1 00:00:00,074 --> 00:00:02,294 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:02,296 --> 00:00:03,695 - I got the part! - Congrats. 3 00:00:03,697 --> 00:00:05,297 - Yay. - Way to go. 4 00:00:05,299 --> 00:00:07,333 You do realize that Rath might have 5 00:00:07,335 --> 00:00:08,967 certain expectations now, right? 6 00:00:08,969 --> 00:00:12,104 Are you saying he expects me to have sex with him 7 00:00:12,106 --> 00:00:13,271 or give him a blow job? 8 00:00:13,273 --> 00:00:14,540 So who recommended you? 9 00:00:14,542 --> 00:00:16,441 - Stu Beggs. - My ex. 10 00:00:16,443 --> 00:00:18,109 He said that you probably needed the work, 11 00:00:18,111 --> 00:00:19,945 that your husband isn't much of an earner. 12 00:00:19,947 --> 00:00:21,513 I waxed a hooker today. 13 00:00:21,515 --> 00:00:23,782 She was young and cute and totally down to fuck. 14 00:00:23,784 --> 00:00:25,617 Really? Is this wrong? 15 00:00:25,619 --> 00:00:27,019 I can't tell anymore. 16 00:00:27,021 --> 00:00:29,021 Dude, you--you got me a fucking hooker? 17 00:00:29,023 --> 00:00:30,855 Oh, my God. Thank you so much. 18 00:00:30,857 --> 00:00:33,091 This is exactly what I thought having a father would be like. 19 00:00:33,093 --> 00:00:36,627 - The--the clit's on top, right? - Another happy customer. 20 00:00:36,629 --> 00:00:38,296 You know how you tell your mother everything, you said? 21 00:00:38,298 --> 00:00:39,931 Are you gonna tell her about this? 22 00:00:39,933 --> 00:00:43,268 - She would be totally pissed. - Hmm. Good to know. 23 00:00:43,270 --> 00:00:45,336 What about me? I impulse-remarried 24 00:00:45,338 --> 00:00:48,105 a depraved lunatic who can't even get it up for me. 25 00:00:48,107 --> 00:00:50,274 I need a manager who cares about me 26 00:00:50,276 --> 00:00:52,443 as much as about what me can do for him. 27 00:00:52,445 --> 00:00:55,212 - I do, Goldie. - Get me off this fucking show. 28 00:00:55,214 --> 00:00:57,782 - Why? - Rath humiliated me. 29 00:00:57,784 --> 00:01:01,351 You're getting hard right now, aren't you? 30 00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:02,986 Why does this keep happening to me? 31 00:01:02,988 --> 00:01:05,589 Sorry. 32 00:01:17,335 --> 00:01:19,268 Killing bad guys is my business, 33 00:01:19,270 --> 00:01:21,237 and business be fucking crackin'. 34 00:01:21,239 --> 00:01:23,005 Ha ha. 35 00:01:23,007 --> 00:01:24,340 Especially when I'm killing crackheads, 36 00:01:24,342 --> 00:01:26,742 - you know what I'm saying? - Yeah. 37 00:01:26,744 --> 00:01:28,511 So don't y'all worry about the funny. 38 00:01:28,513 --> 00:01:32,515 That's my job. I bring the fucking funny. 39 00:01:32,517 --> 00:01:34,817 Here's what's not my job-- 40 00:01:34,819 --> 00:01:36,986 delivering all your expositional shit. 41 00:01:36,988 --> 00:01:39,554 Save that yickity-yack for the guest stars, all right? 42 00:01:39,556 --> 00:01:42,491 Now, Danko's cool. He's cool. 43 00:01:42,493 --> 00:01:44,493 Only time that nigga open his mouth, he got something to say, 44 00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:47,162 and that shit better be worth saying, all right? 45 00:01:47,164 --> 00:01:49,264 None of that nonsensical cop jargon y'all motherfuckers 46 00:01:49,266 --> 00:01:50,499 always be writing. 47 00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:55,069 "Watch out! Get down! Damn! 48 00:01:55,071 --> 00:01:58,273 Whoo! Now, that's how you drive!" 49 00:01:58,275 --> 00:02:00,775 I can say a whole lot with a look. 50 00:02:00,777 --> 00:02:04,246 Peep. 51 00:02:04,248 --> 00:02:05,614 - Mm. - Wow. 52 00:02:05,616 --> 00:02:07,048 - Yeah. - I don't know about you guys, 53 00:02:07,050 --> 00:02:08,550 but I think I just shit my pants. 54 00:02:10,954 --> 00:02:12,419 That's not the "shit my pants" look. 55 00:02:12,421 --> 00:02:14,122 Oh, no? 56 00:02:14,124 --> 00:02:16,323 This is the "shit my pants" look. 57 00:02:16,325 --> 00:02:17,992 Slow-mo. 58 00:02:22,998 --> 00:02:24,165 - Mm. - Oh, wow. 59 00:02:24,167 --> 00:02:25,633 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 60 00:02:27,903 --> 00:02:29,403 Y'all peep? Y'all feel that? 61 00:02:29,405 --> 00:02:30,837 - Whoo! - Oh, yeah. 62 00:02:30,839 --> 00:02:32,739 Oh, I feel it. 63 00:02:32,741 --> 00:02:34,608 It's like an electromagnetic pulsing in my asshole area. 64 00:02:35,744 --> 00:02:37,578 Yo, who's this cat? 65 00:02:37,580 --> 00:02:39,913 Hashtag Black, allow me to introduce our newest writer, 66 00:02:39,915 --> 00:02:43,216 - Hank Moody. - Oh, Hank Moody, the raper. 67 00:02:43,218 --> 00:02:45,418 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yep. The one and the same. 68 00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:46,720 I'm a big fan of all your wrongdoings. 69 00:02:46,722 --> 00:02:47,988 - Thank you. - Well, you used to work 70 00:02:47,990 --> 00:02:49,556 side by side with samurai, huh? 71 00:02:49,558 --> 00:02:51,658 He was just "Sam" to me-- Calvin, actually. 72 00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:53,259 Yeah, he said you was a cool dude. 73 00:02:53,261 --> 00:02:54,661 He also said you like sticking your pee-pee 74 00:02:54,663 --> 00:02:56,229 where it don't belong. 75 00:02:56,231 --> 00:02:57,564 Well, I like to think that doesn't define me 76 00:02:57,566 --> 00:02:58,998 as a human being. 77 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,400 I also like to think that my pee-pee belongs 78 00:03:00,402 --> 00:03:02,034 wherever it winds up. 79 00:03:02,036 --> 00:03:03,503 Oh, yeah. 80 00:03:03,505 --> 00:03:05,905 You gonna be my guy, Moody. 81 00:03:05,907 --> 00:03:07,307 You gonna be my set bitch. 82 00:03:07,309 --> 00:03:08,741 - Oh, no. - You cool with that, Rath? 83 00:03:08,743 --> 00:03:10,243 Absolutely. Hashtag, whatever you want. 84 00:03:10,245 --> 00:03:11,977 I'm not a big fan of the set, per se. 85 00:03:11,979 --> 00:03:13,613 I-I find the hours to be quite punishing. 86 00:03:13,615 --> 00:03:16,615 Has anybody given thought to maybe starting later 87 00:03:16,617 --> 00:03:17,883 or shorter hours, perhaps? 88 00:03:17,885 --> 00:03:19,618 What the fuck is he going on about? 89 00:03:19,620 --> 00:03:21,887 - Fuck if I know. - Excuse me, Hashtag, 90 00:03:21,889 --> 00:03:24,156 - I'd love to pitch you an idea-- - Ahh! Yo, yo, yo. 91 00:03:24,158 --> 00:03:26,192 Pitches hurt my ears, especially pitches from bitches. 92 00:03:26,194 --> 00:03:28,293 No offense-- y'all got the tendency 93 00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:29,895 of using too many words, you know what I mean? 94 00:03:29,897 --> 00:03:31,796 Why use one word when you can use ten, right? 95 00:03:31,798 --> 00:03:34,533 Yeah. That's funny. 96 00:03:34,535 --> 00:03:36,235 - Actually, I can be quite brief. - Goldie! 97 00:03:36,237 --> 00:03:38,169 The man doesn't want to hear your pitch right now. 98 00:03:38,171 --> 00:03:40,639 Yo, peace, writer peoples. 99 00:03:40,641 --> 00:03:41,873 Let me walk you out, Hashtag. 100 00:03:41,875 --> 00:03:43,475 - Love you. Love you. - Hashtag. 101 00:03:43,477 --> 00:03:46,111 Kickoff party tonight at my place--be there. 102 00:03:46,113 --> 00:03:48,312 Behave yourselves, don't break anything, 103 00:03:48,314 --> 00:03:49,848 and no fucking in my pool... 104 00:03:49,850 --> 00:03:51,883 Terry. 105 00:03:51,885 --> 00:03:53,317 Hey, does anybody else want to be set bitch? 106 00:03:53,319 --> 00:03:55,386 - Set--set bitches? Set bitch? - No. 107 00:03:55,388 --> 00:03:57,688 Set bitch? Terry, I'll arm-wrestle you for it. 108 00:03:57,690 --> 00:03:59,791 - Come on. - No. 109 00:04:02,796 --> 00:04:13,033 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 110 00:04:53,977 --> 00:04:56,879 Holy TV money, Batman. 111 00:04:56,881 --> 00:04:59,615 Yeah, look at that--the house that utter mediocrity built. 112 00:04:59,617 --> 00:05:01,984 It's inspiring, Hank. 113 00:05:01,986 --> 00:05:05,321 I've never felt more determined to sign TV-writer clients. 114 00:05:05,323 --> 00:05:07,990 Do not shit where I eat, Charlie--it's unsanitary. 115 00:05:07,992 --> 00:05:11,560 Oh, greetings and salutations, 24-hour party people. 116 00:05:11,562 --> 00:05:13,395 Mom, th--this is the guy I was telling you about, 117 00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:14,730 the one who came in his pants. 118 00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,832 Nice to meet you. Charlie Runkle. 119 00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:19,568 - Nice to meet you. - I'm Hank's manager 120 00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:21,503 and heterosexual life mate. 121 00:05:21,505 --> 00:05:22,571 Nice to meet you. 122 00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,606 You must be the lovely Julia. 123 00:05:24,608 --> 00:05:26,208 Number one on the baby mama call sheet. 124 00:05:26,210 --> 00:05:27,876 Levon says great things about you. 125 00:05:27,878 --> 00:05:30,278 Not really, like, at all, ever. 126 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,380 So, dad, what do you think? We gonna see some big tits 127 00:05:32,382 --> 00:05:34,549 and round asses up in here tonight? 128 00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:35,884 Honey, I'm not afraid to pull your pants down 129 00:05:35,886 --> 00:05:37,252 and spank your bare ass 130 00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:38,786 in a room full of strangers, you know? 131 00:05:38,788 --> 00:05:40,388 I know you're not, mom. I'm sorry. 132 00:05:40,390 --> 00:05:41,823 All right, go inside and behave yourself. 133 00:05:41,825 --> 00:05:43,325 - Okay. - I'm gonna talk to your dad. 134 00:05:43,327 --> 00:05:45,125 Come on, kid, let's check out the talent. 135 00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,494 You're not gonna walk in there pitching a tent, are you? 136 00:05:46,496 --> 00:05:48,563 - Behave. - Okay. 137 00:05:48,565 --> 00:05:51,165 What's up? 138 00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:53,501 Do you notice anything weird about Levon? 139 00:05:53,503 --> 00:05:55,169 How could you possibly tell? 140 00:05:55,171 --> 00:05:58,473 He seems different-- more relaxed, confident. 141 00:05:58,475 --> 00:06:00,607 - That's a bad thing? - No, it's great. 142 00:06:00,609 --> 00:06:02,042 I just--I'm not used to it. 143 00:06:02,044 --> 00:06:03,710 Well, maybe having a job 144 00:06:03,712 --> 00:06:05,712 has done wonders for the young man's psyche. 145 00:06:05,714 --> 00:06:07,948 Or maybe knowing his dad, who's actually proving to be 146 00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,516 something of a positive role model. 147 00:06:09,518 --> 00:06:12,452 I-I don't think that could be it, do you? 148 00:06:15,358 --> 00:06:17,123 Wow. Nice house. 149 00:06:17,125 --> 00:06:19,459 Yeah. One day, all this could be yours. 150 00:06:19,461 --> 00:06:21,961 Mrs. Julia Rath-- has a nice ring to it. 151 00:06:21,963 --> 00:06:23,229 Oh, it's just one date. 152 00:06:23,231 --> 00:06:25,131 Hope he wasn't too "handsy." 153 00:06:25,133 --> 00:06:26,633 No, he was a perfect gentleman. 154 00:06:26,635 --> 00:06:28,368 Actually, too perfect, you know? 155 00:06:28,370 --> 00:06:30,537 'Cause sometimes you just want a guy to, like-- 156 00:06:30,539 --> 00:06:33,773 What? What? You want a guy to what? 157 00:06:33,775 --> 00:06:35,708 My schween is hanging on your every word. 158 00:06:35,710 --> 00:06:38,177 There's a potential erection hanging in the balance here. 159 00:06:38,179 --> 00:06:39,812 What? Nothing. 160 00:06:39,814 --> 00:06:41,281 I haven't been to a party in so long, 161 00:06:41,283 --> 00:06:43,182 I don't even know what to do. 162 00:06:43,184 --> 00:06:45,218 Well, it's like riding a bike. You just have a drink or ten 163 00:06:45,220 --> 00:06:47,053 and then hope you don't wake up with a tattoo 164 00:06:47,055 --> 00:06:49,322 or a bloody asshole or both. 165 00:06:49,324 --> 00:06:51,123 Shall we? 166 00:07:02,235 --> 00:07:03,936 - Get me a refill. - Oh. 167 00:07:03,938 --> 00:07:05,571 I like when you order me around. 168 00:07:05,573 --> 00:07:07,339 I'm--I'm serious. I do. 169 00:07:07,341 --> 00:07:11,276 - Stu, Nikki, how's it hanging? - Hank, how are you? 170 00:07:11,278 --> 00:07:13,711 - Hey, buddy. - How's the kid? 171 00:07:13,713 --> 00:07:15,747 Still basking in the afterglow. 172 00:07:15,749 --> 00:07:17,282 Uh, you two guys know each other? 173 00:07:17,284 --> 00:07:19,517 She relieved my son of his virginity. 174 00:07:19,519 --> 00:07:22,620 World class, dude. 175 00:07:22,622 --> 00:07:25,557 I wish my pops would've popped my cherry like that. 176 00:07:25,559 --> 00:07:28,626 Instead, he sat me down and gave me a copy of Playboy 177 00:07:28,628 --> 00:07:31,028 and told me both men and women had nipples. 178 00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:33,397 Can--can we keep the whole 179 00:07:33,399 --> 00:07:35,633 levon/hooker thing on the D.L.? 180 00:07:35,635 --> 00:07:37,401 His mom is here, and she doesn't know anything about it. 181 00:07:37,403 --> 00:07:39,570 Oh, I am nothing if not discreet. 182 00:07:39,572 --> 00:07:43,341 Oh, now, that is true. She is amazing. 183 00:07:43,343 --> 00:07:45,242 She lets me do the kinkiest stuff to her, 184 00:07:45,244 --> 00:07:47,078 and she never tells a soul. 185 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:48,846 Aw, you are so cute. 186 00:07:48,848 --> 00:07:50,547 Sounds like a keeper. 187 00:07:50,549 --> 00:07:52,016 Yeah, and she looks like Marcy, right? 188 00:07:52,018 --> 00:07:54,518 - Yo, Moody. - Hey, Hashtag. 189 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:56,319 - How you be, bro? - I be good. 190 00:07:56,321 --> 00:07:58,088 - Hashtag. - Big Dick Beggs! 191 00:07:58,090 --> 00:08:01,124 Hashtag. 192 00:08:01,126 --> 00:08:03,093 Yo, they say he got a big dick, though, right? 193 00:08:03,095 --> 00:08:04,528 - Yeah. - He's crazy. 194 00:08:04,530 --> 00:08:06,329 Yo, Stu, I got to talk to Moody over here. 195 00:08:06,331 --> 00:08:07,330 - Whatever. - Ah. 196 00:08:08,801 --> 00:08:10,266 Yo, Moody, I got to level with you, man. 197 00:08:10,268 --> 00:08:11,768 Rath is fucking my shit up. 198 00:08:11,770 --> 00:08:13,103 All right, that's probably something 199 00:08:13,105 --> 00:08:15,138 you should bring up with Rath. 200 00:08:15,140 --> 00:08:17,007 Motherfucker's too stubborn to hear my words. 201 00:08:17,009 --> 00:08:18,641 He's all about the drama. I'm all about the fucking funny. 202 00:08:18,643 --> 00:08:20,676 He wants to do The Wire. 203 00:08:20,678 --> 00:08:22,012 I'm trying to do 48 Hours for a new generation, you hear me? 204 00:08:22,014 --> 00:08:23,746 - Mm-hmm. - All right, look. 205 00:08:23,748 --> 00:08:25,681 I need you to help me out like you helped Samurai out. 206 00:08:25,683 --> 00:08:27,917 We can do a modern-day action-comedy, 207 00:08:27,919 --> 00:08:29,619 emphasis on the comedy. 208 00:08:29,621 --> 00:08:31,754 I'm not really in a position to do that, Hashtag. 209 00:08:31,756 --> 00:08:33,255 And I'm--I'm not that funny. 210 00:08:33,257 --> 00:08:35,591 Yeah, but you's fucking witty, right? 211 00:08:35,593 --> 00:08:37,760 - And I'm fucking funny. - You are fucking funny. 212 00:08:37,762 --> 00:08:41,130 Together we can-- Damn, who's that piece of ass? 213 00:08:41,132 --> 00:08:42,965 That? That would be Julia. 214 00:08:42,967 --> 00:08:44,867 She's got a small part on the show as a squad secretary. 215 00:08:44,869 --> 00:08:46,502 You're gonna be doing some scenes with her. 216 00:08:46,504 --> 00:08:48,170 Oh, I'm doing scenes with her, all right. 217 00:08:48,172 --> 00:08:49,804 I'm doing scenes with her right now up in here. 218 00:08:49,806 --> 00:08:51,973 Ah, she's also the mother of my son. 219 00:08:51,975 --> 00:08:54,143 - Oh! Oh, oh, okay. - Mm-hmm. 220 00:08:54,145 --> 00:08:56,512 - You're not together? - No, not currently. 221 00:08:56,514 --> 00:08:58,647 Mm. So you ain't crushing that ass? 222 00:08:58,649 --> 00:09:01,150 Not--not--not at the present-- like, 20 years ago, 223 00:09:01,152 --> 00:09:02,684 and even then, I-I wasn't so much crushing it 224 00:09:02,686 --> 00:09:04,218 as admiring it. 225 00:09:04,220 --> 00:09:05,687 I don't like to be too rough with the ass. 226 00:09:05,689 --> 00:09:07,989 Oh, I like to destroy that shit. 227 00:09:07,991 --> 00:09:10,491 Mm. I want to murder that ass. 228 00:09:10,493 --> 00:09:11,893 I understand what you're saying, Hashtag, 229 00:09:11,895 --> 00:09:13,394 but your language is so aggressive. 230 00:09:13,396 --> 00:09:15,263 You see, if-- if you murder the ass, 231 00:09:15,265 --> 00:09:16,998 then there's no ass left to enjoy. 232 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,599 Well, see, that's where you're wrong, Moody. 233 00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:20,134 You know, you gotta murder that ass 234 00:09:20,136 --> 00:09:21,502 so no other motherfucker can enjoy that ass, right? 235 00:09:21,504 --> 00:09:22,870 No. 236 00:09:22,872 --> 00:09:24,071 It's like a metaphorical murder. 237 00:09:24,073 --> 00:09:25,338 - Oh, I-- - Yeah, you feel me? 238 00:09:25,340 --> 00:09:26,540 - I do feel you. I feel you. - Cool. 239 00:09:26,542 --> 00:09:28,141 - You see that? - Yeah. 240 00:09:28,143 --> 00:09:29,744 I'ma go see if I can turn this bitch out. 241 00:09:29,745 --> 00:09:31,144 I'ma catch you later. 242 00:09:31,146 --> 00:09:33,647 Think about my words-- hashtag words. 243 00:09:33,649 --> 00:09:36,349 Mm-hmm. Thought about 'em. Thought about 'em. 244 00:09:36,351 --> 00:09:37,651 What the fuck was that about? 245 00:09:37,653 --> 00:09:39,186 It seems your number one 246 00:09:39,188 --> 00:09:41,654 is warm for your number 16's form. 247 00:09:41,656 --> 00:09:43,723 And he doesn't like the way you're writing him. 248 00:09:43,725 --> 00:09:45,925 So it's not enough that I have to fight with this motherfucker 249 00:09:45,927 --> 00:09:49,162 over expository dialogue, now he feels entitled to my woman? 250 00:09:49,164 --> 00:09:50,930 Oh, she's your woman now? 251 00:09:50,932 --> 00:09:53,233 Come on, cut me some slack, all right? 252 00:09:53,235 --> 00:09:55,969 I'm a little heated up. She say anything about me? 253 00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:57,536 Well, she said you were the perfect gentleman. 254 00:09:57,538 --> 00:09:59,472 - Good, good. - Yeah. 255 00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:00,907 I'm trying, you know? Usually I'm a fucking asshole. 256 00:10:00,909 --> 00:10:02,141 Yeah. 257 00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,542 Trying to take it easy with her. 258 00:10:03,544 --> 00:10:04,911 Right. But sometimes, you know, you got to... 259 00:10:04,913 --> 00:10:06,345 What? 260 00:10:06,347 --> 00:10:08,081 Well, you know, sometimes you got to-- 261 00:10:08,083 --> 00:10:10,149 - sometimes you got to what? - You know. 262 00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:11,718 Shit, here comes Shrek. 263 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,252 That's my son you're talking about--Shrek. 264 00:10:13,254 --> 00:10:14,987 I'm sorry, all right? I'm all worked up. 265 00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:16,422 I got to head this shit off at the pass. 266 00:10:16,424 --> 00:10:17,723 All right. 267 00:10:17,725 --> 00:10:19,558 - Guess what. - Wait. 268 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:22,328 You were born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas day, 269 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:23,695 when The New York Times said 270 00:10:23,697 --> 00:10:25,164 God is dead, and the war's begun. 271 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,732 Shut up. Come on, I hate that. 272 00:10:26,734 --> 00:10:28,834 - Nikki's here. - I know. She's with Stu Beggs. 273 00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:30,068 Can I borrow some money? 274 00:10:30,070 --> 00:10:33,505 Oh, so Levon does like his money. Why? 275 00:10:33,507 --> 00:10:36,474 - I want to bone her again. - She's with Stu. 276 00:10:36,476 --> 00:10:38,010 So what? She can't spare a few minutes 277 00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:39,678 - for some repeat business? - Your mom is here. 278 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,346 So? There's a ton of rooms in this place. 279 00:10:41,348 --> 00:10:42,881 And it's very expensive. 280 00:10:42,883 --> 00:10:44,816 - Okay, I'll pay you back. - No, you won't. 281 00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:46,817 God damn it, I'm really pissed at you right now. 282 00:10:46,819 --> 00:10:48,486 I'm a little pissed at you right now. 283 00:10:48,488 --> 00:10:50,221 That feeling is back, you know, 284 00:10:50,223 --> 00:10:52,190 - like I-I got to fuck something. - Okay. 285 00:10:52,192 --> 00:10:54,225 - I need a release. - Look, I understand. 286 00:10:54,227 --> 00:10:56,093 Just--just try to find a nice, quiet bathroom 287 00:10:56,095 --> 00:10:57,995 and go beat off-- you'll feel much better. 288 00:10:57,997 --> 00:10:59,264 Just make sure you clean up afterwards 289 00:10:59,266 --> 00:11:00,798 and wash your hands, all right? 290 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,400 Yeah, but now that I got my dick wet, 291 00:11:02,402 --> 00:11:04,301 beating off just seems kind of lame, you know? 292 00:11:04,303 --> 00:11:06,070 Yes, I get that. 293 00:11:06,072 --> 00:11:08,272 But masturbation is still gonna be a huge part of your life. 294 00:11:08,274 --> 00:11:10,207 Even though you got laid, girls aren't just gonna 295 00:11:10,209 --> 00:11:12,242 automatically start hurling themselves at you. 296 00:11:12,244 --> 00:11:14,244 I should've just stayed a fucking virgin. 297 00:11:14,246 --> 00:11:16,047 It would've been a lot better not having a glimpse 298 00:11:16,049 --> 00:11:18,582 - of the promised land. - Good talk. 299 00:11:23,555 --> 00:11:25,322 Ah. 300 00:11:25,324 --> 00:11:27,724 Are you sure you should be... drinking? 301 00:11:27,726 --> 00:11:29,759 I'm not allergic to vodka, asshole. 302 00:11:29,761 --> 00:11:32,062 Sorry. Who would know? 303 00:11:32,064 --> 00:11:33,930 You know what I am allergic to? 304 00:11:33,932 --> 00:11:36,566 - Semen. - Oh, really? 305 00:11:36,568 --> 00:11:38,034 Yeah, can't spit or swallow. 306 00:11:38,036 --> 00:11:39,569 Totally burns the back of my throat. 307 00:11:39,571 --> 00:11:41,137 One time I took one up top. 308 00:11:41,139 --> 00:11:43,873 Fucking broke out in hives and blotches. 309 00:11:43,875 --> 00:11:46,542 Blowing a load on me is like throwing holy water 310 00:11:46,544 --> 00:11:47,877 on Linda Blair. 311 00:11:50,548 --> 00:11:51,981 What up? 312 00:11:51,983 --> 00:11:54,383 I'm so fucking pissed at Rath right now. 313 00:11:54,385 --> 00:11:55,818 Oh, why? 314 00:11:55,820 --> 00:11:57,953 He let Hashtag call me a bitch today. 315 00:11:57,955 --> 00:11:59,855 That doesn't really seem like Rath's style. 316 00:11:59,857 --> 00:12:01,624 Why would you take his side? 317 00:12:01,626 --> 00:12:05,027 I'm not taking his side. Goldie, cooler heads, hmm? 318 00:12:05,029 --> 00:12:06,229 Cooler heads. 319 00:12:06,231 --> 00:12:07,663 First, he rewrites me, 320 00:12:07,665 --> 00:12:09,497 then he humiliates me in front of Hashtag. 321 00:12:09,499 --> 00:12:11,867 I mean, he--he's trying to send me a message, Charlie. 322 00:12:11,869 --> 00:12:13,836 He's out to get me. 323 00:12:13,838 --> 00:12:16,205 This is all part of his plan, that slimy motherfucker... 324 00:12:16,207 --> 00:12:18,506 woman-hating dickhead. 325 00:12:18,508 --> 00:12:22,044 - Goldie. There she is. - Rath, hi. 326 00:12:22,046 --> 00:12:23,511 - You good? - Great. 327 00:12:23,513 --> 00:12:24,813 Good, I made sure they had 328 00:12:24,815 --> 00:12:26,114 some of that gluten-free shit for you. 329 00:12:26,116 --> 00:12:27,982 - There you go. - You're the best. 330 00:12:27,984 --> 00:12:30,285 What a great home-- beautiful. 331 00:12:30,287 --> 00:12:33,521 Work hard, you'll get there, right? 332 00:12:33,523 --> 00:12:35,523 Hey, I hope you're not using my party 333 00:12:35,525 --> 00:12:37,058 as an opportunity to poach clients, huh? 334 00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:38,693 Never. 335 00:12:38,695 --> 00:12:40,161 As if anyone would ever want to sign 336 00:12:40,163 --> 00:12:43,264 with this fucking degenerate lunatic, right? 337 00:12:43,266 --> 00:12:46,300 Have fun. 338 00:12:51,106 --> 00:12:52,706 I can't tell you much, 339 00:12:52,708 --> 00:12:55,342 but I can tell you that we're planning 340 00:12:55,344 --> 00:12:57,945 on putting you in some seriously hot outfits. 341 00:12:57,947 --> 00:12:59,346 Truth. 342 00:12:59,348 --> 00:13:01,014 Shut the fuck up, Hugh. 343 00:13:01,016 --> 00:13:02,849 You're creeping out the female lead of the show. 344 00:13:02,851 --> 00:13:04,351 Don't worry about it-- he has absolutely 345 00:13:04,353 --> 00:13:06,052 no decision-making power. 346 00:13:06,054 --> 00:13:07,954 And he loves cupcakes and Coldplay 347 00:13:07,956 --> 00:13:09,523 and sticking pencils up his pooper. 348 00:13:09,525 --> 00:13:11,425 Who doesn't love Coldplay? 349 00:13:11,427 --> 00:13:13,927 - And you are? - Hank Moody--newbie writer. 350 00:13:13,929 --> 00:13:17,563 Be gentle with me. 351 00:13:17,565 --> 00:13:19,599 You're the one who wrote the movie, right? 352 00:13:19,601 --> 00:13:21,367 I am one of 19 people who wrote the movie 353 00:13:21,369 --> 00:13:22,903 that never came out, yeah. 354 00:13:22,905 --> 00:13:24,570 And you wrote Fucking & Punching? 355 00:13:24,572 --> 00:13:26,739 I am only one of six people who wrote that, 356 00:13:26,741 --> 00:13:28,574 which is why it's so damn good. 357 00:13:28,576 --> 00:13:30,576 It is good. God, I love that movie. 358 00:13:30,578 --> 00:13:33,078 Aw, shucks. Thank you. 359 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,281 Can I be honest with you? 360 00:13:35,283 --> 00:13:37,350 If you must. 361 00:13:37,352 --> 00:13:39,352 I don't like the way Rath is writing my character. 362 00:13:39,354 --> 00:13:41,887 You should probably bring that up with Rath, then. 363 00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:44,390 I did, and he blew me off. 364 00:13:44,392 --> 00:13:46,025 Can we talk about it for a minute? 365 00:13:46,027 --> 00:13:49,061 You mean, like, right now? 366 00:13:49,063 --> 00:13:50,996 I'll make it worth your while. 367 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:53,598 Ow. 368 00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:59,905 Hey. Hey, there, Runkle. 369 00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:02,441 How--how you doing? How's married life? 370 00:14:02,443 --> 00:14:04,509 Oh, it's, you know, ups and downs, Stu. 371 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:07,111 Checks and bal--all good in the proverbial hood, yeah. 372 00:14:07,113 --> 00:14:09,247 Yeah, wait, wait. You know, there's something 373 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,682 I've been meaning to talk to you about. 374 00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,351 Oh, yeah? What's that, Stu? 375 00:14:12,353 --> 00:14:15,987 I want to sleep with Marcy again. 376 00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:19,458 Stu... 377 00:14:19,460 --> 00:14:21,492 what is wrong with you? 378 00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:23,794 I don't know. 379 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,331 I mean, my career is on fire. 380 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:29,167 This television thing has me shitting cash. 381 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:34,005 But, uh, without a queen, my castle is a-crumblin'. 382 00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:35,573 Look, look, look, look, look, 383 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:38,242 I know you won her fair and square, 384 00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:41,579 but I can't stop thinking about that magnificent creature. 385 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:44,948 You gotta move on, Stu, 'cause we are married, okay? 386 00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:46,083 Again. 387 00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:48,753 I know that. I respect that. 388 00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:50,454 - Mm. - You know... 389 00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:52,656 Marcy may very well be your soul mate, 390 00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:56,193 but that woman was born to be my sex partner. 391 00:14:56,195 --> 00:14:58,896 And I just miss her so much... 392 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,498 so much. 393 00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,666 Like, this last time, 394 00:15:03,668 --> 00:15:05,302 she let me go down on her, 395 00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:07,070 and I wasn't able to get my helmet 396 00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:09,239 into that silky pond of hers. 397 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,908 You know, she's so fucking tight, Charlie! 398 00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:14,143 I mean, she makes me feel huge. 399 00:15:14,145 --> 00:15:17,246 - And I'm already huge. - I'm well aware, Stu. 400 00:15:17,248 --> 00:15:19,081 Now, when was this 401 00:15:19,083 --> 00:15:21,484 that she let you go down on her again? 402 00:15:21,486 --> 00:15:25,822 It was way before you two were remarried, of course. 403 00:15:25,824 --> 00:15:29,858 It was a sunny day in Venice... 404 00:15:29,860 --> 00:15:32,295 Tuesday... 405 00:15:32,297 --> 00:15:34,964 quite possibly my last happy day. 406 00:15:34,966 --> 00:15:38,968 Oh, God, you guys must be boning every chance you can. 407 00:15:38,970 --> 00:15:40,502 You're fucking newlyweds. 408 00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:43,072 What is the point of this conversation, Stu? 409 00:15:43,074 --> 00:15:45,974 You miss fucking Marcy. Okay, I get it. So what? 410 00:15:45,976 --> 00:15:48,710 Runkle, I... 411 00:15:48,712 --> 00:15:51,179 have a proposal for you. 412 00:15:51,181 --> 00:15:54,883 And, yes, it is quite indecent. 413 00:15:54,885 --> 00:15:58,720 With your permission, and hers, of course, 414 00:15:58,722 --> 00:16:03,058 I am willing to pay you guys a cool $1 million 415 00:16:03,060 --> 00:16:06,527 if you will let me sleep with her again-- 416 00:16:06,529 --> 00:16:08,763 just the once, 417 00:16:08,765 --> 00:16:12,200 for as many times as we can fit into a night. 418 00:16:12,202 --> 00:16:14,702 Think about it. 419 00:16:17,639 --> 00:16:21,476 ♪ Suspicious 420 00:16:21,478 --> 00:16:23,811 ♪ I'm suspicious ♪ 421 00:16:23,813 --> 00:16:25,880 You totally made this worth my while. 422 00:16:25,882 --> 00:16:27,381 I told you I would. 423 00:16:27,383 --> 00:16:29,283 Your notes are fucking bullshit, 424 00:16:29,285 --> 00:16:31,218 but your weed is superb. 425 00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:34,021 - You're funny. - I am funny-- 426 00:16:34,023 --> 00:16:37,291 I mean, not like comedian funny, but I-I'm witty. 427 00:16:37,293 --> 00:16:39,193 I-I guess that's my thing. 428 00:16:39,195 --> 00:16:42,029 Witty is good, you know. Nobody's really witty anymore. 429 00:16:42,031 --> 00:16:45,199 That's right. Like--like Woody Allen or Pauly Shore. 430 00:16:45,201 --> 00:16:47,534 It's a lost art, really. 431 00:16:47,536 --> 00:16:50,370 So what brings a real writer to Santa Monica Cop? 432 00:16:50,372 --> 00:16:52,973 It was time to grow the fuck up. 433 00:16:52,975 --> 00:16:56,009 - I needed a job. - Look at you, all growed up. 434 00:16:56,011 --> 00:16:59,713 What is a serious actress doing on Santa Monica Cop? 435 00:16:59,715 --> 00:17:03,016 I needed a job too, but I'm not so keen on growing up. 436 00:17:04,452 --> 00:17:07,153 Excuse me. 437 00:17:07,155 --> 00:17:08,754 I need to make a confession. 438 00:17:08,756 --> 00:17:10,356 You're thinking impure thoughts right now. 439 00:17:10,358 --> 00:17:12,625 That's totally understandable. 440 00:17:12,627 --> 00:17:15,161 No. Um, I hate this show. 441 00:17:15,163 --> 00:17:17,263 That's also totally understandable. 442 00:17:17,265 --> 00:17:18,631 I had the option of taking this show 443 00:17:18,633 --> 00:17:21,100 or some class-up-the-ass BBC thing, 444 00:17:21,102 --> 00:17:22,968 and my agent talked me into taking this one. 445 00:17:22,970 --> 00:17:25,103 - That's a bummer. - Yeah. 446 00:17:25,105 --> 00:17:28,340 A big bummer. Can you do me a favor? 447 00:17:28,342 --> 00:17:31,544 Can you please talk to Rath, see if maybe he can kill me off? 448 00:17:31,546 --> 00:17:33,178 I promise... 449 00:17:33,180 --> 00:17:35,814 I'll make it worth your while. 450 00:17:35,816 --> 00:17:38,951 My head is spinning with the possibilities. 451 00:17:38,953 --> 00:17:41,753 As it should, but in the meantime, 452 00:17:41,755 --> 00:17:43,588 I have another little confession. 453 00:17:43,590 --> 00:17:44,989 You have three tits and a dick. 454 00:17:46,626 --> 00:17:48,193 Almost. 455 00:17:48,195 --> 00:17:50,495 One of my very best friends in the whole wide world 456 00:17:50,497 --> 00:17:52,830 - is Sasha Bingham. - I know Sasha Bingham. 457 00:17:52,832 --> 00:17:54,599 I know you know Sasha Bingham. 458 00:17:54,601 --> 00:17:57,168 Sasha Bingham is the star of Fucking & Punching. 459 00:17:57,170 --> 00:17:59,537 - She was, indeed. - We had some good times... 460 00:17:59,539 --> 00:18:02,406 except for the time when I accidentally fucked her mom. 461 00:18:02,408 --> 00:18:04,576 - That was unfortunate. - She told me about that. 462 00:18:04,578 --> 00:18:07,845 She also said you give really great head. 463 00:18:07,847 --> 00:18:09,513 - She did? - Mm-hmm. 464 00:18:09,515 --> 00:18:12,183 - That is so sweet of her. - I know. She's sweet. 465 00:18:12,185 --> 00:18:14,651 That is just a very nice thing to say about a person. 466 00:18:14,653 --> 00:18:15,986 Will you give her my best? 467 00:18:15,988 --> 00:18:17,888 Absolutely. 468 00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:21,192 Speaking of which, what do you think defines great head? 469 00:18:21,194 --> 00:18:24,328 Oh, well, I-I guess you'd have to ask the head-getter. 470 00:18:24,330 --> 00:18:26,430 Well, I mean, I've had good head, 471 00:18:26,432 --> 00:18:28,699 but I don't know what makes it great. 472 00:18:28,701 --> 00:18:32,603 I think you have to treat the "bagina" like a person. 473 00:18:32,605 --> 00:18:34,871 And--and how do you treat a person? 474 00:18:34,873 --> 00:18:37,340 Like you yourself would want to be treated. 475 00:18:37,342 --> 00:18:38,842 I understand what you're saying. 476 00:18:38,844 --> 00:18:41,377 It just sounds so intellectual. 477 00:18:41,379 --> 00:18:44,014 After all, isn't it important for a writer to show 478 00:18:44,016 --> 00:18:46,349 and not to tell? 479 00:18:46,351 --> 00:18:49,519 Oh, my. Oh, dear. 480 00:18:49,521 --> 00:18:52,255 You do make a valid point. 481 00:18:53,658 --> 00:18:56,559 Permission to come aboard? 482 00:18:56,561 --> 00:18:58,628 Permission granted. 483 00:19:07,739 --> 00:19:09,238 You're a very pleasant actress, very agreeable. 484 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:11,473 - Oh. - Hmm? I can do better. 485 00:19:11,475 --> 00:19:14,010 Oh, hello. 486 00:19:14,012 --> 00:19:15,410 - Hi. - Hello. 487 00:19:15,412 --> 00:19:16,679 Sorry. 488 00:19:16,681 --> 00:19:19,181 Hi. No, no. 489 00:19:19,183 --> 00:19:20,715 - Hello. - Hi. 490 00:19:20,717 --> 00:19:22,751 Amy Taylor Walsh. It is lovely to meet you. 491 00:19:22,753 --> 00:19:24,552 I believe we're gonna be working together. 492 00:19:24,554 --> 00:19:26,621 Nice to meet you. I'm a huge fan. 493 00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:29,123 - Great. - Me too. I'm a huge fan. 494 00:19:32,662 --> 00:19:34,895 Yeah. Um, sorry about that. 495 00:19:34,897 --> 00:19:36,764 It's none of my beeswax. 496 00:19:36,766 --> 00:19:38,633 Hmm. What's going on? 497 00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:41,401 Um, well, Hashtag asked me to go for a ride in his Bentley. 498 00:19:41,403 --> 00:19:43,403 That's probably not a good idea. 499 00:19:43,405 --> 00:19:45,139 What, like going down on the female lead of the show? 500 00:19:45,141 --> 00:19:46,473 Much like that. 501 00:19:46,475 --> 00:19:48,275 You should probably keep the flirtation 502 00:19:48,277 --> 00:19:50,010 - with Hashtag to a minimum. - I'm not flirting with him. 503 00:19:50,012 --> 00:19:51,779 He's just really fucking funny. 504 00:19:51,781 --> 00:19:53,947 He is fucking funny, and Rath is fucking jealous. 505 00:19:53,949 --> 00:19:55,883 God, so much fuss over an actress 506 00:19:55,885 --> 00:19:57,817 who hasn't worked in 20 years-- it's so fun. 507 00:19:57,819 --> 00:20:00,119 What can I say? You get the boys all hot and bothered. 508 00:20:00,121 --> 00:20:01,988 Well, it's not like I'm some commodity. 509 00:20:01,990 --> 00:20:04,991 I mean, I'm not interested in Rath or Hashtag or anyone. 510 00:20:04,993 --> 00:20:07,060 I'm just really happy to have an acting job. 511 00:20:07,062 --> 00:20:08,595 Mm-hmm. 512 00:20:08,597 --> 00:20:10,163 And I-I don't want to complicate my life. 513 00:20:10,165 --> 00:20:12,131 Like when we kissed, I really learned from that. 514 00:20:12,133 --> 00:20:14,266 That's right--we kissed. I totally forgot about that. 515 00:20:14,268 --> 00:20:15,634 You forgot that we kissed? 516 00:20:15,636 --> 00:20:17,136 No, it was just a figure of speech. 517 00:20:17,138 --> 00:20:19,906 Of course I remember. And it was very nice. 518 00:20:19,908 --> 00:20:23,076 It was nice. It was a familiar surprise. 519 00:20:23,078 --> 00:20:25,678 It was a perfect storm of booze and nitrous. 520 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,313 I was very vulnerable in that chair. 521 00:20:27,315 --> 00:20:28,748 You totally took advantage of me. 522 00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:30,116 You manipulated me 523 00:20:30,118 --> 00:20:32,150 with all these bullshit compliments 524 00:20:32,152 --> 00:20:34,320 about what a great mother I am. 525 00:20:34,322 --> 00:20:35,954 It wasn't bullshit. You are a great mother. 526 00:20:35,956 --> 00:20:38,056 - You're a fantastic mother. - Don't do that. 527 00:20:38,058 --> 00:20:39,491 Mother Teresa's got nothing on you. 528 00:20:39,493 --> 00:20:41,293 That's mean. 529 00:20:41,295 --> 00:20:42,961 You're probably a better kisser than she ever was, and-- 530 00:20:42,963 --> 00:20:44,796 but who knows? Maybe she had a rocking bod 531 00:20:44,798 --> 00:20:46,332 underneath that saintly frock. 532 00:20:46,334 --> 00:20:48,433 Just let me know when you want to kiss again. 533 00:20:48,435 --> 00:20:50,335 - You just went down on a girl. - Mmm. 534 00:20:50,337 --> 00:20:52,403 - Ew. - What if I brushed my teeth? 535 00:20:52,405 --> 00:20:54,339 Come on, that's got to be a bit of a turn-on-- 536 00:20:54,341 --> 00:20:56,407 me offering to brush my teeth? 537 00:20:56,409 --> 00:21:00,612 - Why did you go down on her? - It's a long story. 538 00:21:00,614 --> 00:21:03,314 But she heard I gave good head. That's--you know... 539 00:21:03,316 --> 00:21:06,284 You do give good head. I mean, I don't know. 540 00:21:06,286 --> 00:21:09,053 I don't even remember. It was so long ago. 541 00:21:09,055 --> 00:21:10,488 Oh, fuck. 542 00:21:10,490 --> 00:21:12,223 - What? - I think I'm hard. 543 00:21:12,225 --> 00:21:15,159 Is that from before or from us? 544 00:21:15,161 --> 00:21:16,794 Who can tell? I can't differentiate. 545 00:21:16,796 --> 00:21:18,630 I mean, I-I don't know that I'd want to. 546 00:21:18,632 --> 00:21:23,000 But I think there's only one way to defuse this situation. 547 00:21:23,002 --> 00:21:26,170 How? 548 00:21:26,172 --> 00:21:28,806 Aah, get that pussy mouth away from me! 549 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,713 No, no! 550 00:21:38,817 --> 00:21:40,450 What the fuck? 551 00:21:40,452 --> 00:21:42,552 I told you this motherfucker like to stick his pecker 552 00:21:42,554 --> 00:21:43,620 where it don't belong. 553 00:21:43,622 --> 00:21:45,289 Hey, I decide whose pecker 554 00:21:45,291 --> 00:21:47,391 goes in here and whose doesn't, okay? 555 00:21:47,393 --> 00:21:49,626 And you're a very charming and funny guy, 556 00:21:49,628 --> 00:21:51,495 but I'm a single mom, and I'm not easily wooed, 557 00:21:51,497 --> 00:21:52,896 even with a Bentley. 558 00:21:52,898 --> 00:21:54,697 I got--I got a Ferrari. 559 00:21:54,699 --> 00:21:57,200 And, Rick, I really enjoyed our date. 560 00:21:57,202 --> 00:21:59,403 And I-I'm so grateful to you for giving me an acting job 561 00:21:59,404 --> 00:22:01,537 and making my childhood dreams come true, 562 00:22:01,539 --> 00:22:03,973 but if the job comes with strings attached, 563 00:22:03,975 --> 00:22:05,441 then I cannot and will not do it. 564 00:22:05,443 --> 00:22:07,277 No, no. No strings attached. 565 00:22:07,279 --> 00:22:09,012 The job is yours, Julia. 566 00:22:09,014 --> 00:22:11,714 I'll think about it. 567 00:22:11,716 --> 00:22:14,383 What you waiting for, Rath? Fire his fucking ass. 568 00:22:14,385 --> 00:22:16,452 You don't tell me who to hire and who to fire. 569 00:22:16,454 --> 00:22:17,920 It's my fucking show. 570 00:22:17,922 --> 00:22:20,088 My character is the fucking show. 571 00:22:20,090 --> 00:22:21,223 And who says it's your fucking character? 572 00:22:21,225 --> 00:22:22,525 Nice. 573 00:22:22,527 --> 00:22:23,526 And what the fuck are you doing? 574 00:22:23,528 --> 00:22:24,760 You know I like her. 575 00:22:24,762 --> 00:22:26,461 I know it looked like funny business, 576 00:22:26,463 --> 00:22:28,230 but it was just a tickle fight-- I swear to God, honestly. 577 00:22:28,232 --> 00:22:32,267 Rath, you are not gonna like this. 578 00:22:32,269 --> 00:22:34,102 There's fucking in the pool. 579 00:22:34,104 --> 00:22:36,271 Motherfuckers! 580 00:22:36,273 --> 00:22:38,406 Motherfuckers! 581 00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:47,014 Nine fucking bathrooms in the fucking house, 582 00:22:47,016 --> 00:22:49,517 and the asshole's got to screw in my pool, huh? 583 00:22:49,519 --> 00:22:52,954 Hey, Leon, I was very clear-- 584 00:22:52,956 --> 00:22:54,422 no fucking in my pool. 585 00:22:54,424 --> 00:22:56,358 Levon, what are you doing? 586 00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:58,760 Nikki, I'm paying you very good money 587 00:22:58,762 --> 00:23:00,261 to be my date tonight. 588 00:23:00,263 --> 00:23:02,263 No, I know, Stu. I'm really sorry. 589 00:23:02,265 --> 00:23:04,265 I just wanted to make a little extra cash. 590 00:23:04,267 --> 00:23:06,968 And honestly, he said that Hank would take care of it. 591 00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:08,635 So, really, this is all on you. 592 00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:10,604 I told you I wasn't gonna lend you that money. 593 00:23:10,606 --> 00:23:12,773 I know, but then my head got all cloudy. 594 00:23:12,775 --> 00:23:13,975 God, this is how young people 595 00:23:13,977 --> 00:23:15,343 get in trouble with credit cards. 596 00:23:15,345 --> 00:23:18,144 She's a hooker? You're a hooker? 597 00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:19,913 Yeah, pretty much. 598 00:23:19,915 --> 00:23:21,582 But on the upside, I get tested, 599 00:23:21,584 --> 00:23:23,751 like, all the time, so we're good. 600 00:23:23,753 --> 00:23:24,985 This is so upsetting. 601 00:23:24,987 --> 00:23:26,587 You lost your virginity to a hooker. 602 00:23:26,589 --> 00:23:28,288 Not--not just. I mean-- 603 00:23:28,290 --> 00:23:30,758 - Hey, now. - I'm--don't be upset, mom. 604 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,325 I mean, she's really cool. 605 00:23:32,327 --> 00:23:35,161 She--she's the coolest. I think I'm in love. 606 00:23:35,163 --> 00:23:36,429 Aw. 607 00:23:36,431 --> 00:23:37,697 You're in love with a hooker? 608 00:23:37,699 --> 00:23:39,132 No, actually, this is pretty common. 609 00:23:39,134 --> 00:23:40,800 Guys fall in love with me all the time. 610 00:23:40,802 --> 00:23:42,635 We never should've moved to L.A. 611 00:23:42,637 --> 00:23:44,137 Did you use a condom, honey? 612 00:23:44,139 --> 00:23:46,206 - Yes. - Good. 613 00:23:46,208 --> 00:23:48,008 I'm really sorry, mom--Hank was just trying to help me out. 614 00:23:48,010 --> 00:23:49,776 I should've left it alone. I should've been content 615 00:23:49,778 --> 00:23:51,611 having sex with her once and called it a day. 616 00:23:51,613 --> 00:23:53,579 But, no, I had to fly too close to the sun. 617 00:23:53,581 --> 00:23:56,649 - This isn't the first time? - Here we go. 618 00:23:56,651 --> 00:23:58,518 I'm sorry. I-I can't lie to my moms. 619 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,219 Don't blame Hank. He thought he was doing the right thing. 620 00:24:00,221 --> 00:24:01,721 And he totally was. 621 00:24:01,723 --> 00:24:03,322 I've never felt better in my whole life. 622 00:24:03,324 --> 00:24:05,157 I feel like a great weight has been lifted, mom. 623 00:24:05,159 --> 00:24:07,192 I'm glad dad got me a hooker. 624 00:24:07,194 --> 00:24:11,096 You got him a hooker? 625 00:24:11,098 --> 00:24:12,831 The way in which you ask that makes me think 626 00:24:12,833 --> 00:24:16,201 you don't think it's a very good idea. 627 00:24:20,173 --> 00:24:22,541 - Oh! - Oh, yes, okay. 628 00:24:22,543 --> 00:24:25,844 Not a very good idea at all. I'm sorry, Julia. 629 00:24:25,846 --> 00:24:27,879 I-I thought I was doing a good thing. 630 00:24:27,881 --> 00:24:29,347 Don't worry, dad. 631 00:24:29,349 --> 00:24:31,716 I-I-I'll smooth it out for you. I promise. 632 00:24:31,718 --> 00:24:33,184 You happy now, Rath? 633 00:24:33,186 --> 00:24:34,820 Okay, not now, Goldie, not now. 634 00:24:34,822 --> 00:24:36,655 This is the fucking ship that you run. 635 00:24:36,657 --> 00:24:38,323 Yes, this is the ship I run. Look at me. 636 00:24:38,325 --> 00:24:40,724 I'm captain of the HMS Fucktard. 637 00:24:40,726 --> 00:24:42,327 That's why I'm gonna take it out from underneath you, 638 00:24:42,329 --> 00:24:44,028 - because you don't deserve it. - Be my guest. 639 00:24:44,030 --> 00:24:46,998 Knock yourself out steering this ship of fools. 640 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:48,399 I will. You tell him, Charlie. 641 00:24:48,401 --> 00:24:50,068 - Tell him. - Huh? Tell him what? 642 00:24:50,070 --> 00:24:51,836 Tell him he's disrespected me for the last time. 643 00:24:51,838 --> 00:24:53,338 Oh, oh, okay. 644 00:24:53,340 --> 00:24:54,872 Rath, I think what Goldie means to say is-- 645 00:24:54,874 --> 00:24:56,574 Shut the fuck up now. 646 00:24:56,576 --> 00:24:58,909 Shutting the fuck up now. 647 00:24:58,911 --> 00:25:00,878 - You fucking pussy. - What? 648 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:02,212 What, does your suit come with tampons? 649 00:25:06,051 --> 00:25:07,751 Does that suit come with tampons? 650 00:25:07,753 --> 00:25:10,220 See, that's funny, right? If it's funny, I laugh. 651 00:25:10,222 --> 00:25:12,222 You are actually fucking funny. 652 00:25:12,224 --> 00:25:14,391 - Am I actually fucking funny? - Yeah. 653 00:25:14,393 --> 00:25:16,460 - Fuck you, Hashtag! - Oh! 654 00:25:16,462 --> 00:25:18,228 What the fuck is wrong with you, woman? 655 00:25:18,230 --> 00:25:19,562 You think you can get away with calling me a bitch? 656 00:25:19,564 --> 00:25:20,797 I didn't call you a bitch. 657 00:25:20,799 --> 00:25:22,499 I have respect for all womankind. 658 00:25:22,501 --> 00:25:24,401 I simply said, "I don't take pitches from bitches. 659 00:25:24,403 --> 00:25:25,802 Y'all use too many words." That's it. 660 00:25:25,804 --> 00:25:27,704 Oh. Oh, okay. That's a lot better. 661 00:25:27,706 --> 00:25:30,206 You tell him he can't talk to me like that. Represent! 662 00:25:30,208 --> 00:25:32,375 Actually, I agree with everything he says. 663 00:25:32,377 --> 00:25:34,911 My own wife, Marcy, when she talks at me, 664 00:25:34,913 --> 00:25:37,714 the sheer volume of words-- it makes my ears bleed. 665 00:25:37,716 --> 00:25:39,582 Oh, this bald motherfucker knows of which he speaks. 666 00:25:39,584 --> 00:25:41,217 That's right. Thank you very much. 667 00:25:41,219 --> 00:25:43,085 All right. Oh, one of those too. I like that one. 668 00:25:43,087 --> 00:25:44,120 - Excuse me. - What? 669 00:25:44,122 --> 00:25:45,654 You're fucking fired! 670 00:25:45,656 --> 00:25:47,589 And you're fucking batshit crazy, Goldie. 671 00:25:47,591 --> 00:25:49,425 Oh! 672 00:25:49,427 --> 00:25:51,560 Oh, hey! Be nice to my agent. 673 00:25:51,562 --> 00:25:54,163 Yo, Rath, where the fuck you find these writers, man? 674 00:25:54,165 --> 00:25:55,864 You just pull outside of a Home Depot and say, 675 00:25:55,866 --> 00:25:58,167 "Hop the fuck in"? 676 00:25:58,169 --> 00:26:00,702 These are some seriously tweaked motherfuckers. 677 00:26:00,704 --> 00:26:03,605 Oh! 678 00:26:03,607 --> 00:26:06,374 - Shit, shit. - Goldie. 679 00:26:15,952 --> 00:26:18,386 Riddle me this, Runks. 680 00:26:18,388 --> 00:26:19,720 How can I be in the doghouse 681 00:26:19,722 --> 00:26:21,856 with a woman I'm not even dating, 682 00:26:21,858 --> 00:26:24,792 and why do I care so fucking much? 683 00:26:28,164 --> 00:26:30,031 Do you think you still have a job? 684 00:26:30,033 --> 00:26:31,966 I don't know. 685 00:26:31,968 --> 00:26:33,935 You think Goldie still has a job? 686 00:26:33,937 --> 00:26:37,939 My guess would be "Fuck, no." 687 00:26:37,941 --> 00:26:42,043 - What's wrong, pickle lips? - I'm broke, Hank. 688 00:26:42,045 --> 00:26:43,644 You mean like broke broke? 689 00:26:43,646 --> 00:26:46,847 Like totally and utterly broke. 690 00:26:46,849 --> 00:26:49,617 Like "I don't know how I'm gonna pay the rent next month" broke. 691 00:26:49,619 --> 00:26:54,188 Like--like--like the kind of broke that forces a man 692 00:26:54,190 --> 00:26:57,023 to do something desperate. 693 00:26:57,025 --> 00:26:58,858 I'm not gonna give you 20%, Charlie. 694 00:26:58,860 --> 00:27:01,361 My next paycheck has to go to supporting 695 00:27:01,363 --> 00:27:02,862 my son's new hooker habit. 696 00:27:07,668 --> 00:27:09,569 We're so fucking fucked. 697 00:27:09,571 --> 00:27:12,171 Yes, we are fucking fucked, but we've been fucked before... 698 00:27:14,109 --> 00:27:17,077 in the ass, legs pinned behind our ears, 699 00:27:17,079 --> 00:27:18,544 not a drop of lube. 700 00:27:18,546 --> 00:27:21,280 But we always come out smiling. You know why? 701 00:27:21,282 --> 00:27:24,610 'Cause that's just the kind of happy-go-lucky sluts we are, 702 00:27:24,730 --> 00:27:25,518 my man. 703 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,554 ♪ These are the days of miracle and wonder ♪ 704 00:27:28,556 --> 00:27:31,524 ♪ this is the long-distance call ♪ 705 00:27:31,526 --> 00:27:35,194 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 706 00:27:35,196 --> 00:27:38,564 ♪ the way we look to us all 707 00:27:38,566 --> 00:27:41,500 ♪ the way we look to a distant constellation ♪ 708 00:27:41,502 --> 00:27:45,570 ♪ that's dying in a corner of the sky ♪ 709 00:27:45,572 --> 00:27:48,507 ♪ these are the days of miracle and wonder ♪ 710 00:27:48,509 --> 00:27:50,708 ♪ don't cry, baby, don't cry ♪ 711 00:27:50,710 --> 00:27:53,278 ♪ don't cry, don't cry ♪