1 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,891 [ Gate Closes ] 2 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:11,850 [ Woman ] ♪ The animals, the animals ♪ 3 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:14,730 ♪ Trapped, trapped, trapped till the cage is full ♪ 4 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,485 ♪ The cage is full The day is new ♪ 5 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:20,484 ♪ And everyone is waiting, waiting on you ♪ 6 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:27,205 ♪ And you've got time ♪ 7 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:35,004 ♪ Think of all the roads ♪ 8 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:37,970 ♪ Think of all their crossings ♪ 9 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,930 ♪ Taking steps is easy ♪ 10 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,049 ♪ Standing still is hard ♪ 11 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,930 ♪ Remember all their faces ♪ 12 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,163 ♪ Remember all their voices ♪ 13 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:53,403 ♪ Everything is different ♪ 14 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,291 ♪ The second time around ♪ 15 00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,124 [ Gate Closes, Lock Clicks ] 16 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:06,084 ♪ And you've got time ♪ 17 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:13,329 ♪ And you've got time ♪♪ 18 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,161 [ Gate Closes, Lock Clicks ] 19 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:24,162 [ Chattering, Faint ] 20 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:43,200 Ripped By mstoll 21 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,481 [ Grunts ] Shit. 22 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,449 [ Engine Starts ] 23 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:20,965 [ Sighs ] 24 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,690 [ Blows ] 25 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,285 [ Groans ] 26 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,162 Oh! Sorry, Miss Rosa. 27 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:31,481 It's colder than Eskimos' nuts in here. 28 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:33,528 I'm tryin' to get the heat goin'... 29 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:37,844 but when I turn it up too high, a real bad smell comes out of the blowers. 30 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:39,410 I-I think it's mouse shit. 31 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,563 You know, they live in the engine. Just don't breathe in. 32 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:47,322 - [ Door Closes ] - I'm going to get poison pumped into my veins. 33 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,609 - What's a little mouse shit in my lungs? - [ Laughs ] 34 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:53,129 All set? Seat belts on? 35 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,290 How's the wedding planning going? 36 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,369 We're holdin' off for a minute. 37 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:14,965 Just pressin' the pause button. 38 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,003 Too many people want to come, you know? 39 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,889 I-I got a big family. 40 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,930 Big number-wise, not big fat. 41 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:26,049 Although there are some fatties. 42 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,646 And it's hard for me to book all the vendors from in here. 43 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:30,961 You know, none of 'em are on my approved call list. 44 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,725 Weddings were bad luck for me. 45 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,245 All my husbands died. 46 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:37,249 - How many were there? - Two. 47 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,328 The third one I wouldn't marry. 48 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,563 Once you know you got a curse on you... 49 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,165 you can work around it. 50 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:45,844 He lives in Canarsie. 51 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:47,410 I didn't know that. 52 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:49,289 You never talk about your life. 53 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,806 [ Scoffs, Chuckles ] Nobody cares. 54 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,841 - How much time you got left? - More than two years. 55 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,283 You're still young, pretty. 56 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,284 You got your whole life ahead of you. 57 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:04,725 Me... 58 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:08,963 I'm gonna die here. 59 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:17,643 - Where the heck have you been? - [ Children Chattering ] 60 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,007 - At the movies. - Perfect. 61 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:23,050 In the middle of the day. What'd you see? 62 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,441 - Twilight. - For, what, the 14th time? 63 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,602 Don't you live the fuckin' life of leisure? 64 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,330 Hey, noise pollution one and two. 65 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,563 I'm trying to watch my program here. And send those kids outside. 66 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,130 Mikey, turn it up. 67 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,770 Ma's been ringin' her bell for an hour. 68 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,411 - What am I, Cinderella? - It is your turn. 69 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,165 I cleaned her sheets this morning, piss and everything. 70 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:43,610 Oh! 71 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,968 Watch your baby, would ya? 72 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,724 It's a miracle he's lived this long. 73 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,929 - Ugh. - Hey. 74 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:58,208 - [ Bell Dinging ] - [ Stansie ] Lorna! Lorna! 75 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,405 [ Groans ] 76 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,082 [ Sighs ] 77 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,485 All right. 78 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:44,201 Hello. 79 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:47,881 Yes, I, uh- I purchased a-a pair of shoes from you. 80 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:52,568 Order 11006178. 81 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,530 A pair of patchwork platform Pradas. Uh-huh. 82 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,688 Yeah, I can see that my card has been charged... 83 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:00,967 but I never received them. 84 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,806 No, I haven't moved. 85 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:07,531 Yeah. That's the address I gave you. 86 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:13,162 No, I-I'm not accusing you of not having sent them... 87 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,130 but the fact is, they never came. 88 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:23,406 Yes. Yes, it is unfortunate 'cause I had this big party to go to... 89 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,165 and I had to wear last season's Miu Mius. 90 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:27,566 Hmm. 91 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,325 No. No, I don't want another pair. 92 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,923 I want a refund. 93 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,606 Yeah, that's right, a full refund. 94 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,523 Uh-huh. 95 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,250 Oh, thank you for your honesty. 96 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:42,244 I really appreciate it. 97 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,483 Yes. Yes, I do have my card number. 98 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,243 [ Vee ] Check this bitch out. 99 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,845 I'm surprised she doesn't get a shot for putting on that face. 100 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:56,641 [ Laughs ] If the cop's in a bad mood, she does. 101 00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,441 I'm seeing a lot of blue eye shadow and red lipstick. 102 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,249 It's not coming outta commissary. 103 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:03,810 Who's importing around here? 104 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,611 Not really a lot of contraband these days. 105 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,763 Hey, not since Red got shut down. 106 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,683 - Red, huh? - Mm-hmm. 107 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:13,808 Well, that figures. 108 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,008 Still, there's got to be some holes in this cheese. 109 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,043 Somebody is bringing in something. 110 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,361 Well, Poussey makes hooch. 111 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,761 Oh, and Chang, she got that Tiger Balm... 112 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:27,805 but don't put it on your lips or your eyeballs. 113 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,370 Bad idea. 114 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,602 - Hooch, huh? - Mm-hmm. 115 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,722 Shit tastes nasty. 116 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,768 It's like vomit wine coolers. 117 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:41,404 It's got Kool-Aid, old fruit, ketchup and moldy bread. 118 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,124 She sells that? 119 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,089 I can't drink it. Makes me feel funny. 120 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:47,640 Makes my head all... fuzzy. 121 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:50,246 [ Black Cindy ] You still cartin' that shit around? 122 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:53,244 - You one determined mofo. - What the fuck is that? 123 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,004 It's a pee funnel. 124 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,849 A what? 125 00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:59,241 I'm tired of trying to pop a squat over them nasty-ass toilets. 126 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:00,651 This rig is gonna make it easy. 127 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,724 Yo, that's crazy. How you gonna use that? 128 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,371 Yo, with this, I can pee standing up like a dude. 129 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,727 Take this part, put it over my stuff. 130 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,922 Take this little tube part, put it in the toilet. 131 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,764 Or, you know what I'm saying, right over it. 132 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,205 It's genius, yo. 133 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,363 I'm gonna call it “The Stand and Deliver.” [Laughs] 134 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:21,081 Hey, you should call the patent office right now, make a million dollars. 135 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,844 - Really? - Hell, no. 136 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,604 That's the stupidest idea I ever heard. 137 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:25,920 No, it ain't, man. 138 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,002 Them toilets be cold as fuck in the morning. 139 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,287 You'll see. Everybody gonna be wanting one of these to piss in. 140 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:31,771 Please. We're eating. 141 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:37,366 Yeah, I just gotta find me some waterproof tape or something... 142 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:38,965 to get these two parts together. 143 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,923 I don't see why you need the funnel. 144 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:44,249 Like, can't you just put the tube up in you? 145 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:48,405 - Uh, no, 'cause that's not where the pee comes out. - Uh, yeah, it do. 146 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,369 - Out the big hole. - Yeah. 147 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:52,044 No, y'all. There's a different hole. 148 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,849 For pee? What? 149 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:55,365 Uh-uh. You crazy. 150 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:58,125 Y'all, there's the main coochie hole... 151 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,168 and then here's, like, another little hole just for pee. 152 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,403 - [ Together ] No. - Didn't y'all take sex ed? 153 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:09,368 She's right. There's an eeny, meeny, weeny, weeny pee hole. 154 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,808 Man, you trippin'. It all come out the same hole. 155 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,484 The vagina hole. 156 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:18,167 A'ight. Then how come you can still pee when you got a tampon in you? 157 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,562 Mmm? I'm telling you, there's two holes. 158 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:24,284 Three holes. 159 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,602 - The butt! - [ Laughs ] 160 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:31,002 A'ight, you are all disgusting. 161 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:32,161 I'm out. 162 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,163 I am not even gonna entertain this conversation. 163 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,891 Suzanne, you comin? 164 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,321 [ Man On PA ] Available officers to inmate assignments. 165 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:48,003 Put my order in. [ Laughs ] 166 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,887 I'm so confused. 167 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,849 Where is it at? 168 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,206 Yo, I still don't see what the hell you talkin' about. 169 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,601 You know, your hole, like, your sex hole? 170 00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,170 [ Taystee ] The vagina hole. 171 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,766 - Yeah, I got that. - Y'all are crazy. 172 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,127 Man, I wish I had a phone to record this shit. 173 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,807 Now, look, underneath your clit, before the main hole- 174 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,201 or, like, just inside the top of it- 175 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:19,523 Man, I still can't see shit down here. 176 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,968 There's like- like too many, like, flappy flap thingies. 177 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,280 Oh, God. 178 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:25,725 How you know all this? 179 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,802 I've been up close and personal with my share of pussy. 180 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,326 - You want me to just show you? - No. 181 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,887 No,no,no. I can do it. Just tell me where. 182 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,611 Okay, right inside the big old hole... 183 00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:39,923 there's another hole, like a little one. 184 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,490 Wait. What? 185 00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:44,325 I thought you said it was a whole other hole. 186 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,721 It's a hole in a hole. 187 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:50,486 For the love of God, girls, the hole is not inside the hole. 188 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:54,281 You have your vagina proper, and you have your clitoris. 189 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:57,523 The urethra is located between the clit and the vagina... 190 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,284 inside the labia minora. 191 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,010 - For real? - For real. 192 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,766 I designed one myself. Had plans drawn up and everything. 193 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,729 I've seen some funky poonanny in my day. 194 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,326 I'm not gonna leave that shit up to chance. 195 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,761 Here. Take a long look, honey. 196 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,569 You'll see what I'm talking about. 197 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,886 [ Gasps ] Oh, my God. 198 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,610 Holy shit. 199 00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:28,569 Yo, yo, she's right. 200 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,840 Aw, it's cute. 201 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,450 - Hey, I'm next. - Yeah, me too. 202 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,568 [ Chattering ] 203 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,325 - [ Man On PA, Indistinct ] - Nichols. 204 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,165 What the fuck? Why you pickin' all the peaches? 205 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,447 - I have no idea what you're talkin' about. - Yes, you do. 206 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:47,286 Hascowitz. I've been trying to get bumper-to-bumper with that for a month. 207 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,125 And now she feels used... 208 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:54,285 and doesn't want to sleep around because you got there first. 209 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,402 Uh, used, huh? 210 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,642 She wasn't exactly new when I rode in her, eh? 211 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,041 A little dented, actually. 212 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,202 Right? The upholstery was worn. 213 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:04,850 You knew I was after that. 214 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,161 What can I say? Not everyone wants a diesel dyke. 215 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,322 - Lay off my marks. - [ Scoffs ] 216 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,482 Seriously. Enough with the cliterference. 217 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:15,643 - What's this? - Oh, put that back, please. 218 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:16,960 Would you give it back. 219 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,724 Who is Brook? 220 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,922 Oh, yeah. That's the new girl, isn't it? 221 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,606 Hot one of the Asian persuasion? 222 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,965 Oh, my God. I found your fuck book. 223 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,566 - All right, so what if it is? - Oh, you fucking junkie. 224 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:31,766 - [ Mutters] - No, I get this. 225 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,081 Better pussy than smack, right? 226 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:38,051 It's not an addiction. It's a collection, right? 227 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,646 Some people collect buttons or Taco Bell Chihuahuas. 228 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,768 I collect orgasms. 229 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,729 See, I'm all about giving. 230 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,406 I am like a bean-flicking Mother Teresa. 231 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,608 You know what? 232 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,524 This here is my kind of competition. 233 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,728 - [ Scoffs ] - It's on. 234 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:58,361 Ooh, bitch. This is on. 235 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,769 So what's the deal with Miss Rosa? 236 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,241 I mean, I know they say she has cancer and everything... 237 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,163 but are they sure it's not alopecia? 238 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:13,526 And what's the deal with this room? 239 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,888 Is everyone in here, like, new or sick or just old? 240 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:19,486 I mean, I can't believe how many old people there are in here. 241 00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:22,723 Like, what did they do that they're still in here? 242 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,245 Like, what did she do? 243 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,369 None of your fucking business, you mental patient. 244 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:32,650 Seriously, have they all been in here since, like, the '70s? 245 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,963 No, most of them got transferred up from max for good behavior. 246 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,601 Wow. It is crazy to think about... 247 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,967 how many years they've spent in here, you know? 248 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,487 I mean, I've been arrested before, like, loads of times. 249 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:48,211 When they cleared out Zuccotti Park, I spent three whole days in a cell... 250 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:49,930 but that was jail and this is prison. 251 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,923 They're pretty much the same thing. 252 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,685 No, they're not. Your parents pick you up from jail. 253 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,649 [ Anita ] Take out her batteries, would you? 254 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,882 I'm trying to take a nap over here. 255 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,130 Chapman, Soso. 256 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,646 Happy day in Cell Block A. You are being assigned. 257 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,290 Oh. 258 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:06,725 Wait, did we do something wrong? 259 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:08,564 No, we're getting our bunks. 260 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,608 Oh. Cool beans. [ Gasps ] 261 00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:12,921 Oh, my God. Does that mean we're gonna be roomies? 262 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,651 Just so you know, I do snore sometimes, so- 263 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,007 But only if I'm on my back or if I have a cold... 264 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,447 so just tell me to roll over, and I totally will. 265 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,443 - Morning, Officer Bell. - O'Neill. 266 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:30,807 Wow. I didn't expect the bunks to feel so dorm-y. 267 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,689 Kind of reminds me of camp, you know? 268 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,206 Except without the gimp bracelets and the archery... 269 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:36,930 and it's kind of sad. 270 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,048 What a bunch of vultures. 271 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:42,761 [ Man On PA ] Sort team requested at Gate A. Sort team requested at Gate A. 272 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:46,003 - Hey. Did you just steal that book? - It's mine. I'm reclaiming it. 273 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:49,289 Chapman, in here. Soso, follow me. 274 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:51,769 We're not together? 275 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,889 Did you go to summer camp? 276 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,088 But seriously, it was the best time. 277 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,771 Hi, Red. 278 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,085 Oh, no, hon. 279 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,162 You're not in here. 280 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,889 Looks like I am. 281 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,405 [ Woman On PA ] Your attention, please. 282 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,482 Sign-ups are available for recovery meeting. 283 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,250 Check the bulletin board. 284 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:20,880 - Can I move some of this stuff? - No, you may not. 285 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,411 Can I have a few of those hooks then? 286 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:25,562 I need all four of them. 287 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,165 They are mine. 288 00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:59,289 What are you gonna do? 289 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:00,885 Not feed me? 290 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,287 I have a mealy bug infestation. 291 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:21,490 They secrete this powdery wax substance. It's a bitch to get off. 292 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,245 - You gave me a roommate. - Yes, I did. 293 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,085 I haven't had a bunkie in 12 years. 294 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:31,245 We don't get special privileges when we turn our prison assignment... 295 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,368 into a drug-smuggling operation. 296 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,841 You know that was never my game. 297 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,491 Sure, pin it on a guy who's not here to defend himself. 298 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,409 He was counting on that. 299 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,285 You got too big for your britches, Red. 300 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:47,684 We all turned the other way when you were bringing in panty hose and nail polish. 301 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:49,842 Seemed harmless. Kept the ladies happy. 302 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,163 And Healy, he had his head shoved so far up your ass... 303 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,044 he could chew your food for ya. 304 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:58,841 So frankly, I don't give a shit whether it was you or somebody else. 305 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:00,843 You let drugs in here. 306 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,002 A girl died because of you. 307 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:09,602 A small leak can sink a great ship. 308 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,208 - You know who said that? - No. 309 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:17,205 Neither do I. But I can't have leaky holes in my prison. 310 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,647 Nothin' coming in, nothin' going out. 311 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,085 Welcome to retirement, Red. 312 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,561 Get a hobby. 313 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,689 Crochet yourself a fuckin' hammock for all I give a shit. 314 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:34,001 Use a mixture of garlic, vinegar and hot pepper sauce. 315 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,560 It's a natural insecticide. 316 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,366 Park in the garage, and I'll see you in three hours. 317 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,090 I know the drill. 318 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,322 - [ Handcuffs Ratcheting ] - I hate this part. 319 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,845 Poor you. 320 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:22,448 [ Man On Radio ] ♪ You must have read my mind ♪ 321 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:27,481 ♪ And all these dreams I saved for a rainy day ♪ 322 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,361 ♪ They're finally coming true ♪ 323 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:36,287 ♪ I'll share them all with you ♪ 324 00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:42,242 ♪ 'Cause now we hold the future in our hands ♪ 325 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:46,450 [ Singing Along ] ♪ Oh, almost paradise ♪ 326 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,325 ♪ We're knocking on heaven's door ♪ 327 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,364 ♪ It's almost paradise ♪ 328 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:58,325 ♪ How could we ask for more? ♪ 329 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:03,440 ♪ I swear that I could see forever ♪ 330 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,285 ♪ In your eyes ♪ 331 00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:09,409 ♪ Paradise ♪ 332 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:21,921 ♪ And in your arms, salvation's not so far away ♪ 333 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,721 - ♪ It's getting closer and closer- ♪♪ - [ Engine Starts ] 334 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,409 Oh! Oh, oh, my goodness. 335 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:38,970 I am so sorry. 336 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,690 - No, that was me. Please, please. - No. 337 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:44,446 - Oh, my God. I'm such a klutz. - Not at all. 338 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,602 Just looks like you could use a couple more arms. 339 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:48,125 [ Both Chuckle ] 340 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,205 Here you go. 341 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,682 Wow. I heard the postal service was going bankrupt... 342 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,366 but looks like you're personally gonna turn that around. 343 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,967 Uh- Well, you- I do- I do what I can. 344 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:03,203 - True patriot, huh? - Oh, yeah. Oh, I love my country. 345 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,248 Either that or you're running a mail scam. 346 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:06,651 Yes. Oh! 347 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,210 Hey. Here. 348 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:09,964 Let me help you with that. 349 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,202 - Thank you. Thank you, uh- - Yeah. 350 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:13,520 Uh, Christopher. 351 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,921 Christopher. 352 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,365 Yeah. 353 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:20,523 Um, sorry. You-You look like somebody. 354 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,407 I'm Lorna Morello. 355 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:26,925 Oh. 356 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,163 Beautiful and Italian. Today must be my lucky day. 357 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,730 [ Chuckles ] 358 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:37,767 Well, Miss Morello, after you're done cleaning this place out of postage... 359 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,882 maybe I could take you for a coffee? 360 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,362 I would love that, Christopher. 361 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,090 Thank you. 362 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,925 - Well, if it isn't the wily inventress of Litchfield- - [ Chuckles ] 363 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,122 About to make a fortune for herself. 364 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:17,124 Uh, you know it. Yo, but I'm thinking of changing the name. 365 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,043 What you think about the “She-wee”? 366 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:21,691 No, I'm talking about your other little side business. 367 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,610 - Pruno. - Oh, my hooch? 368 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,722 Oh, that's just for fun. There's no charge. 369 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,451 - The girls would pay for it. - I mean, but that ain't the point. 370 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,649 - I make it for me and my friends. - Yeah, but you're missing an opportunity. 371 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,202 Besides, I got me a killer recipe. 372 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:40,285 We could compare notes, tweak it a little bit, charge by the cup. 373 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,006 Hell, we could charge by the sip. 374 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:49,245 Uh, nah. That ain't my bag. 375 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:50,810 Sorry. 376 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,041 [ Man On PA, Indistinct ] 377 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,003 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 378 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,925 How are you feeling? You look better. 379 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,841 You want to keep a burn from scarring? 380 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,561 Mix some lemon juice with Vaseline. Apply it every day. 381 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,684 - What do you want? - I want you to stop sulking. 382 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,967 I never meant for you to get hurt. 383 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,765 I did it for the good of the family. 384 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:42,289 It's not good enough, Red. No. 385 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:48,526 Fine. 386 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,126 [ Woman On PA ] Guard Wester, call 609. 387 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,365 May I sit here? 388 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,169 Of course, dear. 389 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:17,165 Tell that man at the end of the table to stop winking at me. 390 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,570 Don't watch her eat. It'll drive you insane. 391 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:26,529 She'll finish that soup next Monday. 392 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,125 This is not looking right. 393 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:29,884 Because you stitch too tight. 394 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:34,045 Make a gauge swatch like I told you, and count your stitches. 395 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:35,963 You won't have that problem. 396 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,646 We have a crochet circle, if you'd like to join. 397 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,563 Oh, I don't crochet. 398 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:43,644 But that sounds... very nice. 399 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,326 Oh, it's boring as hell, but what else have we got to do? 400 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:47,890 What happened to my pants? 401 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,371 The ones you're wearing? 402 00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,571 You just work on that soup there, Jimmy. 403 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,483 Like a liquefied bowl of Jell-O. 404 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,211 I can hear you, you old cunt. 405 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,486 [ Man On PA, Faint ] 406 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,531 Fuck these bitches. 407 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:19,566 - I'm not done reading that! - Everybody dies. 408 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:21,369 [ Man On PA ] B Block, pick up your work cards. 409 00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:29,205 - This is mine. - No, it ain't. 410 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,722 Then why does it have my inmate number carved in the back? 411 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,007 Fine, Inspector Gadget. 412 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,368 Inspector Gadget was not a good detective. 413 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,249 He just had a lot of stuff. 414 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,482 Plus, he had Penny and the Brain helping him. 415 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,767 You best get the fuck out now. 416 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:48,890 This is unbelievable. 417 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,610 You too? 418 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,206 None of us thought you were coming back. 419 00:24:57,880 --> 00:24:58,881 Really? 420 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,251 Ain't about you. I like the beach. 421 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:08,485 Keep it. 422 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:13,764 That's my blanket. 423 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:15,968 - No, this is Miss Claudette's blanket. - It's mine. 424 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,884 We've talked about this. And I'm taking it back. 425 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:20,849 [ Scoffs ] Really? 426 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,446 And how do you suppose you're going to do that? 427 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,249 I don't want to have to get physical with you. 428 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,129 Oh, please. 429 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,521 I could snap your femur like a toothpick, Twiggy. 430 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:33,806 Fuck off. 431 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,483 Piper, there you are. Hi. 432 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,528 Um, so, I heard tonight is movie night... 433 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,007 and I don't have headphones yet, so I went to the- 434 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:42,923 Hey. What's your name? 435 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:45,969 Um- So, anyway... 436 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:49,123 I guess I just don't understand this Chinese lady at the commissary. 437 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,329 Is she Chinese? I don't want to presume. She could be Malay. 438 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,051 - Not now, Brook. - Okay, should I meet you out here? 439 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:57,805 I'm busy. Go back to your cube. 440 00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,006 Now. 441 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:00,844 Okay, yeah. 442 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,329 [Chuckles] Looks like you got yourself a pet kitten. 443 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,402 I want to put her in a bag of rocks... 444 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,165 - and dump her at the bottom of the lake. - [ Laughs ] 445 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:14,564 Hey. 446 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,563 You really want that blanket? 447 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,166 Maybe we could... work out a trade? 448 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,762 All this pee-hole business- 449 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,411 Like, what the fuck else don't I know? 450 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:33,724 I been livin' all these years and never even looked at my own damn vajayjay. 451 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:37,247 What other surprises my body gonna spring on me? 452 00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:39,766 I mean, have you looked at these feet ever? 453 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:44,767 Like, I don't want to scare you, but I'm not sure this one right here's a toe. 454 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,525 - Shut up. - Nah, the little one, it don't look right. 455 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,080 Could be a pencil eraser, old piece of jerky. 456 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,640 - Oh, leave my feet alone. - [ Laughing ] 457 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,370 Yo, I'm done anyway. 458 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,846 Check out my masterpiece. 459 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,689 - [ Laughs ] - What? That's a hot-ass mess. 460 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:06,845 - It's abstract, yo. - You only supposed to paint the nail, not the skin. Fuck. 461 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:10,641 Look, all innovators have their work criticized at first. 462 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,529 Appreciation will come. I'll give you time. 463 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:16,571 I already have time- Time and a shit pedicure. 464 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,041 No, stop. You gonna mess it up. 465 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,803 - Stop! - I'm bigger than you, bitch. 466 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:24,006 I hate tickling. No, no. 467 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:26,771 - [ Laughing ] - Uncle. Uncle. I can't breathe. 468 00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,605 Sorry, P. 469 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,647 We been through this. 470 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:55,722 I know. 471 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,082 - I'm not- - I know. 472 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:08,487 Maybe we could... 473 00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,403 cuddle for a minute? 474 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:14,325 Yeah. 475 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:38,564 Go back. 476 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,483 You can still go back. 477 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:42,722 [ Breathing Raggedly ] 478 00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:50,607 [ Woman On PA ] Dr. Cole, please call Psychiatric Evaluations. 479 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:52,967 Dr. Cole, please call- 480 00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:54,644 That looks like fun. 481 00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,485 [ Clears Throat ] So how long you been in treatment? 482 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:02,688 Listen, I've gotta sit here for the next two hours... 483 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:05,201 and I don't really feel like talking to some old bald lady. 484 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,169 So can we just, like, pretend I'm not here? 485 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:13,484 I was gonna tell you a joke. 486 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,483 I'm good, thanks. 487 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,843 [Beeps] 488 00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:22,520 Yo, nurse. 489 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:25,084 Do you have an iPhone charger? 490 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:26,690 No, sorry. 491 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,727 Oh, my God. This is bullshit. 492 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,560 - What's your joke? - Too late. 493 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:39,166 Whatever. I'm sure it's stupid. 494 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:42,531 So... 495 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,047 the doctor says to the patient... 496 00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,964 “I got bad news and some more bad news. 497 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,930 The bad news is you got cancer.” 498 00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:54,125 “And the more bad news?” 499 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:57,010 “You also got Alzheimer's disease.” 500 00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:00,163 So the patient thinks for a minute and then she says... 501 00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:04,325 “Well, at least I don't have cancer.” 502 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:08,962 - I don't get it. - I'm not gonna 'splain it to you. 503 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,247 Figure it out. 504 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,402 I'm gonna grab a soda from the vending machine. 505 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:18,087 - Would you like anything? - I'd love a Pepsi. 506 00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:19,810 Don't tell anyone. 507 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,767 Who's that? ls it your daughter? 508 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:27,923 She's a correctional officer. 509 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:31,287 - Prison guard? - Exactly. 510 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,362 Wait. So you're not a- 511 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:36,087 Are you? 512 00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:39,524 For serious? 513 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:42,080 I thought those were just, like, comfy old-lady chemo clothes. 514 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:47,649 - What'd you do? - Robbed a bank. 515 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,290 You're lying. No way. 516 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:51,567 Google me. 517 00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,211 All right. Come on. Tell me about it. 518 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:57,602 You want the first time... or the last? 519 00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:58,681 [ Chuckles ] 520 00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,650 The first time was in 1982. 521 00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:17,965 Fuck it. 522 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,164 [ Doorknob Rattling ] 523 00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,050 [ Glass Crunches ] 524 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,002 [ Breathing Raggedly ] 525 00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:42,528 [ sniffles ] 526 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:17,807 [ Muttering ] 527 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,485 Huh? This too much for the Jersey shore? 528 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,484 Not if you're gonna walk the boardwalk, lookin' to make some extra cash. 529 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,642 Uh, it's Dolce and Gabbana, you nut. 530 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:52,131 How the heck are you paying for all this stuff? 531 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:55,204 I get good deals. I'm a savvy shopper. 532 00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:57,681 And Christopher likes me to look sophisticated. 533 00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:59,364 He says I'm like Audrey Hepburn. 534 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:01,727 Besides, this is our first weekend away together... 535 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,326 - and we're stayin' somewhere fancy. - Where? 536 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,483 I don't know. He has the whole time planned. 537 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:10,086 He is gonna take me on a sailboat... 538 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:14,529 and then we're gonna ride the Wildwood Ferris Wheel at sunset. 539 00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:17,524 I can't believe I met a guy like this, Franny. 540 00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:19,170 You should bring him over for dinner. 541 00:34:19,240 --> 00:34:21,561 What, to meet Ma and everybody? Are you crazy? 542 00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:24,405 I don't want him getting scared off, okay? He's the one. 543 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,245 You don't know if he's the one until he's met the family. 544 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:31,120 - It's like a test. - He don't need a test, okay? 545 00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:32,690 He's my destiny. 546 00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:35,366 I-I'm tellin' you, it was like the movies- 547 00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,010 like- like, you know, in Notting Hill... 548 00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:39,321 where Hugh Grant, uh, bumps into Julia Roberts... 549 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:41,050 and he spills his orange juice on her? 550 00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:43,043 That's what happened to us. 551 00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:45,361 We crashed into each other, literally. 552 00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:49,604 [ Scoffs ] Franny, it was meant to be. 553 00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,569 [ sniffles ] 554 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:54,930 You look cute in that dress. 555 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:56,729 Like Pretty Woman? 556 00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,802 [ Chuckling ] Yeah, like Pretty Woman. 557 00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:03,804 - Bastards. - [ Man On PA, Faint ] 558 00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:05,689 They grow as fast as bamboo. 559 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:07,603 It's an invasion. 560 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:10,690 You know, I get them too. 561 00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:16,282 Well, most of the time they're blonde and they are soft. 562 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:20,570 But every once in a while, I do get one that is black and spiky. 563 00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:22,364 And if you don't catch it in time... 564 00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:24,169 all of a sudden, it's like two feet long... 565 00:35:24,240 --> 00:35:26,083 and it's growing right out of the side of your face... 566 00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:29,050 like this giant, pubey lady-beard hair. 567 00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:30,884 - [ Chuckling ] Geez. - You know, I get one right here. 568 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:33,008 Larry called him “Spike.” 569 00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:35,606 - How is he? - Spike? 570 00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:39,890 Well, he's just startin' up, but I can feel him. 571 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,562 - The husband. - Oh. 572 00:35:44,720 --> 00:35:47,246 I don't know. We don't talk. 573 00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:49,484 No letters. 574 00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:51,562 I used to get two a week. 575 00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:58,483 In fact, this week, all I got was a card from my grandmother. 576 00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:01,564 My friends aren't feeling too prolific these days. 577 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:05,685 I'm sure he told them what a horrible, evil cheater I am... 578 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,684 and it's not like I'm in any position to defend myself. 579 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,127 Nobody has any idea what to say to me. 580 00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,441 People are fickle fucks. 581 00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:18,000 You know, the thing is, I don't blame them. 582 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:21,641 I don't even blame him, ultimately. I was selfish. 583 00:36:21,720 --> 00:36:23,722 You have to be selfish in here. 584 00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:25,723 That's how you survive. 585 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:32,003 People's loyalty means nothing. 586 00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:36,005 Because the second you're not useful to them, you're out. 587 00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,248 You think that's why your girls turned on you? 588 00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:41,243 Is that what you heard? 589 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,243 No. 590 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:44,845 I've just... 591 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:47,969 noticed that you've been... flying solo lately. 592 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,247 My friendship used to come with perks. 593 00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:52,926 Now I'm just an angry, old Russian lady. 594 00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,162 Without the free stockings and eyeliner... 595 00:36:55,240 --> 00:36:57,527 I'm not quite the draw I used to be. 596 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,529 And take it from me, Chapman... 597 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,001 husbands are overrated. 598 00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:05,845 They're as useless as children. 599 00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:07,684 Count yourself lucky. 600 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,645 If it was meant to last, it would have. 601 00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:16,769 Here. 602 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:18,041 For Spike. 603 00:37:28,240 --> 00:37:31,926 [ Man On PA ] Officer Sanchez to the rec room. 604 00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:35,482 He cried nonstop. By 4:00 a.m., I was ready to smother him with a Boppy. 605 00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:37,403 I know. That's really dark. 606 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:40,211 But I'm all alone until the new baby nurse comes at 7:00, and then she leaves at 3:00. 607 00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:43,290 Fucking Pete. What if I went off to Alaska? 608 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:46,603 Just, “Peace out. I'm off to kayak and pretend I'm fucking Bear Grylls... 609 00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:48,648 cause we've spawned the symbolic end of childhood... 610 00:37:48,720 --> 00:37:51,087 and I can't handle it 'cause I'm fucking Peter Pan... 611 00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:54,130 and my therapist is an idiot, misogynistic piece of shit.” 612 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:55,770 You should go. 613 00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:59,367 Seriously, just go, you know, kayak with the lost boys. 614 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:02,364 I'll keep this little monkey, breast-feed him, raise him as my own... 615 00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,283 along with the baby nurse from 7:00 to 3:00. 616 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:05,885 She's not hot. 617 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:09,567 She's got a wonky eye and bad acne scars. And she's in her 50s. 618 00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:13,082 But she makes these amazing plantains and sings him Jimmy Cliff songs. 619 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:14,366 Sold. 620 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,641 You are the only one who'll still hang out with us. 621 00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:22,008 Everyone swears they'll still come around, but they don't. 622 00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:23,605 How old is the baby? 623 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,763 - Uh, 10 weeks. - Congratulations. 624 00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:28,842 Oh, you're such an attractive family. 625 00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,764 - Oh. - Thank you. 626 00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:35,925 Yeah. You know, despite the blond hair, she still swears he's mine. 627 00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,611 - What's his name? - Hampus. 628 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:40,444 [ Clears Throat ] Hampus Renselor. 629 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:41,851 It's an old family name. 630 00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:43,922 It's beautiful, isn't it? Little Hampy. 631 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,321 - How long have the two of you been married? - Long time. 632 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:49,210 Uh, we got married on the Circle Line in front of the Statue of Liberty. 633 00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:50,884 It was beautiful. Huge wedding. 634 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:52,246 Did you meet in the city? 635 00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:54,971 - Oh! Yeah, we sure did. - At a Star Trek convention. 636 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,122 - Oh. - Yeah, we were both dressed as Klingons. 637 00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:59,521 - [ Larry Chuckles ] - It's a passion of ours. 638 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:01,125 I knew right away she was the one. 639 00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:02,929 Well, enjoy. 640 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,606 You're perfect together. It's very clear. 641 00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:13,368 “Hampus.” It's not half bad, actually. 642 00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:15,329 There might still be time to change the birth certificate. 643 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:18,882 Little Hampy. 644 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,287 [ Gloria ] Uh-uh! Careful with that box. 645 00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,282 How many do we have in there? 646 00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:40,645 [ Sighs ] 647 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:51,850 [ Grunts ] 648 00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,161 [ Squeaking ] 649 00:40:24,240 --> 00:40:25,765 Oh. 650 00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:09,810 Mmm. 651 00:41:13,240 --> 00:41:15,083 [ Sighs ] 652 00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,285 [ Man ] Please let the record show that the witness has indicated the defendant. 653 00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,647 Proceed, counselor. 654 00:41:21,720 --> 00:41:27,284 Please tell the court how you happen to know the defendant, Lorna Morello. 655 00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:30,011 [ Christopher ] We went on one date. 656 00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:32,651 I met her at the post office, and we had a coffee. 657 00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,127 And that was the extent of your relationship? 658 00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:37,487 I wasn't interested in pursuing things further. 659 00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:41,007 I told her that. Very clearly. 660 00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:45,369 And did Miss Morello continue to contact you after this initial date? 661 00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:47,721 Relentlessly- 662 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:52,169 Phone calls, Facebook messages, texts, e-mails. 663 00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,044 She showed up at my house. 664 00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,407 Did you make it clear to her that these advances were unwanted? 665 00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:57,970 I did. 666 00:41:58,040 --> 00:41:59,929 And then I began receiving threats. 667 00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:04,608 Now, Mr. MacLaren, did you take any action to prevent these advances? 668 00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:09,083 I changed my phone number, my e-mail account and I moved twice. 669 00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,049 Each time, she found me. 670 00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,088 When I started dating my current girlfriend, Angela... 671 00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:15,970 she showed up in Atlantic City, where we'd gone for the weekend. 672 00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:19,442 She left notes on my car. She threw trash on my lawn. 673 00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:23,206 She left voice mails, yelling about how I wasn't helping enough with the dog. 674 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:24,770 I don't even have a dog. 675 00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:27,002 And then she threatened to strangle Angela... 676 00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:28,730 and that's when I got a restraining order. 677 00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:30,928 Did she ever make an attempt on your life? 678 00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:33,644 Yes. 679 00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:36,564 We found a homemade explosive device under Angela's car. 680 00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:39,610 Oh, he's being so dramatic. 681 00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,603 They're twisting this whole story. 682 00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:44,810 Oh, sorry. 683 00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:52,570 [ Door Closes ] 684 00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:54,324 [ Christopher] Hey, Angela. 685 00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:56,922 Angela? Babe? 686 00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,401 Look at this. There's glass all over the- 687 00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:03,645 [ Ragged Breathing ] 688 00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:12,809 Hello? ls anyone in here? 689 00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:36,805 [ Engine Starts ] 690 00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:40,723 [ Knocking ] 691 00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:43,445 You were right, Caputo. 692 00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:44,726 About? 693 00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,041 I'm tired. I'm getting old. 694 00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:49,202 It's a new phase of life. 695 00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:50,930 Time to pack it in. 696 00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:52,889 I'm glad to hear it. 697 00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:54,962 I'm officially one of the golden girls. 698 00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:57,008 I sit with them at lunch. 699 00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,287 They've even asked me to join their craft circle. 700 00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:01,889 What are you doing in my office? 701 00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,531 You told me to find a hobby... 702 00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,648 and that's exactly what we need... 703 00:44:06,720 --> 00:44:08,165 especially the old ladies. 704 00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:10,891 The rest of the women here have work. 705 00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:14,243 There's no programs for those who've been put out to pasture. 706 00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:16,209 What do you suggest? 707 00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:18,123 Aquarobics? 708 00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,888 I hear gardening is very therapeutic. 709 00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:24,803 - It is. - It lowers stress... 710 00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:26,530 helps with depression. 711 00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:29,530 There's something about actually putting your fingers in the dirt... 712 00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:32,365 nurturing something to life. 713 00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:34,482 I've read it can be very healing. 714 00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:38,565 People who do three hours of gardening a week actually live longer. 715 00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:40,165 It's a fact. 716 00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:42,487 That old shed we use on grounds crew- 717 00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:44,403 it used to be a greenhouse, no? 718 00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:47,086 - Mm-hmm. - Wouldn't be so hard to clean it out... 719 00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:48,685 bring it to life. 720 00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:51,161 Let the old codgers tinker around. 721 00:44:51,240 --> 00:44:56,007 There's even a place to put your little plants besides your office window. 722 00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:57,969 From the look of them... 723 00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:00,520 they're not getting the sun they need. 724 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:02,489 What do you get out of it? 725 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:04,722 I get to boss people around again... 726 00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:06,643 even if it is a bunch of fossils. 727 00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:10,680 Fig would never go for a new program. 728 00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:13,001 [ Whispering ] It wouldn't cost much. 729 00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:15,321 [ Woman On PA ] Justine Phillips, report to the warden's office. 730 00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:18,168 Bring me a budget- 731 00:45:18,240 --> 00:45:21,369 seed, soil, everything spelled out on paper. 732 00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:22,930 I'll see what I can do. 733 00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:35,162 - I'm so sorry. - For what? 734 00:45:35,240 --> 00:45:37,891 I-I just- I fell asleep. I don't know what time it is. 735 00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:40,201 No worries. We just finished. You're right on time. 736 00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:44,483 [ Miss Rosa Groans ] 737 00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:02,002 - You okay, Morello? - Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Fine. 738 00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:03,844 How did it go, Rosa? 739 00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:08,647 Maybe you should just drive. 740 00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:10,484 [ Miss Rosa Groans ] 741 00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:12,804 [ Engine Starts ] 742 00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:16,245 [ Miss Rosa Coughs ] 743 00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:23,846 I always thought it was one pooter hole... 744 00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:25,809 and a couple of different holes off of it... 745 00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,451 like a cave system or somethin'. 746 00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:32,320 See, sometimes my pee comes out like a sprinkler. 747 00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:34,004 Like, it's not a steady stream. 748 00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:36,162 It's more like- like a mini showerhead. 749 00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:37,890 You listening to this? 750 00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:42,329 It's the talk of the town- the wonders of the female anatomy. 751 00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,880 You know, someone needs to get these women a medical book. 752 00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:46,883 This is ridiculous. 753 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,490 Do you know? 754 00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:51,289 I mean... 755 00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:54,202 generally. 756 00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,567 Remember when that was you, Chapman? 757 00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:04,850 A lost little kumquat looking for a place to sit. 758 00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:06,649 What's she in for? 759 00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:08,842 Some kind of political protest. 760 00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:11,321 You know, the two of you might have a lot to talk about. 761 00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:13,687 I doubt that. 762 00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:19,051 These bogus bohemian babies have no idea what a nonviolent direct action is. 763 00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,646 - Dirty fake hippies. - Wow. 764 00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:24,087 Someone's got some issues. 765 00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:25,400 Brook! 766 00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:28,251 Right here. 767 00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:31,290 Please don't do that. She's a gabber. 768 00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:33,931 - Shall we adjourn? - I think that's wise. 769 00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:37,286 Oh, my God. I am so relieved. 770 00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:39,886 I thought you were mad at me. You're totally not mad at me, right? 771 00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:42,162 No, of course I'm not mad at you. 772 00:47:42,240 --> 00:47:44,641 Oh, thank God. 773 00:47:44,720 --> 00:47:48,441 Everyone in here is in such a bad mood all the time. 774 00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:50,045 I mean, like, I always thought... 775 00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:55,001 women's prison would be more about community and girl power and stuff. 776 00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:57,242 Some of these women just seem crazy. 777 00:47:57,320 --> 00:47:59,049 It can be a lot worse than that, Brook. 778 00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:03,330 It can be seriously dangerous in here. 779 00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:05,010 Don't kid yourself. 780 00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:06,525 What do you mean? 781 00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:10,491 You're a pretty girl and you're gonna be a target. 782 00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:14,121 - I know that I was. - You mean like... rape? 783 00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:17,682 Oh, rape, assault, battery. 784 00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:22,004 You need to find yourself a prison wife- 785 00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:24,130 somebody really tough... 786 00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:26,487 somebody nobody's gonna fuck with. 787 00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:28,085 Did you do that? 788 00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:31,323 All I'm saying is that one night with the right protector... 789 00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:35,610 can keep you safe for the rest of your sentence. 790 00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:37,125 You mean you? 791 00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:39,123 No. See, I'm not tough. 792 00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:44,161 What you need is somebody who inspires real fear. 793 00:48:44,240 --> 00:48:47,164 You know, somebody who's kind of mannish... 794 00:48:47,240 --> 00:48:50,483 and kind Of... bulky... 795 00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:52,050 but tender at heart. 796 00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:53,884 And there's not a lot of good ones. 797 00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:55,849 Most of them are taken. 798 00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:57,809 [ Clears Throat ] Hey, you two. 799 00:48:57,880 --> 00:49:01,009 What are we talking about here? 800 00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:04,163 Well, you know... 801 00:49:04,240 --> 00:49:07,926 I am feeling so single today. 802 00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:10,930 What's going on? 803 00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,287 Nothing. Big Boo, this is Brook. 804 00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:14,964 And, Brook, this is Big Boo. 805 00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:18,761 Uh, is this some kind of game? 806 00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:21,804 I don't get it. 807 00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:24,008 What is going on? 808 00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:26,162 Could you suck any more at this? 809 00:49:26,240 --> 00:49:28,368 I suck at this? I mean, look at your ridiculous timing. 810 00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:32,001 Clearly, this is not working, so can I just have my blanket back? 811 00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:35,209 - No. You didn't deliver. - Deliver what? Me? 812 00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:37,886 - I did my part. - [ Scoffs ] 813 00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:40,930 Were you trying to pimp me out? 814 00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:43,646 She took my blanket. It belonged to my roommate. 815 00:49:43,720 --> 00:49:49,170 It meant a lot to me. Plus, it is very fucking cold in the dormitories. 816 00:49:49,240 --> 00:49:53,689 You tried to sell me for a blanket? 817 00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:56,250 Well, when you put it that way- 818 00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:58,849 You are sick. 819 00:49:58,920 --> 00:50:00,843 You know that? 820 00:50:00,920 --> 00:50:03,241 You are seriously fucked up. 821 00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:11,401 You know, she's right, Chapman. 822 00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,721 [ Laughing ] You're a horrible person. 823 00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:20,682 - [ Man On PA, Indistinct] - [ Breathing Raggedly ] 824 00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:28,129 [ Sighs ] 825 00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:29,770 Hey, hey. 826 00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:31,405 What's the matter? 827 00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:33,209 [ Sighs ] 828 00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:35,805 Wanna talk about it? 829 00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:42,249 [ Brook Moaning ] 830 00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:43,924 Oh, my God! 831 00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:45,331 Oh, wow. 832 00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:50,124 You know, I've only ever done this with one other girl before. 833 00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:53,807 I think it was at Bonnaroo, and I made out with the chick who painted my breasts. 834 00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:58,283 [ Exhales ] We were both wearing these, like, big headdresses... 835 00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:00,601 and, like, the String Cheese Incident was playing... 836 00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:04,401 - and we got up on stage and we just started dancing. - Uh-huh. 837 00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:06,562 And, you know, when I think back on it... 838 00:51:06,640 --> 00:51:08,563 I think I probably ended up getting heatstroke... 839 00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:10,529 'cause the tent was like a thousand degrees. 840 00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:12,045 Oh! 841 00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:14,361 [ Moans ] 842 00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:17,763 That feels good. [Laughs] 843 00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:20,161 Do you ever feel like you're in your body... 844 00:51:20,240 --> 00:51:24,131 but you can really feel, like, the space around you? 845 00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:27,124 Like, the air just suddenly becomes, like, really heavy... 846 00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:30,761 and you can feel, like, the atmosphere and the molecules- 847 00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:32,683 - [ Panting ] - just hanging around your head? 848 00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:35,331 And then you feel this tingling- 849 00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:36,890 There we go. 850 00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:42,567 Fuckin' String Cheese. 851 00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:16,089 [ Man On PA, Indistinct ] 852 00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:21,764 Where's your little cuddle bunny? 853 00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:23,890 What? 854 00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:26,564 I saw what went down in here. 855 00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:29,291 You were all cozied up with your little girlfriend. 856 00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:32,728 - Man, I ain't gay. - [ Scoffs ] Looked pretty gay to me. 857 00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:34,564 We're just friends. 858 00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:36,529 Yeah? Just friends? 859 00:52:37,800 --> 00:52:39,768 [ Exhales ] And you're lonely. 860 00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:42,164 Want to be touched. 861 00:52:42,240 --> 00:52:44,322 Need a hug. 862 00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:46,482 Maybe even more than a hug. 863 00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:51,970 You need all that drama of someone to call your own. 864 00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:57,361 Let me tell you something. 865 00:52:57,440 --> 00:53:00,171 Gay for the stay is for punk-ass bitches... 866 00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:03,124 who aren't strong enough to be true to themself. 867 00:53:03,240 --> 00:53:05,607 I told you. I ain't like that. 868 00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:07,205 I know that. 869 00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:09,089 [ Chuckles ] And I also know that when you get outta here... 870 00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:12,960 you don't want people on the block talking about how you went that way. 871 00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:17,084 That's why I'm telling you... 872 00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:20,562 do not let her drag you into that shit. 873 00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:22,449 She is not your real friend. 874 00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:25,888 She is only your friend in here. 875 00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:31,122 She doesn't know you like I do. 876 00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:50,361 - I can't really tell if he's breathing on here. - [ Man On TV, Faint ] 877 00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:52,408 Does he look dead to you? 878 00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,084 Yes. [Laughs] 879 00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:57,084 No. No, he's asleep. 880 00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:59,288 He is blissfully asleep. 881 00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:00,885 He is so cute, right? 882 00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:05,322 When he's sleeping, he's perfect. 883 00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:09,685 I loved playing house with you today. 884 00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:14,008 I don't know if I'm ever gonna have that. 885 00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:16,162 Yeah, you will. 886 00:54:16,240 --> 00:54:18,971 Shut the fuck up. 887 00:54:19,040 --> 00:54:21,725 [ Sighs ] I don't want to go home. 888 00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:24,041 Good. I don't want you to. 889 00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:27,806 You're saving my life and my sanity. 890 00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:29,564 Plus, you change diapers... 891 00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:34,168 and I can pay you with leftover Jamaican food. 892 00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:37,690 Honestly, Larry... 893 00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:42,643 I really wouldn't have made it through this week without you. 894 00:54:43,520 --> 00:54:45,204 Thank you. 895 00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:58,891 - [ Women Laughing ] - Now don't be so juvenile, ladies. 896 00:54:58,960 --> 00:55:00,962 Listen up and learn, okay? 897 00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:02,565 Now, this is your vagina. 898 00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:04,563 This is your labia minora. 899 00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:07,962 This- [ Clears Throat ] This is your clitoris. 900 00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:10,486 And this is your urethra. 901 00:55:10,560 --> 00:55:12,005 This is where you pee from. 902 00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:13,690 Aha! 903 00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:16,843 Now, ladies, I want each and every one of you... 904 00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:18,809 to go back to your bunks tonight... 905 00:55:18,880 --> 00:55:21,565 and get to know your own cha-chas, okay? 906 00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:26,009 - No fucking way. I got a mons pubis. - Yes, you do. 907 00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:30,369 And you also have a labia majora and a clitoral hood. 908 00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:32,920 Now, for those of you who are having trouble finding your clitoris... 909 00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:35,970 or your partner is having trouble finding your clitoris... 910 00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:40,011 you might have to pull back the clitoral hood to expose it. 911 00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:41,570 Little-known fact. 912 00:55:41,640 --> 00:55:44,769 The day I use this ticket... 913 00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:47,730 is the day New York has beaten me. 914 00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:49,564 You know, I just thought of something. 915 00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:51,324 You're kind of a mess. 916 00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,562 [ Woman Chuckles ] Thank you. 917 00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:55,927 [ Man ] No, I mean, anybody would tell you that. 918 00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:57,849 Since when do they get all the best seats? 919 00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:00,730 The reign of whitey is over. 920 00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:05,122 I've never seen this movie before... 921 00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:07,487 but this is some serious capitalist propaganda. 922 00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:09,449 I mean, why is that success? 923 00:56:09,520 --> 00:56:12,842 Are we supposed to want to work in a corner office and make buttloads of money? 924 00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:15,730 [ Scoffs ] It's a total corporate agenda. 925 00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:17,404 [ Continues, Indistinct] 926 00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:25,089 [ Mouthing Words ] 927 00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:35,525 [ Sniffs ] Hmm? 928 00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:38,729 Oh, my- You know- 929 00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:40,325 [ Muttering ] 930 00:56:40,400 --> 00:56:44,405 Yo, the Spanish bitches are sittin' on too many freakin' pillows... 931 00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:46,244 making it hard to see and shit. 932 00:56:46,320 --> 00:56:48,482 Cállate, choncha. 933 00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:50,449 - What'd you call me? - [ Vee ] Shit. 934 00:56:50,520 --> 00:56:52,761 - In my day, the black women would have- - Yeah, yeah. 935 00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:55,081 We know. Y'all ran this place. 936 00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:56,969 [ Woman ] Shh. 937 00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:03,001 Shit. I missed, like, half the movie. 938 00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:06,162 Where-Where my seat at? 939 00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:08,444 Sorry. 940 00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:10,204 You ain't save me a seat? 941 00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:12,641 You always save me a seat. 942 00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:15,484 You know how people are. 943 00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:20,331 What? 944 00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:24,488 Maybe you should get here on time. 945 00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:51,010 [ Sobs ] 946 00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:52,605 Are you okay? 947 00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:55,969 [ Voice Breaking ] I'm fine. 948 00:57:56,040 --> 00:58:00,443 I'm just- I'm missing my fiancé Christopher, is all. 949 00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:03,607 Oh, honey. 950 00:58:03,680 --> 00:58:05,682 Deep breaths. 951 00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:08,161 Time is all relative. 952 00:58:08,240 --> 00:58:10,481 You'll be together before you know it. 953 00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:13,006 And married. We'll be married? 954 00:58:13,080 --> 00:58:14,844 Of course you will. 955 00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:23,683 I've decided not to wear a veil. 956 00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:25,683 It's too traditional. 957 00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:29,570 I want him to see my face. 958 00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:32,770 Why hide it? 959 00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:36,081 It's gorgeous. 960 00:58:36,200 --> 00:58:37,690 [ Exhales ] 961 00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:39,967 ♪♪ [ Pop Ballad Intro ] 962 00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:48,847 [ Man ] ♪ It seems like perfect love's so hard to find ♪ 963 00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:52,365 ♪ I'd almost given up ♪ 964 00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:58,008 ♪ You must have read my mind ♪ 965 00:58:58,080 --> 00:59:00,447 [ Woman ] ♪ And all these dreams I saved ♪ 966 00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:03,171 ♪ For a rainy day ♪ 967 00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:07,967 ♪ They're finally coming true ♪ 968 00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:11,726 [ Together ] ♪ I'll share them all with you ♪ 969 00:59:11,800 --> 00:59:14,565 ♪ 'Cause now we hold the future ♪ 970 00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:17,644 ♪ In our hands ♪ 971 00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:20,963 ♪ Oh, almost paradise ♪ 972 00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:25,210 ♪ We're knocking on heaven's door ♪ 973 00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:29,089 ♪ Almost paradise ♪ 974 00:59:30,320 --> 00:59:33,847 ♪ How could we ask for more? ♪ 975 00:59:33,920 --> 00:59:38,209 ♪ I swear that I can see forever ♪ 976 00:59:38,280 --> 00:59:41,727 ♪ In your eyes ♪ 977 00:59:41,800 --> 00:59:45,202 ♪ Paradise ♪♪ 978 00:59:47,500 --> 00:59:55,500 Ripped By mstoll