1 00:01:17,435 --> 00:01:19,368 Killing bad guys is my business, 2 00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:21,337 and business be fucking crackin'. 3 00:01:21,339 --> 00:01:23,105 Ha ha. 4 00:01:23,107 --> 00:01:24,440 Especially when I'm killing crackheads, 5 00:01:24,442 --> 00:01:26,842 - you know what I'm saying? - Yeah. 6 00:01:26,844 --> 00:01:28,611 So don't y'all worry about the funny. 7 00:01:28,613 --> 00:01:32,615 That's my job. I bring the fucking funny. 8 00:01:32,617 --> 00:01:34,917 Here's what's not my job-- 9 00:01:34,919 --> 00:01:37,086 delivering all your expositional shit. 10 00:01:37,088 --> 00:01:39,654 Save that yickity-yack for the guest stars, all right? 11 00:01:39,656 --> 00:01:42,591 Now, Danko's cool. He's cool. 12 00:01:42,593 --> 00:01:44,593 Only time that nigga open his mouth, he got something to say, 13 00:01:44,595 --> 00:01:47,262 and that shit better be worth saying, all right? 14 00:01:47,264 --> 00:01:49,364 None of that nonsensical cop jargon y'all motherfuckers 15 00:01:49,366 --> 00:01:50,599 always be writing. 16 00:01:50,601 --> 00:01:55,169 "Watch out! Get down! Damn! 17 00:01:55,171 --> 00:01:58,373 Whoo! Now, that's how you drive!" 18 00:01:58,375 --> 00:02:00,875 I can say a whole lot with a look. 19 00:02:00,877 --> 00:02:04,346 Peep. 20 00:02:04,348 --> 00:02:05,714 - Mm. - Wow. 21 00:02:05,716 --> 00:02:07,148 - Yeah. - I don't know about you guys, 22 00:02:07,150 --> 00:02:08,650 but I think I just shit my pants. 23 00:02:11,054 --> 00:02:12,519 That's not the "shit my pants" look. 24 00:02:12,521 --> 00:02:14,222 Oh, no? 25 00:02:14,224 --> 00:02:16,423 This is the "shit my pants" look. 26 00:02:16,425 --> 00:02:18,092 Slow-mo. 27 00:02:23,098 --> 00:02:24,265 - Mm. - Oh, wow. 28 00:02:24,267 --> 00:02:25,733 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 29 00:02:28,003 --> 00:02:29,503 Y'all peep? Y'all feel that? 30 00:02:29,505 --> 00:02:30,937 - Whoo! - Oh, yeah. 31 00:02:30,939 --> 00:02:32,839 Oh, I feel it. 32 00:02:32,841 --> 00:02:34,708 It's like an electromagnetic pulsing in my asshole area. 33 00:02:35,844 --> 00:02:37,678 Yo, who's this cat? 34 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,013 Hashtag Black, allow me to introduce our newest writer, 35 00:02:40,015 --> 00:02:43,316 - Hank Moody. - Oh, Hank Moody, the raper. 36 00:02:43,318 --> 00:02:45,518 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yep. The one and the same. 37 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:46,820 I'm a big fan of all your wrongdoings. 38 00:02:46,822 --> 00:02:48,088 - Thank you. - Well, you used to work 39 00:02:48,090 --> 00:02:49,656 side by side with samurai, huh? 40 00:02:49,658 --> 00:02:51,758 He was just "Sam" to me-- Calvin, actually. 41 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,359 Yeah, he said you was a cool dude. 42 00:02:53,361 --> 00:02:54,761 He also said you like sticking your pee-pee 43 00:02:54,763 --> 00:02:56,329 where it don't belong. 44 00:02:56,331 --> 00:02:57,664 Well, I like to think that doesn't define me 45 00:02:57,666 --> 00:02:59,098 as a human being. 46 00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:00,500 I also like to think that my pee-pee belongs 47 00:03:00,502 --> 00:03:02,134 wherever it winds up. 48 00:03:02,136 --> 00:03:03,603 Oh, yeah. 49 00:03:03,605 --> 00:03:06,005 You gonna be my guy, Moody. 50 00:03:06,007 --> 00:03:07,407 You gonna be my set bitch. 51 00:03:07,409 --> 00:03:08,841 - Oh, no. - You cool with that, Rath? 52 00:03:08,843 --> 00:03:10,343 Absolutely. Hashtag, whatever you want. 53 00:03:10,345 --> 00:03:12,077 I'm not a big fan of the set, per se. 54 00:03:12,079 --> 00:03:13,713 I-I find the hours to be quite punishing. 55 00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:16,715 Has anybody given thought to maybe starting later 56 00:03:16,717 --> 00:03:17,983 or shorter hours, perhaps? 57 00:03:17,985 --> 00:03:19,718 What the fuck is he going on about? 58 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,987 - Fuck if I know. - Excuse me, Hashtag, 59 00:03:21,989 --> 00:03:24,256 - I'd love to pitch you an idea-- - Ahh! Yo, yo, yo. 60 00:03:24,258 --> 00:03:26,292 Pitches hurt my ears, especially pitches from bitches. 61 00:03:26,294 --> 00:03:28,393 No offense-- y'all got the tendency 62 00:03:28,395 --> 00:03:29,995 of using too many words, you know what I mean? 63 00:03:29,997 --> 00:03:31,896 Why use one word when you can use ten, right? 64 00:03:31,898 --> 00:03:34,633 Yeah. That's funny. 65 00:03:34,635 --> 00:03:36,335 - Actually, I can be quite brief. - Goldie! 66 00:03:36,337 --> 00:03:38,269 The man doesn't want to hear your pitch right now. 67 00:03:38,271 --> 00:03:40,739 Yo, peace, writer peoples. 68 00:03:40,741 --> 00:03:41,973 Let me walk you out, Hashtag. 69 00:03:41,975 --> 00:03:43,575 - Love you. Love you. - Hashtag. 70 00:03:43,577 --> 00:03:46,211 Kickoff party tonight at my place--be there. 71 00:03:46,213 --> 00:03:48,412 Behave yourselves, don't break anything, 72 00:03:48,414 --> 00:03:49,948 and no fucking in my pool... 73 00:03:49,950 --> 00:03:51,983 Terry. 74 00:03:51,985 --> 00:03:53,417 Hey, does anybody else want to be set bitch? 75 00:03:53,419 --> 00:03:55,486 - Set--set bitches? Set bitch? - No. 76 00:03:55,488 --> 00:03:57,788 Set bitch? Terry, I'll arm-wrestle you for it. 77 00:03:57,790 --> 00:03:59,891 - Come on. - No. 78 00:04:02,896 --> 00:04:13,133 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 79 00:04:13,158 --> 00:04:18,058 re-sync'd for DAA release by Cookie Monsta 80 00:04:54,077 --> 00:04:56,979 Holy TV money, Batman. 81 00:04:56,981 --> 00:04:59,715 Yeah, look at that--the house that utter mediocrity built. 82 00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:02,084 It's inspiring, Hank. 83 00:05:02,086 --> 00:05:05,421 I've never felt more determined to sign TV-writer clients. 84 00:05:05,423 --> 00:05:08,090 Do not shit where I eat, Charlie--it's unsanitary. 85 00:05:08,092 --> 00:05:11,660 Oh, greetings and salutations, 24-hour party people. 86 00:05:11,662 --> 00:05:13,495 Mom, th--this is the guy I was telling you about, 87 00:05:13,497 --> 00:05:14,830 the one who came in his pants. 88 00:05:14,832 --> 00:05:16,932 Nice to meet you. Charlie Runkle. 89 00:05:16,934 --> 00:05:19,668 - Nice to meet you. - I'm Hank's manager 90 00:05:19,670 --> 00:05:21,603 and heterosexual life mate. 91 00:05:21,605 --> 00:05:22,671 Nice to meet you. 92 00:05:22,673 --> 00:05:24,706 You must be the lovely Julia. 93 00:05:24,708 --> 00:05:26,308 Number one on the baby mama call sheet. 94 00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:27,976 Levon says great things about you. 95 00:05:27,978 --> 00:05:30,378 Not really, like, at all, ever. 96 00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:32,480 So, dad, what do you think? We gonna see some big tits 97 00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:34,649 and round asses up in here tonight? 98 00:05:34,651 --> 00:05:35,984 Honey, I'm not afraid to pull your pants down 99 00:05:35,986 --> 00:05:37,352 and spank your bare ass 100 00:05:37,354 --> 00:05:38,886 in a room full of strangers, you know? 101 00:05:38,888 --> 00:05:40,488 I know you're not, mom. I'm sorry. 102 00:05:40,490 --> 00:05:41,923 All right, go inside and behave yourself. 103 00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,425 - Okay. - I'm gonna talk to your dad. 104 00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,225 Come on, kid, let's check out the talent. 105 00:05:45,227 --> 00:05:46,594 You're not gonna walk in there pitching a tent, are you? 106 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,663 - Behave. - Okay. 107 00:05:48,665 --> 00:05:51,265 What's up? 108 00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:53,601 Do you notice anything weird about Levon? 109 00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,269 How could you possibly tell? 110 00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:58,573 He seems different-- more relaxed, confident. 111 00:05:58,575 --> 00:06:00,707 - That's a bad thing? - No, it's great. 112 00:06:00,709 --> 00:06:02,142 I just--I'm not used to it. 113 00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:03,810 Well, maybe having a job 114 00:06:03,812 --> 00:06:05,812 has done wonders for the young man's psyche. 115 00:06:05,814 --> 00:06:08,048 Or maybe knowing his dad, who's actually proving to be 116 00:06:08,050 --> 00:06:09,616 something of a positive role model. 117 00:06:09,618 --> 00:06:12,552 I-I don't think that could be it, do you? 118 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,223 Wow. Nice house. 119 00:06:17,225 --> 00:06:19,559 Yeah. One day, all this could be yours. 120 00:06:19,561 --> 00:06:22,061 Mrs. Julia Rath-- has a nice ring to it. 121 00:06:22,063 --> 00:06:23,329 Oh, it's just one date. 122 00:06:23,331 --> 00:06:25,231 Hope he wasn't too "handsy." 123 00:06:25,233 --> 00:06:26,733 No, he was a perfect gentleman. 124 00:06:26,735 --> 00:06:28,468 Actually, too perfect, you know? 125 00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:30,637 'Cause sometimes you just want a guy to, like-- 126 00:06:30,639 --> 00:06:33,873 What? What? You want a guy to what? 127 00:06:33,875 --> 00:06:35,808 My schween is hanging on your every word. 128 00:06:35,810 --> 00:06:38,277 There's a potential erection hanging in the balance here. 129 00:06:38,279 --> 00:06:39,912 What? Nothing. 130 00:06:39,914 --> 00:06:41,381 I haven't been to a party in so long, 131 00:06:41,383 --> 00:06:43,282 I don't even know what to do. 132 00:06:43,284 --> 00:06:45,318 Well, it's like riding a bike. You just have a drink or ten 133 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,153 and then hope you don't wake up with a tattoo 134 00:06:47,155 --> 00:06:49,422 or a bloody asshole or both. 135 00:06:49,424 --> 00:06:51,223 Shall we? 136 00:07:02,335 --> 00:07:04,036 - Get me a refill. - Oh. 137 00:07:04,038 --> 00:07:05,671 I like when you order me around. 138 00:07:05,673 --> 00:07:07,439 I'm--I'm serious. I do. 139 00:07:07,441 --> 00:07:11,376 - Stu, Nikki, how's it hanging? - Hank, how are you? 140 00:07:11,378 --> 00:07:13,811 - Hey, buddy. - How's the kid? 141 00:07:13,813 --> 00:07:15,847 Still basking in the afterglow. 142 00:07:15,849 --> 00:07:17,382 Uh, you two guys know each other? 143 00:07:17,384 --> 00:07:19,617 She relieved my son of his virginity. 144 00:07:19,619 --> 00:07:22,720 World class, dude. 145 00:07:22,722 --> 00:07:25,657 I wish my pops would've popped my cherry like that. 146 00:07:25,659 --> 00:07:28,726 Instead, he sat me down and gave me a copy of Playboy 147 00:07:28,728 --> 00:07:31,128 and told me both men and women had nipples. 148 00:07:31,130 --> 00:07:33,497 Can--can we keep the whole 149 00:07:33,499 --> 00:07:35,733 levon/hooker thing on the D.L.? 150 00:07:35,735 --> 00:07:37,501 His mom is here, and she doesn't know anything about it. 151 00:07:37,503 --> 00:07:39,670 Oh, I am nothing if not discreet. 152 00:07:39,672 --> 00:07:43,441 Oh, now, that is true. She is amazing. 153 00:07:43,443 --> 00:07:45,342 She lets me do the kinkiest stuff to her, 154 00:07:45,344 --> 00:07:47,178 and she never tells a soul. 155 00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:48,946 Aw, you are so cute. 156 00:07:48,948 --> 00:07:50,647 Sounds like a keeper. 157 00:07:50,649 --> 00:07:52,116 Yeah, and she looks like Marcy, right? 158 00:07:52,118 --> 00:07:54,618 - Yo, Moody. - Hey, Hashtag. 159 00:07:54,620 --> 00:07:56,419 - How you be, bro? - I be good. 160 00:07:56,421 --> 00:07:58,188 - Hashtag. - Big Dick Beggs! 161 00:07:58,190 --> 00:08:01,224 Hashtag. 162 00:08:01,226 --> 00:08:03,193 Yo, they say he got a big dick, though, right? 163 00:08:03,195 --> 00:08:04,628 - Yeah. - He's crazy. 164 00:08:04,630 --> 00:08:06,429 Yo, Stu, I got to talk to Moody over here. 165 00:08:06,431 --> 00:08:07,430 - Whatever. - Ah. 166 00:08:08,901 --> 00:08:10,366 Yo, Moody, I got to level with you, man. 167 00:08:10,368 --> 00:08:11,868 Rath is fucking my shit up. 168 00:08:11,870 --> 00:08:13,203 All right, that's probably something 169 00:08:13,205 --> 00:08:15,238 you should bring up with Rath. 170 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,107 Motherfucker's too stubborn to hear my words. 171 00:08:17,109 --> 00:08:18,741 He's all about the drama. I'm all about the fucking funny. 172 00:08:18,743 --> 00:08:20,776 He wants to do The Wire. 173 00:08:20,778 --> 00:08:22,112 I'm trying to do 48 Hours for a new generation, you hear me? 174 00:08:22,114 --> 00:08:23,846 - Mm-hmm. - All right, look. 175 00:08:23,848 --> 00:08:25,781 I need you to help me out like you helped Samurai out. 176 00:08:25,783 --> 00:08:28,017 We can do a modern-day action-comedy, 177 00:08:28,019 --> 00:08:29,719 emphasis on the comedy. 178 00:08:29,721 --> 00:08:31,854 I'm not really in a position to do that, Hashtag. 179 00:08:31,856 --> 00:08:33,355 And I'm--I'm not that funny. 180 00:08:33,357 --> 00:08:35,691 Yeah, but you's fucking witty, right? 181 00:08:35,693 --> 00:08:37,860 - And I'm fucking funny. - You are fucking funny. 182 00:08:37,862 --> 00:08:41,230 Together we can-- Damn, who's that piece of ass? 183 00:08:41,232 --> 00:08:43,065 That? That would be Julia. 184 00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:44,967 She's got a small part on the show as a squad secretary. 185 00:08:44,969 --> 00:08:46,602 You're gonna be doing some scenes with her. 186 00:08:46,604 --> 00:08:48,270 Oh, I'm doing scenes with her, all right. 187 00:08:48,272 --> 00:08:49,904 I'm doing scenes with her right now up in here. 188 00:08:49,906 --> 00:08:52,073 Ah, she's also the mother of my son. 189 00:08:52,075 --> 00:08:54,243 - Oh! Oh, oh, okay. - Mm-hmm. 190 00:08:54,245 --> 00:08:56,612 - You're not together? - No, not currently. 191 00:08:56,614 --> 00:08:58,747 Mm. So you ain't crushing that ass? 192 00:08:58,749 --> 00:09:01,250 Not--not--not at the present-- like, 20 years ago, 193 00:09:01,252 --> 00:09:02,784 and even then, I-I wasn't so much crushing it 194 00:09:02,786 --> 00:09:04,318 as admiring it. 195 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:05,787 I don't like to be too rough with the ass. 196 00:09:05,789 --> 00:09:08,089 Oh, I like to destroy that shit. 197 00:09:08,091 --> 00:09:10,591 Mm. I want to murder that ass. 198 00:09:10,593 --> 00:09:11,993 I understand what you're saying, Hashtag, 199 00:09:11,995 --> 00:09:13,494 but your language is so aggressive. 200 00:09:13,496 --> 00:09:15,363 You see, if-- if you murder the ass, 201 00:09:15,365 --> 00:09:17,098 then there's no ass left to enjoy. 202 00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:18,699 Well, see, that's where you're wrong, Moody. 203 00:09:18,701 --> 00:09:20,234 You know, you gotta murder that ass 204 00:09:20,236 --> 00:09:21,602 so no other motherfucker can enjoy that ass, right? 205 00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:22,970 No. 206 00:09:22,972 --> 00:09:24,171 It's like a metaphorical murder. 207 00:09:24,173 --> 00:09:25,438 - Oh, I-- - Yeah, you feel me? 208 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,640 - I do feel you. I feel you. - Cool. 209 00:09:26,642 --> 00:09:28,241 - You see that? - Yeah. 210 00:09:28,243 --> 00:09:29,844 I'ma go see if I can turn this bitch out. 211 00:09:29,845 --> 00:09:31,244 I'ma catch you later. 212 00:09:31,246 --> 00:09:33,747 Think about my words-- hashtag words. 213 00:09:33,749 --> 00:09:36,449 Mm-hmm. Thought about 'em. Thought about 'em. 214 00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:37,751 What the fuck was that about? 215 00:09:37,753 --> 00:09:39,286 It seems your number one 216 00:09:39,288 --> 00:09:41,754 is warm for your number 16's form. 217 00:09:41,756 --> 00:09:43,823 And he doesn't like the way you're writing him. 218 00:09:43,825 --> 00:09:46,025 So it's not enough that I have to fight with this motherfucker 219 00:09:46,027 --> 00:09:49,262 over expository dialogue, now he feels entitled to my woman? 220 00:09:49,264 --> 00:09:51,030 Oh, she's your woman now? 221 00:09:51,032 --> 00:09:53,333 Come on, cut me some slack, all right? 222 00:09:53,335 --> 00:09:56,069 I'm a little heated up. She say anything about me? 223 00:09:56,071 --> 00:09:57,636 Well, she said you were the perfect gentleman. 224 00:09:57,638 --> 00:09:59,572 - Good, good. - Yeah. 225 00:09:59,574 --> 00:10:01,007 I'm trying, you know? Usually I'm a fucking asshole. 226 00:10:01,009 --> 00:10:02,241 Yeah. 227 00:10:02,243 --> 00:10:03,642 Trying to take it easy with her. 228 00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,011 Right. But sometimes, you know, you got to... 229 00:10:05,013 --> 00:10:06,445 What? 230 00:10:06,447 --> 00:10:08,181 Well, you know, sometimes you got to-- 231 00:10:08,183 --> 00:10:10,249 - sometimes you got to what? - You know. 232 00:10:10,251 --> 00:10:11,818 Shit, here comes Shrek. 233 00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,352 That's my son you're talking about--Shrek. 234 00:10:13,354 --> 00:10:15,087 I'm sorry, all right? I'm all worked up. 235 00:10:15,089 --> 00:10:16,522 I got to head this shit off at the pass. 236 00:10:16,524 --> 00:10:17,823 All right. 237 00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:19,658 - Guess what. - Wait. 238 00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:22,428 You were born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas day, 239 00:10:22,430 --> 00:10:23,795 when The New York Times said 240 00:10:23,797 --> 00:10:25,264 God is dead, and the war's begun. 241 00:10:25,266 --> 00:10:26,832 Shut up. Come on, I hate that. 242 00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:28,934 - Nikki's here. - I know. She's with Stu Beggs. 243 00:10:28,936 --> 00:10:30,168 Can I borrow some money? 244 00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:33,605 Oh, so Levon does like his money. Why? 245 00:10:33,607 --> 00:10:36,574 - I want to bone her again. - She's with Stu. 246 00:10:36,576 --> 00:10:38,110 So what? She can't spare a few minutes 247 00:10:38,112 --> 00:10:39,778 - for some repeat business? - Your mom is here. 248 00:10:39,780 --> 00:10:41,446 So? There's a ton of rooms in this place. 249 00:10:41,448 --> 00:10:42,981 And it's very expensive. 250 00:10:42,983 --> 00:10:44,916 - Okay, I'll pay you back. - No, you won't. 251 00:10:44,918 --> 00:10:46,917 God damn it, I'm really pissed at you right now. 252 00:10:46,919 --> 00:10:48,586 I'm a little pissed at you right now. 253 00:10:48,588 --> 00:10:50,321 That feeling is back, you know, 254 00:10:50,323 --> 00:10:52,290 - like I-I got to fuck something. - Okay. 255 00:10:52,292 --> 00:10:54,325 - I need a release. - Look, I understand. 256 00:10:54,327 --> 00:10:56,193 Just--just try to find a nice, quiet bathroom 257 00:10:56,195 --> 00:10:58,095 and go beat off-- you'll feel much better. 258 00:10:58,097 --> 00:10:59,364 Just make sure you clean up afterwards 259 00:10:59,366 --> 00:11:00,898 and wash your hands, all right? 260 00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:02,500 Yeah, but now that I got my dick wet, 261 00:11:02,502 --> 00:11:04,401 beating off just seems kind of lame, you know? 262 00:11:04,403 --> 00:11:06,170 Yes, I get that. 263 00:11:06,172 --> 00:11:08,372 But masturbation is still gonna be a huge part of your life. 264 00:11:08,374 --> 00:11:10,307 Even though you got laid, girls aren't just gonna 265 00:11:10,309 --> 00:11:12,342 automatically start hurling themselves at you. 266 00:11:12,344 --> 00:11:14,344 I should've just stayed a fucking virgin. 267 00:11:14,346 --> 00:11:16,147 It would've been a lot better not having a glimpse 268 00:11:16,149 --> 00:11:18,682 - of the promised land. - Good talk. 269 00:11:23,655 --> 00:11:25,422 Ah. 270 00:11:25,424 --> 00:11:27,824 Are you sure you should be... drinking? 271 00:11:27,826 --> 00:11:29,859 I'm not allergic to vodka, asshole. 272 00:11:29,861 --> 00:11:32,162 Sorry. Who would know? 273 00:11:32,164 --> 00:11:34,030 You know what I am allergic to? 274 00:11:34,032 --> 00:11:36,666 - Semen. - Oh, really? 275 00:11:36,668 --> 00:11:38,134 Yeah, can't spit or swallow. 276 00:11:38,136 --> 00:11:39,669 Totally burns the back of my throat. 277 00:11:39,671 --> 00:11:41,237 One time I took one up top. 278 00:11:41,239 --> 00:11:43,973 Fucking broke out in hives and blotches. 279 00:11:43,975 --> 00:11:46,642 Blowing a load on me is like throwing holy water 280 00:11:46,644 --> 00:11:47,977 on Linda Blair. 281 00:11:50,648 --> 00:11:52,081 What up? 282 00:11:52,083 --> 00:11:54,483 I'm so fucking pissed at Rath right now. 283 00:11:54,485 --> 00:11:55,918 Oh, why? 284 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,053 He let Hashtag call me a bitch today. 285 00:11:58,055 --> 00:11:59,955 That doesn't really seem like Rath's style. 286 00:11:59,957 --> 00:12:01,724 Why would you take his side? 287 00:12:01,726 --> 00:12:05,127 I'm not taking his side. Goldie, cooler heads, hmm? 288 00:12:05,129 --> 00:12:06,329 Cooler heads. 289 00:12:06,331 --> 00:12:07,763 First, he rewrites me, 290 00:12:07,765 --> 00:12:09,597 then he humiliates me in front of Hashtag. 291 00:12:09,599 --> 00:12:11,967 I mean, he--he's trying to send me a message, Charlie. 292 00:12:11,969 --> 00:12:13,936 He's out to get me. 293 00:12:13,938 --> 00:12:16,305 This is all part of his plan, that slimy motherfucker... 294 00:12:16,307 --> 00:12:18,606 woman-hating dickhead. 295 00:12:18,608 --> 00:12:22,144 - Goldie. There she is. - Rath, hi. 296 00:12:22,146 --> 00:12:23,611 - You good? - Great. 297 00:12:23,613 --> 00:12:24,913 Good, I made sure they had 298 00:12:24,915 --> 00:12:26,214 some of that gluten-free shit for you. 299 00:12:26,216 --> 00:12:28,082 - There you go. - You're the best. 300 00:12:28,084 --> 00:12:30,385 What a great home-- beautiful. 301 00:12:30,387 --> 00:12:33,621 Work hard, you'll get there, right? 302 00:12:33,623 --> 00:12:35,623 Hey, I hope you're not using my party 303 00:12:35,625 --> 00:12:37,158 as an opportunity to poach clients, huh? 304 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:38,793 Never. 305 00:12:38,795 --> 00:12:40,261 As if anyone would ever want to sign 306 00:12:40,263 --> 00:12:43,364 with this fucking degenerate lunatic, right? 307 00:12:43,366 --> 00:12:46,400 Have fun. 308 00:12:51,206 --> 00:12:52,806 I can't tell you much, 309 00:12:52,808 --> 00:12:55,442 but I can tell you that we're planning 310 00:12:55,444 --> 00:12:58,045 on putting you in some seriously hot outfits. 311 00:12:58,047 --> 00:12:59,446 Truth. 312 00:12:59,448 --> 00:13:01,114 Shut the fuck up, Hugh. 313 00:13:01,116 --> 00:13:02,949 You're creeping out the female lead of the show. 314 00:13:02,951 --> 00:13:04,451 Don't worry about it-- he has absolutely 315 00:13:04,453 --> 00:13:06,152 no decision-making power. 316 00:13:06,154 --> 00:13:08,054 And he loves cupcakes and Coldplay 317 00:13:08,056 --> 00:13:09,623 and sticking pencils up his pooper. 318 00:13:09,625 --> 00:13:11,525 Who doesn't love Coldplay? 319 00:13:11,527 --> 00:13:14,027 - And you are? - Hank Moody--newbie writer. 320 00:13:14,029 --> 00:13:17,663 Be gentle with me. 321 00:13:17,665 --> 00:13:19,699 You're the one who wrote the movie, right? 322 00:13:19,701 --> 00:13:21,467 I am one of 19 people who wrote the movie 323 00:13:21,469 --> 00:13:23,003 that never came out, yeah. 324 00:13:23,005 --> 00:13:24,670 And you wrote Fucking & Punching? 325 00:13:24,672 --> 00:13:26,839 I am only one of six people who wrote that, 326 00:13:26,841 --> 00:13:28,674 which is why it's so damn good. 327 00:13:28,676 --> 00:13:30,676 It is good. God, I love that movie. 328 00:13:30,678 --> 00:13:33,178 Aw, shucks. Thank you. 329 00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:35,381 Can I be honest with you? 330 00:13:35,383 --> 00:13:37,450 If you must. 331 00:13:37,452 --> 00:13:39,452 I don't like the way Rath is writing my character. 332 00:13:39,454 --> 00:13:41,987 You should probably bring that up with Rath, then. 333 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,490 I did, and he blew me off. 334 00:13:44,492 --> 00:13:46,125 Can we talk about it for a minute? 335 00:13:46,127 --> 00:13:49,161 You mean, like, right now? 336 00:13:49,163 --> 00:13:51,096 I'll make it worth your while. 337 00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:53,698 Ow. 338 00:13:56,869 --> 00:14:00,005 Hey. Hey, there, Runkle. 339 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:02,541 How--how you doing? How's married life? 340 00:14:02,543 --> 00:14:04,609 Oh, it's, you know, ups and downs, Stu. 341 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:07,211 Checks and bal--all good in the proverbial hood, yeah. 342 00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:09,347 Yeah, wait, wait. You know, there's something 343 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,782 I've been meaning to talk to you about. 344 00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:12,451 Oh, yeah? What's that, Stu? 345 00:14:12,453 --> 00:14:16,087 I want to sleep with Marcy again. 346 00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:19,558 Stu... 347 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,592 what is wrong with you? 348 00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:23,894 I don't know. 349 00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:26,431 I mean, my career is on fire. 350 00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:29,267 This television thing has me shitting cash. 351 00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:34,105 But, uh, without a queen, my castle is a-crumblin'. 352 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,673 Look, look, look, look, look, 353 00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:38,342 I know you won her fair and square, 354 00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:41,679 but I can't stop thinking about that magnificent creature. 355 00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:45,048 You gotta move on, Stu, 'cause we are married, okay? 356 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:46,183 Again. 357 00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:48,853 I know that. I respect that. 358 00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,554 - Mm. - You know... 359 00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,756 Marcy may very well be your soul mate, 360 00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:56,293 but that woman was born to be my sex partner. 361 00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:58,996 And I just miss her so much... 362 00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:01,598 so much. 363 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,766 Like, this last time, 364 00:15:03,768 --> 00:15:05,402 she let me go down on her, 365 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:07,170 and I wasn't able to get my helmet 366 00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:09,339 into that silky pond of hers. 367 00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:12,008 You know, she's so fucking tight, Charlie! 368 00:15:12,010 --> 00:15:14,243 I mean, she makes me feel huge. 369 00:15:14,245 --> 00:15:17,346 - And I'm already huge. - I'm well aware, Stu. 370 00:15:17,348 --> 00:15:19,181 Now, when was this 371 00:15:19,183 --> 00:15:21,584 that she let you go down on her again? 372 00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:25,922 It was way before you two were remarried, of course. 373 00:15:25,924 --> 00:15:29,958 It was a sunny day in Venice... 374 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,395 Tuesday... 375 00:15:32,397 --> 00:15:35,064 quite possibly my last happy day. 376 00:15:35,066 --> 00:15:39,068 Oh, God, you guys must be boning every chance you can. 377 00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:40,602 You're fucking newlyweds. 378 00:15:40,604 --> 00:15:43,172 What is the point of this conversation, Stu? 379 00:15:43,174 --> 00:15:46,074 You miss fucking Marcy. Okay, I get it. So what? 380 00:15:46,076 --> 00:15:48,810 Runkle, I... 381 00:15:48,812 --> 00:15:51,279 have a proposal for you. 382 00:15:51,281 --> 00:15:54,983 And, yes, it is quite indecent. 383 00:15:54,985 --> 00:15:58,820 With your permission, and hers, of course, 384 00:15:58,822 --> 00:16:03,158 I am willing to pay you guys a cool $1 million 385 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:06,627 if you will let me sleep with her again-- 386 00:16:06,629 --> 00:16:08,863 just the once, 387 00:16:08,865 --> 00:16:12,300 for as many times as we can fit into a night. 388 00:16:12,302 --> 00:16:14,802 Think about it. 389 00:16:17,739 --> 00:16:21,576 ♪ Suspicious 390 00:16:21,578 --> 00:16:23,911 ♪ I'm suspicious ♪ 391 00:16:23,913 --> 00:16:25,980 You totally made this worth my while. 392 00:16:25,982 --> 00:16:27,481 I told you I would. 393 00:16:27,483 --> 00:16:29,383 Your notes are fucking bullshit, 394 00:16:29,385 --> 00:16:31,318 but your weed is superb. 395 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:34,121 - You're funny. - I am funny-- 396 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:37,391 I mean, not like comedian funny, but I-I'm witty. 397 00:16:37,393 --> 00:16:39,293 I-I guess that's my thing. 398 00:16:39,295 --> 00:16:42,129 Witty is good, you know. Nobody's really witty anymore. 399 00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:45,299 That's right. Like--like Woody Allen or Pauly Shore. 400 00:16:45,301 --> 00:16:47,634 It's a lost art, really. 401 00:16:47,636 --> 00:16:50,470 So what brings a real writer to Santa Monica Cop? 402 00:16:50,472 --> 00:16:53,073 It was time to grow the fuck up. 403 00:16:53,075 --> 00:16:56,109 - I needed a job. - Look at you, all growed up. 404 00:16:56,111 --> 00:16:59,813 What is a serious actress doing on Santa Monica Cop? 405 00:16:59,815 --> 00:17:03,116 I needed a job too, but I'm not so keen on growing up. 406 00:17:04,552 --> 00:17:07,253 Excuse me. 407 00:17:07,255 --> 00:17:08,854 I need to make a confession. 408 00:17:08,856 --> 00:17:10,456 You're thinking impure thoughts right now. 409 00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:12,725 That's totally understandable. 410 00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:15,261 No. Um, I hate this show. 411 00:17:15,263 --> 00:17:17,363 That's also totally understandable. 412 00:17:17,365 --> 00:17:18,731 I had the option of taking this show 413 00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:21,200 or some class-up-the-ass BBC thing, 414 00:17:21,202 --> 00:17:23,068 and my agent talked me into taking this one. 415 00:17:23,070 --> 00:17:25,203 - That's a bummer. - Yeah. 416 00:17:25,205 --> 00:17:28,440 A big bummer. Can you do me a favor? 417 00:17:28,442 --> 00:17:31,644 Can you please talk to Rath, see if maybe he can kill me off? 418 00:17:31,646 --> 00:17:33,278 I promise... 419 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:35,914 I'll make it worth your while. 420 00:17:35,916 --> 00:17:39,051 My head is spinning with the possibilities. 421 00:17:39,053 --> 00:17:41,853 As it should, but in the meantime, 422 00:17:41,855 --> 00:17:43,688 I have another little confession. 423 00:17:43,690 --> 00:17:45,089 You have three tits and a dick. 424 00:17:46,726 --> 00:17:48,293 Almost. 425 00:17:48,295 --> 00:17:50,595 One of my very best friends in the whole wide world 426 00:17:50,597 --> 00:17:52,930 - is Sasha Bingham. - I know Sasha Bingham. 427 00:17:52,932 --> 00:17:54,699 I know you know Sasha Bingham. 428 00:17:54,701 --> 00:17:57,268 Sasha Bingham is the star of Fucking & Punching. 429 00:17:57,270 --> 00:17:59,637 - She was, indeed. - We had some good times... 430 00:17:59,639 --> 00:18:02,506 except for the time when I accidentally fucked her mom. 431 00:18:02,508 --> 00:18:04,676 - That was unfortunate. - She told me about that. 432 00:18:04,678 --> 00:18:07,945 She also said you give really great head. 433 00:18:07,947 --> 00:18:09,613 - She did? - Mm-hmm. 434 00:18:09,615 --> 00:18:12,283 - That is so sweet of her. - I know. She's sweet. 435 00:18:12,285 --> 00:18:14,751 That is just a very nice thing to say about a person. 436 00:18:14,753 --> 00:18:16,086 Will you give her my best? 437 00:18:16,088 --> 00:18:17,988 Absolutely. 438 00:18:17,990 --> 00:18:21,292 Speaking of which, what do you think defines great head? 439 00:18:21,294 --> 00:18:24,428 Oh, well, I-I guess you'd have to ask the head-getter. 440 00:18:24,430 --> 00:18:26,530 Well, I mean, I've had good head, 441 00:18:26,532 --> 00:18:28,799 but I don't know what makes it great. 442 00:18:28,801 --> 00:18:32,703 I think you have to treat the "bagina" like a person. 443 00:18:32,705 --> 00:18:34,971 And--and how do you treat a person? 444 00:18:34,973 --> 00:18:37,440 Like you yourself would want to be treated. 445 00:18:37,442 --> 00:18:38,942 I understand what you're saying. 446 00:18:38,944 --> 00:18:41,477 It just sounds so intellectual. 447 00:18:41,479 --> 00:18:44,114 After all, isn't it important for a writer to show 448 00:18:44,116 --> 00:18:46,449 and not to tell? 449 00:18:46,451 --> 00:18:49,619 Oh, my. Oh, dear. 450 00:18:49,621 --> 00:18:52,355 You do make a valid point. 451 00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:56,659 Permission to come aboard? 452 00:18:56,661 --> 00:18:58,728 Permission granted. 453 00:19:07,839 --> 00:19:09,338 You're a very pleasant actress, very agreeable. 454 00:19:09,340 --> 00:19:11,573 - Oh. - Hmm? I can do better. 455 00:19:11,575 --> 00:19:14,110 Oh, hello. 456 00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:15,510 - Hi. - Hello. 457 00:19:15,512 --> 00:19:16,779 Sorry. 458 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:19,281 Hi. No, no. 459 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:20,815 - Hello. - Hi. 460 00:19:20,817 --> 00:19:22,851 Amy Taylor Walsh. It is lovely to meet you. 461 00:19:22,853 --> 00:19:24,652 I believe we're gonna be working together. 462 00:19:24,654 --> 00:19:26,721 Nice to meet you. I'm a huge fan. 463 00:19:26,723 --> 00:19:29,223 - Great. - Me too. I'm a huge fan. 464 00:19:32,762 --> 00:19:34,995 Yeah. Um, sorry about that. 465 00:19:34,997 --> 00:19:36,864 It's none of my beeswax. 466 00:19:36,866 --> 00:19:38,733 Hmm. What's going on? 467 00:19:38,735 --> 00:19:41,501 Um, well, Hashtag asked me to go for a ride in his Bentley. 468 00:19:41,503 --> 00:19:43,503 That's probably not a good idea. 469 00:19:43,505 --> 00:19:45,239 What, like going down on the female lead of the show? 470 00:19:45,241 --> 00:19:46,573 Much like that. 471 00:19:46,575 --> 00:19:48,375 You should probably keep the flirtation 472 00:19:48,377 --> 00:19:50,110 - with Hashtag to a minimum. - I'm not flirting with him. 473 00:19:50,112 --> 00:19:51,879 He's just really fucking funny. 474 00:19:51,881 --> 00:19:54,047 He is fucking funny, and Rath is fucking jealous. 475 00:19:54,049 --> 00:19:55,983 God, so much fuss over an actress 476 00:19:55,985 --> 00:19:57,917 who hasn't worked in 20 years-- it's so fun. 477 00:19:57,919 --> 00:20:00,219 What can I say? You get the boys all hot and bothered. 478 00:20:00,221 --> 00:20:02,088 Well, it's not like I'm some commodity. 479 00:20:02,090 --> 00:20:05,091 I mean, I'm not interested in Rath or Hashtag or anyone. 480 00:20:05,093 --> 00:20:07,160 I'm just really happy to have an acting job. 481 00:20:07,162 --> 00:20:08,695 Mm-hmm. 482 00:20:08,697 --> 00:20:10,263 And I-I don't want to complicate my life. 483 00:20:10,265 --> 00:20:12,231 Like when we kissed, I really learned from that. 484 00:20:12,233 --> 00:20:14,366 That's right--we kissed. I totally forgot about that. 485 00:20:14,368 --> 00:20:15,734 You forgot that we kissed? 486 00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:17,236 No, it was just a figure of speech. 487 00:20:17,238 --> 00:20:20,006 Of course I remember. And it was very nice. 488 00:20:20,008 --> 00:20:23,176 It was nice. It was a familiar surprise. 489 00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:25,778 It was a perfect storm of booze and nitrous. 490 00:20:25,780 --> 00:20:27,413 I was very vulnerable in that chair. 491 00:20:27,415 --> 00:20:28,848 You totally took advantage of me. 492 00:20:28,850 --> 00:20:30,216 You manipulated me 493 00:20:30,218 --> 00:20:32,250 with all these bullshit compliments 494 00:20:32,252 --> 00:20:34,420 about what a great mother I am. 495 00:20:34,422 --> 00:20:36,054 It wasn't bullshit. You are a great mother. 496 00:20:36,056 --> 00:20:38,156 - You're a fantastic mother. - Don't do that. 497 00:20:38,158 --> 00:20:39,591 Mother Teresa's got nothing on you. 498 00:20:39,593 --> 00:20:41,393 That's mean. 499 00:20:41,395 --> 00:20:43,061 You're probably a better kisser than she ever was, and-- 500 00:20:43,063 --> 00:20:44,896 but who knows? Maybe she had a rocking bod 501 00:20:44,898 --> 00:20:46,432 underneath that saintly frock. 502 00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:48,533 Just let me know when you want to kiss again. 503 00:20:48,535 --> 00:20:50,435 - You just went down on a girl. - Mmm. 504 00:20:50,437 --> 00:20:52,503 - Ew. - What if I brushed my teeth? 505 00:20:52,505 --> 00:20:54,439 Come on, that's got to be a bit of a turn-on-- 506 00:20:54,441 --> 00:20:56,507 me offering to brush my teeth? 507 00:20:56,509 --> 00:21:00,712 - Why did you go down on her? - It's a long story. 508 00:21:00,714 --> 00:21:03,414 But she heard I gave good head. That's--you know... 509 00:21:03,416 --> 00:21:06,384 You do give good head. I mean, I don't know. 510 00:21:06,386 --> 00:21:09,153 I don't even remember. It was so long ago. 511 00:21:09,155 --> 00:21:10,588 Oh, fuck. 512 00:21:10,590 --> 00:21:12,323 - What? - I think I'm hard. 513 00:21:12,325 --> 00:21:15,259 Is that from before or from us? 514 00:21:15,261 --> 00:21:16,894 Who can tell? I can't differentiate. 515 00:21:16,896 --> 00:21:18,730 I mean, I-I don't know that I'd want to. 516 00:21:18,732 --> 00:21:23,100 But I think there's only one way to defuse this situation. 517 00:21:23,102 --> 00:21:26,270 How? 518 00:21:26,272 --> 00:21:28,906 Aah, get that pussy mouth away from me! 519 00:21:34,780 --> 00:21:36,813 No, no! 520 00:21:38,917 --> 00:21:40,550 What the fuck? 521 00:21:40,552 --> 00:21:42,652 I told you this motherfucker like to stick his pecker 522 00:21:42,654 --> 00:21:43,720 where it don't belong. 523 00:21:43,722 --> 00:21:45,389 Hey, I decide whose pecker 524 00:21:45,391 --> 00:21:47,491 goes in here and whose doesn't, okay? 525 00:21:47,493 --> 00:21:49,726 And you're a very charming and funny guy, 526 00:21:49,728 --> 00:21:51,595 but I'm a single mom, and I'm not easily wooed, 527 00:21:51,597 --> 00:21:52,996 even with a Bentley. 528 00:21:52,998 --> 00:21:54,797 I got--I got a Ferrari. 529 00:21:54,799 --> 00:21:57,300 And, Rick, I really enjoyed our date. 530 00:21:57,302 --> 00:21:59,503 And I-I'm so grateful to you for giving me an acting job 531 00:21:59,504 --> 00:22:01,637 and making my childhood dreams come true, 532 00:22:01,639 --> 00:22:04,073 but if the job comes with strings attached, 533 00:22:04,075 --> 00:22:05,541 then I cannot and will not do it. 534 00:22:05,543 --> 00:22:07,377 No, no. No strings attached. 535 00:22:07,379 --> 00:22:09,112 The job is yours, Julia. 536 00:22:09,114 --> 00:22:11,814 I'll think about it. 537 00:22:11,816 --> 00:22:14,483 What you waiting for, Rath? Fire his fucking ass. 538 00:22:14,485 --> 00:22:16,552 You don't tell me who to hire and who to fire. 539 00:22:16,554 --> 00:22:18,020 It's my fucking show. 540 00:22:18,022 --> 00:22:20,188 My character is the fucking show. 541 00:22:20,190 --> 00:22:21,323 And who says it's your fucking character? 542 00:22:21,325 --> 00:22:22,625 Nice. 543 00:22:22,627 --> 00:22:23,626 And what the fuck are you doing? 544 00:22:23,628 --> 00:22:24,860 You know I like her. 545 00:22:24,862 --> 00:22:26,561 I know it looked like funny business, 546 00:22:26,563 --> 00:22:28,330 but it was just a tickle fight-- I swear to God, honestly. 547 00:22:28,332 --> 00:22:32,367 Rath, you are not gonna like this. 548 00:22:32,369 --> 00:22:34,202 There's fucking in the pool. 549 00:22:34,204 --> 00:22:36,371 Motherfuckers! 550 00:22:36,373 --> 00:22:38,506 Motherfuckers! 551 00:22:45,047 --> 00:22:47,114 Nine fucking bathrooms in the fucking house, 552 00:22:47,116 --> 00:22:49,617 and the asshole's got to screw in my pool, huh? 553 00:22:49,619 --> 00:22:53,054 Hey, Leon, I was very clear-- 554 00:22:53,056 --> 00:22:54,522 no fucking in my pool. 555 00:22:54,524 --> 00:22:56,458 Levon, what are you doing? 556 00:22:56,460 --> 00:22:58,860 Nikki, I'm paying you very good money 557 00:22:58,862 --> 00:23:00,361 to be my date tonight. 558 00:23:00,363 --> 00:23:02,363 No, I know, Stu. I'm really sorry. 559 00:23:02,365 --> 00:23:04,365 I just wanted to make a little extra cash. 560 00:23:04,367 --> 00:23:07,068 And honestly, he said that Hank would take care of it. 561 00:23:07,070 --> 00:23:08,735 So, really, this is all on you. 562 00:23:08,737 --> 00:23:10,704 I told you I wasn't gonna lend you that money. 563 00:23:10,706 --> 00:23:12,873 I know, but then my head got all cloudy. 564 00:23:12,875 --> 00:23:14,075 God, this is how young people 565 00:23:14,077 --> 00:23:15,443 get in trouble with credit cards. 566 00:23:15,445 --> 00:23:18,244 She's a hooker? You're a hooker? 567 00:23:18,246 --> 00:23:20,013 Yeah, pretty much. 568 00:23:20,015 --> 00:23:21,682 But on the upside, I get tested, 569 00:23:21,684 --> 00:23:23,851 like, all the time, so we're good. 570 00:23:23,853 --> 00:23:25,085 This is so upsetting. 571 00:23:25,087 --> 00:23:26,687 You lost your virginity to a hooker. 572 00:23:26,689 --> 00:23:28,388 Not--not just. I mean-- 573 00:23:28,390 --> 00:23:30,858 - Hey, now. - I'm--don't be upset, mom. 574 00:23:30,860 --> 00:23:32,425 I mean, she's really cool. 575 00:23:32,427 --> 00:23:35,261 She--she's the coolest. I think I'm in love. 576 00:23:35,263 --> 00:23:36,529 Aw. 577 00:23:36,531 --> 00:23:37,797 You're in love with a hooker? 578 00:23:37,799 --> 00:23:39,232 No, actually, this is pretty common. 579 00:23:39,234 --> 00:23:40,900 Guys fall in love with me all the time. 580 00:23:40,902 --> 00:23:42,735 We never should've moved to L.A. 581 00:23:42,737 --> 00:23:44,237 Did you use a condom, honey? 582 00:23:44,239 --> 00:23:46,306 - Yes. - Good. 583 00:23:46,308 --> 00:23:48,108 I'm really sorry, mom--Hank was just trying to help me out. 584 00:23:48,110 --> 00:23:49,876 I should've left it alone. I should've been content 585 00:23:49,878 --> 00:23:51,711 having sex with her once and called it a day. 586 00:23:51,713 --> 00:23:53,679 But, no, I had to fly too close to the sun. 587 00:23:53,681 --> 00:23:56,749 - This isn't the first time? - Here we go. 588 00:23:56,751 --> 00:23:58,618 I'm sorry. I-I can't lie to my moms. 589 00:23:58,620 --> 00:24:00,319 Don't blame Hank. He thought he was doing the right thing. 590 00:24:00,321 --> 00:24:01,821 And he totally was. 591 00:24:01,823 --> 00:24:03,422 I've never felt better in my whole life. 592 00:24:03,424 --> 00:24:05,257 I feel like a great weight has been lifted, mom. 593 00:24:05,259 --> 00:24:07,292 I'm glad dad got me a hooker. 594 00:24:07,294 --> 00:24:11,196 You got him a hooker? 595 00:24:11,198 --> 00:24:12,931 The way in which you ask that makes me think 596 00:24:12,933 --> 00:24:16,301 you don't think it's a very good idea. 597 00:24:20,273 --> 00:24:22,641 All: Oh! - Oh, yes, okay. 598 00:24:22,643 --> 00:24:25,944 Not a very good idea at all. I'm sorry, Julia. 599 00:24:25,946 --> 00:24:27,979 I-I thought I was doing a good thing. 600 00:24:27,981 --> 00:24:29,447 Don't worry, dad. 601 00:24:29,449 --> 00:24:31,816 I-I-I'll smooth it out for you. I promise. 602 00:24:31,818 --> 00:24:33,284 You happy now, Rath? 603 00:24:33,286 --> 00:24:34,920 Okay, not now, Goldie, not now. 604 00:24:34,922 --> 00:24:36,755 This is the fucking ship that you run. 605 00:24:36,757 --> 00:24:38,423 Yes, this is the ship I run. Look at me. 606 00:24:38,425 --> 00:24:40,824 I'm captain of the HMS Fucktard. 607 00:24:40,826 --> 00:24:42,427 That's why I'm gonna take it out from underneath you, 608 00:24:42,429 --> 00:24:44,128 - because you don't deserve it. - Be my guest. 609 00:24:44,130 --> 00:24:47,098 Knock yourself out steering this ship of fools. 610 00:24:47,100 --> 00:24:48,499 I will. You tell him, Charlie. 611 00:24:48,501 --> 00:24:50,168 - Tell him. - Huh? Tell him what? 612 00:24:50,170 --> 00:24:51,936 Tell him he's disrespected me for the last time. 613 00:24:51,938 --> 00:24:53,438 Oh, oh, okay. 614 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:54,972 Rath, I think what Goldie means to say is-- 615 00:24:54,974 --> 00:24:56,674 Shut the fuck up now. 616 00:24:56,676 --> 00:24:59,009 Shutting the fuck up now. 617 00:24:59,011 --> 00:25:00,978 - You fucking pussy. - What? 618 00:25:00,980 --> 00:25:02,312 What, does your suit come with tampons? 619 00:25:06,151 --> 00:25:07,851 Does that suit come with tampons? 620 00:25:07,853 --> 00:25:10,320 See, that's funny, right? If it's funny, I laugh. 621 00:25:10,322 --> 00:25:12,322 You are actually fucking funny. 622 00:25:12,324 --> 00:25:14,491 - Am I actually fucking funny? - Yeah. 623 00:25:14,493 --> 00:25:16,560 - Fuck you, Hashtag! All: Oh! 624 00:25:16,562 --> 00:25:18,328 What the fuck is wrong with you, woman? 625 00:25:18,330 --> 00:25:19,662 You think you can get away with calling me a bitch? 626 00:25:19,664 --> 00:25:20,897 I didn't call you a bitch. 627 00:25:20,899 --> 00:25:22,599 I have respect for all womankind. 628 00:25:22,601 --> 00:25:24,501 I simply said, "I don't take pitches from bitches. 629 00:25:24,503 --> 00:25:25,902 Y'all use too many words." That's it. 630 00:25:25,904 --> 00:25:27,804 Oh. Oh, okay. That's a lot better. 631 00:25:27,806 --> 00:25:30,306 You tell him he can't talk to me like that. Represent! 632 00:25:30,308 --> 00:25:32,475 Actually, I agree with everything he says. 633 00:25:32,477 --> 00:25:35,011 My own wife, Marcy, when she talks at me, 634 00:25:35,013 --> 00:25:37,814 the sheer volume of words-- it makes my ears bleed. 635 00:25:37,816 --> 00:25:39,682 Oh, this bald motherfucker knows of which he speaks. 636 00:25:39,684 --> 00:25:41,317 That's right. Thank you very much. 637 00:25:41,319 --> 00:25:43,185 All right. Oh, one of those too. I like that one. 638 00:25:43,187 --> 00:25:44,220 - Excuse me. - What? 639 00:25:44,222 --> 00:25:45,754 You're fucking fired! 640 00:25:45,756 --> 00:25:47,689 And you're fucking batshit crazy, Goldie. 641 00:25:47,691 --> 00:25:49,525 All: Oh! 642 00:25:49,527 --> 00:25:51,660 Oh, hey! Be nice to my agent. 643 00:25:51,662 --> 00:25:54,263 Yo, Rath, where the fuck you find these writers, man? 644 00:25:54,265 --> 00:25:55,964 You just pull outside of a Home Depot and say, 645 00:25:55,966 --> 00:25:58,267 "Hop the fuck in"? 646 00:25:58,269 --> 00:26:00,802 These are some seriously tweaked motherfuckers. 647 00:26:00,804 --> 00:26:03,705 All: Oh! 648 00:26:03,707 --> 00:26:06,474 - Shit, shit. - Goldie. 649 00:26:16,052 --> 00:26:18,486 Riddle me this, Runks. 650 00:26:18,488 --> 00:26:19,820 How can I be in the doghouse 651 00:26:19,822 --> 00:26:21,956 with a woman I'm not even dating, 652 00:26:21,958 --> 00:26:24,892 and why do I care so fucking much? 653 00:26:28,264 --> 00:26:30,131 Do you think you still have a job? 654 00:26:30,133 --> 00:26:32,066 I don't know. 655 00:26:32,068 --> 00:26:34,035 You think Goldie still has a job? 656 00:26:34,037 --> 00:26:38,039 My guess would be "Fuck, no." 657 00:26:38,041 --> 00:26:42,143 - What's wrong, pickle lips? - I'm broke, Hank. 658 00:26:42,145 --> 00:26:43,744 You mean like broke broke? 659 00:26:43,746 --> 00:26:46,947 Like totally and utterly broke. 660 00:26:46,949 --> 00:26:49,717 Like "I don't know how I'm gonna pay the rent next month" broke. 661 00:26:49,719 --> 00:26:54,288 Like--like--like the kind of broke that forces a man 662 00:26:54,290 --> 00:26:57,123 to do something desperate. 663 00:26:57,125 --> 00:26:58,958 I'm not gonna give you 20%, Charlie. 664 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,461 My next paycheck has to go to supporting 665 00:27:01,463 --> 00:27:02,962 my son's new hooker habit. 666 00:27:07,768 --> 00:27:09,669 We're so fucking fucked. 667 00:27:09,671 --> 00:27:12,271 Yes, we are fucking fucked, but we've been fucked before... 668 00:27:14,209 --> 00:27:17,177 in the ass, legs pinned behind our ears, 669 00:27:17,179 --> 00:27:18,644 not a drop of lube. 670 00:27:18,646 --> 00:27:21,380 But we always come out smiling. You know why? 671 00:27:21,382 --> 00:27:24,710 'Cause that's just the kind of happy-go-lucky sluts we are, 672 00:27:24,830 --> 00:27:25,618 my man. 673 00:27:25,620 --> 00:27:28,654 ♪ These are the days of miracle and wonder ♪ 674 00:27:28,656 --> 00:27:31,624 ♪ this is the long-distance call ♪ 675 00:27:31,626 --> 00:27:35,294 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 676 00:27:35,296 --> 00:27:38,664 ♪ the way we look to us all 677 00:27:38,666 --> 00:27:41,600 ♪ the way we look to a distant constellation ♪ 678 00:27:41,602 --> 00:27:45,670 ♪ that's dying in a corner of the sky ♪ 679 00:27:45,672 --> 00:27:48,607 ♪ these are the days of miracle and wonder ♪ 680 00:27:48,609 --> 00:27:50,808 ♪ don't cry, baby, don't cry ♪ 681 00:27:50,810 --> 00:27:53,378 ♪ don't cry, don't cry ♪ 682 00:28:01,343 --> 00:28:05,443 re-sync'd for DAA release by Cookie Monsta