1
00:00:04,288 --> 00:00:06,522
(cheering)
2
00:00:07,724 --> 00:00:09,358
D'oh!
3
00:00:09,393 --> 00:00:10,560
(tires screeching)
4
00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:11,894
(grunts)
5
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,263
(clamoring)
6
00:00:14,298 --> 00:00:15,798
Okay. Next question.
7
00:00:15,833 --> 00:00:18,267
Yes. Will there be
another Simpsons movie?
8
00:00:18,413 --> 00:00:22,413
♪ The Simpsons 25x22 ♪
The Yellow Badge of Cowardge
Original Air Date on May 1
9
00:00:22,438 --> 00:00:27,438
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
10
00:00:29,714 --> 00:00:31,615
♪ ♪
11
00:00:31,674 --> 00:00:33,975
LISA:
Our Lord, Buddha, says,
12
00:00:34,010 --> 00:00:37,279
"The secret of existence
is to pass beyond fear."
13
00:00:37,313 --> 00:00:39,848
My brother is about
to meet fear...
14
00:00:39,882 --> 00:00:41,082
and as usual...
15
00:00:41,117 --> 00:00:42,651
he won't pass.
16
00:00:45,988 --> 00:00:47,822
Wake up, Lis!
It's the last day of school!
17
00:00:47,857 --> 00:00:49,257
(groans)
18
00:00:49,292 --> 00:00:50,292
Wake up, Maggs!
19
00:00:50,326 --> 00:00:51,626
It's the last day of school!
20
00:00:51,661 --> 00:00:53,361
(singsongy):
Last day of school!
21
00:00:53,396 --> 00:00:54,796
(metal clanging rhythmically)
Last day of school!
22
00:00:54,830 --> 00:00:56,565
Found my summer hobby!
23
00:00:56,599 --> 00:00:57,933
Banging pots together!
24
00:00:57,967 --> 00:00:58,934
Don't worry, Marge.
25
00:00:58,968 --> 00:01:00,202
As a favor to you,
26
00:01:00,236 --> 00:01:02,270
I'm enrolling
that precious little jerk
27
00:01:02,305 --> 00:01:05,240
in this fresh air summer camp.
28
00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:08,143
That's a prison road crew.
29
00:01:08,177 --> 00:01:09,744
I did that last summer.
30
00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:10,745
I'm not allowed back.
31
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,581
(humming)
32
00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:13,815
(whirring)
33
00:01:13,849 --> 00:01:16,084
Good-bye forever,
multiplication!
34
00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:18,720
(slurps)
35
00:01:18,754 --> 00:01:19,721
Uh...
36
00:01:19,755 --> 00:01:20,822
needs more numerators.
37
00:01:22,692 --> 00:01:24,192
Ah, "July 4th..."
38
00:01:24,227 --> 00:01:25,293
What the...?
39
00:01:25,328 --> 00:01:26,928
No fireworks?!
40
00:01:26,963 --> 00:01:30,565
Can't this stupid city
entertain me one night a year?!
41
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,234
The city's broke.
42
00:01:32,268 --> 00:01:34,069
The fire department
has to raise money
43
00:01:34,103 --> 00:01:35,604
by delivering pizza.
44
00:01:38,107 --> 00:01:40,408
My baby!
45
00:01:40,443 --> 00:01:42,010
Back ribs!
46
00:01:42,044 --> 00:01:43,511
Marge, when you're broke,
47
00:01:43,546 --> 00:01:45,780
that's when you got to
keep up appearances.
48
00:01:45,815 --> 00:01:48,750
The Fourth of July is the one
day a year when our city puts on
49
00:01:48,784 --> 00:01:50,252
her high heels and tube top
50
00:01:50,286 --> 00:01:52,854
and leans into
America's car window.
51
00:01:52,888 --> 00:01:54,956
(crying):
God bless her.
52
00:01:56,292 --> 00:01:58,093
LISA:
The last day of school.
53
00:01:58,127 --> 00:01:59,761
Field Day.
54
00:01:59,795 --> 00:02:02,063
When you learn to balance
an egg on a spoon
55
00:02:02,098 --> 00:02:03,898
and run with
your leg tied to someone
56
00:02:03,933 --> 00:02:05,800
who wouldn't
talk to you all year.
57
00:02:05,835 --> 00:02:09,104
Hey! Are you coming to the
after-school pool party?
58
00:02:09,138 --> 00:02:11,239
Not now.
59
00:02:11,274 --> 00:02:13,908
(giggles)
60
00:02:13,943 --> 00:02:15,977
Aw... no fair!
61
00:02:16,012 --> 00:02:18,313
He actually has
three legs.
62
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,148
You lay off
my son Tripod!
63
00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:22,250
He won fair and square,
64
00:02:22,285 --> 00:02:26,087
just like my twins
Wheel and Barrow.
65
00:02:26,122 --> 00:02:28,790
Now, take you brother
to the face painting.
66
00:02:28,824 --> 00:02:31,760
But don't make yourselves up
to look all freaky.
67
00:02:31,794 --> 00:02:34,496
One, two, three, toss.
68
00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,698
(laughs)
69
00:02:36,732 --> 00:02:39,167
The eggs are supposed
to be tossed between students,
70
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,835
not at the principal.
71
00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:43,471
Once more and hurl!
Aah!
72
00:02:43,506 --> 00:02:46,775
We will do this
until we get it right.
73
00:02:46,809 --> 00:02:50,578
Look, do you want this to be
your last school memory?
74
00:02:50,580 --> 00:02:51,746
(groans)
75
00:02:51,781 --> 00:02:53,948
Pull harder!
76
00:02:53,983 --> 00:02:55,350
What is wrong with you people?!
77
00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:56,484
Hey.
78
00:02:56,519 --> 00:02:59,254
I have thumbs, too.
79
00:02:59,288 --> 00:03:02,991
(chiming)
80
00:03:03,025 --> 00:03:04,993
(yells)
81
00:03:06,862 --> 00:03:09,831
I like the Play-Doh
that comes out the back.
82
00:03:10,833 --> 00:03:13,335
See you next June, Macaroni.
83
00:03:13,369 --> 00:03:15,704
(door latch slides shut)
84
00:03:20,509 --> 00:03:24,713
And now the climactic
Race around the School.
85
00:03:24,747 --> 00:03:26,114
Previous winners include
86
00:03:26,148 --> 00:03:27,215
Sideshow Mel,
87
00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:28,783
Señora Bumblebee Man
88
00:03:28,818 --> 00:03:31,720
and Olympian Edwin Moses.
89
00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:32,887
I'll bet your
biggest hurdle was
90
00:03:32,922 --> 00:03:34,489
leaving your
beloved hometown.
91
00:03:34,523 --> 00:03:36,324
All hurdles
are the same size.
92
00:03:36,359 --> 00:03:38,059
Man... who is this loser?
93
00:03:38,094 --> 00:03:40,061
I've got a secret, Bart.
94
00:03:40,096 --> 00:03:41,363
That's good.
95
00:03:41,397 --> 00:03:42,797
Want to know what it is?
96
00:03:42,832 --> 00:03:43,998
No.
97
00:03:44,033 --> 00:03:45,233
My secret is
98
00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,835
I've been training
for this race
99
00:03:46,869 --> 00:03:48,336
and no one suspects.
100
00:03:48,371 --> 00:03:49,404
Check it out:
101
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,239
I'm wearing a dummy tummy.
102
00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:54,142
I'm gonna win
103
00:03:54,176 --> 00:03:56,244
and it'll change my life!
104
00:03:58,614 --> 00:03:59,914
Wow!
105
00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:02,217
Breaking that tape
cured your asthma.
106
00:04:02,251 --> 00:04:03,251
(deep voice):
Marvelous!
107
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:04,586
Ha-ha-ha!
108
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:07,255
(guffaws)
109
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:08,590
(gasps)
110
00:04:11,894 --> 00:04:14,062
(lisping):
Six on Bart Simpson.
111
00:04:14,096 --> 00:04:16,097
BOTH:
Two on us to win.
112
00:04:16,132 --> 00:04:17,699
$20 on Milhouse.
113
00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:19,334
Milhouse?!
(scoffs)
114
00:04:19,368 --> 00:04:21,436
That's a thousand-to-one odds.
115
00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:23,905
Perhaps I should
take my action to Willie.
116
00:04:23,939 --> 00:04:25,707
(grunts)
I ain't makin' book no more.
117
00:04:25,741 --> 00:04:27,175
I lost the deed to my shack!
118
00:04:27,209 --> 00:04:29,110
You are late
with the rent, Willie.
119
00:04:29,145 --> 00:04:31,112
I'll have it by Friday, Mr. U.
120
00:04:31,147 --> 00:04:32,614
I swear.
121
00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:33,915
We can handle your action.
122
00:04:33,949 --> 00:04:35,717
(trumpet playing
in the distance)
123
00:04:35,751 --> 00:04:38,119
Betting is now closed.
124
00:04:40,256 --> 00:04:41,556
(panting)
125
00:04:41,590 --> 00:04:43,792
And now, the 79th running
126
00:04:43,826 --> 00:04:46,428
of the Race around the School.
127
00:04:46,462 --> 00:04:48,163
Gun in the school!
128
00:04:48,197 --> 00:04:49,631
What the...?
129
00:04:49,665 --> 00:04:53,034
Just, just go.
And they're off!
130
00:04:53,068 --> 00:04:54,936
We've got a pack of
fifth-graders on the rail,
131
00:04:54,970 --> 00:04:57,238
Simp-son holding down the center
132
00:04:57,273 --> 00:05:00,708
while Database and Cosine are
still testing the wind speed.
133
00:05:00,743 --> 00:05:02,444
As the runners go
into the first turn,
134
00:05:02,478 --> 00:05:03,812
Lewis is in the lead!
135
00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:05,280
Followed by Lovejoy's daughter,
136
00:05:05,314 --> 00:05:06,414
Fat Tony's nephew,
137
00:05:06,449 --> 00:05:07,615
Brockman's little girl...
(screams)
138
00:05:07,650 --> 00:05:09,217
...and Jailbird's kid!
139
00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:10,552
The Frank Sinatra kid...
140
00:05:10,586 --> 00:05:12,387
well, he's doing it his way!
141
00:05:12,421 --> 00:05:15,657
Rounding out the pack are all
the kids that we never see.
142
00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:17,125
What's this?
143
00:05:17,159 --> 00:05:19,060
Milhouse takes the lead?
144
00:05:19,094 --> 00:05:20,574
The same boy
who sprained his shoulder
145
00:05:20,596 --> 00:05:22,330
doing the Pledge of Allegiance?
146
00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:23,765
(panting)
147
00:05:23,799 --> 00:05:25,433
Uh-oh!
If Milhouse wins this race,
148
00:05:25,468 --> 00:05:26,901
we're out a fortune.
149
00:05:26,936 --> 00:05:28,770
Don't worry.
The race takes a turn
150
00:05:28,804 --> 00:05:30,605
through the trees
where no one can see.
151
00:05:30,639 --> 00:05:32,974
When Milhouse gets there,
you know what to do.
152
00:05:33,008 --> 00:05:35,076
Oh, yeah. Totally.
153
00:05:35,110 --> 00:05:37,111
I mean, it's so obvious.
154
00:05:37,146 --> 00:05:38,480
Just punch him!
155
00:05:38,514 --> 00:05:40,014
Exactly.
156
00:05:40,049 --> 00:05:43,318
Right in the nnn...
fff... dee...?
157
00:05:43,352 --> 00:05:45,753
There is no wrong answer!
158
00:05:45,788 --> 00:05:47,755
CHALMERS: And Milhouse,
the boy nobody loves,
159
00:05:47,790 --> 00:05:49,824
is widening his lead!
160
00:05:49,859 --> 00:05:51,326
And what does he have
to jump over?
161
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:52,694
Nothing, that's what.
162
00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:54,262
I'm out of here.
163
00:05:54,296 --> 00:05:56,764
(grunting)
164
00:05:56,799 --> 00:05:58,800
Good job, Edwin.
165
00:06:00,169 --> 00:06:01,803
I'm doing it! I'm doing it!
166
00:06:01,837 --> 00:06:04,272
And when I win,
I'm changing my name.
167
00:06:04,306 --> 00:06:07,141
To something cool like Winnie!
168
00:06:09,812 --> 00:06:12,881
Did you come to give
me a cup of water?
169
00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:15,350
(both grunt)
170
00:06:15,384 --> 00:06:17,785
The best day of my life
171
00:06:17,820 --> 00:06:20,822
just turned into every
other day of my life.
172
00:06:23,826 --> 00:06:25,693
LISA:
Bart faced a terrible choice--
173
00:06:25,728 --> 00:06:27,529
take a beating with his friend
174
00:06:27,563 --> 00:06:29,731
or slither off like a coward.
175
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:32,166
And like he did with every
multiple choice question
176
00:06:32,201 --> 00:06:36,070
he ever saw, Bart chose "B."
177
00:06:42,244 --> 00:06:44,646
(crowd cheering)
178
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,981
The winner is Bart Simpson!
179
00:06:47,016 --> 00:06:48,516
LISA:
Bart won a blue ribbon.
180
00:06:48,551 --> 00:06:49,717
But was it worth it?
181
00:06:49,752 --> 00:06:51,719
MARGE:
Lisa! Bath time!
182
00:06:51,754 --> 00:06:53,922
LISA:
Mom! I'm narrating!
183
00:06:53,956 --> 00:06:55,823
MARGE:
The water's gonna get cold!
184
00:06:55,858 --> 00:06:57,392
LISA:
Fine.
185
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:04,779
[]LISA: As the pin on the back
of the blue ribbon made its way
186
00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:06,747
through Bart's shirt
and into its housing,
187
00:07:06,782 --> 00:07:08,749
the seeds of his comeuppance
188
00:07:08,784 --> 00:07:10,751
flew out of the woods.
189
00:07:10,786 --> 00:07:12,720
Son! What happened to you
190
00:07:12,754 --> 00:07:15,122
in the dark place
behind the school?
191
00:07:15,157 --> 00:07:16,490
Something good?
192
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,728
I'm afraid I don't remember.
193
00:07:20,762 --> 00:07:22,363
Whew.
194
00:07:22,397 --> 00:07:24,397
Well, it looks like Milhouse
has traumatic amnesia.
195
00:07:24,399 --> 00:07:26,233
He may never remember
what happened to him.
196
00:07:26,268 --> 00:07:29,971
The most important thing is, the
race results are now official.
197
00:07:30,005 --> 00:07:31,839
Now I've got to look
at some severe cases
198
00:07:31,873 --> 00:07:34,642
of ice cream headache.
199
00:07:34,676 --> 00:07:36,644
(theme from MASH playing)
200
00:07:47,689 --> 00:07:49,957
(Bart groaning)
201
00:07:51,994 --> 00:07:53,794
(gasps)
202
00:07:53,829 --> 00:07:55,763
Help me, Bart!
203
00:07:57,532 --> 00:07:58,899
(screams)
204
00:07:58,934 --> 00:08:00,735
Help me, Bart!
205
00:08:00,769 --> 00:08:01,969
(shouts)
206
00:08:02,004 --> 00:08:03,270
(gasps)
207
00:08:03,305 --> 00:08:05,740
Help me, Bart!
208
00:08:07,843 --> 00:08:08,943
(gasping)
209
00:08:08,977 --> 00:08:10,578
Why am I having nightmares?
210
00:08:10,612 --> 00:08:11,946
I'm no coward.
211
00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:13,047
(screams)
212
00:08:13,081 --> 00:08:14,215
A chicken feather?
213
00:08:14,249 --> 00:08:15,750
Why would you hand this to me?
214
00:08:15,784 --> 00:08:17,451
Oh, you must've figured out
215
00:08:17,486 --> 00:08:19,286
I chickened out during the race.
216
00:08:19,321 --> 00:08:21,789
Well, who are you to judge me?
217
00:08:22,824 --> 00:08:24,892
I suck? You suck!
218
00:08:24,926 --> 00:08:27,561
LISA: While Bart was being
outwitted by a baby,
219
00:08:27,596 --> 00:08:31,399
something was coming to a boil
in our pop's brainpan.
220
00:08:31,433 --> 00:08:34,468
Marge, if this stupid,
one-reactor town won't put on
221
00:08:34,503 --> 00:08:36,137
a fireworks show, I will.
222
00:08:36,171 --> 00:08:37,738
I've mapped it out.
223
00:08:37,773 --> 00:08:39,507
(laughs)
Hmm?
224
00:08:39,541 --> 00:08:41,809
(groans)
225
00:08:41,843 --> 00:08:45,746
Maybe we should just light
sparklers in the backyard.
226
00:08:45,781 --> 00:08:49,183
Eh, I've had my problems
with sparklers.
227
00:08:49,217 --> 00:08:50,918
Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!
Fun! Fun! Fun!
228
00:08:50,952 --> 00:08:52,486
(screams)
229
00:08:52,521 --> 00:08:54,488
LISA:
But Fourth of July fireworks
230
00:08:54,523 --> 00:08:55,690
were a different story.
231
00:08:55,724 --> 00:08:57,291
They meant more to my dad
232
00:08:57,325 --> 00:08:59,126
than my Mom could ever know.
233
00:08:59,161 --> 00:09:01,195
It was the one night
of every year
234
00:09:01,229 --> 00:09:03,764
that he couldn't hear
his parents argue.
235
00:09:03,799 --> 00:09:06,367
He figured it was because
they loved the fireworks
236
00:09:06,401 --> 00:09:08,436
just as much as he did.
237
00:09:08,470 --> 00:09:10,504
I want to take a class!
238
00:09:10,539 --> 00:09:13,874
Why can't you be happy
ironing my shirts?!
239
00:09:13,909 --> 00:09:15,476
I need space!
240
00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:18,913
Then close your eyes
and go to Hawaii!
241
00:09:18,947 --> 00:09:22,116
LISA: With his mom gone,
Homer needed a hero,
242
00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:25,186
and no one was a bigger hero
243
00:09:25,220 --> 00:09:26,854
than the magical little man
244
00:09:26,888 --> 00:09:27,888
behind the controls.
245
00:09:27,923 --> 00:09:29,390
(fireworks whistling)
246
00:09:29,424 --> 00:09:30,958
Are you God?
247
00:09:30,992 --> 00:09:32,793
No, no.
248
00:09:32,828 --> 00:09:36,330
But I shoot rockets
into his a-face.
249
00:09:36,364 --> 00:09:37,865
Here's-a my card.
250
00:09:37,899 --> 00:09:41,502
Don't forget to treasure it.
251
00:09:41,536 --> 00:09:43,471
Hmm.
252
00:09:43,505 --> 00:09:44,672
Now let's see.
253
00:09:44,706 --> 00:09:46,373
Which pants have that card?
254
00:09:46,408 --> 00:09:48,309
Board shorts, interested shorts.
255
00:09:48,343 --> 00:09:50,845
Here we are.
256
00:09:50,879 --> 00:09:52,780
Kaboom.
257
00:09:54,282 --> 00:09:57,017
Giuseppe, I want you
to come out of retirement
258
00:09:57,052 --> 00:10:00,020
for the greatest fireworks show
of your career.
259
00:10:00,055 --> 00:10:03,057
Why do you come here and remind
me of a time in my life
260
00:10:03,091 --> 00:10:06,827
when I made a-tons of money
doing a-what I love?
261
00:10:06,862 --> 00:10:09,230
If the Expendables movies
have taught us anything,
262
00:10:09,264 --> 00:10:11,432
it's that people
do their best work
263
00:10:11,466 --> 00:10:13,834
after they're old
and forgotten.
264
00:10:13,869 --> 00:10:17,772
Well, I am younger
than Sylvester Stallone.
265
00:10:17,806 --> 00:10:19,640
I will do it!
266
00:10:23,779 --> 00:10:25,079
Hey, buddy.
267
00:10:25,113 --> 00:10:27,681
Bart, my truest friend.
268
00:10:27,716 --> 00:10:29,150
I brought you a cake.
269
00:10:29,184 --> 00:10:30,718
Read it.
270
00:10:30,752 --> 00:10:32,620
That's an odd message.
271
00:10:32,654 --> 00:10:34,789
But who am I to
argue with icing?
272
00:10:34,823 --> 00:10:37,758
Will you watch Cassidy
the Crocodile with me?
273
00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:40,528
Um, that's kind
of a baby show.
274
00:10:40,562 --> 00:10:42,196
It's all I can handle now.
275
00:10:42,230 --> 00:10:45,599
(sighs)
276
00:10:45,634 --> 00:10:47,134
Henrietta Kitten?
277
00:10:47,169 --> 00:10:48,769
Will you marry me?
278
00:10:48,804 --> 00:10:50,771
Meow, meow, maybe.
279
00:10:50,806 --> 00:10:52,439
Why would a kitten
marry a crocodile?
280
00:10:52,474 --> 00:10:53,741
Wouldn't it eat her?
281
00:10:53,775 --> 00:10:54,875
(shushes)
282
00:10:54,910 --> 00:10:57,311
Suspension of disbelief.
283
00:10:57,345 --> 00:11:00,147
Friends help
friends in trouble.
284
00:11:00,182 --> 00:11:01,148
No! Turn it off!
285
00:11:01,183 --> 00:11:02,883
It's too intense for me!
286
00:11:02,918 --> 00:11:06,387
Some guys just can't
handle crocodiles.
287
00:11:06,421 --> 00:11:07,922
Is it over yet?
288
00:11:07,956 --> 00:11:09,256
(chicken clucks)
289
00:11:09,291 --> 00:11:10,457
And if you're dissatisfied
290
00:11:10,492 --> 00:11:11,892
for any reason,
291
00:11:11,927 --> 00:11:13,594
I will refund your money
292
00:11:13,628 --> 00:11:15,763
in the form of acorns.
293
00:11:18,433 --> 00:11:20,067
(groans)
294
00:11:20,101 --> 00:11:23,771
Hey, this gunpowder,
it has a-crystal meth in it.
295
00:11:23,805 --> 00:11:25,573
Crystal meth?
Then what the heck
296
00:11:25,607 --> 00:11:28,342
did I sell
to them Colombian drug lords?
297
00:11:29,644 --> 00:11:30,978
Brandine!
298
00:11:31,012 --> 00:11:33,914
We're feuding
with the Escobars again!
299
00:11:33,949 --> 00:11:36,617
Does that mean
I ain't talking to Maria?
300
00:11:36,651 --> 00:11:38,452
Duh! Yes.
301
00:11:38,486 --> 00:11:39,520
Homer, we will get
302
00:11:39,554 --> 00:11:42,523
the fireworks someplace else.
303
00:11:42,557 --> 00:11:45,860
The pig's been eating
the C-4 blocks again!
304
00:11:45,894 --> 00:11:48,028
(burps)
305
00:11:48,063 --> 00:11:50,364
(dog barks)
306
00:11:50,398 --> 00:11:54,301
We've invited a new athlete to
join our do-gooding dream team.
307
00:11:54,336 --> 00:11:57,538
Please welcome fleet-footed
phenom, Bart Simpson.
308
00:11:57,572 --> 00:12:00,341
(crowd cheering)
309
00:12:00,375 --> 00:12:02,343
Hey, everyone.
I sure got a lot of attention
310
00:12:02,377 --> 00:12:04,545
for winning this year's
Race around the School.
311
00:12:04,579 --> 00:12:06,380
(crowd cheering)
312
00:12:06,414 --> 00:12:08,315
Completely deserved!
313
00:12:08,350 --> 00:12:09,783
Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Mel.
314
00:12:09,818 --> 00:12:12,219
But I am not here
to talk about myself.
315
00:12:12,254 --> 00:12:15,155
Milhouse, would you
join me at the podium?
316
00:12:15,190 --> 00:12:16,156
(clamoring)
317
00:12:16,191 --> 00:12:17,224
What's going on?
318
00:12:17,259 --> 00:12:18,792
Seriously, what-what's
transpiring?
319
00:12:18,827 --> 00:12:20,494
I've got to set things straight.
320
00:12:20,528 --> 00:12:22,997
During that same race, my friend
Milhouse was in the lead,
321
00:12:23,031 --> 00:12:25,666
when something
horrible happened!
322
00:12:27,369 --> 00:12:29,203
LISA:
Bart knew the worst thing to do
323
00:12:29,237 --> 00:12:31,372
was pile lie upon lie.
324
00:12:31,406 --> 00:12:33,407
And that's exactly what he did.
325
00:12:33,441 --> 00:12:34,909
Rather than try to figure
out what happened,
326
00:12:34,943 --> 00:12:36,477
Milhouse had the
courage to move on.
327
00:12:36,511 --> 00:12:38,312
To me, that's a hero.
328
00:12:38,346 --> 00:12:39,680
(crowd cheering)
329
00:12:39,714 --> 00:12:41,148
Nicely done.
330
00:12:41,182 --> 00:12:43,183
Now we will give out
free rubber bracelets.
331
00:12:43,218 --> 00:12:44,818
Do not wear them to bed.
332
00:12:44,853 --> 00:12:46,220
They smell like truck tires.
333
00:12:46,254 --> 00:12:47,421
They're disgusting.
334
00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:52,993
Crotch or forehead?
335
00:12:53,028 --> 00:12:55,195
Uh, forehead for once.
336
00:12:55,230 --> 00:12:57,598
Wha...?
337
00:13:08,209 --> 00:13:10,377
Bart Simpson!
338
00:13:10,412 --> 00:13:13,180
You ran away
when I was getting beat up!
339
00:13:13,214 --> 00:13:14,515
(crowd booing)
340
00:13:14,549 --> 00:13:15,749
Bart's a coward!
341
00:13:15,784 --> 00:13:16,951
He lied to us!
342
00:13:16,985 --> 00:13:19,420
Stop the tattoo!
343
00:13:19,454 --> 00:13:22,256
Uh, I could make it
a bag of groceries.
344
00:13:22,290 --> 00:13:24,391
All right, make sure there's
some French bread sticking out.
345
00:13:24,426 --> 00:13:27,428
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow!
346
00:13:32,216 --> 00:13:34,384
[](crowd rabbling)
347
00:13:34,418 --> 00:13:37,287
Look how he runs now!
348
00:13:37,321 --> 00:13:38,955
LISA: So Bart was revealed
as a coward.
349
00:13:38,989 --> 00:13:42,191
And now it seemed
like the whole world
350
00:13:42,226 --> 00:13:43,860
was against him.
351
00:13:43,894 --> 00:13:44,861
(screams)
352
00:13:44,895 --> 00:13:47,030
(panting)
353
00:13:47,064 --> 00:13:49,365
MALE ANNOUNCER: Have you ever considered
a reverse-equity mortgage?
354
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,401
That's what put
me in this dump!
355
00:13:51,435 --> 00:13:54,237
Grampa, everyone's
calling me a coward.
356
00:13:54,271 --> 00:13:56,105
Well, join the club.
357
00:13:56,140 --> 00:13:59,609
Anyone who makes it to old age
has got to be part-coward.
358
00:13:59,643 --> 00:14:01,945
Come on, you were
in World War II.
359
00:14:01,979 --> 00:14:04,347
Do you know
how I survived D-Day?
360
00:14:05,382 --> 00:14:07,317
(retches)
361
00:14:07,351 --> 00:14:09,786
Don't worry--
just a day at the beach.
362
00:14:13,991 --> 00:14:17,727
I'll be back around 1946!
363
00:14:17,761 --> 00:14:19,829
But don't people hate cowards?
364
00:14:19,863 --> 00:14:20,897
Sure do.
365
00:14:20,931 --> 00:14:22,665
But we outlive the brave.
366
00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:26,302
Leaving us cowards to make time
with the heroes' widows.
367
00:14:26,337 --> 00:14:29,205
After Korea,
I was drowning in boobies.
368
00:14:29,239 --> 00:14:31,774
Wow, that sounds pretty sweet.
369
00:14:31,809 --> 00:14:33,576
Well, there is a price.
370
00:14:33,611 --> 00:14:36,779
Do you wake up sweating
in the middle of the night?
371
00:14:36,814 --> 00:14:37,780
Yes.
372
00:14:37,815 --> 00:14:39,115
So do I.
373
00:14:39,149 --> 00:14:40,249
But I get back to sleep
374
00:14:40,284 --> 00:14:42,051
by counting the men I let down.
375
00:14:42,086 --> 00:14:44,621
There's Jerry, Izzy, Brooklyn,
376
00:14:44,655 --> 00:14:48,558
the O'Donnell boys,
the lost ship PT-108,
377
00:14:48,592 --> 00:14:50,560
the Poor Buggers
of Meatloaf Ridge,
378
00:14:50,594 --> 00:14:52,228
the Andrew sisters...
379
00:14:52,262 --> 00:14:54,163
(snoring)
380
00:14:57,267 --> 00:14:59,268
(gasps)
381
00:15:02,873 --> 00:15:04,007
I understand.
382
00:15:04,041 --> 00:15:06,509
You have standards.
383
00:15:06,543 --> 00:15:08,678
(gasps)
384
00:15:08,712 --> 00:15:11,147
This is an angry sleepover.
385
00:15:11,181 --> 00:15:13,883
I'm only doing it
'cause it was on the books.
386
00:15:15,152 --> 00:15:16,233
LISA
While Bart was in hell,
387
00:15:16,253 --> 00:15:17,553
Homer was happily surrounded
388
00:15:17,588 --> 00:15:19,756
by fire and brimstone.
389
00:15:19,790 --> 00:15:23,459
Okay, let's make some fireworks.
390
00:15:23,494 --> 00:15:25,828
Now drive slowly
and a-carefully
391
00:15:25,863 --> 00:15:27,797
to my workshop.
392
00:15:27,831 --> 00:15:31,034
It's in-a the Cobblestone
a-District.
393
00:15:34,705 --> 00:15:36,873
Oh, thank God--
a rickety bridge.
394
00:15:41,478 --> 00:15:42,979
Don't worry.
395
00:15:43,013 --> 00:15:46,049
We'll be safe
in the Gas a-Lamp a-District.
396
00:15:48,485 --> 00:15:50,887
(tires screeching)
397
00:15:55,893 --> 00:15:58,027
("Stars and Stripes Forever"
playing)
398
00:16:13,043 --> 00:16:14,177
Can I pitch something?
399
00:16:14,211 --> 00:16:15,278
Go ahead.
400
00:16:15,312 --> 00:16:16,779
Boom! Biddy bom-bom boom!
401
00:16:16,814 --> 00:16:18,614
Biddy bom bow! Ba-dip-boo!
402
00:16:18,649 --> 00:16:20,016
Boom! Boom!
403
00:16:20,050 --> 00:16:22,819
That's-a nice.
(laughs)
404
00:16:22,853 --> 00:16:25,521
♪ Sometimes when we touch ♪
405
00:16:25,556 --> 00:16:29,292
♪ The honesty's too much... ♪
406
00:16:31,161 --> 00:16:33,529
Wrong holiday, Charlie Brown.
407
00:16:34,965 --> 00:16:37,567
(overlapping chatter)
408
00:16:37,601 --> 00:16:39,368
Yoink. Ha-haw!
409
00:16:39,403 --> 00:16:40,903
We're on it, ma'am!
410
00:16:40,938 --> 00:16:43,406
Okay, coarse gunpowder,
get the ball in there,
411
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,075
don't forget the wadding,
tamp, tamp, tamp,
412
00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:47,877
fine gunpowder in the pan,
413
00:16:47,911 --> 00:16:50,713
firing stance, take
careful aim and...
414
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:52,014
(grunts)
415
00:16:52,049 --> 00:16:54,150
Uh, yeah,
not enough tamping, Chief.
416
00:16:54,184 --> 00:16:55,752
Coarse gunpowder,
ball, wadding,
417
00:16:55,786 --> 00:16:57,186
tamp, tamp, tamp,
tamp, tamp, tamp,
418
00:16:57,221 --> 00:16:58,821
fine gunpowder in the pan.
419
00:16:58,856 --> 00:16:59,956
Come on...
420
00:17:04,528 --> 00:17:07,096
Aw, my boy's having a bad night.
421
00:17:07,131 --> 00:17:08,698
We should get
this show on the road.
422
00:17:08,732 --> 00:17:10,833
No, the time is not yet right.
423
00:17:10,868 --> 00:17:13,503
When they look
at their watches and mutter,
424
00:17:13,537 --> 00:17:16,339
"Hey, when are these a-jerks
going to a-start?"
425
00:17:16,373 --> 00:17:19,842
That's when they're ready
to be enchanted.
426
00:17:19,877 --> 00:17:21,210
Come on, let's go!
427
00:17:21,245 --> 00:17:23,079
I can't stand to see
my family unhappy
428
00:17:23,113 --> 00:17:25,448
on America's holiest day.
429
00:17:25,482 --> 00:17:28,084
Actually, July 2 is
430
00:17:28,118 --> 00:17:31,053
when congress declared
independence,
431
00:17:31,088 --> 00:17:34,423
the date that-a
should be celebrated.
432
00:17:34,458 --> 00:17:35,758
Hey, Super Mario.
433
00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:38,027
Don't you tell me about America!
434
00:17:38,061 --> 00:17:39,896
Idiot! I'm-a right!
435
00:17:39,930 --> 00:17:41,197
No, you're a-wrong!
436
00:17:41,231 --> 00:17:43,933
"July 2"--
I am quoting John Adams!
437
00:17:43,967 --> 00:17:45,468
Who the hell is that?
438
00:17:45,502 --> 00:17:46,536
(both grunt)
439
00:17:46,570 --> 00:17:49,272
(all screaming)
440
00:17:49,306 --> 00:17:51,641
Oh, dear.
The term "target audience"
441
00:17:51,675 --> 00:17:54,343
is taking
on a sinister connotation.
442
00:17:58,582 --> 00:18:00,983
Milhouse, this is my chance
to make things right.
443
00:18:01,018 --> 00:18:03,219
What are you up to now?
444
00:18:03,253 --> 00:18:06,088
Get on that bus! I'll explain
during the explosions!
445
00:18:06,123 --> 00:18:08,090
Don't a-panic! We'll be okay
446
00:18:08,125 --> 00:18:11,227
as long as the sequence
doesn't a-start.
447
00:18:11,261 --> 00:18:13,830
Hit Bart's dad in the butt!
448
00:18:13,864 --> 00:18:15,231
Roger that.
449
00:18:15,265 --> 00:18:16,666
Did you factor in the wind?
450
00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:19,836
No.
451
00:18:19,870 --> 00:18:22,572
♪ Sometimes when we touch. ♪
452
00:18:22,606 --> 00:18:25,274
♪ The honesty's too much... ♪
453
00:18:25,309 --> 00:18:26,642
Don't worry, boys!
454
00:18:26,677 --> 00:18:29,178
I'll be with you
all the way to Berlin.
455
00:18:30,514 --> 00:18:32,481
(cackles)
456
00:18:32,516 --> 00:18:34,951
(all clamoring)
457
00:18:37,154 --> 00:18:39,121
(coughing)
458
00:18:39,156 --> 00:18:40,323
So, who is our hero?
459
00:18:40,357 --> 00:18:41,657
I hope it's Carl.
460
00:18:41,692 --> 00:18:43,259
Nah, no such luck.
461
00:18:43,293 --> 00:18:44,453
I was just Tweeting a picture
462
00:18:44,461 --> 00:18:46,329
of what I thought
was my last meal.
463
00:18:46,363 --> 00:18:48,297
Hot dog and French fries!
464
00:18:51,068 --> 00:18:52,401
(all gasping)
465
00:18:54,171 --> 00:18:57,340
Milhouse is our unlikely savior!
466
00:18:57,374 --> 00:19:00,543
MAN: Quit explaining everything,
let him talk.
467
00:19:00,577 --> 00:19:02,011
Well, it wasn't me.
468
00:19:02,045 --> 00:19:03,179
It was Bart who...
469
00:19:03,213 --> 00:19:05,214
Saw everything you did.
470
00:19:05,249 --> 00:19:07,016
Milhouse is the hero.
471
00:19:07,050 --> 00:19:09,952
Take it from me, the boy
who's lied throughout.
472
00:19:09,987 --> 00:19:12,622
ALL:
Milhouse! Milhouse!
473
00:19:12,656 --> 00:19:13,890
Oh, I get it now.
474
00:19:13,924 --> 00:19:16,559
Thanks, Bart.
475
00:19:16,593 --> 00:19:19,829
LISA: So Milhouse got the redemption
he deserved,
476
00:19:19,863 --> 00:19:22,732
and so, in a way, did Bart.
477
00:19:22,766 --> 00:19:25,468
ALL:
Coward! Coward! Coward!
478
00:19:25,502 --> 00:19:27,737
LISA:
Which meant that, at long last,
479
00:19:27,771 --> 00:19:30,973
my brother could get
a good night's sleep.
480
00:19:31,008 --> 00:19:33,609
(slow melody playing on piano)
481
00:19:40,350 --> 00:19:42,551
Oh, enough doom and gloom!
482
00:19:42,586 --> 00:19:44,954
(playing upbeat melody)
483
00:19:58,695 --> 00:20:00,829
[]Look, Maggie, I undid my deed.
484
00:20:00,863 --> 00:20:04,232
So I'm just gonna take
your feather and say good night.
485
00:20:04,267 --> 00:20:06,601
Oh, where are these coming from?
486
00:20:08,004 --> 00:20:09,571
Oh, I see.
487
00:20:09,605 --> 00:20:13,408
That's all you wanted.
488
00:20:13,443 --> 00:20:15,644
How's that, kiddo?
489
00:20:15,678 --> 00:20:17,412
(clucking)
490
00:20:17,447 --> 00:20:22,447
Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
491
00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:26,147
HOMER:
♪ Sometimes when we touch ♪
492
00:20:26,363 --> 00:20:29,933
GIUSEPPE: ♪ The honesty,
she's-a too much ♪
493
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:35,538
BOTH: ♪ And I have
to close my eyes and hide ♪
494
00:20:35,573 --> 00:20:39,175
GIUSEPPE: ♪ I wanna
hold you till I die... ♪
495
00:20:39,210 --> 00:20:40,276
HOMER (laughing):
One more year, tops.
496
00:20:40,311 --> 00:20:41,344
GIUSEPPE:
I live-a longer than you.
497
00:20:41,378 --> 00:20:43,513
I take a senior spin class.
498
00:20:43,547 --> 00:20:45,682
Always I'm increasing
the tension.
499
00:20:45,716 --> 00:20:46,783
HOMER:
Then, burn on you
500
00:20:46,817 --> 00:20:47,851
'cause you'll be holding
501
00:20:47,885 --> 00:20:48,952
onto a dead guy.
(laughs)
502
00:20:48,986 --> 00:20:51,121
GIUSEPPE:
♪ I wanna hold you ♪
503
00:20:51,155 --> 00:20:54,357
♪ A-till the fear
in me subsides... ♪
504
00:20:54,391 --> 00:20:55,458
HOMER:
Believe me, if you're holding
505
00:20:55,493 --> 00:20:57,594
onto a 300-pound dead guy,
506
00:20:57,628 --> 00:20:59,762
fear is not gonna be
your problem.
507
00:20:59,797 --> 00:21:01,931
GIUSEPPE: Congratulations, you
have ruined a beautiful song.
508
00:21:01,966 --> 00:21:04,100
HOMER: It's a song?
I thought we were just riffing.
509
00:21:04,135 --> 00:21:06,269
GIUSEPPE:
I apologize to Dan Hill
510
00:21:06,303 --> 00:21:07,337
and all of our viewers.
511
00:21:07,371 --> 00:21:08,805
HOMER: I don't!
Shh!
512
00:21:08,839 --> 00:21:11,792
HOMER: Usher, will you stop
that person who's shushing?