1 00:00:19,959 --> 00:00:22,193 (cheering) 2 00:00:23,641 --> 00:00:24,725 D'oh! 3 00:00:24,884 --> 00:00:26,051 (tires screeching) 4 00:00:26,298 --> 00:00:27,371 (grunts) 5 00:00:27,453 --> 00:00:29,652 (clamoring) 6 00:00:29,672 --> 00:00:31,232 Okay. Next question. 7 00:00:31,244 --> 00:00:33,751 Yes. Will there be another Simpsons movie? 8 00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:40,637 ♪ The Simpsons 25x22 ♪ The Yellow Badge of Cowardge Original Air Date on May 18, 2 9 00:00:40,661 --> 00:00:45,661 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man Resync for WEB-DL-NTb by jasonnguyen2606 10 00:00:45,677 --> 00:00:47,578 ♪ ♪ 11 00:00:47,778 --> 00:00:50,005 LISA: Our Lord, Buddha, says, 12 00:00:50,018 --> 00:00:53,396 "The secret of existence is to pass beyond fear." 13 00:00:53,417 --> 00:00:55,952 My brother is about to meet fear... 14 00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:59,003 and as usual... he won't pass. 15 00:01:02,144 --> 00:01:04,204 Wake up, Lis! It's the last day of school! 16 00:01:04,217 --> 00:01:05,484 (groans) 17 00:01:05,509 --> 00:01:07,980 Wake up, Maggs! It's the last day of school! 18 00:01:07,986 --> 00:01:09,471 (singsongy): Last day of school! 19 00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:10,967 (metal clanging rhythmically) Last day of school! 20 00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:14,139 Found my summer hobby! Banging pots together! 21 00:01:14,159 --> 00:01:15,979 Don't worry, Marge. As a favor to you, 22 00:01:16,012 --> 00:01:21,009 I'm enrolling that precious little jerk in this fresh air summer camp. 23 00:01:22,206 --> 00:01:24,366 That's a prison road crew. 24 00:01:24,392 --> 00:01:26,865 I did that last summer. I'm not allowed back. 25 00:01:26,884 --> 00:01:28,685 (humming) 26 00:01:28,719 --> 00:01:29,577 (whirring) 27 00:01:29,597 --> 00:01:32,373 Good-bye forever, multiplication! 28 00:01:33,656 --> 00:01:34,905 (slurps) 29 00:01:34,931 --> 00:01:37,361 Uh... needs more numerators. 30 00:01:39,049 --> 00:01:41,622 Ah, "July 4th..." What the...? 31 00:01:41,649 --> 00:01:43,162 No fireworks?! 32 00:01:43,175 --> 00:01:46,840 Can't this stupid city entertain me one night a year?! 33 00:01:46,863 --> 00:01:48,183 The city's broke. 34 00:01:48,198 --> 00:01:51,868 The fire department has to raise money by delivering pizza. 35 00:01:54,483 --> 00:01:56,530 My baby! 36 00:01:56,540 --> 00:01:58,067 Back ribs! 37 00:01:58,261 --> 00:02:01,768 Marge, when you're broke, that's when you got to keep up appearances. 38 00:02:01,786 --> 00:02:04,689 The Fourth of July is the one day a year when our city puts on 39 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:09,089 her high heels and tube top and leans into America's car window. 40 00:02:09,438 --> 00:02:11,745 (crying): God bless her. 41 00:02:13,622 --> 00:02:15,865 LISA: The last day of school. Field Day. 42 00:02:15,899 --> 00:02:18,207 When you learn to balance an egg on a spoon 43 00:02:18,220 --> 00:02:21,705 and run with your leg tied to someone who wouldn't talk to you all year. 44 00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:25,031 Hey! Are you coming to the after-school pool party? 45 00:02:25,055 --> 00:02:26,857 Not now. 46 00:02:27,964 --> 00:02:30,331 (giggles) 47 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,077 Aw... no fair! 48 00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:34,267 He actually has three legs. 49 00:02:34,293 --> 00:02:38,224 You lay off my son Tripod! He won fair and square, 50 00:02:38,248 --> 00:02:42,050 just like my twins Wheel and Barrow. 51 00:02:42,266 --> 00:02:44,739 Now, take you brother to the face painting. 52 00:02:44,761 --> 00:02:47,697 But don't make yourselves up to look all freaky. 53 00:02:48,057 --> 00:02:50,759 One, two, three, toss. 54 00:02:50,787 --> 00:02:52,875 (laughs) 55 00:02:52,915 --> 00:02:57,067 The eggs are supposed to be tossed between students, not at the principal. 56 00:02:57,087 --> 00:02:59,688 Once more and hurl! Aah! 57 00:02:59,702 --> 00:03:03,231 We will do this until we get it right. 58 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:07,014 Look, do you want this to be your last school memory? 59 00:03:07,041 --> 00:03:08,101 (groans) 60 00:03:09,054 --> 00:03:11,754 Pull harder! What is wrong with you people?! 61 00:03:12,283 --> 00:03:14,835 Hey. I have thumbs, too. 62 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:18,204 (chiming) 63 00:03:19,425 --> 00:03:21,393 (yells) 64 00:03:23,256 --> 00:03:26,368 I like the Play-Doh that comes out the back. 65 00:03:27,001 --> 00:03:29,982 See you next June, Macaroni. 66 00:03:30,009 --> 00:03:31,890 (door latch slides shut) 67 00:03:36,943 --> 00:03:40,948 And now the climactic Race around the School. 68 00:03:40,967 --> 00:03:45,027 Previous winners include Sideshow Mel, Señora Bumblebee Man 69 00:03:45,039 --> 00:03:47,779 and Olympian Edwin Moses. 70 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:50,547 I'll bet your biggest hurdle was leaving your beloved hometown. 71 00:03:50,567 --> 00:03:54,300 All hurdles are the same size. Man... who is this loser? 72 00:03:54,327 --> 00:03:56,401 I've got a secret, Bart. 73 00:03:56,414 --> 00:03:58,853 - That's good. - Want to know what it is? 74 00:03:58,865 --> 00:03:59,892 No. 75 00:03:59,899 --> 00:04:04,412 My secret is I've been training for this race and no one suspects. 76 00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:05,525 Check it out: 77 00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:07,500 I'm wearing a dummy tummy. 78 00:04:09,202 --> 00:04:12,476 I'm gonna win and it'll change my life! 79 00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:16,095 Wow! 80 00:04:16,114 --> 00:04:18,521 Breaking that tape cured your asthma. 81 00:04:18,545 --> 00:04:20,804 (deep voice): Marvelous! Ha-ha-ha! 82 00:04:20,826 --> 00:04:23,019 (guffaws) 83 00:04:23,536 --> 00:04:24,923 (gasps) 84 00:04:28,081 --> 00:04:30,281 (lisping): Six on Bart Simpson. 85 00:04:30,294 --> 00:04:32,321 BOTH: Two on us to win. 86 00:04:32,326 --> 00:04:33,893 $20 on Milhouse. 87 00:04:33,913 --> 00:04:35,566 Milhouse?! (scoffs) 88 00:04:35,588 --> 00:04:37,708 That's a thousand-to-one odds. 89 00:04:37,724 --> 00:04:40,004 Perhaps I should take my action to Willie. 90 00:04:40,017 --> 00:04:41,910 (grunts) I ain't makin' book no more. 91 00:04:41,961 --> 00:04:43,621 I lost the deed to my shack! 92 00:04:43,643 --> 00:04:45,750 You are late with the rent, Willie. 93 00:04:45,770 --> 00:04:48,910 I'll have it by Friday, Mr. U. I swear. 94 00:04:48,917 --> 00:04:50,277 We can handle your action. 95 00:04:50,303 --> 00:04:52,071 (trumpet playing in the distance) 96 00:04:52,711 --> 00:04:54,482 Betting is now closed. 97 00:04:56,856 --> 00:04:58,129 (panting) 98 00:04:58,142 --> 00:05:02,784 And now, the 79th running of the Race around the School. 99 00:05:03,350 --> 00:05:05,803 - Gun in the school! - What the...? 100 00:05:06,485 --> 00:05:09,218 Just, just go. And they're off! 101 00:05:09,231 --> 00:05:10,994 We've got a pack of fifth-graders on the rail, 102 00:05:11,014 --> 00:05:13,436 Simp-son holding down the center 103 00:05:13,449 --> 00:05:16,868 while Database and Cosine are still testing the wind speed. 