1
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:05,914
Guys, I know what I'm
gonna do for my birthday.

2
00:00:05,914 --> 00:00:07,636
Just got off the phone with Nicki,

3
00:00:07,636 --> 00:00:09,960
and she's driving down,

4
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,228
and not to give away too many details,

5
00:00:12,228 --> 00:00:15,709
but there's gonna be a
naughty-nurse costume involved.

6
00:00:16,381 --> 00:00:18,629
Cool. What's, uh, she gonna dress as?

7
00:00:19,832 --> 00:00:22,655
You may not believe this,
but I'm pretty good in bed.

8
00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:25,369
'Cause Nicki and I did a little sex survey

9
00:00:25,369 --> 00:00:27,201
in one of those weird
magazines that she likes.

10
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:28,549
She gave me a 9.

11
00:00:28,549 --> 00:00:30,305
It was an average of a 7 for performance

12
00:00:30,305 --> 00:00:32,003
and an 11 for enthusiasm.

13
00:00:32,003 --> 00:00:33,407
Whee!

14
00:00:34,354 --> 00:00:37,409
Shelly actually filled out
one of those surveys last week,

15
00:00:37,409 --> 00:00:39,490
but accidentally answered
the girl questions.

16
00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:42,565
Turns out female Shelly
is a real sloppy ho.

17
00:00:45,907 --> 00:00:48,725
All right, anyway, so, she's coming down,

18
00:00:48,725 --> 00:00:50,919
and I was thinking that maybe
we could close up the bar

19
00:00:50,919 --> 00:00:54,339
and, uh, drink with my
real family... you guys.

20
00:00:54,339 --> 00:00:55,208
No gifts, though.

21
00:00:55,208 --> 00:00:56,702
Personally, that's a huge stress-reliever

22
00:00:56,702 --> 00:00:58,070
because you're really hard to shop for.

23
00:00:58,070 --> 00:00:59,497
I mean, you have, like, all the khakis.

24
00:01:07,299 --> 00:01:08,888
- Hey, a white wine, Les?
- Oh, yeah.

25
00:01:09,963 --> 00:01:13,883
Well, I guess there still
is some valuable real estate

26
00:01:13,883 --> 00:01:14,826
left in Detroit.

27
00:01:14,826 --> 00:01:17,646
- Certainly is a beautiful view.
- Hmm.

28
00:01:18,009 --> 00:01:19,660
Sorry. Which one of us are you talking to?

29
00:01:20,690 --> 00:01:22,537
I'm talking to this young lady right here.

30
00:01:22,537 --> 00:01:24,094
Young? Really? Mm.

31
00:01:27,098 --> 00:01:28,554
Quick, you guys...

32
00:01:28,554 --> 00:01:30,618
Do I like I've taken a shower recently?

33
00:01:30,618 --> 00:01:31,726
It looks like it,

34
00:01:31,726 --> 00:01:33,810
but you smell like you
used beer instead of water.

35
00:01:36,635 --> 00:01:40,650
Sweetie, you look like
Beyoncé on show night...

36
00:01:40,650 --> 00:01:42,205
- Fierce.
- Fierce.

37
00:01:43,773 --> 00:01:44,595
Mama's going in.

38
00:01:47,265 --> 00:01:48,908
I don't know why that guy
seems so familiar to me.

39
00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:50,307
I mean, he looks like I want to fix him,

40
00:01:50,307 --> 00:01:52,042
but also strangle him at the same time.

41
00:01:53,042 --> 00:01:54,000
Dad?

42
00:01:54,874 --> 00:01:55,997
There he is.

43
00:01:55,997 --> 00:01:57,858
What... what the hell are you doing here?

44
00:01:57,858 --> 00:01:59,253
I was headed to Chicago on a gig.

45
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,173
I wanted to swing by for my son's birthday.

46
00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:07,872
Well, if we're giving out hugs.

47
00:02:07,872 --> 00:02:09,002
Oh.

48
00:02:09,677 --> 00:02:11,136
Leslie.

49
00:02:11,136 --> 00:02:13,934
Okay, this is... this is a nightmare.

50
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:15,599
Just...

51
00:02:15,599 --> 00:02:17,549
All right, now. Here we go. Come on.

52
00:02:17,549 --> 00:02:18,927
Okay. We are going.

53
00:02:22,724 --> 00:02:25,298
Big finish! ♪ Undateable ♪

54
00:02:25,298 --> 00:02:27,712
Uh, nobody can see you doing jazz hands.

55
00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:28,533
They know.

56
00:02:30,947 --> 00:02:32,853
Uh, what are you guys talking about?

57
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,303
Uh, the night you were conceived.

58
00:02:36,404 --> 00:02:38,084
We're all... we're all grown-ups here.

59
00:02:38,084 --> 00:02:41,064
Am I right? I can tell this guy
knows his way around the rodeo.

60
00:02:41,064 --> 00:02:43,206
Well, if by rodeo, you mean sex...

61
00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:46,252
Um, uh, no, unfortunately.

62
00:02:46,252 --> 00:02:47,796
Uh, I don't.

63
00:02:48,842 --> 00:02:49,700
So, what's next, dad, huh?

64
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:51,552
You gonna tell everybody
how I used to run around

65
00:02:51,552 --> 00:02:53,204
in mom's high heels
when I was a little kid?

66
00:02:53,204 --> 00:02:56,108
Dude, I used to practice making
out on my Hugh Grant poster,

67
00:02:56,108 --> 00:02:57,818
and you had a gayer childhood than me.

68
00:02:58,345 --> 00:02:59,622
Ha ha ha.

69
00:02:59,622 --> 00:03:01,583
Okay, if we were all in a fire together

70
00:03:01,583 --> 00:03:02,458
and we're wearing heels,

71
00:03:02,458 --> 00:03:04,345
I'd be the only one to get out safely.

72
00:03:04,345 --> 00:03:07,604
Uh, baby bird, if we're
ever both stuck in a place

73
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:09,731
that's on fire and wearing high heels,

74
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:11,121
just, you know, let me die.

75
00:03:12,668 --> 00:03:13,813
You know what, dad?

76
00:03:13,813 --> 00:03:15,702
Why don't... why don't you
just go back to my place, okay?

77
00:03:15,702 --> 00:03:18,518
And, uh, I'll be there in a
while, and we'll grab dinner.

78
00:03:18,518 --> 00:03:21,255
I got it. Yep. The old
man's embarrassing you.

79
00:03:21,255 --> 00:03:22,455
Understood. It's okay.

80
00:03:22,455 --> 00:03:23,871
It's nice to meet all of you.

81
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:30,216
- He seems like a pretty cool guy.
- Oh, yeah.

82
00:03:30,216 --> 00:03:32,155
I mean, he left me when I was 13 years old.

83
00:03:32,155 --> 00:03:33,547
I see him once a year now, tops.

84
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,969
I mean, I've told you
this like a million times.

85
00:03:35,969 --> 00:03:38,946
I know, but I have like a
million fake-listening faces.

86
00:03:40,537 --> 00:03:41,761
H-here's one.

87
00:03:42,662 --> 00:03:45,238
Oh, uh, this is the one I do
when you talk about musicals.

88
00:03:45,628 --> 00:03:47,029
Ooh.

89
00:03:49,224 --> 00:03:50,121
But you want to know what sucks

90
00:03:50,121 --> 00:03:51,956
is that I actually know how selfish he is,

91
00:03:51,956 --> 00:03:53,808
but he's so good at hiding
it from other people.

92
00:03:53,808 --> 00:03:55,332
Look, just do me a favor...

93
00:03:55,332 --> 00:03:56,698
Don't let him charm you.

94
00:03:57,272 --> 00:03:58,862
All right, well, I think
it's too late for Leslie.

95
00:03:58,862 --> 00:04:01,753
I gave him a little side boob in that hug.

96
00:04:09,211 --> 00:04:11,107
God, this is the day from hell.

97
00:04:11,107 --> 00:04:13,370
I just got hit on by another married guy,

98
00:04:13,370 --> 00:04:16,510
and my quads are still
on fire from pilates.

99
00:04:16,510 --> 00:04:18,897
Well, somebody call 911.

100
00:04:18,897 --> 00:04:22,111
We got ourselves a white-girl emergency.

101
00:04:23,509 --> 00:04:24,422
A what?

102
00:04:24,422 --> 00:04:27,312
You know, a white-girl emergency,

103
00:04:27,312 --> 00:04:31,008
like if you forgot to Instagram
a picture of a cupcake.

104
00:04:35,183 --> 00:04:38,876
Yeah, or if your DVR
didn't record "Scandal."

105
00:04:42,826 --> 00:04:44,061
Oh, I'm sorry.

106
00:04:44,061 --> 00:04:48,308
Am I just some crazy girl
complaining about nothing?

107
00:04:48,308 --> 00:04:49,722
Yeah, now you get it.

108
00:04:50,835 --> 00:04:52,598
Okay, gentlemen, save yourselves.

109
00:04:54,277 --> 00:04:55,176
God!

110
00:04:55,176 --> 00:04:58,297
I mean, I'm not some kind
of chronic complainer.

111
00:04:58,297 --> 00:04:59,615
Back me up, Leslie.

112
00:04:59,615 --> 00:05:02,868
Sabrina, I am one of your oldest friends.

113
00:05:04,122 --> 00:05:05,442
And... ?

114
00:05:06,956 --> 00:05:08,758
I got nothing.

115
00:05:08,758 --> 00:05:10,698
Ooh!

116
00:05:10,698 --> 00:05:12,084
I don't care what you think.

117
00:05:12,084 --> 00:05:14,594
Waiting tables is very difficult.

118
00:05:14,594 --> 00:05:17,430
Oh, no, no. Sometimes
you have to handle a beer

119
00:05:17,430 --> 00:05:19,897
or, "oh, no, pretzels!"

120
00:05:19,897 --> 00:05:21,043
You know what?

121
00:05:21,043 --> 00:05:23,966
I am gonna flip this
coin, and if it is heads,

122
00:05:23,966 --> 00:05:26,942
then you will cover my shifts
for the rest of this weekend,

123
00:05:26,942 --> 00:05:28,286
but if it's tails,

124
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:31,568
you will never hear me complain again.

125
00:05:31,568 --> 00:05:33,116
Oh, that's worth the risk.

126
00:05:35,984 --> 00:05:38,543
Yes!

127
00:05:38,543 --> 00:05:40,582
- Damn it!
- All right.

128
00:05:42,026 --> 00:05:44,923
Oh, oh, quick tip...

129
00:05:44,923 --> 00:05:48,016
You get a lot more money if
you squish your boobs together.

130
00:05:58,174 --> 00:06:00,276
Hey, there he is! I
wanted to cook you a meal.

131
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:03,223
- Danny and I went shopping.
- Glad to help, Frank-o.

132
00:06:04,970 --> 00:06:07,085
Oh, my God, he charmed you.

133
00:06:07,085 --> 00:06:08,278
Baby bird, I can't be charmed

134
00:06:08,278 --> 00:06:09,705
by anything that doesn't have breasts.

135
00:06:11,431 --> 00:06:13,626
Will you watch my sauce?
Got to make a quick call.

136
00:06:13,626 --> 00:06:14,969
- Yeah, yeah, for sure.
- Yeah.

137
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,418
We're making sauce and all that.

138
00:06:18,831 --> 00:06:21,491
Okay, maybe he charmed
me a little bit, okay?

139
00:06:21,491 --> 00:06:23,713
- But in my defense...
- Stop, okay?

140
00:06:23,713 --> 00:06:25,660
You don't know how many
times he's let me down.

141
00:06:25,660 --> 00:06:27,960
Stop making the listening face!

142
00:06:29,603 --> 00:06:32,060
Look, I have a very perfect system

143
00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:33,359
when it comes to my dad, all right?

144
00:06:33,359 --> 00:06:35,674
He cruises into town,
we grab a quick dinner,

145
00:06:35,674 --> 00:06:36,749
and he's gone the next day.

146
00:06:36,749 --> 00:06:38,960
This way, I don't give him
a chance to disappoint me.

147
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,694
Do not mention my party.

148
00:06:40,694 --> 00:06:42,050
Okay, well, what if I have

149
00:06:42,050 --> 00:06:43,341
a hypothetical question for you, then?

150
00:06:43,341 --> 00:06:46,170
Danny, I want you to look
me in the eyes right now

151
00:06:46,170 --> 00:06:49,559
and tell me that you did
not ask my dad to stay.

152
00:06:52,503 --> 00:06:54,401
I didn't ask your dad to stay.

153
00:06:54,969 --> 00:06:57,110
Great news... I'm gonna be
able to stay through the weekend

154
00:06:57,110 --> 00:06:57,980
for your birthday thing.

155
00:07:00,675 --> 00:07:02,898
In my defense, I have absolutely no problem

156
00:07:02,898 --> 00:07:04,290
looking into somebody's eyes and lying.

157
00:07:07,057 --> 00:07:08,656
I've never had sex in your bed.

158
00:07:13,584 --> 00:07:15,780
So, Danny tells me you
have a serious girlfriend.

159
00:07:15,780 --> 00:07:16,826
What's she like?

160
00:07:16,826 --> 00:07:18,975
Nicki? W... uh, yeah, she's great.

161
00:07:18,975 --> 00:07:19,813
That's all you're gonna say?

162
00:07:19,813 --> 00:07:21,149
I mean, she's way out of his league.

163
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,087
Most people think that she's a doll

164
00:07:23,087 --> 00:07:24,397
that he purchased from the Internet.

165
00:07:25,462 --> 00:07:26,878
You always did swing big with the women.

166
00:07:26,878 --> 00:07:28,618
Remember when you were
12 and you asked out Barb,

167
00:07:28,618 --> 00:07:30,736
our middle-aged neighbor,
to your eighth-grade dance?

168
00:07:30,736 --> 00:07:32,126
I was like the coolest kid in school.

169
00:07:32,126 --> 00:07:33,976
And then I realized how lonely Barb was

170
00:07:33,976 --> 00:07:35,792
when she tried to invite me to Hawaii.

