1 00:00:05,435 --> 00:00:07,368 Killing bad guys is my business, 2 00:00:07,370 --> 00:00:09,337 and business be fucking crackin'. 3 00:00:09,339 --> 00:00:11,105 Ha ha. 4 00:00:11,107 --> 00:00:12,440 Especially when I'm killing crackheads, 5 00:00:12,442 --> 00:00:14,842 - you know what I'm saying? - Yeah. 6 00:00:14,844 --> 00:00:16,611 So don't y'all worry about the funny. 7 00:00:16,613 --> 00:00:20,615 That's my job. I bring the fucking funny. 8 00:00:20,617 --> 00:00:22,917 Here's what's not my job-- 9 00:00:22,919 --> 00:00:25,086 delivering all your expositional shit. 10 00:00:25,088 --> 00:00:27,654 Save that yickity-yack for the guest stars, all right? 11 00:00:27,656 --> 00:00:30,591 Now, Danko's cool. He's cool. 12 00:00:30,593 --> 00:00:32,593 Only time that nigga open his mouth, he got something to say, 13 00:00:32,595 --> 00:00:35,262 and that shit better be worth saying, all right? 14 00:00:35,264 --> 00:00:37,364 None of that nonsensical cop jargon y'all motherfuckers 15 00:00:37,366 --> 00:00:38,599 always be writing. 16 00:00:38,601 --> 00:00:43,169 "Watch out! Get down! Damn! 17 00:00:43,171 --> 00:00:46,373 Whoo! Now, that's how you drive!" 18 00:00:46,375 --> 00:00:48,875 I can say a whole lot with a look. 19 00:00:48,877 --> 00:00:52,346 Peep. 20 00:00:52,348 --> 00:00:53,714 - Mm. - Wow. 21 00:00:53,716 --> 00:00:55,148 - Yeah. - I don't know about you guys, 22 00:00:55,150 --> 00:00:56,650 but I think I just shit my pants. 23 00:00:59,054 --> 00:01:00,519 That's not the "shit my pants" look. 24 00:01:00,521 --> 00:01:02,222 Oh, no? 25 00:01:02,224 --> 00:01:04,423 This is the "shit my pants" look. 26 00:01:04,425 --> 00:01:06,092 Slow-mo. 27 00:01:11,098 --> 00:01:12,265 - Mm. - Oh, wow. 28 00:01:12,267 --> 00:01:13,733 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 29 00:01:16,003 --> 00:01:17,503 Y'all peep? Y'all feel that? 30 00:01:17,505 --> 00:01:18,937 - Whoo! - Oh, yeah. 31 00:01:18,939 --> 00:01:20,839 Oh, I feel it. 32 00:01:20,841 --> 00:01:22,708 It's like an electromagnetic pulsing in my asshole area. 33 00:01:23,844 --> 00:01:25,678 Yo, who's this cat? 34 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,013 Hashtag Black, allow me to introduce our newest writer, 35 00:01:28,015 --> 00:01:31,316 - Hank Moody. - Oh, Hank Moody, the raper. 36 00:01:31,318 --> 00:01:33,518 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yep. The one and the same. 37 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,820 I'm a big fan of all your wrongdoings. 38 00:01:34,822 --> 00:01:36,088 - Thank you. - Well, you used to work 39 00:01:36,090 --> 00:01:37,656 side by side with samurai, huh? 40 00:01:37,658 --> 00:01:39,758 He was just "Sam" to me-- Calvin, actually. 41 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:41,359 Yeah, he said you was a cool dude. 42 00:01:41,361 --> 00:01:42,761 He also said you like sticking your pee-pee 43 00:01:42,763 --> 00:01:44,329 where it don't belong. 44 00:01:44,331 --> 00:01:45,664 Well, I like to think that doesn't define me 45 00:01:45,666 --> 00:01:47,098 as a human being. 46 00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:48,500 I also like to think that my pee-pee belongs 47 00:01:48,502 --> 00:01:50,134 wherever it winds up. 48 00:01:50,136 --> 00:01:51,603 Oh, yeah. 49 00:01:51,605 --> 00:01:54,005 You gonna be my guy, Moody. 50 00:01:54,007 --> 00:01:55,407 You gonna be my set bitch. 51 00:01:55,409 --> 00:01:56,841 - Oh, no. - You cool with that, Rath? 52 00:01:56,843 --> 00:01:58,343 Absolutely. Hashtag, whatever you want. 53 00:01:58,345 --> 00:02:00,077 I'm not a big fan of the set, per se. 54 00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:01,713 I-I find the hours to be quite punishing. 55 00:02:01,715 --> 00:02:04,715 Has anybody given thought to maybe starting later 56 00:02:04,717 --> 00:02:05,983 or shorter hours, perhaps? 57 00:02:05,985 --> 00:02:07,718 What the fuck is he going on about? 58 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,987 - Fuck if I know. - Excuse me, Hashtag, 59 00:02:09,989 --> 00:02:12,256 - I'd love to pitch you an idea-- - Ahh! Yo, yo, yo. 60 00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:14,292 Pitches hurt my ears, especially pitches from bitches. 61 00:02:14,294 --> 00:02:16,393 No offense-- y'all got the tendency 62 00:02:16,395 --> 00:02:17,995 of using too many words, you know what I mean? 63 00:02:17,997 --> 00:02:19,896 Why use one word when you can use ten, right? 64 00:02:19,898 --> 00:02:22,633 Yeah. That's funny. 65 00:02:22,635 --> 00:02:24,335 - Actually, I can be quite brief. - Goldie! 66 00:02:24,337 --> 00:02:26,269 The man doesn't want to hear your pitch right now. 67 00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,739 Yo, peace, writer peoples. 68 00:02:28,741 --> 00:02:29,973 Let me walk you out, Hashtag. 69 00:02:29,975 --> 00:02:31,575 - Love you. Love you. - Hashtag. 70 00:02:31,577 --> 00:02:34,211 Kickoff party tonight at my place--be there. 71 00:02:34,213 --> 00:02:36,412 Behave yourselves, don't break anything, 72 00:02:36,414 --> 00:02:37,948 and no fucking in my pool... 73 00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:39,983 Terry. 74 00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:41,417 Hey, does anybody else want to be set bitch? 75 00:02:41,419 --> 00:02:43,486 - Set--set bitches? Set bitch? - No. 76 00:02:43,488 --> 00:02:45,788 Set bitch? Terry, I'll arm-wrestle you for it. 77 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,891 - Come on. - No. 78 00:02:50,896 --> 00:03:01,133 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 79 00:03:01,158 --> 00:03:06,058 re-sync'd for DAA release by Cookie Monsta 80 00:03:42,077 --> 00:03:44,979 Holy TV money, Batman. 81 00:03:44,981 --> 00:03:47,715 Yeah, look at that--the house that utter mediocrity built. 82 00:03:47,717 --> 00:03:50,084 It's inspiring, Hank. 83 00:03:50,086 --> 00:03:53,421 I've never felt more determined to sign TV-writer clients. 84 00:03:53,423 --> 00:03:56,090 Do not shit where I eat, Charlie--it's unsanitary. 85 00:03:56,092 --> 00:03:59,660 Oh, greetings and salutations, 24-hour party people. 86 00:03:59,662 --> 00:04:01,495 Mom, th--this is the guy I was telling you about, 87 00:04:01,497 --> 00:04:02,830 the one who came in his pants. 88 00:04:02,832 --> 00:04:04,932 Nice to meet you. Charlie Runkle. 89 00:04:04,934 --> 00:04:07,668 - Nice to meet you. - I'm Hank's manager 90 00:04:07,670 --> 00:04:09,603 and heterosexual life mate. 91 00:04:09,605 --> 00:04:10,671 Nice to meet you. 92 00:04:10,673 --> 00:04:12,706 You must be the lovely Julia. 93 00:04:12,708 --> 00:04:14,308 Number one on the baby mama call sheet. 94 00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:15,976 Levon says great things about you. 95 00:04:15,978 --> 00:04:18,378 Not really, like, at all, ever. 96 00:04:18,380 --> 00:04:20,480 So, dad, what do you think? We gonna see some big tits 97 00:04:20,482 --> 00:04:22,649 and round asses up in here tonight? 98 00:04:22,651 --> 00:04:23,984 Honey, I'm not afraid to pull your pants down 99 00:04:23,986 --> 00:04:25,352 and spank your bare ass 100 00:04:25,354 --> 00:04:26,886 in a room full of strangers, you know? 101 00:04:26,888 --> 00:04:28,488 I know you're not, mom. I'm sorry. 102 00:04:28,490 --> 00:04:29,923 All right, go inside and behave yourself. 103 00:04:29,925 --> 00:04:31,425 - Okay. - I'm gonna talk to your dad. 104 00:04:31,427 --> 00:04:33,225 Come on, kid, let's check out the talent. 105 00:04:33,227 --> 00:04:34,594 You're not gonna walk in there pitching a tent, are you? 106 00:04:34,596 --> 00:04:36,663 - Behave. - Okay. 107 00:04:36,665 --> 00:04:39,265 What's up? 108 00:04:39,267 --> 00:04:41,601 Do you notice anything weird about Levon? 109 00:04:41,603 --> 00:04:43,269 How could you possibly tell? 110 00:04:43,271 --> 00:04:46,573 He seems different-- more relaxed, confident. 111 00:04:46,575 --> 00:04:48,707 - That's a bad thing? - No, it's great. 112 00:04:48,709 --> 00:04:50,142 I just--I'm not used to it. 113 00:04:50,144 --> 00:04:51,810 Well, maybe having a job 114 00:04:51,812 --> 00:04:53,812 has done wonders for the young man's psyche. 115 00:04:53,814 --> 00:04:56,048 Or maybe knowing his dad, who's actually proving to be 116 00:04:56,050 --> 00:04:57,616 something of a positive role model. 117 00:04:57,618 --> 00:05:00,552 I-I don't think that could be it, do you? 118 00:05:03,458 --> 00:05:05,223 Wow. Nice house. 119 00:05:05,225 --> 00:05:07,559 Yeah. One day, all this could be yours. 120 00:05:07,561 --> 00:05:10,061 Mrs. Julia Rath-- has a nice ring to it. 121 00:05:10,063 --> 00:05:11,329 Oh, it's just one date. 122 00:05:11,331 --> 00:05:13,231 Hope he wasn't too "handsy." 123 00:05:13,233 --> 00:05:14,733 No, he was a perfect gentleman. 124 00:05:14,735 --> 00:05:16,468 Actually, too perfect, you know? 125 00:05:16,470 --> 00:05:18,637 'Cause sometimes you just want a guy to, like-- 126 00:05:18,639 --> 00:05:21,873 What? What? You want a guy to what? 127 00:05:21,875 --> 00:05:23,808 My schween is hanging on your every word. 128 00:05:23,810 --> 00:05:26,277 There's a potential erection hanging in the balance here. 129 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:27,912 What? Nothing. 130 00:05:27,914 --> 00:05:29,381 I haven't been to a party in so long, 131 00:05:29,383 --> 00:05:31,282 I don't even know what to do. 132 00:05:31,284 --> 00:05:33,318 Well, it's like riding a bike. You just have a drink or ten 133 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,153 and then hope you don't wake up with a tattoo 134 00:05:35,155 --> 00:05:37,422 or a bloody asshole or both. 135 00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,223 Shall we? 136 00:05:50,335 --> 00:05:52,036 - Get me a refill. - Oh. 137 00:05:52,038 --> 00:05:53,671 I like when you order me around. 138 00:05:53,673 --> 00:05:55,439 I'm--I'm serious. I do. 139 00:05:55,441 --> 00:05:59,376 - Stu, Nikki, how's it hanging? - Hank, how are you? 140 00:05:59,378 --> 00:06:01,811 - Hey, buddy. - How's the kid? 141 00:06:01,813 --> 00:06:03,847 Still basking in the afterglow. 142 00:06:03,849 --> 00:06:05,382 Uh, you two guys know each other? 143 00:06:05,384 --> 00:06:07,617 She relieved my son of his virginity. 144 00:06:07,619 --> 00:06:10,720 World class, dude. 145 00:06:10,722 --> 00:06:13,657 I wish my pops would've popped my cherry like that. 146 00:06:13,659 --> 00:06:16,726 Instead, he sat me down and gave me a copy of Playboy 147 00:06:16,728 --> 00:06:19,128 and told me both men and women had nipples. 148 00:06:19,130 --> 00:06:21,497 Can--can we keep the whole 149 00:06:21,499 --> 00:06:23,733 levon/hooker thing on the D.L.? 150 00:06:23,735 --> 00:06:25,501 His mom is here, and she doesn't know anything about it. 151 00:06:25,503 --> 00:06:27,670 Oh, I am nothing if not discreet. 152 00:06:27,672 --> 00:06:31,441 Oh, now, that is true. She is amazing. 153 00:06:31,443 --> 00:06:33,342 She lets me do the kinkiest stuff to her, 154 00:06:33,344 --> 00:06:35,178 and she never tells a soul. 155 00:06:35,180 --> 00:06:36,946 Aw, you are so cute. 156 00:06:36,948 --> 00:06:38,647 Sounds like a keeper. 157 00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:40,116 Yeah, and she looks like Marcy, right? 158 00:06:40,118 --> 00:06:42,618 - Yo, Moody. - Hey, Hashtag. 159 00:06:42,620 --> 00:06:44,419 - How you be, bro? - I be good. 160 00:06:44,421 --> 00:06:46,188 - Hashtag. - Big Dick Beggs! 161 00:06:46,190 --> 00:06:49,224 Hashtag. 162 00:06:49,226 --> 00:06:51,193 Yo, they say he got a big dick, though, right? 163 00:06:51,195 --> 00:06:52,628 - Yeah. - He's crazy. 164 00:06:52,630 --> 00:06:54,429 Yo, Stu, I got to talk to Moody over here. 165 00:06:54,431 --> 00:06:55,430 - Whatever. - Ah. 166 00:06:56,901 --> 00:06:58,366 Yo, Moody, I got to level with you, man. 167 00:06:58,368 --> 00:06:59,868 Rath is fucking my shit up. 168 00:06:59,870 --> 00:07:01,203 All right, that's probably something 169 00:07:01,205 --> 00:07:03,238 you should bring up with Rath. 170 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,107 Motherfucker's too stubborn to hear my words. 171 00:07:05,109 --> 00:07:06,741 He's all about the drama. I'm all about the fucking funny. 172 00:07:06,743 --> 00:07:08,776 He wants to do The Wire. 173 00:07:08,778 --> 00:07:10,112 I'm trying to do 48 Hours for a new generation, you hear me? 174 00:07:10,114 --> 00:07:11,846 - Mm-hmm. - All right, look. 175 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,781 I need you to help me out like you helped Samurai out. 176 00:07:13,783 --> 00:07:16,017 We can do a modern-day action-comedy, 177 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,719 emphasis on the comedy. 178 00:07:17,721 --> 00:07:19,854 I'm not really in a position to do that, Hashtag. 179 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,355 And I'm--I'm not that funny. 180 00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,691 Yeah, but you's fucking witty, right? 181 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,860 - And I'm fucking funny. - You are fucking funny. 182 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:29,230 Together we can-- Damn, who's that piece of ass? 183 00:07:29,232 --> 00:07:31,065 That? That would be Julia. 184 00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:32,967 She's got a small part on the show as a squad secretary. 185 00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:34,602 You're gonna be doing some scenes with her. 186 00:07:34,604 --> 00:07:36,270 Oh, I'm doing scenes with her, all right. 187 00:07:36,272 --> 00:07:37,904 I'm doing scenes with her right now up in here. 188 00:07:37,906 --> 00:07:40,073 Ah, she's also the mother of my son. 189 00:07:40,075 --> 00:07:42,243 - Oh! Oh, oh, okay. - Mm-hmm. 190 00:07:42,245 --> 00:07:44,612 - You're not together? - No, not currently. 191 00:07:44,614 --> 00:07:46,747 Mm. So you ain't crushing that ass? 192 00:07:46,749 --> 00:07:49,250 Not--not--not at the present-- like, 20 years ago, 193 00:07:49,252 --> 00:07:50,784 and even then, I-I wasn't so much crushing it 194 00:07:50,786 --> 00:07:52,318 as admiring it. 195 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:53,787 I don't like to be too rough with the ass. 196 00:07:53,789 --> 00:07:56,089 Oh, I like to destroy that shit. 197 00:07:56,091 --> 00:07:58,591 Mm. I want to murder that ass. 198 00:07:58,593 --> 00:07:59,993 I understand what you're saying, Hashtag, 199 00:07:59,995 --> 00:08:01,494 but your language is so aggressive. 200 00:08:01,496 --> 00:08:03,363 You see, if-- if you murder the ass, 201 00:08:03,365 --> 00:08:05,098 then there's no ass left to enjoy. 202 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:06,699 Well, see, that's where you're wrong, Moody. 203 00:08:06,701 --> 00:08:08,234 You know, you gotta murder that ass 204 00:08:08,236 --> 00:08:09,602 so no other motherfucker can enjoy that ass, right? 205 00:08:09,604 --> 00:08:10,970 No. 206 00:08:10,972 --> 00:08:12,171 It's like a metaphorical murder. 207 00:08:12,173 --> 00:08:13,438 - Oh, I-- - Yeah, you feel me? 208 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:14,640 - I do feel you. I feel you. - Cool. 209 00:08:14,642 --> 00:08:16,241 - You see that? - Yeah. 210 00:08:16,243 --> 00:08:17,844 I'ma go see if I can turn this bitch out. 211 00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,244 I'ma catch you later. 212 00:08:19,246 --> 00:08:21,747 Think about my words-- hashtag words. 213 00:08:21,749 --> 00:08:24,449 Mm-hmm. Thought about 'em. Thought about 'em. 214 00:08:24,451 --> 00:08:25,751 What the fuck was that about? 215 00:08:25,753 --> 00:08:27,286 It seems your number one 216 00:08:27,288 --> 00:08:29,754 is warm for your number 16's form. 217 00:08:29,756 --> 00:08:31,823 And he doesn't like the way you're writing him. 218 00:08:31,825 --> 00:08:34,025 So it's not enough that I have to fight with this motherfucker 219 00:08:34,027 --> 00:08:37,262 over expository dialogue, now he feels entitled to my woman? 220 00:08:37,264 --> 00:08:39,030 Oh, she's your woman now? 221 00:08:39,032 --> 00:08:41,333 Come on, cut me some slack, all right? 222 00:08:41,335 --> 00:08:44,069 I'm a little heated up. She say anything about me? 223 00:08:44,071 --> 00:08:45,636 Well, she said you were the perfect gentleman. 224 00:08:45,638 --> 00:08:47,572 - Good, good. - Yeah. 225 00:08:47,574 --> 00:08:49,007 I'm trying, you know? Usually I'm a fucking asshole. 226 00:08:49,009 --> 00:08:50,241 Yeah. 227 00:08:50,243 --> 00:08:51,642 Trying to take it easy with her. 228 00:08:51,644 --> 00:08:53,011 Right. But sometimes, you know, you got to... 229 00:08:53,013 --> 00:08:54,445 What? 230 00:08:54,447 --> 00:08:56,181 Well, you know, sometimes you got to-- 231 00:08:56,183 --> 00:08:58,249 - sometimes you got to what? - You know. 232 00:08:58,251 --> 00:08:59,818 Shit, here comes Shrek. 233 00:08:59,820 --> 00:09:01,352 That's my son you're talking about--Shrek. 234 00:09:01,354 --> 00:09:03,087 I'm sorry, all right? I'm all worked up. 235 00:09:03,089 --> 00:09:04,522 I got to head this shit off at the pass. 236 00:09:04,524 --> 00:09:05,823 All right. 237 00:09:05,825 --> 00:09:07,658 - Guess what. - Wait. 238 00:09:07,660 --> 00:09:10,428 You were born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas day, 239 00:09:10,430 --> 00:09:11,795 when The New York Times said 240 00:09:11,797 --> 00:09:13,264 God is dead, and the war's begun. 241 00:09:13,266 --> 00:09:14,832 Shut up. Come on, I hate that. 242 00:09:14,834 --> 00:09:16,934 - Nikki's here. - I know. She's with Stu Beggs. 243 00:09:16,936 --> 00:09:18,168 Can I borrow some money? 244 00:09:18,170 --> 00:09:21,605 Oh, so Levon does like his money. Why? 245 00:09:21,607 --> 00:09:24,574 - I want to bone her again. - She's with Stu. 246 00:09:24,576 --> 00:09:26,110 So what? She can't spare a few minutes 247 00:09:26,112 --> 00:09:27,778 - for some repeat business? - Your mom is here. 248 00:09:27,780 --> 00:09:29,446 So? There's a ton of rooms in this place. 249 00:09:29,448 --> 00:09:30,981 And it's very expensive. 250 00:09:30,983 --> 00:09:32,916 - Okay, I'll pay you back. - No, you won't. 251 00:09:32,918 --> 00:09:34,917 God damn it, I'm really pissed at you right now. 252 00:09:34,919 --> 00:09:36,586 I'm a little pissed at you right now. 253 00:09:36,588 --> 00:09:38,321 That feeling is back, you know, 254 00:09:38,323 --> 00:09:40,290 - like I-I got to fuck something. - Okay. 255 00:09:40,292 --> 00:09:42,325 - I need a release. - Look, I understand. 256 00:09:42,327 --> 00:09:44,193 Just--just try to find a nice, quiet bathroom 257 00:09:44,195 --> 00:09:46,095 and go beat off-- you'll feel much better. 258 00:09:46,097 --> 00:09:47,364 Just make sure you clean up afterwards 259 00:09:47,366 --> 00:09:48,898 and wash your hands, all right? 260 00:09:48,900 --> 00:09:50,500 Yeah, but now that I got my dick wet, 261 00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:52,401 beating off just seems kind of lame, you know? 262 00:09:52,403 --> 00:09:54,170 Yes, I get that. 263 00:09:54,172 --> 00:09:56,372 But masturbation is still gonna be a huge part of your life. 264 00:09:56,374 --> 00:09:58,307 Even though you got laid, girls aren't just gonna 265 00:09:58,309 --> 00:10:00,342 automatically start hurling themselves at you. 266 00:10:00,344 --> 00:10:02,344 I should've just stayed a fucking virgin. 267 00:10:02,346 --> 00:10:04,147 It would've been a lot better not having a glimpse 268 00:10:04,149 --> 00:10:06,682 - of the promised land. - Good talk. 269 00:10:11,655 --> 00:10:13,422 Ah. 270 00:10:13,424 --> 00:10:15,824 Are you sure you should be... drinking? 271 00:10:15,826 --> 00:10:17,859 I'm not allergic to vodka, asshole. 272 00:10:17,861 --> 00:10:20,162 Sorry. Who would know? 273 00:10:20,164 --> 00:10:22,030 You know what I am allergic to? 274 00:10:22,032 --> 00:10:24,666 - Semen. - Oh, really? 275 00:10:24,668 --> 00:10:26,134 Yeah, can't spit or swallow. 276 00:10:26,136 --> 00:10:27,669 Totally burns the back of my throat. 277 00:10:27,671 --> 00:10:29,237 One time I took one up top. 278 00:10:29,239 --> 00:10:31,973 Fucking broke out in hives and blotches. 279 00:10:31,975 --> 00:10:34,642 Blowing a load on me is like throwing holy water 280 00:10:34,644 --> 00:10:35,977 on Linda Blair. 281 00:10:38,648 --> 00:10:40,081 What up? 282 00:10:40,083 --> 00:10:42,483 I'm so fucking pissed at Rath right now. 283 00:10:42,485 --> 00:10:43,918 Oh, why? 284 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:46,053 He let Hashtag call me a bitch today. 285 00:10:46,055 --> 00:10:47,955 That doesn't really seem like Rath's style. 286 00:10:47,957 --> 00:10:49,724 Why would you take his side? 287 00:10:49,726 --> 00:10:53,127 I'm not taking his side. Goldie, cooler heads, hmm? 288 00:10:53,129 --> 00:10:54,329 Cooler heads. 289 00:10:54,331 --> 00:10:55,763 First, he rewrites me, 290 00:10:55,765 --> 00:10:57,597 then he humiliates me in front of Hashtag. 291 00:10:57,599 --> 00:10:59,967 I mean, he--he's trying to send me a message, Charlie. 292 00:10:59,969 --> 00:11:01,936 He's out to get me. 293 00:11:01,938 --> 00:11:04,305 This is all part of his plan, that slimy motherfucker... 294 00:11:04,307 --> 00:11:06,606 woman-hating dickhead. 295 00:11:06,608 --> 00:11:10,144 - Goldie. There she is. - Rath, hi. 296 00:11:10,146 --> 00:11:11,611 - You good? - Great. 297 00:11:11,613 --> 00:11:12,913 Good, I made sure they had 298 00:11:12,915 --> 00:11:14,214 some of that gluten-free shit for you. 299 00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,082 - There you go. - You're the best. 300 00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:18,385 What a great home-- beautiful. 301 00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:21,621 Work hard, you'll get there, right? 302 00:11:21,623 --> 00:11:23,623 Hey, I hope you're not using my party 303 00:11:23,625 --> 00:11:25,158 as an opportunity to poach clients, huh? 304 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,793 Never. 305 00:11:26,795 --> 00:11:28,261 As if anyone would ever want to sign 306 00:11:28,263 --> 00:11:31,364 with this fucking degenerate lunatic, right? 307 00:11:31,366 --> 00:11:34,400 Have fun. 308 00:11:39,206 --> 00:11:40,806 I can't tell you much, 309 00:11:40,808 --> 00:11:43,442 but I can tell you that we're planning 310 00:11:43,444 --> 00:11:46,045 on putting you in some seriously hot outfits. 311 00:11:46,047 --> 00:11:47,446 Truth. 312 00:11:47,448 --> 00:11:49,114 Shut the fuck up, Hugh. 313 00:11:49,116 --> 00:11:50,949 You're creeping out the female lead of the show. 314 00:11:50,951 --> 00:11:52,451 Don't worry about it-- he has absolutely 315 00:11:52,453 --> 00:11:54,152 no decision-making power. 316 00:11:54,154 --> 00:11:56,054 And he loves cupcakes and Coldplay 317 00:11:56,056 --> 00:11:57,623 and sticking pencils up his pooper. 318 00:11:57,625 --> 00:11:59,525 Who doesn't love Coldplay? 319 00:11:59,527 --> 00:12:02,027 - And you are? - Hank Moody--newbie writer. 320 00:12:02,029 --> 00:12:05,663 Be gentle with me. 321 00:12:05,665 --> 00:12:07,699 You're the one who wrote the movie, right? 322 00:12:07,701 --> 00:12:09,467 I am one of 19 people who wrote the movie 323 00:12:09,469 --> 00:12:11,003 that never came out, yeah. 324 00:12:11,005 --> 00:12:12,670 And you wrote Fucking & Punching? 325 00:12:12,672 --> 00:12:14,839 I am only one of six people who wrote that, 326 00:12:14,841 --> 00:12:16,674 which is why it's so damn good. 327 00:12:16,676 --> 00:12:18,676 It is good. God, I love that movie. 328 00:12:18,678 --> 00:12:21,178 Aw, shucks. Thank you. 329 00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:23,381 Can I be honest with you? 330 00:12:23,383 --> 00:12:25,450 If you must. 331 00:12:25,452 --> 00:12:27,452 I don't like the way Rath is writing my character. 332 00:12:27,454 --> 00:12:29,987 You should probably bring that up with Rath, then. 333 00:12:29,989 --> 00:12:32,490 I did, and he blew me off. 334 00:12:32,492 --> 00:12:34,125 Can we talk about it for a minute? 335 00:12:34,127 --> 00:12:37,161 You mean, like, right now? 336 00:12:37,163 --> 00:12:39,096 I'll make it worth your while. 337 00:12:39,098 --> 00:12:41,698 Ow. 338 00:12:44,869 --> 00:12:48,005 Hey. Hey, there, Runkle. 339 00:12:48,007 --> 00:12:50,541 How--how you doing? How's married life? 340 00:12:50,543 --> 00:12:52,609 Oh, it's, you know, ups and downs, Stu. 341 00:12:52,611 --> 00:12:55,211 Checks and bal--all good in the proverbial hood, yeah. 342 00:12:55,213 --> 00:12:57,347 Yeah, wait, wait. You know, there's something 343 00:12:57,349 --> 00:12:58,782 I've been meaning to talk to you about. 344 00:12:58,784 --> 00:13:00,451 Oh, yeah? What's that, Stu? 345 00:13:00,453 --> 00:13:04,087 I want to sleep with Marcy again. 346 00:13:04,089 --> 00:13:07,558 Stu... 347 00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:09,592 what is wrong with you? 348 00:13:09,594 --> 00:13:11,894 I don't know. 349 00:13:11,896 --> 00:13:14,431 I mean, my career is on fire. 350 00:13:14,433 --> 00:13:17,267 This television thing has me shitting cash. 351 00:13:17,269 --> 00:13:22,105 But, uh, without a queen, my castle is a-crumblin'. 352 00:13:22,107 --> 00:13:23,673 Look, look, look, look, look, 353 00:13:23,675 --> 00:13:26,342 I know you won her fair and square, 354 00:13:26,344 --> 00:13:29,679 but I can't stop thinking about that magnificent creature. 355 00:13:29,681 --> 00:13:33,048 You gotta move on, Stu, 'cause we are married, okay? 356 00:13:33,050 --> 00:13:34,183 Again. 357 00:13:34,185 --> 00:13:36,853 I know that. I respect that. 358 00:13:36,855 --> 00:13:38,554 - Mm. - You know... 359 00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:40,756 Marcy may very well be your soul mate, 360 00:13:40,758 --> 00:13:44,293 but that woman was born to be my sex partner. 361 00:13:44,295 --> 00:13:46,996 And I just miss her so much... 362 00:13:46,998 --> 00:13:49,598 so much. 363 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,766 Like, this last time, 364 00:13:51,768 --> 00:13:53,402 she let me go down on her, 365 00:13:53,404 --> 00:13:55,170 and I wasn't able to get my helmet 366 00:13:55,172 --> 00:13:57,339 into that silky pond of hers. 367 00:13:57,341 --> 00:14:00,008 You know, she's so fucking tight, Charlie! 368 00:14:00,010 --> 00:14:02,243 I mean, she makes me feel huge. 369 00:14:02,245 --> 00:14:05,346 - And I'm already huge. - I'm well aware, Stu. 370 00:14:05,348 --> 00:14:07,181 Now, when was this 371 00:14:07,183 --> 00:14:09,584 that she let you go down on her again? 372 00:14:09,586 --> 00:14:13,922 It was way before you two were remarried, of course. 373 00:14:13,924 --> 00:14:17,958 It was a sunny day in Venice... 374 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,395 Tuesday... 375 00:14:20,397 --> 00:14:23,064 quite possibly my last happy day. 376 00:14:23,066 --> 00:14:27,068 Oh, God, you guys must be boning every chance you can. 377 00:14:27,070 --> 00:14:28,602 You're fucking newlyweds. 378 00:14:28,604 --> 00:14:31,172 What is the point of this conversation, Stu? 379 00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:34,074 You miss fucking Marcy. Okay, I get it. So what? 380 00:14:34,076 --> 00:14:36,810 Runkle, I... 381 00:14:36,812 --> 00:14:39,279 have a proposal for you. 382 00:14:39,281 --> 00:14:42,983 And, yes, it is quite indecent. 383 00:14:42,985 --> 00:14:46,820 With your permission, and hers, of course, 384 00:14:46,822 --> 00:14:51,158 I am willing to pay you guys a cool $1 million 385 00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:54,627 if you will let me sleep with her again-- 386 00:14:54,629 --> 00:14:56,863 just the once, 387 00:14:56,865 --> 00:15:00,300 for as many times as we can fit into a night. 388 00:15:00,302 --> 00:15:02,802 Think about it. 389 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:09,576 ♪ Suspicious 390 00:15:09,578 --> 00:15:11,911 ♪ I'm suspicious ♪ 391 00:15:11,913 --> 00:15:13,980 You totally made this worth my while. 392 00:15:13,982 --> 00:15:15,481 I told you I would. 393 00:15:15,483 --> 00:15:17,383 Your notes are fucking bullshit, 394 00:15:17,385 --> 00:15:19,318 but your weed is superb. 395 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:22,121 - You're funny. - I am funny-- 396 00:15:22,123 --> 00:15:25,391 I mean, not like comedian funny, but I-I'm witty. 397 00:15:25,393 --> 00:15:27,293 I-I guess that's my thing. 398 00:15:27,295 --> 00:15:30,129 Witty is good, you know. Nobody's really witty anymore. 399 00:15:30,131 --> 00:15:33,299 That's right. Like--like Woody Allen or Pauly Shore. 400 00:15:33,301 --> 00:15:35,634 It's a lost art, really. 401 00:15:35,636 --> 00:15:38,470 So what brings a real writer to Santa Monica Cop? 402 00:15:38,472 --> 00:15:41,073 It was time to grow the fuck up. 403 00:15:41,075 --> 00:15:44,109 - I needed a job. - Look at you, all growed up. 404 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:47,813 What is a serious actress doing on Santa Monica Cop? 405 00:15:47,815 --> 00:15:51,116 I needed a job too, but I'm not so keen on growing up. 406 00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:55,253 Excuse me. 407 00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:56,854 I need to make a confession. 408 00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,456 You're thinking impure thoughts right now. 409 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,725 That's totally understandable. 410 00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:03,261 No. Um, I hate this show. 411 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:05,363 That's also totally understandable. 412 00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:06,731 I had the option of taking this show 413 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:09,200 or some class-up-the-ass BBC thing, 414 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,068 and my agent talked me into taking this one. 415 00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:13,203 - That's a bummer. - Yeah. 416 00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:16,440 A big bummer. Can you do me a favor? 417 00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:19,644 Can you please talk to Rath, see if maybe he can kill me off? 418 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,278 I promise... 419 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,914 I'll make it worth your while. 420 00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:27,051 My head is spinning with the possibilities. 421 00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:29,853 As it should, but in the meantime, 422 00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:31,688 I have another little confession. 423 00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:33,089 You have three tits and a dick. 424 00:16:34,726 --> 00:16:36,293 Almost. 425 00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:38,595 One of my very best friends in the whole wide world 426 00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:40,930 - is Sasha Bingham. - I know Sasha Bingham. 427 00:16:40,932 --> 00:16:42,699 I know you know Sasha Bingham. 428 00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:45,268 Sasha Bingham is the star of Fucking & Punching. 429 00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:47,637 - She was, indeed. - We had some good times... 430 00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:50,506 except for the time when I accidentally fucked her mom. 431 00:16:50,508 --> 00:16:52,676 - That was unfortunate. - She told me about that. 432 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,945 She also said you give really great head. 433 00:16:55,947 --> 00:16:57,613 - She did? - Mm-hmm. 434 00:16:57,615 --> 00:17:00,283 - That is so sweet of her. - I know. She's sweet. 435 00:17:00,285 --> 00:17:02,751 That is just a very nice thing to say about a person. 436 00:17:02,753 --> 00:17:04,086 Will you give her my best? 437 00:17:04,088 --> 00:17:05,988 Absolutely. 438 00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:09,292 Speaking of which, what do you think defines great head? 439 00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:12,428 Oh, well, I-I guess you'd have to ask the head-getter. 440 00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:14,530 Well, I mean, I've had good head, 441 00:17:14,532 --> 00:17:16,799 but I don't know what makes it great. 442 00:17:16,801 --> 00:17:20,703 I think you have to treat the "bagina" like a person. 443 00:17:20,705 --> 00:17:22,971 And--and how do you treat a person? 444 00:17:22,973 --> 00:17:25,440 Like you yourself would want to be treated. 445 00:17:25,442 --> 00:17:26,942 I understand what you're saying. 446 00:17:26,944 --> 00:17:29,477 It just sounds so intellectual. 447 00:17:29,479 --> 00:17:32,114 After all, isn't it important for a writer to show 448 00:17:32,116 --> 00:17:34,449 and not to tell? 449 00:17:34,451 --> 00:17:37,619 Oh, my. Oh, dear. 450 00:17:37,621 --> 00:17:40,355 You do make a valid point. 451 00:17:41,758 --> 00:17:44,659 Permission to come aboard? 452 00:17:44,661 --> 00:17:46,728 Permission granted. 453 00:17:55,839 --> 00:17:57,338 You're a very pleasant actress, very agreeable. 454 00:17:57,340 --> 00:17:59,573 - Oh. - Hmm? I can do better. 455 00:17:59,575 --> 00:18:02,110 Oh, hello. 456 00:18:02,112 --> 00:18:03,510 - Hi. - Hello. 457 00:18:03,512 --> 00:18:04,779 Sorry. 458 00:18:04,781 --> 00:18:07,281 Hi. No, no. 459 00:18:07,283 --> 00:18:08,815 - Hello. - Hi. 460 00:18:08,817 --> 00:18:10,851 Amy Taylor Walsh. It is lovely to meet you. 461 00:18:10,853 --> 00:18:12,652 I believe we're gonna be working together. 462 00:18:12,654 --> 00:18:14,721 Nice to meet you. I'm a huge fan. 463 00:18:14,723 --> 00:18:17,223 - Great. - Me too. I'm a huge fan. 464 00:18:20,762 --> 00:18:22,995 Yeah. Um, sorry about that. 465 00:18:22,997 --> 00:18:24,864 It's none of my beeswax. 466 00:18:24,866 --> 00:18:26,733 Hmm. What's going on? 467 00:18:26,735 --> 00:18:29,501 Um, well, Hashtag asked me to go for a ride in his Bentley. 468 00:18:29,503 --> 00:18:31,503 That's probably not a good idea. 469 00:18:31,505 --> 00:18:33,239 What, like going down on the female lead of the show? 470 00:18:33,241 --> 00:18:34,573 Much like that. 471 00:18:34,575 --> 00:18:36,375 You should probably keep the flirtation 472 00:18:36,377 --> 00:18:38,110 - with Hashtag to a minimum. - I'm not flirting with him. 473 00:18:38,112 --> 00:18:39,879 He's just really fucking funny. 474 00:18:39,881 --> 00:18:42,047 He is fucking funny, and Rath is fucking jealous. 475 00:18:42,049 --> 00:18:43,983 God, so much fuss over an actress 476 00:18:43,985 --> 00:18:45,917 who hasn't worked in 20 years-- it's so fun. 477 00:18:45,919 --> 00:18:48,219 What can I say? You get the boys all hot and bothered. 478 00:18:48,221 --> 00:18:50,088 Well, it's not like I'm some commodity. 479 00:18:50,090 --> 00:18:53,091 I mean, I'm not interested in Rath or Hashtag or anyone. 480 00:18:53,093 --> 00:18:55,160 I'm just really happy to have an acting job. 481 00:18:55,162 --> 00:18:56,695 Mm-hmm. 482 00:18:56,697 --> 00:18:58,263 And I-I don't want to complicate my life. 483 00:18:58,265 --> 00:19:00,231 Like when we kissed, I really learned from that. 484 00:19:00,233 --> 00:19:02,366 That's right--we kissed. I totally forgot about that. 485 00:19:02,368 --> 00:19:03,734 You forgot that we kissed? 486 00:19:03,736 --> 00:19:05,236 No, it was just a figure of speech. 487 00:19:05,238 --> 00:19:08,006 Of course I remember. And it was very nice. 488 00:19:08,008 --> 00:19:11,176 It was nice. It was a familiar surprise. 489 00:19:11,178 --> 00:19:13,778 It was a perfect storm of booze and nitrous. 490 00:19:13,780 --> 00:19:15,413 I was very vulnerable in that chair. 491 00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:16,848 You totally took advantage of me. 492 00:19:16,850 --> 00:19:18,216 You manipulated me 493 00:19:18,218 --> 00:19:20,250 with all these bullshit compliments 494 00:19:20,252 --> 00:19:22,420 about what a great mother I am. 495 00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:24,054 It wasn't bullshit. You are a great mother. 496 00:19:24,056 --> 00:19:26,156 - You're a fantastic mother. - Don't do that. 497 00:19:26,158 --> 00:19:27,591 Mother Teresa's got nothing on you. 498 00:19:27,593 --> 00:19:29,393 That's mean. 499 00:19:29,395 --> 00:19:31,061 You're probably a better kisser than she ever was, and-- 500 00:19:31,063 --> 00:19:32,896 but who knows? Maybe she had a rocking bod 501 00:19:32,898 --> 00:19:34,432 underneath that saintly frock. 502 00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:36,533 Just let me know when you want to kiss again. 503 00:19:36,535 --> 00:19:38,435 - You just went down on a girl. - Mmm. 504 00:19:38,437 --> 00:19:40,503 - Ew. - What if I brushed my teeth? 505 00:19:40,505 --> 00:19:42,439 Come on, that's got to be a bit of a turn-on-- 506 00:19:42,441 --> 00:19:44,507 me offering to brush my teeth? 507 00:19:44,509 --> 00:19:48,712 - Why did you go down on her? - It's a long story. 508 00:19:48,714 --> 00:19:51,414 But she heard I gave good head. That's--you know... 509 00:19:51,416 --> 00:19:54,384 You do give good head. I mean, I don't know. 510 00:19:54,386 --> 00:19:57,153 I don't even remember. It was so long ago. 511 00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,588 Oh, fuck. 512 00:19:58,590 --> 00:20:00,323 - What? - I think I'm hard. 513 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:03,259 Is that from before or from us? 514 00:20:03,261 --> 00:20:04,894 Who can tell? I can't differentiate. 515 00:20:04,896 --> 00:20:06,730 I mean, I-I don't know that I'd want to. 516 00:20:06,732 --> 00:20:11,100 But I think there's only one way to defuse this situation. 517 00:20:11,102 --> 00:20:14,270 How? 518 00:20:14,272 --> 00:20:16,906 Aah, get that pussy mouth away from me! 519 00:20:22,780 --> 00:20:24,813 No, no! 520 00:20:26,917 --> 00:20:28,550 What the fuck? 521 00:20:28,552 --> 00:20:30,652 I told you this motherfucker like to stick his pecker 522 00:20:30,654 --> 00:20:31,720 where it don't belong. 523 00:20:31,722 --> 00:20:33,389 Hey, I decide whose pecker 524 00:20:33,391 --> 00:20:35,491 goes in here and whose doesn't, okay? 525 00:20:35,493 --> 00:20:37,726 And you're a very charming and funny guy, 526 00:20:37,728 --> 00:20:39,595 but I'm a single mom, and I'm not easily wooed, 527 00:20:39,597 --> 00:20:40,996 even with a Bentley. 528 00:20:40,998 --> 00:20:42,797 I got--I got a Ferrari. 529 00:20:42,799 --> 00:20:45,300 And, Rick, I really enjoyed our date. 530 00:20:45,302 --> 00:20:47,503 And I-I'm so grateful to you for giving me an acting job 531 00:20:47,504 --> 00:20:49,637 and making my childhood dreams come true, 532 00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:52,073 but if the job comes with strings attached, 533 00:20:52,075 --> 00:20:53,541 then I cannot and will not do it. 534 00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:55,377 No, no. No strings attached. 535 00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:57,112 The job is yours, Julia. 536 00:20:57,114 --> 00:20:59,814 I'll think about it. 537 00:20:59,816 --> 00:21:02,483 What you waiting for, Rath? Fire his fucking ass. 538 00:21:02,485 --> 00:21:04,552 You don't tell me who to hire and who to fire. 539 00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:06,020 It's my fucking show. 540 00:21:06,022 --> 00:21:08,188 My character is the fucking show. 541 00:21:08,190 --> 00:21:09,323 And who says it's your fucking character? 542 00:21:09,325 --> 00:21:10,625 Nice. 543 00:21:10,627 --> 00:21:11,626 And what the fuck are you doing? 544 00:21:11,628 --> 00:21:12,860 You know I like her. 545 00:21:12,862 --> 00:21:14,561 I know it looked like funny business, 546 00:21:14,563 --> 00:21:16,330 but it was just a tickle fight-- I swear to God, honestly. 547 00:21:16,332 --> 00:21:20,367 Rath, you are not gonna like this. 548 00:21:20,369 --> 00:21:22,202 There's fucking in the pool. 549 00:21:22,204 --> 00:21:24,371 Motherfuckers! 550 00:21:24,373 --> 00:21:26,506 Motherfuckers! 551 00:21:33,047 --> 00:21:35,114 Nine fucking bathrooms in the fucking house, 552 00:21:35,116 --> 00:21:37,617 and the asshole's got to screw in my pool, huh? 553 00:21:37,619 --> 00:21:41,054 Hey, Leon, I was very clear-- 554 00:21:41,056 --> 00:21:42,522 no fucking in my pool. 555 00:21:42,524 --> 00:21:44,458 Levon, what are you doing? 556 00:21:44,460 --> 00:21:46,860 Nikki, I'm paying you very good money 557 00:21:46,862 --> 00:21:48,361 to be my date tonight. 558 00:21:48,363 --> 00:21:50,363 No, I know, Stu. I'm really sorry. 559 00:21:50,365 --> 00:21:52,365 I just wanted to make a little extra cash. 560 00:21:52,367 --> 00:21:55,068 And honestly, he said that Hank would take care of it. 561 00:21:55,070 --> 00:21:56,735 So, really, this is all on you. 562 00:21:56,737 --> 00:21:58,704 I told you I wasn't gonna lend you that money. 563 00:21:58,706 --> 00:22:00,873 I know, but then my head got all cloudy. 564 00:22:00,875 --> 00:22:02,075 God, this is how young people 565 00:22:02,077 --> 00:22:03,443 get in trouble with credit cards. 566 00:22:03,445 --> 00:22:06,244 She's a hooker? You're a hooker? 567 00:22:06,246 --> 00:22:08,013 Yeah, pretty much. 568 00:22:08,015 --> 00:22:09,682 But on the upside, I get tested, 569 00:22:09,684 --> 00:22:11,851 like, all the time, so we're good. 570 00:22:11,853 --> 00:22:13,085 This is so upsetting. 571 00:22:13,087 --> 00:22:14,687 You lost your virginity to a hooker. 572 00:22:14,689 --> 00:22:16,388 Not--not just. I mean-- 573 00:22:16,390 --> 00:22:18,858 - Hey, now. - I'm--don't be upset, mom. 574 00:22:18,860 --> 00:22:20,425 I mean, she's really cool. 575 00:22:20,427 --> 00:22:23,261 She--she's the coolest. I think I'm in love. 576 00:22:23,263 --> 00:22:24,529 Aw. 577 00:22:24,531 --> 00:22:25,797 You're in love with a hooker? 578 00:22:25,799 --> 00:22:27,232 No, actually, this is pretty common. 579 00:22:27,234 --> 00:22:28,900 Guys fall in love with me all the time. 580 00:22:28,902 --> 00:22:30,735 We never should've moved to L.A. 581 00:22:30,737 --> 00:22:32,237 Did you use a condom, honey? 582 00:22:32,239 --> 00:22:34,306 - Yes. - Good. 583 00:22:34,308 --> 00:22:36,108 I'm really sorry, mom--Hank was just trying to help me out. 584 00:22:36,110 --> 00:22:37,876 I should've left it alone. I should've been content 585 00:22:37,878 --> 00:22:39,711 having sex with her once and called it a day. 586 00:22:39,713 --> 00:22:41,679 But, no, I had to fly too close to the sun. 587 00:22:41,681 --> 00:22:44,749 - This isn't the first time? - Here we go. 588 00:22:44,751 --> 00:22:46,618 I'm sorry. I-I can't lie to my moms. 589 00:22:46,620 --> 00:22:48,319 Don't blame Hank. He thought he was doing the right thing. 590 00:22:48,321 --> 00:22:49,821 And he totally was. 591 00:22:49,823 --> 00:22:51,422 I've never felt better in my whole life. 592 00:22:51,424 --> 00:22:53,257 I feel like a great weight has been lifted, mom. 593 00:22:53,259 --> 00:22:55,292 I'm glad dad got me a hooker. 594 00:22:55,294 --> 00:22:59,196 You got him a hooker? 595 00:22:59,198 --> 00:23:00,931 The way in which you ask that makes me think 596 00:23:00,933 --> 00:23:04,301 you don't think it's a very good idea. 597 00:23:08,273 --> 00:23:10,641 All: Oh! - Oh, yes, okay. 598 00:23:10,643 --> 00:23:13,944 Not a very good idea at all. I'm sorry, Julia. 599 00:23:13,946 --> 00:23:15,979 I-I thought I was doing a good thing. 600 00:23:15,981 --> 00:23:17,447 Don't worry, dad. 601 00:23:17,449 --> 00:23:19,816 I-I-I'll smooth it out for you. I promise. 602 00:23:19,818 --> 00:23:21,284 You happy now, Rath? 603 00:23:21,286 --> 00:23:22,920 Okay, not now, Goldie, not now. 604 00:23:22,922 --> 00:23:24,755 This is the fucking ship that you run. 605 00:23:24,757 --> 00:23:26,423 Yes, this is the ship I run. Look at me. 606 00:23:26,425 --> 00:23:28,824 I'm captain of the HMS Fucktard. 607 00:23:28,826 --> 00:23:30,427 That's why I'm gonna take it out from underneath you, 608 00:23:30,429 --> 00:23:32,128 - because you don't deserve it. - Be my guest. 609 00:23:32,130 --> 00:23:35,098 Knock yourself out steering this ship of fools. 610 00:23:35,100 --> 00:23:36,499 I will. You tell him, Charlie. 611 00:23:36,501 --> 00:23:38,168 - Tell him. - Huh? Tell him what? 612 00:23:38,170 --> 00:23:39,936 Tell him he's disrespected me for the last time. 613 00:23:39,938 --> 00:23:41,438 Oh, oh, okay. 614 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:42,972 Rath, I think what Goldie means to say is-- 615 00:23:42,974 --> 00:23:44,674 Shut the fuck up now. 616 00:23:44,676 --> 00:23:47,009 Shutting the fuck up now. 617 00:23:47,011 --> 00:23:48,978 - You fucking pussy. - What? 618 00:23:48,980 --> 00:23:50,312 What, does your suit come with tampons? 619 00:23:54,151 --> 00:23:55,851 Does that suit come with tampons? 620 00:23:55,853 --> 00:23:58,320 See, that's funny, right? If it's funny, I laugh. 621 00:23:58,322 --> 00:24:00,322 You are actually fucking funny. 622 00:24:00,324 --> 00:24:02,491 - Am I actually fucking funny? - Yeah. 623 00:24:02,493 --> 00:24:04,560 - Fuck you, Hashtag! All: Oh! 624 00:24:04,562 --> 00:24:06,328 What the fuck is wrong with you, woman? 625 00:24:06,330 --> 00:24:07,662 You think you can get away with calling me a bitch? 626 00:24:07,664 --> 00:24:08,897 I didn't call you a bitch. 627 00:24:08,899 --> 00:24:10,599 I have respect for all womankind. 628 00:24:10,601 --> 00:24:12,501 I simply said, "I don't take pitches from bitches. 629 00:24:12,503 --> 00:24:13,902 Y'all use too many words." That's it. 630 00:24:13,904 --> 00:24:15,804 Oh. Oh, okay. That's a lot better. 631 00:24:15,806 --> 00:24:18,306 You tell him he can't talk to me like that. Represent! 632 00:24:18,308 --> 00:24:20,475 Actually, I agree with everything he says. 633 00:24:20,477 --> 00:24:23,011 My own wife, Marcy, when she talks at me, 634 00:24:23,013 --> 00:24:25,814 the sheer volume of words-- it makes my ears bleed. 635 00:24:25,816 --> 00:24:27,682 Oh, this bald motherfucker knows of which he speaks. 636 00:24:27,684 --> 00:24:29,317 That's right. Thank you very much. 637 00:24:29,319 --> 00:24:31,185 All right. Oh, one of those too. I like that one. 638 00:24:31,187 --> 00:24:32,220 - Excuse me. - What? 639 00:24:32,222 --> 00:24:33,754 You're fucking fired! 640 00:24:33,756 --> 00:24:35,689 And you're fucking batshit crazy, Goldie. 641 00:24:35,691 --> 00:24:37,525 All: Oh! 642 00:24:37,527 --> 00:24:39,660 Oh, hey! Be nice to my agent. 643 00:24:39,662 --> 00:24:42,263 Yo, Rath, where the fuck you find these writers, man? 644 00:24:42,265 --> 00:24:43,964 You just pull outside of a Home Depot and say, 645 00:24:43,966 --> 00:24:46,267 "Hop the fuck in"? 646 00:24:46,269 --> 00:24:48,802 These are some seriously tweaked motherfuckers. 647 00:24:48,804 --> 00:24:51,705 All: Oh! 648 00:24:51,707 --> 00:24:54,474 - Shit, shit. - Goldie. 649 00:25:04,052 --> 00:25:06,486 Riddle me this, Runks. 650 00:25:06,488 --> 00:25:07,820 How can I be in the doghouse 651 00:25:07,822 --> 00:25:09,956 with a woman I'm not even dating, 652 00:25:09,958 --> 00:25:12,892 and why do I care so fucking much? 653 00:25:16,264 --> 00:25:18,131 Do you think you still have a job? 654 00:25:18,133 --> 00:25:20,066 I don't know. 655 00:25:20,068 --> 00:25:22,035 You think Goldie still has a job? 656 00:25:22,037 --> 00:25:26,039 My guess would be "Fuck, no." 657 00:25:26,041 --> 00:25:30,143 - What's wrong, pickle lips? - I'm broke, Hank. 658 00:25:30,145 --> 00:25:31,744 You mean like broke broke? 659 00:25:31,746 --> 00:25:34,947 Like totally and utterly broke. 660 00:25:34,949 --> 00:25:37,717 Like "I don't know how I'm gonna pay the rent next month" broke. 661 00:25:37,719 --> 00:25:42,288 Like--like--like the kind of broke that forces a man 662 00:25:42,290 --> 00:25:45,123 to do something desperate. 663 00:25:45,125 --> 00:25:46,958 I'm not gonna give you 20%, Charlie. 664 00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,461 My next paycheck has to go to supporting 665 00:25:49,463 --> 00:25:50,962 my son's new hooker habit. 666 00:25:55,768 --> 00:25:57,669 We're so fucking fucked. 667 00:25:57,671 --> 00:26:00,271 Yes, we are fucking fucked, but we've been fucked before... 668 00:26:02,209 --> 00:26:05,177 in the ass, legs pinned behind our ears, 669 00:26:05,179 --> 00:26:06,644 not a drop of lube. 670 00:26:06,646 --> 00:26:09,380 But we always come out smiling. You know why? 671 00:26:09,382 --> 00:26:12,710 'Cause that's just the kind of happy-go-lucky sluts we are, 672 00:26:12,830 --> 00:26:13,618 my man. 673 00:26:13,620 --> 00:26:16,654 ♪ These are the days of miracle and wonder ♪ 674 00:26:16,656 --> 00:26:19,624 ♪ this is the long-distance call ♪ 675 00:26:19,626 --> 00:26:23,294 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 676 00:26:23,296 --> 00:26:26,664 ♪ the way we look to us all 677 00:26:26,666 --> 00:26:29,600 ♪ the way we look to a distant constellation ♪ 678 00:26:29,602 --> 00:26:33,670 ♪ that's dying in a corner of the sky ♪ 679 00:26:33,672 --> 00:26:36,607 ♪ these are the days of miracle and wonder ♪ 680 00:26:36,609 --> 00:26:38,808 ♪ don't cry, baby, don't cry ♪ 681 00:26:38,810 --> 00:26:41,378 ♪ don't cry, don't cry ♪ 682 00:26:49,343 --> 00:26:53,443 re-sync'd for DAA release by Cookie Monsta