1
00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:03,356
Danny, quick warning...

2
00:00:03,391 --> 00:00:04,724
Nicki will be here any minute,

3
00:00:04,759 --> 00:00:08,228
and things are about to
get pretty crazy in here.

4
00:00:09,245 --> 00:00:11,847
If things are about to get
pretty crazy in the bedroom,

5
00:00:11,881 --> 00:00:13,582
does that mean that this
is gonna be the first time

6
00:00:13,616 --> 00:00:15,250
that Nicki ever sees
you completely naked...

7
00:00:15,285 --> 00:00:17,419
not even socks?

8
00:00:17,454 --> 00:00:20,589
I have very cold feet, so
I do that for her pleasure.

9
00:00:20,623 --> 00:00:22,090
This is the first time
that Nicki came to visit

10
00:00:22,125 --> 00:00:23,258
since she moved, you know?

11
00:00:23,293 --> 00:00:24,526
And I have to get off to a great start,

12
00:00:24,561 --> 00:00:25,928
so what I'm gonna do
is, when she gets here,

13
00:00:25,962 --> 00:00:27,863
I'm gonna grab her and make love to her.

14
00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:29,398
You know what? That's
actually really confusing

15
00:00:29,432 --> 00:00:31,333
because you literally
just said you wanted things

16
00:00:31,367 --> 00:00:33,502
to get off to a great start, so, hmm...

17
00:00:37,414 --> 00:00:39,281
Hey, man. You know what your problem is?

18
00:00:39,316 --> 00:00:40,683
You're making this all about sex, okay?

19
00:00:40,717 --> 00:00:41,917
But you actually love Nicki, all right?

20
00:00:41,952 --> 00:00:43,486
And, yes, I think that love is an emotion

21
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:45,754
created to sell greeting cards
and chocolate-covered candies

22
00:00:45,789 --> 00:00:47,723
and, in some cultures, a chicken.

23
00:00:47,758 --> 00:00:50,025
But you can't greet Nicki like this.

24
00:00:50,060 --> 00:00:52,328
You look like a dude just waiting for sex.

25
00:00:52,362 --> 00:00:53,596
Are you really trying to help me right now,

26
00:00:53,630 --> 00:00:55,097
or are you just messing with my head?

27
00:00:55,132 --> 00:00:57,500
Why can't it be both?

28
00:00:59,807 --> 00:01:01,801
Justin? Justin!

29
00:01:02,598 --> 00:01:03,585
Oh.

30
00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:05,477
Okay. I don't want...

31
00:01:05,477 --> 00:01:06,800
I don't want to have sex.

32
00:01:09,617 --> 00:01:11,150
That... that... that came out wrong.

33
00:01:11,185 --> 00:01:12,719
I do. I-I... you know... you know me.

34
00:01:14,388 --> 00:01:16,890
But, you know, I also love
your brain, and I want to...

35
00:01:16,924 --> 00:01:18,725
- you know, I want to get to
know your brain. Just... - Okay.

36
00:01:18,759 --> 00:01:19,726
- Baby...
- Yeah?

37
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,027
Did Danny mess with your head?

38
00:01:22,296 --> 00:01:23,696
Yeah.

39
00:01:23,731 --> 00:01:25,431
Okay. Okay. Okay.

40
00:01:25,466 --> 00:01:27,267
I just want to throw you over my shoulder

41
00:01:27,301 --> 00:01:28,835
and carry you into that bedroom,

42
00:01:28,869 --> 00:01:31,638
throw a pair of extra socks
on those icicle toes of yours,

43
00:01:31,672 --> 00:01:33,907
and just get crazy.

44
00:01:34,876 --> 00:01:36,210
Holy moly.

45
00:01:36,210 --> 00:01:36,909
Uh...

46
00:01:36,909 --> 00:01:39,162
The way you said that was so sexy,

47
00:01:39,162 --> 00:01:40,271
I think I just finished.

48
00:01:40,271 --> 00:01:42,103
Oh. Oh. What the...

49
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,491
Oh! Hey. All right.

50
00:01:43,491 --> 00:01:44,699
All right.

51
00:01:47,202 --> 00:01:49,089
All right, now. Here we go. Come on.

52
00:01:49,089 --> 00:01:50,541
Okay. We are going.

53
00:01:50,541 --> 00:01:51,872
This week

54
00:01:51,872 --> 00:01:54,005
on a very special "Undateable"...

55
00:01:54,005 --> 00:01:55,021
Not that special.

56
00:01:55,021 --> 00:01:55,963
I just wanted to showcase

57
00:01:55,963 --> 00:01:57,511
my amazing dramatic voice.

58
00:01:57,511 --> 00:02:00,281
Stay tuned.

59
00:02:00,281 --> 00:02:01,747
Synced and corrected by Mastermonger.
www.addic7ed.com

60
00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:03,314
Hey, there's our girl.

61
00:02:03,314 --> 00:02:05,097
Hey!

62
00:02:05,097 --> 00:02:07,079
Oh, my God! Oh!

63
00:02:07,079 --> 00:02:08,033
Ohh.

64
00:02:08,033 --> 00:02:09,853
You guys, I can't breathe.

65
00:02:09,853 --> 00:02:11,907
Oh. She's all right.

66
00:02:11,907 --> 00:02:15,362
By the way, Bursk, that
boob you grabbed was mine.

67
00:02:18,634 --> 00:02:20,764
Hey, uh, so, you finally decided

68
00:02:20,764 --> 00:02:22,487
to stop carrying Justin around our, uh...

69
00:02:22,487 --> 00:02:23,225
our house, huh?

70
00:02:23,225 --> 00:02:24,259
Oh, mark my words...

71
00:02:24,259 --> 00:02:26,187
I will find a girl who can do that to me.

72
00:02:28,005 --> 00:02:30,477
And I will put a ring on it.

73
00:02:31,045 --> 00:02:34,389
I'm gonna use your office
to, uh, call my mom.

74
00:02:34,389 --> 00:02:35,488
Okay, sexy?

75
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:38,955
Okay. Hypothetical question

76
00:02:38,955 --> 00:02:40,055
that's not about me in any way.

77
00:02:40,055 --> 00:02:44,093
Let's say, uh, this guy
and his girlfriend have sex,

78
00:02:44,093 --> 00:02:46,828
and his girlfriend does some amazing things

79
00:02:46,828 --> 00:02:48,434
that she's never, ever done before.

80
00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:50,923
Uh, do you think that the hypothetical guy

81
00:02:50,923 --> 00:02:52,297
should, uh, freak out?

82
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:55,122
Relax. Nicki told me that
she read something sexy

83
00:02:55,122 --> 00:02:56,905
in a magazine that she wanted to try.

84
00:02:56,905 --> 00:02:58,227
Okay.

85
00:02:58,227 --> 00:02:59,480
Hey, man.

86
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:00,628
So what? Nicki upped her game.

87
00:03:00,628 --> 00:03:01,375
Whatever. Good for her.

88
00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:03,059
It was a little scary.

89
00:03:03,059 --> 00:03:04,501
Good scary or bad scary?

90
00:03:04,501 --> 00:03:06,787
It was terrifying.

91
00:03:09,368 --> 00:03:12,179
Uh-oh. Somebody's thumb went somewhere.

92
00:03:13,229 --> 00:03:17,382
Hey, lucky for you, I got a
move that's, like, so crazy good

93
00:03:17,382 --> 00:03:18,462
that I'm gonna tell you about,

94
00:03:18,462 --> 00:03:20,693
but you got to be insanely flexible, okay?

95
00:03:20,693 --> 00:03:23,533
Just like "The Karate Kid,"
part of your body waxes on

96
00:03:23,533 --> 00:03:25,892
while the other one waxes off, okay?

97
00:03:28,432 --> 00:03:32,011
I literally fear for
Nicki's life while you do it.

98
00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:33,725
Yeah, well, you know what, Danny?

99
00:03:33,725 --> 00:03:34,689
You know what?

100
00:03:34,689 --> 00:03:36,743
I don't need your move because I can...

101
00:03:40,986 --> 00:03:42,151
I can do it, too.

102
00:03:42,151 --> 00:03:43,818
I don't need that move.

103
00:03:44,897 --> 00:03:46,137
Huh?

104
00:03:48,845 --> 00:03:51,084
You look so ugly.

105
00:03:58,223 --> 00:03:59,025
What?

106
00:03:59,025 --> 00:04:01,275
Justin won't tell us what
you did in bed last night,

107
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:02,293
and I got to know.

108
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:16,976
Well, I think you broke Shelly.

109
00:04:17,709 --> 00:04:22,381
If a girl ever does that to
me, I'm-a buy her a ring, too.

110
00:04:24,008 --> 00:04:26,282
Have you got the money to
buy all these rings, Shell?

111
00:04:26,282 --> 00:04:27,913
I didn't say it'd be a nice ring.

112
00:04:34,117 --> 00:04:36,360
I can make Leslie cry in six words.

113
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,635
I can make her cry in five.

114
00:04:37,635 --> 00:04:38,648
What the hell are you guys talking about?

115
00:04:38,648 --> 00:04:40,484
Well, every month when I'm hormonal,

116
00:04:40,484 --> 00:04:42,382
they see how quick they can make me cry.

117
00:04:43,592 --> 00:04:45,572
We've taken nature's miracle

118
00:04:45,572 --> 00:04:47,567
of the female reproductive system

119
00:04:47,567 --> 00:04:49,527
and made a bar game out of it.

120
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:53,424
Yeah, the current record is four words...

121
00:04:53,424 --> 00:04:56,134
"soldier dad's surprise homecoming."

122
00:04:57,407 --> 00:04:58,649
He was dressed as Santa,

123
00:04:58,649 --> 00:05:02,452
and his daughter sat on his lap and said,

124
00:05:02,452 --> 00:05:06,166
"all I want for Christmas is my daddy,"

125
00:05:06,166 --> 00:05:09,755
and he said... he said...

126
00:05:09,755 --> 00:05:12,709
He said, "daddy's here."

127
00:05:17,779 --> 00:05:19,842
Girls and their crying... it's so lame.

128
00:05:19,842 --> 00:05:22,567
That's why I'm staying single.

129
00:05:24,815 --> 00:05:26,783
Yeah, that's not why you're single.

130
00:05:27,990 --> 00:05:30,016
Shell, when was the last time you cried?

131
00:05:30,016 --> 00:05:31,609
Oh, this morning.

132
00:05:33,554 --> 00:05:36,714
I saw a one-armed boy
walking a three-legged dog.

133
00:05:41,298 --> 00:05:43,562
God, I love Detroit.

134
00:05:45,964 --> 00:05:48,104
Whatever. I haven't cried since I was 5.

135
00:05:48,104 --> 00:05:48,997
And that's not gonna change

136
00:05:48,997 --> 00:05:50,729
'cause y'all are a bunch of wimps.

137
00:05:52,292 --> 00:05:53,765
I will make you cry.

138
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,347
See, you're emotionally constipated.

139
00:06:01,441 --> 00:06:04,793
And I'm gonna be your all-bran diet.

140
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:10,723
Hey, man, can I talk to you?

141
00:06:11,165 --> 00:06:13,189
I changed my mind.

142
00:06:13,189 --> 00:06:15,195
I want to know your move.

143
00:06:15,195 --> 00:06:17,100
Did you just stop having sex

144
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:18,414
so you could come out here and talk to me?

145
00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:21,171
Yes!

146
00:06:21,171 --> 00:06:22,292
You don't know what it's like in there.

147
00:06:22,292 --> 00:06:23,874
I mean, she's putting
moves on top of moves.

148
00:06:23,874 --> 00:06:25,003
Now she's flipping around the bedroom.

149
00:06:25,003 --> 00:06:26,737
It's like a damn Cirque
du Soleil show in there.

150
00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:29,349
You know what? Lucky for you,

151
00:06:29,349 --> 00:06:30,473
I thought you might want the move,

152
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,891
so I drew up a diagram
that explains exactly how...

153
00:06:32,891 --> 00:06:33,899
Hey, man. No.

154
00:06:33,899 --> 00:06:35,095
Maybe you can't have the move right now.

155
00:06:36,083 --> 00:06:39,605
Maybe you were dismissive
about the move earlier,

156
00:06:39,605 --> 00:06:41,509
and maybe right now the move

157
00:06:41,509 --> 00:06:42,551
doesn't want to hang out with you.

158
00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:45,850
Stop talking about the
move like it's a person.

159
00:06:45,850 --> 00:06:49,168
You know what? The move
doesn't like your tone.

160
00:06:49,656 --> 00:06:50,505
All right?

161
00:06:50,908 --> 00:06:52,459
Apologize to the move.

162
00:06:55,150 --> 00:06:56,424
Move, I'm really sorry.

163
00:06:56,424 --> 00:06:58,483
No. Unh-unh.

164
00:06:58,483 --> 00:06:59,371
No, 'cause here's the deal...

165
00:06:59,371 --> 00:07:02,046
I came up with the move when
I was in Italy, all right?

166
00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:03,056
So...

167
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,585
You're gonna
have to use an Italian accent

168
00:07:05,585 --> 00:07:06,996
to apologize.

169
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:10,462
Oh, boy.

170
00:07:11,726 --> 00:07:14,726
Move, I feel-a so bad.

171
00:07:15,517 --> 00:07:16,460
No, no.

172
00:07:16,460 --> 00:07:19,930
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. More Italian.

173
00:07:20,557 --> 00:07:23,398
I want you to get your hands up like this

174
00:07:23,398 --> 00:07:24,719
and do it like this-a.

175
00:07:25,340 --> 00:07:28,185
This is how-a true
Italians talk... like this,

176
00:07:28,185 --> 00:07:29,602
like they... like they're holding

177
00:07:29,602 --> 00:07:31,413
a little, tiny mouse right here.

178
00:07:31,938 --> 00:07:34,778
When you apologize,
apologize to the tiny mouse.

179
00:07:36,965 --> 00:07:38,917
Oh, move-a...

180
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:42,533
I feel-a so bad.

181
00:07:43,092 --> 00:07:46,477
Make the mouse super tiny. It's too big.

182
00:07:47,170 --> 00:07:49,914
You need to hold a little
mouse that was just born...

183
00:07:49,914 --> 00:07:51,592
a tiny, little baby mouse.

184
00:07:53,794 --> 00:07:54,576
Oh, boy.

185
00:07:57,773 --> 00:08:01,211
Move, I-I... so... so sorry, move.

186
00:08:01,807 --> 00:08:03,407
And it's... I'm just... it's so...

187
00:08:03,407 --> 00:08:04,169
What the hell am I doing?!

188
00:08:04,169 --> 00:08:06,702
Just give me the move. Ah! Got it.

189
00:08:08,014 --> 00:08:09,112
All
right, take the move, man.

190
00:08:09,112 --> 00:08:09,799
Thank you.

191
00:08:10,332 --> 00:08:11,340
Okay.

192
00:08:11,340 --> 00:08:13,467
Ohh.

193
00:08:13,978 --> 00:08:15,706
Hey, hey, just be smooth, huh?

194
00:08:15,706 --> 00:08:18,017
No problemo.

195
00:08:25,042 --> 00:08:27,771
Baby, you were so amazing last night.

196
00:08:27,771 --> 00:08:29,575
Aww, come on, girl. It's
you know how I do.

197
00:08:31,042 --> 00:08:32,392
She's complimenting him, right?

198
00:08:32,392 --> 00:08:34,893
But, like, it's my move
that I told him about,

199
00:08:34,893 --> 00:08:37,620
so, in a lot of ways, last night...

200
00:08:38,917 --> 00:08:40,413
I was Justin's penis.

201
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:44,557
Yeah, I've had dreams about
being another man's penis.

202
00:08:47,256 --> 00:08:49,397
And I always wake up just
before they put on the condom

203
00:08:49,397 --> 00:08:51,197
'cause it feels like I'm being suffocated.

204
00:08:52,956 --> 00:08:54,155
Hey, sweetie.

205
00:08:54,155 --> 00:08:56,204
We should celebrate like obnoxious dudes

206
00:08:56,204 --> 00:08:58,016
before these idiots do it first.

207
00:08:58,016 --> 00:09:00,668
Yo, girl!
You tap that fine piece?

208
00:09:00,668 --> 00:09:02,549
Aw, hell,
yeah. I crushed that ass.

209
00:09:02,549 --> 00:09:03,972
Boom!

210
00:09:06,425 --> 00:09:07,438
Come on. We want details.

211
00:09:07,438 --> 00:09:08,952
What was so special about last night?

212
00:09:08,952 --> 00:09:10,649
- Uh, you know, funny you should ask.
- Love. Love.

213
00:09:10,649 --> 00:09:13,643
Love was what was special.
Love makes everything better.

214
00:09:13,643 --> 00:09:15,977
Unless you're talking about Courtney Love.

215
00:09:15,977 --> 00:09:18,126
That bitch ruins things.

216
00:09:19,803 --> 00:09:21,788
I know you like to take
credit for everything, but...

217
00:09:21,788 --> 00:09:25,131
You can't tell Nicki that
you... you gave me that move.

218
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:27,464
But then how's Nicki gonna
know that I gave you the move?

219
00:09:29,487 --> 00:09:30,487
She won't.

220
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:33,379
Ever since we, you know, met,

221
00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:35,226
I've always thought, like, Nicki
was out of my league, you know?

222
00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:36,539
And, please, promise me...

223
00:09:36,539 --> 00:09:38,339
promise me you won't say anything.

224
00:09:38,339 --> 00:09:40,514
Fine.

225
00:09:41,811 --> 00:09:45,290
Ah, I still don't know what
got into you last night.

226
00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:45,915
Well...

227
00:09:45,915 --> 00:09:46,866
I do.

228
00:09:51,593 --> 00:09:54,490
I've shown you every sad
video on the Internet,

229
00:09:54,490 --> 00:09:58,049
even the one where the
lion remembers his owner.

230
00:10:00,405 --> 00:10:02,307
How are you not crying?

231
00:10:02,307 --> 00:10:03,504
You heartless bastard.

232
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,788
That's it. I'm going nuclear.

233
00:10:07,788 --> 00:10:09,447
It's time for a story called

234
00:10:09,447 --> 00:10:12,413
"Little Shelly's medical problem."

235
00:10:14,333 --> 00:10:16,333
You see, when I was 6,

236
00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:19,913
I had what doctors
described as a big-ass head.

237
00:10:23,311 --> 00:10:24,767
And due to my top-heaviness,

238
00:10:24,767 --> 00:10:26,784
it was hard for me to even stand,

239
00:10:26,784 --> 00:10:30,295
so they got me a helmet to
protect me during my many falls.

240
00:10:30,295 --> 00:10:30,874
Mm-hmm.

241
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,406
And it arrived just in time

242
00:10:33,406 --> 00:10:36,191
for my first day at my new school.

243
00:10:37,635 --> 00:10:39,107
Oh, my God. I can't hear this.

244
00:10:41,185 --> 00:10:44,085
All my classmates gave me cruel names

245
00:10:44,085 --> 00:10:47,270
like "helmet Shelly" and "big head Shelly."

246
00:10:47,270 --> 00:10:48,758
They weren't creative people.

247
00:10:52,217 --> 00:10:54,207
And I thought it couldn't get any worse...

248
00:10:54,686 --> 00:10:56,965
Until Halloween.

249
00:10:57,822 --> 00:11:00,430
You see, my parents
had to design my costume

250
00:11:00,430 --> 00:11:01,405
around my helmet,

251
00:11:02,738 --> 00:11:07,385
so I went as Detroit
Lions legend Barry Sanders.

252
00:11:09,058 --> 00:11:10,530
And it was awesome

253
00:11:11,502 --> 00:11:14,502
till I saw three older kids
dressed as the Chicago Bears.

254
00:11:17,312 --> 00:11:19,680
Mike Ditka pushed me down,

255
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:23,964
stole my candy and, for a
while, my short-term memory.

256
00:11:26,671 --> 00:11:29,807
And I just laid in the
mud, unable to get up,

257
00:11:29,807 --> 00:11:32,390
again because of the top-heaviness...

258
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:37,898
Just wishing I had a friend.

259
00:11:41,946 --> 00:11:42,955
What are you doing?

260
00:11:42,955 --> 00:11:44,541
I'm making a Shelly doll.

261
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,799
Oh, my head's too big!

262
00:11:55,002 --> 00:11:56,063
Bing!

263
00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:58,761
This is your captain speaking.

264
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:01,979
Welcome to Justin Air, uhhhh.

265
00:12:01,979 --> 00:12:05,710
Nonstop flight to pleasure town, uhhhh.

266
00:12:05,710 --> 00:12:10,633
Approximate flight time is, uh, 17 minutes.

267
00:12:15,544 --> 00:12:17,136
Oh, wait, babe. Babe.

268
00:12:17,136 --> 00:12:20,739
Should I feel super slutty that
I just come into town to visit

269
00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:22,457
and all I want to do is fool around?

270
00:12:22,457 --> 00:12:24,216
Like, should we do something else?

271
00:12:24,216 --> 00:12:26,399
Do you want to, um, go to a museum?

272
00:12:27,799 --> 00:12:29,536
No, I-I hate that idea, too.

273
00:12:29,536 --> 00:12:31,155
Just make me feel better about this.

274
00:12:31,155 --> 00:12:33,323
Of course we're all over
each other. We're in love.

275
00:12:33,323 --> 00:12:35,255
And I like that you're a little slutty.

276
00:12:38,385 --> 00:12:40,104
Pause. No, I don't mean, like...

277
00:12:40,104 --> 00:12:42,090
like people would pay to have sex with you.

278
00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:42,823
Nobody would pay...

279
00:12:42,823 --> 00:12:44,719
Not... not that nobody would
pay to have sex with you.

280
00:12:44,719 --> 00:12:45,790
I mean, people would do that.

281
00:12:45,790 --> 00:12:47,466
I could go to Craigslist right now

282
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:49,156
and get 20 guys right
over here that just...

283
00:12:49,156 --> 00:12:51,983
I'm sorry. This is your
stewardess speaking.

284
00:12:51,983 --> 00:12:54,442
We've encountered some
unexpected turbulence.

285
00:12:54,442 --> 00:12:58,165
- I'm sorry. I'm an idiot.
- No. No. You're not an idiot.

286
00:12:58,165 --> 00:12:59,807
- I love you.
- Oh, good.

287
00:12:59,807 --> 00:13:00,578
Mm.

288
00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:06,053
Just promise me one thing.

289
00:13:08,499 --> 00:13:11,019
Do "The Danny."

290
00:13:14,181 --> 00:13:15,597
"The Danny"?!

291
00:13:15,597 --> 00:13:17,645
Yeah? I heard my name. You guys call me?

292
00:13:20,223 --> 00:13:22,990
Oh, uh, you guys are having private time.

293
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,431
Boom!

294
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:28,207
This is your real captain speaking.

295
00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:29,119
You're welcome.

296
00:13:35,743 --> 00:13:37,511
I cannot believe you told Nicki.

297
00:13:37,511 --> 00:13:39,629
All right, whatever, man.
She just pried it out of me.

298
00:13:40,723 --> 00:13:41,663
How did it even come up?

299
00:13:41,663 --> 00:13:43,799
She was walking around
our house all smiling,

300
00:13:43,799 --> 00:13:45,923
so I was like, "you're welcome,"
and then I told her everything.

301
00:13:46,685 --> 00:13:50,606
Um, quick sidebar...
does the move work on men?

302
00:13:50,606 --> 00:13:53,096
Of course, man. The move
doesn't discriminate lifestyles.

303
00:13:53,096 --> 00:13:54,485
You just have to ask it nicely.

304
00:13:55,663 --> 00:13:56,948
Okay, um, hi, move.

305
00:13:56,948 --> 00:13:58,503
Oh, I was in Italy when I created the move.

306
00:13:58,503 --> 00:14:00,818
So you have to
ask it in a nice-a Italian accent.

307
00:14:00,818 --> 00:14:03,414
Excuse-a me, move?

308
00:14:04,696 --> 00:14:06,363
Yes, yes, just like that...

309
00:14:06,363 --> 00:14:08,516
like you're holding a tiny
mouse and talking to the mouse.

310
00:14:08,516 --> 00:14:10,695
- Excuse-a me, move.
- Hey, hey.

311
00:14:10,695 --> 00:14:13,061
Right now, maybe the move
is-a busy with someone else.

312
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,373
- You have another customer, so you...
- What can I do, move?

313
00:14:15,373 --> 00:14:16,494
What can I do?

314
00:14:17,236 --> 00:14:19,866
Maybe sing to the move. Maybe
do a singing to the move.

315
00:14:19,866 --> 00:14:21,751
Really? You want me to sing?

316
00:14:21,751 --> 00:14:23,168
Please sing-a to the move.

317
00:14:35,413 --> 00:14:37,005
All right, all right! Stop it!

318
00:14:37,005 --> 00:14:38,054
None of this!

319
00:14:38,054 --> 00:14:40,205
You guys are nuts!

320
00:14:40,205 --> 00:14:42,681
You and the little Italian and your move.

321
00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:43,736
I mean, could you just knock it off?

322
00:14:43,736 --> 00:14:45,218
Do you have any idea how much it sucks

323
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,190
to have your girlfriend
say Danny's name in bed?

324
00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:49,464
Well, that just means
that she's been with Danny,

325
00:14:49,464 --> 00:14:51,552
so you know she's got
to be a beautiful Bella.

326
00:14:53,137 --> 00:14:57,147
Babe, I am so sorry about,
you know, what I said.

327
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,372
Oh, no, no, no. Go ahead. Share it.

328
00:14:58,372 --> 00:14:59,800
Everybody talks about my sex life.

329
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,451
Why not just put it all out on the table?

330
00:15:01,451 --> 00:15:02,993
Why don't I do that for us, okay? Hmm?

331
00:15:02,993 --> 00:15:04,292
Why don't I do that? All right?

332
00:15:04,292 --> 00:15:06,116
I've been with 4 1/2 partners.

333
00:15:06,116 --> 00:15:08,023
Half?

334
00:15:08,023 --> 00:15:10,283
What'd you do? Fall out and bang her couch?

335
00:15:13,258 --> 00:15:14,922
Who raised you?

336
00:15:16,246 --> 00:15:18,375
Couldn't just do me a solid, could you?

337
00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:20,210
I-I asked you not to say anything.

338
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:22,581
Wait a minute. You knew it would upset him

339
00:15:22,581 --> 00:15:24,235
if you told me that it was your move,

340
00:15:24,235 --> 00:15:26,265
but you did it anyway?
Why would you do that?

341
00:15:26,265 --> 00:15:28,709
Okay, can
we all just totally admit

342
00:15:28,709 --> 00:15:29,835
that the only reason why anybody

343
00:15:29,835 --> 00:15:31,311
ever does anything for anyone else

344
00:15:31,311 --> 00:15:33,589
is because they want to take
credit for it afterwards?

345
00:15:37,142 --> 00:15:38,854
Why are you all so quiet right now?

346
00:15:39,674 --> 00:15:40,995
Oh, that's what you do

347
00:15:40,995 --> 00:15:43,169
when you're in the
presence of a psychopath.

348
00:15:45,303 --> 00:15:46,522
Every time I think I can count on you,

349
00:15:46,522 --> 00:15:47,860
you prove me wrong.

350
00:15:47,860 --> 00:15:49,176
What are you talking about?

351
00:15:49,176 --> 00:15:50,732
Just forget it.

352
00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:52,811
Yeah, I'm with you, babe.
Let's just forget it.

353
00:15:52,811 --> 00:15:56,221
And don't worry... I'll
never do "The Danny" again.

354
00:15:56,547 --> 00:15:59,187
Oh, let's not get crazy
just 'cause we're upset.

355
00:16:04,228 --> 00:16:06,842
We can't believe that
you're just sitting here

356
00:16:06,842 --> 00:16:08,545
and that you don't feel bad

357
00:16:08,545 --> 00:16:10,891
that you ruined Nicki and Justin's weekend.

358
00:16:10,891 --> 00:16:11,668
Whatever.

359
00:16:11,668 --> 00:16:13,390
I just took a little
credit for it, all right?

360
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,170
It's not like I pulled a
Tyler Perry and called it

361
00:16:15,170 --> 00:16:17,806
"Danny Burton presents Justin
pleases his girlfriend."

362
00:16:19,783 --> 00:16:21,202
I'd never see that movie,

363
00:16:21,202 --> 00:16:23,823
but a lot of my family members would.

364
00:16:26,643 --> 00:16:27,641
Come on, man, we all... we all know

365
00:16:27,641 --> 00:16:29,114
Justin feels like
Nicki's out of his league.

366
00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:32,083
Yeah, you know Justin feels insecure.

367
00:16:33,396 --> 00:16:34,502
Sorry.

368
00:16:34,502 --> 00:16:36,698
See, uh, being insecure

369
00:16:36,698 --> 00:16:38,965
is when you doubt yourself
and your abilities.

370
00:16:41,171 --> 00:16:42,356
That's so sad.

371
00:16:46,233 --> 00:16:47,822
Is that a real thing people have?

372
00:16:50,412 --> 00:16:51,288
Yes.

373
00:16:51,288 --> 00:16:53,908
And that's why I'm yet to
wear my European bathing suit

374
00:16:53,908 --> 00:16:54,892
here in the States.

375
00:16:57,487 --> 00:17:00,659
You always put yourself ahead
of your friends' feelings.

376
00:17:01,713 --> 00:17:03,439
Oh, I don't like that about myself.

377
00:17:04,948 --> 00:17:08,829
That makes me feel really... in-secure?

378
00:17:13,621 --> 00:17:14,756
Nope, that's not what it means.

379
00:17:15,624 --> 00:17:20,781
Is... in-secure dancing
alone at a bar mitzvah?

380
00:17:24,223 --> 00:17:25,759
If I'm at a supermarket

381
00:17:25,759 --> 00:17:28,128
and I realize while I'm
in the middle of the line

382
00:17:28,128 --> 00:17:30,553
that I didn't get turkey
and I need to go get turkey

383
00:17:30,553 --> 00:17:32,896
and I leave the line, is that insecure?

384
00:17:39,772 --> 00:17:43,626
Maybe we could just invent our own move,

385
00:17:43,626 --> 00:17:45,012
and we'll call it "The Justin."

386
00:17:45,685 --> 00:17:47,236
Oh, yeah? What's that gonna be, huh?

387
00:17:47,236 --> 00:17:48,993
I have the most beautiful girl in the world

388
00:17:48,993 --> 00:17:50,780
over for the weekend, and
instead of making love,

389
00:17:50,780 --> 00:17:52,504
I get self-conscious
and make banana bread?

390
00:17:53,904 --> 00:17:56,344
The banana bread's almost done, by the way.

391
00:17:57,237 --> 00:17:59,030
I just feel so stupid, you know?

392
00:18:06,350 --> 00:18:09,134
"Get Nicki to leave so I
can fix what's bothering you.

393
00:18:09,134 --> 00:18:12,315
"This way, she'll never
know it was me that fixed it,

394
00:18:12,315 --> 00:18:14,092
and I won't be taking the credit."

395
00:18:16,310 --> 00:18:17,181
Whatever, man.

396
00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:18,833
It was a great plan until you ruined it.

397
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,953
I'm gonna give you guys a minute.

398
00:18:25,084 --> 00:18:27,656
Look, man  I want you to know

399
00:18:27,656 --> 00:18:30,061
that this whole "doing things
for other people" thing...

400
00:18:30,061 --> 00:18:31,349
it's all new to me, all right?

401
00:18:31,349 --> 00:18:32,567
But I'm trying to get to a point

402
00:18:32,567 --> 00:18:35,780
where taking the credit
doesn't matter, you know?

403
00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:39,234
And it's like just earlier,
uh, I was at Starbucks,

404
00:18:39,234 --> 00:18:42,190
and, um, I put a dollar in the tip jar

405
00:18:42,190 --> 00:18:43,950
when the barista wasn't even looking.

406
00:18:43,950 --> 00:18:48,147
Granted, I-I waited till
then he turned around again,

407
00:18:48,147 --> 00:18:51,280
I put in another dollar in
the tip jar, and so he saw it,

408
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:52,460
and he was all like,
"thanks for the dollar,"

409
00:18:52,460 --> 00:18:54,010
and I was like, "well, actually, it was $2

410
00:18:54,010 --> 00:18:55,604
'cause I did it once when you
weren't looking," but whatever.

411
00:18:57,390 --> 00:18:58,550
Progress, right?

412
00:18:59,581 --> 00:19:00,325
No.

413
00:19:01,738 --> 00:19:02,625
All right, man, I'm... I'm...

414
00:19:02,625 --> 00:19:04,949
I'm not gonna let you ruin this weekend

415
00:19:04,949 --> 00:19:08,615
because you're... What's the
word, again? In-secure.

416
00:19:09,541 --> 00:19:12,140
You're not even the kind of
guy who should be in-secure.

417
00:19:13,274 --> 00:19:15,128
Why are you saying it like that?

418
00:19:15,128 --> 00:19:16,790
Insecure.

419
00:19:16,790 --> 00:19:18,017
In-secure.

420
00:19:18,802 --> 00:19:20,635
Okay, so you don't...
you don't think I'm, like,

421
00:19:20,635 --> 00:19:23,046
this overemotional, you know...

422
00:19:23,046 --> 00:19:26,314
sensitive crybaby?

423
00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:27,977
Baby bird.

424
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,781
Of course I do.

425
00:19:33,535 --> 00:19:36,102
But I'm not a woman, okay?

426
00:19:36,102 --> 00:19:38,973
And all those things that
disgust me about you...

427
00:19:38,973 --> 00:19:41,366
those are all the things that women like.

428
00:19:41,366 --> 00:19:43,475
Like, you know, all the oversharing

429
00:19:43,475 --> 00:19:45,801
and the sensitivity
and the puppy-dog eyes.

430
00:19:49,892 --> 00:19:51,755
Yeah, those, man, okay?

431
00:19:51,755 --> 00:19:55,640
Look, all those things are what
make you the ultimate catch.

432
00:19:56,777 --> 00:19:58,209
No one's out of your league, man.

433
00:19:58,209 --> 00:19:59,631
Nicki's amazing, but...

434
00:20:01,671 --> 00:20:03,023
You deserve her.

435
00:20:03,023 --> 00:20:04,207
Thanks, man.

436
00:20:04,207 --> 00:20:06,541
Is everything okay out here?

437
00:20:06,541 --> 00:20:07,509
Are you feeling better?

438
00:20:07,509 --> 00:20:08,866
Yes, I feel good.

439
00:20:09,922 --> 00:20:11,398
Yeah.

440
00:20:11,398 --> 00:20:12,795
And I didn't even say anything.

441
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:13,999
It was all this guy.

442
00:20:13,999 --> 00:20:18,690
That's so good. Justin,
I'm so proud of you.

443
00:20:19,501 --> 00:20:20,973
It was all me.

444
00:20:29,011 --> 00:20:31,403
Hey, Danny, your hair
looks majestic today, bro.

445
00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:35,079
Danny, go do it right now.

446
00:20:35,079 --> 00:20:36,793
Come on, man. I don't want to do it.

447
00:20:36,793 --> 00:20:38,460
It makes me feel in-secure.

448
00:20:40,550 --> 00:20:41,886
Go do it.

449
00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:48,602
Hey, Bursk, um...

450
00:20:49,752 --> 00:20:51,792
I just want you to know that, you know,

451
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:55,542
maybe you're not the most
awful person in the world

452
00:20:55,542 --> 00:20:56,499
that ever lived.

453
00:21:02,579 --> 00:21:04,348
No, it didn't work.

454
00:21:04,348 --> 00:21:05,346
Ah-ah-ah.

455
00:21:06,677 --> 00:21:08,038
Wait for it.

456
00:21:10,813 --> 00:21:12,578
This is the greatest day of my life.

457
00:21:19,841 --> 00:21:21,623
Thanks man.

458
00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:30,345
Synced and corrected by Mastermonger.
www.addic7ed.com