171
00:07:37,746 --> 00:07:38,880
Ha. What am I doing?

172
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,322
Hey, dad, you remember
that time when I was 15,

173
00:07:41,322 --> 00:07:42,143
and we... oh, you know what?

174
00:07:42,143 --> 00:07:43,325
Never mind. You weren't there, so...

175
00:07:43,325 --> 00:07:45,622
Kiddo, I-I know we're not close.

176
00:07:45,622 --> 00:07:47,586
I want that to change. What can I do?

177
00:07:47,586 --> 00:07:48,670
You could build a time machine

178
00:07:48,670 --> 00:07:50,029
and go back and teach
me how to use a condom

179
00:07:50,029 --> 00:07:51,113
so mom didn't have to do it.

180
00:07:52,121 --> 00:07:54,634
Oh, yeah, she taught me in front
of the whole eagle-scout troop,

181
00:07:54,634 --> 00:07:57,190
yeah, with a banana
that she ate afterwards.

182
00:07:59,047 --> 00:08:00,920
And you want to know the
saddest part of that story?

183
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:01,860
Uh, well, you know what?

184
00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:04,376
I was gonna say that it was
that you were an eagle scout,

185
00:08:04,376 --> 00:08:06,818
but it's got to be the fact
that she ate the banana.

186
00:08:09,109 --> 00:08:11,059
Look, you're welcome to my party,

187
00:08:11,059 --> 00:08:12,882
but don't act like you're a new guy.

188
00:08:16,687 --> 00:08:17,752
I'm sorry, man.

189
00:08:17,752 --> 00:08:19,834
I'll... hey, I-I'll talk to him, you know?

190
00:08:19,834 --> 00:08:20,542
It's just, you know...

191
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,829
it's hard because he
comes from a broken family.

192
00:08:28,171 --> 00:08:30,224
He... you probably already know that.

193
00:08:30,224 --> 00:08:30,926
Yeah.

194
00:08:35,872 --> 00:08:37,465
- My fries?
- They're coming!

195
00:08:38,902 --> 00:08:40,550
Dude, this is half full.

196
00:08:40,550 --> 00:08:41,962
I got thirsty.

197
00:08:43,502 --> 00:08:46,293
I'm running my ass off here, man! Damn!

198
00:08:50,211 --> 00:08:51,587
Here's your chicken tenders, ma'am.

199
00:08:51,587 --> 00:08:53,184
Well, I-I didn't order these.

200
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:55,382
Oh, well, congratulations.

201
00:08:55,382 --> 00:08:57,668
You just won the chicken-tender lottery.

202
00:09:04,288 --> 00:09:04,880
Come on, man.

203
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:06,025
W-w-what's the point

204
00:09:06,025 --> 00:09:07,551
of letting your dad come
to your birthday party

205
00:09:07,551 --> 00:09:08,713
if you're not gonna
give him another chance?

206
00:09:08,713 --> 00:09:09,780
Why won't you drop this?

207
00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:12,224
Because I'm all about
fathers and sons, okay?

208
00:09:12,224 --> 00:09:14,152
Y-you remember that
movie "Field of Dreams,"

209
00:09:14,152 --> 00:09:16,651
when Kevin Costner
finally sees his dad again,

210
00:09:16,651 --> 00:09:18,101
and then he picks up the glove, and then...

211
00:09:18,101 --> 00:09:21,091
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

212
00:09:21,279 --> 00:09:22,697
What is it with you and that movie?

213
00:09:22,697 --> 00:09:24,427
I'm a man, and it makes every man

214
00:09:24,427 --> 00:09:25,421
want to connect with his dad.

215
00:09:26,471 --> 00:09:27,072
Hey, dad.

216
00:09:27,072 --> 00:09:28,990
Yeah, it's Brett-Brett.

217
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:32,969
Yeah. Still gay.

218
00:09:39,597 --> 00:09:43,431
Look, I'm not gonna let
my dad suck me in, okay?

219
00:09:43,431 --> 00:09:44,759
'Cause, eventually, he's gonna bail.

220
00:09:44,759 --> 00:09:46,750
When was the last time you
really gave your dad a chance?

221
00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:48,166
Look, I really think
that your dad's trying.

222
00:09:49,396 --> 00:09:50,285
Really?

223
00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:50,904
Yeah.

224
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:54,304
Well, I mean, this is
the first time in years

225
00:09:54,304 --> 00:09:55,684
that he's actually remembered my birthday.

226
00:09:55,684 --> 00:09:56,793
Okay, great. See?

227
00:09:56,793 --> 00:09:58,948
And it would be nice for him to meet Nicki.

228
00:09:58,948 --> 00:10:00,115
Of course it would.

229
00:10:01,355 --> 00:10:03,779
You know, there's actually a
f... a few great things about him.

230
00:10:03,779 --> 00:10:05,083
I mean, he taught me to love musicals.

231
00:10:05,083 --> 00:10:07,208
I mean, that's not one of the
great things, but I'm with you.

232
00:10:09,625 --> 00:10:10,772
Okay. Yeah, I'm in.

233
00:10:10,772 --> 00:10:11,972
I'm gonna give him a second chance.

234
00:10:11,972 --> 00:10:12,960
- Okay, great.
- Yeah.

235
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:13,983
You got to feel good about that.

236
00:10:13,983 --> 00:10:15,480
Yes! I'm excited that he's coming.

237
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:16,588
Oh, awesome.

238
00:10:16,588 --> 00:10:19,030
- Okay. We got this.
- Ohh, yeah.

239
00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:20,961
He just texted me. He's not coming.

240
00:10:25,986 --> 00:10:29,009
This looks like a bad time,
but where the hell's table two?

241
00:10:35,144 --> 00:10:36,724
I can't believe your
dad just took off again.

242
00:10:36,724 --> 00:10:37,904
You and me both, buddy.

243
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:40,477
I-I wish somebody
would've seen this coming.

244
00:10:42,323 --> 00:10:43,820
Are you kidding me?

245
00:10:43,820 --> 00:10:46,181
That's what I've been
saying the whole time.

246
00:10:46,181 --> 00:10:46,922
What...

247
00:10:46,922 --> 00:10:48,599
- Shelly, I need a drink.
- I'm on break.

248
00:10:53,387 --> 00:10:55,859
Hey, man, look, I get it.
You're mad at your dad.

249
00:10:55,859 --> 00:10:57,739
Oh, I'm not mad at him I'm mad at you.

250
00:10:57,739 --> 00:10:59,737
You got me to care again.

251
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,215
This is your fault.

252
00:11:01,215 --> 00:11:03,538
You actually don't need to
attack me, baby bird, okay?

253
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,274
Because this is all my fault.

254
00:11:05,274 --> 00:11:06,491
When I realize something's all my fault

255
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:07,871
and there's no way I can win an argument,

256
00:11:07,871 --> 00:11:08,849
I don't fight fair.

257
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:12,581
It's true.

258
00:11:12,581 --> 00:11:16,215
I taught him the fine art
of arguing like a woman.

259
00:11:18,204 --> 00:11:19,838
I... why?

260
00:11:19,838 --> 00:11:21,689
Why did you have to get
involved in this, Danny?

261
00:11:21,689 --> 00:11:23,524
I don't know. How come
you borrowed my brush

262
00:11:23,524 --> 00:11:25,283
and you actually never gave it back to me?

263
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,125
What does that have to do with anything?

264
00:11:29,125 --> 00:11:30,421
We're talking about my dad.

265
00:11:30,421 --> 00:11:31,395
And why are you talking down to me?

266
00:11:31,395 --> 00:11:32,360
Why are you doing that?

267
00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,012
Because it's... is it because
I didn't go to college?

268
00:11:34,012 --> 00:11:36,118
You think I'm stupid?
You're hurting my feelings.

269
00:11:36,118 --> 00:11:37,705
I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.

270
00:11:37,705 --> 00:11:38,678
If you're not trying to hurt my feelings,

271
00:11:38,678 --> 00:11:39,693
then what should I do? Just shut up?

272
00:11:39,693 --> 00:11:41,483
Maybe I should never say
anything ever again, ever.

273
00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:42,440
Maybe that's what I should do.

274
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:43,916
I'm... I'm sorry if you feel th...

275
00:11:43,916 --> 00:11:45,199
How are you winning this fight?!

276
00:11:47,511 --> 00:11:49,014
Stop it! Look!

277
00:11:50,506 --> 00:11:51,903
If you had just stayed out of this,

278
00:11:51,903 --> 00:11:54,529
then my dad would've just
left, and I'd be fine.

279
00:11:55,863 --> 00:11:58,022
Aw, come here! All right? I love you.

280
00:11:58,022 --> 00:11:58,955
What are you doing?!

281
00:11:58,955 --> 00:12:01,855
I know that I hate hugs just
as much as you love them,

282
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,260
but I'm not letting go until you tell me

283
00:12:03,260 --> 00:12:05,319
what I have to do to make
you not mad at me anymore!

284
00:12:05,319 --> 00:12:07,035
I don't know, man! Just...

285
00:12:07,035 --> 00:12:09,513
Come on! Stop squirming!

286
00:12:13,122 --> 00:12:14,242
I mean, this is kind of nice.

287
00:12:16,864 --> 00:12:19,472
We definitely have to find
a healthier solution to this.

288
00:12:20,922 --> 00:12:24,642
I suggest that we just,
like, drink very, very much.

289
00:12:25,647 --> 00:12:27,959
Brett, fire up the whiskey, huh?

290
00:12:28,964 --> 00:12:30,185
Oh, no, no, no. I'm gonna get drunk,

291
00:12:30,185 --> 00:12:31,404
but I'm not doing it with you.

292
00:12:31,404 --> 00:12:33,469
I'm gonna get drunk alone, like a man.

293
00:12:33,469 --> 00:12:35,583
Brett, break out the butterscotch liqueur.

294
00:12:46,089 --> 00:12:48,321
I really don't know how this is
gonna fit on my bike rack, but...

295
00:12:52,975 --> 00:12:55,330
Attention, bar.

296
00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:58,114
Due to the stress of this job,

297
00:12:58,114 --> 00:13:01,891
I may or may not have
smoked some marijuana...

298
00:13:04,494 --> 00:13:06,830
and forgotten everyone's order.

299
00:13:07,506 --> 00:13:10,284
So, feel free to line up in the kitchen

300
00:13:10,284 --> 00:13:12,198
and take whatever you want.

301
00:13:13,010 --> 00:13:16,426
We are out of the following items...

302
00:13:18,027 --> 00:13:19,527
Meats...

303
00:13:19,527 --> 00:13:21,578
Cheeses...

304
00:13:23,008 --> 00:13:24,969
Breads.

305
00:13:26,169 --> 00:13:30,187
Did I mention I may or may not
have smoked some marijuana...

306
00:13:34,864 --> 00:13:37,632
and forgotten everyone's order?

307
00:13:38,913 --> 00:13:41,266
So, please line up in the kitchen

308
00:13:41,266 --> 00:13:43,372
and take whatever you want.

309
00:13:48,838 --> 00:13:50,374
Hey, what the heck?

310
00:13:50,374 --> 00:13:52,018
You're not pizza. You're Leslie.

311
00:13:54,149 --> 00:13:55,899
Great. You're drunk. Where's Justin?

312
00:13:55,899 --> 00:13:56,597
Hello,

313
00:13:56,597 --> 00:14:00,532
I've been looking for him
for like so many minutes, man.

314
00:14:03,027 --> 00:14:04,260
Yeah, hey, Leslie,

315
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,482
uh, uh... Leslie, I
have a question for you.

316
00:14:06,482 --> 00:14:08,715
Do you... do you believe in magic?

317
00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:10,970
Uh, sure. It's possible.

318
00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:12,267
Yes! I knew it.

319
00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:14,132
I knew that it was possible because...

320
00:14:14,132 --> 00:14:15,436
oh, God. I...

321
00:14:16,927 --> 00:14:19,423
I was saying that magic
could be real, but then...

322
00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:21,630
and then, uh, Frank comes along,

323
00:14:21,630 --> 00:14:24,004
and Frank is like, "uh,
no, magic's not real,"

324
00:14:24,004 --> 00:14:26,502
and I was like, "okay, so
you don't believe in magic,

325
00:14:26,502 --> 00:14:28,851
and you're rude... being
really rude to your son.

326
00:14:28,851 --> 00:14:30,275
Strike two, Frank."

327
00:14:33,657 --> 00:14:35,007
W-w-what's up?

328
00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:36,165
Are you okay?

329
00:14:36,165 --> 00:14:38,902
Yeah, I feel okay, but you know what?

330
00:14:38,902 --> 00:14:42,342
You... hey, you want s...
you want the rest of this?

331
00:14:42,342 --> 00:14:44,042
Psych. It's a trick. It's all gone.

332
00:14:50,912 --> 00:14:54,087
You know, it's like I
feel okay on one hand,

333
00:14:54,087 --> 00:14:56,297
but then on the other
hand, I feel so guilty

334
00:14:56,297 --> 00:14:58,801
because, uh, I feel like it's all my fault.

335
00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:03,038
Hey, what the heck? Where have you been?

336
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,222
In my room.

337
00:15:06,222 --> 00:15:08,735
Did you fall asleep in a coat?

338
00:15:08,735 --> 00:15:10,226
I couldn't find my blankets.

339
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:11,852
Any more questions?

340
00:15:12,939 --> 00:15:14,827
Don't talk to him. Why
would you talk to him?

341
00:15:14,827 --> 00:15:17,525
He... this whole thing
with my dad is his fault.

342
00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:20,408
Yeah, whatever, "Fargo." It's not my fault.

343
00:15:23,165 --> 00:15:25,405
Well, actually, you just
said it was your fault.

344
00:15:25,405 --> 00:15:28,152
Hey, shut up. That was so long
ago, it was like practically June.

345
00:15:31,239 --> 00:15:31,926
Les.

346
00:15:31,926 --> 00:15:38,890
Leslie. Hey, Les. Les.

347
00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:41,655
Oh, my God! Stop! Both of you!

348
00:15:42,652 --> 00:15:46,083
You're ruining alcohol for
me, and that's all I have left.

349
00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:48,878
You want to know what sucks the most?

350
00:15:48,878 --> 00:15:49,541
Yeah.

351
00:15:49,541 --> 00:15:53,031
That every... every time my dad bails,

352
00:15:53,031 --> 00:15:56,007
I-I never get to say
what I-I want to say.

353
00:15:59,749 --> 00:16:01,244
What do you want to say?

354
00:16:01,244 --> 00:16:02,627
About what?

355
00:16:05,211 --> 00:16:08,555
Right! Well, I just wish
I could let him know,

356
00:16:08,555 --> 00:16:11,537
you know, that it's not
his loss... it's my loss.

357
00:16:13,144 --> 00:16:14,600
No, flip 'em.

358
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:18,414
It's not my loss, it's his loss.

359
00:16:18,414 --> 00:16:23,590
That's what I want to say,
just to his face, just one time.

360
00:16:23,590 --> 00:16:24,816
Like to say that.

361
00:16:25,656 --> 00:16:26,688
I'm gonna go to bed.

362
00:16:26,688 --> 00:16:28,782
Uh, I'm gonna throw up, though.

363
00:16:30,130 --> 00:16:32,602
'Cause I throw up when I drink too much...

364
00:16:32,602 --> 00:16:34,758
And when I'm sad, so that's two for one.

365
00:16:41,877 --> 00:16:44,253
Does it bother you that
he just went outside?

366
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:47,107
Hello. No, he has a coat on.

367
00:16:52,535 --> 00:16:54,407
Ohh, guys, I said no gifts.

368
00:16:54,407 --> 00:16:56,497
Ohh, yeah, but your real friends know

369
00:16:56,497 --> 00:16:58,471
that even when you say no gifts,

370
00:16:58,471 --> 00:17:00,951
you're supposed to bring a gift.

371
00:17:02,115 --> 00:17:03,395
I'm just happy all you are here.

372
00:17:03,395 --> 00:17:04,704
That's the best gift I can ask for.

373
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,861
Come on, put me down, man! Damn it!

374
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:08,933
Here, get him over here,
over here, over here.

375
00:17:15,115 --> 00:17:15,585
What?

376
00:17:15,585 --> 00:17:17,772
I thought you left.

377
00:17:17,772 --> 00:17:19,936
I was about to, and these
maniacs kidnapped me.

378
00:17:19,936 --> 00:17:21,225
Danny, what did you do?

379
00:17:21,225 --> 00:17:21,826
It's a team effort.

380
00:17:21,826 --> 00:17:25,267
Danny said he needed a, uh,
wingman, and... He asked me.

381
00:17:25,267 --> 00:17:27,934
That's because nobody
else picked up the phone,

382
00:17:27,934 --> 00:17:28,517
but whatever.

383
00:17:28,517 --> 00:17:33,299
I get it. You drag me
here so I can tell Justin

384
00:17:33,299 --> 00:17:35,152
how bad I feel for taking off.

385
00:17:35,152 --> 00:17:36,324
No, no, no. You know
what? Hold on a second.

386
00:17:36,324 --> 00:17:37,676
This actually isn't about
what you have to say.

387
00:17:37,676 --> 00:17:39,707
This is about what Justin
needs to say, but never gets to.

388
00:17:39,707 --> 00:17:41,044
Okay? So you're gonna listen.

389
00:17:42,904 --> 00:17:43,912
You know what? He's right.

390
00:17:43,912 --> 00:17:46,540
Dad, you know all those
big moments that you left

391
00:17:46,540 --> 00:17:48,652
and bailed on me, well,
you should know something...

392
00:17:48,652 --> 00:17:51,099
It's not your loss. It's my loss.

393
00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:53,593
Nope. Flip it.

394
00:17:53,593 --> 00:17:54,862
Damn it!

395
00:17:56,935 --> 00:17:58,176
Phew.

396
00:17:58,176 --> 00:18:01,856
It's not my loss. It's your loss.

397
00:18:01,856 --> 00:18:06,519
'Cause guess what... I'm
happy. I'm actually happy.

398
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:07,920
And you know what I see when I see you?

399
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,836
I see a sad man.

400
00:18:11,609 --> 00:18:12,577
You're right, kiddo.

401
00:18:14,018 --> 00:18:15,145
I missed out.

402
00:18:16,047 --> 00:18:18,736
Well, you're... I mean,
you're here now, you know?

403
00:18:18,736 --> 00:18:20,841
And Nicki's gonna be here in an hour.

