1 00:00:05,395 --> 00:00:06,262 Danny: Aah! 2 00:00:06,263 --> 00:00:08,031 Justin: Help! 3 00:00:08,064 --> 00:00:09,466 Ohh! 4 00:00:09,499 --> 00:00:12,135 It's 4:00 in the morning. What is up with that light? 5 00:00:12,169 --> 00:00:13,770 I know, and I was right in the middle of a dream 6 00:00:13,804 --> 00:00:15,539 where every woman on earth wants to have sex with me, 7 00:00:15,572 --> 00:00:16,807 and, yeah, I know it's totally weird 8 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,375 that I dream how my life actually is, 9 00:00:18,408 --> 00:00:19,609 but that light woke me up. 10 00:00:21,244 --> 00:00:22,913 Yeah, well, I don't know what's weirder... 11 00:00:22,946 --> 00:00:24,981 you know, that light or... you without your shirt on. 12 00:00:25,015 --> 00:00:26,516 Seriously, you are pale. 13 00:00:28,151 --> 00:00:29,719 It's like somebody sprinkled 14 00:00:29,753 --> 00:00:31,955 a bunch of chest hair on a glass of milk. 15 00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:33,690 Aw, Baby Bird, you know, a whole bunch of things 16 00:00:33,723 --> 00:00:36,726 happen to your body when you become a man. 17 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,129 You know, that's right around a corner for you. 18 00:00:39,162 --> 00:00:40,330 Pretty soon, you'll be able to take a shower 19 00:00:40,363 --> 00:00:42,766 without wearing any underpants. 20 00:00:42,799 --> 00:00:44,167 Why are we taking shots at each other? 21 00:00:44,201 --> 00:00:45,602 You see what our neighbor's doing to us 22 00:00:45,635 --> 00:00:47,604 - with his stupid light? - I know. 23 00:00:47,637 --> 00:00:51,341 We should really go take care of this, Vin Diesel style. 24 00:00:51,374 --> 00:00:53,810 Why are you so obsessed with Vin Diesel? 25 00:00:53,844 --> 00:00:54,878 I don't know. 26 00:00:54,911 --> 00:00:55,946 Maybe it's because he's got huge muscles 27 00:00:55,979 --> 00:00:57,047 and always takes care of his business... 28 00:00:58,048 --> 00:00:59,749 Fast and Furious. 29 00:01:03,820 --> 00:01:04,821 Come on, man. 30 00:01:04,855 --> 00:01:05,856 Let's go drag our neighbor out of bed. 31 00:01:05,889 --> 00:01:06,857 I need you angry. 32 00:01:06,890 --> 00:01:08,425 No, I can't be angry, okay? 33 00:01:08,458 --> 00:01:11,261 I'm too exhausted. I'm too exhausted. 34 00:01:11,294 --> 00:01:12,896 Okay, good idea. You rest. 35 00:01:12,929 --> 00:01:14,531 You take it easy, and you just go to bed. 36 00:01:14,564 --> 00:01:15,966 You dream about being muscly 37 00:01:15,999 --> 00:01:18,268 and finally one day being able to please a girl, okay? 38 00:01:18,301 --> 00:01:21,671 Come on, take it easy. Go to bed. 39 00:01:21,705 --> 00:01:23,707 [Grunts] 40 00:01:28,954 --> 00:01:29,914 You angry now? 41 00:01:29,942 --> 00:01:31,524 Yeah, I'm super pissed! Let's go. 42 00:01:31,570 --> 00:01:32,375 Okay. 43 00:01:32,495 --> 00:01:34,451 Danny: All right, now. Here we go. Come on. 44 00:01:34,478 --> 00:01:36,260 Justin: Okay, we are going. 45 00:01:38,429 --> 00:01:40,076 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 46 00:01:40,597 --> 00:01:43,300 "Undateable," starring Vin Diesel. 47 00:01:43,333 --> 00:01:44,274 That is not true. 48 00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:45,769 He could show up. 49 00:01:46,913 --> 00:01:48,131 You guys weren't kidding. 50 00:01:48,164 --> 00:01:49,799 My light is super bright. 51 00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:51,181 Thanks for inviting me over to see it. 52 00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:52,335 I appreciate it. 53 00:01:52,369 --> 00:01:53,497 Probably could have waited till morning. 54 00:01:53,498 --> 00:01:56,139 Well, unfortunately, we have no concept of time 55 00:01:56,172 --> 00:01:58,875 'cause it feels like we're living on the surface of the sun. 56 00:01:59,764 --> 00:02:02,499 You got to admit... that's a pretty powerful light. 57 00:02:02,619 --> 00:02:03,707 Yeah, I will admit it. 58 00:02:03,743 --> 00:02:05,152 That's the most powerful light there is. 59 00:02:05,161 --> 00:02:07,722 It's the Steven Seagal of lights. 60 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,120 Uh, I mean, if it's the most powerful light, 61 00:02:10,153 --> 00:02:12,022 then it's the Vin Diesel of lights, okay? 62 00:02:13,456 --> 00:02:15,067 Vin Diesel's way more powerful than Steven Seagal. 