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Previously on Californication...
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Stu! Nicky!
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Uh, you two guys know each other?
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She relieved my son of his virginity.
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- Nicky's here.
- She's with Stu.
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The feeling is back, you know,
like I gotta fuck something.
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I... have a proposal for you.
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And yes,
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it is quite indecent.
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You'd seriously pay a
million dollars to fuck me?
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Oh yeah.
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I'm going to be putting a clock
on that offer I made you, Charlie,
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I think you know which
one I'm talking about.
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- Krull?
- Hey.
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- How's it going, Churchill?
- What are you doing here?
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Time to work on me
motorbikes and me memoirs.
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You were macking on her
when you were inside of me?
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You were inside her? What the fuck, man?
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- Rath, look, it's complicated.
- It's not complicated.
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- They want to make an offer to Eddie Nero.
- Oh...
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Don't do it.
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- You'll regret it.
- What?
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He poops on people.
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Nero is a fucking psycho.
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What he really wants is
to take you in his mouth.
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Oh well, it's always nice to be wanted.
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Hank, shut up and listen to me.
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Karen was in a car accident.
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This doesn't change anything, you know?
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I'm still pissed at you.
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I wouldn't have it any other way.
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Hi!
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Hank, I told you!
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I know you told me,
but I wanted to see for myself.
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You're convalescing
quite nicely...
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- quite nicely, indeed.
- Thank you very much.
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Now, if you'll excuse me, I
have some food on the stove.
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Oh, you're hungry, are you?
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Hank, I'm making myself something to eat.
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Wouldn't you rather go out to dinner,
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you know, blow the stink off?
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I mean, not that you ever really stink,
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although sometimes in the
morning with the breath,
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but I don't mind that.
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I can kiss right through that shit.
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I love it, actually.
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Your effluvium has always
been quite refreshing to me...
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- Okay!
- Like cucumber lemonade...
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or cucumber spa water.
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Hank, are these words for me or for you?
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For both of us, Karen.
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Wordplay, foreplay...
it's all the same thing.
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You know what? I'm exhausted.
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I want to go lie down. It's just, like...
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Oh, oh, is that an invite?
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J.K., as the kids say. J.K.
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Come on, I'll provide the transpo.
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I won't even try to
finger you while I drive.
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- Oh, please.
- I promise.
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I might try to gauge your heat, though...
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over the clothes.
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I am not a fucking animal.
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You are making it really
hard for me to say no.
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Allow me to appeal to the foodie in you.
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It's at a new place. A pop-up, if you will.
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It's all the rage, four stars.
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The blogosphere is abuzz.
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- That is so mean.
- I know. I know.
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You know how much I love
trying new restaurants.
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- I do.
- Don't say that shit.
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I do know that. I do know that.
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- Karen?
- Hmm?
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- Something is burning.
- [Gasps] Oh!
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I do believe your sad
little solo dinner is ruined.
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- Fire!
- Oh, my!
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[upbeat music]
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Okay, so you didn't forget your wallet.
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Nope.
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This is a new pop-up restaurant?
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Yep.
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So let's get it over
with. I'm fucking starving.
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Oh, I see what you're doing here, Karen.
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You're establishing an attitude
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to combat the romantic mood
that I've established here.
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And you know what? I'm okay with that.
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You know, that actually gives
me something to work with.
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In fact, it's the very essence of drama.
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A guy wants something,
something stands in his way.
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Little Engine That Could... same thing.
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Oh, my God. Hank, just shut the fuck up.
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Refresh yourself. Tranya!
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Have a drink. In vino veritas...
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or something like that.
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In wine, there is truth, I believe.
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Mm-hmm.
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In whiskey, there may be a little more.
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In tequila, there's, like, a lot of truth.
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Okay, great. Where are the Runkles?
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Mm. Oh, those guys?
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Yeah, they went out to
dinner on Abbot Kinney...
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that little pop-up I was telling you about.
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What? They got to go there?
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Well, you know I wanted to try that place.
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Why didn't you just take me there?
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Because I thought this
would be way more charming.
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Dinner at Charlie and Marcy's house?
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Come on, a dinner slaved
over by yours truly...
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at an empty Malibu Beach house?
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This place is ours for hours.
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- Hank.
- Yes.
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Look at me.
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I am not gonna sleep with you.
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- I have no such expectations.
- Bullshit.
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What is all this for if it's
not to pry my legs apart?
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I wanted to do this
for you. You deserve it.
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I mean, ever since I've
come back, I've been adrift.
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Obviously Levon rocked my world.
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Mm-hmm.
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And I've been down some roads
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that have led to some
pretty dirty back alleys,
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but through it all, I've
kept my eye on the prize.
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- Hank.
- Yes.
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Aren't you tired?
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I mean, don't you just, like,
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want to start again with someone new?
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No. God, no. Is that what you want?
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Yeah. I mean, sometimes. Sure.
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Why would I find a new life
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when I haven't perfected
the perfectly good old one?
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Well, exactly. Maybe you can't perfect it.
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I mean, at a certain point,
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it just... you know, it is what it is.
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- And then we die.
- I don't agree.
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I do not agree.
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See, I've learned a lot about myself
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- during our time in the sun.
- Mm-hmm.
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And through it all, I have
only ever wanted one thing...
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you.
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Maybe wanting is not enough.
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- Isn't it, though?
- I don't think so.
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I disagree.
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Yeah, but it's not a debate.
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It's not something you can win.
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I'm not trying to win anything.
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Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
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You're... you're always,
like, trying a new angle,
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- like this, you know...
- No.
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Some huge, grand, romantic gesture.
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- What grand, romantic gesture?
- [Laughing]
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What we really need to do
is just look at our history
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and realize... it doesn't work.
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I mean, we don't work.
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Now, now, Karen,
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let's not turn this into
some dry history lesson.
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Let's just enjoy this glorious meal, okay?
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Have a bite, have another sip of wine.
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Let's, you know, savor
each other's company.
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- Mm-hmm.
- Mangia!
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In vino veritas.
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- You said that already.
- I did?
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- Mm-hmm.
- Well, it's true.
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- Hank?
- Hmm?
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- This is really good.
- I know, right?
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Did you make this by yourself?
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Yeah, yeah.
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No.
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[Both laughing]
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I tried, but I failed miserably.
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What I made looked like sick on a plate,
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tasted even worse.
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So I went out and I procured
some high-end takeout...
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full disclosure.
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- I'm sorry.
- That's okay, sweetie.
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You see that?
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You are charmed by my
failed attempts to charm you.
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- Yeah, a little.
- Have more wine.
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There's truth in it, you know.
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[Knock at door] There's
someone at the door.
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- Hi!
- Hi.
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- Not a good time.
- I'm sorry.
182
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I just... I felt bad about things,
183
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and I, uh... I wanted to
see how you were doing.
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- I'm well.
- And how's Karen?
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00:07:31,213 --> 00:07:33,147
- She's well...
- She's fine.
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00:07:33,181 --> 00:07:34,749
Oh, hi!
187
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Oh, I'm so sorry! Oh, God, I had no idea.
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00:07:37,719 --> 00:07:40,888
- I-I'll be on my way.
- No, please, stay, stay.
189
00:07:40,922 --> 00:07:42,556
Don't be silly.
190
00:07:42,591 --> 00:07:44,091
I mean, you're obviously
in the middle of something.
191
00:07:44,126 --> 00:07:45,693
No, just dinner.
192
00:07:45,727 --> 00:07:47,061
What do you mean "just
dinner"? "Just dinner"?
193
00:07:47,095 --> 00:07:48,395
- Oh.
- Please stay.
194
00:07:48,430 --> 00:07:50,197
We need to get to know one another.
195
00:07:50,232 --> 00:07:53,534
I mean, our paths are gonna be
crossing here and there, right?
196
00:07:53,568 --> 00:07:55,503
Well, why don't you guys, you know,
197
00:07:55,537 --> 00:07:58,172
make a date to meet for coffee next week?
198
00:07:58,206 --> 00:08:00,107
- That sounds like a good idea.
- You want some wine?
199
00:08:00,142 --> 00:08:01,375
- You know, after tonight.
- Oh, yeah.
200
00:08:01,409 --> 00:08:02,777
Yeah, God, I would love a glass of wine.
201
00:08:02,811 --> 00:08:04,278
Uh-huh, it's kind of good. Here.
202
00:08:04,312 --> 00:08:08,582
- Thank you, Karen.
- You're welcome, Julia.
203
00:08:08,617 --> 00:08:10,050
- Wow.
- [Giggling]
204
00:08:10,085 --> 00:08:11,852
This is so great.
205
00:08:11,887 --> 00:08:14,822
[Rock music]
206
00:08:14,856 --> 00:08:18,893
♪ ♪
207
00:08:18,927 --> 00:08:20,628
We were there at the same time.
208
00:08:20,662 --> 00:08:22,863
Well, it stands to reason,
and having a kid with him.
209
00:08:22,898 --> 00:08:24,465
- Holy shit, right?
- Mm.
210
00:08:24,499 --> 00:08:26,734
- This is still so great.
- Yeah.
211
00:08:26,768 --> 00:08:28,602
Could we have some more wine, please?
212
00:08:28,637 --> 00:08:30,070
Do you have any dessert?
213
00:08:30,105 --> 00:08:32,239
Oh, I'd be happy to, Karen.
214
00:08:32,274 --> 00:08:35,109
- Hi!
- What? What's wrong?
215
00:08:35,143 --> 00:08:37,378
What's not wrong? We go to dinner,
216
00:08:37,412 --> 00:08:40,080
and our credit cards get
declined... all of them.
217
00:08:40,115 --> 00:08:42,583
Runks got pissy. They called the cops.
218
00:08:42,617 --> 00:08:45,286
It was a whole big to-do!
219
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,454
You could've left the
door open for me, you know.
220
00:08:47,489 --> 00:08:49,390
You knew I was coming in.
221
00:08:49,424 --> 00:08:52,359
Just slamming it like
that... that's very rude.
222
00:08:52,394 --> 00:08:54,795
We need to stick together here, Marcy.
223
00:08:54,830 --> 00:08:57,565
- Hello. Hello.
- Hi.
224
00:08:57,599 --> 00:09:00,868
You invited Julia to your
romantic dinner with Karen?
225
00:09:00,902 --> 00:09:02,469
You dirty dog, you.
226
00:09:02,504 --> 00:09:03,871
I just stopped by unannounced.
227
00:09:03,905 --> 00:09:06,473
- Oh, I see.
- Marcy Runkle.
228
00:09:06,508 --> 00:09:08,075
- Hi.
- Your kid's a doll.
229
00:09:08,109 --> 00:09:10,311
Thank you so much! Wow!
230
00:09:10,345 --> 00:09:11,912
You have the nicest friends.
231
00:09:11,947 --> 00:09:14,048
Marcy Runkle, would you like perhaps
232
00:09:14,082 --> 00:09:16,016
to continue our propositional conversation
233
00:09:16,051 --> 00:09:17,384
in the bedroom maybe?
234
00:09:17,419 --> 00:09:20,187
No, I would like to seek outside counsel.
235
00:09:20,222 --> 00:09:22,223
Karenina, Karenina.
236
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,325
Now that you're better,
can I ask you a question?
237
00:09:24,359 --> 00:09:26,493
- Anything.
- Okay.
238
00:09:26,528 --> 00:09:28,095
Stu wants to sleep with me again.
239
00:09:28,129 --> 00:09:31,065
- Of course he does.
- For a million dollars.
240
00:09:31,099 --> 00:09:33,334
What?
241
00:09:33,368 --> 00:09:36,570
He would pay you a million
dollars to sleep with you?
242
00:09:36,605 --> 00:09:37,905
Yes.
243
00:09:37,939 --> 00:09:39,540
Would he pay me a million dollars
244
00:09:39,574 --> 00:09:41,254
- to sleep with me?
- What the fuck, Karen?
245
00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:43,077
What are you talking about?
246
00:09:43,111 --> 00:09:44,979
- That's disgusting.
- What? It's a lot of money.
247
00:09:45,013 --> 00:09:46,547
Gluten-free artisanal custard tort.
248
00:09:46,581 --> 00:09:49,116
- Oh, that's lovely.
- Wow!
249
00:09:49,150 --> 00:09:50,751
Is Stu the big bald producer guy?
250
00:09:50,785 --> 00:09:52,586
Yeah, that's right.
251
00:09:52,621 --> 00:09:55,055
You know, I saw the outline
of his penis through his pants
252
00:09:55,090 --> 00:09:57,224
at the table read the other
day, and it was freakishly big.
253
00:09:57,259 --> 00:09:59,894
Yeah, that's my ex. Anyway, listen...
254
00:09:59,928 --> 00:10:01,862
he wouldn't be into you, honey,
255
00:10:01,897 --> 00:10:03,764
'cause he's only into tiny,
petite little fuck dolls.
256
00:10:03,798 --> 00:10:05,933
That's my girl... tiny,
little, petite fuck doll.
257
00:10:05,967 --> 00:10:08,535
- Okay, so should I do it?
- No. No.
258
00:10:08,570 --> 00:10:10,137
That's my girl.
259
00:10:10,171 --> 00:10:13,107
- But we are fucking broke!
- I know.
260
00:10:13,141 --> 00:10:16,310
Jesus Christ! Julia. Julia.
261
00:10:16,344 --> 00:10:19,947
Would you fuck a guy for a million dollars?
262
00:10:19,981 --> 00:10:22,750
He's got a great big
cock, fills you right up.
263
00:10:22,784 --> 00:10:24,785
Jesus, Marcy!
264
00:10:24,819 --> 00:10:26,854
You know, I have never been
that much of a size queen.
265
00:10:26,888 --> 00:10:29,156
I prefer a pretty penis.
266
00:10:29,190 --> 00:10:31,859
That's right, baby.
267
00:10:31,893 --> 00:10:35,162
I'm sorry, Karen. It's
just... it's very confusing.
268
00:10:35,196 --> 00:10:38,432
And... and you invited her to join us, so...
269
00:10:38,466 --> 00:10:40,601
It's true... we have both
experienced his penis.
270
00:10:40,635 --> 00:10:42,303
- And it...
- Mm-hmm.
271
00:10:42,337 --> 00:10:44,772
- It is pretty.
- It's okay.
272
00:10:44,806 --> 00:10:46,273
I've seen it.
273
00:10:46,308 --> 00:10:47,675
I tugged on it a couple times accidentally.
274
00:10:47,709 --> 00:10:49,410
That's disgusting.
275
00:10:49,444 --> 00:10:51,679
It's a nice one... smooth
helmet. Good job, kid.
276
00:10:51,713 --> 00:10:53,280
Hey, I'm right there with you all.
277
00:10:53,315 --> 00:10:54,682
It's a good-looking cock, no homo.
278
00:10:54,716 --> 00:10:56,517
- You guys are swell.
- Well...
279
00:10:56,551 --> 00:10:59,186
[Knock at door]
280
00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:02,356
Krull, my good man. Welcome.
281
00:11:02,390 --> 00:11:04,591
Seriously, with this fucking guy again?
282
00:11:04,626 --> 00:11:05,960
Hello, love.
283
00:11:05,994 --> 00:11:07,594
I've been seeing a lot of you lately...
284
00:11:07,629 --> 00:11:09,063
in my dreams...
285
00:11:09,097 --> 00:11:11,966
me daydreams, me wide-awake dreams,
286
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,934
when I'm tugging meself.
287
00:11:13,969 --> 00:11:16,136
- Oh. Okay.
- That's neat. Thanks.
288
00:11:16,171 --> 00:11:18,839
Charlie, are you just
gonna let this degenerate
289
00:11:18,873 --> 00:11:20,507
talk to me like that?
290
00:11:20,542 --> 00:11:22,509
This degenerate happens
to be a client, Marcy.
291
00:11:22,544 --> 00:11:25,612
Besides, he is complimenting
you, right, Krull?
292
00:11:25,647 --> 00:11:27,147
- Absolutely, love.
- Oh.
293
00:11:27,182 --> 00:11:28,716
And, yeah, I noticed
you never have a problem
294
00:11:28,750 --> 00:11:30,150
when a certain perverted millionaire
295
00:11:30,185 --> 00:11:31,885
talks to you like that.
296
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,755
Excuse me. I was married to
that perverted millionaire.
297
00:11:34,789 --> 00:11:36,523
Hello, Hank.
298
00:11:36,558 --> 00:11:37,891
Krull, good to see you, my man.
299
00:11:37,926 --> 00:11:39,360
You too, buddy.
300
00:11:39,394 --> 00:11:41,395
- I drove him back, you know.
- Oh, nice.
301
00:11:41,429 --> 00:11:43,864
- On the back of me bike.
- Mm-hmm, for you.
302
00:11:43,898 --> 00:11:45,399
Least you could've done
was give him some suction.
303
00:11:45,433 --> 00:11:48,068
- That was a long ride.
- Bumpy too.
304
00:11:48,103 --> 00:11:49,503
It kind of numbed out my taint.
305
00:11:49,537 --> 00:11:51,338
Yeah, that happens. Who's this?
306
00:11:51,373 --> 00:11:53,907
- Hi. I'm Julia.
- Hello, love.
307
00:11:53,942 --> 00:11:55,509
Mm.
308
00:11:55,577 --> 00:11:57,511
[Laughing]
309
00:11:57,545 --> 00:11:59,513
Krull. Rock 'n' roll butler.
310
00:11:59,581 --> 00:12:00,681
That's cool.
311
00:12:00,715 --> 00:12:02,316
Speaking of such things,
312
00:12:02,350 --> 00:12:04,385
I got some pages for you, there, Churchill.
313
00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:06,553
Forgot about the time when
I walked in on Atticus,
314
00:12:06,588 --> 00:12:09,423
and he was blowing himself,
and I surprised him.
315
00:12:09,457 --> 00:12:11,592
He ended up blowing a
load on the pair of us.
316
00:12:11,626 --> 00:12:13,894
I got combat pay for that one, though.
317
00:12:13,928 --> 00:12:15,429
You see, Marcy? You see?
318
00:12:15,463 --> 00:12:17,223
This is exactly the
kind of salacious details
319
00:12:17,232 --> 00:12:19,099
that sells these rock 'n' roll memoirs.
320
00:12:19,134 --> 00:12:21,435
Okay.
321
00:12:21,469 --> 00:12:24,004
Whoa. Hi, Levon.
322
00:12:24,039 --> 00:12:26,206
Hello, hello, hello.
323
00:12:26,241 --> 00:12:27,708
Hey, everyone.
324
00:12:27,742 --> 00:12:29,510
Mom? What are you doing here?
325
00:12:29,544 --> 00:12:31,545
Well, I just... I had to
have a word with your dad.
326
00:12:31,579 --> 00:12:33,013
Didn't I tell you to stay away from him
327
00:12:33,048 --> 00:12:34,381
until he puts a ring on that finger?
328
00:12:34,416 --> 00:12:35,949
Hey, what's that about?
329
00:12:35,984 --> 00:12:37,684
I don't want you taking
advantage of my moms, yo.
330
00:12:37,719 --> 00:12:39,119
What the... nobody's taking
advantage of her, yo.
331
00:12:39,154 --> 00:12:40,454
She's horny, single,
332
00:12:40,488 --> 00:12:42,189
and emotionally vulnerable right now.
333
00:12:42,223 --> 00:12:44,064
Honey, that's enough,
okay? Who is your friend?
334
00:12:44,092 --> 00:12:45,793
- Can I get you a drink?
- Mm-hmm.
335
00:12:45,827 --> 00:12:47,294
Ah.
336
00:12:47,328 --> 00:12:48,629
Why aren't you answering your phone?
337
00:12:48,663 --> 00:12:50,064
'Cause I've been busy hosting.
338
00:12:50,098 --> 00:12:52,199
- Who's your friend?
- This is Mi.
339
00:12:52,233 --> 00:12:53,934
Hey, hang on. I know Mi.
340
00:12:53,968 --> 00:12:55,469
[Laughs]
341
00:12:55,503 --> 00:12:58,539
I knew you look familiar, big boy.
342
00:12:58,573 --> 00:13:00,574
You pick me up on bike.
343
00:13:00,608 --> 00:13:02,910
That's right, outside
the All-American Burger.
344
00:13:02,944 --> 00:13:05,279
Yeah, you jerk off on me.
345
00:13:05,313 --> 00:13:06,814
That's a good memory.
346
00:13:06,848 --> 00:13:08,582
Mi got good head for tricks.
347
00:13:08,616 --> 00:13:11,085
Yeah, you sure do, darling. You sure do.
348
00:13:11,119 --> 00:13:12,719
Oh.
349
00:13:12,754 --> 00:13:14,354
So I went to that comic
book store on Sunset.
350
00:13:14,389 --> 00:13:16,523
I met her when I was coming out.
351
00:13:16,558 --> 00:13:18,792
She was super nice, real friendly.
352
00:13:18,827 --> 00:13:20,427
I guess I owe her more money
353
00:13:20,462 --> 00:13:21,929
than I currently have on my person.
354
00:13:21,963 --> 00:13:23,564
- What did you do?
- Everything, dude.
355
00:13:23,598 --> 00:13:25,299
We went around the fucking world...
356
00:13:25,333 --> 00:13:27,101
- in the butt and everything.
- Holy shit.
357
00:13:27,135 --> 00:13:28,902
She made me wear a condom, though.
358
00:13:28,937 --> 00:13:31,472
- It was really hard to come.
- Too much. How much?
359
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:33,874
Look, I don't want to limit
your sexual exploration,
360
00:13:33,908 --> 00:13:35,509
but you got to lay off the hookers,
361
00:13:35,543 --> 00:13:37,678
because it's illegal, and there's diseases.
362
00:13:37,712 --> 00:13:39,146
No, mama!
363
00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:42,082
- I make him put bag on it.
- Mi.
364
00:13:42,117 --> 00:13:43,550
That's good, I guess.
365
00:13:43,585 --> 00:13:45,085
He had a tough time... [Imitates explosion]
366
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,954
I did. I'm sorry, mom.
367
00:13:46,988 --> 00:13:49,022
This is not what a
mother wants for her son.
368
00:13:49,057 --> 00:13:50,457
No.
369
00:13:50,492 --> 00:13:52,292
Julia, I told them that the last time.
370
00:13:52,327 --> 00:13:53,961
- You did?
- Yes!
371
00:13:53,995 --> 00:13:55,762
God, thank you, Karen. That is so sweet.
372
00:13:55,797 --> 00:13:57,498
You're so welcome. I am so sorry.
373
00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:58,832
I don't understand. [Knock at door]
374
00:13:58,867 --> 00:14:00,100
Yes.
375
00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:02,836
Rath. What are you doing here?
376
00:14:02,871 --> 00:14:04,204
Hey. Uh, is Hank around?
377
00:14:04,239 --> 00:14:06,473
Hank, sorry to bother you at home,
378
00:14:06,508 --> 00:14:09,109
but a friend of yours insisted.
379
00:14:10,712 --> 00:14:12,212
Moody!
380
00:14:12,247 --> 00:14:13,687
Eddie Nero... as I live and breathe.
381
00:14:13,715 --> 00:14:16,817
Ah!
382
00:14:19,587 --> 00:14:23,624
- Put me back in my chair.
- Okay. All right.
383
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,394
No! It's okay.
384
00:14:27,428 --> 00:14:30,030
I'll do it myself.
385
00:14:36,838 --> 00:14:39,373
Dare I ask why you're in a wheelchair?
386
00:14:39,407 --> 00:14:42,009
Have you finally had your genitals removed?
387
00:14:42,043 --> 00:14:45,012
No, don't be silly. It was
just a flight of fancy...
388
00:14:45,046 --> 00:14:46,747
an a-lister's daydream.
389
00:14:46,781 --> 00:14:48,982
I thought I'd lost all my loads.
390
00:14:49,017 --> 00:14:53,053
Then your lovely soul
mate taught me otherwise.
391
00:14:53,087 --> 00:14:55,222
- Karen!
- Eddie.
392
00:14:55,256 --> 00:14:57,691
Let me pepper you with kisses.
393
00:14:57,725 --> 00:15:00,027
How are you? It's so nice to see you.
394
00:15:00,061 --> 00:15:01,695
It's so good to see you, Karen.
395
00:15:01,729 --> 00:15:03,997
- Good.
- [Sniffing]
396
00:15:04,032 --> 00:15:05,899
- Okay.
- Ah, can you feel it?
397
00:15:05,934 --> 00:15:09,336
This is the site of our erotic encounter.
398
00:15:09,370 --> 00:15:12,506
The wood of this humble
abode has absorbed my seed,
399
00:15:12,540 --> 00:15:14,174
my very essence.
400
00:15:14,209 --> 00:15:16,710
Are you as moist as I am?
401
00:15:16,744 --> 00:15:18,512
Hey, pussy fart. How are you?
402
00:15:18,546 --> 00:15:20,247
Good, Eddie. How are you?
403
00:15:20,281 --> 00:15:21,615
No, no. I'm on duty.
404
00:15:21,649 --> 00:15:23,050
Ah, of course. Karen?
405
00:15:23,084 --> 00:15:25,719
For my character, that I will be essaying
406
00:15:25,753 --> 00:15:28,755
in an upcoming episode
of TV's Santa Monica Cops,
407
00:15:28,790 --> 00:15:30,457
which I have agreed to do
408
00:15:30,491 --> 00:15:32,059
because all the finest movie stars
409
00:15:32,093 --> 00:15:33,560
are coming to television today.
410
00:15:33,595 --> 00:15:34,962
And why not?
411
00:15:34,996 --> 00:15:37,464
Two days on a set plus a meaty monologue
412
00:15:37,498 --> 00:15:40,100
equals... Emmy nomination!
413
00:15:40,134 --> 00:15:41,702
I'm going for the motherfucking EGOT...
414
00:15:41,736 --> 00:15:44,805
Emmy, Golden Globe, Oscar, Tony.
415
00:15:44,839 --> 00:15:46,740
And for that, I will provide sexual favors
416
00:15:46,774 --> 00:15:48,208
to Neil Patrick Harris, if needed.
417
00:15:48,243 --> 00:15:50,510
[Gagging]
418
00:15:53,948 --> 00:15:57,284
Anyway, Moody, I need you
to write me a monologue.
419
00:15:57,318 --> 00:15:59,219
I miss our collaborations.
420
00:15:59,254 --> 00:16:01,622
Rath is a fine writer, but he's terse.
421
00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:03,357
I need someone who can provide
422
00:16:03,391 --> 00:16:05,692
a glorious golden shower of verbiage.
423
00:16:05,727 --> 00:16:07,761
And the Emmy goes...
424
00:16:07,829 --> 00:16:09,863
to Edward fucking Nero.
425
00:16:09,897 --> 00:16:11,164
Good God, there are some beautiful women
426
00:16:11,199 --> 00:16:12,733
around here tonight.
427
00:16:12,767 --> 00:16:15,102
I'm glad I still have all my loads.
428
00:16:15,136 --> 00:16:17,771
We could have quite
the bukkake party later.
429
00:16:17,805 --> 00:16:21,141
My character... he cannot
achieve an erection.
430
00:16:21,175 --> 00:16:22,776
He's been robbed of his manhood.
431
00:16:22,810 --> 00:16:24,711
But he's still a force to be reckoned with.
432
00:16:24,746 --> 00:16:26,280
Ow!
433
00:16:26,314 --> 00:16:27,648
Ow!
434
00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:30,250
Hey! I know you...
435
00:16:30,285 --> 00:16:31,952
from Sunset and Gardner.
436
00:16:31,986 --> 00:16:34,521
Hey! That right, motherfucker!
437
00:16:34,555 --> 00:16:36,156
[Laughs]
438
00:16:36,190 --> 00:16:40,327
Did not recognize you with the mustache.
439
00:16:40,361 --> 00:16:42,996
Hey. You poop on me.
440
00:16:43,031 --> 00:16:45,165
You're welcome.
441
00:16:53,908 --> 00:16:55,976
Good news...
442
00:16:56,010 --> 00:16:58,545
Rath's hitting it off
with Karen over there.
443
00:16:58,579 --> 00:17:00,781
- Why is that good news?
- Good news for me.
444
00:17:00,815 --> 00:17:02,716
He's staying the fuck
away from my mom for once.
445
00:17:02,750 --> 00:17:05,218
Yeah, well, guess who's
chatting up your fucking mom,
446
00:17:05,253 --> 00:17:08,155
- is Eddie fucking Nero.
- [Scoffs] Yeah, we'll see.
447
00:17:08,189 --> 00:17:09,790
Movie star or not, that guy
will get the fucking stink finger
448
00:17:09,824 --> 00:17:11,291
- if he tries anything.
- No, no, no. No.
449
00:17:11,326 --> 00:17:12,859
Stink finger is powerless over him.
450
00:17:12,894 --> 00:17:14,561
Dude poops on people.
451
00:17:14,595 --> 00:17:16,463
Ugh. That's fucking unsettling.
452
00:17:16,497 --> 00:17:18,065
- You think?
- Yeah.
453
00:17:18,099 --> 00:17:19,099
Hmm.
454
00:17:21,035 --> 00:17:23,737
Hi. What's going on here?
455
00:17:23,771 --> 00:17:26,039
- Hey.
- Hey.
456
00:17:26,074 --> 00:17:28,241
Um, well, I was just having
the greatest conversation
457
00:17:28,276 --> 00:17:30,177
- with your boss.
- Oh.
458
00:17:30,211 --> 00:17:32,479
Yeah, well, he's not
really my boss, per se.
459
00:17:32,513 --> 00:17:34,414
Well, how else would you put it, Hank?
460
00:17:34,449 --> 00:17:37,150
I like to think of us as compatriots,
461
00:17:37,185 --> 00:17:39,252
you know, birds of a
feather, kindred spirits,
462
00:17:39,287 --> 00:17:42,589
writers, men...
463
00:17:42,623 --> 00:17:44,725
- men.
- I hired you. I can fire you.
464
00:17:44,759 --> 00:17:46,093
I'd say that makes me your boss.
465
00:17:46,127 --> 00:17:48,061
Okay, fine. Yeah, be that way.
466
00:17:48,096 --> 00:17:49,763
You know, this evening started out
467
00:17:49,797 --> 00:17:53,600
as an attempted intimate
dinner for the two of us.
468
00:17:53,634 --> 00:17:56,236
And at some point, I would like to...
469
00:17:56,270 --> 00:17:57,904
- Um, yeah.
- Get back to...
470
00:17:57,939 --> 00:17:59,639
- Well, it's okay, sweetie.
- That particular...
471
00:17:59,674 --> 00:18:02,175
'Cause I can... I can
catch up with you anytime.
472
00:18:02,210 --> 00:18:03,944
I mean, you know,
473
00:18:03,978 --> 00:18:06,513
I don't know when I'm
next gonna get to see Rick.
474
00:18:06,547 --> 00:18:09,015
We can see each other as
often as you like, Karen,
475
00:18:09,050 --> 00:18:10,684
because you guys aren't together, right?
476
00:18:10,718 --> 00:18:11,685
- Well...
- Right.
477
00:18:11,719 --> 00:18:13,420
I mean, that's a...
478
00:18:13,454 --> 00:18:15,288
Yeah, well, these things are
very complicated with Hank.
479
00:18:15,323 --> 00:18:16,723
You know, I asked him about Julia.
480
00:18:16,758 --> 00:18:18,291
He said he wasn't involved with her.
481
00:18:18,326 --> 00:18:20,394
Next thing you know, he
was inside of her, so...
482
00:18:20,428 --> 00:18:23,864
Inside of her? Wow.
483
00:18:23,898 --> 00:18:25,899
Um, okay.
484
00:18:25,933 --> 00:18:27,868
Yeah, well, why am I surprised?
485
00:18:27,902 --> 00:18:30,170
I mean, of course he was.
486
00:18:30,204 --> 00:18:31,905
[Sighs]
487
00:18:31,939 --> 00:18:34,107
Well... it's just as
well I like her, I guess.
488
00:18:34,142 --> 00:18:35,675
[Knock at door]
489
00:18:35,710 --> 00:18:39,379
- I'll get that.
- I got it. I got it.
490
00:18:39,414 --> 00:18:41,381
- Hello, Leon.
- It's Levon.
491
00:18:41,416 --> 00:18:44,351
Why is that so fucking
hard for people to get?
492
00:18:44,385 --> 00:18:46,386
Charlie, Marcy,
493
00:18:46,421 --> 00:18:48,655
so sorry to barge in on you guys like this,
494
00:18:48,689 --> 00:18:51,024
but I must have a word.
495
00:18:51,058 --> 00:18:53,994
Hello, Edward. How are you, brah?
496
00:18:54,028 --> 00:18:55,929
Stu, my favorite moneyman!
497
00:18:55,963 --> 00:18:57,664
Stu, I'm not even gonna get
up off this fucking couch
498
00:18:57,698 --> 00:18:59,166
to deal with this shit.
499
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,501
First of all, thanks to Eddie Nero here,
500
00:19:01,536 --> 00:19:03,403
my fucking knee is killing me.
501
00:19:03,438 --> 00:19:06,006
Besides, everyone knows,
Stu. Everyone knows.
502
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,408
Well, in that case...
503
00:19:08,443 --> 00:19:10,644
[Gasps]
504
00:19:10,678 --> 00:19:12,913
Look away, Marcy! Look away!
505
00:19:12,947 --> 00:19:16,683
- But it's so beautiful.
- And it's all yours.
506
00:19:16,717 --> 00:19:18,485
Just say the word
507
00:19:18,519 --> 00:19:22,289
and, uh, sign right here on the dotted line
508
00:19:22,323 --> 00:19:24,691
and if you could initial here and here.
509
00:19:24,725 --> 00:19:27,360
Stu, was is it about this woman?
510
00:19:27,395 --> 00:19:30,530
Edward, I'm so glad you asked me.
511
00:19:30,565 --> 00:19:32,432
Entering her is like walking
512
00:19:32,467 --> 00:19:35,302
into the most wonderful
candy store in the world.
513
00:19:35,336 --> 00:19:39,539
Spending time inside of her
is akin to cocooning yourself
514
00:19:39,574 --> 00:19:42,309
in the softest, most exotic of silks.
515
00:19:42,343 --> 00:19:44,611
I remember I used to be able to press
516
00:19:44,645 --> 00:19:46,513
on her cute little tummy
517
00:19:46,547 --> 00:19:48,248
and feel myself just
throbbing away in there.
518
00:19:48,282 --> 00:19:49,483
The hum was electric.
519
00:19:49,517 --> 00:19:51,518
You have to remember that, Marcy.
520
00:19:51,552 --> 00:19:56,056
- Yeah, I guess I do.
- I'm gonna throw the fuck up.
521
00:19:56,090 --> 00:19:58,492
If sex is what allows us
522
00:19:58,526 --> 00:20:02,162
to transcend this average,
everyday, humdrum existence
523
00:20:02,196 --> 00:20:05,465
and get us that much closer to God,
524
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,234
then it was with Marcy
525
00:20:07,268 --> 00:20:11,905
that I came within spitting
distance of my maker.
526
00:20:11,939 --> 00:20:14,241
What has happened to you, Stu?
527
00:20:14,275 --> 00:20:16,142
Have you lost your fucking mind?
528
00:20:16,177 --> 00:20:18,478
Perhaps I need to experience
this pint-sized powerhouse.
529
00:20:18,513 --> 00:20:20,180
I've seen her go at it.
530
00:20:20,214 --> 00:20:22,449
She's like a feral cat
with a greedy snatch.
531
00:20:22,483 --> 00:20:24,584
Greedy snatch! Give me, give me, give me!
532
00:20:24,619 --> 00:20:26,453
- All for it, none for you.
- What?
533
00:20:26,487 --> 00:20:30,490
Well, consider this a
signing bonus... 10% up front.
534
00:20:30,525 --> 00:20:33,894
Do with it what you will.
535
00:20:33,928 --> 00:20:35,929
- We have to talk.
- Ow!
536
00:20:35,963 --> 00:20:37,764
Come here.
537
00:20:37,798 --> 00:20:39,232
- Listen to me.
- What?
538
00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:40,934
This kind of cash could get us
539
00:20:40,968 --> 00:20:42,869
out of all of our immediate debt.
540
00:20:42,904 --> 00:20:45,539
Marcy, I have put out
feelers about the Krull book,
541
00:20:45,573 --> 00:20:48,241
and I could get us at least that much...
542
00:20:48,276 --> 00:20:49,709
Almost.
543
00:20:49,744 --> 00:20:51,578
What about next month? And the month after?
544
00:20:51,612 --> 00:20:53,780
Runkle, don't kid yourself.
Things are tough out there.
545
00:20:53,814 --> 00:20:55,549
I'm offering you some sweet relief.
546
00:20:55,583 --> 00:20:57,551
I mean, give yourself a break.
547
00:20:57,585 --> 00:21:00,720
And you got to think
about little Stuart, huh?
548
00:21:00,755 --> 00:21:02,355
My namesake.
549
00:21:02,390 --> 00:21:04,724
Stu, you have got to stop disrespecting me
550
00:21:04,759 --> 00:21:06,426
in my own home!
551
00:21:06,460 --> 00:21:11,131
Oh, this is clearly a rental.
552
00:21:11,165 --> 00:21:12,966
Hit him!
553
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,334
Ow! Ow!
554
00:21:14,368 --> 00:21:16,236
Ow!
555
00:21:16,270 --> 00:21:18,204
Okay, Runkle...
556
00:21:18,239 --> 00:21:21,241
now you pushed me too far.
557
00:21:21,275 --> 00:21:23,410
[Gasps]
558
00:21:23,444 --> 00:21:25,612
I'm gonna...
559
00:21:25,646 --> 00:21:29,816
- Aah! Aah! Aah!
- Stop it!
560
00:21:29,850 --> 00:21:31,051
Charlie!
561
00:21:34,922 --> 00:21:36,957
All right.
562
00:21:36,991 --> 00:21:40,860
My boy Runkle's got some serious
retard strength right now.
563
00:21:40,895 --> 00:21:42,762
- Just... yeah.
- Come on.
564
00:21:42,797 --> 00:21:43,897
Get him off.
565
00:21:43,931 --> 00:21:46,232
No fighting! Not on my watch!
566
00:21:46,267 --> 00:21:48,001
Holy shit. That thing is real?
567
00:21:48,035 --> 00:21:49,736
When I'm in research mode, I go all out.
568
00:21:49,770 --> 00:21:51,671
I'm not fucking around.
569
00:21:51,706 --> 00:21:54,106
Okay, I'm calling the network.
I cannot work with this guy.
570
00:21:54,108 --> 00:21:57,243
- I thought Hashtag was bad.
- No one should fight like this.
571
00:21:57,278 --> 00:21:58,678
No man should fight like this.
572
00:21:58,713 --> 00:22:01,047
Last time I was here,
I fought much like this
573
00:22:01,082 --> 00:22:03,149
with a man named Hank Moody,
574
00:22:03,184 --> 00:22:06,419
who bested me that night and deservedly so.
575
00:22:06,454 --> 00:22:07,854
And do you know why?
576
00:22:07,888 --> 00:22:10,457
Because I slept with his woman.
577
00:22:10,491 --> 00:22:11,658
Wheelchair or not, Nero,
578
00:22:11,692 --> 00:22:13,693
I will kick you in the fucking cock.
579
00:22:13,728 --> 00:22:16,563
There's no need. I have
a confession to make.
580
00:22:16,597 --> 00:22:20,200
I did not penetrate
your beloved that night.
581
00:22:20,234 --> 00:22:22,202
I fully intended to,
582
00:22:22,236 --> 00:22:26,873
but I hadn't come with a woman
in so long that I merely...
583
00:22:26,907 --> 00:22:30,410
- made wet in my tunic.
- Whoa.
584
00:22:30,444 --> 00:22:32,045
She did me the great honor
585
00:22:32,079 --> 00:22:34,481
of making it seem like we made sweet love,
586
00:22:34,515 --> 00:22:36,349
which is why she is
such an incredible woman.
587
00:22:36,384 --> 00:22:38,151
What is this, fucking Christmas?
588
00:22:38,185 --> 00:22:40,453
This is great news. Why
didn't you tell me that?
589
00:22:40,488 --> 00:22:42,922
Because I didn't want to
betray Eddie's confidence.
590
00:22:42,957 --> 00:22:44,624
Uh-huh.
591
00:22:44,659 --> 00:22:46,359
Her loveliness is giving
me an erection right now...
592
00:22:46,394 --> 00:22:48,028
No.
593
00:22:48,062 --> 00:22:49,295
In spite of my best efforts
to stay in character.
594
00:22:49,330 --> 00:22:50,764
You know, and also,
595
00:22:50,798 --> 00:22:52,732
I kind of wanted you to think that we had.
596
00:22:52,767 --> 00:22:54,534
Oh, really? You did, did you?
597
00:22:54,568 --> 00:22:58,038
Karen, if you would
grant me another chance,
598
00:22:58,072 --> 00:23:00,674
I am reasonably sure I could penetrate you
599
00:23:00,708 --> 00:23:02,742
in a satisfactory manner...
600
00:23:02,777 --> 00:23:04,144
[Laughs]
601
00:23:04,178 --> 00:23:06,246
Although you would have to lift me up
602
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,415
off of the chair into the bed.
603
00:23:08,449 --> 00:23:10,209
Have you ever had sex
with a handicapped man?
604
00:23:10,217 --> 00:23:11,751
Eddie, I think we had a moment,
605
00:23:11,786 --> 00:23:13,887
and I think that moment's passed.
606
00:23:13,921 --> 00:23:16,423
Oh.
607
00:23:16,457 --> 00:23:18,358
Thank you for your honesty.
608
00:23:18,392 --> 00:23:19,659
What about you, Goldilocks?
609
00:23:19,694 --> 00:23:21,695
You ever made love to a paraplegic?
610
00:23:21,729 --> 00:23:23,263
Actually, I did once.
611
00:23:23,297 --> 00:23:26,066
I really liked him, but
then Levon scared him away.
612
00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:27,567
He told him if he tried anything funny,
613
00:23:27,601 --> 00:23:30,103
he'd pushed him into traffic.
614
00:23:30,137 --> 00:23:32,238
What? I was young and angry, okay?
615
00:23:32,273 --> 00:23:34,741
I didn't have a fucking father.
616
00:23:34,775 --> 00:23:36,276
He was really good at oral sex.
617
00:23:36,310 --> 00:23:38,378
[Scoffs] Gross. That's fucking foul.
618
00:23:38,412 --> 00:23:40,878
I knew I should've pushed
that fucking gimp into traffic.
619
00:23:40,879 --> 00:23:41,859
Hey, that's not nice.
620
00:23:41,860 --> 00:23:44,698
He wasn't... he wasn't
as good as yours truly...
621
00:23:44,418 --> 00:23:46,753
I'm sorry to say, yes. I
mean, he was really good.
622
00:23:46,787 --> 00:23:48,221
- That's rough.
- Whoa!
623
00:23:48,255 --> 00:23:50,590
Not any better than Edward R. Nero,
624
00:23:50,624 --> 00:23:53,259
who is nothing if not a cunning linguist.
625
00:23:53,294 --> 00:23:55,061
You know, I'm a single mom, Eddie.
626
00:23:55,096 --> 00:23:56,763
And I'm not easily wooed.
627
00:23:56,797 --> 00:23:58,965
I'm a single father
with millions of dollars
628
00:23:58,999 --> 00:24:00,834
and unlimited loads.
629
00:24:00,868 --> 00:24:05,004
"Unrimited roads"? [Laughing]
630
00:24:05,039 --> 00:24:07,707
Empty your pockets, bitches!
631
00:24:07,742 --> 00:24:09,809
Everyone do exactly what she says.
632
00:24:09,844 --> 00:24:11,578
I am in extraordinary shape,
633
00:24:11,612 --> 00:24:15,982
but I do not think I could
survive a bullet in the head.
634
00:24:16,016 --> 00:24:18,284
- Okay.
- Come on!
635
00:24:18,319 --> 00:24:20,453
- Are you fucking kidding?
- Nope.
636
00:24:20,488 --> 00:24:23,123
Hurry! Now!
637
00:24:23,157 --> 00:24:24,657
I thought you used to be a cop.
638
00:24:24,692 --> 00:24:26,926
- Shut up.
- I was a fucking transit cop.
639
00:24:26,961 --> 00:24:29,229
Okay? What difference does it make anyway.
640
00:24:29,263 --> 00:24:31,331
I don't have a gun on me.
641
00:24:32,433 --> 00:24:35,235
[Screaming]
642
00:24:36,637 --> 00:24:40,140
[Screaming]
643
00:24:40,174 --> 00:24:43,743
[Laughing] Edward!
644
00:24:43,778 --> 00:24:45,745
Ow!
645
00:24:45,780 --> 00:24:48,948
Later, bitches! [Laughing]
646
00:24:48,983 --> 00:24:50,850
[Shouts indistinctly] Bye, Mi.
647
00:24:50,885 --> 00:24:52,519
- Hey!
- I had fun tonight.
648
00:24:52,553 --> 00:24:56,489
That's mine! [Horn blares]
649
00:24:56,524 --> 00:24:58,024
Aren't you glad we didn't go
650
00:24:58,058 --> 00:25:00,460
to some boring place on Abbot Kinney?
651
00:25:00,494 --> 00:25:03,062
Do you think Eddie's gonna be okay?
652
00:25:03,097 --> 00:25:04,817
He seemed all right as
they were loading him
653
00:25:04,832 --> 00:25:06,432
into the ambulance.
654
00:25:06,467 --> 00:25:08,768
He asked me to email him the
draft of the monologue asap
655
00:25:08,803 --> 00:25:11,137
so he can start learning his lines.
656
00:25:11,172 --> 00:25:12,772
[Laughs]
657
00:25:12,807 --> 00:25:14,574
It's not like he's
actually human or anything.
658
00:25:14,608 --> 00:25:17,443
I think he's gonna be fine.
659
00:25:17,478 --> 00:25:19,712
Isn't it crazy how
nothing good ever happens
660
00:25:19,747 --> 00:25:21,815
in Charlie and Marcy's house?
661
00:25:21,849 --> 00:25:23,783
It's like that place was built
662
00:25:23,818 --> 00:25:27,187
on some Indian burial ground or something.
663
00:25:27,221 --> 00:25:29,055
Yeah. It's like there's a whole bunch
664
00:25:29,089 --> 00:25:33,359
of horny Malibu Indians
rolling around underneath there.
665
00:25:33,394 --> 00:25:35,495
I don't know.
666
00:25:35,529 --> 00:25:39,732
- Good night.
- Good night.
667
00:25:39,767 --> 00:25:42,969
Hey, at least I learned that you
didn't do sex with Eddie Nero,
668
00:25:43,003 --> 00:25:46,906
so I will sleep easier tonight.
669
00:25:46,941 --> 00:25:50,543
And I learned that you recently did do sex
670
00:25:50,578 --> 00:25:53,713
with the mother of your first child.
671
00:25:53,747 --> 00:25:56,516
I'm sorry about that.
672
00:25:56,550 --> 00:25:59,319
Why? It's your life.
673
00:25:59,353 --> 00:26:01,154
If there's something
about it you don't like,
674
00:26:01,188 --> 00:26:02,255
you could change it.
675
00:26:02,289 --> 00:26:05,325
- I am trying.
- Hank...
676
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,160
again, I ask you why.
677
00:26:07,194 --> 00:26:10,396
You thrive on chaos.
678
00:26:10,431 --> 00:26:14,033
I mean, you need to be in the middle
679
00:26:14,068 --> 00:26:18,204
of some kind of mess of
your own creation, right?
680
00:26:18,239 --> 00:26:22,909
That's what makes you attractive...
681
00:26:22,943 --> 00:26:27,947
and also impossible to live with.
682
00:26:27,982 --> 00:26:31,651
"Impossible" is a very strong word, Karen.
683
00:26:35,322 --> 00:26:37,957
Hank, I love you...
684
00:26:40,594 --> 00:26:43,129
but I can't be with you.
685
00:26:43,163 --> 00:26:45,798
When will you accept that?
686
00:26:45,833 --> 00:26:49,302
Never.
687
00:26:49,336 --> 00:26:52,972
It's also what makes me attractive.
688
00:26:53,007 --> 00:26:55,475
[Laughs]
689
00:26:55,509 --> 00:26:57,377
Yeah...
690
00:26:57,411 --> 00:27:00,480
and very lonely.
691
00:27:00,514 --> 00:27:04,784
♪ Tell myself you never loved me ♪
692
00:27:04,818 --> 00:27:08,021
♪ no ♪
693
00:27:08,088 --> 00:27:13,507
♪ oh, no ♪
694
00:27:13,627 --> 00:27:17,430
♪ Time cast a spell on you ♪
695
00:27:17,464 --> 00:27:21,901
♪ but you won't forget me ♪
696
00:27:23,804 --> 00:27:28,141
♪ I know I could have loved you ♪
697
00:27:28,175 --> 00:27:31,911
♪ but you would not let me ♪
698
00:27:34,048 --> 00:27:36,816
♪ I will follow you down ♪
699
00:27:36,850 --> 00:27:40,093
♪ till the sound of my voice ♪
700
00:27:40,679 --> 00:27:47,553
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com