104 00:05:16,877 --> 00:05:19,941 As the runners go into the first turn, Lewis is in the lead! 105 00:05:19,961 --> 00:05:22,701 Followed by Lovejoy's daughter, Fat Tony's nephew, 106 00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:23,977 - Brockman's little girl... - (screams) 107 00:05:23,997 --> 00:05:25,570 ...and Jailbird's kid! 108 00:05:25,591 --> 00:05:28,624 The Frank Sinatra kid... well, he's doing it his way! 109 00:05:28,641 --> 00:05:32,433 Rounding out the pack are all the kids that we never see. 110 00:05:32,451 --> 00:05:35,338 What's this? Milhouse takes the lead? 111 00:05:35,361 --> 00:05:38,611 The same boy who sprained his shoulder doing the Pledge of Allegiance? 112 00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:40,118 (panting) 113 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,473 Uh-oh! If Milhouse wins this race, we're out a fortune. 114 00:05:43,497 --> 00:05:47,150 Don't worry. The race takes a turn through the trees where no one can see. 115 00:05:47,172 --> 00:05:49,525 When Milhouse gets there, you know what to do. 116 00:05:49,545 --> 00:05:53,525 Oh, yeah. Totally. I mean, it's so obvious. 117 00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:56,020 - Just punch him! - Exactly. 118 00:05:56,026 --> 00:05:59,980 Right in the nnn... fff... dee...? 119 00:05:59,986 --> 00:06:01,920 There is no wrong answer! 120 00:06:01,935 --> 00:06:06,128 CHALMERS: And Milhouse, the boy nobody loves, is widening his lead! 121 00:06:06,161 --> 00:06:07,614 And what does he have to jump over? 122 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:10,458 Nothing, that's what. I'm out of here. 123 00:06:10,490 --> 00:06:12,958 (grunting) 124 00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,073 Good job, Edwin. 125 00:06:16,336 --> 00:06:18,343 I'm doing it! I'm doing it! 126 00:06:18,357 --> 00:06:20,490 And when I win, I'm changing my name. 127 00:06:20,503 --> 00:06:23,588 To something cool like Winnie! 128 00:06:26,492 --> 00:06:29,561 Did you come to give me a cup of water? 129 00:06:30,536 --> 00:06:32,048 (both grunt) 130 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:37,368 The best day of my life just turned into every other day of my life. 131 00:06:40,026 --> 00:06:42,073 LISA: Bart faced a terrible choice... 132 00:06:42,095 --> 00:06:46,165 take a beating with his friend or slither off like a coward. 133 00:06:46,192 --> 00:06:48,611 And like he did with every multiple choice question 134 00:06:48,630 --> 00:06:52,394 he ever saw, Bart chose "B." 135 00:06:59,651 --> 00:07:00,964 (crowd cheering) 136 00:07:00,983 --> 00:07:03,219 The winner is Bart Simpson! 137 00:07:03,236 --> 00:07:04,842 LISA: Bart won a blue ribbon. 138 00:07:04,855 --> 00:07:06,229 But was it worth it? 139 00:07:06,248 --> 00:07:08,289 MARGE: Lisa! Bath time! 140 00:07:08,307 --> 00:07:10,400 LISA: Mom! I'm narrating! 141 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,270 MARGE: The water's gonna get cold! 142 00:07:12,285 --> 00:07:13,819 LISA: Fine. 143 00:07:17,551 --> 00:07:20,668 LISA: As the pin on the back of the blue ribbon made its way 144 00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:23,207 through Bart's shirt and into its housing, 145 00:07:23,227 --> 00:07:27,082 the seeds of his comeuppance flew out of the woods. 146 00:07:27,106 --> 00:07:31,386 Son! What happened to you in the dark place behind the school? 147 00:07:31,403 --> 00:07:32,689 Something good? 148 00:07:34,145 --> 00:07:36,858 I'm afraid I don't remember. 149 00:07:36,875 --> 00:07:38,095 Whew. 150 00:07:38,116 --> 00:07:40,496 Well, it looks like Milhouse has traumatic amnesia. 151 00:07:40,508 --> 00:07:42,245 He may never remember what happened to him. 152 00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:45,964 The most important thing is, the race results are now official. 153 00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:49,536 Now I've got to look at some severe cases of ice cream headache. 154 00:07:50,389 --> 00:07:52,357 (theme from MASH playing) 155 00:08:03,702 --> 00:08:05,970 (Bart groaning) 156 00:08:08,901 --> 00:08:10,268 (gasps) 157 00:08:10,288 --> 00:08:12,275 Help me, Bart! 158 00:08:13,699 --> 00:08:15,066 (screams) 159 00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:17,034 Help me, Bart! 160 00:08:17,055 --> 00:08:18,530 (shouts) 161 00:08:18,677 --> 00:08:19,444 (gasps) 162 00:08:19,464 --> 00:08:21,893 Help me, Bart! 163 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:24,936 (gasping) 164 00:08:25,064 --> 00:08:27,997 Why am I having nightmares? I'm no coward. 165 00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:29,127 (screams) 166 00:08:29,174 --> 00:08:31,750 A chicken feather? Why would you hand this to me? 167 00:08:31,784 --> 00:08:35,371 Oh, you must've figured out I chickened out during the race. 168 00:08:35,393 --> 00:08:38,223 Well, who are you to judge me? 169 00:08:38,763 --> 00:08:40,831 I suck? You suck! 170 00:08:40,852 --> 00:08:43,359 LISA: While Bart was being outwitted by a baby, 171 00:08:43,382 --> 00:08:47,455 something was coming to a boil in our pop's brainpan. 172 00:08:47,799 --> 00:08:52,329 Marge, if this stupid, one-reactor town won't put on a fireworks show, I will. 173 00:08:52,350 --> 00:08:53,997 I've mapped it out. 174 00:08:54,017 --> 00:08:55,155 (laughs) 175 00:08:55,193 --> 00:08:57,305 - Hmm? - (groans) 176 00:08:58,229 --> 00:09:01,980 Maybe we should just light sparklers in the backyard. 177 00:09:01,993 --> 00:09:05,075 Eh, I've had my problems with sparklers. 178 00:09:05,090 --> 00:09:07,231 Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! 179 00:09:07,471 --> 00:09:08,905 (screams) 180 00:09:08,934 --> 00:09:11,834 LISA: But Fourth of July fireworks were a different story. 181 00:09:11,847 --> 00:09:15,588 They meant more to my dad than my Mom could ever know. 182 00:09:15,601 --> 00:09:17,468 It was the one night of every year 183 00:09:17,488 --> 00:09:19,915 that he couldn't hear his parents argue. 184 00:09:19,941 --> 00:09:24,596 He figured it was because they loved the fireworks just as much as he did. 185 00:09:25,089 --> 00:09:26,549 I want to take a class! 186 00:09:26,572 --> 00:09:29,973 Why can't you be happy ironing my shirts?! 187 00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:31,389 I need space! 188 00:09:31,410 --> 00:09:34,209 Then close your eyes and go to Hawaii! 189 00:09:35,246 --> 00:09:38,284 LISA: With his mom gone, Homer needed a hero, 190 00:09:38,304 --> 00:09:41,442 and no one was a bigger hero than the magical little man 191 00:09:41,462 --> 00:09:43,299 behind the controls. 192 00:09:43,336 --> 00:09:45,318 (fireworks whistling) 193 00:09:45,331 --> 00:09:48,774 - Are you God? - No, no. 194 00:09:48,794 --> 00:09:52,340 But I shoot rockets into his a-face. 195 00:09:52,364 --> 00:09:57,011 Here's-a my card. Don't forget to treasure it. 196 00:09:58,015 --> 00:09:59,602 Hmm. 197 00:09:59,608 --> 00:10:02,169 Now let's see. Which pants have that card? 198 00:10:02,182 --> 00:10:04,395 Board shorts, interested shorts. 199 00:10:04,416 --> 00:10:06,025 Here we are. 200 00:10:06,812 --> 00:10:08,520 Kaboom. 201 00:10:10,202 --> 00:10:13,255 Giuseppe, I want you to come out of retirement 202 00:10:13,268 --> 00:10:16,091 for the greatest fireworks show of your career. 203 00:10:16,104 --> 00:10:19,456 Why do you come here and remind me of a time in my life 204 00:10:19,469 --> 00:10:22,990 when I made a-tons of money doing a-what I love? 205 00:10:23,003 --> 00:10:25,556 If the Expendables movies have taught us anything, 206 00:10:25,569 --> 00:10:29,968 it's that people do their best work after they're old and forgotten. 207 00:10:29,974 --> 00:10:33,820 Well, I am younger than Sylvester Stallone. 208 00:10:33,838 --> 00:10:35,518 I will do it! 209 00:10:40,451 --> 00:10:43,555 - Hey, buddy. - Bart, my truest friend. 210 00:10:43,582 --> 00:10:45,384 I brought you a cake. 211 00:10:45,397 --> 00:10:46,651 Read it. 212 00:10:46,671 --> 00:10:48,663 That's an odd message. 213 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,280 But who am I to argue with icing? 214 00:10:51,295 --> 00:10:54,295 Will you watch Cassidy the Crocodile with me? 215 00:10:54,314 --> 00:10:59,046 - Um, that's kind of a baby show. - It's all I can handle now. 216 00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,407 (sighs) 217 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:05,000 Henrietta Kitten? Will you marry me? 218 00:11:05,023 --> 00:11:06,763 Meow, meow, maybe. 219 00:11:06,798 --> 00:11:09,628 Why would a kitten marry a crocodile? Wouldn't it eat her? 220 00:11:09,648 --> 00:11:10,748 (shushes) 221 00:11:10,769 --> 00:11:13,349 Suspension of disbelief. 222 00:11:13,371 --> 00:11:16,158 Friends help friends in trouble. 223 00:11:16,182 --> 00:11:18,861 No! Turn it off! It's too intense for me! 224 00:11:18,884 --> 00:11:22,632 Some guys just can't handle crocodiles. 225 00:11:22,658 --> 00:11:23,828 Is it over yet? 226 00:11:23,862 --> 00:11:25,162 (chicken clucks) 227 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:28,002 And if you're dissatisfied for any reason, 228 00:11:28,015 --> 00:11:31,824 I will refund your money in the form of acorns. 229 00:11:34,372 --> 00:11:35,639 (groans) 230 00:11:35,661 --> 00:11:39,653 Hey, this gunpowder, it has a-crystal meth in it. 231 00:11:39,678 --> 00:11:44,211 Crystal meth? Then what the heck did I sell to them Colombian drug lords? 232 00:11:45,897 --> 00:11:49,966 Brandine! We're feuding with the Escobars again! 233 00:11:49,995 --> 00:11:52,663 Does that mean I ain't talking to Maria? 234 00:11:52,683 --> 00:11:54,404 Duh! Yes. 235 00:11:54,419 --> 00:11:58,021 Homer, we will get the fireworks someplace else. 236 00:11:58,477 --> 00:12:01,861 The pig's been eating the C-4 blocks again! 237 00:12:01,894 --> 00:12:04,028 (burps) 238 00:12:04,616 --> 00:12:06,221 (dog barks) 239 00:12:06,711 --> 00:12:10,253 We've invited a new athlete to join our do-gooding dream team. 240 00:12:10,269 --> 00:12:13,898 Please welcome fleet-footed phenom, Bart Simpson. 241 00:12:13,924 --> 00:12:15,870 (crowd cheering) 242 00:12:16,334 --> 00:12:18,456 Hey, everyone. I sure got a lot of attention 243 00:12:18,469 --> 00:12:20,439 for winning this year's Race around the School. 244 00:12:20,458 --> 00:12:22,467 (crowd cheering) 245 00:12:22,494 --> 00:12:24,274 Completely deserved! 246 00:12:24,303 --> 00:12:28,160 Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Mel. But I am not here to talk about myself. 247 00:12:28,174 --> 00:12:30,705 Milhouse, would you join me at the podium? 248 00:12:30,725 --> 00:12:32,065 (clamoring) 249 00:12:32,098 --> 00:12:35,025 What's going on? Seriously, what-what's transpiring? 250 00:12:35,044 --> 00:12:36,385 I've got to set things straight. 251 00:12:36,408 --> 00:12:39,260 During that same race, my friend Milhouse was in the lead, 252 00:12:39,273 --> 00:12:41,952 when something horrible happened! 253 00:12:43,289 --> 00:12:47,505 LISA: Bart knew the worst thing to do was pile lie upon lie. 254 00:12:47,526 --> 00:12:49,486 And that's exactly what he did. 255 00:12:49,499 --> 00:12:51,001 Rather than try to figure out what happened, 256 00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,634 Milhouse had the courage to move on. 257 00:12:52,651 --> 00:12:54,271 To me, that's a hero. 258 00:12:54,278 --> 00:12:55,691 (crowd cheering) 259 00:12:55,714 --> 00:12:56,961 Nicely done. 260 00:12:56,988 --> 00:12:59,560 Now we will give out free rubber bracelets. 261 00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:03,421 Do not wear them to bed. They smell like truck tires. They're disgusting. 262 00:13:07,452 --> 00:13:08,999 Crotch or forehead? 263 00:13:09,028 --> 00:13:11,324 Uh, forehead for once. 264 00:13:11,669 --> 00:13:13,323 Wha...? 265 00:13:24,355 --> 00:13:26,382 Bart Simpson! 266 00:13:26,412 --> 00:13:29,180 You ran away when I was getting beat up! 267 00:13:29,214 --> 00:13:30,487 (crowd booing) 268 00:13:30,502 --> 00:13:33,057 - Bart's a coward! - He lied to us! 269 00:13:33,072 --> 00:13:34,846 Stop the tattoo! 270 00:13:35,420 --> 00:13:38,222 Uh, I could make it a bag of groceries. 271 00:13:38,243 --> 00:13:40,790 All right, make sure there's some French bread sticking out. 272 00:13:40,803 --> 00:13:43,466 Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow! 273 00:13:46,861 --> 00:13:49,574 (crowd rabbling) 274 00:13:50,703 --> 00:13:53,210 Look how he runs now! 275 00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:55,816 LISA: So Bart was revealed as a coward. 276 00:13:55,837 --> 00:13:58,992 And now it seemed like the whole world was against him. 277 00:13:59,023 --> 00:14:00,481 (screams) 278 00:14:00,508 --> 00:14:02,227 (panting) 279 00:14:02,819 --> 00:14:05,479 MALE ANNOUNCER: Have you ever considered a reverse-equity mortgage? 280 00:14:05,499 --> 00:14:07,686 That's what put me in this dump! 281 00:14:07,704 --> 00:14:10,497 Grampa, everyone's calling me a coward. 282 00:14:10,742 --> 00:14:12,239 Well, join the club. 283 00:14:12,262 --> 00:14:15,685 Anyone who makes it to old age has got to be part-coward. 284 00:14:15,704 --> 00:14:17,901 Come on, you were in World War II. 285 00:14:17,921 --> 00:14:20,344 Do you know how I survived D-Day? 286 00:14:22,377 --> 00:14:23,370 (retches) 287 00:14:23,390 --> 00:14:25,887 Don't worry... just a day at the beach. 288 00:14:29,893 --> 00:14:33,743 I'll be back around 1946! 289 00:14:33,756 --> 00:14:36,107 But don't people hate cowards? 290 00:14:36,113 --> 00:14:38,554 Sure do. But we outlive the brave. 291 00:14:38,582 --> 00:14:42,263 Leaving us cowards to make time with the heroes' widows. 292 00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:45,564 After Korea, I was drowning in boobies. 293 00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:47,853 Wow, that sounds pretty sweet. 294 00:14:47,879 --> 00:14:49,620 Well, there is a price. 295 00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:52,777 Do you wake up sweating in the middle of the night? 296 00:14:52,797 --> 00:14:55,097 - Yes. - So do I. 297 00:14:55,123 --> 00:14:58,116 But I get back to sleep by counting the men I let down. 298 00:14:58,129 --> 00:15:04,447 There's Jerry, Izzy, Brooklyn, the O'Donnell boys, the lost ship PT-108, 299 00:15:04,481 --> 00:15:08,594 the Poor Buggers of Meatloaf Ridge, the Andrew sisters... 300 00:15:08,611 --> 00:15:10,512 (snoring) 301 00:15:13,642 --> 00:15:15,032 (gasps) 302 00:15:18,902 --> 00:15:21,640 I understand. You have standards. 303 00:15:23,078 --> 00:15:24,153 (gasps) 304 00:15:25,027 --> 00:15:27,407 This is an angry sleepover. 305 00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:30,256 I'm only doing it 'cause it was on the books. 306 00:15:31,101 --> 00:15:35,734 LISA While Bart was in hell, Homer was happily surrounded by fire and brimstone. 307 00:15:35,918 --> 00:15:39,658 Okay, let's make some fireworks. 308 00:15:39,678 --> 00:15:43,858 Now drive slowly and a-carefully to my workshop. 309 00:15:43,886 --> 00:15:46,985 It's in-a the Cobblestone a-District. 310 00:15:50,772 --> 00:15:53,209 Oh, thank God... a rickety bridge. 311 00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:02,173 Don't worry. We'll be safe in the Gas a-Lamp a-District. 312 00:16:04,634 --> 00:16:07,009 (tires screeching) 313 00:16:11,848 --> 00:16:13,982 ("Stars and Stripes Forever" playing) 314 00:16:29,025 --> 00:16:31,452 - Can I pitch something? - Go ahead. 315 00:16:31,475 --> 00:16:35,095 Boom! Biddy bom-bom boom! Biddy bom bow! Ba-dip-boo! 316 00:16:35,111 --> 00:16:36,118 Boom! Boom! 317 00:16:36,137 --> 00:16:38,518 That's-a nice. (laughs) 318 00:16:38,538 --> 00:16:41,536 ♪ Sometimes when we touch ♪ 319 00:16:42,511 --> 00:16:46,065 ♪ The honesty's too much... ♪ 320 00:16:47,602 --> 00:16:49,970 Wrong holiday, Charlie Brown. 321 00:16:52,107 --> 00:16:53,940 (overlapping chatter) 322 00:16:53,959 --> 00:16:55,707 Yoink. Ha-haw! 323 00:16:55,731 --> 00:16:56,898 We're on it, ma'am! 324 00:16:56,904 --> 00:16:59,782 Okay, coarse gunpowder, get the ball in there, 325 00:16:59,795 --> 00:17:03,901 don't forget the wadding, tamp, tamp, tamp, fine gunpowder in the pan, 326 00:17:03,921 --> 00:17:06,622 firing stance, take careful aim and... 327 00:17:06,637 --> 00:17:07,903 (grunts) 328 00:17:08,298 --> 00:17:10,158 Uh, yeah, not enough tamping, Chief. 329 00:17:10,184 --> 00:17:13,764 Coarse gunpowder, ball, wadding, tamp, tamp, tamp, tamp, tamp, tamp, 330 00:17:13,795 --> 00:17:15,849 fine gunpowder in the pan. Come on... 331 00:17:20,823 --> 00:17:23,083 Aw, my boy's having a bad night. 332 00:17:23,096 --> 00:17:24,883 We should get this show on the road. 333 00:17:24,907 --> 00:17:27,119 No, the time is not yet right. 334 00:17:27,125 --> 00:17:29,549 When they look at their watches and mutter, 335 00:17:29,572 --> 00:17:32,613 "Hey, when are these a-jerks going to a-start?" 336 00:17:32,626 --> 00:17:35,813 That's when they're ready to be enchanted. 337 00:17:35,832 --> 00:17:37,279 Come on, let's go! 338 00:17:37,299 --> 00:17:41,524 I can't stand to see my family unhappy on America's holiest day. 339 00:17:41,544 --> 00:17:47,372 Actually, July 2 is when congress declared independence, 340 00:17:47,403 --> 00:17:50,538 the date that-a should be celebrated. 341 00:17:50,557 --> 00:17:54,118 Hey, Super Mario. Don't you tell me about America! 342 00:17:54,685 --> 00:17:57,189 - Idiot! I'm-a right! - No, you're a-wrong! 343 00:17:57,215 --> 00:18:00,249 "July 2" ... I am quoting John Adams! 344 00:18:00,275 --> 00:18:01,383 Who the hell is that? 345 00:18:01,404 --> 00:18:02,579 (both grunt) 346 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,299 (all screaming) 347 00:18:05,325 --> 00:18:10,248 Oh, dear. The term "target audience" is taking on a sinister connotation. 348 00:18:14,764 --> 00:18:17,031 Milhouse, this is my chance to make things right. 349 00:18:17,051 --> 00:18:19,264 What are you up to now? 350 00:18:19,295 --> 00:18:22,068 Get on that bus! I'll explain during the explosions! 351 00:18:22,094 --> 00:18:27,316 Don't a-panic! We'll be okay as long as the sequence doesn't a-start. 352 00:18:27,336 --> 00:18:29,836 Hit Bart's dad in the butt! 353 00:18:29,849 --> 00:18:31,243 Roger that. 354 00:18:31,273 --> 00:18:32,840 Did you factor in the wind? 355 00:18:32,876 --> 00:18:33,951 No. 356 00:18:36,305 --> 00:18:39,195 ♪ Sometimes when we touch. ♪ 357 00:18:40,133 --> 00:18:41,341 ♪ The honesty's too much... ♪ 358 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:45,067 Don't worry, boys! I'll be with you all the way to Berlin. 359 00:18:46,616 --> 00:18:48,443 (cackles) 360 00:18:48,465 --> 00:18:50,900 (all clamoring) 361 00:18:53,209 --> 00:18:55,109 (coughing) 362 00:18:55,121 --> 00:18:56,694 So, who is our hero? 363 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,177 - I hope it's Carl. - Nah, no such luck. 364 00:18:59,209 --> 00:19:02,289 I was just Tweeting a picture of what I thought was my last meal. 365 00:19:02,312 --> 00:19:04,337 Hot dog and French fries! 366 00:19:07,016 --> 00:19:08,349 (all gasping) 367 00:19:10,345 --> 00:19:13,586 Milhouse is our unlikely savior! 368 00:19:13,603 --> 00:19:16,604 MAN: Quit explaining everything, let him talk. 369 00:19:16,624 --> 00:19:19,218 Well, it wasn't me. It was Bart who... 370 00:19:19,238 --> 00:19:23,085 Saw everything you did. Milhouse is the hero. 371 00:19:23,112 --> 00:19:26,014 Take it from me, the boy who's lied throughout. 372 00:19:26,043 --> 00:19:28,743 ALL: Milhouse! Milhouse! 373 00:19:28,756 --> 00:19:31,890 Oh, I get it now. Thanks, Bart. 374 00:19:32,509 --> 00:19:36,309 LISA: So Milhouse got the redemption he deserved, 375 00:19:36,325 --> 00:19:38,852 and so, in a way, did Bart. 376 00:19:38,872 --> 00:19:41,737 ALL: Coward! Coward! Coward! 377 00:19:41,756 --> 00:19:43,692 LISA: Which meant that, at long last, 378 00:19:43,713 --> 00:19:46,915 my brother could get a good night's sleep. 379 00:19:46,950 --> 00:19:49,551 (slow melody playing on piano) 380 00:19:56,772 --> 00:19:59,193 Oh, enough doom and gloom! 381 00:19:59,214 --> 00:20:01,582 (playing upbeat melody) 382 00:20:14,819 --> 00:20:16,806 Look, Maggie, I undid my deed. 383 00:20:16,820 --> 00:20:20,468 So I'm just gonna take your feather and say good night. 384 00:20:20,484 --> 00:20:22,972 Oh, where are these coming from? 385 00:20:23,988 --> 00:20:27,964 Oh, I see. That's all you wanted. 386 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,518 How's that, kiddo? 387 00:20:32,382 --> 00:20:34,763 (clucking) 388 00:20:39,249 --> 00:20:42,549 HOMER: ♪ Sometimes when we touch ♪ 389 00:20:42,572 --> 00:20:45,530 GIUSEPPE: ♪ The honesty, she's-a too much ♪ 390 00:20:45,556 --> 00:20:51,230 BOTH: ♪ And I have to close my eyes and hide ♪ 391 00:20:52,036 --> 00:20:54,923 GIUSEPPE: ♪ I wanna hold you till I die... ♪ 392 00:20:54,943 --> 00:20:56,663 HOMER (laughing): One more year, tops. 393 00:20:56,683 --> 00:20:59,865 GIUSEPPE: I live-a longer than you. I take a senior spin class. 394 00:20:59,899 --> 00:21:01,719 Always I'm increasing the tension. 395 00:21:01,748 --> 00:21:04,381 HOMER: Then, burn on you 'cause you'll be holding onto a dead guy. 396 00:21:04,406 --> 00:21:05,259 (laughs) 397 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,972 GIUSEPPE: ♪ I wanna hold you ♪ 398 00:21:06,992 --> 00:21:10,466 ♪ A-till the fear in me subsides... ♪ 399 00:21:10,488 --> 00:21:13,543 HOMER: Believe me, if you're holding onto a 300-pound dead guy, 400 00:21:13,556 --> 00:21:15,323 fear is not gonna be your problem. 401 00:21:15,349 --> 00:21:18,210 GIUSEPPE: Congratulations, you have ruined a beautiful song. 402 00:21:18,224 --> 00:21:20,498 HOMER: It's a song? I thought we were just riffing. 403 00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:23,041 GIUSEPPE: I apologize to Dan Hill and all of our viewers. 404 00:21:23,063 --> 00:21:24,709 - HOMER: I don't! - Shh! 405 00:21:24,737 --> 00:21:27,930 HOMER: Usher, will you stop that person who's shushing? 406 00:21:28,048 --> 00:21:33,048 Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY