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00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:10,669
Previously on Californication:
2
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,209
Oh, my God. You're Becca.
3
00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:13,641
I have some news.
4
00:00:13,813 --> 00:00:15,474
Yeah, me too. That's why I'm here.
5
00:00:15,648 --> 00:00:17,513
Are you excited to meet your brother?
6
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,879
- My brother?
- Hey, everyone.
7
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:22,044
I don't wanna limit
your sexual exploration.
8
00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:24,918
But you gotta lay off the hookers,
because it's illegal.
9
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:28,891
You need to start dealing with some
real-live women one-on-one.
10
00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:33,029
Hi. Hi, pretty lady.
11
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:37,192
- I assume that the offer still stands.
- Are you in?
12
00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,897
Yes, I'm in.
13
00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:41,938
- I have an idea.
- You're not gonna do it?
14
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:43,837
I'm gonna do it.
Maybe you should too.
15
00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:46,240
- I'm getting married.
- No, you're not.
16
00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:48,347
There's not a lot you can do about it.
17
00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:50,574
- This is ridiculous.
- Any more than this?
18
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,548
I cannot, in good conscience,
endorse this shit, Becca.
19
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:54,982
We're doing it in New York.
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00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:57,589
You can be a part of it or not.
Totally up to you.
21
00:00:57,757 --> 00:01:00,460
I'm not gonna let you
make me miserable about it.
22
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:12,096
I could pay you. What if I pay you?
23
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:13,296
You're an asshole.
24
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:16,442
Yes, but I'm an asshole
who loves you something fierce, baby.
25
00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:18,975
- I know.
- I just want what's best for you.
26
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,169
I know that too.
27
00:01:20,346 --> 00:01:24,112
Which is why it's hard for me
to get excited when you're getting...
28
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- married.
29
00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:31,516
- I'm not getting married.
- You're not?
30
00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:34,751
- No, it's not a good idea.
- It's not? It's not.
31
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,396
Oh, I'm so happy you're
on the same page with me.
32
00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:40,727
Between your mother and you,
that almost never happens.
33
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:43,801
There's no point
in me getting married, ever.
34
00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:47,406
Well, now, that's a wee bit extreme.
35
00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:50,634
You could wait till like 30 or 35.
36
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:53,005
You know, your 20s and early-30s
are gonna be...
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00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:57,445
...an endless procession of douche bags,
trust me. But just hang tight.
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00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,814
There's no way I'll ever be able
to have a successful relationship.
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00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:02,113
Why do you say that?
40
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:03,915
Because of you.
41
00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:07,025
Have you ever been able
to sustain a relationship?
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00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:10,021
You say you love me,
you say you love Mom...
43
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:12,858
...but what does that mean
when you only ever let us down?
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00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:16,333
I'm my father's daughter.
45
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:18,869
Becca.
46
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,273
You all right, buddy?
47
00:02:24,444 --> 00:02:26,776
I'm fine.
What the fuck are you doing here?
48
00:02:26,946 --> 00:02:28,641
Marcy and I had a fight.
49
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,715
She's gonna sleep with Stu tomorrow.
50
00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:33,276
Can I sleep here with you tonight?
51
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,315
Hey. Where is she?
52
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- Gone.
- Gone? What do you mean, gone?
53
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:50,028
She left for New York.
She's gone to meet his parents.
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00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:51,288
- Meet his parents?
- Yeah.
55
00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:54,058
Jesus Christ.
This is more serious than I thought.
56
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,963
What part of "I'm getting married"...
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00:03:56,135 --> 00:03:58,899
...did you not think was serious?
- The whole fucking thing.
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00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,632
It's like the setup
to some horrible practical joke.
59
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:05,141
You know, I keep on expecting
Ashton Kutcher to make an appearance.
60
00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:08,303
He's not in your bathroom, is he?
Are you fucking Ashton Kutcher?
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00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:10,415
You might need these.
