1 00:00:07,026 --> 00:00:09,394 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:09,396 --> 00:00:10,795 - I got the part! - Congrats. 3 00:00:10,797 --> 00:00:12,397 - Yay. - Way to go. 4 00:00:12,399 --> 00:00:14,433 You do realize that Rath might have 5 00:00:14,435 --> 00:00:16,067 certain expectations now, right? 6 00:00:16,069 --> 00:00:19,204 Are you saying he expects me to have sex with him 7 00:00:19,206 --> 00:00:20,371 or give him a blow job? 8 00:00:20,373 --> 00:00:21,640 So who recommended you? 9 00:00:21,642 --> 00:00:23,541 - Stu Beggs. - My ex. 10 00:00:23,543 --> 00:00:25,209 He said that you probably needed the work, 11 00:00:25,211 --> 00:00:27,045 that your husband isn't much of an earner. 12 00:00:27,047 --> 00:00:28,613 I waxed a hooker today. 13 00:00:28,615 --> 00:00:30,882 She was young and cute and totally down to fuck. 14 00:00:30,884 --> 00:00:32,717 Really? Is this wrong? 15 00:00:32,719 --> 00:00:34,119 I can't tell anymore. 16 00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,121 Dude, you--you got me a fucking hooker? 17 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,955 Oh, my God. Thank you so much. 18 00:00:37,957 --> 00:00:40,191 This is exactly what I thought having a father would be like. 19 00:00:40,193 --> 00:00:43,727 - The--the clit's on top, right? - Another happy customer. 20 00:00:43,729 --> 00:00:45,396 You know how you tell your mother everything, you said? 21 00:00:45,398 --> 00:00:47,031 Are you gonna tell her about this? 22 00:00:47,033 --> 00:00:50,368 - She would be totally pissed. - Hmm. Good to know. 23 00:00:50,370 --> 00:00:52,436 What about me? I impulse-remarried 24 00:00:52,438 --> 00:00:55,205 a depraved lunatic who can't even get it up for me. 25 00:00:55,207 --> 00:00:57,374 I need a manager who cares about me 26 00:00:57,376 --> 00:00:59,543 as much as about what me can do for him. 27 00:00:59,545 --> 00:01:02,312 - I do, Goldie. - Get me off this fucking show. 28 00:01:02,314 --> 00:01:04,882 - Why? - Rath humiliated me. 29 00:01:04,884 --> 00:01:08,451 You're getting hard right now, aren't you? 30 00:01:08,453 --> 00:01:10,086 Why does this keep happening to me? 31 00:01:10,088 --> 00:01:12,689 [Retches] Sorry. 32 00:01:24,435 --> 00:01:26,368 Killing bad guys is my business, 33 00:01:26,370 --> 00:01:28,337 and business be fucking crackin'. 34 00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:30,105 Ha ha. 35 00:01:30,107 --> 00:01:31,440 Especially when I'm killing crackheads, 36 00:01:31,442 --> 00:01:33,842 - you know what I'm saying? - Yeah. 37 00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:35,611 So don't y'all worry about the funny. 38 00:01:35,613 --> 00:01:39,615 That's my job. I bring the fucking funny. 39 00:01:39,617 --> 00:01:41,917 Here's what's not my job-- 40 00:01:41,919 --> 00:01:44,086 delivering all your expositional shit. 41 00:01:44,088 --> 00:01:46,654 Save that yickity-yack for the guest stars, all right? 42 00:01:46,656 --> 00:01:49,591 Now, Danko's cool. He's cool. 43 00:01:49,593 --> 00:01:51,593 Only time that nigga open his mouth, he got something to say, 44 00:01:51,595 --> 00:01:54,262 and that shit better be worth saying, all right? 45 00:01:54,264 --> 00:01:56,364 None of that nonsensical cop jargon y'all motherfuckers 46 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:57,599 always be writing. 47 00:01:57,601 --> 00:02:02,169 "Watch out! Get down! Damn! 48 00:02:02,171 --> 00:02:05,373 Whoo! Now, that's how you drive!" 49 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,875 I can say a whole lot with a look. 50 00:02:07,877 --> 00:02:11,346 Peep. 51 00:02:11,348 --> 00:02:12,714 - Mm. - Wow. 52 00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,148 - Yeah. - I don't know about you guys, 53 00:02:14,150 --> 00:02:15,650 but I think I just shit my pants. 54 00:02:15,652 --> 00:02:18,052 [Laughter] 55 00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:19,519 That's not the "shit my pants" look. 56 00:02:19,521 --> 00:02:21,222 Oh, no? 57 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,423 This is the "shit my pants" look. 58 00:02:23,425 --> 00:02:25,092 Slow-mo. 59 00:02:30,098 --> 00:02:31,265 - Mm. - Oh, wow. 60 00:02:31,267 --> 00:02:32,733 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 61 00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:35,001 [Indistinct chatter] 62 00:02:35,003 --> 00:02:36,503 Y'all peep? Y'all feel that? 63 00:02:36,505 --> 00:02:37,937 - Whoo! - Oh, yeah. 64 00:02:37,939 --> 00:02:39,839 Oh, I feel it. 65 00:02:39,841 --> 00:02:41,708 It's like an electromagnetic pulsing in my asshole area. 66 00:02:41,710 --> 00:02:42,842 [Laughter] 67 00:02:42,844 --> 00:02:44,678 Yo, who's this cat? 68 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:47,013 Hashtag Black, allow me to introduce our newest writer, 69 00:02:47,015 --> 00:02:50,316 - Hank Moody. - Oh, Hank Moody, the raper. 70 00:02:50,318 --> 00:02:52,518 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yep. The one and the same. 71 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:53,820 I'm a big fan of all your wrongdoings. 72 00:02:53,822 --> 00:02:55,088 - Thank you. - Well, you used to work 73 00:02:55,090 --> 00:02:56,656 side by side with samurai, huh? 74 00:02:56,658 --> 00:02:58,758 He was just "Sam" to me-- Calvin, actually. 75 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,359 Yeah, he said you was a cool dude. 76 00:03:00,361 --> 00:03:01,761 He also said you like sticking your pee-pee 77 00:03:01,763 --> 00:03:03,329 where it don't belong. 78 00:03:03,331 --> 00:03:04,664 Well, I like to think that doesn't define me 79 00:03:04,666 --> 00:03:06,098 as a human being. 80 00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:07,500 I also like to think that my pee-pee belongs 81 00:03:07,502 --> 00:03:09,134 wherever it winds up. 82 00:03:09,136 --> 00:03:10,603 Oh, yeah. 83 00:03:10,605 --> 00:03:13,005 You gonna be my guy, Moody. 84 00:03:13,007 --> 00:03:14,407 You gonna be my set bitch. 85 00:03:14,409 --> 00:03:15,841 - Oh, no. - You cool with that, Rath? 86 00:03:15,843 --> 00:03:17,343 Absolutely. Hashtag, whatever you want. 87 00:03:17,345 --> 00:03:19,077 I'm not a big fan of the set, per se. 88 00:03:19,079 --> 00:03:20,713 I-I find the hours to be quite punishing. 89 00:03:20,715 --> 00:03:23,715 Has anybody given thought to maybe starting later 90 00:03:23,717 --> 00:03:24,983 or shorter hours, perhaps? 91 00:03:24,985 --> 00:03:26,718 What the fuck is he going on about? 92 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,987 - Fuck if I know. - Excuse me, Hashtag, 93 00:03:28,989 --> 00:03:31,256 - I'd love to pitch you an idea-- - Ahh! Yo, yo, yo. 94 00:03:31,258 --> 00:03:33,292 Pitches hurt my ears, especially pitches from bitches. 95 00:03:33,294 --> 00:03:35,393 No offense-- y'all got the tendency 96 00:03:35,395 --> 00:03:36,995 of using too many words, you know what I mean? 97 00:03:36,997 --> 00:03:38,896 Why use one word when you can use ten, right? 98 00:03:38,898 --> 00:03:41,633 Yeah. [Laughs] That's funny. 99 00:03:41,635 --> 00:03:43,335 - Actually, I can be quite brief. - Goldie! 100 00:03:43,337 --> 00:03:45,269 The man doesn't want to hear your pitch right now. 101 00:03:45,271 --> 00:03:47,739 Yo, peace, writer peoples. 102 00:03:47,741 --> 00:03:48,973 Let me walk you out, Hashtag. 103 00:03:48,975 --> 00:03:50,575 - Love you. Love you. - Hashtag. 104 00:03:50,577 --> 00:03:53,211 Kickoff party tonight at my place--be there. 105 00:03:53,213 --> 00:03:55,412 Behave yourselves, don't break anything, 106 00:03:55,414 --> 00:03:56,948 and no fucking in my pool... 107 00:03:56,950 --> 00:03:58,983 Terry. [Laughter] 108 00:03:58,985 --> 00:04:00,417 Hey, does anybody else want to be set bitch? 109 00:04:00,419 --> 00:04:02,486 - Set--set bitches? Set bitch? - No. 110 00:04:02,488 --> 00:04:04,788 Set bitch? Terry, I'll arm-wrestle you for it. 111 00:04:04,790 --> 00:04:06,891 - Come on. - No. 112 00:04:06,893 --> 00:04:09,894 [Upbeat music] 113 00:04:09,896 --> 00:04:20,133 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 114 00:05:01,077 --> 00:05:03,979 Holy TV money, Batman. 115 00:05:03,981 --> 00:05:06,715 Yeah, look at that--the house that utter mediocrity built. 116 00:05:06,717 --> 00:05:09,084 It's inspiring, Hank. 117 00:05:09,086 --> 00:05:12,421 I've never felt more determined to sign TV-writer clients. 118 00:05:12,423 --> 00:05:15,090 Do not shit where I eat, Charlie--it's unsanitary. 119 00:05:15,092 --> 00:05:18,660 Oh, greetings and salutations, 24-hour party people. 120 00:05:18,662 --> 00:05:20,495 Mom, th--this is the guy I was telling you about, 121 00:05:20,497 --> 00:05:21,830 the one who came in his pants. 122 00:05:21,832 --> 00:05:23,932 Nice to meet you. Charlie Runkle. 123 00:05:23,934 --> 00:05:26,668 - Nice to meet you. - I'm Hank's manager 124 00:05:26,670 --> 00:05:28,603 and heterosexual life mate. 125 00:05:28,605 --> 00:05:29,671 Nice to meet you. 126 00:05:29,673 --> 00:05:31,706 You must be the lovely Julia. 127 00:05:31,708 --> 00:05:33,308 Number one on the baby mama call sheet. 128 00:05:33,310 --> 00:05:34,976 Levon says great things about you. 129 00:05:34,978 --> 00:05:37,378 Not really, like, at all, ever. 130 00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,480 So, dad, what do you think? We gonna see some big tits 131 00:05:39,482 --> 00:05:41,649 and round asses up in here tonight? 132 00:05:41,651 --> 00:05:42,984 Honey, I'm not afraid to pull your pants down 133 00:05:42,986 --> 00:05:44,352 and spank your bare ass 134 00:05:44,354 --> 00:05:45,886 in a room full of strangers, you know? 135 00:05:45,888 --> 00:05:47,488 I know you're not, mom. I'm sorry. 136 00:05:47,490 --> 00:05:48,923 All right, go inside and behave yourself. 137 00:05:48,925 --> 00:05:50,425 - Okay. - I'm gonna talk to your dad. 138 00:05:50,427 --> 00:05:52,225 Come on, kid, let's check out the talent. 139 00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:53,594 You're not gonna walk in there pitching a tent, are you? 140 00:05:53,596 --> 00:05:55,663 - Behave. - Okay. 141 00:05:55,665 --> 00:05:58,265 What's up? 142 00:05:58,267 --> 00:06:00,601 Do you notice anything weird about Levon? 143 00:06:00,603 --> 00:06:02,269 How could you possibly tell? 144 00:06:02,271 --> 00:06:05,573 He seems different-- more relaxed, confident. 145 00:06:05,575 --> 00:06:07,707 - That's a bad thing? - No, it's great. 146 00:06:07,709 --> 00:06:09,142 I just--I'm not used to it. 147 00:06:09,144 --> 00:06:10,810 Well, maybe having a job 148 00:06:10,812 --> 00:06:12,812 has done wonders for the young man's psyche. 149 00:06:12,814 --> 00:06:15,048 Or maybe knowing his dad, who's actually proving to be 150 00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:16,616 something of a positive role model. 151 00:06:16,618 --> 00:06:19,552 I-I don't think that could be it, do you? 152 00:06:19,554 --> 00:06:22,456 [Laughs] 153 00:06:22,458 --> 00:06:24,223 Wow. Nice house. 154 00:06:24,225 --> 00:06:26,559 Yeah. One day, all this could be yours. 155 00:06:26,561 --> 00:06:29,061 Mrs. Julia Rath-- has a nice ring to it. 156 00:06:29,063 --> 00:06:30,329 Oh, it's just one date. 157 00:06:30,331 --> 00:06:32,231 Hope he wasn't too "handsy." 158 00:06:32,233 --> 00:06:33,733 No, he was a perfect gentleman. 159 00:06:33,735 --> 00:06:35,468 Actually, too perfect, you know? 160 00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:37,637 'Cause sometimes you just want a guy to, like--[Grunts] 161 00:06:37,639 --> 00:06:40,873 What? What? You want a guy to what? 162 00:06:40,875 --> 00:06:42,808 My schween is hanging on your every word. 163 00:06:42,810 --> 00:06:45,277 There's a potential erection hanging in the balance here. 164 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:46,912 What? Nothing. 165 00:06:46,914 --> 00:06:48,381 I haven't been to a party in so long, 166 00:06:48,383 --> 00:06:50,282 I don't even know what to do. 167 00:06:50,284 --> 00:06:52,318 Well, it's like riding a bike. You just have a drink or ten 168 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,153 and then hope you don't wake up with a tattoo 169 00:06:54,155 --> 00:06:56,422 or a bloody asshole or both. 170 00:06:56,424 --> 00:06:58,223 - Shall we? - [Laughs] 171 00:06:58,225 --> 00:07:02,227 [Electronic music] 172 00:07:02,229 --> 00:07:06,231 [Indistinct chatter] 173 00:07:09,335 --> 00:07:11,036 - Get me a refill. - Oh. 174 00:07:11,038 --> 00:07:12,671 I like when you order me around. 175 00:07:12,673 --> 00:07:14,439 I'm--I'm serious. I do. 176 00:07:14,441 --> 00:07:18,376 - Stu, Nikki, how's it hanging? - Hank, how are you? 177 00:07:18,378 --> 00:07:20,811 - Hey, buddy. - How's the kid? 178 00:07:20,813 --> 00:07:22,847 Still basking in the afterglow. 179 00:07:22,849 --> 00:07:24,382 Uh, you two guys know each other? 180 00:07:24,384 --> 00:07:26,617 She relieved my son of his virginity. 181 00:07:26,619 --> 00:07:29,720 World class, dude. 182 00:07:29,722 --> 00:07:32,657 I wish my pops would've popped my cherry like that. 183 00:07:32,659 --> 00:07:35,726 Instead, he sat me down and gave me a copy of Playboy 184 00:07:35,728 --> 00:07:38,128 and told me both men and women had nipples. 185 00:07:38,130 --> 00:07:40,497 [Groans] Can--can we keep the whole 186 00:07:40,499 --> 00:07:42,733 levon/hooker thing on the D.L.? 187 00:07:42,735 --> 00:07:44,501 His mom is here, and she doesn't know anything about it. 188 00:07:44,503 --> 00:07:46,670 Oh, I am nothing if not discreet. 189 00:07:46,672 --> 00:07:50,441 Oh, now, that is true. She is amazing. 190 00:07:50,443 --> 00:07:52,342 She lets me do the kinkiest stuff to her, 191 00:07:52,344 --> 00:07:54,178 and she never tells a soul. 192 00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:55,946 Aw, you are so cute. [Laughs] 193 00:07:55,948 --> 00:07:57,647 Sounds like a keeper. 194 00:07:57,649 --> 00:07:59,116 Yeah, and she looks like Marcy, right? 195 00:07:59,118 --> 00:08:01,618 - Yo, Moody. - Hey, Hashtag. 196 00:08:01,620 --> 00:08:03,419 - How you be, bro? - I be good. 197 00:08:03,421 --> 00:08:05,188 - Hashtag. - Big Dick Beggs! 198 00:08:05,190 --> 00:08:08,224 Hashtag. [Both grunting] 199 00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:10,193 Yo, they say he got a big dick, though, right? 200 00:08:10,195 --> 00:08:11,628 - Yeah. - He's crazy. 201 00:08:11,630 --> 00:08:13,429 Yo, Stu, I got to talk to Moody over here. 202 00:08:13,431 --> 00:08:14,430 - Whatever. - Ah. 203 00:08:14,432 --> 00:08:15,899 [Indistinct chatter] 204 00:08:15,901 --> 00:08:17,366 Yo, Moody, I got to level with you, man. 205 00:08:17,368 --> 00:08:18,868 Rath is fucking my shit up. 206 00:08:18,870 --> 00:08:20,203 All right, that's probably something 207 00:08:20,205 --> 00:08:22,238 you should bring up with Rath. 208 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,107 Motherfucker's too stubborn to hear my words. 209 00:08:24,109 --> 00:08:25,741 He's all about the drama. I'm all about the fucking funny. 210 00:08:25,743 --> 00:08:27,776 He wants to do The Wire. 211 00:08:27,778 --> 00:08:29,112 I'm trying to do 48 Hours for a new generation, you hear me? 212 00:08:29,114 --> 00:08:30,846 - Mm-hmm. - All right, look. 213 00:08:30,848 --> 00:08:32,781 I need you to help me out like you helped Samurai out. 214 00:08:32,783 --> 00:08:35,017 We can do a modern-day action-comedy, 215 00:08:35,019 --> 00:08:36,719 emphasis on the comedy. 216 00:08:36,721 --> 00:08:38,854 I'm not really in a position to do that, Hashtag. 217 00:08:38,856 --> 00:08:40,355 And I'm--I'm not that funny. 218 00:08:40,357 --> 00:08:42,691 Yeah, but you's fucking witty, right? 219 00:08:42,693 --> 00:08:44,860 - And I'm fucking funny. - You are fucking funny. 220 00:08:44,862 --> 00:08:48,230 Together we can-- Damn, who's that piece of ass? 221 00:08:48,232 --> 00:08:50,065 That? That would be Julia. 222 00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:51,967 She's got a small part on the show as a squad secretary. 223 00:08:51,969 --> 00:08:53,602 You're gonna be doing some scenes with her. 224 00:08:53,604 --> 00:08:55,270 Oh, I'm doing scenes with her, all right. 225 00:08:55,272 --> 00:08:56,904 I'm doing scenes with her right now up in here. 226 00:08:56,906 --> 00:08:59,073 Ah, she's also the mother of my son. 227 00:08:59,075 --> 00:09:01,243 - Oh! Oh, oh, okay. - Mm-hmm. 228 00:09:01,245 --> 00:09:03,612 - You're not together? - No, not currently. 229 00:09:03,614 --> 00:09:05,747 Mm. So you ain't crushing that ass? 230 00:09:05,749 --> 00:09:08,250 Not--not--not at the present-- like, 20 years ago, 231 00:09:08,252 --> 00:09:09,784 and even then, I-I wasn't so much crushing it 232 00:09:09,786 --> 00:09:11,318 as admiring it. 233 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:12,787 I don't like to be too rough with the ass. 234 00:09:12,789 --> 00:09:15,089 Oh, I like to destroy that shit. 235 00:09:15,091 --> 00:09:17,591 Mm. I want to murder that ass. 236 00:09:17,593 --> 00:09:18,993 I understand what you're saying, Hashtag, 237 00:09:18,995 --> 00:09:20,494 but your language is so aggressive. 238 00:09:20,496 --> 00:09:22,363 You see, if-- if you murder the ass, 239 00:09:22,365 --> 00:09:24,098 then there's no ass left to enjoy. 240 00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:25,699 Well, see, that's where you're wrong, Moody. 241 00:09:25,701 --> 00:09:27,234 You know, you gotta murder that ass 242 00:09:27,236 --> 00:09:28,602 so no other motherfucker can enjoy that ass, right? 243 00:09:28,604 --> 00:09:29,970 No. 244 00:09:29,972 --> 00:09:31,171 It's like a metaphorical murder. 245 00:09:31,173 --> 00:09:32,438 - Oh, I-- - Yeah, you feel me? 246 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:33,640 - I do feel you. I feel you. - Cool. 247 00:09:33,642 --> 00:09:35,241 - You see that? - Yeah. 248 00:09:35,243 --> 00:09:36,844 I'ma go see if I can turn this bitch out. 249 00:09:36,845 --> 00:09:38,244 I'ma catch you later. 250 00:09:38,246 --> 00:09:40,747 Think about my words-- hashtag words. 251 00:09:40,749 --> 00:09:43,449 Mm-hmm. Thought about 'em. Thought about 'em. 252 00:09:43,451 --> 00:09:44,751 What the fuck was that about? 253 00:09:44,753 --> 00:09:46,286 It seems your number one 254 00:09:46,288 --> 00:09:48,754 is warm for your number 16's form. 255 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,823 And he doesn't like the way you're writing him. 256 00:09:50,825 --> 00:09:53,025 So it's not enough that I have to fight with this motherfucker 257 00:09:53,027 --> 00:09:56,262 over expository dialogue, now he feels entitled to my woman? 258 00:09:56,264 --> 00:09:58,030 Oh, she's your woman now? 259 00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,333 Come on, cut me some slack, all right? 260 00:10:00,335 --> 00:10:03,069 I'm a little heated up. She say anything about me? 261 00:10:03,071 --> 00:10:04,636 Well, she said you were the perfect gentleman. 262 00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:06,572 - Good, good. - Yeah. 263 00:10:06,574 --> 00:10:08,007 I'm trying, you know? Usually I'm a fucking asshole. 264 00:10:08,009 --> 00:10:09,241 Yeah. 265 00:10:09,243 --> 00:10:10,642 Trying to take it easy with her. 266 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,011 Right. But sometimes, you know, you got to... 267 00:10:12,013 --> 00:10:13,445 What? 268 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,181 Well, you know, sometimes you got to-- 269 00:10:15,183 --> 00:10:17,249 - sometimes you got to what? - You know. 270 00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:18,818 Shit, here comes Shrek. 271 00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:20,352 That's my son you're talking about--Shrek. 272 00:10:20,354 --> 00:10:22,087 I'm sorry, all right? I'm all worked up. 273 00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,522 I got to head this shit off at the pass. 274 00:10:23,524 --> 00:10:24,823 All right. 275 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,658 - Guess what. - Wait. 276 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:29,428 You were born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas day, 277 00:10:29,430 --> 00:10:30,795 when The New York Times said 278 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,264 God is dead, and the war's begun. 279 00:10:32,266 --> 00:10:33,832 Shut up. Come on, I hate that. 280 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,934 - Nikki's here. - I know. She's with Stu Beggs. 281 00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,168 Can I borrow some money? 282 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:40,605 Oh, so Levon does like his money. Why? 283 00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:43,574 - I want to bone her again. - She's with Stu. 284 00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:45,110 So what? She can't spare a few minutes 285 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,778 - for some repeat business? - Your mom is here. 286 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,446 So? There's a ton of rooms in this place. 287 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:49,981 And it's very expensive. 288 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,916 - Okay, I'll pay you back. - No, you won't. 289 00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:53,917 God damn it, I'm really pissed at you right now. 290 00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:55,586 I'm a little pissed at you right now. 291 00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:57,321 [Sighs] That feeling is back, you know, 292 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,290 - like I-I got to fuck something. - Okay. 293 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,325 - I need a release. - Look, I understand. 294 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,193 Just--just try to find a nice, quiet bathroom 295 00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:05,095 and go beat off-- you'll feel much better. 296 00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:06,364 Just make sure you clean up afterwards 297 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:07,898 and wash your hands, all right? 298 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,500 Yeah, but now that I got my dick wet, 299 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,401 beating off just seems kind of lame, you know? 300 00:11:11,403 --> 00:11:13,170 Yes, I get that. 301 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:15,372 But masturbation is still gonna be a huge part of your life. 302 00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:17,307 Even though you got laid, girls aren't just gonna 303 00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:19,342 automatically start hurling themselves at you. 304 00:11:19,344 --> 00:11:21,344 I should've just stayed a fucking virgin. 305 00:11:21,346 --> 00:11:23,147 It would've been a lot better not having a glimpse 306 00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,682 - of the promised land. - Good talk. 307 00:11:30,655 --> 00:11:32,422 Ah. 308 00:11:32,424 --> 00:11:34,824 Are you sure you should be... drinking? 309 00:11:34,826 --> 00:11:36,859 I'm not allergic to vodka, asshole. 310 00:11:36,861 --> 00:11:39,162 Sorry. Who would know? 311 00:11:39,164 --> 00:11:41,030 You know what I am allergic to? 312 00:11:41,032 --> 00:11:43,666 - Semen. - Oh, really? 313 00:11:43,668 --> 00:11:45,134 Yeah, can't spit or swallow. 314 00:11:45,136 --> 00:11:46,669 Totally burns the back of my throat. 315 00:11:46,671 --> 00:11:48,237 One time I took one up top. 316 00:11:48,239 --> 00:11:50,973 Fucking broke out in hives and blotches. 317 00:11:50,975 --> 00:11:53,642 Blowing a load on me is like throwing holy water 318 00:11:53,644 --> 00:11:54,977 on Linda Blair. 319 00:11:54,979 --> 00:11:57,646 [Both laughing] 320 00:11:57,648 --> 00:11:59,081 What up? 321 00:11:59,083 --> 00:12:01,483 I'm so fucking pissed at Rath right now. 322 00:12:01,485 --> 00:12:02,918 Oh, why? 323 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,053 He let Hashtag call me a bitch today. 324 00:12:05,055 --> 00:12:06,955 That doesn't really seem like Rath's style. 325 00:12:06,957 --> 00:12:08,724 Why would you take his side? 326 00:12:08,726 --> 00:12:12,127 I'm not taking his side. Goldie, cooler heads, hmm? 327 00:12:12,129 --> 00:12:13,329 Cooler heads. 328 00:12:13,331 --> 00:12:14,763 First, he rewrites me, 329 00:12:14,765 --> 00:12:16,597 then he humiliates me in front of Hashtag. 330 00:12:16,599 --> 00:12:18,967 I mean, he--he's trying to send me a message, Charlie. 331 00:12:18,969 --> 00:12:20,936 He's out to get me. 332 00:12:20,938 --> 00:12:23,305 This is all part of his plan, that slimy motherfucker... 333 00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:25,606 woman-hating dickhead. 334 00:12:25,608 --> 00:12:29,144 - Goldie. There she is. - Rath, hi. 335 00:12:29,146 --> 00:12:30,611 - You good? - Great. 336 00:12:30,613 --> 00:12:31,913 Good, I made sure they had 337 00:12:31,915 --> 00:12:33,214 some of that gluten-free shit for you. 338 00:12:33,216 --> 00:12:35,082 - There you go. - You're the best. 339 00:12:35,084 --> 00:12:37,385 What a great home-- beautiful. 340 00:12:37,387 --> 00:12:40,621 Work hard, you'll get there, right? 341 00:12:40,623 --> 00:12:42,623 Hey, I hope you're not using my party 342 00:12:42,625 --> 00:12:44,158 as an opportunity to poach clients, huh? 343 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,793 Never. 344 00:12:45,795 --> 00:12:47,261 As if anyone would ever want to sign 345 00:12:47,263 --> 00:12:50,364 with this fucking degenerate lunatic, right? 346 00:12:50,366 --> 00:12:53,400 Have fun. 347 00:12:58,206 --> 00:12:59,806 I can't tell you much, 348 00:12:59,808 --> 00:13:02,442 but I can tell you that we're planning 349 00:13:02,444 --> 00:13:05,045 on putting you in some seriously hot outfits. 350 00:13:05,047 --> 00:13:06,446 Truth. 351 00:13:06,448 --> 00:13:08,114 Shut the fuck up, Hugh. 352 00:13:08,116 --> 00:13:09,949 You're creeping out the female lead of the show. 353 00:13:09,951 --> 00:13:11,451 Don't worry about it-- he has absolutely 354 00:13:11,453 --> 00:13:13,152 no decision-making power. 355 00:13:13,154 --> 00:13:15,054 And he loves cupcakes and Coldplay 356 00:13:15,056 --> 00:13:16,623 and sticking pencils up his pooper. 357 00:13:16,625 --> 00:13:18,525 Who doesn't love Coldplay? 358 00:13:18,527 --> 00:13:21,027 - And you are? - Hank Moody--newbie writer. 359 00:13:21,029 --> 00:13:24,663 Be gentle with me. 360 00:13:24,665 --> 00:13:26,699 You're the one who wrote the movie, right? 361 00:13:26,701 --> 00:13:28,467 I am one of 19 people who wrote the movie 362 00:13:28,469 --> 00:13:30,003 that never came out, yeah. 363 00:13:30,005 --> 00:13:31,670 And you wrote Fucking & Punching? 364 00:13:31,672 --> 00:13:33,839 I am only one of six people who wrote that, 365 00:13:33,841 --> 00:13:35,674 which is why it's so damn good. 366 00:13:35,676 --> 00:13:37,676 It is good. God, I love that movie. 367 00:13:37,678 --> 00:13:40,178 Aw, shucks. Thank you. 368 00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:42,381 [Chuckles] Can I be honest with you? 369 00:13:42,383 --> 00:13:44,450 If you must. 370 00:13:44,452 --> 00:13:46,452 I don't like the way Rath is writing my character. 371 00:13:46,454 --> 00:13:48,987 You should probably bring that up with Rath, then. 372 00:13:48,989 --> 00:13:51,490 I did, and he blew me off. 373 00:13:51,492 --> 00:13:53,125 Can we talk about it for a minute? 374 00:13:53,127 --> 00:13:56,161 You mean, like, right now? 375 00:13:56,163 --> 00:13:58,096 I'll make it worth your while. 376 00:13:58,098 --> 00:14:00,698 - Ow. - [Chuckles] 377 00:14:03,869 --> 00:14:07,005 Hey. Hey, there, Runkle. 378 00:14:07,007 --> 00:14:09,541 How--how you doing? How's married life? 379 00:14:09,543 --> 00:14:11,609 Oh, it's, you know, ups and downs, Stu. 380 00:14:11,611 --> 00:14:14,211 Checks and bal--all good in the proverbial hood, yeah. 381 00:14:14,213 --> 00:14:16,347 Yeah, wait, wait. You know, there's something 382 00:14:16,349 --> 00:14:17,782 I've been meaning to talk to you about. 383 00:14:17,784 --> 00:14:19,451 Oh, yeah? What's that, Stu? 384 00:14:19,453 --> 00:14:23,087 I want to sleep with Marcy again. 385 00:14:23,089 --> 00:14:26,558 Stu... 386 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,592 what is wrong with you? 387 00:14:28,594 --> 00:14:30,894 I don't know. 388 00:14:30,896 --> 00:14:33,431 I mean, my career is on fire. 389 00:14:33,433 --> 00:14:36,267 This television thing has me shitting cash. 390 00:14:36,269 --> 00:14:41,105 But, uh, without a queen, my castle is a-crumblin'. 391 00:14:41,107 --> 00:14:42,673 Look, look, look, look, look, 392 00:14:42,675 --> 00:14:45,342 I know you won her fair and square, 393 00:14:45,344 --> 00:14:48,679 but I can't stop thinking about that magnificent creature. 394 00:14:48,681 --> 00:14:52,048 You gotta move on, Stu, 'cause we are married, okay? 395 00:14:52,050 --> 00:14:53,183 Again. 396 00:14:53,185 --> 00:14:55,853 I know that. I respect that. 397 00:14:55,855 --> 00:14:57,554 - Mm. - You know... 398 00:14:57,556 --> 00:14:59,756 Marcy may very well be your soul mate, 399 00:14:59,758 --> 00:15:03,293 but that woman was born to be my sex partner. 400 00:15:03,295 --> 00:15:05,996 And I just miss her so much... 401 00:15:05,998 --> 00:15:08,598 so much. 402 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,766 Like, this last time, 403 00:15:10,768 --> 00:15:12,402 she let me go down on her, 404 00:15:12,404 --> 00:15:14,170 and I wasn't able to get my helmet 405 00:15:14,172 --> 00:15:16,339 into that silky pond of hers. 406 00:15:16,341 --> 00:15:19,008 You know, she's so fucking tight, Charlie! 407 00:15:19,010 --> 00:15:21,243 I mean, she makes me feel huge. 408 00:15:21,245 --> 00:15:24,346 - And I'm already huge. - I'm well aware, Stu. 409 00:15:24,348 --> 00:15:26,181 Now, when was this 410 00:15:26,183 --> 00:15:28,584 that she let you go down on her again? 411 00:15:28,586 --> 00:15:32,922 It was way before you two were remarried, of course. 412 00:15:32,924 --> 00:15:36,958 It was a sunny day in Venice... 413 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,395 Tuesday... 414 00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:42,064 quite possibly my last happy day. 415 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:46,068 Oh, God, you guys must be boning every chance you can. 416 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,602 You're fucking newlyweds. 417 00:15:47,604 --> 00:15:50,172 What is the point of this conversation, Stu? 418 00:15:50,174 --> 00:15:53,074 You miss fucking Marcy. Okay, I get it. So what? 419 00:15:53,076 --> 00:15:55,810 Runkle, I... 420 00:15:55,812 --> 00:15:58,279 have a proposal for you. 421 00:15:58,281 --> 00:16:01,983 And, yes, it is quite indecent. 422 00:16:01,985 --> 00:16:05,820 With your permission, and hers, of course, 423 00:16:05,822 --> 00:16:10,158 I am willing to pay you guys a cool $1 million 424 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,627 if you will let me sleep with her again-- 425 00:16:13,629 --> 00:16:15,863 just the once, 426 00:16:15,865 --> 00:16:19,300 for as many times as we can fit into a night. 427 00:16:19,302 --> 00:16:21,802 Think about it. 428 00:16:24,739 --> 00:16:28,576 ♪ Suspicious 429 00:16:28,578 --> 00:16:30,911 ♪ I'm suspicious ♪ 430 00:16:30,913 --> 00:16:32,980 You totally made this worth my while. 431 00:16:32,982 --> 00:16:34,481 I told you I would. 432 00:16:34,483 --> 00:16:36,383 Your notes are fucking bullshit, 433 00:16:36,385 --> 00:16:38,318 but your weed is superb. 434 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:41,121 - You're funny. - I am funny-- 435 00:16:41,123 --> 00:16:44,391 I mean, not like comedian funny, but I-I'm witty. 436 00:16:44,393 --> 00:16:46,293 I-I guess that's my thing. 437 00:16:46,295 --> 00:16:49,129 Witty is good, you know. Nobody's really witty anymore. 438 00:16:49,131 --> 00:16:52,299 That's right. Like--like Woody Allen or Pauly Shore. 439 00:16:52,301 --> 00:16:54,634 It's a lost art, really. 440 00:16:54,636 --> 00:16:57,470 So what brings a real writer to Santa Monica Cop? 441 00:16:57,472 --> 00:17:00,073 It was time to grow the fuck up. 442 00:17:00,075 --> 00:17:03,109 - I needed a job. - Look at you, all growed up. 443 00:17:03,111 --> 00:17:06,813 What is a serious actress doing on Santa Monica Cop? 444 00:17:06,815 --> 00:17:10,116 I needed a job too, but I'm not so keen on growing up. 445 00:17:10,118 --> 00:17:11,550 [Imitates house music] 446 00:17:11,552 --> 00:17:14,253 - [Laughs] - Excuse me. 447 00:17:14,255 --> 00:17:15,854 I need to make a confession. 448 00:17:15,856 --> 00:17:17,456 You're thinking impure thoughts right now. 449 00:17:17,458 --> 00:17:19,725 That's totally understandable. 450 00:17:19,727 --> 00:17:22,261 No. Um, I hate this show. 451 00:17:22,263 --> 00:17:24,363 That's also totally understandable. 452 00:17:24,365 --> 00:17:25,731 I had the option of taking this show 453 00:17:25,733 --> 00:17:28,200 or some class-up-the-ass BBC thing, 454 00:17:28,202 --> 00:17:30,068 and my agent talked me into taking this one. 455 00:17:30,070 --> 00:17:32,203 - That's a bummer. - Yeah. 456 00:17:32,205 --> 00:17:35,440 A big bummer. Can you do me a favor? 457 00:17:35,442 --> 00:17:38,644 Can you please talk to Rath, see if maybe he can kill me off? 458 00:17:38,646 --> 00:17:40,278 - [Groans] - I promise... 459 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,914 I'll make it worth your while. 460 00:17:42,916 --> 00:17:46,051 My head is spinning with the possibilities. 461 00:17:46,053 --> 00:17:48,853 As it should, but in the meantime, 462 00:17:48,855 --> 00:17:50,688 I have another little confession. 463 00:17:50,690 --> 00:17:52,089 You have three tits and a dick. 464 00:17:52,091 --> 00:17:53,724 [Laughs] 465 00:17:53,726 --> 00:17:55,293 - [Snaps fingers] - Almost. 466 00:17:55,295 --> 00:17:57,595 One of my very best friends in the whole wide world 467 00:17:57,597 --> 00:17:59,930 - is Sasha Bingham. - I know Sasha Bingham. 468 00:17:59,932 --> 00:18:01,699 I know you know Sasha Bingham. 469 00:18:01,701 --> 00:18:04,268 Sasha Bingham is the star of Fucking & Punching. 470 00:18:04,270 --> 00:18:06,637 - She was, indeed. - We had some good times... 471 00:18:06,639 --> 00:18:09,506 except for the time when I accidentally fucked her mom. 472 00:18:09,508 --> 00:18:11,676 - That was unfortunate. - She told me about that. 473 00:18:11,678 --> 00:18:14,945 She also said you give really great head. 474 00:18:14,947 --> 00:18:16,613 - She did? - Mm-hmm. 475 00:18:16,615 --> 00:18:19,283 - That is so sweet of her. - I know. She's sweet. 476 00:18:19,285 --> 00:18:21,751 That is just a very nice thing to say about a person. 477 00:18:21,753 --> 00:18:23,086 Will you give her my best? 478 00:18:23,088 --> 00:18:24,988 Absolutely. 479 00:18:24,990 --> 00:18:28,292 Speaking of which, what do you think defines great head? 480 00:18:28,294 --> 00:18:31,428 Oh, well, I-I guess you'd have to ask the head-getter. 481 00:18:31,430 --> 00:18:33,530 Well, I mean, I've had good head, 482 00:18:33,532 --> 00:18:35,799 but I don't know what makes it great. 483 00:18:35,801 --> 00:18:39,703 I think you have to treat the "bagina" like a person. 484 00:18:39,705 --> 00:18:41,971 And--and how do you treat a person? 485 00:18:41,973 --> 00:18:44,440 Like you yourself would want to be treated. 486 00:18:44,442 --> 00:18:45,942 I understand what you're saying. 487 00:18:45,944 --> 00:18:48,477 It just sounds so intellectual. 488 00:18:48,479 --> 00:18:51,114 After all, isn't it important for a writer to show 489 00:18:51,116 --> 00:18:53,449 and not to tell? 490 00:18:53,451 --> 00:18:56,619 Oh, my. Oh, dear. 491 00:18:56,621 --> 00:18:59,355 You do make a valid point. 492 00:18:59,357 --> 00:19:00,756 [Giggles] 493 00:19:00,758 --> 00:19:03,659 Permission to come aboard? 494 00:19:03,661 --> 00:19:05,728 Permission granted. 495 00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:08,431 [Laughs] 496 00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,837 [Moans] 497 00:19:14,839 --> 00:19:16,338 You're a very pleasant actress, very agreeable. 498 00:19:16,340 --> 00:19:18,573 - Oh. [Clears throat] - Hmm? I can do better. 499 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:21,110 Oh, hello. 500 00:19:21,112 --> 00:19:22,510 - Hi. - Hello. 501 00:19:22,512 --> 00:19:23,779 Sorry. 502 00:19:23,781 --> 00:19:26,281 Hi. No, no. 503 00:19:26,283 --> 00:19:27,815 - Hello. - Hi. 504 00:19:27,817 --> 00:19:29,851 Amy Taylor Walsh. It is lovely to meet you. 505 00:19:29,853 --> 00:19:31,652 I believe we're gonna be working together. 506 00:19:31,654 --> 00:19:33,721 Nice to meet you. I'm a huge fan. 507 00:19:33,723 --> 00:19:36,223 - Great. - Me too. I'm a huge fan. 508 00:19:36,225 --> 00:19:39,760 [Clears throat] 509 00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,995 Yeah. Um, sorry about that. 510 00:19:41,997 --> 00:19:43,864 It's none of my beeswax. 511 00:19:43,866 --> 00:19:45,733 Hmm. What's going on? 512 00:19:45,735 --> 00:19:48,501 Um, well, Hashtag asked me to go for a ride in his Bentley. 513 00:19:48,503 --> 00:19:50,503 That's probably not a good idea. 514 00:19:50,505 --> 00:19:52,239 What, like going down on the female lead of the show? 515 00:19:52,241 --> 00:19:53,573 Much like that. 516 00:19:53,575 --> 00:19:55,375 You should probably keep the flirtation 517 00:19:55,377 --> 00:19:57,110 - with Hashtag to a minimum. - I'm not flirting with him. 518 00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:58,879 He's just really fucking funny. 519 00:19:58,881 --> 00:20:01,047 He is fucking funny, and Rath is fucking jealous. 520 00:20:01,049 --> 00:20:02,983 God, so much fuss over an actress 521 00:20:02,985 --> 00:20:04,917 who hasn't worked in 20 years-- it's so fun. 522 00:20:04,919 --> 00:20:07,219 What can I say? You get the boys all hot and bothered. 523 00:20:07,221 --> 00:20:09,088 Well, it's not like I'm some commodity. 524 00:20:09,090 --> 00:20:12,091 I mean, I'm not interested in Rath or Hashtag or anyone. 525 00:20:12,093 --> 00:20:14,160 I'm just really happy to have an acting job. 526 00:20:14,162 --> 00:20:15,695 Mm-hmm. 527 00:20:15,697 --> 00:20:17,263 And I-I don't want to complicate my life. 528 00:20:17,265 --> 00:20:19,231 Like when we kissed, I really learned from that. 529 00:20:19,233 --> 00:20:21,366 That's right--we kissed. I totally forgot about that. 530 00:20:21,368 --> 00:20:22,734 You forgot that we kissed? 531 00:20:22,736 --> 00:20:24,236 No, it was just a figure of speech. 532 00:20:24,238 --> 00:20:27,006 Of course I remember. And it was very nice. 533 00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:30,176 It was nice. It was a familiar surprise. 534 00:20:30,178 --> 00:20:32,778 It was a perfect storm of booze and nitrous. 535 00:20:32,780 --> 00:20:34,413 I was very vulnerable in that chair. 536 00:20:34,415 --> 00:20:35,848 You totally took advantage of me. 537 00:20:35,850 --> 00:20:37,216 You manipulated me 538 00:20:37,218 --> 00:20:39,250 with all these bullshit compliments 539 00:20:39,252 --> 00:20:41,420 about what a great mother I am. 540 00:20:41,422 --> 00:20:43,054 It wasn't bullshit. You are a great mother. 541 00:20:43,056 --> 00:20:45,156 - You're a fantastic mother. - Don't do that. 542 00:20:45,158 --> 00:20:46,591 Mother Teresa's got nothing on you. 543 00:20:46,593 --> 00:20:48,393 [Scoffs] That's mean. 544 00:20:48,395 --> 00:20:50,061 You're probably a better kisser than she ever was, and-- 545 00:20:50,063 --> 00:20:51,896 but who knows? Maybe she had a rocking bod 546 00:20:51,898 --> 00:20:53,432 underneath that saintly frock. 547 00:20:53,434 --> 00:20:55,533 Just let me know when you want to kiss again. 548 00:20:55,535 --> 00:20:57,435 - You just went down on a girl. - Mmm. 549 00:20:57,437 --> 00:20:59,503 - Ew. - What if I brushed my teeth? 550 00:20:59,505 --> 00:21:01,439 Come on, that's got to be a bit of a turn-on-- 551 00:21:01,441 --> 00:21:03,507 me offering to brush my teeth? 552 00:21:03,509 --> 00:21:07,712 - Why did you go down on her? - It's a long story. 553 00:21:07,714 --> 00:21:10,414 But she heard I gave good head. That's--you know... 554 00:21:10,416 --> 00:21:13,384 You do give good head. I mean, I don't know. 555 00:21:13,386 --> 00:21:16,153 I don't even remember. It was so long ago. 556 00:21:16,155 --> 00:21:17,588 Oh, fuck. 557 00:21:17,590 --> 00:21:19,323 - What? - I think I'm hard. 558 00:21:19,325 --> 00:21:22,259 Is that from before or from us? 559 00:21:22,261 --> 00:21:23,894 Who can tell? I can't differentiate. 560 00:21:23,896 --> 00:21:25,730 I mean, I-I don't know that I'd want to. 561 00:21:25,732 --> 00:21:30,100 But I think there's only one way to defuse this situation. 562 00:21:30,102 --> 00:21:33,270 How? 563 00:21:33,272 --> 00:21:35,906 Aah, get that pussy mouth away from me! 564 00:21:35,908 --> 00:21:39,243 [Laughing] 565 00:21:39,245 --> 00:21:41,778 [Squeals] 566 00:21:41,780 --> 00:21:43,813 No, no! 567 00:21:43,815 --> 00:21:45,915 [Laughing] 568 00:21:45,917 --> 00:21:47,550 What the fuck? 569 00:21:47,552 --> 00:21:49,652 I told you this motherfucker like to stick his pecker 570 00:21:49,654 --> 00:21:50,720 where it don't belong. 571 00:21:50,722 --> 00:21:52,389 Hey, I decide whose pecker 572 00:21:52,391 --> 00:21:54,491 goes in here and whose doesn't, okay? 573 00:21:54,493 --> 00:21:56,726 And you're a very charming and funny guy, 574 00:21:56,728 --> 00:21:58,595 but I'm a single mom, and I'm not easily wooed, 575 00:21:58,597 --> 00:21:59,996 even with a Bentley. 576 00:21:59,998 --> 00:22:01,797 I got--I got a Ferrari. 577 00:22:01,799 --> 00:22:04,300 And, Rick, I really enjoyed our date. 578 00:22:04,302 --> 00:22:06,503 And I-I'm so grateful to you for giving me an acting job 579 00:22:06,504 --> 00:22:08,637 and making my childhood dreams come true, 580 00:22:08,639 --> 00:22:11,073 but if the job comes with strings attached, 581 00:22:11,075 --> 00:22:12,541 then I cannot and will not do it. 582 00:22:12,543 --> 00:22:14,377 No, no. No strings attached. 583 00:22:14,379 --> 00:22:16,112 The job is yours, Julia. 584 00:22:16,114 --> 00:22:18,814 I'll think about it. 585 00:22:18,816 --> 00:22:21,483 What you waiting for, Rath? Fire his fucking ass. 586 00:22:21,485 --> 00:22:23,552 You don't tell me who to hire and who to fire. 587 00:22:23,554 --> 00:22:25,020 It's my fucking show. 588 00:22:25,022 --> 00:22:27,188 My character is the fucking show. 589 00:22:27,190 --> 00:22:28,323 And who says it's your fucking character? 590 00:22:28,325 --> 00:22:29,625 Nice. 591 00:22:29,627 --> 00:22:30,626 And what the fuck are you doing? 592 00:22:30,628 --> 00:22:31,860 You know I like her. 593 00:22:31,862 --> 00:22:33,561 I know it looked like funny business, 594 00:22:33,563 --> 00:22:35,330 but it was just a tickle fight-- I swear to God, honestly. 595 00:22:35,332 --> 00:22:39,367 Rath, you are not gonna like this. 596 00:22:39,369 --> 00:22:41,202 There's fucking in the pool. 597 00:22:41,204 --> 00:22:43,371 Motherfuckers! 598 00:22:43,373 --> 00:22:45,506 Motherfuckers! 599 00:22:52,047 --> 00:22:54,114 Nine fucking bathrooms in the fucking house, 600 00:22:54,116 --> 00:22:56,617 and the asshole's got to screw in my pool, huh? 601 00:22:56,619 --> 00:23:00,054 Hey, Leon, I was very clear-- 602 00:23:00,056 --> 00:23:01,522 no fucking in my pool. 603 00:23:01,524 --> 00:23:03,458 Levon, what are you doing? 604 00:23:03,460 --> 00:23:05,860 Nikki, I'm paying you very good money 605 00:23:05,862 --> 00:23:07,361 to be my date tonight. 606 00:23:07,363 --> 00:23:09,363 No, I know, Stu. I'm really sorry. 607 00:23:09,365 --> 00:23:11,365 I just wanted to make a little extra cash. 608 00:23:11,367 --> 00:23:14,068 And honestly, he said that Hank would take care of it. 609 00:23:14,070 --> 00:23:15,735 So, really, this is all on you. 610 00:23:15,737 --> 00:23:17,704 I told you I wasn't gonna lend you that money. 611 00:23:17,706 --> 00:23:19,873 I know, but then my head got all cloudy. 612 00:23:19,875 --> 00:23:21,075 God, this is how young people 613 00:23:21,077 --> 00:23:22,443 get in trouble with credit cards. 614 00:23:22,445 --> 00:23:25,244 She's a hooker? You're a hooker? 615 00:23:25,246 --> 00:23:27,013 Yeah, pretty much. 616 00:23:27,015 --> 00:23:28,682 But on the upside, I get tested, 617 00:23:28,684 --> 00:23:30,851 like, all the time, so we're good. 618 00:23:30,853 --> 00:23:32,085 This is so upsetting. 619 00:23:32,087 --> 00:23:33,687 You lost your virginity to a hooker. 620 00:23:33,689 --> 00:23:35,388 Not--not just. I mean-- 621 00:23:35,390 --> 00:23:37,858 - Hey, now. - I'm--don't be upset, mom. 622 00:23:37,860 --> 00:23:39,425 I mean, she's really cool. 623 00:23:39,427 --> 00:23:42,261 She--she's the coolest. I think I'm in love. 624 00:23:42,263 --> 00:23:43,529 [Smooches] Aw. 625 00:23:43,531 --> 00:23:44,797 You're in love with a hooker? 626 00:23:44,799 --> 00:23:46,232 No, actually, this is pretty common. 627 00:23:46,234 --> 00:23:47,900 Guys fall in love with me all the time. 628 00:23:47,902 --> 00:23:49,735 We never should've moved to L.A. 629 00:23:49,737 --> 00:23:51,237 Did you use a condom, honey? 630 00:23:51,239 --> 00:23:53,306 - Yes. - Good. 631 00:23:53,308 --> 00:23:55,108 I'm really sorry, mom--Hank was just trying to help me out. 632 00:23:55,110 --> 00:23:56,876 I should've left it alone. I should've been content 633 00:23:56,878 --> 00:23:58,711 having sex with her once and called it a day. 634 00:23:58,713 --> 00:24:00,679 But, no, I had to fly too close to the sun. 635 00:24:00,681 --> 00:24:03,749 - This isn't the first time? - Here we go. 636 00:24:03,751 --> 00:24:05,618 I'm sorry. I-I can't lie to my moms. 637 00:24:05,620 --> 00:24:07,319 Don't blame Hank. He thought he was doing the right thing. 638 00:24:07,321 --> 00:24:08,821 And he totally was. 639 00:24:08,823 --> 00:24:10,422 I've never felt better in my whole life. 640 00:24:10,424 --> 00:24:12,257 I feel like a great weight has been lifted, mom. 641 00:24:12,259 --> 00:24:14,292 I'm glad dad got me a hooker. 642 00:24:14,294 --> 00:24:18,196 [Gasps] You got him a hooker? 643 00:24:18,198 --> 00:24:19,931 The way in which you ask that makes me think 644 00:24:19,933 --> 00:24:23,301 you don't think it's a very good idea. 645 00:24:27,273 --> 00:24:29,641 All: Oh! - Oh, yes, okay. 646 00:24:29,643 --> 00:24:32,944 Not a very good idea at all. I'm sorry, Julia. 647 00:24:32,946 --> 00:24:34,979 I-I thought I was doing a good thing. 648 00:24:34,981 --> 00:24:36,447 Don't worry, dad. 649 00:24:36,449 --> 00:24:38,816 I-I-I'll smooth it out for you. I promise. 650 00:24:38,818 --> 00:24:40,284 You happy now, Rath? 651 00:24:40,286 --> 00:24:41,920 Okay, not now, Goldie, not now. 652 00:24:41,922 --> 00:24:43,755 This is the fucking ship that you run. 653 00:24:43,757 --> 00:24:45,423 Yes, this is the ship I run. Look at me. 654 00:24:45,425 --> 00:24:47,824 I'm captain of the HMS Fucktard. 655 00:24:47,826 --> 00:24:49,427 That's why I'm gonna take it out from underneath you, 656 00:24:49,429 --> 00:24:51,128 - because you don't deserve it. - Be my guest. 657 00:24:51,130 --> 00:24:54,098 Knock yourself out steering this ship of fools. 658 00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:55,499 I will. You tell him, Charlie. 659 00:24:55,501 --> 00:24:57,168 - Tell him. - Huh? Tell him what? 660 00:24:57,170 --> 00:24:58,936 Tell him he's disrespected me for the last time. 661 00:24:58,938 --> 00:25:00,438 Oh, oh, okay. 662 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:01,972 Rath, I think what Goldie means to say is-- 663 00:25:01,974 --> 00:25:03,674 Shut the fuck up now. 664 00:25:03,676 --> 00:25:06,009 Shutting the fuck up now. 665 00:25:06,011 --> 00:25:07,978 - You fucking pussy. - What? 666 00:25:07,980 --> 00:25:09,312 What, does your suit come with tampons? 667 00:25:09,314 --> 00:25:13,149 [Laughter] 668 00:25:13,151 --> 00:25:14,851 Does that suit come with tampons? 669 00:25:14,853 --> 00:25:17,320 See, that's funny, right? If it's funny, I laugh. 670 00:25:17,322 --> 00:25:19,322 You are actually fucking funny. 671 00:25:19,324 --> 00:25:21,491 - Am I actually fucking funny? - Yeah. 672 00:25:21,493 --> 00:25:23,560 - Fuck you, Hashtag! All: Oh! 673 00:25:23,562 --> 00:25:25,328 What the fuck is wrong with you, woman? 674 00:25:25,330 --> 00:25:26,662 You think you can get away with calling me a bitch? 675 00:25:26,664 --> 00:25:27,897 I didn't call you a bitch. 676 00:25:27,899 --> 00:25:29,599 I have respect for all womankind. 677 00:25:29,601 --> 00:25:31,501 I simply said, "I don't take pitches from bitches. 678 00:25:31,503 --> 00:25:32,902 Y'all use too many words." That's it. 679 00:25:32,904 --> 00:25:34,804 Oh. Oh, okay. That's a lot better. 680 00:25:34,806 --> 00:25:37,306 You tell him he can't talk to me like that. Represent! 681 00:25:37,308 --> 00:25:39,475 Actually, I agree with everything he says. 682 00:25:39,477 --> 00:25:42,011 My own wife, Marcy, when she talks at me, 683 00:25:42,013 --> 00:25:44,814 the sheer volume of words-- it makes my ears bleed. 684 00:25:44,816 --> 00:25:46,682 Oh, this bald motherfucker knows of which he speaks. 685 00:25:46,684 --> 00:25:48,317 That's right. Thank you very much. 686 00:25:48,319 --> 00:25:50,185 All right. Oh, one of those too. I like that one. 687 00:25:50,187 --> 00:25:51,220 - Excuse me. - What? 688 00:25:51,222 --> 00:25:52,754 You're fucking fired! 689 00:25:52,756 --> 00:25:54,689 And you're fucking batshit crazy, Goldie. 690 00:25:54,691 --> 00:25:56,525 - [Growls] All: Oh! 691 00:25:56,527 --> 00:25:58,660 Oh, hey! Be nice to my agent. 692 00:25:58,662 --> 00:26:01,263 Yo, Rath, where the fuck you find these writers, man? 693 00:26:01,265 --> 00:26:02,964 You just pull outside of a Home Depot and say, 694 00:26:02,966 --> 00:26:05,267 "Hop the fuck in"? 695 00:26:05,269 --> 00:26:07,802 These are some seriously tweaked motherfuckers. 696 00:26:07,804 --> 00:26:10,705 All: Oh! - [Coughing and retching] 697 00:26:10,707 --> 00:26:13,474 - Shit, shit. - Goldie. 698 00:26:17,312 --> 00:26:19,247 [Groans] 699 00:26:23,052 --> 00:26:25,486 Riddle me this, Runks. 700 00:26:25,488 --> 00:26:26,820 How can I be in the doghouse 701 00:26:26,822 --> 00:26:28,956 with a woman I'm not even dating, 702 00:26:28,958 --> 00:26:31,892 and why do I care so fucking much? 703 00:26:35,264 --> 00:26:37,131 Do you think you still have a job? 704 00:26:37,133 --> 00:26:39,066 I don't know. 705 00:26:39,068 --> 00:26:41,035 You think Goldie still has a job? 706 00:26:41,037 --> 00:26:45,039 My guess would be "Fuck, no." 707 00:26:45,041 --> 00:26:49,143 - What's wrong, pickle lips? - [Crying] I'm broke, Hank. 708 00:26:49,145 --> 00:26:50,744 You mean like broke broke? 709 00:26:50,746 --> 00:26:53,947 Like totally and utterly broke. 710 00:26:53,949 --> 00:26:56,717 Like "I don't know how I'm gonna pay the rent next month" broke. 711 00:26:56,719 --> 00:27:01,288 Like--like--like the kind of broke that forces a man 712 00:27:01,290 --> 00:27:04,123 to do something desperate. 713 00:27:04,125 --> 00:27:05,958 I'm not gonna give you 20%, Charlie. 714 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,461 My next paycheck has to go to supporting 715 00:27:08,463 --> 00:27:09,962 my son's new hooker habit. 716 00:27:09,964 --> 00:27:12,899 [Sobbing] 717 00:27:14,768 --> 00:27:16,669 We're so fucking fucked. 718 00:27:16,671 --> 00:27:19,271 Yes, we are fucking fucked, but we've been fucked before... 719 00:27:19,273 --> 00:27:21,207 [Engine turning] 720 00:27:21,209 --> 00:27:24,177 in the ass, legs pinned behind our ears, 721 00:27:24,179 --> 00:27:25,644 not a drop of lube. 722 00:27:25,646 --> 00:27:28,380 But we always come out smiling. You know why? 723 00:27:28,382 --> 00:27:31,710 'Cause that's just the kind of happy-go-lucky sluts we are, 724 00:27:31,830 --> 00:27:32,618 my man. 725 00:27:32,620 --> 00:27:35,654 ♪ These are the days of miracle and wonder ♪ 726 00:27:35,656 --> 00:27:38,624 ♪ this is the long-distance call ♪ 727 00:27:38,626 --> 00:27:42,294 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 728 00:27:42,296 --> 00:27:45,664 ♪ the way we look to us all 729 00:27:45,666 --> 00:27:48,600 ♪ the way we look to a distant constellation ♪ 730 00:27:48,602 --> 00:27:52,670 ♪ that's dying in a corner of the sky ♪ 731 00:27:52,672 --> 00:27:55,607 ♪ these are the days of miracle and wonder ♪ 732 00:27:55,609 --> 00:27:57,808 ♪ don't cry, baby, don't cry ♪ 733 00:27:57,810 --> 00:28:00,378 ♪ don't cry, don't cry ♪ 734 00:28:00,380 --> 00:28:08,318 ♪