1 00:00:01,768 --> 00:00:02,831 Babe? 2 00:00:02,831 --> 00:00:04,689 Are you ever coming to bed? 3 00:00:04,689 --> 00:00:05,826 Baby, I got to stretch, okay? 4 00:00:05,826 --> 00:00:08,138 What we're gonna attempt to do is a high level of difficulty. 5 00:00:11,503 --> 00:00:12,874 Are we doing that thing? 6 00:00:12,874 --> 00:00:14,442 No, no, no. We're doing the other thing. 7 00:00:21,206 --> 00:00:22,993 Just talking to Nicki. She said to say hi. 8 00:00:22,993 --> 00:00:25,252 Oh, yeah. I was just thinking about Nicki. 9 00:00:25,252 --> 00:00:27,067 Come on. Let's go to bed. 10 00:00:28,588 --> 00:00:30,251 You know, moving back home has been tough on her. 11 00:00:30,251 --> 00:00:31,490 Oh, oh god. 12 00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:33,217 I am so sorry. 13 00:00:33,217 --> 00:00:34,640 Yeah, man. That really sucks. 14 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:35,201 You know what, baby? 15 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:37,551 We should go dedicate our lovemaking session to Nicki. 16 00:00:37,551 --> 00:00:38,754 She'd want it that way. 17 00:00:39,953 --> 00:00:40,824 Come on. 18 00:00:40,824 --> 00:00:42,726 You know, it's just, when we talk on the phone, 19 00:00:42,726 --> 00:00:43,687 she gets real sad. 20 00:00:43,687 --> 00:00:46,619 All I can do is tell her I love her. 21 00:00:46,619 --> 00:00:47,761 Mm. 22 00:00:47,761 --> 00:00:49,619 I am gonna put my sweatpants on, 23 00:00:49,619 --> 00:00:52,569 and then the three of us can hang out. 24 00:00:52,569 --> 00:00:53,497 Oh, my God. 25 00:00:54,707 --> 00:00:56,471 Yeah! Let's hang out, the three of us. 26 00:00:56,471 --> 00:00:58,322 It'll be so awesome. Go put those sweatpants on. 27 00:00:58,322 --> 00:00:59,405 I can't wait for you to put those on. 28 00:00:59,405 --> 00:01:00,486 Come on, man! 29 00:01:02,264 --> 00:01:04,105 You're killing me. 30 00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,607 And now she's gonna put on sweatpants? 31 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:07,112 Dude, do you know what sweatpants are like to women? 32 00:01:07,112 --> 00:01:08,320 That's like vaginal Ambien. 33 00:01:09,456 --> 00:01:11,340 Puts it right to sleep. 34 00:01:11,340 --> 00:01:12,815 Me-me-me-me-me. 35 00:01:12,815 --> 00:01:16,033 Me-me-me-me-me. 36 00:01:16,033 --> 00:01:19,210 Why does her vagina snore like one of the Three Stooges? 37 00:01:22,179 --> 00:01:22,990 All right. Look, man. 38 00:01:22,990 --> 00:01:24,269 I know you're a sensitive guy, 39 00:01:24,269 --> 00:01:25,816 but when your high level of estrogen 40 00:01:25,816 --> 00:01:27,092 combines with her level of estrogen, 41 00:01:27,092 --> 00:01:28,839 that creates a barrier that no man can get through... 42 00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:29,920 Not even Vin Diesel. 43 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:30,999 "Hey, you know what? 44 00:01:30,999 --> 00:01:33,268 "Uh, I can't through this high level of estrogen. 45 00:01:33,268 --> 00:01:34,697 It's such a big barrier." 46 00:01:39,014 --> 00:01:41,070 First off, that's Rocky. 47 00:01:41,070 --> 00:01:42,273 Second off... 48 00:01:42,273 --> 00:01:45,031 When it comes to matters of the heart, 49 00:01:45,031 --> 00:01:46,568 I'm all about emotions, okay? 50 00:01:46,568 --> 00:01:48,074 I love hard. I yearn hard. 51 00:01:48,074 --> 00:01:49,338 I feel hard. 52 00:01:49,338 --> 00:01:50,753 Well, then, I got a question for you. 53 00:01:50,753 --> 00:01:51,729 Don't say it. 54 00:01:51,729 --> 00:01:54,291 Do you feel hard right now? 55 00:01:55,672 --> 00:01:57,468 Ah, that's great. 56 00:01:57,468 --> 00:01:59,429 - Never mess with a sensitive guy. - Mm-hmm. 57 00:01:59,429 --> 00:02:00,836 Okay? 'Cause we'll hit you where it hurts. 58 00:02:01,716 --> 00:02:03,681 So, are you gonna hang out, Justin? 59 00:02:03,681 --> 00:02:05,015 Oh, that sounds so much fun, 60 00:02:05,015 --> 00:02:07,288 but, uh, actually, I'm gonna let you two kids 61 00:02:07,288 --> 00:02:08,600 get some private time, okay? 62 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:09,127 Enjoy your night. 63 00:02:09,127 --> 00:02:11,376 You know what's silly that I was just thinking about? 64 00:02:12,901 --> 00:02:15,031 I was just thinking about the fact that you two, uh, 65 00:02:15,031 --> 00:02:17,745 have been dating exactly as long as Nicki and I were 66 00:02:17,745 --> 00:02:19,635 when I told her that I loved her for the first time. 67 00:02:20,839 --> 00:02:21,982 Isn't that funny? 68 00:02:21,982 --> 00:02:23,373 I love your sweatpants. 69 00:02:23,373 --> 00:02:24,457 Ah. Fantastic. 70 00:02:26,571 --> 00:02:31,954 Me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me. 71 00:02:31,954 --> 00:02:33,942 All right, now. Here we go. Come on. 72 00:02:33,942 --> 00:02:35,338 Okay. We are going. 73 00:02:38,660 --> 00:02:40,845 "Undateable"... it's exactly like "Toy Story." 74 00:02:40,845 --> 00:02:43,114 Except it's not animated and there are no toys. 75 00:02:43,114 --> 00:02:45,007 You know what? Can I actually talk to you after this? 76 00:02:45,007 --> 00:02:48,148 Synced and corrected by Mastermonger. www.addic7ed.com 77 00:02:54,293 --> 00:02:56,609 You know Steve, the gay electrician? 78 00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:58,485 We're watching Brett eye-bang him. 79 00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:04,014 All right. Where's your fuse box? 80 00:03:04,014 --> 00:03:05,274 It's by the back door. 81 00:03:06,631 --> 00:03:09,740 Hey, man, you should have taken a run at Steve, you know? 82 00:03:09,740 --> 00:03:11,235 I mean, he's right in your wheelhouse, right? 83 00:03:11,235 --> 00:03:12,878 He's a guy. He's gay. 84 00:03:12,878 --> 00:03:16,164 I feel like that checks all the boxes. 85 00:03:16,164 --> 00:03:18,273 I'm not going to ask Steve out, Danny. 86 00:03:18,273 --> 00:03:20,397 Brett only came out three months ago. 87 00:03:20,397 --> 00:03:22,450 Point is, he's not ready to ask anybody out yet. 88 00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:23,756 Come on, come on. 89 00:03:23,756 --> 00:03:25,379 It's not like I'm a virgin, okay? 90 00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:26,518 It's just with guys. 91 00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:30,385 I've had a lot of sex with a lot of ladies. 92 00:03:30,385 --> 00:03:32,806 That's not fair. 93 00:03:32,806 --> 00:03:35,348 It's like a vegetarian eating my steak. 94 00:03:40,164 --> 00:03:42,632 When you slept with that girl I was dating in college, 95 00:03:42,632 --> 00:03:44,718 if you were living a lie, why would you even bother? 96 00:03:44,718 --> 00:03:47,903 Because she had a flattop and a really low voice. 97 00:03:47,903 --> 00:03:50,503 So when the lights were low, I could make it work. 98 00:03:50,503 --> 00:03:52,698 Who were you dating... a Navy S.E.A.L.? 99 00:03:52,698 --> 00:03:55,925 No. I was a freshman, Danny. 100 00:03:55,925 --> 00:03:57,694 I just needed a girl to tell me what to do. 101 00:03:57,694 --> 00:04:00,510 "Hey, Justin. Give me your hand. 102 00:04:00,510 --> 00:04:02,262 "Put it right there. 103 00:04:02,262 --> 00:04:05,204 Now make small circles and shut up!" 104 00:04:11,867 --> 00:04:13,282 Nicki, I miss you, too, okay? 105 00:04:13,282 --> 00:04:15,086 But these phone calls just make you sad. 106 00:04:15,086 --> 00:04:18,107 Look, I have a crazy idea. 107 00:04:18,107 --> 00:04:20,283 I just need to know... are you... are you alone? 108 00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:23,986 Okay. Good. All right. 109 00:04:23,986 --> 00:04:24,936 Okay. Good. 110 00:04:24,936 --> 00:04:28,926 Well, then, uh, what are you wearing right now? 111 00:04:31,276 --> 00:04:34,062 Just a t-shirt. Okay. Interesting. 112 00:04:34,062 --> 00:04:35,785 'Cause in that scenario... 113 00:04:37,670 --> 00:04:41,618 I am going to be an erotic masseur. 114 00:04:41,618 --> 00:04:43,732 Would you rather be a... 115 00:04:45,659 --> 00:04:50,398 a tennis star who needs a post-match rubdown or... 116 00:04:50,398 --> 00:04:52,618 Oh. Got to go. 117 00:04:54,996 --> 00:04:57,287 Uh, look, we got to help our friend Brett, 118 00:04:57,287 --> 00:04:58,644 but before that, 119 00:04:58,644 --> 00:05:02,030 is this a "choose your own adventure" phone-sex script? 120 00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:06,532 All right, baby bird, uh, on the list of things 121 00:05:06,532 --> 00:05:09,262 that you are very, very, very, very, very bad at, 122 00:05:09,262 --> 00:05:10,408 we have to put "phone sex" 123 00:05:10,408 --> 00:05:12,729 right below "not looking like Matthew broderick." 124 00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:18,210 So, what I thought is, we could invite Steve back here 125 00:05:18,210 --> 00:05:20,012 to fix something else and make Brett ask him out. 126 00:05:20,012 --> 00:05:21,659 No, no. That's a horrible idea. 127 00:05:21,659 --> 00:05:23,504 Also, have you seen Steve? 128 00:05:23,504 --> 00:05:25,303 I mean, he's the kind of guy at the gym 129 00:05:25,303 --> 00:05:26,990 who just doesn't wear a towel in the steam room... 130 00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:28,345 like puts his hands on his hip, 131 00:05:28,345 --> 00:05:30,261 and just lets his business swing back and forth 132 00:05:30,261 --> 00:05:32,208 like, "hey, try not to get hypnotized," you know? 133 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,810 Where do you work out? 134 00:05:38,582 --> 00:05:39,277 That's not the point. 135 00:05:39,277 --> 00:05:40,860 The point is, if he gets turned down, 136 00:05:40,860 --> 00:05:43,512 he's gonna crawl back into his shell for God knows how long. 137 00:05:43,512 --> 00:05:44,840 - I hear you. - Well... 138 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,577 What? Hey. 139 00:05:46,577 --> 00:05:48,795 Brett. Justin and I think that you should ask Steve out, 140 00:05:48,795 --> 00:05:51,195 so I called him and told him to come here. 141 00:05:51,195 --> 00:05:54,478 - He's coming tonight. - What have you done? 142 00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:59,141 I cannot ask Steve out because Steve is an electrician 143 00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:00,513 and I am a bartender, 144 00:06:00,513 --> 00:06:02,394 and those are very manly jobs, 145 00:06:02,394 --> 00:06:04,348 so who's gonna wear the pants in that relationship? 146 00:06:04,348 --> 00:06:05,830 Hopefully nobody. 147 00:06:12,156 --> 00:06:14,810 Why do you always think you get to decide what's right for all of my friends? 148 00:06:14,810 --> 00:06:15,692 Is it just arrogance? 149 00:06:15,692 --> 00:06:17,173 Uh, well, that depends. 150 00:06:17,173 --> 00:06:18,498 Is it arrogance if you just happen 151 00:06:18,498 --> 00:06:19,967 to know everything about everything? 152 00:06:21,754 --> 00:06:22,966 Well, you don't need to worry about me, 153 00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:25,258 'cause I make my own decisions, so... - Oh, please. 154 00:06:25,258 --> 00:06:26,295 You're so far up Danny's butt, 155 00:06:26,295 --> 00:06:29,502 sometimes all I can see are your high-tops sticking out. 156 00:06:29,502 --> 00:06:30,616 Cool, though. 157 00:06:30,616 --> 00:06:31,868 Danny picked them out. 158 00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:34,844 - Right? Yep. Okay. - Shoe off the table. 159 00:06:34,844 --> 00:06:35,761 And, Shell, I don't blame you 160 00:06:35,761 --> 00:06:37,396 for falling under his spell, okay? 161 00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:39,456 You're the most easily influenced person I know. 162 00:06:39,456 --> 00:06:41,217 - No, I'm not. - I think you are. 163 00:06:41,217 --> 00:06:42,901 You might be right. 164 00:06:44,063 --> 00:06:47,266 Look, this is a sensitive time for Brett. 165 00:06:47,266 --> 00:06:49,085 - We've been best friends since we were 18. - You know what? 166 00:06:49,085 --> 00:06:50,171 I think I know him pretty well, too. 167 00:06:50,171 --> 00:06:51,326 Oh, really? What's his last name? 168 00:06:51,326 --> 00:06:52,358 Favre. 169 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:57,274 You think his name is Brett Favre? 170 00:06:57,274 --> 00:06:58,064 Okay. Well, that's the football player. 171 00:06:58,064 --> 00:06:59,734 I realized when I said it. I don't follow football. 172 00:06:59,734 --> 00:07:00,505 Anyway, look. 173 00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:03,276 Brett just needs a push. 174 00:07:03,276 --> 00:07:04,711 He hates to be pushed. 175 00:07:04,711 --> 00:07:06,997 He fired his trainer for making him exercise. 176 00:07:08,765 --> 00:07:09,829 Oh, I get that. 177 00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,883 My motto is "no pain... 178 00:07:11,883 --> 00:07:14,259 Let's get high and eat pizza." 179 00:07:20,378 --> 00:07:23,697 Look, if anybody knows what's best for Brett, it's me. 180 00:07:23,697 --> 00:07:25,772 Um, actually, I think Danny's right. 181 00:07:25,772 --> 00:07:27,401 I think it's time I asked someone out. 182 00:07:27,401 --> 00:07:29,722 Steve will be mine. 183 00:07:32,959 --> 00:07:35,317 Yeah. When it comes to life advice, 184 00:07:35,317 --> 00:07:36,307 you come to Danny Burton. 185 00:07:36,307 --> 00:07:38,633 Not Justin, uh... Justin... 186 00:07:38,633 --> 00:07:41,326 You don't know my last name? 187 00:07:41,326 --> 00:07:43,798 I don't know. I-I saw it on a bill earlier today. 188 00:07:43,798 --> 00:07:45,149 Hold on. I want to say Justin... 189 00:07:45,149 --> 00:07:47,407 Department of Water and Power? 190 00:07:47,407 --> 00:07:48,011 I don't know. 191 00:07:53,968 --> 00:07:55,608 What's up? 192 00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:56,398 Um... 193 00:07:56,398 --> 00:07:58,863 Not exactly sure how to start this convo. 194 00:07:58,863 --> 00:08:00,111 Uh... 195 00:08:00,111 --> 00:08:02,100 "Danny said you need help with phone sex"? 196 00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,761 Of course he did. 197 00:08:04,761 --> 00:08:06,362 'Cause Danny knows what's best for everybody. 198 00:08:06,362 --> 00:08:09,581 Okay. Sorry. We'll leave. Mm. 199 00:08:09,581 --> 00:08:11,352 Stop. Wait. 200 00:08:13,484 --> 00:08:15,125 I don't know what to say. 201 00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:17,119 It's not about what you say. 202 00:08:17,119 --> 00:08:19,185 It's about how you say it. 203 00:08:19,185 --> 00:08:20,885 Talking about anything can be sexy... 204 00:08:20,885 --> 00:08:21,947 even groceries. 205 00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:27,366 Oh, Justin. 206 00:08:27,366 --> 00:08:28,426 Do you know... 207 00:08:28,426 --> 00:08:31,599 Where I could find some canned beans? 208 00:08:35,430 --> 00:08:37,010 Maybe near the rice. 209 00:08:39,091 --> 00:08:41,374 Look, it's all about giving the other person 210 00:08:41,374 --> 00:08:42,679 what they're asking for. 211 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:43,776 - Like, do your thing again. - Okay. 212 00:08:44,809 --> 00:08:46,601 Can I have some of your... 213 00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:49,114 Canned beans? 214 00:08:49,114 --> 00:08:52,140 Ohh. 215 00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,466 You want some... 216 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,578 Canned beans? 217 00:08:56,578 --> 00:08:58,657 Oh, yeah. 218 00:08:58,657 --> 00:09:01,795 Give me some of your canned beans. 219 00:09:03,139 --> 00:09:04,854 Give 'em to her, Sabrina. 220 00:09:07,843 --> 00:09:09,691 Okay. 221 00:09:09,691 --> 00:09:11,999 I'm gonna give 'em to her. 222 00:09:14,036 --> 00:09:16,121 Come on. Get in the game, Justin. 223 00:09:19,018 --> 00:09:21,183 Do you want to... 224 00:09:21,183 --> 00:09:23,486 Do you want to pay for these groceries? 225 00:09:25,871 --> 00:09:27,348 Yeah, yeah. You know I do. 226 00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:31,273 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 227 00:09:31,273 --> 00:09:34,208 Yeah. I want to pay for these groceries. Yeah. 228 00:09:34,208 --> 00:09:36,848 And then I want to get a bunch of guys 229 00:09:36,848 --> 00:09:39,088 and put it all in your... trunk. 230 00:09:39,088 --> 00:09:40,593 - Ew! Not that! - Come on! 231 00:09:40,593 --> 00:09:41,846 No, that's me. 232 00:09:41,846 --> 00:09:43,426 "Trunk" is "butt." I figured it out. 233 00:09:43,426 --> 00:09:44,930 I don't know why I invited a bunch of guys. 234 00:09:44,930 --> 00:09:46,774 That's my fault. I apologize. 235 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,392 All right, man. Huh? 236 00:09:50,392 --> 00:09:52,091 You look great. You're gonna crush it. 237 00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,853 - Go fix your hair. - Okay. Will do. 238 00:09:53,853 --> 00:09:55,803 I'll practice my sexy walk. 239 00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,412 I'm, uh... I'm actually pretty proud of him, 240 00:10:00,412 --> 00:10:03,611 and not to my surprise, I'm also proud of myself. 241 00:10:03,611 --> 00:10:04,869 In a couple of days, 242 00:10:04,869 --> 00:10:06,398 everything will be back to the way it was, 243 00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:08,484 and I'm still Brett's favorite friend. 244 00:10:08,484 --> 00:10:11,433 Oh, my God. That line is from my favorite movie, "Toy Story." 245 00:10:13,059 --> 00:10:14,395 I mean, in the movie, 246 00:10:14,395 --> 00:10:15,711 it's, "I'm still Andy's favorite toy," 247 00:10:15,711 --> 00:10:17,319 but other than that, it's word for word. 248 00:10:17,319 --> 00:10:19,660 Whoa, dude. Hey. 249 00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:21,506 Are we in "Toy Story"? 250 00:10:22,359 --> 00:10:24,543 What the hell are you talking about? 251 00:10:24,543 --> 00:10:25,719 Oh, man. Don't you see it? 252 00:10:25,719 --> 00:10:30,513 You are Woody, the nerdy, really badly dressed toy 253 00:10:30,513 --> 00:10:31,942 that nobody wants to listen to anymore, 254 00:10:31,942 --> 00:10:33,859 and me, I'm like Buzz Lightyear, 255 00:10:33,859 --> 00:10:35,318 and I'm super-handsome and charismatic, 256 00:10:35,318 --> 00:10:36,810 and I've obviously had a lot of sex, 257 00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:39,055 and I fix everybody's life. 258 00:10:40,002 --> 00:10:42,377 I want to be the slinky dog. 259 00:10:43,762 --> 00:10:45,802 Well, you also know, in "Toy Story," 260 00:10:45,802 --> 00:10:48,002 Buzz Lightyear was a fast-talking fraud 261 00:10:48,002 --> 00:10:48,917 who couldn't even fly. 262 00:10:48,917 --> 00:10:51,090 "You're a very sad, strange little man." 263 00:10:52,376 --> 00:10:53,564 That's in the movie, also. 264 00:10:55,115 --> 00:10:57,120 Whatever. You're just mad because Brett chose me. 265 00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,488 I don't care about that. 266 00:10:58,488 --> 00:10:59,904 Hey, Danny, Danny. How's my hair? 267 00:10:59,904 --> 00:11:01,308 Hey, man. All right. 268 00:11:01,308 --> 00:11:03,632 Get ready, 'cause Steve's gonna be here any second. All right? 269 00:11:03,632 --> 00:11:05,129 Any second? That's... that's so soon. 270 00:11:05,129 --> 00:11:07,223 That could be like now. Or now. Or now. 271 00:11:07,223 --> 00:11:08,831 - Or now. Or now. Or now. - Okay, okay, okay, okay. 272 00:11:08,831 --> 00:11:09,789 Okay, okay. 273 00:11:09,789 --> 00:11:11,076 Look, you just need practice 274 00:11:11,076 --> 00:11:13,378 trying to pick up a dude that's really handsome 275 00:11:13,378 --> 00:11:14,783 and out of your league, so, uh... 276 00:11:17,238 --> 00:11:18,858 Okay. I'll volunteer. 277 00:11:18,858 --> 00:11:22,478 No offense. But if he's gonna practice on anyone, 278 00:11:22,478 --> 00:11:23,727 in the words of 'N Sync... 279 00:11:23,727 --> 00:11:26,041 ♪ It's gonna be me ♪ 280 00:11:26,942 --> 00:11:28,012 Brett, gun to your head, 281 00:11:28,012 --> 00:11:30,569 who would you rather have sex with... Woody or Buzz? 282 00:11:30,569 --> 00:11:31,979 Well, I'm the obvious choice. 283 00:11:31,979 --> 00:11:34,084 I got good hair, I got tight sweaters, 284 00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:35,340 plus everybody wants 285 00:11:35,340 --> 00:11:37,340 to have sex with a Jeff Goldblum. 286 00:11:41,225 --> 00:11:44,763 Yeah. That's an aggressive "no" on Burski. 287 00:11:46,808 --> 00:11:48,872 And Shelly's out because of the Vietnam nightmares. 288 00:11:50,408 --> 00:11:53,527 I only went there on vacation, but I hated it. 289 00:11:55,141 --> 00:11:57,095 Look, Brett, it's... 290 00:11:57,095 --> 00:11:58,279 I'm the obvious choice, all right? 291 00:11:58,279 --> 00:11:59,978 It's obviously me. I mean, look into my eyes. 292 00:11:59,978 --> 00:12:02,040 Get lost in them. 293 00:12:02,690 --> 00:12:03,616 Uh, all right. 294 00:12:03,616 --> 00:12:04,974 Whatever, weirdo. Huh? 295 00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:08,169 These hips, bro, 296 00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:09,710 will take you... 297 00:12:09,710 --> 00:12:12,325 to infinity and beyond. 298 00:12:13,446 --> 00:12:14,895 - Hey. No, no, no, no. - That's good. That's good. 299 00:12:14,895 --> 00:12:16,766 Don't point. Don't point. Hey, hey. Hey. 300 00:12:16,766 --> 00:12:18,648 Listen to me. Sure. Okay. 301 00:12:18,648 --> 00:12:24,068 Danny might give you a crazy, wild, sexy one-night stand. 302 00:12:24,068 --> 00:12:24,982 Why am I saying that? 303 00:12:24,982 --> 00:12:25,861 But, listen. 304 00:12:25,861 --> 00:12:28,286 The point is, the next morning, he'll be gone. 305 00:12:28,286 --> 00:12:30,554 Not me. I'll always be there. 306 00:12:30,554 --> 00:12:31,410 And guess what. 307 00:12:31,410 --> 00:12:33,016 I call big spoon. 308 00:12:34,316 --> 00:12:36,706 Listen, Brett. 309 00:12:36,706 --> 00:12:38,683 I'd... Make love to you. 310 00:12:46,427 --> 00:12:48,366 We wouldn't even have to have sex. 311 00:12:49,654 --> 00:12:52,461 How gay do you think I am? 312 00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,387 Just say you'd pick me. 313 00:12:55,387 --> 00:12:56,765 Okay. It doesn't matter, all right? 314 00:12:56,765 --> 00:12:58,812 So just pick one of us. Pick, pick. Pick one of us. 315 00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:01,467 Pick. Pick me. Pick one. Pick one of us. 316 00:13:01,467 --> 00:13:02,773 Just pick one. You think you... 317 00:13:02,773 --> 00:13:03,857 Okay. Okay, okay, okay! 318 00:13:03,857 --> 00:13:04,609 Gun to my head... 319 00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:07,136 I'd pick Danny. 320 00:13:07,136 --> 00:13:08,186 Ha ha. 321 00:13:08,186 --> 00:13:09,705 Hmm. Okay. Well, that's cool. 322 00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:10,615 I had a great time. 323 00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:11,826 Great job, Danny. 324 00:13:11,826 --> 00:13:13,480 Yes. Great. Ooh. Okay. 325 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:14,939 Way to go, Bursk. Love the sweater. 326 00:13:14,939 --> 00:13:16,025 There it is. That's my friend. 327 00:13:16,025 --> 00:13:17,848 Never go to Vietnam. Love it. Okay. Yeah. Good game. 328 00:13:17,848 --> 00:13:19,066 No. You had your chance, okay? 329 00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:20,215 You don't get any of this. 330 00:13:23,009 --> 00:13:24,075 Ooh! 331 00:13:24,075 --> 00:13:27,059 I changed my mind... I want to be one of the aliens. 332 00:13:27,059 --> 00:13:30,844 "Ooh! The claw! The claw!" 333 00:13:36,494 --> 00:13:36,995 I can't do it. I can't do it. 334 00:13:36,995 --> 00:13:38,989 Look how tight his shirt is. You can see his abs. 335 00:13:38,989 --> 00:13:40,825 - You can see his abs. - Okay, okay. Relax. All right. Just relax. 336 00:13:40,825 --> 00:13:41,521 Okay. What you got to do is, 337 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:42,723 you just got to close your eyes 338 00:13:42,723 --> 00:13:45,207 and visualize yourself in your happy place. 339 00:13:45,207 --> 00:13:46,138 Watch me do it. 340 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,500 All right. Now I'm just kind of... 341 00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:50,944 now I'm just like kind of nude, 342 00:13:50,944 --> 00:13:52,638 I'm in my bed, I'm just hanging out, 343 00:13:52,638 --> 00:13:53,872 and there's a mirror on the ceiling. 344 00:13:54,957 --> 00:13:57,500 And am I in there with you? 345 00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:58,744 I mean, well, yeah, whatever. 346 00:13:58,744 --> 00:13:59,636 If you want to be. I... 347 00:14:01,861 --> 00:14:04,522 Oh, yeah. You're right. 348 00:14:04,522 --> 00:14:05,559 I do feel better. 349 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:06,688 Great. All right. Where are you? 350 00:14:06,688 --> 00:14:08,486 McDonald's. 351 00:14:10,410 --> 00:14:12,116 What? No way! 352 00:14:12,116 --> 00:14:13,642 I'm here, too! 353 00:14:14,639 --> 00:14:16,706 Hi, Brett! 354 00:14:16,706 --> 00:14:18,221 Hey, Shelly! What are you doing here, man? 355 00:14:18,221 --> 00:14:20,097 Oh, don't let them try to tell you 356 00:14:20,097 --> 00:14:21,994 there's an age limit in the ball pit. 357 00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:22,749 There isn't. 358 00:14:22,749 --> 00:14:24,013 Game over. Look. 359 00:14:24,013 --> 00:14:27,173 Let's just, uh, man up and ask this guy out. 360 00:14:27,173 --> 00:14:28,292 - Okay? - Okay. 361 00:14:28,292 --> 00:14:29,443 Thanks, man. 362 00:14:31,063 --> 00:14:32,092 Whew. 363 00:14:34,147 --> 00:14:35,575 Hey! 364 00:14:39,784 --> 00:14:41,596 Look, Steve, um... 365 00:14:41,596 --> 00:14:43,909 What... what I wanted to say, mate, was, um... 366 00:14:43,909 --> 00:14:46,903 How would you... how would you feel about... 367 00:14:46,903 --> 00:14:49,406 Possibly going on a date sometime... 368 00:14:49,406 --> 00:14:51,601 With... with me? 369 00:14:51,601 --> 00:14:53,450 I'm flattered, man. 370 00:14:53,450 --> 00:14:56,412 But I'm just not interested in you in that way. 371 00:14:56,412 --> 00:14:58,930 Okay. 372 00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:04,747 Brett, wait. 373 00:15:06,563 --> 00:15:11,398 Damn it, man. 374 00:15:11,398 --> 00:15:13,656 I almost feel like that was partly my fault. 375 00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:23,058 Well, I just paid a man 300 bucks to fix two lights 376 00:15:23,058 --> 00:15:24,591 and, uh, break one of my friend's hearts. 377 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:25,756 Hope you're happy. 378 00:15:25,756 --> 00:15:26,871 You know what, man? 379 00:15:26,871 --> 00:15:28,988 I feel bad that Brett got shot down, 380 00:15:28,988 --> 00:15:30,933 but being rejected only makes you stronger. 381 00:15:30,933 --> 00:15:33,399 You know I got rejected by 12 colleges 382 00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:35,168 before I decided not to go to college? 383 00:15:37,365 --> 00:15:39,464 Okay. Now he's never gonna ask another guy out. 384 00:15:39,464 --> 00:15:40,605 Aw, sure, he is. 385 00:15:40,605 --> 00:15:42,879 Because now he knows what it feels like to get rejected. 386 00:15:42,879 --> 00:15:45,677 You know how much my life changed when I realized 387 00:15:45,677 --> 00:15:47,646 that the worst thing a girl could say to me is no? 388 00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:51,255 Actually, the worst thing is, "I just want to be friends." 389 00:15:52,934 --> 00:15:55,397 Bitch, I got friends! 390 00:16:01,343 --> 00:16:04,584 Let me put it in terms that you'll understand. 391 00:16:04,584 --> 00:16:06,899 I'll use your favorite movie, "Toy Story." 392 00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:10,337 I know you think that Buzz was this hero, 393 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:13,041 but Buzz basically just swooped in and tried to ruin 394 00:16:13,041 --> 00:16:15,089 what was already a perfect family of friends. 395 00:16:15,089 --> 00:16:17,684 But luckily, Woody was there for Andy 396 00:16:17,684 --> 00:16:19,934 and was able to teach Buzz that there's more to life 397 00:16:19,934 --> 00:16:21,911 than just sleeping with other toys. 398 00:16:23,648 --> 00:16:25,698 I don't remember that part. 399 00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:28,937 You know what's really messed up? 400 00:16:28,937 --> 00:16:30,513 I feel like there's some sick part of you 401 00:16:30,513 --> 00:16:32,249 that's actually happy that Brett got shot down, 402 00:16:32,249 --> 00:16:33,906 because that means that I was wrong. 403 00:16:33,906 --> 00:16:35,859 - That's ridiculous. - Oh, is it? 404 00:16:35,859 --> 00:16:38,814 Because I swear the moment that Brett got shot down, 405 00:16:38,814 --> 00:16:41,207 I saw out of the corner of my eye for a split second, 406 00:16:41,207 --> 00:16:42,202 your face light up. 407 00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:44,221 Like, if it could be played back in slow motion, 408 00:16:44,221 --> 00:16:45,112 it would look like this. 409 00:16:48,152 --> 00:16:50,302 Justin! How could you?! 410 00:16:50,302 --> 00:16:52,666 I didn't smile! 411 00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:54,101 Can't argue with that replay, bro. 412 00:16:59,836 --> 00:17:01,039 Well, we looked everywhere. 413 00:17:01,039 --> 00:17:03,400 On the positive side, I got four numbers 414 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:04,743 at the last gay bar we checked. 415 00:17:04,743 --> 00:17:06,424 I got six. It's not a competition, but I won. 416 00:17:07,729 --> 00:17:08,753 You also won the contest 417 00:17:08,753 --> 00:17:10,760 of who can ruin Brett's life the most, too, so... 418 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,250 Hey, there it is... you being happy that I hurt Brett. 419 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:14,892 - No, I'm not. - Hey! Freeze! 420 00:17:14,892 --> 00:17:15,946 There it is right there. 421 00:17:15,946 --> 00:17:18,593 Right there on your face, there's a smile. 422 00:17:20,436 --> 00:17:23,069 Yeah. Guilty. 423 00:17:23,069 --> 00:17:24,041 Huh? 424 00:17:24,041 --> 00:17:24,943 Okay, fine! 425 00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:27,149 I'm happy 'cause now people will know 426 00:17:27,149 --> 00:17:29,132 that you're not some God with all the answers, 427 00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:30,842 and if Brett had to get a little stung on the way, 428 00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:32,102 then I can deal with it. 429 00:17:32,102 --> 00:17:33,670 Well, uh... 430 00:17:33,670 --> 00:17:36,427 I think I know where Brett is. 431 00:17:36,427 --> 00:17:38,061 Where? 432 00:17:38,061 --> 00:17:39,837 He's on our kitchen floor, 433 00:17:39,837 --> 00:17:41,155 eating a bag of potato chips. 434 00:17:47,390 --> 00:17:49,091 You're actually glad that I got hurt? 435 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:12,700 How you doing? 436 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,175 Well... 437 00:18:14,758 --> 00:18:16,852 I'm still feeling a bit angry, 438 00:18:16,852 --> 00:18:18,004 but don't worry. 439 00:18:18,004 --> 00:18:18,768 I feel kind of bad 440 00:18:18,768 --> 00:18:20,717 about how the whole thing with Steve went down, 441 00:18:20,717 --> 00:18:24,607 so I took it upon myself to set you up with another guy. 442 00:18:24,607 --> 00:18:27,479 I'm still feeling a bit upset and sensitive 443 00:18:27,479 --> 00:18:28,654 about the whole Steve thing. 444 00:18:28,654 --> 00:18:29,535 So, is he hot? 445 00:18:31,103 --> 00:18:33,766 Hey, buddy. 446 00:18:33,766 --> 00:18:35,257 Uh, it's me. 447 00:18:35,257 --> 00:18:36,176 I'm... I'm the guy. 448 00:18:36,176 --> 00:18:37,035 He's not hot. 449 00:18:40,129 --> 00:18:40,961 Whatever. I'm sorry. 450 00:18:40,961 --> 00:18:42,657 You came in too soon. But you know what? 451 00:18:42,657 --> 00:18:43,913 He's also way too sensitive for you, 452 00:18:43,913 --> 00:18:44,947 and I think a little bit too feminine, 453 00:18:44,947 --> 00:18:47,886 but he's got those really thin hips that you like, 454 00:18:47,886 --> 00:18:49,264 and he's as loyal as a golden retriever. 455 00:18:49,264 --> 00:18:50,183 Okay, there. I'm done. 456 00:18:51,653 --> 00:18:52,929 So, is this a joke? 457 00:18:52,929 --> 00:18:54,439 No, man. It's not a joke. 458 00:18:54,439 --> 00:18:56,448 Look, I just thought maybe we could, uh, hit the town, 459 00:18:56,448 --> 00:18:58,018 you know, like we used to do... 460 00:18:58,018 --> 00:19:00,187 put on some blazers, go to those raves 461 00:19:00,187 --> 00:19:01,810 and get nuts till like 5:00 A.M... 462 00:19:01,810 --> 00:19:05,023 Go back to your house and watch "Notting Hill," 463 00:19:05,023 --> 00:19:05,897 talk about... 464 00:19:06,766 --> 00:19:08,663 How did you not know he was gay? 465 00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:11,515 I'm sorry. 466 00:19:11,515 --> 00:19:14,739 I never, ever wanted to root against my best friend. 467 00:19:14,739 --> 00:19:16,977 I know it's lame, but... 468 00:19:16,977 --> 00:19:21,063 I mean, there was time when you used to need me, you know? 469 00:19:21,063 --> 00:19:22,179 All of you did. 470 00:19:22,179 --> 00:19:24,292 And then Danny came around, 471 00:19:24,292 --> 00:19:26,947 and you guys didn't need me as much, and... 472 00:19:26,947 --> 00:19:28,849 It just... it got to me. 473 00:19:28,849 --> 00:19:31,478 Do you seriously think I didn't need you? 474 00:19:31,478 --> 00:19:34,450 You've had my back since we were kids, man. 475 00:19:34,450 --> 00:19:36,154 Of course I needed you. We all do. 476 00:19:36,154 --> 00:19:37,657 He's right. You're awesome, bro. 477 00:19:37,657 --> 00:19:39,279 Yeah. You welcomed me into your group, 478 00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,679 no questions asked. 479 00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:43,438 And you should have asked... 480 00:19:43,438 --> 00:19:45,550 'Cause I'm a mess. 481 00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:48,407 You were my first white friend. 482 00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:53,339 You taught me how to recycle. 483 00:19:58,437 --> 00:19:59,889 Danny, you want to say anything? 484 00:19:59,889 --> 00:20:01,581 Hey, man, that's never gonna happen. 485 00:20:01,685 --> 00:20:03,813 That is seriously too bad, 486 00:20:03,813 --> 00:20:05,614 because whenever you show your sensitive side, 487 00:20:05,614 --> 00:20:08,192 I find it insanely hot. 488 00:20:08,192 --> 00:20:11,075 Okay. You... you didn't let me finish. 489 00:20:11,075 --> 00:20:12,301 Arr! 490 00:20:12,301 --> 00:20:14,722 So, um, I wouldn't get too twisted 491 00:20:14,722 --> 00:20:16,369 about who the leader of this group is. 492 00:20:16,369 --> 00:20:17,581 No group has only one leader. 493 00:20:17,581 --> 00:20:18,610 He's right, man. 494 00:20:18,610 --> 00:20:20,669 I mean, we're all leaders, you know? 495 00:20:20,669 --> 00:20:22,339 No, Bursk. There's just the two leaders. 496 00:20:23,780 --> 00:20:26,409 Me and Justin. 497 00:20:26,409 --> 00:20:27,992 Buzz and Woody, huh? 498 00:20:27,992 --> 00:20:30,308 And you know what my favorite part about "Toy Story" is? 499 00:20:30,308 --> 00:20:32,921 Yeah, Buzz Lightyear is way more handsome than Woody, 500 00:20:32,921 --> 00:20:36,832 but deep down, he knows that every day he spends with Woody 501 00:20:36,832 --> 00:20:38,564 makes him a better friend. 502 00:20:38,564 --> 00:20:41,017 Uh, thanks, man. 503 00:20:41,017 --> 00:20:41,598 You want a beer? 504 00:20:41,598 --> 00:20:42,414 I wouldn't miss it. 505 00:20:43,217 --> 00:20:44,967 Oh, God. I am so turned on right now. 506 00:20:44,967 --> 00:20:47,234 Hey, man, I got to go. 507 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:57,434 Oh, Nicki, Nicki, Nicki, Nicki, Nicki, Nicki, Nicki. 508 00:20:58,207 --> 00:21:00,324 Ah, I hope that was good for you. 509 00:21:00,324 --> 00:21:01,533 I hope you liked that. 510 00:21:01,533 --> 00:21:05,087 Hope you liked the part about the canned beans. 511 00:21:10,011 --> 00:21:11,286 Just kind of came to me. 512 00:21:11,286 --> 00:21:13,481 Anyway, I'm going to go to bed. 513 00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:16,329 And dream about you aaall night long. 514 00:21:16,364 --> 00:21:18,938 Anyway... 515 00:21:18,938 --> 00:21:22,013 call me back when you get this message.