404
00:18:22,857 --> 00:18:25,824
Look, if you want to... Stay.

405
00:18:25,824 --> 00:18:27,981
- You know, you can meet her.
- I'd love to.

406
00:18:28,938 --> 00:18:33,234
But... If I don't leave
now, I'm gonna miss a gig.

407
00:18:37,186 --> 00:18:38,145
Got me again.

408
00:18:38,145 --> 00:18:41,037
I'm sorry, but singing is my life.

409
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,615
Okay? It... You know what?

410
00:18:43,615 --> 00:18:46,941
It's just something you'd have
to be great at to understand.

411
00:18:46,941 --> 00:18:50,437
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

412
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:54,229
Turn that skinny butt
around, Frankie pants.

413
00:18:56,787 --> 00:18:59,348
Look, you can say a lot of
things about my boy's singing,

414
00:18:59,348 --> 00:19:02,693
okay... annoying, very
annoying, grating on your ears...

415
00:19:02,693 --> 00:19:05,659
but one thing that you can't
say is that it's not great.

416
00:19:05,659 --> 00:19:08,231
I'm sure Justin can "carry a tune."

417
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:10,511
But I'm professionally trained. Listen.

418
00:19:10,511 --> 00:19:17,673
♪ Well, I guess that's why
they call it the blues ♪

419
00:19:22,831 --> 00:19:24,233
Take him down, baby bird.

420
00:19:26,577 --> 00:19:28,834
Danny, I don't want to...

421
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,321
♪ laughin' like children ♪

422
00:19:31,321 --> 00:19:34,440
♪ Livin' like lovers ♪

423
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,154
♪ Rollin' like thunder ♪

424
00:19:37,154 --> 00:19:39,719
♪ Under the covers ♪

425
00:19:39,719 --> 00:19:41,433
♪ And I guess that's why ♪

426
00:19:41,433 --> 00:19:45,160
♪ They call it the blues ♪

427
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:48,960
♪ And I guess that's
why they call it the ♪

428
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:59,139
♪ blu-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-es ♪

429
00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:08,353
♪ Don't let the door ♪

430
00:20:08,353 --> 00:20:11,199
♪ Hit you on the ass on the way out ♪

431
00:20:16,564 --> 00:20:17,226
Thanks, man.

432
00:20:17,226 --> 00:20:18,475
Okay.

433
00:20:18,475 --> 00:20:20,810
Enough of this. Birthday shots all around!

434
00:20:20,810 --> 00:20:22,002
- Yeah!
- Brett!

435
00:20:22,002 --> 00:20:24,407
- Break out the butterscotch liqueur.
- No, no, no.

436
00:20:24,407 --> 00:20:26,448
Look, enough with that,
all right? You passed out,

437
00:20:26,448 --> 00:20:28,370
and I finished the butterscotch liqueur,

438
00:20:28,370 --> 00:20:30,354
so I...  Listen...

439
00:20:32,655 --> 00:20:34,711
I actually even have
trouble saying it, okay?

440
00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:35,490
So just drop it.

441
00:20:35,490 --> 00:20:37,829
Saying what? Butterscotch?

442
00:20:38,281 --> 00:20:40,389
Come on.

443
00:20:40,389 --> 00:20:41,827
- Hey, uh, do we have some? 
- Oh, l-l-look.

444
00:20:41,827 --> 00:20:43,337
- Oh, butterscotch.
- We have butterscotch.

445
00:20:44,220 --> 00:20:45,218
You want some of this?

446
00:20:51,653 --> 00:20:53,068
Hurry up with those gin and tonics, Brett.

447
00:20:53,068 --> 00:20:54,652
I'm trying to burn-and-turn that two-top.

448
00:20:54,652 --> 00:20:56,703
I also need six drafts,

449
00:20:56,703 --> 00:20:58,843
two burgers... one rare, one hockey puck...

450
00:20:58,843 --> 00:21:00,605
and a pitcher of "kiss my ass" for Sabrina

451
00:21:00,605 --> 00:21:02,689
'cause this ain't that hard.

452
00:21:05,617 --> 00:21:06,582
Oh really.

453
00:21:06,582 --> 00:21:09,538
Because you're the one who has been
working for the past 48 hours...

454
00:21:09,538 --> 00:21:11,529
and I'm still the one getting the paycheck.

455
00:21:11,529 --> 00:21:13,271
But you know what?

456
00:21:13,271 --> 00:21:15,491
Here's a tip.

457
00:21:16,677 --> 00:21:19,741
You used a double-sided coin.

458
00:21:20,609 --> 00:21:23,513
Oh... yes I did.

459
00:21:25,369 --> 00:21:28,391
This is why no one likes you.

460
00:21:30,019 --> 00:21:35,586
Synced and corrected by
Mastermonger. www.addic7ed.com