1
00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:09,942
Fuck off. Go away.
2
00:00:10,110 --> 00:00:11,873
Previously on Californication:
3
00:00:12,045 --> 00:00:14,036
And what's this big fan
gonna do with me?
4
00:00:14,214 --> 00:00:16,409
Hey, you, I'm somebody's mother.
5
00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:17,607
You're not mine, love.
6
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:20,685
- This is Chris. He's in my yoga class.
- Bye. Bye, now.
7
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,412
My dick isn't working.
8
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:24,716
I can't make sweet love to my wife.
9
00:00:24,891 --> 00:00:26,518
You have another family.
10
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:32,290
The bottom has just officially
dropped out of our relationship.
11
00:00:32,465 --> 00:00:33,932
I have a proposal for you.
12
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,692
I want to sleep with Marcy again.
13
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,359
What is wrong with you?
14
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,027
I don't know.
15
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,906
- What the fuck?
- I'm grateful to you...
16
00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:45,874
...for giving me a job,
but if the job comes with strings...
17
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:49,447
...then I cannot and will not do it.
- I'm broke, Hank.
18
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:52,744
The kind of broke that forces a man
to do something desperate.
19
00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:56,946
Nikki, I'm paying you very good money
to be my date tonight.
20
00:00:57,123 --> 00:01:00,058
I wanted to make extra cash.
He said Hank would take care of it.
21
00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:01,784
You got him a hooker?
22
00:01:01,961 --> 00:01:04,230
We never should've moved to L.A.
23
00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:19,340
- That is good.
- Oh, my God, that's so good.
24
00:01:19,512 --> 00:01:21,878
Yeah, I love it when you pull...
25
00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:25,311
- You again?
- Hello, Hank.
26
00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:27,749
- What the fuck is this?
- None of your business.
27
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,889
I'm not sure that's entirely true, Karen.
28
00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:33,753
- What are you doing here?
- That's none of your fucking business.
29
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,054
- Okay, let's get out.
- No, if you must know...
30
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:38,493
...I came by to give you
an ounce of satisfaction.
31
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:42,101
Julia found out about the whole hooker
thing, and was most displeased.
32
00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:44,031
She slapped me, hard.
33
00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:48,168
- Good for her.
- I also came by to give you this.
34
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:53,103
- What the fuck is this?
- I got paid for my episode. You need it.
35
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,213
I don't see you working,
when you are...
36
00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:59,340
...you're working on sketches, playing
with models, that can't be very lucrative.
37
00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:03,216
- What the fuck are you doing?
- You cannot buy my forgiveness.
38
00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:07,382
I'm not trying to buy anything, least of all
forgiveness, haven't done anything wrong.
39
00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:10,788
Could you leave, please?
40
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,159
But I don't feel like
we've settled anything.
41
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:16,029
- There is nothing to settle, Hank.
- Hank.
42
00:02:16,402 --> 00:02:20,498
- I believe the lady asked you to leave.
- Oh, do not start with me, yoga man.
43
00:02:20,673 --> 00:02:23,039
You are very rude, Hank.
44
00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:25,677
- Oh, I'm rude? I'm rude?
- Very rude.
45
00:02:25,845 --> 00:02:27,836
I'm onto your shtick.
I know what you do.
46
00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:31,973
You prey on all these heartbroken,
horny Westside women.
47
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,245
This Westside woman
is not heartbroken.
48
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:37,753
I notice you didn't say "not horny,"
Karen. Know what they call that?
49
00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:40,222
- That's a sin of omission.
- Let's go.
50
00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:43,157
- Hey, don't get handsy with me, bro.
- You need to leave.
51
00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:51,531
Fuck, that hurt.
52
00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,343
Yeah.
53
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:01,275
That's right. That happened.
54
00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:01,940
- Did you get in a fight?
- Shut up. Where's Levon?
55
00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:03,598
Oh, he called in sick today.
56
00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:05,869
- Where's Rath?
- He's eating in his office.
57
00:04:06,045 --> 00:04:07,478
Is that normal?
58
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,911
Only when he's seriously pissed off.
59
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,916
- Has he given you notes yet?
- No, radio silence.
60
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,247
- Is that normal?
- Happens to me all the time.
61
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:19,084
Sometimes, he doesn't say anything
at all. And then rewrites every word.
62
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,124
Maybe he just doesn't like your writing.
63
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:23,858
No, no, no, he loves my writing.
64
00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:26,225
Bullshit. He hates your writing.
65
00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:27,457
He says that out loud.
66
00:04:27,967 --> 00:04:29,491
That's really mean, Alonzo.
67
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:31,227
It's not me saying it.
68
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:34,134
- I don't hate your writing.
- I hate your writing.
69
00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:38,541
Sit and spin, Terry. Sit and spin.
70
00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:42,169
I like your writing, sweetie, when
you're not trying too hard to be cool.
71
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:47,108
Which is a lot.
Stop looking at me like that.
72
00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:56,155
- Page one rewrite.
- Jesus, that bad?
73
00:04:57,163 --> 00:05:00,826
I may not be happy with you right now
for a variety of damn good reasons...
74
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,197
...but I'm too much of a professional
to let that influence the read.
75
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,997
The writing's fine.
76
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:09,198
Little smart-alecky, like you're
trying too hard to be cool...
77
00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:12,003
...like fucking Hugh over there.
78
00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:14,806
That is the meanest thing
anybody's ever said to me.
79
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,882
But here's the real problem:
Just got off the phone with Julia.
80
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:22,613
She doesn't want the part. We don't have
time to recast. This is a thread-puller.
81
00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:27,021
Without her, the whole story falls apart,
so cancel your plans...
82
00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:29,923
...because we're staying in tonight.
83
00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:32,087
Gang bang.
84
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,008
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?
85
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,704
Came here to try and
talk some sense into you, woman.
86
00:05:48,881 --> 00:05:50,872
You just don't want to
rewrite your script.
87
00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:53,716
You enjoying the view, pal?
88
00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:55,279
Behave yourself, Lou.
89
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,320
It's not about not rewriting a script.
90
00:05:57,490 --> 00:06:00,550
It's about me trying to prevent you
from not chasing your dreams.
91
00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:02,854
I don't want you to look back
and have regrets.
92
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,997
Oh, I have regrets.
I have tons of regrets.
93
00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:08,793
I'm trying to minimize those regrets
by not being around you...
94
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:11,436
...or Rick Rath or Hashtag Black.
You're all crazy.
95
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:15,466
I knew it was too good to be true. Nobody
does anything decent for a person...
96
00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:18,576
...without wanting something in return,
especially a guy.
97
00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:21,543
Hello, hello. What's all this?
98
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,108
Levon's dad.
99
00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:25,374
So this is Levon's father.
100
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,883
Well, there hasn't been a test
or anything yet...
101
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,579
...but I am proceeding
as though I am, yes.
102
00:06:30,757 --> 00:06:33,089
Dr. Daniel Allen, DDS.
You can call me Dr. Dan.
103
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:36,593
If I must.
Nice to meet you, Dental Dan. Hank.
104
00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:39,630
Let me handle this, Julia.
Step into my office, Hank?
105
00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:44,634
Well, I've been eager to meet you, Hank.
106
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:47,705
- You have?
- Yes, I have.
107
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,498
Why?
108
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,838
Well, because Julia means
a great deal to this office, Hank.
109
00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:58,377
From what I gather, you are a serious
threat to her happiness and well-being...
110
00:06:58,551 --> 00:07:01,952
...which is ultimately a serious threat
to my happiness and well-being.
111
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:07,152
You have designs on her, don't you?
112
00:07:08,294 --> 00:07:10,023
I don't know what you're insinuating.
113
00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:13,996
I'm insinuating that you're
one horny fucking dentist, Dr. Dan.
114
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:17,466
Well, I am quite fond of her,
if that's what you mean.
115
00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:19,070
Of course.
116
00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:20,637
She's quite fond-able.
117
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,471
All right.
118
00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:31,345
You know, I didn't want to be an
astronaut when I grew up, Hank.
119
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,417
I didn't want to play for the Yankees.
120
00:07:33,586 --> 00:07:35,850
Not me, I wanted to be a dentist...
121
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:38,547
...and I wanted to marry
a busty, blond hygienist.
122
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:40,015
Oh, my.
123
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:43,594
When Julia walked in my office
that very first time...
124
00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:44,991
...I knew she was the one.
125
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,999
Is she aware of her role
in your manifest destiny?
126
00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:53,901
Well, we haven't discussed it per se...
127
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,170
...but chemistry is quite palpable.
128
00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:59,507
We are very good for one another,
we're a team.
129
00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:03,680
Isn't that the very definition
of a great relationship, teamwork?
130
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:08,878
I thought it was laughter, hot sex,
and the occasional Dutch oven.
131
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:10,818
At least that's what my grandma said.
132
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,457
Yeah.
133
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:14,252
Look, don't...
134
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:18,727
Just please don't get her hopes up with
this acting hoo-ha, Hank, all right?
135
00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:20,331
It's cruel.
136
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,092
Look, I'm glad we had this talk.
137
00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:25,999
Oh, me too, Dr. Dan, me fucking too.
138
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:30,609
Hey, can you do me a favor?
Just stay away from the office, okay?
139
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:35,139
We're all about preserving smiles here,
you know, "miles of smiles."
140
00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:37,544
That's my motto. You got it?
141
00:08:38,951 --> 00:08:41,749
- Yeah, I got it.
- Okay.
142
00:08:57,303 --> 00:09:00,363
- Here you go.
- Oh, thank you very much.
143
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,373
- You're welcome.
- My lunch today.
144
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:12,350
Krull?
145
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:14,383
Hey, how's it going, Churchill?
146
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,887
- What are you doing here?
- What's it look like I'm doing here?
147
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:20,389
Why aren't you on the road
with Atticus right now?
148
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:22,718
I've retired.
149
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,590
I drove Hank back to see his lady...
150
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:27,597
...and I found myself
not wanting to turn around...
151
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:30,759
...and go back on the road
with that fucking nutcase.
152
00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:33,399
I've had enough, pal.
153
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:37,031
Been around the world
too many times, too many lunatics.
154
00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:40,144
Hank inspired me
to look up the love of me own life.
155
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:42,838
Really? That's fantastic.
156
00:09:43,015 --> 00:09:45,142
- How'd that work out for you?
- Not so great.
157
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,580
Turns out she's dead.
158
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:51,684
- Bummer.
- Yeah, how'd it work out for Hank?
159
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:54,058
Not so great, yeah.
160
00:09:54,226 --> 00:09:57,992
I mean, she's alive and everything,
but wasn't so keen on rekindling.
161
00:09:58,164 --> 00:09:59,495
It's a long story.
162
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:00,996
Oh, well.
163
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,293
Time to relax.
164
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:04,663
Time to work on me motorbikes
and me memoirs.
165
00:10:05,871 --> 00:10:09,967
- I bet you've seen some shit, huh, Krull?
- Oh, I've seen some shit all right, mate.
166
00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:13,168
The dirty life and times
of a rock 'n' roll butler.
167
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,973
Yeah? Who is it you've worked for?
168
00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:18,048
- Well, Atticus, obviously.
- Obviously.
169
00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:19,946
Let's see, now.
170
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:24,850
Bowie, Stones,
Bad Company, Hendrix...
171
00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:29,051
...Paul McCartney, Ringo,
Fleetwood Mac, the E*agles.
172
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:35,491
Pistols, Motörhead, Mötley Crüe,
Clapton, Sabbath, Ozzy.
173
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:38,136
Jesus, that's gonna be
some fucking memoir.
174
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,864
- It's a storied life.
- Have you written any of it down?
175
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:45,306
Yeah, all of it, stacks of pages.
I don't think I'm much of a writer, though.
176
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:49,039
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be the judge of that.
Are there pages I could look at?
177
00:10:49,448 --> 00:10:52,178
- Sure, I suppose.
- Cool, let's go.
178
00:10:52,351 --> 00:10:54,046
What, now?
179
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:55,346
I'm bleeding working.
180
00:10:56,122 --> 00:10:58,784
There's no time like the present, Krull.
181
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:12,697
- What are you doing?
- I don't know.
182
00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:15,466
- Really needed a "me" day.
- You did, did you?
183
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:16,665
Yeah.
184
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,810
Shit's fucked up
around here right now.
185
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:21,811
Mom's pissed,
talking about moving to New York.
186
00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:23,915
Thinks I've lost my morals.
187
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:27,211
She doesn't realize
I never really had any in the first place.
188
00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:32,584
I gotta convince her to do this thing,
and when I say "I," I mean "we."
189
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:34,556
She doesn't want to do it.
190
00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:37,821
She thinks show business
is all fucked up and corruptive and shit.
191
00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:39,589
She's right.
192
00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:44,134
Doesn't want me to work for the show.
She thinks you're a bad influence on me.
193
00:11:44,937 --> 00:11:46,302
I am.
194
00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:47,666
It's cool, though.
195
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,332
If she decides to pack it up and move
back home, I'll just move in with you.
196
00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:53,501
- What?
- I'll move in with you, at Charlie's.
197
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,773
Or we'll get our own place.
How fucking cool would that be?
198
00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:02,053
Here. Here.
199
00:12:12,364 --> 00:12:15,424
That Dr. Dan is a real fucking creeper.
200
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,398
I hate that fucking guy.
201
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,505
He's always staring at mom's tits,
trying to be buddies with me.
202
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,766
I call him Dr. Dick.
203
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,204
Well played.
204
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:26,810
Mom gets mad.
She says I have to respect my elders.
205
00:12:26,979 --> 00:12:29,777
- But that guy creeps me the fuck out.
- Yeah.
206
00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:33,715
- We gotta do something.
- Yeah, we do, definitely.
207
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:41,620
Well, tomorrow's another day, right?
208
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:46,730
This is really cool,
smoking weed with you and shit.
209
00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:48,366
- Get up, we gotta go.
- What?
210
00:12:48,801 --> 00:12:51,235
Yeah, you got a toothache,
you gotta see the dentist.
211
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:53,268
I'm not going anywhere,
I'm high as fuck.
212
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,532
That's why you called in sick today.
Come on.
213
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:57,335
- I did?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
214
00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:05,877
- He's so sad without you, missus.
- I know, I know, Irma...
215
00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:09,248
...but he let some C-list skank blow him.
What was I supposed to do?
216
00:13:09,421 --> 00:13:10,854
Nada, he's just a man.
217
00:13:11,023 --> 00:13:13,253
His pene grande
make him do stupid things.
218
00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:14,824
You come back?
219
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:16,120
You put perfect?
220
00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:21,131
Marcy, is that you?
221
00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:23,997
Please tell me you're not a mirage.
222
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:28,129
- What's the deal with the hookers, Stu?
- You found out about that.
223
00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:32,275
Yeah, you sent one of them to me
to get her snatch waxed. Hello.
224
00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:35,242
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I did put in a good word for you.
225
00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:37,814
I thought maybe you could use the biz.
226
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:41,942
Well, thanks for your concern
over my financial well-being...
227
00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:45,181
...but why are you
banging hookers all of a sudden?
228
00:13:49,094 --> 00:13:52,962
Well, I don't want to be in a relationship
with anyone, Marcy.
229
00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:55,123
- You broke my heart.
- I broke...?
230
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:58,065
You broke my heart.
You cheated on me.
231
00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:02,401
Two very rough and toothy blow jobs,
Marcy, not silky like yours.
232
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,600
The orgasms were painful.
233
00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:08,069
It was like coming
into a broken beer bottle.
234
00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:10,579
I don't want to get into this shit
with you, Stu.
235
00:14:10,749 --> 00:14:13,377
- You know I have my needs.
- I know all about your needs.
236
00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:15,019
You're fucking insatiable.
237
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:19,521
Yeah, well, you have got
to get the toxins out, Marcy...
238
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:23,025
...somehow, some way. It's the
only thing that'll clear a man's head.
239
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,163
And so no muss, no fuss.
240
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:30,530
You know, it's a very honest transaction,
and it is an incredible business.
241
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,432
I mean, they make so much money.
242
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,436
Yeah, well, you're doing TV now.
243
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,576
Guess it was a matter of time
before you got into prostitution.
244
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:41,175
Well, that is low, Marcy,
and it is completely unfounded.
245
00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:44,145
When is the last time
you saw a good movie?
246
00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:47,180
This was a bad idea.
247
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:49,913
Wait, wait, wait, okay.
248
00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:52,457
Why have you come here?
249
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:55,788
Something must have
drawn you to me.
250
00:14:56,695 --> 00:15:01,496
Okay, well, I had this crazy idea
that I was gonna ask you for a loan...
251
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:04,465
...but Charlie was right.
No fucking way.
252
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:07,504
No, no, I don't do loans, Marcy.
253
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:09,936
But I would pay you.
254
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:12,604
For what?
255
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:16,509
To have sex with me?
256
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:17,808
Yeah.
257
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:20,952
One million dollars
to be inside of you again.
258
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,588
I'm not a fucking prostitute, Stu.
259
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,691
I know, that's why you're
such a high-value target.
260
00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:33,996
Okay, so you'd seriously
pay a million dollars to fuck me?
261
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:35,861
Yeah.
262
00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:40,501
In a heartbeat.
263
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:43,198
And it would be the most
delicious orgasm of my life...
264
00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:47,835
...and all of the money would go to my
favorite charity: You.
265
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,280
Jesus.
266
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:53,111
I don't know whether to be flattered
or throw the fuck up.
267
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:55,810
Or maybe you could let me
smell you for a few minutes.
268
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:57,979
- Okay.
- I could go pleasure myself.
269
00:15:58,157 --> 00:16:00,717
How much could I pay you for that?
270
00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:05,322
You are a sad
and desperate man, Stu.
271
00:16:05,497 --> 00:16:07,158
I am.
272
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:09,827
I fucked up!
273
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:13,062
The palace is crumbling
without you, Marcy!
274
00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:15,997
Marcy!
275
00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:21,504
- Hello, Rhonda.
- Levon.
276
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,910
Honey, are you all right?
277
00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:26,415
- I have a really bad toothache.
- Yeah.
278
00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:29,448
Real bad.
279
00:16:29,621 --> 00:16:31,680
Have either of you
been smoking marijuana?
280
00:16:33,292 --> 00:16:34,486
No way.
281
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,857
Well, how come it smells like
a rock concert in here all of a sudden?
282
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:42,092
Oh, no. Listen, go brush your teeth.
Your mother's gonna be furious.
283
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:44,567
Honey, what's wrong?
284
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:50,070
It seems like an impacted molar situation,
but what do I know?
285
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:56,946
- Are you sure you have a toothache?
- Not really.
286
00:16:57,549 --> 00:16:59,915
- Hank made me say it.
- Asshole.
287
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:04,515
- Have you been smoking pot?
- Yeah, I kind of needed a "me" day.
288
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:09,524
I understand.
289
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,255
Why are you so understanding
of his flaws, but not mine?
290
00:17:12,431 --> 00:17:14,399
He's my son.
You're just an amoral prick.
291
00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:19,731
Oh, I may be an unconventional parent,
and father does not always know best...
292
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:23,864
...but my heart is in the right place,
you know. I see a problem, I try to fix it.
293
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,637
Levon was a virgin,
that was bugging him.
294
00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:29,110
He's no longer a virgin.
I remedied that shit.
295
00:17:29,281 --> 00:17:33,411
But you, you're a bigger problem because
you're running away from your dream.
296
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:35,075
Why? Because you're scared.
297
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,085
- I'm not scared, no.
- You are scared.
298
00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:40,287
Don't like what's happened
since you've come into our lives.
299
00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:42,893
I don't want a job because
some guy wants to fuck me.
300
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:46,589
E*verybody wants to fuck you.
Get used to it. That's your lot in life.
301
00:17:46,765 --> 00:17:49,131
"Oh, woe is me.
E*verybody wants to fuck me."
302
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:51,394
You think this place
is any different from TV?
303
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,470
Dr. Dan has designs on you too,
you know.
304
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:55,436
- No, what are you talking about?
- Yeah.
305
00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:57,598
He wants to make you
his busty, blond bride.
306
00:17:57,776 --> 00:18:00,768
- That's ridiculous.
- It's not ridiculous, Julia.
307
00:18:01,346 --> 00:18:03,109
Dr. Dan. Not you too.
308
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:07,082
I'm afraid so, Julia, but you
can't pretend that you don't feel it.
309
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,344
Feel what, exactly?
310
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:09,987
What...?
311
00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:14,086
- The flow of energy between us.
- I really love working for you.
312
00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:18,423
Yes, but it's more than that.
It's the electricity that comes from...
313
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,428
...knowing you've found
your soul mate.
314
00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:26,595
Oh, God, we never even
went on a date.
315
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,673
I wasn't prepared
for this to happen today, Julia...
316
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:32,333
...but it seems this moment
wants to be seized.
317
00:18:32,978 --> 00:18:36,846
So here in front of my patients
and my staff...
318
00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:40,283
...I vow to provide you
with the most wonderful life.
319
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:44,047
- Girl...
- Happy wife, happy life.
320
00:18:45,390 --> 00:18:48,154
Dude, you are not proposing
to my mom now. This is not cool.
321
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:49,726
Mom, don't you dare say yes.
322
00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:52,455
Julia, let me take care of you.
Let me ease your burden.
323
00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:54,997
Being a single mother
has taken its toll on you...
324
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:57,328
...and it's robbed you of youth,
if not beauty.
325
00:18:57,769 --> 00:19:01,227
I know Levon,
he presents a great many challenges...
326
00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:05,137
...but I do believe in time I can learn
to love him as if he were my own.
327
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:08,404
He's already got someone
learning to do that: This guy.
328
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:10,741
I have a father.
He's not a fucking creeper.
329
00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:13,009
Hey, watch your language, son.
330
00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:16,416
I will not tolerate
that kind of talk in my home.
331
00:19:19,057 --> 00:19:20,888
I don't blame you, though.
332
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:23,926
It's obvious you just need
a positive male role model.
333
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:25,724
- Oh, honey.
- Oh, yeah.
334
00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:27,525
Levon!
335
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,760
You chubby, little fucking asshole.
336
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:32,665
Hey, don't talk to my son like...
337
00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:35,235
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
338
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:39,604
My tooth.
339
00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:41,245
You broke my fucking tooth.
340
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:44,610
- You're a goddamn animal.
- That's right, motherfucker.
341
00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:47,686
- I still got it. I still got it.
- Way to go, Dad.
342
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:55,890
Look what I found.
343
00:19:57,296 --> 00:20:00,527
Julia.
Have you had a change of heart?
344
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,826
- I'm in, I'm all in.
- Yeah.
345
00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:04,263
Music to my ears.
346
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,801
- Gang bang averted, kids.
- Yes.
347
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:10,441
- I fucking love gang bangs.
- Thank God.
348
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:13,703
I had some notes on the script,
some thoughts about my character.
349
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,369
What kind of thoughts?
350
00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:18,641
- Thank you, Hank. I really appreciate it.
- The least I could do.
351
00:20:19,851 --> 00:20:24,083
And, well, maybe I was withholding
a little bit about the writing.
352
00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:26,747
You did a good job.
You did a really good job.
353
00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:28,552
- Not like Hugh?
- Not like Hugh.
354
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:29,785
Thank goodness.
355
00:20:31,096 --> 00:20:33,291
- What?
- Don't forget what we talked about.
356
00:20:33,465 --> 00:20:34,989
Yeah. Levon was a big help today.
357
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,067
I couldn't have done it without him...
358
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:41,104
...and we were wondering if he could
audition for a small part at some point.
359
00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:43,741
- He'll just read for it.
- What do you think?
360
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:47,003
- Didn't you call in sick today?
- Well, he needed a "me" day.
361
00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:50,471
And you fucked in my pool.
362
00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:53,277
Yeah, I am really sorry about that.
363
00:20:53,452 --> 00:20:56,751
It was kind of, like, a bucket list thing.
364
00:20:59,658 --> 00:21:01,819
- Yeah, you can read for something.
- Awesome.
365
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:03,621
At some point, maybe.
366
00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:05,387
- Say thank you.
- Thank you so much.
367
00:21:05,564 --> 00:21:07,657
- Look him in the eye.
- You will not regret it.
368
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:11,325
Don't mention it.
All right, welcome back.
369
00:21:12,971 --> 00:21:16,668
I'm confused if this was the same day
as that or a different time.
370
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:19,106
- The same day.
- Hey, Marcy, hey.
371
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:22,111
- You remember Krull, right?
- Hello, missus.
372
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:25,045
What the fuck is he doing here?
373
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:29,119
Why are you being so rude
to a guest in our home?
374
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:31,882
Because the last time
this guest was in our home...
375
00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:34,855
...he asked me to give him suction.
- Okay.
376
00:21:35,027 --> 00:21:40,795
Well, it wasn't exactly our home
at that time, if you recall.
377
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,456
And the last time I was here...
378
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:45,728
...Atticus was eating a chocolate bar
out your front bottom.
379
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,904
- Jesus.
- Well, he was, actually, Marcy.
380
00:21:50,075 --> 00:21:53,135
Charlie, I need to speak
with you for a moment.
381
00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:55,246
Won't you please excuse us?
382
00:21:55,414 --> 00:21:58,008
Be right back, Krull. Just a second.
383
00:21:58,183 --> 00:22:00,617
- We're having a business meeting there.
- I know.
384
00:22:00,786 --> 00:22:02,686
- Wasn't a social hour.
- Listen, listen.
385
00:22:02,854 --> 00:22:04,412
What if I told you...
386
00:22:04,589 --> 00:22:08,025
...I know how we can get out from under
our current financial crisis?
387
00:22:08,193 --> 00:22:10,855
I do too. Krull has a memoir.
388
00:22:11,029 --> 00:22:14,988
He has the most incredible stories.
Marcy, he's been a rock 'n' roll butler.
389
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:19,001
- I can sell that shit. I know I can.
- For how much?
390
00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:22,663
Probably not so much,
but for something, you know?
391
00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:26,004
You know, something. E*nough to put us
back on the road to Wellville.
392
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,770
Okay.
393
00:22:28,580 --> 00:22:33,517
What if I told you I know how
we could make a million dollars?
394
00:22:35,954 --> 00:22:37,251
You've been talking to Stu.
395
00:22:37,422 --> 00:22:38,514
How did you know?
396
00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:40,453
Because he made me the same offer.
397
00:22:40,625 --> 00:22:41,785
Why didn't you tell me?
398
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,928
Because it's disgusting, Marcy.
399
00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:47,554
And crazy, and not at all how
human beings are supposed to behave.
400
00:22:47,733 --> 00:22:49,325
That's bullshit, Charlie!
401
00:22:49,501 --> 00:22:51,901
If a client gets an offer,
you bring it to them.
402
00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:54,300
I'm not your fucking pimp, Marcy.
403
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:59,609
Okay, look, I was pissed
when he first told me about it, okay?
404
00:22:59,778 --> 00:23:02,508
But when I was driving home,
I started to think about it.
405
00:23:02,681 --> 00:23:07,243
I thought: "What is the big fucking deal?
I fucked that guy a thousand times."
406
00:23:07,419 --> 00:23:09,387
You're not supposed to do it again.
407
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:13,422
- It's against human nature.
- Why?
408
00:23:16,528 --> 00:23:17,927
What if you enjoy it?
409
00:23:18,930 --> 00:23:20,397
Well...
410
00:23:21,066 --> 00:23:25,025
...I probably will, to some extent...
411
00:23:25,203 --> 00:23:27,671
...but I don't love him, Charlie.
412
00:23:28,373 --> 00:23:30,466
I love you.
413
00:23:30,642 --> 00:23:33,702
Okay? I don't think I ever loved Stu.
414
00:23:33,879 --> 00:23:37,371
I liked being loved by him...
415
00:23:37,549 --> 00:23:40,916
...and it felt good after all
the stupid shit we'd been through.
416
00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:44,146
And if the guy wants to
stick it in me for a million bucks...
417
00:23:44,623 --> 00:23:47,615
...and that million bucks keeps
us afloat for years to come...
418
00:23:47,793 --> 00:23:51,092
...baby, what is the big fucking deal?
419
00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:54,930
I guess when you put it like that...
420
00:23:55,667 --> 00:23:58,158
- Okay, are you...?
- I am.
421
00:24:00,038 --> 00:24:01,562
- Why?
- I don't know.
422
00:24:01,740 --> 00:24:04,641
I guess it's all this talk
of illicit sex or something.
423
00:24:05,310 --> 00:24:07,778
- Okay, come on, let's go.
- Where?
424
00:24:07,946 --> 00:24:11,404
- To fucky town. Come on.
- This is too weird, Marcy.
425
00:24:11,583 --> 00:24:14,279
We're talking about you
fucking another guy for money.
426
00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:16,580
Ours is not to reason why, Charlie...
427
00:24:16,755 --> 00:24:20,156
...ours is to take advantage of that
hard thing and fuck it.
428
00:24:20,325 --> 00:24:23,988
- Come here.
- Okay, God.
429
00:24:25,497 --> 00:24:26,930
Okay.
430
00:24:27,532 --> 00:24:29,864
Oh, yeah. Not too fast.
431
00:24:30,035 --> 00:24:31,798
Okay. Yes.
432
00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:33,562
Baby.
433
00:24:37,576 --> 00:24:38,668
No.
434
00:24:42,614 --> 00:24:45,378
- This is so fucked up.
- Yeah.
435
00:24:45,550 --> 00:24:47,415
- But it's kind of hot, though.
- I'll say.
436
00:24:57,062 --> 00:24:58,529
Hey, come on.
437
00:24:58,697 --> 00:25:01,063
Not in front of your mother.
438
00:25:01,233 --> 00:25:04,327
All right, I'm going to bed.
I'm fucking baked.
439
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:07,097
- Good night, Mom.
- Good night, baby.
440
00:25:07,506 --> 00:25:08,700
Good night, Dad.
441
00:25:09,774 --> 00:25:11,708
- We're kissing now? Whatevs.
- Yeah.
442
00:25:11,877 --> 00:25:13,174
Okay, love you, guys.
443
00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:15,245
Love you, baby.
444
00:25:19,384 --> 00:25:21,352
Look at him. He's so happy.
445
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,681
Why wouldn't he be happy?
446
00:25:23,855 --> 00:25:27,188
His mom is happy,
Dr. Dick is out of the pic.
447
00:25:28,226 --> 00:25:32,287
He's stoned.
Order has been restored to his universe.
448
00:25:32,898 --> 00:25:34,763
Thanks for never taking no
for an answer.
449
00:25:34,933 --> 00:25:36,798
It's what I do.
450
00:25:37,669 --> 00:25:38,693
I should go.
451
00:25:40,272 --> 00:25:42,137
Don't go.
452
00:25:42,307 --> 00:25:43,774
Why not?
453
00:25:43,942 --> 00:25:48,106
Well, you've ingested enough whiskey
and weed to stun a horse.
454
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,272
Oh, yeah. That is true, there's that.
455
00:25:53,585 --> 00:25:55,917
You know, you were right.
456
00:25:56,588 --> 00:25:58,055
I'm always right.
457
00:25:58,223 --> 00:25:59,383
What was I right about?
458
00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:03,654
I'm scared, but I'm not scared
about acting or not acting.
459
00:26:03,828 --> 00:26:06,763
I'm scared about
having feelings for you again.
460
00:26:08,733 --> 00:26:13,693
He's so happy having you in his life,
and seeing him happy makes me happy.
461
00:26:14,272 --> 00:26:18,368
It just reminds me of a time
before everything got so fucking serious.
462
00:26:18,543 --> 00:26:20,841
You're just as funny and cute
as you ever were.
463
00:26:21,012 --> 00:26:24,641
I know. It's really unfair
to be this charming, isn't it?
464
00:26:24,816 --> 00:26:27,478
I'm like a bioterrorist of love.
465
00:26:29,688 --> 00:26:31,417
- Or not.
- Shut up.
466
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:33,683
Yeah, I'm gonna shut up.
I'm gonna shut up.
467
00:26:37,195 --> 00:26:39,686
- You know what this calls for?
- What?
468
00:26:43,735 --> 00:26:46,135
- Tickle fight.
- Oh, no. Not that, no.
469
00:26:46,304 --> 00:26:48,465
- Yeah, oh, yeah.
- No, I'm too ticklish.
470
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:50,232
- Stop it.
- Your tits are too big.
471
00:26:50,408 --> 00:26:53,468
I can't get to your armpits,
they're blocked.
472
00:26:54,012 --> 00:26:56,537
Oh, my God.
473
00:26:56,715 --> 00:26:58,478
Stop it.
474
00:26:59,284 --> 00:27:01,445
That's so weird.
475
00:27:12,364 --> 00:27:16,494
Didn't we say that was a bad idea
and that we shouldn't do that again?
476
00:27:16,668 --> 00:27:20,832
- Yeah.
- Yeah, we did. All right, I'm gonna go.
477
00:27:21,006 --> 00:27:22,735
I'm gonna take a cab.
478
00:27:22,907 --> 00:27:26,365
I'm sorry, but I'm not
taking no for an answer.
Ripped By mstoll