1 00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:06,731 Help! 2 00:00:08,199 --> 00:00:10,835 It's 4:00 in the morning. What is up with that light? 3 00:00:10,869 --> 00:00:12,470 I know, and I was right in the middle of a dream 4 00:00:12,504 --> 00:00:14,239 where every woman on earth wants to have sex with me, 5 00:00:14,272 --> 00:00:15,507 and, yeah, I know it's totally weird 6 00:00:15,540 --> 00:00:17,075 that I dream how my life actually is, 7 00:00:17,108 --> 00:00:18,309 but that light woke me up. 8 00:00:19,944 --> 00:00:21,613 Yeah, well, I don't know what's weirder... 9 00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:23,681 you know, that light or... you without your shirt on. 10 00:00:23,715 --> 00:00:25,216 Seriously, you are pale. 11 00:00:26,851 --> 00:00:28,419 It's like somebody sprinkled 12 00:00:28,453 --> 00:00:30,655 a bunch of chest hair on a glass of milk. 13 00:00:30,688 --> 00:00:32,390 Aw, Baby Bird, you know, a whole bunch of things 14 00:00:32,423 --> 00:00:35,426 happen to your body when you become a man. 15 00:00:35,460 --> 00:00:37,829 You know, that's right around a corner for you. 16 00:00:37,862 --> 00:00:39,030 Pretty soon, you'll be able to take a shower 17 00:00:39,063 --> 00:00:41,466 without wearing any underpants. 18 00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:42,867 Why are we taking shots at each other? 19 00:00:42,901 --> 00:00:44,302 You see what our neighbor's doing to us 20 00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,304 - with his stupid light? - I know. 21 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:50,041 We should really go take care of this, Vin Diesel style. 22 00:00:50,074 --> 00:00:52,510 Why are you so obsessed with Vin Diesel? 23 00:00:52,544 --> 00:00:53,578 I don't know. 24 00:00:53,611 --> 00:00:54,646 Maybe it's because he's got huge muscles 25 00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:55,747 and always takes care of his business... 26 00:00:56,748 --> 00:00:58,449 Fast and Furious. 27 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:03,521 Come on, man. 28 00:01:03,555 --> 00:01:04,556 Let's go drag our neighbor out of bed. 29 00:01:04,589 --> 00:01:05,557 I need you angry. 30 00:01:05,590 --> 00:01:07,125 No, I can't be angry, okay? 31 00:01:07,158 --> 00:01:09,961 I'm too exhausted. I'm too exhausted. 32 00:01:09,994 --> 00:01:11,596 Okay, good idea. You rest. 33 00:01:11,629 --> 00:01:13,231 You take it easy, and you just go to bed. 34 00:01:13,264 --> 00:01:14,666 You dream about being muscly 35 00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:16,968 and finally one day being able to please a girl, okay? 36 00:01:17,001 --> 00:01:20,371 Come on, take it easy. Go to bed. 37 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:28,614 You angry now? 38 00:01:28,642 --> 00:01:30,224 Yeah, I'm super pissed! Let's go. 39 00:01:30,270 --> 00:01:31,075 Okay. 40 00:01:31,195 --> 00:01:33,151 All right, now. Here we go. Come on. 41 00:01:33,178 --> 00:01:34,960 Okay, we are going. 42 00:01:37,129 --> 00:01:38,776 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 43 00:01:39,297 --> 00:01:42,000 "Undateable," starring Vin Diesel. 44 00:01:42,033 --> 00:01:42,974 That is not true. 45 00:01:43,010 --> 00:01:44,469 He could show up. 46 00:01:44,913 --> 00:01:46,131 You guys weren't kidding. 47 00:01:46,164 --> 00:01:47,799 My light is super bright. 48 00:01:47,833 --> 00:01:49,181 Thanks for inviting me over to see it. 49 00:01:49,211 --> 00:01:50,335 I appreciate it. 50 00:01:50,369 --> 00:01:51,497 Probably could have waited till morning. 51 00:01:51,498 --> 00:01:54,139 Well, unfortunately, we have no concept of time 52 00:01:54,172 --> 00:01:56,875 'cause it feels like we're living on the surface of the sun. 53 00:01:57,764 --> 00:02:00,499 You got to admit... that's a pretty powerful light. 54 00:02:00,619 --> 00:02:01,707 Yeah, I will admit it. 55 00:02:01,743 --> 00:02:03,152 That's the most powerful light there is. 56 00:02:03,161 --> 00:02:05,722 It's the Steven Seagal of lights. 57 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,120 Uh, I mean, if it's the most powerful light, 58 00:02:08,153 --> 00:02:10,022 then it's the Vin Diesel of lights, okay? 59 00:02:11,456 --> 00:02:13,067 Vin Diesel's way more powerful than Steven Seagal. 60 00:02:13,076 --> 00:02:14,960 Whatever. Hey, bro. 61 00:02:16,085 --> 00:02:18,491 This is disappointing because we're neighbors, 62 00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:22,058 and you're obviously an extremely dumb person. 63 00:02:23,934 --> 00:02:25,727 That's cool. You got that on remote? 64 00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:28,240 Yeah, it's... what is that? What are you d... 65 00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:32,212 - Give me back my clicker. - No, I won't. 66 00:02:32,221 --> 00:02:33,620 - Give me back my clicker. - No, I won't give it back. 67 00:02:33,629 --> 00:02:34,635 - Give me back my clicker. - No, absolutely not. 68 00:02:34,644 --> 00:02:35,558 - What's this? What's this? - What the heck is that? 69 00:02:35,595 --> 00:02:37,215 - Give me that. - Damn it! 70 00:02:38,193 --> 00:02:39,345 - Give me that. - No. No! 71 00:02:39,381 --> 00:02:40,634 Give me my... come on. Give me that. 72 00:02:40,754 --> 00:02:42,235 Give me my clicker! Give me my clicker! 73 00:02:43,325 --> 00:02:44,659 Put it down! Stop it! 74 00:02:44,779 --> 00:02:46,626 We haven't even introduced ourselves, all right? 75 00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:49,159 I... I'm... I'm Justin, and this is Danny. 76 00:02:49,279 --> 00:02:50,495 I'm Kevin. 77 00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:52,635 My friends call me "Skat." 78 00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:54,903 It's a free-form of jazz. 79 00:03:00,439 --> 00:03:02,614 I know exactly what you mean. 80 00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,474 Hey, man, what are you doing? 81 00:03:09,510 --> 00:03:10,873 What are you doing, dude? 82 00:03:11,202 --> 00:03:12,647 I'm making small talk. 83 00:03:12,767 --> 00:03:14,806 Well, if your small talk is anything like your foreplay, 84 00:03:14,834 --> 00:03:15,831 then we'll both be here for hours, 85 00:03:15,867 --> 00:03:18,008 and you'll spend way too much time on his boobs. 86 00:03:19,551 --> 00:03:20,986 Are you guys a married couple? 87 00:03:21,019 --> 00:03:22,421 Excuse me? 88 00:03:22,454 --> 00:03:24,895 Yeah, I know a Bert-and-Ernie situation when I see one. 89 00:03:26,222 --> 00:03:27,758 Which one of you is the wife? 90 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:28,927 You know what? 91 00:03:28,961 --> 00:03:30,462 I'm not gonna answer that question 92 00:03:30,496 --> 00:03:32,498 'cause I think it might hurt my wife's feelings. 93 00:03:33,411 --> 00:03:34,261 Look. 94 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,026 I need the light, okay? 95 00:03:36,027 --> 00:03:37,618 Let's just say I'm a small-business owner 96 00:03:37,655 --> 00:03:40,005 who grows and sells certain types of plants 97 00:03:40,125 --> 00:03:42,301 that attract a certain type of customer 98 00:03:42,329 --> 00:03:44,460 that I don't want sneaking up on me. 99 00:03:45,063 --> 00:03:47,158 Oh, my God, Danny. 100 00:03:47,634 --> 00:03:50,250 I think he's a reefer salesman. 101 00:03:52,418 --> 00:03:54,347 All right, man, look. Just take it down, all right? 102 00:03:54,356 --> 00:03:55,216 We can't sleep. 103 00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,396 Why didn't you just say you couldn't sleep? 104 00:03:56,423 --> 00:03:57,585 Look, here's what I'm gonna do... 105 00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:58,545 I'm gonna run home. 106 00:03:58,554 --> 00:03:59,761 I'm gonna get my moleskine notebook. 107 00:03:59,881 --> 00:04:01,223 It's where I keep a list of all the things 108 00:04:01,225 --> 00:04:03,328 that I do not give a crap about. 109 00:04:04,606 --> 00:04:06,142 All right? 110 00:04:06,974 --> 00:04:08,932 Light stays on. Enjoy your night. 111 00:04:10,404 --> 00:04:13,048 Or is it daytime? I can't even tell right now. 112 00:04:15,023 --> 00:04:17,054 More over. 113 00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:28,273 So, this new neighbor who's torturing you guys... 114 00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:30,185 is he cute? 115 00:04:30,305 --> 00:04:32,125 Les, he's a drug dealer. 116 00:04:32,454 --> 00:04:35,024 All I'm hearing is he's got a job. 117 00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:37,393 Here you go, sweetie. 118 00:04:37,513 --> 00:04:39,222 Uh, sorry, Sabrina, but is it possible 119 00:04:39,241 --> 00:04:41,006 to get a little less foam in my beer? 120 00:04:41,947 --> 00:04:42,963 I don't know. 121 00:04:42,981 --> 00:04:43,886 Do you think it would be possible 122 00:04:43,886 --> 00:04:46,941 for me to go back in time and tell myself not to date you? 123 00:04:48,076 --> 00:04:51,295 I was totally falling for you, and you broke my heart, Danny. 124 00:04:51,688 --> 00:04:53,235 O... okay. You know what? 125 00:04:53,262 --> 00:04:54,799 Never mind. The foam's okay. 126 00:04:58,036 --> 00:05:00,432 Wow. That is a woman scorned. 127 00:05:00,552 --> 00:05:03,011 Maybe it's time we, uh, killed her with kindness. 128 00:05:03,048 --> 00:05:06,295 When I was 9, I killed my Guinea pig with kindness. 129 00:05:07,968 --> 00:05:10,173 One too many hugs. 130 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,031 Well, I wonder whose fault this is. 131 00:05:14,151 --> 00:05:16,365 - Maybe if somebody... - Justin... 132 00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,770 didn't, uh, hire my ex-girlfriend 133 00:05:18,779 --> 00:05:19,685 Sabrina... 134 00:05:19,703 --> 00:05:21,231 Well, maybe if somebody else... 135 00:05:21,267 --> 00:05:22,145 Danny... 136 00:05:22,191 --> 00:05:23,509 Didn't cheat on her like a 137 00:05:23,536 --> 00:05:24,441 jackass 138 00:05:24,469 --> 00:05:26,271 everything would be fine. 139 00:05:26,756 --> 00:05:29,024 You don't know how side mouth works. 140 00:05:30,332 --> 00:05:31,841 Hey, Sabrina? 141 00:05:31,961 --> 00:05:34,558 Could we possibly get some more pretzels over here? 142 00:05:34,594 --> 00:05:36,497 Why don't you guys get up off your lazy asses 143 00:05:36,506 --> 00:05:38,134 and get them yourself? 144 00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,997 I think I'd just rather live without pretzels. 145 00:05:44,327 --> 00:05:46,776 We didn't do anything. Why does she hate us? 146 00:05:46,896 --> 00:05:48,513 I didn't really notice anything. 147 00:05:48,541 --> 00:05:50,096 That's usually how women treat me. 148 00:05:53,370 --> 00:05:54,843 Listen, sometimes, 149 00:05:54,879 --> 00:05:56,809 when a girl's really hurt by a guy, 150 00:05:56,846 --> 00:05:58,410 she ends up being pissed at his friends. 151 00:05:58,530 --> 00:05:59,416 Well, she's your friend. 152 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:00,852 How do we get back on her good side? 153 00:06:00,879 --> 00:06:02,636 This is all Danny's fault. 154 00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:05,352 Yes! Thank you! 155 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,684 Wait. What's Danny's fault? 156 00:06:08,773 --> 00:06:10,237 Everything? 157 00:06:10,271 --> 00:06:12,084 I know, right? 158 00:06:12,106 --> 00:06:14,108 - Yeah. - Yeah. 159 00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,284 Danny's the worst. 160 00:06:28,923 --> 00:06:30,694 All right, I need you to get fired up, Baby Bird, all right? 161 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,048 We need to go take down this neighbor, huh? 162 00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:35,030 Do you really want to get in a huge fight with a neighbor? 163 00:06:35,231 --> 00:06:37,015 I used to live next to this old lady, 164 00:06:37,024 --> 00:06:39,013 and we had a little bit of a disagreement 165 00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:41,201 with some "noisy wind chimes." 166 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:44,377 Long story short, she smashed my wind chimes. 167 00:06:44,497 --> 00:06:46,526 Look, I don't know why you're so scared of this guy. 168 00:06:46,563 --> 00:06:47,441 You don't need to be. 169 00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:49,197 You got me, man. I got your back. 170 00:06:49,317 --> 00:06:52,453 Look, I have the inner strength of 10 men, okay? 171 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:53,577 I don't know if you knew that, 172 00:06:53,578 --> 00:06:54,982 but that means that between the two of us, 173 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,484 we have the strength of 9 1/2 men. 174 00:06:59,107 --> 00:07:01,384 Wait. Does that make me a negative man? 175 00:07:01,411 --> 00:07:02,518 You know what? It doesn't matter. I just... 176 00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,960 look, I was joking when I said that we were married, 177 00:07:05,978 --> 00:07:07,616 but in a way, that's exactly what we are. 178 00:07:07,643 --> 00:07:09,330 We're nonsexual life partners. 179 00:07:09,756 --> 00:07:12,246 Danny, we can't be life partners without sex. 180 00:07:12,253 --> 00:07:13,500 What am I saying? 181 00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:18,401 Look, Baby Bird, man, I need you on this, 182 00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:20,843 so I'm gonna talk to you in your touchy-feely-guy language. 183 00:07:22,032 --> 00:07:24,026 I'm listening. 184 00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:28,681 For three months now, we've been roommates, but, uh, 185 00:07:29,084 --> 00:07:31,418 my heart wants more than that. 186 00:07:33,826 --> 00:07:35,929 What does your heart want, Danny? 187 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,820 Justin Kearney, 188 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,465 will you destroy our neighbor with me? 189 00:07:46,593 --> 00:07:49,178 - Yes. Yes. Yeah. A thousand times yes. - Yeah, man. 190 00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:51,647 All right, I say we get aggressive on this, all right? 191 00:07:51,693 --> 00:07:54,419 I don't know. I... I think that should be our last resort. 192 00:07:54,437 --> 00:07:56,541 I feel like we should charm him first. 193 00:07:56,751 --> 00:07:59,041 I already called Kevin and told him to come by the place 194 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,929 so we could work it out peacefully. I'm sorry. 195 00:08:00,929 --> 00:08:01,807 Well, it's okay 196 00:08:01,816 --> 00:08:04,231 because I kind of already went ahead with my idea, too. 197 00:08:05,794 --> 00:08:07,879 What did you do? 198 00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:11,127 I stole that idiot's damn light. 199 00:08:11,547 --> 00:08:13,541 No! What... oh, God. 200 00:08:13,578 --> 00:08:14,566 Do you think he knows? 201 00:08:14,611 --> 00:08:16,706 Give me back my light! 202 00:08:18,627 --> 00:08:21,602 Uh... He might. Gah. 203 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,971 Danny and Justin are dead men! 204 00:08:24,645 --> 00:08:26,347 Why did he say my name? 205 00:08:26,356 --> 00:08:27,975 Um, because I... I wrote a note, 206 00:08:28,002 --> 00:08:30,014 and I signed it "Danny and Justin." 207 00:08:30,993 --> 00:08:33,480 Till death do us part, Baby Bird. 208 00:08:34,295 --> 00:08:35,640 I know you're in there! 209 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,256 Get out of here. Go. I'll set a distraction. 210 00:08:38,376 --> 00:08:41,009 What is that? What is that? 211 00:08:41,393 --> 00:08:43,323 Hey! I see you rolling! 212 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:45,225 I see you! 213 00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:47,566 Unlock this window! 214 00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:50,164 Ah, joke's on you... there's no lock on the window! 215 00:08:50,201 --> 00:08:53,467 I shouldn't have said that! Go, go, go! 216 00:08:57,490 --> 00:08:59,465 I cannot believe you stole his light. 217 00:08:59,466 --> 00:09:00,868 Are you happy? 218 00:09:00,901 --> 00:09:03,345 Am I happy? I don't know. Oh, look... there's a mirror. 219 00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:05,238 Uh, yep, still me. Thrilled. 220 00:09:06,874 --> 00:09:08,869 Look, Kevin's not gonna respond with reason, okay? 221 00:09:08,909 --> 00:09:10,711 Like most guys with a beard, he's a tool. 222 00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:14,091 Kevin has a beard, does he? 223 00:09:14,211 --> 00:09:16,561 Is it kind of like the beard Gerard Butler had in "300"? 224 00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:17,618 Is Kevin muscular? 225 00:09:19,195 --> 00:09:20,788 Brett, again, he's a drug dealer. 226 00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,456 A muscular drug dealer? 227 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,225 All right, back off, bitch. He's mine. 228 00:09:28,595 --> 00:09:30,462 You started a turf war, Danny, 229 00:09:30,497 --> 00:09:32,438 and I've seen "West Side Story." 230 00:09:32,466 --> 00:09:34,120 I know what happens in turf wars. 231 00:09:34,501 --> 00:09:37,971 People sing, then they dance, then they die. 232 00:09:39,115 --> 00:09:40,614 I mean, we don't know this guy. 233 00:09:40,633 --> 00:09:42,476 I mean, what... what... what if he has a knife? 234 00:09:42,810 --> 00:09:44,511 My mother always said, 235 00:09:44,545 --> 00:09:48,142 if someone pulls out a knife, I should pull out a smile. 236 00:09:50,611 --> 00:09:53,062 I've been stabbed on several occasions. 237 00:09:55,339 --> 00:09:57,890 I have to go talk to Kevin before this escalates any further. 238 00:09:57,936 --> 00:09:59,884 Man... man, we can't back out now, all right? 239 00:09:59,893 --> 00:10:01,613 He's not a scary guy. He's just a lame stoner. 240 00:10:01,622 --> 00:10:04,028 You need to trust me on this, all right? 241 00:10:04,148 --> 00:10:05,446 I don't tell you how to do 242 00:10:05,473 --> 00:10:06,955 your lame singing that everybody hates. 243 00:10:07,742 --> 00:10:09,937 That's because you have a terrible singing voice. 244 00:10:09,964 --> 00:10:10,678 Uh, really? 245 00:10:10,705 --> 00:10:12,763 Uh, no, I actually have an amazing singing voice. 246 00:10:15,984 --> 00:10:17,948 Look, I need to know... are you still with me? 247 00:10:17,967 --> 00:10:20,247 All right, is our marriage still intact? 248 00:10:22,101 --> 00:10:24,351 Yeah, man. I'm with you to the end. 249 00:10:25,128 --> 00:10:28,789 ♪ Good, good, good, good, good ♪ 250 00:10:35,162 --> 00:10:37,475 Oh, cool it. He's here. 251 00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,333 Uh, hey, Sabrina. 252 00:10:40,036 --> 00:10:41,802 Die. 253 00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,241 All right. Cool. Talk to you later. 254 00:10:46,473 --> 00:10:49,403 What, uh... what are you guys laughing at? 255 00:10:49,613 --> 00:10:52,118 Uh, pl... please don't take this the wrong way, 256 00:10:52,164 --> 00:10:55,008 but we have been saying some awful things about you. 257 00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:57,642 It seems to make her like us more. 258 00:10:57,762 --> 00:11:01,136 Also, we may or may not have been doing impressions of you. 259 00:11:01,163 --> 00:11:02,544 Like you got to talk really fast 260 00:11:02,572 --> 00:11:04,388 and find what you're saying in the middle of what you're saying, 261 00:11:04,406 --> 00:11:06,931 and hopefully, everybody will understand. 262 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:09,153 Also, you got to do flappy hands 263 00:11:09,199 --> 00:11:10,031 whenever you got to make a point. 264 00:11:10,068 --> 00:11:12,089 Okay, so, okay, Baby Bird? Okay. 265 00:11:12,209 --> 00:11:14,001 Oh, yeah, well, 266 00:11:14,010 --> 00:11:14,842 it doesn't even matter what you say, 267 00:11:14,861 --> 00:11:16,745 and that's obvious, so whatever. 268 00:11:17,037 --> 00:11:19,031 That's obvious. 269 00:11:24,697 --> 00:11:26,346 What's up, bro? 270 00:11:27,122 --> 00:11:29,271 Wow. It's like you knew I needed a beer. 271 00:11:31,292 --> 00:11:32,335 I... I thought you were at the bar. 272 00:11:32,335 --> 00:11:33,524 I was until I found out 273 00:11:33,524 --> 00:11:35,838 our friends are trying to get in on Sabrina's good side 274 00:11:35,875 --> 00:11:37,128 by talking crap about me 275 00:11:37,173 --> 00:11:40,009 and doing impressions that don't bother me at all, but... 276 00:11:41,372 --> 00:11:42,762 You know, I got to tell you, Baby Bird... 277 00:11:42,771 --> 00:11:45,689 it makes me appreciate your loyalty even more, huh? 278 00:11:48,384 --> 00:11:49,785 What... why is my beer half done 279 00:11:49,819 --> 00:11:51,354 and taste like a Bob Marley album? 280 00:11:52,707 --> 00:11:55,981 Justin, thanks for having me... oh. 281 00:11:56,823 --> 00:11:59,502 Looks like the husband is home. 282 00:12:01,249 --> 00:12:03,599 Guess that makes me the other man. 283 00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,048 Okay, all right, yes, Kevin is here. 284 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,446 Do you think you could just calm down? 285 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,094 You know what? You're a betrayer! 286 00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:17,502 You are a betrayer! All right? 287 00:12:17,535 --> 00:12:19,037 This is not how you're supposed to act in a marriage! 288 00:12:20,887 --> 00:12:23,118 Oh... oh, you're one to talk. 289 00:12:23,238 --> 00:12:25,002 Do you know that he comes to the bar every day... 290 00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:27,012 never asks me how my day is. 291 00:12:28,747 --> 00:12:30,749 That's exactly what ended my marriage... 292 00:12:30,782 --> 00:12:33,159 that and, uh, turning a little gay in prison. 293 00:12:36,543 --> 00:12:38,757 I can't believe you made a vegetable plate 294 00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:39,781 for our sworn enemy. 295 00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:42,260 You stole his light. He could have called the cops. 296 00:12:42,293 --> 00:12:45,187 He's not gonna call the cops. He's a criminal, all right? 297 00:12:45,206 --> 00:12:46,258 Whoa-ho-ho. 298 00:12:46,378 --> 00:12:47,923 Yes, I will. I'll do it. 299 00:12:47,950 --> 00:12:50,612 All I need is 72 hours to get my urine clean, 300 00:12:50,658 --> 00:12:53,530 and then boom, boom, boom... I'm a doctor again. 301 00:12:54,252 --> 00:12:56,341 You were a doctor?! 302 00:12:57,409 --> 00:12:58,935 I handled this right. 303 00:12:58,954 --> 00:13:00,819 All right, Kevin and I sat down like adults, 304 00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:02,887 and we worked it out peacefully. 305 00:13:02,896 --> 00:13:05,173 He's not gonna have the light in our direction 306 00:13:05,182 --> 00:13:06,170 so that we could sleep. 307 00:13:06,290 --> 00:13:07,323 Problem solved. 308 00:13:07,368 --> 00:13:08,593 No, no, no, no, no, no. 309 00:13:08,630 --> 00:13:10,633 That was before Danny came blazing in here, 310 00:13:10,660 --> 00:13:13,231 getting all up in my lady catcher. 311 00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:21,960 Now I want an apology from... him. 312 00:13:22,764 --> 00:13:23,981 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 313 00:13:24,027 --> 00:13:27,036 Well... you're not gonna get an apology from me. 314 00:13:27,156 --> 00:13:28,024 And hold on... 315 00:13:28,042 --> 00:13:30,603 let me download some other information for you. 316 00:13:33,886 --> 00:13:36,804 Steven Seagal's fat, and he's bad at karate. 317 00:13:36,924 --> 00:13:37,969 Your mouth just wrote a check 318 00:13:38,659 --> 00:13:40,050 that your body can't cash, bro. 319 00:13:40,096 --> 00:13:41,248 Hands up. Hands up. 320 00:13:41,294 --> 00:13:42,748 Hands up! 321 00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:03,365 - Karate! Karate! - Karate! Karate! 322 00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:05,149 - Karate! - All righty! 323 00:14:11,354 --> 00:14:13,190 - Hyah! Unh! - Hyah! Yeah! 324 00:14:15,792 --> 00:14:18,061 - Oh! Aah! - Hyah! Hyah! 325 00:14:31,708 --> 00:14:32,676 Hyah! 326 00:14:36,847 --> 00:14:37,761 All right. All right. 327 00:14:37,881 --> 00:14:39,611 All right. Hey! 328 00:14:39,639 --> 00:14:41,696 Now, you two obviously don't know 329 00:14:41,724 --> 00:14:43,123 anything about karate. 330 00:14:43,736 --> 00:14:45,666 Can we just stop this? 331 00:14:45,786 --> 00:14:47,504 Okay, fine. 332 00:14:49,216 --> 00:14:52,160 Arigato. 333 00:14:53,770 --> 00:14:56,532 Soba noodles. 334 00:14:57,968 --> 00:15:00,470 I'm still not apologizing. 335 00:15:00,504 --> 00:15:02,414 Fine. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. 336 00:15:02,450 --> 00:15:04,334 Since you two are so tight, 337 00:15:04,536 --> 00:15:06,292 I'm gonna let Justin apologize for you. 338 00:15:06,310 --> 00:15:07,005 Well, you know what? 339 00:15:07,023 --> 00:15:08,194 He's never gonna do that because we're a team. 340 00:15:08,212 --> 00:15:09,877 - Kevin. - Hey, Baby Bird, no. 341 00:15:09,895 --> 00:15:11,782 - What are you doing? - Kevin! 342 00:15:14,243 --> 00:15:18,477 On behalf of Danny, I want to apologize. 343 00:15:20,390 --> 00:15:22,648 I'm sorry for the way that he acted. 344 00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:25,061 Thank you. 345 00:15:27,377 --> 00:15:29,215 I'm just gonna grab my light now, 346 00:15:29,233 --> 00:15:30,559 and I'm gonna get out of here. 347 00:15:37,974 --> 00:15:39,377 You need help? 348 00:15:39,386 --> 00:15:41,202 I got it! 349 00:15:46,716 --> 00:15:48,875 I still got it! 350 00:15:51,891 --> 00:15:54,352 That is when Kevin and Danny 351 00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:57,150 had the world's weirdest karate fight. 352 00:15:57,662 --> 00:16:00,013 You know what a mugger recently told me? 353 00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:02,291 Being good at video-game karate 354 00:16:02,318 --> 00:16:05,025 does not make you good at regular karate. 355 00:16:07,019 --> 00:16:10,431 That lady took my wallet and my dignity. 356 00:16:11,948 --> 00:16:15,305 Hey. The gang's all here. 357 00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:16,686 You making fun of me, or what? 358 00:16:16,732 --> 00:16:18,470 God. Get over yourself, Danny. 359 00:16:18,470 --> 00:16:19,997 Not everything is about you. 360 00:16:20,024 --> 00:16:22,292 Hey, you guys, you know what I like about Sabrina? 361 00:16:22,493 --> 00:16:24,003 She never talks crap behind my back. 362 00:16:24,039 --> 00:16:25,814 She always says it right to my face. 363 00:16:26,042 --> 00:16:27,012 Thanks, Sabrina. 364 00:16:27,132 --> 00:16:29,857 Aww. No one will ever love you. 365 00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:31,594 Danny, I don't know why you're making 366 00:16:31,622 --> 00:16:33,341 such a big deal about a light. 367 00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:35,801 It was never about the light. It was always about friendship. 368 00:16:36,012 --> 00:16:38,490 Now, you guys all know that I have your back, all right? 369 00:16:38,518 --> 00:16:40,366 Well, we seemed to forget about that 370 00:16:40,486 --> 00:16:42,030 when we were all busy making fun of Danny 371 00:16:42,058 --> 00:16:44,088 and his flappy hands just to get in good with Sabrina. 372 00:16:44,381 --> 00:16:46,192 And, Brett, really? 373 00:16:46,228 --> 00:16:47,701 I mean, I feel like if it wasn't for me 374 00:16:47,719 --> 00:16:49,548 pushing you to ask guys out, 375 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,036 then you'd still be dating women that look like offensive linemen 376 00:16:52,063 --> 00:16:54,322 because that's your type for some reason. 377 00:16:54,633 --> 00:16:57,341 I did like them large and in charge. 378 00:16:57,853 --> 00:16:59,810 And the two of you... you guys can't even look at me. 379 00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:02,069 It's like I can see the weight of the guilt 380 00:17:02,115 --> 00:17:03,577 just pressing down on your shoulders. 381 00:17:04,574 --> 00:17:07,519 It's like I'm giving myself a piggyback ride. 382 00:17:08,388 --> 00:17:11,105 And, Leslie, really, my sister, my own flesh and blood? 383 00:17:11,141 --> 00:17:12,285 Well, I got a question for you. 384 00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:14,516 Who was the man to vow never to tell anybody 385 00:17:14,544 --> 00:17:15,423 that the day you were born, 386 00:17:15,441 --> 00:17:16,548 you had a thick, black coat of hair 387 00:17:16,575 --> 00:17:18,880 covering your whole body like a baby monkey? 388 00:17:20,151 --> 00:17:21,248 Me. 389 00:17:21,368 --> 00:17:24,166 And I never told anybody, and I never will. 390 00:17:26,810 --> 00:17:28,941 Okay, it's very common, all right? 391 00:17:28,968 --> 00:17:30,478 There's a medical term for it. 392 00:17:30,598 --> 00:17:33,276 Is the term "horrifying"? 393 00:17:34,722 --> 00:17:36,679 And that just leaves Justin, 394 00:17:36,799 --> 00:17:39,158 my sweet, beautiful, voluptuous wife. 395 00:17:40,030 --> 00:17:41,536 It's like you don't even know what it means 396 00:17:41,545 --> 00:17:43,813 to be in a fake marriage with a guy-friend roommate. 397 00:17:45,761 --> 00:17:47,407 I admit that I flew off the handle 398 00:17:47,416 --> 00:17:48,798 about that light thing, but that doesn't matter. 399 00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:50,416 You should have had my back no matter what. 400 00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:52,859 I would never sell you out for a stranger because you know why? 401 00:17:52,868 --> 00:17:54,460 I don't share a toothbrush with that man. 402 00:17:54,487 --> 00:17:56,346 I share a toothbrush with you. 403 00:17:57,195 --> 00:17:58,695 And I can tell by your reaction 404 00:17:58,704 --> 00:17:59,929 that you had no idea that that was going on, 405 00:17:59,966 --> 00:18:00,881 but I'll tell you right now 406 00:18:00,908 --> 00:18:02,089 that it's been happening for about a week, 407 00:18:02,134 --> 00:18:03,836 and it's been making me feel very close to you. 408 00:18:09,264 --> 00:18:11,386 Now, in spite of this epic betrayal, 409 00:18:11,422 --> 00:18:13,800 I'm just gonna tell you guys I love you 410 00:18:13,828 --> 00:18:16,763 and, uh, you can count on me... 411 00:18:17,467 --> 00:18:20,070 Even though I can't count on you. 412 00:18:27,192 --> 00:18:28,820 What? 413 00:18:28,829 --> 00:18:31,052 You're still a little furry. 414 00:18:34,766 --> 00:18:37,327 ♪ Get inside my belly ♪ 415 00:18:37,447 --> 00:18:38,882 ♪ 'cause that's where you ♪ 416 00:18:48,321 --> 00:18:50,598 Hey, you mind if we, uh, come in for a second and talk? 417 00:18:50,626 --> 00:18:51,659 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 418 00:18:51,696 --> 00:18:52,528 Who's the broad? 419 00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:54,961 I'm his muscle, okay? 420 00:18:54,988 --> 00:18:57,137 So play nice, or I will mess you up. 421 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:03,156 I had no idea Justin's bodyguard would be so enchanting. 422 00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:08,553 So, um, heard you were a doctor. 423 00:19:09,221 --> 00:19:10,922 Yeah, a disgraced doctor. 424 00:19:11,627 --> 00:19:12,724 Okay, but, hypothetically, 425 00:19:12,844 --> 00:19:14,425 I could still introduce you as a doctor. 426 00:19:14,545 --> 00:19:16,556 Okay, you are done. 427 00:19:16,676 --> 00:19:18,541 Moving on, 'cause that's not the point of this. 428 00:19:18,559 --> 00:19:20,014 Listen. Kevin. 429 00:19:20,297 --> 00:19:21,788 Danny's my best friend, 430 00:19:21,788 --> 00:19:25,117 and despite our amazing scat chemistry, um... 431 00:19:26,929 --> 00:19:28,081 Ohh. What? 432 00:19:32,014 --> 00:19:34,273 Okay, stop. Stop. That's not why I'm here, okay? 433 00:19:34,291 --> 00:19:35,809 Please. 434 00:19:35,855 --> 00:19:38,836 Look, I should have never given you that light back 435 00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:43,428 because I'm on Danny's side, and I always will be... 436 00:19:43,830 --> 00:19:46,729 Till death do us part. 437 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:48,320 Why the hell are you telling me this? 438 00:19:48,339 --> 00:19:49,226 Why don't you tell him? 439 00:19:49,346 --> 00:19:51,000 I already did tell him. 440 00:19:51,018 --> 00:19:53,085 Actually, this whole thing was just a distraction 441 00:19:53,095 --> 00:19:56,753 so that him and the guys could, uh, steal your light again. 442 00:19:57,603 --> 00:20:00,941 We got it! Fire it up, guys! 443 00:20:01,362 --> 00:20:03,200 Huh?! What do I look like in there? 444 00:20:03,228 --> 00:20:05,844 Just an amazing, godlike creature? 445 00:20:06,887 --> 00:20:08,643 All right, well, I think that's about it. 446 00:20:08,662 --> 00:20:09,915 Okay. 447 00:20:10,035 --> 00:20:11,854 Well, Kevin, we'll see you later. 448 00:20:11,881 --> 00:20:13,450 Have a good night. Or is it day? 449 00:20:13,459 --> 00:20:15,197 You know, I can't even tell over here. 450 00:20:16,972 --> 00:20:17,967 I got a rake! 451 00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:20,345 Let's do Iwo Jima! 452 00:20:36,429 --> 00:20:39,137 Shelly, did you eat all of my magic brownie? 453 00:20:51,439 --> 00:20:53,561 Yes, I did. 454 00:21:07,131 --> 00:21:12,939 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -