48,276
I did this!
234
00:08:48,311 --> 00:08:52,180
Officer, please,
find our baby boy.
235
00:08:52,215 --> 00:08:54,983
We're doing everything we can
with the evidence we have.
236
00:08:55,018 --> 00:08:56,652
Which... is...
237
00:08:56,686 --> 00:08:58,020
no evidence.
238
00:08:58,054 --> 00:08:59,888
But we will, uh...
239
00:08:59,922 --> 00:09:01,423
find him?
240
00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:05,260
Whoa. A monkey
holding a banana?!
241
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:07,896
So many Beanie Babies here
I haven't seen before.
242
00:09:07,930 --> 00:09:09,464
Francine, look at this one!
243
00:09:09,499 --> 00:09:11,533
It's a bear in a bunny costume.
244
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:14,169
What are you doing
in a bunny costume, bear?
245
00:09:14,203 --> 00:09:16,838
I'm here with the parents,
Stan and Francine Smith.
246
00:09:16,873 --> 00:09:18,373
Do you folks have a statement?
247
00:09:18,408 --> 00:09:20,776
I just want
my baby to come home.
248
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,044
Of course you do.
249
00:09:22,078 --> 00:09:24,146
But I'd let yourself
want other things, too.
250
00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:25,647
I mean, we're at a vigil.
251
00:09:25,682 --> 00:09:28,250
It's not like you have those
when things are going great.
252
00:09:28,284 --> 00:09:30,519
(crying)
253
00:09:31,754 --> 00:09:33,155
If you'll excuse me,
254
00:09:33,189 --> 00:09:34,923
I have to go
comfort my wife now.
255
00:09:34,958 --> 00:09:37,192
I bet a Beanie Baby
would cheer her up.
256
00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:38,527
Like this one.
257
00:09:38,561 --> 00:09:39,828
She might like this one.
258
00:09:39,862 --> 00:09:41,022
(gasps) This one reminds me of
259
00:09:41,030 --> 00:09:42,464
Abigail Breslin.
260
00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:44,633
Not so much the way it looks,
but its energy.
261
00:09:46,903 --> 00:09:48,236
Great work, Hayley!
262
00:09:48,271 --> 00:09:49,671
This story is
just what I needed.
263
00:09:49,706 --> 00:09:51,840
I know, but I feel awful.
264
00:09:51,874 --> 00:09:53,475
My mom is devastated.
265
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:55,310
Well, yeah,
her little baby's missing.
266
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,878
Th-That's the thing,
he's...
267
00:09:56,913 --> 00:09:58,313
(groans)
268
00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,982
...he's not really missing.
269
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,751
I, I kind of staged
the whole thing.
270
00:10:02,785 --> 00:10:05,153
Oh, my God, Hayley!
271
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:07,189
You're a journalist!
What?!
272
00:10:07,223 --> 00:10:08,390
Sure!
273
00:10:08,424 --> 00:10:10,158
We don't report the news,
we make it.
274
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:11,927
Accuracy is so time-consuming.
275
00:10:11,961 --> 00:10:13,262
Fiction is the new fact.
276
00:10:13,296 --> 00:10:15,197
Roger, these people
need to know that
277
00:10:15,231 --> 00:10:16,598
Steve isn't missing, okay?
278
00:10:16,633 --> 00:10:18,200
I got to come clean on this.
279
00:10:18,234 --> 00:10:19,701
You know what else
has to come clean?
280
00:10:19,736 --> 00:10:21,169
Garbage Island.
281
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,437
Don't you still
want to do your report?
282
00:10:22,472 --> 00:10:24,006
Of course I do!
283
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,742
But, uh,
my mom, she's so torn up.
284
00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:29,678
Look, just let this ride
for one more day, all right?
285
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,813
Besides, the more popular
the story gets,
286
00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:32,981
the more viewers we'll have
287
00:10:33,016 --> 00:10:34,683
for your bummer piece
on Garbage Island.
288
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:35,851
(sighs) Fine.
289
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,052
One more day.
290
00:10:37,086 --> 00:10:38,720
All right.
I'm gonna take a lap.
291
00:10:38,755 --> 00:10:42,057
It's super easy to take peoples'
wallets while they're crying.
292
00:10:42,091 --> 00:10:44,726
ANNOUNCER:
Justice hunter. Philanthropist.
293
00:10:44,761 --> 00:10:46,295
Has a Gmail account.
294
00:10:46,329 --> 00:10:50,732
This is News Glance
with Genevieve Vavance.
295
00:10:50,767 --> 00:10:53,235
Been a tough day for all of us
here at the Glance.
296
00:10:53,269 --> 00:10:56,705
Steve Smith has now been
missing for 36 hours.
297
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,574
I'm joined by some of
Steve's classmates.
298
00:10:58,608 --> 00:10:59,975
You look like the type of girls
299
00:11:00,009 --> 00:11:01,710
who do a lot of
regrettable things.
300
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:02,945
How does it feel today,
301
00:11:02,979 --> 00:11:04,780
knowing you'll probably
never get to hit that?
302
00:11:04,781 --> 00:11:07,416
Sad. Steve was
really cute.
303
00:11:07,450 --> 00:11:10,085
I guess I just wish
I could've hit that.
304
00:11:10,119 --> 00:11:12,254
It's so important
to have sex with people
305
00:11:12,288 --> 00:11:13,555
before they go missing.
306
00:11:15,625 --> 00:11:17,459
All those girls want me?!
307
00:11:17,493 --> 00:11:18,927
Awesome!
308
00:11:18,962 --> 00:11:22,731
The longer I stay in this cabin,
the more laid I'm gonna get!
309
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,600
Yeah.
310
00:11:27,136 --> 00:11:28,136
More volume!
311
00:11:28,171 --> 00:11:29,705
I want it super big!
312
00:11:29,739 --> 00:11:31,206
You're doing a great job.
313
00:11:31,241 --> 00:11:33,308
I know I'm demanding,
but I'm working on it.
314
00:11:33,343 --> 00:11:35,410
But it also got me
where I am today.
315
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,713
So when I ask you to
make it super big,
316
00:11:37,747 --> 00:11:39,114
I mean, make it super big!
317
00:11:39,148 --> 00:11:41,116
I will murder you!
318
00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:43,151
I'm sorry.
Work in progress.
319
00:11:43,186 --> 00:11:45,420
God is not finished
with this gal.
320
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:50,092
Hey, Genevieve, I'm all set to
do my story on Garbage Island.
321
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,526
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we'll get to it.
322
00:11:51,561 --> 00:11:53,729
But first, I got an
exclusive with the parents.
323
00:11:53,763 --> 00:11:56,098
Wait. What?!
324
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,532
And we're back.
325
00:11:57,567 --> 00:11:59,902
I'm here tonight
with Stan and Francine Smith,
326
00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:04,239
heartbroken parents of America's
missing son, Steve Smith.
327
00:12:04,274 --> 00:12:06,642
Stan, Francine,
328
00:12:06,676 --> 00:12:08,644
why did you murder your son?
329
00:12:08,678 --> 00:12:10,712
What?!
Not ready to confess?
330
00:12:10,747 --> 00:12:12,347
Let's look at some statistics.
331
00:12:12,382 --> 00:12:15,651
100% of the time a child goes
missing, the parents did it.
332
00:12:15,685 --> 00:12:16,985
ANNOUNCER:
Legally not a fact.
333
00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:18,220
What are you talking about?
334
00:12:18,254 --> 00:12:19,388
And where'd you hide the body?
335
00:12:19,422 --> 00:12:20,856
We didn't hide the body.
336
00:12:20,890 --> 00:12:22,057
So you admit there's a body?!
337
00:12:22,091 --> 00:12:23,225
Why are you doing this?!
338
00:12:23,259 --> 00:12:25,093
I'm sorry.
Its been a long week.
339
00:12:25,128 --> 00:12:26,461
Emotions are running wild.
340
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,630
Can I get you something?
A BeerWater perhaps?
341
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:30,499
No, thanks.
That stuff gives me diarrhea.
342
00:12:34,737 --> 00:12:37,005
Stan, are you close
with your son?
343
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,907
No, but that doesn't mean
I murdered him!
344
00:12:38,942 --> 00:12:41,376
Interesting.
Can we play that back?
345
00:12:41,411 --> 00:12:43,245
I murdered him!
346
00:12:43,279 --> 00:12:45,180
You son of a bitch!
347
00:12:45,215 --> 00:12:46,782
(clicking) Oh!
348
00:12:46,816 --> 00:12:48,550
(gasps) We have to take a break.
349
00:12:48,585 --> 00:12:50,118
WOMAN:
BeerWater...
350
00:12:50,153 --> 00:12:51,687
it won't give you diarrhea.
351
00:12:51,721 --> 00:12:53,555
(bird screeches)
352
00:12:53,590 --> 00:12:54,923
(quietly):
Just keep it natural.
353
00:12:54,958 --> 00:12:57,926
You guys are doing great.
You're coming off super likable.
354
00:12:57,961 --> 00:13:00,629
Francine, how many times
did you stab your son?
355
00:13:00,663 --> 00:13:02,464
None!
Huh.
356
00:13:02,499 --> 00:13:04,566
Well, my team and I
created a reenactment
357
00:13:04,601 --> 00:13:07,236
of what we believe happened
the night Steve disappeared.
358
00:13:08,771 --> 00:13:10,906
You know what
I've been thinking about lately?
359
00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:13,909
How Steve is the worst?
360
00:13:13,943 --> 00:13:16,144
Yes! I kind of want
to murder him.
361
00:13:16,179 --> 00:13:18,814
Great idea!
We'll use my knife!
362
00:13:18,848 --> 00:13:20,315
(clinking)
363
00:13:21,351 --> 00:13:23,185
Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!
364
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,420
Just coming in here to love you.
365
00:13:33,196 --> 00:13:36,632
I... forgive... you.
366
00:13:39,469 --> 00:13:42,671
(laughter)
367
00:13:44,774 --> 00:13:47,442
Gruesome stuff.
368
00:13:47,477 --> 00:13:49,778
Can you two stick around
for my next guest? Yeah?
369
00:13:49,812 --> 00:13:52,481
Well, please welcome
Officer Keith Benson!
370
00:13:52,515 --> 00:13:53,248
What?!
371
00:13:53,283 --> 00:13:54,716
Stan and Francine Smith,
372
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,252
you are under arrest for
the murder of your son.
373
00:13:57,287 --> 00:13:58,387
What the hell?!
374
00:13:58,421 --> 00:13:59,555
We didn't kill him!
375
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:00,789
We love our son!
376
00:14:00,824 --> 00:14:02,291
Wait! Officer, please!
377
00:14:02,325 --> 00:14:04,359
You're making a mistake!
378
00:14:04,394 --> 00:14:06,161
Tragic.
379
00:14:06,196 --> 00:14:07,629
After the break: bulimia.
380
00:14:07,664 --> 00:14:09,965
Bad for you,
but is it good for your toilet?
381
00:14:09,999 --> 00:14:12,000
Find out tonight at 11:00.
382
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:16,827
Are you crazy?!
383
00:14:16,861 --> 00:14:18,962
You let my mom and
dad go to jail?!
384
00:14:18,996 --> 00:14:21,998
Now, I know you're angry, but
try not to let that come through
385
00:14:22,033 --> 00:14:24,801
when you do your report
on Garbage Island, which is now!
386
00:14:24,836 --> 00:14:27,137
Go!
(theme music plays)
387
00:14:27,171 --> 00:14:31,708
Um... m-mo-most people like to
get wasted on an exotic island,
388
00:14:31,742 --> 00:14:34,311
but this island is waste.
389
00:14:34,345 --> 00:14:35,545
(sighs)
390
00:14:35,580 --> 00:14:37,147
I'm sorry. I can't do this.
391
00:14:37,181 --> 00:14:38,482
Isn't she a trouper?
392
00:14:38,516 --> 00:14:39,983
Still trying to save the world
393
00:14:40,017 --> 00:14:41,451
when, just moments ago,
she learned
394
00:14:41,486 --> 00:14:43,887
that her parents murdered
her little handsome brother.
395
00:14:43,921 --> 00:14:45,756
They murdered her brother!
396
00:14:45,790 --> 00:14:48,592
Camera two,
they murdered her brother!
397
00:14:48,626 --> 00:14:51,428
I'm sorry. Cut! Cut!
I can't do this!
398
00:14:51,462 --> 00:14:54,598
♪ ♪
399
00:14:56,234 --> 00:14:59,102
Okay, from the top.
400
00:14:59,137 --> 00:15:01,471
(whistling "Ode to Joy")
401
00:15:05,476 --> 00:15:07,210
Steve!
My orchestra!
402
00:15:07,245 --> 00:15:09,579
Pack your bags, Steve.
We're going home.
403
00:15:09,614 --> 00:15:12,115
Home? Are you crazy?
404
00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:13,984
"Steve Fever" is starting
to build.
405
00:15:14,018 --> 00:15:15,485
I'll be dropping more panties
406
00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:17,788
than when Mr. Bean worked
at Victoria's Secret.
407
00:15:17,822 --> 00:15:19,256
Haven't you been watching?!
408
00:15:19,290 --> 00:15:21,024
Mom and Dad got arrested!
409
00:15:21,059 --> 00:15:24,761
Huh?!
Yeah. This kidnapping is officially over.
410
00:15:24,796 --> 00:15:27,230
(theme music plays)
Un... expected... twist!
411
00:15:27,265 --> 00:15:29,366
It is with a heavy heart
412
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,635
that I must report one
of my own journalists,
413
00:15:31,669 --> 00:15:33,704
Hayley Smith,
kidnapped her brother
414
00:15:33,738 --> 00:15:37,040
and framed her own parents
for his murder!
415
00:15:37,075 --> 00:15:38,141
(whispering):
Let her take the fall,
416
00:15:38,176 --> 00:15:39,209
or you're going down with her.
417
00:15:39,243 --> 00:15:41,044
Thank God we found him!
418
00:15:41,079 --> 00:15:43,547
He seems to be okay,
at least above the waist.
419
00:15:43,581 --> 00:15:46,450
Steve, did she do stuff to you?
420
00:15:46,484 --> 00:15:48,585
Oh, God, she did!
421
00:15:48,619 --> 00:15:49,786
Camera two,
422
00:15:49,821 --> 00:15:50,987
she did!
423
00:15:51,022 --> 00:15:52,155
What?!
424
00:15:52,190 --> 00:15:53,390
These are all lies!
425
00:15:53,424 --> 00:15:54,725
Steve, tell them the truth!
426
00:15:59,797 --> 00:16:01,865
Genevieve Vavance is right!
427
00:16:01,899 --> 00:16:03,533
My sister kidnapped me!
428
00:16:03,568 --> 00:16:04,835
Steve!
429
00:16:04,869 --> 00:16:06,236
(siren blaring)
430
00:16:06,270 --> 00:16:07,671
(tires squealing)
431
00:16:07,705 --> 00:16:08,939
We got a runner!
432
00:16:08,973 --> 00:16:11,508
You cops split up
and comb each side of the river.
433
00:16:11,542 --> 00:16:13,210
Don't come back
until you get her!
434
00:16:13,244 --> 00:16:15,011
Genevieve, is that you?
435
00:16:15,046 --> 00:16:16,780
It's me-- Edward.
436
00:16:16,814 --> 00:16:18,482
Edward? No.
437
00:16:18,516 --> 00:16:20,350
No, you can't be Edward.
438
00:16:20,385 --> 00:16:23,353
Edward weighed at least
25 pounds more than you.
439
00:16:23,388 --> 00:16:25,188
I lost that weight
in the academy.
440
00:16:25,223 --> 00:16:26,823
You look good, Genny.
441
00:16:26,858 --> 00:16:28,992
I see you kept my name.
442
00:16:29,027 --> 00:16:31,194
Only because
it was TV-ready.
443
00:16:31,229 --> 00:16:33,096
I'm married to my career now.
444
00:16:33,131 --> 00:16:35,132
You always were.
445
00:16:37,535 --> 00:16:39,036
I got to go, Eddie.
446
00:16:39,070 --> 00:16:41,171
My story's leaving,
and I got to chase it.
447
00:16:44,542 --> 00:16:47,377
Hey, Sarge, was that her?
448
00:16:47,412 --> 00:16:49,413
I get it now.
449
00:17:01,893 --> 00:17:05,562
Hey, you mind if I borrow
your Metro section?
450
00:17:05,596 --> 00:17:07,597
(in deep voice):
Sure.
451
00:17:10,068 --> 00:17:14,338
MALE ANNOUNCER (on TV): Tonight, don't miss
The Steve Smith Homecoming Spectacular
452
00:17:14,372 --> 00:17:18,241
hosted live by legendary
reporter, Genevieve Vavance,
453
00:17:18,276 --> 00:17:19,843
with a special tribute
454
00:17:19,877 --> 00:17:23,213
by universally-likable
crooner Josh Groban!
455
00:17:25,950 --> 00:17:29,252
(applause, cheering
and whistling)
456
00:17:29,287 --> 00:17:30,954
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
457
00:17:30,988 --> 00:17:34,224
it's The Steve Smith
Homecoming Spectacular!
458
00:17:34,258 --> 00:17:37,594
Please welcome special
musical guest Josh Groban!
459
00:17:37,628 --> 00:17:39,162
(applause and cheering)
460
00:17:39,197 --> 00:17:42,833
♪ He was lost
but now he's found ♪
461
00:17:42,867 --> 00:17:46,003
♪ We just wanted
to have him around ♪
462
00:17:46,037 --> 00:17:49,940
♪ He's the Steveiest,
he's the Steveiest ♪
463
00:17:49,974 --> 00:17:52,943
♪ He's utterly Steve ♪
464
00:17:52,977 --> 00:17:56,380
♪ Oh, Steve, in the night we called for you ♪
(applause and cheering)
465
00:17:56,414 --> 00:17:59,383
♪ Steve, in the night we bawled for you ♪
(audience groans)
466
00:17:59,417 --> 00:18:01,118
♪ Now you're home ♪
467
00:18:01,152 --> 00:18:04,221
♪ Stay with us ♪
468
00:18:04,255 --> 00:18:10,160
♪ Stay, Steve! ♪
469
00:18:10,194 --> 00:18:12,863
(applause and cheering)
470
00:18:12,897 --> 00:18:14,865
And please welcome
my dear friend
471
00:18:14,899 --> 00:18:17,467
and spiritual guide,
Miss Genevieve Vavance.
472
00:18:17,502 --> 00:18:19,369
(applause and cheering,
theme music plays)
473
00:18:19,404 --> 00:18:21,271
Thanks, Grobes.
See you next month in Mexico.
474
00:18:21,305 --> 00:18:22,973
I put your name on the room,
475
00:18:23,007 --> 00:18:25,075
in case you want
to check in before me.
476
00:18:25,109 --> 00:18:27,644
And now let's have
a big welcome back for
477
00:18:27,679 --> 00:18:31,248
Steve Smith and his parents,
Stan and Francine!
478
00:18:31,282 --> 00:18:33,283
(applause)
479
00:18:35,053 --> 00:18:36,520
Thank you for being here.
480
00:18:36,554 --> 00:18:38,021
Now, let's start
with the parents.
481
00:18:38,056 --> 00:18:39,256
How thankful are you
482
00:18:39,290 --> 00:18:41,825
that my accusing you of murder
has brought an end
483
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:42,993
to this terrible ordeal?
484
00:18:43,027 --> 00:18:44,795
On a scale from 90 to 100.
485
00:18:44,829 --> 00:18:47,297
Then... 90.
486
00:18:47,332 --> 00:18:49,066
90. Wow! Still an A!
487
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,735
(applause)
They don't just give those out!
488
00:18:52,770 --> 00:18:56,373
And Steve Smith,
here you are, safe, free,
489
00:18:56,407 --> 00:18:58,175
the nightmare behind you.
490
00:18:58,209 --> 00:19:01,345
Tell us: what was it like to
be kidnapped by your own sister?
491
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:03,080
Well, I...
492
00:19:03,114 --> 00:19:04,147
I'm not sure.
493
00:19:04,182 --> 00:19:05,482
Is that right?
494
00:19:05,516 --> 00:19:07,918
Well, maybe
the teleprompter can help.
495
00:19:10,455 --> 00:19:13,156
Um... I... Well...
496
00:19:13,191 --> 00:19:15,325
Uh, I had heard
that there was never a time
497
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:16,960
you weren't certain
you were going to die.
498
00:19:16,995 --> 00:19:18,261
(audience gasping)
499
00:19:18,296 --> 00:19:20,464
Every girl
in that crowd wants you.
500
00:19:20,498 --> 00:19:22,432
Just read the damn prompter.
501
00:19:25,870 --> 00:19:28,472
"My crazy sister locked me up
502
00:19:28,506 --> 00:19:31,441
and made me kiss a raccoon
on the mouth..."
503
00:19:31,476 --> 00:19:33,443
No! That's not true.
504
00:19:33,478 --> 00:19:34,645
None of this is!
505
00:19:34,679 --> 00:19:36,346
Wha-What-What?!
506
00:19:36,381 --> 00:19:37,648
I can't do this.
507
00:19:37,682 --> 00:19:39,516
My sister didn't kidnap me.
508
00:19:39,550 --> 00:19:42,386
I humiliated myself at school,
so she helped me hide.
509
00:19:42,420 --> 00:19:44,221
This entire thing was staged.
510
00:19:44,255 --> 00:19:45,455
(audience gasping)
511
00:19:45,490 --> 00:19:47,658
And Genevieve Vavance
was in on it.
512
00:19:47,692 --> 00:19:50,761
Yes, I staged
Steve's kidnapping,
513
00:19:50,795 --> 00:19:52,763
but Genevieve Vavance
knew about it.
514
00:19:52,797 --> 00:19:54,831
She had my parents
arrested for a crime
515
00:19:54,866 --> 00:19:56,433
she knew they didn't commit,
516
00:19:56,467 --> 00:19:58,835
and when I told her to stop,
she framed me, too.
517
00:19:58,870 --> 00:20:00,370
(audience murmuring)
We trusted you!
518
00:20:00,405 --> 00:20:02,205
You're supposed to be a journalist!
(audience booing)
519
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:05,309
I can't read!
I depend on you!
520
00:20:05,343 --> 00:20:07,511
Whoa!
521
00:20:07,545 --> 00:20:10,247
Uh, uh, everyone, a big hand
522
00:20:10,281 --> 00:20:12,015
for the BeerWater mermaids!
523
00:20:12,050 --> 00:20:13,583
(dance music plays)
524
00:20:13,618 --> 00:20:16,086
(audience clamoring)
525
00:20:18,623 --> 00:20:21,058
(screaming)
526
00:20:24,595 --> 00:20:26,096
(gasps)
527
00:20:26,130 --> 00:20:29,533
Hayley, I'm sorry I let
everyone think you kidnapped me.
528
00:20:29,567 --> 00:20:30,462
No, Steve.
529
00:20:30,582 --> 00:20:32,603
I'm the one who owes
you an apology.
530
00:20:32,637 --> 00:20:35,706
I just wanted to be a journalist
and get the truth out there,
531
00:20:35,740 --> 00:20:39,209
but I ended up compromising
all my beliefs along the way.
532
00:20:39,243 --> 00:20:41,411
(sighs) I learned my lesson.
533
00:20:41,446 --> 00:20:43,614
I'll never be ambitious again.
534
00:20:43,648 --> 00:20:45,248
Hayley, I have no idea
what's going on,
535
00:20:45,283 --> 00:20:48,599
but it sounds like
I should be proud of you.
536
00:20:48,719 --> 00:20:49,853
That ballad was supposed
537
00:20:49,887 --> 00:20:52,018
to be my "Candle in
the Wind", you dicks.
538
00:20:56,227 --> 00:20:58,245
All right, I'm gonna do the
bumpers for the next few shows.
539
00:20:58,365 --> 00:21:00,466
Just keep it rollin'.
I ain't doing this twice.
540
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:03,102
What household item could
kill you in the next half-hour?
541
00:21:03,136 --> 00:21:06,038
We'll tell you tonight...
at 11:00!
542
00:21:06,073 --> 00:21:08,341
Easily surprised?
You'll be shocked
543
00:21:08,375 --> 00:21:10,476
by what you learn
tonight at 11:00.
544
00:21:10,510 --> 00:21:13,031
Texting and driving--
how it may save your life.
545
00:21:13,151 --> 00:21:14,780
Tonight at 11:00!
546
00:21:14,815 --> 00:21:16,482
Is Mario Lopez gay?
547
00:21:16,516 --> 00:21:18,918
We make irresponsible guesses,
tonight at 11:00.
548
00:21:18,952 --> 00:21:21,153
The results will shock him.
549
00:21:21,188 --> 00:21:24,290
Tonight, at 11:00, teens are
having sex younger and younger.
550
00:21:24,324 --> 00:21:25,558
Want to watch?
551
00:21:25,592 --> 00:21:30,411
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com