63 00:02:15,076 --> 00:02:16,960 Whatever. Hey, bro. 64 00:02:18,085 --> 00:02:20,491 This is disappointing because we're neighbors, 65 00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:24,058 and you're obviously an extremely dumb person. 66 00:02:25,934 --> 00:02:27,727 That's cool. You got that on remote? 67 00:02:27,754 --> 00:02:30,240 Yeah, it's... what is that? What are you d... 68 00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:34,212 - Give me back my clicker. - No, I won't. 69 00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:35,620 - Give me back my clicker. - No, I won't give it back. 70 00:02:35,629 --> 00:02:36,635 - Give me back my clicker. - No, absolutely not. 71 00:02:36,644 --> 00:02:37,558 - What's this? What's this? - What the heck is that? 72 00:02:37,595 --> 00:02:39,215 - Give me that. - Damn it! 73 00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:41,345 - Give me that. - No. No! 74 00:02:41,381 --> 00:02:42,634 Give me my... come on. Give me that. 75 00:02:42,754 --> 00:02:44,235 Give me my clicker! Give me my clicker! 76 00:02:44,245 --> 00:02:45,205 [Both grunting] 77 00:02:45,325 --> 00:02:46,659 Put it down! Stop it! 78 00:02:46,779 --> 00:02:48,626 We haven't even introduced ourselves, all right? 79 00:02:48,644 --> 00:02:51,159 I... I'm... I'm Justin, and this is Danny. 80 00:02:51,279 --> 00:02:52,495 I'm Kevin. 81 00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,635 My friends call me "Skat." 82 00:02:55,755 --> 00:02:57,903 It's a free-form of jazz. 83 00:02:58,023 --> 00:03:02,321 [Scatting] 84 00:03:03,439 --> 00:03:05,614 I know exactly what you mean. 85 00:03:05,734 --> 00:03:07,196 [Scatting] 86 00:03:07,316 --> 00:03:10,022 [Both scatting] 87 00:03:10,937 --> 00:03:12,474 Hey, man, what are you doing? 88 00:03:12,510 --> 00:03:13,873 What are you doing, dude? 89 00:03:14,202 --> 00:03:15,647 I'm making small talk. 90 00:03:15,767 --> 00:03:17,806 Well, if your small talk is anything like your foreplay, 91 00:03:17,834 --> 00:03:18,831 then we'll both be here for hours, 92 00:03:18,867 --> 00:03:21,008 and you'll spend way too much time on his boobs. 93 00:03:22,551 --> 00:03:23,986 Are you guys a married couple? 94 00:03:24,019 --> 00:03:25,421 [Chuckles] Excuse me? 95 00:03:25,454 --> 00:03:27,895 Yeah, I know a Bert-and-Ernie situation when I see one. 96 00:03:29,222 --> 00:03:30,758 Which one of you is the wife? 97 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:31,927 You know what? 98 00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:33,462 I'm not gonna answer that question 99 00:03:33,496 --> 00:03:35,498 'cause I think it might hurt my wife's feelings. 100 00:03:36,411 --> 00:03:37,261 Look. 101 00:03:37,381 --> 00:03:39,026 I need the light, okay? 102 00:03:39,027 --> 00:03:40,618 Let's just say I'm a small-business owner 103 00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:43,005 who grows and sells certain types of plants 104 00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:45,301 that attract a certain type of customer 105 00:03:45,329 --> 00:03:47,460 that I don't want sneaking up on me. 106 00:03:48,063 --> 00:03:50,158 Oh, my God, Danny. 107 00:03:50,634 --> 00:03:53,250 I think he's a reefer salesman. 108 00:03:55,418 --> 00:03:57,347 All right, man, look. Just take it down, all right? 109 00:03:57,356 --> 00:03:58,216 We can't sleep. 110 00:03:58,336 --> 00:03:59,396 Why didn't you just say you couldn't sleep? 111 00:03:59,423 --> 00:04:00,585 Look, here's what I'm gonna do... 112 00:04:00,705 --> 00:04:01,545 I'm gonna run home. 113 00:04:01,554 --> 00:04:02,761 I'm gonna get my moleskine notebook. 114 00:04:02,881 --> 00:04:04,223 It's where I keep a list of all the things 115 00:04:04,225 --> 00:04:06,328 [singsong voice] that I do not give a crap about. 116 00:04:07,606 --> 00:04:09,142 [Normal voice] All right? 117 00:04:09,974 --> 00:04:11,932 Light stays on. Enjoy your night. 118 00:04:11,978 --> 00:04:13,395 [Chuckles] 119 00:04:13,404 --> 00:04:16,048 Or is it daytime? I can't even tell right now. 120 00:04:18,023 --> 00:04:20,054 More over. 121 00:04:29,650 --> 00:04:32,573 So, this new neighbor who's torturing you guys... 122 00:04:32,601 --> 00:04:34,485 is he cute? 123 00:04:34,605 --> 00:04:36,425 Les, he's a drug dealer. 124 00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:39,324 All I'm hearing is he's got a job. 125 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:41,693 Here you go, sweetie. 126 00:04:41,813 --> 00:04:43,522 Uh, sorry, Sabrina, but is it possible 127 00:04:43,541 --> 00:04:45,306 to get a little less foam in my beer? 128 00:04:46,247 --> 00:04:47,263 I don't know. 129 00:04:47,281 --> 00:04:48,186 Do you think it would be possible 130 00:04:48,186 --> 00:04:51,241 for me to go back in time and tell myself not to date you? 131 00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:55,595 I was totally falling for you, and you broke my heart, Danny. 132 00:04:55,988 --> 00:04:57,535 O... okay. You know what? 133 00:04:57,562 --> 00:04:59,099 Never mind. The foam's okay. 134 00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:04,732 Wow. That is a woman scorned. 135 00:05:04,852 --> 00:05:07,311 Maybe it's time we, uh, killed her with kindness. 136 00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:10,595 When I was 9, I killed my Guinea pig with kindness. 137 00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:14,473 One too many hugs. 138 00:05:16,020 --> 00:05:18,331 Well, I wonder whose fault this is. 139 00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:20,665 Maybe if somebody... [High-pitched] Justin... 140 00:05:20,683 --> 00:05:23,070 [normal voice] didn't, uh, hire my ex-girlfriend 141 00:05:23,079 --> 00:05:23,985 [high-pitched] Sabrina... 142 00:05:24,003 --> 00:05:25,531 [High-pitched] Well, maybe if somebody else... 143 00:05:25,567 --> 00:05:26,445 [normal voice] Danny... 144 00:05:26,491 --> 00:05:27,809 [high-pitched] Didn't cheat on her like a 145 00:05:27,836 --> 00:05:28,741 [normal voice] jackass 146 00:05:28,769 --> 00:05:30,571 [high-pitched] everything would be fine. 147 00:05:31,056 --> 00:05:33,324 [Normal voice] You don't know how side mouth works. 148 00:05:34,632 --> 00:05:36,141 Hey, Sabrina? 149 00:05:36,261 --> 00:05:38,858 Could we possibly get some more pretzels over here? 150 00:05:38,894 --> 00:05:40,797 Why don't you guys get up off your lazy asses 151 00:05:40,806 --> 00:05:42,434 and get them yourself? 152 00:05:42,855 --> 00:05:45,297 I think I'd just rather live without pretzels. 153 00:05:48,627 --> 00:05:51,076 We didn't do anything. Why does she hate us? 154 00:05:51,196 --> 00:05:52,813 I didn't really notice anything. 155 00:05:52,841 --> 00:05:54,396 That's usually how women treat me. 156 00:05:57,670 --> 00:05:59,143 Listen, sometimes, 157 00:05:59,179 --> 00:06:01,109 when a girl's really hurt by a guy, 158 00:06:01,146 --> 00:06:02,710 she ends up being pissed at his friends. 159 00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:03,716 Well, she's your friend. 160 00:06:03,743 --> 00:06:05,152 How do we get back on her good side? 161 00:06:05,179 --> 00:06:06,936 This is all Danny's fault. 162 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,652 Yes! Thank you! 163 00:06:09,999 --> 00:06:11,984 Wait. What's Danny's fault? 164 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,537 Everything? 165 00:06:14,571 --> 00:06:16,384 I know, right? 166 00:06:16,406 --> 00:06:18,408 - Yeah. - Shelly: Yeah. 167 00:06:25,682 --> 00:06:27,584 Danny's the worst. 168 00:06:34,223 --> 00:06:35,994 All right, I need you to get fired up, Baby Bird, all right? 169 00:06:36,024 --> 00:06:37,348 We need to go take down this neighbor, huh? 170 00:06:37,359 --> 00:06:38,660 [Scoffs] 171 00:06:38,694 --> 00:06:40,330 Do you really want to get in a huge fight with a neighbor? 172 00:06:40,531 --> 00:06:42,315 I used to live next to this old lady, 173 00:06:42,324 --> 00:06:44,313 and we had a little bit of a disagreement 174 00:06:44,433 --> 00:06:46,501 with some "noisy wind chimes." 175 00:06:46,535 --> 00:06:49,677 Long story short, she smashed my wind chimes. 176 00:06:49,797 --> 00:06:51,826 Look, I don't know why you're so scared of this guy. 177 00:06:51,863 --> 00:06:52,741 You don't need to be. 178 00:06:52,774 --> 00:06:54,497 You got me, man. I got your back. 179 00:06:54,617 --> 00:06:57,753 Look, I have the inner strength of 10 men, okay? 180 00:06:57,780 --> 00:06:58,877 I don't know if you knew that, 181 00:06:58,878 --> 00:07:00,282 but that means that between the two of us, 182 00:07:00,315 --> 00:07:02,784 we have the strength of 9 1/2 men. 183 00:07:04,407 --> 00:07:06,684 Wait. Does that make me a negative man? 184 00:07:06,711 --> 00:07:07,818 You know what? It doesn't matter. I just... 185 00:07:08,522 --> 00:07:11,260 look, I was joking when I said that we were married, 186 00:07:11,278 --> 00:07:12,916 but in a way, that's exactly what we are. 187 00:07:12,943 --> 00:07:14,630 We're nonsexual life partners. 188 00:07:15,056 --> 00:07:17,546 Danny, we can't be life partners without sex. 189 00:07:17,553 --> 00:07:18,800 What am I saying? 190 00:07:21,734 --> 00:07:23,701 Look, Baby Bird, man, I need you on this, 191 00:07:23,737 --> 00:07:26,143 so I'm gonna talk to you in your touchy-feely-guy language. 192 00:07:27,332 --> 00:07:29,326 I'm listening. 193 00:07:30,779 --> 00:07:33,981 For three months now, we've been roommates, but, uh, 194 00:07:34,384 --> 00:07:36,718 my heart wants more than that. 195 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,229 What does your heart want, Danny? 196 00:07:44,993 --> 00:07:47,120 Justin Kearney, 197 00:07:47,595 --> 00:07:49,765 will you destroy our neighbor with me? 198 00:07:51,893 --> 00:07:54,478 - Yes. Yes. Yeah. A thousand times yes. - Yeah, man. 199 00:07:54,478 --> 00:07:56,947 All right, I say we get aggressive on this, all right? 200 00:07:56,993 --> 00:07:59,719 I don't know. I... I think that should be our last resort. 201 00:07:59,737 --> 00:08:01,841 I feel like we should charm him first. 202 00:08:02,051 --> 00:08:04,341 I already called Kevin and told him to come by the place 203 00:08:04,379 --> 00:08:06,229 so we could work it out peacefully. I'm sorry. 204 00:08:06,229 --> 00:08:07,107 Well, it's okay 205 00:08:07,116 --> 00:08:09,531 because I kind of already went ahead with my idea, too. 206 00:08:11,094 --> 00:08:13,179 What did you do? 207 00:08:13,755 --> 00:08:16,427 I stole that idiot's damn light. 208 00:08:16,847 --> 00:08:18,841 No! What... oh, God. 209 00:08:18,878 --> 00:08:19,866 Do you think he knows? 210 00:08:19,911 --> 00:08:22,006 [Pounding on window] Give me back my light! 211 00:08:23,927 --> 00:08:26,902 Uh... He might. Gah. 212 00:08:26,935 --> 00:08:29,271 Danny and Justin are dead men! 213 00:08:29,945 --> 00:08:31,647 Why did he say my name? 214 00:08:31,656 --> 00:08:33,275 Um, because I... I wrote a note, 215 00:08:33,302 --> 00:08:35,314 and I signed it "Danny and Justin." 216 00:08:36,293 --> 00:08:38,780 Till death do us part, Baby Bird. 217 00:08:39,595 --> 00:08:40,940 I know you're in there! 218 00:08:41,060 --> 00:08:43,556 Get out of here. Go. I'll set a distraction. 219 00:08:43,676 --> 00:08:46,309 What is that? What is that? 220 00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,623 Hey! I see you rolling! 221 00:08:48,657 --> 00:08:50,525 [Grunting] I see you! 222 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:52,866 [Pounding on window] Unlock this window! 223 00:08:52,894 --> 00:08:55,464 Ah, joke's on you... there's no lock on the window! 224 00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:58,767 I shouldn't have said that! Go, go, go! 225 00:09:03,790 --> 00:09:05,765 I cannot believe you stole his light. 226 00:09:05,766 --> 00:09:07,168 Are you happy? 227 00:09:07,201 --> 00:09:09,645 Am I happy? I don't know. Oh, look... there's a mirror. 228 00:09:09,670 --> 00:09:11,538 Uh, yep, still me. Thrilled. 229 00:09:13,174 --> 00:09:15,169 Look, Kevin's not gonna respond with reason, okay? 230 00:09:15,209 --> 00:09:17,011 Like most guys with a beard, he's a tool. 231 00:09:19,010 --> 00:09:20,391 Kevin has a beard, does he? 232 00:09:20,511 --> 00:09:22,861 Is it kind of like the beard Gerard Butler had in "300"? 233 00:09:22,883 --> 00:09:23,918 Is Kevin muscular? 234 00:09:25,495 --> 00:09:27,088 Brett, again, he's a drug dealer. 235 00:09:27,121 --> 00:09:28,756 A muscular drug dealer? 236 00:09:29,180 --> 00:09:31,525 All right, back off, bitch. He's mine. 237 00:09:34,895 --> 00:09:36,762 You started a turf war, Danny, 238 00:09:36,797 --> 00:09:38,738 and I've seen "West Side Story." 239 00:09:38,766 --> 00:09:40,420 I know what happens in turf wars. 240 00:09:40,801 --> 00:09:44,271 People sing, then they dance, then they die. 241 00:09:45,415 --> 00:09:46,914 I mean, we don't know this guy. 242 00:09:46,933 --> 00:09:48,776 I mean, what... what... what if he has a knife? 243 00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:50,811 My mother always said, 244 00:09:50,845 --> 00:09:54,442 if someone pulls out a knife, I should pull out a smile. 245 00:09:56,911 --> 00:09:59,362 I've been stabbed on several occasions. 246 00:10:01,639 --> 00:10:04,190 I have to go talk to Kevin before this escalates any further. 247 00:10:04,236 --> 00:10:06,184 Man... man, we can't back out now, all right? 248 00:10:06,193 --> 00:10:07,913 He's not a scary guy. He's just a lame stoner. 249 00:10:07,922 --> 00:10:10,328 You need to trust me on this, all right? 250 00:10:10,448 --> 00:10:11,746 I don't tell you how to do 251 00:10:11,773 --> 00:10:13,255 your lame singing that everybody hates. 252 00:10:14,042 --> 00:10:16,237 That's because you have a terrible singing voice. 253 00:10:16,264 --> 00:10:16,978 Uh, really? 254 00:10:17,005 --> 00:10:19,063 Uh, no, I actually have an amazing singing voice. 255 00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:22,164 [Vocalizing] 256 00:10:22,284 --> 00:10:24,248 Look, I need to know... are you still with me? 257 00:10:24,267 --> 00:10:26,547 All right, is our marriage still intact? 258 00:10:28,401 --> 00:10:30,651 Yeah, man. I'm with you to the end. 259 00:10:31,428 --> 00:10:35,089 ♪ Good, good, good, good, good ♪ 260 00:10:36,898 --> 00:10:39,660 [Laughter] 261 00:10:41,462 --> 00:10:43,775 Oh, cool it. He's here. [Chuckles] 262 00:10:43,895 --> 00:10:45,633 Uh, hey, Sabrina. 263 00:10:46,336 --> 00:10:48,102 Die. 264 00:10:49,203 --> 00:10:51,541 All right. Cool. Talk to you later. 265 00:10:52,773 --> 00:10:55,703 What, uh... what are you guys laughing at? 266 00:10:55,913 --> 00:10:58,418 Uh, pl... please don't take this the wrong way, 267 00:10:58,464 --> 00:11:01,308 but we have been saying some awful things about you. 268 00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:03,942 It seems to make her like us more. 269 00:11:04,062 --> 00:11:07,436 Also, we may or may not have been doing impressions of you. 270 00:11:07,463 --> 00:11:08,844 [American accent] Like you got to talk really fast 271 00:11:08,872 --> 00:11:10,688 and find what you're saying in the middle of what you're saying, 272 00:11:10,706 --> 00:11:13,231 and hopefully, everybody will understand. 273 00:11:13,267 --> 00:11:15,453 Also, you got to do flappy hands 274 00:11:15,499 --> 00:11:16,331 whenever you got to make a point. 275 00:11:16,368 --> 00:11:18,389 Okay, so, okay, Baby Bird? Okay. 276 00:11:18,509 --> 00:11:20,301 [Laughter] Oh, yeah, well, 277 00:11:20,310 --> 00:11:21,142 it doesn't even matter what you say, 278 00:11:21,161 --> 00:11:23,045 and that's obvious, so whatever. 279 00:11:23,337 --> 00:11:25,331 That's obvious. 280 00:11:25,673 --> 00:11:28,175 [All imitating indistinctly] 281 00:11:31,997 --> 00:11:33,646 What's up, bro? 282 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:34,302 [Door closes] 283 00:11:34,422 --> 00:11:36,571 Wow. It's like you knew I needed a beer. 284 00:11:36,691 --> 00:11:38,309 [Sighs] 285 00:11:38,592 --> 00:11:39,635 I... I thought you were at the bar. 286 00:11:39,635 --> 00:11:40,824 I was until I found out 287 00:11:40,824 --> 00:11:43,138 our friends are trying to get in on Sabrina's good side 288 00:11:43,175 --> 00:11:44,428 by talking crap about me 289 00:11:44,473 --> 00:11:47,309 and doing impressions that don't bother me at all, but... 290 00:11:48,672 --> 00:11:50,062 You know, I got to tell you, Baby Bird... 291 00:11:50,071 --> 00:11:52,989 it makes me appreciate your loyalty even more, huh? 292 00:11:55,684 --> 00:11:57,085 What... why is my beer half done 293 00:11:57,119 --> 00:11:58,654 and taste like a Bob Marley album? 294 00:12:00,007 --> 00:12:03,281 Justin, thanks for having me... oh. 295 00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:06,802 Looks like the husband is home. 296 00:12:07,162 --> 00:12:08,503 [Clears throat] 297 00:12:08,549 --> 00:12:10,899 Guess that makes me the other man. 298 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,348 Okay, all right, yes, Kevin is here. 299 00:12:20,366 --> 00:12:21,746 Do you think you could just calm down? 300 00:12:21,967 --> 00:12:23,394 You know what? You're a betrayer! 301 00:12:23,401 --> 00:12:24,802 You are a betrayer! All right? 302 00:12:24,835 --> 00:12:26,337 This is not how you're supposed to act in a marriage! 303 00:12:28,187 --> 00:12:30,418 Oh... oh, you're one to talk. 304 00:12:30,538 --> 00:12:32,302 Do you know that he comes to the bar every day... 305 00:12:32,310 --> 00:12:34,312 never asks me how my day is. 306 00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:38,049 That's exactly what ended my marriage... 307 00:12:38,082 --> 00:12:40,459 that and, uh, turning a little gay in prison. 308 00:12:43,843 --> 00:12:46,057 I can't believe you made a vegetable plate 309 00:12:46,090 --> 00:12:47,081 for our sworn enemy. 310 00:12:47,127 --> 00:12:49,560 You stole his light. He could have called the cops. 311 00:12:49,593 --> 00:12:52,487 He's not gonna call the cops. He's a criminal, all right? 312 00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:53,558 Whoa-ho-ho. 313 00:12:53,678 --> 00:12:55,223 Yes, I will. I'll do it. 314 00:12:55,250 --> 00:12:57,912 All I need is 72 hours to get my urine clean, 315 00:12:57,958 --> 00:13:00,830 and then boom, boom, boom... I'm a doctor again. 316 00:13:01,552 --> 00:13:03,641 You were a doctor?! 317 00:13:04,709 --> 00:13:06,235 I handled this right. 318 00:13:06,254 --> 00:13:08,119 All right, Kevin and I sat down like adults, 319 00:13:08,147 --> 00:13:10,187 and we worked it out peacefully. 320 00:13:10,196 --> 00:13:12,473 He's not gonna have the light in our direction 321 00:13:12,482 --> 00:13:13,470 so that we could sleep. 322 00:13:13,590 --> 00:13:14,623 Problem solved. 323 00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:15,893 No, no, no, no, no, no. 324 00:13:15,930 --> 00:13:17,933 That was before Danny came blazing in here, 325 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,531 getting all up in my lady catcher. 326 00:13:23,662 --> 00:13:29,260 Now I want an apology from... him. 327 00:13:30,064 --> 00:13:31,281 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 328 00:13:31,327 --> 00:13:34,336 Well... you're not gonna get an apology from me. 329 00:13:34,456 --> 00:13:35,324 And hold on... 330 00:13:35,342 --> 00:13:37,903 let me download some other information for you. 331 00:13:41,186 --> 00:13:44,104 Steven Seagal's fat, and he's bad at karate. 332 00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,269 Your mouth just wrote a check 333 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,350 that your body can't cash, bro. 334 00:13:47,396 --> 00:13:48,548 Hands up. Hands up. 335 00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:50,048 Hands up! 336 00:13:51,228 --> 00:13:53,157 [Yells indistinctly] 337 00:13:53,997 --> 00:13:55,683 - Hyah! - Hyah! 338 00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:57,027 - Hyah! Hyah! - Hyah! Hyah! 339 00:13:57,033 --> 00:13:58,033 - Hyah! - Hyah! Hyah! 340 00:13:58,067 --> 00:13:59,286 - Hyah! Hyah! - Hyah! Hyah! 341 00:13:59,332 --> 00:14:00,658 - Hyah! Hyah! - Hyah! Hyah! 342 00:14:00,686 --> 00:14:02,238 - Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! - Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! 343 00:14:02,271 --> 00:14:04,307 [Chanting indistinctly] Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! 344 00:14:04,340 --> 00:14:05,308 - Hyah! - Hyah! 345 00:14:05,341 --> 00:14:07,410 - Hyah! Hyah! - Hyah! 346 00:14:07,443 --> 00:14:10,665 - Karate! Karate! - Karate! Karate! 347 00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:12,449 - Karate! - All righty! 348 00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:13,316 Hyah! 349 00:14:13,349 --> 00:14:15,451 Aah! Aah! Aah! 350 00:14:15,485 --> 00:14:18,621 [Both grunting, shouting] 351 00:14:18,654 --> 00:14:20,490 - Hyah! Unh! - Hyah! Yeah! 352 00:14:20,523 --> 00:14:23,059 - Unh! Unh! - Yeah! Yeah! 353 00:14:23,092 --> 00:14:25,361 - Oh! Aah! - Hyah! Hyah! 354 00:14:25,395 --> 00:14:27,096 [Sighs forcefully] Hyah! 355 00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:29,265 - Hyah! - Aah! 356 00:14:29,298 --> 00:14:30,900 - Aah! - Oh! 357 00:14:30,933 --> 00:14:32,214 - Oh! - Hyah! 358 00:14:32,334 --> 00:14:33,942 Aah. 359 00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:39,976 Hyah! 360 00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:41,711 [Sighs] 361 00:14:44,147 --> 00:14:45,061 All right. All right. 362 00:14:45,181 --> 00:14:46,911 All right. Hey! 363 00:14:46,939 --> 00:14:48,996 Now, you two obviously don't know 364 00:14:49,024 --> 00:14:50,423 anything about karate. 365 00:14:51,036 --> 00:14:52,966 Can we just stop this? 366 00:14:53,086 --> 00:14:54,804 Okay, fine. 367 00:14:55,033 --> 00:14:56,396 [Sighs] 368 00:14:56,516 --> 00:14:59,460 [Grunts] Arigato. 369 00:15:01,070 --> 00:15:03,832 [Grunts] Soba noodles. 370 00:15:05,268 --> 00:15:07,770 I'm still not apologizing. 371 00:15:07,804 --> 00:15:09,714 Fine. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. 372 00:15:09,750 --> 00:15:11,634 Since you two are so tight, 373 00:15:11,836 --> 00:15:13,592 I'm gonna let Justin apologize for you. 374 00:15:13,610 --> 00:15:14,305 Well, you know what? 375 00:15:14,323 --> 00:15:15,494 He's never gonna do that because we're a team. 376 00:15:15,512 --> 00:15:17,177 - Kevin. - Hey, Baby Bird, no. 377 00:15:17,195 --> 00:15:19,082 - What are you doing? - Kevin! 378 00:15:21,543 --> 00:15:25,777 On behalf of Danny, I want to apologize. 379 00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:27,570 [Sighs] 380 00:15:27,690 --> 00:15:29,948 I'm sorry for the way that he acted. 381 00:15:30,744 --> 00:15:32,361 Thank you. 382 00:15:34,677 --> 00:15:36,515 I'm just gonna grab my light now, 383 00:15:36,533 --> 00:15:37,859 and I'm gonna get out of here. 384 00:15:38,134 --> 00:15:42,039 [Rattling] 385 00:15:45,274 --> 00:15:46,677 - [Door opens] - You need help? 386 00:15:46,686 --> 00:15:48,502 I got it! 387 00:15:51,282 --> 00:15:52,615 [Door closes] 388 00:15:52,648 --> 00:15:53,983 [Light clatters] 389 00:15:54,016 --> 00:15:56,175 I still got it! 390 00:16:00,191 --> 00:16:02,652 That is when Kevin and Danny 391 00:16:02,688 --> 00:16:05,450 had the world's weirdest karate fight. 392 00:16:05,962 --> 00:16:08,313 You know what a mugger recently told me? 393 00:16:08,433 --> 00:16:10,591 Being good at video-game karate 394 00:16:10,618 --> 00:16:13,325 does not make you good at regular karate. 395 00:16:15,319 --> 00:16:18,731 - [Door opens] - That lady took my wallet and my dignity. 396 00:16:20,248 --> 00:16:23,605 Hey. The gang's all here. 397 00:16:23,642 --> 00:16:24,986 You making fun of me, or what? 398 00:16:25,032 --> 00:16:26,770 [Scoffs] God. Get over yourself, Danny. 399 00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:28,297 Not everything is about you. 400 00:16:28,324 --> 00:16:30,592 Hey, you guys, you know what I like about Sabrina? 401 00:16:30,793 --> 00:16:32,303 She never talks crap behind my back. 402 00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:34,114 She always says it right to my face. 403 00:16:34,342 --> 00:16:35,312 Thanks, Sabrina. 404 00:16:35,432 --> 00:16:38,157 Aww. No one will ever love you. 405 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:39,894 Danny, I don't know why you're making 406 00:16:39,922 --> 00:16:41,641 such a big deal about a light. 407 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,101 It was never about the light. It was always about friendship. 408 00:16:44,312 --> 00:16:46,790 Now, you guys all know that I have your back, all right? 409 00:16:46,818 --> 00:16:48,666 Well, we seemed to forget about that 410 00:16:48,786 --> 00:16:50,330 when we were all busy making fun of Danny 411 00:16:50,358 --> 00:16:52,388 and his flappy hands just to get in good with Sabrina. 412 00:16:52,681 --> 00:16:54,492 And, Brett, really? 413 00:16:54,528 --> 00:16:56,001 I mean, I feel like if it wasn't for me 414 00:16:56,019 --> 00:16:57,848 pushing you to ask guys out, 415 00:16:57,876 --> 00:17:00,336 then you'd still be dating women that look like offensive linemen 416 00:17:00,363 --> 00:17:02,622 because that's your type for some reason. 417 00:17:02,933 --> 00:17:05,641 I did like them large and in charge. 418 00:17:07,153 --> 00:17:09,110 And the two of you... you guys can't even look at me. 419 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:11,369 It's like I can see the weight of the guilt 420 00:17:11,415 --> 00:17:12,877 just pressing down on your shoulders. 421 00:17:13,874 --> 00:17:16,819 It's like I'm giving myself a piggyback ride. 422 00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:20,405 And, Leslie, really, my sister, my own flesh and blood? 423 00:17:20,441 --> 00:17:21,585 Well, I got a question for you. 424 00:17:21,630 --> 00:17:23,816 Who was the man to vow never to tell anybody 425 00:17:23,844 --> 00:17:24,723 that the day you were born, 426 00:17:24,741 --> 00:17:25,848 you had a thick, black coat of hair 427 00:17:25,875 --> 00:17:28,180 covering your whole body like a baby monkey? 428 00:17:29,451 --> 00:17:30,548 Me. 429 00:17:30,668 --> 00:17:33,466 And I never told anybody, and I never will. 430 00:17:36,110 --> 00:17:38,241 Okay, it's very common, all right? 431 00:17:38,268 --> 00:17:39,778 There's a medical term for it. 432 00:17:39,898 --> 00:17:42,576 Is the term "horrifying"? 433 00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:45,979 And that just leaves Justin, 434 00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,458 my sweet, beautiful, voluptuous wife. 435 00:17:49,330 --> 00:17:50,836 It's like you don't even know what it means 436 00:17:50,845 --> 00:17:53,113 to be in a fake marriage with a guy-friend roommate. 437 00:17:55,061 --> 00:17:56,707 I admit that I flew off the handle 438 00:17:56,716 --> 00:17:58,098 about that light thing, but that doesn't matter. 439 00:17:58,134 --> 00:17:59,716 You should have had my back no matter what. 440 00:17:59,836 --> 00:18:02,159 I would never sell you out for a stranger because you know why? 441 00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:03,760 I don't share a toothbrush with that man. 442 00:18:03,787 --> 00:18:05,646 I share a toothbrush with you. 443 00:18:06,495 --> 00:18:07,995 And I can tell by your reaction 444 00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:09,229 that you had no idea that that was going on, 445 00:18:09,266 --> 00:18:10,181 but I'll tell you right now 446 00:18:10,208 --> 00:18:11,389 that it's been happening for about a week, 447 00:18:11,434 --> 00:18:13,136 and it's been making me feel very close to you. 448 00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:20,686 Now, in spite of this epic betrayal, 449 00:18:20,722 --> 00:18:23,100 I'm just gonna tell you guys I love you 450 00:18:23,128 --> 00:18:26,063 and, uh, you can count on me... 451 00:18:26,767 --> 00:18:29,370 Even though I can't count on you. 452 00:18:32,065 --> 00:18:33,959 [Door opens] 453 00:18:36,492 --> 00:18:38,120 What? 454 00:18:38,129 --> 00:18:40,352 You're still a little furry. 455 00:18:44,066 --> 00:18:46,627 ♪ Get inside my belly ♪ 456 00:18:46,747 --> 00:18:48,182 ♪ 'cause that's where you ♪ 457 00:18:48,191 --> 00:18:50,486 [Knock on door] 458 00:18:57,621 --> 00:18:59,898 Hey, you mind if we, uh, come in for a second and talk? 459 00:18:59,926 --> 00:19:00,959 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 460 00:19:00,996 --> 00:19:01,828 Who's the broad? 461 00:19:02,230 --> 00:19:04,261 I'm his muscle, okay? 462 00:19:04,288 --> 00:19:06,437 So play nice, or I will mess you up. 463 00:19:06,447 --> 00:19:08,660 Aah! Aah, aah! 464 00:19:08,780 --> 00:19:12,456 I had no idea Justin's bodyguard would be so enchanting. 465 00:19:12,923 --> 00:19:14,240 [Door closes] 466 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:17,853 So, um, heard you were a doctor. 467 00:19:18,521 --> 00:19:20,222 Yeah, a disgraced doctor. 468 00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:22,024 Okay, but, hypothetically, 469 00:19:22,144 --> 00:19:23,725 I could still introduce you as a doctor. 470 00:19:23,845 --> 00:19:25,856 Okay, you are done. 471 00:19:25,976 --> 00:19:27,841 Moving on, 'cause that's not the point of this. 472 00:19:27,859 --> 00:19:29,314 Listen. Kevin. 473 00:19:29,597 --> 00:19:31,088 Danny's my best friend, 474 00:19:31,088 --> 00:19:34,417 and despite our amazing scat chemistry, um... 475 00:19:34,537 --> 00:19:36,109 [Scatting] 476 00:19:36,229 --> 00:19:37,381 Ohh. What? 477 00:19:37,501 --> 00:19:41,113 [Both scatting] 478 00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:43,573 Okay, stop. Stop. That's not why I'm here, okay? 479 00:19:43,591 --> 00:19:45,109 Please. [Sighs] 480 00:19:45,155 --> 00:19:48,136 Look, I should have never given you that light back 481 00:19:48,630 --> 00:19:52,728 because I'm on Danny's side, and I always will be... 482 00:19:53,130 --> 00:19:56,029 Till death do us part. 483 00:19:56,340 --> 00:19:57,620 Why the hell are you telling me this? 484 00:19:57,639 --> 00:19:58,526 Why don't you tell him? 485 00:19:58,646 --> 00:20:00,300 [Chuckles] I already did tell him. 486 00:20:00,318 --> 00:20:02,385 Actually, this whole thing was just a distraction 487 00:20:02,395 --> 00:20:06,053 so that him and the guys could, uh, steal your light again. 488 00:20:06,903 --> 00:20:10,241 Danny: We got it! Fire it up, guys! 489 00:20:10,662 --> 00:20:12,500 Huh?! What do I look like in there? 490 00:20:12,528 --> 00:20:15,144 Just an amazing, godlike creature? 491 00:20:16,187 --> 00:20:17,943 All right, well, I think that's about it. 492 00:20:17,962 --> 00:20:19,215 Okay. 493 00:20:19,335 --> 00:20:21,154 Well, Kevin, we'll see you later. 494 00:20:21,181 --> 00:20:22,750 Have a good night. Or is it day? 495 00:20:22,759 --> 00:20:24,497 You know, I can't even tell over here. 496 00:20:24,542 --> 00:20:26,152 [Chuckles] 497 00:20:26,272 --> 00:20:27,267 Shelly: I got a rake! 498 00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:29,645 - [Door closes] - Let's do Iwo Jima! 499 00:20:45,729 --> 00:20:48,437 Shelly, did you eat all of my magic brownie? 500 00:20:48,876 --> 00:20:52,013 [Laughing] 501 00:21:00,739 --> 00:21:02,861 Yes, I did. 502 00:21:03,373 --> 00:21:07,200 [Both laughing] 503 00:21:16,431 --> 00:21:22,239 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -