1 00:00:03,959 --> 00:00:06,193 (cheering) 2 00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:08,725 D'oh! 3 00:00:08,884 --> 00:00:10,051 (tires screeching) 4 00:00:10,298 --> 00:00:11,371 (grunts) 5 00:00:11,453 --> 00:00:13,652 (clamoring) 6 00:00:13,672 --> 00:00:15,232 Okay. Next question. 7 00:00:15,244 --> 00:00:17,751 Yes. Will there be another Simpsons movie? 8 00:00:20,637 --> 00:00:24,637 ♪ The Simpsons 25x22 ♪ The Yellow Badge of Cowardge Original Air Date on May 1 9 00:00:24,661 --> 00:00:29,661 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 10 00:00:29,677 --> 00:00:31,578 ♪ ♪ 11 00:00:31,778 --> 00:00:34,005 LISA: Our Lord, Buddha, says, 12 00:00:34,018 --> 00:00:37,396 "The secret of existence is to pass beyond fear." 13 00:00:37,417 --> 00:00:39,952 My brother is about to meet fear... 14 00:00:39,972 --> 00:00:43,003 and as usual... he won't pass. 15 00:00:46,144 --> 00:00:48,204 Wake up, Lis! It's the last day of school! 16 00:00:48,217 --> 00:00:49,484 (groans) 17 00:00:49,509 --> 00:00:51,980 Wake up, Maggs! It's the last day of school! 18 00:00:51,986 --> 00:00:53,471 (singsongy): Last day of school! 19 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:54,967 (metal clanging rhythmically) Last day of school! 20 00:00:54,987 --> 00:00:58,139 Found my summer hobby! Banging pots together! 21 00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,979 Don't worry, Marge. As a favor to you, 22 00:01:00,012 --> 00:01:05,009 I'm enrolling that precious little jerk in this fresh air summer camp. 23 00:01:06,206 --> 00:01:08,366 That's a prison road crew. 24 00:01:08,392 --> 00:01:10,865 I did that last summer. I'm not allowed back. 25 00:01:10,884 --> 00:01:12,685 (humming) 26 00:01:12,719 --> 00:01:13,577 (whirring) 27 00:01:13,597 --> 00:01:16,373 Good-bye forever, multiplication! 28 00:01:17,656 --> 00:01:18,905 (slurps) 29 00:01:18,931 --> 00:01:21,361 Uh... needs more numerators. 30 00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:25,622 Ah, "July 4th..." What the...? 31 00:01:25,649 --> 00:01:27,162 No fireworks?! 32 00:01:27,175 --> 00:01:30,840 Can't this stupid city entertain me one night a year?! 33 00:01:30,863 --> 00:01:32,183 The city's broke. 34 00:01:32,198 --> 00:01:35,868 The fire department has to raise money by delivering pizza. 35 00:01:38,483 --> 00:01:40,530 My baby! 36 00:01:40,540 --> 00:01:42,067 Back ribs! 37 00:01:42,261 --> 00:01:45,768 Marge, when you're broke, that's when you got to keep up appearances. 38 00:01:45,786 --> 00:01:48,689 The Fourth of July is the one day a year when our city puts on 39 00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:53,089 her high heels and tube top and leans into America's car window. 40 00:01:53,438 --> 00:01:55,745 (crying): God bless her. 41 00:01:57,622 --> 00:01:59,865 LISA: The last day of school. Field Day. 42 00:01:59,899 --> 00:02:02,207 When you learn to balance an egg on a spoon 43 00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:05,705 and run with your leg tied to someone who wouldn't talk to you all year. 44 00:02:05,725 --> 00:02:09,031 Hey! Are you coming to the after-school pool party? 45 00:02:09,055 --> 00:02:10,857 Not now. 46 00:02:11,964 --> 00:02:14,331 (giggles) 47 00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:16,077 Aw... no fair! 48 00:02:16,108 --> 00:02:18,267 He actually has three legs. 49 00:02:18,293 --> 00:02:22,224 You lay off my son Tripod! He won fair and square, 50 00:02:22,248 --> 00:02:26,050 just like my twins Wheel and Barrow. 51 00:02:26,266 --> 00:02:28,739 Now, take you brother to the face painting. 52 00:02:28,761 --> 00:02:31,697 But don't make yourselves up to look all freaky. 53 00:02:32,057 --> 00:02:34,759 One, two, three, toss. 54 00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:36,875 (laughs) 55 00:02:36,915 --> 00:02:41,067 The eggs are supposed to be tossed between students, not at the principal. 56 00:02:41,087 --> 00:02:43,688 Once more and hurl! Aah! 57 00:02:43,702 --> 00:02:47,231 We will do this until we get it right. 58 00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:51,014 Look, do you want this to be your last school memory? 59 00:02:51,041 --> 00:02:52,101 (groans) 60 00:02:53,054 --> 00:02:55,754 Pull harder! What is wrong with you people?! 61 00:02:56,283 --> 00:02:58,835 Hey. I have thumbs, too. 62 00:02:59,988 --> 00:03:02,204 (chiming) 63 00:03:03,425 --> 00:03:05,393 (yells) 64 00:03:07,256 --> 00:03:10,368 I like the Play-Doh that comes out the back. 65 00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:13,982 See you next June, Macaroni. 66 00:03:14,009 --> 00:03:15,890 (door latch slides shut) 67 00:03:20,943 --> 00:03:24,948 And now the climactic Race around the School. 68 00:03:24,967 --> 00:03:29,027 Previous winners include Sideshow Mel, Señora Bumblebee Man 69 00:03:29,039 --> 00:03:31,779 and Olympian Edwin Moses. 70 00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:34,547 I'll bet your biggest hurdle was leaving your beloved hometown. 71 00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:38,300 All hurdles are the same size. Man... who is this loser? 72 00:03:38,327 --> 00:03:40,401 I've got a secret, Bart. 73 00:03:40,414 --> 00:03:42,853 - That's good. - Want to know what it is? 74 00:03:42,865 --> 00:03:43,892 No. 75 00:03:43,899 --> 00:03:48,412 My secret is I've been training for this race and no one suspects. 76 00:03:48,418 --> 00:03:49,525 Check it out: 77 00:03:49,545 --> 00:03:51,500 I'm wearing a dummy tummy. 78 00:03:53,202 --> 00:03:56,476 I'm gonna win and it'll change my life! 79 00:03:59,188 --> 00:04:00,095 Wow! 80 00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:02,521 Breaking that tape cured your asthma. 81 00:04:02,545 --> 00:04:04,804 (deep voice): Marvelous! Ha-ha-ha! 82 00:04:04,826 --> 00:04:07,019 (guffaws) 83 00:04:07,536 --> 00:04:08,923 (gasps) 84 00:04:12,081 --> 00:04:14,281 (lisping): Six on Bart Simpson. 85 00:04:14,294 --> 00:04:16,321 BOTH: Two on us to win. 86 00:04:16,326 --> 00:04:17,893 $20 on Milhouse. 87 00:04:17,913 --> 00:04:19,566 Milhouse?! (scoffs) 88 00:04:19,588 --> 00:04:21,708 That's a thousand-to-one odds. 89 00:04:21,724 --> 00:04:24,004 Perhaps I should take my action to Willie. 90 00:04:24,017 --> 00:04:25,910 (grunts) I ain't makin' book no more. 91 00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:27,621 I lost the deed to my shack! 92 00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:29,750 You are late with the rent, Willie. 93 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,910 I'll have it by Friday, Mr. U. I swear. 94 00:04:32,917 --> 00:04:34,277 We can handle your action. 95 00:04:34,303 --> 00:04:36,071 (trumpet playing in the distance) 96 00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:38,482 Betting is now closed. 97 00:04:40,856 --> 00:04:42,129 (panting) 98 00:04:42,142 --> 00:04:46,784 And now, the 79th running of the Race around the School. 99 00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:49,803 - Gun in the school! - What the...? 100 00:04:50,485 --> 00:04:53,218 Just, just go. And they're off! 101 00:04:53,231 --> 00:04:54,994 We've got a pack of fifth-graders on the rail, 102 00:04:55,014 --> 00:04:57,436 Simp-son holding down the center 103 00:04:57,449 --> 00:05:00,868 while Database and Cosine are still testing the wind speed. 104 00:05:00,877 --> 00:05:03,941 As the runners go into the first turn, Lewis is in the lead! 105 00:05:03,961 --> 00:05:06,701 Followed by Lovejoy's daughter, Fat Tony's nephew, 106 00:05:06,708 --> 00:05:07,977 - Brockman's little girl... - (screams) 107 00:05:07,997 --> 00:05:09,570 ...and Jailbird's kid! 108 00:05:09,591 --> 00:05:12,624 The Frank Sinatra kid... well, he's doing it his way! 109 00:05:12,641 --> 00:05:16,433 Rounding out the pack are all the kids that we never see. 110 00:05:16,451 --> 00:05:19,338 What's this? Milhouse takes the lead? 111 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:22,611 The same boy who sprained his shoulder doing the Pledge of Allegiance? 112 00:05:22,638 --> 00:05:24,118 (panting) 113 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,473 Uh-oh! If Milhouse wins this race, we're out a fortune. 114 00:05:27,497 --> 00:05:31,150 Don't worry. The race takes a turn through the trees where no one can see. 115 00:05:31,172 --> 00:05:33,525 When Milhouse gets there, you know what to do. 116 00:05:33,545 --> 00:05:37,525 Oh, yeah. Totally. I mean, it's so obvious. 117 00:05:37,553 --> 00:05:40,020 - Just punch him! - Exactly. 118 00:05:40,026 --> 00:05:43,980 Right in the nnn... fff... dee...? 119 00:05:43,986 --> 00:05:45,920 There is no wrong answer! 120 00:05:45,935 --> 00:05:50,128 CHALMERS: And Milhouse, the boy nobody loves, is widening his lead! 121 00:05:50,161 --> 00:05:51,614 And what does he have to jump over? 122 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,458 Nothing, that's what. I'm out of here. 123 00:05:54,490 --> 00:05:56,958 (grunting) 124 00:05:57,072 --> 00:05:59,073 Good job, Edwin. 125 00:06:00,336 --> 00:06:02,343 I'm doing it! I'm doing it! 126 00:06:02,357 --> 00:06:04,490 And when I win, I'm changing my name. 127 00:06:04,503 --> 00:06:07,588 To something cool like Winnie! 128 00:06:10,492 --> 00:06:13,561 Did you come to give me a cup of water? 129 00:06:14,536 --> 00:06:16,048 (both grunt) 130 00:06:16,850 --> 00:06:21,368 The best day of my life just turned into every other day of my life. 131 00:06:24,026 --> 00:06:26,073 LISA: Bart faced a terrible choice-- 132 00:06:26,095 --> 00:06:30,165 take a beating with his friend or slither off like a coward. 133 00:06:30,192 --> 00:06:32,611 And like he did with every multiple choice question 134 00:06:32,630 --> 00:06:36,394 he ever saw, Bart chose "B." 135 00:06:43,651 --> 00:06:44,964 (crowd cheering) 136 00:06:44,983 --> 00:06:47,219 The winner is Bart Simpson! 137 00:06:47,236 --> 00:06:48,842 LISA: Bart won a blue ribbon. 138 00:06:48,855 --> 00:06:50,229 But was it worth it? 139 00:06:50,248 --> 00:06:52,289 MARGE: Lisa! Bath time! 140 00:06:52,307 --> 00:06:54,400 LISA: Mom! I'm narrating! 141 00:06:54,430 --> 00:06:56,270 MARGE: The water's gonna get cold! 142 00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:57,819 LISA: Fine. 143 00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:04,668 LISA: As the pin on the back of the blue ribbon made its way 144 00:07:04,681 --> 00:07:07,207 through Bart's shirt and into its housing, 145 00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:11,082 the seeds of his comeuppance flew out of the woods. 146 00:07:11,106 --> 00:07:15,386 Son! What happened to you in the dark place behind the school? 147 00:07:15,403 --> 00:07:16,689 Something good? 148 00:07:18,145 --> 00:07:20,858 I'm afraid I don't remember. 149 00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:22,095 Whew. 150 00:07:22,116 --> 00:07:24,496 Well, it looks like Milhouse has traumatic amnesia. 151 00:07:24,508 --> 00:07:26,245 He may never remember what happened to him. 152 00:07:26,261 --> 00:07:29,964 The most important thing is, the race results are now official. 153 00:07:29,998 --> 00:07:33,536 Now I've got to look at some severe cases of ice cream headache. 154 00:07:34,389 --> 00:07:36,357 (theme from MASH playing) 155 00:07:47,702 --> 00:07:49,970 (Bart groaning) 156 00:07:52,901 --> 00:07:54,268 (gasps) 157 00:07:54,288 --> 00:07:56,275 Help me, Bart! 158 00:07:57,699 --> 00:07:59,066 (screams) 159 00:07:59,094 --> 00:08:01,034 Help me, Bart! 160 00:08:01,055 --> 00:08:02,530 (shouts) 161 00:08:02,677 --> 00:08:03,444 (gasps) 162 00:08:03,464 --> 00:08:05,893 Help me, Bart! 163 00:08:07,836 --> 00:08:08,936 (gasping) 164 00:08:09,064 --> 00:08:11,997 Why am I having nightmares? I'm no coward. 165 00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:13,127 (screams) 166 00:08:13,174 --> 00:08:15,750 A chicken feather? Why would you hand this to me? 167 00:08:15,784 --> 00:08:19,371 Oh, you must've figured out I chickened out during the race. 168 00:08:19,393 --> 00:08:22,223 Well, who are you to judge me? 169 00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:24,831 I suck? You suck! 170 00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:27,359 LISA: While Bart was being outwitted by a baby, 171 00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:31,455 something was coming to a boil in our pop's brainpan. 172 00:08:31,799 --> 00:08:36,329 Marge, if this stupid, one-reactor town won't put on a fireworks show, I will. 173 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,997 I've mapped it out. 174 00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,155 (laughs) 175 00:08:39,193 --> 00:08:41,305 - Hmm? - (groans) 176 00:08:42,229 --> 00:08:45,980 Maybe we should just light sparklers in the backyard. 177 00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:49,075 Eh, I've had my problems with sparklers. 178 00:08:49,090 --> 00:08:51,231 Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! 179 00:08:51,471 --> 00:08:52,905 (screams) 180 00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:55,834 LISA: But Fourth of July fireworks were a different story. 181 00:08:55,847 --> 00:08:59,588 They meant more to my dad than my Mom could ever know. 182 00:08:59,601 --> 00:09:01,468 It was the one night of every year 183 00:09:01,488 --> 00:09:03,915 that he couldn't hear his parents argue. 184 00:09:03,941 --> 00:09:08,596 He figured it was because they loved the fireworks just as much as he did. 185 00:09:09,089 --> 00:09:10,549 I want to take a class! 186 00:09:10,572 --> 00:09:13,973 Why can't you be happy ironing my shirts?! 187 00:09:14,002 --> 00:09:15,389 I need space! 188 00:09:15,410 --> 00:09:18,209 Then close your eyes and go to Hawaii! 189 00:09:19,246 --> 00:09:22,284 LISA: With his mom gone, Homer needed a hero, 190 00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:25,442 and no one was a bigger hero than the magical little man 191 00:09:25,462 --> 00:09:27,299 behind the controls. 192 00:09:27,336 --> 00:09:29,318 (fireworks whistling) 193 00:09:29,331 --> 00:09:32,774 - Are you God? - No, no. 194 00:09:32,794 --> 00:09:36,340 But I shoot rockets into his a-face. 195 00:09:36,364 --> 00:09:41,011 Here's-a my card. Don't forget to treasure it. 196 00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,602 Hmm. 197 00:09:43,608 --> 00:09:46,169 Now let's see. Which pants have that card? 198 00:09:46,182 --> 00:09:48,395 Board shorts, interested shorts. 199 00:09:48,416 --> 00:09:50,025 Here we are. 200 00:09:50,812 --> 00:09:52,520 Kaboom. 201 00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:57,255 Giuseppe, I want you to come out of retirement 202 00:09:57,268 --> 00:10:00,091 for the greatest fireworks show of your career. 203 00:10:00,104 --> 00:10:03,456 Why do you come here and remind me of a time in my life 204 00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:06,990 when I made a-tons of money doing a-what I love? 205 00:10:07,003 --> 00:10:09,556 If the Expendables movies have taught us anything, 206 00:10:09,569 --> 00:10:13,968 it's that people do their best work after they're old and forgotten. 207 00:10:13,974 --> 00:10:17,820 Well, I am younger than Sylvester Stallone. 208 00:10:17,838 --> 00:10:19,518 I will do it! 209 00:10:24,451 --> 00:10:27,555 - Hey, buddy. - Bart, my truest friend. 210 00:10:27,582 --> 00:10:29,384 I brought you a cake. 211 00:10:29,397 --> 00:10:30,651 Read it. 212 00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,663 That's an odd message. 213 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,280 But who am I to argue with icing? 214 00:10:35,295 --> 00:10:38,295 Will you watch Cassidy the Crocodile with me? 215 00:10:38,314 --> 00:10:43,046 - Um, that's kind of a baby show. - It's all I can handle now. 216 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,407 (sighs) 217 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:49,000 Henrietta Kitten? Will you marry me? 218 00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:50,763 Meow, meow, maybe. 219 00:10:50,798 --> 00:10:53,628 Why would a kitten marry a crocodile? Wouldn't it eat her? 220 00:10:53,648 --> 00:10:54,748 (shushes) 221 00:10:54,769 --> 00:10:57,349 Suspension of disbelief. 222 00:10:57,371 --> 00:11:00,158 Friends help friends in trouble. 223 00:11:00,182 --> 00:11:02,861 No! Turn it off! It's too intense for me! 224 00:11:02,884 --> 00:11:06,632 Some guys just can't handle crocodiles. 225 00:11:06,658 --> 00:11:07,828 Is it over yet? 226 00:11:07,862 --> 00:11:09,162 (chicken clucks) 227 00:11:09,184 --> 00:11:12,002 And if you're dissatisfied for any reason, 228 00:11:12,015 --> 00:11:15,824 I will refund your money in the form of acorns. 229 00:11:18,372 --> 00:11:19,639 (groans) 230 00:11:19,661 --> 00:11:23,653 Hey, this gunpowder, it has a-crystal meth in it. 231 00:11:23,678 --> 00:11:28,211 Crystal meth? Then what the heck did I sell to them Colombian drug lords? 232 00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:33,966 Brandine! We're feuding with the Escobars again! 233 00:11:33,995 --> 00:11:36,663 Does that mean I ain't talking to Maria? 234 00:11:36,683 --> 00:11:38,404 Duh! Yes. 235 00:11:38,419 --> 00:11:42,021 Homer, we will get the fireworks someplace else. 236 00:11:42,477 --> 00:11:45,861 The pig's been eating the C-4 blocks again! 237 00:11:45,894 --> 00:11:48,028 (burps) 238 00:11:48,616 --> 00:11:50,221 (dog barks) 239 00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:54,253 We've invited a new athlete to join our do-gooding dream team. 240 00:11:54,269 --> 00:11:57,898 Please welcome fleet-footed phenom, Bart Simpson. 241 00:11:57,924 --> 00:11:59,870 (crowd cheering) 242 00:12:00,334 --> 00:12:02,456 Hey, everyone. I sure got a lot of attention 243 00:12:02,469 --> 00:12:04,439 for winning this year's Race around the School. 244 00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:06,467 (crowd cheering) 245 00:12:06,494 --> 00:12:08,274 Completely deserved! 246 00:12:08,303 --> 00:12:12,160 Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Mel. But I am not here to talk about myself. 247 00:12:12,174 --> 00:12:14,705 Milhouse, would you join me at the podium? 248 00:12:14,725 --> 00:12:16,065 (clamoring) 249 00:12:16,098 --> 00:12:19,025 What's going on? Seriously, what-what's transpiring? 250 00:12:19,044 --> 00:12:20,385 I've got to set things straight. 251 00:12:20,408 --> 00:12:23,260 During that same race, my friend Milhouse was in the lead, 252 00:12:23,273 --> 00:12:25,952 when something horrible happened! 253 00:12:27,289 --> 00:12:31,505 LISA: Bart knew the worst thing to do was pile lie upon lie. 254 00:12:31,526 --> 00:12:33,486 And that's exactly what he did. 255 00:12:33,499 --> 00:12:35,001 Rather than try to figure out what happened, 256 00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:36,634 Milhouse had the courage to move on. 257 00:12:36,651 --> 00:12:38,271 To me, that's a hero. 258 00:12:38,278 --> 00:12:39,691 (crowd cheering) 259 00:12:39,714 --> 00:12:40,961 Nicely done. 260 00:12:40,988 --> 00:12:43,560 Now we will give out free rubber bracelets. 261 00:12:43,579 --> 00:12:47,421 Do not wear them to bed. They smell like truck tires. They're disgusting. 262 00:12:51,452 --> 00:12:52,999 Crotch or forehead? 263 00:12:53,028 --> 00:12:55,324 Uh, forehead for once. 264 00:12:55,669 --> 00:12:57,323 Wha...? 265 00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:10,382 Bart Simpson! 266 00:13:10,412 --> 00:13:13,180 You ran away when I was getting beat up! 267 00:13:13,214 --> 00:13:14,487 (crowd booing) 268 00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:17,057 - Bart's a coward! - He lied to us! 269 00:13:17,072 --> 00:13:18,846 Stop the tattoo! 270 00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:22,222 Uh, I could make it a bag of groceries. 271 00:13:22,243 --> 00:13:24,790 All right, make sure there's some French bread sticking out. 272 00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:27,466 Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow! 273 00:13:30,861 --> 00:13:33,574 (crowd rabbling) 274 00:13:34,703 --> 00:13:37,210 Look how he runs now! 275 00:13:37,223 --> 00:13:39,816 LISA: So Bart was revealed as a coward. 276 00:13:39,837 --> 00:13:42,992 And now it seemed like the whole world was against him. 277 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,481 (screams) 278 00:13:44,508 --> 00:13:46,227 (panting) 279 00:13:46,819 --> 00:13:49,479 MALE ANNOUNCER: Have you ever considered a reverse-equity mortgage? 280 00:13:49,499 --> 00:13:51,686 That's what put me in this dump! 281 00:13:51,704 --> 00:13:54,497 Grampa, everyone's calling me a coward. 282 00:13:54,742 --> 00:13:56,239 Well, join the club. 283 00:13:56,262 --> 00:13:59,685 Anyone who makes it to old age has got to be part-coward. 284 00:13:59,704 --> 00:14:01,901 Come on, you were in World War II. 285 00:14:01,921 --> 00:14:04,344 Do you know how I survived D-Day? 286 00:14:06,377 --> 00:14:07,370 (retches) 287 00:14:07,390 --> 00:14:09,887 Don't worry-- just a day at the beach. 288 00:14:13,893 --> 00:14:17,743 I'll be back around 1946! 289 00:14:17,756 --> 00:14:20,107 But don't people hate cowards? 290 00:14:20,113 --> 00:14:22,554 Sure do. But we outlive the brave. 291 00:14:22,582 --> 00:14:26,263 Leaving us cowards to make time with the heroes' widows. 292 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,564 After Korea, I was drowning in boobies. 293 00:14:29,580 --> 00:14:31,853 Wow, that sounds pretty sweet. 294 00:14:31,879 --> 00:14:33,620 Well, there is a price. 295 00:14:33,639 --> 00:14:36,777 Do you wake up sweating in the middle of the night? 296 00:14:36,797 --> 00:14:39,097 - Yes. - So do I. 297 00:14:39,123 --> 00:14:42,116 But I get back to sleep by counting the men I let down. 298 00:14:42,129 --> 00:14:48,447 There's Jerry, Izzy, Brooklyn, the O'Donnell boys, the lost ship PT-108, 299 00:14:48,481 --> 00:14:52,594 the Poor Buggers of Meatloaf Ridge, the Andrew sisters... 300 00:14:52,611 --> 00:14:54,512 (snoring) 301 00:14:57,642 --> 00:14:59,032 (gasps) 302 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,640 I understand. You have standards. 303 00:15:07,078 --> 00:15:08,153 (gasps) 304 00:15:09,027 --> 00:15:11,407 This is an angry sleepover. 305 00:15:11,420 --> 00:15:14,256 I'm only doing it 'cause it was on the books. 306 00:15:15,101 --> 00:15:19,734 LISA While Bart was in hell, Homer was happily surrounded by fire and brimstone. 307 00:15:19,918 --> 00:15:23,658 Okay, let's make some fireworks. 308 00:15:23,678 --> 00:15:27,858 Now drive slowly and a-carefully to my workshop. 309 00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:30,985 It's in-a the Cobblestone a-District. 310 00:15:34,772 --> 00:15:37,209 Oh, thank God-- a rickety bridge. 311 00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:46,173 Don't worry. We'll be safe in the Gas a-Lamp a-District. 312 00:15:48,634 --> 00:15:51,009 (tires screeching) 313 00:15:55,848 --> 00:15:57,982 ("Stars and Stripes Forever" playing) 314 00:16:13,025 --> 00:16:15,452 - Can I pitch something? - Go ahead. 315 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:19,095 Boom! Biddy bom-bom boom! Biddy bom bow! Ba-dip-boo! 316 00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:20,118 Boom! Boom! 317 00:16:20,137 --> 00:16:22,518 That's-a nice. (laughs) 318 00:16:22,538 --> 00:16:25,536 ♪ Sometimes when we touch ♪ 319 00:16:26,511 --> 00:16:30,065 ♪ The honesty's too much... ♪ 320 00:16:31,602 --> 00:16:33,970 Wrong holiday, Charlie Brown. 321 00:16:36,107 --> 00:16:37,940 (overlapping chatter) 322 00:16:37,959 --> 00:16:39,707 Yoink. Ha-haw! 323 00:16:39,731 --> 00:16:40,898 We're on it, ma'am! 324 00:16:40,904 --> 00:16:43,782 Okay, coarse gunpowder, get the ball in there, 325 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:47,901 don't forget the wadding, tamp, tamp, tamp, fine gunpowder in the pan, 326 00:16:47,921 --> 00:16:50,622 firing stance, take careful aim and... 327 00:16:50,637 --> 00:16:51,903 (grunts) 328 00:16:52,298 --> 00:16:54,158 Uh, yeah, not enough tamping, Chief. 329 00:16:54,184 --> 00:16:57,764 Coarse gunpowder, ball, wadding, tamp, tamp, tamp, tamp, tamp, tamp, 330 00:16:57,795 --> 00:16:59,849 fine gunpowder in the pan. Come on... 331 00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:07,083 Aw, my boy's having a bad night. 332 00:17:07,096 --> 00:17:08,883 We should get this show on the road. 333 00:17:08,907 --> 00:17:11,119 No, the time is not yet right. 334 00:17:11,125 --> 00:17:13,549 When they look at their watches and mutter, 335 00:17:13,572 --> 00:17:16,613 "Hey, when are these a-jerks going to a-start?" 336 00:17:16,626 --> 00:17:19,813 That's when they're ready to be enchanted. 337 00:17:19,832 --> 00:17:21,279 Come on, let's go! 338 00:17:21,299 --> 00:17:25,524 I can't stand to see my family unhappy on America's holiest day. 339 00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:31,372 Actually, July 2 is when congress declared independence, 340 00:17:31,403 --> 00:17:34,538 the date that-a should be celebrated. 341 00:17:34,557 --> 00:17:38,118 Hey, Super Mario. Don't you tell me about America! 342 00:17:38,685 --> 00:17:41,189 - Idiot! I'm-a right! - No, you're a-wrong! 343 00:17:41,215 --> 00:17:44,249 "July 2" -- I am quoting John Adams! 344 00:17:44,275 --> 00:17:45,383 Who the hell is that? 345 00:17:45,404 --> 00:17:46,579 (both grunt) 346 00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:49,299 (all screaming) 347 00:17:49,325 --> 00:17:54,248 Oh, dear. The term "target audience" is taking on a sinister connotation. 348 00:17:58,764 --> 00:18:01,031 Milhouse, this is my chance to make things right. 349 00:18:01,051 --> 00:18:03,264 What are you up to now? 350 00:18:03,295 --> 00:18:06,068 Get on that bus! I'll explain during the explosions! 351 00:18:06,094 --> 00:18:11,316 Don't a-panic! We'll be okay as long as the sequence doesn't a-start. 352 00:18:11,336 --> 00:18:13,836 Hit Bart's dad in the butt! 353 00:18:13,849 --> 00:18:15,243 Roger that. 354 00:18:15,273 --> 00:18:16,840 Did you factor in the wind? 355 00:18:16,876 --> 00:18:17,951 No. 356 00:18:20,305 --> 00:18:23,195 ♪ Sometimes when we touch. ♪ 357 00:18:24,133 --> 00:18:25,341 ♪ The honesty's too much... ♪ 358 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:29,067 Don't worry, boys! I'll be with you all the way to Berlin. 359 00:18:30,616 --> 00:18:32,443 (cackles) 360 00:18:32,465 --> 00:18:34,900 (all clamoring) 361 00:18:37,209 --> 00:18:39,109 (coughing) 362 00:18:39,121 --> 00:18:40,694 So, who is our hero? 363 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,177 - I hope it's Carl. - Nah, no such luck. 364 00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:46,289 I was just Tweeting a picture of what I thought was my last meal. 365 00:18:46,312 --> 00:18:48,337 Hot dog and French fries! 366 00:18:51,016 --> 00:18:52,349 (all gasping) 367 00:18:54,345 --> 00:18:57,586 Milhouse is our unlikely savior! 368 00:18:57,603 --> 00:19:00,604 MAN: Quit explaining everything, let him talk. 369 00:19:00,624 --> 00:19:03,218 Well, it wasn't me. It was Bart who... 370 00:19:03,238 --> 00:19:07,085 Saw everything you did. Milhouse is the hero. 371 00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:10,014 Take it from me, the boy who's lied throughout. 372 00:19:10,043 --> 00:19:12,743 ALL: Milhouse! Milhouse! 373 00:19:12,756 --> 00:19:15,890 Oh, I get it now. Thanks, Bart. 374 00:19:16,509 --> 00:19:20,309 LISA: So Milhouse got the redemption he deserved, 375 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,852 and so, in a way, did Bart. 376 00:19:22,872 --> 00:19:25,737 ALL: Coward! Coward! Coward! 377 00:19:25,756 --> 00:19:27,692 LISA: Which meant that, at long last, 378 00:19:27,713 --> 00:19:30,915 my brother could get a good night's sleep. 379 00:19:30,950 --> 00:19:33,551 (slow melody playing on piano) 380 00:19:40,772 --> 00:19:43,193 Oh, enough doom and gloom! 381 00:19:43,214 --> 00:19:45,582 (playing upbeat melody) 382 00:19:58,819 --> 00:20:00,806 Look, Maggie, I undid my deed. 383 00:20:00,820 --> 00:20:04,468 So I'm just gonna take your feather and say good night. 384 00:20:04,484 --> 00:20:06,972 Oh, where are these coming from? 385 00:20:07,988 --> 00:20:11,964 Oh, I see. That's all you wanted. 386 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,518 How's that, kiddo? 387 00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:18,763 (clucking) 388 00:20:23,249 --> 00:20:26,549 HOMER: ♪ Sometimes when we touch ♪ 389 00:20:26,572 --> 00:20:29,530 GIUSEPPE: ♪ The honesty, she's-a too much ♪ 390 00:20:29,556 --> 00:20:35,230 BOTH: ♪ And I have to close my eyes and hide ♪ 391 00:20:36,036 --> 00:20:38,923 GIUSEPPE: ♪ I wanna hold you till I die... ♪ 392 00:20:38,943 --> 00:20:40,663 HOMER (laughing): One more year, tops. 393 00:20:40,683 --> 00:20:43,865 GIUSEPPE: I live-a longer than you. I take a senior spin class. 394 00:20:43,899 --> 00:20:45,719 Always I'm increasing the tension. 395 00:20:45,748 --> 00:20:48,381 HOMER: Then, burn on you 'cause you'll be holding onto a dead guy. 396 00:20:48,406 --> 00:20:49,259 (laughs) 397 00:20:49,264 --> 00:20:50,972 GIUSEPPE: ♪ I wanna hold you ♪ 398 00:20:50,992 --> 00:20:54,466 ♪ A-till the fear in me subsides... ♪ 399 00:20:54,488 --> 00:20:57,543 HOMER: Believe me, if you're holding onto a 300-pound dead guy, 400 00:20:57,556 --> 00:20:59,323 fear is not gonna be your problem. 401 00:20:59,349 --> 00:21:02,210 GIUSEPPE: Congratulations, you have ruined a beautiful song. 402 00:21:02,224 --> 00:21:04,498 HOMER: It's a song? I thought we were just riffing. 403 00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:07,041 GIUSEPPE: I apologize to Dan Hill and all of our viewers. 404 00:21:07,063 --> 00:21:08,709 - HOMER: I don't! - Shh! 405 00:21:08,737 --> 00:21:11,930 HOMER: Usher, will you stop that person who's shushing? 406 00:21:12,048 --> 00:21:17,048 Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY