1 00:00:08,496 --> 00:00:10,497 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:14,701 Whoa! You have a surprisingly big dick. 3 00:00:14,736 --> 00:00:17,437 Oh, but that doesn't make me want to be with you, Levon. 4 00:00:17,472 --> 00:00:19,540 I'm not saying what he did is right. 5 00:00:19,574 --> 00:00:21,608 But I get where he's coming from, you know? 6 00:00:21,643 --> 00:00:23,644 He's a guy. He just wants to get laid. 7 00:00:23,678 --> 00:00:25,512 It's totally normal. 8 00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:27,314 You have another family. 9 00:00:27,348 --> 00:00:32,319 The bottom has just officially dropped out of our relationship! 10 00:00:32,353 --> 00:00:33,854 Have you ever given any thought 11 00:00:33,888 --> 00:00:35,455 to taking on a manager? 12 00:00:35,490 --> 00:00:36,857 I could totally see us working together. 13 00:00:36,891 --> 00:00:38,525 You help me get the show out from under Rath, 14 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,160 and I'm all yours. 15 00:00:40,195 --> 00:00:43,964 There is nothing limp dick about you, Charlie. 16 00:00:43,998 --> 00:00:46,033 I mean, she's so beautiful. 17 00:00:46,067 --> 00:00:48,702 Is it cool if, uh, I pursue her? 18 00:00:48,736 --> 00:00:50,137 - You're not looking to rekindle? - No. 19 00:00:50,171 --> 00:00:51,471 - No, not at all. - Why not? 20 00:00:51,506 --> 00:00:52,673 - This is... - It's a terrible idea. 21 00:00:52,707 --> 00:00:54,041 a terrible idea. 22 00:01:05,086 --> 00:01:06,753 Hey! You rang? 23 00:01:06,788 --> 00:01:08,989 Yeah. How's that outline going? 24 00:01:09,023 --> 00:01:10,490 Not great. 25 00:01:10,525 --> 00:01:12,492 It's kind of like having an impacted bowel 26 00:01:12,527 --> 00:01:14,528 and you're forced to stick your finger up your ass 27 00:01:14,562 --> 00:01:17,698 and pry the shit out one dry, flaky chunk at a time, 28 00:01:17,732 --> 00:01:19,566 except with words. 29 00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:23,036 - Thank you for that. - You're welcome. 30 00:01:23,071 --> 00:01:25,339 Didn't know you played. 31 00:01:25,373 --> 00:01:27,040 Just enough to know how much I suck. 32 00:01:27,075 --> 00:01:29,042 Copy that, motherfucker. 33 00:01:31,379 --> 00:01:35,215 Um, I am going out on a date with Julia tonight. 34 00:01:35,250 --> 00:01:38,218 Oh. The real reason you summoned me. 35 00:01:38,253 --> 00:01:41,021 Maybe. You okay with that? 36 00:01:41,089 --> 00:01:43,423 If the lady's cool with it, I'm cool with it. 37 00:01:43,458 --> 00:01:45,325 What about the kid? You think he'll be cool with it? 38 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,194 I thought you didn't care about such things. 39 00:01:47,228 --> 00:01:48,829 You wanted to see me, Mr. Rath, sir? 40 00:01:48,863 --> 00:01:50,597 Yeah, hey! Come in, come in. 41 00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:54,167 Have a seat. 42 00:01:54,202 --> 00:01:56,837 - How you doing, buddy? - Couldn't be better. 43 00:01:56,871 --> 00:01:58,205 - Good. - Want some chocolate? 44 00:01:58,239 --> 00:01:59,606 No, thank you. 45 00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:02,109 Listen... Uh, I wanted you to know 46 00:02:02,143 --> 00:02:05,045 that, uh, I'm taking your mom out tonight. 47 00:02:05,079 --> 00:02:08,382 - Hank supports it. - Yeah, I-I know all about it. 48 00:02:08,416 --> 00:02:10,851 - What, she told you? - Yeah. 49 00:02:10,885 --> 00:02:12,319 We tell each other everything. 50 00:02:12,353 --> 00:02:14,154 Everything? 51 00:02:14,188 --> 00:02:16,056 Pretty much, yeah. 52 00:02:16,090 --> 00:02:19,059 One time, my Aunt Jesse stayed with us for a few days, 53 00:02:19,093 --> 00:02:20,894 and it was right around the time I started jerking off. 54 00:02:20,928 --> 00:02:22,729 So she leaves a pair of her panties behind. 55 00:02:22,764 --> 00:02:24,298 I used to sniff 'em while I hit it. 56 00:02:24,332 --> 00:02:26,133 Really enhanced the orgasm, you know? 57 00:02:26,167 --> 00:02:28,568 Then I started to feel, like, weird and guilty about it, 58 00:02:28,603 --> 00:02:29,803 so I told my mom. 59 00:02:29,837 --> 00:02:31,371 She was so fucking cool about it. 60 00:02:31,406 --> 00:02:34,474 She's pretty hot for an aunt, Aunt Jesse. 61 00:02:34,509 --> 00:02:36,343 Maybe I should rethink this thing. 62 00:02:36,377 --> 00:02:37,711 Oh, no, no. Don't. 63 00:02:37,745 --> 00:02:39,146 Look, look, my mom's a great lady. 64 00:02:39,180 --> 00:02:42,182 She... she deserves to have fun with men. 65 00:02:42,216 --> 00:02:44,384 Gross. 66 00:02:44,419 --> 00:02:46,153 J-just be cool, okay? 67 00:02:46,187 --> 00:02:47,988 Anyone can be a dick. Be a gentleman, you know? 68 00:02:48,022 --> 00:02:49,656 Think about it like if I was gonna date your mom. 69 00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:52,259 I don't want to think about it like that. 70 00:02:52,293 --> 00:02:54,895 My mom is dead. 71 00:02:54,929 --> 00:02:58,231 Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. 72 00:02:58,266 --> 00:03:00,167 Was she hot? 73 00:03:00,201 --> 00:03:02,202 Holy shit. 74 00:03:02,236 --> 00:03:04,171 Hey, you know, 75 00:03:04,205 --> 00:03:06,340 the... the good news here is I'm totally free to hang tonight. 76 00:03:06,374 --> 00:03:10,911 What do you want to do? 77 00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:26,100 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 78 00:04:01,496 --> 00:04:04,064 So who recommended you? 79 00:04:04,098 --> 00:04:08,068 Mommy! Why are you hurting that lady's "Bagina"? 80 00:04:08,102 --> 00:04:09,469 Stuart, I told you to stay your room. 81 00:04:09,504 --> 00:04:11,104 Mommy's working. 82 00:04:11,139 --> 00:04:12,739 It's okay, honey. She's not hurting it. 83 00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:14,908 I mean, it hurts a little bit. 84 00:04:14,942 --> 00:04:17,043 Actually, it hurts a lot. 85 00:04:17,078 --> 00:04:18,812 But she's just taking the hair off. 86 00:04:18,846 --> 00:04:20,213 Okay, yeah, he doesn't need to... 87 00:04:20,248 --> 00:04:21,548 Why are you taking the hair off? 88 00:04:21,582 --> 00:04:22,883 Stuart... 89 00:04:22,917 --> 00:04:25,552 Because boys like the way it looks. 90 00:04:25,586 --> 00:04:27,621 Honey, I need you to go back to your room now. 91 00:04:27,655 --> 00:04:28,889 I don't like it at all. 92 00:04:28,923 --> 00:04:30,223 It looks like a big pink walnut. 93 00:04:30,258 --> 00:04:34,060 All right, then, run along now. 94 00:04:34,095 --> 00:04:36,163 Wow. 95 00:04:36,197 --> 00:04:38,231 He is so cute. 96 00:04:38,266 --> 00:04:41,234 Yes. He is a little dolly... 97 00:04:41,269 --> 00:04:44,070 just like his dad. It's weird. 98 00:04:44,105 --> 00:04:46,907 Okay, so who recommended you? 99 00:04:46,941 --> 00:04:48,575 Stu Beggs. 100 00:04:48,609 --> 00:04:50,677 Oh, okay, my ex. 101 00:04:50,711 --> 00:04:52,078 Yeah. 102 00:04:52,113 --> 00:04:54,014 He said that you probably needed the work. 103 00:04:54,048 --> 00:04:57,184 He said that your husband isn't much of an earner, so... 104 00:04:57,218 --> 00:04:59,286 I'm sure he did. 105 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:00,754 And, no, he is not. 106 00:05:00,788 --> 00:05:03,924 He talks about you a lot, actually. 107 00:05:03,958 --> 00:05:06,259 I think that he's still in love with you. 108 00:05:06,294 --> 00:05:10,096 Well, actually, he has said that out loud, like, a lot. 109 00:05:11,899 --> 00:05:14,968 Wait. So how do you guys know each other? 110 00:05:15,002 --> 00:05:18,538 - He's a client. - Oh, okay. 111 00:05:18,573 --> 00:05:20,640 So what are you, like, a publicist or something? 112 00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:23,109 - More like... - A hooker? 113 00:05:23,144 --> 00:05:24,544 - Yeah. - Yeah! 114 00:05:24,579 --> 00:05:26,513 - Pretty much. - That's real neat. 115 00:05:26,547 --> 00:05:28,315 Sorry. 116 00:05:28,349 --> 00:05:30,817 No, it's fine. No judgment. 117 00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:35,121 So, uh, Stu's big into prostitutes these days. 118 00:05:35,156 --> 00:05:36,823 - Yeah. - Yeah. 119 00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:39,059 Yeah, he must be nursing a broken heart or something 120 00:05:39,093 --> 00:05:41,895 because he drops a lot of cash on 'tutes. 121 00:05:41,929 --> 00:05:43,697 I like to think that I'm his favorite, 122 00:05:43,731 --> 00:05:46,800 but he's not really very picky. 123 00:05:46,834 --> 00:05:48,802 - Hmm. - I'll tell you what, though. 124 00:05:48,836 --> 00:05:51,805 He calls me Marcy when we bone. 125 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:53,240 Oh! 126 00:05:53,274 --> 00:05:55,475 Good to know. 127 00:05:55,543 --> 00:06:00,180 ♪ I wish I could meet Elvis ♪ 128 00:06:00,214 --> 00:06:03,349 ♪ And talk to him for a while ♪ 129 00:06:03,384 --> 00:06:05,552 Cheers. 130 00:06:08,523 --> 00:06:10,924 Shit! Jesus Christ, that tastes awful. 131 00:06:10,958 --> 00:06:13,560 Drink up, Nancy. It'll put hair on your balls. 132 00:06:13,594 --> 00:06:15,328 I've got too much hair on my balls. 133 00:06:15,363 --> 00:06:17,497 You see this fucking mop? Now picture my balls. 134 00:06:17,532 --> 00:06:20,500 This is a house where the carpet definitely matches the drapes. 135 00:06:20,535 --> 00:06:22,702 Yeah, that's not how you use that phrase. 136 00:06:22,737 --> 00:06:24,337 - It's not? - No. 137 00:06:24,372 --> 00:06:26,006 Oh. 138 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,675 You've really never had a serious girlfriend. 139 00:06:28,709 --> 00:06:30,544 Well, not really. 140 00:06:30,578 --> 00:06:33,914 I mean, I've had my fair share of texting relationships, 141 00:06:33,948 --> 00:06:35,282 but they always end with me saying 142 00:06:35,316 --> 00:06:37,217 something really inappropriate, 143 00:06:37,251 --> 00:06:39,352 and then the girl goes silent, 144 00:06:39,387 --> 00:06:41,087 and then I end up texting her a hundred more times, 145 00:06:41,122 --> 00:06:42,722 and her parents call my mom, 146 00:06:42,757 --> 00:06:44,524 and I get a serious talking-to about cyberbullying. 147 00:06:44,559 --> 00:06:46,192 It's... it's a real fucking bummer. 148 00:06:46,227 --> 00:06:47,861 Yeah, you need to start dealing 149 00:06:47,895 --> 00:06:50,997 with some real live women one-on-one. 150 00:06:51,032 --> 00:06:53,199 Ooh, that is fucking scary. 151 00:06:53,234 --> 00:06:55,035 Yeah, but still... Oh. 152 00:06:55,069 --> 00:06:57,103 - Here's your shot. - You sure? 153 00:06:57,138 --> 00:06:59,539 Go forth. 154 00:07:02,743 --> 00:07:04,044 - Oh! - Hi. 155 00:07:04,078 --> 00:07:05,545 Uh, hi, pr... pretty lady. 156 00:07:05,580 --> 00:07:07,647 Um... 157 00:07:07,682 --> 00:07:11,051 Do... do you... do you want to have a drink with me and my dad? 158 00:07:11,085 --> 00:07:13,453 We just recently started a relationship with each other. 159 00:07:13,487 --> 00:07:16,156 Hey, I know you. 160 00:07:16,190 --> 00:07:18,358 - Dude, did you bang her? - Shh. Shut up. 161 00:07:18,392 --> 00:07:20,126 Really? Where from? 162 00:07:20,161 --> 00:07:22,862 - I was your student. - Oh, yeah. 163 00:07:22,897 --> 00:07:24,631 I took your writing class. 164 00:07:24,665 --> 00:07:26,866 That's right. I taught for a while. 165 00:07:26,901 --> 00:07:29,102 I totally forgot about that. How was I? 166 00:07:29,136 --> 00:07:31,371 Honestly, I've had better. 167 00:07:31,405 --> 00:07:33,974 Honestly, I've been better. That was a dark time. 168 00:07:34,008 --> 00:07:35,942 But allow me to make it up to you 169 00:07:35,977 --> 00:07:37,944 by introducing you to a promising young actor 170 00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:39,212 on the rise... 171 00:07:39,246 --> 00:07:40,747 - Oh. - Levon. 172 00:07:40,781 --> 00:07:42,549 Cool. What have you been in? 173 00:07:42,583 --> 00:07:44,884 Not... not much of anything, really. 174 00:07:44,919 --> 00:07:47,954 I mean, sometimes I film myself doing famous movie monologues, 175 00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:49,222 and I put them on YouTube. 176 00:07:49,256 --> 00:07:50,657 I figure someone will eventually... 177 00:07:50,691 --> 00:07:52,392 Oh, he's being modest. 178 00:07:52,426 --> 00:07:54,661 He's working on a new show called Santa Monica Cop. 179 00:07:54,695 --> 00:07:57,230 I-I'm just a PA, really. I-I get lunches and shit. 180 00:07:57,264 --> 00:07:58,732 Cool. 181 00:07:58,766 --> 00:08:01,401 Hey, you were sleeping with that girl 182 00:08:01,435 --> 00:08:02,936 who turned out to be a stripper, right? 183 00:08:02,970 --> 00:08:05,171 What? That is silly. 184 00:08:05,206 --> 00:08:07,407 Teachers sleeping with students... that's not cool. 185 00:08:07,441 --> 00:08:09,909 No, it was a really big deal. 186 00:08:09,944 --> 00:08:14,648 Didn't you fuck that TA too and the dean's wife? 187 00:08:16,450 --> 00:08:19,986 You were famous that semester. You fucked them all. 188 00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:21,755 - Wow. - Hey... 189 00:08:21,789 --> 00:08:23,356 could I get a picture with you? 190 00:08:23,391 --> 00:08:25,992 My friend is gonna lose her shit. 191 00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:28,461 Would you mind? 192 00:08:30,364 --> 00:08:32,799 Thanks, Dad. 193 00:08:36,470 --> 00:08:39,906 One, two, three. 194 00:08:53,154 --> 00:08:55,889 Goldie? 195 00:08:55,923 --> 00:08:59,125 You in there? 196 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,995 What fucking took you so long, Runkle? 197 00:09:02,029 --> 00:09:05,065 I came as soon as you called. Are you okay? 198 00:09:05,099 --> 00:09:09,536 - Have you been drinking? - Obviously. 199 00:09:09,570 --> 00:09:12,405 - Maybe this is a mistake. - What? What? 200 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:14,607 Why? What... what are you talking about? 201 00:09:14,642 --> 00:09:16,810 I need a manager who cares about me 202 00:09:16,844 --> 00:09:18,778 as much as about what me can do for him. 203 00:09:18,813 --> 00:09:21,081 I do, Goldie, very much so. 204 00:09:21,115 --> 00:09:22,949 What can I do for you? 205 00:09:22,983 --> 00:09:26,619 - How can I help? - Get me off this fucking show. 206 00:09:26,654 --> 00:09:28,488 Why? 207 00:09:28,522 --> 00:09:29,989 Rath humiliated me. 208 00:09:30,024 --> 00:09:33,727 Ah. What did he do? Did he hit on you? 209 00:09:33,761 --> 00:09:36,496 No! He would never do that. 210 00:09:36,530 --> 00:09:39,799 I'm sure he thinks I'm an unfuckable monster. 211 00:09:39,834 --> 00:09:44,137 Oh, I don't think that's true at all. 212 00:09:44,171 --> 00:09:46,139 Thank you, Charlie. 213 00:09:48,008 --> 00:09:50,210 You make me feel really sexy. 214 00:09:50,244 --> 00:09:53,480 Oh, I-I didn't mean to do that exactly. 215 00:09:53,514 --> 00:09:56,015 But good, I guess. 216 00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:58,885 So what did Rath do? 217 00:09:58,919 --> 00:10:01,654 He fucking rewrote my script. 218 00:10:01,689 --> 00:10:04,090 Oh, well, isn't that, 219 00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:06,326 you know, par for the course in television? 220 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,194 Every single fucking line? 221 00:10:08,229 --> 00:10:10,930 You mean to tell me I didn't write one usable word? 222 00:10:10,965 --> 00:10:13,666 Not even a fucking preposition or two. 223 00:10:13,701 --> 00:10:15,068 Okay, okay, okay. 224 00:10:15,102 --> 00:10:16,836 So what would you like me to do, Goldie? 225 00:10:16,871 --> 00:10:18,838 Would you... would you want me to, um... 226 00:10:18,873 --> 00:10:22,442 Have him killed. 227 00:10:22,476 --> 00:10:25,078 Have him killed. 228 00:10:25,112 --> 00:10:27,180 Okay. 229 00:10:27,214 --> 00:10:31,417 Uh, what do you say we put a pin in that one, hmm... 230 00:10:31,452 --> 00:10:33,720 for now, just for now... 231 00:10:33,754 --> 00:10:37,023 and we look at that as a, um... 232 00:10:37,057 --> 00:10:39,592 you know, last-resort situation? 233 00:10:39,627 --> 00:10:43,196 You know, the very least you could fucking do 234 00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:45,565 is call him and rip him a new asshole 235 00:10:45,599 --> 00:10:47,534 so that he knows I can't be treated 236 00:10:47,568 --> 00:10:49,135 like some girl from the street, okay? 237 00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:51,805 I'm a world-class writer and producer, 238 00:10:51,839 --> 00:10:53,807 and I'm gonna have my own show one day, 239 00:10:53,841 --> 00:10:55,708 if that means giving up every ounce 240 00:10:55,743 --> 00:10:59,445 of personal happiness to get it. 241 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,080 I will talk to him. 242 00:11:03,083 --> 00:11:05,451 - Promise? - I promise. 243 00:11:10,524 --> 00:11:11,891 Will you drive me home? 244 00:11:11,926 --> 00:11:14,561 - Sure thing, Goldie. - Okay. 245 00:11:14,595 --> 00:11:17,096 - Let's go. - One more drink. 246 00:11:20,034 --> 00:11:22,101 - Aah! Raah! - He's a little monster! 247 00:11:22,136 --> 00:11:23,970 I'm gonna getcha, I'm gonna getcha, 248 00:11:24,004 --> 00:11:26,906 - I'm gonna getcha! - I'm gonna get you! 249 00:11:26,941 --> 00:11:28,508 Oh, my God. 250 00:11:28,542 --> 00:11:30,944 This is the best playdate Stuart's ever had. 251 00:11:30,978 --> 00:11:34,180 They do have chemistry, that's for sure. 252 00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:36,249 - He seems like a good kid. - He is, he is. 253 00:11:36,283 --> 00:11:38,151 I just wish I could get him laid. 254 00:11:38,185 --> 00:11:39,619 Can you get me laid? 255 00:11:39,653 --> 00:11:41,921 Maybe we can kill two pervs with one stone. 256 00:11:41,956 --> 00:11:44,924 You deflower him. It's a win-win. 257 00:11:44,959 --> 00:11:46,993 Listen, I'm horny as fuck these days, 258 00:11:47,027 --> 00:11:48,595 but seriously, I don't think 259 00:11:48,629 --> 00:11:49,829 that kid's gonna last long enough 260 00:11:49,864 --> 00:11:51,297 for mommy to get hers. 261 00:11:51,332 --> 00:11:53,333 Maybe he needs professional help. 262 00:11:53,367 --> 00:11:55,268 What, like a therapist? 263 00:11:55,302 --> 00:11:57,437 Yeah, or a... 264 00:11:59,006 --> 00:12:00,807 - Like a hooker? - Yeah. 265 00:12:00,841 --> 00:12:03,209 Hank, I waxed a hooker today. 266 00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:05,278 She was young and cute and totally down to fuck. 267 00:12:05,312 --> 00:12:06,446 - Really? - Yeah. 268 00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,950 - Probably spendy. - It's only money, right? 269 00:12:10,985 --> 00:12:13,186 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 270 00:12:13,220 --> 00:12:16,122 That kid would love you forever if you bust his hymen like that. 271 00:12:16,156 --> 00:12:18,458 Chick was fucking bananas hot! 272 00:12:18,492 --> 00:12:19,792 This sounds too good to be true. 273 00:12:19,827 --> 00:12:21,294 - Let's just hold on a second. - Okay. 274 00:12:21,328 --> 00:12:23,162 Just wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 275 00:12:23,197 --> 00:12:25,231 Is this wrong? 276 00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:28,635 I can't tell anymore. I can't fucking tell anymore. 277 00:12:28,669 --> 00:12:30,970 Me neither. 278 00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:36,109 - Let me see if she's available. - Good idea. 279 00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:43,383 - Hello, again. - Hi. 280 00:12:43,417 --> 00:12:45,985 Thanks for the rip this morning. My pussy looks fantastic. 281 00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:47,720 It really does. I mean, great job! 282 00:12:47,755 --> 00:12:49,355 You could eat off the fucking thing. 283 00:12:49,390 --> 00:12:51,224 Thank you. And you are? 284 00:12:51,258 --> 00:12:52,825 Jim. Nice to meet you, sweetie. 285 00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:54,494 Oh. Nice to meet you too. 286 00:12:54,528 --> 00:12:55,695 Is this him? 287 00:12:55,729 --> 00:12:58,197 No! Ha ha! No, sorry. 288 00:12:58,232 --> 00:12:59,766 Hey, you're not supposed to get excited 289 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,334 about the fucking Johns here. 290 00:13:01,368 --> 00:13:03,336 Sorry. He's a really good-looking guy. 291 00:13:03,370 --> 00:13:05,104 You must be the pimp. 292 00:13:05,139 --> 00:13:07,840 What is this, like a fucking blaxploitation movie? 293 00:13:07,875 --> 00:13:09,909 I mean, we don't really use that terminology anymore. 294 00:13:09,944 --> 00:13:11,277 Oh. 295 00:13:11,312 --> 00:13:12,612 Yeah, I'm more like her manager, 296 00:13:12,646 --> 00:13:13,713 the guy that you hand the money to... 297 00:13:13,747 --> 00:13:14,914 - Okay. - Like, right now. 298 00:13:14,949 --> 00:13:16,382 Oh, oh, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. 299 00:13:16,417 --> 00:13:18,051 So how does it work? What's the split? 300 00:13:18,085 --> 00:13:19,452 My guy gets 15%, 301 00:13:19,486 --> 00:13:21,621 and his pimp hand is not strong at all. 302 00:13:21,655 --> 00:13:23,856 What are you, the Better Business Bureau? 303 00:13:23,891 --> 00:13:25,358 Don't worry about it. 304 00:13:25,392 --> 00:13:26,793 Where's this dude she's gonna fuck? 305 00:13:26,827 --> 00:13:27,794 - Hey, guys. - Hi! 306 00:13:27,828 --> 00:13:29,228 - Karen, hello. - Hi! 307 00:13:29,263 --> 00:13:31,230 - Hi! - Karen! Hey, hey, hey, hey. 308 00:13:31,265 --> 00:13:33,366 Why don't you get your guests a drink or something? 309 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,235 - Yes, I'm gonna do it. - What are you doing here? 310 00:13:36,270 --> 00:13:37,904 Um, well, you've been ducking my calls. 311 00:13:37,938 --> 00:13:39,372 I know, I know, I know. 312 00:13:39,406 --> 00:13:42,075 Okay, so I want to talk to you about Becca. 313 00:13:42,109 --> 00:13:43,409 I know. That's why I'm ducking you. 314 00:13:43,444 --> 00:13:45,011 Well, why? 315 00:13:45,045 --> 00:13:46,612 I mean, when are you gonna tell her about Levon? 316 00:13:46,647 --> 00:13:48,448 - When is she getting back? - In a few weeks. 317 00:13:48,482 --> 00:13:50,550 - In a few weeks, then. - Well, Hank, 318 00:13:50,584 --> 00:13:53,386 she wants to know why you're ducking her calls too. 319 00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:55,154 Karen, I'm not gonna talk to her on the phone 320 00:13:55,189 --> 00:13:56,422 about this shit, okay? 321 00:13:56,457 --> 00:13:57,924 And in fact, when I do it, 322 00:13:57,958 --> 00:13:59,659 I think we should do it together, you and I. 323 00:13:59,693 --> 00:14:00,994 - No! - Yeah. 324 00:14:01,028 --> 00:14:03,029 No, no, no. I knew... 325 00:14:03,063 --> 00:14:04,697 I am not gonna get involved 326 00:14:04,732 --> 00:14:07,100 in your dysfunctional shit, okay? 327 00:14:07,134 --> 00:14:09,002 What is... what are you hi... what is this? 328 00:14:09,036 --> 00:14:10,336 What do you mean? What do you mean? 329 00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:11,704 Who is this? 330 00:14:11,739 --> 00:14:15,174 Marcy invited some waxing clients over. 331 00:14:15,209 --> 00:14:17,043 - Isn't that right, Marcy? - Yeah, yeah. 332 00:14:17,077 --> 00:14:19,779 I'm having a client over for a drink. 333 00:14:19,813 --> 00:14:22,548 Okay, well, um, how come she's here so late 334 00:14:22,583 --> 00:14:24,350 and dressed so slutty? 335 00:14:24,385 --> 00:14:25,685 Maybe she's gonna get a facial. 336 00:14:25,719 --> 00:14:26,819 Right. Really? 337 00:14:26,854 --> 00:14:28,321 Does she always travel with... 338 00:14:28,355 --> 00:14:29,689 sex toys? 339 00:14:29,723 --> 00:14:31,691 You know, some people are not so averse 340 00:14:31,725 --> 00:14:34,260 - to, uh, rubberized help. - That's true. 341 00:14:34,294 --> 00:14:36,529 Yay! Mission accomplished. 342 00:14:36,563 --> 00:14:38,831 Little Stuart is officially asleep. 343 00:14:38,866 --> 00:14:40,433 We read books. We played the tickle game. 344 00:14:40,467 --> 00:14:42,668 He loves the tickle game! 345 00:14:42,703 --> 00:14:44,170 I know. I also taught him how to dutch oven. 346 00:14:44,204 --> 00:14:45,538 He loved it. 347 00:14:45,572 --> 00:14:47,373 Kid loves farts. Ooh, you did good. 348 00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:50,076 - Thanks. - Is this him? 349 00:14:50,110 --> 00:14:52,979 Who... who's him? Who am I? 350 00:14:53,013 --> 00:14:54,647 - Who are you? - You know what? 351 00:14:54,681 --> 00:14:56,049 Let's get this fucking party started, all right? 352 00:14:56,083 --> 00:14:57,650 We got another appointment later. 353 00:14:57,684 --> 00:14:59,652 Okay, kid, you got to wear a rubber, okay? 354 00:14:59,686 --> 00:15:01,587 Anything off the menu has to be approved by me. 355 00:15:01,622 --> 00:15:05,258 I mean, she's pretty open, as you can see, but scat play... 356 00:15:05,292 --> 00:15:06,659 definitely out of the question. 357 00:15:06,693 --> 00:15:09,829 Oh, my God. You got him a hooker. 358 00:15:09,863 --> 00:15:11,197 Karen, that is ridiculous. 359 00:15:11,231 --> 00:15:14,267 Marcy was kind enough to set Levon up 360 00:15:14,301 --> 00:15:16,836 - with one of her clients. - One of your clients? 361 00:15:16,870 --> 00:15:19,272 I'm... I'm... I'm setting him up with her. 362 00:15:19,306 --> 00:15:21,541 Look at what a cute couple they would make, adorable. 363 00:15:21,575 --> 00:15:22,708 Marcy... 364 00:15:22,743 --> 00:15:24,243 is your client a hooker? 365 00:15:24,278 --> 00:15:26,112 Who knows what she does for a living, Karen? 366 00:15:26,146 --> 00:15:27,580 - That's personal. - Shut up. 367 00:15:27,614 --> 00:15:29,415 Is your client a hooker? 368 00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:31,350 - Maybe. - Marcy! 369 00:15:31,385 --> 00:15:33,853 Hey! I am happy to help you 370 00:15:33,887 --> 00:15:36,122 try to bust your weirdo kid's cherry, 371 00:15:36,156 --> 00:15:38,724 but I will not lie to my best friend. 372 00:15:38,759 --> 00:15:41,894 Oh, my God. This is so fucking depraved. 373 00:15:41,896 --> 00:15:43,196 No, it's not. 374 00:15:43,230 --> 00:15:45,031 I-I'm performing a service here. 375 00:15:45,065 --> 00:15:47,233 This kid's... he needs to clear this hurdle. 376 00:15:47,267 --> 00:15:49,802 He's all wired and pent-up. He's got to get the poison out. 377 00:15:49,837 --> 00:15:52,472 - That's what Stu always says. - It's true. 378 00:15:52,506 --> 00:15:53,873 Once you get that shit out of your system, 379 00:15:53,907 --> 00:15:55,541 then you can think clearly again. 380 00:15:55,576 --> 00:15:58,478 You... you got me a fucking hooker? 381 00:15:59,813 --> 00:16:02,548 - Maybe. - Oh, my God, thank you so much. 382 00:16:02,583 --> 00:16:04,917 This is exactly what I thought having a father would be like. 383 00:16:04,952 --> 00:16:07,386 Oh, no. Oh, no, I'm sorry. 384 00:16:07,421 --> 00:16:09,122 No. No, no, no, no. 385 00:16:09,156 --> 00:16:10,556 I know... I know this has, 386 00:16:10,591 --> 00:16:12,892 like, absolutely nothing to do with me, 387 00:16:12,926 --> 00:16:15,761 but... but, um, I feel that someone here 388 00:16:15,796 --> 00:16:18,598 should be representing your mom's interests. 389 00:16:18,632 --> 00:16:20,666 - Why? That's fucking weird. - No, no, no. 390 00:16:20,701 --> 00:16:22,335 Because she would not want you 391 00:16:22,369 --> 00:16:24,137 to lose your virginity like this. 392 00:16:24,171 --> 00:16:25,972 Oh, my God, you told her I'm a virgin? 393 00:16:26,006 --> 00:16:27,140 That's fucking embarrassing, dude! 394 00:16:27,174 --> 00:16:28,574 No, of course he didn't. 395 00:16:28,609 --> 00:16:30,109 No offense, but you don't present 396 00:16:30,144 --> 00:16:31,577 as a guy who's knee-deep in a river of pussy. 397 00:16:31,612 --> 00:16:33,980 Yet it's all I ever think about. 398 00:16:34,014 --> 00:16:36,949 - Okay, so the first time... it should be special, right? - Yeah. 399 00:16:36,984 --> 00:16:38,951 And it should be someone you care about, 400 00:16:38,986 --> 00:16:41,687 someone you love, you like, at least... like. 401 00:16:41,722 --> 00:16:43,456 - Right? - I completely agree. 402 00:16:43,490 --> 00:16:46,325 And I could easily see myself falling in love with her. 403 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:48,761 I totally like her right now. Do you see what she's wearing? 404 00:16:48,795 --> 00:16:50,630 - It's... - I do, yeah. 405 00:16:50,664 --> 00:16:52,532 But it's not something that you would want to pay for. 406 00:16:52,566 --> 00:16:54,000 I'm not paying for anything. 407 00:16:54,034 --> 00:16:55,968 I haven't even got a paycheck yet. 408 00:16:56,003 --> 00:16:57,637 There's all these forms I'm supposed to fill out and shit. 409 00:16:57,671 --> 00:16:59,839 Actually, can you help me out with that? 410 00:16:59,873 --> 00:17:02,475 Money's taken care of. That's no problem. 411 00:17:02,509 --> 00:17:04,110 I fucking love you, dad. 412 00:17:04,144 --> 00:17:05,778 I fucking love you too, buddy. 413 00:17:05,812 --> 00:17:07,780 No. No, no, no. Stop it, stop it. 414 00:17:07,814 --> 00:17:10,616 Look, Levon, Levon, I know this is very confusing for you. 415 00:17:10,651 --> 00:17:12,285 I get that. I-I-I... 416 00:17:12,319 --> 00:17:13,819 Okay, take a moment. Just take a moment. 417 00:17:13,854 --> 00:17:15,221 Just... 418 00:17:15,255 --> 00:17:16,289 Just... yeah. 419 00:17:16,323 --> 00:17:17,623 Breathe. 420 00:17:17,658 --> 00:17:19,125 Yeah. Okay. 421 00:17:19,159 --> 00:17:21,794 - Now, think about your mother. - Oh, gross! 422 00:17:21,828 --> 00:17:23,429 That's the last thing I want to think about. 423 00:17:23,463 --> 00:17:25,298 No, no, no! About what she would say. 424 00:17:25,332 --> 00:17:27,099 Creepy cosby family, are we gonna do this or what? 425 00:17:27,134 --> 00:17:29,936 It's up to you, but there's no fucking refunds here. 426 00:17:29,970 --> 00:17:32,605 If you want a credit, there's a 25% restocking fee. 427 00:17:32,639 --> 00:17:34,040 That's fucking steep, bro. 428 00:17:34,074 --> 00:17:35,541 Hey, it's a seller's market, dude. 429 00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,176 Hold... hold... hold on. 430 00:17:37,211 --> 00:17:38,611 - Karen. - Yes! 431 00:17:38,645 --> 00:17:40,112 Do you want to fuck me? 432 00:17:40,147 --> 00:17:42,114 - No! - Oh! 433 00:17:42,149 --> 00:17:43,516 What is wrong with you? Did you... 434 00:17:43,550 --> 00:17:44,951 I didn't raise him. 435 00:17:44,985 --> 00:17:46,986 Right now the only person in this room 436 00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:48,054 willing to fuck me is the one getting paid. 437 00:17:48,088 --> 00:17:49,455 Oh. 438 00:17:49,489 --> 00:17:51,157 And I think I'm okay with that. 439 00:17:51,191 --> 00:17:52,692 You know what? In fact, I'm more than okay with that. 440 00:17:52,726 --> 00:17:54,794 I'm super fucking psyched. I'm doing this. 441 00:17:54,828 --> 00:17:56,796 Okay. 442 00:17:56,830 --> 00:17:58,564 - Hey, dad? - Yeah. 443 00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:02,368 - The clit's on top, right? - Last I checked, yeah. 444 00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:05,871 Okay. 445 00:18:05,906 --> 00:18:07,807 There you go, you lean there. 446 00:18:07,841 --> 00:18:10,576 I'll get the door. 447 00:18:12,779 --> 00:18:15,414 Good job. 448 00:18:19,253 --> 00:18:21,387 Okay! 449 00:18:21,421 --> 00:18:26,158 Here we go. 450 00:18:26,193 --> 00:18:29,528 Hey! What are you doing? 451 00:18:29,563 --> 00:18:33,199 I'm... I'm driving you home. 452 00:18:33,233 --> 00:18:37,503 Uh, no. No, not in your car... 453 00:18:37,537 --> 00:18:39,205 In my car. 454 00:18:39,239 --> 00:18:41,240 How am I supposed to get to work tomorrow? 455 00:18:41,275 --> 00:18:44,076 Well, how am I gonna get home tonight? 456 00:18:44,111 --> 00:18:47,446 I don't give a fuck. That's your problem. 457 00:18:47,481 --> 00:18:50,216 You can take a fucking rickshaw, for all I care. 458 00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:52,551 No, you take me home. You walk me in. 459 00:18:52,586 --> 00:18:54,253 You make sure that I am safe. 460 00:18:54,288 --> 00:18:56,222 And then you need to position me 461 00:18:56,256 --> 00:18:58,157 so that I don't choke on my own vomit. 462 00:18:58,191 --> 00:19:00,026 Okay, okay. 463 00:19:00,060 --> 00:19:01,994 If that's what you need, sure. 464 00:19:02,029 --> 00:19:03,496 Hold on. That's not a good idea, 465 00:19:03,530 --> 00:19:05,898 because then you're gonna get in my house. 466 00:19:05,932 --> 00:19:08,668 You'll want to take advantage of me in my inebriated state. 467 00:19:08,702 --> 00:19:10,703 I would never do something like that. 468 00:19:10,737 --> 00:19:15,007 Oh, I'm not hot enough to take advantage of. 469 00:19:15,042 --> 00:19:17,543 No, no! You're plenty hot, Goldie. 470 00:19:17,577 --> 00:19:20,880 You're... you're crazy hot! 471 00:19:20,914 --> 00:19:22,748 Thank you. I appreciate it. 472 00:19:22,783 --> 00:19:25,017 Thank you for taking care of me tonight. 473 00:19:25,052 --> 00:19:26,585 - I really appreciate it. - You know what? 474 00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:28,254 That's just what I do, okay? 475 00:19:28,288 --> 00:19:31,090 That's full-service management, all right? 476 00:19:31,124 --> 00:19:33,225 Curb to curb. 477 00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:37,530 You know, if someone would've told me 478 00:19:37,564 --> 00:19:41,701 that I was gonna be represented one day... 479 00:19:41,735 --> 00:19:44,236 by the masturbating agent, 480 00:19:44,271 --> 00:19:49,542 I would've just shit my panties. 481 00:19:49,576 --> 00:19:51,711 Wonders never cease. 482 00:19:51,745 --> 00:19:53,312 Can I ask you something? 483 00:19:53,347 --> 00:19:55,481 What made you want to throw it all away 484 00:19:55,515 --> 00:19:58,984 for a couple of random jerk-off sessions? 485 00:19:59,019 --> 00:20:02,788 I guess it's just the very same thing 486 00:20:02,823 --> 00:20:06,492 that makes me such a great representative. 487 00:20:06,526 --> 00:20:09,929 I'm ready to burn it all down at a moment's notice. 488 00:20:09,963 --> 00:20:14,233 Oh, burn it all down. I like that. 489 00:20:14,267 --> 00:20:16,068 Burn it all down. 490 00:20:16,103 --> 00:20:18,771 I'm gonna get that in a tattoo on my bikini line. 491 00:20:18,805 --> 00:20:20,439 We should get tattoos. Let's go. 492 00:20:20,474 --> 00:20:22,508 No! No. 493 00:20:22,542 --> 00:20:25,311 You never get a tattoo under the influence. 494 00:20:25,345 --> 00:20:28,981 That's how you wind up with a butterfly tramp stamp. 495 00:20:31,618 --> 00:20:34,120 You're funny. You're funny. 496 00:20:34,154 --> 00:20:35,621 - Okay. - You're really funny. 497 00:20:35,655 --> 00:20:38,391 Give me a hug. 498 00:20:38,425 --> 00:20:42,061 You know, I could feel you getting hard last week 499 00:20:42,095 --> 00:20:43,562 when we were hugging. 500 00:20:43,597 --> 00:20:46,265 I'm sorry about that. 501 00:20:46,299 --> 00:20:49,402 You're getting hard right now, aren't you? 502 00:20:49,436 --> 00:20:51,904 Why does this keep happening to me? 503 00:20:55,976 --> 00:20:58,544 Oh, shit. I don't feel so good. 504 00:20:58,578 --> 00:21:02,581 Oh. 505 00:21:02,616 --> 00:21:04,350 Okay. 506 00:21:04,384 --> 00:21:06,619 - It's okay. - Okay. 507 00:21:08,221 --> 00:21:10,256 Oh. 508 00:21:10,290 --> 00:21:11,924 Sorry. 509 00:21:11,958 --> 00:21:14,093 I think I'm allergic to sulfites. 510 00:21:14,127 --> 00:21:15,961 I'm so sorry. 511 00:21:15,996 --> 00:21:19,598 My first time wasn't special at all. 512 00:21:19,633 --> 00:21:22,802 Dude kissed me a couple of times, 513 00:21:22,836 --> 00:21:25,137 paid zero attention to my tits, 514 00:21:25,172 --> 00:21:28,374 licked me twice, stuck it in once, 515 00:21:28,408 --> 00:21:30,376 panicked, pulled out, 516 00:21:30,410 --> 00:21:32,445 and shot a load all over my thigh. 517 00:21:32,479 --> 00:21:34,013 Fun stuff. 518 00:21:34,047 --> 00:21:37,683 Well, at least it got you prepared for Papa Runks. 519 00:21:37,717 --> 00:21:39,718 What was your first time like, pretty lady? 520 00:21:39,753 --> 00:21:41,954 Shut up. 521 00:21:41,988 --> 00:21:43,489 You looking to make any extra money? 522 00:21:43,523 --> 00:21:46,959 I could turn you out, no problem. 523 00:21:46,993 --> 00:21:49,462 You're a feisty one. I like that. 524 00:21:49,496 --> 00:21:51,730 Nice. 525 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,167 Karen... 526 00:21:55,202 --> 00:21:57,203 Karen. I'm sorry about that. 527 00:21:57,237 --> 00:21:59,205 You know, I don't know what's worse... 528 00:21:59,239 --> 00:22:00,639 what's going on here tonight, 529 00:22:00,674 --> 00:22:02,475 which is absolutely fucking disgusting, 530 00:22:02,509 --> 00:22:04,510 or the fact that I don't even know who you are anymore. 531 00:22:04,544 --> 00:22:06,045 That's not fair. 532 00:22:06,079 --> 00:22:07,580 If we had a son, we'd most probably 533 00:22:07,614 --> 00:22:09,548 be having the same conversation, 534 00:22:09,583 --> 00:22:11,851 and I would probably feel exactly the same way. 535 00:22:11,885 --> 00:22:13,819 If we had a son, I would never, ever 536 00:22:13,854 --> 00:22:15,421 let you do something like this. 537 00:22:15,455 --> 00:22:17,723 Karen, it's just sex. What's the big deal? 538 00:22:17,757 --> 00:22:20,392 But it's not just sex. That's the whole point. 539 00:22:20,427 --> 00:22:24,396 You're teaching him to degrade and objectify women, 540 00:22:24,431 --> 00:22:26,832 that they exist solely to satisfy his urges, 541 00:22:26,867 --> 00:22:29,502 when you could, in fact, be teaching him 542 00:22:29,536 --> 00:22:33,772 that the best kind of sex comes from making a connection. 543 00:22:33,807 --> 00:22:37,042 I agree with you. I do. 544 00:22:37,077 --> 00:22:39,278 It's just, there are all different types of sex 545 00:22:39,312 --> 00:22:40,713 to be had, 546 00:22:40,747 --> 00:22:42,815 and who says he has to make sweet love 547 00:22:42,849 --> 00:22:44,383 his very first time out the gate? 548 00:22:44,417 --> 00:22:45,985 Hi. 549 00:22:46,019 --> 00:22:48,187 - Hank, is it? - Yeah. 550 00:22:48,221 --> 00:22:52,992 Um, could you come in here for a second? 551 00:22:59,633 --> 00:23:02,067 Hey, it's more for a threesome. 552 00:23:02,102 --> 00:23:04,336 Just saying. 553 00:23:04,371 --> 00:23:05,838 What's up? 554 00:23:05,872 --> 00:23:07,239 I think your boy's a little nervous. 555 00:23:07,274 --> 00:23:08,908 That's totally understandable. 556 00:23:08,942 --> 00:23:10,543 I asked him to unwrap my dress, 557 00:23:10,577 --> 00:23:13,012 and then he almost passed out. 558 00:23:13,046 --> 00:23:16,448 I'm dizzy, Hank. I'm shaking like a leaf, man. 559 00:23:16,483 --> 00:23:18,450 Is... is it possible I'm having a heart attack? 560 00:23:18,485 --> 00:23:20,419 - Here, feel. - Mm. Mm-mm. 561 00:23:20,453 --> 00:23:22,221 Maybe there's an underlying medical condition 562 00:23:22,255 --> 00:23:23,622 or something I don't even know about. 563 00:23:23,657 --> 00:23:25,691 M-m-maybe I should go see a doctor. 564 00:23:25,725 --> 00:23:27,459 Maybe we made a mistake here. 565 00:23:27,494 --> 00:23:29,094 May... maybe Karen's right. 566 00:23:29,129 --> 00:23:30,596 Maybe this isn't the way 567 00:23:30,630 --> 00:23:32,698 it's supposed to go down for me, you know? 568 00:23:32,732 --> 00:23:34,366 Maybe I'm supposed to meet a nice girl 569 00:23:34,401 --> 00:23:36,869 and somehow sweet-talk her into letting me foul her. 570 00:23:36,903 --> 00:23:38,704 You don't have to go through with this, you know, 571 00:23:38,738 --> 00:23:40,272 not at all. 572 00:23:40,307 --> 00:23:42,408 You... you wouldn't be disappointed in me? 573 00:23:42,442 --> 00:23:44,209 No way, never. 574 00:23:44,244 --> 00:23:46,045 God, I'm so fucking lame, 575 00:23:46,079 --> 00:23:47,713 and you're such a fucking baller. 576 00:23:47,747 --> 00:23:49,748 You are not lame in the slightest. 577 00:23:49,783 --> 00:23:51,417 You're a bright, interesting kid, 578 00:23:51,451 --> 00:23:53,118 and you got a shitload of love in your heart. 579 00:23:53,153 --> 00:23:54,954 I do. 580 00:23:54,988 --> 00:23:57,323 You've made the past few weeks of my life very interesting. 581 00:23:57,357 --> 00:23:59,825 - I'm happy to know you. - Oh, thanks, Dad. 582 00:23:59,859 --> 00:24:03,162 - All right. - Aw, guys... 583 00:24:03,196 --> 00:24:06,098 This is maybe one of the sweetest fucking things 584 00:24:06,132 --> 00:24:07,566 I've ever seen. 585 00:24:07,601 --> 00:24:09,268 But I have another appointment to get to. 586 00:24:09,302 --> 00:24:10,869 So, if we're not gonna do this, 587 00:24:10,904 --> 00:24:12,271 then I'm just gonna grab my double-sided dildo, 588 00:24:12,305 --> 00:24:13,606 and I'm just gonna go. 589 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,240 What do you think? 590 00:24:15,275 --> 00:24:16,742 What do you think? 591 00:24:16,776 --> 00:24:18,577 - What do you think? - I don't know. 592 00:24:18,612 --> 00:24:20,379 Here's what I think. 593 00:24:24,951 --> 00:24:26,919 Oh. 594 00:24:26,953 --> 00:24:30,255 That's what she thinks. 595 00:24:30,290 --> 00:24:32,324 So what's it gonna be? 596 00:24:34,794 --> 00:24:37,096 Get the fuck out of here, okay? 597 00:24:37,130 --> 00:24:40,265 Gone. 598 00:24:40,300 --> 00:24:42,468 Oh, and if you find yourself getting too excited, 599 00:24:42,502 --> 00:24:43,936 just think about your grandfather 600 00:24:43,971 --> 00:24:45,470 and peeing in his colostomy bag, 601 00:24:45,505 --> 00:24:47,840 works like a charm. Trust! 602 00:24:52,545 --> 00:24:54,279 Hi. 603 00:24:57,751 --> 00:25:00,452 What's going on? 604 00:25:00,487 --> 00:25:03,622 Uh, well, Levon is losing his virginity to a hooker 605 00:25:03,657 --> 00:25:06,291 in the guest room right now. 606 00:25:06,326 --> 00:25:08,293 Good for him. 607 00:25:08,328 --> 00:25:09,995 Good for him. 608 00:25:10,030 --> 00:25:12,131 - And who are you? - He's the pimp. 609 00:25:12,165 --> 00:25:14,433 Jesus Christ. 610 00:25:14,467 --> 00:25:16,802 I handle the fucking money, and I keep her safe from creeps. 611 00:25:16,836 --> 00:25:18,504 Don't be such a condescending prick. 612 00:25:18,538 --> 00:25:20,272 He's the pimp? 613 00:25:20,306 --> 00:25:22,741 Did you piss your pants or something? 614 00:25:22,776 --> 00:25:25,477 Done deal. 615 00:25:25,512 --> 00:25:27,746 Another happy customer. 616 00:25:27,781 --> 00:25:30,215 Kid's got a sick fucking hog on him, by the way. 617 00:25:30,250 --> 00:25:31,650 Hey, you're not supposed to get excited 618 00:25:31,685 --> 00:25:32,918 about their fucking cocks. 619 00:25:32,952 --> 00:25:34,386 Well, what? 620 00:25:34,421 --> 00:25:35,821 Some of them are better and nicer than others. 621 00:25:35,855 --> 00:25:37,222 It's a fact. 622 00:25:37,257 --> 00:25:39,625 I had such a fun time, sweetie! 623 00:25:39,659 --> 00:25:42,061 Call me anytime. Tweet me, whatever. 624 00:25:42,095 --> 00:25:43,262 I will. Definitely. 625 00:25:43,296 --> 00:25:44,596 You definitely will not! 626 00:25:44,631 --> 00:25:46,231 That shit's expensive. 627 00:25:46,266 --> 00:25:48,901 Well, we offer a frequent-flyer discount. 628 00:25:48,935 --> 00:25:51,403 Peace out, weirdos. 629 00:25:51,438 --> 00:25:52,771 Bye, you honey! 630 00:25:52,806 --> 00:25:55,441 Bye, Marcy. Thank you. 631 00:25:55,475 --> 00:25:57,609 Take me to bed, Runks. 632 00:25:57,644 --> 00:25:59,244 I haven't been laid in so long, 633 00:25:59,279 --> 00:26:01,280 I'm starting to feel like a born-again virgin. 634 00:26:01,314 --> 00:26:03,816 I'm not feeling very amorous, Marcy. 635 00:26:03,850 --> 00:26:06,418 My new client puked into my crotch tonight. 636 00:26:06,453 --> 00:26:10,089 - Yeah, I can smell it. - Have a seat, Harpo. 637 00:26:10,123 --> 00:26:11,990 Ah, man. 638 00:26:12,025 --> 00:26:15,260 - How you feeling? - Amazing. Amazing. 639 00:26:15,295 --> 00:26:17,596 It's like my head is so fucking clear right now, 640 00:26:17,630 --> 00:26:18,964 you know? 641 00:26:18,998 --> 00:26:20,499 It feel like I understand the relationship 642 00:26:20,533 --> 00:26:22,101 between shit in the universe a lot better. 643 00:26:22,135 --> 00:26:23,635 I feel like I could honestly solve 644 00:26:23,670 --> 00:26:25,204 some of the world's bigger problems. 645 00:26:25,238 --> 00:26:27,272 - You got the poison out. - Yes. Exactly. 646 00:26:27,307 --> 00:26:28,707 Yeah. 647 00:26:28,742 --> 00:26:30,008 How long's this feeling gonna last? 648 00:26:30,043 --> 00:26:32,344 - About six or seven minutes. - Shit. 649 00:26:32,378 --> 00:26:34,379 Better enjoy it, then. 650 00:26:34,414 --> 00:26:37,649 Oh, hey, that thing with my grandpa and the colostomy bag 651 00:26:37,684 --> 00:26:39,051 totally worked. 652 00:26:39,085 --> 00:26:41,720 How'd you know he had a bag? 653 00:26:41,755 --> 00:26:43,188 - What? - You know how you 654 00:26:43,223 --> 00:26:44,723 tell your mother everything, you said? 655 00:26:44,758 --> 00:26:46,391 Are you gonna tell her about this? 656 00:26:46,426 --> 00:26:47,960 - No. No fucking way. - Okay. 657 00:26:47,994 --> 00:26:49,862 Karen was right. She would be totally pissed 658 00:26:49,896 --> 00:26:51,296 - and think it was all fucking gross - Yeah. 659 00:26:51,331 --> 00:26:52,698 and misogynistic and shit. 660 00:26:52,732 --> 00:26:53,966 Okay, well, that's good to know. 661 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,968 Yeah. Hey, dad? 662 00:26:56,002 --> 00:26:57,536 - Yeah? - Thanks again. 663 00:26:57,570 --> 00:27:00,172 This was truly an epic fucking night in the life, 664 00:27:00,206 --> 00:27:02,374 and I will never, ever forget it, obviously. 665 00:27:02,408 --> 00:27:04,309 You're welcome. You're welcome. 666 00:27:04,344 --> 00:27:07,246 That's a wet one. 667 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,548 You better get me a kick-ass father's day gift. 668 00:27:09,582 --> 00:27:11,416 Oh, you know I will. 669 00:27:11,451 --> 00:27:13,519 In fact, I think I'm gonna book you some time with Nikki. 670 00:27:13,553 --> 00:27:15,487 She did this thing with her vagina. 671 00:27:15,522 --> 00:27:19,858 - It was talking to my dick. - That's too much. 672 00:27:21,127 --> 00:27:22,861 - Smell my fingers. - Go to bed. 673 00:27:22,896 --> 00:27:24,563 Okay. 674 00:27:24,597 --> 00:27:28,167 ♪ Well, he went out to dinner in his Sunday best ♪ 675 00:27:28,201 --> 00:27:32,065 ♪ Excitable boy, they all said ♪ 676 00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:37,100 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com