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00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,618
They're having the ceremony
at his parents' house this weekend.
63
00:04:13,786 --> 00:04:15,310
Oh, no, that is crazy.
64
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,718
- Maybe, maybe not.
- That's not normal.
65
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,858
That's not the way
it's supposed to happen.
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00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:21,755
You wanna pretend it's not happening?
67
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,021
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's wrong with that?
68
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:25,789
Well, look at the choices we made.
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00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,830
We decided not to get married.
70
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,299
We were too cool
and too bohemian for that shit.
71
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,462
And look where that got us.
How cool are we right now?
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Is that what you want for her?
Our life? Our ridiculous fucking story?
73
00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:41,743
No, Karen, I see no reason
to denigrate our beautiful story.
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I have every reason in the world to be
mad about the most recent turn of events.
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00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:49,614
- Where is that gonna get you?
- I don't know. It just feels good right now.
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00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,381
Stay angry, because you know what?
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00:04:51,557 --> 00:04:55,254
You're too old to be dragged kicking
and screaming into doing the right thing.
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00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:58,761
- How do you know it's the right thing?
- She's our kid, and she needs us.
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00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:01,024
- That's all I need to know.
- Yes, she's a kid.
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And she's behaving like a fucking kid.
81
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,769
- What?
- You just gonna let it ring?
82
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:11,733
Who is it? Julia?
83
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:13,139
- Ashton.
- Julia.
84
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,337
- Kutcher.
- Great. Okay.
85
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,812
- It's Anton Kirchner.
- Deal with it. Deal with it.
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00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:20,714
Just deal with something in your life.
I'm leaving tonight. I'll keep you posted.
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00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:25,187
- Shouldn't we talk about this some more?
- We're done talking. I'm about the doing.
88
00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:26,757
Hello?
89
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:29,690
- Julia, just slow down. Jesus Christ.
- I don't want to know.
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00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:32,626
Oh, fuck. What, are you kidding me?
Again?
91
00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:42,499
Looking hot, Marcy. Hot.
92
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,910
- Thanks.
- Yeah, guess you wanna look your best...
93
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:49,139
...when somebody's paying a million
bucks to fuck you. Makes sense.
94
00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:52,876
Way to go.
If you're gonna do it, do it right.
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00:05:53,052 --> 00:05:55,384
Get it fucking done.
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00:05:56,856 --> 00:06:00,121
This is exactly why I didn't want you
in the house today.
97
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:02,693
Oh, right. So I wouldn't see you, right?
98
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:06,457
That's sweet.
Like a bride on her wedding day, huh?
99
00:06:06,632 --> 00:06:08,725
- Like that? Is that what you mean?
- Charlie.
100
00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:11,165
Maybe I got something going on
today too. Yeah.
101
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:13,999
Maybe I'm gonna get fucked today.
102
00:06:15,274 --> 00:06:16,571
Will you stop "whoo-hooing"?
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And I told you,
I don't wanna know about it.
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00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:21,675
And you better not fuck anyone
in my house.
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It was my house first.
And I fucked a lot of ladies here.
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A hundred and two, in fact.
To be precise.
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Yep, I fucked them here,
right on this chair.
108
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I fucked them there. I fucked them there.
I fucked them on the counter.
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I even fucked them bent over this chair
right here. Your favorite spot.
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I slipped right in.
It was no problem at all.
111
00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:41,429
Good for you, baby.
112
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Good for you.
113
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- We're gonna laugh about this one day.
- Oh, you sure about that?
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I love you. I'm sure about that.
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You better fucking say it back.
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I love you too.
117
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You better not have a fucking orgasm.
118
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I'll do my best.
119
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I'm so fucking disappointed in you,
Levon.
120
00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:20,665
That hurts my feelings. You damage my
self-esteem when you say shit like that.
121
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,900
- Think it's okay if I slap him silly?
- We don't hit in this family.
122
00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:27,375
- Maybe we should.
- Try it. I'll see you in court, motherfucker.
123
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Think I'll see you in court first,
motherfucker.
124
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- Now you have a criminal record.
- And you owe me a ton of money.
125
00:07:33,352 --> 00:07:35,582
- I'm good for it.
- No, you're unemployed.
126
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:38,280
Which is why I was seeking comfort
in a streetwalker.
127
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- I didn't know that shit was illegal.
- Really?
128
00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:44,160
I mean, I guess I knew, but I thought
cops always looked the other way.
129
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:45,354
Lesson learned.
130
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:48,523
This is unhealthy. I'm gonna have
to send you back to Dr. Lawson.
131
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:50,566
- Who's Dr. Lawson?
- His therapist.
132
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:53,034
- Why'd he stop?
- Because I fucking healed myself.
133
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:54,537
- Oh, you did? Good job.
- Yeah.
134
00:07:54,707 --> 00:07:56,106
I can't talk to you right now.
135
00:07:56,275 --> 00:07:58,573
Why don't you go home,
and I'll take care of this.
136
00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:00,234
You're the one who started this.
137
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:03,109
I know. Just let me see if I can end it,
all right?
138
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,678
- Bye, Mom.
- Come here.
139
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:11,214
- Hello?
- Oh, hello, hello, hello.
140
00:08:11,390 --> 00:08:14,621
Winston, allow me to introduce you
to Hope and Love.
141
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:16,625
Hope and Love.
142
00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:20,061
Please, come in, come in, come in.
Yes, enjoy. Make yourselves at home.
143
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,565
There's shrimp.
Crustaceans to enjoy on the table.
144
00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:23,793
You have a lovely home.
145
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:26,234
Well, thank you.
That's a very nice thing to say.
146
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,137
Hope's all yours. I want Love.
147
00:08:29,308 --> 00:08:32,505
It's easy for me to remember that way.
Like, "Bend over, Love.
148
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Don't orphan me balls, Love."
It rolls off the tongue, you know?
149
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,840
Whatever you say, Krull.
Whatever you say.
150
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:40,747
You feeling okay about this?
151
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:44,920
Oh, yeah, just...
I think it's just what the doctor ordered.
152
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:46,115
Yeah.
153
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:48,317
She's a sure thing, mate.
154
00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:49,654
E*njoy.
155
00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:52,855
She'll even give you a good ass-licking
if you like.
156
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:56,331
After a bit of exercise, it's quite nice.
157
00:08:56,502 --> 00:09:00,529
What? Don't knock it till you tried it,
pal, all right?
158
00:09:05,678 --> 00:09:07,737
No more hookers. You hear me?
159
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:10,610
- Fine. I'm fucking broke anyway.
- It's not about the money.
160
00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:12,842
I know. I'm a fucking criminal now,
I get it.
161
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:15,749
It's not about breaking the law either.
162
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:18,891
You need to have a real
human relationship with someone.
163
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:22,118
- You can't keep paying for body parts.
- That's easy for you to say.
164
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:24,126
You're a handsome guy
with a great body.
165
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,321
Why, thank you.
166
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:28,296
I'm in really good shape,
but my looks are a serious problem.
167
00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:29,695
And I sweat way too much.
168
00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:33,168
Girls don't like clammy hands
on their tits. That's a fact.
169
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:37,536
Hey, isn't that that girl from that time?
Remember?
170
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:40,270
One who wanted a photo with you
because you're famous...
171
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:42,778
...for fucking your students?
Made me feel awesome.
172
00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:44,109
- Good times.
- Talk to her.
173
00:09:44,283 --> 00:09:46,046
She's all by her Ionesome there.
Go on.
174
00:09:46,218 --> 00:09:48,413
- She's not my type.
- You don't have a type.
175
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,886
- Sure I do. E*veryone has a type.
- You shouldn't.
176
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:55,187
You should be open to anything
with a couple X chromosomes, dude.
177
00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:58,729
Shit, she's staring right at me.
What do I do?
178
00:09:58,898 --> 00:10:00,559
Wave at her.
179
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:03,463
No, not like the queen of E*ngland.
Come here. Come with me.
180
00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:07,629
Look, somewhere inside you
is the courage to put yourself out there.
181
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:09,741
- Now, reach in and grab it.
- Okay.
182
00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:13,675
Be funny, be charming, be bold,
motherfucker.
183
00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:15,905
- Hey, hey.
- What's up, prof?
184
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:20,109
Nothing much, former student
whose name I can't recall at this time.
185
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,915
- Apologies. You remember Levon.
- Yeah, you're the actor guy, right?
186
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:25,489
- Not really, no.
- Yeah.
187
00:10:26,525 --> 00:10:29,323
- Okay. Aspiring actor, yes.
- Right.
188
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:31,293
You're Tara, right?
189
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,954
- You remembered.
- Yeah.
190
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:36,761
I went to school with this chick
named Sara. She was retarded.
191
00:10:38,604 --> 00:10:41,038
Sorry. Guess you're not supposed
to say that anymore,
192
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,402
But she was seriously
mentally handicapped.
193
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:46,807
Like, really fucking tweaked.
All the kids made fun of her and shit.
194
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:49,447
I didn't because I always felt
pretty retarded myself.
195
00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:51,480
That's how I remembered. Sara, Tara.
196
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,745
Not that you're retarded
or tweaked or anything.
197
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:56,182
Thank you.
198
00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:02,621
No, you're not like that at all.
You're really pretty.
199
00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:05,730
And not in a generic way like,
"You're so pretty, wanna dance?"
200
00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:07,297
You're, like, uniquely pretty.
201
00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:10,731
There's probably no other girl in the world
who looks exactly like you.
202
00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:13,030
And you've got this really cool vibe.
203
00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:14,832
You make me feel good.
204
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:19,467
Not in a creepy "my wiener feels weird"
kind of way. Like, happy good.
205
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:22,544
It makes me want
to get to know you better.
206
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,449
Would you have a drink with me, Tara?
207
00:11:29,388 --> 00:11:33,222
Sure, Levon. I'll have my own, but sure.
208
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:34,416
Okay.
209
00:11:34,593 --> 00:11:37,027
I'm just gonna run to the restroom
real quick, okay?
210
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:41,199
Hey, if you don't come back,
it was nice to see you again.
211
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:45,192
- I'll be back, Levon. I promise.
- Cool.
212
00:11:47,173 --> 00:11:50,802
Watch out for the toilet paper.
It's rough stuff.
213
00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:02,179
- I like how she says my name.
- That's the way it starts, my friend.
214
00:12:02,354 --> 00:12:05,118
- You did good. Here, drinks are on me.
- Thanks.
215
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:06,622
Try to make it to dinner.
216
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:09,784
If I can get her to have dinner with me,
I can probably bang her.
217
00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:11,054
- No banging.
- No banging?
218
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,959
Just talking, all right?
219
00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:17,262
- What about fingering?
- I will break that finger off. Just enjoy her.
220
00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:19,461
And let her enjoy you, okay?
221
00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:21,230
All right? Try not to fart.
222
00:12:22,641 --> 00:12:24,006
I love you, you know that?
223
00:12:24,176 --> 00:12:26,508
I do. And I fucking love you too, Dad.
224
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,476
Good, good, good.
225
00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:30,274
Having a dad is fucking awesome.
226
00:12:30,449 --> 00:12:32,041
Don't cry. Here she comes.
227
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:34,812
I'm around if you need me. Call me.
Titty twister.
228
00:12:36,355 --> 00:12:39,882
- You're back. Hey.
- I just need one of those.
229
00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:42,289
Dirty old game they call pool, huh?
230
00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:44,554
Yeah, show me your best.
231
00:12:44,730 --> 00:12:47,392
- Okay. Oh, right there?
- The white one's the cue ball.
232
00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:49,625
I'll be the stripes.
233
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:57,970
Hey.
234
00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:00,271
- I think he's gonna be all right.
- Where is he?
235
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:01,936
- He's with a girl.
- Alone?
236
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,981
No, he's in a bar,
just like us once upon a time.
237
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:06,618
- Did you pay her?
- Not a dime.
238
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:07,810
He did it all himself.
239
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:10,012
- Oh, that's good.
- Yeah.
240
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:11,952
I hope he doesn't take his penis out.
241
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,422
I hope he does, at the appropriate time.
242
00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:18,359
No, seriously, Julia,
I think he's gonna be fine.
243
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:19,862
I really do.
244
00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:22,762
No, honestly,
getting to know him, just...
245
00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:26,803
He's been maybe the most pleasant
surprise of my adult life.
246
00:13:28,674 --> 00:13:30,608
Thank you.
247
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:32,601
I know the feeling.
248
00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:35,110
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
249
00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:44,381
Wait. Hold on.
250
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:47,856
- Don't you fucking cock-block yourself.
- No, I wanna do this right.
251
00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:51,326
You mean, like, with protection?
I think I have condoms somewhere.
252
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:55,160
No, no, no, I wanna take you out
to dinner tonight, all right?
253
00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:57,826
- I like dinner.
- You like dinner?
254
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,334
- That settles it, then.
- Okay.
255
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:01,530
We're on, all right.
256
00:14:02,741 --> 00:14:04,538
Oh, wear your best dress.
257
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:06,678
Leave those underwear at home.
258
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:21,582
- Kruller, looking good.
- Hello, Hank.
259
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:25,025
- Where's baldo?
- He's in the guest room.
260
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,324
- Say hello to Love.
- Hello, Love.
261
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:28,761
- Hello.
- As you were.
262
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:30,026
All right.
263
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,464
- That's it.
- Yeah?
264
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:33,070
Yeah.
265
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,534
Oh, what the fuck is this?
266
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,404
- What does it look like?
- Why in my bedroom?
267
00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:42,069
I can't fuck another woman
in my marital bed, Hank. That's sick.
268
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:44,876
Class up the ass, Runks.
Class up the fucking ass.
269
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:46,381
You shouldn't have done this.
270
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,713
It's not worth it.
This shit is never worth it.
271
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,083
No disrespect, milady.
You are a work of art.
272
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:52,747
Thank you.
273
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:55,359
- I didn't do anything, Hank.
- He couldn't get it up.
274
00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:58,655
I did everything I could. It was like
nibbling on a piece of cheese.
275
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,696
It's making me question
my career path.
276
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:02,128
No, no, no, it's not you.
277
00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:05,134
But you really should consider
going back to law school.
278
00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:06,601
It's definitely not you.
279
00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:10,435
This kid is an absolute fucking mess.
But you should go back to school.
280
00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:12,008
This is great news, Runks.
281
00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:15,738
Put your limp dick away, get in your
girly car, and drive to Stu's posthaste.
282
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:19,043
You gotta put an end to this.
You'll thank me later. You're welcome.
283
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:21,652
She probably already fucked him.
Twice, three times.
284
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:24,288
Four times a lady.
You'll never know if you don't try.
285
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:26,481
Now be bold, you fucking ninny.
286
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:29,689
There you go. Put clothes on.
You look like someone...
287
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,797
...dragged you out of the river.
- I'm sorry it didn't work out.
288
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:36,298
But we could get together sometime
for lunch maybe, with my wife or not.
289
00:15:36,468 --> 00:15:38,595
We'll see. We'll see.
290
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,262
Hey, would you mind
if I practice on you?
291
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,907
- Practice what?
- Sex.
292
00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:44,940
- Thanks for everything, Krull.
- See you.
293
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,407
That is tempting.
294
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:48,773
But I've already turned down
sex once today...
295
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,506
...and I think I can do it again.
296
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:51,945
Are you sure?
297
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:53,641
Yeah.
298
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:55,116
- No.
- No?
299
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,754
Yeah. No.
300
00:15:56,922 --> 00:15:59,049
Yes. No.
301
00:15:59,224 --> 00:16:01,351
Yes. Be gone, harlot.
302
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:04,792
I've got writing to do.
And get your ass back in school.
303
00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:16,364
We have done it all, Marcy.
304
00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:20,045
We swam. We played tennis.
We had lunch. We meditated.
305
00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:24,512
We did some yoga. We had massages.
The only things we haven't done is fuck.
306
00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:29,152
My balls are so swollen right now.
307
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:30,948
Please...
308
00:16:32,424 --> 00:16:34,289
...take me in your mouth.
309
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:37,827
What? The contract doesn't say anything
about blow jobs, Stu.
310
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,123
Intercourse only.
311
00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:41,926
Hey, hey, blow jobs are implied.
312
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:43,466
Get a better lawyer.
313
00:16:43,635 --> 00:16:46,729
Okay, fine.
Is it all right if I penetrate you, then?
314
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:49,140
I just feel so weird about all this.
315
00:16:49,308 --> 00:16:52,334
Well, of course it's weird.
316
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,809
It's like riding a bicycle.
317
00:16:54,980 --> 00:17:00,111
I mean, once big daddy enters the
rainforest, all will be right with the world.
318
00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:03,712
You know what? I have to check and see
if the money transferred.
319
00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:05,151
You don't trust me.
320
00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:07,918
Why would I trust you?
You're a fucking crazy person.
321
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:11,153
You go ahead and check.
I have to pee.
322
00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:16,324
Do you know how difficult it is to urinate
with an erection this size?
323
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:31,409
What the actual fuck?
324
00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:42,249
What the fuck is this?
325
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,289
This is quite embarrassing.
326
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:50,594
Not to mention really fucking creepy.
327
00:17:50,769 --> 00:17:54,728
You know, this is not as creepy
as you may think.
328
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:59,037
She is my loving tribute to you.
329
00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:00,473
Isn't she beautiful?
330
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:04,377
- She's a fuck doll, Stu.
- She's an expensive fuck doll.
331
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:07,348
Fifteen large. But...
332
00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:10,922
But she's so much more than that.
333
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,718
She's a woman, just like you.
334
00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:18,323
And I have made love to her,
just like I made love to you.
335
00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:20,260
Want me to show you?
336
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:23,765
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
This is too fucking weird.
337
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,370
- You need help, Stu.
- Wait, wait, wait. Marcy, Marcy.
338
00:18:26,538 --> 00:18:28,938
No, no. No. Don't go. Don't go.
339
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:32,544
Look, I paid you $1 million
so I could fuck you, woman.
340
00:18:32,711 --> 00:18:34,645
The least you could do
is let me fuck you.
341
00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:36,508
Come here.
342
00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:38,809
No, don't fight it. Don't fight it.
343
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:43,011
I will pepper you with kisses,
and you will remember what it is like.
344
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:44,780
What, you're gonna rape me now?
345
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,049
Oh, come on, Marcy.
346
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:49,683
How many rape games have we played?
Requested by you, no less.
347
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:53,195
Those are games, Stu.
"No" means no, you know?
348
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,263
Is that the safe word?
349
00:18:57,035 --> 00:18:58,627
Don't do it, Marcy.
350
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,296
Oh, my God.
351
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:05,534
I was hoping that you would make
some lame attempt to rescue me.
352
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:08,339
Am I too late?
Did you guys already fuck?
353
00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:09,606
No.
354
00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:11,009
I couldn't do it.
355
00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:13,208
That is fantastic news.
356
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:15,319
What have you been doing all day?
357
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:17,011
E*verything but.
358
00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:19,188
You mean, like, anal?
359
00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:22,555
- No, he didn't even finger me.
- I didn't.
360
00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:27,893
And things got so weird because I found
that fucking sex-doll thing over there. Me.
361
00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:30,660
Solid. I'd throw a shot into her.
362
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:34,897
Look, guys, you know,
this is obviously a really terrible idea.
363
00:19:35,807 --> 00:19:38,799
Look, I am sorry I messed
with you guys' marriage.
364
00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:41,810
Why don't you just give me
the money back, we call it even?
365
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:43,038
Fine.
366
00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:46,275
- Let's go, Runks.
- No, no, no. You know what?
367
00:19:46,451 --> 00:19:48,476
Fuck you, Stu.
We're keeping the money.
368
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:52,351
Hey. The hell you are, Runkle.
A million bucks is still a million bucks.
369
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:55,084
Hey, you said it yourself.
You fucked with our marriage.
370
00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:57,285
I could sue you
for alienation of affection.
371
00:19:57,462 --> 00:19:59,225
Yeah, and you would lose,
motherfucker.
372
00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:03,095
Maybe, but I could still leak a story
about a freaky, washed-up producer...
373
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:05,361
...who's into prostitutes and sex dolls.
374
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,970
I'm not washed-up.
375
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:09,767
You try me, Stu. I will fuck you up.
376
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:12,103
I will make you eat all of my balls.
377
00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:16,543
You are getting some fucking teeth
at last, Runkle. Good for you.
378
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:20,044
Listen, I realize I have sinned.
379
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,811
The money is my penance.
380
00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:23,249
I'm sorry, guys.
381
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,390
Whatever I did, I did out of love.
382
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:29,789
It just fucks with a man's head.
383
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:32,658
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
384
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:35,095
I'm sorry.
385
00:21:08,567 --> 00:21:12,401
Let me guess.
You were expecting someone else?
386
00:21:12,871 --> 00:21:14,532
Yeah.
387
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:16,335
Me too.
388
00:21:18,143 --> 00:21:19,906
Fucking guy.
389
00:21:20,078 --> 00:21:21,773
Fucking guy.
390
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,644
Do you want me to go?
391
00:21:25,817 --> 00:21:29,082
- Do you wanna go?
- No. No fucking way.
392
00:21:29,254 --> 00:21:30,744
Then stay.
393
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,691
All right.
394
00:21:39,698 --> 00:21:40,722
Yeah.
395
00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:42,799
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
396
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,368
Funny running into you here.
397
00:22:31,416 --> 00:22:32,713
Fuck.
398
00:22:32,884 --> 00:22:34,283
Fuck.
399
00:22:37,122 --> 00:22:38,987
Goodbye, old girl.
400
00:22:49,601 --> 00:22:52,195
Karen. I made it.
401
00:22:53,271 --> 00:22:54,932
Hey, good for you.
402
00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:57,268
Our baby's getting married.
403
00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:01,907
What do you want? A pat on the back
for doing the right thing?
404
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,607
Come on, a little positive affirmation
never hurt anyone.
405
00:23:05,784 --> 00:23:07,718
Okay, it's good.
406
00:23:08,353 --> 00:23:09,377
Don't ask.
407
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:10,953
- Oh, come on, please?
- No.
408
00:23:11,123 --> 00:23:13,990
- I need to sit next to this woman.
- No, you don't. He doesn't.
409
00:23:14,159 --> 00:23:15,387
Good. Move it along.
410
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,994
All right, all right. Karen, that's fine.
411
00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:20,927
I wrote you something,
because every time I open my mouth...
412
00:23:21,099 --> 00:23:23,727
...something stupid comes out
and the words don't mean...
413
00:23:23,902 --> 00:23:26,803
...even half of what I want them
to mean, so...
414
00:23:26,972 --> 00:23:28,496
Here.
415
00:23:28,673 --> 00:23:30,436
Okay, thank you.
416
00:23:31,476 --> 00:23:34,411
- Go ahead.
- Hank, I'm tired of reading you.
417
00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:36,046
Seriously?
418
00:23:36,214 --> 00:23:38,648
I thought I was your favorite author.
419
00:23:40,018 --> 00:23:42,680
Well, that just means
I'm gonna have to read it to you.
420
00:23:42,854 --> 00:23:43,946
- No.
- Out loud.
421
00:23:44,122 --> 00:23:46,249
- Hank, stop it. Don't be stupid.
- "Dear Karen."
422
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:48,290
- That's how it starts.
- God, I'm sorry.
423
00:23:48,460 --> 00:23:52,328
"I've been thinking about us."
That's "us" with a capital U.
424
00:23:52,798 --> 00:23:56,427
"The story of us,
how the fuck do I sum it up?
425
00:23:56,868 --> 00:23:59,496
Has it been perfect? Hardly.
426
00:23:59,671 --> 00:24:01,536
Any story with me at the center of it...
427
00:24:01,706 --> 00:24:04,971
...will never be anything less
than a big, smiling mess.
428
00:24:05,143 --> 00:24:07,134
But here's what I know for sure.
429
00:24:07,312 --> 00:24:11,408
Our time in the sun has been a thing
of absolute fucking beauty.
430
00:24:11,583 --> 00:24:15,417
The nightmares, the hangovers,
the fucking and the punching...
431
00:24:15,587 --> 00:24:18,351
...the gorgeous, shimmering insanity
of this city of ours...
432
00:24:18,523 --> 00:24:22,084
...where for years I woke up, fucked up,
said I was sorry...
433
00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:24,626
...passed out, and did it all over again.
434
00:24:25,530 --> 00:24:28,863
As a writer,
I'm a sucker for happy endings.
435
00:24:29,034 --> 00:24:30,592
The guy gets the girl.
436
00:24:30,769 --> 00:24:33,738
She saves him from himself.
Fade to fucking black.
437
00:24:33,905 --> 00:24:38,433
As a guy who loves a girl,
I realize there's no such thing.
438
00:24:38,610 --> 00:24:40,043
There's no sunset.
439
00:24:40,212 --> 00:24:43,670
There's just now,
and there's just the two of us.
440
00:24:43,849 --> 00:24:46,613
Which can be scary fucking ugly
sometimes.
441
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:52,154
But if you close your eyes
and listen for the whisper of your heart...
442
00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:55,953
...if you simply keep trying
and never, ever give up...
443
00:24:56,127 --> 00:24:58,618
...no matter how many times
you get it wrong...
444
00:24:58,797 --> 00:25:04,633
...until the beginning and end blur into
something called 'until we meet again'..."
445
00:25:05,804 --> 00:25:08,705
And that's... That's it.
446
00:25:09,541 --> 00:25:12,032
I didn't know how to finish it.
447
00:25:12,210 --> 00:25:13,973
Because it's not over.
448
00:25:14,145 --> 00:25:20,277
It'll never be over as long as there's you,
there's me, and there's hope.
449
00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:22,915
And grace.
450
00:25:24,456 --> 00:25:25,548
E*xcuse me.
451
00:25:25,724 --> 00:25:28,818
You can sit next to me if you want.
452
00:25:30,996 --> 00:25:32,429
Oh, fine.
453
00:25:32,597 --> 00:25:34,895
Take the fucking seat.
454
00:25:35,066 --> 00:25:36,693
Thank you.
455
00:25:38,436 --> 00:25:40,768
It's a middle. Thank you very much.
456
00:25:48,747 --> 00:25:51,739
That hasn't necessarily won me over.
457
00:25:51,917 --> 00:25:54,181
Oh, I... No, of course not.
458
00:26:05,430 --> 00:26:08,661
Till the fucking wheels come off, baby.
Ripped By mstoll