1
00:00:04,660 --> 00:00:05,929
Where's Uncle Nathan?
2
00:00:05,930 --> 00:00:07,669
He and Ray are living on the streets
3
00:00:07,670 --> 00:00:09,930
for an undercover investigation.
4
00:00:09,940 --> 00:00:13,339
Several homeless people said a
van has been snatching them up
5
00:00:13,340 --> 00:00:15,069
and dropping them off
across the state line.
6
00:00:15,070 --> 00:00:17,439
Stay away from vans, sweetie,
7
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,709
they are rolling evil.
8
00:00:19,710 --> 00:00:21,949
Vans don't hurt people, Carol.
9
00:00:21,950 --> 00:00:25,980
People with vans hurt people.
10
00:00:28,790 --> 00:00:30,750
Hey, how come you get to
sleep in the bigger box?
11
00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:31,989
I'm taller.
12
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,759
Finders, keepers; it's
the law of the street.
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00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,190
Plus, we're the same height, anyway.
14
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Sure, standing up...
15
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but when I lay down, I spread.
16
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I'm like a stick of butter in a hot pan.
17
00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:44,199
That's ridiculous.
18
00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:46,139
You don't believe me?
19
00:00:46,140 --> 00:00:47,470
Lie down.
20
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,940
Aw, come on, Ray. No way.
21
00:00:55,110 --> 00:00:56,210
Finders, keepers!
22
00:00:56,220 --> 00:00:58,549
That's the law of the street, baby!
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I think he's crazy to be out there
24
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living in a box with hidden cameras.
25
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Waiting to be kidnapped.
26
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If they harm one hair on his body...
27
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Good luck.
28
00:01:07,890 --> 00:01:10,390
That thing's waxed cleaner than a Ken doll.
29
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I'm proud of Nathan.
30
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The more risks you take on as a reporter,
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the higher up the chain you go.
32
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It's like the Scud Stud from the Gulf War.
33
00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:23,970
Or, uh... when Katie Couric
did her colonoscopy on TV.
34
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That's-that's how you
make a name for yourself;
35
00:01:26,210 --> 00:01:27,240
dodging missiles.
36
00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:30,680
Or, showing America your pooper.
37
00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:36,049
Yeah, and it's, it's only for a week, Mom.
38
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Nathan said if he's not
kidnapped by Sunday,
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he'll come home.
40
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You know and he, he's not out there alone.
41
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Ray has his back.
42
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Ow! Get off my back!
43
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Get out of my house!
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This is not your house!
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☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯
❃www.addic7ed.com❃
46
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Mom, what are you doing to my calendar?
47
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Just highlighting Sunday as Mother's Day,
48
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so you don't forget again.
49
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,339
Yeah. It was one time,
and I was six years old.
50
00:02:37,340 --> 00:02:40,809
Nathan didn't forget
Mother's Day when he was six.
51
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He dressed in a tiny tuxedo
and asked me to marry him.
52
00:02:44,510 --> 00:02:46,449
Aw...
53
00:02:46,450 --> 00:02:47,619
And 35 years later,
54
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he seems to have gotten his wish.
55
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After living in Myrtle Beach,
56
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I sure am looking forward to
57
00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:55,219
getting back to our old traditions.
58
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We'll have brunch at LaRosa Bistro
59
00:02:57,460 --> 00:03:00,159
and then spend the rest
of the day at Nathan's.
60
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,329
What about Motherless
Day? "Motherless Day"?
61
00:03:03,330 --> 00:03:05,229
Yeah. It's how we celebrate Mother's Day.
62
00:03:05,230 --> 00:03:06,930
I get a vacation from being a mom.
63
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Mikayla get's a vacation from having one.
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No rules. No nagging. No judgment.
65
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It's the most fun day ever.
66
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Last year, I called dad "Adam" all day,
67
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and then I peed in the sink.
68
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Yeah, Motherless Day is a
tradition that my mom started
69
00:03:22,020 --> 00:03:23,219
back in the commune.
70
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For one day, she could
do whatever she wanted.
71
00:03:25,290 --> 00:03:26,419
And then, nine months later,
72
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I'd usually have another half-sibling.
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Well, when I'm dead,
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00:03:30,330 --> 00:03:32,589
you can go back to being lawless hooligans.
75
00:03:32,590 --> 00:03:34,290
Wait a minute, so you expect us
76
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,929
to change our plans?
77
00:03:35,930 --> 00:03:37,160
Do you know how awful
78
00:03:37,170 --> 00:03:39,669
the last ten Mother's
Days have been for me?
79
00:03:39,670 --> 00:03:40,930
Other than your brother sending me
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a beautiful bouquet of
flowers and a wonderful poem,
81
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I would be forced to spend my entire day
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00:03:45,110 --> 00:03:47,839
alone with your father.
83
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,579
Yes... 24 hours alone with your mother;
84
00:03:51,580 --> 00:03:54,649
that was my Vietnam.
85
00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:57,480
And I fought in Vietnam.
86
00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:01,550
Okay. Fine. You win. There'll
be no Motherless Day.
87
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:02,959
Aw, come on, Deb. That's our tradition.
88
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,359
I mean, what are you gonna get rid of next?
89
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,529
Naked Easter? Naked Labor Day?
90
00:04:06,530 --> 00:04:09,159
Daylight Naked Time?
91
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,629
I'm sorry, Adam, but we'll
92
00:04:10,630 --> 00:04:11,999
go to brunch at LaRosa Bistro
93
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,399
and then we'll head over to Nathan's.
94
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,839
But I promise you, when the
clocks move forward this year,
95
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,500
our clothes will come off.
96
00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,879
Hello.
97
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,079
Anybody home...
98
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,750
less?
99
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:29,379
Oh, Nate's...
100
00:04:29,380 --> 00:04:30,680
he's in his bedroom.
101
00:04:30,690 --> 00:04:32,749
Be careful though, he's
not in a great mood.
102
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:33,950
And neither am I.
103
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:37,460
But we promised, we'd
never go to box angry!
104
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:40,690
Well, maybe I'm angry because
105
00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,759
somebody stole all the
rainwater that I collected.
106
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:46,670
That you collected in my eggshells!
107
00:04:47,730 --> 00:04:48,769
Whoa...
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00:04:48,770 --> 00:04:50,639
That one had ants in it.
109
00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:51,939
Good!
110
00:04:51,940 --> 00:04:53,439
Hey, uh... brought you some leftovers.
111
00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:54,309
Oh. Thanks.
112
00:04:54,310 --> 00:04:56,739
I'm starving.
113
00:04:56,740 --> 00:04:59,379
So, Nathan, what are you gonna
do when you get home on Sunday?
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00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:00,679
Oh... I'm gonna take a shower,
115
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:02,979
get in a clean bed and
sleep for like 24 hours.
116
00:05:02,980 --> 00:05:04,780
Well, yeah, I know, but Sunday is...
117
00:05:04,790 --> 00:05:06,219
Come on, Debbie, I just want to rest.
118
00:05:06,220 --> 00:05:07,719
Okay?
119
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,219
And I, I know that probably means
120
00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:11,020
that I'm gonna miss
Mikayla's soccer game, but...
121
00:05:11,030 --> 00:05:12,259
sorry, it's not really soccer.
122
00:05:12,260 --> 00:05:14,160
They all just run towards the ball.
123
00:05:15,860 --> 00:05:19,569
It's like throwing a piece
of bread in a duck pond.
124
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:23,969
So... Sunday is just about you?
125
00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:25,139
N-Nobody else?
126
00:05:25,140 --> 00:05:27,770
It's... basically just Nathan's Day?
127
00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:30,709
I think I deserve that.
128
00:05:30,710 --> 00:05:33,080
Yes, you certainly do.
129
00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:39,819
Nathan forgot Mother's Day!
130
00:05:39,820 --> 00:05:43,190
He forgot Mother's Day...!
131
00:05:45,490 --> 00:05:48,360
Damn it, this would have
better if someone were in here.
132
00:05:59,980 --> 00:06:02,169
I can't believe we're spending
Motherless Day making Carol
133
00:06:02,170 --> 00:06:04,669
a fruit smoothie for when she wakes up.
134
00:06:04,670 --> 00:06:06,039
Tell me about it.
135
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,469
I filled a pillowcase full of Skittles
136
00:06:08,470 --> 00:06:11,510
and put Bad Grandpa on the DVR for nothing.
137
00:06:12,610 --> 00:06:14,309
Yeah. Sorry, guys. I'll make it up to you.
138
00:06:14,310 --> 00:06:15,279
It's just, it's not every day
139
00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:16,879
I get to outshine my brother, you know?
140
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:18,079
Oh. Oh. Here.
141
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,319
Put in some more coffee beans.
142
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,120
I want mom really buzzing
when she goes off on Nathan.
143
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:23,989
What are you doing here?
144
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:26,659
Run, Munchkins!
145
00:06:26,660 --> 00:06:28,659
It's the Wicked Witch of the West!
146
00:06:28,660 --> 00:06:32,560
Stop it, Tom. You can't afford
to kill any more brain cells.
147
00:06:33,630 --> 00:06:35,930
Is that my mommy I hear?
148
00:06:35,940 --> 00:06:37,469
Happy Mother's Day!
149
00:06:37,470 --> 00:06:38,739
You too!
150
00:06:38,740 --> 00:06:40,869
Oh... How sweet.
151
00:06:40,870 --> 00:06:43,810
Does anyone else see my
grandfather in that chair?
152
00:06:45,340 --> 00:06:47,579
I think I need something to eat.
153
00:06:47,580 --> 00:06:49,349
Is Nathan home yet?
154
00:06:49,350 --> 00:06:51,079
No. But I'm sure he has all kinds of
155
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,619
wonderful things planned,
156
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,749
since forgetting Mother's Day
would be incredibly thoughtless,
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00:06:54,750 --> 00:06:56,319
dare I say, unforgivable.
158
00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:01,559
I have a delivery from Nathan Miller.
159
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,390
Oh, come on! Oh...!
160
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:04,390
Those are for me.
161
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,299
Come in. Come in. Come in.
162
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,529
Oh. I'm sorry. I don't have a tip for you.
163
00:07:08,530 --> 00:07:10,769
I leave my wallet on my
dresser on Mother's Day.
164
00:07:10,770 --> 00:07:12,399
Oh. I know. Here...
165
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,000
give these to your mother.
166
00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:16,209
Mm. Those are weeds.
167
00:07:16,210 --> 00:07:18,709
No, they're not.
168
00:07:18,710 --> 00:07:19,979
I'm a licensed florist.
169
00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:21,010
You're holding weeds.
170
00:07:27,390 --> 00:07:30,450
That's weird.
171
00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:33,120
I just got a text saying that
my flower delivery's arrived.
172
00:07:33,130 --> 00:07:34,359
Probably for Mother's Day, right?
173
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:38,190
Today's Mother's Day?
174
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,460
Oh, God. Oh, this is bad.
175
00:07:40,470 --> 00:07:41,760
This is very, very bad.
176
00:07:41,770 --> 00:07:43,899
Why? You just said you had
flowers delivered to your house.
177
00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:45,569
Yeah. I got a standing
order at McGee's Florist
178
00:07:45,570 --> 00:07:47,169
to automatically deliver flowers
179
00:07:47,170 --> 00:07:48,769
and a personalized poem every Mother's Day.
180
00:07:48,770 --> 00:07:50,970
One to my mother who used
to live in Myrtle Beach
181
00:07:50,980 --> 00:07:52,479
and the other to my house
182
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,279
for my ex-mother-in-law.
183
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,879
I forgot to change the order.
184
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,679
My mother's got flowers, but
she's got the wrong poem.
185
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,150
I got to get that card!
186
00:08:02,790 --> 00:08:06,360
Look who suddenly gets busy on Moving Day!
187
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:11,159
I want to wait for Nathan to
get home before I open the card,
188
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,299
but I really want to read this year's poem.
189
00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:15,870
No. I'll wait.
190
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,230
But I have to read it.
191
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:19,299
No, I'll wait.
192
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:21,369
God! Just read the damn card.
193
00:08:26,310 --> 00:08:27,979
"A mother is a gift from above.
194
00:08:27,980 --> 00:08:30,449
"Always there with unconditional love.
195
00:08:30,450 --> 00:08:32,849
"Your cooking is delicious.
196
00:08:32,850 --> 00:08:34,719
"Your advice is judicious.
197
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,089
"You simply have no flaw.
198
00:08:37,090 --> 00:08:38,920
"You're the perfect mother...
199
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,659
"...in-law."
200
00:08:41,660 --> 00:08:42,959
I can explain.
201
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,729
"Mother-in-law"?!
202
00:08:44,730 --> 00:08:45,759
Wait. Mom. Mom.
203
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:46,799
These flowers aren't for you.
204
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,060
They're for Natalie Durkess,
205
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,229
Nathan's ex-wife's mother, not you.
206
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,030
Oh. What a turn of events.
207
00:08:53,340 --> 00:08:55,039
I have a standing order at McGee's Florist.
208
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:56,639
I pre-wrote a bunch of poems.
209
00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:00,109
I forgot to cancel Janice's
Mom's flowers after our divorce.
210
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:02,340
I'm sure there's a huge bouquet
outside of your old house
211
00:09:02,350 --> 00:09:03,979
in Myrtle Beach.
212
00:09:03,980 --> 00:09:05,679
So, you forgot Mother's Day?
213
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:09,219
No... the whole reason that I
set up the automatic delivery
214
00:09:09,220 --> 00:09:11,489
was so that I would never forget.
215
00:09:11,490 --> 00:09:13,389
Or never have to remember.
216
00:09:13,390 --> 00:09:14,620
Well. Maybe this is a good time
217
00:09:14,630 --> 00:09:16,120
for me to read my poem.
218
00:09:16,130 --> 00:09:18,459
"Mother, 'M' is for the
moments we've shared,
219
00:09:18,460 --> 00:09:19,429
"'O' is for..."
220
00:09:19,430 --> 00:09:20,599
Wait a second.
221
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:23,129
Why were Natalie's flowers delivered here?
222
00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:26,269
She used to spend Mother's Day here.
223
00:09:26,270 --> 00:09:28,239
"'O' is for only I remember..."
224
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:29,569
While I was in Myrtle Beach,
225
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:31,710
you were cheating on me
with another mother?!
226
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,609
I do not miss that volume.
227
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:37,779
Look, Mom, come on.
228
00:09:37,780 --> 00:09:39,479
I said I was sorry.
229
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:43,189
Yeah, with the same mouth that's
been lying to me for 10 years.
230
00:09:43,190 --> 00:09:44,689
Oh, no. She's coming in hot.
231
00:09:44,690 --> 00:09:46,289
Scramble! Don't make eye contact.
232
00:09:46,290 --> 00:09:48,159
She'll see you as a threat.
233
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:49,889
You forgot Mother's Day!
234
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:53,299
The one day of the year that
I expect special treatment
235
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:54,899
and you forgot it!
236
00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:57,269
"The one day" that you
expect special treatment?
237
00:09:57,270 --> 00:09:58,730
"The one day"?
238
00:09:58,740 --> 00:10:01,439
Every day since you've lived
here has been Mother's Day.
239
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:02,640
Do you...
240
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:08,079
Do you know what being your child is like?
241
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,309
It's like, it's like the guy that runs
242
00:10:09,310 --> 00:10:10,509
the nuclear power plant.
243
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:11,610
Every day, you do a thousand things right,
244
00:10:11,620 --> 00:10:13,479
but you make one mistake
245
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,119
and it's a complete catastrophe.
246
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:18,389
You know what being your mother is like?
247
00:10:18,390 --> 00:10:20,459
Is like being the guy in the power plant
248
00:10:20,460 --> 00:10:22,260
whose son is ungrateful.
249
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,190
If you don't want me around anymore,
250
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,790
I think it's time that I move.
251
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,399
Oh, come on. We're doing this again?
252
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,029
The "I'm moving out" show?
253
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:30,969
It's not a show.
254
00:10:30,970 --> 00:10:31,899
I need the classifieds.
255
00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:34,669
Where's the newspaper?
256
00:10:34,670 --> 00:10:35,439
Oh, no. There's nowhere to scramble!
257
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:38,039
Just make yourself small.
258
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,039
Has anyone seen a newspaper?
259
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,940
Looks like I'll be spending
this Mother's Day brunch
260
00:10:41,950 --> 00:10:43,649
looking for a new place to live!
261
00:10:43,650 --> 00:10:45,810
You know what? I'm not going to brunch.
262
00:10:45,820 --> 00:10:47,119
Okay. I-I-I'm-I'm sorry.
263
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,449
I'm exhausted. I spent the
entire week living in a box,
264
00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:50,589
trying to get abducted,
265
00:10:50,590 --> 00:10:52,119
and the only good thing that came out of it
266
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:54,620
is that I now fit in my
skinny, skinny jeans.
267
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,259
So...
268
00:10:57,260 --> 00:10:58,959
forgive me if I don't want to go out
269
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,799
so that you can continue
this show in public.
270
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,329
Well, fine. We'll just go without you.
271
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,430
Debbie, let's go.
272
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,469
Oh. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
273
00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:08,839
You barely looked at my flowers.
274
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:10,169
You didn't listen to my poem.
275
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,039
Do you know what?
276
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:11,839
I give up my entire day
277
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:12,870
to make Nathan look bad
278
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,439
and you don't even care.
279
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:15,379
So, you know what?
280
00:11:15,380 --> 00:11:16,740
Forget your Mother's Day.
281
00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:19,210
Motherless Day is back on.
282
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,919
Adam, take me to my couch.
283
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:23,420
Yes'm.
284
00:11:26,050 --> 00:11:28,419
Take it easy, Carol!
285
00:11:28,420 --> 00:11:30,020
They're my ride.
286
00:11:30,030 --> 00:11:31,889
Happy Mother's Day.
287
00:11:31,890 --> 00:11:33,590
Bye, Grandpa.
288
00:11:35,260 --> 00:11:38,399
Fine. Looks like I'll be
going to brunch alone.
289
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,930
Sure you are. You don't even drive.
290
00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:41,199
How you gonna get there?
291
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,969
I'll walk.
292
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:45,809
And everyone in Leesburg
will be pointing and saying,
293
00:11:45,810 --> 00:11:47,779
"What kind of son would let his mother
294
00:11:47,780 --> 00:11:50,180
"trot along the highway on Mother's Day?!"
295
00:11:53,050 --> 00:11:55,380
I'll be walking up Maple Street to First.
296
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,649
In case this information
becomes important to you
297
00:11:58,650 --> 00:12:00,090
five minutes from now.
298
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:18,759
Ma'am, I am sorry to bother you again,
299
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:19,859
but there are other people waiting.
300
00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:21,590
And that gentleman has low blood sugar.
301
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,659
Are you sure your family's coming?
302
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,529
Don't worry. They'll be here.
303
00:12:25,530 --> 00:12:28,029
They just needed time to think.
304
00:12:28,030 --> 00:12:29,700
Here.
305
00:12:33,370 --> 00:12:35,639
How about this? I'll
speed things along a bit.
306
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,909
I'll send my son a sad selfie.
307
00:12:37,910 --> 00:12:39,579
That's how I got him to
bring me a turkey sandwich
308
00:12:39,580 --> 00:12:41,080
in the bathtub.
309
00:13:05,270 --> 00:13:06,840
Garçon.
310
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,209
I found the bottom of my glass again.
311
00:13:11,210 --> 00:13:15,249
I thought these, uh, mimosas
was supposed to be bottomless.
312
00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:17,249
Ma'am, it has been another 20 minutes.
313
00:13:17,250 --> 00:13:18,179
Perhaps we could move you to the bar
314
00:13:18,180 --> 00:13:19,380
until your family arrives.
315
00:13:19,390 --> 00:13:21,889
I'm... quite comfortable here.
316
00:13:21,890 --> 00:13:22,919
I see that.
317
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,389
It's just that, like many restaurants,
318
00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:26,089
we're in the business of selling food.
319
00:13:26,090 --> 00:13:29,129
Fine. You want me to order?
320
00:13:29,130 --> 00:13:30,459
I'll order.
321
00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:32,829
My daughter and her whole family will have
322
00:13:32,830 --> 00:13:35,229
whatever dumb vegetarian thing you have.
323
00:13:35,230 --> 00:13:38,099
My, forever-dieting son will have a salad.
324
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:41,110
And my ex-husband loves the baked halibut.
325
00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:42,709
So, give him the chicken.
326
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:48,109
"Give him the chicken!"
327
00:13:55,190 --> 00:13:57,219
"He loves the halibut!"
328
00:14:01,930 --> 00:14:03,559
Guys, we got to go.
329
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:06,029
Mom's all alone at LaRosa's
and she just texted me a video
330
00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:08,799
of all the happy mothers
with their families.
331
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,239
Happy mother.
332
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:15,739
Happy mother. Happy mother...
333
00:14:15,740 --> 00:14:17,980
Your mother.
334
00:14:19,310 --> 00:14:21,079
I can't believe she went there by herself.
335
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,779
I can. It's so typical.
336
00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:24,549
It's just another one of her guilt-trips.
337
00:14:24,550 --> 00:14:26,249
You can't give in to this, Nathan.
338
00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:27,249
Be strong.
339
00:14:27,250 --> 00:14:28,449
Come join us on the couch,
340
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,189
where we refuse to feed the beast.
341
00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:31,689
Look, I, I hear what you're saying, Debbie,
342
00:14:31,690 --> 00:14:33,220
but, I, I don't think that
today is the best day to,
343
00:14:33,230 --> 00:14:34,589
"starve the beast."
344
00:14:34,590 --> 00:14:35,889
It's her day. It's...
345
00:14:35,890 --> 00:14:37,190
well, it's Beast Day.
346
00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:40,599
So, it's the perfect day to take a stand.
347
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:41,769
She'll know you finally mean it.
348
00:14:41,770 --> 00:14:43,869
Unlike all the other times,
where you just give in.
349
00:14:43,870 --> 00:14:45,069
What you need to do,
350
00:14:45,070 --> 00:14:47,069
is ferberize her.
351
00:14:47,070 --> 00:14:48,409
"Ferberize"?
352
00:14:48,410 --> 00:14:50,509
Is that the thing on TV
that you hook to your vacuum
353
00:14:50,510 --> 00:14:52,039
to give yourself a haircut?
354
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:53,309
No.
355
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:55,549
Well, that's what I vote we do, anyway.
356
00:14:55,550 --> 00:14:58,249
Hold her down and cut
her hair with a vacuum.
357
00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:01,449
She'd hate that.
358
00:15:01,450 --> 00:15:04,019
Ferberizing is a method to
help babies go to sleep.
359
00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:06,289
See, instead of running
to them when they cry,
360
00:15:06,290 --> 00:15:08,629
you just let them cry until
they fall asleep on their own.
361
00:15:08,630 --> 00:15:09,990
I-I don't know. That'd be so hard.
362
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,390
I mean knowing that she's
there all upset, I...
363
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,799
N-N-No one said it was gonna
be easy, Nathan. All right?
364
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,769
When Mikayla used to cry, I'd get so upset,
365
00:15:15,770 --> 00:15:18,399
that Debbie would have
to massage my earlobes.
366
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,669
It creates a wonderfully distracting tingle
367
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,110
that you can feel all
the way down to your...
368
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,539
toes.
369
00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:29,349
Okay, so, so you're saying
370
00:15:29,350 --> 00:15:30,949
that by ignoring mom,
371
00:15:30,950 --> 00:15:32,719
it's not that we're withholding love,
372
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:35,219
it's that we're giving... independence?
373
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:37,119
- Exactly.
- Yes.
374
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:38,759
Okay, yeah, I could do that. I'm in.
375
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:39,890
Oh...
376
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,790
Aw, man, she's holding a loaf of bread
377
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,029
like it's a baby.
378
00:15:46,030 --> 00:15:47,129
What, what if we just...
379
00:15:47,130 --> 00:15:49,529
Oh, yeah. Yeah. That is tingly.
380
00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,169
Nothing wrong with a guy
getting a little earlobe massage
381
00:15:53,170 --> 00:15:54,539
from his sister, right?
382
00:15:54,540 --> 00:15:55,639
It's me, Adam.
383
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,140
Oh, God!
384
00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:02,109
Mmm...
385
00:16:02,110 --> 00:16:03,409
Oh, damn it.
386
00:16:03,410 --> 00:16:05,949
My phone's dead.
387
00:16:05,950 --> 00:16:07,719
I must've took...
388
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:09,850
too many pictures.
389
00:16:11,990 --> 00:16:13,789
Excuse me! That's my pocketbook.
390
00:16:13,790 --> 00:16:16,030
Relax. I just need a phone for two minutes.
391
00:16:16,830 --> 00:16:18,990
Why do you have a gun?
392
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,259
- Ma'am, ma'am.
- Huh?
393
00:16:20,260 --> 00:16:21,860
You need to stay at your own table.
394
00:16:21,870 --> 00:16:23,469
- Oh, ho, ho.
- And it may be time
395
00:16:23,470 --> 00:16:24,630
for you to sit on your hands.
396
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:26,869
And we're gonna need these chairs
397
00:16:26,870 --> 00:16:28,839
- for patrons who have actually shown up.
- Ah, ah, ah.
398
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,139
Not gonna happen.
399
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:32,679
- Ma'am, let go.
- Nope.
400
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:34,509
Ma'am, you are making a scene.
401
00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:35,709
You're making a scene!
402
00:16:35,710 --> 00:16:37,210
Fine!
403
00:16:41,020 --> 00:16:42,749
Ooh...
404
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,750
That was wild.
405
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,729
I'm still wet and cold.
406
00:16:49,730 --> 00:16:53,129
I'm sorry, but that's all the
coats we had in lost and found.
407
00:16:53,130 --> 00:16:55,099
Look, I know I have a kind face,
408
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,970
but I'm very close to slapping you.
409
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,869
I think it's time for you to leave.
410
00:16:59,870 --> 00:17:01,469
Yeah, well,
411
00:17:01,470 --> 00:17:02,939
my family and I
412
00:17:02,940 --> 00:17:05,470
will never come in here again.
413
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,809
Your family was never
here in the first place.
414
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:10,879
You're not gonna like this.
415
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:14,819
My wallet stays on my
dresser on Mother's Day.
416
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:17,850
It doesn't matter.
417
00:17:17,860 --> 00:17:19,050
The-the meal is on the house.
418
00:17:19,060 --> 00:17:21,089
We just need you to go. Now.
419
00:17:21,090 --> 00:17:24,189
First, I'll need you to wrap
all this stuff up to go.
420
00:17:24,190 --> 00:17:26,759
And if it doesn't live up to
421
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,860
my high "cumilary" standards,
422
00:17:28,870 --> 00:17:31,099
I will certainly write
423
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:35,770
an eloquent, albeit
negative, review on Yelp.
424
00:17:43,010 --> 00:17:45,280
I do not need that boxed up.
425
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,589
Tell me I have to leave your restaurant?
426
00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:51,589
Me?
427
00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:52,919
Me?!
428
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,459
What?!
429
00:17:56,490 --> 00:17:57,429
It's my day.
430
00:17:57,430 --> 00:17:58,459
Kidding me?
431
00:17:58,460 --> 00:18:00,259
Ask me to leave your restaurant,
432
00:18:00,260 --> 00:18:02,060
you big old show-off?
433
00:18:02,070 --> 00:18:04,169
This is my day.
434
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:05,299
My day.
435
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:08,839
What the...?
436
00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:16,979
It's after midnight.
437
00:18:16,980 --> 00:18:18,349
Where could she be?
438
00:18:18,350 --> 00:18:20,079
Don't worry, I'm sure she's fine.
439
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:21,219
Sometimes she gets like this,
440
00:18:21,220 --> 00:18:22,749
but she always comes back.
441
00:18:22,750 --> 00:18:24,590
She's like a bitchy boomerang.
442
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,759
I made it!
443
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:30,829
Oh, my God.
444
00:18:30,830 --> 00:18:31,729
Mom, you're alive!
445
00:18:31,730 --> 00:18:32,959
Where were you? What happened?
446
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,799
It was crazy! Crazy!
447
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,360
I was walking down Sycamore Street...
448
00:18:36,370 --> 00:18:38,229
I guess I looked like a homeless person,
449
00:18:38,230 --> 00:18:40,199
because some people scooped me up in a van!
450
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,399
Oh, my God, it's true!
451
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,669
They were snatching up homeless!
452
00:18:43,670 --> 00:18:45,509
I'm too pretty to pull off "homeless."
453
00:18:45,510 --> 00:18:47,339
Right. Shut up, Nathan.
454
00:18:47,340 --> 00:18:48,679
Oh, yeah, you're right, you're right.
455
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,009
It's not about me, it's about you.
456
00:18:50,010 --> 00:18:51,209
- Yeah. Mom, did they hurt you?
- No.
457
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:52,679
Actually, they were very nice.
458
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:53,879
They said they were just trying
459
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,179
to clean up the neighborhood.
460
00:18:55,180 --> 00:18:56,380
I must've passed out in the van,
461
00:18:56,390 --> 00:18:57,749
'cause when I woke up, it was dark outside
462
00:18:57,750 --> 00:18:59,289
and I was sleeping in a Dumpster
463
00:18:59,290 --> 00:19:00,789
with a bum named Larry.
464
00:19:00,790 --> 00:19:03,559
He said "bum" wasn't a very PC term,
465
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,329
that he preferred "urban outdoorsman,"
466
00:19:05,330 --> 00:19:07,059
but that he liked me
467
00:19:07,060 --> 00:19:09,400
and so he'd give me a pass on the B-word.
468
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:11,469
But... Mom...
469
00:19:11,470 --> 00:19:13,630
Okay, why didn't you
find a phone and call us?
470
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:14,739
Because I was mad.
471
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:17,039
So I ditched my heels,
472
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,109
traded Larry a ten-minute
back rub for these boots,
473
00:19:19,110 --> 00:19:20,670
climbed out of the Dumpster,
474
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:23,879
headed south and hitchhiked along 95!
475
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,479
Wait... wait, you... you hitchhiked?
476
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:27,249
This is amazing.
477
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,819
I know, right?
478
00:19:28,820 --> 00:19:30,419
I was picked up by a trucker.
479
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,519
His name was Bucky.
480
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,419
He gave me these energy drinks.
481
00:19:33,420 --> 00:19:35,619
They...
482
00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:37,389
they come in these tiny little bottles
483
00:19:37,390 --> 00:19:38,359
and they're amazing.
484
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:39,790
I could climb a tree right now.
485
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,530
Who wants to climb a tree?
486
00:19:43,330 --> 00:19:44,769
- Okay, Mom, Mom, Mom...
- Huh?
487
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:46,169
Why don't you just sit down?
488
00:19:46,170 --> 00:19:48,370
- Dad, why don't you get her some tea?
- Yeah. Decaf.
489
00:19:50,810 --> 00:19:54,409
I'm so sorry that we left
you alone on Mother's Day.
490
00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:55,439
Well, you shouldn't be.
491
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:58,149
I was so caught up in my adventure,
492
00:19:58,150 --> 00:19:59,549
and trying to survive,
493
00:19:59,550 --> 00:20:01,319
that for the first time in 43 years,
494
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:02,980
I wasn't thinking about being a mother
495
00:20:02,990 --> 00:20:05,419
and it was exhilarating!
496
00:20:05,420 --> 00:20:07,150
You had a motherless Mother's Day.
497
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:08,789
See, I told you it was great.
498
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:09,789
You know what?
499
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:11,059
It was.
500
00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:12,689
And Nathan...
501
00:20:12,690 --> 00:20:14,159
starting tomorrow,
502
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,099
I'm gonna look for a place of my own.
503
00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:17,329
And I mean it this time.
504
00:20:17,330 --> 00:20:18,799
Look, no, Mom, you don't have to...
505
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,830
Yes, I do.
506
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:21,839
You know...
507
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,939
I went from living with your father
508
00:20:23,940 --> 00:20:26,270
and taking care of him 24/7
509
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,809
to coming up here and
doing the same for you.
510
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:31,279
The time has come to take care of me.
511
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,410
And the only way to do that is to...
512
00:20:33,420 --> 00:20:35,349
go out there on my own.
513
00:20:35,350 --> 00:20:37,919
So...
514
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,489
I'm moving out.
515
00:20:39,490 --> 00:20:42,219
Wow.
516
00:20:42,220 --> 00:20:43,520
When you said, "I'm moving out,"
517
00:20:43,530 --> 00:20:44,989
I thought I just heard angels sing,
518
00:20:44,990 --> 00:20:47,330
but I...
519
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:51,429
I'm kidding.
520
00:20:51,430 --> 00:20:52,629
I'm really proud of you, Mom.
521
00:20:52,630 --> 00:20:53,899
And I guess I gave you
522
00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:55,899
the best gift ever by
forgetting Mother's Day.
523
00:20:57,870 --> 00:21:00,370
Who could be calling here after midnight?
524
00:21:00,380 --> 00:21:02,179
Hello?
525
00:21:02,180 --> 00:21:03,779
Yeah, she's here.
526
00:21:03,780 --> 00:21:06,179
Ooh, I guess she did.
527
00:21:06,180 --> 00:21:07,210
I'll put her on.
528
00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:09,149
It's your mother.
529
00:21:09,150 --> 00:21:11,280
You forgot Mother's Day.
530
00:21:12,050 --> 00:21:14,549
Oh, crap. I do this every year.
531
00:21:14,550 --> 00:21:20,550
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