1
00:00:01,970 --> 00:00:03,280
What a racket.
2
00:00:03,290 --> 00:00:05,449
They charge, like, a bazillion dollars
3
00:00:05,450 --> 00:00:07,489
for a dress you wear once.
4
00:00:07,490 --> 00:00:09,059
You want one, don't you?
5
00:00:09,060 --> 00:00:12,429
Totally. I have such a
bridal boner right now.
6
00:00:12,430 --> 00:00:14,559
Jules: Okay, you guys
ready? I'm coming out.
7
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:15,960
- (gasps)
- Yay.
8
00:00:16,970 --> 00:00:17,899
(both gasp)
9
00:00:17,900 --> 00:00:19,270
- Oh.
- Oh.
10
00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:23,769
Why do you have to have everything?
11
00:00:23,770 --> 00:00:25,309
Seriously, you're gorgeous.
12
00:00:25,310 --> 00:00:26,539
If I didn't love you,
13
00:00:26,540 --> 00:00:28,639
I would hate you right now.
14
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,079
(giggles) You guys, I
think this is the one.
15
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:32,509
I think it is.
16
00:00:32,510 --> 00:00:34,779
(all whoop)
17
00:00:34,780 --> 00:00:36,919
You ladies have so much to celebrate.
18
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,449
You're getting married,
19
00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:40,950
you're having a baby, and you...
20
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,660
you're the supportive friend.
21
00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:46,759
You know, in some
cultures, a woman your age
22
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:49,960
would be put on an ice
floe and pushed out to sea.
23
00:00:49,970 --> 00:00:52,329
And I have plenty to celebrate.
24
00:00:52,330 --> 00:00:54,869
I have a date with a very hot guy.
25
00:00:54,870 --> 00:00:56,469
- Will's trainer?
- Yup.
26
00:00:56,470 --> 00:01:00,870
It's our third date, so I
will be getting bench-pressed.
27
00:01:02,010 --> 00:01:03,740
If you know what I mean.
28
00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:08,350
(sighs)
29
00:01:10,650 --> 00:01:14,120
Worst sex of my life!
30
00:01:14,990 --> 00:01:17,120
Ugh. Dead eyes, wet kisser,
31
00:01:17,130 --> 00:01:18,829
pokey fingers.
32
00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:20,959
It was like a kid playing "Chopsticks"
33
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:23,129
on the piano, except the piano was my va...
34
00:01:23,130 --> 00:01:25,269
BOTH: We get it!
35
00:01:25,270 --> 00:01:26,999
I'm surprised Zac was so bad in bed.
36
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,269
He's such a great trainer,
37
00:01:28,270 --> 00:01:29,969
you'd think, you know, it
would translate somehow.
38
00:01:29,970 --> 00:01:33,470
Have you ever had a Jack
Russell terrier hump your leg?
39
00:01:34,610 --> 00:01:36,980
This was faster and more humiliating.
40
00:01:39,310 --> 00:01:41,580
♪ ♪
41
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:51,200
☯Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17☯
❃www.addic7ed.com❃
42
00:01:51,430 --> 00:01:53,089
Oh, what a good hug.
43
00:01:53,090 --> 00:01:55,290
- Hey, Charlie.
- Hi, Charlie.
44
00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:56,599
Hi, Mom. How'd it go?
45
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,629
Oh, we had a wonderful day together.
46
00:01:58,630 --> 00:01:59,599
Didn't we, Charlie?
47
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:02,199
"But the house is so cold.
48
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,539
Gran-gran's worried I could
get the sneezie-weezies."
49
00:02:05,540 --> 00:02:06,609
(sighs)
50
00:02:06,610 --> 00:02:08,039
Temperature's fine, Barbara.
51
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:12,009
"I guess Daddy's pwide is more
important than my health."
52
00:02:12,010 --> 00:02:13,749
Here we go. Come on.
53
00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:15,010
Let's go see the giraffe.
54
00:02:15,020 --> 00:02:16,919
Thank you so much for your time, Mom.
55
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:17,980
We really appreciate it.
56
00:02:17,990 --> 00:02:19,389
Oh, it's my pleasure, honey.
57
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:22,589
You know, I just talked to Diane Shupak.
58
00:02:22,590 --> 00:02:24,520
Her son is going through a divorce.
59
00:02:24,530 --> 00:02:26,289
- He's a judge.
- Mom,
60
00:02:26,290 --> 00:02:29,799
for the hundredth time:
I am married to Bobby.
61
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,230
That's why pencils have erasers.
62
00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:36,970
Okay, bye.
63
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:40,569
- God, she's so annoying.
- (sighs)
64
00:02:40,570 --> 00:02:41,809
Seriously.
65
00:02:41,810 --> 00:02:43,209
Don't talk about my mom like that.
66
00:02:43,210 --> 00:02:45,040
You always say my mom's annoying.
67
00:02:45,050 --> 00:02:46,449
That's 'cause she is annoying.
68
00:02:46,450 --> 00:02:49,010
All right, look, I know
this is a sensitive subject,
69
00:02:49,020 --> 00:02:51,049
but maybe it's time we
hire someone to help us.
70
00:02:51,050 --> 00:02:53,289
With the new baby coming,
it might be nice to have
71
00:02:53,290 --> 00:02:55,350
- a little extra help.
- Well, if we need the help,
72
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,219
my mom said that she could come every day.
73
00:02:57,220 --> 00:03:00,230
And here I thought being burned
alive was my biggest fear.
74
00:03:01,330 --> 00:03:04,129
Look, I know that my mom isn't perfect...
75
00:03:04,130 --> 00:03:05,329
(scoffs)
76
00:03:05,330 --> 00:03:08,399
but she is trustworthy
77
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,369
and reliable and free.
78
00:03:10,370 --> 00:03:11,500
No, she's not free.
79
00:03:11,510 --> 00:03:12,800
She comes with a price.
80
00:03:12,810 --> 00:03:15,770
A big, passive-aggwessive pwice.
81
00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:17,309
Bobby, I'm, like, insanely pregnant.
82
00:03:17,310 --> 00:03:19,079
I-I just, I don't have the energy
83
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:20,549
for interviews and call references.
84
00:03:20,550 --> 00:03:21,610
All right, well, look,
85
00:03:21,620 --> 00:03:23,279
if I did all the work, would you at least
86
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:24,549
be open to sitting down with somebody?
87
00:03:24,550 --> 00:03:27,819
But that means that one of
us needs to talk to her.
88
00:03:27,820 --> 00:03:30,460
"One of us" is never you.
89
00:03:32,090 --> 00:03:34,389
So the truth is, Andi and
I feel like we've become
90
00:03:34,390 --> 00:03:35,359
too reliant on you.
91
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:39,560
So, as much as it pains me to say it,
92
00:03:39,570 --> 00:03:41,330
we're gonna hire a nanny.
93
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,939
Anyhoo, uh...
94
00:03:47,940 --> 00:03:49,709
this is great news for you, too,
95
00:03:49,710 --> 00:03:51,079
because now you'll have more time
96
00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:52,640
to pursue your many interests,
97
00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:54,749
like sending meals back at restaurants
98
00:03:54,750 --> 00:03:56,950
and tracking where drafts come from.
99
00:03:59,420 --> 00:04:02,550
You're an angry, angry ginger-man.
100
00:04:05,420 --> 00:04:07,590
And I'm free.
101
00:04:11,630 --> 00:04:14,529
(panting): So, uh... how much longer
102
00:04:14,530 --> 00:04:16,730
do you want me to do this warm-up run for?
103
00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:18,639
It-It's been 30 minutes.
104
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:22,970
30 minutes, 60 minutes...
what does it matter?
105
00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:25,179
It matters if I have a heart attack.
106
00:04:25,180 --> 00:04:27,249
(chuckles)
107
00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:30,010
I'm sorry, I just haven't been myself
108
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,649
since I got Kate's text.
109
00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:34,119
I don't know, maybe I'm
reading too much into it.
110
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,750
Let me get your opinion.
111
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:38,460
"It's over. Best of luck."
112
00:04:39,890 --> 00:04:41,429
I'm sorry, Will.
113
00:04:41,430 --> 00:04:43,490
I don't really feel up
to finishing our session.
114
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:46,160
Zac, come on, I need you, man.
115
00:04:46,170 --> 00:04:47,869
I'm-I'm back in the dating world again.
116
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,069
(grunts)
117
00:04:49,070 --> 00:04:50,699
You should see the guys I'm competing with.
118
00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:54,039
Dude, you're a friend; you
got to help me out here.
119
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,209
I'm spiraling.
120
00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:57,910
(groaning)
121
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,349
My bad.
122
00:05:02,350 --> 00:05:04,649
All right, if I help you out
with this whole Kate thing,
123
00:05:04,650 --> 00:05:06,249
will you be able to train me again?
124
00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:07,619
Dude, I'll train you so hard,
125
00:05:07,620 --> 00:05:10,319
they'll be able to see
your muscles from space.
126
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:15,029
Well, then you, my friend,
are gonna have to, uh...
127
00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:17,029
change some things up in the bedroom.
128
00:05:17,030 --> 00:05:19,899
I didn't hear anyone complaining.
129
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:21,570
Well, I did.
130
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,399
- Kate.
- Oh, man!
131
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,100
That's the worst person
you could have said.
132
00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:28,469
Yeah, listen, hey, don't
worry about it, man.
133
00:05:28,470 --> 00:05:29,809
I know women.
134
00:05:29,810 --> 00:05:34,080
Right. They say no one knows
women better than a gay man.
135
00:05:35,950 --> 00:05:37,210
I'm not gay.
136
00:05:37,220 --> 00:05:38,479
I understand.
137
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,480
Whenever you're ready, bro.
138
00:05:40,490 --> 00:05:42,249
(laughs): No, I'm not gay.
139
00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:43,750
I mean, I'm stylish,
140
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,489
but that doesn't necessarily mean I...
141
00:05:46,490 --> 00:05:48,859
You know, never mind.
142
00:05:48,860 --> 00:05:50,959
The point is, I'm also a gynecologist.
143
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,900
I literally have a PhD in vagina.
144
00:05:55,330 --> 00:05:56,999
You willing to listen and learn?
145
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,399
Absolutely. When do we start?
146
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,139
Right now. You ever play
"Chopsticks" on the piano?
147
00:06:01,140 --> 00:06:02,309
Of course.
148
00:06:02,310 --> 00:06:04,540
Don't ever do it again.
149
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,410
Bobby: Well, I did it!
150
00:06:09,420 --> 00:06:10,779
After a day
151
00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:13,080
of extensive interviews, I
found us a perfect nanny.
152
00:06:13,090 --> 00:06:14,480
- Mm.
- Degree in child development,
153
00:06:14,490 --> 00:06:16,750
grad student at UCLA, tons of experience.
154
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,589
Fantastic! When do I get to meet her?
155
00:06:18,590 --> 00:06:20,259
How about now? I mean,
Charlie loved her so much,
156
00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:21,389
he wouldn't let her leave the interview.
157
00:06:21,390 --> 00:06:23,260
- Oh.
- Emma?
158
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,800
Hi.
159
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,530
I'm Emma, but all my friends call me Emmie.
160
00:06:31,540 --> 00:06:33,439
Oh. Are those your friends?
161
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,839
Ah.
162
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:37,539
Oh, gosh.
163
00:06:37,540 --> 00:06:39,339
Charlie undid my button.
164
00:06:39,340 --> 00:06:41,910
Oh. Charlie's first button!
165
00:06:49,850 --> 00:06:52,489
Jules, tell me you haven't
ordered the wedding dress yet.
166
00:06:52,490 --> 00:06:55,019
No, not yet. I love it,
but it's so expensive,
167
00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:56,389
so I'm still thinking about it.
168
00:06:56,390 --> 00:06:57,789
Okay, well, think no more,
169
00:06:57,790 --> 00:06:59,390
because I have the perfect dress.
170
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,229
Mom sent it from Australia.
171
00:07:01,230 --> 00:07:02,960
This dress has been in
our family for years.
172
00:07:02,970 --> 00:07:05,799
Darling, you can be a part
of the grand tradition.
173
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,530
Oh, this is so fun!
174
00:07:07,540 --> 00:07:09,339
- I'm gonna try this on.
- Do it.
175
00:07:09,340 --> 00:07:10,439
(knocking)
176
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,269
Ah, Kate, I need a favor.
177
00:07:12,270 --> 00:07:13,870
No.
178
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,940
You don't even know what I'm gonna ask.
179
00:07:15,950 --> 00:07:19,879
I can tell by your spastic
sprint and your needy stare.
180
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,179
I'm not interested.
181
00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:25,119
Listen, I got to have my trainer back,
182
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:26,850
and he can't work because of you.
183
00:07:26,860 --> 00:07:29,220
Well, I can't work because of him.
184
00:07:29,230 --> 00:07:31,729
Do you know that he licked his finger
185
00:07:31,730 --> 00:07:34,699
and traced it around my mouth?
186
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:38,569
Like some kind of saliva lip gloss.
187
00:07:38,570 --> 00:07:41,969
I have to live with that.
188
00:07:41,970 --> 00:07:43,669
Just give him one more chance.
189
00:07:43,670 --> 00:07:45,269
He spit-glossed me, Will!
190
00:07:45,270 --> 00:07:46,709
Fine, but, look,
191
00:07:46,710 --> 00:07:48,379
the truth is...
192
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,309
Wait. I-I can't tell you that.
193
00:07:50,310 --> 00:07:52,050
I'd be... I'd be betraying his confidence.
194
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,249
Please, feel free, betray.
195
00:07:55,250 --> 00:07:56,849
Okay.
196
00:07:56,850 --> 00:07:58,649
But, listen, you promise
not to say anything?
197
00:07:58,650 --> 00:08:01,789
He told me the reason he was
so nervous and off his game is
198
00:08:01,790 --> 00:08:04,520
'cause he thinks you're
just so incredibly hot.
199
00:08:04,530 --> 00:08:06,690
That makes sense. Go on.
200
00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:10,060
Yeah, so, you know, he just
got all up in his head.
201
00:08:10,070 --> 00:08:11,969
I really think you should
give him another chance.
202
00:08:11,970 --> 00:08:16,070
Well, he is packing a python.
203
00:08:18,910 --> 00:08:20,939
Hey. Did you find a nanny?
204
00:08:20,940 --> 00:08:22,539
- Yes.
- No.
205
00:08:22,540 --> 00:08:24,340
Let me ask you guys.
206
00:08:24,350 --> 00:08:26,849
Should we hire a super hot nanny?
207
00:08:26,850 --> 00:08:28,879
- Definitely not.
- No! - Well, well, hold on!
208
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:32,589
Are you suggesting that we
deny this poor woman a job
209
00:08:32,590 --> 00:08:35,389
in the house that I live
in just because she's hot?
210
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,589
How can you even be considering this?
211
00:08:37,590 --> 00:08:40,690
It's like asking for trouble,
and then paying for it.
212
00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:43,129
This is outrageous.
213
00:08:43,130 --> 00:08:44,729
"Should we hire a hot nanny?"
214
00:08:44,730 --> 00:08:46,629
(stammers) Even the question is offensive.
215
00:08:46,630 --> 00:08:48,069
If you replaced
216
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:49,699
the word "hot" with "black" or "Jewish,"
217
00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:52,139
we would not be having this conversation.
218
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:54,139
Come on, Will.
219
00:08:54,140 --> 00:08:56,279
Oh, it's fine for the hots
to model our swimsuits,
220
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:59,549
but God forbid we let them
care for our children.
221
00:08:59,550 --> 00:09:01,279
Look, I don't care what
she looks like, all right?
222
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,149
I just want to hire the
best person for the job.
223
00:09:03,150 --> 00:09:04,780
And out of all the people that I met,
224
00:09:04,790 --> 00:09:07,050
Emmie by far had the best credentials.
225
00:09:07,060 --> 00:09:09,259
Did she have really big credentials?
226
00:09:09,260 --> 00:09:13,229
Okay, so if I find someone
with better credentials,
227
00:09:13,230 --> 00:09:16,999
who doesn't look like "Emmie,"
you'll be just as excited?
228
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,129
Absolutely.
229
00:09:18,130 --> 00:09:19,799
No.
230
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,169
Jules: All right.
231
00:09:21,170 --> 00:09:23,370
Here I come.
232
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,879
Aw, darling, spectacular.
233
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:32,279
What a vision!
234
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,910
I got to call my mum!
235
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,980
What is happening?
236
00:09:37,990 --> 00:09:39,789
It's Lowell's great-grandmother's
237
00:09:39,790 --> 00:09:40,789
wedding dress.
238
00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:43,290
That she was buried in?
239
00:09:47,460 --> 00:09:49,859
(laughs): Hey!
240
00:09:49,860 --> 00:09:50,960
How's it going, buddy?
241
00:09:50,970 --> 00:09:53,999
(deep voice): Hey, man, how are you?
242
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,099
Charlie?
243
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:57,239
Hi.
244
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:58,869
Hi. Who are you?
245
00:09:58,870 --> 00:10:00,539
This is our new nanny, Sam.
246
00:10:00,540 --> 00:10:01,509
Bobby: Oh.
247
00:10:01,510 --> 00:10:03,609
- Hi, Sam.
- Hey.
248
00:10:03,610 --> 00:10:05,479
Nice to meet you.
249
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,280
Excuse me.
250
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,920
Word, please?
251
00:10:12,290 --> 00:10:14,650
(chuckles) Are you serious?
252
00:10:14,660 --> 00:10:16,019
You said if I found someone
253
00:10:16,020 --> 00:10:17,659
with better credentials, I should hire him.
254
00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:19,829
Him? I never said anything about a him.
255
00:10:19,830 --> 00:10:21,290
Where'd you find this guy anyway?
256
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:23,359
Spraying cologne at the Beverly Center?
257
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,799
Actually, he has a master's
258
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,330
in child development, and he's
the oldest of seven siblings,
259
00:10:28,340 --> 00:10:29,939
so he has plenty of
experience. He's perfect.
260
00:10:29,940 --> 00:10:32,100
Yeah, well, I can see why
you think he's perfect.
261
00:10:32,110 --> 00:10:34,169
Oh, please. I just want
what's best for our son.
262
00:10:34,170 --> 00:10:36,639
- Who wants to meet the tickle monster?
- (laughing)
263
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,040
I do!
264
00:10:38,050 --> 00:10:40,679
I mean, Charlie does.
265
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:42,549
Sam: Tickle, tickle, tickle.
266
00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:44,250
Tickle, tickle...
267
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,389
I mean, it is a whole
new world having a nanny.
268
00:10:49,390 --> 00:10:51,889
I actually had time to
take a shower this morning.
269
00:10:51,890 --> 00:10:54,729
You know, you do look quite nice, actually.
270
00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:55,790
Mm.
271
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,359
She's dressing up for the nanny.
272
00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,929
(chuckling): What are you even...
273
00:10:59,930 --> 00:11:02,799
That's crazy.
274
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,269
It's great.
275
00:11:04,270 --> 00:11:07,010
You shaved your legs for the
first time in six months.
276
00:11:08,310 --> 00:11:11,339
I wish it were for me, but
I'll take what I can get.
277
00:11:11,340 --> 00:11:13,509
Wow, seven years of marriage,
278
00:11:13,510 --> 00:11:16,510
and the romance is still white-hot.
279
00:11:18,020 --> 00:11:19,419
Hello, hello.
280
00:11:19,420 --> 00:11:21,219
So, gave Zac another chance,
281
00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:23,350
and guess how many orgasms he gave me.
282
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:24,459
I don't like this game.
283
00:11:24,460 --> 00:11:26,189
Three. The best of my life.
284
00:11:26,190 --> 00:11:28,059
I didn't have to teach him
a thing. It's so weird.
285
00:11:28,060 --> 00:11:29,929
He was completely different this time.
286
00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:31,599
(chuckles)
287
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,699
What?
288
00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:34,929
Uh...
289
00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:36,400
You're welcome.
290
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,000
What do you mean?
291
00:11:40,010 --> 00:11:42,370
Well, I gave Zac a few tips
during our training session.
292
00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:43,939
So, uh, by the transitive property,
293
00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:46,810
it is I who rocked your world.
294
00:11:48,550 --> 00:11:51,379
I who gave you all those orgasms.
295
00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:53,119
How-how is that even possible?
296
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,749
It's not. He didn't.
297
00:11:54,750 --> 00:11:55,919
Oh, but I did.
298
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,219
I pulled the strings.
299
00:11:57,220 --> 00:11:58,759
I am the puppet master.
300
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,089
His extremities were but a mere
301
00:12:00,090 --> 00:12:01,559
extension of my will.
302
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,790
Thrust, thrust, turn around, thrust.
303
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,160
Oh, stop it! (groans)
304
00:12:06,170 --> 00:12:08,499
It is not true. You are not good in bed.
305
00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:10,030
- I'm great in bed.
- Please.
306
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,169
I have seen you dance, I've seen you eat,
307
00:12:12,170 --> 00:12:13,539
I've watched you rollerblade.
308
00:12:13,540 --> 00:12:15,139
You are bad at everything.
309
00:12:15,140 --> 00:12:16,570
Bobby: Look, in Will's defense,
310
00:12:16,580 --> 00:12:18,209
the man is a gynecologist.
311
00:12:18,210 --> 00:12:21,109
I mean, most people spend
eight hours a day in a cubicle.
312
00:12:21,110 --> 00:12:23,249
Our cubicle is a vagina.
313
00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:24,419
Andi: It's true.
314
00:12:24,420 --> 00:12:25,819
He has amazing skills.
315
00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:27,019
I almost feel bad
316
00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:28,819
that he doesn't get to use 'em,
317
00:12:28,820 --> 00:12:31,159
but then I just have a snack
and forget all about that.
318
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,659
I'm sorry, but there is no way
319
00:12:33,660 --> 00:12:36,459
mere words could achieve
that kind of result.
320
00:12:36,460 --> 00:12:39,829
You think you pep-talked my
eyes into the back of my head?
321
00:12:39,830 --> 00:12:41,199
I think I did.
322
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:42,430
I know you didn't.
323
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:43,799
I'm sure I did.
324
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:44,969
I'm positive you didn't.
325
00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:46,000
Let's just agree to disagree.
326
00:12:46,010 --> 00:12:48,039
I disagree and will not agree.
327
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,439
(a la Hannibal Lecter): Careful.
328
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,139
What the puppet master giveth,
329
00:12:51,140 --> 00:12:53,710
the puppet master can taketh away.
330
00:12:55,050 --> 00:12:57,549
God, all of this talk
about sex is making me...
331
00:12:57,550 --> 00:12:58,549
Hungry?
332
00:12:58,550 --> 00:13:00,880
You just get me.
333
00:13:05,690 --> 00:13:07,159
I don't understand.
334
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:10,390
It's like you want me to do the
opposite of what I did before.
335
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,029
Exactly.
336
00:13:12,030 --> 00:13:14,499
See, Kate craves variety.
337
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:15,799
Sex with her has to be
338
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,569
a constantly moving stream of feelings
339
00:13:17,570 --> 00:13:20,469
and sensations and colors.
340
00:13:20,470 --> 00:13:21,869
That's weird, 'cause it seemed like
341
00:13:21,870 --> 00:13:24,209
she just wanted it really hard.
342
00:13:24,210 --> 00:13:27,740
Right. So now... it must be soft.
343
00:13:27,750 --> 00:13:29,149
All right.
344
00:13:29,150 --> 00:13:31,719
Here's a hot-ass move.
345
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,749
Try tracing your fingers
around her face slowly
346
00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:37,550
in the shape of a heart.
347
00:13:40,260 --> 00:13:43,030
This might be why you think I'm gay.
348
00:13:50,805 --> 00:13:54,410
You can't seriously wear
that gothic nightmare
349
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:56,879
of a dress.
350
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,819
The other one was so perfect.
351
00:13:58,820 --> 00:14:02,389
Well, I-I care more about
Lowell than any dress.
352
00:14:02,390 --> 00:14:04,389
Why?
353
00:14:04,390 --> 00:14:05,959
Because I love him.
354
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,729
And this dress is a family tradition,
355
00:14:07,730 --> 00:14:08,514
so I'm going to make it work.
356
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,320
It just needs to be altered...
357
00:14:11,330 --> 00:14:12,929
and dry-cleaned.
358
00:14:12,930 --> 00:14:15,190
And burned.
359
00:14:18,870 --> 00:14:21,299
Where are you going?
360
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:24,169
Nowhere.
361
00:14:24,170 --> 00:14:27,709
Why are you dressed like Tina Turner?
362
00:14:27,710 --> 00:14:29,709
What are you talking about?
363
00:14:29,710 --> 00:14:31,379
These are my normal...
364
00:14:31,380 --> 00:14:34,580
around-the-house, hangout... clothes.
365
00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:39,050
- Ah...
- Ah...
366
00:14:43,290 --> 00:14:46,359
It was you.
367
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:49,090
- Whatever do you mean?
- (groans)
368
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:51,099
You undid Zac.
369
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:53,469
Did I?
370
00:14:53,470 --> 00:14:55,799
Soft forehead kisses?
371
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,469
Meaningful stares?
372
00:14:57,470 --> 00:15:00,209
He face-hearted me, Will.
373
00:15:00,210 --> 00:15:02,139
(laughs)
374
00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:04,879
It took me half an hour
to convince him to go back
375
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,409
to what he did before.
376
00:15:06,410 --> 00:15:10,249
(a la Hannibal Lecter): The
puppet master tooketh away.
377
00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:14,050
Keep your hand out of my puppet, Will!
378
00:15:21,990 --> 00:15:23,699
All right, ready for bath time?
379
00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:25,060
Rub a dub dub.
380
00:15:25,070 --> 00:15:26,460
(chuckles)
381
00:15:26,470 --> 00:15:28,799
I'll see you guys up there.
382
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,269
My feet. My back.
383
00:15:31,270 --> 00:15:33,569
My feet. My back.
384
00:15:33,570 --> 00:15:35,970
Almost forgot Splashy Duck.
385
00:15:35,980 --> 00:15:38,080
Oh, no. Not Splashy Duck.
386
00:15:41,110 --> 00:15:43,779
(sighs)
387
00:15:43,780 --> 00:15:45,919
Barbara?
388
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,689
I'm just leaving a little gift for Charlie.
389
00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:49,919
You want to come in?
390
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:51,159
Oh, I'd love to, Robert.
391
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:53,629
But I think it would be
less painful for the child
392
00:15:53,630 --> 00:15:59,229
if you let the memory of me just fade away.
393
00:15:59,230 --> 00:16:00,869
But you left him a gift.
394
00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:02,369
I didn't sign the card.
395
00:16:02,370 --> 00:16:04,969
Just tell him it's from a friend.
396
00:16:04,970 --> 00:16:06,700
Let's cut to the chase, Barbara.
397
00:16:06,710 --> 00:16:08,169
I mean, you're Charlie's grandmother.
398
00:16:08,170 --> 00:16:09,839
You want to see Charlie, that's great.
399
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,379
But I don't have to put up
400
00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:13,179
with your passive- aggressiveness anymore.
401
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,709
Because we don't need you.
402
00:16:14,710 --> 00:16:17,119
Our new nanny is fantastic.
403
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,080
He takes amazing care of Charlie,
404
00:16:19,090 --> 00:16:21,189
he doesn't complain about the temperature,
405
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:23,390
and he doesn't stop up the toilet.
406
00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:25,789
That's right, Barbara.
407
00:16:25,790 --> 00:16:28,060
(whispers): I know.
408
00:16:29,460 --> 00:16:30,799
(mutters)
409
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,000
Yeah.
410
00:16:37,670 --> 00:16:39,900
You ever do something you've
been waiting forever to do?
411
00:16:39,910 --> 00:16:41,739
We need to fire Sam.
412
00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:43,739
- What?
- Yeah.
413
00:16:43,740 --> 00:16:46,179
Do you realize how exhausting it
is to look like this every day?
414
00:16:46,180 --> 00:16:47,579
So don't look like this.
415
00:16:47,580 --> 00:16:49,910
I can't walk around in front of
him like I do in front of you.
416
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,519
- It's embarrassing.
- So let me get this straight.
417
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,149
Because of your hormonal insanity,
418
00:16:53,150 --> 00:16:55,319
we have to get rid of
a perfectly good nanny?
419
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:56,850
And you know who we need?
420
00:16:56,860 --> 00:16:59,520
Emmie?
421
00:16:59,530 --> 00:17:02,660
The devil we know is better
than the devil we don't.
422
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,360
The devil.
423
00:17:07,730 --> 00:17:10,399
I miss my mother, Bobby.
424
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,939
So, I guess what I'm trying to say
425
00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:16,270
is that I need you to come back.
426
00:17:18,010 --> 00:17:21,950
I take no pleasure in seeing you like this.
427
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:27,080
No, no. That's not you at all.
428
00:17:27,090 --> 00:17:30,950
But humility is a good color on you.
429
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,989
Do you want to come back or not?
430
00:17:32,990 --> 00:17:38,329
The thermostat goes no lower than 73,
431
00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:43,499
Thanksgiving's at my house
for the next three years,
432
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:46,169
and you're sending me on a cruise.
433
00:17:46,170 --> 00:17:50,240
I do like the thought of you
in the middle of an ocean.
434
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:58,249
So you're never gonna talk to
Will about our sex life again.
435
00:17:58,250 --> 00:17:59,880
- Never.
- From now on,
436
00:17:59,890 --> 00:18:01,649
it's just the two of us.
437
00:18:01,650 --> 00:18:03,150
The two of us.
438
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,589
Will: Don't forget about me.
439
00:18:05,590 --> 00:18:08,259
You seem to be enjoying yourself.
440
00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:09,389
No!
441
00:18:09,390 --> 00:18:10,729
What's wrong?
442
00:18:10,730 --> 00:18:12,259
Nothing.
443
00:18:12,260 --> 00:18:13,399
Sorry.
444
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:14,600
As you were.
445
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:20,840
Will: Look at that,
we're about to have sex.
446
00:18:21,670 --> 00:18:22,969
You like my tight little body?
447
00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:23,939
Stop it!
448
00:18:23,940 --> 00:18:25,639
Ah, stop it!
449
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,540
Oh, I'm sorry. I can't do this.
450
00:18:27,550 --> 00:18:30,280
It's not you. It's him!
451
00:18:39,555 --> 00:18:40,909
Bobby: All right, we better get going.
452
00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:42,539
- You're my ride, so...
- All right, well, I'd better go, too.
453
00:18:42,540 --> 00:18:44,039
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
454
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:44,666
You can't go.
455
00:18:44,667 --> 00:18:47,469
You haven't seen Jules in
her wedding attire yet.
456
00:18:47,470 --> 00:18:48,809
The accessories have arrived!
457
00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:50,739
Ah...
458
00:18:50,740 --> 00:18:53,310
I didn't know there were accessories.
459
00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,019
I don't know, Jules.
460
00:18:59,020 --> 00:19:00,989
Feel like you're showing
a little too much ankle.
461
00:19:00,990 --> 00:19:02,150
Mm.
462
00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:07,690
Tell me, was it scary when
the Titanic went down?
463
00:19:09,260 --> 00:19:13,330
You look like Miss Tuberculosis 1853.
464
00:19:14,530 --> 00:19:16,130
Guys, it's not funny.
465
00:19:16,140 --> 00:19:19,169
I am a part of the great
Peddit family tradition.
466
00:19:19,170 --> 00:19:20,869
Yes, you are.
467
00:19:20,870 --> 00:19:23,639
The great Peddit family tradition...
468
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,540
of pranking the bride.
469
00:19:28,350 --> 00:19:29,549
What?
470
00:19:29,550 --> 00:19:31,279
It's just a joke!
471
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,380
A joke?
472
00:19:33,390 --> 00:19:36,619
Wow. What a douche move.
473
00:19:36,620 --> 00:19:38,219
I love it.
474
00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:40,629
All right, you got me.
475
00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:42,790
Welcome to the family, man.
476
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,060
I thought I became a part
of the family a while ago.
477
00:19:45,070 --> 00:19:46,499
- Nope, just now.
- No. - Yeah.
478
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:52,500
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