Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru.
Pass it on. Come on, keep going.
You're quite tight with the new guy, aren't you?
Yeah, he's my nig. So what?
Who's there...?
The flirting. We want in.
What? Who's "we?" Me and my crew.
We want him to teach us.
You don't just learn this shit, homeboy.
This is next level flirting. You've either got it or you don't -
if you got it, he can help you nurture it. Bring out your gift.
But I don't think you got what it takes, so jog on.
What's this? You'll see.
No way. No way, Jose.
I'm afraid we don't have much choice, NG. They've got the dirt on us.
What kind of dirt? We haven't done any work since we came here.
Do you think there's enough pussy to go around? We're only here for another week.
We train 'em up - by the time they're ready we'll be long gone.
Do you think they have the gift? I think Ian's got a bit of spark about him, yeah.
All right. Let's do it.
Gather up the forces.
Yeah, boy.
So what you doing now? Fancy chumming me to Greggs?
Oh, I'd love to, Charlie, but I got a 1:00pm flirt with Stella.
Right about... now.
Oh, my God, she's adorable.
She's my little raison d'etre.
Ooh, I love dogs. Do you?
Ah... Yes!
So I'm in my hotel room, and I get a call from Steven Spielberg.
He said, "I've been invited to a party in the Hollywood Hills.
"I don't want to go but I feel I should." He said, "Would you like to come along?"
I said, "Well, if you don't mind, that would be grand."
He said, "Come over to mine and we can split a taxi."
So we walk into this party, and it's all... nice shirts and fancy dresses.
And me and Steven are sitting on the terrace,
and Bruce Willis comes over, and he goes, "Oh, hello Steven."
And he goes, "Oh, hello, Daniel," a little bit like that.
And I said, "Is everything all right, Bruce?"
He goes, "Yes, everything's fine, Daniel."
I said, "Because you seem a little bit funny with me."
He goes, "No, it's fine, it's nothing."
I said, "It doesn't seem like nothing."
He said, "Well, I've heard you've been talking about me."
I said, "I haven't been talking about you, Bruce."
He goes, "Well, I heard that you don't like the Die Hard films."
I said, "Bruce, that's not true," I said, "I love the Die Hard films.
"I don't like all of them." I said, "I liked one and two,
"but after that I found them a little bit boring."
He said, "Well, I don't really like YOUR films."
I said, "Bruce, I don't care if you like my films or not.
"Who told you I don't like the Die Hard films?"
He said, "Well, it's none of your business."
I said "Well, I think I can have a guess." I said, "Was it Samuel L Jackson?"
And he said, "Well, so what if it was?"
I said, "You shouldn't listen to him, Bruce, cos he just stirs up trouble."
And I said "To be honest with you, Bruce, I find it all a little bit pathetic,"
and me and Steven just walked away.
But that's Bruce for you, he gets jealous and funny,
but Steven's not like that with me - me and Steven are tight.
Fuck are you talking about, man...?
HELP!
Who's this? He's one of yours...
Now gather round and hear my story
Come on, young brothers, it's time for Jackanory
Ha, ha-ha
Now I'm the preacher man, no policeman
No doctor with degree
But I came here to teach y'all something new
So come here and sit on my knee
My name is Curtis, and just like you
I was in a gang, the Electric Boogaloo
Now we were mean and we were rough
Hanging around, bein' street tough
Now let me break it down
Jesus, Mary, Judas and John
Had a little home in Beth-le-ha-ha-ham
They treated each other respectfully
And lived together in harmony
Ha-ha, ha
So show that brother a bit of love
Hold up a high five and just give him a hug
Eachy, peachy, pear and plum
Go around and choose your best chum
I bet it's your mum
Now clap your hands
Comb your hair
Wave your hands
Ha-ha, ha - Superman!
Can you dig it?
OK. Coast is clear, NG.
Thank you, Charlie.
Forget everything you've ever learned.
The names you went by on the outside world are useless to you now.
What's your name? Ian.
No, it isn't. From now on you'll be known as Magic Man.
Magnet.
Fantasy.
Prestige.
Sustain.
Osmosis. Thank you.
And... Mad Skillz. With a "Z".
Over this lunch hour I'm gonna be teaching you how to approach
any woman, any time, anywhere in the office.
Yeah, boy.
At the photocopier. Yeah!
At the kitchenette. Yeah!
Yeah!
Heed my words, my friends, because if you do
you will literally be beating the pussy off with a stick.
Yeah!
Pussy!
Now!
Nice technique, Osmosis.
Slow it down, Magic Man.
Oh, Mad Skillz, I like it - reinventing the wheel.
Are you all kissing your hands?
Maybe we are.
Cool your jets, Fantasy.
Now walk away.
Let's all go back to kissing our hands.
- OK. Coast's clear, NG. - Thank you, Charlie.
Fanny ticklers on, please.
All right, men, this is no simulation, this is live ammo.
Keep the flirt simple.
If it's going well and you're vibing,
go for the extension number and walk away.
We're not looking for any heroes here.
- Now let's get our flirt on. - OK, you heard the man, let's fucking do this.
Out, out, out. Go, go, go, go, go.
Move it, move it. Plenty of pussy to go round.
Do you think they're ready?
I don't know, Charlie, I really don't know.
But, hey, what's the worst that can happen?
I can see this getting out of hand.
I need some more pussy, I don't wanna be the Magic Man.
- Fobs and passes, please. - Can't we just sleep on it?
Fobs and passes.
Oh, this is bullshit, man.
Here we go, there's a calculator.
Sellotape.
Pen holder.
Teddy bear.
Oh, and there is one more thing.
Yeah, boy.
Hi, my name's Matthew,
and this is where I live, number 18 Bagley Avenue,
with my mum and stepdad.
This is my best friend Leon, who lives next door.
Just an ordinary kid living in an ordinary street, right?
Wrong.
Because Leon and I share a very special secret.
A super computer that can send us back in time.
This is useless!
Super Computer, we've got a history assignment for school tomorrow.
We need to know what life was like back in the 1970s.
Well, first of all, they didn't have home computers back then.
What? No internet?
So what did they do for entertainment?
Why don't you see for yourself?
Good idea, Super Computer.
I'm sending you back to 1973.
Hold on to your hats.
Waaargh!
You look ridiculous! You can talk.
You both look quite funny.
Super Computer, why are my trousers so big at the bottom?
They're called bell-bottoms.
Bell-bottoms?
And why am I wearing ladies' shoes?
They're called platform boots.
Platform boots?
Super Computer, where exactly are we?
You are in Television Centre.
Awesome, cool, wicked, yeah.
This was the golden age of television.
Hey, Leon, come and check out these pictures.
Sammy Sparkle.
Super Computer, what can you tell us about Sammy Sparkle?
Well, Matthew, Sammy Sparkle had five number one hits
and a very successful TV show at the time,
called Sammy's Dance Party.
Sammy's Dance Party? That sounds fun.
But I must warn you. Sammy Sparkle was a notorious paedophile.
Leon. What's that?
It looks like some sort of camera.
Well, whatever it is, I've got a bad feeling about this.
Let's get out of here.
Quick, let's hide in here.
Now you're gonna win!
Tickles!
I don't think I like the 1970s.
Super Computer, can we come home now, please?
I'm afraid not, boys.
New homework assignment. Terminate Sammy Sparkle.
Oh!
Every now and then it's important to look at yourself in a mirror
and ask what am I doing to make the world a better place?
So this week these fishies are helping out at a homeless shelter.
Oh, wait, wait, my necklace.
Let's go!
One pinch of salt.
What is pinch?
Just pour it in.
Perfect. Well, here goes nothing.
Here you go. Enjoy it.
Bon appetit.
We did it!
I think we can safely say that we've done our bit.
Don't tell me you're going home. The night's still young.
Can I take you for a drink?
Yeah, I'd really, really like that.
- So is this, like, where you live? - Yeah.
Wow, that's so cool, it's like being at a festival or something.
Ooh.
- So glad I met you. - Me too.
It's like, when I look in your eyes, like,
I see all the pain that you've suffered.
And I wanna be the one who changes everything for you.
No one gets me like you do.
Never ever let me go.
- Excuse me, what is this, please? - It's crack.
- And what does it feel like? - It feels good.
- Oh my God, let's put some music on. - Yeah, music.
- I have got some Bob Marley. - Oh, excellent.
- Where's your iPod dock? - We don't have one.
Yumi, Olivia, we're leaving.
Thank you.
Wait.
I wanted something to remember you by.
Bye.
That's my sleeping bag.
Let's go!
This actually stinks! Take us to Honky Tonks.
Next week on Young Dreams...
Olivia goes to fat camp. 64. Work it, Fatty. 65.
I practise my cute morning voice.
Good morning, sleepyhead.
And Yumi tries her hand at stand-up.
Now what is it about a mobile phone?
Everyone seems to have one.
Thank you.
OK, guys, and action.
Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ah, brilliant, brilliant.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Definitely.
Ah ah ah! Ah ah! Ah! Ah, yes, yes! Yes, yes!
All right, and cut. Er...
Seb, you OK?
Yeah, I'm enjoying that. That's good. Are you happy?
Yeah, erm, kind of. I just don't get the sense that you're that into it.
Oh, no, no, no. If anything, it's the opposite, yeah.
Just try and inject some passion maybe.
Sure.
Yeah? Good, good.
- Does my willy look nice? - Your willy?
Yeah.
Your dick looks great.
- Oh, amazing. - Nice and big.
- Great, OK. - Healthy, yeah, OK.
Thank you, Seb. Just a bit more passion.
Yeah, absolutely.
All right, you ready, guys? Leroy?
Turn over, set, action.
Oh, now it's happening, now it's happening.
Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, come on! Come on, this is what it's about.
Ah! That feels good.
That feels good, yeah, yeah.
Ah, we're doing it now, we're doing it.
Ah, yeah, this is brilliant.
Ah, ha, ah, yeah, definitely, definitely!
All right, cut.
Cut, cut, guys. Seb.
- Sorry, Joanne. - That OK?
Not really, no.
- Oh, does my willy not look nice? - Your dick looks fine, yeah.
It's great, yeah.
- Can you see it going in and out? - We've got that covered.
- Just try this, try losing the smile. - Right, OK.
- Yeah, like, lose that. - That could be interesting.
No, but you're smiling. Lose the smile.
Yeah, OK. Yeah?
That could work. Could I just watch playback quickly?
- Do you think it'll help? - It might do, yeah.
Can we just play that back?
- Joanna, do you want to have a look? - Yeah, have a look, Joanna, why not?
Oh, that's clever.
Oh yeah, you can see it going in and out.
Yeah, that's kind of the idea, yeah. I mean, what do you think, hon?
It's a little bit creepy.
Yeah, it's got that sort of vibe going on.
- That's not a good thing, Seb. - Right, change that, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, lose the creepy. Lose the smile.
- See, it's the smile. - Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, so you'll kind of like...
Try urgh, urgh, urgh, urgh, urgh, urgh, urgh urgh, urgh urgh.
I don't think you should think about it too much.
Overthinking it, yeah. OK, yeah, I'll try something new.
Not too different, just urgh, urgh, urgh, urgh.
Yeah, OK, let's just see how it goes.
- Lose the smile, I think. - Yeah, yeah.
Bit of a sweat on there, John. Let's go. Turn over, Leroy.
Alright. Action.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Ah yeah, ah yeah!
Come and see it, come and see it, come and have a look.
Ah, ah, ah, aha, aha, aha, ahaha! Ahaha, aha, aha aha aha aha aha!
Aha aha ahaaa!
- I'm finished, I'm finished. - Great, so am I.
Great stuff, well done, Seb. Lovely, Joanna, thank you.
Thank you. Cheers. Thank you.
- Should we have a watch? - Yeah.
Let's have a watch.
Ah! Ah! Ah! Does it look nice? Yes it does!
Welcome back to Sammy Sparkle's Dance Party.
Now, I've seen a lot of talent on the floor tonight,
so let's see if we can't find ourselves a winner.
Let's go!
What now, Super Computer?
You need to get within arm's reach of Sammy Sparkle.
Catch his eye with some fancy moves.
- You know what to do, Leon. - Drop it.
It's working. Super Computer, he's coming towards us.
OK, good, now hold out your hand.
Toothbrushes?
Now's not the time to be cleaning our teeth, Super Computer.
They're not for brushing your teeth. They're shanks. Toothbrush shanks.
Toothbrush shanks?
It's a prison term for a blunt object
fashioned into a lethal weapon.
Now get shanking, boys.
- Like what you see, Sammy Sparkle? - Oh, yeah.
- Then take this. - And this.
Well, I think we can safely say
we've put an end to Sammy Sparkle's evil ways.
Where to next, Super Computer?
I hope you've been polishing up on your Italian, boys.
Next stop is Rome. The Vatican.
The Vatican?
Tool us up, Super Computer.
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru.